Transcript
John Lovett (0:00)
I need directions for paying down debt. Starting route Apply for a SOFI personal loan and consolidate your debt into one fixed payment. Turn right into a positive outlook and get 5,000 to $100,000 as soon as the same day you sign with no fees required. Got it. You could get out of high interest credit card debt with a SOFI Personal loan. View your rate@sofi.com debt in 60 seconds with no impact to your credit score. Loans originated by Sofi Bankina member FDIC terms and conditions@sofi.com debt in MLS 696891 all right. Hello Los Angeles. We did it. We made it to the end of the year. Welcome to Love it or Leave It. This is our last live show of the year and when I look back at all the great jokes and segments this team has put together, I just think we never really topped Jar Jar Dinks Vance. That was our peak. We've got a phenomenal show for you tonight. Margaret Cho and Fortune Feimster are here to rank the most America moments of 2024. Lunell is here to do whatever she wants, no matter what segment we had planned. Then we wrap it up with the most wonderful wheel of the year. But first, let's get into it. What a week. On Tuesday, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer was asked whether he thought President Biden should issue preemptive pardons for members of the January six committee and others Trump might go after and seem to suggest that Biden didn't bother. Look, the bottom line is we all.
Luenell (1:44)
Know that Senator Schiff did a very.
John Lovett (1:46)
Very good job on the hearings. He broke no laws whatsoever and the truth stands for itself. Wow, that must be nice to think about. I want to live in that society where the truth stands for itself. Sounds amazing. Adam Schiff sleeping soundly in his bed, taking high speed rail to visit the Museum of Female Presidents. Schiff said much the same at the same press conference, telling reporters, I don't think the incoming president should be threatening his political opponents with jail time, nor do I think that a pardon is necessary for members of the January 6th committee. This puts Biden in a weird spot. When someone says no gifts, do they really mean no gifts or are you going to look like a moron when you show up empty handed and Cash Patel is frog marching Anthony Fauci and Jack Smith down Pennsylvan in full clown makeup. Pardons are like umbrellas and guns. Better to have one and not need it than need one and not have it. Benny Thompson, who chaired the committee, on the other hand said on Thursday that he'd take a pardon.
Luenell (2:49)
It's his prerogative. If he offers it to me or other members of the committee, I think I would accept it. But it's his choice, huh?
John Lovett (3:00)
Trying to put my finger on the difference between Benny Thompson, who doesn't believe the truth always speaks for itself in America, and Adam Schiff and Chuck Schumer trying to pinpoint what their experiences might be that would teach them to maybe take the fucking pardon. I'm not sure. I want you to know something. If I was on the January 6th committee, I'd be saying, give me the fucking pardon, Joe. Oh, it gives Donald Trump a talking point, okay? I'm so sad that Donald Trump has a talking point while I'm sleeping at home with my family. Meanwhile, GOP Senator Joni Ernst appears to have yielded to a MAGA pressure campaign to support Pete Hegseth's nomination to be secretary of defense. But would he even be Pete Hegseth if a woman said no and he didn't hear a maybe? Meanwhile, CNN posted a Ben Shapiro interview Pete Hegseth gave in June, in which he criticized the end of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Now you just have the absurdity of I have two mommies and I'm so proud to show them that I can wear the uniform, too. So it's just like everything else the Marxists and the leftists have done. At first it was camouflaged nicely and now they're just open about it. Gays in the military, calling your boyfriend your boyfriend instead of your roommate. The Bo and Yang renaissance on snl. It's like, what happened to not rubbing it in our faces? Hegseth, of all people, shouldn't be casting scorn on people with two mommies. He is the one who writes emails about what a piece of shit he is and the one that defends him on Fox News. On Tuesday, Trump announced on Truth Social that he had selected Kimberly Guilfoyle to serve as ambassador to Greece. Many have mocked this appointment, but that's unfair. This is a former Fox News personality. She has spent years looking at the ruins of ancient faces and pretending to think they're beautiful. The announcement came amid rumors that Guilfoyle and her fiance, Don Jr. Had broken up with the Daily Mail, publishing photos of Don Jr. Holding hands with PA Palm beach socialite Bettina Anderson. Look, breakups are hard. Sometimes you wait because you don't trust your own judgment. You worry you can't tell the difference between a person not being right and a person like all people not being perfect that you have unrealistic expectations of relationships, that you apply your ambition, your vaguely capitalist and technocratic tilt towards efficiency and maximization to the unquantifiable sublime of affinity and companionship, while knowing on a deeper level that any relationship will require compromise and involve frustration not only for you, but for the partner whose love can only be real and lasting if they see your flaws alongside your gifts and choose the bargain anyway. But because of your toxic combination of arrogance and deep self loathing, you find it hard to imagine anyone you deem worthy finding that bargain to be one worth making. And so you can only foresee alienating relationships built on the fragile deception of hiding parts of yourself until the truth ultimately dooms your hopes of happiness or a life of loneliness as you slowly lose the capacity to open yourself to love in the first place. And then your dad is like what if we just sent that bitch to Greece on Thursday? It's just a hypothetical. On Thursday, the Daily Beast published previously reported details of a sexual harassment claim made against Guilfoyle in 2018 by her former assistant, including one particularly upsetting instance in which Guilfoyle allegedly attempted to get her assistance to give her a massage on her exposed thighs. This is my take back my life. RFK Jr reportedly began a push this week to get his daughter in law and former campaign manager Amaryllis Fox Kennedy named Deputy Director of the CIA, a position that does not require Senate approval. Somebody's getting greedy. Defluoridating the water is your treat for endorsing Trump. You get one treat. Whatever. What's one more Kennedy at this point, put Jack Schlossberg in front of the post office. See if I give a fuck. Fox Kennedy worked at the CIA for over a decade, detailing that chapter of her career in a 2019 memoir titled Life Undercover. Coming of age in the CIA. So good news. She can keep a secret, according to Axios, and this is real RFK Jr wants more Kennedy members at the intelligence agency because he hopes to prove the CIA assassinated his uncle jfk and honestly, great focus on that. Rather that where his attention goes than vaccine approvals. How did Lee Harvey Oswald get back into the country after defecting to the Soviet Union? And what was Jack Ruby's whole deal? Give him hell. Bobby Elon and Vivek approve his red string budget and let the man cook. President Biden on Thursday commuted the sentences of nearly 1500 people who were released from prison into home confinement during the pandemic and pardoned 39 people convicted of nonviolent crimes. Biden should have just slipped Hunter Biden in with that big stack of names. Then he could be like, I pardon too. Oh, would you look at that. There's so many names. Didn't even notice. That marks the largest number of commutations in one day by any US President until he fully clears out the 5,000 bloodthirsty inhabitants of Colorado's supermax woke trans prison on his last day in office. Oh God, I've said too much. Speaking of flying free, Federal wildlife officials this week proposed that monarch butterflies be classified as threatened and receive federal protection. Know for sure Protect the butterflies first, said a jumpy Liz Cheney Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell tripped and fell after Senate Republicans weekly lunch on Tuesday. Hey, did it hurt when you fell after when you fell after the Senate More flirtatious. Hey, did it hurt when you fell after the Senate Republicans weekly lunch? A McConnell spokesperson said in a statement. Leader McConnell sustained a minor cut to the face and sprained his wrist. He has been cleared to resume his schedule as Fiero in the touring production of Wicked. Now at the Pan. Speaking of Wicked drama queens, Luigi Mangione, the suspect in the murder of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, has opted to fight his extradition from Pennsylvania to New York. Can you blame him? It's not safe there. Dudes are getting gunned down in the street. By way of explanation, Mangione had this to say about the shooting. Somebody touch my spaghetti? No, that's not allowed. Can't possibly be allowed these anti Italian jokes, right? Put it in the comments. Is it allowed? I don't think so. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah. Meanwhile, the Internet has exploded with merch inspired by the killer. From T shirts and mugs to Christmas ornaments and fake bullets that read Deny, Defend, Depose. Look, I find this all pretty gross. A lot of people bravely posting to prove how radical and broken they are, while fortunate to live in a world where crimes like this are rare and shocking because a disordered and chaotic and violent society is one that causes people to turn inward and one that benefits fascists. And if you enter the code, love it at checkout, you'll get 20% off and free shipping. What the fuck? Approve that. In an interview with HuffPo, Elizabeth Warren condemned the shooting, but added, the visceral response from people across the country who feel cheated, ripped off and threatened by the vile practices of their insurance companies should be a warning to everyone in the healthcare system. Damn, Liz. About to create big structural change and some kneecaps. Send the Massachusetts senator Violence is never the answer. But people can only be pushed so far. She said that last part after backing her Subaru into a shopping cart and someone neglected to return at the target. But it applies here. Warren later clarified her comments in a statement to Politico. Violence is never the answer, period. I should have been much clearer that there is never a justification for murder. So if you were hoping for the rise of a menopausal Batman, the Way continues. Bernie Sanders told Jacobin on Thursday. It goes without saying that killing anybody, this guy happened to be a father of two kids. You don't kill people. It's abhorrent. I condemn it wholeheartedly. It was a terrible act. But what it did show online is that many, many people are furious at the health insurance companies who make huge profits denying them and their families the health care that they desperately need. We are not going to reform the healthcare system by killing people. The way we are going to bring about the kind of fundamental changes we need in health care is in fact by a political movement which understands the government has got to represent all of us, not just the 1%. Bernie and Warren are trying to do something tricky, harness a wave of populist anger without condoning the violent crime that brought it to National Focus. Look, I don't condone what the Hamburglar does, but he has reminded all of us that the McRib is back, and that's the conversation we needed to have. Speaking of angry Italians, New Jersey residents have reportedly spotted dozens of mystery drones flying overhead since last month. To the bafflement of government officials tonight, an aerial mystery that's been described as unnerving is growing. The FBI now investigating multiple reports of unidentified drones flying over New Jersey, some as large as a small car. Yikes. It'd be scary if it were happening somewhere important. Jeff Bezos assures the public that they were just witnessing the natural migration pattern of Amazon drones flying south for the winter after Cyber Monday. In fact, federal investigators said they don't know whom the drones belong to, but that they don't believe they pose a threat. Very reassuring, team. We have no idea who sent these drones or why they're here, but it's probably fine. Of course it's probably fine. We have to throw away toothpaste at the airport because of a foiled plot 20 years ago. You don't get to do it's probably fine. New Jersey Congressman Jeff Van Drew suggested Iran might be responsible and called for the drones to be shot down, said the congressman. The time to act on this information is now, before the threat escalates any further. Whether this is a foreign adversary or even just a group of drone hobbyists, we cannot allow unidentified drones to operate freely in our airspace with no consequences. And you know what? Honestly, I'm in. Fuck it. Shoot them down. It's enough with the drones. What's the worst that could happen? New Jersey's biggest nerd is a little sadder than usual Speaking of New Jersey based nerds, Democratic Congressman Josh Gottheimer, who's running for governor of New Jersey, has admitted to posting a fake Spotify rap list composed entirely of Bruce Springsteen songs. What's next is gabagool not actually his favorite work snack? Said Godheimer. This would be my Spotify wrapped if I didn't share my account with my 12 and 15 year old kids. Look, I was surprised as anyone to discover that mixed in with Beyonce and Muna and Taylor Swift and Carole King and Bon Iver, my number one song of the year. And this is real, I'm going to tell you, was Billy Joel's you're Always a Woman to me. It's genuinely baffling. It's not a great song. It's not even my one of my favorite Billy Joel songs. I think it got in there because it must pop up in a lot of different 70s and classic rock playlists. And I think it appears in a Fleetwood Mac mix, right? So when I ever I put on Fleetwood Mac, I get fucking. You're Always a woman to me and now it's my number one song of the year. But this year I also began a relationship with a trans non binary person, which means my number one song of the year. You're Always a Woman to me means my Spotify wrap is like a J.K. rowling hate crime. And you don't see me blaming my children because I don't have any. Speaking of oldies but goodies, Dick Van Dyke said his neighbors had to rescue him from this week's wildfire in Malibu. Said Van Dyke, I almost made it out of the house on my own, but then that damn Ottoman, said the 98 year old TV legend who turns 99 tomorrow. This is real. I was trying to crawl to the car. I had exhausted myself. I couldn't get up. Three neighbors came and carried me out and came back and put out a little fire in the guest house and saved me. The neighbors hesitated at first, pointing out, no, no, no, he does this. He pretends to fall, but then he springs up and starts doing a little dance. You tried. You really tried this time, Jimmy. But I will outlive you, you son of a bitch. I'm going to win this. Continued Van Dyke, referring to President Jimmy Carter and holding up one of two remaining keys he keeps around his neck. Weird. First of all, too close of a call for Dick Van Dyke. Who's not looking in on Dick Van Dyke? The fuck? Where was that 75 year old son of his? He has a very old son. Speaking of clinging to life, a Pennsylvania couple who got divorced nearly 50 years ago will get remarried this weekend at ages 94 and 89 respectively. They divorced in 1975 and would not answer questions as to why it did not work out the first time. Though the groom did say, she was the first love of my life. I never thought I'd get her back. They both went on to have other marriages and both of their spouses died, freeing up the covel for a romantic rekindling, which is your signal from the universe. Text that ex. To celebrate, the pair are honeymooning in Corfu. Oh, I'm sorry. Coffin. It says here it's a coffin. I hope they're happy. And finally, Ryan Borgward. I love that name. And you know what? We like the name. And it never plays when we say the name. It makes us laugh every time it does. Nothing in the crowd. Oh, yeah, maybe that's right. So if you. Just so you all know, let's set that up. B O R B O R G W A R D T. Okay, now that's in your minds. And finally, Ryan Borgward. It does work. It is. You got to see it. That's so funny. That's so funny. The Wisconsin kayaker who faked his own death and seemingly fled to Eastern Europe to escape his marriage, has voluntarily returned to the US after four months and is now in custody. And yeah, by custody, we do mean monogamy. Am I right, fellas? Green Lake County Sheriff Mark Podall said that Borgward, who began communicating. See, they just had a seed on their minds who began communicating with authorities last month, came back on his own because of his family, said Borgward in his own statement. No, seriously, guys, I'm mad at you. Here's my favorite moment of the whole saga. Ryan Borgart told authorities he really didn't think they'd look for him that long. Let that be a lesson for all of us. No matter how small or insignificant you feel, you are more important to this world than you know. They put divers in the lake. Also, your wife is fucking pissed. All right, up next, it's America's finest Rankers. It's Margaret Cho and Fortune Feimster. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up. Love It Or Leave it is brought to you by Aura Frames. It's hard to find the perfect gift. It's gift season. It's gift season and it's hard to find the perfect gifts. We got an idea to make something personal, but not over the top. It's funny how the people we love most are often the hardest to shop for. There's one gift that everyone on your list is sure to enjoy. That's an Aura Digital picture frame. Named number one by Wirecutter, Aura Frames makes it incredibly easy to share unlimited photos and videos directly from your phone to the frame. And when you give an Aura frame as a gift, you can personalize and preload it with a thoughtful message and photo using the Aura app, making it an ideal present for long distance loved ones. Aura Frames are great huge fans. You can you know it's a great gift. You can put all kinds of pictures in there of of your family. Save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off Aura's bestselling Carver Matte frames by using promo code Love it at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code Love It. This deal is exclusive to listeners, so get yours now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply. Love it or Leave it is brought to you by Simplisafe. If you ever worry about the safety of your home and family, there's no better time to act. Right now, Simplisafe is extending its massive Black Friday deal for our listeners. Get 50% off today by visiting SimpliSafe.com love it. This is your last chance to protect your home at Simplisafe's lowest price of the year. SimpliSafe is a new way to protect your home that stops intruders before they break into your home. Old school systems only take action once someone is already inside your home. That's too late. Simplisafe's Active Guard Outdoor Protection changes the game by preventing crime before it even happens. If someone's lurking around or acting suspiciously, those agents can see them in real time, talk to them directly, set off your spotlights, or even call the police before they've even had a chance to break in. Plus, there are no long term contracts, no cancellation fees, and it's around $1 per day. For all of this protection. I set up a SimpliSafe. It's a great product Works incredibly well. Reliable, the customer support is great. The app is Great. Highly recommended. SimpliSafe is extending its massive Black Friday deal for our listeners this week only you can get 50% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. This is your last chance to claim their best offer of the year. Head to simplisafe.com lovett that's simplisafe.com loveit there's no safe like simplisafe. Love it or leave it is brought to you by Quince. Why is gift giving so enjoyable for you? Specifically, what a pointed question. Did I not get Quince a nice gift? Felt somehow. What do you think? Why do you like gifts? Why is it offensive? I mean, the thing about gifts is we were talking about this during Love it or leave it in a previous episode, which is just that it's inherently irrational. Right? Like, okay, you and I are going to exchange gifts of a value of about $50. Well, why don't you just buy something for yourself for $50 and I'll buy something for myself for $50. I know better than. Then you know what I want and you know better than I know what you want. And so it seems like that would make more sense. And so on some level, gifts are a means to give you something that you wouldn't buy yourself but that you're glad you have. All right, no quince sweater for you. Quince is great because you can get someone a gift they wouldn't necessarily get for themselves. That's exactly right. That little bit of luxury that they don't know they're missing. For quality gifts at an affordable price, there's Quince. Quince gets what gifts are all about. They let you treat your loved ones and yourself to everyday luxury at an affordable price. From 14 karat gold jewelry to Italian leather handbags, all quint Items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. I love quints. Great sheets, great T shirts, really comfortable stuff. Get somebody a sweater. That's a nice gift. Come on, that's a nice gift. Give luxury this holiday season without the luxury price tag, go to quince.com love it. For 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order, that's Q U I n c e.comlovett to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comlovett and we're back. Please welcome to the stage the incredible Margaret Cho and the hilarious Fortune Feimster. Hi. Oh, you're coming from. Coming from both directions. Got a dog. Wherever you want. So Good to see you both. It's so good to see you. Wow, what a year, huh?