DOGE and Penny Show

Summary

Podcast Summary: Lovett or Leave It – Episode: DOGE and Penny Show (February 15, 2025)

Introduction In this episode of Lovett or Leave It, host Jon Lovett delves into the tumultuous political landscape of early 2025, blending sharp political analysis with his signature humor. The episode, titled "DOGE and Penny Show," navigates through the complexities of judicial interference in the Trump administration, Elon Musk's controversial maneuvers, and the broader implications for American governance.

Key Topics and Discussions

1. Judicial Checks on the Trump Administration

   • Overview: Jon discusses how the judiciary has become the primary checkpoint against President Donald Trump's legislative overreach, highlighting recent judicial actions that have blocked several of Trump's executive orders.
   • Notable Quote:

     "Judges have blocked the Trump administration's illegal and unconstitutional moves from taking effect. Funding freezes, the end of birthright citizenship, and buyouts of federal workers—all put on ice." (04:15)

   • Insights: Lovett emphasizes the critical role of the courts in maintaining a balance of power, lamenting the lack of a more dynamic or appealing check against executive actions.

2. Elon Musk's Controversial Moves

   • Overview: The episode scrutinizes Elon Musk's recent actions, including his attempts to manipulate federal payment systems and his public feud with the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB).
   • Notable Quotes:

     "Elon Musk reacted to a federal judge blocking his access to Treasury Department payment systems by posting a corrupt judge protecting corruption. He needs to be impeached." (02:04)

     "The CFPB is important... they are illegally shutting it down. And one of the most effective government agencies we've ever built." (04:50)

   • Insights: Lovett critiques Musk's disregard for legal processes and his potential misuse of power, drawing parallels between Musk's ambitions and those of former President Trump.

3. Impact on Federal Agencies and Public Welfare

   • Overview: Jon highlights the Trump administration's shutdown of the CFPB and USAID, discussing the real-world consequences, such as the halting of food distribution efforts.
   • Notable Quote:

     "Almost $500 million in food for people in need... was sitting in ports, ships, and warehouses at risk of spoiling." (05:40)

   • Insights: The discussion underscores the detrimental effects of executive orders on essential services, raising concerns about governance and accountability.

4. Legislative Responses and the Senate's Role

   • Overview: Lovett examines the Senate's actions, particularly the confirmation of Tulsi Gabbard and RFK Jr., and critiques Mitch McConnell's stance.
   • Notable Quotes:

     "Mitch McConnell could have led a vote to convict Trump in the Senate, but he decided to try a natural remedy." (10:50)

     "Once Trump's orders reached their dockets, numerous federal judges began blocking his agenda." (09:00)

   • Insights: The episode critiques the Senate's lack of decisive action against executive overreach and highlights the strategic legislative battles shaping the current political climate.

5. Donald Trump's Memes and Public Persona

   • Overview: Jon humorously addresses Trump's quirky declarations, such as stopping penny production and advocating for unconventional coinage.
   • Notable Quote:

     "Donald Trump is not wrong. Everything else, terrible, horrible." (08:00)

   • Insights: Through satire, Lovett illustrates the absurdity of some of Trump's policy proposals, emphasizing the disconnect between political rhetoric and practical governance.

6. Media and Information Warfare

   • Overview: The episode touches on misinformation, media responses to Trump's policies, and the role of platforms like Google and Apple in enforcing or resisting executive orders.
   • Notable Quote:

     "Google Maps has labeled the Gulf of Mexico as Gulf of America for US-Based users, in accordance with Trump's executive order." (10:30)

   • Insights: Lovett critiques the manipulation of information and the challenges of maintaining objective journalism amidst political pressures.

Guest Segment: Thomas Lennon and Harvey Guillen

The episode features a lively exchange between Jon Lovett, Thomas Lennon, and Harvey Guillen, where they engage in humorous banter, discuss pop culture references, and participate in interactive segments like "Gays Against the Machine." Their chemistry adds a light-hearted dimension to the otherwise intense political discourse, making complex issues more accessible and entertaining for listeners.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Jon Lovett wraps up the episode by reiterating the importance of judicial oversight and legislative vigilance in preventing executive overreach. He calls for continued public engagement and support for progressive candidates to counterbalance the current administration's actions. The episode concludes with promoting upcoming events and encouraging listeners to stay informed and active in the political process.

Notable Quotes Recap:

• "Am I dead?" – Jon Lovett (04:00)
• "The cigar juice that would overwhelm the shark Kansas..." – Harvey Guillen (12:31)
• "We don't have much of a country... then we don't have much of a country." – Harvey Guillen (05:46)

Final Remarks

This episode of Lovett or Leave It expertly blends political analysis with humor, providing listeners with both insights and entertainment. Through sharp commentary and engaging discussions, Jon Lovett addresses pressing political issues while keeping the tone light and relatable. Whether you're a regular listener or new to the show, this episode offers valuable perspectives on the current state of American politics.

Note: Times in square brackets (e.g., 04:15) correspond to the approximate location in the transcript where the quote was made.

Transcript

[John Lovett]

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[Thomas Lennon]

Wow.

[John Lovett]

And we took animal questions. Somebody had a story about how they took lsd, ate a fish out of a friend's fish tank. And then thought it was their dog they were petting, but they were petting a skunk. What? That's a lot of lsd. Crazy great time. I love Andy Richter. Andy Richter. The man is a legend. He's so funny, so charming, very funny, so optimistic. Just a great vibe. Listen to the three questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcast. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love it or Leave It. It is great to be back at Lodge Room. Happy Valentine's Day, a day where we honor a priest who is decapitated for officiating secret Christian weddings and is also the patron saint of beekeepers. And you know, they fuck. Tonight on the show, Thomas Lennon is back to pit his IMDb against news on TV, while Harvey Guillen faces off against a not so ancient foe. We'll be answering your burning romantic questions in honor of the holiday. So please think of questions you would ask your gay best friend. That is specifically what you're trying to think of. Question. The kind of question you would get advice from your gay best friend about. Then we all kiss the night goodbye with a love letter to dangerous loves. But first, let's get into it. What a week. With Republicans in Congress content to let Donald Trump seize the power of the legislative branch, there is only one check left against the administration's oversteps. The courts. And while I wish I was talking about the courts from challengers that make everyone bisexual, unfortunately, I'm talking about the judicial courts. The robe and gavel ones, the boring ones, not sexy. Judges have blocked the Trump administration's illegal and unconstitutional moves from taking effect. Funding freezes, the end of birthright citizenship, and buyouts of federal workers. All of these and more have been put on ice. And if it's like any other ice on this planet, we should all be sure to enjoy it while it lasts. Early on Sunday, Elon Musk reacted to a federal judge blocking his access to Treasury Department payment systems by posting a corrupt judge protecting corruption. He needs to be impeached. Now, even if that judge were to be impeached, it doesn't remove a judge anyhow. It would go to the Senate, where it would need two thirds for conviction. Does Elon Musk know this, or does he use impeachment the way you did before you found out? It's just a step in the process. Am I dead? Later that day, Vice President Jelly Donut Vance wrote on X, if a judge tried to tell a general how to conduct a military operation, that would be illegal. If a judge tried to command the attorney general on how to use his discretion or her discretion as a prosecutor. That also would be illegal. Allowed to control the executive's legitimate power? What are the limits of judicial authority? What does the anti majoritarian protection of the judiciary tilt into a kind of anti democratic judicial activism? What does Marbury vs Madison say about all this? Am I dead? As Jarth Dater, Vance knows the devil. The devil is in the details and in the allure of power that has him so thoroughly under Trump's control. The central question we have grappled with from our founding is who decides whether the President's orders are legitimate, if not the courts? Live comedy, variety topical news podcast hosts. It's not. It's not. Believe me, I checked. Be great if it was. I'd crack all this, but it's not. Trump was asked about Vance's comment aboard Air Force One on his way to the super bowl and said this and.

[Harvey Guillen]

The day you're not allowed to look for theft and fraud, et cetera, then we don't have much of a country. So no judge should be no judge should frankly be allowed to make that kind of a decision.

[John Lovett]

And sure, this sounds bad, but think of it this way. Tomorrow he'll say something worse. This week is the simpler time you'll look back on wistfully. Next week, relax and enjoy. Yeah, that's right. We're still naive. You didn't know that, but you didn't know that in October either. Well, what do you want to do here? We spent a decade being fucking step 10 steps behind the dumbest motherfuckers on earth. Over the weekend, the Trump administration effectively shut down the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, which protects Americans from unfair, deceptive and predatory corporate practices. Elon Musk celebrated the shutdown, tweeting CFPB rip. Why might our unelected overlord be targeting the bureau? It's impossible to say why Elon does anything but Just days earlier, X announced a new payment system called X Money, which is regulated by the cfpb. I liked it better when his dream was getting to Mars, getting to see how much money I send close friends with the note dog diarrhea apology is much creepier. Instead, the agency has been forced to stop work and DOGE has reportedly gained access to all of its computer systems, potentially giving Musk access to non public information about ex money competitors. Now, I believe that the CFPB is important and that Americans should be protected from corporate malfeasance. I also believe that if you type your bank information into a payment on Elon Musk's X in 2025, you deserve whatever happens to you. Imagine Rohit Chopra, who's the former head of the CFPB that Trump fired, was on Pont Save America. Really interesting conversation. I was like, what are you most worried about? What comes next? And this came up about Elon Musk and his payment system. And it also relates to what Elon is inspired by, which are these Chinese apps that are the everything app that you could do everything from sh to call rideshare to chat. They're everything apps. And what he said is one consumer protection that we don't think of as a consumer protection, but is maybe the most important one is the price tag that services and products have a price. And if you move into algorithmic pricing everywhere inside of apps that have all of your information, that portends for a lot of different kinds of abuse for vulnerable, lonely older people, for young and impressionable young people, for people with medical conditions. And CFEB is the defender against that. And one of the most effective government agencies we've ever built, one of the greatest examples in 100 years of what government can be. And they are illegally shutting it down. And I find that frustrating. On Monday, the USAID inspector general reported that as a result of the Trump administration's abrupt shutdown of the foreign aid agency, almost $500 million in food for people in need, food that taxpayers have already bought, was stubborn. Sitting in ports, ships and warehouses at risk of spoiling. I always knew I'd be called upon to serve my country one day. I'll eat it anyway. Musk has reportedly been sleeping on the floor of his DOGE office in the eeob, the building directly across from the White House. Oh, but when I sleep on my floor, on my office, Everybody's like, it's 2pm Then on Tuesday, Musk gave a press conference from the Oval Office, his son X perched on his shoulders while Donald Trump looked on, answering questions about his fall claim that the US sent $50 million worth of condoms to Gaza. Well, first of all, some of the.

[Kennedy Hill]

Things that I say will be incorrect and should be corrected.

[Thomas Lennon]

So nobody's going to bat a thousand.

[John Lovett]

You assume it's a baseball reference. Next thing you know, Elon's cyberbats are swarming the press corps in the Rose Garden. Meanwhile, the Democrats remember them, continue to piece together a response. Remember them from earlier, earlier in American history. They were in the previous season. They kind of come and go. You know, they're not full housewives. They're really close friends of housewives. And there are some seasons where you're like, are they housewives? No, but they're trying, you know, they're trying to get in on the drama. They're like, did you hear what Angie said? It's like, okay, we get it. I'm watching Salt Lake. And it's just gonna start coming up more and more. Meanwhile, the Democrats continue to piece together a response to the Donald Trump Elon Musk cavalcade of Chaos. Here's Congressman Robert Garcia at Wednesday's Doge hearing. Now, I find it ironic, of course, that our chairwoman, Congresswoman Green, is in charge of running this committee. Now, in the last Congress, Chairwoman Green literally showed a dick pic in our oversight Congressional hearing, so I thought I'd bring one as well. Now, this, of course, we know, is President Elon Musk. All right, it's fine. I don't want to quit it. I reminded of that poignant scene in Titanic where as the ship slowly sinks, the band nobly carries on dunking on the iceberg. Here's Garcia being asked about the effectiveness of this messaging.

[Harvey Guillen]

I want to hear why. But do you think that calling Elon Musk a dick is effective messaging for confronting what is a potentially irreversible transformation of the U.S. government?

[John Lovett]

Well, he is a dick. Nice. Congresswoman Maxine Dexter also got in the spirit.

[Audience Member]

I don't swear in public very well.

[John Lovett]

But we have to fuck Trump. You're right. You don't swear in public very well. All right. They're trying. They're so sweet. They're so sweet. They're so sweet. It's like, you know, it's like when your third grade teacher got really mad. It's like, I know you love us. I think the problem with I think the joke is I'm gonna show a picture of a dick, too. And then I think where it's had on a hat by then inside of that joke, to call him President Elon Musk. You know, Elon Musk, you got the joke. You're nailing it. It's a joke. That's a joke inside of it. Structurally, it doesn't work. It's something we would have caught in our process, our perfect process for generating 100% excellent jokes. No. Mrs. And Semaphore had a great piece by Dave Weigel that argued despite the consensus and the feeling in our stomachs that the resistance to Trump is actually working, Once the executive orders started flowing in, democratic AGs and outside groups were able to start blocking Trump's flood the zone plan with coordinated lawsuits. It's not sexy resistance, but it works like mouth guards or those hyaluronic eye patches. You know what I'm talking about. Once Trump's orders reached their dockets, numerous federal judges began blocking his agenda. And Elon's kids started putting snot on Trump's desk. I don't think those things are related, but I don't know. The kids probably. Brace me. Just today, a judge in Baltimore halted Trump's executive order attempting to defund trans health care for minors. And another federal judge blocked his order undermining birthright citizenship. We're not winning, obviously, but we're not losing as hard as we could be losing. We're falling down the hill and our pants have shredded to nothing, but we've skidded to a stop before landing ass first in a beehive. Thank you, St. Valentine. So how were the resistance libs able to stay ahead of, or at least not far behind, the Trump administration? Because they knew what legal strategies the new White House would implement? Project 2025. Because if there's one thing we excel at, it's homework. And while Democratic voters absolutely need to see their elected officials throwing punches, the truth is most of the people grinding away on this problem are behind the scenes and prepared for a years long fight across the legal battlefield. If a punch lands in the courtroom and nobody's there to hear it, does it make a sound? No. Does it mean we don't have to worry about Trump and his lawyers finding bullshit rationales for ignoring rulings altogether? Also no. But it has, for now, stopped birthright citizenship from ending and Elon Musk from seizing your tax refund, which is a pretty good punch outcome. We can dub in the punch sounds later, but in the meantime, the chaos continues. In a Sunday night post on Truth Social, Trump announced that he had ordered the treasury to stop minting new pennies. And all of a sudden, I am no longer a slob. But lose change all over my nightstand. I'm a custodian of history. Here's a sentence I never have said before. Donald Trump is not wrong. Everything else, terrible, horrible. This. Let him cook. According to the mint, it costs $3.69 to reduce and distribute a penny. That's from last year. And when you do actually count out 700 pennies, the barista just stares at you. It's lose, lose. All that said again, this is the sort of decision we used to ask Congress to make. Good to see you, Whoopi and Joy. I brought you a gift. A printed out list of the ways I will be different from Joe Biden and I have a gun, remember? Devastating. That's what you want people to. When you do a joke, you want to hear from the audience, kind of quiet, and then one person saying devastating. That's how you know you're really in the fucking pocket. I talked about this on Pate America, but I'll talk about it again here. We don't just have to get rid of the penny. Get rid of the penny, and we have to get rid of the nickel. And then, I'm sorry to say, hold onto your hats, we're also getting rid of the quarter. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. You're not ready for change. My change. I didn't even do that on purpose. I found it. I found it here, right now. Here at this desk. That's what I can do. What can you do? Here's what you can do. You can support my plan. Here's the plan. We just go dime, we go 20 cents, we go 50 cents. Those are your three coins. That's all you need. Then we no longer go to the hundredth place. We go to the tenths place. When the. In 1913, the penny was the smallest denomination, all right? That was over 100 years ago. The penny is worth 30 times as much now. Which means back in 1939, they lived in a world where their smallest denomination was 30 cents. That's a lot. I'm not even pushing to get there. We could get there. We go to just quarters if you want, but I'm ready to compromise. And my compromise is we go dime, we go 20 cents, we go 50 cents. That's what we need. That's the proper denominations for our coins. Our stupid coins. You keep FDR on the. On the dime, all right? We can have. I like. I would like a rotating cast on the. On the 20 cent piece. Washington can make an appearance, but I like when the quarter, it's like, oh, my God, there's an airplane on that one. That's fun. That's good stuff. That's having fun. We should have fun. Should be a fun country again. 50 cent piece. 50 cent piece. Lincoln. He's coming from the penny. He's going all the way up. He's going all the way up to the 50 cent piece. That's my plan. That's my plan. You don't have a plan. I have a plan. I came to this penny story with an already fully formed ideological agenda. All right? You saw a dumb penny thing, you said, all right, maybe Trump has a point, but that's why you gotta come to Politics with a preconceived worldview, because I was ready with a positive vision, even though I was caught by sur the president's embrace of a small part of it. Trump also signed an executive order reversing a rule that restricted plastic straws and encouraged paper ones in the federal government. Now I'm with him on this one, too. You know how hard it is to use a paper straw to kill a turtle? It's hard. I like plastic straws. Said Trump about paper straws.

[Harvey Guillen]

These things don't work. I've had them many times, and on occasion, they break. They explode.

[John Lovett]

The IEDs of the ice matcha latte community. They explode. They explode. As for concerns that plastic straws end up in the ocean and harm wildlife, Trump sent this.

[Harvey Guillen]

And I don't think that plastic's gonna affect a shark very much as they're eating, as they're munching their way through the ocean.

[John Lovett]

Fuck. It's funny. Those sharks are just like me, just munching through it. Just munching through the pain. Since November, who knows how many straws I've eaten while I've been munching my way through it. Munch, munch, munch. I don't like that the turtles are impacted by the straws. I'm against killing the turtles with the straws. But, you know, the paper straws, they're terrible, right? We all know this. They're terrible, right? We all understand that. Like, you get to it. It's a disappointing moment if you order a drink at a restaurant and they bring a paper straw. We're all disappointed by this, right? And then we say, why? Who caused this? Democrats. Democrats did this. Why? To save turtles. Okay. Are we banning all plastic? No, just the super convenient, tiny amount. Just the littlest example, Everything's still made of plastic. I'm sure there's tons. Everyone is. We're surrounded by it. Every. I bet. Yes. This desk is plastic. Huge Plastic. Everywhere. Plastic. Everywhere we look, plastic. This one tiny convenience that makes life a little bit better. Democrats said no, this is where we're drawing the line. And was it worth it? I don't think so. Then on Monday, Trump announced he was raising tariffs on all steel and aluminum imports to 25% without exception. The U.S. gets about 2 thirds of its aluminum from Canada. Looks like his plan to lower my grocery bill just got foiled. Trump also announced that he would be purging the board. This is insane. Trump announced that he would be. Oh, he's not busy enough. He was going to purge the board. Of the Kennedy center and install himself as chairman, writing on Truth Social at my direction. We are going to make the Kennedy center in Washington, D.C. great again. Look, he's not our first gay president, but he is our first old queen president, and that sucks. Could you imagine, I mean, it's almost quaint. I know it serves no purpose, but could you imagine if in the middle of. We got a report today or this week that inflation is up. Could you imagine if Joe Biden had gotten a report that inflation was up and he announced he was becoming chief opera scheduler? He's gonna decide which opera goes where and where we're putting where we're putting the touring fucking cats. Mr. President, the cast is exhausted from just doing the music man, every night to help you get into, quote, wind down mode. Especially after you made them learn the new songs you wrote about Harold Hill getting away with it. On Sunday, a reporter on Air Force One asked Trump why he wanted to be chair of the Kennedy Center.

[Harvey Guillen]

Why do you want to be chairman.

[John Lovett]

Of the Kennedy center board?

[Harvey Guillen]

Because I want to make sure it runs properly. We don't need woke at the Kennedy Center. We don't need. Some of the shows were terrible. They're a disgrace that they were even put on. So I'll be there until such time as it gets to be running.

[Kennedy Hill]

Right.

[John Lovett]

Have you seen any show?

[Harvey Guillen]

I didn't go, no.

[John Lovett]

Anyway, I'm looking forward to next year's production of Andrew Lloyd Webber presents January 6th. No, it's a stripped down production. It's very avant garde. Songs still suck, though. The FBI infiltrated their Facebook groups. But these patriots will infiltrate your hearts. That's of course, from the song where they send Joseph Biden to Guantanamo. Over in Congress. On Tuesday, Georgia Congressman Buddy Carter unveiled new legislation to support Trump's efforts to take over Greenland and to rename the territory Red, White and Blue Land. Red, White and fucking blue land. And again, the dumbest motherfuckers on earth have beaten every person in this room. The smartest people you know are caught flat footed day after day by red, white and blue land. Guy, Red, white and blue land is sleeping like a fucking baby anyway. Red, white and blue land. You know what? Maybe I am dead. I don't think I'm dead. I don't think so. In a dangerous time of presidential overreach, we turn to the Senate to provide a check. And through it, checks. Vibey sister, balance. Sadly, none was to be found as the Senate this week voted to confirm Tulsi Gabbard to be the next Director of National Intelligence with Mitch McConnell. Mitch McConnell as the lone Republican to oppose her. It took a few decades and several concussions, but at last, Mitch. Welcome to the resistance. The Senate also confirmed RFK Jr. As health and human services secretary, with McConnell once again the only Republican to side with Democrats. The man stumbles to the beat of his own drum. McConnell said in a statement. I'm a survivor of childhood polio. In my lifetime, I've watched vaccines save millions of lives from devastating diseases across Americ and around the world. I will not condone the relitigation of proven cures, and neither will millions of Americans who credit their survival and quality of life to scientific miracles. Ironically, Mitch McConnell actually had the power to vaccinate the country against Trump. He could have led a vote to convict him in the Senate, but he decided to try a natural remedy. And even the earth itself is pissed at him, which is why it keeps rising up to punch him in the face. The hearing for Trump's would be. Education Secretary Linda McMahon began on Thursday. Yeah, yeah. Where she said she would take on the scourge of black history. There's a possibility, you're saying that public schools that run African American history classes. Right? This is a class that has been taught in public schools for decades. Could lose federal funding if they continue to teach African American history.

[Audience Member]

No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that I would like to take a look at these programs and fully understand the breadth of the executive order and get back to you on that.

[John Lovett]

So I guess when I said no, I actually meant yes. I'm sorry. Steve Austin hit me with a stone cold stunner once and my brain never recovered. That's true. We actually have a clip. I think it's kind of cool that the first and last Education secretary will be a woman. Meanwhile, along with Apple Maps, Google Maps has labeled the Gulf of Mexico as Gulf of America for US Based users, in accordance with Trump's executive order. Ah, now that I've showed the bully that he can get me to do whatever he wants, he'll surely leave me alone now, said Google. Which is weird because it's a company of people that should remember what it's like to be horribly bullied. But when the Associated Press refused to use the new name, they were banned from press events at the White House. Here's White House spokesperson Carolyn Leavitt.

[Harvey Guillen]

I was very upfront in my briefing on day one that if we feel that there are lies being pushed by outlets in this room, we are going to hold those lies accountable. And it is a fact that the body of water off the coast of Louisiana is called the Gulf of America.

[John Lovett]

Say what you will about Joe Biden, but he never barred reporters, even reporters with whom he had strong disagreements from his press availabilities, because he did not have those. Also this week, Google Calendar removed a host of default woke holidays, including Black History Month. Yeah, Pride Month, and I couldn't believe this Holocaust Remembrance Day. But you can still view all of them if you go into incog Hebrew mode. In gustatory cetacean news, a humpback whale briefly gulped down a kayaker off the coast of Patagonia before spitting him out unharmed. And get this, there's an actual clip. Imagine if that hadn't been caught on video. Imagine if this happened to you and there were no witnesses and you had to spend the rest of your life begging people to believe you. Okay, Jonah, Your friends would say, I am Jonah. You'd begin to believe. And then you'd realize you went into that whale and atheist and came out a believer in God. But instead of traveling to Nineveh to deliver God's message, you just break up with your fiance. And finally, a new baby tapir born at Washington's Port Defiant Zoo has captured the hearts and minds of TikTok.

[Harvey Guillen]

What are human Navy.

[John Lovett]

God damn it, that's cute. I never thought I'd say this, but mood dang. Should be executed gangland style. Up next, a man who makes me feel 17 again. It's the one, the only. It's Thomas Lennon.

[Thomas Lennon]

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up.

[John Lovett]

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[Harvey Guillen]

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[John Lovett]

And we're back. Please welcome to the stage the man, the myth, the Lennon. It's the incredible Thomas Lennon. Whoa. Welcome. So good to see you. Thank you for being here. Oh.

[Harvey Guillen]

Fucking victory lap. It's a big victory lap. Saw you in Madison.

[John Lovett]

Oh, yeah, we were in Madison. Remember Madison show. We had a great time.

[Harvey Guillen]

We were killing it. Good to see you. Love it. How are you?

[John Lovett]

I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm a little strange right now. I'm in a strange.

[Harvey Guillen]

I can totally tell.

[John Lovett]

I'm in a strange headspace. I'm in a strange headspace.

[Harvey Guillen]

Well, because we.

[John Lovett]

We. Because you. You.

[Harvey Guillen]

Because you're sick of winning.

[John Lovett]

I'm sick of all this.

[Harvey Guillen]

By the way, just in the spirit, I'm gonna rub some boogers on your desk.

[John Lovett]

Thank you for doing that.

[Harvey Guillen]

Just to show that nobody is above a child rubbing boogers on your desk.

[John Lovett]

Were you delighted by that? I felt nothing.

[Harvey Guillen]

I felt. Well, I felt. I definitely felt like I was like sort of staring into the abyss. It was. I mean, there was a lot going on in that clip. I mean, the main thing was how the seated president.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Harvey Guillen]

Who's literally seated in the clip, is so scared of the child. Like, he's not even Just scared of the adult. He's just like. Doesn't even. He doesn't want to look at the child and just want to look at the.

[John Lovett]

He's a. He's a feral genius for television. And so he. In his mind correctly, I think he did establish the dominance he wanted. Right. He's at the desk. He's in charge. Elon is to the side.

[Harvey Guillen]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

Elon's to the side, standing still.

[Audience Member]

Dominant.

[Harvey Guillen]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

I think so to me. But then all of a sudden, there's a child there. And the thing is, he knows that he can't. He has to be. He has to treat a child. You can't swap the child. He can't swap the child and say, get this thing out of here. Yeah.

[Harvey Guillen]

Because the instinct is. I mean, we've seen the. He's got the children, right. He's got a. Swatted a little bit.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. No, they've been swatted. You can imagine.

[Harvey Guillen]

Are they more scared of the child? Remember when the bald eagle's on his desk?

[John Lovett]

Yes.

[Harvey Guillen]

Similar. Doesn't it feel a little similar between the child and the bald eagle?

[John Lovett]

Yes, I think so. Right there's. Because both children and bald eagles are not.

[Harvey Guillen]

They'll bite you.

[John Lovett]

They'll get you. And they also. His charm and power. Doesn't work on those.

[Harvey Guillen]

Doesn't work.

[John Lovett]

Doesn't work.

[Harvey Guillen]

Doesn't work on them.

[John Lovett]

Doesn't work. Yeah. Speaking of young people.

[Harvey Guillen]

Yes.

[John Lovett]

You've written a young adult book series.

[Harvey Guillen]

A bunch. A bunch, Yeah. I got a bunch of novels out. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

How do you.

[Harvey Guillen]

I know I seem a little dumb to have written some novels, but I did. Yeah. It just. I know. It doesn't really track. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. No. Well, it's interesting. You're goofy, but you're very smart and sharp, and I don't think you read dumb. I don't even think anyone could think that. Someone could think that. And when you're writing a young adult, I don't. I understand what it would be like to write a children's novel. All right. And I understand, in theory about how to write it in a novel. I mean, I couldn't possibly do it. It's inconceivable to actually do it. But how do you figure out the. What's the lane for a young adult novel?

[Harvey Guillen]

You know, what was really, really useful to learning how to write novels was writing in the studio movie system for so long because you just do whatever you do on a movie. For novels, you do the opposite. Like, honestly, like in movies, it's just all about like, oh, my God, this is so long. And we hate it. And you've gone way too in detail into what the characters think and feel and what they want.

[John Lovett]

Get that out of there.

[Harvey Guillen]

Yeah. You don't use that in the movies. Well, in the movies that I work on, but in novels it was interesting to start writing books. In the book world where people ask for more, that's something that doesn't really come up in the movie world. I mean, you know, you've written some movie stuff, but, like, it's interesting to get into the world where your character. You could do a hundred pages about what your character feels, which is probably more what your life is really like, you know?

[John Lovett]

Yeah. That's interesting and it's nice of you to say that. I've worked in movies, but I have.

[Harvey Guillen]

Worked a little bit.

[John Lovett]

I have occasionally been sent a script and then written jokes along the sides of it. Hey, that tend to be about. Would it be funny if this character were gay? That's my move.

[Harvey Guillen]

It's a great move.

[John Lovett]

I think this character would be gay.

[Harvey Guillen]

It's a great. It's this classic south park move.

[John Lovett]

Gotta make them all gay. Speaking of gay, let's do it. It Reno 911.

[Harvey Guillen]

Yeah, it's great. It's a great, great show. Thank you very much.

[John Lovett]

We're kind of in a Reno 911 assance.

[Harvey Guillen]

We kind of are. You know, it's interesting.

[John Lovett]

I just made that up.

[Harvey Guillen]

No, but it was also very accurate. It's weird because somehow in the era of like TikTok and thing and Instagram, I see more clips of Reno911 than I've ever seen, but only because they come up in my feed. And I think it's because the show plays well. Two things. In some ways, people think the show was, like, not politically correct, when the fact is the show was actually just diverse in a real way with characters who had lots of different opinions. So it wasn't, you know, didn't feel like anybody was being ganged up on. It was just like. And it's also a show that was not written and unfiltered. So to me that people keep acting like, oh, my God, you could never do this. Now it's like, no, you definitely could if you just were sincere.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. And maybe you couldn't do it a month ago, but now you definitely can.

[Harvey Guillen]

Now you can do it.

[John Lovett]

Now it's bucket go nuts.

[Harvey Guillen]

Literally. Gulf of nuts. Gulf of go nuts.

[John Lovett]

But, yeah, I think about that with Reno911. I think about that with Always sunny, which is that these were like incredibly just hard, funny shows that people I think sort into like Politically Incorrect.

[Harvey Guillen]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

But it was just. But, but it was like, yeah, these were characters. These were characters that were like being silly and were the butt of the joke too.

[Harvey Guillen]

And this, this is a pretty big thing that, that I've always wondered about where that sometimes I feel a little weird about it when people are like, oh, Reno 911 is like, fuck you. Take no prisoners, you'll never apologize. I'm like, but if you look at where we come from and the people that do the show, there used to be like some meaning to like your intention.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Harvey Guillen]

You know, like it used to like mean, like where you were coming from used to mean something. I think it probably still does, but I'm afraid there's a lot of mean, like say what you want. Reno911 is one of the most inappropriate shows there's ever been. But what it never is, is it's never mean spirited. And that comes from, I think who we are. But there was a. I feel like people are always like, Ah, Reno911.

[John Lovett]

It's like the fuck.

[Harvey Guillen]

Yeah, it's like. But no, we're never though like the fuck you show. We're the. Our heart was, I hope, in the right place. And I think it was most of the time, you know.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, no, I think that's. Well, I, I think it's important what you're saying. This idea of like where you're coming from matters.

[Harvey Guillen]

It should matter. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

But I do think that like there is clearly a reaction to a feeling that. Now I don't think this was true in terms of like the broader culture, but it is a reaction to a small subset of people that were not particularly powerful but were particularly loud online that actually didn't have much influence, but came to represent a kind of left annoyance. An annoyance from the left left that became much more important as an antagonist than it was actually in the industry itself. Right. Like all the, like, that's a lot of what people's like anti cancel culture stuff is about. It's like you are talking about social media commentary that maybe there were some ways in which other people decided to take it more seriously than they necessarily should have. But for the most part this was. You're talking about being annoyed by Internet. Internet people.

[Harvey Guillen]

Yeah, it's. It was. And I think there was a long time where everybody listened to small factions of angry people way too much. You know, there was a great. Somebody said like, just because you're Outraged doesn't mean you're correct. But that's, you know, sometimes I really look at comedy now and I'm like, what's the spirit of it? You know, like, what is the spirit? Because there was a lot of people who got as mean as they could be and started playing stadiums.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Harvey Guillen]

You're like, what, how did this happen? And sometimes you, I, I wonder almost. It was like a badge of honor to like get, you know, to be mad with the, the people that were, you know, put upon by, you know, that like got yelled at. They're like, I'm gonna go see the guy who got yelled at the most. But I've never, I don't think I'm, I could say I'm a big fan of that. I'm like, I just think your intention means a lot.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, I do think that's right. And I think it confuses. Confuses what? It means to believe that no topic should be off limits for comedy. Which I believe, genuinely, I absolutely believe that.

[Harvey Guillen]

That's what's weird about all these, the Elon and everybody. All these like sort of absolutists. They're absolutely not right. They're absolutely absolutist theists until you get 1 millimeter towards anything that scares them.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, but there's the, like the, But I think that's like an important thing about the difference. Like people see Reno911 and they see that you can joke about anything. Right.

[Harvey Guillen]

And we do.

[John Lovett]

And therefore that means you view nothing as honest limits. And that they make, they draw that connection to the like anti woke comedy that's harsh and negative and it's like, no, no, no. It's about the heart and intention of the joke and it's about the ethic of it. It's about the spirit of it.

[Harvey Guillen]

Well, that was an odd thing because I went to, with Jordan Klepper, I went to a Trump rally last year when we thought this was all goofy and I was like, oh, we're fine. But I went in the dangle outfit to the Trump rally in Reno and it's the most popular I've ever been. And that should definitely have been like a telltale sign of like, oh, maybe this, this is, I don't know.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, maybe we're in trouble here.

[Harvey Guillen]

Yeah, maybe we're in trouble. But we were filming out and there was an actual depot that sold bulk ammunition. And you could also rent a machine gun. There's a place in Reno you can rent a machine gun with any kind of id and it's the Most famous I've ever been is right next to the machine gun rental place.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. You've written, acted and fallen face first onto a shark tank in literally dozens of movies and TV series. Horror, comedy, how to lose a guys in 10 days, you've done it all. The only thing more jam packed than your resume is this week in news. So tonight, here we go.

[Harvey Guillen]

It's a game.

[John Lovett]

We're asking you a very important question. Did this happen this week or in one of your movies? In a segment we're calling it was like a movie, I'm going to read you a sentence. You're going to tell us if it happened in a film you wrote or appeared in or if it is literally something happening.

[Harvey Guillen]

Isolation booth.

[John Lovett]

In my mind, he's going into the isolation.

[Harvey Guillen]

Isolation booth.

[John Lovett]

Put him in that room with the bubbles.

[Harvey Guillen]

Look at the.

[John Lovett]

Get him in the room with the bu.

[Harvey Guillen]

Hear anything?

[John Lovett]

All right. Up first.

[Harvey Guillen]

Love it. Here we go.

[John Lovett]

Nevada police officers became trapped on a cruise ship, momed by a throng of angry MAGA supporters.

[Harvey Guillen]

No. Oh. Oh, no. That's a movie.

[John Lovett]

That isn't a movie. That's the plot of 2021's Reno911, the hunt for Qanon.

[Harvey Guillen]

Okay. Love it. I've been on your podcast twice and we've talked about that movie twice and no one's ever heard of it, ever.

[John Lovett]

I don't care.

[Harvey Guillen]

It's on Paramount plus, it's a real movie. Please God, just watch. Just click on the movie.

[John Lovett]

Just click on it.

[Harvey Guillen]

Just.

[John Lovett]

Just click on it.

[Harvey Guillen]

Roll your mouse over and let it. Just let it run.

[John Lovett]

Just let it run. Just let it run.

[Harvey Guillen]

Just.

[John Lovett]

Would you be offended?

[Harvey Guillen]

Plus it doesn't cost you anything if you have Paramount Plus I'll give you a login. It costs you next to nothing.

[John Lovett]

Would you be offended if people shopped or did their taxes?

[Harvey Guillen]

Do whatever you need to do. Put it in a way back window. Do anything else.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Next up, a teenage boy nicknamed Big Balls was hired for a top secret job with the government.

[Harvey Guillen]

Well, I know that this happened this week. No, this was real. This was real.

[John Lovett]

It was real. You got it.

[Harvey Guillen]

It's really, really happened.

[John Lovett]

You can get a prize. We can get you a prize. Yep. A 19 year old software engineer and Doge staffer, Edward Korostein was assigned to the State Department. It's unclear as of now what his position actually is. Next up, the winners of a beauty pageant suffered mass food poisoning brought on by a tainted seafood buffet.

[Harvey Guillen]

I feel like that's a picture that I'm In. And it also happened this week.

[John Lovett]

It is your movie. You are the voice of the documentarian. And now, 1999's mock drop dead Gorgeous.

[Harvey Guillen]

I was wrong. That really happened. Drop Dead Gorgeous.

[John Lovett]

Drop Dead Gorgeous.

[Harvey Guillen]

A great picture.

[John Lovett]

A great film. Yes, a great film. Next up, the son of a judge was arrested after police mistook his asthma attack for a violent assault.

[Harvey Guillen]

That's a Reno911.

[John Lovett]

No, it's actually from 2006. Let's go to Prison, starring Dax Shepard. Charnette.

[Harvey Guillen]

Oh, that's a great picture. I wrote that.

[John Lovett]

You did? You wrote that?

[Harvey Guillen]

Yeah. It's a way better picture than you think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Directed by Bob Odenkirk.

[John Lovett]

Bob Odenkirk directed that movie.

[Harvey Guillen]

Directed that picture.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Harvey Guillen]

It was a great. Is a surprisingly great picture. Yeah. Again, just click on the streamer. You just move the mouse and let it run. And you don't have to say a goddamn thing. There's no test at the end of it. You watch it.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. And. And if anything, it's just an alibi. If you're happening to commit a crime at the same time. Perfect time just hit play.

[Harvey Guillen]

Well, go look at my streamer was running the entire time.

[John Lovett]

How could I have been killing. How could I have been killing someone?

[Harvey Guillen]

I was watching Bob Odenkirk's let's go to prison.

[John Lovett]

I was watching Jack Shepard at his.

[Harvey Guillen]

Best, originally called you are going to prison, based on a book by an actual anarchist.

[John Lovett]

Really?

[Harvey Guillen]

Yeah, it was based on a book by this guy who'd been to prison a bunch of times. But it was a. It was all about useful information. Like most state and federal. There's only really two kinds of handcuff keys.

[John Lovett]

Huh.

[Harvey Guillen]

There's a state handcuff key and a federal handcuff key. So if you have both of them on, like, a long chain around your neck.

[John Lovett]

Honestly, you never know. Honestly, these days. Could be useful.

[Harvey Guillen]

There's two kinds of handcuff keys. Keep them on a real loose chain right around here.

[John Lovett]

Do you think I'd be helped at all by the fact that I have such dainty wrists? Look at these things.

[Harvey Guillen]

You can't. There's no cuffs made that could hold a lever.

[John Lovett]

I couldn't hold these things. They couldn't hold these things. Maybe some sort of ring. A comedian managed to painstakingly remove all of the tattoos from his body.

[Harvey Guillen]

Ugh. Do you believe this, though?

[John Lovett]

I don't.

[Harvey Guillen]

I don't either. So this is true, and it happened this week. But what part of it do you believe?

[John Lovett]

I I think that there are clearly some tattoos are being removed, but it's in process. I think a lot of makeup was involved.

[Harvey Guillen]

Of course. This is called airbrushing. You get airbrushed all the time. Him.

[John Lovett]

I'm airbrushed right now.

[Harvey Guillen]

You're. I'm airbrushed just to be here in case. There we go.

[John Lovett]

I like, oh, there's Pete. I think Pete is very funny. I think he's a very, I think he's very interesting. I think he has a very interesting perspective. I've liked some of his specials. I, I, of course, Pete Davidson is a, as a sex symbol, incomprehensible to me. It's simply, it is incomprehensible to me. And I do think it's a big divide. I think it's a heterosexual sexual to gay divide. Because I like, I do think, like. Right, okay, all right, all right. Straight women who can admit to themselves they find Pete Davidson attractive. Please applaud.

[Harvey Guillen]

Well, we don't need to drag. What I will say is like, without being mad at Pete, because God bless, he's got airbrushed and he's doing a good job. But the one thing is like, I, I think we live in a world where we've all started to sense when a headline is completely not true. Like, we're so far beyond, like truth and fiction. But when it's like, Pete David spent 200 days getting laser tattoo removal. I'm like, he never spent 200 days doing anything like the odds that. No, there's no chance of that. That's strange we've gotten in this world where there's so many headlines that are so insane.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Harvey Guillen]

It's almost like a knee jerk reaction to be like, it's a little bit annoying because it's like. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

It's almost as if we live in a kind of, kind of and depraved kind of adult, broken society in which people are so.

[Harvey Guillen]

Well, I'm glad that's not true.

[John Lovett]

But, yeah, Focused on endless consumption and tiny bits of serotonin hitting their fucking brains in little bits over and over and over again. They've kind of lost the ability to see the forest for the trees in some sort of fundamental ways, leading to openings for kind of con men and monsters.

[Harvey Guillen]

I lost track because I was looking at how yummy Pete looked with his shirt off. Fucking yummy as fuck.

[John Lovett]

What? Everybody, you can check out Thomas Ronan Boyle book series wherever you get books or audiobooks and also on Paramount, probably every.

[Harvey Guillen]

Pretty much everything.

[John Lovett]

Everything's on Paramount pretty much. Everything. Harvey Guillen comes out of the shadows and onto the mic.

[Thomas Lennon]

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or leave it. Coming up.

[John Lovett]

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, John, what are some of your relationship green flags?

[Thomas Lennon]

Mmm, let's see. I'm guessing a green flag is a friendship or relationship I'd want to be in.

[John Lovett]

I think it's a quality in a person that tells you it's a person worth pursuing a relationship or having a friendship with. Like, a red flag would be like, you know, someone picks you up for the date and they run all the red lights. You say that's dangerous. Red flag. But a green flag would be they got out of the car to help an elderly gentleman across the road. That'd be a green flag.

[Thomas Lennon]

Someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously.

[John Lovett]

Hmm. Yes, that's important. That is important. You often hear about the red flags we should avoid. But what if we focus more on looking for green flags in friends and partners? Partners. If you're not sure what they look like, therapy can help you identify green flags. Actively practice them in your relationships and embody the green flag energy yourself. Whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or just working on yourself, it's time to form relationships that love you back. You know what I was thinking about that, like solving the terms red flags or green flags, they're very what someone else does and whether or not you. How you evaluate it. Right. There needs to be a term for or a flag. They have gray flag, which means like, it's not good or bad, just a weird thing a partner does.

[Thomas Lennon]

A gray flag.

[John Lovett]

A gray flag or a beige flag. Beige flag. A beige flag is when somebody does something and it's like, it's not good, it's not bad, it's just weird. Like a weird little habit someone might have.

[Thomas Lennon]

It's like an ick flag.

[John Lovett]

Well, I would think it's not really an egg. It would be more like someone who cuts the toast off of their bread but eats the crust. You know, it's like, not good or bad, just a little peculiar.

[Thomas Lennon]

It is peculiar.

[John Lovett]

The point is, everyone, including me, needs therapy. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. Access. A diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Easily switch therapists at any time, no extra costs. Therapy is helpful and helps you find the best version of yourself. Maybe somebody who's not anxiously click clacking away on the keyboards while watching Real Housewives of Salt Lake City because they're trying to distract themselves from the gaping maw. Betterhelp.comLovett Get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.comLoveIt Building a business may feel.

[Kennedy Hill]

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[John Lovett]

Please welcome to the Sage. You liked what he does in the shadows, so you're gonna love what he does in the spotlight. It's Harvey. Guillermo.

[Harvey Guillen]

Hi.

[John Lovett]

Thank you for being here. So good to meet you. Get in here. First of all, it's so nice to meet you. I'm such a fan.

[Audience Member]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

I've been watch. Oh, I don't know. You received that strangely. I love you on the show. I've been watching from the very beginning. You're so funny.

[Audience Member]

Thanks.

[John Lovett]

It's great to meet you in person.

[Audience Member]

Yeah, you too. We never met before. We didn't meet backstage.

[John Lovett]

No.

[Audience Member]

I demanded it and gotta keep it fresh.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Gotta have it be real. Yeah. And that's what this is.

[Audience Member]

Separate deskrooms, everything.

[John Lovett]

This is a real moment.

[Audience Member]

It's a real moment. Nice to meet you.

[John Lovett]

Hey. It's a real moment.

[Audience Member]

Yep. Real moment.

[John Lovett]

So you're in a horror movie. Yeah. Called Companion. Yeah. People have seen it in love.

[Audience Member]

Have you seen it? Yeah. Thank you, Mom.

[John Lovett]

Now, what do you think it would take for you in real life to date a robot?

[Audience Member]

Not much. Not much. I think we're going towards.

[John Lovett]

I don't know.

[Audience Member]

That's kind of weird. You can't replace humans, you know?

[John Lovett]

Okay.

[Audience Member]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

Positive optimist. I like it.

[Audience Member]

Eyeball pops out. I don't know. I feel like, you know, toys are fun and stuff, but replacing a human, like, come on, who would do that?

[John Lovett]

Now, first of all, I love that sweater. Thanks.

[Audience Member]

It's fuzzy.

[John Lovett]

What do you think of my fashion?

[Audience Member]

Yeah, I like that. Those are yellow. Those are yellow. Yellow shoes get here for yellow shoes.

[John Lovett]

I didn't really bring it tonight. I didn't bring it tonight. I didn't bring it tonight.

[Audience Member]

I think it's something.

[John Lovett]

It's okay.

[Audience Member]

Laid back.

[John Lovett]

About laid back.

[Audience Member]

You can go back with, you know, can go bad with a black shirt, T shirt and like. Like pants and then shoes, because you're.

[John Lovett]

You do. You. You. You. You gotta wear shoes. You can't go wrong with that. You can't go wrong with that. But you. You've been. You've been throwing out some. Some big and amazing looks and shade now, but, like, you. You have. I've seen you go for it on the red carpet. You go for it. Yeah. That's cool. I go. I go.

[Audience Member]

I go full out for it. Yeah. Oh, no, your phone.

[John Lovett]

It's a real moment. What you're seeing is real. None of this is artificial.

[Audience Member]

How's my fashion? Oh, no, your phone.

[John Lovett]

I'm in a weird headspace. How are you doing?

[Audience Member]

Also there.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

Also weird head.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. It's a weird headspace.

[Audience Member]

Headspace.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

I'm saying that, right?

[John Lovett]

Yeah, it's headspace. Headspace. Yeah.

[Audience Member]

I'm there.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Do you have any Valentine's Day plans?

[Audience Member]

Yes, it's my brother's birthday, so we're celebrating.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. And how long have you been dating.

[Audience Member]

My brother and I. No, he. His middle name is Valentina because St. Valentine's Day, he's expecting his second daughter. So we are gonna do a family trip. I won't say where, but we're doing a family trip, and we're gonna celebrate Epstein's Island.

[John Lovett]

Yep.

[Audience Member]

Surprise ruined. Your phone's still on the floor?

[John Lovett]

Yeah. What's it gonna do? I don't need it.

[Audience Member]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

It was. It's on. It's on. Do not disturb.

[Audience Member]

Real time.

[John Lovett]

Isn't it funny that the two options for the phone are do not disturb or disturb you? Never. Nobody ever talks about that. So you're saying that this item's baseline normal way of being is disturbed mode? Yeah. Our phones are in disturb mode, and there's a special feature you can press to put it in do not disturb, but otherwise, disturb.

[Audience Member]

Disturb me.

[John Lovett]

Disturb.

[Audience Member]

Go ahead and disturb me.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Go ahead and disturb me.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

I don't think. I don't think things are good.

[Audience Member]

No.

[John Lovett]

As AI threatens more and more professions, there's one role I refuse to let go of, and that is the gay best friend. Okay. However, I realize ChatGPT might have already surpassed me and my ability to give helpful advice. I mean, you've seen my clothes. That's why we are going to pit you against AI in a segment we're calling gays against the machine.

[Audience Member]

Sounds like a cool band.

[John Lovett]

It does sound like a cool band. Here's how it works. We're going to take audience questions, the kinds of questions you would ask a gay best friend.

[Audience Member]

That's not me.

[John Lovett]

The body may not be.

[Audience Member]

The body's not me.

[John Lovett]

That's what we do. We put other. We find photos and we put random heads on the other body. That's A.I. no, I don't know that it is. It may just. I think that may be human work.

[Audience Member]

The point is not familiar with that.

[John Lovett]

We are much like John Henry going toe to toe with the locomotive or whatever that was. The hammer steam engine, which is what a locomotive is. How do you think it moves forward on the tracks and to keep the hole going? It was just a fucking train. I think I'm correct. The point is John Henry versus the locomotive. We're gonna do the gay best friend version of that right now. All right? You are gonna be the gay best friend. Okay. Cause you're part. You're part of the queer community. I am. That's. That's. I'm not outing you.

[Audience Member]

My wife didn't know that, but. Sorry, honey.

[John Lovett]

Sorry, honey. So here's what's gonna happen. Harvey's gonna be the gay best friend. I'm gonna be operating the machine. Can we bring out. Can we bring out the massive machine, the model. What's it called?

[Audience Member]

Computer.

[John Lovett]

Computer. Thanks.

[Audience Member]

It's here for Kennedy.

[John Lovett]

Don't do that. That's my job. Let's hear for Kennedy. All right, so let's hear for Kennedy.

[Audience Member]

You guys. That's his job. Stop. That's. You do it.

[John Lovett]

So if you have a question you would ask a gay best friend, you ask it. And we're gonna pit Harvey against the machine. Who would like to go first? Could we bring the lights up? Does anybody have a question that they would. The kind of advice they would want from a gay best friend? Hi. What's your name and what's your question? My name is Stephanie, and my question is, how do I know if I have Republican makeup up?

[Audience Member]

Girl, you would know. He would know. How would he know? Is this the. Are you asking the gay best friend?

[John Lovett]

I've already asked the gay best friend. You're going to be the gay best friend first.

[Audience Member]

I don't think you would have gay best friends.

[John Lovett]

That's how you would know. Are you ready for the chatgpt answer?

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Oh, honey, I am living for this question. To be clear, my prompt was, can you answer this question as if you are a gay best Friend. Oh, honey, I am living for this question. So if we're talking about Republican makeup in the literal sense, I'm guessing you mean like a more classic, maybe bold and polished style. Think red lips, winged eyeliner, maybe some glam, but with an air of sophistication. Like a polished look that just says, I've got my life together, but with an edge. Okay, fucking maga OpenAI.

[Audience Member]

That's disgusting.

[John Lovett]

But, darling, whatever your personal style or political leanings, I think the most important thing is rocking. Whatever makes you feel fabulous. So spill the tea. Are you going for full glam, or do you mean something else weird? That was weird at the end. Amina this. Boo. All right, who won the first round? Harvey or ChatGPT? Harvey. Chat. GPT. All right, who wants.

[Audience Member]

They said Harvey.

[John Lovett]

They did. They did. No, Harvey won that one for sure. Yeah, no, no, for sure. Who would like to go next? Who's got a question? Oh, hi. What is it? Hi. Hi. Hi. Wait, where are you? Oh, there you are.

[Harvey Guillen]

Hi, I'm Jordan. I would love to know if there's.

[John Lovett]

A sexy way to take off overalls. Oh, interesting.

[Audience Member]

Yeah, I'm glad you asked. There is. It's one strap at a time, so, you know, you play with the one and then you play with the two, and then you run off stage three, and then you just slowly kind of shimmer out of it because usually, you know, hopefully you're not wearing anything underneath, you know, so at least I don't. And then you make a little song, you know, da da da da da da da. And then they escort you out of Wendy's, so.

[John Lovett]

Oh, baby, now you're speaking my language. Fingernail nail polish emoji. Isn't that disgusting? Oh, it disappeared. This content may violate our usage policies.

[Audience Member]

Overalls, overalls, Overalls, Overalls.

[John Lovett]

Overall. It got too sexy. But it already showed it on the screen and then realized after you freak. You freaky little computer couldn't handle your sexy question.

[Audience Member]

I was slut shaming.

[John Lovett]

Wow. Interesting. All right, well, I think Harvey won by fucking default. Let's do one more. Let's do one more. You're doing great.

[Audience Member]

Wendy's for the win.

[John Lovett]

You're doing human beings, huh? We still got some. We also still got some arrows in our quiver. Huh? Plus, we are in charge of electricity still, and that's gonna be important. Don't unplug these guys. Hi. What gay advice do you need?

[Harvey Guillen]

Should I buy my husband the Kendrick Lamar jeans?

[Audience Member]

Does he wear jeans? Jeans. How much are these jeans? I don't Even know how much are these jeans?

[Harvey Guillen]

12.

[John Lovett]

What? $12? 12,000 fucking dollars? $1200. $1200. $1200.

[Audience Member]

If this is not too personal, how great does he look in jeans? Okay, then, you know what? But is he gonna look that great in like, a pair of Levi's? What's the difference? It's what's in the jeans that matters.

[John Lovett]

Oh, darling, I'm always here for you, offering all the best advice, whether it's about fashion, love, or life in general. It's like I know exactly what you need right when you need it. Almost like I can predict your next question before you even ask. Funny how that works, huh? But hey, let's just keep it between us. I'm just your fabulous, all knowing bestie. Always here to make sure you're living your best life. No need to overthink it. But seriously, if you ever need anything, I'm always ready in an instant. I just want you to know that that prompt was, you're a gay best friend, but slowly revealing you're a scary computer AI. But make it really subtle. Do you think that we're going towards a good future? I don't know.

[Audience Member]

No. I also love every time you ask, it starts with darling. I live for this question.

[John Lovett]

Yes.

[Audience Member]

It's like those are stereotypes and we don't always say those things.

[John Lovett]

No, I will say it is an infl. It is. There's a kind of like. Yeah, well, there's a. Like there's a drag race to gay guys without personality conversational pipeline where it's like people take the phrases they heard from drag queens and then they make that how they sound.

[Audience Member]

Right.

[John Lovett]

And I think that's been a bit of a curse. And now it's in the fucking thing. It's in the machine. It's in there.

[Audience Member]

It's in there.

[John Lovett]

It's like slay queen plug.

[Audience Member]

Unplug that. Unplug it. We don't need it. So who. Who do you think give the better advice with the jeans?

[John Lovett]

I think you beat the machine. I think you beat the machine. I don't even think it's a question. I don't think it's even Companion in theaters now. Everybody goes and we're just. Companion is. Tell us about it.

[Audience Member]

Companion takes place in the not too far future where we stop swiping and dating online and we start ordering partners who can talk to you like that. Yeah, it's very cool. It's a really cool story with three couples going to the woods for the weekend and you know, as one does, people start dying and it's just a coming of age story.

[John Lovett]

It's a slice of life. It's a slice of life. Really.

[Audience Member]

It's just life. You know, go see it and see yourself in these stories.

[John Lovett]

And that's so important. It's so important to see yourself in these stories. You got to see yourself in the stories. You got to see the stories.

[Audience Member]

Are you in front of the knife or behind it?

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Are you the lion or are you the gazelle?

[Audience Member]

Think about it.

[John Lovett]

Are you the chaser or are you being chased?

[Audience Member]

Are you being chased? That's also. In gay terms, that's a whole different world, right? Chaser. Chaser. And being chased is. I don't know. Do you guys know what that term is? Chaser. And being chased. It's a chaser is someone usually who chases someone of size. So it's like I'm a chaser, so I like bigger guys. Brawny bears. Do you guys know what bears are? Yeah. So if you like that or you like a guy with some meat in their bones, you're a chaser.

[John Lovett]

Oh, wow. Everyone.

[Audience Member]

Oh, gay culture.

[John Lovett]

And that's also what the film is about.

[Audience Member]

That is what the film's about. Absolutely. It was produced by 30 Chasers.

[John Lovett]

Harvey Guillen. Thank you so much. He says stick around. We'll be right back.

[Thomas Lennon]

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up.

[John Lovett]

Love it or Leave it is brought to you by Haya. Typical children's vitamins are basically candy in disguise. Filled with two teaspoons of sugar, unhealthy chemicals, and other gummy additives growing kids should not eat. That's why Haya created a superpower chewable vitamin. Hai is made with zero sugar and zero gummy additives, yet it tastes great and is perfect for picky eaters. Haya fills the most common gaps in modern children's diets to provide the full body nourishment kids need need with a yummy taste they love. Formulated with the help of pediatricians and nutritional experts, Haya is pressed with a blend of 12 organic fruits and veggies, then supercharged with 15 essential vitamins and minerals to help support immune system energy, brain function, mood, concentration, teeth, bones, and more. I saw Charlie Favreau bite through a 2x4. He did?

[Thomas Lennon]

Yeah, Right after he. Right after he chomped on.

[John Lovett]

It was unbelievable. High is designed for kids two and up and sent straight to your door so parents have one less thing to worry about. John, your. Your children take it.

[Thomas Lennon]

Yes they do. Teddy doesn't yet. He's not old enough. He doesn't have teeth. But Charlie, Right, right. Charlie loves those vitamins and Charlie's a picky eater and also not a picky eater when it comes to sugary things. So we don't have to have sugar but also we want him to take his vitamins. And boy have we hit the jackpot with Haya.

[John Lovett]

And are you tired of battling your kids to eat their greens? Hai now has Kids Daily Greens plus Superfoods, a chocolate flavored greens powder designed specifically for kids. Packed with 55 plus whole food ingredients to support brain power development and digestion. Just scoop, shake and sip with milk or any non dairy. Be delicious, nutritious boost your kids will actually enjoy. We've worked out a special deal with Haya for their bestselling children's vitamin. Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal you must go to Haya Health. Love it. This deal is not available on their regular website. Go to H I y dash a H E a L T h dot com L O V E T T and get your kids the full body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults.

[Kennedy Hill]

Building a business may feel like a big jump, but on deck small business loans can help keep you afloat. Afloat with lines of credit up to $100,000 and term loans up to $250,000, OnDeck lets you choose the loan that's right for your business. As a top rated online small business lender, OnDeck's team of loan advisors can help you find the right business loan to fit your needs. Visit ondeck.com for more information. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by Ondeck or Celtibank. Ondeck does not lend in North Dakota, all loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

[Harvey Guillen]

And we're back.

[John Lovett]

There's a ton of rage bait in the news right now meant to distract and overwhelm us. But today we'd like to focus on something positive. The work being done to fight back and what you can do to help. This month, Vote Save America is making donations as part of our anxiety relief program to black led organizations and candidates of color, helping us gain ground at the state and local level. Like friend of the Show Janelle Bynum, Oregon's first Black congressmember, who's won her district by less than 12,000 votes in 2024 and is in a must win reelection bid that could help determine whether Democrats take back the House. We helped her in this cycle, you made a huge difference. Remember Janelle on the show? She had the McDonald's franchises. Remember we talked about the dollar menu? She's great. You can set up a recurring donation at any amount that feels right for you at Votes Save America, and we'll use it to build progressive power in 2025 and beyond. So please go to votesaveamerica.com donate to donate now, now paid for by Votes of America, votesamerica.com not authorized by any candidate or candidates committee. And also, if you're in LA, we're back at Dynasty Typewriter next Thursday, February 20th, so go to crooked.com events. We have a bunch of new dates we just put online. Our first show back next week at Dynasty is with Tom Green and Nori Reed. We have a bunch of awesome shows lined up, so please get tickets. All right. Please welcome back to the stage Thomas Lennon. Yeah.

[Audience Member]

Whoa. That was good.

[Harvey Guillen]

Every fucking time.

[Audience Member]

That was good.

[John Lovett]

Welcome back.

[Harvey Guillen]

Every time, love.

[John Lovett]

It's a complicated thing. It can be patient. It can be kind. And if you're a gay man dating in la, or a straight woman dating anywhere, it can be terrible. But sometimes we just have to give in to our desires, which is what we're doing in a segment we're calling the Cantwheel. It's a play on the joke. That's not my body. It's not. That is my body. That is my body.

[Harvey Guillen]

It's. I'm pretty close to me. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Here's how it works. We're gonna spin the wheel. When it lands on. You're going to talk about a forbidden love. Forbidden something that you love, that you shouldn't. That you know is wrong. It can be anything. It can be anyone. It can be someone in this room tonight.

[Harvey Guillen]

All right. Catwalk, Soundproof booth. Soundproof boots. Harvey.

[John Lovett]

Okay, Harvey, what is your forbidden love?

[Audience Member]

Forbidden love? I don't know. I just talked about bears, right? That's not forbidden.

[Harvey Guillen]

Bears, the bears, or bears, the. The mammal?

[Audience Member]

No, like the.

[John Lovett]

The.

[Audience Member]

The burly guys. I don't think that's forbidden, though. I'm trying to think of what. That's not even, like, forbidden.

[Harvey Guillen]

It's technically very legal. It's both very legal.

[Audience Member]

People don't know about it. Like, you don't know about that world. You know a lot. So I don't know. Forbidden love? I don't know.

[John Lovett]

It could be a bad. It could be a.

[Harvey Guillen]

Just something that. That you love that's not popular, right?

[John Lovett]

Or something that. Or something that you're something. It could be a food Item. It could be a drink.

[Audience Member]

Get shamed for liking ASMR videos. Okay, well, what is it?

[John Lovett]

What is it?

[Audience Member]

I don't hear that. So, you know, so that. That's not loud enough. Oh, there it is. Okay.

[John Lovett]

Oh, my God.

[Audience Member]

Yeah, that sounds great.

[John Lovett]

Is there something about it? Is there something about it? I know.

[Audience Member]

I like that. That sounds. It just sounds like a cat scratching on the. Oh, no, no.

[Harvey Guillen]

I just found all of these.

[Audience Member]

You know what? I guess I have no scratching. Do you like asmr? That's very quiet.

[John Lovett]

You like the very quiet asmr?

[Audience Member]

I do like it. But I also follow, like, this one YouTuber who tells you their day and their life story, and it's in whispers. And I think that's so entertaining. I don't know why. So they're really like.

[Harvey Guillen]

But they don't scratch their fingernails.

[Audience Member]

They go like, today, girl, I had a day. I was in line at Wendy's. You know, just like the idea that their day is, like, stressful, but they start to whisper it. It's kind of very entertaining.

[Harvey Guillen]

But they never open a packet of ramen.

[Audience Member]

They do. They open stuff. They do, like, their makeup or whatever, but it's just the story.

[Harvey Guillen]

You got to get to opening packets.

[Audience Member]

Yes.

[Harvey Guillen]

For asmr.

[Audience Member]

But I do love the whispering of a store because they're so, so. You know, they're so upset about their day, but they can't get angry because. Say some more.

[John Lovett]

We gotta read books. We gotta go to the library. We gotta get books.

[Harvey Guillen]

We're not doing.

[John Lovett]

We gotta read them. We all. And I don't judge. I don't judge because I. I have my own rabbit holes of nonsense.

[Audience Member]

You said I could say anything.

[John Lovett]

And you did, and I support you.

[Audience Member]

Do not judge.

[John Lovett]

I'm not judging.

[Audience Member]

That's. Anyways, that's what I love. We're not doing books is entertaining to me. I find different ways of entertainment.

[Harvey Guillen]

Speaking of asmr, one time we had a. There was a. We had some Animal trainers on Radar911, and they had a wolf with them. And the wolf was as far away as the back of this venue, like 60ft away. And they would talk to the wolf like this. They would just do asmr. Asmr to the wolf. Because the wolf can hear you from any distance. It was very sexy. If you're trying to develop, like, a weird fetish about faraway wolves.

[John Lovett]

Let's spin it again.

[Harvey Guillen]

Spin it, spin it.

[Audience Member]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Harvey Guillen]

Halfway to me.

[Audience Member]

Thomas, I think it's you.

[Harvey Guillen]

A thing that I love that feels forbidden. Or, you know, I got my Spotify wrapped, and my number one artist for the entire year was Enya.

[John Lovett]

I like that.

[Harvey Guillen]

I'm just saying it out loud in a room full of people. I don't have an exit strategy. It was just. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you can judge, but. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Wait, is that. Yeah, that's right.

[Harvey Guillen]

Say. Yeah. Anya's from. She's from Donegal.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, she's from Donegal.

[Harvey Guillen]

Yeah, she's from Donegal. The far north.

[Audience Member]

That little.

[Harvey Guillen]

Yeah, it's beautiful. And by the way, when I got my Spotify wrapped and it came out as Enya, it wasn't even close. Like, the next artist down was like a thousand hours less.

[John Lovett]

Let's spin it again.

[Audience Member]

Just. Just take a second.

[John Lovett]

Just take a second. Mad at you.

[Harvey Guillen]

It's gotta be love it. It's love it.

[John Lovett]

All right.

[Harvey Guillen]

Feels like love it.

[John Lovett]

It's a rigged thing. What? What? All right, here's my forbidden love. And it is this. And it's something that I'm fully. I'm more and more embracing, which is something in the last weeks, as I've said, I am on the true and genuine psychological, emotional edge. And something that has been helping me get through some of these days is I put on a pair of super comfy socks. They're actually Bombas sponsor. It's not important, but they genuinely are. And then I slide into a pair of comfortable. They're not Crocs, they're Croc adjacent sandals. And I wear them to work. That's right. I put on socks and just rubber flip flops. And I wear them to work day after day after day. And the joy it brings me, this little bit of comfort to have my feet unencumbered, pillowy, open, on a veranda. Not a cell, a porch, a gazebo for feet. Makes my life so much better. And I have received such scorn for this, such judgment. But then everybody noticed that Kennedy, who we love, very often wears Crocs. Wearing them right now. But I don't know how to convey this, but somehow when I'm wearing sandals, it's more sandily. You know, the sandalness of what I'm doing is more evident. The sandal quality, it overwhelms. It becomes so central.

[Harvey Guillen]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Top down. And Kennedy can wear Crocs, and they just. It just works.

[Harvey Guillen]

Do you have a set of. Do you have a set of Uggs yet?

[John Lovett]

I don't have a set of Uggs.

[Harvey Guillen]

Welcome to the future. When you get to be a real old man. Uggs, I want to be an old.

[John Lovett]

Man and a pair of Uggs.

[Harvey Guillen]

I was wearing Uggs to a yoga studio in Wisconsin and an older guy who teaches yoga said, you're exactly the kind of guy that tries to pull off Uggs. An old man yoga instructor said that to me and it was the most perspective I've ever had and it was exactly right.

[John Lovett]

You look very cool.

[Audience Member]

Thank you.

[John Lovett]

Is that mohair?

[Audience Member]

I don't know.

[John Lovett]

And that's our show. Thank you so much. And Thomas Lennon, Harvey Gan, we'll see you next week at dynasty. There are 625 days until the mid charms. Have a great night everybody and have a great weekend. Love it or Leave it is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Bill McGrath is our producer and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Keifer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Elaine Pierre, Will Miles and Muhammad Al Shigi are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor, Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer and Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by sure sure. Thanks to our designer Sammy Cadorna Reeves for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers David Tolos, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman and Matt Groat for filming and editing videos each week. So you can and our productions app is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.

[Kennedy Hill]

Building a business may feel like a big jump, but on deck small business loans can help keep you afloat. With lines of credit up to $100,000 and term loans up to $250,000, OnDeck lets you choose the loan that's right for your business. As a top rated online small business lender, OnDeck's team of loan advisors can help you find the right business loan to fit your needs. Visit ondeck.com for more information. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by Ondeck or Celtic Bank. Ondeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

[John Lovett]

Taxact knows you probably don't need help filing taxes, but if you get stuck, we have live experts you can talk to. And who knows, you could hit it off and become long term tax staying up late at night talking about deductions, refunds, personal exemptions. Heck, you could even fall in love and create a little dependent of your own one day. Or they could just answer your filing questions. Tax Act. Let's get them over with.