Podcast Summary: Lovett or Leave It – Episode 440: "Happy Valentine's Bidet"

Release Date: February 14, 2026
Host: Jon Lovett
Guests/Panel: Hallie Kiefer, Sarah Lazarus

Episode Overview

In this special Valentine's Day episode, Jon Lovett is joined by writers Hallie Kiefer and Sarah Lazarus for a lively, irreverent roundtable—recorded while the Pod Save America crew is on tour in Australia and New Zealand. The episode covers overlooked news stories (including adventures with bidets and a bizarre government mascot), a deep-dive into Nancy Mace’s recent media profile, and a mailbag segment where Discord fans share their dating, relationship, and Valentine’s Day dilemmas.

The discussion blends political absurdity, pop culture, and hilariously honest conversation about personal relationships, keeping the signature Lovett or Leave It mix of sass, insight, and heart.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bidet Mania at Gracie Mansion – Zoran Mamdani’s Wet-and-Wild Mayoral Upgrade

• Context: NYC Mayor Zoran Mamdani’s plan to install bidets in the Mayor's mansion stokes minor controversy.
• Lovett’s Take: Enthusiastic support for bidets—praising Mamdani for addressing America's antiquated approach to bathroom hygiene.
• Bidet Types and Trivia:
  • Classic side-by-side European bidet (fun fact: “bidet” means “pony” for the way you ride it [05:35])
  • High-tech Japanese Toto toilets
  • "Water gun" models and add-on attachments
• Practical Concerns: Some residents have wrecked plumbing installing personal bidets, raising questions about DIY installations in old buildings.
• Gifting Bidets: Lovett became a huge bidet advocate after installing one, gifting them to friends (with the drawback that you have to awkwardly ask about toilet dimensions first).

Notable Quote:

"BYO bidet. It so transformed my experience of being alive on Earth that I became obsessed with giving them as gifts." – Lovett (08:09)

Memorable Moment:

• The panel’s comedic riff on bidet gifting logistics, and the assertion that “everyone is shitting, so why not make it nicer?”
  Timestamp: 08:19–09:35

2. The Trump Administration’s Coal Mascot: "Coley"

• AI Gone Wild: A tweet from Interior Secretary Doug Burgum introduces “Coley”—an AI-generated lump of coal with mining gear, now the face of the Office of Surface Mining.
• Panel Reaction: Ridicule and bemusement at government efforts to market “clean coal” via mascots, likening it to M&Ms’ “sexy green” or 30 Rock-level satire.
• The Philosophy of Coley:
  • When does Coley become sentient—when the googly eyes are added?
  • Existential shame: “Coley seeks Coley’s own death.”
• Serious Undercurrent: Quote from activist Junior Walk, who finds Coley’s smile “haunting” given the real damage of coal mining.

Notable Quote:

"As climate change plunges us deeper into the mass extinction event... I will continue to be haunted by Coley's twisted grin and uncanny eyes." – Junior Walk (16:31)

Memorable Exchange:

• Speculation over the consciousness of coal mascots, riffing on cartoon logic and existential dread.
  Timestamp: 15:27–16:24

3. Nancy Mace Is Not Okay – Mediasphere Breakdown

• Topic: Recent New York Magazine profile: “Nancy Mace is not okay”
• Profile Highlights:
  • Staffers describe Mace as “broken” and “one of the worst people I’ve ever met” (21:49)
  • Accusations of using Congressional immunity to avoid defamation
  • Using staff for personal errands, manipulative online self-promotion, and an obsession with being voted among “the hottest women in Congress”
  • House Ethics investigation into campaign staff misuse
• Analysis:
  • Discussion of how high intelligence can spiral into self-defeating behavior
  • The blurred line between performative “crazy” and possible genuine mental health issues
  • Parallels to Trump: “she was playing a character and now she has become the character.” (24:43)
  • Gender, power, and cultural pressure: “Being a powerful white conservative woman might as well look like a mental illness… she has achieved a level of power, but doesn’t actually have power in her own life.” (25:26)
• Wisdom: Insecurity trumps intelligence every time.

Notable Quotes:

“People’s insecurities will beat their intelligence every time.” – Lovett (27:24)

Memorable Moment:

• Discussion of Nancy Mace’s desperate attempts to climb “hottest in Congress” rankings and how staffers tried to keep her happy online.
  Timestamp: 22:40–23:22

4. Valentine’s Day Discord Mailbag: Dating Woes & Romance Real Talk

Hallie, Sarah, and Lovett tackle fan-submitted relationship questions and confessions, delivering advice both heartfelt and hilariously blunt.

Selected Stories and Highlights

• Factory Flirtation Fiasco:
  • Scenario: Factory team leader hooks up with a staffer after sending explicit videos—then ghosts her for his ex.
  • Panel verdict: HR violation; “You have to talk to the union about this situation.” (37:12)
• Workplace STI Outbreak:
  • Context: School security guard spreads “the clap” to staff, including the principal.
  • Panel: “At least call the union. Or the police!” (35:33)
• Situationship Gone Wrong:
  • Story: After seven years, one woman “hard launches” her situationship only to go no-contact.
  • Advice: “This is actually going to turn out to be the best thing…If you’re not a person until you’re 30, your 20s are a wash for everybody.” (38:06–39:09)
• Aromantic/Asexual Validation:
  • Request: Can I get validation for being happily single?
  • Lovett: “If you’re happy…why do you need validation? But actually, you should feel validated.” (40:34–41:04)
• Dropping the L-Word:
  • Question: Waiting to say “I love you”—how to make him say it first?
  • Sarah: “Most important thing is to never be vulnerable and win at all costs.” (42:13)
  • Lovett: "Say it first! If they’re the right person, they’re the right person." (43:08–44:16)

Notable Quotes:

“For relationships, being in love is about winning.” – Sarah Lazarus (42:20)
“You don’t hard launch situationships, you hard launch relationships after they stop being a situationship.” – Lovett (38:13)

5. The Philosophy of The One, Weddings, and Rom-Coms

• “How do you know when you’ve found the one?”
  • Lovett: It’s less about “The One” and more about timing and growth—being the right person at the right time for each other (47:17).
  • Sarah: If you want them next to you when you’re freaking out at the aquarium, that’s a good sign. (48:09)
• Wedding Planning Advice:
  • Engagement should mean actively planning to marry, but the wedding can be whatever works for you—just don’t let indecision drag the process into limbo. (48:58)
  • Wedding as “a beast you and your partner fight together,” and as a “dress rehearsal for life.” (50:53, 51:59)
• Favorite Rom-Coms:
  • 90s classics dominate: Notting Hill, When Harry Met Sally, The Wedding Singer.
  • Julia Roberts and Meg Ryan get special mention.
  • Lovett reveals Rob Reiner changed the ending of When Harry Met Sally after finding love himself (54:10).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Bidets:
  “We’re all shitting. And, but you do have to ask people what kind of toilet they have, because I didn’t understand…there’s like the round bowl and then there’s kind of the ovular, kind of longer bowl.” – Lovett (08:24)
• On Coley:
  “What is the experience of Coley like? Does Coley...have memories? Can Coley root its hopes in anything when it just came to be when the eyes were there?” – Lovett (16:07)
• On Nancy Mace:
  “She has become the character...the illusion and the performance have merged and now that’s all she has.” – Hallie Kiefer (24:43)
• On Love Advice:
  “If that's the person you want next to you when you’re too high at the aquarium, that’s a good start.” – Sarah Lazarus (48:34)
• On the American Public:
  “Look at what these Trump people think of this country, that they think that there’s—They think we’re fucking morons, just waiting for a mascot like Coley to make coal seem just a little bit sweeter to us.” – Lovett (55:56)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Bidet Discussion & Humor: 03:53–11:36
• Trump’s Coal Mascot/Coley: 11:42–17:02
• Nancy Mace Profile Analysis: 19:35–29:01
• Valentine’s Mailbag – Workplace Flirts & Situationships: 33:15–39:19
• On Aromantic/Asexual Validation: 39:38–41:51
• Advice on Saying “I Love You”: 42:09–44:53
• On ‘The One’ and Relationship Readiness: 46:39–48:34
• Wedding Planning Real Talk: 48:35–52:02
• Rom-Com Favorites: 52:08–54:17
• Final Thoughts, Second Thoughts, and Coley Recap: 55:06–56:28

Episode Tone

Chatty, irreverent, and fast-paced—with plenty of inside humor, cultural references, and a healthy skepticism toward both power and romance. Lovett, Hallie, and Sarah bring their mix of self-deprecation and incisive observation to both political and personal absurdities, making for a uniquely cathartic pre-Valentine’s listen.

For those who missed the episode:
You’ll walk away knowing more than you ever wanted about the American relationship to bidets, the perils of Congressional meltdown, the existential misery of coal mascots, and why you should (probably) just say “I love you” first.