Finally, Justice for Matt Gaetz

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Lovett or Leave It" – Episode: Finally, Justice for Matt Gaetz

Introduction to Trump's Cabinet Nominations (00:44 – 03:33)

In this episode of Lovett or Leave It, host Jon Lovett delves into the recent cabinet nominations announced by Donald Trump following his reelection. Lovett humorously refers to Trump’s selection strategy as the "Adam Sandler Doctrine," highlighting Trump's tendency to nominate friends and allies regardless of their qualifications. A fabricated example is Trump supposedly nominating Rob Schneider, an anti-vaxxer and former SNL actor, as Ambassador to Germany, which Lovett clarifies was a joke created before the actual nomination announcements.

Focus on Matt Gaetz’s Nomination (03:33 – 10:14)

The centerpiece of the discussion centers on Trump’s nomination of Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz for Attorney General. Lovett critiques Gaetz's qualifications, noting his limited legal experience and ongoing allegations of misconduct, including allegations of soliciting sex from teenage girls. Lovett states, “...the most important point. But also a guy who spent a couple years as an associate at a Northwest Florida corporate law office before nepo babying his way into Florida politics is not qualified to run the Department of Justice. And everyone knows this” ([03:37] John Lovett).

Reactions from GOP Members (10:14 – 24:15)

Lovett examines the mixed reactions within the Republican Party regarding Gaetz’s nomination. Prominent Senate Republicans like Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski expressed shock and skepticism. Collins emphasized the importance of the advice and consent process, stating, “I was shocked by the appointment. That shows why the advice and consent process is so important” ([05:22] John Lovett). Meanwhile, Lindsey Graham appeared supportive, expressing confidence in Gaetz's abilities despite widespread criticism.

Ethics Concerns and Speculations (24:15 – 10:10)

The conversation shifts to the House Ethics Committee’s planned vote on releasing a report concerning Gaetz’s alleged misconduct. Lovett outlines a potential scenario where Gaetz might resign pending the report’s release, thereby derailing the nomination without clear evidence being made public. He muses, “Trump nominates Gaetz, Gaetz resigns before the report can be released, and then the Gaetz nomination goes down” ([09:18] John Lovett). Additionally, Lovett criticizes Trump’s steadfast support for Gaetz, highlighting a lack of serious alternatives within the party.

Broader Implications and Political Strategy (10:10 – 24:15)

Lovett argues that Trump's nomination of Gaetz signifies a broader strategy to prioritize loyalty over competence within his administration. He suggests that Trump's choices reflect a desire to maintain a tight-knit circle of supporters, potentially at the expense of effective governance. Lovett warns of the dangers this poses to institutional integrity and the rule of law, emphasizing the need for accountability within the party.

Humorous Interlude and Guest Interactions (24:15 – 75:40)

Following the serious political discourse, the episode transitions into lighter segments, including games and interviews with guests like Brian Jordan Alvarez and Reggie Watts. These segments offer comic relief and personal anecdotes, maintaining the show's signature blend of humor and commentary. Notably, the conversation touches on topics like superhero movies, personal habits, and nostalgic memories, ensuring an engaging and well-rounded listening experience.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts (75:40 – End)

In the final segment, Lovett introduces a game titled "Would You Fuck This?" where hosts and guests share unapologetic personal quirks and habits. This playful interaction underscores the show's commitment to balancing political critique with relatable, everyday humor. Lovett wraps up by encouraging listeners to find joy amidst political turmoil, reinforcing the podcast’s mission to entertain while informing.

Notable Quotes:

• Jon Lovett ([03:37]): “I have loved everybody's high notes, but we're doing something now called joyride, which is instead of something big and important in your life, something small, fun and distracting in your life.”

• Jon Lovett ([09:18]): “Trump nominates Gaetz, Gaetz resigns before the report can be released, and then the Gaetz nomination goes down, clearing the way for a slightly less terrible pick to seem like a relief by comparison.”

• Susan Collins ([05:22]): “I was shocked by the appointment. That shows why the advice and consent process is so important.”

• Lisa Murkowski ([05:50]): “Gates selection was not on her bingo card and that he is not a serious candidate, adding, if you wanted to make a joke, maybe I would say now I'm waiting for Jorge Santos to be named.”

Episode Highlights:

• Critical Analysis of Trump’s Cabinet Picks: Lovett scrutinizes the qualifications and implications of Trump's nominees, with a spotlight on Matt Gaetz's controversial appointment.

• Internal GOP Reactions: Insight into how Republican leaders are grappling with Trump's nomination choices, reflecting divisions within the party.

• Ethics and Accountability: Discussion on the potential release of an ethics report on Gaetz and the broader issues of accountability in political appointments.

• Humor and Guest Interactions: Balancing heavy political topics with humor and personal stories from guests, maintaining an engaging and entertaining atmosphere.

Conclusion:

This episode of Lovett or Leave It offers a sharp critique of Donald Trump's post-election cabinet nominations, particularly focusing on the contentious selection of Matt Gaetz as Attorney General. Through a mix of political analysis, insider reactions, and comedic interludes, Jon Lovett provides listeners with a comprehensive and entertaining exploration of current political dynamics within the Republican Party.

Transcript

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[John Lovett]

Listen. All right, welcome to Love it or Leave It. Tonight on the show, Brian Jordan Alvarez shows hole punch. Reggie Watts tunes up while I tune out. And to wrap it all up, Reggie Bryant and I give doubling down a big old thumbs up. Plus, again, I want to see what's on your minds tonight. So at the end of the show, we're just going to see what's on your minds. What we're done with high notes. We're simply done with them. I have loved everybody's high notes, but we're doing something now called joyride, which is instead of something big and important in your life, something small, fun and distracting in your life, or in the case of last week, something big and distracting in your life, it was about an orgasm. All right, but first, let's get into it. What a week. In the days since his reelection, Donald Trump has been announcing cabinet picks in White House appointees that reflect his desire to be surrounded with friends and allies, regardless of qualifications. This is of course known as the Adam Sandler Doctrine. This was purely a joke and we literally wrote it before we heard that Trump had actually nominated Rob Schneider to be the ambassador to Germany. Yes. Yes. Former SNL actor and current anti vaxxer Rob Schneider, ambassador to Germany. Yes. No, we made that up. But you believed it because that's where we're at. Trump first announced that Susie Wiles, his campaign co chair and who is a former lobbyist, will serve as White House Chief of staff, making her the first woman to ever hold that job.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

This is my father song.

[John Lovett]

Susie Wiles is a real keep the trains on time and on the track sort of person. Who's on the trains? Where are they going? None of her business. Trump named Congresswoman Elise Stefanik to be ambassador to the United Nations. She is a once normie millennial Harvard Republican that was very critical of Trump who used the first Ukraine impeachment to do a rebrand as a maga dunce. She ultimately joined a lawsuit to overturn the 2020 election. More recently, she famously tried to set a trap for those college presidents over antisemitism, which she didn't even get to use because they just jumped into the hole before she didn't even have a chance to like spread branches over it. It's like she had like had this whole line of questioning to lead them to a gotcha, but they were just.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Like.

[John Lovett]

Stefanik will direct that same preening antagonism toward the United nations. And honestly, whatever, we've got bigger fish to fry. Trump also named another former critic cum supplicant to a high ranking foreign policy role. Marco Rubio has been chosen to be Secretary of State. When asked for comment, Rubio scurried under a thimble to escape a hungry robin, which I assume means he accepted. Imagine if the person you were nine days ago could hear you saying oh thank God, Secretary of State Marco Rubio. Imagine how hard you would punch you. The rest of the nominations rolled out like this. For those listening at home, that was a scene from late Game of Thrones where a white walker runs towards Cersei Lannister. Trump selected former New York Congressman Lee Zeldin to lead the epa. Zeldin doesn't have a specific track record or interest in environmental policy. He has expressed skepticism of climate change, but his main qualifications seem to be being from New York and voting to overturn the election. And yeah, that pick sounded bad when Trump announced it back on Monday. But it's Thursday now and with Thursday comes perspective. So have at it, Mr. Zeldin. When's the last time any of us really hung out in a marsh? You know we have bigger fish to fry. Tom Homan, acting ICE Director during the first Trump administration and one of the architects of its family separation policy will serve as borders are. This is distinct from Trump's other family separation policy, which is marked by some outright estrangement, but mostly a quiet, deepening chasm between parents and children, marked not by angry conversations, but silences and unsent texts. Plus a decision to simply split up into a wicked group and a gladiator. Two group plus Santa Monica fascist Stephen Miller will come aboard as deputy Chief of Staff for policy. Fresh office press tour for Nosferatu. I hear he is phenomenal. Trump announced Tuesday that he will nominate Arkansas governor and guy who unironically believes God is white, Mike Huckabee, to serve as ambassador to Israel. Big congrats to Israel. Or as Mike Huckabee calls it, Jutopia. Huckabee said this about Israel's settlements earlier in the week. I think Israel has title deed to Judea and Samaria. There are certain words I refuse to use. There is no such thing as a West Bank. It's Judea and Samaria. There's no such thing as a settlement. Their communities, their neighborhoods, their cities. There's no such thing as an occupation. I mean, sure, we can all deny the existence of people and realities that complicate our worldview. I guess there's no such thing as a Mike Huckabee. Feels good to say. Would be cool if it works. On Tuesday, Trump named Fox News anchor Pete Hegseth as his Secretary of Defense, which again, seemed like the craziest choice possible on Tuesday. But here we are on Thursday, having lived a thousand lives, all of them terrible. He previously considered Hegseth to head up Veterans affairs during his first term, but was advised he probably wouldn't get confirmed by the Senate. Here's a video of Pete throwing an axe at a drummer. Who's going to win this battle of the Lundigan? Then on Wednesday, Trump announced that former Hawaii Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard would serve as Director of National Intelligence. Congrats to Tulsi. But an even bigger congrats to her FSB handlers. You guys crush this one. Should someone who amplifies conspiracy theories and parrots Russian propaganda be put in charge of 18 spy agencies? A question for all of us to consider nine days ago. But amazingly, jaw droppingly, the worst was yet to come as Trump announced Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz as his pick for attorney general. And you know what those magic words mean. It's a hard reset on the simulation. Any minute now. Here we go. I wonder how far back we'll go this cycle. I'd like to see Gravity in the theater for the first time again. That was a fucking blast. Ooh, wake up, 2012. About to find out. I was gonna shoot a pilot for NBC, a TV show with my name on it. It's gonna be a hit. Any second now. Here we go. Let's reset. Any second. When a reporter asked GOP Congressman Mike Simpson whether he thought that Gaetz, who is despised, I remind you, not just by House Democrats, but by House Republicans, was fit to be Attorney General, Simpson replied, and this is a quote. Are you shitting me that you just asked that question? No, but hell, you'll print that. And now I'm going to be investigated. What a perfect quote to encapsulate Trump's second term. Put it in the history books. Countries that still have those four years from now. Politico reporter Meredith Lee Hill also said she saw a House Republican laughing so hard about Gaetz's appointment that he started crying. The choice of Matt Gaetz did not sit well with many Senate Republicans, some of whom thought it was a literal joke. He's got his work really cut out for him, a chuckling Joni Ernst told reporters. Said Susan Collins, I was shocked by the appointment. That shows why the advice and consent process is so important. I'm sure that there will be a lot of questions raised at his hearing. If there's one thing Susan Collins is gonna be, it's shocked. Just a 71 year old woman moving through the Trump era like a baby on the business end of a peekaboo. Lisa Murkowski said that Gates selection was not on her bingo card and that he is not a serious candidate, adding, if you wanted to make a joke, maybe I would say now I'm waiting for Jorge Santos to be named. Can I ask a question? When did people start saying not on my bingo card? Events are never on bingo cards. Numbers are on bingo cards. It's always only numbers. Though some Republicans did get in line with the manifestly unqualified Gaetz, who has never been a prosecutor and only briefly served in private practice as a lawyer. Tommy Tuberville, who reportedly reacted to the news with holy cow, went on Fox News and threatened his fellow Senate Republicans who might be thinking of voting against a Trump nominee.

[Reggie Watts]

And if you want to get in the way, fine.

[John Lovett]

But we're going to try to get.

[Reggie Watts]

You out of the Senate too, if.

[John Lovett]

You try to do that. Cool colleague Lindsey Graham also seemed ready to board the Gates train. He won the election. He deserves a chance to pick his cabinet. I am predisposed to allow him to do that. I think Matt Gaetz is very bright. I think he's qualified. You fag. He's not qualified. Words have meaning. Look, I know we're all focusing on the fact that Matt Gaetz is a fucking maniac and vile person who allegedly solicited sex from teenage girls. And that is the most important point. But also a guy who spent a couple years as an associate at a Northwest Florida corporate law office before nepo babying his way into Florida politics is not qualified to run the Department of Justice. And everyone knows this. Lindsey Graham knows this. Matt Gaetz knows this. Now, some have speculated that this is some sort of a favor. Gates immediately resigned from Congress on Wednesday, which is strange. Doesn't have to resign immediately. He's not even been officially nominated. Trump isn't president. But then we learn that the House Ethics Committee planned to vote on Friday on whether to release an apparently damning report on the bipartisan investigation into Gates's alleged crimes, sexual and otherwise. In case you're wondering what might be in that report, here's Matt Gaetz's number one enemy, former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, talking to the press back in April, and I'll give you the truth why I'm not Speaker. It's because one person, a member of Congress, wanted me to stop an ethics complaint be because he slept with a 17 year old. So the theory goes, Trump nominates Gaetz, Gaetz resigns before the report can be released, and then the Gaetz nomination goes down, clearing the way for a slightly less terrible pick to seem like a relief by comparison. It's an interesting theory with just one problem. Trump wants Gaetz to be Attorney General. Trump is reportedly very serious about this, with one advisor telling the bulwark, none of the attorneys had what Trump wants and they didn't talk like Gaetz. Everyone else looked at AG as if they were applying for a judicial appointment. They talked about their vaunted legal theories and const. Constitutional bullshit. Gaetz was the only one who said, yeah, I'll go over there and start cutting fucking heads. I just hope Merrick Garland feels good about twisting himself into an inert pretzel to avoid the appearance of political weaponization, only for Trump to run on that anyway and then appoint Matt fucking Gates to take his job. Then on Thursday, a lawyer for the woman who Gates allegedly slept with when she was a minor asked for the report to be released anyway. John Cornyn, who sits on the Judiciary Committee, suggested the committee could subpoena that report, saying we should gain access to all relevant information by whatever means necessary. Personally, I don't think we need the report. The publicly available information is incredibly damning, and any GOP senator pretending not to know enough about who Matt Gaetz is is lying. You don't need final word from the Bayer Safety Committee before you're allowed to say, hey, maybe we shouldn't let this horny pervert grizzly loose at the Department of Justice. But yes, of course, subpoena the report, go off. King on the whole, Trump's pick seemed to dare Republicans to challenge him, and few seem up for it. Here's Congressman Troy Nell summing up the prevailing GOP mindset on Capitol Hill. There's no question he's a leader of our party, so now he's got a mission statement. His mission and his goals and objectives, whatever that is. We need to embrace it. All of it, every single word. If Donald Trump says jump 3ft high and scratch your head. We all jump 3ft high and scratch our heads. If he wants us to writhe on a tarp covered in chocolate pudding and oink like filthy little piggies, we will actually let me just get the tarps out now. We don't want to leave him waiting just a little bit of therapy, away from realizing he just wants to do some sub down play at home and then that's all he wants. Completely unexamined. Get one beautiful woman to step on his balls, maybe get out of this mess. Or a guy. Could be a guy. I don't think he knows if it should be a guy or not. And we're all about to see how pliant these little piggies can be. Because on Thursday, Trump announced his intention to nominate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. The anti vax crank and bone collector, to be Secretary of Health and Human Services. Our nation's fate is in the worms hands now. And I know worms don't have hands. I went to school pre Trump. Thank you very much. Kennedy, who rails not only against Big Pharma but also Big Food, complained earlier this week about Trump's fast food diet, saying campaign food is always bad, but the food that goes onto that airplane is like just poison. You're either given KFC or Big Macs. Then he added, that's why I always pack my own lunch, gesturing to the dead raccoon tucked under his arm like a football. In a twist following Trump's announcement, friend of the show and Colorado Governor Jared Polis tweeted in support of RFK Jr's nomination. Of all our guests on this show, Jared Polis is not who I would have predicted to be psyched about RFK Jr heading up HHS. I'm not even gonna say who I would have guessed. Jane Fonda. Stop asking me. I don't mean that. I don't mean that, I don't mean that. I don't mean that, wrote the governor. I'm excited by the news that the President Elect will appoint Robert Kennedy Jr. To HHS. He helped us defeat vaccine mandates in Colorado in 2019 and will help make America healthy again by shaking up HHS and fda. Okay, so maybe we do need to make marijuana illegal, said Polis. I hope he leans into personal choice on vaccines rather than bans, which I think are terrible, just like mandates. But what I'm most optimistic about is taking on Big Pharma and the corporate ag oligopoly to improve our health. Polis goes on to explain his enthusiasm for Kennedy's desire to lower the cost of prescription medication, remove the influence of big agriculture from the FDA and reduce pesticide heavy farming, which he notes is bad for our pollinators and our people. Sure, that would be good. I'm not sure why Jared Polis thinks a crank lawyer and dilettante is the person to accomplish them, but whatever prescription drug is making him feel that way, I would certainly like Some Twitter users pointed out that Polis tweeted in August about RFK Jr. S hypothetical involvement with the Trump administration. Not sure how bringing back measles and bringing back polio makes anyone more healthy. Yes, August Jared, so true. August Jared, here is RFK Jr. S actual response to that post by Governor Polis today. It reads, thank you Governor Polish. I look forward to working with you Maha, which is Make America Healthy Again. Polis tweeted a little cleanup saying science must remain the cornerstone of our nation's health policy and the science backed decision to get vaccinated improves public health and safety, adding lest there be any doubt, I am vaccinated as is my family. I will hold any HHS secretary to the same high standard of protecting and improving public health. Just a reminder. According to the Lancet, over the last 50 years, vaccines against just 14 illnesses have prevented 154 million deaths, 146 million of which were children. Since 2000 alone, just the measles vaccine has prevented 60 million deaths. Vaccines are a miracle. The only reason anti vax skepticism has any quarter in modern society is because anti vaxxers live in a world in which life before vaccines is unimaginable to all of us. They spin each other up, they deny basic science, all while protected by one of the greatest achievements in human history. Kids have gotten very sick from preventable childhood illnesses, and some have died because of RFK Jr. S brand of bullshit. And lots of people bought into the anti vaccine hysteria around Covid and died because of it. But anti vaccine crusaders were on the making trouble. That changes if RFK Jr. Oversees the FDA, the CDC, the National Institutes of Health. Not just for the damage he can do in the short term, but the damage he can do to research in the long term. Polis says, I don't want vaccine bans, but RFK makes some good points about pesticides and nutrition. There are many dangerous and foolish people who have a few good points. Eric Adams is right about the rats. The Unabomber manifesto had some interesting arguments about industrialization and global capitalism. That's not a justification for putting them in charge and hoping for the best I would put the Unabomber in charge of Harvard. Now that I think about it for just a second, does that mean that experts are always right? No. Does that mean there aren't ways in which stodgy consensus or health policy co opted by lobbyists ought to be disrupted? Of course not. I remember when the federal government put out the food pyramid, telling us we needed 6 to 10 servings of bread a day. What a glorious time to be alive that was. Can't have any chicken tonight. I'm on a diet. It's only pasta. That was what the government did. Country gained a trillion pounds. No dessert until you've had your six slices of bread. When I was growing up in middle school, you could get a plate of French fries with chocolate milk for lunch. That's a botch. But this department, more than any other, has a responsibility, not just to the truth, but to how we gather the evidence and data over decades to help us know the truth. RFK Jr doesn't respect that inquiry. He's a danger to it. The man is a crank. What is a crank? A crank is somebody whose combination of arrogance and ignorance leads them to believe they know better than every expert. That they can see what all the best minds have missed, that they know better. And that ego and dogmatism often prevails, even when the stakes are high, even when the stakes are life and death. Because they don't know what they don't know and they're too cavalier and entitled to find out. And that makes someone like RFK Jr. Unacceptable. And Jared Polis ought to fucking say that. Or maybe having gay governors was a mistake. Hate to say that I don't want to turn on gay governors. There's that bisexual one in the Pacific Northwest. Maybe she's okay. Meanwhile, the signs of the orderly working of our democracy are all around us. In his meeting with President Biden, Trump thanked him for a smooth transition. Thank you very much. And politics is tough. And it's in many cases not a very nice world. But it is a nice world. World today. And I appreciate very much a transition that's so smooth. It'll be as smooth as it can get. And I very much appreciate that. You're welcome. The only smooth transition I see involves my brain cells. I know Biden has to do this meeting, but does he have to be so friendly? At least challenge this bitch to a push up contest. Melania did not join her husband for the visit to the White House on Wednesday, skipping a traditional meeting with First Lady Jill Biden without providing a in her defense, Trump hasn't announced his pick for first lady yet. Oh, no. Sorry you can't make it, girls, said Jill Biden, refilling the same continuous bath she's been taking since July. In other news, Mattel has apologized for accidentally printing the URL of a porn website and the packaging for its Wicked themed dolls. The label mistakenly directed fans to Wicked.com instead of the official site Analgasm. Speaking of gasms, People magazine is named John Krasinski. It's 2024. Sexiest Man Alive man. Sexiest man kind of alive went to former president Jimmy Carter. Mark Zuckerberg released a cover of Get Low with T Pain. Let's take a listen. From the windows to the walls Til drops down my till all these bitches crawl. Do you know how annoying you have to be to make us forget you're not the world's most annoying billionaire? That really was Mark Zuckerberg. And now that you've heard it, you have seven days to play it for someone else. Or else Mark Zuckerberg crawls out of a well and makes you listen to it again. The Onion won a bankruptcy auction. This is good news to buy Alex Jones Infowars with the help of Sandy Hook families and said it plans to turn the website into a parody of itself. It will take control of all the company's assets, including its studio. Unable to safely test for rabies, they unfortunately had no choice but to have Jones himself humanely euthanized. Rest in piss, Alex. That's great. And finally, Denzel Washington revealed he had a big gay kiss in Ridley Scott's Gladiator 2, but the scene ended up on the cutting room floor. I know. Thirty years ago, Denzel and Julia Roberts were not allowed to kiss in the Pelican Brief because of racism. Thirty years later, Denzel can't kiss somebody because of homophobia. I'm calling it progress, said Denzel. I actually kissed a man in the film, but they took it out, they cut it. I think they got chicken. He went on to say, next time, I'll make sure it's in the script. All right, up next, Brian Jordan Alvers is here to put the stud in study.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up.

[John Lovett]

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I didn't know they did cashmere there.

[John Lovett]

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[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Hello. Here.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, Great.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

Great. Hi. Hi.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Hi. Hi.

[John Lovett]

Hi, Brian.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Hey. Good to see you. We see each other at Barry's Boot Camp. We do almost weekly. A lot, I would say.

[John Lovett]

We see a lot. We see each other a lot. And it's a really hard place to bump into somebody.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I'm usually energy. If it's after, then I have a lot of energy and I'm like, I'm always ready. Yeah, yeah.

[John Lovett]

I just feel.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

It's like you're kind of focused. You're in the.

[John Lovett]

I just feel vulnerable in that setting.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Right, right.

[John Lovett]

You know, it's not where I, like, I don't, you know, I'm not there to talk. I'm not there for children. I'm not. I'm not looking to have a general meeting.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Right, right. Yeah. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

I'm sorry if that's the energy I've been giving off. I'm always happy to see you.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

No, it's great. I mean, we. I feel like we sort of booked this off of that.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. I think it was. I think it was, like, unspoken. Yeah.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

What's it like to have a hit on your hands?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Oh, it feels great.

[John Lovett]

Wait, who's. Yeah.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Are the clappers clapping? People watching English Teacher? Yeah. Have any of you seen me dancing to try to get you to watch English Teacher? Yeah. Okay. That's a smaller crowd. Okay.

[John Lovett]

I have to say, like, I had this. I, like, had this. I realized I had this sort of.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Drinking problem.

[John Lovett]

Drinking. I did have this drinking problem. No, I had this Basque. I, like, had this reflected kind of pride or like, it felt poignant because I remember watching you make the Caleb Gallup YouTube videos.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Thank you.

[John Lovett]

And it was so exciting to see this show and then see all your friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be in the show.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

And what is satisfying for me and to FX's credit, is that the voice wasn't like lost in the. In the. It actually got better. Like, it's like, oh, yeah. This sort of got upgraded to a full level show. And it didn't. It wasn't like, oh, they, they lost the sauce. You know, it was like, it translated.

[John Lovett]

Now, do you worry that there was a period of time in Los Angeles where everybody was telling you about their web series and do you worry that. That you might cause that to happen again?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Well, what's funny is I never thought of Caleb as a. It's this it's this show I put on YouTube years ago and I never thought of it as a web series. I always. It was like me and my friends making this amateur thing. But I always called it a show because the word web series was so sort of. I found it. I was like allergic to this word web series, you know. And so then it is funny when people are like, hey, I'm interested in making a web series. How did you make your web series? And I'm like, I didn't make a web series. I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry. But yeah, yeah, I mean, hopefully it inspires people though, in a real way. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Did you talk to kids, actual high school kids in working on the show for English teacher?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Yeah, not really.

[John Lovett]

No.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

No, we. No, I mean, you know, we have a lot of genuinely young people. Not. I guess we only have a couple of real high schoolers. Most people are in their early 20s who are playing our students. But we, yeah, we learn from them and we let them improv a lot and we're finding the voice and some of them are sort of TikTok finds. There's this guy who's really funny in the show, Ben Bondurant. He plays this character, Jeff, who always has these very funny one liners. And he was from TikTok and this girl ali was from TikTok and we like put her in the pilot when she was like, you know, had a big TikTok following. But then she exploded after we cast her in the pilot. Now she has all these pop songs and she's great. So that's cool. The youth is, you know, is present and their voice is present.

[John Lovett]

You're from Tennessee originally?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Yeah, very. Yeah, very rural Tennessee. We just went home to visit my parents in Tennessee and Elliot here was shocked at how small the town I grew up in was. There's a Walmart. There's not even like a Red Lobster in Olive Garden. Like those things are in like a city nearby, you know, like, this is like a small, small town. But I was born in New York City, so I sort of. I got to the sticks of Tennessee when I was 4. So I kind of knew, like, oh, this is the country. But I'm from the city and I'll go back to the city one day.

[John Lovett]

And you knew that at that young age. Here you are.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I was like, I'm a gay city five year old. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

What kind of restaurant? If there wasn't a Red Lobster, Olive Garden, what was there?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

My God, there's something called there's something that's a take on the Sizzler, but it's not the Sizzler. It's called Western Sirloin.

[John Lovett]

Oh, that sounds.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

There's a Waffle House.

[John Lovett]

Oh, that's nice. That's great.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah. I eat a Waffle House a lot. When I'm like, you can get a lot of protein at Waffle House. A big omelet.

[John Lovett]

Right, right. You don't need to get a waffle.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Exactly. Yeah, yeah.

[John Lovett]

You can just get it.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Sometimes you do end up getting.

[John Lovett]

You'll get a waffle. You don't have to not get a waffle either.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Exactly.

[John Lovett]

Someone's recommending the loaded hash. The audience feels like part of the show, and they're not. But it's a pr. But they're. They're in a. I'm sort of giving it to them because they've had a hard couple of weeks because of all that's been going on. Do you read comments about the show online or are you mentally.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Well, no, I. I have very positive comments sections for whatever reason, so I do. Yeah, I enjoy the comments. Yeah. Not all of them, but, you know, I mean, I don't read all of them, but I. Yeah, I browse them.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, you do. You get in there. You get in there.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Yeah. Sometimes I respond.

[John Lovett]

Sometimes you respond.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Well, with this thing I've been doing, I've been doing this TikTok dance trend and then saying stream English Teacher, which was good for, like. It was good because it created sort of a moment. And so then when people say, this worked on me, I just watched the show and now I love it. I'll say, like, good or something, you know, wow, that's good behavior.

[John Lovett]

What a man. What a man of the people you are. Wow, that's good. That's good. Really relating to people getting in there. I respect that. I try to make them, the audience of this show, feel like less. Like they're lucky. They're lucky to have me. And if they want to reply, they can. But that's like. I mean, you don't expect God to respond.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

That's an amazing dynamic.

[John Lovett]

In fact, you're crazy if God does.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Wow.

[John Lovett]

You know what I'm saying?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

That's a really powerful dynamic.

[John Lovett]

I love English Teacher. I think it's an amazing show.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Thank you.

[John Lovett]

And there was. There's a specific moment in the finale that I thought was just such beautiful writing where the principal says he doesn't eat burgers, but he's gonna eat this burger tonight because it's a special Night. Why? It's special and it just is. And I thought it captured something. I am amazed that you got a show this specific, well written, gay on television.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Do you think the lead character is gay? No, I'm just kidding. Is that what you took from it?

[John Lovett]

That is what I took from it. Thank you. That is what I took from it. It's beautiful.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

It's largely to. I mean, not to be corny, but fx, uniquely, is good at this. They have done this with other creators, too, where they get you through the. You know, through the system of making a television show, and they preserve your voice and they enhance it and they bring you good people. And Paul Sims, too, who also sort of guided. Well, I don't. I don't. I don't know what their process was like, but I know that he and Donald Glover made Atlanta together, which was also an amazing show. And Paul Sims came to me years ago, and he was like, let's make this show with fx. And he's been a guide through this system. And, you know, like I was saying earlier, it's just like, I'm like, I love this show. Like, it's not like I watch it. I'm like, oh, I got fucked up. Like, I'm like, I'm the biggest fan there is of this show because I.

[John Lovett]

Made a show once and that wasn't my experience.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Right, Exactly. It's very often not.

[John Lovett]

I just looked at it and I thought, is this the best I can do?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Maybe it's like. Yeah, yeah. Kind of like Che Diaz on what's it called?

[John Lovett]

And then there's this.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

No, close.

[John Lovett]

What's next?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

And just like that, Che Diaz makes the TV pilot and feels that it's. That it gets ruined in the process.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, no, I'm glad that that did that. That's usually what people. Yeah.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

And Shay Diaz is real to me, for what it's worth.

[John Lovett]

No, no. And real to all of us. More real. Okay. Now, we like to play a game on this show. And it's, you know, especially in. It's obviously, you know, this show is. It's. It's called Would you fuck this? School Supply. That's what the game's called. And we can do some kind of an intro for it, but we don't.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Really need us there. Oh, I mapped onto someone else's body. I thought that was my body.

[John Lovett]

Maybe it could be your body.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

It's not. I almost look like a velociraptor or something. Like the way my head is kind of like pulling back.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Breaking into that kitchen in Jurassic Park.

[John Lovett]

Would you fuck a trapper keeper?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

No.

[John Lovett]

It's soft, it's supple, it's elegant. It's the perfect place to stuff your crumbled up quizzes.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Too painful.

[John Lovett]

Okay, it's enough.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I'm imagining the ring.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, but the trapper keeper rings were always the weakest of the rings, you know, they were of poor quality.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

They were not rings of power.

[John Lovett]

They weren't. They weren't strong. They weren't strong. God. The siren song of the trapper keeper. Nobody needs it. But you wanted one. Applaud if you had one. Applaud if you wanted one. But we're not allowed one. Make it make sense. You know, I think I secretly always.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Wanted Lisa Frank stuff and probably didn't have it because it was. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

I wanted what the trapper keeper promised, which was safety, containment, a perfect place for everything.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Lovett]

Like, what I wanted was a binder, but I wanted to be a different person.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Right, right, right.

[John Lovett]

Like, I wanted the control and security and discipline of the trapper keeper lifestyle.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Reggie Watts]

You know what?

[John Lovett]

I couldn't have it.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I remember being in kindergarten and having one folder with one sheet of paper in my backpack.

[John Lovett]

Yes.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

You know that feeling? You're like, you drew something and you, like, just have it in your one folder in your little backpack. Like that's all you got going on at that age.

[John Lovett]

When I was in. When I was in fourth grade, we would get assigned weekly reader homework. Someone remember Weekly Reader?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Weekly Reader.

[John Lovett]

The Weekly Reader. You'd have a weekly reader and there'd be a quiz on the back. You'd be assigned it. I didn't care.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

That wasn't the same as, like, pizza party readings. Right. You know, that stuff. Did you ever do that?

[John Lovett]

No.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

You read a lot of books and then you get pizza. Right. This was a big American moment. Yeah. We didn't have that part of it.

[John Lovett]

No. I would have loved it.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I want it for you.

[John Lovett]

But I would just get the assignment and then just shove it in my desk. Just in the back of my desk. And then my teacher, Mrs. Burfus.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Wait, how. What was the structure of this? You read a book and then you.

[John Lovett]

It's a. You read like basically a child's magazine, and then you have to do the homework that comes with it.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

But I didn't want to do it. But I didn't want it.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Generally, it's fun or not.

[John Lovett]

I don't. Not for me.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

What's the pitch?

[John Lovett]

I think it's just homework. I think it's learning. I think it's learning. It's regular homework for school. Okay.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

And then Mrs. Burfis called my mom in for a meeting. And my mother's like, well, another chance for a teacher to tell me how great Jonathan is. And she's like, this kid hasn't been doing homework for months. My mother burst into tears. Whatever she had to learn.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Did you stay anti homework for most of your schooling?

[John Lovett]

Well, at a certain point in this time, they figured out that I was seeing double all the time, and so that might have been a part of it.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Oh, wow. That's a big thing.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. So I had to go to eye therapy to get to see not double, because it turned out that I was just really good at magic eyes and I was making everything them, you know, Magic eyes.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Yes.

[John Lovett]

I didn't. Those weren't hard to me because it was just like, you put them together, they go apart. You put them together? Yeah.

[Reggie Watts]

Wow. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

So I had to go to a special place like 30 minutes away and do, like, eye exercises.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Were your eyes.

[John Lovett]

No, you wouldn't know by looking at me. Okay. Wow.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I conversely, was always going to get eye exams because I wanted glasses so bad. And I still to this day have perfect vision. I'm sorry. I do.

[John Lovett]

Wow. Wow.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I don't. I just don't need glasses.

[John Lovett]

I went to a restaurant the other day, and it was the first time I was with a contemporary who took out a flashlight to look at the menu.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Oh, my God. This happened the other night. I was like, oh, my God, this is it. It's starting. But we were at. We were at this place where it was like.

[John Lovett]

It was very jarred. That's how you. That's what you tell yourself.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

One candle.

[John Lovett]

Sure. Yeah. That's how it starts. It's pitch black in here, and then you're just one step away from this.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Lovett]

Erasers. Erasers Know you're gonna make some mistakes, and that's okay.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

You gotta give me something. I really. Oh, oh, okay. Okay. Go ahead, Go ahead. Sorry. I'm an interrupter.

[John Lovett]

I wouldn't kick them out of bed for leaving that weird, crumbly gray eraser dust. What about you, Brian?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I would not.

[John Lovett]

No, you're a no. You're a no on erasers. Yeah, well, I don't know that they get sexier from here.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

They must.

[John Lovett]

Next up, pencils.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Maybe a dull pencil.

[John Lovett]

A dull pencil?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Maybe.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, I think.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I mean, definitely not really, right?

[John Lovett]

No. Well, I think it's more like kind of. It's well, no, sure. I think it's more like the kind of the vibe. The vibe. Does the vibe convey kind of sexual energy that you respond to?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

We'll find one. We'll find.

[John Lovett]

We'll find one. Next.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Maybe.

[John Lovett]

Next up, safety scissors. The bad boy.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

This is the closest so far.

[John Lovett]

The bad boy of the school supplies set. Safety scissors are perfect for all your scissoring needs.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Yeah. Basically, it's a yes. Yeah. Look at the shape.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. I like safety scissors, though. Those weren't the kinds. I don't know.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Like, this is like one of the body composition I'm trying to like, sort of.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. No, no, no.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

It is thin legs.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Not. These scissors have been skipping leg day for sure. But the. But not us.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Not us. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Do you have any other thoughts?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

No, I'm totally open.

[John Lovett]

Oh, that's fun.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

No thoughts.

[John Lovett]

You gonna get a season two of this show? What's gonna happen?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I cannot.

[John Lovett]

You can't say. Cause you know that I said this publicly. No, we can. We can. I just will say this. If there's no season two, we march on fx. And then. And then we get there and they say, we're not in charge. You got to go to Hulu. Then we go to the vet, Then we go to Santa Monica, and we're like, hulu. And they're like, it's actually still not us. You got to go back to Disney. Now we're like, now we're going over the hill again. And now we're. Now we're at Disney, and now we're like, are you in charge of this? And we're like, kind of. And it's like, what's going on in this business?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

You know, I'm feeling very grateful for the reception and very excited and happy and ready to make as much more as I.

[John Lovett]

They better. Those honchos, those honchos up there, Mickey Mouse, who's ultimately in charge of all of this and us. Isn't that funny?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Mickey Mouse?

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

What is the difference between Mickey Mouse and Steamboat Willie? Does anybody know? Are they the same person? Steamboat Willie just entered the public domain. Right? Okay, good.

[John Lovett]

But our Steamboat Willie and Mickey Mouse the same person?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

They are the same early iteration of Mickey Mouse, Right?

[John Lovett]

It's a bit like the ship of Theseus, you know, in a sense. Like, is Steamboat Willie Mickey Mouse? Like, how much does Steamboat Willie change before it becomes a new thing? Like, they changed the nose, they changed the look, they changed the ears, they changed the name. It happened slowly, but now we're looking at Mickey Mouse. It's like, that isn't Steamboat Willie, right?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

And yet, yeah, we're like this. But it's not the same, man.

[John Lovett]

But then the same thing can be said of people, right? Because we change everything. All of our cells change over and it's like. So we are just the kind of like our sort of getting the wrap up. The moral and ethical existence of us is really just our memories. Our memories are what make us culpable for our past. Do you think? You think it's just our memories?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

The question really is, is there a soul?

[John Lovett]

Well, I just think that if. Let's say you killed somebody, you know, you killed somebody and then your mind is white. It really is. You're white and you wake up the next day, you're just. You don't. You didn't. You're like, how could my. What? I don't remember it. I had nothing to do with it. It wasn't me. It was something I didn't. Didn't happen. I mean, we probably would just still throw you in jail, but it's. It would make us feel weird, you know? Have you thought about that?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Not really. No.

[John Lovett]

Do you think that's something that you could teach next year?

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Get into some of these. Philosophy. What'd you major in in college?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Acting.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Oh. Oh, I'm just enjoying the silliness. When we come back, Reggie Watts is here. Everybody watch. English teacher.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Watching is a binge English teacher on Hulu.

[John Lovett]

And we're back. My next guest has a song in his heart and hopefully on this stage. Please put your hands together for Reggie Watts. Hi. Thank you for being here. You have such a lovely energy.

[Reggie Watts]

Oh, thank you.

[John Lovett]

Very soothing.

[Reggie Watts]

Well, I feel soothed tonight. I do.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I think it's.

[Reggie Watts]

This space feels cozy when you walk in and you see a man entrenched in a book with a lamp and there's books behind him when you first enter.

[John Lovett]

No one's reading during the show.

[Reggie Watts]

Oh, yes, he is indeed reading during the show. Whether is that. But perhaps he's the one that's just emanating this kind of comf. You know, undulating. Ah, feels good back here. I feel okay. This is where I should be.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, yeah.

[Reggie Watts]

Because I was listening the whole time just behind you guys, like sitting on the stairs. So imagine if you erased the curtains.

[John Lovett]

You were just there.

[Reggie Watts]

I was just right.

[John Lovett]

And I felt that too.

[Reggie Watts]

And okay, well, there we go. I think we're all responsible.

[John Lovett]

Sucks now. And that's why I'm glad you're here because I could use some cheering Up.

[Reggie Watts]

Oh, yes, of course.

[John Lovett]

Because I don't know if you've been seeing what's been going on, but there's a new Star wars trilogy coming out and it's made me very nervous. It's made me very nervous. Are you excited about a new Star wars trilogy? You ready for more?

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah. Yeah. Yes, I love. Yes.

[John Lovett]

Interesting. I'm at the point now where I just can't be heard again, you know, by. I've just been hurt by Star Wars a few too many times cinematically. I feel as though I've been punched in the face a few too many times. I'm a Rogue One girl. I love Rogue World with all my heart. I think Rogue One is the greatest film they've made since the original Star Wars. That's my position.

[Reggie Watts]

100%.

[John Lovett]

You agree with that? 100%.

[Reggie Watts]

Are you kidding? And it's self contained. That's what made it so great.

[John Lovett]

I know. It's amazing.

[Reggie Watts]

They had to fucking finish that shit.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Because of, because of what happens.

[Reggie Watts]

Because of what happens.

[John Lovett]

No spoiler. Yeah, we can do spoilers.

[Reggie Watts]

Probably we're going to do spoilers, but. Because we love it. But why am I saying we. This. I haven't been on the show till now, but maybe not again. No, because of this. No, no, it's. No, no.

[John Lovett]

It's going so well.

[Reggie Watts]

I say. Thank you. I say, I always say, like, you know, if you want to know Star wars, if you want to feel Star wars like for real, you just watch Empire Strikes Back, Rogue One and. Andor.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Reggie Watts]

And that's kind of. That's kind of it for me. For me.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, Yeah, I would. I agree with that.

[Reggie Watts]

It's like serious Star Wars.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Would you watch the original Star wars the first or just your Star wars, then Empire.

[Reggie Watts]

Yes.

[John Lovett]

Then go right to Rogue One.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

In order.

[Reggie Watts]

Yes. And that's what, that's what I loved about it too, is that it was that moment just before Princess Leia gets captured. Like, it, it butts up. Right. But I just think that's. That.

[John Lovett]

I love that too. And also the. It is so rare that a movie will like. I think my problem with some of the Star wars movies is they do fan service and like, they impute meaning into what didn't have meaning to create lore. And that's what makes it feel like fan fiction. But in Rogue One, they took something that was sort of like a. Wait a second, there's a hole in the Death Star and if you go poop, poop. The Whole thing goes up. That's dumb. And they made it. They actually made it part of the story. They gave it reason. They gave it a reason to exist, that it was actually. It was built there on purpose. It wasn't just a silly accident. Yeah. It wasn't a fluke. And that was a very cool. Yes. Anyway.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah, agreed, 100%. And it just feels like. And I'll just add very quickly, I think it's that the thing is that you feel like you're in that world, you know?

[John Lovett]

Yes.

[Reggie Watts]

Like Empire with the blanket, desolate white, you know, frosted landscape and these little dots on the horizon, and they're looking with these futuristic binoculars, like. And it's kind of shaky. It was like the first time I saw it when I was a kid, and I was like, what the f. Oh, shit. That's like. But there's something out there. What the fuck is that? I don't know what that is. And then slowly you just find this reveal that there's these giant mechanized walking machines that are just lumbering and there's nothing they can do about. But they're trying to, like, get ion cannons on board. You know, they're just like. It's all this shit and impending. I'm like, what the fuck? That, like, created such an impact in my life.

[John Lovett]

It was so cool. And then you find out that, oh, man, these things, they thought everything except rope. Vulnerable to the power of rope.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah, it's like. It's like, what's this weakness? It's like, well, yeah, the rope, but also, like, very tall. Very tall. Too tall for a rope.

[John Lovett]

So we didn't. We got them with ropes.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah, we got them with ropes.

[John Lovett]

Sometimes you're gonna get them with ropes.

[Reggie Watts]

I know, totally.

[John Lovett]

Hey, listen, Sometimes on this show now, we're just gonna talk about Star wars for a while. Not gonna go to jail. Not for that. So, as I said, we're, you know, we're struggling these past couple weeks, and we would hope you'd help us cheer us up with a segment we're calling Singing in the Pain.

[Reggie Watts]

Oh, well, all right.

[John Lovett]

And here's how it works. I'm going to share something. I'm genuinely worried about staring down the barrel of 2025. And you'll improvise a little tune about the many wonderful things coming down the pike next year to give us a little boost. Are you ready? Yes. First up, I am genuinely worried about the Trump administration scapegoating and coming for trans people. I'm worried about the implications of it. I'm worried about just the basics of access to gender affirming care. I'm worried about people feeling emboldened to target trans people. And I'm worried about an encroaching narrative that perhaps we have to moderate on some of these core values. And that makes me really nervous.

[Reggie Watts]

Got you. Everybody now. We got so many worries in our lives. We always trying to wonder how we go on to survive. So many, so many, many assholes that are so insecure they're gonna pick on somebody that don't even account for a fraction of the people that they see in the world. They just. The people that be feeling themselves so much more. I feel it. There are so many things that are going to suck really soon. But you gotta keep on living your life. Keep on, keep, keep on living your life Keep on, keep on, keep on, keep on, keep on keep on living your life.

[John Lovett]

That was dang. That was cool. That was cool. That was awesome. How do you do that? How do you do that on your phone? That's wild.

[Reggie Watts]

I got lucky. A guy made a great little lap.

[John Lovett]

Now I'm obviously worried about a lot of other things. I'm worried about mass deportations. I'm worried about this guy, Tom Homan, who is going to be the border Czar. I'm worried about what RFK Jr might do if he becomes Health and Human Services Secretary. But I'm wondering if there's anything that you're looking forward to that you could take us through, perhaps in the Star wars universe that might cheer us up.

[Reggie Watts]

Got you. Yeah, yeah. Let's, let's, let's take a listen. Let's take a look. We'll take a, take a lean and a listen, see what we got. Star Horrors. Sorry. Star Horrors.

[John Lovett]

Star Horse. That's how you pronounce it? Yeah.

[Reggie Watts]

Star horse.

[John Lovett]

Star horse.

[Reggie Watts]

Star horse.

[John Lovett]

Star horse.

[Reggie Watts]

Star horse. Yeah, it's like star is the stress. Star horse. Yes.

[John Lovett]

Star Wars.

[Reggie Watts]

But you know, whatever. People like Star Wars. Whatever. Okay, here we go. I cannot wait, wait for Star wars to come back. Been waiting for so long, I couldn't stop feeling like I was living in a show. Made me feel like I was watching something that was created in the 1980s, 1990s style filmmaking.

[John Lovett]

Now. That's right. Because sure, all these things, terrible things are going to happen, but. Andor season two is also going to happen in 2025.

[Reggie Watts]

No if ands.

[John Lovett]

We're also going to have the second installment of the Mission Impossible movie finally.

[Reggie Watts]

I mean, how are they going to get out of that?

[John Lovett]

It seems impossible.

[Reggie Watts]

It doesn't seem possible. That would just be great if he just dies like, 30. 30 minutes into the show, and this team has to finish it.

[John Lovett]

Do you ever see the movie Executive Decision, starring Kurt Russell and Steven Seagal?

[Reggie Watts]

I saw it way, way, way back.

[John Lovett]

And basically, it's colleagues. They have to get, I believe, Ward, Air Force One, and they use a stealth bomber to attach to the bottom of the plane. And in the first 15 minutes, Kurt Russell goes up into the new airplane, and then there's some kind of problem, and Steven Seagal goes, I'm not gonna make it. Closes the door, dies. 15 minutes of the movie, we're like, wow, Anything is possible. Anything could happen. An executive decision, 1993. Did anybody else see that movie when Steven Seagal died In the first 15 minutes, you never saw it.

[Reggie Watts]

I have now. I need to. That. I know. I think I did see it, but I don't. I just. It was a long, long time ago. Oh, I have to see it.

[John Lovett]

Well, it was important. It was a semin. It was important for me because I didn't know they could do that. You didn't know that they were.

[Reggie Watts]

You can't do that.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. You can't do it normally, no.

[Reggie Watts]

But they did it, and they're just like. It just, like, changes everything. And now we've got. You know, there's just so much. You know.

[John Lovett]

What is your pin? What does your pin mean? It has a little fl. It's a flat. Like a plant.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah, yeah, it's. It's like an ES5302. You can order these on gremlins.com but this is a. It's basically just like a sprout. And I don't know why I was given it, but it was at a. Oh, you know what? It was at a health conference of some sort. And so they keep out these little sprouts. It was like, kind of like a reminder of nature. And so I thought, that's kind of cool. I like it.

[John Lovett]

I do like it.

[Reggie Watts]

People put it in their hair usually, though, like little antennas or something, like teleglubbies.

[John Lovett]

You have such an interesting energy. There's like, such. It's such warmth. There's such warmth when you came backstage. So before the show, Reggie comes backstage. He's like, the lighting in here is bad. And he turned off the overheads. And then there's a vanity. There's like a vanity with mirrors. And he undid all the incandescent and fluorescent bulbs, or just the fluorescent ones to leave the incandescent ones and Then turned it on to make the room have more of a moodier lighting. And I just thought, wow, to live in such a. It reminded me that I never consider such things. I just kind of careened through existence not thinking about the effect the lights are having on me or even considering how the feeling is. But you think about the feeling?

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I like it, you know, I like the immersion of reality, you know? So it's like. I like if you go somewhere, you're like, if you could adjust it a little bit to just make it feel a little bit groovier, then why not, right?

[John Lovett]

And if you do that a little bit all the time, your life's a little bit groovier all the time. And I'm just in white, bright fucking fluorescent lights all the time.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah, but. Yeah, but. Yeah, but you get shit done in ways that I wouldn't be able to do.

[John Lovett]

Huh?

[Reggie Watts]

You know?

[John Lovett]

You think so?

[Reggie Watts]

I think so. I think so. I think because I know I have friends that are exactly like how you described yourself. Like, they do that, you know?

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Reggie Watts]

I'm the one, like, I'm chasing after, you know? Or, like, trying to get ahead and gonna, hey, how about this? You know? And then they're like, whatever, but. And that's fine, but. And I get it, but they're usually people that kind of get shit done because they're a little bit more focused on what needs to be accomplished.

[John Lovett]

Do you feel a connection between your mind and your body?

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah, sure. I sure do.

[John Lovett]

Wow. What's that like?

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah, yeah, it's cool. I mean, it's cool. You know, it's like.

[John Lovett]

Cause my therapist says I don't have it.

[Reggie Watts]

Really?

[John Lovett]

She's like, oh, no, no, you have anxiety. You just don't know. Isn't that interesting? I haven't seen her in months. That's. She texted me after the election to check in. Didn't respond. Oh, wow. I will.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I guess, you know, it's fun. It's fun to do it. You don't need to. I mean, obviously. Have you tried ketamine?

[John Lovett]

No.

[Reggie Watts]

Okay. Ketamine is very much just. Basically, the more that you take, the more of just a piece of pure consciousness you become. So it's just. You're just perceiving. You forget the sensation of your body at all and even the sensation of breathing. So you just. You kind of. And you might even notice it. It might seem scary at first, like being able to breathe underwater.

[John Lovett]

Do you worry? Interesting. Do you worry that if you take too much, you might start a super pack in Pennsylvania.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah, but it'd be like a super pac. It'd be like people just like, just like roaming around the streets going, oh.

[John Lovett]

That'S just a super. That's just a super pac.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah, totally.

[John Lovett]

Just a super pack of guys.

[Reggie Watts]

We are the best package the pack go round.

[John Lovett]

We're so good.

[Reggie Watts]

They call us super Duper.

[John Lovett]

It's like.

[Reggie Watts]

That's. That's not what I meant. Sorry. These are nice, by the way.

[John Lovett]

Oh, thank you.

[Reggie Watts]

I absolutely love these.

[John Lovett]

Thank you very much. Yeah, a little dirty.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah. But, you know, I have some shoes that have that kind of foam. It looks like Styrofoam, whatever that call soul thing. And it just gets dirty. There you go.

[John Lovett]

Maybe I'll try ketamine. Reggie Watts, thank you so much for being here. Stick around. We'll be right back. Don't go anywhere.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

This is love it or leave it. And there's more on the way.

[John Lovett]

This podcast is supported by Planned Parenthood Federation of America. Planned Parenthood Federation of America exists so all people can get access to the sexual reproductive care and education they need. Planned Parenthood organizations advocate for health equity and policies that allow people the freedom to control their own bodies, lives and futures. More than 2 million patients each year rely on Planned Parenthood health center services like STI testing and treatment, birth control, gender affirming care, abortion, cancer screenings, and more. Reproductive health care and rights are under attack from public officials who are out of step with the will of the vast majority of Americans. The constitutional right to abortion has been stolen and politicians in 47 states have introduced bills that would block people from getting the sexual and reproductive care they need. Planned Parenthood knows that equitable access to health care, including safe, legal abortion, is a human right. Right now, Planned Parenthood needs your help to protect access to healthcare. Donate today by visiting planned parenthood.org the.

[Carl's Jr. Advertiser]

Kind of burgers you get today tells you a lot about yourself. You're either someone who settles for sad, same old, same old burgers or you're at a Carl's Jr obsessed with a tangy OG Western bacon cheeseburger demanding a house made guacamole loaded guac bacon fired up for the insanely hot El Diablo or craving a classic Charbold Famous star. Give into your flavor cravings. Do your mouth to Carl's Jr.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Good Burger.

[John Lovett]

Love it or leave it is brought to you by Sling TV. Seems like things change every 20 minutes. It's hard to keep up. That's why you should Watch Sling. They provide the best value for essential news channels. With Sling, you get your favorite news channels at the best price. CNN, MSNBC, even Fox News if that's your jam. Anderson Cooper 360 and Hannity, your two favorite shows. Also the Rachel Mano show and more for just $40 a month. So yeah, with the election coverage and everything else happening, you can get news that'll raise your blood pressure at prices that won't. Get the best price on news about what's going on in the world. Then say that's what's going on in the world and it's not just news. Check this out. Sling has live sports, news and entertainment channels you love and less of the ones you don't. So you save hundreds of dollars. Sling lets you choose and customize your channel lineup so you can choose the channels you actually like. Like Slings cloud DVR lets you record your shows to watch in your schedule. There's no complex technology, no long term contracts and no hidden rigmarole. Sling is great. You can record most of the live TV channels with the dvr you can watch on all of your devices. Even at the same time. You have access to some of your favorite local channels. So it's a great way to make sure you're, you know, getting the channels you need to get and not, you know, the hundreds of channels are crap that you don't need. Get rewarded for watching your favorite news channel. Sling lets you do that. Visit sling.com now to learn more and get started. That's sling.com now. Sling.com now. And we're back. One note. If you're wondering what comes next after this election, there are two brand new episodes of Assembly Required with Stacey Abrams. She sits down with historian Heather Cox Richardson to explore how history can guide us. They cover fighting, misinformation. They cover how to get involved post election. Everybody check out Assembly Required. Especially right now. It's very kind of reassuring guide for what could come next. And Dan is walking through all of what we learned about the polls on Polar Coaster. If you become a friend of the pod subscriber on crooked.com friends. Okay, please welcome back to the stage Brian Jordan Alvarez. Oh, he's up there.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I was in the crowd. Oh, thank you. All right.

[John Lovett]

People magazine named John Krasinski this year Sexiest man alive. In honor of them not giving a fuck, we're each gonna spin the wheel to share a questionable act that we'll never apologize for or something we do in our daily lives that we won't apologize for. Something we're just gonna work with that. We're just not apologizing for. All right? And no one's gonna make us feel regretful about it.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Okay?

[John Lovett]

Okay. And it can be whatever you want of any scale, you know?

[Reggie Watts]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

I don't think she confessed to a crime.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

You know, Just go for it.

[John Lovett]

Well, we're gonna spin a wheel.

[Reggie Watts]

Oh, there's a wheel.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

What does a wheel do?

[John Lovett]

It really just gives us an order. We never really.

[Reggie Watts]

That's a real wheel, too.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. No, it's real.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

We look great.

[John Lovett]

Whoa. Reggie, it's landed on you.

[Reggie Watts]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

What's something you're gonna say? I have no regrets. No apologies.

[Reggie Watts]

I do.

[John Lovett]

In this new era.

[Reggie Watts]

I do not. Yes, you're right. This is a new era. 2026. Just. I'm not gonna apologize for being alive. Okay. Cause I'm not gonna do it.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

That's the OG thing to do.

[Reggie Watts]

I know. It is the OG thing to do, and I'm tired of it. My whole family did it, and it's like, I don't. Yeah. So I want to be that. I don't want to be. I don't want to do that anymore.

[John Lovett]

Have you been doing that?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I meant that being alive is the original thing to do.

[Reggie Watts]

Oh, yeah. It is the original thing to do. It is the original Super OG. Yes. 100%. It's at least step one.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Reggie Watts]

I think. Yeah. Yes. Have I. Yes. Maybe, you know, like, when you're like, I'm in the way. Nobody wants to be around me. You know, like where you feel, like, really small and.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. You don't want to take up space. Yeah.

[Reggie Watts]

You don't take up space. And you feel like I'm ruining everything or whatever it is. Like, that kind of. That makes me feel like, oh, what if I wasn't alive? You know? And you have those. Like, those. Those thoughts. I don't know if I've had those thoughts where I'm like. Like Huckleberry Finn. Right.

[John Lovett]

Right.

[Reggie Watts]

Didn't he, like, fake his death?

[John Lovett]

Right. And he saw his own funeral.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah. And all that.

[John Lovett]

And he went, surprise. I know it's me.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

You're like, you'll see me again.

[Reggie Watts]

It's like. That's so funny, huh? So funny. So funny. That's cool. Come on down. I don't think. Well, it's like, you know, it's like there's just those moments where I'm like, what if I didn't exist?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

What if I.

[Reggie Watts]

And it's kind of like a romantic, kind of like a indulgent. Romantic feeling, but it is still in that ballpark.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I think it'd be terrible if you didn't exist.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah, I think it'd be terrible if any of us didn't exist.

[John Lovett]

It's a lot to think about. Whoa. Was that. Was that. That was. That wasn't passive aggressive. That was just pressing the button. Well, I don't think I should share my deep thought now it's landed on Brian.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Okay, okay, okay. I will not apologize for realizing that so many cleaning and moisturizing products are the same. And therefore, I will continue to not apologize for washing my body with shampoo anytime I feel like it and every day of my life putting body lotion in my hair, which is how I style my hair, with Vaseline Intensive Care Body Lotion, a very particular brand. And people sometimes say, what's your hair routine? And I put body lotion. I mean, it's wet right now. I just came from the gym. But.

[John Lovett]

You use just moisturizer on your hair.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah. Very specifically, Vaseline Intensive Care Body Lotion.

[John Lovett]

And you said that the reason you want to apologize is for. It is because these things are like other things. What is the thing that you would be using if you weren't using that? That would be meant for hair?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Pomade.

[John Lovett]

Pomade.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Hair Clay.

[John Lovett]

Hair clay.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Hair gel, mousse, or washing your body with body wash. I'm like, this is. Come on. Shampoo. This is so similar. I mean, if I have body wash, that's fine.

[John Lovett]

But then you wouldn't use body wash on your hair.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I have.

[John Lovett]

Well, we all have. Yeah, we all have.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I don't. Yeah, that. That is. Yeah. More along the drying spectrum.

[John Lovett]

Because sometimes that's like 50. 50. Sometimes it's like, no big deal. And then sometimes it's like you look fucked up that day.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

That's cool. Did you see that there was this guy that he ostensibly died in a kayaking accident. And they searched for his body for months. And then a TikTok influencer posted that she was standing on the street saying, would you like advice? And this strange man that looks like this man who disappeared said, I need advice. Should I leave my family and run off to Uzbekistan to marry this beautiful woman? To some. And then. And she's like, but not. And the person that gives advice is like, well, I think you need to figure out your marriage before you just do that. And he's like, maybe. And then. And then he. Then his kayak showed up, but then it turns out a day later he Went. He went through Canada, and now they think he's somewhere in Europe, that is. Or I guess that's Asia. He's far away. I don't know if he went to Uzbekistan, but they think he ran. That he faked his own death. Well, faked his own death to get away from his family. Have you ever thought about doing that?

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

No, I haven't, but I don't know if that really classifies as faking your own death. It sounds more like he just, like, just went away.

[John Lovett]

Well, no, he left his wallet. It's like he turned. He left the kayak in the river, swam to the shore.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Whoa.

[John Lovett]

And then got out. He, like, had a whole plan.

[Reggie Watts]

Whoa.

[John Lovett]

And had moved money around beforehand in a.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

In a man on the street style. TikTok, I think.

[John Lovett]

I'm not. I just.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

He's, like, suddenly on Billy on the street.

[John Lovett]

I don't think. I don't think he was, like, functioning at 100% in this period of time by this point.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

He's tired.

[John Lovett]

Remember when that governor. Yeah, he was tired. Remember when that governor ran off to South America because he'd fallen in love and. Yeah. Mark Sanford. And then he held a press conference. In the press conference, the reporters are like. And I think his wife was standing there, and the reporter was like, well, are you done? Are you going to, like, end this and just come back and are you ready to apologize? He's like, I'm not sorry, and I'm in love with this woman, and love is the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. Yeah, he blew up his whole life.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

See, but that could also be the positive plot of a romance movie.

[John Lovett]

Absolutely. Absolutely. Like in the movie, in Tootsie, how Terry Gar just gets totally fucked and treated like shit. But she's not the hero, so whatever.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I don't remember the blood of Tootsie well enough.

[John Lovett]

Oh, he dresses up like a lady.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

That I know.

[Reggie Watts]

That I know.

[John Lovett]

That's really all you need to know.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I just remember them being like, what is it? Zoom out. How far? Ohio? Or what is it?

[John Lovett]

Yeah, that's it.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Something like that.

[John Lovett]

I don't remember either. Let's spin it again. It has landed on me.

[Reggie Watts]

Oh, shit.

[John Lovett]

And you know what? I'm gonna just assert this now because I don't know what the future holds. I'm not apologizing for liking Diet Coke. I'm gonna keep drinking Diet Coke. I don't know what's in it. I'll never know. I'm sure it's doing terrible things to me over time. Let those things happen. And if RFK Jr starts getting in there, all right, project number one, most important, don't touch the vaccines. And that's the focus. Nothing else really matters. But if he starts fucking with aspartame and I gotta start dealing with fucking stevia and all the other also rants in the alternate sugar game. No. I say no. It's one thing to take away the MMR vaccines, all right, but I already got those. I need an unlimited continuous supply. Supply of Diet Coke.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

What do you think of Coke?

[John Lovett]

Zero, I think. I think it's great in a pinch. I think it's great in a pinch, but it's not.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I much prefer Diet Coke.

[John Lovett]

Diet Coke?

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah. I'm a zero.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

I think Zero. Well, zero tastes shockingly similar to regular Coke.

[Reggie Watts]

That's what I love about Diet Coke.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Is a whole different drink.

[Reggie Watts]

Yeah.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Diet Coke is almost unrelated.

[Reggie Watts]

It's weird. If you haven't had Diet Coke for a while, then you come back to it. It's like, I don't know what is I don't know happening.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, you gotta get your.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

So true.

[John Lovett]

You gotta get your body used to that chemical.

[Reggie Watts]

You gotta get.

[John Lovett]

This is. Again, I don't even want to say these things. I'm afraid they'll get on RFK Jr's radar. But as you all know, I do eat cookie dough by the bag from the supermarket. It's part of my life.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Yum.

[John Lovett]

And I did have people over for dinner the other night and we had a lovely dinner and they said, should we walk and go get ice cream together? And I said, said, or crazy Fitch, do you want cookie dough from my fridge? And everybody's nice because you just gave them dinner so where they could say no, they can't. And I said, no, no, no, let's just eat raw cookie dough. And they're like, I guess we'll try it. And they took a bite and they're like, this tastes like chemicals. And I'm like, no, it doesn't. Doesn't.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

You never get worried about the raw egg in there. Aren't there big warnings?

[John Lovett]

Such an important point. They've solved it. Capitalism is good. Oh, no.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Cookie dough.

[John Lovett]

They solved it. The Toll House. Raw egg. Can't eat it. Oh, oh.

[Brian Jordan Alvarez]

Cause they sell cookie dough now for eating.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, they do. They do. Which is why. Which is how we. Yeah, it's eaten dough. Which is how we won the Cold War. A top down planned economy won't get you there. It won't get you there. You need entrepreneurial minds with the profit motion with the profit motive. And the profit motive is where I leave us tonight. One more time for Reggie Watts, Brian Jordan Alvarez. Very fun. Thank you, guys.

[Reggie Watts]

And we're back.

[John Lovett]

Now it's time for joyride. We just need one silly, distracting fun thing that gave you a little bit of joy this week. What do you got, Scott? I'm coming to you. So one of my coworkers was out of town for a couple weeks getting married on honeymoon. We all got bored and decided to gift wrap everything on his desk and around his desk, bubble wrapped his chair and all that. And he came back Tuesday and had to unwrap it all. Wow. I'm happy that in this dark time, a bit of needless waste and brought you that tiny piece of joy. It was. It was. And I'm glad you had that. All right. That is our show. Thank you to Reggie Watts. Thank you to Brian Jordan Alvarez. Thank you to the Lyric. Have a great night. See you next week, everybody. Love it or leave it is a crooked media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Chris Lord is our producer and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Hallie Kiefer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, Will Miles and Mohanad El Sheikhi are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer and Milo Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by sure Shore. Thanks to our designer Bernardo Serna for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Mia kelman and Matt DeGroote for filming and editing video each week. So you can just love it or leave it. Your new beginning starts now. Dr. Horton has new construction homes available in Ellensburg and throughout the greater Seattle area. With spacious floor plans, flexible living spaces and home technology packages, you can enjoy more cozy moments and sweet memories in your beautiful new home. With new home communities opening in Ellensburg and throughout the Seattle area, Dr. Horton has the ideal home for you. Learn more@doctor Horton.com Dr. Horton, America's builder and equal housing opportunity builder.

[Carl's Jr. Advertiser]

The kind of burgers you get today tells you a lot about yourself. You're either someone who settles for sad, same old, same old burgers or you're at a Carl's Juice, obsessed with a tangy OG Western bacon cheeseburger, demanding a house made guacamole, loaded guac, bacon, Fired up for the insanely hot El Diablo or craving a classic char world famous star? Give into your flavor cravings. Get your mouth to Carl's junior Big Burger, Good Burger.