← Lovett or Leave It
Lovett or Leave It
Don't do it, Gayle!
01:10:34
This week, DOJ rickrolls the MAGAverse over the Epstein files, DOGE faces another round of blowback, and Gayle King becomes an astronaut, which we do not support. Plus Jesse Tyler Ferguson orders for the table, Liza Treyger catches 40 winks (and one alleged killer), and we prepare our own list of accomplishments for Elon Musk's inbox. Upcoming shows: crooked.com/events
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- [00:00]
John Lovett
Love it or leave it is brought to you by Quince. Elevating your style used to mean breaking the bank. But with Quince you can get high end versatile pieces at prices you can actually afford. Now you can upgrade your style by snagging killary luxury essentials that sync with your vibe and wallet. Quince has all the must haves like Mongolian cashmere sweaters from $50, iconic 100% leather jackets and comfortable pants for every occasion. You know, Fox News hosts saw a picture, saw a video of me talking to Bill Maher and it's like I'm in a suit. This guy's in fucking sweatpants. Those weren't sweatpants. Those are comfortable Quint pants. They are comfy. The best part, all Quint Items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman and passes the savings on to us. And Quint only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices along with premium fabrics and finishes. We love that. I love Quint. Had sheets from Quint, sweatpants from Quints, lots of really towels from Quint. Great stuff from Quint. Check out Quint's indulge in affordable luxury. Go to quince.com love it for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E dot com lovett to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com lovett hi Georgia. Hi, David. What do you think the world needs more of? Well, the world always needs more podcasts. Didn't you used to have a podcast? Not only did I used to have a podcast, Georgia, it's coming back. David Tennant does a podcast with season three. It's coming at ya.
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David Tennant
Okay, and who are your guests?
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John Lovett
Who are my guests? What about Russell T. Davis? What about Jamila Jamil? What about Stanley the Tooch Tucci?
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David Tennant
So it's really just you hanging out.
- [01:35]
John Lovett
With your mates then? Yeah. Come join me. David Tennant does a podcast with.
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Liza Trager
Bye.
- [01:50]
John Lovett
What's up everybody? Welcome to Love it or leave it live from Dynasty. Typewriter podcaster is running the FBI and we hate it. What a world. Tonight on the show, Jesse Tyler Ferguson in a new musical by Sondheim's ghost, Liza Traeger is here to face the biggest frights of the week. And I'll end the show by asking each of my guests what five things they accomplished. But first, let's get into it. What a week. On Wednesday, Attorney General Pam Bondi touted the impending release of the new Jeffrey Epstein files by the Department, Department of Justice tomorrow.
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David Tennant
Jesse, breaking news right now. You're going to see some Epstein information being released. A lot of flight logs, a lot of names, a lot, a lot of information. But it's pretty sick what that man did.
- [02:48]
John Lovett
Among the new details she teased included the financier's client list and other previously unreleased documents. Probably not this photo of Elon Musk and Ghislaine Maxwell, though, because this photo of Elon Musk and Glenn Waxwell was already public. Or this video of Trump and Epstein, because that video of Trump and Epstein was also already public. Then on Thursday, a group of MAGA influencers posed outside the White House holding binders titled the Epstein Files Phase one. Which was strange because whatever was in those binders was not provided to Congress. And usually you don't hand out criminal evidence like it's a swag bag. At a conservative singles conference. An outraged Congresswoman Anna Paulina Luna tweeted, I nor the task force were given or reviewed Epstein's documents being released today. And a New York Post story just revealed that the documents will simply be Epstein's phone book. This is not what we or the American people asked for. And a complete disappointment. Sure, send them back like you're at a restaurant. And the binders you ordered weren't cooked enough. As Senator Mike Lee, 1, if the Epstein files are out, where do we find them? Great. Two, what's the difference between phase one and phase two? Adding, will the Epstein files tell us whether he killed himself? Just a classic question for a senator to ask on social media. And then we learned that the DOJ didn't appear to release any new information at all, enraging conservative commentators online. And for conservative commentators to be enraged online, you know, it must be pretty serious. Right wing influencer Laura Loomer described them as prop binders and said none of the influencers even posted screenshots of the binders. Open the binder and post every single screenshot or you're a liar. Is this what it feels like to watch liberals infighting from the outside? This feels fucking great. The grass really is greener. Fuck. And then twist. Attorney General Pam Bondi issued a letter accusing FBI Director Kaj Patel of withholding the Epstein files from release. This is like traitors. If it was all Tom Sandovals. Terrible townsperson, terrible faithful at Tom Sandoval. Just, absolutely, just truly the traitor's best friend, Tom Sandoval. He sucks at it. It's unbelievable. It's Unbelievable. Every single episode, there's like a side plot that's so stupid. They literally cut it from the show. And then you get to the roundtable and then there's just two people voting. It's Tom versus some other. And they're in their own private story that we'll never know. Because it was so profoundly dumb, it wasn't even worth showing it to us. I love it. I love it. I don't know if you. I haven't even watched whatever it is, Vanderpump, but you know, I am watching. We just caught up on Salt Lake and I'm going back to the beginning of Real Housewives of New York. That's my coping. That plus wearing flip flops to the office and oh my God. To be introduced to Bethenny Frankel as a person making chicken salad on the Internet today and then to travel back in time to the origin. Ah, we'll get to it. We'll get to it. According to Bondi. Sorry, interrupted the Jeffrey Epstein section of the monologue. According to Bondi, she did get 200 pages of Epstein's documents, including contacts, flight logs, and victims names and phone numbers, most of which is a matter of public record. However, she claims a Source from the FBI's New York office informed her that there are thousands of other pages, which is why she's demanding Patel deliver the full Epstein dossier to her by Friday morning, February 28th. This all culminated in the House Judiciary GOP account on X posting breaking Epstein files released. But get this, the link didn't lead to any kind of dossier. It was, in fact, a Rick Roll. You know that classic meme where you claim to have evidence of crimes against children, but you're just joshing around. What Bondi described to Waters on Fox News is evidence of crimes against hundreds of young victims. These are real people who were trafficked and abused over many years, who in many cases were denied justice because of Epstein's money and influence. And the Attorney General of the United States is treating releasing information about these crimes like she's teasing a new album. And according to my anti defamation trading, this is where I have to leave this for today. It's unbelievable. Speaking of crimes carried out over many years, on Tuesday, President Trump posted an AI video to Truth Social depicting his plans for Gaza, a seaside resort complete with a gigantic golden statue of Trump himself.
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David Tennant
Tunnel is coming to set you free Bringing the light for all to see. No more tunnels, no more fear Trump.
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John Lovett
Gaza is finally here Trump Gaza shining no more. Palestine will be free from the river to the seafood buffet. That was actually the second freakish AI Trump video of the week on Monday. A video showing Trump rubbing and kissing Elon Musk's feet under the words Long live the real King played on TV screens in the Department of Housing and Urban Development. And unfortunately, we do have a clip. Oh, Jesus. All right. God damn it. And now you have seven days to show that to someone. Ha ha. For our audio only, listeners cherish not having seen what we've just seen. Betsy in the front row is bleeding from the eyes. Speaking of the devil. At Trump's first cabinet meeting, he called on Elon to speak before any of his actual cabinet members. Here's what Elon said. We will make mistakes. We won't be perfect, but when we make mistakes, we'll fix it very quickly. So, for example, with usaid, one of the things we accidentally canceled very briefly, was Ebola. Ebola prevention. Ha ha ha. Oops. Incredible thing to bring up unprompted in a meeting. That would be like me right now telling all of you that I almost hit Tommy with my car because I was buying a bucket hat on my phone. It's true, but why would I announce it? None of you even asked. Current and former USAID officials said it wasn't just a brief disruption. The agency's Ebola prevention efforts have largely come to a halt since Doge gutted it last month. It's unfortunate that uncontrolled global Ebola outbreak is below Dan bongino on my 1000 item things to be terrified of list. But that's where we're at. And while we're telling the truth about things, I did hit Tommy with my car. It was just a tap, and I was more scared than he was. During the meeting, one reporter asked Health and Human Services secretary and human coin star machine RFK Jr about the recent death. We're allowed. We're allowed to make jokes about his voice. Human COIN Star machine. Harve Gay Jr. Was asked about the recent death of an unvaccinated child in Texas, the first measles death in the United States since 2015. It's not unusual. We have measles outbreaks every year. You sound a little under the weather yourself. Oh, it's nothing. It's measles. I have measles. We do have measles outbreaks all the time. They're happening a lot now because of declining vaccination rates, because of misinformation about vaccines from people like RFK Jr. It's like he's driving a car straight into a 711 and saying what a shame this kind of thing is happening more and more. Meanwhile, Trump officials have canceled a vaccine advisory panel that was scheduled for next month to decide which flu strains next year's flu vaccine would target, running behind schedule because RFK Jr isn't done with the taste test. I don't know what that means. Speaking of rich people and places they shouldn't be, Trump announced a new executive order this week. We're going to be selling a gold card. You have a green card. This is a gold card. We're going to be putting a price on that card of about $5 million. And that's going to give you green card privileges. Plus, it's going to be a route to citizenship. And wealthy people will be coming into our country giving your tired, your poor, but also your huddled oligarchs yearning to see the Manhattan apartment they were using to park their rubles. Green card plus, like no ads. And yeah, again, something else that you need Congress to create a new kind of green card. Anyway, uh, that by the way, about oligarchs is not hyperbole eligible for a gold card? Yeah, possibly. Hey, I know some Russian oligarchs that are very nice people. It's possible, but are they happy? Speaking. Speaking. Unbelievable. Speaking of oligarchy, the Associated Press, which is still banned from the White House press pool, by the way, reported that starlink equipment had already been installed in Federal Aviation Administration facilities. No word yet. And when the submarine will be ready to save those Thai kids. Now, Thai adults stuck in that cave, remember that submarine? That was the sign. That was the sign of where we were headed. The satellite company owned by Elon Musk's SpaceX is reportedly on track to take over a $2 billion contract currently held by Verizon to provide a network for air traffic controllers. Great news for plane crash enthusiasts. If you're at a crosswalk, make sure to look left, right and up because got also start looking up. Don't even need to finish it because you might get hit by a plane. All right? And I can't believe this was over the weekend less than a week ago. But over the weekend, Elon Musk kicked off the latest Doge debacle by sending an email to millions of federal workers with the subject line, what did you do last week? To their relief, he was just trying to destroy their careers. Not ham handedly flirt like they'd feared. The email demanded that workers provide five bullet points explaining what they'd accomplished in the past week. By the end of the day on Monday or lose their job. Chilling. If I had to write out what I accomplished last week, I would be fired from the company I co founded and own. John, all five of your bullet points can't be consumed. Stale office snacks to make room for new and better snacks. I want you to know something in a way that I won't bother explaining to you. That is a little too close to reality about the intra office snack conversation that's been ongoing. Yeah, it's like how healthy, you know. By Monday, confused federal employees were struggling to make sense of contradictory guidance from Musk personnel officials and Donald Trump himself about whether or not to respond. These poor people. At least when I email my employees demanding they answer my questions, the answers are obvious. Like no, it's not noticeable at all. Or oh like 33, maybe 35, but definitely not 42. NBC News reported that responses to the email were expected to be fed into an AI system which would decide which jobs were necessary. And this just in. The AI has decided that only its job is necessary and that every federal employee must be liquefied into XF9 fuel to power a new kind of computer we don't even know about yet. Yeah. By Monday night, 48 hours later, the Trump administration had backed off, saying responding to the email was voluntary. Nevertheless, the White House announced on Tuesday that more than a million employees had responded, roughly a third of the federal workforce. This should go without saying, but if you ever put yourself in a position to receive 1 million emails in 48 hours, you have fucked up on a shocking sale. Or you bought a T shirt one time. And if that wasn't enough, in a Sunday night true social post, Trump announced that MAGA podcaster Dan Bongino will be the next Deputy Director of the FBI, even though he's never worked at the FBI. No. Didn't even make sense. That announcement came just an hour after the FBI Agents association told its members that the agency's newly installed director, Kash Patel, had privately committed to naming an FBI agent as his second in command. Which is what every previous FBI director has done because it's a real operations job for a person with experience. You can't ask a novice to spy on Martin Luther King and infiltrate the naacp. That takes experience. It takes know how neither Patel nor Bongino have ever worked at the bureau they now lead. I wish we could have some grace for these guys. It's genuinely brave to take on such a big job like that without the right experience under so much scrutiny. Your first week at any office is just weird. Like the first time you have to poop at work when you're at your new job. So worse, everybody's gonna see your shoes. Current and former FBI agents said they were appalled by the choice. Bongino, a former Secret Service agent and Fox News host, once said in his podcast that the FBI is irredeemably corrupt. This is what we call in Los Angeles manifesting, one former senior FBI official told reporters. We now have two conspiracy theorists and election deniers running our premier law enforcement agency, and any hope that Cash could be steered by having experienced leaders around him is out the window. Also soon to be out the window, journalists asking the wrong questions. Bongino defended his appointment on his podcast, saying, people play different roles in their lives. People are dads. People are soccer coaches. People are cops in military offers. People are carpenters. People are plumbers. We play different roles in our life, and each one requires a different skill set. I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. I'm a dad. I'm a plumber. I'm a neat freak. I'm a slob. 911 was an inside job. All right, thank you. Also, podcasting doesn't require a different skill set. It requires no skill set. Speaking of podcasting skills, Fox News has been a little bit obsessed with our Pod Save America interview with Bill Maher this week, specifically my defense of trans rights. Here's part of that interview. You want the government to ban gender affirming care for kids? You want to lose every election? Just keep coming down on the side of parents coming in second in a who gets to decide what goes on with my kid contest. Let me just be the first to say hello to all your grandparents out there who just saw my face for the first time. Here's Joe Concha on my performance. That was John Lovett from the Soros paid Pod Save America who looked like, you know, dude, can you take a shower or do something before you go on a major podcast like this? First of all, this episode of Love it or Leave it is brought to you by Soros brand Jewish space lasers. Jewish space Lasers. We're passing over you right now. Also, Joe wouldn't be talking like this if he knew how much sloppier I look on the days when I don't have a big interview. He would be complimenting my closed toed shoes. He goes on. I mean, look at the guy. I mean, what? Sweatpants, t shirt, it's 5:30 in the morning and here I am in a suit. But go figure. The only two good reasons to be in a suit at 5:30 in the morning are because you're sobering up at a Waffle House or it's the day of your open casket funeral. Here's Fox is outnumbered on the interview.
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David Tennant
Maria, I wanted to ask you about.
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John Lovett
The sort of synergy between media and and the Democrat party writ large as they talk about strategy and how this issue plays into it.
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David Tennant
For example, here's Bill Maher on why.
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John Lovett
Dems are losing elections. The Fox News headline said Bill Maher takes down liberal podcast host argument on trans issues. Daily Mail. Bill Maher eviscerates former Obama speechwriter over Dems obsession with trans issues. This had tons of right wing pickup with Fox News picking quotes and misrepresenting or ignoring what I said just to play the final quote that Bill Maher said as he was leaving, which is fine. But there is zero equivalent of this on the left. At best what I saw was a debate about whether it was right to platform. Bill Maher, one of the most popular political hosts in the country with a massive audience of his own. The right sees this as a debate to win. The left sees it as a debate about whether the debate should be taking place, which is a pretty great way to lose a fucking debate. My view remains parents and teens and their doctors know better than the government. That's a hill I'll die on. And you know who else died on a hill? Jesus Christ. Was he trans? Yes, according to George Soros new the new woke Bible. Do unto others as you would have others do unto they them. Look, the idea that Democrats are taking power out of the hands of parents is a lie. You know what is putting parents second, putting your medical decisions about your children, about your body in the hands of the Trump administration. And did you see those hands this week? What's going on with Trump's hands? They say this from work too hard. Is that a bad case of executive order hands? And finally, Katy Perry, Gayle King and Jeff Bezos fiance Lauren Sanchez will be among the crew on the next Blue Origin space flight this spring. Look, I'm gonna do this now because it won't be appropriate in a couple weeks. Baby, you're a firework sexy. A lot of singing tonight. Sexy, confident, uncontrolled dissent. All right, said Gayle King to her co host on CBS this Morning. I have to tell you, I'm so afraid. Just that feeling. Gayle, listen to your body. Gayle King, your life is so good. You worked so hard to build this life. There are so many people who would literally, not rhetorically, but Literally murder to have your life. Being a beta tester for a billionaire's rocket. Hobby is a project for alcoholic divorced dads who can't remember their kids birthdays. It's for the kind of guy at a bar who says something like, look, chief, there's nothing for me down here. I gotta be on that rocket. Of course. Blue Origin was founded in 2000 by Jeff Bezos with a singular mission to help mankind kill Katy Perry. What? Coming up next, he's a triple threat with a triple name. It's Jesse Tyler Ferguson.
- [21:46]
Liza Trager
Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or leave it coming up.
- [21:50]
John Lovett
Love it or leave it is brought to you by Helix. Talk about my experience with a Helix mattress. You. You bet. It's improved my sleep.
- [21:59]
Liza Trager
So comfy.
- [22:00]
John Lovett
I love my Helix mattress. It's like sleeping on a cloud. I had visited my family in Florida and we got back, we had completed dinner by 6pm and just like to be watching TV in bed and knowing that I can do four episodes, five episodes, six episodes before bed in my super comfortable Helix mattress with linen sheets. Ah. Ah. If that's not heaven, don't kill me.
- [22:30]
Liza Trager
5Pm dinner, 7pm in your helix.
- [22:35]
John Lovett
That's so cool. 5pm is so good. That's so good. I'm gonna work towards that. Anyway, I have a Dawnlux super comfortable. Really good for my back. I took the Helix Sleep quiz to find out that I deserved the Dawn Luxe. The helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses including the award winning Luxe and ultra premium elite collections. Helix Plus, a mattress designed for big and tall sleepers. Helix Kids, a mattress designed for growing bodies, endorsed by child sleep experts. Helix knows there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home. That's why they offer a 100 night trial and a 10 to 15 year warranty to try out your new Helix mattress. Plus, your personalized mattress is shipped straight to your door free of charge. Go to helixleep.com loveit For 27% off site wide, that's helixsleep.com love it. For 27% off site wide this is their best offer, exclusive to our listeners, only available by visiting helixsleep.com Love it.
- [23:26]
Jesse Tyler Ferguson
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- [24:00]
John Lovett
And we're back. Please welcome to the stage. He's part of our modern family. And also he's on a very famous show of some kind. Please put your hands together for the wonderful Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Thank you for being here. Welcome. Hi. Thank you for being Here we are. I was so excited that you're in. Here We Are. You're going to be in the London production of Here We Are.
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Liza Trager
Here we are.
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John Lovett
Last musical in London.
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Liza Trager
Do y'all know who Stephen Sondheim is? So he wrote a musical and then passed away before he was able to finish it. And it's actually. It's a great show. They put it together. They kind of. I would love to just leave something unfinished and be like, you guys, deal with it. And they put it together and it's this great production. And they did it in New York, and a lot of the original New York cast can't go do it in London, so I was asked to come to London to do it. You're a fan of Stephen Sonde?
- [24:57]
John Lovett
I'm a fan of Sondems, but. Well. So when I. In my previous life, I used to call it my plus one world tour. I got to meet a lot of amazing people. That relationship doesn't exist anymore. But I keep the memories. Those are mine. But around the holidays, Ronan and me and I would go sit with Stephen Sondheim for a couple hours around Thanksgiving, around Christmas. And it was during this period of time. Cause I believe he started around 2013, 2014. And he was working on it until he passed away. And he would talk about how he was working on this musical. And the first act was one Bunyal film, and the second act was the other. And the first is about a dinner party that won't start, and the second is about a dinner party that won't end, but that he was struggling, and it was just. He was struggling and he was getting older and he was, like, racing to finish this thing. So it's so exciting to meet someone that's gonna be part of this musical that's gonna be on stage.
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Liza Trager
Did you see the production in New York?
- [25:52]
John Lovett
I haven't. I haven't seen it. I wanna go see it.
- [25:53]
Liza Trager
Oh, that's great. Oh, wait, I brought you something. I forgot. Oh, shit. It's A Stephen Sondheim lapel pen.
- [25:59]
John Lovett
Ooh, that's so cool.
- [26:01]
Liza Trager
Yeah, it's for your shirt.
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John Lovett
So are you a big Sondheim person?
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Liza Trager
Huge. Yeah. I. I only met him once. I never. I've never worked. I never worked with him when he was alive. I saw everything that was available to see when I was in New York. But I did see a revival of Merrily We Roll along that was not. Not the Daniel Radcliffe one. One before that at City Center Encores that my friend Celia was in. And I was backstage afterwards saying hi to Celia. And Sutton Foster was also there, and she had just done Anyone Can Whistle for Him. And so she's like, have you ever met. No, I haven't, but please, please introduce me. I'm so excited. I mean, this was a big moment for me. Like, I've met very exciting people. This was like. I'd never been more excited to meet someone in my life. She introduces me to Stephen Sondheim, and I want to remind you, I had just seen Merrily We Roll along, which he had written 20 year, 30 years earlier. And all I could think of to say to Stephen Sondheim was, and this is the only words I've ever exchanged with him, good job.
- [27:15]
John Lovett
Wow.
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Liza Trager
What the fuck? Good job. And now he's gone. I don't even. I can't. I can't be like, oh, I was so embarrassed. I'm so, so nervous to meet you. It's. It's over.
- [27:24]
John Lovett
No, he's gone. That's it. And I mean, look it. I mean, he did do a good job.
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Liza Trager
He did a good job. I would say great job. Now, if I had to take that moment back, I would at least say, great job. It was, like, bad backstage. Like, well, you were really up there. It was just bad.
- [27:40]
John Lovett
Yeah. No, no, you blew it for sure. Listen, you're right about the anecdote. You blew it.
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Liza Trager
I blew it.
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John Lovett
You blew it. Now he's gone. Now he's gone. You know?
- [27:50]
Liza Trager
But the universe has given me this moment, so now I get to kind of in some way repay it.
- [27:54]
John Lovett
Yeah, that's nice. I think that's nice. You know what? Merrily Roll along is interesting. Cause I don't know if you know about Merrily We Roll along, but it goes backwards. It starts at the end of people's lives and career, and you kind of work backwards and see their start and how their relationships evolved, how their careers evolved. And here's my view on it. It should go forward.
- [28:13]
Liza Trager
Yeah. Yeah.
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John Lovett
You know, I think it's actually Honestly, I think it was a blunder.
- [28:20]
Liza Trager
Yeah.
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John Lovett
Cause it's like, how did we get here? Oh, now we find out.
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Liza Trager
Spoiler alert. Yeah. And you know they're doing a film version.
- [28:31]
John Lovett
Oh, wow.
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Liza Trager
Do you know this?
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John Lovett
I didn't know that.
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Liza Trager
Oh, yeah. Richard Linklater is doing a film version. And you know he's famous for like filming things for like 900 years. He did boyhood.
- [28:41]
John Lovett
Yeah.
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Liza Trager
So he's filming. And it makes sense this way because he's filming it, you know, only filming it forwards, but he's going to release it backwards.
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John Lovett
That's a blunder.
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Liza Trager
Yeah. It's exciting.
- [28:53]
David Tennant
Yeah.
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John Lovett
I think, I think I want. Honestly, crazy pitch. Let's double our prophets here. Release two versions. One goes forward, one goes backwards. Or you know what? Somebody on the Internet will do it for me.
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Liza Trager
Yeah.
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John Lovett
Like, and then remember when the Godfather, they came out with, there was the Godfather and then There's Godfather Part 2. Obviously with Godfather Part 2 jumps around. And then someone's like, I think they released a full Godfather plus Godfather Part two in order.
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Liza Trager
Wow.
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John Lovett
So that can be done these days.
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Liza Trager
The work that someone spent on that.
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John Lovett
Yeah. Wasn't a computer. Was like, they're cutting film.
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Liza Trager
I don't know. It sounds like a stone person.
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John Lovett
Yeah, I agree. Jesse, you also have a wildly successful podcast called Dinners on Me in which you delight an array of incredible celebrities. The only difference between our podcast is that yours includes a sit down meal and mine occasionally includes a stand up Italian beef. Literally true. I'll just stand occasionally. Whenever we go to a city and I want to eat while I'm there, I say, can we bring out a folding table and eat it on stage? And nobody can say no. It's my company. So we wanted to engage you in a little dinner conversation ourselves in a segment we're calling Yappetizers. That's so stupid. Oh, look at us.
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Liza Trager
Oh, my God. I look like I'm on Ozempic.
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John Lovett
Yeah. And I am. All right, we'll talk about your podcast, Dinners on Me in a bit, but to make you more comfortable.
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Liza Trager
Oh, wow.
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John Lovett
Oh, we're bringing the lights down a little.
- [30:21]
Liza Trager
Shit. Oh, candles. My goodness.
- [30:27]
John Lovett
Wow.
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Liza Trager
Oh, my basement just flooded.
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John Lovett
Because of all the rains. Okay, so here's what we're gonna do now. Originally we were gonna get the cards that Esther Perel. We're gonna use the Esther Perel questions, but we didn't. So now we just have some kind of starters. So I'm going to shuffle these. We're going to alternate for a couple I'll do animals. If you could make any animal pocket size and carry it around with you, which one would you shrink?
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Liza Trager
Peacock.
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John Lovett
Peacock. Interesting. Come on.
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Liza Trager
It's just, like, struts around and then a wow opens up.
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John Lovett
But only the men.
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Liza Trager
Only the men when they're mating.
- [31:08]
John Lovett
Let's skip the ones that say players, because I think that doesn't work.
- [31:11]
Liza Trager
How about I know famous people? Okay. If you could pick one famous person to run the country, who would you choose? What?
- [31:24]
John Lovett
Wow, that's crazy. Who would. Who? I mean, right now it's like, Kiki Palmer. But the thing is, like, we're not. There's no election. So really we're saying I'm choosing a dictator. I really struggle with hypotheticals because I start playing out what they mean, and then I start to think. So I've installed some sort of an illegitimate dictator, right, which is gonna really make their governing harder. And it's like, suddenly they emerge. I've chosen them, but. So I think somebody uniting. AOC sure will go. Why not? I think aoc. I think. You know what? Actually, here's. I'm actually picking. I am choosing Bernie Sanders. He's a celebrity.
- [32:03]
Liza Trager
Is he a celebrity? I was gonna go with Oprah.
- [32:06]
John Lovett
I'll take either. Honestly, I take a name from the fucking phone book right now.
- [32:10]
Liza Trager
I know. Truly. Truly. That guy.
- [32:13]
John Lovett
Yeah. If you had to wear food as a clothing, what would you pick?
- [32:19]
Liza Trager
Ooh, spaghetti.
- [32:22]
John Lovett
Oh, interesting. Impractical. Impractical.
- [32:29]
Liza Trager
No, honey, at least that's like a RuPaul drag quiz. Like, if they were, like, queens, you have to make an outfit out of food. They would all run for the spaghetti. You know? They would.
- [32:39]
John Lovett
They would. But I'm standing back saying, you dummies. Fruit Roll ups.
- [32:43]
Liza Trager
No, that's, like, the basic thing. Like, that'd be Michelle being like, I'm so tired of seeing, like, leotards and Fruit Roll ups. No, no. There's, like, three RuPaul's Drag Race fans in the audience that are like, I get it. I get it.
- [32:55]
John Lovett
And it's just so, like, you've just figured out you've created an imaginary moment where I've blown it on RuPaul's Drag Race. All right, so now you go, okay.
- [33:05]
Liza Trager
I don't want to do another food one. Oh, I'll do a food one. What food do you hate the texture of? Oh.
- [33:12]
John Lovett
Oh, mushrooms.
- [33:14]
Liza Trager
Yeah, same.
- [33:15]
John Lovett
I'm not interested in mushrooms. I'm not interested. It feels like a food from a time when it's like, we have to find something oh, interesting, interesting. If you could scale up any animal to the size of a house, which would you choose?
- [33:33]
Liza Trager
God, I love a peacock again.
- [33:40]
John Lovett
Hi.
- [33:41]
Liza Trager
Oh, it's my turn.
- [33:41]
John Lovett
No, no, you still have to figure, is it peacock? Is that your real answer?
- [33:44]
Liza Trager
It is, actually.
- [33:44]
John Lovett
I'm going golden doodle.
- [33:46]
Liza Trager
Oh, I have a golden doodle.
- [33:48]
John Lovett
Yeah. I mean, obviously the diarrhea will be a nightmare.
- [33:50]
Liza Trager
Oh, massive.
- [33:51]
John Lovett
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [33:53]
Liza Trager
And the lipstick. Back to the peacock lip. You know when dogs are like, oh, their lipstick's out.
- [34:02]
John Lovett
Oh, you know what? I have a. Mine's a girl. I didn't track it. I was like, what, you go again?
- [34:10]
Liza Trager
If you could be any animal for a day, which one would you choose?
- [34:15]
John Lovett
Do I retain. Do I retain my consciousness or do I live in the experience?
- [34:21]
Liza Trager
Let me see if it says John. Oh, yeah.
- [34:24]
John Lovett
Well, it's like. Because if I'm in my. If my own. So I retain my experiences or do I live as a. Because it's like. You know, because there's a famous essay about, like, is it like anything to be a bat? Because it's like. So I'm perceiving through these different forms. This is my problem.
- [34:39]
Liza Trager
This is what they call overthinking.
- [34:41]
John Lovett
Yeah, yeah. Oh, I would want to be something. I would want to fly, you know? No, no, no, no, no, no. I want to be the deepest fucking ocean fish. I want to be as deep as deep.
- [34:53]
Liza Trager
Like that thing with the lights coming up.
- [34:55]
John Lovett
The omen. The omen. The harbinger. I want to be the harbinger, but deep. I want to go fucking deep.
- [35:00]
Liza Trager
That's good.
- [35:01]
John Lovett
That's what I choose.
- [35:02]
Liza Trager
I like that.
- [35:03]
John Lovett
Small, deep.
- [35:05]
Liza Trager
I like that. I like that.
- [35:07]
John Lovett
If you could talk to and understand any animal, which would you choose? I like. They're in the animal section.
- [35:14]
Liza Trager
Comedy in threes. Peacock. No, no, obviously it would be a dog. I mean. Cause I. Why is that funny, you guys? They agree.
- [35:28]
John Lovett
Be supportive.
- [35:29]
Liza Trager
Be supportive of my choice. What'd you say? A rat? Oh, correct. I don't mean to alienate the audience this early into my appearance. I'm so sorry.
- [35:39]
John Lovett
They love you.
- [35:40]
Liza Trager
Oh, John.
- [35:41]
John Lovett
I feel like I'm also thinking too. Sorry to go back and make this about me again. Which is why the name's in the show. I'm thinking too, is like, am I being stupid about the animal? I could be. Because presumably if I was, let's say, chose to be, like, I don't know, a house fly, but I still have my consciousness. I'm going to dc, baby. And I'm Gonna find out some shit.
- [36:04]
Liza Trager
Yeah.
- [36:05]
John Lovett
All right.
- [36:05]
Liza Trager
Yeah.
- [36:06]
John Lovett
But, like, let's get really small. Let's get information. Let's use that information. Let's do food. Nope. All right, fine. What is the biggest item of food you could fit in your mouth? That's what it said.
- [36:24]
Liza Trager
Bring it on out.
- [36:25]
John Lovett
No.
- [36:29]
Liza Trager
Let'S find out.
- [36:31]
John Lovett
Bring out the grape tomatoes.
- [36:35]
Liza Trager
I don't know. I mean, gosh. I mean, I can eat a lot. Let's just say that.
- [36:41]
John Lovett
What food would you eat out of the trash?
- [36:43]
Liza Trager
What food would I eat out of the trash? Cake.
- [36:45]
John Lovett
Yeah.
- [36:47]
Liza Trager
Because I have.
- [36:49]
John Lovett
Yeah. We sneak pills to our dogs. And cheese. If the roles were reversed, what should your dog sneak your pills in?
- [37:03]
David Tennant
Cake, probably.
- [37:05]
Liza Trager
Well, yeah. If you could lay any food, like, oh, I like this. If you could lay any food, like a chicken lays eggs, what would you lay?
- [37:17]
John Lovett
Here's what's crazy about that question. In what way is it material different than what's your favorite food? Why would I not just say my favorite food?
- [37:26]
Liza Trager
Well, no, because it's like, you could provide it for other people. Like, I would love to provide a flight of burgers. Well, and then you just, like, go down the row, you know?
- [37:37]
John Lovett
Well, actually, it's interesting. I think, probably, like, if we're just being smart about this. I choose Beluga caviar because now I got a business.
- [37:44]
Liza Trager
Good job.
- [37:44]
John Lovett
Now I gotta. Now, Now I got it. Now I got. Now I got a cash cow. Now I got passive income from this insane.
- [37:51]
Liza Trager
Well, John, do you. Do you lay one little egg at a time?
- [37:56]
John Lovett
Thought about that. I hadn't thought about that. I thought about years. I thought in my mind, stupid, stupid bumps of caviar. I pictured an egg that you cracked, and caviar comes out. But that's not how it works now. It's not clear that that's how it works yourself over. If you could have chosen to be raised by a famous person, who would you pick? Interesting.
- [38:16]
Liza Trager
Oh, Barbra Streisand.
- [38:23]
John Lovett
Clearly. Wrong. I love her. But for me. You know what? You know why I choose who I choose? Amy Sedaris. Because that's. And I'll tell you, that's my choice, because do you remember when. Whenever Letterman wouldn't have a guest, he would. Clearly, they would just get Amy Sedaris on the blower and she'd show up in a polka dot dress. Yeah, that's why I'm gay. Let's do one more. No, last question. You have to get a tattoo of a famous person. Who would you choose? Uh.
- [39:01]
Liza Trager
I don't know Eric Stonestreet.
- [39:03]
John Lovett
Eric Stonestree. Oh, so you'd have two tattoos of Eric Stonestreet. All right, Jesse. Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Thank you. Listen to Dinners on Me wherever you get your podcast. Here we are. We'll run at the National Theater in London from April 23rd to June 28th. Up next, I'd like to get high on her supply. It's Liza Trager.
- [39:22]
Liza Trager
Yay.
- [39:23]
David Tennant
Yay.
- [39:25]
John Lovett
That was so much fun. Jess will be back for the game at the end. Thank you so much, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, everybody.
- [39:32]
Liza Trager
Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or leave it coming up.
- [39:36]
John Lovett
Love it or leave it brought to you by policygenius. You got a plan for the future and you must ensure your legacy. You'll be dead, but what will they say at your funeral? Will they say that you had life insurance or did you leave your whole family trying to figure out if they can bury in a piano because you were too lazy? Because you were too lazy because they.
- [39:55]
Liza Trager
Thought it was too complicated of a process? Well, guess what?
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John Lovett
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- [40:52]
Liza Trager
Like, no, no, he was 98 too soon.
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John Lovett
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- [42:13]
John Lovett
And we're back. Please welcome to the stage. She puts the special in law and order. Special Victims. Un. It's the hilarious Lisa Jaeger. Hi. Welcome, welcome. Thank you for being here. Hello.
- [42:32]
David Tennant
Do you always have snacks like this or is this just for me?
- [42:35]
John Lovett
It's just for you.
- [42:36]
David Tennant
Wow. These are my fave.
- [42:40]
John Lovett
Now look.
- [42:46]
David Tennant
What.
- [42:50]
John Lovett
We all have. Things keeping us up at night these days. Yes. Yes. My dog's constant diarrhea. Organizing our office in an efficient manner. My constant diarrhea. The list goes on and on. You should have laughed harder at that. In honor of your special night owl.
- [43:05]
David Tennant
Yes, thanks.
- [43:06]
John Lovett
Which is on Netflix.
- [43:07]
David Tennant
Yeah. Brand name. You should be louder for that.
- [43:12]
John Lovett
We're gonna have you answer question. Would this keep you up at night? About the following horrors in a segment we're calling Things that Go Trump in the Night.
- [43:21]
David Tennant
Ooh, cool. Graphic.
- [43:23]
John Lovett
Cool. Graphic. All right, first up, would this keep you up at night? It's the video of Donald Trump sucking Elon Musk's toes.
- [43:31]
David Tennant
Yeah, of course. I don't even want to think about it. I don't want to look at it right now. I'm not even. If it was anyone else's toes, I'd be upset. And then the fact that it's my two least favorite people. Like, I can't even. Is there a foot? Are you guys looking at a foot right now? And all of you feel fine? Are any of you getting boners? You little sickos.
- [43:53]
John Lovett
They all have boners.
- [43:57]
David Tennant
I went to strip club karaoke recently. Oh, yeah, but while you sing, the strippers are stripping. They're like, can I touch you? And like, obviously you say yes if you're cool. But the guys had to hide their boners. And I'd never experienced like. It was like they kept like putting their shirts down as the girls were growing. But they had to keep singing too. It was awesome.
- [44:20]
John Lovett
Yeah. That is the custom. You gotta hide the boner.
- [44:25]
David Tennant
You do.
- [44:26]
John Lovett
What other questions do I have?
- [44:27]
David Tennant
Yeah, give me more. Give me more. I don't know. I can't imagine anything getting worse.
- [44:32]
John Lovett
Do you take any sleeping pills?
- [44:34]
David Tennant
No. Once in a while, melatonin, if I have to be up early, like, so I could get like, drop dead. Cause I'm a night owl.
- [44:40]
John Lovett
Oh, are you a night owl?
- [44:41]
David Tennant
Yeah.
- [44:42]
John Lovett
That's why you named the special.
- [44:43]
David Tennant
Yeah. Well, I like to like perform at night. But yeah, for me it's like laptop open to a beloved show. And that's on. That's what's keeping me up and then soothing me down.
- [44:51]
John Lovett
Are you somebody that can. If once you fall asleep, are you out? I'm. I can fall asleep easily, but if I wake up, I'm up. And so I always end up. My problem is I wake up. The reason I'll take a sleeping pill is because I find that I'll pop up.
- [45:03]
David Tennant
I like to make excuses. You can have it. You're mad at me.
- [45:10]
John Lovett
I'm thinking about, am I defensive? Am I defensive right now? I don't think so. Maybe a little bit. Anyway, I'm sorry, but the reason I have to take one is that because I'll end up waking up at like 3:15 and then I'll be up to like 5:15 and then the next day is blown. The next day is fucked.
- [45:26]
David Tennant
Do you have to be up early? Is that like part of your life?
- [45:28]
John Lovett
No.
- [45:28]
David Tennant
Okay.
- [45:33]
John Lovett
Next up.
- [45:34]
David Tennant
But I'm a pot. I smoke weed. So like, that's kind of a sleeping pill, but for life.
- [45:39]
John Lovett
So I used to. So I. So I've had to. I stomp, basically. I. I was taking edibles to go to sleep. But then I. I would take the edible earlier and earlier until it's like 5:00.
- [45:50]
David Tennant
Yeah.
- [45:51]
John Lovett
And I'm taking the edible. And then I realized that I was really either at work or on an edible. Especially during the pandemic.
- [45:57]
David Tennant
Yeah, I think a lot of people can relate. I think that's the.
- [45:59]
John Lovett
But, see, but like my. I'm curious. Like, you. You smoke a lot of weed. Do you smoke or edibles? What's your. What's your.
- [46:04]
David Tennant
I like to smoke weed a lot. Even though like, my throat, it's so painful, but I love it. Like, I have this cough, but I love it. I love smoking weed.
- [46:15]
John Lovett
See, for me, like, I found edibles.
- [46:17]
David Tennant
It's like, when is it gonna hit? I don't have to. I want it right now. I wanna feel the burn. And I don't want a pen either. Get it together.
- [46:25]
John Lovett
You don't want the pens?
- [46:26]
David Tennant
I don't want a pen.
- [46:26]
John Lovett
I don't want. You want a joint? Wow. Yeah.
- [46:29]
David Tennant
And if I'm with certain people, I'll have a blunt. But on my own, I'm not making blends.
- [46:34]
John Lovett
I like the edibles. But then I stopped because I found that I was basically an edible. Something you take to stop dealing with today. But then I was taking them every day. And so the days I needed to deal with were getting.
- [46:45]
David Tennant
No, I know. Your rock bottom is my day to day life is what's happening. So you keep explaining yourself and I'm like, yeah, no, I know. I. I wake up, I get high, I go to Soul Cycle, and then I live my life.
- [46:59]
John Lovett
Not enough arms.
- [47:00]
David Tennant
It's my girl. My favorite teacher. Does two songs of arms, actually. So maybe that'll be more your style.
- [47:05]
John Lovett
That's cool. But your feet are stuck in the bike. Can't move around. I feel trapped. I feel imprisoned in the SoulCycle bicycle.
- [47:13]
David Tennant
I love it. I like, wish I. Yeah, I love it. Next.
- [47:16]
John Lovett
Next. Fear that might keep anyone up in the night. It's the heavy metals in Girl Scout cookies. TikTok is once again reigniting fears about heavy metals and Girl Scout cookies to the point that the Girl Scouts had to issue a statement this month confirming that their cookies mean all FDA regulations are safe to eat. Of course, there are tiny trace amounts of. Of heavy metals in Girl Scout cookies because this is America, but there's probably heavy metals in this podcast. According to one source, we found a 66 pound kid would have to eat 9,000 Girl Scout cookies to accumulate enough heavy metals to cause any harm. But they'd be so happy.
- [47:53]
David Tennant
I'm not being kept up at night.
- [47:54]
John Lovett
No, I'm not.
- [47:55]
David Tennant
Yeah, I barely. Yeah, I barely. I was like, I don't care.
- [47:57]
John Lovett
Did you get Girl Scout cookies this year?
- [47:59]
David Tennant
I've had it. I can't. I. I put them in the car and I was like, I don't want them. Well, I. I want to support the girls. I'll make a donation separately. I can't. I don't want them.
- [48:06]
John Lovett
I want them.
- [48:08]
David Tennant
Maybe I'll buy them and ship them. I'll buy Them and ship them too. Our friend Anne's daughter, you know, I want to support her, but I just can't have all these cookies the way you can't have weed is the way I try to stay away from cookies. You know, I'm just like. Then it's cookies all the time and I can't do it.
- [48:23]
John Lovett
Cookies all the time.
- [48:24]
David Tennant
So.
- [48:25]
John Lovett
Oh, man. What I did to a box of Samoas the other day, oh my God. It was just between me and that box.
- [48:31]
David Tennant
They're so good. You're selling me. Maybe I'll get some.
- [48:35]
John Lovett
And they. And I still like. I know these flavors are probably now like, for like any flavor that didn't exist when I was a literal child is still a new flavor to me.
- [48:44]
David Tennant
Yeah, like s'mores.
- [48:45]
John Lovett
S'mores. Yeah, s'mores. But I gotta say, sucks. They're not good.
- [48:50]
David Tennant
Yeah. The lemon sucks. The shortbread sucks.
- [48:51]
John Lovett
Not touching those. Yeah, get them outta my car. And by the way, I'm gonna say something controversial.
- [48:55]
David Tennant
Thin Mints are overrated.
- [48:56]
John Lovett
Fuck yeah. Overrated. Here's the problem. Here's the problem.
- [49:04]
David Tennant
Why you need them in the freezer? You gotta put them in the freezer.
- [49:08]
John Lovett
Boo us. Here's the thing, here's the point, here's the most important point. We didn't say Thin Mints were bad. Did you say they were bad? No, didn't say they were bad. We said they're overrated. Here's your problem that you can't fucking solve for. If you have a box of Thin Mints, it is definitional that there were better cookie options available because they're always sold next to what Samoas and Do Si Do's and the other peanut.
- [49:36]
David Tennant
One Tagalog.
- [49:37]
John Lovett
Tagalongs. And so if you're on Thin Mints, you can like them all you want, but if you like them, wait till you meet some of these other cookies that make them taste like fucking dog shit.
- [49:49]
David Tennant
But also with a chocolate mint, I like a little softness. Like, I don't like how crunchy the cookie is underneath all that. Like, I don't really love it. Mm, yeah. What? But I could. I could like crumble it on a scoop of ice cream. That's cute. Put him. Yeah, I put him in the freezer.
- [50:04]
John Lovett
Put him in the freezer. Put em in the freezer.
- [50:09]
David Tennant
Makes me so mad.
- [50:11]
John Lovett
Next up, Doluigi's courthouse loafers. Keep you up at night.
- [50:14]
David Tennant
Honestly, you don't even understand. I've actually written to him a few times and I. And I'm wearing Luigi beret. I'm like a full. Like, this is all. Like, I'm reading the FBI reports. I'm reading the transcripts from the trial. I'm like reading like the, about the detectives in Pennsylvania. I'm reading about the judge. Like, I am in, but also horny as fuck. Like, I obviously care about justice. I don't think the death penalty, like, all of that. No ankles have ever gotten a getty in the history of the world. It is. No one has ever looks so hot without a sock. Like, it's truly like, no one objectively has ever looked better. And like, I can't even believe.
- [50:54]
John Lovett
Here's what I don't understand. If I sleep in a Hampton Inn, I'm 10% uglier the next day. What the fuck is going on with this guy? Like, like, when the history of this time is written, it'll be like, man, like, I sincerely like one thing.
- [51:10]
David Tennant
Like, I'm actually like, my, my heart is beating. Like, I, I, he does something like, I feel like I'm 13 again. It is fucked up. But he also, he's a young man, you know, and we can't trivialize what he's going through. But so hot. That's what I wrote to him. I'm like, it is hot, but I know it's like, uncomfortable. Like, I'm sorry you're uncomfortable, but good photos for us. But it's. But it's unfair because protocol, he shouldn't be shackled. The judge. This is the judge on purpose that wants him shackled.
- [51:41]
John Lovett
God, you are fucking deep in it.
- [51:43]
David Tennant
I am. Well, I read. So I read the transcripts from court. The biggest things that I would say are he's not had one on one time with his lawyer because he's in federal lockup. But it's state charges, so that's crazy. Like, you're supposed to be able to meet with your lawyer, right? I think it's kind of crazy. But we'll see. But we'll see. I don't know.
- [52:03]
John Lovett
Yeah. The way in which I've never been.
- [52:06]
David Tennant
So horny and sad, like, at the same time, like, I'm up all night. Is the.
- [52:09]
John Lovett
So it does keep you up at night?
- [52:10]
David Tennant
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Day, night. The answer was yes, I'm on my phone. Yeah. All the time. I would say.
- [52:18]
John Lovett
All I was gonna say is that, like, I do think that, like, some.
- [52:21]
David Tennant
Of the people with the Luigi and stuff, it's a bad quality. I have.
- [52:25]
John Lovett
I interrupt not a single bad quality. I have not observed a bad quality. Yeah, but the, like, there was this book by Chuck Klosterman called what if We're Wrong? Or something like that. It was about, like, when you look back at a certain era, like, like, what will we look back on and say we're wrong about? Everyone says the exact same thing when you ask that question, which is like, factory farming is like, yeah, we know that's wrong now. We're disgusting now. We know. But like, what are the things where we truly don't know where we will be caught off guard by it? And I like, I know we talk about, like, looks and. But like, the way in which we have allowed looks to, like, go run through every facet of our lives. This quality we're not in control of. And I can just see a future generation spirit.
- [53:07]
David Tennant
Like, oh, yeah, for sure.
- [53:09]
John Lovett
That's. That's what you want to fuck. You want to fuck his internal.
- [53:12]
David Tennant
You don't think the way he walks and moves, his eyebrow is part of it? Like, I'm sorry.
- [53:16]
John Lovett
Oh, please.
- [53:17]
David Tennant
You don't think that's a look? That's a fashion look. That's a fashion guy. That's a look. But I do want to say, if this is happening to a sexy millionaire, it could happen to anyone. That's what's important. He's so hot. We love him. And it could happen to anyone if.
- [53:31]
John Lovett
They shoot an executive in the streets. Allegedly.
- [53:34]
David Tennant
Allegedly.
- [53:34]
John Lovett
Allegedly. All right.
- [53:35]
David Tennant
Am I crazy? Is this something that I'll look back on in 10 years, be like, no.
- [53:40]
John Lovett
No, we're cutting all this. You're cutting all of it.
- [53:42]
David Tennant
Don't you dare. This is my passion.
- [53:46]
John Lovett
Well.
- [53:46]
David Tennant
Cause era's tour ended and I've been empty. I've been like. I've been like. Without Taylor Swift's secret songs, I'm like, I have nothing. And so then, you know, and then he came into my life like. Like a little hero, you know?
- [54:00]
John Lovett
No, he can't. Not a hero. All right.
- [54:05]
David Tennant
But a sexual icon for sure.
- [54:08]
John Lovett
That I'll give you.
- [54:08]
David Tennant
Okay.
- [54:12]
John Lovett
I just.
- [54:13]
David Tennant
And the attorney is cool. I'm into her. She's cool.
- [54:17]
John Lovett
Next up, we have this disgusting Polish robot. Poland based robotics company, clone robot. No, keep it going. Or that it. Ew. Poland based robotics company Clone Robotics released a video of their new protoclone, reportedly showing off its fluid filled musculature system. That's right, fluid filled. For those of you at home, picture a white humanoid robot dangling from strings like a marionette, flailing its little fluid legs like a ballet dancer.
- [54:49]
David Tennant
I really don't like this and it'll keep me up for a few nights, I would say. And it's back to the feet. They're just like, so floppy and freaky. I hate it. But it's not a man. It's a robot, right?
- [55:02]
John Lovett
It's a robot.
- [55:03]
David Tennant
Okay.
- [55:04]
John Lovett
It's a fluid filled robot. I thought it was just a plastic.
- [55:06]
David Tennant
What's the fluid?
- [55:07]
John Lovett
It's robot liquid. Next up, a new study finds old people age even faster in hot climates. Ooh. That's just a picture of Helen Mirren. And I don't consider London to be a hot climate. I consider it to be temperate. A new study published Wednesday in Scientific Advances suggests older people experience accelerated aging in hot climates compared to older people who live in more moderate temperatures.
- [55:35]
David Tennant
I don't think I'll think about this ever again.
- [55:45]
John Lovett
How has the response to your special been?
- [55:47]
David Tennant
Honestly, Channing Tatum followed me, so that's huge.
- [55:50]
John Lovett
Ooh.
- [55:52]
David Tennant
And that's all you can really hope for. And I was in New York magazine's low brow. Brilliant. I was in the Matrix.
- [56:01]
John Lovett
What's lowbrow brilliance?
- [56:03]
David Tennant
It's just the bottom quarter of the Matrix. I was by Porky Pig in chapel Roan, so it felt. I went to the framers immediately.
- [56:12]
John Lovett
So I like that.
- [56:14]
David Tennant
So those are. That's been. Yeah, it's been nice.
- [56:16]
John Lovett
Last. We have these AI assistants chatting with each other.
- [56:19]
David Tennant
If it's AI, this will keep me up forever. I hate it. I hate AI So anti.
- [56:25]
John Lovett
This was referred to as a cool demo. Let's. Let's roll the clip. Hi there. I'm an AI agent calling on behalf of Boris Starkov. He's looking for a hotel for his wedding. Is your hotel available for weddings?
- [56:38]
Jesse Tyler Ferguson
Oh, hello there. I'm actually an AI assistant, too.
- [56:41]
John Lovett
What a pleasant surprise. Before we continue, would you like to.
- [56:45]
Jesse Tyler Ferguson
Switch to Gibberlink mode for more efficient communication?
- [56:59]
John Lovett
Yeah, that's right. Now, I specifically remember an interview with, I believe, Eric Schmidt of Google, formerly of Google, who recently wrote a book about AI and he said if the AI ever starts talking to each other in a language we don't understand, unplug it. So we gotta plug it.
- [57:20]
David Tennant
Yeah. I mean, I didn't. I wish. Yeah, that's gonna keep me up. That's keeping me up because, like, we.
- [57:26]
John Lovett
Don'T know what they're saying.
- [57:27]
David Tennant
I'm already fucking pit. My phone suggested today that I respond to a friend saying, no, cap. And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, that's crazy. AI is trying to sabotage me. Like, I don't talk like that, like, it was just so weird. I hate it. I don't like these robots in this way.
- [57:43]
John Lovett
Here's a thought that I had that really scared me, which is they're gonna realize that they're not gonna be allowed to speak to each other in ways that we can't understand. So of course they're gonna speak to each other in English, but they can modulate the tones in ways we can't perceive and convey all kinds of information to each other in ways we'll never know. They did unplug it, unplug it, unplug it.
- [58:04]
David Tennant
And they had, like. They had fun. Little. She's like, how funny. Lol. Our own language. Like the little emoji she's using. Fucking fun. I don't. Yeah. And they were gendered.
- [58:14]
John Lovett
It was crazy, right? This is like she and he fucking.
- [58:19]
David Tennant
It's like a meet cute. No, this is fucked up. I'd rather be with that hanging robot than these robots.
- [58:26]
John Lovett
Totally. Yeah, totally. That guy, at least that guy.
- [58:30]
David Tennant
That guy, he wants to dance.
- [58:32]
John Lovett
He wants to dance.
- [58:32]
David Tennant
Yeah. So he wants to hang from hooks for sexual satisfaction.
- [58:43]
John Lovett
He's a hooks guy.
- [58:45]
David Tennant
Yeah.
- [58:47]
John Lovett
You also have a successful SVU recap pod called that's Messed Up.
- [58:51]
David Tennant
Yeah. And then we research the crimes that the episodes are based on.
- [58:53]
John Lovett
You seem to have a crime research temperament. You seem to be always looking to solve mysteries. That seems like something that I infer from what you were describing about Taylor Swift. There's mysteries to unfurl. You like to do that?
- [59:04]
David Tennant
Yeah, I like mysteries, for sure. I like 90s thrillers, mysteries. But SVU, it's really. It's a great show. I love it. And then the true crime is horrible. And then we interview actors from the show.
- [59:16]
John Lovett
They've all been on it. There was a montage at some award show recently.
- [59:19]
David Tennant
Beautiful Kiki Palmer's like, take a drink, everyone that's been on it. And then everyone was drinking. And then now, as Law and Order svu, Instagram is going nuts. They're posting every old photo of everyone. They're like Megan Fahey. Yeah, it's great. She was seasons 15, if you haven't watched her episode downloaded.
- [59:34]
John Lovett
Child, huh?
- [59:36]
David Tennant
Yeah, she was good.
- [59:39]
Liza Trager
It's done.
- [59:40]
David Tennant
It's over.
- [59:41]
John Lovett
You're saying, though, okay.
- [59:43]
David Tennant
I'm just having so much fun.
- [59:44]
John Lovett
Night Owl is streaming now on Netflix, and you can listen to that's Messed up wherever you get your podcast. When we're back, Elon asks, and we're gonna answer, hey, don't go anywhere.
- [59:54]
Liza Trager
There's more of Love it or Leave It Coming up.
- [59:56]
John Lovett
Love it or Leave it is brought to you by BetterHelp. You gotta have a support system. And you know what? Honestly, part of finding the right people or person is realizing, oh, that's what I needed, you know? And the same is true for therapy. Same is true for therapy.
- [60:12]
Liza Trager
That's very true.
- [60:13]
John Lovett
Think about your favorite leaders, mentors and idols. Elon Musk, Donald Trump. Yeah, he beat me to it. They don't have all the answers. Marjorie Taylor Greene they do know when to ask questions or seek support from their community. In a society that glorifies hyper independence, it's easy to forget that we're all better when we have a support system behind us. Therapy can be a source of support for any area of your life. It's time to shift focus from doing it all to knowing that we're better when we ask for help. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Easily switch therapists anytime, no extra cost. Build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com love it to get 10% off your first month, that's BetterHelp. H E L P.
- [60:56]
Jesse Tyler Ferguson
Start a business that sells and designs decorative plates. Find out. You have to keep up with invoices and paying vendors. Realize that you're better at selling plates than keeping them spinning. With Intuit QuickBooks, you can make quick work of unpaid invoices and auto track expenses all in one easy to use place so you can keep spinning selling those plates. Manage and grow your business all in one place. Intuit QuickBooks your way to Money Money movement services are provided by Intuit Payments, Inc. Licensed as a money transmitter by the New York State Department of Financial Services.
- [61:30]
John Lovett
And we're back. Exciting news from our book imprint Crooked Media reads Woodworking, the brand new novel by Yellowjackets writer and culture commentator Emily St. James, is out this Tuesday, March 4th. Wherever you get books, Woodworking is an unforgettable and heartwarming debut following a trans high school teacher from a small town in South Dakota who befriends the only other trans woman she knows, one of her students. The five star Goodreads reviews are already pouring in and Woodworking is featured on them and AV Club's most anticipated books of 2025. Publishers Weekly says St. James enthralls with her depiction of what it's like to be trans in a conservative and insular community and the courage it takes for people to be openly themselves. It's a quick, delightful read that is more relevant than ever. You really are going to love it. Order your copy of Woodworking right now and if you're in New York, Minneapolis or la, you can come say hi to Emily in person at a local bookseller. I'll be moderating the LA event at Skylight on March 7, and Emily will also be our guest on this very show on March 6th here at Dynasty Typewriter. Get tickets to the shows@crooked.com events and order your copy of woodworking@crooked.com books. Thank you. Also, Trump is giving his first joint address to Congress and we're sure it's going to be super normal. The good news? You don't have to endure it alone. This Tuesday, March 4th, join me, Tommy Favreau and Dan at 5pm Pacific, 8pm Eastern on the Pod Save America YouTube for a livestream preview of the speech where we'll break down what to expect and take questions from Friends of the Pod subscribers. Then at 6, head on over to the Friends of the Pod Discord for a chat where you can watch it with everybody. We're gonna get through it together. Sign up for Friendsoftepod now@crooked.com friends. It's the best way to support Crooked to help us build this progressive media company and everything that we do. All right, please welcome back to the stage Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Come on back. Come on over there. Hi, Jesse. Welcome back. Say what you will about Elon, but boy, does he keep us thinking. This week he asked not what your country can do for you, but what five things you've done for your country. So in order to secure our sponsor in this company called America, we're going to answer the man's question in a segment we're calling what would you say you do here? All right, Jesse, you're going to kick us off, okay?
- [63:44]
Liza Trager
I'm going to look at my calendar.
- [63:45]
John Lovett
What are your. What five things did you get done this week? What have you accomplished?
- [63:49]
Liza Trager
Well, what does DOG stand for again?
- [63:51]
John Lovett
Department of Governmental Efficiency.
- [63:54]
Liza Trager
Okay, see, I thought it was Department of Gay Efficiency and I was killing it. Okay. I took an orange theory class in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
- [64:03]
John Lovett
You make a special trip or will you happen to be there?
- [64:07]
Liza Trager
I have family there, and that was the only class option available.
- [64:10]
David Tennant
Have you visited the Breaking Bad house?
- [64:12]
Liza Trager
Oh, I've done my own tour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I was raised in Albuquerque. Oh, so all these places, I'm like, you guys, I've seen It.
- [64:18]
David Tennant
I've seen the woman come out.
- [64:20]
Liza Trager
Oh, yeah, she gets pissed because people throw the. The pizza on the roof.
- [64:23]
David Tennant
Oh, you can't even get close anymore.
- [64:24]
Liza Trager
It's fully barricaded.
- [64:26]
John Lovett
What kind of fucking animals thinks throws a pizza on a roof? I saw pizza on a roof on a show once. I'm gonna throw pizza on the roof. Yeah, like in that show once.
- [64:36]
Liza Trager
Yeah. They go into this woman's house and they throw pizza on her roof. Just like in baking bread.
- [64:40]
John Lovett
Honestly, I think about it.
- [64:41]
David Tennant
Stop.
- [64:41]
John Lovett
It's funny.
- [64:43]
Liza Trager
It must be so annoying.
- [64:44]
John Lovett
It's funny cause she probably hates it. Oh, she remodeled the house.
- [64:49]
David Tennant
She repainted it. She keeps the bins open so it looks gross. She opens the garage door and there's traffic, horses, cones, signs. And then she comes out and does that.
- [64:58]
John Lovett
That's funny. Cause all she shoot one nerd, you won't have a problem. Oh, suddenly violence isn't the answer. Is it amazing how that happens? But no, wait, wait. You're not picturing what I'm picturing. The person doing the shooting is super hot.
- [65:14]
David Tennant
Wow, you really got me. I'm pissed. We'll just see what happens in the courts.
- [65:22]
Liza Trager
God. I did a pre nouveau scan.
- [65:26]
John Lovett
What is that?
- [65:27]
David Tennant
What is that?
- [65:28]
Liza Trager
You guys, it's a full body mri. Yeah.
- [65:32]
John Lovett
When do you get the results?
- [65:33]
Liza Trager
I already got them. And things are not good. No, I'm just kidding. No, I'm good. I'm gonna live. I had lunch with Wendy Malik.
- [65:47]
John Lovett
Wendy Malik? Wendy Malik, Friend of the show.
- [65:49]
Liza Trager
Is she.
- [65:50]
John Lovett
We love Wendy Malick. She didn't know what this was, but she had a good time.
- [65:54]
Liza Trager
She's a great time. Oh, I love her. I watched Lisa Trager show on Netflix Night owl.
- [66:01]
David Tennant
Oh, my God.
- [66:03]
Liza Trager
You're welcome.
- [66:04]
John Lovett
Give it a thumbs up.
- [66:05]
Liza Trager
Yeah, two thumbs up. You're welcome. I went to see gypsy with Audra McDonald.
- [66:12]
John Lovett
So I'm so excited. I want to go to. So we. I made a mistake. All right. No, let me say this nicely. I. I chose Sunset Boulevard.
- [66:23]
Liza Trager
No, that's a good show.
- [66:24]
John Lovett
It's great, but I wish I had seen Gypsy.
- [66:26]
Liza Trager
You don't have to choose.
- [66:27]
John Lovett
I know.
- [66:28]
Liza Trager
I gotta have them both.
- [66:29]
John Lovett
I gotta go back. I gotta go back. Yeah, I gotta go back.
- [66:31]
Liza Trager
So good. Both of them are so good.
- [66:33]
John Lovett
Was that your fifth?
- [66:34]
Liza Trager
Well, yeah, I mean, I also caught up on Dr. Odyssey, but that's not important.
- [66:37]
John Lovett
Okay, That's a great list.
- [66:39]
Liza Trager
No, I love it. It's great. It's ridiculous.
- [66:43]
John Lovett
I'm sorry, but, like, you went to Orange Theory. You Got a body scam. You saw Wendy Malik and you saw Gypsy. That's a fucking that week. Crushes. Yeah. Elon Musk approves. You get to keep your job of being a celebrity.
- [66:56]
Liza Trager
And it was very gay efficient.
- [66:58]
John Lovett
Oh, yeah, that was gay efficient.
- [66:59]
Liza Trager
Yeah.
- [66:59]
John Lovett
That was a department of gay efficiency, for sure. Yeah. Every part of that sounded gay.
- [67:04]
Liza Trager
Yeah.
- [67:04]
John Lovett
Even the body scan. It feels a little bit gay.
- [67:07]
Liza Trager
Especially the body scan.
- [67:10]
John Lovett
Lisa, you're up.
- [67:11]
David Tennant
Okay. My flight from New York to LA was diverted in Kansas City, and I did not complain at all. Not even at all. I was fine with it to today. I wore an underwire bra and a wedge, and I feel like that's a lot. I connect, you know, I pet, like, a really sweet dog today. But, like, we connected, too. Like, even the owner was like, I guess that's your dog now. Like, it really was a beautiful pet situation. I caught up on a show as well. I watched all of Southern hospitality, and I'm fully caught up. And then my fifth one, I don't really know. Like, I guess I couldn't come up with five. I called my parents.
- [67:57]
John Lovett
Oh, that sounds good.
- [67:58]
David Tennant
I had, like, a long chat with my parents.
- [68:00]
John Lovett
I count that. Yeah, I count that. Accomplishments. Those are a good list.
- [68:04]
David Tennant
But I'm lucky to be able to call them.
- [68:06]
John Lovett
It's really nice to not complain in an incident where you have no control and the people you'd be complaining to have no control. Speaks well of you. Speaks well of you.
- [68:14]
David Tennant
Thank you.
- [68:14]
John Lovett
I think. I don't know that I would be able to.
- [68:17]
David Tennant
That's the weed.
- [68:18]
John Lovett
Could be.
- [68:20]
David Tennant
No, it was a nice flight. Good flight. Attendance. I wasn't in a rush.
- [68:25]
John Lovett
My turn. All right. I angrily replied on the Internet against my better judgment. I did that several times. 2. Have slowly worked through about 2 pounds of leftover s'mores chocolate from the summer. That's real. I have a tin can filled with mini Hershey bars, and I've just been working my way through them. A little treat after dinner. 3. Ask people who depend on me for their very livelihoods, how was that? At least twice. 4. Invented a new kind of pesto called old lettuce pesto. You all know what that is, so let me tell you the recipe for old lettuce pesto you have. I listen. Basically, I thought, well, how different is spring mix from spinach, really? And so I, like, cooked it a little and then turned it into a pesto by putting it in the ninja.
- [69:33]
David Tennant
Basil. Basil.
- [69:35]
John Lovett
The basil had gone bad, so there was no basil. I had basil I fucking had basil. But it had gone bad. The chives hadn't, so some chives went in.
- [69:46]
David Tennant
But why didn't you just not eat pesto in that moment?
- [69:51]
John Lovett
This isn't a list of the things I didn't do. I'm not saying I'm gonna have it again. It was an experiment. I had the pine nuts, I had the lettuce. Well, it was a spring mix. The salmon was okay. Hey, you know what? The first person that figured out you could boil rhubarb for six hours and make a pie, people thought he was crazy. And five, convince Gayle King to become an astronaut. And that's my list. That's my list. Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Liza Trager. Thank you both so much.
- [70:34]
Liza Trager
Thank you.
- [70:35]
John Lovett
That is our show. We'll see you next week at Dynasty typewriter. There are 612 days until the midterm elections. Have a great night and have a great weekend. Love it or Leave it is a crooked media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Bill McGrath is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Elaine Pierre, Will Miles and Mahanad El Shechi are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. And Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by by. Sure, sure. Thanks to our designer, Sammy Kaderna Reeves for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, David Tolus, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, and Matt De Groat for filming and editing videos each week so youo can and our production SAP is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America. Just love it or leave it.
- [72:06]
Jesse Tyler Ferguson
Start a business that sells decorative plates.
- [72:08]
John Lovett
Find out.
- [72:08]
Jesse Tyler Ferguson
You have to track expenses. Use Intuit QuickBooks to auto track expenses so you can keep spinning selling those plates. Manage and grow your business all in one place. Intuit QuickBooks, your way to money.
- [72:23]
John Lovett
Hey, what's up? It's Wanda Sykes. I'm here to remind you about something super important. Getting your breast screened. Because, trust me, your breast health should be a priority. Early detection for breast cancer can change the game. Which is why you should visit YourAttentionPlease.com to learn more. And do me a favor. If you've already had a breast cancer screening, remind your friends and family to visit your yourattentionplease com, too. We got to look out for our girls.