John Lovett (7:45)
Gaza is finally here Trump Gaza shining no more. Palestine will be free from the river to the seafood buffet. That was actually the second freakish AI Trump video of the week on Monday. A video showing Trump rubbing and kissing Elon Musk's feet under the words Long live the real King played on TV screens in the Department of Housing and Urban Development. And unfortunately, we do have a clip. Oh, Jesus. All right. God damn it. And now you have seven days to show that to someone. Ha ha. For our audio only, listeners cherish not having seen what we've just seen. Betsy in the front row is bleeding from the eyes. Speaking of the devil. At Trump's first cabinet meeting, he called on Elon to speak before any of his actual cabinet members. Here's what Elon said. We will make mistakes. We won't be perfect, but when we make mistakes, we'll fix it very quickly. So, for example, with usaid, one of the things we accidentally canceled very briefly, was Ebola. Ebola prevention. Ha ha ha. Oops. Incredible thing to bring up unprompted in a meeting. That would be like me right now telling all of you that I almost hit Tommy with my car because I was buying a bucket hat on my phone. It's true, but why would I announce it? None of you even asked. Current and former USAID officials said it wasn't just a brief disruption. The agency's Ebola prevention efforts have largely come to a halt since Doge gutted it last month. It's unfortunate that uncontrolled global Ebola outbreak is below Dan bongino on my 1000 item things to be terrified of list. But that's where we're at. And while we're telling the truth about things, I did hit Tommy with my car. It was just a tap, and I was more scared than he was. During the meeting, one reporter asked Health and Human Services secretary and human coin star machine RFK Jr about the recent death. We're allowed. We're allowed to make jokes about his voice. Human COIN Star machine. Harve Gay Jr. Was asked about the recent death of an unvaccinated child in Texas, the first measles death in the United States since 2015. It's not unusual. We have measles outbreaks every year. You sound a little under the weather yourself. Oh, it's nothing. It's measles. I have measles. We do have measles outbreaks all the time. They're happening a lot now because of declining vaccination rates, because of misinformation about vaccines from people like RFK Jr. It's like he's driving a car straight into a 711 and saying what a shame this kind of thing is happening more and more. Meanwhile, Trump officials have canceled a vaccine advisory panel that was scheduled for next month to decide which flu strains next year's flu vaccine would target, running behind schedule because RFK Jr isn't done with the taste test. I don't know what that means. Speaking of rich people and places they shouldn't be, Trump announced a new executive order this week. We're going to be selling a gold card. You have a green card. This is a gold card. We're going to be putting a price on that card of about $5 million. And that's going to give you green card privileges. Plus, it's going to be a route to citizenship. And wealthy people will be coming into our country giving your tired, your poor, but also your huddled oligarchs yearning to see the Manhattan apartment they were using to park their rubles. Green card plus, like no ads. And yeah, again, something else that you need Congress to create a new kind of green card. Anyway, uh, that by the way, about oligarchs is not hyperbole eligible for a gold card? Yeah, possibly. Hey, I know some Russian oligarchs that are very nice people. It's possible, but are they happy? Speaking. Speaking. Unbelievable. Speaking of oligarchy, the Associated Press, which is still banned from the White House press pool, by the way, reported that starlink equipment had already been installed in Federal Aviation Administration facilities. No word yet. And when the submarine will be ready to save those Thai kids. Now, Thai adults stuck in that cave, remember that submarine? That was the sign. That was the sign of where we were headed. The satellite company owned by Elon Musk's SpaceX is reportedly on track to take over a $2 billion contract currently held by Verizon to provide a network for air traffic controllers. Great news for plane crash enthusiasts. If you're at a crosswalk, make sure to look left, right and up because got also start looking up. Don't even need to finish it because you might get hit by a plane. All right? And I can't believe this was over the weekend less than a week ago. But over the weekend, Elon Musk kicked off the latest Doge debacle by sending an email to millions of federal workers with the subject line, what did you do last week? To their relief, he was just trying to destroy their careers. Not ham handedly flirt like they'd feared. The email demanded that workers provide five bullet points explaining what they'd accomplished in the past week. By the end of the day on Monday or lose their job. Chilling. If I had to write out what I accomplished last week, I would be fired from the company I co founded and own. John, all five of your bullet points can't be consumed. Stale office snacks to make room for new and better snacks. I want you to know something in a way that I won't bother explaining to you. That is a little too close to reality about the intra office snack conversation that's been ongoing. Yeah, it's like how healthy, you know. By Monday, confused federal employees were struggling to make sense of contradictory guidance from Musk personnel officials and Donald Trump himself about whether or not to respond. These poor people. At least when I email my employees demanding they answer my questions, the answers are obvious. Like no, it's not noticeable at all. Or oh like 33, maybe 35, but definitely not 42. NBC News reported that responses to the email were expected to be fed into an AI system which would decide which jobs were necessary. And this just in. The AI has decided that only its job is necessary and that every federal employee must be liquefied into XF9 fuel to power a new kind of computer we don't even know about yet. Yeah. By Monday night, 48 hours later, the Trump administration had backed off, saying responding to the email was voluntary. Nevertheless, the White House announced on Tuesday that more than a million employees had responded, roughly a third of the federal workforce. This should go without saying, but if you ever put yourself in a position to receive 1 million emails in 48 hours, you have fucked up on a shocking sale. Or you bought a T shirt one time. And if that wasn't enough, in a Sunday night true social post, Trump announced that MAGA podcaster Dan Bongino will be the next Deputy Director of the FBI, even though he's never worked at the FBI. No. Didn't even make sense. That announcement came just an hour after the FBI Agents association told its members that the agency's newly installed director, Kash Patel, had privately committed to naming an FBI agent as his second in command. Which is what every previous FBI director has done because it's a real operations job for a person with experience. You can't ask a novice to spy on Martin Luther King and infiltrate the naacp. That takes experience. It takes know how neither Patel nor Bongino have ever worked at the bureau they now lead. I wish we could have some grace for these guys. It's genuinely brave to take on such a big job like that without the right experience under so much scrutiny. Your first week at any office is just weird. Like the first time you have to poop at work when you're at your new job. So worse, everybody's gonna see your shoes. Current and former FBI agents said they were appalled by the choice. Bongino, a former Secret Service agent and Fox News host, once said in his podcast that the FBI is irredeemably corrupt. This is what we call in Los Angeles manifesting, one former senior FBI official told reporters. We now have two conspiracy theorists and election deniers running our premier law enforcement agency, and any hope that Cash could be steered by having experienced leaders around him is out the window. Also soon to be out the window, journalists asking the wrong questions. Bongino defended his appointment on his podcast, saying, people play different roles in their lives. People are dads. People are soccer coaches. People are cops in military offers. People are carpenters. People are plumbers. We play different roles in our life, and each one requires a different skill set. I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. I'm a dad. I'm a plumber. I'm a neat freak. I'm a slob. 911 was an inside job. All right, thank you. Also, podcasting doesn't require a different skill set. It requires no skill set. Speaking of podcasting skills, Fox News has been a little bit obsessed with our Pod Save America interview with Bill Maher this week, specifically my defense of trans rights. Here's part of that interview. You want the government to ban gender affirming care for kids? You want to lose every election? Just keep coming down on the side of parents coming in second in a who gets to decide what goes on with my kid contest. Let me just be the first to say hello to all your grandparents out there who just saw my face for the first time. Here's Joe Concha on my performance. That was John Lovett from the Soros paid Pod Save America who looked like, you know, dude, can you take a shower or do something before you go on a major podcast like this? First of all, this episode of Love it or Leave it is brought to you by Soros brand Jewish space lasers. Jewish space Lasers. We're passing over you right now. Also, Joe wouldn't be talking like this if he knew how much sloppier I look on the days when I don't have a big interview. He would be complimenting my closed toed shoes. He goes on. I mean, look at the guy. I mean, what? Sweatpants, t shirt, it's 5:30 in the morning and here I am in a suit. But go figure. The only two good reasons to be in a suit at 5:30 in the morning are because you're sobering up at a Waffle House or it's the day of your open casket funeral. Here's Fox is outnumbered on the interview.
