← Lovett or Leave It
Lovett or Leave It
Freaks and Leaks
01:28:32
The Atlantic posts the receipts, Kristi Noem goes full Viet Cong, and Tulsi Gabbard either lied to Congress or needs a doctor. Plus Barbie Ferreira and Jared Goldstein join to talk theater etiquette, social media insecurities, and the moments in our lives when we fired off errant texts of our own.
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- [00:01]
Jon Lovett
Love it or Leave it is brought to you by Fast Growing Trees. Did you know that Fast Growing Trees is the biggest online nursery in the US with thousands of different plants and over 2 million happy customers. They have all the plants your yard needs like fruit trees, privacy trees, flowering trees, shrubs, and so much more. Whatever plants you're interested in, Fast Growing Trees has you covered. Find the perfect fit for your climate and space. Fast Growing Trees makes it easy to get your dream yard order online and get your plants delivered directly to your door in just a few days without ever leaving home. Their Alive and thrive guarantee ensures your plants arrive happy and healthy. Plus get support from trained plant experts on call to help you plan your landscape, choose the right plants and learn how to care for them. I'm very excited about Fast Growing Trees. I think sometimes, like thinking about how to plant in your yard can be daunting and overwhelming because you don't know what to do and you don't know how to do it. But this is a really great way to try and learn and you don't have to go to a nursery and feel like you're not sure what you're doing. You can just go with Fast Growing Trees. And you know they have the guarantee so. So check it out. And this spring they have the best deals for your yard, up to half off on select plants and other deals. And listeners to our show get 15% off their first purchase when using the code Love it at checkout. That's an additional 15% off at fast Growing Trend Using the code Love it at checkout fast growingtrees.com, code love it. Now's the perfect time to plant. It's spring. Use Love it to Save today. Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply. Hey everybody, if you're a regular listener to Love it or leave it or Pod Save America or you know you have a pulse. You know how important it is for us to build a big diverse Democratic movement to fight the rising right wing authoritarian government that's unfolding at a college campus near you. That's why I love and highly recommend you check out the Bulwark Podcast. I'm a listener. John's a listener.
- [01:42]
Jared Goldstein
Love the Bulwark Podcast. Don't miss an episode.
- [01:44]
Jon Lovett
It's hosted by our friend Tim Miller, who's a former Republican operative turned anti Trump crusader. He did what a lot of people were too chicken shit to do, which is tell the truth about the threat Trump poses. Took a lot of risks to do that. Not a lot of Republicans were righteous and moral enough to do that. And the people at the Bulwark are doing really, really great work. And their podcast features a wide range of guests from across the political spectrum. They have some Democrats, they have some Republicans. They have some Republicans who are surprisingly now cheering on aoc. If you told them a few years ago that that's what they're doing, I think they'd be pretty surprised. The point is they are on Team Democracy, which hopefully you are too. So tune in as they cover where the Democratic Party goes from here, what Donald Trump is up to, and who's affected by all of it. No one knows the dark side better than somebody like Tim who used to be on it. We love the Bulwark. We're huge fans of what they're building over there and we really want to support it. So check out the Bulwark Podcast on YouTube or listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. What's up Los Angeles? Welcome to Love it or Leave it live from Dynasty Typewriter, which is also the only device Michael Waltz is now allowed to use. We've got a great show for you tonight. Star of stage and screen Barbie Ferrer is here. Jared Goldstein is back. Then we wrap it all up by lowering our defenses and sharing a text gone wrong. But first, let's get into it. What a week. On Monday, the Atlantic's editor in chief Jeffrey Goldberg reported one of the wildest stories of our time. He had accidentally been added to a Signal group chat where US national security leaders were planning military strikes in Yemen. Part of what makes this so incredible is that Trump fucking hates the Atlantic. It'd be like if someone on my team accidentally looped in Samuel Alito. Why was Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito in your contacts, Hallie? The group congratulated each other following the strike, with National Security Advisor Michael Walt sending three emojis fist American flag fire. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth replied with a martini emoji followed by five more martini emojis followed by car emoji. The bad sign. The shocking lapse led to outrage amongst national security experts and Democrats. Here's Pete Buttigieg. And to see this administration claiming that it cares about competence and merit and then be responsible for an epic fuck up like this demonstrates that these are not serious people. How dare you say we're not serious? We're deadly serious about the deal you can get on a new Tesla said Donald Trump. Hillary Butter emails. Clinton posted the article with an eyeballs emoji, writing, you have got to be kidding me. Then the usher at and Juliet told her to put her phone away, but it was worth it. Republicans, meanwhile, vacillated between the mildest of criticisms and declaring the whole fiasco a hoax. House Speaker Mike Johnson called the signal chat a mistake, but when asked whether Waltz and Hegseth should be disciplined, replied, no, no, of course not. There's no reason to discipline these men, johnson continued, a little lump in his throat. There's no reason to teach these boys a lesson. A little strange. In a press conference the next day, Johnson said of Waltz, he was born for the job. He is highly qualified, the president said. He has total confidence in him and we do as well. And this man, this man was born to be a surgeon, said Mike Johnson, watching a guy drop a kidney on the floor, then kick it across the or, and then when he tries to grab it, he accidentally knocks the IV out of a patient's arm, sending a streak of blood across the faces of several gobsmacked nurses. Hegseth was asked about the story on Monday and said this can you share how your information about war plans against the Houthis in Yemen was shared with a journalist in the Atlantic and were those details classified?
- [06:15]
Jared Goldstein
So I you're talking about a deceitful.
- [06:20]
Jon Lovett
And highly discredited so called journalist who's made a profession of peddling hoaxes time and time again, hegseth continued. Please write down that I shared classified information with someone who is bad. Also, at this point, the White House has admitted that the group chat is real. It's too late to say a hoax. The hoax ship has sailed and you've leaked its coordinates. Trump reportedly is fuming in private, but tried to play down the whole mess in public. The main thing was nothing happened. The attack was totally successful. It was, I guess, from what I understand, took place during and it wasn't classified information. So this was not classified. Now if it's classified information, it's probably a little bit different. But I always say you have to learn from every experience. That's that wise, that wise energy we always get from Donald Trump. It's not about how much you make, it's about what you learn. It's about being curious. That's what he's always said. You know, think of every job opportunity as a chance to learn and grow in your field. It was an honest mistake sharing classified attack plans with a random journalist on a group thread using an insecure platform while several of the participants were out of the country, including in Russia, on personal devices that are almost certainly compromised in a way that could have gotten Americans killed. But it's not dangerous, like publishing an op ed critical of Israel in a college newspaper. That shit should destroy your life. By delightful coincidence, five of the nation's top intelligence officials, including Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard and CIA Director John Ratcliffe, both of whom were on the Signal Group chat, were already scheduled to appear before the Senate Intelligence Committee on Tuesday. Gabbard claimed not to recall any discussion of specific weapons targets or timing and refused to answer if she joined the chat from her personal phone or government phone. Were you overseas during any parts of these discussions? Yes, Senator, I was. Were you using your private phone or a public phone for the Signal discussions? I won't speak to this because it's under review. This is the review. You're at it. Look around. You're being asked questions in front of a congressional committee that oversees your agency. If you're meeting with HR and they're asking, did you take all the Babybel cheeses from the office kitchen home with you? You can't say, this is not the time or the place. Babe, it's the time. It's the place. Where's our fucking cheese? Later on Tuesday, Waltz went on Fox News and took full responsibility for accidentally adding a journalist to the signal chat. I'm kidding, of course he said this. How did a Trump hating editor of.
- [09:09]
Jared Goldstein
The Atlantic end up on your Signal chat? You know, Laura, I'm not a conspiracy.
- [09:14]
Jon Lovett
Theorist, but of all the people out there, somehow this guy who has lied about the President, who has lied to Gold Star families, lied to their attorneys and gone to Russia hoax, gone to just all kinds of lengths to lie and smear the President of the United States. And he's the one that somehow gets on somebody's contact and then gets sucked into this group. Bitch. Do you think Jeffrey Goldberg is the riddler? When Prez Waltz offered this explanation of how Goldberg wound up in the chat. You don't know what staffer is responsible for this right now? Well, look, a staffer wasn't responsible, but.
- [10:00]
Jared Goldstein
How did the numbers.
- [10:01]
Jon Lovett
Have you ever had somebody's contact that shows their name and then you have an. And then you have somebody else number? I never make those mistakes. Right. You got somebody else's number on someone else's contact.
- [10:12]
Jared Goldstein
So of course I didn't see this.
- [10:13]
Jon Lovett
Loser in the group. It looked like someone else. Now, whether he did it deliberately or it happened in some other technical mean.
- [10:20]
Jared Goldstein
Is something we're trying to figure out.
- [10:22]
Jon Lovett
Totally. One quick follow up. What? Jeff is a middle aged journalist from The Atlantic. I think if you told him right now that to get a big scoop he had to sign and return a PDF over email. You've got like a 50, 50 shot. What are you talking about? Also, you're a 51 year old man calling somebody a loser because you fucked up. Jeffrey Goldberg did nothing wrong. You are lucky that he was incredibly responsible. He didn't report it before the mission. He redacted the portions that were classified until you claim they weren't. You should be thanking Jeffrey Goldberg. It's not his fault he's saving your phone as News Jew. And then his name popped up when you tried to add war Jew to the chat. But these bumbling oaths can't even agree on a lie. Here's Donald Trump just hours later claiming that it was a staffer who was responsible. What it was, we believe is somebody that was on the line with permission, somebody that was with Mike Waltz, worked for Mike Waltz at a lower level, had, I guess, Goldberg's number or called through the app and somehow this guy ended up on the call. So first of all, he thinks it's a call. Well, I'll tell you, it sounds like we need a fewer let's bomb Yemen signal chats and a few more let's get our fucking story straight. Google Meets. After Trump and national security officials denied that classified information was shared in the signal chat, Goldberg on Wednesday published the text that he had initially withheld, writing, people should see the text in order to reach their own conclusions. Hell yeah. More like Jefe Goldberg. Anyway, here are the texts Hegsest sent in a signal chat with a journalist in it before the US attacked Houthi. Targets time now 1144 ET. Weather is favorable. Just confirmed with CENTCOM. We are go for missile launch. 1215 ET F18's launch. First strike package 1345 trigger based F18 first strike window starts. Target terrorist is at his known location, so should be on time. Also, strike drones launch MQ9s. Look, I don't know all the rules about what's classified and what's not, but I do know that if Philip and Elizabeth Jennings got a hold of this kind of information on an episode of the Americans, Margot Martindale would come in her pants. Hegseth continued, 14:10 more F18s launch second strike package. 14:15 strike drones on target. This is when the first bombs will definitely drop. Hegseth is trying to impress the group chat like he's the brother of the groom trying to fit in during the bachelor weekend, you know what I'm saying? Like no business. That information did not need to be shared. He seemed like he wanted to seem cool in front of his new friends. Now, we just heard that. That level of detail. Right. Let's circle back to that Senate hearing for a moment.
- [13:15]
Jared Goldstein
Was there any mention, Ms. Gabbard, of a weapon or weapons system?
- [13:20]
Jon Lovett
I don't recall specific weapons systems being named. I'm not talking about specific.
- [13:24]
Jared Goldstein
Any weapon or weapon system.
- [13:28]
Jon Lovett
I don't recall specific names of systems or weapons being used. I think I understand what's happening. If you have a question about weapons stuff, you have to ask Gabbards. Any. I will say Gabbard claiming not to recall messages she got two weeks ago is credible to me. Gabbard feels like one of those people with 300 unread texts. You forget she's even in the group chat. Until she pops up three days later with a great job in Yemen, everyone. I lost my phone at the Kremlin. Lol. Following Goldberg's release of the damning specifics, intelligence officials were back in Congress to do some cleanup. Here's Tulsi again. My answer yesterday was based on my recollection, or the lack thereof, on the details that were posted there. I was not. And what was shared today reflects the fact that I was not directly involved with that part of the signal chat. So it's your testimony that less than two weeks ago, you were on a signal chat that had all of this information about F18s and MQ9 reapers and targets on strike, and you, in that two week period, simply forgot that that was there? That's your testimony? My testimony is I did not recall the exact details of what was included there. Totally. One quick follow up, huh? Hegseth, for his part, continued to deny that any classified information was shared in the chat. Nobody's texting or plans. There's no units, no locations, no routes, no. No flight paths, no sources, no methods, no classified information. And furthermore, I did not have a drink. There's no bitters, no vermouth, no schnapps, no olives, no lemon peels, no maraschino cherries. You accuse me of drinking, but where are the maraschino cherries? Hegseth moves the pond diagonally seven spaces, knocking over a rookie and the bishop before resting next to the queen. Checkmate, bitches. A defense official familiar with the operation told reporters that the information Hegseth declosed was indeed highly classified when he disclosed it and could have put lives at risk because the operation hadn't even begun. But you knew that. You knew that because you have never read in the newspaper that American F18s will be on their way to bomb something in two hours. You have only heard about it after the fact because you do not have a security clearance and you are not Atlantic Editor in Chief Jeffrey Goldberg Attorney General Pam Bondi and Thursday did her part as a Trump lackey, opposing an investigation and claiming that the details of forthcoming strikes in Yemen were not classified. If you want to talk about classified information, talk about what was at Hillary.
- [16:15]
Barbie Ferreira
Clinton's home that she was trying to bleach bit.
- [16:18]
Jon Lovett
Talk about the classified documents in Joe.
- [16:21]
Barbie Ferreira
Biden's garage that Hunter Biden had access to.
- [16:25]
Jon Lovett
Yeah, we talked about that. Now we're talking about this because this just happened. We talk about new stuff more than the old stuff because we already talked about the old stuff in 2016. We talked about arrival and her emails in 2025. We're talking about severance and we're talking about this. It's neither here nor there. But PAM Bondi is 59. She looks incredible. It's kind of terrifying, actually. Most of Trump's goons slowly look on the outside like they do on the inside. These sort of barely upright, screeching gargoyles or vaguely like Ellen Burstyn in the third act of Requiem for a Dream. Anyway, just watch this space. Speaking of defying the laws of God and man, on Monday, the Justice Department once again refused to provide Judge James Boasberg additional information about two flights of Venezuelan immigrants sent to El Salvador in violation of his temporary ban. In their response to his request, Bondi, along with Secretary of State Marco Rubio and Homeland Security secretary and former dog owner Kristi Noem, invoked the state secrets privilege, claiming that revealing flight details would potentially threaten national security. So I guess we all now sit tight and wait for somebody to accidentally add Maggie Haberman to the deportation slack. On Monday, a D.C. appeals court heard arguments about the Trump administration's use of the Alien Enemies act for these deportations. Said federal Appeals Judge Patricia Millet, there were planeloads of people. There were no procedures in place to notify people Nazis got better treatment under the Alien Enemies act and you should see how they treat the Nazis now. Added Millett, y'all could have picked me up on Saturday and thrown me on a plane thinking I'm a member of Trende Aragua and given me no chance to protest it and say somehow it's a violation of presidential war powers for me to say, excuse me, no, I'm not. I'd like a hearing. And don't write that down in your planner? I can see counsel writing that down. Give him any ideas. On Wednesday, Noem toured El Salvador's Terrorism confinement center, the 40,000 inmate prison where Trump has sent the Venezuelans like she does every month, to relax and unwind. Only this time, a film crew was there. During her visit, Noem posed in front of dozens of shirtless men with shaved heads made to stand behind her for the photo op. I also want everybody to know, if you come to our country illegally, this.
- [18:41]
Barbie Ferreira
Is one of the consequences you could.
- [18:42]
Jon Lovett
Face having to meet me. Kristi Noem. She posed in front of Salvadorian prisoners held indefinitely by the right wing government. They are not the Venezuelans the administration claims are gang members, nor the several people the administration has kidnapped, even though they had applied for immigration status through legal means and seem to only be guilty of having unrelated tattoos, including this tattoo about autism awareness. On the bright side, a lot of guys in Trende or Agua are going to be a little bit more aware of autism. Those hostages were never given a chance to notify family or call lawyers or speak to a judge and have no idea that right now there are people fighting for their freedom. They're just trapped in an Orwellian nightmare with no visitors or ways to communicate with the outside world in a country that is not their own, with no end in sight. Punchline TBD now, now Republicans are trying to claim that by talking about this or being upset about this, we're falling into a trap. No, we already fell in the trap. The election was a big pit covered with fucking leaves and we fell in it. And we don't totally know how to get out. But I'm casting my lot with the people clawing at the walls, not the people sitting in the center hoping somebody else will figure it out. Punch On Friday, Columbia University caved to the Trump administration, which had demanded a number of policy changes in order to restore $400 million in unrelated federal funding. This includes placing the curriculum and hiring decisions of the university's Middle East Studies department, among several others, in control of a new provost. Also, women in gender studies is now called the ugly woke bitches department. Too far. It's too far. Remember when conservatives worried about free speech on campus, you would think they might notice that the president determining hiring decisions in particular departments of a private university might be some kind of an infringement on free inquiry, free association and freedom of speech. And yet they don't seem to care. Isn't that amazing? Isn't that amazing that after all these years about hearing about the threat to free speech on campus. It turns out it was students yelling. That was a threat, not the federal government telling a university in Manhattan, no less, who can be in charge of various departments setting policy. The president of the United States, who should be busier, is basically making himself a board member of Columbia University, making specific policy decisions about what happens on this private campus. And Columbia, this institution of higher learning, this American institution, institution as old as the country, supposedly a defender of liberal values, small L. Liberal values. Basic free inquiry, the freedom of expression, of curiosity, of intellectual enterprise. They fucking cave. They fucking cave. Which means they're more afraid of Trump than they're afraid of their alumni, than they're afraid of their faculty, than they're afraid of their students. I wonder if they're right, because right now it seems like they're right. It seems like they're right to be more afraid of Trump than they are of the people. Because there were a lot of protests at Columbia last year. Where are the protests now? Donald Trump is daring us. Every day, he's daring us. And I'm. Look, I'm part of it. I'm part of the. I care about this. I pay attention to this, but I'm part of the problem. Because every day I treat like a normal day. I'm being part of the problem. All of us do. And there's nothing wrong with that. We have to live our lives. But he is doing just enough. He is going dark enough. He is going far enough, just to the edge of where it would be unacceptable for us to have a normal night. But we all do, right? We pay attention. We think the news is harrowing. Let's talk about something else. We're all doing that. We're all doing it every day. I'm not saying we're wrong. I'm not judging it. I'm doing the same thing. But how much worse does it have to get before it feels strange to just be in a restaurant? It's not that much worse, but he knows that. They know that. Maybe it's purposeful, maybe it's the luck of this kind of reckless, haphazard way of doing business. Maybe it's the combination of their malevolence, incompetence. But they are doing just enough to scare us, to threaten us, but to let us at night turn on our fucking Real Housewives, right, and turn our brains off and to have the normal parts of our lives, right, to plan a trip over the summer, to plan a wedding. And I don't know how much longer that can go on, but right now, Those of us that are paying attention are wondering why so many others who aren't paying attention don't think it's so bad. And a little bit of that is on us. And I don't know what it's gonna take, and I don't know how bad it gets before we wake up. But the test for all of us is gonna be what it looks like when we actually, actually wake up. And I don't know what the answer is, but I think it starts by wondering what it will take for institutions, even the craven, feckless, pathetic, valueless institutions, are more scared of us than they are of Donald Trump. Because right now, they are correct to be more scared of Donald Trump. And at some point, that has to change. And I don't know what it looks like, but it has to change. I'll tell you one place where we're trying to change it is. So I went to Wisconsin just to kind of knock on doors, be part of these canvases, to see what's happening there as they're fighting the Supreme Court race. And one of the reasons it's so important is Elon Musk has dropped $13 million into this Wisconsin Supreme Court race. Why? So that they can install a MAGA guy on the Supreme Court. Someone that will rule in Musk's favor. They have a lawsuit in Wisconsin, but also somebody that if they challenge elections, that they have a favorable court. Someone that'll put back in place an abortion ban. Someone that will make sure that they don't have fair maps in Wisconsin. Wisconsin had this gerrymandered, both assembly map and congressional map. Wisconsin, 50, 50 state. Famously, it goes back and forth, right? They have six Republican members of Congress and two Democrats. Six, two. It's a 50, 50 state. Why? Because the super majority in the Republican legislature drew those maps, and we finally have a chance. We have a progressive majority on that court that just put in place fair assembly maps. It allowed Democrats to pick up a bunch of seats and break that super majority. The same thing could happen for the congressional maps. Not saying Republicans won't. They'll. They'll be able to win their seats. It just won't be as unfair. They'll have to fight for them, and they don't want that. They want to take back that court. And right now, a bunch of Republicans in that state and a bunch of Republicans across the country are watching. What's gonna matter more? Is it gonna be people being angry at what Musk and Trump are doing, or is it gonna be Musk's money that Wins the day. Cuz if the money wins, then all these House members who are gonna have to decide whether or not to vote for reconciliation are gonna have to decide whether or not to vote for tax cuts for billionaires and Medicaid cuts, even though it's bad for their constituents, they have to decide what are they more afraid of. Are they afraid of Musk dropping money on their heads in a primary and standing with their voters? Or are they gonna stick with Musk, have Musk money in the fall of 2026 to protect them from the wrath of the voters when they do something awful for their district? And what's happening in Wisconsin is one of the first big tests of that, which is why if you're hearing this and you have friends in Wisconsin, text them. Text anyone you know who lives in Wisconsin to make sure they turn out. And vote for Judge Susan Crawford to protect abortion, protect democracy, and stop Elon Musk from buying an election. If you want to do something in the last days, this election is on Tuesday, April 1. Go to vote Save America and sign up. We have to win this if we want to turn the tide. It's going to start there. Okay? And it was great, by the way. And if anybody listening to this came out, it was great to see you. It's also by the way, anyone listening, find one of these events, go to these town halls. Go to these gatherings where Republicans aren't having town halls. We have to get out of our houses. We have to get off our phones. We have to be among people. The phones are a big part of the problem. Expecting to think we can solve this from our fucking screens is the problem. So if you are hearing this, go to votesaveamerica.com, find a town hall, get out of your house, go be among people. Solidarity is not just about politics. It's about the kind of communities we live in, the society we live in. You can't make it at home. So please, please, please go to vote Save America and sign up. All right? On Wednesday. Thank you. Whatever. On Wednesday, a video of Tuft student and Turkish national Rameza Ozturk being arrested by masked ICE agents hit the Internet. First you only get into Tufts, and then this. That's all right. On Thursday, Marco Rubio confirmed that Austurc's F1 visa had been revoked for her activism. Here's what he told reporters. Every country in the world has a right to decide who comes in as a visitor and who doesn't. But we're going to do the same thing. If you come into the United States as a visitor and create a ruckus for us. We don't want it. We don't want it in our country. Go back and do it in your country, but you're not going to do it in our country. So there's no evidence she was actually involved in any of what he criticized. He talked about vandalism, arrests, occupying buildings. She wrote an op ed and others who might share that opinion were a party to a ruckus. What the fuck is a ruckus? What's the standard here? You are associated with a ruckus. You are loosely affiliated with a ruckus. Can you be deported for a hullabaloo? Can you be arrested by plainclothes officers for having attended a brouhaha? To put this in context, Axios reported Thursday that the Trump administration is considering banning all foreign students from schools that it has deemed as having too many students who are, in their words, pro Hamas. An official even threatened the possibility of decertifying colleges and universities altogether. And then what happens? Where did all the late bloomers go to lose their virginity? Trade schools? Those kids all fucked in high school. Speaking of people that did not fuck in high school, Vice President J.D. vance said Tuesday that he will accompany his wife Usha on a visit to Greenland later this week after the announcement of her trip was met with criticism. This was supposed to be a girls trip. Screamed Ramona over a Pinot Grigio. On Wednesday, the Vances reportedly changed their travel itinerary, limiting their trip to Greenland's only American military base, U.S. space Force outpost Pitafik. Yes, you simply must go to Pitafik in the spring. I've heard they have an incredible Domino's Pizza, said Danish Foreign Minister Lars Rasmussen. I actually think it's very positive that the Americans are canceling their visit to the Greenlandic community. They will instead make a visit to their own base, Pitavik. And we have nothing against that. You can't tell because the Danish people are so polite, but he just told J.D. vance to kill himself. According to a Danish journalist, American officials knocked on doors in Nook ahead of the Vance's visit to find local families open to welcoming the second lady but found no takers. But of course they don't. They don't have any powers until you invite them in. Has no one seen Buffett? They were all invited. They were seniors. Oh, you were talking about the show. I'm only talking about the movie. People talking about the show. I'm only talking about the movie. Movie's fucking great. Here at home, the White House has invited corporations to sponsor its Easter Egg Roll next month, asking companies to pay between $75,000 and $200,000 for branded snacks, logo placements at the event, and for the biggest spenders, tickets to have brunch with Melania. And get this 500 grand gets you dinner with Don Jr. And for a million, you can skip it. In the White House's defense, doing this kind of sponsorship was the only way they could afford to buy that many eggs. It's about prices. Pope Francis, who is still alive, made his first public appearance, made his first public afference on Sunday before being discharged from the hospital where he has spent the last five weeks being treated for pneumonia. He's doing great. It's wonderful news for the Pope. Terrible news for my Pope pool. I don't have a pope pool. The head of the Pope's medical team told reporters that the Pope came so close to death at one point that his doctors considered stopping treatment to let him die in peace. But in response, Pope Francis said, no, no, I'm all right here. It's not Italian. DoorDash DoorDash announced a new partnership with Klarna, which will allow users to pay for their food in installments over time, using a payment plan to buy a cold cheeseburger delivered by a schoolteacher trying to make rent. That's the second ingredient on the New York Times cooking app recipe for perfectly al dente Luigis. From building a recipe over time, you have to listen over many episodes to understand the recipe. In other financial news about companies taking advantage of people when they're literally out of cash, the Senate voted to stop the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau from capping overdraft fees to $5. The rule could have saved hundreds of dollars for people who overdrive their accounts, but the bank successfully lobbied Republicans to keep their overdraft fees coming, which brought almost $6 billion in revenue in 2023. Just want to say so far we're getting a lot more national than we're getting socialism. If you ask me. I thought they'd sprinkle in a little more Z in with the nah. You know what I'm saying? It's a lot of nah. Not enough Z. Just the whole promise. Little bit of Z. Just like nah, nah, nah. Getting hit in the face with all this nah, where's the Z? Gomit the Frog you find trying Light stories Kermit the Frog will deliver the commencement address at the University of Maryland this spring. Kermit was a last minute replacement after they originally had booked animal who had to step down from the gig due to a series of racist and anti Semitic messages he left in the comment section of nudafrica.com Strange. And finally, the Washington Post wrote an ode to the Centennial Bulb, an incandescent light bulb that has been burning since 1901 and has only been turned off a few times in its 124 year lifespan, each time with the assistance of 32 Pollocks. It seems like just yesterday I was screwing it in for the first time. Reminisce Joe Biden all right, up next, it's Barbie Ferreira.
- [33:22]
Jared Goldstein
Hey, don't go anywhere.
- [33:23]
Jon Lovett
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- [35:37]
Barbie Ferreira
Thank you for having me.
- [35:38]
Jon Lovett
So you're in a new dramedy.
- [35:41]
Barbie Ferreira
Yes, I am.
- [35:42]
Jon Lovett
Which is a drama with jokes.
- [35:44]
Barbie Ferreira
Got a couple jokes. I don't think any of the jokes are on purpose like you kind of are. We are by accident funny in the whole movie.
- [35:50]
Jon Lovett
They emerge from character.
- [35:52]
Barbie Ferreira
Yes, darling. Yes, darling, Exactly.
- [35:55]
Jon Lovett
That's how you know they're good.
- [35:56]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah.
- [35:58]
Jon Lovett
It's called Bob Trevino likes it.
- [36:00]
Barbie Ferreira
Mm, I like that. I like that.
- [36:04]
Jon Lovett
It's a movie about how Facebook can be good sometimes.
- [36:07]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah.
- [36:07]
Jon Lovett
Do you agree?
- [36:09]
Barbie Ferreira
Do I agree? I mean, it's gotta be. It's inspired by a true story, so I think the director would say yes. I haven't had a Facebook since I was 14, which was like two years ago, so I wouldn't know.
- [36:22]
Jon Lovett
I got locked out of my Facebook somewhere around 2017.
- [36:26]
Barbie Ferreira
Probably the best.
- [36:27]
Jon Lovett
And I can't get back in.
- [36:28]
Barbie Ferreira
You can't get back in? How do you do Marketplace? How do you do Facebook Marketplace?
- [36:31]
Jon Lovett
I don't.
- [36:31]
Barbie Ferreira
You don't?
- [36:32]
Jon Lovett
No, I just drive around with my pickup truck looking for stuff.
- [36:34]
Barbie Ferreira
Just give it out for free. Listen, people do that, okay.
- [36:38]
Jon Lovett
Yeah, I know, but I grew up.
- [36:39]
Barbie Ferreira
In New York in the 90s. I had bedbugs in Queens, baby. We don't. We don't do that anymore.
- [36:42]
Jon Lovett
You had bedbugs?
- [36:43]
Barbie Ferreira
When I was. It was New queens in the 90s who did it.
- [36:46]
Jon Lovett
Yeah, everybody had bedbugs. There were bedbugs at the. At the amc Times Square, I believe. I don't want to get sued for.
- [36:52]
Barbie Ferreira
And Mockvino is not showing in that theater right now, so.
- [36:55]
Jon Lovett
It was a long time ago.
- [36:57]
Barbie Ferreira
Okay, good, good.
- [36:58]
Jon Lovett
Long time ago. I think they figured it out.
- [36:59]
Barbie Ferreira
I really hope so.
- [37:00]
Jon Lovett
When I lived in New York, I would, in the middle of the day, go to McDonald's and I'd wear cargo shorts and I'd put a Big Mac in my left pocket and I put the fries in the right Pocket. And then I go to the movies.
- [37:11]
Barbie Ferreira
Oh, that's genius. Genius, genius, genius. I, like, bring a whole bag. If I'm going alone, I'll bring, like, a little yogurt. A little bit different than McDonald's, but, you know, a little bit classier. But we'll see. We'll see. But I have, like, my, like, little snacks in there. And then I'm trying not to be, like, loud, but I think they. I think they.
- [37:26]
Jon Lovett
They catch it on yogurt at the movies.
- [37:29]
Barbie Ferreira
I did. I did. It was, like, a bit too much, but I was having great. I think it was everything everywhere, all at once. And I was crying with, like, a wooden spoon and my. My glass yogurt.
- [37:38]
Jon Lovett
Oh, no. Plastic. That's good. Yeah.
- [37:40]
Barbie Ferreira
No, no, I'm great. I'm a good person.
- [37:41]
Jon Lovett
Yeah, you don't do plastic. Do you have a wooden spoon? Is it. Was it your wooden spoon or one of those disposable ones? Are we using, like, a.
- [37:45]
Barbie Ferreira
It was a reusable one.
- [37:46]
Jon Lovett
Like a mixing spoon. Well, I'm picturing a mixing spoon.
- [37:50]
Barbie Ferreira
I believe it was from. I believe it's from a farm shop in New Mexico, actually.
- [37:53]
Jon Lovett
The yogurt?
- [37:54]
Barbie Ferreira
No, the spoon. But yeah, if you want.
- [38:02]
Jon Lovett
Have you ever been worried about being catfished?
- [38:04]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah, I'm sure I have been.
- [38:06]
Jon Lovett
Oh, yeah?
- [38:07]
Barbie Ferreira
I just haven't, like, seen it.
- [38:09]
Jon Lovett
Oh, it's just ongoing. Well, the question.
- [38:12]
Barbie Ferreira
It never stops. Well.
- [38:14]
Jon Lovett
Cause I guess if you never find out that you were catfished. Were you?
- [38:18]
Barbie Ferreira
That's a really good question.
- [38:18]
Jon Lovett
Well, there's like a philosophical experiment. So let's say, okay, you were deciding whether or not to take the bus or the train on a trip. Okay. And unbeknownst to you, the bus had broken down. You just never. You didn't know that, but the bus had broken down. If you had decided to take the bus and gone to the bus station, there was no bus. There was only the train. So even if you had chosen the bus, you'd have ended up on the train. But you didn't know that you picked the train, did you? Did you pick the train? Or do you only think you took the train? Right, but here's the thing. If you said to yourself, I picked the train, you went to the train station, you took the train, you would die never knowing you didn't have a choice.
- [39:01]
Barbie Ferreira
That's incredible. And beautiful. I wasn't expect. I wasn't expecting all this.
- [39:04]
Jon Lovett
Neither was I.
- [39:05]
Barbie Ferreira
Coming from tonight.
- [39:06]
Jon Lovett
That's what. It's a strange show.
- [39:08]
Barbie Ferreira
It's great.
- [39:10]
Jon Lovett
Well, what do you think? Do you think you chose the train or do you think that you didn't have a choice?
- [39:14]
Barbie Ferreira
I think that my intuition was so strong that I knew the train was the right bet. Oh, yeah.
- [39:22]
Jon Lovett
You have a big social media following.
- [39:24]
Barbie Ferreira
And it's getting lower every day, baby.
- [39:26]
Jon Lovett
That's cool.
- [39:27]
Barbie Ferreira
And every day gets worse. So.
- [39:31]
Jon Lovett
Do you think we should shut it all down?
- [39:34]
Barbie Ferreira
I think about this all the time. I'm like, yeah, but then at the same time, like, where am I going to, like, learn about, like, Great Lakes and, like, murders and stuff?
- [39:42]
Jon Lovett
Yeah, I get a lot of good recipes. Recipes from TikTok.
- [39:44]
Barbie Ferreira
Oh, I get great recipe.
- [39:45]
Jon Lovett
Do you make the viral Turkish pasta?
- [39:47]
Barbie Ferreira
Oh, I haven't, but I've heard you got it. Well, I got to do it. I make a lot of my stuff from TikTok, a lot of my food, but my algorithm on it is pretty good.
- [39:56]
Jon Lovett
What are you making?
- [39:58]
Barbie Ferreira
What did I make last night? I made a soup.
- [40:00]
Jon Lovett
A soup?
- [40:00]
Barbie Ferreira
I went to H Mart, and then I got a bunch of stuff for soup. Soondubu soup.
- [40:06]
Jon Lovett
Soondubu soup. Yeah. H Mart is a Korean grocer. Were you in Koreatown?
- [40:09]
Barbie Ferreira
Yes, I was.
- [40:10]
Jon Lovett
Nice.
- [40:10]
Barbie Ferreira
And then so we did a little trip there. I got some water chestnut. This is riveting. I'm sure for this whole audience. Kimchi and I just made it into a beautiful little soup. It was wonderful.
- [40:22]
Jon Lovett
Wow.
- [40:22]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah.
- [40:25]
Jon Lovett
You also made your Broadway debut last year in Cult of Love.
- [40:28]
Barbie Ferreira
I sure did.
- [40:29]
Jon Lovett
How many nights a week?
- [40:31]
Barbie Ferreira
Six days a week. And then we do eight shows. One time we did nine shows because of the holiday schedule.
- [40:36]
Jon Lovett
Wow.
- [40:37]
Barbie Ferreira
Wow. They don't tell you that.
- [40:38]
Jon Lovett
Do you think they should just film it and then show it so that you have to do it over and over again? It seems crazy.
- [40:44]
Barbie Ferreira
Have they thought about that?
- [40:45]
Jon Lovett
We've beaten. The technology exists.
- [40:47]
Barbie Ferreira
You know what? Some days I. I was like, yeah, they probably should have just, like, recorded it because I wasn't doing it. But, you know, that's. That's the beauty of live performance.
- [40:55]
Jon Lovett
I love it. I love it. But wait, why don't we record this.
- [40:58]
Barbie Ferreira
Without an audience then, huh? Little laugh track.
- [41:00]
Jon Lovett
Well, here's. I'll tell you something. I'll tell you something. You're raising an interesting point, which is we take this show on the road. And I love doing it. I love getting to go across the country doing this show. But this show, we put out every episode. So every episode is new. Every single one. Every. Every time we do the show, we start from a blank page. A blank Canvas that we paint for all of you. But. And then I will be on the road and like, a friend of mine who's a comedian will be in that town, and they'll be like, oh, what are you doing today? What do you mean, what I'm doing today? I'm sitting in a hotel room. We're writing this show for the people. But when you do theater, you do the same show every night.
- [41:34]
Barbie Ferreira
The same exact thing.
- [41:36]
Jon Lovett
But you get. So you get all the applause, which feeds us and keeps us alive. Of course.
- [41:40]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah.
- [41:40]
Jon Lovett
But during the day, that's your time.
- [41:41]
Barbie Ferreira
And then some days you don't. I would be like. I literally would like the Saturday matinees. They weren't into me. Just letting you know right there. But in the Saturday evenings, ooh, I killed.
- [41:50]
Jon Lovett
Do you think Saturday night is the best night? When did you bring your A game?
- [41:53]
Barbie Ferreira
I brought my A game. Every day. Of course. Every single show. Any Broadway casting directors are listening and. No, every single day. I brought it all. You know what's funny? I think Tuesday night was like, meh. But then, like, randomly, like, a Wednesday night would just be like, I just feel like a rock star. I love it.
- [42:11]
Jon Lovett
Huh?
- [42:11]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah.
- [42:12]
Jon Lovett
Do you think that you're. That Wednesday night is different because you also did a Wednesday day show?
- [42:16]
Barbie Ferreira
Well, we started off doing Wednesday day shows. Well, we started off doing Saturday Sunday matinees, which was crazy. Means five show weekends. I know. Poor me. Poor actresses.
- [42:27]
Jon Lovett
And.
- [42:28]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah. And so we. But when we started doing it on Wednesday was much better. But the matinee crowd was funny. A lot of, like, people would start talking at me on stage. Yeah.
- [42:37]
Jon Lovett
Hecklers on Broadway, you would think it's.
- [42:39]
Barbie Ferreira
Hecklers, but I think they're just confused.
- [42:42]
Jon Lovett
Well, it's. The matinee crowds are older, right?
- [42:44]
Barbie Ferreira
I would say so. Yeah. Not to generalize.
- [42:48]
Jon Lovett
No, no.
- [42:48]
Barbie Ferreira
But they were, you know.
- [42:50]
Jon Lovett
No, I think. No, this is to generalize that.
- [42:52]
Barbie Ferreira
We aren't generalized.
- [42:53]
Jon Lovett
Let's generalize.
- [42:53]
Barbie Ferreira
They were older. Sure. And thus.
- [42:56]
Jon Lovett
How could you say that?
- [42:57]
Barbie Ferreira
How could you possibly say these people are older, but then they would wake up and there's one time I was. De Von was a great play. Okay. Yes, people were. Some. Some people may have slept and woken up and then screamed at me during a very powerful scene with me and Zachary Quinto.
- [43:11]
Jon Lovett
Because they were scared. Zachary Quinto was on this show.
- [43:13]
Barbie Ferreira
Sure was.
- [43:14]
Jon Lovett
Oh, I remember we talked about Cult of Love.
- [43:16]
Barbie Ferreira
Oh, did you know. What did you say that?
- [43:18]
Jon Lovett
He said that that there people would scream at him at the matinees.
- [43:21]
Barbie Ferreira
Right. Every time. Or like, ringtones are back. Ringtones are back, baby.
- [43:26]
Jon Lovett
So I remember during the post 911 years. I remember Dick Cheney would always be like, we have to get it right every time. But the terrorists only need to get it right once. We got to stop every single time they try to get us. And the terrorists, they only have to get through once. We have to always succeed. They can fail a million times if they succeed once they've done it. That's what it is with the phones. Because you can look at a theater of 2,000 fucking people if one person can't think to turn up their goddamn ringer. You're all exposed, you're all confused. You know what's crazy? Our phones have do not disturb mode.
- [43:57]
Barbie Ferreira
They do. And I love that mode.
- [43:58]
Jon Lovett
But that just means their normal mode is disturb mode.
- [44:02]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah. You know what my favorite is when people will send anyways. Those people are monsters. Because you have the option of if you have do not disturb, you will send it anyways. Monsters. Do you have get them out of your life?
- [44:13]
Jon Lovett
Do you have. Do you have your chatting pals where it's like you're driving, you're in. You have 15 minutes. They're just that. You have your list of three to five people that you just go through your phone and call.
- [44:22]
Barbie Ferreira
Very popular. So yes.
- [44:23]
Jon Lovett
And do you have friends where they'll call twice? They'll just ring you twice just for. No. Like, I'm just trying again.
- [44:30]
Barbie Ferreira
I will immediately think it's an emergency.
- [44:32]
Jon Lovett
Yeah. So you answer. That's the idea.
- [44:34]
Barbie Ferreira
And it works every time.
- [44:35]
Jon Lovett
Yeah. Spencer and I double ring each other because I get the fucking phone, I'm calling. This is a good time for me.
- [44:40]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah, it's a good time for me. I totally agree with you. But it's also just like you're the do not disturb of it all. And the. And the double. The double calling. It comes with an intimacy of friendship that I think some people just don't have the social. They just don't understand. I'm like, why are you calling me in the middle of the night?
- [44:59]
Jon Lovett
Well, you know, we're of different generations and so I think we have a different. Are you a calling person?
- [45:03]
Barbie Ferreira
I love to call.
- [45:03]
Jon Lovett
See, I love to call too.
- [45:04]
Barbie Ferreira
I like to text too.
- [45:06]
Jon Lovett
I'm not into texting. I think it was a mistake.
- [45:09]
Barbie Ferreira
I agree. I retext wrong all the time. I think, like, the people are mad at me.
- [45:13]
Jon Lovett
Oh, yeah. And then.
- [45:13]
Barbie Ferreira
But they're not. They're like. Or I seem like I'm mad at Them, but it's actually great.
- [45:17]
Jon Lovett
Well, it's that there's no correct way to end the conversation. And it's like. And I know there's nothing wrong with it, and it's like, not a judgment of me personally, but if you're in the middle of a conversation going back to grandfather, it's slowing down a little bit. And then you reply one last time, and then you get the thumbs up, like, the emoji to end the conversation. I don't even know what those are. They're not emojis. They're reactions. They're reactions. The reaction to end the conversation. It's like, oh, sorry.
- [45:43]
Barbie Ferreira
Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to, like, offend you.
- [45:45]
Jon Lovett
Sorry. We're done. I guess we're done.
- [45:47]
Barbie Ferreira
Texts are scary, and there's, like, different languages for everyone. I mean, if you're talking to someone different age brackets, like, they. It's just completely different. You never know what the vibes are.
- [45:55]
Jon Lovett
Who's the oldest person you text?
- [45:59]
Barbie Ferreira
50S. Yeah.
- [46:01]
Jon Lovett
Should get older. Should go older.
- [46:03]
Barbie Ferreira
Older.
- [46:03]
Jon Lovett
Let's find some older people.
- [46:04]
Barbie Ferreira
I would love to have older friends.
- [46:06]
Jon Lovett
Great. Now I want to hear a little bit about your dog and its diet situation.
- [46:19]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah, my dog. Cowboy.
- [46:20]
Jon Lovett
Yeah. What's happening? Do you just give people a little bit of.
- [46:24]
Barbie Ferreira
This is a crazy story, so please buckle up. So I was on Broadway, and so when I brought my dog to New York and my mom just so.
- [46:34]
Jon Lovett
Oh, you asked about my dog. I was on Broadway.
- [46:36]
Barbie Ferreira
I was on Broadway. Yeah, I was on Broadway. Critically acclaimed, too. New York. New York Times, critics choice.
- [46:42]
Jon Lovett
Critics fucking choice or whatever.
- [46:44]
Barbie Ferreira
Anyhow, so my. My mom decided to kidnap my dog. And she's a private chef, and so she spent all day just cooking for him, like, these beautiful, like, anchovies and, like, liver with, like, every single day a different menu. And so now I have to cook for my dog every day. I meal prep for him. Like, I'll get, like, some bagged, like, like, frozen veggies, and then I'll, like. I made him, like, an ancestral bison the other day, and I was, like, angrily making it, too. I was like, do you even know he's also, like, a mutt? Like, he, like, literally, like, lived on the street for a year. But he deserves it. He's sweet.
- [47:19]
Jon Lovett
What's ancestral about it? It's ancient meat.
- [47:25]
Barbie Ferreira
I think they just joked us to, like, ancestral bison. Ancestral bison. I don't know what bison is. $15.
- [47:31]
Jon Lovett
Doesn't all. All bison presumably have ancestors?
- [47:33]
Barbie Ferreira
I assume so.
- [47:34]
Jon Lovett
It'd be more interesting if it was a bison without ancestors.
- [47:37]
Barbie Ferreira
The GMO bisons, baby.
- [47:38]
Jon Lovett
You don't get traction. Yeah, these are like, yeah, like how.
- [47:42]
Barbie Ferreira
People get open to that.
- [47:43]
Jon Lovett
Like heritage bison, like heritage turkeys. People get those fancier turkeys, not the butterball ones that have been, in defiance of God's will, made enormous.
- [47:52]
Barbie Ferreira
Just waddling around.
- [47:53]
Jon Lovett
Yeah, too big, too big, too big. They're like, I'm not supposed to be here.
- [47:56]
Barbie Ferreira
Bison was just right. This bison was just right. And now my little cowboy can eat and you know.
- [48:03]
Jon Lovett
But your dog got real fat, right?
- [48:05]
Barbie Ferreira
He did. And my mom kept going because he's three years old, and she kept going like, oh, you need a new collar soon. He's outgrowing it. I'm like, mom, he is not growing. Like, he is getting bigger. And she's like, oh. And like, I had to, you know. And also there's like a 15 pound weight limit thing when you, like, travel with them. I was a little bit scared about bringing him back to la. Oh, yeah, we're good now. We're good.
- [48:23]
Jon Lovett
Yeah. You don't have to put him in. You have to like kind of squeeze him into one of those.
- [48:27]
Barbie Ferreira
I just, I literally just. I just hoped for the best. And they usually don't if he's so small. And when you look at him, I mean, obviously he's very chunky and dense.
- [48:34]
Jon Lovett
Now, but yeah, I know he's dead, but yeah, they don't care about density. They don't check for density. They're not that. There's no density limit. The dog, it could be a black hole. Really. It could be a dwarf. It could be a dwarf star. It just has to fit in that fucking container.
- [48:47]
Barbie Ferreira
I love it. And that's cowboy.
- [48:48]
Jon Lovett
And that's cowboy. And that's cowboy. I used to travel back and forth with my dog. And that was back when you could get your friend to say that you had emotional needs.
- [48:58]
Barbie Ferreira
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
- [49:00]
Jon Lovett
But the government cracked down on that.
- [49:01]
Barbie Ferreira
They did. You can't get away with that no more.
- [49:03]
Jon Lovett
Nope. They stop. Yeah, probably for the best, I guess.
- [49:09]
Barbie Ferreira
Just the LA people who bought their emotional support, like, certificate can't go to the front of the line with their dog.
- [49:15]
Jon Lovett
I just, I just think emotional support dogs, real or fake, make the whole world a better place than we should have them on the planes. And I don't really have a problem with that.
- [49:22]
Barbie Ferreira
I do think so.
- [49:23]
Jon Lovett
I just think. I think it got out of hand because people were like, oh, this is my emotional support donkey. And it's like, well, we can't deal with that now.
- [49:29]
Barbie Ferreira
Well, then you were hearing stories about hamsters and guinea pigs and oh my. Just all sorts of things.
- [49:33]
Jon Lovett
My view is let it be a menagerie.
- [49:35]
Barbie Ferreira
There's that falcon from Dubai.
- [49:38]
Jon Lovett
Sure, a falcon from Dubai.
- [49:40]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah. Maybe that's just Internet lore that doesn't exist, but I bought it. My media literacy, you know, low.
- [49:49]
Jon Lovett
Bob Trevino likes it is in theaters.
- [49:51]
Barbie Ferreira
It sure is.
- [49:53]
Jon Lovett
When we come back.
- [49:54]
Barbie Ferreira
And not at the AMC Bedbug One.
- [49:56]
Jon Lovett
No, that one. That was many years ago. And again, I can't verify that. And you have to verify it for yourself. Just something I remember from my time living in the. When we come back, Jared Goldstein's gonna join.
- [50:06]
Jared Goldstein
Hey, don't go anywhere.
- [50:07]
Jon Lovett
There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up. Love it or Leave it brought to you by Quints. If you're planning to go on vacation soon, you should treat yourself to a first class quality suitcase at an economy price tag from Quints. John just went on a trip.
- [50:22]
Jared Goldstein
Yes I did. And I needed some warm clothing because.
- [50:27]
Jon Lovett
I saw snow for the first time in a year. Wow.
- [50:30]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah.
- [50:31]
Jon Lovett
Yeah.
- [50:31]
Jared Goldstein
And I got some. I had a nice sweater from Quince. Nice Mongolian cashmere.
- [50:36]
Jon Lovett
Vacation season is nearly upon us. This year I'm treating myself to the luxe upgrades I deserve with Quince's high quality travel essentials at fair prices like lightweight shirts and shorts from $30 pants for any occasion and comfortable lounge sets with premium luggage options and durable duffel bags to carry it all. The best part, all Quinn's items are 50 to 80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts down on the cost of the middleman and passes the savings on to us. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. We love that. We love Quince. It's a great place you can go. Check it for everyday essentials that are incredibly reasonably priced and really well made. Some great sheets from Quince. And when I was shopping I went to Quints and then I went to a bunch of higher end brands and side by side it was like a no brainer. So everybody go to Quints for your next trip. Treat yourself to the luxe upgrades you deserve from quints. Go to quints.com love it. For 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's Q U I n c e.com love it. To get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com love it. The last Thing you want to hear when you need your auto insurance most is a robot with countless irrelevant menu options.
- [51:41]
Barbie Ferreira
Which is why with USAA Auto Insurance.
- [51:43]
Jon Lovett
You'Ll get great service that is easy and reliable, all at the touch of a button. Get a quote today, restrictions apply. Usaa. And we're back. Joining us now is the Ken to our Barbie, minus the smooth plastic genitals. Oh, it's Jared Goldstein.
- [52:11]
Jared Goldstein
I have very hairy, rough genitals.
- [52:14]
Barbie Ferreira
I believe you.
- [52:15]
Jon Lovett
Hi.
- [52:15]
Jared Goldstein
What's up? Hi. What's up?
- [52:19]
Barbie Ferreira
We're fake. We hugged back there.
- [52:20]
Jared Goldstein
We did.
- [52:21]
Barbie Ferreira
That's okay.
- [52:21]
Jared Goldstein
I'm drunk, but that's okay, right?
- [52:23]
Jon Lovett
What?
- [52:23]
Jared Goldstein
I'm drunk, but that's okay.
- [52:24]
Jon Lovett
For sure.
- [52:25]
Barbie Ferreira
You have one can of wine.
- [52:27]
Jared Goldstein
I know. I haven't been drinking, and it hit hard.
- [52:29]
Jon Lovett
One can of wine.
- [52:30]
Jared Goldstein
I had a can.
- [52:30]
Barbie Ferreira
La baby.
- [52:31]
Jared Goldstein
Hey, can I just say, yes, Barbie Ferreira is the coolest name a person can have.
- [52:37]
Barbie Ferreira
Thank you. Well, my real name is Barbara Boo.
- [52:40]
Jared Goldstein
Hey, that's still cool. It's still very cool. And I love seeing that on the flyer next to the second coolest name a person can have. Jared Goldstein.
- [52:49]
Barbie Ferreira
Baby.
- [52:50]
Jared Goldstein
Jared.
- [52:51]
Barbie Ferreira
Jared. Barbie.
- [52:53]
Jon Lovett
It's like God's going through the thing. It's like, wait, I have one extra. Jared Goldstein, who's a comedian. I'm missing an orthodontist. Thank you for being here, Jared.
- [53:07]
Jared Goldstein
Thanks for having me.
- [53:08]
Jon Lovett
Now you're both in the public eye.
- [53:11]
Jared Goldstein
To the same extent.
- [53:13]
Jon Lovett
What I want to talk about today because you're both. Because.
- [53:18]
Barbie Ferreira
What are we both?
- [53:19]
Jared Goldstein
That we're both in the public eye.
- [53:21]
Jon Lovett
In the public eye, you've been a model.
- [53:23]
Barbie Ferreira
I sure have.
- [53:24]
Jon Lovett
And you could be. You could be.
- [53:26]
Jared Goldstein
I have.
- [53:27]
Jon Lovett
And you have.
- [53:28]
Jared Goldstein
I have been a model.
- [53:29]
Jon Lovett
You have. What'd you model?
- [53:31]
Jared Goldstein
It was in a newspaper, so, you know, it's good. And it was Toys for Christmas, honey.
- [53:38]
Jon Lovett
What kind of toys? Yeah, what kind of toys?
- [53:40]
Jared Goldstein
It was, like, a lot of toys. I don't know. It was like.
- [53:42]
Barbie Ferreira
It was, like, wooden, Plastic.
- [53:44]
Jared Goldstein
Yeah, it was like we were on a couch, and there was, like, a lot of us, and, like, you know, but I was in it, and it was a photo, and they printed it.
- [53:52]
Barbie Ferreira
I believe him.
- [53:52]
Jared Goldstein
I was a model.
- [53:56]
Jon Lovett
So I want you guys to both watch my gait and see why it's so weird. Okay.
- [54:04]
Jared Goldstein
Spoiler alert. It's because he's gay.
- [54:07]
Jon Lovett
No, it's not. Because I've gone to the parades. It's not that. Okay, I'm gonna just walk normally. I'm gonna try to get out of my head about It. Because it's gonna be.
- [54:15]
Jared Goldstein
No, literally get out of your head.
- [54:17]
Barbie Ferreira
When you're thinking about it.
- [54:19]
Jared Goldstein
I know why.
- [54:20]
Barbie Ferreira
Your shoulders are too tight.
- [54:21]
Jon Lovett
Your shoulders are too tight.
- [54:23]
Jared Goldstein
Your shoulders are.
- [54:24]
Barbie Ferreira
Drop your shoulders. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, baby, no.
- [54:29]
Jared Goldstein
Yeah. Wait. Do it again. Wait.
- [54:30]
Jon Lovett
Okay, I don't. But. But I don't want you ever.
- [54:32]
Barbie Ferreira
Deep breath. Close your eyes. Deep. No one's here. It's just you.
- [54:35]
Jon Lovett
No, I know, I know.
- [54:37]
Barbie Ferreira
No, I know.
- [54:38]
Jon Lovett
All right, here we go. It's weird. Wait, I think it's the shoulders.
- [54:46]
Barbie Ferreira
You can work with us.
- [54:47]
Jared Goldstein
Can I commend you for. That is actually how you walk. And you actually did walk the way you actually walked, and that's huge. Give him a round of applause. That was very vulnerable.
- [54:57]
Jon Lovett
There's something strange about the gate. I think it's the possum.
- [55:00]
Jared Goldstein
I'm seeing the letter R. Oh, yeah.
- [55:03]
Jon Lovett
Which direction?
- [55:04]
Jared Goldstein
Where is my head? At the top. Like, I'm seeing a lowercase R. Oh, lowercase.
- [55:12]
Jon Lovett
Oh, no.
- [55:13]
Jared Goldstein
Yeah, like I want you to. I want your shoulders down and back, chin in. And also just take a. Like. Like you were saying.
- [55:21]
Barbie Ferreira
Relax, babe, relax.
- [55:24]
Jon Lovett
Hey, have you seen this video that went viral this week from influencer Ashton hall cataloging his 1000 step morning routine?
- [55:31]
Barbie Ferreira
Yes.
- [55:32]
Jon Lovett
All right, let's. Let's say. Let's see a clip.
- [55:36]
Barbie Ferreira
Saratoga, baby. Oh, where is it?
- [55:40]
Jon Lovett
Wow. No, it's awesome. I love the journaling, the purple light, a little detox with Internet, with the phone. It's ice water with Saratoga dip. Gotta get a dip in there. 905. Another bucket of water. At least 10,000. We gotta get a 10,000.
- [55:59]
Barbie Ferreira
At least 10,000.
- [56:00]
Jared Goldstein
So lighting can be anything, you know what I mean?
- [56:04]
Jon Lovett
First of all, I love this video. So just so people understand, his routine start is like three. 3:45am no, it didn't.
- [56:10]
Jared Goldstein
He's a liar.
- [56:10]
Jon Lovett
But wait, whatever he claims, he says it starts at 3:45am and he sits down to work at 9:15am which is five and a half hours of morning routine.
- [56:22]
Jared Goldstein
He brushed his teeth for five hours. His gums are gone.
- [56:26]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah, he jumps in the pool and he kills like 10 minutes in. Just the dive. If you.
- [56:30]
Jon Lovett
Yeah, he dives. There's a sign behind him that says no diving.
- [56:32]
Barbie Ferreira
And he does it anyway.
- [56:33]
Jon Lovett
That's the bad boy influencing. It's amazing. And then you're like, well, what does he do? And I guess this is what he does, which is he. He's a. Some sort of life coach. And people see the morning routine and Think I want to be like him. But how does and have his life? What is his life? It's telling people to do the morning routine. He just film.
- [56:52]
Barbie Ferreira
And there's a beautiful woman. I don't know if she actually has great nails and I love a good nail. And she's always making him food or, like, strapping on his weighted vest.
- [56:59]
Jon Lovett
Yes, there is a nameless, faceless woman who is providing services. Free her throughout. For sure. For sure. Free the. Free. Free her.
- [57:09]
Barbie Ferreira
Who is she?
- [57:10]
Jon Lovett
We don't know.
- [57:11]
Barbie Ferreira
Is she getting paid?
- [57:13]
Jon Lovett
It's so unclear. It's so strange. There's also something so the ideal morning routine is a routine that has these steps that can only exist if you're responsible to no one, to no one. That there's no child that's interrupting your. There's no spouse who needs you to do them. Something that, like, you are an isolated being who's responsible only to yourself. And that kind of perfecting your day requires complete isolation. Complete isolation. Five hours of morning isolation. I mean, we're only up for 16.
- [57:44]
Jared Goldstein
Yeah. He's in a lot that. He's in a lot of pain, that man.
- [57:47]
Jon Lovett
He's in a lot of pain.
- [57:48]
Barbie Ferreira
Lot of pain.
- [57:48]
Jon Lovett
He's in a lot of pain. Also, he eats a banana and rubs it on his face.
- [57:52]
Barbie Ferreira
He does.
- [57:52]
Jared Goldstein
Okay, film that.
- [57:54]
Jon Lovett
I think we have it. Hello.
- [57:55]
Barbie Ferreira
There you go.
- [58:00]
Jon Lovett
What's that? What's in the banana?
- [58:02]
Barbie Ferreira
Well, as the expert, I don't know, I actually. I did hear that it does nothing. Yeah, so that's what I read it in a. Like, a very factual tweet.
- [58:13]
Jon Lovett
So I'm gonna start doing the ice thing, though. That looked good.
- [58:18]
Jared Goldstein
Yeah.
- [58:18]
Jon Lovett
I want to start doing two ice plunges in the morning, or just one, just to start.
- [58:21]
Barbie Ferreira
He's handsome. I mean, for sure something's working.
- [58:24]
Jared Goldstein
There's so much going right in his life that you like. It's like this half. Like, I admire him so much, but then I'm so repulsed by everything that's happening that it's just like, oh, you really feel for these people.
- [58:35]
Barbie Ferreira
This is the start of the pyramid scheme. I mean, everyone's always selling packages of, like, how to get rich, right? That's the Internet thing. So this is the start, which is.
- [58:42]
Jon Lovett
A perfect segue into our into. And you know what that sound means. It's time for a segment we're calling the Shame Game. As you mentioned, all of these things are in some way leading to a business, to a product. All right? Social media taketh. But it also giveth a million new problems to hyper scrutinize our bodies for and ultimately get us to buy things or do things. Jared and Barbie, I'm gonna give you a new micro insecurity courtesy of TikTok. And you will rank them on a scale from 1 to 5, with 1 being I would never be insecure about this and 5 being I have to leave the stage immediately, so. And squat naked over a full length mirror to make sure I don't have this.
- [59:28]
Barbie Ferreira
This is like my everyday life. Let's do it.
- [59:30]
Jon Lovett
Okay, the actual scale. So the scale is gonna go. If it's a one, it's a nice try, TikTok. If it's two, it's wait, that's what my head looks like from behind. Three is sure, but there's a cream for that. Four is panic ordering dozens of turtlenecks on Amazon at three in the morning. And five is booking the flight to Turkey.
- [59:47]
Jared Goldstein
Booking the flight to Turkey.
- [59:48]
Barbie Ferreira
Gotta go to Turkey. The smile, the hair, get it all in there.
- [59:51]
Jon Lovett
Come on, get all in there. Get on there. It seems fun. It seems fun. I'm gonna go to Beverly Hills.
- [59:56]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah, no, I see.
- [59:59]
Jon Lovett
Why I see. I know turkey's there. I want to be in a place where if something goes wrong, I can sue.
- [60:02]
Jared Goldstein
No, totally.
- [60:03]
Barbie Ferreira
I like it. I like that.
- [60:06]
Jon Lovett
Gotta be able to sue. It's the only way to level the playing field. The doctor is always so powerful. But not when they know you can sue. First up, a few years ago, hip dips, or the naturally occurring indentation between the hip, sock and upper thigh that some people have became something to destroy, to embrace, or potentially both. Jared and Barbie, they say hips don't lie, but do they have you obsessively staring in the mirror every morning in your new leggings? Where do you rank this potential insecurity on a scale of 1 to 5?
- [60:38]
Barbie Ferreira
I've always had hip dips and woo. That's right, anatomy baby. I would say one. I mean, like hip dips. I mean, come on. Everyone got it.
- [60:49]
Jon Lovett
Absolutely.
- [60:51]
Barbie Ferreira
What are your thoughts on this?
- [60:52]
Jon Lovett
I think it's a one for sure because I didn't know. I didn't even know based on this picture if this was something to get or something to stop. Like I really genuinely.
- [61:01]
Barbie Ferreira
Obviously disgusting.
- [61:03]
Jon Lovett
I didn't know. I was like, is this the ideal we're all striving for but is impossible, or is this something everyone has and must get rid of?
- [61:11]
Barbie Ferreira
The line gets blurred every day, right?
- [61:13]
Jared Goldstein
Speaking of a blurry line, I'll say this is the last Part of a woman's body I was ever attracted to. And for that reason, I'm supportive of it.
- [61:22]
Barbie Ferreira
Okay.
- [61:24]
Jon Lovett
The first was her mind. Yeah.
- [61:27]
Jared Goldstein
I'm still attracted to that part, though.
- [61:28]
Jon Lovett
Okay, cool. Yeah.
- [61:30]
Barbie Ferreira
Are you?
- [61:31]
Jared Goldstein
No.
- [61:34]
Barbie Ferreira
Free her.
- [61:35]
Jon Lovett
Free her. Free her. Free her. Let's find out her name and free her. All right, that's a one. Next up, we have something called Irish hair. According to TikTok, Irish hair or Irish curls, describes an inconsistent curl pattern which a person's hair is called. Jewish hair, too, at the top and curlier underneath. That's right, sure. Jewish hair, yeah. Jared and Barbie. Does Irish hair have your eyes smiling or are you ready to Erin go bra to the bathroom, bro?
- [62:04]
Barbie Ferreira
Who the fuck cares, brah?
- [62:05]
Jared Goldstein
I'm like you. I'm going to Beverly Hills, not to Turkey, because I have a guy who helps me with this. It.
- [62:09]
Barbie Ferreira
Oh, you get a little keratin.
- [62:11]
Jared Goldstein
Yeah, yeah. I do it in the very front and in the very back.
- [62:15]
Jon Lovett
Wow.
- [62:15]
Barbie Ferreira
Even you. You have different.
- [62:17]
Jared Goldstein
Not right now. Right now, I'm like. I'm just natural right now, but I'm done. I'm sick of it.
- [62:22]
Jon Lovett
You're.
- [62:22]
Barbie Ferreira
You're sick of it. You.
- [62:23]
Jared Goldstein
Time to go back. So I'm. I'm a five.
- [62:25]
Jon Lovett
You know, I really. I'll.
- [62:30]
Jared Goldstein
Say it.
- [62:30]
Jon Lovett
He's a five. He's a five. I. I'm a one. I know. I think it's fine.
- [62:33]
Barbie Ferreira
I think it's fine.
- [62:34]
Jon Lovett
I think it's fine.
- [62:35]
Barbie Ferreira
Literally. Yes. Get a Dyson Airwrap if it bothers you that much.
- [62:39]
Jon Lovett
I think, like, look, as somebody who has struggled to use his money to buy hairlines via Beverly Hills doctors and then successfully done that several times.
- [62:53]
Barbie Ferreira
Yeah, you're in.
- [62:55]
Jon Lovett
No, absolutely. I find that, like, basically, as someone who has, like, been obsessed with their own hairline and just basically observe hairlines, like, very closely, I find that people with amazing hair, present company included, they talk about hair with the kind of like. They're like upper deck Titanic passengers talking about the accommodations. You know, they're like, I don't like the view from my room. And meanwhile, like, I'm down here with the fucking rats. And they're like, oh, I go for a keratin treatment because they're little curly in front but a little curly in the back. It's like, fuck you. We're just trying to. We just want down here with Jack and Rose. We just want coverage.
- [63:38]
Jared Goldstein
I know.
- [63:40]
Jon Lovett
We just want coverage.
- [63:42]
Jared Goldstein
You're so right.
- [63:43]
Barbie Ferreira
I hear about hairlines all day, by the way.
- [63:45]
Jared Goldstein
I have to check My privilege so much in that way. One time, I told this woman, she was like, what's the secret? What are you doing here? Please tell me what to do with my hair. And I was like, here's what it is. Nothing. And she looked so mad.
- [63:59]
Jon Lovett
Yeah, for sure.
- [64:00]
Jared Goldstein
She looked so mad.
- [64:01]
Jon Lovett
For sure.
- [64:02]
Jared Goldstein
That's what I'm kidding. You said is like, is the health of your hair, is the value, so don't burn your hair. Do nothing, essentially. But then, you know, yeah, whatever.
- [64:11]
Barbie Ferreira
Male pattern baldness will come for you no matter what. Oh, yeah, that's something I hear. Yeah, I hear all day. I hear all day about it. It's like, truly the talk of the town. All day. Hairline, hairline, hairline. I kind of am like, you know, if guys have one thing to worry about, it's hairline. I'm like, all right, it's fine. It's fine.
- [64:26]
Jared Goldstein
Jason Statham.
- [64:28]
Jon Lovett
Gee, you gotta have such a specific head to pull that off.
- [64:31]
Barbie Ferreira
You do.
- [64:32]
Jon Lovett
Everybody's like, oh, Bruce Willis. Jason saved them. End of fucking list. This doesn't work. Endless. This doesn't work. This doesn't work for me like that. I don't have the confidence. I respect the men who do. I don't have it. Next up.
- [64:47]
Jared Goldstein
Great. Honestly, I never would have even known that you had any sort of story behind it.
- [64:52]
Jon Lovett
Absolutely, absolutely. That's. That's. Yeah, that's why.
- [64:55]
Barbie Ferreira
Effortlessly cool.
- [64:56]
Jon Lovett
Yeah, that's right. And that's right. Next up, cortisol face. This is a TikTok favorite.
- [65:06]
Jared Goldstein
Cortisol face.
- [65:07]
Jon Lovett
Yeah, cortisol face. Last year, thousands of videos flooded the app to tell me specifically that my face might be extra round due to too much of the stress hormone cortisol. The kind of repetitive TikTok that might stress you out a little bit. According to the Cleveland Clinic, cortisol face, or moon face, can occur as a result of certain syndromes or as a side effect of medication like steroids. But they reassure patients that it is, in itself dangerous. But we don't care if it's dangerous. Cleveland Clinic. We just want to be hot. Jared and Barbie. Do I have cortisol face?
- [65:37]
Barbie Ferreira
No, you don't.
- [65:39]
Jon Lovett
I'm sorry? I mean, where do you rank cortisol face on scale of micro insecurities?
- [65:44]
Barbie Ferreira
To be fair, I, like, don't know if I buy it. I think if you're on a medication, like, I've been on prednisone for, you know, like, losing my voice or something, and then I feel like I'm angry and big and, like, Red. But I don't know if, like, you being stressed is gonna make that big of a difference on your face. But you know what?
- [66:02]
Jon Lovett
Maybe do they have Broadway doctors that inject steroids the way like football doctors inject steroids in the knees to get people back out there like horses?
- [66:12]
Barbie Ferreira
Absolutely. So you actually heard that people don't like doing that because the girlies are saying they, like, try to keep their vocal health good. And, like, if you do too much of that, you, like, strain it even more. I don't have that problem. And also, I was like, smoking packs of cigarettes before I had to stop for the broad for Broadway because I was like, I'm gonna lose my voice. But they do shoot you up. Yeah. B12 in a prednisone. Happens all the time.
- [66:30]
Jon Lovett
Cool. I should do that before this show.
- [66:32]
Barbie Ferreira
You would be hyped and angry. I get angry.
- [66:36]
Jon Lovett
Next up, bad facial harmony. It's another syndrome that only exists in the mind of the mad. Bad facial harmony refers to the concept that one can have good individual facial features, but bad overall facial harmony. You could also have the inverse, which I guess is being overall gorgeous, but with dog ass individual features.
- [66:55]
Barbie Ferreira
I mean, here's a prime example of a horribly ugly woman.
- [66:58]
Jon Lovett
Yeah.
- [66:58]
Barbie Ferreira
Hideous with terrible symmetry.
- [67:01]
Jared Goldstein
Is Bella. Is she the idea of. Of like bad facial harmony?
- [67:06]
Jon Lovett
No.
- [67:06]
Jared Goldstein
Or she's good facial.
- [67:07]
Jon Lovett
I think this must be good facial harmony.
- [67:09]
Barbie Ferreira
It's another classic case of do we want this or not? I think we do.
- [67:12]
Jon Lovett
I think we do. I'm not worried about facial harmony. I think it's like a three. I think I get talked into it.
- [67:19]
Barbie Ferreira
Maybe a two. I say two. If someone was like. Because I do, like, one of my eyebrows, like a little lower than the other one. Hate.
- [67:25]
Jared Goldstein
Do you have this thing where when I look at my face in a FaceTime, it looks like my. My eyes are all black. Are you having that?
- [67:32]
Barbie Ferreira
They have like, sneaky filters on FaceTime. If you. If that you can, like, turn off.
- [67:36]
Jon Lovett
You mean like, the whites are gone and the whole thing is gone?
- [67:39]
Barbie Ferreira
Demonic possession on FaceTime.
- [67:41]
Jon Lovett
Not that. Sorry. Are you seeing something different?
- [67:43]
Jared Goldstein
Like, it looks like I don't have, like, my eyes are brown and it looks like my eyes are black. Does anyone have that?
- [67:49]
Barbie Ferreira
Maybe we'd get that checked out.
- [67:50]
Jared Goldstein
I don't have that either. I don't have that. I don't have that.
- [67:53]
Jon Lovett
Finally.
- [67:53]
Barbie Ferreira
This is demonic possession.
- [67:54]
Jared Goldstein
Yeah, I have that.
- [67:55]
Jon Lovett
This is something called septum arms.
- [67:57]
Barbie Ferreira
Huh?
- [67:58]
Jon Lovett
It. I don't know what it's. It's. Oh, cuz. This is why it's called that. He or she would be hot Septem arms.
- [68:08]
Barbie Ferreira
Oh, my goodness gracious.
- [68:10]
Jon Lovett
What?
- [68:10]
Jared Goldstein
What if I was like.
- [68:11]
Barbie Ferreira
Yes, yes, yes, Exactly.
- [68:13]
Jared Goldstein
Some people are ugly in their arms.
- [68:16]
Barbie Ferreira
I was gonna smash. But your disgusting biceps were.
- [68:19]
Jon Lovett
I mean, I guess maybe.
- [68:22]
Barbie Ferreira
Maybe I'm an angel.
- [68:24]
Jon Lovett
This seems like it's like the millennial equivalent. This is a butter body.
- [68:29]
Barbie Ferreira
Butter. Oh, you know, her face. Butterface.
- [68:32]
Jon Lovett
Butter face. Butter body. That was something.
- [68:33]
Jared Goldstein
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [68:35]
Jon Lovett
I was once called a butter face once. To my face. I was so complimented. I was like, I have been working out.
- [68:42]
Barbie Ferreira
I would die if someone said, you're a butter face to me. I would be so gassed. Like, I literally, like, that's right. The body's hot. Body tea, bitch.
- [68:49]
Jon Lovett
You know what? This is actually funny. I've never actually even talked about it before, but it was a very drunk person at a bar, gay bar in D.C. called Halo that was on at 17th in our. And if you were the person that very drunkenly came up to me and said, oh, you're very hot, butterface, and then left, if you remember that. I remember it. So you're right to feel bad.
- [69:12]
Jared Goldstein
Yeah. Yeah.
- [69:15]
Jon Lovett
You're probably around my age and you did it. And I remember it.
- [69:22]
Jared Goldstein
When I first started doing standup and roast battle was really popular, I wrote a joke for someone else that was like, she's a butter face, Meaning that she'll let you put it in her butter face. Yay. I was proud of that.
- [69:38]
Jon Lovett
That's a great joke. That's a really good joke. Thank you.
- [69:40]
Barbie Ferreira
I love.
- [69:40]
Jon Lovett
That's a really good joke.
- [69:42]
Jared Goldstein
Just fine. But I was like, I really was. I wanted an Emmy. I was like, I feel like that should get me some kind of golden statue.
- [69:49]
Barbie Ferreira
I agree.
- [69:50]
Jared Goldstein
Butter face.
- [69:51]
Jon Lovett
It was really good. I think you gotta put a little more spin on the second time we say butter.
- [69:56]
Jared Goldstein
Yeah.
- [69:57]
Jon Lovett
You know, and that's where we're feeling.
- [69:58]
Jared Goldstein
The wine that I had backstage.
- [70:00]
Jon Lovett
Yeah. But I think it's a great joke. It's a beautiful, simple joke. Beautiful, beautiful. Very well written joke. Very well written joke. Congrats. All right. Thank you.
- [70:10]
Barbie Ferreira
Good one.
- [70:11]
Jon Lovett
Jared, in your podcast. Sorry, what? You can get that wherever you get podcasts. Is it advice podcast.
- [70:17]
Jared Goldstein
It's an advice podcast from a bad listener. I'm doling it. No one's wanting it, but I'm telling you how to live your life.
- [70:24]
Jon Lovett
Hence the name. Sorry, what?
- [70:26]
Jared Goldstein
Yeah, exactly.
- [70:26]
Jon Lovett
Do you think it's sorry, what?
- [70:28]
Jared Goldstein
I would go, sorry, what?
- [70:31]
Jon Lovett
All right, next up, the text is coming from inside the house.
- [70:37]
Jared Goldstein
Hey, don't go anywhere.
- [70:39]
Jon Lovett
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- [72:10]
Barbie Ferreira
Restrictions apply.
- [72:12]
Jon Lovett
USAA and we're back. Monday is Trans day of visibility so keep your heads on a swivel.
- [72:33]
Jared Goldstein
Turn the house lights up.
- [72:42]
Jon Lovett
Just want to remind everybody that from Crooked Media reads we have woodworking. It's the debut novel from Yellowjackets writer and culture critic Emily St. James. I truly love woodworking. If you haven't read it yet, pick it up. Support Emily Support Crooked Media. Support this book. It is a trans story and it's just an amazing story. It's an incredibly entertaining, engrossing read. Highly recommend the audiobook Emily Was On Love it or leave it a few weeks ago. And if you didn't grab a copy, then now's your chance. It's fun, it's moving, and everybody should grab their copy@crooked.com books or anywhere you like to get books. It's a great queer story for people that are, you know, anywhere on the flag. But if you're somebody that wants to be supportive and wants to understand the trans perspective, there's a lot of coverage of the politics, but not really enough conversation about just the experience and a lot of coverage of trans people that is about trans people as objects as opposed to being subjects. And so everybody should go to crooked.combooks and pick up a copy. Also, as I mentioned, the monologue in Wisconsin, we gotta do everything we can to elect Susan Crawford, who is a qualified judge, and to stop Elon Musk's backed MAGA guy, the right wing attorney general. It's the first major race since Trump won in November. It will determine the majority on the Wisconsin Reeves Court. Get everything you need to vote or volunteer before next Tuesday, April 1st, at votesaveamerica.com, paid for by VoteSave America. You can learn more at votesaveamerica.com this ad has not been authorized by any candidate or candidates committee. Also, we're off next week, but we'll be back at the Allegiant Theater on April 10th with Robbie Hoffman and more great guests. So if you're in la, grab tickets for Love it or Leave it live@crooked.com events. All right, now for a segment we're calling Houthi Among Us.
- [74:23]
Jared Goldstein
Hey, look at us.
- [74:25]
Jon Lovett
There we are.
- [74:26]
Jared Goldstein
Wait, do you see what I mean about the black eyes?
- [74:29]
Barbie Ferreira
They're beautiful. They're good.
- [74:31]
Jon Lovett
They're deep. They're deep. You have deep eyes.
- [74:33]
Jared Goldstein
Okay, okay, okay.
- [74:35]
Jon Lovett
Stop trying to find stuff to complain about.
- [74:36]
Jared Goldstein
Okay, okay, okay.
- [74:41]
Jon Lovett
Look, Michael Waltz, the National Security Advisor has obviously screwed the pooch, but haven't we all sent a straight text or two to show some empathy and more importantly, embarrass our guests? We're each gonna share something we've done in texts that we regret. In a segment I've already named Barbie, Kick us off. When is the time you sent an errand? Text included the wrong person made a mistake.
- [75:03]
Barbie Ferreira
Okay, so this is quite a while ago, maybe like 10 years ago. I remembered this today, and I was immediately stricken with embarrassment. Again. I was texting someone, like a friend of mine. I was like, oh, let's meet here. I was in New York at the time, and so I show up, and I see someone else that I know. I'm like, hey, what's up? And they're like, oh, like, are you coming with us? I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, I'm waiting for my friend. And I'm like, okay, weirdo. He walks away. And then I realized I was texting that person the whole time. And he thought I was like. I was just, like, lost my mind. And, like, we were supposed to be at this exact place. I was like, that's so random that you also happen to be at this exact place right now. And so, yeah, that was embarrassing.
- [75:42]
Jon Lovett
Did he think it was a date?
- [75:43]
Barbie Ferreira
No, it wasn't a date. He had friends with him. But that was riveting. I know that story is crazy.
- [75:48]
Jon Lovett
No, but the. But he came.
- [75:51]
Barbie Ferreira
He did. And then I was like, oh, I'm just meeting someone here. Like, I just, like, did not click with me.
- [75:56]
Jon Lovett
But what happened when he figured it out? I mean, it must have been embarrassing.
- [75:59]
Barbie Ferreira
And just, like, walked away with his friends. I was just like, okay. Fucking weirdo. And then.
- [76:03]
Jon Lovett
But he clearly wanted to see you. This is what I'm trying to understand, because he got a whole group of friends. No, no. We got to go meet Barbie. She's inexplicably texting me, but it's important that I see her for some reason. Yeah. So did you break his heart? I just. This is. Are you sure? You're sure this person didn't want to date?
- [76:17]
Barbie Ferreira
Maybe. I mean, I never know. So who's that? I mean, maybe, but no. I think the person I was trying to meet was someone I was trying to date.
- [76:25]
Jon Lovett
And what happened there?
- [76:26]
Barbie Ferreira
Well, then I just, like, I blew it. I was, like. The whole time, I thought it was someone else I was texting. It was, like, days and days of conversations.
- [76:33]
Jon Lovett
But did you go ever go back to the person who was supposed to be. Whatever their number?
- [76:36]
Barbie Ferreira
I was too mortified. I never talked to either of them again. But that one, I. That one guy was, like, a mutual friend of a bunch of people, and I had just been, like, flirting with him, and I had no intention, and I. So I guess, yes, he was trying to date me. And, yeah, I did break his heart. But it's okay. It was an accident. I. I still think about how awful that was. And also the worst part is this is all Grand Central Station.
- [76:58]
Jon Lovett
You. What were you going to. Were you going for oysters? What's going on?
- [77:02]
Barbie Ferreira
No, B. I was. At the time, I lived in, like, Mount Vernon, and so I God, this is. This story just gets juicier and juicier, doesn't it? So I was like, in midtown. I was like, what am I doing here? And I just look like an idiot. Had to go home.
- [77:16]
Jon Lovett
I'm sorry that happened.
- [77:17]
Barbie Ferreira
It's okay. I think I'm okay.
- [77:19]
Jon Lovett
You're okay?
- [77:19]
Barbie Ferreira
I think I'm okay.
- [77:20]
Jon Lovett
What if that other person you meant to be texting is the love of your life?
- [77:23]
Barbie Ferreira
God, I don't even remember who it was.
- [77:26]
Jon Lovett
What if that was fighting the.
- [77:27]
Barbie Ferreira
No. I never saved anyone's name under my name in my phone, and now I do.
- [77:30]
Jon Lovett
That's chaos.
- [77:31]
Barbie Ferreira
That is.
- [77:32]
Jon Lovett
That's crazy.
- [77:33]
Barbie Ferreira
I know. I have like 900 unread messages. I need to stop.
- [77:35]
Jon Lovett
No, no, no. I really understand and respect that. I get it. I get it.
- [77:39]
Barbie Ferreira
I thrive in chaos.
- [77:40]
Jon Lovett
But what do you think it is about us? That there's something about our relationship with time. Because it's as if there's no future. As if, like, yes, we know who this is right now and that's all that matters. As if we can't form, we can't imagine a future where they will be in our life for an extended period of time so that it's obviously right now worth saving the number. Why shouldn't we save the number right now? Well, because we're not gonna know this person, we're not gonna see this person, or we're not gonna live. Why aren't we saving the numbers right now?
- [78:11]
Barbie Ferreira
You should ask that to 18 year old me who was stoned out of her mind and you saved the numbers in a Supreme Jacket.
- [78:16]
Jon Lovett
I'm doing better about saving the numbers.
- [78:19]
Barbie Ferreira
I save all numbers now. Ever since then, I really learned a lesson.
- [78:22]
Jared Goldstein
Do you know there's a name for this?
- [78:23]
Jon Lovett
What?
- [78:24]
Jared Goldstein
I'm gonna get it wrong, but it's something very dumb like. Like tip toptimism. Can you look it up? It's like tip Someone chat timtoptimism.
- [78:33]
Jon Lovett
Have you heard about this tip toptimism?
- [78:35]
Jared Goldstein
Yes.
- [78:36]
Jon Lovett
Do I have a rabid case of tip top optimism?
- [78:39]
Jared Goldstein
Wait, this is going to be huge for you.
- [78:40]
Jon Lovett
What's tip toptimism?
- [78:42]
Jared Goldstein
It's people who are, like, chronically bad with time. And you have a. You have an optimism about how much time you think you have.
- [78:48]
Jon Lovett
Oh, yeah. Couldn't be me.
- [78:49]
Barbie Ferreira
Couldn't be me.
- [78:49]
Jared Goldstein
I'm a time. And optimism has become one word.
- [78:54]
Jon Lovett
Yes. What is it?
- [78:55]
Jared Goldstein
Say it again. Tidz. Optimist.
- [78:59]
Barbie Ferreira
I like tip top better.
- [79:00]
Jared Goldstein
I know, I know.
- [79:00]
Jon Lovett
It's a terrible word. Way better.
- [79:03]
Jared Goldstein
It's spelled T I D S Optimus. Tid's Optimist.
- [79:07]
Jon Lovett
Okay, well, we'll check that out.
- [79:08]
Jared Goldstein
You might have that.
- [79:09]
Jon Lovett
Send that to my therapist, who I'm now angry. Hasn't brought it up, though. It's hard to bring it up when we have an appointment in six months. Gotta text her back. Number's not saved. Jared, when have you made a mistake on text?
- [79:26]
Jared Goldstein
I feel like I have texted Stop to end to the Democrats at least 20 times and there is no end in sight. And I feel like maybe you might have something to tell me inside info.
- [79:41]
Jon Lovett
So the texts have gotta fucking stop again. I will say I actually want to figure out if this is possible, but I do believe in something called Democrat plus, which is a. Which would be an ad. It's a car. It's a car. It's a phone. It's a car, but it's a service. You would pay a monthly fee to support progressive politicians, but no ads, no texts, no phone calls, no nothing. And everyone makes the deal.
- [80:12]
Barbie Ferreira
You're giving this all away for free?
- [80:14]
Jon Lovett
No, no. They're gonna have to donate every.
- [80:15]
Barbie Ferreira
You're talking about the idea, babe.
- [80:17]
Jon Lovett
No, no. Yeah. I mean, it's just for the country. It's a good idea for the country, but it's hard because you have to figure out. Because then it's like they all want money and they all raise money separately. And so, yeah, it's very complicated. But I kind of like the idea of something called Democrat plus, so I'm gonna work on that.
- [80:32]
Jared Goldstein
Okay.
- [80:33]
Jon Lovett
I really am. I really am.
- [80:34]
Barbie Ferreira
For the fancy Democrats who want to pay a monthly fee.
- [80:37]
Jon Lovett
Well, I just think it's like, there's a lot of people donating in $5 increments all the time, and then you're like, constantly, constantly getting, like, why not.
- [80:42]
Jared Goldstein
Get a TV show out of me?
- [80:43]
Jon Lovett
Yeah, I love it. Yeah, right. No, it's also a streaming service. But no, if you go to, like, I'll go to my text right now. I'm going to go to my text right now. I don't think look very far.
- [80:49]
Barbie Ferreira
They're doing like, AI scams of this. I'm telling you, the AI scams, if they were smart, they would tap into the.
- [80:55]
Jared Goldstein
They would just do both. The same company sending out all the.
- [80:58]
Barbie Ferreira
Messages, because there's people who are like, hey, how are you? Oh, are we getting dinner next week? And it's actually a scam. Have you. Have you been caught in this?
- [81:04]
Jon Lovett
Oh, yeah. I mean, I. Yeah, I feel.
- [81:06]
Barbie Ferreira
I feel like there's a missed opportunity for some scamming.
- [81:08]
Jon Lovett
Also, just as a public service announcement, nobody at Easy Pass is texting you. You're just talking about Easy Pass.
- [81:14]
Barbie Ferreira
That's the one that got me talking about Easy Pass.
- [81:16]
Jon Lovett
Easy Pass does not reach out to you or Wells Fargo.
- [81:19]
Barbie Ferreira
I'm like my Wells Fargo. I've never had Wells Fargo.
- [81:21]
Jon Lovett
Easy Pass is not texting you. That's not how it works. It's not Easy Pass. Don't click that link.
- [81:29]
Barbie Ferreira
The scams are getting better.
- [81:30]
Jared Goldstein
They are.
- [81:31]
Barbie Ferreira
They're getting more personable or we are getting older.
- [81:33]
Jared Goldstein
But let's say that the scams are getting better.
- [81:35]
Jon Lovett
Speak for yourself. We're not getting older.
- [81:37]
Barbie Ferreira
Hey, that's not me.
- [81:38]
Jon Lovett
No, just this. Look, I like this kind of generational dialogue. We have two members of Gen Z and a member of Millennial.
- [81:44]
Jared Goldstein
Yes.
- [81:45]
Jon Lovett
And that's Arp. That's me. And you're Arp?
- [81:48]
Jared Goldstein
Yeah.
- [81:48]
Jon Lovett
You're Arp.
- [81:49]
Barbie Ferreira
Well, I used to be Gen Z and now I'm Millennial. They've changed the year.
- [81:53]
Jon Lovett
Hey, did you see the news that Gen Z is more conservative than Millennials?
- [81:57]
Barbie Ferreira
I believe it. There's a lot going on with Gen Z.
- [81:59]
Jon Lovett
What are we going to do?
- [82:01]
Barbie Ferreira
God, I mean, I have the exact answer for this.
- [82:03]
Jared Goldstein
I have the answer.
- [82:04]
Barbie Ferreira
I have the exact answer.
- [82:06]
Jon Lovett
Can we just work on it? Can we just promise to work on it?
- [82:08]
Barbie Ferreira
I'm trying. I feel like I try. And then. But the Gen Z's, you know, as. As a Gen Z, millennial, whatever, Zillennial. I'm. I'm starting to just, like, lose grasp. Like, they're not. They're not. They're not hanging out anymore. No one's fucking. Everyone's conservative. It's scary.
- [82:25]
Jon Lovett
I was trying to think. It's algorithms, for sure. I was trying to think of a text that I sent that got me in trouble. And I actually realized that, like, the, like, the worst I am as a person is. Is not in the text I send. It's the text I don't send. And the years of just letting things go by and being like, I got to respond to that until it's gone forever.
- [82:47]
Jared Goldstein
Yeah.
- [82:48]
Jon Lovett
And it sucks. And I kind of wish I could have, like an auto reply message that's just like. Like, thank you for your text. I'm not built for this era and I have time. I'm not like. The great myth is that we're all so busy. There are some people who are very busy, but everyone's got four hours of screen time, so we're all pretending to be busy. I have the time I could reply. I'm probably not going to because I didn't think of something to say in the moment.
- [83:22]
Jared Goldstein
And then my day kept going.
- [83:24]
Jon Lovett
And then my day kept going. And I'm really sorry. And it doesn't mean I don't love you, but it probably means I don't love you.
- [83:32]
Barbie Ferreira
Just don't value them.
- [83:34]
Jon Lovett
And I think it's bad. And I think it's how fascism came to America. They'll be like, how did fascism come to America? It was mostly texting. We tried to find it. It was the pandemic. It was eggs and it was texting. And in hindsight, it was not the right response. If we have hindsight, then what a weird note to end the show on.
- [84:04]
Jared Goldstein
Can I start running for office? I think I'm ready.
- [84:06]
Jon Lovett
Sure. I would love that.
- [84:07]
Barbie Ferreira
I'll vote for you.
- [84:08]
Jon Lovett
I would love that.
- [84:09]
Jared Goldstein
I think it's algorithms is like, the big problem. I think it's designed. We know how they work. And it's like my own algorithm feeds me things that I either hate or agree with, but even it's always from the loudest people who are the most annoying. So even when I read things that I agree with, it comes from such an annoying source that it makes me want to stop believing in the things that I believe in. And I have to actively talk to myself and put my phone down and remember who I am and stop reacting to this reactionary thing. And that is also, like, designed from, like, a billionaire who's, like, deciding what we look at all the time. Like, we. We just forget that we're like, we're looking at this thing and it's like. And that's just how it works. But it's like, is decided by someone that is making, I think the. The pendulum of, like, conservative and liberal going back and forth is very natural and will happen all the time. And that's, like, kind of okay. But it has become so psychotic and exaggerated because someone started making money off of it. And we are just. Our whole lives are controlled and ruined by, like, truly seven people who are profiting off of this. And it's. I hope that I can stop some. I don't. We need to go back to websites. If everyone just had a website. I will get a. I will get a squarespace. Well, I will get my squarespace.
- [85:21]
Jon Lovett
I do think, like, just like, I think that that's right. But I actually think part of, like, I was talking to a friend of mine and this is where we'll leave it. I was talking to my friend of mine who's like trying to think about how to bring local news back, right? Like we've lost local news in so many places that newspapers were eviscerated. Everything has been nationalized. It means there's tons of local corruption and stories that are not being told. It means that when there are problems in Los Angeles or there are potential solutions in Los Angeles for say the housing crisis and then these interest groups like the NIMBYs put a bunch of pressure on the mayor to reverse a policy that'll allow more housing to be built across the city because the public isn't able to get fully informed. Only the hyper aware, the kind of special groups that are really paying attention are able to really carry sway and like causes problems all across the country. And she's thinking about how do we bring back local news and talking about, well, the business model changed and the, you know, the local places didn't adapt and people really do want local news. That's why there's nextdoor. People are clamoring for it. And then part of it is also like, we have to like recognize our agency. Like, why do these newspapers go away? People stop subscribing to them. Like, yes, it is the algorithm, but it's also all of us collectively choosing to participate. And like I, like, we have to have both. I think like what I'm, what I'm increasingly realizing is like part of I think what we try to do all the time and I think it's why people like Luigi, it's why people, I think liked Barack Obama sometimes is they thought, oh, finally someone's just going to fix it, right? And like that's what the right likes Trump. Like someone's going to fix it. We know who to blame. We know who can fix it. I can just sit here in my house and the problem will get resolved and, and we are not getting to the end of this without all of us making hard, hard sacrifices, which may include, by the way, forcing ourselves to do unpleasant things like not looking at our phones and actually having in person interactions and accepting some discomfort and boredom and challenge that comes along with building coalition with people that don't see the world the same way as you. And the more we take ownership of that and the more responsibility we take for that, I think the better hope we have for actually figuring our way out of this. And that's what I think about that. That's our show. Thank you so much to Barbie Ferreira and Jared Goldstein. We'll see you in two weeks, two weeks from now at the Legion Theater. Also, check out Saturday. We're going to have a very special episode of Terminally Online hitting your feeds on Saturday. Is that happening? Probably. If you're hearing this, it's happening. There are 584 days until the midterms. Have a great night and have a great weekend. Love or Leave it is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Bill McGrath is our producer and Kennedy Hill is our Associate producer. Hallie KE is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre and Will Miles are our writers. Jordan Kantor is our editor, Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Cher. Sure thanks to our designer Sammy Cadorna Rees for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And thanks to our digital producers David Tools, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, Delon Villanueva and Rachel Gajeski for filming and editing video each week. Our head of production is Matt De Groat, our head of programming is Madeline Herringer, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East Love it or leave it Foreign Seem the same until it comes time to use it. So don't get stuck paying more for less coverage.
- [89:24]
Barbie Ferreira
Switch to USA Auto insurance and you.
- [89:26]
Jon Lovett
Could start saving money in no time. Get a quote today.
- [89:29]
Barbie Ferreira
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