Jared Goldstein (6:15)

So I you're talking about a deceitful.

Jon Lovett (6:19)

And highly discredited so called journalist who's made a profession of peddling hoaxes time and time again, hegseth continued. Please write down that I shared classified information with someone who is bad. Also, at this point, the White House has admitted that the group chat is real. It's too late to say a hoax. The hoax ship has sailed and you've leaked its coordinates. Trump reportedly is fuming in private, but tried to play down the whole mess in public. The main thing was nothing happened. The attack was totally successful. It was, I guess, from what I understand, took place during and it wasn't classified information. So this was not classified. Now if it's classified information, it's probably a little bit different. But I always say you have to learn from every experience. That's that wise, that wise energy we always get from Donald Trump. It's not about how much you make, it's about what you learn. It's about being curious. That's what he's always said. You know, think of every job opportunity as a chance to learn and grow in your field. It was an honest mistake sharing classified attack plans with a random journalist on a group thread using an insecure platform while several of the participants were out of the country, including in Russia, on personal devices that are almost certainly compromised in a way that could have gotten Americans killed. But it's not dangerous, like publishing an op ed critical of Israel in a college newspaper. That shit should destroy your life. By delightful coincidence, five of the nation's top intelligence officials, including Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard and CIA Director John Ratcliffe, both of whom were on the Signal Group chat, were already scheduled to appear before the Senate Intelligence Committee on Tuesday. Gabbard claimed not to recall any discussion of specific weapons targets or timing and refused to answer if she joined the chat from her personal phone or government phone. Were you overseas during any parts of these discussions? Yes, Senator, I was. Were you using your private phone or a public phone for the Signal discussions? I won't speak to this because it's under review. This is the review. You're at it. Look around. You're being asked questions in front of a congressional committee that oversees your agency. If you're meeting with HR and they're asking, did you take all the Babybel cheeses from the office kitchen home with you? You can't say, this is not the time or the place. Babe, it's the time. It's the place. Where's our fucking cheese? Later on Tuesday, Waltz went on Fox News and took full responsibility for accidentally adding a journalist to the signal chat. I'm kidding, of course he said this. How did a Trump hating editor of.

Jared Goldstein (9:08)

The Atlantic end up on your Signal chat? You know, Laura, I'm not a conspiracy.

Jon Lovett (9:13)

Theorist, but of all the people out there, somehow this guy who has lied about the President, who has lied to Gold Star families, lied to their attorneys and gone to Russia hoax, gone to just all kinds of lengths to lie and smear the President of the United States. And he's the one that somehow gets on somebody's contact and then gets sucked into this group. Bitch. Do you think Jeffrey Goldberg is the riddler? When Prez Waltz offered this explanation of how Goldberg wound up in the chat. You don't know what staffer is responsible for this right now? Well, look, a staffer wasn't responsible, but.

Jared Goldstein (10:00)

How did the numbers.

Jon Lovett (10:01)

Have you ever had somebody's contact that shows their name and then you have an. And then you have somebody else number? I never make those mistakes. Right. You got somebody else's number on someone else's contact.

Jared Goldstein (10:11)

So of course I didn't see this.

Jon Lovett (10:12)

Loser in the group. It looked like someone else. Now, whether he did it deliberately or it happened in some other technical mean.

Jared Goldstein (10:19)

Is something we're trying to figure out.

Jon Lovett (10:21)

Totally. One quick follow up. What? Jeff is a middle aged journalist from The Atlantic. I think if you told him right now that to get a big scoop he had to sign and return a PDF over email. You've got like a 50, 50 shot. What are you talking about? Also, you're a 51 year old man calling somebody a loser because you fucked up. Jeffrey Goldberg did nothing wrong. You are lucky that he was incredibly responsible. He didn't report it before the mission. He redacted the portions that were classified until you claim they weren't. You should be thanking Jeffrey Goldberg. It's not his fault he's saving your phone as News Jew. And then his name popped up when you tried to add war Jew to the chat. But these bumbling oaths can't even agree on a lie. Here's Donald Trump just hours later claiming that it was a staffer who was responsible. What it was, we believe is somebody that was on the line with permission, somebody that was with Mike Waltz, worked for Mike Waltz at a lower level, had, I guess, Goldberg's number or called through the app and somehow this guy ended up on the call. So first of all, he thinks it's a call. Well, I'll tell you, it sounds like we need a fewer let's bomb Yemen signal chats and a few more let's get our fucking story straight. Google Meets. After Trump and national security officials denied that classified information was shared in the signal chat, Goldberg on Wednesday published the text that he had initially withheld, writing, people should see the text in order to reach their own conclusions. Hell yeah. More like Jefe Goldberg. Anyway, here are the texts Hegsest sent in a signal chat with a journalist in it before the US attacked Houthi. Targets time now 1144 ET. Weather is favorable. Just confirmed with CENTCOM. We are go for missile launch. 1215 ET F18's launch. First strike package 1345 trigger based F18 first strike window starts. Target terrorist is at his known location, so should be on time. Also, strike drones launch MQ9s. Look, I don't know all the rules about what's classified and what's not, but I do know that if Philip and Elizabeth Jennings got a hold of this kind of information on an episode of the Americans, Margot Martindale would come in her pants. Hegseth continued, 14:10 more F18s launch second strike package. 14:15 strike drones on target. This is when the first bombs will definitely drop. Hegseth is trying to impress the group chat like he's the brother of the groom trying to fit in during the bachelor weekend, you know what I'm saying? Like no business. That information did not need to be shared. He seemed like he wanted to seem cool in front of his new friends. Now, we just heard that. That level of detail. Right. Let's circle back to that Senate hearing for a moment.

Jared Goldstein (13:14)

Was there any mention, Ms. Gabbard, of a weapon or weapons system?

Jon Lovett (13:19)

I don't recall specific weapons systems being named. I'm not talking about specific.

Jared Goldstein (13:24)

Any weapon or weapon system.

Jon Lovett (13:27)

I don't recall specific names of systems or weapons being used. I think I understand what's happening. If you have a question about weapons stuff, you have to ask Gabbards. Any. I will say Gabbard claiming not to recall messages she got two weeks ago is credible to me. Gabbard feels like one of those people with 300 unread texts. You forget she's even in the group chat. Until she pops up three days later with a great job in Yemen, everyone. I lost my phone at the Kremlin. Lol. Following Goldberg's release of the damning specifics, intelligence officials were back in Congress to do some cleanup. Here's Tulsi again. My answer yesterday was based on my recollection, or the lack thereof, on the details that were posted there. I was not. And what was shared today reflects the fact that I was not directly involved with that part of the signal chat. So it's your testimony that less than two weeks ago, you were on a signal chat that had all of this information about F18s and MQ9 reapers and targets on strike, and you, in that two week period, simply forgot that that was there? That's your testimony? My testimony is I did not recall the exact details of what was included there. Totally. One quick follow up, huh? Hegseth, for his part, continued to deny that any classified information was shared in the chat. Nobody's texting or plans. There's no units, no locations, no routes, no. No flight paths, no sources, no methods, no classified information. And furthermore, I did not have a drink. There's no bitters, no vermouth, no schnapps, no olives, no lemon peels, no maraschino cherries. You accuse me of drinking, but where are the maraschino cherries? Hegseth moves the pond diagonally seven spaces, knocking over a rookie and the bishop before resting next to the queen. Checkmate, bitches. A defense official familiar with the operation told reporters that the information Hegseth declosed was indeed highly classified when he disclosed it and could have put lives at risk because the operation hadn't even begun. But you knew that. You knew that because you have never read in the newspaper that American F18s will be on their way to bomb something in two hours. You have only heard about it after the fact because you do not have a security clearance and you are not Atlantic Editor in Chief Jeffrey Goldberg Attorney General Pam Bondi and Thursday did her part as a Trump lackey, opposing an investigation and claiming that the details of forthcoming strikes in Yemen were not classified. If you want to talk about classified information, talk about what was at Hillary.

Barbie Ferreira (16:15)

Clinton's home that she was trying to bleach bit.

Jon Lovett (16:17)

Talk about the classified documents in Joe.

Barbie Ferreira (16:20)

Biden's garage that Hunter Biden had access to.

Jon Lovett (16:25)

Yeah, we talked about that. Now we're talking about this because this just happened. We talk about new stuff more than the old stuff because we already talked about the old stuff in 2016. We talked about arrival and her emails in 2025. We're talking about severance and we're talking about this. It's neither here nor there. But PAM Bondi is 59. She looks incredible. It's kind of terrifying, actually. Most of Trump's goons slowly look on the outside like they do on the inside. These sort of barely upright, screeching gargoyles or vaguely like Ellen Burstyn in the third act of Requiem for a Dream. Anyway, just watch this space. Speaking of defying the laws of God and man, on Monday, the Justice Department once again refused to provide Judge James Boasberg additional information about two flights of Venezuelan immigrants sent to El Salvador in violation of his temporary ban. In their response to his request, Bondi, along with Secretary of State Marco Rubio and Homeland Security secretary and former dog owner Kristi Noem, invoked the state secrets privilege, claiming that revealing flight details would potentially threaten national security. So I guess we all now sit tight and wait for somebody to accidentally add Maggie Haberman to the deportation slack. On Monday, a D.C. appeals court heard arguments about the Trump administration's use of the Alien Enemies act for these deportations. Said federal Appeals Judge Patricia Millet, there were planeloads of people. There were no procedures in place to notify people Nazis got better treatment under the Alien Enemies act and you should see how they treat the Nazis now. Added Millett, y'all could have picked me up on Saturday and thrown me on a plane thinking I'm a member of Trende Aragua and given me no chance to protest it and say somehow it's a violation of presidential war powers for me to say, excuse me, no, I'm not. I'd like a hearing. And don't write that down in your planner? I can see counsel writing that down. Give him any ideas. On Wednesday, Noem toured El Salvador's Terrorism confinement center, the 40,000 inmate prison where Trump has sent the Venezuelans like she does every month, to relax and unwind. Only this time, a film crew was there. During her visit, Noem posed in front of dozens of shirtless men with shaved heads made to stand behind her for the photo op. I also want everybody to know, if you come to our country illegally, this.

Barbie Ferreira (18:40)

Is one of the consequences you could.

Jon Lovett (18:42)

Face having to meet me. Kristi Noem. She posed in front of Salvadorian prisoners held indefinitely by the right wing government. They are not the Venezuelans the administration claims are gang members, nor the several people the administration has kidnapped, even though they had applied for immigration status through legal means and seem to only be guilty of having unrelated tattoos, including this tattoo about autism awareness. On the bright side, a lot of guys in Trende or Agua are going to be a little bit more aware of autism. Those hostages were never given a chance to notify family or call lawyers or speak to a judge and have no idea that right now there are people fighting for their freedom. They're just trapped in an Orwellian nightmare with no visitors or ways to communicate with the outside world in a country that is not their own, with no end in sight. Punchline TBD now, now Republicans are trying to claim that by talking about this or being upset about this, we're falling into a trap. No, we already fell in the trap. The election was a big pit covered with fucking leaves and we fell in it. And we don't totally know how to get out. But I'm casting my lot with the people clawing at the walls, not the people sitting in the center hoping somebody else will figure it out. Punch On Friday, Columbia University caved to the Trump administration, which had demanded a number of policy changes in order to restore $400 million in unrelated federal funding. This includes placing the curriculum and hiring decisions of the university's Middle East Studies department, among several others, in control of a new provost. Also, women in gender studies is now called the ugly woke bitches department. Too far. It's too far. Remember when conservatives worried about free speech on campus, you would think they might notice that the president determining hiring decisions in particular departments of a private university might be some kind of an infringement on free inquiry, free association and freedom of speech. And yet they don't seem to care. Isn't that amazing? Isn't that amazing that after all these years about hearing about the threat to free speech on campus. It turns out it was students yelling. That was a threat, not the federal government telling a university in Manhattan, no less, who can be in charge of various departments setting policy. The president of the United States, who should be busier, is basically making himself a board member of Columbia University, making specific policy decisions about what happens on this private campus. And Columbia, this institution of higher learning, this American institution, institution as old as the country, supposedly a defender of liberal values, small L. Liberal values. Basic free inquiry, the freedom of expression, of curiosity, of intellectual enterprise. They fucking cave. They fucking cave. Which means they're more afraid of Trump than they're afraid of their alumni, than they're afraid of their faculty, than they're afraid of their students. I wonder if they're right, because right now it seems like they're right. It seems like they're right to be more afraid of Trump than they are of the people. Because there were a lot of protests at Columbia last year. Where are the protests now? Donald Trump is daring us. Every day, he's daring us. And I'm. Look, I'm part of it. I'm part of the. I care about this. I pay attention to this, but I'm part of the problem. Because every day I treat like a normal day. I'm being part of the problem. All of us do. And there's nothing wrong with that. We have to live our lives. But he is doing just enough. He is going dark enough. He is going far enough, just to the edge of where it would be unacceptable for us to have a normal night. But we all do, right? We pay attention. We think the news is harrowing. Let's talk about something else. We're all doing that. We're all doing it every day. I'm not saying we're wrong. I'm not judging it. I'm doing the same thing. But how much worse does it have to get before it feels strange to just be in a restaurant? It's not that much worse, but he knows that. They know that. Maybe it's purposeful, maybe it's the luck of this kind of reckless, haphazard way of doing business. Maybe it's the combination of their malevolence, incompetence. But they are doing just enough to scare us, to threaten us, but to let us at night turn on our fucking Real Housewives, right, and turn our brains off and to have the normal parts of our lives, right, to plan a trip over the summer, to plan a wedding. And I don't know how much longer that can go on, but right now, Those of us that are paying attention are wondering why so many others who aren't paying attention don't think it's so bad. And a little bit of that is on us. And I don't know what it's gonna take, and I don't know how bad it gets before we wake up. But the test for all of us is gonna be what it looks like when we actually, actually wake up. And I don't know what the answer is, but I think it starts by wondering what it will take for institutions, even the craven, feckless, pathetic, valueless institutions, are more scared of us than they are of Donald Trump. Because right now, they are correct to be more scared of Donald Trump. And at some point, that has to change. And I don't know what it looks like, but it has to change. I'll tell you one place where we're trying to change it is. So I went to Wisconsin just to kind of knock on doors, be part of these canvases, to see what's happening there as they're fighting the Supreme Court race. And one of the reasons it's so important is Elon Musk has dropped $13 million into this Wisconsin Supreme Court race. Why? So that they can install a MAGA guy on the Supreme Court. Someone that will rule in Musk's favor. They have a lawsuit in Wisconsin, but also somebody that if they challenge elections, that they have a favorable court. Someone that'll put back in place an abortion ban. Someone that will make sure that they don't have fair maps in Wisconsin. Wisconsin had this gerrymandered, both assembly map and congressional map. Wisconsin, 50, 50 state. Famously, it goes back and forth, right? They have six Republican members of Congress and two Democrats. Six, two. It's a 50, 50 state. Why? Because the super majority in the Republican legislature drew those maps, and we finally have a chance. We have a progressive majority on that court that just put in place fair assembly maps. It allowed Democrats to pick up a bunch of seats and break that super majority. The same thing could happen for the congressional maps. Not saying Republicans won't. They'll. They'll be able to win their seats. It just won't be as unfair. They'll have to fight for them, and they don't want that. They want to take back that court. And right now, a bunch of Republicans in that state and a bunch of Republicans across the country are watching. What's gonna matter more? Is it gonna be people being angry at what Musk and Trump are doing, or is it gonna be Musk's money that Wins the day. Cuz if the money wins, then all these House members who are gonna have to decide whether or not to vote for reconciliation are gonna have to decide whether or not to vote for tax cuts for billionaires and Medicaid cuts, even though it's bad for their constituents, they have to decide what are they more afraid of. Are they afraid of Musk dropping money on their heads in a primary and standing with their voters? Or are they gonna stick with Musk, have Musk money in the fall of 2026 to protect them from the wrath of the voters when they do something awful for their district? And what's happening in Wisconsin is one of the first big tests of that, which is why if you're hearing this and you have friends in Wisconsin, text them. Text anyone you know who lives in Wisconsin to make sure they turn out. And vote for Judge Susan Crawford to protect abortion, protect democracy, and stop Elon Musk from buying an election. If you want to do something in the last days, this election is on Tuesday, April 1. Go to vote Save America and sign up. We have to win this if we want to turn the tide. It's going to start there. Okay? And it was great, by the way. And if anybody listening to this came out, it was great to see you. It's also by the way, anyone listening, find one of these events, go to these town halls. Go to these gatherings where Republicans aren't having town halls. We have to get out of our houses. We have to get off our phones. We have to be among people. The phones are a big part of the problem. Expecting to think we can solve this from our fucking screens is the problem. So if you are hearing this, go to votesaveamerica.com, find a town hall, get out of your house, go be among people. Solidarity is not just about politics. It's about the kind of communities we live in, the society we live in. You can't make it at home. So please, please, please go to vote Save America and sign up. All right? On Wednesday. Thank you. Whatever. On Wednesday, a video of Tuft student and Turkish national Rameza Ozturk being arrested by masked ICE agents hit the Internet. First you only get into Tufts, and then this. That's all right. On Thursday, Marco Rubio confirmed that Austurc's F1 visa had been revoked for her activism. Here's what he told reporters. Every country in the world has a right to decide who comes in as a visitor and who doesn't. But we're going to do the same thing. If you come into the United States as a visitor and create a ruckus for us. We don't want it. We don't want it in our country. Go back and do it in your country, but you're not going to do it in our country. So there's no evidence she was actually involved in any of what he criticized. He talked about vandalism, arrests, occupying buildings. She wrote an op ed and others who might share that opinion were a party to a ruckus. What the fuck is a ruckus? What's the standard here? You are associated with a ruckus. You are loosely affiliated with a ruckus. Can you be deported for a hullabaloo? Can you be arrested by plainclothes officers for having attended a brouhaha? To put this in context, Axios reported Thursday that the Trump administration is considering banning all foreign students from schools that it has deemed as having too many students who are, in their words, pro Hamas. An official even threatened the possibility of decertifying colleges and universities altogether. And then what happens? Where did all the late bloomers go to lose their virginity? Trade schools? Those kids all fucked in high school. Speaking of people that did not fuck in high school, Vice President J.D. vance said Tuesday that he will accompany his wife Usha on a visit to Greenland later this week after the announcement of her trip was met with criticism. This was supposed to be a girls trip. Screamed Ramona over a Pinot Grigio. On Wednesday, the Vances reportedly changed their travel itinerary, limiting their trip to Greenland's only American military base, U.S. space Force outpost Pitafik. Yes, you simply must go to Pitafik in the spring. I've heard they have an incredible Domino's Pizza, said Danish Foreign Minister Lars Rasmussen. I actually think it's very positive that the Americans are canceling their visit to the Greenlandic community. They will instead make a visit to their own base, Pitavik. And we have nothing against that. You can't tell because the Danish people are so polite, but he just told J.D. vance to kill himself. According to a Danish journalist, American officials knocked on doors in Nook ahead of the Vance's visit to find local families open to welcoming the second lady but found no takers. But of course they don't. They don't have any powers until you invite them in. Has no one seen Buffett? They were all invited. They were seniors. Oh, you were talking about the show. I'm only talking about the movie. People talking about the show. I'm only talking about the movie. Movie's fucking great. Here at home, the White House has invited corporations to sponsor its Easter Egg Roll next month, asking companies to pay between $75,000 and $200,000 for branded snacks, logo placements at the event, and for the biggest spenders, tickets to have brunch with Melania. And get this 500 grand gets you dinner with Don Jr. And for a million, you can skip it. In the White House's defense, doing this kind of sponsorship was the only way they could afford to buy that many eggs. It's about prices. Pope Francis, who is still alive, made his first public appearance, made his first public afference on Sunday before being discharged from the hospital where he has spent the last five weeks being treated for pneumonia. He's doing great. It's wonderful news for the Pope. Terrible news for my Pope pool. I don't have a pope pool. The head of the Pope's medical team told reporters that the Pope came so close to death at one point that his doctors considered stopping treatment to let him die in peace. But in response, Pope Francis said, no, no, I'm all right here. It's not Italian. DoorDash DoorDash announced a new partnership with Klarna, which will allow users to pay for their food in installments over time, using a payment plan to buy a cold cheeseburger delivered by a schoolteacher trying to make rent. That's the second ingredient on the New York Times cooking app recipe for perfectly al dente Luigis. From building a recipe over time, you have to listen over many episodes to understand the recipe. In other financial news about companies taking advantage of people when they're literally out of cash, the Senate voted to stop the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau from capping overdraft fees to $5. The rule could have saved hundreds of dollars for people who overdrive their accounts, but the bank successfully lobbied Republicans to keep their overdraft fees coming, which brought almost $6 billion in revenue in 2023. Just want to say so far we're getting a lot more national than we're getting socialism. If you ask me. I thought they'd sprinkle in a little more Z in with the nah. You know what I'm saying? It's a lot of nah. Not enough Z. Just the whole promise. Little bit of Z. Just like nah, nah, nah. Getting hit in the face with all this nah, where's the Z? Gomit the Frog you find trying Light stories Kermit the Frog will deliver the commencement address at the University of Maryland this spring. Kermit was a last minute replacement after they originally had booked animal who had to step down from the gig due to a series of racist and anti Semitic messages he left in the comment section of nudafrica.com Strange. And finally, the Washington Post wrote an ode to the Centennial Bulb, an incandescent light bulb that has been burning since 1901 and has only been turned off a few times in its 124 year lifespan, each time with the assistance of 32 Pollocks. It seems like just yesterday I was screwing it in for the first time. Reminisce Joe Biden all right, up next, it's Barbie Ferreira.

Jared Goldstein (33:22)

Hey, don't go anywhere.

Jon Lovett (33:23)

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Barbie Ferreira (35:37)

Thank you for having me.

Jon Lovett (35:38)

So you're in a new dramedy.

Barbie Ferreira (35:40)

Yes, I am.

Jon Lovett (35:41)

Which is a drama with jokes.

Barbie Ferreira (35:43)

Got a couple jokes. I don't think any of the jokes are on purpose like you kind of are. We are by accident funny in the whole movie.

Jon Lovett (35:49)

They emerge from character.

Barbie Ferreira (35:51)

Yes, darling. Yes, darling, Exactly.

Jon Lovett (35:54)

That's how you know they're good.

Barbie Ferreira (35:56)

Yeah.

Jon Lovett (35:57)

It's called Bob Trevino likes it.

Barbie Ferreira (36:00)

Mm, I like that. I like that.

Jon Lovett (36:04)

It's a movie about how Facebook can be good sometimes.

Barbie Ferreira (36:06)

Yeah.

Jon Lovett (36:07)

Do you agree?

Barbie Ferreira (36:08)

Do I agree? I mean, it's gotta be. It's inspired by a true story, so I think the director would say yes. I haven't had a Facebook since I was 14, which was like two years ago, so I wouldn't know.

Jon Lovett (36:21)

I got locked out of my Facebook somewhere around 2017.

Barbie Ferreira (36:25)

Probably the best.

Jon Lovett (36:26)

And I can't get back in.

Barbie Ferreira (36:28)

You can't get back in? How do you do Marketplace? How do you do Facebook Marketplace?

Jon Lovett (36:30)

I don't.

Barbie Ferreira (36:31)

You don't?

Jon Lovett (36:31)

No, I just drive around with my pickup truck looking for stuff.

Barbie Ferreira (36:34)

Just give it out for free. Listen, people do that, okay.

Jon Lovett (36:37)

Yeah, I know, but I grew up.

Barbie Ferreira (36:38)

In New York in the 90s. I had bedbugs in Queens, baby. We don't. We don't do that anymore.

Jon Lovett (36:42)

You had bedbugs?

Barbie Ferreira (36:43)

When I was. It was New queens in the 90s who did it.

Jon Lovett (36:45)

Yeah, everybody had bedbugs. There were bedbugs at the. At the amc Times Square, I believe. I don't want to get sued for.

Barbie Ferreira (36:52)

And Mockvino is not showing in that theater right now, so.

Jon Lovett (36:55)

It was a long time ago.

Barbie Ferreira (36:56)

Okay, good, good.

Jon Lovett (36:57)

Long time ago. I think they figured it out.

Barbie Ferreira (36:59)

I really hope so.

Jon Lovett (37:00)

When I lived in New York, I would, in the middle of the day, go to McDonald's and I'd wear cargo shorts and I'd put a Big Mac in my left pocket and I put the fries in the right Pocket. And then I go to the movies.

Barbie Ferreira (37:11)

Oh, that's genius. Genius, genius, genius. I, like, bring a whole bag. If I'm going alone, I'll bring, like, a little yogurt. A little bit different than McDonald's, but, you know, a little bit classier. But we'll see. We'll see. But I have, like, my, like, little snacks in there. And then I'm trying not to be, like, loud, but I think they. I think they.

Jon Lovett (37:26)

They catch it on yogurt at the movies.

Barbie Ferreira (37:28)

I did. I did. It was, like, a bit too much, but I was having great. I think it was everything everywhere, all at once. And I was crying with, like, a wooden spoon and my. My glass yogurt.

Jon Lovett (37:37)

Oh, no. Plastic. That's good. Yeah.

Barbie Ferreira (37:39)

No, no, I'm great. I'm a good person.

Jon Lovett (37:40)

Yeah, you don't do plastic. Do you have a wooden spoon? Is it. Was it your wooden spoon or one of those disposable ones? Are we using, like, a.

Barbie Ferreira (37:45)

It was a reusable one.

Jon Lovett (37:46)

Like a mixing spoon. Well, I'm picturing a mixing spoon.

Barbie Ferreira (37:49)

I believe it was from. I believe it's from a farm shop in New Mexico, actually.

Jon Lovett (37:53)

The yogurt?

Barbie Ferreira (37:54)

No, the spoon. But yeah, if you want.

Jon Lovett (38:02)

Have you ever been worried about being catfished?

Barbie Ferreira (38:04)

Yeah, I'm sure I have been.

Jon Lovett (38:06)

Oh, yeah?

Barbie Ferreira (38:06)

I just haven't, like, seen it.

Jon Lovett (38:08)

Oh, it's just ongoing. Well, the question.

Barbie Ferreira (38:12)

It never stops. Well.

Jon Lovett (38:13)

Cause I guess if you never find out that you were catfished. Were you?

Barbie Ferreira (38:17)

That's a really good question.

Jon Lovett (38:18)

Well, there's like a philosophical experiment. So let's say, okay, you were deciding whether or not to take the bus or the train on a trip. Okay. And unbeknownst to you, the bus had broken down. You just never. You didn't know that, but the bus had broken down. If you had decided to take the bus and gone to the bus station, there was no bus. There was only the train. So even if you had chosen the bus, you'd have ended up on the train. But you didn't know that you picked the train, did you? Did you pick the train? Or do you only think you took the train? Right, but here's the thing. If you said to yourself, I picked the train, you went to the train station, you took the train, you would die never knowing you didn't have a choice.

Barbie Ferreira (39:00)

That's incredible. And beautiful. I wasn't expect. I wasn't expecting all this.

Jon Lovett (39:04)

Neither was I.

Barbie Ferreira (39:05)

Coming from tonight.

Jon Lovett (39:06)

That's what. It's a strange show.

Barbie Ferreira (39:08)

It's great.

Jon Lovett (39:09)

Well, what do you think? Do you think you chose the train or do you think that you didn't have a choice?

Barbie Ferreira (39:13)

I think that my intuition was so strong that I knew the train was the right bet. Oh, yeah.

Jon Lovett (39:21)

You have a big social media following.

Barbie Ferreira (39:23)

And it's getting lower every day, baby.

Jon Lovett (39:26)

That's cool.

Barbie Ferreira (39:26)

And every day gets worse. So.

Jon Lovett (39:31)

Do you think we should shut it all down?

Barbie Ferreira (39:33)

I think about this all the time. I'm like, yeah, but then at the same time, like, where am I going to, like, learn about, like, Great Lakes and, like, murders and stuff?

Jon Lovett (39:41)

Yeah, I get a lot of good recipes. Recipes from TikTok.

Barbie Ferreira (39:44)

Oh, I get great recipe.

Jon Lovett (39:45)

Do you make the viral Turkish pasta?

Barbie Ferreira (39:47)

Oh, I haven't, but I've heard you got it. Well, I got to do it. I make a lot of my stuff from TikTok, a lot of my food, but my algorithm on it is pretty good.

Jon Lovett (39:56)

What are you making?

Barbie Ferreira (39:57)

What did I make last night? I made a soup.

Jon Lovett (40:00)

A soup?

Barbie Ferreira (40:00)

I went to H Mart, and then I got a bunch of stuff for soup. Soondubu soup.

Jon Lovett (40:05)

Soondubu soup. Yeah. H Mart is a Korean grocer. Were you in Koreatown?

Barbie Ferreira (40:09)

Yes, I was.

Jon Lovett (40:10)

Nice.

Barbie Ferreira (40:10)

And then so we did a little trip there. I got some water chestnut. This is riveting. I'm sure for this whole audience. Kimchi and I just made it into a beautiful little soup. It was wonderful.

Jon Lovett (40:21)

Wow.

Barbie Ferreira (40:22)

Yeah.

Jon Lovett (40:24)

You also made your Broadway debut last year in Cult of Love.

Barbie Ferreira (40:28)

I sure did.

Jon Lovett (40:29)

How many nights a week?

Barbie Ferreira (40:31)

Six days a week. And then we do eight shows. One time we did nine shows because of the holiday schedule.

Jon Lovett (40:36)

Wow.

Barbie Ferreira (40:36)

Wow. They don't tell you that.

Jon Lovett (40:37)

Do you think they should just film it and then show it so that you have to do it over and over again? It seems crazy.

Barbie Ferreira (40:44)

Have they thought about that?

Jon Lovett (40:45)

We've beaten. The technology exists.

Barbie Ferreira (40:47)

You know what? Some days I. I was like, yeah, they probably should have just, like, recorded it because I wasn't doing it. But, you know, that's. That's the beauty of live performance.

Jon Lovett (40:55)

I love it. I love it. But wait, why don't we record this.

Barbie Ferreira (40:58)

Without an audience then, huh? Little laugh track.

Jon Lovett (41:00)

Well, here's. I'll tell you something. I'll tell you something. You're raising an interesting point, which is we take this show on the road. And I love doing it. I love getting to go across the country doing this show. But this show, we put out every episode. So every episode is new. Every single one. Every. Every time we do the show, we start from a blank page. A blank Canvas that we paint for all of you. But. And then I will be on the road and like, a friend of mine who's a comedian will be in that town, and they'll be like, oh, what are you doing today? What do you mean, what I'm doing today? I'm sitting in a hotel room. We're writing this show for the people. But when you do theater, you do the same show every night.

Barbie Ferreira (41:34)

The same exact thing.

Jon Lovett (41:35)

But you get. So you get all the applause, which feeds us and keeps us alive. Of course.

Barbie Ferreira (41:39)

Yeah.

Jon Lovett (41:39)

But during the day, that's your time.

Barbie Ferreira (41:40)

And then some days you don't. I would be like. I literally would like the Saturday matinees. They weren't into me. Just letting you know right there. But in the Saturday evenings, ooh, I killed.

Jon Lovett (41:50)

Do you think Saturday night is the best night? When did you bring your A game?

Barbie Ferreira (41:53)

I brought my A game. Every day. Of course. Every single show. Any Broadway casting directors are listening and. No, every single day. I brought it all. You know what's funny? I think Tuesday night was like, meh. But then, like, randomly, like, a Wednesday night would just be like, I just feel like a rock star. I love it.

Jon Lovett (42:10)

Huh?

Barbie Ferreira (42:11)

Yeah.

Jon Lovett (42:11)

Do you think that you're. That Wednesday night is different because you also did a Wednesday day show?

Barbie Ferreira (42:16)

Well, we started off doing Wednesday day shows. Well, we started off doing Saturday Sunday matinees, which was crazy. Means five show weekends. I know. Poor me. Poor actresses.

Jon Lovett (42:26)

And.

Barbie Ferreira (42:28)

Yeah. And so we. But when we started doing it on Wednesday was much better. But the matinee crowd was funny. A lot of, like, people would start talking at me on stage. Yeah.

Jon Lovett (42:37)

Hecklers on Broadway, you would think it's.

Barbie Ferreira (42:38)

Hecklers, but I think they're just confused.

Jon Lovett (42:41)

Well, it's. The matinee crowds are older, right?

Barbie Ferreira (42:44)

I would say so. Yeah. Not to generalize.

Jon Lovett (42:47)

No, no.

Barbie Ferreira (42:48)

But they were, you know.

Jon Lovett (42:49)

No, I think. No, this is to generalize that.

Barbie Ferreira (42:52)

We aren't generalized.

Jon Lovett (42:52)

Let's generalize.

Barbie Ferreira (42:53)

They were older. Sure. And thus.

Jon Lovett (42:55)

How could you say that?

Barbie Ferreira (42:56)

How could you possibly say these people are older, but then they would wake up and there's one time I was. De Von was a great play. Okay. Yes, people were. Some. Some people may have slept and woken up and then screamed at me during a very powerful scene with me and Zachary Quinto.

Jon Lovett (43:11)

Because they were scared. Zachary Quinto was on this show.

Barbie Ferreira (43:13)

Sure was.

Jon Lovett (43:13)

Oh, I remember we talked about Cult of Love.

Barbie Ferreira (43:15)

Oh, did you know. What did you say that?

Jon Lovett (43:17)

He said that that there people would scream at him at the matinees.

Barbie Ferreira (43:20)

Right. Every time. Or like, ringtones are back. Ringtones are back, baby.

Jon Lovett (43:25)

So I remember during the post 911 years. I remember Dick Cheney would always be like, we have to get it right every time. But the terrorists only need to get it right once. We got to stop every single time they try to get us. And the terrorists, they only have to get through once. We have to always succeed. They can fail a million times if they succeed once they've done it. That's what it is with the phones. Because you can look at a theater of 2,000 fucking people if one person can't think to turn up their goddamn ringer. You're all exposed, you're all confused. You know what's crazy? Our phones have do not disturb mode.

Barbie Ferreira (43:56)

They do. And I love that mode.

Jon Lovett (43:57)

But that just means their normal mode is disturb mode.

Barbie Ferreira (44:01)

Yeah. You know what my favorite is when people will send anyways. Those people are monsters. Because you have the option of if you have do not disturb, you will send it anyways. Monsters. Do you have get them out of your life?

Jon Lovett (44:12)

Do you have. Do you have your chatting pals where it's like you're driving, you're in. You have 15 minutes. They're just that. You have your list of three to five people that you just go through your phone and call.

Barbie Ferreira (44:21)

Very popular. So yes.

Jon Lovett (44:22)

And do you have friends where they'll call twice? They'll just ring you twice just for. No. Like, I'm just trying again.

Barbie Ferreira (44:30)

I will immediately think it's an emergency.

Jon Lovett (44:32)

Yeah. So you answer. That's the idea.

Barbie Ferreira (44:33)

And it works every time.

Jon Lovett (44:35)

Yeah. Spencer and I double ring each other because I get the fucking phone, I'm calling. This is a good time for me.

Barbie Ferreira (44:40)

Yeah, it's a good time for me. I totally agree with you. But it's also just like you're the do not disturb of it all. And the. And the double. The double calling. It comes with an intimacy of friendship that I think some people just don't have the social. They just don't understand. I'm like, why are you calling me in the middle of the night?

Jon Lovett (44:58)

Well, you know, we're of different generations and so I think we have a different. Are you a calling person?

Barbie Ferreira (45:02)

I love to call.

Jon Lovett (45:03)

See, I love to call too.

Barbie Ferreira (45:04)

I like to text too.

Jon Lovett (45:05)

I'm not into texting. I think it was a mistake.

Barbie Ferreira (45:08)

I agree. I retext wrong all the time. I think, like, the people are mad at me.

Jon Lovett (45:12)

Oh, yeah. And then.

Barbie Ferreira (45:13)

But they're not. They're like. Or I seem like I'm mad at Them, but it's actually great.

Jon Lovett (45:17)

Well, it's that there's no correct way to end the conversation. And it's like. And I know there's nothing wrong with it, and it's like, not a judgment of me personally, but if you're in the middle of a conversation going back to grandfather, it's slowing down a little bit. And then you reply one last time, and then you get the thumbs up, like, the emoji to end the conversation. I don't even know what those are. They're not emojis. They're reactions. They're reactions. The reaction to end the conversation. It's like, oh, sorry.

Barbie Ferreira (45:43)

Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to, like, offend you.

Jon Lovett (45:44)

Sorry. We're done. I guess we're done.

Barbie Ferreira (45:47)

Texts are scary, and there's, like, different languages for everyone. I mean, if you're talking to someone different age brackets, like, they. It's just completely different. You never know what the vibes are.

Jon Lovett (45:55)

Who's the oldest person you text?

Barbie Ferreira (45:58)

50S. Yeah.

Jon Lovett (46:01)

Should get older. Should go older.

Barbie Ferreira (46:02)

Older.

Jon Lovett (46:03)

Let's find some older people.

Barbie Ferreira (46:03)

I would love to have older friends.

Jon Lovett (46:05)

Great. Now I want to hear a little bit about your dog and its diet situation.

Barbie Ferreira (46:18)

Yeah, my dog. Cowboy.

Jon Lovett (46:20)

Yeah. What's happening? Do you just give people a little bit of.

Barbie Ferreira (46:23)

This is a crazy story, so please buckle up. So I was on Broadway, and so when I brought my dog to New York and my mom just so.

Jon Lovett (46:34)

Oh, you asked about my dog. I was on Broadway.

Barbie Ferreira (46:35)

I was on Broadway. Yeah, I was on Broadway. Critically acclaimed, too. New York. New York Times, critics choice.

Jon Lovett (46:41)

Critics fucking choice or whatever.

Barbie Ferreira (46:44)

Anyhow, so my. My mom decided to kidnap my dog. And she's a private chef, and so she spent all day just cooking for him, like, these beautiful, like, anchovies and, like, liver with, like, every single day a different menu. And so now I have to cook for my dog every day. I meal prep for him. Like, I'll get, like, some bagged, like, like, frozen veggies, and then I'll, like. I made him, like, an ancestral bison the other day, and I was, like, angrily making it, too. I was like, do you even know he's also, like, a mutt? Like, he, like, literally, like, lived on the street for a year. But he deserves it. He's sweet.

Jon Lovett (47:18)

What's ancestral about it? It's ancient meat.

Barbie Ferreira (47:24)

I think they just joked us to, like, ancestral bison. Ancestral bison. I don't know what bison is. $15.

Jon Lovett (47:30)

Doesn't all. All bison presumably have ancestors?

Barbie Ferreira (47:32)

I assume so.

Jon Lovett (47:34)

It'd be more interesting if it was a bison without ancestors.

Barbie Ferreira (47:36)

The GMO bisons, baby.

Jon Lovett (47:38)

You don't get traction. Yeah, these are like, yeah, like how.

Barbie Ferreira (47:42)

People get open to that.

Jon Lovett (47:43)

Like heritage bison, like heritage turkeys. People get those fancier turkeys, not the butterball ones that have been, in defiance of God's will, made enormous.

Barbie Ferreira (47:51)

Just waddling around.

Jon Lovett (47:52)

Yeah, too big, too big, too big. They're like, I'm not supposed to be here.

Barbie Ferreira (47:56)

Bison was just right. This bison was just right. And now my little cowboy can eat and you know.

Jon Lovett (48:03)

But your dog got real fat, right?

Barbie Ferreira (48:04)

He did. And my mom kept going because he's three years old, and she kept going like, oh, you need a new collar soon. He's outgrowing it. I'm like, mom, he is not growing. Like, he is getting bigger. And she's like, oh. And like, I had to, you know. And also there's like a 15 pound weight limit thing when you, like, travel with them. I was a little bit scared about bringing him back to la. Oh, yeah, we're good now. We're good.

Jon Lovett (48:23)

Yeah. You don't have to put him in. You have to like kind of squeeze him into one of those.

Barbie Ferreira (48:26)

I just, I literally just. I just hoped for the best. And they usually don't if he's so small. And when you look at him, I mean, obviously he's very chunky and dense.

Jon Lovett (48:33)

Now, but yeah, I know he's dead, but yeah, they don't care about density. They don't check for density. They're not that. There's no density limit. The dog, it could be a black hole. Really. It could be a dwarf. It could be a dwarf star. It just has to fit in that fucking container.

Barbie Ferreira (48:47)

I love it. And that's cowboy.

Jon Lovett (48:48)

And that's cowboy. And that's cowboy. I used to travel back and forth with my dog. And that was back when you could get your friend to say that you had emotional needs.

Barbie Ferreira (48:58)

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Jon Lovett (48:59)

But the government cracked down on that.

Barbie Ferreira (49:01)

They did. You can't get away with that no more.

Jon Lovett (49:03)

Nope. They stop. Yeah, probably for the best, I guess.

Barbie Ferreira (49:08)

Just the LA people who bought their emotional support, like, certificate can't go to the front of the line with their dog.

Jon Lovett (49:15)

I just, I just think emotional support dogs, real or fake, make the whole world a better place than we should have them on the planes. And I don't really have a problem with that.

Barbie Ferreira (49:22)

I do think so.

Jon Lovett (49:22)

I just think. I think it got out of hand because people were like, oh, this is my emotional support donkey. And it's like, well, we can't deal with that now.

Barbie Ferreira (49:29)

Well, then you were hearing stories about hamsters and guinea pigs and oh my. Just all sorts of things.

Jon Lovett (49:33)

My view is let it be a menagerie.

Barbie Ferreira (49:35)

There's that falcon from Dubai.

Jon Lovett (49:38)

Sure, a falcon from Dubai.

Barbie Ferreira (49:40)

Yeah. Maybe that's just Internet lore that doesn't exist, but I bought it. My media literacy, you know, low.

Jon Lovett (49:48)

Bob Trevino likes it is in theaters.

Barbie Ferreira (49:51)

It sure is.

Jon Lovett (49:52)

When we come back.

Barbie Ferreira (49:53)

And not at the AMC Bedbug One.

Jon Lovett (49:55)

No, that one. That was many years ago. And again, I can't verify that. And you have to verify it for yourself. Just something I remember from my time living in the. When we come back, Jared Goldstein's gonna join.

Jared Goldstein (50:06)

Hey, don't go anywhere.

Jon Lovett (50:07)

There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up. Love it or Leave it brought to you by Quints. If you're planning to go on vacation soon, you should treat yourself to a first class quality suitcase at an economy price tag from Quints. John just went on a trip.

Jared Goldstein (50:22)

Yes I did. And I needed some warm clothing because.

Jon Lovett (50:27)

I saw snow for the first time in a year. Wow.

Barbie Ferreira (50:30)

Yeah.

Jon Lovett (50:30)

Yeah.

Jared Goldstein (50:31)

And I got some. I had a nice sweater from Quince. Nice Mongolian cashmere.

Jon Lovett (50:35)

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Barbie Ferreira (51:41)

Which is why with USAA Auto Insurance.

Jon Lovett (51:43)

You'Ll get great service that is easy and reliable, all at the touch of a button. Get a quote today, restrictions apply. Usaa. And we're back. Joining us now is the Ken to our Barbie, minus the smooth plastic genitals. Oh, it's Jared Goldstein.

Jared Goldstein (52:11)

I have very hairy, rough genitals.

Barbie Ferreira (52:13)

I believe you.

Jon Lovett (52:14)

Hi.

Jared Goldstein (52:15)

What's up? Hi. What's up?

Barbie Ferreira (52:18)

We're fake. We hugged back there.

Jared Goldstein (52:20)

We did.

Barbie Ferreira (52:20)

That's okay.

Jared Goldstein (52:21)

I'm drunk, but that's okay, right?

Jon Lovett (52:22)

What?

Jared Goldstein (52:23)

I'm drunk, but that's okay.

Jon Lovett (52:24)

For sure.

Barbie Ferreira (52:25)

You have one can of wine.

Jared Goldstein (52:26)

I know. I haven't been drinking, and it hit hard.

Jon Lovett (52:28)

One can of wine.

Jared Goldstein (52:29)

I had a can.

Barbie Ferreira (52:30)

La baby.

Jared Goldstein (52:31)

Hey, can I just say, yes, Barbie Ferreira is the coolest name a person can have.

Barbie Ferreira (52:36)

Thank you. Well, my real name is Barbara Boo.

Jared Goldstein (52:39)

Hey, that's still cool. It's still very cool. And I love seeing that on the flyer next to the second coolest name a person can have. Jared Goldstein.

Barbie Ferreira (52:48)

Baby.

Jared Goldstein (52:50)

Jared.

Barbie Ferreira (52:51)

Jared. Barbie.

Jon Lovett (52:53)

It's like God's going through the thing. It's like, wait, I have one extra. Jared Goldstein, who's a comedian. I'm missing an orthodontist. Thank you for being here, Jared.

Jared Goldstein (53:06)

Thanks for having me.

Jon Lovett (53:07)

Now you're both in the public eye.

Jared Goldstein (53:10)

To the same extent.

Jon Lovett (53:13)

What I want to talk about today because you're both. Because.

Barbie Ferreira (53:18)

What are we both?

Jared Goldstein (53:19)

That we're both in the public eye.

Jon Lovett (53:20)

In the public eye, you've been a model.

Barbie Ferreira (53:23)

I sure have.

Jon Lovett (53:24)

And you could be. You could be.

Jared Goldstein (53:26)

I have.

Jon Lovett (53:27)

And you have.

Jared Goldstein (53:27)

I have been a model.

Jon Lovett (53:28)

You have. What'd you model?

Jared Goldstein (53:30)

It was in a newspaper, so, you know, it's good. And it was Toys for Christmas, honey.

Jon Lovett (53:37)

What kind of toys? Yeah, what kind of toys?

Jared Goldstein (53:40)

It was, like, a lot of toys. I don't know. It was like.

Barbie Ferreira (53:41)

It was, like, wooden, Plastic.

Jared Goldstein (53:43)

Yeah, it was like we were on a couch, and there was, like, a lot of us, and, like, you know, but I was in it, and it was a photo, and they printed it.

Barbie Ferreira (53:51)

I believe him.

Jared Goldstein (53:52)

I was a model.

Jon Lovett (53:55)

So I want you guys to both watch my gait and see why it's so weird. Okay.

Jared Goldstein (54:03)

Spoiler alert. It's because he's gay.

Jon Lovett (54:06)

No, it's not. Because I've gone to the parades. It's not that. Okay, I'm gonna just walk normally. I'm gonna try to get out of my head about It. Because it's gonna be.

Jared Goldstein (54:15)

No, literally get out of your head.

Barbie Ferreira (54:17)

When you're thinking about it.

Jared Goldstein (54:19)

I know why.

Barbie Ferreira (54:20)

Your shoulders are too tight.

Jon Lovett (54:21)

Your shoulders are too tight.

Jared Goldstein (54:23)

Your shoulders are.

Barbie Ferreira (54:24)

Drop your shoulders. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, baby, no.

Jared Goldstein (54:28)

Yeah. Wait. Do it again. Wait.

Jon Lovett (54:29)

Okay, I don't. But. But I don't want you ever.

Barbie Ferreira (54:32)

Deep breath. Close your eyes. Deep. No one's here. It's just you.

Jon Lovett (54:34)

No, I know, I know.

Barbie Ferreira (54:36)

No, I know.

Jon Lovett (54:37)

All right, here we go. It's weird. Wait, I think it's the shoulders.

Barbie Ferreira (54:46)

You can work with us.

Jared Goldstein (54:47)

Can I commend you for. That is actually how you walk. And you actually did walk the way you actually walked, and that's huge. Give him a round of applause. That was very vulnerable.

Jon Lovett (54:56)

There's something strange about the gate. I think it's the possum.

Jared Goldstein (54:59)

I'm seeing the letter R. Oh, yeah.

Jon Lovett (55:02)

Which direction?

Jared Goldstein (55:04)

Where is my head? At the top. Like, I'm seeing a lowercase R. Oh, lowercase.

Jon Lovett (55:11)

Oh, no.

Jared Goldstein (55:12)

Yeah, like I want you to. I want your shoulders down and back, chin in. And also just take a. Like. Like you were saying.

Barbie Ferreira (55:21)

Relax, babe, relax.

Jon Lovett (55:23)

Hey, have you seen this video that went viral this week from influencer Ashton hall cataloging his 1000 step morning routine?

Barbie Ferreira (55:31)

Yes.

Jon Lovett (55:31)

All right, let's. Let's say. Let's see a clip.

Barbie Ferreira (55:35)

Saratoga, baby. Oh, where is it?

Jon Lovett (55:40)

Wow. No, it's awesome. I love the journaling, the purple light, a little detox with Internet, with the phone. It's ice water with Saratoga dip. Gotta get a dip in there. 905. Another bucket of water. At least 10,000. We gotta get a 10,000.

Barbie Ferreira (55:58)

At least 10,000.

Jared Goldstein (56:00)

So lighting can be anything, you know what I mean?

Jon Lovett (56:03)

First of all, I love this video. So just so people understand, his routine start is like three. 3:45am no, it didn't.

Jared Goldstein (56:09)

He's a liar.

Jon Lovett (56:10)

But wait, whatever he claims, he says it starts at 3:45am and he sits down to work at 9:15am which is five and a half hours of morning routine.

Jared Goldstein (56:22)

He brushed his teeth for five hours. His gums are gone.

Barbie Ferreira (56:25)

Yeah, he jumps in the pool and he kills like 10 minutes in. Just the dive. If you.

Jon Lovett (56:29)

Yeah, he dives. There's a sign behind him that says no diving.

Barbie Ferreira (56:32)

And he does it anyway.

Jon Lovett (56:33)

That's the bad boy influencing. It's amazing. And then you're like, well, what does he do? And I guess this is what he does, which is he. He's a. Some sort of life coach. And people see the morning routine and Think I want to be like him. But how does and have his life? What is his life? It's telling people to do the morning routine. He just film.

Barbie Ferreira (56:51)

And there's a beautiful woman. I don't know if she actually has great nails and I love a good nail. And she's always making him food or, like, strapping on his weighted vest.

Jon Lovett (56:59)

Yes, there is a nameless, faceless woman who is providing services. Free her throughout. For sure. For sure. Free the. Free. Free her.

Barbie Ferreira (57:09)

Who is she?

Jon Lovett (57:10)

We don't know.

Barbie Ferreira (57:10)

Is she getting paid?

Jon Lovett (57:12)

It's so unclear. It's so strange. There's also something so the ideal morning routine is a routine that has these steps that can only exist if you're responsible to no one, to no one. That there's no child that's interrupting your. There's no spouse who needs you to do them. Something that, like, you are an isolated being who's responsible only to yourself. And that kind of perfecting your day requires complete isolation. Complete isolation. Five hours of morning isolation. I mean, we're only up for 16.

Jared Goldstein (57:44)

Yeah. He's in a lot that. He's in a lot of pain, that man.

Jon Lovett (57:46)

He's in a lot of pain.

Barbie Ferreira (57:47)

Lot of pain.

Jon Lovett (57:48)

He's in a lot of pain. Also, he eats a banana and rubs it on his face.

Barbie Ferreira (57:51)

He does.

Jared Goldstein (57:52)

Okay, film that.

Jon Lovett (57:53)

I think we have it. Hello.

Barbie Ferreira (57:55)

There you go.

Jon Lovett (57:59)

What's that? What's in the banana?

Barbie Ferreira (58:01)

Well, as the expert, I don't know, I actually. I did hear that it does nothing. Yeah, so that's what I read it in a. Like, a very factual tweet.

Jon Lovett (58:12)

So I'm gonna start doing the ice thing, though. That looked good.

Jared Goldstein (58:17)

Yeah.

Jon Lovett (58:17)

I want to start doing two ice plunges in the morning, or just one, just to start.

Barbie Ferreira (58:21)

He's handsome. I mean, for sure something's working.

Jared Goldstein (58:24)

There's so much going right in his life that you like. It's like this half. Like, I admire him so much, but then I'm so repulsed by everything that's happening that it's just like, oh, you really feel for these people.

Barbie Ferreira (58:35)

This is the start of the pyramid scheme. I mean, everyone's always selling packages of, like, how to get rich, right? That's the Internet thing. So this is the start, which is.

Jon Lovett (58:42)

A perfect segue into our into. And you know what that sound means. It's time for a segment we're calling the Shame Game. As you mentioned, all of these things are in some way leading to a business, to a product. All right? Social media taketh. But it also giveth a million new problems to hyper scrutinize our bodies for and ultimately get us to buy things or do things. Jared and Barbie, I'm gonna give you a new micro insecurity courtesy of TikTok. And you will rank them on a scale from 1 to 5, with 1 being I would never be insecure about this and 5 being I have to leave the stage immediately, so. And squat naked over a full length mirror to make sure I don't have this.

Barbie Ferreira (59:27)

This is like my everyday life. Let's do it.

Jon Lovett (59:30)

Okay, the actual scale. So the scale is gonna go. If it's a one, it's a nice try, TikTok. If it's two, it's wait, that's what my head looks like from behind. Three is sure, but there's a cream for that. Four is panic ordering dozens of turtlenecks on Amazon at three in the morning. And five is booking the flight to Turkey.

Jared Goldstein (59:46)

Booking the flight to Turkey.

Barbie Ferreira (59:48)

Gotta go to Turkey. The smile, the hair, get it all in there.

Jon Lovett (59:50)

Come on, get all in there. Get on there. It seems fun. It seems fun. I'm gonna go to Beverly Hills.

Barbie Ferreira (59:55)

Yeah, no, I see.

Jon Lovett (59:58)

Why I see. I know turkey's there. I want to be in a place where if something goes wrong, I can sue.

Jared Goldstein (60:02)

No, totally.

Barbie Ferreira (60:02)

I like it. I like that.

Jon Lovett (60:05)

Gotta be able to sue. It's the only way to level the playing field. The doctor is always so powerful. But not when they know you can sue. First up, a few years ago, hip dips, or the naturally occurring indentation between the hip, sock and upper thigh that some people have became something to destroy, to embrace, or potentially both. Jared and Barbie, they say hips don't lie, but do they have you obsessively staring in the mirror every morning in your new leggings? Where do you rank this potential insecurity on a scale of 1 to 5?

Barbie Ferreira (60:37)

I've always had hip dips and woo. That's right, anatomy baby. I would say one. I mean, like hip dips. I mean, come on. Everyone got it.

Jon Lovett (60:49)

Absolutely.

Barbie Ferreira (60:50)

What are your thoughts on this?

Jon Lovett (60:51)

I think it's a one for sure because I didn't know. I didn't even know based on this picture if this was something to get or something to stop. Like I really genuinely.

Barbie Ferreira (61:01)

Obviously disgusting.

Jon Lovett (61:02)

I didn't know. I was like, is this the ideal we're all striving for but is impossible, or is this something everyone has and must get rid of?

Barbie Ferreira (61:10)

The line gets blurred every day, right?

Jared Goldstein (61:12)

Speaking of a blurry line, I'll say this is the last Part of a woman's body I was ever attracted to. And for that reason, I'm supportive of it.

Barbie Ferreira (61:22)

Okay.

Jon Lovett (61:23)

The first was her mind. Yeah.

Jared Goldstein (61:27)

I'm still attracted to that part, though.

Jon Lovett (61:28)

Okay, cool. Yeah.

Barbie Ferreira (61:29)

Are you?

Jared Goldstein (61:30)

No.

Barbie Ferreira (61:33)

Free her.

Jon Lovett (61:35)

Free her. Free her. Free her. Let's find out her name and free her. All right, that's a one. Next up, we have something called Irish hair. According to TikTok, Irish hair or Irish curls, describes an inconsistent curl pattern which a person's hair is called. Jewish hair, too, at the top and curlier underneath. That's right, sure. Jewish hair, yeah. Jared and Barbie. Does Irish hair have your eyes smiling or are you ready to Erin go bra to the bathroom, bro?

Barbie Ferreira (62:04)

Who the fuck cares, brah?

Jared Goldstein (62:05)

I'm like you. I'm going to Beverly Hills, not to Turkey, because I have a guy who helps me with this. It.

Barbie Ferreira (62:09)

Oh, you get a little keratin.

Jared Goldstein (62:11)

Yeah, yeah. I do it in the very front and in the very back.

Jon Lovett (62:14)

Wow.

Barbie Ferreira (62:15)

Even you. You have different.

Jared Goldstein (62:16)

Not right now. Right now, I'm like. I'm just natural right now, but I'm done. I'm sick of it.

Jon Lovett (62:21)

You're.

Barbie Ferreira (62:21)

You're sick of it. You.

Jared Goldstein (62:22)

Time to go back. So I'm. I'm a five.

Jon Lovett (62:24)

You know, I really. I'll.

Jared Goldstein (62:29)

Say it.

Jon Lovett (62:30)

He's a five. He's a five. I. I'm a one. I know. I think it's fine.

Barbie Ferreira (62:33)

I think it's fine.

Jon Lovett (62:33)

I think it's fine.

Barbie Ferreira (62:34)

Literally. Yes. Get a Dyson Airwrap if it bothers you that much.

Jon Lovett (62:39)

I think, like, look, as somebody who has struggled to use his money to buy hairlines via Beverly Hills doctors and then successfully done that several times.

Barbie Ferreira (62:52)

Yeah, you're in.

Jon Lovett (62:54)

No, absolutely. I find that, like, basically, as someone who has, like, been obsessed with their own hairline and just basically observe hairlines, like, very closely, I find that people with amazing hair, present company included, they talk about hair with the kind of like. They're like upper deck Titanic passengers talking about the accommodations. You know, they're like, I don't like the view from my room. And meanwhile, like, I'm down here with the fucking rats. And they're like, oh, I go for a keratin treatment because they're little curly in front but a little curly in the back. It's like, fuck you. We're just trying to. We just want down here with Jack and Rose. We just want coverage.

Jared Goldstein (63:37)

I know.

Jon Lovett (63:40)

We just want coverage.

Jared Goldstein (63:42)

You're so right.

Barbie Ferreira (63:43)

I hear about hairlines all day, by the way.

Jared Goldstein (63:45)

I have to check My privilege so much in that way. One time, I told this woman, she was like, what's the secret? What are you doing here? Please tell me what to do with my hair. And I was like, here's what it is. Nothing. And she looked so mad.

Jon Lovett (63:59)

Yeah, for sure.

Jared Goldstein (64:00)

She looked so mad.

Jon Lovett (64:01)

For sure.

Jared Goldstein (64:01)

That's what I'm kidding. You said is like, is the health of your hair, is the value, so don't burn your hair. Do nothing, essentially. But then, you know, yeah, whatever.

Barbie Ferreira (64:11)

Male pattern baldness will come for you no matter what. Oh, yeah, that's something I hear. Yeah, I hear all day. I hear all day about it. It's like, truly the talk of the town. All day. Hairline, hairline, hairline. I kind of am like, you know, if guys have one thing to worry about, it's hairline. I'm like, all right, it's fine. It's fine.

Jared Goldstein (64:26)

Jason Statham.

Jon Lovett (64:27)

Gee, you gotta have such a specific head to pull that off.

Barbie Ferreira (64:30)

You do.

Jon Lovett (64:31)

Everybody's like, oh, Bruce Willis. Jason saved them. End of fucking list. This doesn't work. Endless. This doesn't work. This doesn't work for me like that. I don't have the confidence. I respect the men who do. I don't have it. Next up.

Jared Goldstein (64:46)

Great. Honestly, I never would have even known that you had any sort of story behind it.

Jon Lovett (64:52)

Absolutely, absolutely. That's. That's. Yeah, that's why.

Barbie Ferreira (64:55)

Effortlessly cool.

Jon Lovett (64:56)

Yeah, that's right. And that's right. Next up, cortisol face. This is a TikTok favorite.

Jared Goldstein (65:05)

Cortisol face.

Jon Lovett (65:06)

Yeah, cortisol face. Last year, thousands of videos flooded the app to tell me specifically that my face might be extra round due to too much of the stress hormone cortisol. The kind of repetitive TikTok that might stress you out a little bit. According to the Cleveland Clinic, cortisol face, or moon face, can occur as a result of certain syndromes or as a side effect of medication like steroids. But they reassure patients that it is, in itself dangerous. But we don't care if it's dangerous. Cleveland Clinic. We just want to be hot. Jared and Barbie. Do I have cortisol face?

Barbie Ferreira (65:36)

No, you don't.

Jon Lovett (65:39)

I'm sorry? I mean, where do you rank cortisol face on scale of micro insecurities?

Barbie Ferreira (65:43)

To be fair, I, like, don't know if I buy it. I think if you're on a medication, like, I've been on prednisone for, you know, like, losing my voice or something, and then I feel like I'm angry and big and, like, Red. But I don't know if, like, you being stressed is gonna make that big of a difference on your face. But you know what?

Jon Lovett (66:01)

Maybe do they have Broadway doctors that inject steroids the way like football doctors inject steroids in the knees to get people back out there like horses?

Barbie Ferreira (66:11)

Absolutely. So you actually heard that people don't like doing that because the girlies are saying they, like, try to keep their vocal health good. And, like, if you do too much of that, you, like, strain it even more. I don't have that problem. And also, I was like, smoking packs of cigarettes before I had to stop for the broad for Broadway because I was like, I'm gonna lose my voice. But they do shoot you up. Yeah. B12 in a prednisone. Happens all the time.

Jon Lovett (66:29)

Cool. I should do that before this show.

Barbie Ferreira (66:31)

You would be hyped and angry. I get angry.

Jon Lovett (66:36)

Next up, bad facial harmony. It's another syndrome that only exists in the mind of the mad. Bad facial harmony refers to the concept that one can have good individual facial features, but bad overall facial harmony. You could also have the inverse, which I guess is being overall gorgeous, but with dog ass individual features.

Barbie Ferreira (66:55)

I mean, here's a prime example of a horribly ugly woman.

Jon Lovett (66:58)

Yeah.

Barbie Ferreira (66:58)

Hideous with terrible symmetry.

Jared Goldstein (67:00)

Is Bella. Is she the idea of. Of like bad facial harmony?

Jon Lovett (67:05)

No.

Jared Goldstein (67:06)

Or she's good facial.

Jon Lovett (67:07)

I think this must be good facial harmony.

Barbie Ferreira (67:08)

It's another classic case of do we want this or not? I think we do.

Jon Lovett (67:12)

I think we do. I'm not worried about facial harmony. I think it's like a three. I think I get talked into it.

Barbie Ferreira (67:18)

Maybe a two. I say two. If someone was like. Because I do, like, one of my eyebrows, like a little lower than the other one. Hate.

Jared Goldstein (67:24)

Do you have this thing where when I look at my face in a FaceTime, it looks like my. My eyes are all black. Are you having that?

Barbie Ferreira (67:31)

They have like, sneaky filters on FaceTime. If you. If that you can, like, turn off.

Jon Lovett (67:36)

You mean like, the whites are gone and the whole thing is gone?

Barbie Ferreira (67:38)

Demonic possession on FaceTime.

Jon Lovett (67:40)

Not that. Sorry. Are you seeing something different?

Jared Goldstein (67:42)

Like, it looks like I don't have, like, my eyes are brown and it looks like my eyes are black. Does anyone have that?

Barbie Ferreira (67:48)

Maybe we'd get that checked out.

Jared Goldstein (67:50)

I don't have that either. I don't have that. I don't have that.

Jon Lovett (67:52)

Finally.

Barbie Ferreira (67:52)

This is demonic possession.

Jared Goldstein (67:54)

Yeah, I have that.

Jon Lovett (67:54)

This is something called septum arms.

Barbie Ferreira (67:56)

Huh?

Jon Lovett (67:57)

It. I don't know what it's. It's. Oh, cuz. This is why it's called that. He or she would be hot Septem arms.

Barbie Ferreira (68:07)

Oh, my goodness gracious.

Jon Lovett (68:09)

What?

Jared Goldstein (68:10)

What if I was like.

Barbie Ferreira (68:10)

Yes, yes, yes, Exactly.

Jared Goldstein (68:12)

Some people are ugly in their arms.

Barbie Ferreira (68:15)

I was gonna smash. But your disgusting biceps were.

Jon Lovett (68:19)

I mean, I guess maybe.

Barbie Ferreira (68:21)

Maybe I'm an angel.

Jon Lovett (68:24)

This seems like it's like the millennial equivalent. This is a butter body.

Barbie Ferreira (68:29)

Butter. Oh, you know, her face. Butterface.

Jon Lovett (68:31)

Butter face. Butter body. That was something.

Jared Goldstein (68:33)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jon Lovett (68:34)

I was once called a butter face once. To my face. I was so complimented. I was like, I have been working out.

Barbie Ferreira (68:41)

I would die if someone said, you're a butter face to me. I would be so gassed. Like, I literally, like, that's right. The body's hot. Body tea, bitch.

Jon Lovett (68:49)

You know what? This is actually funny. I've never actually even talked about it before, but it was a very drunk person at a bar, gay bar in D.C. called Halo that was on at 17th in our. And if you were the person that very drunkenly came up to me and said, oh, you're very hot, butterface, and then left, if you remember that. I remember it. So you're right to feel bad.

Jared Goldstein (69:12)

Yeah. Yeah.

Jon Lovett (69:14)

You're probably around my age and you did it. And I remember it.

Jared Goldstein (69:21)

When I first started doing standup and roast battle was really popular, I wrote a joke for someone else that was like, she's a butter face, Meaning that she'll let you put it in her butter face. Yay. I was proud of that.

Jon Lovett (69:37)

That's a great joke. That's a really good joke. Thank you.

Barbie Ferreira (69:40)

I love.

Jon Lovett (69:40)

That's a really good joke.

Jared Goldstein (69:41)

Just fine. But I was like, I really was. I wanted an Emmy. I was like, I feel like that should get me some kind of golden statue.

Barbie Ferreira (69:48)

I agree.

Jared Goldstein (69:49)

Butter face.

Jon Lovett (69:51)

It was really good. I think you gotta put a little more spin on the second time we say butter.

Jared Goldstein (69:55)

Yeah.

Jon Lovett (69:56)

You know, and that's where we're feeling.

Jared Goldstein (69:58)

The wine that I had backstage.

Jon Lovett (69:59)

Yeah. But I think it's a great joke. It's a beautiful, simple joke. Beautiful, beautiful. Very well written joke. Very well written joke. Congrats. All right. Thank you.

Barbie Ferreira (70:10)

Good one.

Jon Lovett (70:11)

Jared, in your podcast. Sorry, what? You can get that wherever you get podcasts. Is it advice podcast.

Jared Goldstein (70:17)

It's an advice podcast from a bad listener. I'm doling it. No one's wanting it, but I'm telling you how to live your life.

Jon Lovett (70:24)

Hence the name. Sorry, what?

Jared Goldstein (70:25)

Yeah, exactly.

Jon Lovett (70:26)

Do you think it's sorry, what?

Jared Goldstein (70:28)

I would go, sorry, what?

Jon Lovett (70:31)

All right, next up, the text is coming from inside the house.

Jared Goldstein (70:37)

Hey, don't go anywhere.

Jon Lovett (70:38)

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Barbie Ferreira (72:10)

Restrictions apply.

Jon Lovett (72:11)

USAA and we're back. Monday is Trans day of visibility so keep your heads on a swivel.

Jared Goldstein (72:33)

Turn the house lights up.

Jon Lovett (72:41)

Just want to remind everybody that from Crooked Media reads we have woodworking. It's the debut novel from Yellowjackets writer and culture critic Emily St. James. I truly love woodworking. If you haven't read it yet, pick it up. Support Emily Support Crooked Media. Support this book. It is a trans story and it's just an amazing story. It's an incredibly entertaining, engrossing read. Highly recommend the audiobook Emily Was On Love it or leave it a few weeks ago. And if you didn't grab a copy, then now's your chance. It's fun, it's moving, and everybody should grab their copy@crooked.com books or anywhere you like to get books. It's a great queer story for people that are, you know, anywhere on the flag. But if you're somebody that wants to be supportive and wants to understand the trans perspective, there's a lot of coverage of the politics, but not really enough conversation about just the experience and a lot of coverage of trans people that is about trans people as objects as opposed to being subjects. And so everybody should go to crooked.combooks and pick up a copy. Also, as I mentioned, the monologue in Wisconsin, we gotta do everything we can to elect Susan Crawford, who is a qualified judge, and to stop Elon Musk's backed MAGA guy, the right wing attorney general. It's the first major race since Trump won in November. It will determine the majority on the Wisconsin Reeves Court. Get everything you need to vote or volunteer before next Tuesday, April 1st, at votesaveamerica.com, paid for by VoteSave America. You can learn more at votesaveamerica.com this ad has not been authorized by any candidate or candidates committee. Also, we're off next week, but we'll be back at the Allegiant Theater on April 10th with Robbie Hoffman and more great guests. So if you're in la, grab tickets for Love it or Leave it live@crooked.com events. All right, now for a segment we're calling Houthi Among Us.

Jared Goldstein (74:22)

Hey, look at us.

Jon Lovett (74:25)

There we are.

Jared Goldstein (74:26)

Wait, do you see what I mean about the black eyes?

Barbie Ferreira (74:28)

They're beautiful. They're good.

Jon Lovett (74:30)

They're deep. They're deep. You have deep eyes.

Jared Goldstein (74:33)

Okay, okay, okay.

Jon Lovett (74:34)

Stop trying to find stuff to complain about.

Jared Goldstein (74:36)

Okay, okay, okay.

Jon Lovett (74:40)

Look, Michael Waltz, the National Security Advisor has obviously screwed the pooch, but haven't we all sent a straight text or two to show some empathy and more importantly, embarrass our guests? We're each gonna share something we've done in texts that we regret. In a segment I've already named Barbie, Kick us off. When is the time you sent an errand? Text included the wrong person made a mistake.

Barbie Ferreira (75:02)

Okay, so this is quite a while ago, maybe like 10 years ago. I remembered this today, and I was immediately stricken with embarrassment. Again. I was texting someone, like a friend of mine. I was like, oh, let's meet here. I was in New York at the time, and so I show up, and I see someone else that I know. I'm like, hey, what's up? And they're like, oh, like, are you coming with us? I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, I'm waiting for my friend. And I'm like, okay, weirdo. He walks away. And then I realized I was texting that person the whole time. And he thought I was like. I was just, like, lost my mind. And, like, we were supposed to be at this exact place. I was like, that's so random that you also happen to be at this exact place right now. And so, yeah, that was embarrassing.

Jon Lovett (75:41)

Did he think it was a date?

Barbie Ferreira (75:43)

No, it wasn't a date. He had friends with him. But that was riveting. I know that story is crazy.

Jon Lovett (75:48)

No, but the. But he came.

Barbie Ferreira (75:50)

He did. And then I was like, oh, I'm just meeting someone here. Like, I just, like, did not click with me.

Jon Lovett (75:56)

But what happened when he figured it out? I mean, it must have been embarrassing.

Barbie Ferreira (75:58)

And just, like, walked away with his friends. I was just like, okay. Fucking weirdo. And then.

Jon Lovett (76:02)

But he clearly wanted to see you. This is what I'm trying to understand, because he got a whole group of friends. No, no. We got to go meet Barbie. She's inexplicably texting me, but it's important that I see her for some reason. Yeah. So did you break his heart? I just. This is. Are you sure? You're sure this person didn't want to date?

Barbie Ferreira (76:17)

Maybe. I mean, I never know. So who's that? I mean, maybe, but no. I think the person I was trying to meet was someone I was trying to date.

Jon Lovett (76:24)

And what happened there?

Barbie Ferreira (76:25)

Well, then I just, like, I blew it. I was, like. The whole time, I thought it was someone else I was texting. It was, like, days and days of conversations.

Jon Lovett (76:32)

But did you go ever go back to the person who was supposed to be. Whatever their number?

Barbie Ferreira (76:35)

I was too mortified. I never talked to either of them again. But that one, I. That one guy was, like, a mutual friend of a bunch of people, and I had just been, like, flirting with him, and I had no intention, and I. So I guess, yes, he was trying to date me. And, yeah, I did break his heart. But it's okay. It was an accident. I. I still think about how awful that was. And also the worst part is this is all Grand Central Station.

Jon Lovett (76:57)

You. What were you going to. Were you going for oysters? What's going on?

Barbie Ferreira (77:01)

No, B. I was. At the time, I lived in, like, Mount Vernon, and so I God, this is. This story just gets juicier and juicier, doesn't it? So I was like, in midtown. I was like, what am I doing here? And I just look like an idiot. Had to go home.

Jon Lovett (77:15)

I'm sorry that happened.

Barbie Ferreira (77:16)

It's okay. I think I'm okay.

Jon Lovett (77:18)

You're okay?

Barbie Ferreira (77:19)

I think I'm okay.

Jon Lovett (77:20)

What if that other person you meant to be texting is the love of your life?

Barbie Ferreira (77:23)

God, I don't even remember who it was.

Jon Lovett (77:25)

What if that was fighting the.

Barbie Ferreira (77:26)

No. I never saved anyone's name under my name in my phone, and now I do.

Jon Lovett (77:30)

That's chaos.

Barbie Ferreira (77:30)

That is.

Jon Lovett (77:31)

That's crazy.

Barbie Ferreira (77:32)

I know. I have like 900 unread messages. I need to stop.

Jon Lovett (77:35)

No, no, no. I really understand and respect that. I get it. I get it.

Barbie Ferreira (77:39)

I thrive in chaos.

Jon Lovett (77:40)

But what do you think it is about us? That there's something about our relationship with time. Because it's as if there's no future. As if, like, yes, we know who this is right now and that's all that matters. As if we can't form, we can't imagine a future where they will be in our life for an extended period of time so that it's obviously right now worth saving the number. Why shouldn't we save the number right now? Well, because we're not gonna know this person, we're not gonna see this person, or we're not gonna live. Why aren't we saving the numbers right now?

Barbie Ferreira (78:10)

You should ask that to 18 year old me who was stoned out of her mind and you saved the numbers in a Supreme Jacket.

Jon Lovett (78:16)

I'm doing better about saving the numbers.

Barbie Ferreira (78:18)

I save all numbers now. Ever since then, I really learned a lesson.

Jared Goldstein (78:21)

Do you know there's a name for this?

Jon Lovett (78:22)

What?

Jared Goldstein (78:23)

I'm gonna get it wrong, but it's something very dumb like. Like tip toptimism. Can you look it up? It's like tip Someone chat timtoptimism.

Jon Lovett (78:33)

Have you heard about this tip toptimism?

Jared Goldstein (78:34)

Yes.

Jon Lovett (78:36)

Do I have a rabid case of tip top optimism?

Jared Goldstein (78:38)

Wait, this is going to be huge for you.

Jon Lovett (78:40)

What's tip toptimism?

Jared Goldstein (78:41)

It's people who are, like, chronically bad with time. And you have a. You have an optimism about how much time you think you have.

Jon Lovett (78:48)

Oh, yeah. Couldn't be me.

Barbie Ferreira (78:49)

Couldn't be me.

Jared Goldstein (78:49)

I'm a time. And optimism has become one word.

Jon Lovett (78:54)

Yes. What is it?

Jared Goldstein (78:55)

Say it again. Tidz. Optimist.

Barbie Ferreira (78:58)

I like tip top better.

Jared Goldstein (78:59)

I know, I know.

Jon Lovett (79:00)

It's a terrible word. Way better.

Jared Goldstein (79:02)

It's spelled T I D S Optimus. Tid's Optimist.

Jon Lovett (79:06)

Okay, well, we'll check that out.

Jared Goldstein (79:08)

You might have that.

Jon Lovett (79:09)

Send that to my therapist, who I'm now angry. Hasn't brought it up, though. It's hard to bring it up when we have an appointment in six months. Gotta text her back. Number's not saved. Jared, when have you made a mistake on text?

Jared Goldstein (79:26)

I feel like I have texted Stop to end to the Democrats at least 20 times and there is no end in sight. And I feel like maybe you might have something to tell me inside info.

Jon Lovett (79:40)

So the texts have gotta fucking stop again. I will say I actually want to figure out if this is possible, but I do believe in something called Democrat plus, which is a. Which would be an ad. It's a car. It's a car. It's a phone. It's a car, but it's a service. You would pay a monthly fee to support progressive politicians, but no ads, no texts, no phone calls, no nothing. And everyone makes the deal.

Barbie Ferreira (80:11)

You're giving this all away for free?

Jon Lovett (80:13)

No, no. They're gonna have to donate every.

Barbie Ferreira (80:15)

You're talking about the idea, babe.

Jon Lovett (80:16)

No, no. Yeah. I mean, it's just for the country. It's a good idea for the country, but it's hard because you have to figure out. Because then it's like they all want money and they all raise money separately. And so, yeah, it's very complicated. But I kind of like the idea of something called Democrat plus, so I'm gonna work on that.

Jared Goldstein (80:32)

Okay.

Jon Lovett (80:32)

I really am. I really am.

Barbie Ferreira (80:34)

For the fancy Democrats who want to pay a monthly fee.

Jon Lovett (80:36)

Well, I just think it's like, there's a lot of people donating in $5 increments all the time, and then you're like, constantly, constantly getting, like, why not.

Jared Goldstein (80:42)

Get a TV show out of me?

Jon Lovett (80:43)

Yeah, I love it. Yeah, right. No, it's also a streaming service. But no, if you go to, like, I'll go to my text right now. I'm going to go to my text right now. I don't think look very far.

Barbie Ferreira (80:49)

They're doing like, AI scams of this. I'm telling you, the AI scams, if they were smart, they would tap into the.

Jared Goldstein (80:54)

They would just do both. The same company sending out all the.

Barbie Ferreira (80:57)

Messages, because there's people who are like, hey, how are you? Oh, are we getting dinner next week? And it's actually a scam. Have you. Have you been caught in this?

Jon Lovett (81:03)

Oh, yeah. I mean, I. Yeah, I feel.

Barbie Ferreira (81:05)

I feel like there's a missed opportunity for some scamming.

Jon Lovett (81:07)

Also, just as a public service announcement, nobody at Easy Pass is texting you. You're just talking about Easy Pass.

Barbie Ferreira (81:13)

That's the one that got me talking about Easy Pass.

Jon Lovett (81:16)

Easy Pass does not reach out to you or Wells Fargo.

Barbie Ferreira (81:19)

I'm like my Wells Fargo. I've never had Wells Fargo.

Jon Lovett (81:21)

Easy Pass is not texting you. That's not how it works. It's not Easy Pass. Don't click that link.

Barbie Ferreira (81:28)

The scams are getting better.

Jared Goldstein (81:30)

They are.

Barbie Ferreira (81:30)

They're getting more personable or we are getting older.

Jared Goldstein (81:32)

But let's say that the scams are getting better.

Jon Lovett (81:35)

Speak for yourself. We're not getting older.

Barbie Ferreira (81:37)

Hey, that's not me.

Jon Lovett (81:38)

No, just this. Look, I like this kind of generational dialogue. We have two members of Gen Z and a member of Millennial.

Jared Goldstein (81:44)

Yes.

Jon Lovett (81:44)

And that's Arp. That's me. And you're Arp?

Jared Goldstein (81:48)

Yeah.

Jon Lovett (81:48)

You're Arp.

Barbie Ferreira (81:49)

Well, I used to be Gen Z and now I'm Millennial. They've changed the year.

Jon Lovett (81:53)

Hey, did you see the news that Gen Z is more conservative than Millennials?

Barbie Ferreira (81:56)

I believe it. There's a lot going on with Gen Z.

Jon Lovett (81:59)

What are we going to do?

Barbie Ferreira (82:00)

God, I mean, I have the exact answer for this.

Jared Goldstein (82:03)

I have the answer.

Barbie Ferreira (82:03)

I have the exact answer.

Jon Lovett (82:05)

Can we just work on it? Can we just promise to work on it?

Barbie Ferreira (82:08)

I'm trying. I feel like I try. And then. But the Gen Z's, you know, as. As a Gen Z, millennial, whatever, Zillennial. I'm. I'm starting to just, like, lose grasp. Like, they're not. They're not. They're not hanging out anymore. No one's fucking. Everyone's conservative. It's scary.

Jon Lovett (82:24)

I was trying to think. It's algorithms, for sure. I was trying to think of a text that I sent that got me in trouble. And I actually realized that, like, the, like, the worst I am as a person is. Is not in the text I send. It's the text I don't send. And the years of just letting things go by and being like, I got to respond to that until it's gone forever.

Jared Goldstein (82:47)

Yeah.

Jon Lovett (82:48)

And it sucks. And I kind of wish I could have, like an auto reply message that's just like. Like, thank you for your text. I'm not built for this era and I have time. I'm not like. The great myth is that we're all so busy. There are some people who are very busy, but everyone's got four hours of screen time, so we're all pretending to be busy. I have the time I could reply. I'm probably not going to because I didn't think of something to say in the moment.

Jared Goldstein (83:21)

And then my day kept going.

Jon Lovett (83:23)

And then my day kept going. And I'm really sorry. And it doesn't mean I don't love you, but it probably means I don't love you.

Barbie Ferreira (83:32)

Just don't value them.

Jon Lovett (83:33)

And I think it's bad. And I think it's how fascism came to America. They'll be like, how did fascism come to America? It was mostly texting. We tried to find it. It was the pandemic. It was eggs and it was texting. And in hindsight, it was not the right response. If we have hindsight, then what a weird note to end the show on.

Jared Goldstein (84:04)

Can I start running for office? I think I'm ready.

Jon Lovett (84:06)

Sure. I would love that.

Barbie Ferreira (84:06)

I'll vote for you.

Jon Lovett (84:07)

I would love that.

Jared Goldstein (84:09)

I think it's algorithms is like, the big problem. I think it's designed. We know how they work. And it's like my own algorithm feeds me things that I either hate or agree with, but even it's always from the loudest people who are the most annoying. So even when I read things that I agree with, it comes from such an annoying source that it makes me want to stop believing in the things that I believe in. And I have to actively talk to myself and put my phone down and remember who I am and stop reacting to this reactionary thing. And that is also, like, designed from, like, a billionaire who's, like, deciding what we look at all the time. Like, we. We just forget that we're like, we're looking at this thing and it's like. And that's just how it works. But it's like, is decided by someone that is making, I think the. The pendulum of, like, conservative and liberal going back and forth is very natural and will happen all the time. And that's, like, kind of okay. But it has become so psychotic and exaggerated because someone started making money off of it. And we are just. Our whole lives are controlled and ruined by, like, truly seven people who are profiting off of this. And it's. I hope that I can stop some. I don't. We need to go back to websites. If everyone just had a website. I will get a. I will get a squarespace. Well, I will get my squarespace.

Jon Lovett (85:20)

I do think, like, just like, I think that that's right. But I actually think part of, like, I was talking to a friend of mine and this is where we'll leave it. I was talking to my friend of mine who's like trying to think about how to bring local news back, right? Like we've lost local news in so many places that newspapers were eviscerated. Everything has been nationalized. It means there's tons of local corruption and stories that are not being told. It means that when there are problems in Los Angeles or there are potential solutions in Los Angeles for say the housing crisis and then these interest groups like the NIMBYs put a bunch of pressure on the mayor to reverse a policy that'll allow more housing to be built across the city because the public isn't able to get fully informed. Only the hyper aware, the kind of special groups that are really paying attention are able to really carry sway and like causes problems all across the country. And she's thinking about how do we bring back local news and talking about, well, the business model changed and the, you know, the local places didn't adapt and people really do want local news. That's why there's nextdoor. People are clamoring for it. And then part of it is also like, we have to like recognize our agency. Like, why do these newspapers go away? People stop subscribing to them. Like, yes, it is the algorithm, but it's also all of us collectively choosing to participate. And like I, like, we have to have both. I think like what I'm, what I'm increasingly realizing is like part of I think what we try to do all the time and I think it's why people like Luigi, it's why people, I think liked Barack Obama sometimes is they thought, oh, finally someone's just going to fix it, right? And like that's what the right likes Trump. Like someone's going to fix it. We know who to blame. We know who can fix it. I can just sit here in my house and the problem will get resolved and, and we are not getting to the end of this without all of us making hard, hard sacrifices, which may include, by the way, forcing ourselves to do unpleasant things like not looking at our phones and actually having in person interactions and accepting some discomfort and boredom and challenge that comes along with building coalition with people that don't see the world the same way as you. And the more we take ownership of that and the more responsibility we take for that, I think the better hope we have for actually figuring our way out of this. And that's what I think about that. That's our show. Thank you so much to Barbie Ferreira and Jared Goldstein. We'll see you in two weeks, two weeks from now at the Legion Theater. Also, check out Saturday. We're going to have a very special episode of Terminally Online hitting your feeds on Saturday. Is that happening? Probably. If you're hearing this, it's happening. There are 584 days until the midterms. Have a great night and have a great weekend. Love or Leave it is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Bill McGrath is our producer and Kennedy Hill is our Associate producer. Hallie KE is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre and Will Miles are our writers. Jordan Kantor is our editor, Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Cher. Sure thanks to our designer Sammy Cadorna Rees for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And thanks to our digital producers David Tools, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, Delon Villanueva and Rachel Gajeski for filming and editing video each week. Our head of production is Matt De Groat, our head of programming is Madeline Herringer, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East Love it or leave it Foreign Seem the same until it comes time to use it. So don't get stuck paying more for less coverage.

Barbie Ferreira (89:24)

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Barbie Ferreira (89:29)

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