Happy Valentine's Bidet

Summary

Podcast Summary: Lovett or Leave It – Episode 440: "Happy Valentine's Bidet"

Release Date: February 14, 2026
Host: Jon Lovett
Guests/Panel: Hallie Kiefer, Sarah Lazarus

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Episode Overview

In this special Valentine's Day episode, Jon Lovett is joined by writers Hallie Kiefer and Sarah Lazarus for a lively, irreverent roundtable—recorded while the Pod Save America crew is on tour in Australia and New Zealand. The episode covers overlooked news stories (including adventures with bidets and a bizarre government mascot), a deep-dive into Nancy Mace’s recent media profile, and a mailbag segment where Discord fans share their dating, relationship, and Valentine’s Day dilemmas.

The discussion blends political absurdity, pop culture, and hilariously honest conversation about personal relationships, keeping the signature Lovett or Leave It mix of sass, insight, and heart.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bidet Mania at Gracie Mansion – Zoran Mamdani’s Wet-and-Wild Mayoral Upgrade

• Context: NYC Mayor Zoran Mamdani’s plan to install bidets in the Mayor's mansion stokes minor controversy.
• Lovett’s Take: Enthusiastic support for bidets—praising Mamdani for addressing America's antiquated approach to bathroom hygiene.
• Bidet Types and Trivia:
  • Classic side-by-side European bidet (fun fact: “bidet” means “pony” for the way you ride it [05:35])
  • High-tech Japanese Toto toilets
  • "Water gun" models and add-on attachments
• Practical Concerns: Some residents have wrecked plumbing installing personal bidets, raising questions about DIY installations in old buildings.
• Gifting Bidets: Lovett became a huge bidet advocate after installing one, gifting them to friends (with the drawback that you have to awkwardly ask about toilet dimensions first).

Notable Quote:

"BYO bidet. It so transformed my experience of being alive on Earth that I became obsessed with giving them as gifts." – Lovett (08:09)

Memorable Moment:

• The panel’s comedic riff on bidet gifting logistics, and the assertion that “everyone is shitting, so why not make it nicer?”
  Timestamp: 08:19–09:35

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2. The Trump Administration’s Coal Mascot: "Coley"

• AI Gone Wild: A tweet from Interior Secretary Doug Burgum introduces “Coley”—an AI-generated lump of coal with mining gear, now the face of the Office of Surface Mining.
• Panel Reaction: Ridicule and bemusement at government efforts to market “clean coal” via mascots, likening it to M&Ms’ “sexy green” or 30 Rock-level satire.
• The Philosophy of Coley:
  • When does Coley become sentient—when the googly eyes are added?
  • Existential shame: “Coley seeks Coley’s own death.”
• Serious Undercurrent: Quote from activist Junior Walk, who finds Coley’s smile “haunting” given the real damage of coal mining.

Notable Quote:

"As climate change plunges us deeper into the mass extinction event... I will continue to be haunted by Coley's twisted grin and uncanny eyes." – Junior Walk (16:31)

Memorable Exchange:

• Speculation over the consciousness of coal mascots, riffing on cartoon logic and existential dread.
  Timestamp: 15:27–16:24

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3. Nancy Mace Is Not Okay – Mediasphere Breakdown

• Topic: Recent New York Magazine profile: “Nancy Mace is not okay”
• Profile Highlights:
  • Staffers describe Mace as “broken” and “one of the worst people I’ve ever met” (21:49)
  • Accusations of using Congressional immunity to avoid defamation
  • Using staff for personal errands, manipulative online self-promotion, and an obsession with being voted among “the hottest women in Congress”
  • House Ethics investigation into campaign staff misuse
• Analysis:
  • Discussion of how high intelligence can spiral into self-defeating behavior
  • The blurred line between performative “crazy” and possible genuine mental health issues
  • Parallels to Trump: “she was playing a character and now she has become the character.” (24:43)
  • Gender, power, and cultural pressure: “Being a powerful white conservative woman might as well look like a mental illness… she has achieved a level of power, but doesn’t actually have power in her own life.” (25:26)
• Wisdom: Insecurity trumps intelligence every time.

Notable Quotes:

“People’s insecurities will beat their intelligence every time.” – Lovett (27:24)

Memorable Moment:

• Discussion of Nancy Mace’s desperate attempts to climb “hottest in Congress” rankings and how staffers tried to keep her happy online.
  Timestamp: 22:40–23:22

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4. Valentine’s Day Discord Mailbag: Dating Woes & Romance Real Talk

Hallie, Sarah, and Lovett tackle fan-submitted relationship questions and confessions, delivering advice both heartfelt and hilariously blunt.

Selected Stories and Highlights

• Factory Flirtation Fiasco:
  • Scenario: Factory team leader hooks up with a staffer after sending explicit videos—then ghosts her for his ex.
  • Panel verdict: HR violation; “You have to talk to the union about this situation.” (37:12)
• Workplace STI Outbreak:
  • Context: School security guard spreads “the clap” to staff, including the principal.
  • Panel: “At least call the union. Or the police!” (35:33)
• Situationship Gone Wrong:
  • Story: After seven years, one woman “hard launches” her situationship only to go no-contact.
  • Advice: “This is actually going to turn out to be the best thing…If you’re not a person until you’re 30, your 20s are a wash for everybody.” (38:06–39:09)
• Aromantic/Asexual Validation:
  • Request: Can I get validation for being happily single?
  • Lovett: “If you’re happy…why do you need validation? But actually, you should feel validated.” (40:34–41:04)
• Dropping the L-Word:
  • Question: Waiting to say “I love you”—how to make him say it first?
  • Sarah: “Most important thing is to never be vulnerable and win at all costs.” (42:13)
  • Lovett: "Say it first! If they’re the right person, they’re the right person." (43:08–44:16)

Notable Quotes:

“For relationships, being in love is about winning.” – Sarah Lazarus (42:20)
“You don’t hard launch situationships, you hard launch relationships after they stop being a situationship.” – Lovett (38:13)

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5. The Philosophy of The One, Weddings, and Rom-Coms

• “How do you know when you’ve found the one?”
  • Lovett: It’s less about “The One” and more about timing and growth—being the right person at the right time for each other (47:17).
  • Sarah: If you want them next to you when you’re freaking out at the aquarium, that’s a good sign. (48:09)
• Wedding Planning Advice:
  • Engagement should mean actively planning to marry, but the wedding can be whatever works for you—just don’t let indecision drag the process into limbo. (48:58)
  • Wedding as “a beast you and your partner fight together,” and as a “dress rehearsal for life.” (50:53, 51:59)
• Favorite Rom-Coms:
  • 90s classics dominate: Notting Hill, When Harry Met Sally, The Wedding Singer.
  • Julia Roberts and Meg Ryan get special mention.
  • Lovett reveals Rob Reiner changed the ending of When Harry Met Sally after finding love himself (54:10).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Bidets:
  “We’re all shitting. And, but you do have to ask people what kind of toilet they have, because I didn’t understand…there’s like the round bowl and then there’s kind of the ovular, kind of longer bowl.” – Lovett (08:24)
• On Coley:
  “What is the experience of Coley like? Does Coley...have memories? Can Coley root its hopes in anything when it just came to be when the eyes were there?” – Lovett (16:07)
• On Nancy Mace:
  “She has become the character...the illusion and the performance have merged and now that’s all she has.” – Hallie Kiefer (24:43)
• On Love Advice:
  “If that's the person you want next to you when you’re too high at the aquarium, that’s a good start.” – Sarah Lazarus (48:34)
• On the American Public:
  “Look at what these Trump people think of this country, that they think that there’s—They think we’re fucking morons, just waiting for a mascot like Coley to make coal seem just a little bit sweeter to us.” – Lovett (55:56)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Bidet Discussion & Humor: 03:53–11:36
• Trump’s Coal Mascot/Coley: 11:42–17:02
• Nancy Mace Profile Analysis: 19:35–29:01
• Valentine’s Mailbag – Workplace Flirts & Situationships: 33:15–39:19
• On Aromantic/Asexual Validation: 39:38–41:51
• Advice on Saying “I Love You”: 42:09–44:53
• On ‘The One’ and Relationship Readiness: 46:39–48:34
• Wedding Planning Real Talk: 48:35–52:02
• Rom-Com Favorites: 52:08–54:17
• Final Thoughts, Second Thoughts, and Coley Recap: 55:06–56:28

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Episode Tone

Chatty, irreverent, and fast-paced—with plenty of inside humor, cultural references, and a healthy skepticism toward both power and romance. Lovett, Hallie, and Sarah bring their mix of self-deprecation and incisive observation to both political and personal absurdities, making for a uniquely cathartic pre-Valentine’s listen.

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For those who missed the episode:
You’ll walk away knowing more than you ever wanted about the American relationship to bidets, the perils of Congressional meltdown, the existential misery of coal mascots, and why you should (probably) just say “I love you” first.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Love it or leave it.

[A]

It's Love it or leave it.

[B]

I feel like I have both been in your car Kennedy where you were making a left hand turn across four lanes of traffic and you're like wow, how'd this happen? I'm like what are you talking about? You know where the lights are.

[A]

The show has already begun. Hi sluts. Welcome to a very special Love it or leave it episode. As you listen to this, me and the pod Save America crew. We're on our two week Australia, New Zealand tour, but we didn't want to didgeridoo you all dirty by leaving you with nothing to listen to. So I'm sitting here with two of my favorite flat whites for a bit of mailbag. Mailbag. Forbidden mailbag.

[B]

Great. What are our names?

[A]

Oh, that's right. It's Hallie Kiefer.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

And Sarah Lazarus.

[C]

Hello.

[A]

Love it or leave it is only one podcast and with the amount of news we are trying to cover, we can't get to it all. So for today's episode, we wanted to take you through some of our favorite stories that we didn't feel like we gave enough attention to on the show. Before we get to some interesting questions and topics from friends of the pod in the discord around Valentine's Day. Because this show is coming on Valentine's Day.

[B]

Yeah. How romantic.

[A]

How romantic. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Galentine's Day.

[B]

Just missed it.

[A]

Galentine's Day.

[B]

I do celebrate Galentine's Day with the gals. It's important.

[A]

Do you believe that Galentine's Day is a conspiracy against men by corporations trying to convince women that they don't need a relationship to be happy?

[B]

I don't think the corporations, if they, if that's what they're doing, they don't need to. The corporations do not need to have to put money behind that. I think it's from an episode of Parks and Rec.

[C]

So it's not the corporations at all.

[B]

I guess hypothetically, NBC could be behind it.

[C]

Big Amy Poehler.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's where it's from Galentine's Day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I didn't know that.

[B]

Yeah. I'm going to get pancakes.

[A]

I don't have any friends that are girls.

[C]

Wow. Hurtful.

[B]

But to be fair, you don't have any friends.

[A]

Friendly colleagues. Some friendly colleagues, that's for sure.

[B]

And that's true. You don't have any friends that you don't have any friends of either gender. So it's fair.

[A]

That's right. But first, the news. All right, here's a story I want to talk about. All right. When Zoran Mamdani, you know him, became mayor of New York.

[B]

Love him.

[A]

He mentioned that he wanted to update Gracie Mansion to have bidets, obsessed bidets. And this caused a little bit of a mini controversy about bidets. And he then did a sit down interview more recently with ABC News 7. That's the local affiliate, ABC 7 that I used to watch growing up. And when he elaborated, he Said he was looking to add water guns on the side of the toilet. Kind of a cheap addition, like a $25 edition to make the toilets have bidet like features. One thing that we will change is we will be installing a few bidets into Gracie Mansion. That's an aspirational hope. We'll see if we can actually get it done. The only other thing I'll tell you is that I was asked if we would make any changes. I just mentioned that we might install a few bidets in Gracie Mansion. Never been there before. Like a $25 water gun that you hook on the side of a toilet. And we actually got a lot of bidet companies who reached out to us to offer their help in installation. But we're sure they do.

[C]

We're fine.

[A]

Well, the economy could help. We're not in the pocket of big bidets.

[C]

So it's like. No, no, no, don't worry. I want terrible bidets.

[A]

Right, right. And I, I, I appreciate that.

[B]

No, no, no, don't worry, don't worry. It'll be the worst bidets. They're not going to work out of all the market.

[A]

So. Yeah.

[C]

So first than not having a bidet.

[B]

Yeah, Two bidets.

[A]

I do think that's like there's a, it's a. So there's many styles of bidets. There's the kind of full on.

[B]

Yeah. Lay about for us.

[A]

There's the full on bidet to the side of the toilet. I learned through my research that that word means pony because you. Pony. Because the way you sit on it.

[B]

Oh, interesting. Okay.

[A]

Because you sit on it kind of like a saddle where you wash out your.

[B]

We've all used the bathroom on top of a horse.

[C]

We've all sat on ponies.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Right. We've all sat on ponies. Sarah's a her horse girl. Then there's the toto Japanese style.

[B]

Right. Like the full toilet.

[A]

The full toilet.

[B]

That's what I want.

[A]

Then there's the kind of basin. There's the basin style where there's a kind of a water to the side of the truck that you can use to. And then this is the water gun style that I kind of associate with that style as well. But there's also the things you can add to toilets. You can just add a small attachment to the toilet to turn your toilet into a bidet. And I hope that Zoran Mamdani, as he is on so many issues, is sort of providing an opening to imagine a better future in which America finally and fully embraces the fact that dry toilet paper is perhaps not the best way to go about dealing with the grossest thing that we deal with on a daily basis.

[B]

You know what I mean? Depending on where there's a lot of variables. And so it's nice to have something else to help you with it. I will say, and maybe this was a concern in the Gracie Mansion as a historical building that I've seen at least two TikToks where people talk about installing a bidet to the toilet in their apartment and basically breaking all the plumbing in the building. Because it turns out there was something. There's some setup where you cannot do that. They did not ask permission. And then they, of course, have to explain. I did break all the toilets. Yes. I'm so sorry.

[C]

So that'd be a great first mayoral scandal. You break all of New York City's plumbing.

[B]

Trump said the FT files. And it's like we're mad at him. Cause he got the bidets are either too nice or too cheap.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just right. You gotta get just right. Bidet.

[A]

I have a feeling that anyone who's actually mad at him about this might have started mad about this already, actually. Rudy Giuliani's daughter, Caroline Rose, commented, according to the Times, that she would have done it myself if she had known about bidets when she lived there. Does not surprise me that Rudy Giuliani was not ahead of his time.

[B]

I think he would reject it. I think he would not be able to engage with.

[A]

Yeah, it's sort of gay. Somehow.

[B]

It would be gay.

[C]

I wonder, when Rudy Giuliani's daughter first found out about bidets, was this how she found out what a bidet is?

[B]

The.

[A]

The I installed, when I was renting, I installed one of those additional, like kind of a bring your own bidet.

[C]

A BYO bidet.

[A]

A BYO biden to the top of the toilet. It so transformed my experience of being alive on earth.

[B]

Great.

[A]

That I became obsessed with giving them as gifts. And it is an intimate gift.

[B]

But we're all shitting.

[A]

Because you. Exactly. We are all shitting. And. But you do have to ask people what kind of toilet they have, because I didn't understand this bill. That. That there. That basically, like some toilets are the kind of round kind, and then some are kind of go more out round. They're sort of like there's like the round bowl and then there's kind of the ovular, kind of longer bowl, a long bowl, and the short bowl depending on your toilet. And so you have to kind of Know what kind of toilet your friend or family member has before you buy them this as a gift. So it takes the element of surprise. So you have to text them and.

[C]

Say you could just be asked me that.

[A]

And the thing about it is when you ask somebody what kind of toilet they have, they don't know right now. Do you know if you have a long toilet or a short toilet?

[B]

If you asked me what kind of toilet I had, I'd say please don't talk to me outside of work. And also no, I have no idea.

[C]

Household would not assume it's to get me a gift. That's just a question you have.

[A]

Hey, tell me about Sarah. Tell me about your toilet. I want to know what you're talking about.

[B]

You guys talked to love it about.

[A]

What situation mean to ask you guys what kind of toilet you have at home.

[B]

Here I drew all the different kinds of toils. Just point. I took all the work out of it for you. Round, pointy, backwards.

[A]

I backwards. Hole in the ground, hole above the.

[B]

Ground, hole in the roof.

[C]

Horse just attached to the ceiling.

[B]

I will say this made me want to get a bidet. I did not have one. However, I do live in like one of those like 100 year old LA bungalows where our pipes are constantly breaking. And I know if I got one it would break and then all my neighbors would, they would know.

[A]

It was like, look, I don't know. I don't do much plumbing. It was intense in setting up the thing and I thought I had maybe done it wrong, but then, oh boy, I got it right.

[C]

In my building, my neighbors, we share a bathroom wall and they, they had a clog in their sink and so they had a plumber come to snake it and the snake came up through my sink.

[A]

Oh no, that's a frightening.

[C]

That's where I live.

[A]

Did you had. And there's you. Because you. When I've. When the snake comes up through the wrong pipe, it's like you want to tell the snake but you can't tell the snake. You have to find the person at the other side. I mean, I guess like given that there is a person on the other side, it's not a great option. But you could just grab it and try to send a message through it.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

I don't think you do that gesture very many times. Did you do that?

[B]

Did you grab the snake?

[C]

No, I texted my landlord.

[A]

Texted your landlord? But that's gotta go to the landlord.

[C]

He's responsive.

[A]

Oh, he was responsive. And then it has to get to the Plumber, whoever's doing the snaking.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's a dangerous time when the snake's in your apartment for a second.

[B]

Did you see it and think that it might actually be a real snake?

[C]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Well, few I could tell it was metal.

[B]

A metal snake.

[C]

I mean, sort of making metallic.

[B]

Sounds good. I'm glad.

[A]

Anyway, good for Mayor Zoran Mamdani for encouraging people to embrace what a lot of the rest of the world had figured out a long time ago, which is you should get it a little bit wet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, when trying to deal with the thing, we all do get a little wet. And maybe we gotta talk about it. Maybe we gotta talk about it.

[B]

I think we're doing the right thing.

[A]

Because the adoption rate is still very low here in the US get one for the office.

[B]

We should get one for the office.

[C]

Just one, though.

[A]

Just one. And it's in the conference room. All right. And that is Zoran Vamdani and the bidets.

[B]

Hey, we did it, right? I'm excited about the next topic.

[C]

Yeah. I would like to talk about the Trump administration's new mascot, Coley, who we learned about from a Doug Burgum tweet last month. If we could see the photo of that tweet. So this is Interior Secretary Doug Burgum, who posted this obviously AI generated photo of himself with Coley, who is an adorable lump of coal wearing mining gear. I guess.

[B]

It's so funny.

[C]

And his tweet says, mine, baby, mine. POTUS made it a top priority for Interior to unleash beautiful, clean coal, and OSMRE is leading the charge. Learn more about how OSM is advancing POTUS American energy dominance agenda from their new spokesperson, Coley.

[A]

This is wild.

[B]

It's sort of like the M&Ms. Where it's like our happiness will come from Coley's demise.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Coley's excited to be incinerated to create power.

[A]

And you want to fuck that coal.

[B]

Hmm. Oh, you mean the sexy green. Mm. Yeah. I wanna have sex with her. Coolie feels too childlike.

[C]

Yeah, Coolie's a baby.

[B]

Cooley's not even wearing high heels, so.

[A]

Right. Yeah, I agree.

[C]

One thing I learned. So this agency that they mentioned, I'm just gonna. We gotta keep right past this.

[B]

We can't keep talking about one but Coley.

[C]

So this agency is the Office of Surface Mine and Reclamation and Enforcement. It is a very obscure bureau that handles like, regulating coal mines and cleaning up polluted old mining land. Coley has been like an inside joke at this Bureau since 2018 when their social media manager created this photo of a lump of coal wearing googly eyes. And it has since had a few evolutions, but it's become this mascot at this bureau to sort of try to explain what they do because no one knows about them. And it has now been co opted by the Trump administration to make us love coal.

[A]

Yeah. Do you remember there was the Simpsons episode where he discovers his face is on a Japanese box and it turns out it's the kind of spokes creature for some sort of behemoth conglomerate.

[B]

It was like a cleaning product and then a fishery.

[C]

Yes, yes.

[B]

And then it fused together to make Homer's head.

[A]

Yeah, it reminds me a little bit of that. And also it is just a 30 rock. We're kind of living in the kind of whatever consciousness of that show somehow.

[B]

And I know this isn't the point of it, but I do like the first Coley better where it looks like an actual piece of Coalie.

[C]

The first Coley was perfectly accurate.

[B]

It's only gotten worse.

[C]

Also, the Coley that Doug Burgum tweeted looks different from the most recent Coley. Like that is just his AI version.

[B]

It's not even about Coley. Literally can't do the same one. It would require them to take the image and then actually do something with it. And they're like, eh, we're not gonna do that.

[C]

The thing I want to note is that according to the Washingtonian in house, animators also plan to bring Coley to life, making him dance, ride around on trucks and potentially perform a signature song.

[A]

Wow, that's something to look forward to. Yeah. What a bleak. What a bleak time we're living through.

[B]

Who do you think Coley should do the song with?

[A]

Nicki Minaj? Probably. Yeah.

[B]

100%. Yes.

[A]

The line is. The list of names is pretty short. You have Nicki Minaj can do Kid Rock, but I think Nicki Minaj.

[B]

Yeah, you're absolutely right.

[A]

So the coal mines for itself. This is a lump of coal wearing a headlamp and a vest, sort of.

[C]

Advocating for his kind to be burned in our cars.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Well, it's interesting because it's not. It's a piece of harvest. It's a lump of coal that's been removed from underground. And so what is Coali? So if you had a bigger chunk, is that one big choli or. And then. But if you broke it in half, would it become two Coleys? How many lumps before you have. How small does a lump have to be before it Is a coli. When did his consciousness emerge? Or her consciousness or their consciousness?

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

When did Coley's consciousness emerge? Does it emerge upon becoming a lump.

[C]

Or when they put the eyes on?

[A]

When they put the eyes on? Yeah, when they put the eyes on.

[C]

So that also determines whenever you put the eyes on. That's Coley.

[A]

So here what you're saying is there is Cole and Coley becomes sentient when the eyes are applied. What is the experience of Coley like? Does Coley. Because Coley has language, Coley has interests and desires. Are those surprising to Coley? What memories can. Can Coley root its. Its hopes in because it just came to be when the eyes were there?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, it seems like there might be some kind of collective memory, a sense memory of being Cole.

[C]

I think Coley can only feel shame.

[B]

Coley seeks Coley's own death. I feel like Coley has a big smile on their face.

[C]

What is it hiding, you know, what is he making up for?

[A]

Yeah. Lot to think about with Coley.

[B]

I like the second one too.

[A]

Why is Coley wearing Mickey Mouse style gloves?

[C]

I did find a quote from Junior Walk, who's an Appalachian activist who documents the impact of the coal industry in West Virginia, who told the Guardian, as climate change plunges us deeper into the mass extinction event that we are all living through, and more of my friends and neighbors get sick and die as a direct result of the activities in the coal industry. I will continue to be haunted by Coley's twisted grin and uncanny eyes.

[A]

Kind of a downer, that guy. Kind of not really embracing the Coley spirit.

[B]

I'm right.

[C]

He's not into it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's how I feel about it.

[A]

And that's Coley.

[B]

Yay. Great.

[A]

All right, let's pause it there and we'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere.

[B]

There's more of Love it or leave it coming up.

[A]

Love it or leave it brought to you by Quints. A well built wardrobe is about clothes that work together and hold up over time. It said pieces there, dear listener. And I'm not saying pieces anymore for clothes because I want you to know that I don't talk that way. And so you can know this ad is real because Quint is great. They make clothes. They call them pieces. We call them clothes. Premium materials, thoughtful design, everyday staples. I feel easy to wear and easy to rely on, even as the weather shifts. Quince has everyday essentials I genuinely love with quality that lasts. Organic cotton sweaters. I have one. Great polos for every occasion. Lighter jackets that keep you warm in the changing seasons. The list goes on. I have the sheets. The sheets are great. Got a lot of great stuff from quints. Everything is built to hold up to daily wear and still look good season after season. Plus the only partner with factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. And because they work with top factories, they cut out the middlemen. So you're not paying for brand markup, just quality clothing. Again, I'm a huge fan of quints. Go to quince.com love it for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I-N C E.com lovett free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com love it. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Even though February is often filled with constant reminders of romance, navigating your personal connections isn't always simple, is it? It's okay if you're feeling a bit lost. Regardless of your relationship status, therapy provides a space to cut through the noise, helping you find your balance and gain some much needed perspective. In other words, it's a place where you can crash out. That's right, because you're alone on Valentine's Day. Or maybe because you're not alone and wish you were. Or maybe because you're not sure what you want. BetterHelp's Quality Therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences and their 12 plus years of experience in industry leading match fulfillment rate means they typically get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored wrecks. With over 30,000 therapists, better help is the world's largest online therapy platform, Having served over 6 million people globally and it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] Love it. That's better. H E L P.com Love it. Okay, we're back.

[B]

Well, mine is maybe a little more of a downer than these other two. And that is of course course there was a profile of Nancy Mace in New York Magazine this week, the title of which is Nancy Mace is not okay. And then the lead is a quote from one of the Staffers, all anonymous. Something's broken. The motherboard's fried. We're short circuiting somewhere. And it's just sort of a breakdown of, well, her breakdown. And I would describe her as if Norma Desmond was a congresswoman. And it is interesting. There's sort of like a. You see, it is like a white conservative woman's breakdown. You know, I feel like we've had, like. I don't think of, like, John Fetterman, you know, I mean, sort of had a similar article where it's like, sort of, like, breaking down. So there's not really a ton of surprises in here. Only the only surprise is things have gotten worse because, like, obviously, she's had, like, last February 2025, which, remember, that was, I mean, like, less than a month after Trump took office. It was flood the zone. She went onto the floor of Congress to accuse her ex fiance of filming her assaulting her. And he has since sued. But technically speaking, presumably, according to this profile, what she's using is, like, technically, because she's on the floor of Congress, she's actually immune from, like, the defamation suit.

[A]

Yeah, she can say whatever she wants on that.

[B]

So she's very smart. And that's the other thing. It's like she's an incredibly smart person. It's just that her intelligence is sort of spiraling out. And then in October of this last year, she had sort of a meltdown at an airport where it was mostly her berating people and sort of, like, accusing them of being terrible at their jobs. At the airport.

[A]

The police. She was using the police.

[B]

The police, yes. Both the TSA and police. She has, of course, tried to say that it didn't happen. There's video of it happening. And there's also a House Ethics Committee inquiry about her using her staff for her gubernatorial race in South Carolina, where she is doing not very well. And I just want to read some of the staffing quotes. These are all anonymous. Again, there's something broken. Another quote. Back then, she came across as a breath of fresh air. And then I got into the office, and after six months, I was like, man, this is one of the worst people I've ever met. I'm going to move back to South Carolina. And the third staffer, the closer you get to her, the harder she messes up your brain. It's the classic story of never meet your heroes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they sort of outline what she's done. And I think they're all exactly what you think. She had staffers running out to buy her liquor, clean Her Airbnb sort of do these tasks, sort of having a volatile workspace, flying into rages, threatening them, refusing to, like, give them raises and stuff. And then we get to the thing that really just sat heavy on me, which, again, is not a surprise, but I just wanted to read this sort of more, maybe more the grim moments. Quote, she was obsessed with monitoring her reputation online. In addition to reportedly having her staff create burner accounts to defend her. Mace allegedly instructed a staffer to go on Reddit forums about, quote, the hottest women in Congress to boost her standing in the rankings and comment where needed. Mace was, quote, very adamant about getting the staffer to upvote any posts about the congresswoman and her attractiveness.

[C]

That's like what you make us do, right?

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

I know. Look, we joke, but obviously, Nancy, if you want to create burner accounts and have your own standing up voted on various forums, that's just work you have to do at home in the night that no one can know about. Like, obviously, that's not something I could ask Hallie or Sarah to do. Not at this point, because I just. I don't think that they could stop themselves from telling people how funny it is. Because it's so funny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I don't try. I can't have them do that. So I have. That's the kind of thing, hypothetically, I would have to do myself.

[B]

I'd tell everyone in the world, if you made us do that, that would have to be your 5 to 9. After 9 to 5, you would have to get home and then every night get on a desk, open 500 different laptops.

[A]

Yeah, that's my. That's why I got these bags around. Just so tired of my. My second shift.

[B]

What are you doing? I basically, I just want to talk about this because I feel like I disagree.

[A]

Tommy isn't my favorite. Lovett's my favorite.

[B]

I want to marry.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

I don't want to. I don't want to kill him. The three. I think that I just want to talk. I just wanted the thing that really stuck out to me because also, like, she is someone who, like, is very smart, like Trump, where basically, it's like she. She basically has had a quota for her staff to, like, get her on TV appearances every month. She, on January 6, had a quote, talking to them where, like, she wanted to get punched in the face on camera to, like, get more attention. And I'm like, that's actually very smart in, like, a Trump sort of way. And I think. And I don't Know, if this is sort of how I think about Tucker Carlson, it's like it seems like she was playing a character and now she has become the character. And I think for conservatives, like, that is just sort of what has to happen, like, in order to double down. Like, she has become this, like, insane version of Nancy Mae's, like, the illusion of the performance. They've merged and now she kind of. That's all she has. And what's interesting about her is that she actually has taken one good stand, which is she voted for the Epstein. The release of the Epstein files back in November. And that is probably why she's not gonna get Trump's endorsement for the governor's race, is that she has one shred of dignity or integrity left. And that is what you can't have when you are trying to court Trump.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

The Vonnegut Lyon is you are what you pretend to be. So you should be very careful about what you pretend to be. Yeah. It's kind of dances around whether or not she has a DSM style mental illness you could look up in a book or if she's just like the Nancy Mays discourse is like she's. Is she small c. Crazy, like the way we say that women are crazy sometimes while also being a bad person, or is there a kind of like, whispered mental illness that they seem to be implying or suggesting or rumoring about all the time?

[B]

And here's my. Here's my psychoanalysis of Nancy. Nice. Which is that this. Unfortunately, we're at a point in society where I think being a powerful white conservative woman might as well look like a mental illness. Like, she has achieved a level of power, but she doesn't actually have power in her own life. Again, the ex fiance, she doesn't really have power. Like, she can't really run herself as a candidate without Trump. And it's interesting because I feel like she is perhaps more than anyone in Congress, and it continues to be now so insanely transphobic. And to me, that is like, a point that a lot of white CIS conservative women arrive at. That I think is almost like it's the trans women specifically, but trans people, but like trans women specifically. It's almost like they're the group that you perceive as a threat, when in reality they're like one of the groups that, like, are the only people that have less power than you. And I think, like being in this powerful position, but yet she can't actually control these things. It's almost like she relentlessly has to take out on Sarah McBride which she is constantly saying horrible things about. She passed, like, the congressional bathroom that, like, bill and was like, this is specifically about Sarah McBride. And so I think, unfortunately, it's like. I think it's like a lot of people, like, who are trying to describe, like, why am. Why are my parents like this? Or, like, there's like, a conservative, like, behavior where it's like she's become sort of, like, just, like, separated from reality in a way that I think a lot of conservatives. It kind of just leads you down this path. I don't know what to do about it. Like, I don't know. It's just, like, interesting how all these things. The Having someone try to, like, constantly defend her hotness seems like a very important point that. I don't know. I don't think it's a mental illness in a traditional sense. I think it's like a cultural illness, and she's sort of on the top of it and is still sort of trapped by all these limitations. Being a woman probably. I mean, I believe that something horrible has happened to her in her personal life, and now it's just sort of like, exploding out on people around her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sorry. Less fun than Coley. I just. There's something about it that really. I don't know. It was interesting.

[A]

Yeah. The other part of it, too, is, like, I can't remember what the exact circumstances were, but there was somebody who was actually working with them, and they were really smart, but they just would, like, get in their own way all the time. And it was in politics. And I remember somebody we all worked for at the time made a comment, just almost an aside, which is like, people's insecurities will beat their intelligence every time. And I do think with someone like this, too, there's, like, so much. There's a lot of whatever anxieties, but ambition in there. And I do think, like, yeah, she is a smart person, but she's not behaving like a smart person would. Like, obviously, it is not in your interest as a political figure in South Carolina to berate the law enforcement that are escorting you to your gate because you got angry that they didn't know you were not in the car you said you'd be in. Like, it's a crazy thing to do, but she clearly, like, out of off kilter and kind of, like, losing touch with reality because you're a member of Congress and there's always a car waiting and a person waiting and a person who's, like, excited to kind of do your bidding sort of that's also brain breaking too, for all these members of Congress.

[B]

It's sort of like I always say, people always talk about, like, oh, if I was a billionaire, you would never see me again. I would just go live on an island. It's like, no, no. If you were a billionaire, you would go insane in the ways that you were insane. Now imagine you now and then you get a billion dollars. Unless you really resolve your stuff, you will end up doing what. Now that is all the same thing. Like, I don't think you're gonna necessarily build an island like Epstein, but like something happens where you get to a level of power and money. If you don't deal with it, it comes out in whatever way looks like you.

[C]

Something I think about a lot is what is the dollar amount that would make me go insane?

[B]

It would have to. It's gonna be a lot for you.

[C]

But like there is some, there's Some, there's some dollar amount that is fine still. And then like $5 more and it's over trillion, trillion dollars.

[B]

You go and see.

[A]

It's interesting. I think you're right. There are a lot of billionaires or hyper wealthy people who do disappear. They're the people that inherited the money. The people that inherited the money often are very comfortable just being super rich and staying out of the spotlight. There are a lot of them, Some of them are in the Epstein files. Their wealth is more invisible. They're not on Twitter, they're not trying to be famous. They're enjoying their money on the places on the islands that, that you can't go to unless you are super rich. To me, the ones we keep hearing about that are, it's whatever drove them to be so hyper ambitious, intense, cutthroat. To become billionaires. Not just to be smart, inventive, creative, very talented people, but to become, to fight to get that amount of wealth. Whatever made them like that, the money doesn't stop that part of their brain. But now everything is taken care of for them. They have, they have no friction in their life. But these are people that desperately want friction. Like, look at Elon Musk. Like he has everything he could possibly want. He's eliminated all friction from his life. And so he becomes a fucking Twitter troll, white nationalist Internet freak. Why? Because like that broken part of him, if he's, if he's, if things are still, he doesn't feel safe. And I do think like that's why you see these sort of people careening around and getting involved in politics and funding stupid fake universities. In Austin and all the other things. It's like there's that broken piece of them that led them to be so ambitious and they've gotta put it somewhere.

[B]

Yeah, let's all work on self awareness in 2026. I feel like that's a good goal for everyone.

[A]

I think we should. I think at this table, our goal should be less self awareness.

[C]

Yeah, I was gonna say I think.

[A]

The three of us.

[B]

Oh, no problem.

[A]

Actually, could do. Could just kind of, kind of, kind of drive forward with a little bit.

[C]

More obtuseness to be 10% stupider in 2026.

[B]

I'm too smart. I can't do it.

[A]

Ah, damn it.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

We'll be so happy surfing. All right. And Nancy Mason's article on the Intelligencer. Up next, we're going to get into your deepest, darkest discord. Comments. But first, heads up East Coast Love it or Leave it is coming to Washington D.C. on April 23rd. We're back at the Lincoln Theater. There are only two signs of spring in Washington. The Cherry Blossoms and Love it or Leave It. Coming to town with a stacked lineup on America's number one late night political gay live comedy podcast. Also Jeanine Pirro switching to another sign of spring. Tickets are on sale now. Go to crooked.com events. I always love our DC shows. Some of my favorite shows. When we come to town for this show now, it's a yearly event. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere.

[B]

There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up.

[A]

Love it or Leave it brought to you by Zbiotics. Let's face it, after a night with drinks, I don't bounce back the next day like I used to. I don't really even bounce. So Dead cat bounce. Yeah. I have to make a choice. Can either have a great night or a great next day. That is until I found pre alcohol sebiotics. Pre alcohol probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Here's how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in the gut. It's a buildup of this byproduct, not dehydration. That's to blame for rough days after drinking. Pre alcohol produces an enzyme to break down this byproduct. Just remember to make pre alcohol your first drink of the night. Drink responsibly and you'll feel your best tomorrow. We love zebiotics. Love it. Huge fans always use it. Helps the next Day you have one drink, you have some zbiotics, then you have a drink or two, you feel better the next day, it's real. Ready to try it? Go to zebiotics.com love it right now. You'll get 15% off your first order when you use code Love it at checkout. Plus, it's backed by a 100% money back guarantee, so there's no risk. Subscriptions are also available for maximum consistency. Remember to head to ZBiotics.com love it and use code love it at checkout for 15% off. And we're back. All right, lovebirds. Now Hallie is gonna guide us through our romantic Valentine's Day Discord omakase with complimentary wine pairing. Wine pairing. And yes, that was wine with an H. Halle, take it away.

[B]

It's that time of year again. Time to fall in love with our Discord subscribers and their complicated, sweet, and somewhat bizarre love lives. Girl, same first up. Now I'm gonna tell this story, but to me, this is just an HR violation that Bill has found. Oh, we've sort of anonymized some of the details. I work at a factory that makes parts for a car brand. My senior team leader has been trying to hook up with another team member and sent her videos of him, you know, Anyway, once they did the deed, he ghosted her to get back with his ex. So what? This to me, I'm like, you have to tell someone about this. It seems to be that this person who seems to be a senior team leader sent a fiddleston. I'm presuming jacking off to meet to hook up with a co worker. Unfortunately, it worked. Which boy? I mean, we've all been down bad, but that's tough to read. And then he immediately ghosts her to get back with his ex.

[A]

First of all, I just. I can't believe what the word you know is doing there. We don't know. I don't know. I genuinely don't know.

[C]

It's a crazy flirt.

[A]

We know you think that's what it is. Why you assume it's you?

[B]

Could it be 12 years old?

[A]

Could just be videos. Oh, it's videos. Not just of it.

[B]

Wait, said her videos of him.

[C]

You know, it's an action. It's a verb.

[A]

It's an action.

[B]

What do you think it could be if it's not jerking?

[C]

Yeah, I mean, I went through the same thought process, like, what does that mean? And then I guess this is the only thing it could mean.

[B]

Come on.

[C]

Using a bidet?

[B]

I don't Know, well, okay, it works. But also, to me, the level of, like, heavy despair that must hang over this car brand factory. Like, this is like, just imagine your friend telling you this. You're like, girl, what are you talking about? So, and the question that Bill's written is, what's the laziest flirt? It seems like he's doing quite a bit of activity in this flirt. So I don't know.

[A]

I mean, that's it. That's a lot. It doesn't seem lazy.

[C]

Yeah, you have to set up a camera, get the right angle.

[B]

This is from Constant Cupcake. My husband worked at a school where the security guard had given multiple employees, including the principal, the clap.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

The clap. Like, it's the 50s. We're calling it the clap clap.

[A]

That's. Look. That's a security guard with a lot of risk. That's cool.

[B]

Imagine that's cool.

[A]

Like on patrol.

[B]

I guess I just don't understand. And like, maybe again, I haven't, I haven't been out there in a minute. But, like, you're having unprotected sex at work with the security guard. They're.

[A]

We don't know if they had sex at the school.

[B]

Well, no, that wasn't my point. The point is, like, they've all attracted. What is cloud? Is that chlamydia?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you're all raw dog in one person. It's school. Well, you know, I guess. God bless. I don't. I guess it wasn't really a question. All right, we'll go to the next one.

[A]

Wait, we're not.

[B]

Well, the questions were, what's the laziest flirt you've ever done? I'm not that. I, I. That has nothing to do with this. Does it count as ghosting if you see each other every day at work? What do you guys think?

[C]

See, my biggest question about this is why would that video work?

[A]

Right?

[B]

I think that that's why this is sad to me. It's like. Cause that whoever received it is down. Like, they're like. I guess, like, it's not a joyful moment where you receive that from your co worker. You say, I don't have any other options.

[C]

Call the police.

[B]

I have to call the police. That's like, this is not fun. This is just an HR violation.

[A]

And I just want to say, because I would just like to say, as someone who.

[B]

Where are we going with this?

[A]

Very delicately and ethically.

[B]

Who are you talking about?

[A]

And respectfully, you already said ethically approached even the possibility of dating someone that I work with.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Where did you think I was going?

[B]

No, we were all horrified.

[A]

Both gonna be at my fucking wedding.

[B]

Okay. And you know. Well, you know. You know what I mean? No, yeah, that's like. This is not. This is a bummer discord. I'm sorry, this is just.

[A]

This is a bummer discord. How I like, is it inconceivable what a swing to send that video is all I'm getting at.

[B]

Well, I guess, I guess I can only imagine the workplace environment at this factory, which again, I think you have to talk to the union about this situation.

[C]

Yeah, uaw.

[A]

Yeah, talk to your reps. Yeah, talk to your reps. Talk to your reps.

[C]

Sean, get in here.

[B]

All right, here we go, here we go. Here's another comment. This is. All right, here we go. This is coming from Anonymous. All right, Shout out to Anonymous. I tried to hard launch my 7 year long situationship. Now we're no contact and I'm a 30 year old woman who's never had a real boyfriend. Help. I guess I have great news. This is actually good because clearly you needed to be out of the situationship. So it's good you made a decision. You said, can we presumably hard lunch. I really want people to know that we're dating. This is a real relationship. This person not only dumped your ass, but you went no contact. And it's good. 30. Don't worry, as someone over 40, you got plenty of time and I don't know what help to give this person. Maybe you guys have ideas, but you're starting from a great place, which is you've ended this seven year long situationship and now you get to sort of look for something else.

[C]

Yeah, I don't think you're a person until you're 30.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. Your 20s is a wash for everybody.

[A]

You tried to hard launch a situationship. There's a lot of missing context inside of that slang, which is you don't hard launch situationships, you hard launch relationships after they stop being a situationship. You have a situationship, it becomes a relationship. Then you launch it either softly or hardly. Hardly weird though. Hardly doesn't mean hardly. Never thought about that.

[B]

Write it down, Bill.

[A]

But that. So it doesn't surprise me that that ended in a no contact situation.

[C]

I assume she means tried to make it official.

[B]

Yeah, in my mind like a hard launch is like you posted about it to social, maybe or perhaps issued some sort of ultimatum. Like maybe there's an event and it's like this is my Boyfriend. And that sort of caused this. And so I think again, this might seem catastrophic right now. This is actually gonna turn out to be the best thing that possibly could have happened.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you did something which I agree. You don't hard launch something unless you're already on the same page. This situationship, after damn near a decor decade, it wasn't going to ever get to the place of a real hard launch.

[A]

Yeah, I'm. I have a lot of questions about what your friends were saying during this seven year period. Was it the best you could get from this situation? That you wanted to be a relationship for a longer period of time? Were you afraid to be alone? Yeah. What was going on of her seven years? Get out there. Get out there.

[B]

You know, dating after 30, I think is way also way better. I think, like, there's just. There's some level of maturity and if you're not looking for a situationship, there's people who are not looking for that as well. But maybe take some time for yourself. Um, this is from Bass Prefect. Can we at least get some validation for the aromantic and asexual of those of us who are happy to be single and are content with our friendships? This speaks to my larger premise about Valentine's Day, which is that all of February should be about Valentine's Day, and it should be a celebration of all different kinds of love. I know you say you're aromantic, but say love for our friends and we could have sort of a Valentine's Day tree or there could be some sort of like different ceremonies. So I think this is a. These are definitely forms of love or a rejection of love in however you would describe it. So I will validate you in that. And also I do celebrate you because if you accept that you're aromantic and asexual, boy, that just sounds like you have a lot more free time. You just relax. That sounds nice.

[A]

Yeah. I also, it's. What is the value? If you're happy in your circumstance, why do you need the validation? I think, like, if you. There's some sort of insecurity inside of this. If you need to be told that what you're doing is okay, like if.

[C]

And for that reason we won't do it.

[B]

Well, I do think the worst validates. Yeah, I imagine there's a lot of pressure to be like, not only should you be coupled, but if you're someone for whom that, like, none of that makes any sense. It's this overwhelming feeling where you do need validation. So I'm happy to validate you.

[A]

Yeah, you know what? You're right. I've thought about it, and I've received the underlying message of Sarah's joke, and I agree. You should be validated. You should feel validated. I guess it just sort of. Also, there are a lot of people that really are, like, want to be in couples and are not. And I think sometimes that gets. Also, like, people are told that they're wrong for having the feeling of being sad that they're single, and that's. They need to be comfortable with that. It's like, maybe, sure. But I don't think there's anything wrong with people who really want to be in relationships being upset they're not in one.

[B]

Yeah. I think there is a level of dismissiveness whenever people try to describe their internal experience. They're like. And other people are like, don't worry about that. And it's like. But yet I am worrying about it. It's Valentine's Day, and that's how I feel.

[C]

Yeah, your feelings are valid, whatever they are.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, next up.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Oh, here is a good one. Comment from Vanna. White trash. Great name. Real Valentine's Day issue. I'm seeing the. Finally, I'm seeing a nice man, and we like each other a lot. And we're at that weird where we're like, someone needs to drop the L bomb first. AKA say I love you. How do I make him do it first?

[A]

Lol.

[B]

Lol. What do you guys think?

[C]

I mean, the most important thing is to never be vulnerable and win at all costs.

[B]

Did. For relationships, being love is about winning. Did you guys say I love you first or did the other person.

[C]

I did not say first.

[B]

Would you have.

[C]

Because I'm a winner.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Well, yeah, I would have if you hadn't.

[A]

I honestly don't remember. But it was in part because, like, we had had a friendship where there was love, but it wasn't that kind of love for a time. So I don't really know. It sort of was more of a smooth evolution. Cause it wasn't like.

[C]

So you guys still haven't said it.

[A]

Or haven't said it? Yeah.

[B]

That's what you're saying on the altar.

[A]

Saying it on the altar for the first time. Love it. I'm like, I love spending time with you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Couch it. Yeah. Keep them on their toes.

[A]

Yeah, I think. Say it first, babe. Say it first. Say it first. Say it first. Say it first.

[B]

Literally. Say it.

[C]

Say it first. I'm gonna do it to you for chance. Sorry, I'll go for it.

[B]

Say it first. Say it first.

[A]

Say it first. Say. Cause here's the thing. Here's the thing. You say it first, it all falls apart. Well, so you have. The only reason to not say it first is if there is a possibility that saying it first turns what could be a relationship that will go the distance into one that won't. You have to. That's the only reason to not say it first. Because if you say it first and they're not ready yet, that's real information. But if the relationship continues and they ultimately say it, no problem. You felt weird, but you moved things along. You say it, they say it. We're doing great. You say it, they don't say it. They realize that you are. That you're feeling things. They're not. It ends it where it. Where it should have already ended. You're kind of saving yourself some time, so you have to come up with a version in which you are on the path to a lifelong happiness. But you saying this too soon, even though this should be your person, blows it up somehow. And I just find that to be an unlikely circumstance. I just. If they're the right person, they're the right person.

[B]

Right? Exactly. It's. I think this question of when to say it sits heavy on everybody's soul. And I do think it's gendered. I think, like, as a woman, there is this idea that you should. The man should always say it first. Like the Ethelocaine lyric. I only want him if he says it first to me. And I think that we. In order to have real love, you must take a risk. And again, it might blow up in your face. But that's why you gotta do it on Valentine's Day. If anyone is saying I love you proposing, I think it's good to have, like, the really heavy stuff on Valentine's Day because then it's like, almost a day where you have to do this.

[C]

And then he feels guilty because it was Valentine's Day, so he has to say it back.

[A]

Yeah, that's another great option.

[C]

Emotional manipulation.

[A]

That's the other great option.

[B]

Yes, I could do it.

[A]

Get him to fake it till he makes it. All right, let's pause it there, and we'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it.

[B]

Coming up.

[A]

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[B]

All right, great. So questions about love it, relate love it's relationship. Coming up next, I would love to know from Lovett, as someone who did long term but also knew so quickly with Ari, how do you know that you're with the One also? That's for you, Lazarus. Do you also think that you were with the One?

[C]

I don't think I believe in the One as a concept. I think it's a little silly.

[A]

I don't know if you have to believe in the One, but I think you can take the question as meaning how did you know you were with a One that could be the one?

[B]

The one that you're going to spend perhaps not all of your life, but for the foreseeable future together.

[C]

Yeah, again, I don't know if there's a particular moment so much as an.

[A]

Accumulation of moments, that is a very good question. I have no idea. I will just say that, you know, sometimes we talk about relationships and what they are separate from how we are and how we're all changing. And I think that I was at a place in my life where it was possible for me to realize that this was the right person and to have that person be able to realize that I could be the person for them because of how I'd changed and grown. And I think sometimes it's not about the one, like we were saying. It's more like, can two people be in the right places in their own lives and, like, be who the other person needs? And that, to me, is a lot of what it's about.

[C]

I feel like one good rule of thumb is one time we went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium and I had half a wheat gummy, and then we walked past these eels that were like, sort of straight up, like vertical. Their heads were just pointed straight up. And I thought I was going to pass out and I had to go outside and sit down. And then we were just there for two hours while I had a panic attack. And I was like, oh, this is the person that I want next to me while I'm too high at the aquarium. And I feel like if that's. If that's the person you want next to you when you're too high at the aquarium, that's a good start.

[A]

Great. Love it.

[B]

All right, this is a comment from Kaden. I just got engaged. How long is too long to actually plan and go through anything with the wedding? The idea of planning anything makes me want to vomit, especially this year working in politics. But I don't want to become an afterthought or a when we have time, AKA never thing. Any advice here is helpful.

[A]

Well, I'll say this. I've been engaged twice and I have some tips from both.

[B]

Great. Lay it on us.

[A]

This is going to be kind of old fashioned. Ooh. All right. I'm going to have an old fashioned point of view. If you're going to get engaged, you should be planning a wedding. And I know that there are reasons people get engaged long before maybe. There's like, they have a long academic period ahead of them. There's financial reasons, whatever. I get that. But my view is if you are engaged, it is because you are engaged to be married. And you should at least have an understanding that the engagement period is about planning to get married, because it's a liminal time. And I just think it's strange if you're not heading towards getting married. Otherwise, it's just not. It doesn't really mean anything. That's my very stodgy old school notion. And then my view of it is if you're. If you want to be engaged because you want to get married and just get to planning. Life is complicated. Life is going to be hard. There are going to be things that stand in the way of it. Find the time that you can do it the best way you can do it the way you want to do it. Don't do it the way anyone tells you you have to do it and just do it. That can be a big wedding you're planning a year in advance. That could be a small courthouse wedding. That can be a party in your backyard. That could be a trip you go on with just your spouse. That could be calling your parents to tell them you just got married. And then your mother's like, what the fuck? Whatever it is for you, if you want to get engaged because you want to get married, so fucking get married. That's how I feel about it.

[B]

I like that. I think that makes sense just because, well, you're not the only one planning a wedding at crooked right now. And I feel like whenever I talk to any. Anyone who is playing a wedding, they're like, I just got to get through all these decisions. It's almost like when you start, like, then you. It's almost like you complete it. So it's like you're taking a step off a cliff that you don't know what's next. But then once you take the step, you can keep going. I don't know, like, land appears. So just do it.

[A]

Yeah. The advice I was given that I think is very good advice is a wedding is a beast that you and your partner are fighting together.

[B]

Cute.

[A]

I think it's sweet. It's how I said it's how it's negative.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I will also say, like, you know, I remember when I was like on that show Survivor and I was feeling bad about it and I was like, how could you possibly not try to enjoy every aspect of this even when it doesn't go your way? You couldn't have chose this more. You couldn't have made this happen more. And so like, we're planning a wedding right now and there are moments where it's not like tense, but it is like you're having a disagreement or there's a lot of decisions you have to make. And it's like Making sure that even throughout the process, you're actually not having a bad time. Because you. What? The whole process should try to. Try to make it as pleasant as possible. But the other thing is when you get engaged and plan a wedding, you suddenly have all these kinds of conversations you don't normally have with your partner. It's like actually a drill for life because you're figuring out family dynamics, and there's relationship dynamics, there's taste questions, there's how you're gonna interact with each other's families. There's big decisions, there's money involved. It's like all those things. It's actually, I think, an interesting kind of dress rehearsal for life.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

So that part of it, too.

[B]

Yeah. Think about how all the things you're about to learn about your partner, maybe they'll be thrilling to you.

[A]

Good luck, Kaden.

[B]

And then finally, we have a comment from Constant Cupcake. I honestly just want an update that Love it is hard at work on the rom com screenplay that we all deserve, based loosely on his and Ari's relationship and this discussion question from Bill. Do we have favorite Valentine's Day rom coms are the best ones from the 90s? Are there any good ones in the new Netflix era? Do you. Are you guys rom com people?

[A]

I like rom com.

[C]

Do you love a 90s Rom com?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which. Which ones? What are we?

[C]

Julia Roberts, across the board.

[B]

Meg Ryan, across the board.

[A]

Notting Hill.

[B]

I say, I think mine or one of mine, at least. The Wedding Singer. People forget about it because it's a comedy. But Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore, nobody does it like them.

[A]

I think Notting Hill. Notting Hill, to me is the number one. It's so charming. It's so funny. Every single relationship and moment pays off in the movie. Like, even the scenes that we were just meeting, the comedic side characters, everything that's happening with them comes back around at the end of the movie. It shouldn't work. It shouldn't work that Julia Roberts pays a movie star, but it does. And they're both so good in it. And I always feel like. And then there's When Harry Met Sally, which is also obviously great. Yeah. There's a way in which, like, When Harry Met Sally is like, number one kind of. I don't know, it's like. Like the. It's like number one New York Jewish category. And then Notting Hill is like number one British category. And it, like, depends on your mood.

[C]

I agree with that.

[A]

That's how I feel about it. I remember when we had Rob Reiner on Love it or Leave it, it's obviously sad to think about, but I believe what he said. When we asked him, can men and women be friends? He was like, no, not really. And then it was like, what do you think about people in these throuples? He was like, no.

[B]

I believe he brought up polyamory. He was like, ah, could you. This polyamory. But it was just such a funny Rob Reiner way to approach it, where he just. It's like, I don't know. Just seems like a lot of work.

[C]

I also didn't realize that Rob Reiner changed the ending of When Harry Met Sally after he met his wife.

[A]

What it was. What was it going to be?

[C]

It was that they did not wind up together.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But then he fell in love.

[B]

He felt the right choice.

[A]

Yeah. What a bummer of an ending that would have had. And as for writing a romantic comedy, when am I working on when am I going to do a screenplay? I barely. I could barely finish a screenplay when I was a screenwriter. That was my job. And I barely could finish the damn things.

[B]

We'll see. We'll see what happens at the wedding. Maybe it'll be a lot of hijinks. You could just fashion it into kind of heist. Yeah, we're going to rob you. We're going to come to your wedding. We're going to rob you. Love it.

[A]

Oh, a heist. Yeah. Oh, no.

[B]

Yeah. Me, Me, Lazarus crack team.

[A]

Just like a floodlight comes on and we just see your kind of freeze in your balaclavas, like.

[B]

And you'll notice from our terrible posture. That's the thing. You won't be able to hide it.

[A]

I think Sarah has good posture.

[C]

Don't drag chairs uncomfortable.

[A]

Don't drag Sarah into our godforsaken posture issues. Unfair to her. Before we go, as always these days, it's time for Love it or Leave. It's breakout. New end segment. Second thoughts, where we go back and talk about the things we regret from the very episode we're recording.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

One. Look, I wasn't personally saying that I thought Coley was, you know, attractive. I was. I was sort of implying. Because I was comparing to the green.

[B]

M M. Do you think Coley's more attractive than the green M M?

[A]

No, I don't. I don't. I don't.

[B]

Okay. That's all I needed to hear.

[A]

I don't. I don't.

[B]

I believe.

[A]

I don't.

[C]

One more thing about Coley. The name Coley.

[B]

Very first thought it's like towel. South park, right? I think I like it because it's first thought. It's. If they thought one second later, I'd say, what have you done?

[C]

Yeah, you're right.

[A]

Look at what they think of us. Look at what these Trump people think of this country, that they think that there's an. They think we're fucking morons. They think we're Slavs and morons just waiting for a mascot like Coley to make Cole seem just a little bit sweeter to us. They think of us. They are. We are rubes to them. We are dumb fucking marks to them. All of them. Them. God damn it, Coley. Any second thoughts for you, Sarah?

[C]

I think. I think I crushed it.

[B]

I'm gonna marry Lady Coley. If they do that, I'll marry Coley.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Chloe's got money.

[B]

We'll check in next year at Valdez Day.

[A]

Any second thoughts from you, Halle, before we go?

[B]

I nailed it. I fucking crushed this.

[A]

And that is the end of our very special Valentine's Day episode. Love it or leave it. We'll be back quicker than a boomerangs toss. I hope you sluts have a beautiful Valentine's Day. Oh, and don't kiss. And don't. Oi, don't.

[B]

Yeah, lean in. He's got it.

[A]

I don't even know how to make your mouth do. And don't forget to kiss your sheilas. That wasn't bad. And don't forget and. Nope, that was better the first time. Don't forget to kiss your sheilas.

[B]

There we go.

[A]

And don't forget to kiss your sheilas.

[B]

What were we chanting earlier?

[C]

Say it first.

[B]

Say it first. Say it first.

[A]

If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram, TikTok and all the other ones for original content, community events and and more. You can also find Love it or leave it on YouTube for videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube exclusive content. And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review. Finally, you can join Crooked's Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad free Love it or Leave it and POD Save America episodes, subscriber exclusive pods and more. Sign [e-mail] friends love it or Leave it is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Bill McGregor Grass is our producer and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Keefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre and Subba Agrawal are our writers. Jordan Kanter is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Cher.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Thanks to our designer, Sammy Cadearna Rees for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And thanks to our digital producers David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, Delon Villanueva, and Rachel Gajewski for filming and editing video each week. Our head of production is Matt de Groat, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.