Transcript

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John Lovett (1:40)

What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love it or Leave It Live at Dynasty Typewriter. We have got a great show for you tonight. Ben Platt is here. Jimmy Tatro is here. Together we'll sort through April's biggest fools. We'll also ask, what's the deal with Pesach? And of course, we'll wrap up our show with some regret to go with our exodus in second thoughts. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Our cup runneth over with news. Enough to fill two big cups, you might say. That's right. On Tuesday, the Daily Mail published a report on Kristi Noem's husband, Brian Noemi, revealing the former first husband of South Dakota has been leading a secret double life. A double D life. I'm Sorry. This is serious. Wait, it's not. According to the mail, Noem reportedly paid at least three online sex workers in fetish forums over $25,000 to live out his bimbo dreams wearing a feminine outfit and fantasizing about having, quote, huge, huge, ridiculous boobs. Meanwhile, his wife Christy, was also working with a pair of ridiculous boobs named Donald Trump and J.D. vance. The guard. Seize them. The report also had photos of Brian Noem wearing pink short shorts and a fake breastplate, said Brian Noem in a prepared statement. My eyes are up here. Noam reportedly used the alias Jason Jackson. But one sex worker said she butt dialed his number and heard the voicemail message Gnome Insurance. Leave a message. Press 1 if you're calling about a claim. Press 2 if you're calling about my giant mommy milkers. Per the mail, Brian Noem talked to at least one sex worker about his wife's long rumored affair with her top aide, Corey Lewandowski. Well, yeah. Who else are you gonna talk to? A therapist? That would be gay, Said the woman. I asked him about it, and his response was, I know there's nothing I can do about it. To Brian's credit, that's as stoic and dignified a response to the situation as any man with big fake yabos could have. Big, beautiful, magnificent yabos. Intelligence experts noted that Brian's behavior may have exposed Christie to the threat of blackmail. This could have been exploited by the FSB Mossad, or worse, the notorious agents of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. After the news broke, the New York Times published a piece titled, In South Dakota, neighbors feel sorry for Christy Noem's husband. Yeah, they feel sorry. Sorry for his lower back. I went, oh, should we go straight to Iran? We bear. This is a joy. Could you believe. Yeah, we're gonna sink into it. We're gonna spend some time here. Do you know the alternative news of the week? Have you been paying attention? Yeah, we're gonna do a lot of jokes about the former head of Homeland Security's husband doing funny little videos with giant yabos. Honestly, the people in Noem's hometown were actually pretty sweet about it. One resident told the Times. Such a nice man. It just tears me up. But he's fine. He's getting laughed at a little bit. He hasn't been sent to a Salvadoran megaprison. And now that Christie's been fired, he never will be. When asked for an interview, Brian Noem told the New York Times, I will at some point, but today is not the day. I appreciate your heart. Classic Brian kicking the cans down the road. On Wednesday, a spokesperson for Kristi Noem told the New York Post, Ms. Noem is devastated. The family was blindsided by this and they asked for privacy and prayers. At this time, Noem was reportedly so upset she could barely finish her Corey Lewandowski. Personally, this all makes sense to me. Christine Ohm's whole thing is denying reality. This is just another reality to deny. While Kristi Noem was filming a $220 million ad campaign and claiming to go after the worst of the worst, ICE was terrorizing immigrants and citizens alike, hauling families to deportation facilities and describing innocent victims of state violence as domestic terrorists without ever apologizing. As governor, she called for a drag ban on college campuses and signed a law to prevent doctors from prescribing gender affirming care to but turns out the queerness was calling from inside the House. And this is just one example of Republicans being confronted by reality this week. Trump addressed the nation on Wednesday night and as markets plummeted and gas prices rose, offered this we were a dead

Summary

Lovett or Leave It – "Bye Bye Bondi" (April 4, 2026)

Host: Jon Lovett
Guests: Ben Platt, Jimmy Tatro
Venue: Dynasty Typewriter, Los Angeles

Episode Overview

In this lively and irreverent episode, Jon Lovett returns to the stage with a jam-packed "Lovett or Leave It," featuring Broadway/film star Ben Platt and actor-comedian Jimmy Tatro. The main themes revolve around skewering the week’s political absurdities, exploring Jewish culture (especially Passover), and plenty of unscripted laughs about childhood, theater, and identity. The show mixes comedy with social commentary, engages with pop and political news, and closes with self-reflection in “Second Thoughts.”

Key Segments and Highlights

1. What a Week – Political News Roundup

[01:40–11:09] Lovett opens with a classic satirical news monologue, this week focused on Republican hypocrisy and scandal.

Kristi Noem’s Husband’s Scandal:
Lovett lampoons the Daily Mail exposé on Brian Noem (husband of the former SD governor), whose online persona includes "giant mommy milkers."
- Lovett: “Turns out the queerness was calling from inside the House.” [05:46]
- Jokes about hypocrisy as Kristi Noem pushes anti-LGBTQ policies:
  
  “Turns out the queerness was calling from inside the House. And this is just one example of Republicans being confronted by reality this week.” [05:46]
The GOP’s Dysfunction on Government Funding:
– Mocking Congress’s recess while federal workers go unpaid, and Lindsey Graham’s attempts at “cool damage control.”
– Lovett: “There’s no shotgun on earth big enough to kill the part of him that yearns to be a princess.” [07:33]
Pam Bondi Gets Fired:
Trump fires AG Pam Bondi over the Epstein files—endless barbs about her “best facelift” and beauty hiding a rotten interior.
– Lovett: “Insides are bad, but looks great on the outside, and that’s what counts. Dorian Gray taught me that.” [09:20]
– Satirical congratulations for becoming the next Bachelorette:

“Congrats to Pam Bondi on being named ABC’s next Bachelorette.” [10:47]

2. Ben Platt Joins the Stage! – Broadway, Jewish Summer Camp & Fiddler Dreams

[16:35–35:31]

A charming deep-dive into Jewish identity, summer camp trauma, musical theater rites of passage, and showbiz gossip.

Jewish Summer Camps & Musical Theater:
Both Lovett and Platt bond over being child stars at camp (Platt: “My sister and I were double cast as Oliver.” [18:39]) and the sustaining magic of musical theater for “boys like us.”
– Lovett: “For boys like Jonathan, that’s why we do the musicals.” [19:02]
Ben Platt’s Wedding & Broadway Life:
Conversation about Platt’s recent Vogue-featured wedding: “Boy, I’m getting married.” [19:47] Plus wedding-planning tips: “You do nothing.” [19:58]
Quickfire Theater/Jewishness Quiz:
- Ben on the Phantom of the Opera: “No, it’s pretty goyish... Probably allergic to the fog.” [21:09]
- Which Broadway roles could be Jewish? The consensus: Fiddler, yes; Phantom, no.
Lovett’s Sondheim Hot Take:
- Protests the “backwards” structure of Merrily We Roll Along: “I think it would be better if it went in order.” [23:23]
- Platt: “Maybe our real-time filming trick will help it make sense!” [23:42]
Discussion of Broadway Vices:
- Platt details the stress of singing, secrets to vocal health, and the time he “powered through” and had to have surgery for a vocal polyp.
  
  “One time I pushed when I shouldn’t have, and then I got a polyp... had to be silent for two weeks and take a bunch of steroids.” – Ben Platt [24:56]
- They compare performance anxiety, missed shows, and the sometimes angry reactions of tourists.
Segment: April Fools or Foolish Reality?
A news quiz where fake headlines and weird real stories blur, e.g.
- The real: “12 tons of Kit Kats stolen in Europe.” = TRUE [28:07]
- Butterfinger Top Ramen collab = FAKE [28:59]
- “OnlyFarms.gov” (not an OnlyFans for farmers, but real government PR website) = REAL [29:42]
- Pepperoni Pizookie exists—unexpectedly TRUE [30:51]
- Ben expresses disbelief: "It's a dessert with pepperoni on top." [31:03]

3. Dave & Buster’s Rats, Kosher Wedding, and Broadway at the Bowl

[32:14–35:31]

Dave & Buster’s in Hollywood closed for vermin:
- “LA has more rats than NYC,” Ben quips. [32:45]
Kosher Wedding Food:
- A practical breakdown (with cheese, but separated from meat for kosher tradition). [31:17]
- Lovett’s confession: “I’d eat the cheese, and then I’d be like, Oh my God, cheeseburgers! I’m so stupid.” [32:14]
Hollywood Bowl Performance:
- Platt on the size and impersonal vibe: “It’s cool... more like communing than really feeling individual reactions. Like everyone’s at a picnic.” [33:14]
- “Everyone’s a little liquored up, so it’s a little easier.” [33:44]

4. Pop Culture Chatter: Cats, Survivor, Reality TV

[27:24, 34:00]

Gushing (and grumbling) over Andrew Lloyd Webber, his distaste for the “Cats” movie, and how algorithms push “Survivor” content to both Lovett and Platt.
- Lovett: “Our algorithms are similar.”

5. Jimmy Tatro Joins! – Slasher Fates, Theater Camp, and Pilates Anxiety

[39:17–45:23]

Tatro on Scream 7:
- On his character’s fate: “I told everyone I was the main character so when I died it would be kind of funny.” [39:31]
- Gory comedic banter about movie deaths and “Theater Camp” deleted scenes.
Hot Yoga and Pilates Outlier:
- Observing he’s always the only man in class: “For the first couple years, I was like, maybe the guys go at a different time... Oh, so it’s just me.” [43:22]
- Platt reveals his SoulCycle phase—Lovett jokes about the gay fitness lifecycle: “When you turn 30, you go to the gym when you’re gay.”

6. Passover Quiz & Jewish Culture Primer

[45:29–52:55]

With Passover ongoing, Tatro gamely takes a crash course:

Empty Chair and Wine for Elijah:
Tatro earns laughs by answering “Grandpa” to "Who do we leave a chair for at Passover?" [46:20]
- Actual answer: Elijah.
Matzo Trivia, Seder Plate Mishaps:
- Tatro confuses applesauce (for Hanukkah latkes) with Seder plate items, then jokes about “hash browns” on the Seder. [49:25]
- Lovett clarifies: apples are for Rosh Hashanah, applesauce/latkes for Hanukkah.
Afikomen Hunt:
- Tatro guesses it’s for “cash” and “chocolate coins.”
- Platt: “It’s a piece of matzah. That’s it. In a little sleeve.” [52:00]
Everyone Wins or Only One?
Two types of Afikomen households: one for a single winner, and one where “everybody wins. You know, I bet you were from an everybody wins household. Yeah, I was too.” – Lovett & Platt [52:50]

7. Second Thoughts & Regrets

[55:48–58:04]

A regular closing feature where the hosts and guests reflect on their awkward moments and missteps from the show:

Lovett: “Do I regret reliving my traumatic camp experience to start the interview with Ben? A little.” [56:12]
Ben Platt: “It made me feel less alone.” [56:13]
Lovett: “I regret asking how Evan Hansen affected your sexual dynamic.” [56:24]
Platt: “I really regret that you’re bringing it back up again.” [56:29]
Tatro: “I would've maybe not said cash.” [57:22]
Group consensus: Segues are overrated, plowing through topics is more fun.

Notable Quotes

On Republican Scandals:
“While Kristi Noem was filming a $220 million ad campaign... the queerness was calling from inside the House.” – Lovett [05:46]
On Broadway Life:
“For boys like Jonathan, that’s why we do the musicals.” – Lovett [19:02]
“It’s like a rite of passage. I also played Oliver.” – Ben Platt [18:35]
On Passing as Jewish:
“My mom’s mom is Jewish, so everyone tells me I’m technically Jewish.” – Tatro [48:32]
On Jewish holidays and workarounds:
“A lot of Jewish holidays are about very important rules and then technical workarounds.” – Lovett [47:24]
On Hollywood Bowl vs. Broadway:
“It feels more like everyone’s having an outside picnic... everyone’s a little liquored up, so it’s easier.” – Ben Platt [33:14, 33:44]
On Afikomen Dynamics:
“One is there is a winner and the rest are fucking losers. And the other is everybody wins ... I was from an everybody wins household.” – Lovett [52:50]
On Segues:
“At times in the past, I’ve come up with funny little ways to connect [segments] ... I just kept going right to the next topic ... I think it’s working great.” – Lovett/Tatro/Platt [57:54]

Timestamps of Main Segments

[01:40]: Lovett’s satirical news monologue
[16:35]: Ben Platt segment begins
[26:02]: April Fools/Fools news quiz
[32:14]: Dave & Busters’ rats/kosher wedding food
[39:17]: Jimmy Tatro segment begins
[45:29]: Passover trivia quiz
[55:48]: “Second Thoughts” regrets & wrap-up

Tone and Style

The episode is irreverent, smart, and quick-witted, with signature Jon Lovett sarcasm, self-deprecation, and a tone that veers between earnest cultural sharing and unapologetic, campy nonsense. The banter with Ben Platt is especially warm and relatable for listeners with theater or Jewish backgrounds. The guest interactions are informal and confessional, delivering both laughs and cultural insight.

Who Should Listen?

Anyone interested in a comedic—but poignant—take on this week’s political messes, Jewish tradition explained through in-jokes and quizzes, and authentic conversations among funny, self-aware creatives about identity, performance, and modern adulthood.

End of summary.