Greenland New Deal

Summary

Lovett or Leave It: "Greenland New Deal" (January 24, 2026)

Episode Overview

Host Jon Lovett returns to the stage at Dynasty Typewriter for a new season of "Lovett or Leave It," joined this week by comedy legends Kevin Nealon and Frankie Quinones. The episode blends sharp satirical takes on the week’s wildest political news—centered on Trump’s bizarre Greenland ambitions and ICE controversies—with personal stories and playful interviews with Nealon and Quinones. From critiques of authoritarian overreach to hilarious explorations of apology etiquette, addiction confessions, and intergenerational fashion, the episode is both a cathartic news digest and a comic respite.

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Table of Contents

• Political Satire & News: Trump’s Greenland Escapades
• ICE Controversies & Civil Rights Concerns
• Interview with Kevin Nealon
• Interview with Frankie Quinones
• Egg of Truth: Philosophical Comedy Panel
• Reflections: Apologies & Regrets
• Notable Quotes
• Key Segment Timestamps

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Political Satire & News: Trump’s Greenland Escapades

• [01:19] Lovett launches "What a Week" with the one-year mark of Trump’s second term and his quixotic quest to acquire Greenland.

• Mockery of Trump's ambiguous press response:

  • Lovett (02:16): “At a press conference on Tuesday, Trump was asked... how far are you willing to go to acquire Greenland?”
    • Trump (impersonation, 02:16): “You'll find out.”
    • Lovett’s reaction: “Thank you. No spoilers.”

• Lovett lampoons AI-generated propaganda, leaks from foreign leaders, and the overall diplomatic farce:

  • Macron’s text: “I do not understand what you are doing on Greenland. Let's try and build great things.”
  • NATO text: “I am committing to finding a way forward on Greenland. Can't wait to see you.”
  • Atlantic Editor: “Hey guys, you gotta loop me out of this. The whole thing is embarrassing...”

• Additional satire as Trump “blinks” on trade tariffs after EU pushback and writes on Truth Social claiming a new “framework” with respect to Greenland and the entire Arctic.

  • Trump (impersonation, 05:29): “We probably won't get anything unless I decide to use excessive strength and force where we would be, frankly, unstoppable. But I won't do that. ...I don't have to use force. I don't want to use force.”

• Jon Lovett’s summation:

  • (05:53): “It’s the geopolitical equivalent to when the car alarm... finally stops. Sure, it'll start back up again in 30 seconds, but you don't know that yet.”

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ICE Controversies & Civil Rights Concerns

• Lovett highlights civil rights abuses following ICE’s aggressive tactics in Minnesota:

  • Brooklyn Park Police Chief Mark Brulee exposes ICE for illegally detaining citizens and even off-duty officers, always people of color (07:06).

    • Brulee: “Every one of these individuals is a person of color. It has to stop.”

  • Satirical remark:

    • (08:20, Lovett/Quinones): “You want a federal law enforcement agency that goes ‘fuck the cops’ and darts off, like teenagers trying to buy beer.”

• Reports of ICE detaining children as bait and acting with lawlessness.

  • Lovett ridicules Stephen Miller, ICE’s Nazi drag, and their disregard for rights (“fascism is a culture, not a costume” - 08:20).
  • Associated Press reports ICE authorized to enter homes without judicial warrant, instructed to leave no paper trail (08:20–12:35).

• Lovett skewers Trump’s response to ICE backlash:

  • Trump (impersonation, 12:35): “Sometimes ICE is going to be too rough...sometimes it can happen. We feel terribly...it’s a tragedy.”
  • Lovett: “At least he didn’t make it about himself. (pause) Well, he fucked that up.”

• Satirical take on political gaslighting in Minneapolis, with Lovett mocking administration confusion about local outrage, topped by a “Women’s March” fantasy sequence (13:06–15:40).

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Interview with Kevin Nealon

Santa Stories, Art, and Social Commentary

• Nealon shares formative years as a mall Santa, losing his virginity to the “elf” (23:19).

  • Lovett: “Any concern about the workplace power dynamic?”
    • Nealon: “Well, when you’re Santa, it doesn’t matter, right?”

• Nealon discusses his painting passion, caricatures of celebs, and running into artistic rejection (Steve Martin “hated it,” but it’s still in the book).

  • Nealon: “A lot of people are asking where they can buy my art...recently I started a store online: kevanealonart.com.” (26:10)
  • Nealon: “Work smart, not hard. Those people are nothing. You’re Kevin Nealon.” (28:10)

• Tour life with Adam Sandler: tales of private jets, celebrity meals—glamorous excess with the “big ones” (28:41).

• Awkward Paul McCartney encounter at SNL 50th, McCartney’s clever “let me introduce you to my nephews” as an escape tactic (30:26 and 32:49).

  • Nealon: “He doesn’t introduce me...just walks away. That’s brilliant, man.”

• On cosmetic aging:

  • Lovett: “I want to stay looking young...this hair I got in Beverly Hills—most of it is not from genetics.”
  • Nealon: “...at some point, the hair doctor’s gonna grab my hand and say, ‘We’ve reached the end.’” (34:34)

• “Loose in the Crotch” special origin story—sentimental jeans, beloved cat “Pierre,” and regretting burying good denim (35:07).

  • Nealon: “I miss him, but not as much as those jeans.”
  • Lovett: “What a maudlin and sentimental waste of jeans.”

Apology Segment (Rugettysburg Address)

• Playful deconstruction of bad apologies:
  • Nealon: “‘I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.’ Oh, you can’t put that ‘if’ in there.”
  • Lovett: “I’m sorry I gave you that impression. I’m sorry you came away thinking that’s what I meant.”

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Interview with Frankie Quinones

Character Comedy, Trauma, and Sincerity

• Frankie’s signature character, “Creeper,” his YouTube talk show, origins inspired by family and nostalgia for Pee-Wee’s Playhouse (46:44–48:24).

  • Quinones: “I just wanted to do something me and the homies could do…we built Creeper’s crib to mirror my grandpa’s garage.”

• Ali Wong, as director, encourages him to do standup as himself (48:49):

  • “I think it’s important people see that side of you.”

• On comedy and childhood trauma (49:28):

  • Quinones: “That’s why I started doing characters—to escape my childhood trauma—like, ‘Hey, I’ll become someone else.’”

• Quinones candidly confronts his pandemic-era struggles with substance abuse and “fake butt” addiction for comic effect, ultimately expressing gratitude for sobriety (50:43–52:41).

  • Lovett: “Cocaine’s a tough in-the-house drug.”
  • Quinones: “Trying to kill COVID with cocaine… turned into a little lab rat with a fake butt.”

• Addiction talk segues into bits on lip fillers, Botox, and beauty standards, with all three joking about their (lack of) cosmetic procedures (54:10–55:52).

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Egg of Truth: Philosophical Comedy Panel

Group answers questions from the "Egg of Truth" (57:07–63:28):

• On “White Women: Net good or bad?”

  • Quinones: “Oh, we need them…They’re on the front lines for us.”
    • Lovett: “Stand down, ladies.”

• The Ten-Second Rule

  • Kevin: “It starts as soon as I come across that food on the ground.”
  • Lovett: “I eat off the ground, full stop…if it’s dry and I’m indoors, it’s fine. If it’s wet, it’s over.”

• Can you start a religion?

  • Jokingly, Nealon and Quinones claim to have started one together, with custom embroidered gowns:
    • Nealon: “They would go over…they said ‘please refrain from sleeping with either one of us in the bathroom.’”

• Aging

  • Nealon embraces it: “It’s a very slow process. If it happened quickly, it would be uncomfortable, but you do it slowly. You get to have things fixed along the way.”
  • Lovett admits to Ozempic for weight loss and hair transplants: “This hair? Beverly Hills. The current weight is because of Ozempic.”
  • Quinones: “I actually got pissed off when I heard how old you are again, because…he’s doing the Native American sitting here.”

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Reflections: Apologies & Regrets

Second Thoughts Segment (68:04–73:28)

• Lovett, Nealon, and Quinones dissect their regrets and missed moments from the show in a highly self-aware, meta segment.
  • Lovett regrets missing a follow-up about Nealon’s SNL sketches.
  • Nealon and Quinones apologize in character, riffing on the “I’m sorry you feel that way” style of apology.
  • Lovett: “I probably shouldn’t have talked so much about how seriously I am about eating off the ground.”
  • Quinones brings cultural context to Lovett’s “ankle” exposure: “In my community, when you show somebody your ankles, especially dudes…we get sock checked.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Trump and Greenland:

  • Lovett (05:53): “It’s the geopolitical equivalent to when the car alarm that’s been going off on your block...finally stops. Sure, it’ll start back up again in 30 seconds, but you don’t know that yet.”

• On ICE’s Abuse of Power:

  • Brulee (07:06): “Every one of these individuals is a person of color. It has to stop.”

• On Apologizing:

  • Nealon (40:01): “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”
    • Lovett: “That doesn’t do anything.”
    • Nealon: “That crosses it all off.”
    • Lovett: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

• Quinones on Addiction:

  • (51:30): “I was just trying to kill the COVID with cocaine and I turned into a little lab rat with a fake butt.”

• Lovett on Cosmetic Fixes:

  • (63:01): “This hair: Beverly Hills. The current weight is because of Ozempic.”

• Lovett’s Self-Aware Hosting:

  • (68:15): “I think I really missed an opportunity…could have helped you tell some interesting story, but instead I didn’t.”
  • Nealon: “But you might be right.”

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Key Segment Timestamps

• What a Week/Political Satire: 01:19–08:20, 12:35–15:40
• ICE & Civil Rights: 07:06–12:35
• Kevin Nealon Interview: 22:35–41:54
• Apology Strategies: 35:08–41:54
• Frankie Quinones Interview: 46:12–52:41
• Egg of Truth Segment: 57:07–63:28
• Second Thoughts/Regrets: 68:04–73:28

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Tone & Style

Lovett’s blend of politically astute satire and self-deprecating, improvisational comedy shapes the show’s witty, conversational energy. Nealon brings classic comic storytelling and wry observations; Quinones counters with candid tales and radiant warmth. The episode oscillates between blistering political critique and playful, deeply personal storytelling.

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Episode Takeaways

• The show outpaces the news cycle with irreverence, empathy, and a keen sense for the absurdities of power and pop culture.
• Comedy is wielded as both a pressure valve for political outrage and a bridge for empathy—especially poignant in Quinones’ reflections on creating joy and connection in dark times.
• The interviews are loose, honest, and genuinely humorous windows into comedic craft and legacy.

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For Fans Of:
Sharp political comedy, insider celebrity stories, and comedic roundtables that oscillate between world-weary snark and genuine vulnerability.

Transcript

[John Lovett]

This episode is sponsored by Planned Parenthood Federation of America. Over the last year, we've seen our rights attack, the truth stretched. That's for sure. Stretched. And access to essential health care threatened. In a blow to our already abysmal health care system, the Trump administration and Congress have defunded Planned Parenthood, jeopardizing care for 1.1 million patients across the country. But Planned Parenthood isn't backing down. They're still fighting to provide non judgmental care like birth control, cancer screenings, abortion and more to millions of people. And your support can make a difference. Planned Parenthood relies on the generosity of individuals, people like you to power their work. Whatever you give can protect care and make sure Planned Parenthood health centers have the resources to meet the needs of patients now and into the future. Show up for patients. Show up for rights. Show up for the values you believe in. Visit planned parenthood.org defend and make a gift today. Donate now to support Planned parenthood@plan parenthood.org defend that's planned parenthood.org defend.

[Kevin Nealon]

Choose to show up with the bold styling of the Mazda cx.

[John Lovett]

What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love it or Leave It Live at Dynasty Typewriter. We've got a great show for you tonight. Kevin Nealon is here. Frankie Quinones is here. The Egg of Truth is here. Sure. And then we're all gonna take a look back at tonight with some second thoughts. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Tuesday, January 20th marked the one year anniversary of Donald Trump's second term. And even our delivery robots have had enough. Was that empathy? At a press conference on Tuesday, Trump was asked a question that only a year ago, as worried as we were about what was to come, would have shocked us. How far are you willing to go to acquire Greenland?

[Donald Trump (impressions or quotes)]

You'll find out.

[John Lovett]

Thank you. No spoilers. That implied threat matched his explicit threats on social media. Like this AI generated image of Trump planting an American flag on Greenland. Not the first picture of Trump on an island. That makes me sick. Probably not the last. Trump also leaked a screenshot of a text from French President Emmanuel Macron. It reads, my friend, we are totally in line on Syria. We can do great things on Iran. I do not understand what you are doing on Greenland. Let's try and build great things. Sending what the French would call le sandwich du compliment, Trump fully in his Lisa Barlow era, also shared a screenshot of a text from NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte, which which read, Mr. President, Dear Donald, what you've accomplished in Syria Today is incredible. I will use my media engagements in Davos to highlight your work there in Gaza and in the Ukraine. I am committing to finding a way forward on Greenland. Can't wait to see you. Yours, Mark. And then a follow up text from Atlantic Editor in Chief Jeffrey Goldberg saying, hey guys, you gotta loop me out of this. The whole thing is embarrassing, but can't wait to see who really puts it over the top. Let's work on that anxious attachment style, Mark. Let's heal those wounds. No one ever can't wait to see Donald Trump. It's just not an emotion a person can have unless you include Ivana at present in hell. And speaking of hell, as Trump headed to Davos for the World Economic Forum, tensions were high and The S&P 500 dropped over 2% amid the standoff. And thank God, because the stock market screams are the only ones Trump can hear. Human screams. They sound like wind chimes to him. This led Treasury Secretary and best little boy in the world Scott Besant to try and calm frayed nerves.

[Kevin Nealon]

I tell everyone, sit back, take a.

[John Lovett]

Deep breath, do not retaliate. Do not retaliate. Like Trump is a grizzly bear and Europe is making too much eye contact. He's not the kind where it helps to seem bigger. Just play dead and he'll lose interest. Bezens point is, don't react to brazen and foolish threats from the leader of the most powerful country in the history of the world. Because he will back down. But he only backs down when people react to the threats, like this Danish politician. Let me put this in words you might understand, Mr. President.

[Kevin Nealon]

BOGOV.

[John Lovett]

Kind of ruined it when he pulled a kringle out of his pocket and then rode off on a faggy little bicycle. But I love where his head's at. He's too little pleased with himself at the end there, Mr. President. On Wednesday, the European Union froze approval of a trade deal with America over Trump's Greenland threats until the US Decides to re engage on a path of cooperation rather than confrontation. And the pushback worked. Trump blinked on additional tariffs for European allies who opposed U.S. aggression toward Greenland, writing on Truth Social that he and European leaders had reached a framework of a future deal with respect to Greenland and, in fact, the entire Arctic region. He also withdrew the threat of invasion.

[Donald Trump (impressions or quotes)]

We probably won't get anything unless I decide to use excessive strength and force where we would be, frankly, unstoppable. But I won't do that. Okay, now everyone's saying, oh good. That's probably the biggest statement I made because people thought I would use force. I don't have to use force. I don't want to use force. I won't use force.

[John Lovett]

It's the geopolitical equivalent to when the car alarm that's been going off on your block in the middle of the night for two hours finally stops. Sure, it'll start back up again in 30 seconds, but you don't know that yet. Tensions over Greenland, among other issues, haven't helped Trump recruit countries to join his so called Board of Peace, which he would lead indefinitely. Even after leaving the White House. Could you imagine Trump leaving the White House? Sorry. All right, we're a little brittle this week. The news is tough. Got it. Getting the energy, but not to worry. On Thursday at Davos, Saudi backed business skeleton Jared Kushner revealed. The new board's master plan. Great term for what they're calling New Gaza, which, which promises coastal tourism, a transportation hub and energy and digital infrastructure. Basically a new Middle east resort town. Here we have one of the slides. Is this abundance? Meanwhile, in Minnesota, the backlash against ICE continues. Here's Brooklyn Park Police Chief Mark Brulee at a press conference on Tuesday, surrounded by fellow law enforcement leaders accusing ICE of violating basic rights. The truth is immigration enforcement is necessary for national security and for local security, but how it's done is extremely important. As the last two weeks, we as law enforcement community have been receiving endless complaints about civil rights violations in our streets from US Citizens. What we're hearing is they're being stopped in traffic stops or on the street with no cause and being forced to demand paperwork to determine if they are here legally. We started hearing from our police officers the same complaints as they fell victim to this while off duty. Every one of these individuals is a person of color. It has to stop. Brulee detailed one incident where an off duty officer was driving past ICE when they boxed her in and demanded to see her papers. Their guns were drawn during the interaction and when she tried to record them, ICE knocked the phone out of her hand. When she identified herself as a police officer, ICE just ran off. And that's what you want. You want a federal law enforcement agency that goes fuck the cops and darts.

[Frankie Quinones]

Off.

[John Lovett]

Like teenagers trying to buy beer. The stories coming out of Minnesota are also horrifying. According to the New York Times, ICE has detained four children in the same Minneapolis school district, including a five year old whose photo went viral online. School officials accused ICE of using the boy as bait to lure his family members out of their home. Even worse, the photo was Recovered from a folder on Stephen Miller's desktop labeled Taxes. They're right, but I'm also right. You know, the brutal images, the lawlessness. It's why you see confrontations like this one outside this Minneapolis Safeway. As Trump's prima ballerina of border patrol, Greg Bevino unsuccessfully tried to gain access. To be fair, this is indistinguishable from your average day at Safeway. But now you might think it's bad form to call somebody a Nazi. But then, this is Greg Bevino. Here he is again in Nazi drag during a CNN photo shoot by photographer Mustafa Hussein back in October. It looks like a bespoke coat, though Bovino swears he got it at a vintage store in Argentina. I'm just. I'm kidding. They didn't have anything in his side. He had it dropped by Oshkosh Baghistapo. I'm joking. Obviously. He went to Nordstrom Reich. Stop it. He went to Orban Outfitters. It's just Hugo Boss. But fascism is a culture, not a costume. On Wednesday, the Associated Press reported. Yeah. Reported on an internal ICE memo from May 2025 leaked by a whistleblower which authorizes federal agents to enter people's homes without a judicial warrant. According to the report, officials were told to read the memo and return it. One of the two whistleblowers was allowed to view the memo only in the presence of a supervisor and then had to give it back as if to avoid a paper trail. But they forgot one thing. The concept of remembering stuff. In a new CBS poll, 61% of respondents said that ICE was being too tough when stopping and detaining people. Do you know how hard it is to get 61% of Americans to agree on anything? It's this. And wishing the shrink wrap packaging for raw meat was easier to open. Are we really supposed to just gash at it with a nice and then push out the little bits in the corners? What are we doing here? Majorities said that the Trump administration was not prioritizing deporting dangerous criminals and that ICE was making communities less safe. Oh yeah, Checkmate, idiots. Said ICE officers as they detained a five year old domestic terrorist wearing a Spider man backpack. According to a story in Axios, Trump and his team are seeing the same numbers in private polling and it has got them worried. Thank God something can worry them because the judgment of an almighty God has not really slowed them down. One top Trump advisor told the outlet he wants mass deportations, but what he doesn't want is what people are seeing. He doesn't like the way it looks. It looks bad. So he's expressed some discomfort with that. Wait, sorry. That statement was actually about this picture of his hand. And that's the other hand that's supposed to be the good hand. Trump wants ICE to deport a million people in a year. But he doesn't want cameras to record an army of masked, dull eyed anger management class certificate holders as they drag their neighbors out of their houses for the sin of being part of an undocumented workforce we collectively built over decades. And it's like, oh, darling boy, my sweet sormer child. You want mass deportations without all the mess? There are no rainbows without the rain, no delicious big masks without the bloody abattoir, no filet o fish without whatever they kill the fish in a bucket. The air. Trump even felt compelled to deploy his trademark tact and human touch to address the concerns of his beloved fellow citizens.

[Donald Trump (impressions or quotes)]

And you know, they're going to make mistakes. Sometimes ICE is going to be too rough with somebody or, you know, they deal with rough people, they're going to make a mistake. Sometimes it can happen. We feel terribly. I felt horribly when I was told that the young woman who was had the tragedy. It's a tragedy, it's a horrible thing.

[John Lovett]

And of course he left it there.

[Donald Trump (impressions or quotes)]

When she was shot, there was another woman that was screaming, shame, shame, shame, shame.

[John Lovett]

Right?

[Donald Trump (impressions or quotes)]

He said, so loud, like a professional opera singer. She was so loud and so professional.

[John Lovett]

Okay, so I don't know what the fuck he's talking about there, but at least he didn't make it about himself.

[Donald Trump (impressions or quotes)]

When I learned her, her parents and her father in particular is like, I hope he still is. But I don't know. Was a tremendous Trouble fan. He was all for Trump, love Trump.

[John Lovett]

Well, he fucked that up. But then it was time for the closer. The administration sent their best messenger to Minnesota on Thursday to quell the political firestorm. And unfortunately, what has happened is that as we've enforced the law, there's been this weird reaction. Again, unique to this city. This is not a common thing across the United States of America. There's been a very unique, very Minneapolis specific reaction to our enforcement of federal immigration laws. What I'm trying to do here today is understand why that is. What is it about Minneapolis that has become so chaotic? Good news, America. Benoit Blanc Nationalist is on the case. He's here to solve the mystery of why Minneapolis is furious about ice. It's just so weird. It's just so difficult to explain what might have happened that would have led the city to become upset about Ice being in Minneapolis. I wonder if there's any things that might have happened in the past couple of weeks that might have led the city to become uniquely upset about what's going on in this city. Minneapolis, that famed nightmare hellscape of vicious people. You know, Minneapolis, the most hated city in America. Minneapolis, that place that's famous for its many, many assholes. Vice President johnline Denial. Vance also had this advice for the people of Minneapolis, like, if we're trying to find a sex offender, tell us where the guy lives. I'll tell you where he lives. Mr. Vance. The sex offender lives. I'll tell you where. Mr. Vance. I'll tell you where the sex offender lives. Mr. Vance. He lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Impromptu Women's March breaks out. I'm carried through MacArthur park on your shoulders like a hero. Ice drops the masks and walks out of Minneapolis like the pharaoh's guards and the prince of Egypt. Jesse Waters adds pronouns to his bio. I'm back on Survivor and I'm fucking killing it. And we've got a great show for you tonight coming up. Kevin Nealon is here and we'll be right back.

[Kevin Nealon]

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up.

[John Lovett]

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[Kevin Nealon]

Put it under your mattress.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, Eric Adams did a rug pull apparently so the news is reporting on his cryptocurrency. Allegedly. I don't think that's a good place to put your money. I don't think you should be day trading. You gotta invest, you know safely over time. Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus. Investment join the over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com love it or download the Acorns app to get started. Paid non client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns tier 2 compensation provided potential subject to various factors such as customers accounts, age and investment settings does not include Acorns fees results and not predict to represent the performance of an Acorns portfolio. Investment results will vary. Investing involves risk. Acorn Advisors LLC and NCC Registered Investment Advisor. View Important [e-mail] Levitt Love it or Leave it is brought to you by Bombas People keep asking about my 2026 resolutions. Sure I've got my usual goals. Read more Learn how to crochet. But this year there's a new one at the top of my list. Get comfy. That's where Bombas comes in. They're bringing serious comfort to all my everyday go tos. The all new Bombas sports socks are engineered with sport specific comfort for running, golf, hiking, skiing, snowboarding and all sport. They're cushioned where you need it most. The bottoms of your feet sweat wigging and loaded with other tech features to keep you comfy and locked in. For those every day around the house resolutions, Bombas also has you covered with the comfiest footwear imaginable. Seriously, I have so many Bomba socks. I basically have only Bomba socks at this point. They're so comfortable I replaced all my no show socks with Bomba socks and it like such a it's so nice to have like really nice no show socks. You get those little thin ones online that like but then they just like they fall apart like the Bombas no show socks are really great. I truly wear Bomba socks to the gym every single time I go to the gym. They're my go to socks for everything. That is my actual lived experience and no one and don't deny others lived experiences. That's that's one lesson and of this era so you know get some bis. Right now they have luxurious Sherpa Sunday slippers that feel like walking clouds. That's what I have. They're great. They're made with a super comfy and lightweight Eva, the Friday sandal. That's also what I have. The new squishy Saturday suede slip on shoe for comfort on the go. I don't trust myself with suede. That's just a fact. And for every item you purchase, an essential clothing item is donated to someone facing housing insecurity. One purchase, one donated. With over 150 million donations and counting, head over to bombas.com love it. And use code love it for 20% off your first purchase. That's B M B A S.com love it. Code love it at checkout. You guys keeping up with the Salt Lake City reunion?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes.

[John Lovett]

Are you actually. Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, we've got a story about that. Okay. Well, it's like saving lives. You have a story about the Salt Lake City reunion that is saving lives. We literally just had a conversation. You literally just had a conversation about the story about how the Salt Lake City reunion and your viewing of it is saving lives. What kind of lives? What lives? We just used their. How they figured out who the sleuths were, like, trolling them on social media. We applied it in our own lives and we figured out who was. You were being trolled by someone. I was? Yeah. You had like a. An anonymous person messaging you and harassing you, and you cracked it. You used their method for two years. I'm sorry, Somebody's been harassing you online for two years. And you used the method from this week's Salt Lake City reunion, which involved doing the reset on the thing to figure out the phone number. And that worked. We are recording it. This is all being recorded. You are being recorded. And so you did do this and you got the number. Did you know the number? Yes. What? Whose number? Our mutual friend's assistant. What? So you're watching the Salt Lake City reunion. They're saying to Lisa Barlow, you did this. She is. By the way. Here's what I think. A little lesson that you can. That actually comes into politics, too. The facts, just deny them. Excellent. You then apply this in your own life. Now, when you saw it, you thought, we can figure out who that thing is. You saw that. That happens. And so then you do it. You pause the show and you get the number. You haven't finished it. Why would you. Everything's. You're living it. You're living it. You are the show. The show has become real. And so wait, so you then get the number, then? What? No, no, tell me the. Right. This is fascinating. So hold on. You now have the phone number. Now is that assistant saved in your phone or was it a mysterious number? At first you type the number and then match. Okay, so now you have this information that's a kind of. There's a moment between the revelation and the use. It's kind of scary because what do you do? You almost cried because now you have this information and there's a part of you that there's a chance you could do nothing with it, but. So you're gonna do something with it. Wait, you haven't done it yet? I haven't done it yet. I told my good friend and we're gonna call a lawyer in the morning. You're gonna call a lawyer in the morning. And just so you know, we're recording this Thursday night. This is going out 100%. Not cutting this, just out of respect for both of us. Don't ask. So you really do have till Saturday morning. Cause as I've said many times, like, this is a surprisingly popular show. So. So we gotta move on. I may come back. Wow. Thank you for sharing that. You were right to interrupt. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage the incredible, the legendary, the one and only. It's Kevin Nealon. Hi. Good to see you. Thanks for being here. Thank you. Thank you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Love it. I wish I could sit like that.

[John Lovett]

You can't sit like this.

[Kevin Nealon]

No. You're like a bird perched on the seat there.

[John Lovett]

I feel more comfortable this way.

[Kevin Nealon]

I could barely sit like this with my knees up this high. You think my legs are so long. You know, it's like it's. I got a rock to get off of a chair. Not because I'm super old, but just because my legs are so long. Take a break. We'll be right back.

[John Lovett]

So I had a question for you, by the way.

[Kevin Nealon]

I grew up watching you. This is amazing to be here. I. I'm so excited. You're the best.

[John Lovett]

Now, now, I had a question for you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes, sir.

[John Lovett]

You worked as a mall Santa in your 20s.

[Kevin Nealon]

I thought you could say a model.

[John Lovett]

And a model in. A model and a mall Santa.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I did work as a mall Santa in San Diego. I got a job through manpower. I first moved out here to LA to become a stand up. But I was too nervous to go to any of the clubs. So I moved to San Diego because I wanted to check that out. It came from the east coast. So I got a job working for temporary help agency. And the only job they had was Santa Claus is Around November. So I did that for two months. I worked at Sears, and I lost my virginity to my elf. It's true. It's true.

[John Lovett]

Wow. Any concern about the workplace power dynamic there?

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, when you're Santa Claus, it doesn't matter, right?

[John Lovett]

They let you do it. They let you do it. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And we're back, ladies and gentlemen.

[John Lovett]

So now your son is of driving age. Roughly. Roughly of the age when you were Santa.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's right. That's right. Have you ever driven with a kid who just got his driver's license?

[John Lovett]

Other than when I was a person who had just gotten my driver's license.

[Kevin Nealon]

It is terrifying. It is a nightmare. He comes to a full stop at every stop sign. It's like forever, it seems like. It's like he's not stopping. He's visiting that stop sign. And then he drives with both hands on the steering wheel, 10 o' clock and 2 o' clock position. I haven't touched the steering wheel in, like 20 years with my hands. Cause I eat when I'm driving, so it's the knees. I drive with my knees, you know?

[John Lovett]

Of course.

[Kevin Nealon]

And he goes. He's always like 10 miles under the speed limit. And it's a Ferrari. Come on. So, yeah, it is a little terrifying. And I don't think he'll ever have a second date, you know, the way he's driving. Unless she meets him at the stop sign. Otherwise, not gonna happen. I can't see. Are there more. Is there more than 10 people out there?

[John Lovett]

Yeah, yeah, it's so. It's way, way more than 10.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

So many more than 10. Plus all the people listening.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Lovett]

That's the real audience. Now, you're also a painter?

[Kevin Nealon]

I do paint. I like to paint caricatures of celebrities.

[John Lovett]

They're cool. I think they're really. I was.

[Kevin Nealon]

They're a little washed up, but I was.

[John Lovett]

And I know you were saying backstage that one of your biggest artistic influences.

[Kevin Nealon]

George W. Bush, as an artist, that would be crazy.

[John Lovett]

I just see a lot of connection between his paintings and your paintings. And I was wondering if that's something that I'm just implying or that's there.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, maybe you're right. I never thought of it that way because that's David Spade. And that's Trump.

[John Lovett]

But these are. These are. And just for people that. We have Chris Farley and we have Christopher Walken. Christopher Walken. It's really. It's really cool.

[Kevin Nealon]

Really good.

[John Lovett]

You're good.

[Kevin Nealon]

Thank you. You know. Love it. You got a minute?

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I have a book out, it's called I Exaggerate. And it's a book of all my caricature drawings. And when I was touring it around, you know, promoting it, I asked a few of the people in there if I could use their picture. Just, you know, as courtesy. Jim Carrey was fine with it. Steve Martin was fine with it. I sent it to his agent. His agent hated it. And then he sent it to him. The agent said, we sent it to him and his wife. They both hated it. He said, under no circumstances can you use this to promote your book. But what he didn't know is in every book. It's in all the books. But a lot of people are asking where they can buy my art. Thank you for asking. And I've never really sold it anywhere until recently. I started a store online called kevanealonart.com.

[John Lovett]

So now, when did you start painting?

[Kevin Nealon]

I started painting well, you know, I started doodling when I was a kid. I used to live in Germany, so I remember going to a commissary back then on a military base, and some soldier had left a sketch on the napkin of himself with like the hat on like a sad sack and with a big nose. And I would just draw that over and over again. And then I started fiddling around with cartoons. And then my parents had great caricatures, made them some Parisian artist. They wouldn't like the Disneyland caricatures, you know, like, it was like really, really detailed and pastels. And I had them hanging on my wall in my room growing up. So when I laid down in bed, I was just subconsciously looking at them and studying them. And that's kind of. That was my big lesson right there. And then I just started sketching. You know, I'd see people. It was never like this detail. It's just quick, quick stuff. Like on snl, during the table read, if I wasn't in the sketch, I would just sketch like whoever's across me. Farley or, you know, Phil Hartman, whoever. And that's what I did. And then I started taking. I didn't take lessons, but I started looking at people's artwork on Instagram and this is actually their work. I just cut it out.

[John Lovett]

And that's so smart.

[Kevin Nealon]

Easier that way. Work smart, not hard.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, that's so. That's so smart. Those people are nothing. You're Kevin Nealon. They should be grateful you're using it.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm so jealous. You have settled into the cross legged position.

[John Lovett]

That's right.

[Kevin Nealon]

You started up high. You're coming down low.

[Frankie Quinones]

I'm settling in.

[Kevin Nealon]

By the end of the night, your feet will be on the ground.

[John Lovett]

Potentially. Potentially. You know, they call this crisscross applesauce these days.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, you know what they used to call it? Yeah, Native American style.

[John Lovett]

That's right.

[Kevin Nealon]

I will tell you this. I was just on tour with Adam Sandler and we did a 40 city tour and every venue was like Madison Square Garden. And it was like the most incredible experience to go out in front of that many people. Similar to now, but. And I only did like 10 minutes because there was a couple of us opening for him, like Spade and me and Nick Swartz. But it was one of these tours where you thought, this is how the big ones do it. Private jet at night, you know, you fly to next city, you land, you go to a basketball court, you play basketball, because he likes basketball. And then you go to the venue for sound check. And then the show happens. Two hours, two and a half hours. And then every night at 11:30, they find some steakhouse and it's like a king's meal, all this food on the table. And now it's one o', clock, you go back to the hotel and. And I don't eat that late night, you know, but it's all about camaraderie. So you show up and then you go, oh, man, all right, I'll have that. I'll have some fried onion rings, you know, Then before you know it, like, you're eating the ice cream and it's one o' clock in the morning, and the same thing every day. Picking up the bags. Bag pick up at 10 at the jet at 11, next city.

[John Lovett]

I don't think I could eat dinner that late night after night. I don't think my system could take it. Hey, you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, right here, right here.

[John Lovett]

So, Paul McCartney, you were talking about your brother, Paul McCartney, you were talking to him at the SNL 50th anniversary party.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

And it seems like he may have sort of mistreated you in some way.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, he did mistreat me. I knew Paul from being SNL over the years, he would come in there a lot and do stuff. And so I kind of got to know him and I forget when it was exactly, but over the years we got to know each other and we were both animal activists, right?

[John Lovett]

Pro, Pro, Pro, animal.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, no, no, no. So anyway, yeah, so I knew him and we kind of had some fun conversations and exchanges and, you know, and so I saw him at the 40th reunion and I was Looking down, and he was about to go on with Paul Simon. I'm with my wife. I'm looking down, I feel a tap. I look up, it's him. He goes, how's it going? I said, hey. And so I didn't see him again for 10 years, until the 50th one. And then we're in the after party and it's at the Plaza Hotel and he's just standing around and Conan's talking to him. Conan o'. Brien.

[John Lovett]

I figured that was the Conan you meant, not Conan Schwartzman. It was Conan o'. Brien.

[Kevin Nealon]

Not Conan the Barbarian either. Sometimes he gets confused for that guy. So I interrupt Conan and Paul. I didn't interrupt, but I wedged my way in there and I said, hey, Paul, how's it going?

[John Lovett]

Good.

[Kevin Nealon]

And then Conan backed away like a gentleman would, right? And so I have Paul all to myself. And I don't think Paul was happy with that. I felt like he maybe didn't even remember who I was. And I was just, you know, the small talk he must get all the time from everybody, you know. And I was just like, right up there. I said, hey, that was a great choice of songs tonight. Paul Golden Slumbers. He goes, oh, you know, it's what Lone wanted me to do. I said, yeah, well, but you had other songs to fall back on, just in case, right? And he goes, you know, and, oh, let me introduce you to my niece, my nephew. And so he brings me over to this group of like tall, nerdy looking guys, black, curly hair, and just brings me over there and I start listening. He doesn't introduce me. And then he slows. He walks away. He just walks away. That was he. That's how he got rid of me. And I thought, that's brilliant, man. That is brilliant. It wasn't like, hey, I'm going to get a drink, I'll be right back. No, he goes, let me introduce you. Let me do you a favor and show you my family.

[John Lovett]

Were they actually his nephews?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, no, they were like execs, you know, from NBC or something. I don't know. But I really felt guilty about that to this day. But while I was there, I was looking at him. I grew up with the Beatles, so I was looking at his lips, thinking that's where all those songs came out of those lips. You know what I mean?

[John Lovett]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Like, you know, well, you know, hey Jude and his golden slumbers and just all. And I was looking at his lips as was talking. I thought, there it is right there. And the tongue was pushing it out. You know what I mean? I just got really kind of.

[John Lovett]

I'm sure that. I'm sure that brought a great energy to the conversation as you just stared. Stared at his.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, he was looking at my lips too.

[John Lovett]

Oh, so interesting.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. He was like, oh, that's where. That's where his driver's license, his son's driver's license jokes came from.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. When you think about the Paul McCartney's, you know, when he was first singing those songs, like, all those. All those cells have been since replaced. You know, it's sort of a Theseus ship situation because it is the same sense lips, but really it's new materials are long gone.

[Kevin Nealon]

The lips did have fillers in them.

[John Lovett]

Right, right. And then there's also filler. Then there's also filler. Now do you like the filler look? Oh, no, no, no, no.

[Kevin Nealon]

Not a fan.

[John Lovett]

No. I think it's something where it's like, well, here's what I think the test. I think it's. I think people should do whatever the fuck they want.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

My personal taste on the whole thing is I want to look like. No matter. I want to. I want to stay looking young. I'm not averse to doing anything. This hair I got in Beverly Hills, and I did. I did. Most of this is not from genetics. Most of it is from kind of a medical building.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

By the mall.

[Kevin Nealon]

Good for you.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, Several times. I will not. I'm at the stage where at some point.

[Kevin Nealon]

How old are you?

[John Lovett]

I am 43. And at some point, one of these dots, the hair duck. The hair doctor's gonna grab my hand and he's gonna say, we've reached the end. There's nothing, there's no more we can do for you.

[Kevin Nealon]

That will happen.

[John Lovett]

It's time to just be with your loved ones.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, that happens with everything.

[John Lovett]

Right?

[Kevin Nealon]

They say that, you know, enough. It's done. It's no more.

[John Lovett]

Now, in your special, you talk about struggling a bit. With apologies.

[Kevin Nealon]

My special is called thanks for asking me. It's called Loosen the crotch.

[John Lovett]

Loosen the crotch.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Yep.

[John Lovett]

Loosen the crotch.

[Kevin Nealon]

How did you come up with that name? Well, I'll tell you, it's kind of based on a joke I did. You know, I had a cat named Pierre. And I'm not a cat person. I don't like cats at all. I wish them well and success, you know, but I'm not. But this cat man, he was the best. He was just so friendly. Pierre and I had a pair of jeans at the time. Love him. They were like. Sometimes you get these jeans that fit you perfectly. You know, they're snug in the hip, tight in the butt, loose in the crotch.

[John Lovett]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Most of the time.

[John Lovett]

And that's where the special name came from.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. That cat loved my jeans. Whenever I got sat down, he would jump on my lap and he would not get off, you know? So when he died, I thought it might be nice to wrap him up in those jeans. Wrap him up and bury him with his jeans. And that's what I did. But that cat, I mean, this cat, I wish I could show him to you. And he's been gone for, like, 10 years now. And I really, I do miss him. But not as much as those jeans.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. I was gonna say those jeans are, what a maudlin and sentimental way. Waste of jeans.

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, I so regret the cat is dead.

[John Lovett]

You're alive. That's stupid. You should have kept the jeans. You know, like, oh, you're, like, lowering into ground, feeling so kind of. What? Proud of yourself for this symbolic act of losing the jeans because the cat liked them. The cat doesn't like anymore. Cat's dead.

[Kevin Nealon]

Thank you for reminding. But I will tell you something. Love it. You know I like cookies. You know that?

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And my wife told me a couple weeks ago, she goes, you know, jeans looking a little tight on you? I said, yeah, because you got the heat on the dryer up too high. She goes, no, I think you got the stack of cookies up too high in your plate. So I said, well, you know, I've been wearing the same size jeans for 30 years. And so I like to prove a point. So I dug up my cat, Pierre, and I unraveled him from those jeans. Cat hair flying everywhere.

[John Lovett]

I chew, I choo.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I tried those jeans on, and guess what? Little tight about. Loosen the crotch still. But you know what? Those jeans are back in my closet.

[John Lovett]

Oh, great. They're back in circulation. I'm happy for you. It seems it all worked out.

[Kevin Nealon]

It did. And that cat lost so much weight. I gotta tell you, good for him. But a healthy amount of weight.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not big.

[Kevin Nealon]

So, yeah, the Special's coming out January 27th on YouTube. 800 pound gorilla.

[John Lovett]

Hey, it's time for a segment we're calling Rugettysburg Address.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay?

[John Lovett]

And here's how it works. The audience is gonna throw up a dilemma, and you're going to help us think through an apology, because you're working on your apology.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm Not a good apology. Are you a good apologist?

[John Lovett]

I have a lot of practice.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, you get in trouble a lot?

[John Lovett]

I just. I'm. I'm good at apologies, I think.

[Kevin Nealon]

Now you're moving away from the seat. You started at the top.

[John Lovett]

By the end, they'll be just very little. You're gonna barely be on it. I could just be loose.

[Kevin Nealon]

You're gonna be lying on the floor.

[John Lovett]

Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes you got to stay limber.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know who Dick Van Dyke is?

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You never know. You know, I'm older now, but I was at a party with him last year. Not a lot of people, but he's laying on the couch like this, and he's pretty limber. It was on these kind of couches where he couldn't. He slid down. He would slide down like every. You know, like every five minutes, he'd have to go like that, you know? And then at the end of the night, he's having a little trouble getting up, so I help him up and I lost my balance. I almost fell on top of him. And I would have been the one who killed him.

[John Lovett]

Imagine being the one to take out Dick Van Dyke. A century on this planet. Seems like he's gonna live another 50 years. And you just. Oh, yeah. Kevin Nealon took him out. That klutz.

[Kevin Nealon]

Can you picture all of his bones cracking as they fell on him? Those brittle bones?

[John Lovett]

For sure, for sure, for sure. And you know what? He'd probably be a gentleman about the whole thing, you know, don't worry about.

[Kevin Nealon]

It all, you know, I'm sure he would have been. Yeah. But a great guy, though. Great guy. So, what, are we gonna apologize? Here's how I used to start my apologies by. This is the worst. I was the worst at apologizing. Here's how I start them. Now, you listen to me. Are we on the same page? All right.

[John Lovett]

You know what's a good way to start an apology? Relax.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's another good one.

[John Lovett]

Relax. A word that has never achieved. It's the goal of its command.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, relax. Am I understood? First of all, zip it.

[John Lovett]

Zip it. You don't hear a lot of zip it anymore. People aren't zipping it like they.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's all Velcro now. Yeah, no, it is when you think about it.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

There's a lot of things people don't say anymore, and I don't know what they are, but I'm sure there are.

[John Lovett]

You know, I have to apologize because we've blown through the time for this segment of Apologies, but that's fine. This has been so entertaining.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's how you apologize.

[John Lovett]

That was a sort of a light, loose one.

[Kevin Nealon]

Here's the worst apology as a guy. This is not how to apologize. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

[John Lovett]

Oh, yeah, that's.

[Kevin Nealon]

You can't put that if in there.

[John Lovett]

That doesn't do anything.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Doesn't do that.

[Kevin Nealon]

That crosses it all off.

[John Lovett]

I'm sorry you feel that way.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm sorry if you feel that way. Yeah. Sorry if you feel that way. You shouldn't feel that way, but you are.

[John Lovett]

I'm sorry I gave you that impression.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

I'm sorry you came away thinking that that's what I meant.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm sorry I hurt you so badly. But you deserved it. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

You gotta even look, it is often, you know, it just sort of politically, you know that if you're issuing an apology, if you say the. The. The main bit of the apology. Yeah. You know that even if what you want to do next is put all the caveats and excuses around it, you can't say, but, no, no, no, no. You can't say it. You get in trouble. I'm sorry, but. Right. I'm sorry. And it's your fault.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. That is true.

[John Lovett]

Much more goes over smoother.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Yeah, you're right about that. My friend had a great way to end an argument. He would say, you say your piece, let them say their piece, and then you come back to you, and by the end of your little bit, you go, but you might be right.

[John Lovett]

That's good.

[Kevin Nealon]

That way they say, okay, you heard me. I'm in the running. I'm in the running. I might be right.

[John Lovett]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

She should be thinking, I am right, but she might be right. Try it. Try when you get home. I'm sorry we took up so much time.

[John Lovett]

No, I'm enjoying talking to you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Really?

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Did I not. Is that I have a strange energy? I've really enjoyed talking to you. Do you think I didn't?

[Donald Trump (impressions or quotes)]

No, I think.

[Kevin Nealon]

Sorry.

[John Lovett]

If that's how you felt.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, it is how I felt. So there's no if, ands or buts about it. It's not. Not that I'm not happy. You know what I mean?

[John Lovett]

Hey, you know what? You know what? You said your piece. I said my piece. You might be right.

[Kevin Nealon]

I love it.

[John Lovett]

And with that, we'll be right back.

[Kevin Nealon]

Take a break. Back after these. Take two. Back at five.

[John Lovett]

Kevin, Neal and everybody.

[Kevin Nealon]

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of love. It or leave it. Coming up.

[John Lovett]

Love it or leave it is brought to you by Simply Safe. When it comes to home security, you want to feel like you pick the system that actually keeps trouble away, not one that just tells you something bad has already happened. That's why you need SimpliSafe Home Security. It's not just another alarm. It's designed to help stop crime before it starts. Simply Safe uses AI powered cameras outside your home to spot threats and instantly alert live agents. And this is what makes it different from the rest. Those agents actually take action when the intruder is still outside. They talk to them through the camera, let them know they're being watched and that police are on the way. And if needed, they can blast a siren and light them up with a spotlight. I've set up a SimpliSafe system. It's incredibly easy to do. The customer support was great, the app was great, and it does give you peace of mind. It's really reliable, and it does feel great to be protected. Other systems might give you a camera and a notification, but they need you to see the alert and handle it. SimpliSafe's monitoring agents have your back even when you're busy, asleep, or on a plane. They're protecting over 5 million Americans that have been named best home security systems by U.S. news World for five years in a row. And right now, you can get 50 off any new system this month only. It's a great time to upgrade to security that actually helps stop crime before it starts. Go to simplisafe.com love it. That's simplisafe.com. love it. There's no safe like SimpliSafe. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. The new year doesn't require a new you. Maybe just a less burdened you. Therapy can help you more easily identify what weighs you down and hold you back by offering an unbiased perspective to better understand your relationships, motivations and emotions. Look, look, we got a lot of obstacles in our lives. We got to learn to let go of, you know, emotions and a lot of emotions. You know, maybe you feel a pressure to be a perfectionist. You know, maybe you feel like you spent your whole life with undiagnosed adhd. And even though that's like a trendy and almost like eye rolly thing to say, you realize that it's cast a, a whole pall over the way you think about work and a lot of things in your life. You know, you realize that you've only been motivated by like, like anxiety and shame. When in fact really what you were struggling with is the fact that your brain's stupid. That's why I gotta get back to therapy. BetterHelp has quality trained therapists who work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps you identify your needs and preferences and their 12 plus years of experience and industry leading. Matching fulfillment rate means they typically get it right the first time. And if you aren't happy with your match, you could switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored rex. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms having served over 5 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail]. love it. That's BetterHelp. H E L P dot com. Love it. Okay, wait, hold on a second. So what's our current plan? What are we gonna do with the information? So here's where we're at. Just to catch everybody up. You were watching Salt Lake City. You thought, I have a way to figure out who's been sending me anonymous, mean spirited texts. Was it public posts or private? They were emails. Wow. Proton emails. You know, like to take down the deep state and you. And so you're getting these proton. What is. Can you give what is the tenor of the proton of the email? What's that? What's the energy? Bullying. I think she's jealous of our, you know, friendships and jealous of your friendships and maybe in love with one. But that's so demented. So you're. And their emails are just mean spirited personal emails. And it was clear that no and knows you. Wait, they've gone to other people? Yeah. It's taken over our whole town. It's crazy. It's taken over your town. Just this hate filled anonymous emailer who's gonna hear all this on Saturday. Fascinating. Fascinating. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage a man who answers all of the cosmos questions with Damn, that's crazy. It's the hilarious Frankie Quinones. Good to see you. Nice cheer. Thanks for being here. Frankie. Frankie.

[Kevin Nealon]

Frankie's a great name to say.

[John Lovett]

It's a great name. Thank you. Kevin.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, it's cooler than Kevin, you know?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Frankie Quinones]

I know.

[Kevin Nealon]

Kevin's gone, man. No more Kevin.

[John Lovett]

John is so boring, you know?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Lovett]

Wait, so Frankie, you started this character, Creeper, and he now has an expanded universe in a Talk show on YouTube. And I do want to hear the origins of Creeper, but I do want people to see it and hear it before we talk about it. So we show. Let me. I want to show a clip.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, homie. So it's 2026 on me. And in the new year, you gotta say goals, homie. It's important, homie. You know what I'm saying? Like, with intention. Eh? You know what I mean? Like, things that you've been putting off, things that may be a little bit. Oh, that's difficult. But I know it's better for my life, you know, it's important to set those goals on me so you can get it cracking. You know what I'm saying? So think about that. What are your plans for 2026?

[John Lovett]

Hey, Rudy.

[Donald Trump (impressions or quotes)]

What's up, gardener?

[Frankie Quinones]

What are your plans, homie, for 2026?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, to binge watch the Wire.

[John Lovett]

I think. Gives people a sense of it. So. So how did you make a kind of. I don't know, like, kind of a gentle, loving Latino Pee Wee Herman's Playhouse? How did it come to be?

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, well, you know, I mean, Creeper, you know, is an inspiration for my. From my dad and family. And then over the. Over time, he kind of, you know, his universe started expanding, his audience grew. And then I kind of just got.

[John Lovett]

To this point where I was like.

[Frankie Quinones]

I want to do something that just me and the homies could do in my own little space. And, you know, we made a. In my studio. We built, like, a replica of my grandpa's garage. And we're like, you know, so it's Creeper's crib. Blah. From my grandpa's garage. And then it's just like, you know, and then the Pantufla already was a character in my world, because he really did. They start ripping after a while. The slipper is Pantufla. Slipper. And then so, you know, we started just making a voice to it pretty organically.

[John Lovett]

Just around the house.

[Frankie Quinones]

We're like, oh, this guy's a new character. And then. Then Rudy. Rudy came to life. But, yeah, yeah, you know, Peewee's playoffs is a big event. Big inspiration.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, you really commit. Like, it's. You commit because the slipper goes on journeys, including to an ikea, I believe.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, yeah. You went to IKEA to look for a desk, you know.

[John Lovett]

Now what does this character. Like, there was a question as to whether or not you would do your special as the character or not. Right, right, right, right. And you. And you decided. And you, Ali Wong directed it and there was. She wanted you to do it as you.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ali, she. She gave me some good advice. She was like, look, you know, a lot of these people know you as these online characters or as an actor. She's like, but I know he has a great stand up, and I think it's important that you show that side of you. And so, yeah, I took her advice and then we built out the hour and then. Yeah, recorded it and taped it.

[John Lovett]

It was. That's cool. A lot of people tell me, well.

[Frankie Quinones]

I was like saying, was that a good idea?

[John Lovett]

No, I was gonna say, well, a lot of people say, oh, you do this show and people get to really see the real you. It's probably a good idea for you to hide that in a character if you're gonna do a special. Right. What else could you make? This said it's less about who you are as a person. That's sort of the feedback I get. So this is a different dynamic we get.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frankie Quinones]

I mean, that's why I started doing characters that escape my childhood trauma. Like, hey, I'll become someone else, you know, so, yeah, I totally understand that.

[John Lovett]

What do you do to escape your childhood trauma, Kevin Nealon?

[Kevin Nealon]

I move. I just move.

[John Lovett]

You gotta keep moving. Stay ahead of the weather.

[Kevin Nealon]

But Frankie, what's the name of your special? Is it loose and what?

[Frankie Quinones]

Damn, that's crazy. You're so loose in the crotch.

[Kevin Nealon]

I like it, I like it, I like it.

[John Lovett]

And now you both worked on a film together, right? Yeah, Plant man and Blondie. A Dress Up Gang film. I was not included in it. That's fine. How did that happen?

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, well, I'm in a group called the Dress Up Gang. A good friend of ours, Kirk Fox, does a lot of stuff with us. Kirk Fox is a really good friend of Kevin. Obviously. I'm a stand up Kevin.

[John Lovett]

Stand up.

[Frankie Quinones]

He's like, you know, a legend in my eyes. And then so. So he came on. Yeah, so he was. He did us a favor by stepping on this indie project for us, and thankfully it came out great. His character's great. I sort of nervously approached him. I said, like, thank you, Kevin. Thanks for doing this. And he's like, yeah, okay, whatever.

[John Lovett]

Well, he. And then he introduced you to his nephews. If my understanding of what happened, I.

[Kevin Nealon]

Call it a solid. I did him a solid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frankie Quinones]

But yeah, we got into south by. It's gonna premiere there and we're excited.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, that's great.

[Kevin Nealon]

We got into south by South. Sundance. South by Sundance.

[John Lovett]

Now, in your special damn, Man's Crazy, which is out now on Hulu, you talk about alcohol, cocaine, and sex toy addiction during the pandemic. Now, hypothetically, if someone would say, still dealing with those challenges post pandemic, what would you recommend I do?

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, man. I mean, you gotta start looking from within. But also, it's okay if you're still enjoying those toys and stuff and. And, you know, I, you know, do your thing.

[John Lovett]

Cocaine's a tough in the house drug.

[Frankie Quinones]

It was rough, bro. It got weird for your boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to kill. I was just trying to kill the COVID with cocaine and I turned into a little lab rat with a fake butt. Just. Okay. I'm in a relationship with like, this.

[John Lovett]

Interesting. Honestly, I'll tell you the truth. The fake butt. I get it. The thing I don't. The cocaine in the home. Cause for me, weed made much more sense during the pandemic. That's a. A in the. That's a couch drug.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

You know, and you can really use weed throughout the whole pandemic because you're just on the couch. But cocaine's an out of the house thing. Cocaine's an in the world thing. You're supposed to been bouncing off the walls. Oh, yeah.

[Frankie Quinones]

Well, yeah. My shelter in place. And don't go anywhere. You're a good person. I'm sober now, though, thankfully.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Should I treat this more seriously? I think no, man, no.

[Frankie Quinones]

Let's go.

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, do you have any?

[Frankie Quinones]

Me being alive? Yeah, that's pretty serious, but yes. So other than that. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Frankie, got any vices now, aside from what you had? What's your.

[John Lovett]

What are your.

[Kevin Nealon]

What's your guilty pleasure?

[Frankie Quinones]

Thankfully not. Not as bad as that. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's crazy when people. Yeah, a little bit. But it is funny when people are like, oh, what's your vice, people?

[John Lovett]

Oh, ice cream. I'm Renee's.

[Frankie Quinones]

And I'm like, damn, too. Like, I was doing cocaine off a fake butt. Like, in a. In a relationship with it. Like, hey, we're gonna get through this.

[John Lovett]

You know, like, so, yeah, it's like you're Wilson. You ever missed the fake butt? Did the fake butt have a voice that you now no longer hear?

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, for sure it was.

[John Lovett]

I.

[Frankie Quinones]

Only I barely threw it out maybe like a few months ago. And it was a Little ceremonial because we had been through so much, but it had, like, a bunch of lint on it and stuff, and I was like, it's time to go, you know, and. And, you know, just. It was better to let that chapter of my life go.

[Kevin Nealon]

But.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, and then my understanding is that you. You put it out on the. On the kind of raft, and then you had the archers fire the one lit arrow, and then poof.

[Frankie Quinones]

You know, that's exactly what we.

[Kevin Nealon]

My wife has a really fun thing in the bathroom. At least I think it's fun. It's a round embroidery thing, and it's embroidered. Please refrain from doing coke in the bathroom. You know, like it's grandma's little embroidery thing. Frankie, what do you think about that? Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Frankie Quinones]

I like it. I like the wholesome, like.

[Kevin Nealon]

You want to buy one? You want to buy it?

[John Lovett]

Sure. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You can do coke off of it. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Frankie Quinones]

Huh?

[Kevin Nealon]

What about heroin? Any heroin? You ever do black tar? Look at me. Look at me.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You did smoke.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, and I've ate it. Like, it's been cut with ecstasy pills that I ate.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, it was.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, you can smoke.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, yeah, you can smoke it, but you shouldn't. Please don't. But the point is that you shouldn't, right? Kevin Nealon.

[Frankie Quinones]

Not good.

[Kevin Nealon]

It depends on what you're able to do. How about meth? You ever do meth?

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You did meth, too?

[Frankie Quinones]

Tried meth. Thankfully, I didn't get, like, hook. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

What happened to you? Tried.

[Frankie Quinones]

I never, like, used needles, thank God.

[John Lovett]

But. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

What about lip fillers?

[John Lovett]

He said he didn't use that.

[Frankie Quinones]

Crazy.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, yeah.

[Donald Trump (impressions or quotes)]

He's not.

[John Lovett]

That's. That's a needle drug, the lip fillers. And it does get you. That is like, meth. The filler gets a hold of people and, like, you know, like, people get addicted to meth and they just look different. After a year or two, people get addicted to the filler. They come back. You're like, what happened to you? And it's like, yeah, I got addicted to fillers.

[Kevin Nealon]

And now you're. Now you're almost sleeping on the chair.

[John Lovett]

I just went back thing, and I think it's stuck in my head.

[Frankie Quinones]

I have a lot of ants. So one of mine's got addicted to Botox, you know, like, where it's like. It's weird, bro. Eating with her and stuff. And when she laughs, she's like, you're so funny. You're so funny, mijo. I'm like, I love you. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

You ever get Botox?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. No. Botox? No. No.

[John Lovett]

Why not?

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't know. I don't, I don't like Botox. I'm an actor.

[John Lovett]

So you want your face to instrument?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. In fact, I was teaching an acting class. It's called For Botox. It's called how to for Botox. How to say. What was it called? How do you get your eyes to say what your face won't? That was the name of the class.

[Frankie Quinones]

Great class.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. The windows of the soul. Yeah, sometimes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I've had acupuncture before.

[John Lovett]

Uh huh. That's needles.

[Kevin Nealon]

I thought it was Botox, but it turned out to be acupuncture. But none of that stuff doesn't work. You ever get acupuncture? Do you guys ever.

[Frankie Quinones]

I got the one where it was just only like, you know, five or six total of needles. It wasn't much on purpose. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Lovett]

I really need a double blind study. I really need. I really need something published in like the New England Journal of Medicine and then that. I really need to see that the acupuncture's in there. I'm in. I'm in.

[Kevin Nealon]

That sounds like such a cozy journal, doesn't it? The New England Journal of Medicine.

[Frankie Quinones]

It sounds legit.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's like there should be foliage on the front of it. A little covered bridge, you know, a little gate. Like, hey, how about those little cups they put on your back?

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, I was gonna bring that up. The suction cups sucks out all the toxins.

[John Lovett]

Oh yeah. Anytime someone says this takes out the toxins, you should just hear I just said bullshit. Anytime anyone says, oh, this gets rid of toxins, that is, whatever that was. I don't care what they. That is simply made up.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. I've never seen a toxin. Have you?

[John Lovett]

What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

[Kevin Nealon]

Have you ever seen a gluten or a toxin? I have never seen that.

[John Lovett]

Never seen a gluten? Yeah.

[Frankie Quinones]

Never seen a gluten.

[John Lovett]

Never seen a gluten. But I'll tell you what, I have seen a transition to our next segment.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, that was, that was dope, man.

[Kevin Nealon]

That was dope.

[John Lovett]

That's, that's, that was professional.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's very dope. Very dope. Ish.

[John Lovett]

It's time to crack open the egg of truth and suck out some existential yolks. What? All right, here's how it works. We're gonna open up the egg of truth and we're gonna answer the questions.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

Okay, here we go.

[Frankie Quinones]

That's one of those suction cups.

[John Lovett]

Frankie, first question's for you. White women. Net good or bad for the world? White women. Yeah. Oh, we need them. Yeah.

[Frankie Quinones]

Oh, cool, dude. They're.

[John Lovett]

That's a relief.

[Frankie Quinones]

They're on the front lines for us.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Lovett]

Stand down, ladies.

[Frankie Quinones]

Thank you, guys.

[Kevin Nealon]

All right, let's do.

[John Lovett]

Let's do another one.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yes. Thank you. White women.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay. Same question, please.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Lovett]

Let's see what this one says. Oh, this. Okay. What does the 10 second rule start, Kevin? When the food falls, or when you notice the food has fallen?

[Kevin Nealon]

It starts as soon as I come across that food on the ground. Yeah. And it's not quite 10 seconds. It could be however long it takes. Yeah, but that is a. An interesting kind of a concept, isn't it? The ten second rule? I mean, if it's one on the floor for one second, that's all that matters, you know? So it might as well be a half. Half a minute rule. Frankie.

[Frankie Quinones]

Man, you got me doing a lot of calculations right now. I'm like, yeah, like, okay, it hits the ground. I think five second rules. It's like little things can crawl in it. Maybe that's. That's what that is.

[John Lovett]

Can I tell you something? And I've. I. I'm nervous for what I'm about to say, which is I eat off the ground, full stop. It's good for your clean, clean floor if it's dry. If it's dry and I'm indoors and it doesn't seem like there's a problem.

[Frankie Quinones]

What if it's wet on tile?

[John Lovett]

Wet? No, no wet. If it's wet, it's over. Any wet, the food was wet. If the floor is wet, if both are wet, it's out. Nothing can be wet because that picks everything up. If it's wet, it's a no. But if I drop.

[Frankie Quinones]

What if it's raining? Then it's like, kind of already getting clean.

[John Lovett]

That's wet to me.

[Frankie Quinones]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

But if I drop food on the ground and I see it fall, I pick it up and. Because I know it makes other people a little bit uncomfortable, and I feel like if I don't acknowledge it, other people might feel strange. What happens is, and I believe I'm telling you the truth, this happened yesterday at the office. I was in a conversation. I was prepping for an interview, and I was talking to the producer, and we're going back and forth, and I was having some almonds, and I dropped an almond on the floor, and I reached down and picked it up, and I Said, I'm gonna eat this and it's fine. And I just ate the almond. Cause I want to acknowledge it, and maybe that's stupid. Now that I say the way you're looking at me, I feel bad. No, no.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think I was just gonna ask you. You know, Frankie and I wanted to ask you this question. When this is a thing, I never knew it before, but when you have a little something stain on your shirt and you go like that. And then if you go back with the same finger. I was with somebody that goes, oh, no, no, no, no. You can't do the same finger. You gotta do a different finger. You cleaned it with that one already. You don't come back and liquid. You just cleaned up Frankie. Does that make sense?

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah. Yeah, it does to me.

[John Lovett]

Next question. Do you think you could start a religion if you tried hard enough? Either one can take it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, Frankie and I actually started a religion.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Frankie Quinones]

It's crazy that you're bringing this up.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. We were the two cult figures and it.

[John Lovett]

Oh, that's cool.

[Kevin Nealon]

And we had gowns. Frankie, tell them about our gowns that we had.

[Frankie Quinones]

Oh, man. Well, we grew up together watching you, so it was like we had these.

[Kevin Nealon]

They were. Love it. Gowns.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, yeah, we had these gowns.

[Kevin Nealon]

They would go over.

[Frankie Quinones]

It was that mostly at your mom and dad's house.

[Kevin Nealon]

And they were embroidered on the back, they said, please refrain from sleeping with either one of us in the bathroom.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Frankie.

[John Lovett]

Hey, Kevin. Kevin, I have a question.

[Donald Trump (impressions or quotes)]

It's so.

[John Lovett]

It was I actually. So when you said, I grew up watching you. Do people say that to you? Yeah, they do. And so is that a little preemptive thing you now do sometimes?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it is interesting when a 60 year old comes up to me and says, I grew up watching you. Or here's another one, love it. Some attractive woman will come over to me. I'll go, oh, here we go. And she'll go, you remind me of my father. My parents love you. Remember that, Frankie.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Frankie Quinones]

How does that make you feel?

[Kevin Nealon]

I feel great. Somebody likes me.

[John Lovett]

Are you comfortable getting older?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes. Because it's a very slow process.

[John Lovett]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

If it happened quickly, it would be uncomfortable, but. And you do it slowly. You get to have things fixed along the way. You know what I mean? I've had a lot fixed.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, me too.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Do you worry about getting older, Frankie? What?

[Frankie Quinones]

It's like, not as much as I used to.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, you used to worry about it more.

[Frankie Quinones]

I mean, I just kind of didn't I was just. Yeah, I don't know.

[John Lovett]

We were doing all the cocaine. Not worried about really anything.

[Frankie Quinones]

Everything was dumb, you know, Everything was kind of.

[John Lovett]

Kind of crazy.

[Frankie Quinones]

But, yeah, I do think it takes a strong person grow older.

[John Lovett]

But.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, you know, when I'm gonna. Frankie, man. When I. When I'm in a car and there's a driver and he looks really old, I'll say, when did you graduate high school? And it'll be like, five years before I did or after I did. And I go, oh, man, this guy's not taking care of himself. You know what I mean?

[John Lovett]

Yeah, well, I do know what you mean. Well, I often do want to know how old people are and then just gauge how I'm doing against them. I don't feel bad about getting older, but I want to know that I'm doing well. Like, I want to do it right. Like, I don't need to look younger than someone younger than me, but I do need to look younger than someone older or my own age. So that is important.

[Frankie Quinones]

I mean, you're like. Like, I actually got pissed off when I heard how old you are again, because.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, how old are you?

[John Lovett]

I'm 43.

[Kevin Nealon]

43.

[John Lovett]

But I got.

[Frankie Quinones]

He's doing the Native American sitting, like, here and there. We were in the back watching. You're like, yeah, I can't do that anymore.

[Kevin Nealon]

We have a yoga class.

[John Lovett]

This is. Listen, all you have to do is say, all right. This hair. Beverly Hills.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

The current weight is because of Ozempic. Oh, really?

[Kevin Nealon]

You lost a lot of weight?

[John Lovett]

Oh, yeah.

[Frankie Quinones]

Oh, you did Ozempic?

[John Lovett]

Fuck, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

And it was hard, too, because when I was trying to get it, it was, like, shortages, and all the diabetics needed it, and so it was like, ugh, the diabetics. And so it's like, come on. Like, get me in front of this fucking sugar losers.

[Frankie Quinones]

Okay, so you're doing all the things. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Nice.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, good for you for taking yourself.

[John Lovett]

But no fillers. Yeah, Yeah, I love it. Can I ask you just a serious question before we wrap this segment, which is there's such a kind of sweetness and gentleness to the. And it is at a time and, like. And it was such love for your community. And it is at a time where a lot of people who are Latino, who are Mexican, feel like they're targeted for being Mexican. Like, do you. Do you feel that in making the show? Do you think about that in your standup? Like, do you feel that in your life? Like, what right now? Does it feel like to be wanting to make something kind of loving and kind in a world that is less loving and kind.

[Frankie Quinones]

For sure, man. I mean, my comedy always has, like a layer of optimism or warmth, even though my topics get crazy, pretty vulnerable. But, you know, the. We need each other more than ever right now. And it's so, like, mind blowing. I feel like I'm in a show and there's so much pain and so much heartache. You can only donate so much and do this. So I'm just trying to do my little part of just like showing up for people to give them an escape from it, but also show up for them and whatever else way they need me. But connection is what we need more than anything, you know, just like right now. Because I think we went through a stage where we're just like so divided and so da, da, da, where it's like, yo, homie, look at how crazy this is, is. But also, yeah, don't with the kids, homie. What are you doing? You know?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Lovett]

Well, on that note, we will be right back.

[Kevin Nealon]

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or leave it coming up.

[John Lovett]

Love it or Leave it is brought to you by Policy Genius. Have you had a moment with family that made you appreciate the life you've created together? Did you welcome a new member to your family? Perhaps a new friend, child, or through marriage, did you reflect on progress made about how grateful you are for it? Maybe you've had a moment where you realized you're building something wonderful or meaningful in your life. I'm getting married this year. Yeah, that's. That's something I'm doing, you know, and I think perfect time to get life insurance. Yeah, this one's going to stick to feel good about this one. And, you know, everybody needs life insurance because you can ease the gravity of protecting what matters most. And maybe it feels overwhelming to figure out how to provide for your loved ones and plan for their financial future. Especially if you, you know, head to the big podcasting studio in the sky. Start the new year with clarity and security. Lock in your life insurance today. Policy Genius is an online insurance marketplace that allows you to compare quotes from some of America's top insurers side by side for free. Their licensed team helps you get what you need fast so you can get on with your life easily. Find what you need. Coverage, amounts, prices, terms. No guesswork, just clarity. I guess all the podcasts are probably ad free in heaven. I wouldn't bet on that. Policy Genius helps you find your most affordable policy that meets your needs, answer questions, handle paperwork and advocate for you throughout the process. Policy Genius has thousands of five star reviews on Google and Trustpilot from customers who found the best policy to fit their needs. With Policy Genius, real users have gotten 20 year 2 million dollar policies for just $53 a month. Ease the way to Protecting a wonderful Life head to policygenius.com to compare life insurance quotes from top companies and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com come well, the holidays have come and gone once again. But if you've forgotten to get that special someone in your life a gift, well, Mint Mobile is extending their holiday offer of half off unlimited wireless. So here's the idea. You get it now, you call it an early present for next year.

[Kevin Nealon]

What do you have to lose?

[John Lovett]

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[Frankie Quinones]

See Terms.

[John Lovett]

And we're back. Before we get to our final segment, one note. Crooked Media's newest book, hated by all the right people, Tucker Carlson and the Unraveling of the Conservative Mind is releasing next week on January 27th. So you can read the book and watch Kevin Special Same day.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's right. That's correct.

[John Lovett]

Loosen the crotch.

[Kevin Nealon]

Both on YouTube.

[John Lovett]

Both on YouTube. The book is a book. This is not on YouTube, but it's by one of our favorite political journalists, New York Times Magazine writer Jason Zengerly. Tommy just interviewed Jason on Tuesday's POD and they had a great conversation that you should check out. This is your last week to pre order the book to get the discount, so go to crooked.combooks to get your copy. You can check out Jason's dates, where he's gonna be doing talks and book signings. You can help make sure it gets on the bestseller list. It's great story, not just about Tucker Carlson, but about what that kind of media and its influence, what his rise represents in terms of what's happened to our politics. And it's a great entertaining read. It's interesting, but I also think it's valuable. So check that out. Okay, it's now for our favorite segment. It's a new segment where I look back on this very show and see if I regret anything in a segment we call Second Thoughts. First up, when Kevin, you Brought up.

[Kevin Nealon]

Go ahead.

[John Lovett]

Sketching iconic Saturday Night Live legends, including Phil Hartman. Rather than follow up with any kind of question about it, I started talking about sitting crisscross applesauce, and I think I really missed an opportunity.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, that was my fault because I asked you about it.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, but I'm the host. I could have taken us back to kind of something more interesting in terms of I could have helped you tell some interesting story, but instead I didn't.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, but I enjoy the way you sit. But you might be right.

[John Lovett]

Oh, I also. One regret I also have is that given some of the empty silences that I enjoyed, you felt the need to grab hold of the show and basically start hosting it yourself at several points. I just want you to know I regret that.

[Kevin Nealon]

You shouldn't regret that because that's my fault.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's nothing. No bearings on you at all. I just. I don't like long, empty spaces like that. You know what I mean?

[John Lovett]

No. Now, Frankie, this is a similar.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's always about Frankie, isn't it?

[John Lovett]

Similar. Regret. I don't really regret that Kevin jumped in to ask you questions while we were talking. I regret that his questions were better than anything that I was gonna. That he had great follow ups. And I was like, God, I should ask a follow up like that. But they didn't come to me in the moment. And so I regret that.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, I'm sorry that he gave you that impression. You know what I mean? And I'm sorry that. I'm sorry that you feel that way, but. No, I think you. I, you know, Kevin's.

[Kevin Nealon]

Kevin. Well, what do therapists say about regrets?

[John Lovett]

I wouldn't know. I'm too busy to go.

[Kevin Nealon]

Ask me if I've had any regrets.

[John Lovett]

Hey, Kevin. And have you had any regrets?

[Kevin Nealon]

I've had a few, but not enough to mention Frankie. High five.

[John Lovett]

Oh, another regret is I think I probably shouldn't have talked so much about how seriously I am about eating off the ground.

[Frankie Quinones]

It was a lot of wet.

[John Lovett]

Well, yeah, that was kind of gross.

[Kevin Nealon]

I would say that was a lot of gross visuals.

[John Lovett]

Everything is gross.

[Kevin Nealon]

Probably not very healthy.

[John Lovett]

But is it bad? I don't know.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, you didn't get sick. You never got sick from it, right?

[John Lovett]

I could. I mean, I've gotten sick. Oh.

[Kevin Nealon]

From that.

[John Lovett]

From that Almond. How do you know? No one ever knows. People always say, oh, I got sick from this. They don't fucking know. Nobody ever knows because no one ever says, whenever anybody gets sick, there was a. It was the Taco Bell. It's like, was it. Was it. I mean, that's obvious. Of course. You point the finger at Taco Bell, but you never say, oh, I got sick. I had Taco Bell and my mother's famous lasagna. I think it was my mom that did it. Like, you never say that. Taco Bell's the easy scapegoat.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's what people say when they fart, too. Okay. I had an egg salad sandwich. This. They want to go through the whole menu. What they.

[John Lovett]

That's what's causing me to fart.

[Frankie Quinones]

It's like, n. You just had a fart, homie.

[John Lovett]

Frankie, do you have any regrets about tonight?

[Kevin Nealon]

Where do you start?

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, jeez, where do I start?

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Frankie Quinones]

No, not really. I just. It's kind of crazy to see your ankles out, because in my community, when you show somebody your ankles, especially dudes, you know, we get sock checked.

[John Lovett]

Well, tell me about this.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah. So, like. Like, I don't really know you like that. Like, wow, you're showing me your ankles, like, right away.

[John Lovett]

Are you, like. Are you a Victorian? Like, like, is this. Am I. Is this a sexual.

[Frankie Quinones]

Come on.

[John Lovett]

My. Both my feet are on the ground.

[Frankie Quinones]

Like, oh, like, you go, like, sock check, homie. And somebody's got it. That's when you get sock check and you got to show your socks, you know?

[John Lovett]

But what is showing me? What is the problem with the ankle?

[Frankie Quinones]

It's just. It's, like, real.

[Kevin Nealon]

Like, it's a thing in our culture that we. It really goes against all of our.

[John Lovett]

So it's interesting because I really struggle. I feel stuck between two worlds of socks, between the no show millennial style and the more. And the more. What's interesting, too, is because when you're a kid, you're like, oh, that's a dad outfit. You know, like what Kevin's wearing. And so, like, you know, like, that's a dad outfit.

[Kevin Nealon]

I regret that.

[John Lovett]

But what's. But what's interesting. But thing is, but in your mind, the dad outfit is frozen. But of course, it's not frozen. What I'm wearing now becomes the dad outfit. And one of the things that's part of the dad outfit is the no show socks the kids wear the longer socks. But when. But I physically. I put them on, I feel ridiculous. Okay, so I feel ridiculous when I'm not wearing my no show socks. I can barely wear the socks that go up the leg to the gymnasium.

[Kevin Nealon]

Wow.

[Frankie Quinones]

Okay, so, you know, you like feeling that breeze on your ankles.

[John Lovett]

I like that breeze.

[Kevin Nealon]

We call that the no seems.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Those on the East Coast.

[Frankie Quinones]

The nose there. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

The itchy down there. You got itchy?

[John Lovett]

No, you get itchy. I just sort of go. I was sort of just, just gesturing at the ankle.

[Kevin Nealon]

You ever get Botox?

[Frankie Quinones]

Good size ankle?

[John Lovett]

Never. I've never had Botox. Yeah, ankles are looking.

[Kevin Nealon]

Cankles. You want cankles? We'll give you some ankle fillers. Frankie.

[Frankie Quinones]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Kevin Nealon]

I just like saying Frankie.

[John Lovett]

It's a great. It's a great. It's a great name. It's a great name. It has great energy. Frankie. It's a great energy. I enjoyed this show. I don't have any requests.

[Kevin Nealon]

Hey, I thought all your questions were fun. I love this.

[John Lovett]

We had a great time. Everybody had a great time. Kevin, his stand up special, Loose in the Crotch is on the YouTube channel for 800 pound gorilla. And also you were a producer of Catch Me in the Good Life, the documentary Come See Me in the Good Light. Come See Me in the Good Light with just the two that produced. It's really great. It's a wonderful documentary.

[Kevin Nealon]

Executive producers with some other people. It's called Come See Me in the Good Light. It's on Apple TV right now and it's been nominated for a documentary Oscar.

[John Lovett]

That's so exciting because Tig has been on this show and we talked about it. It's so amazing to watch the journey of this movie. It's a beautiful movie. So congrats about that.

[Kevin Nealon]

You guys should see it. Apple TV. Come see me in the good light.

[John Lovett]

And Kevin nealonart.com so that's cool. I want to get that Christopher Wong kid. Is that still up there? Is that gone?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, it's there.

[John Lovett]

Hell yeah. Deep to it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Under no circumstances can you get it.

[John Lovett]

Do you think he really didn't like it? Genuinely didn't like it. Is that real? Hated it. Interesting. Interesting. But you put it back. But you still put it in the book.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, it's already in the book. I'm not going to rip every page out of every book.

[John Lovett]

Don't ask for permission. Beg for forgiveness.

[Kevin Nealon]

Exactly, man. Exactly.

[John Lovett]

I think that's cool. And Frankie, stand up special Dan. That's crazy is on. Is on Hulu right Now and on YouTube @Frankie Quinones for creepers crib, which is so funny. Everybody should check it out. Your tour dates@fr Frankie Kinones.com. that is our show.

[Kevin Nealon]

Thank you, everybody.

[John Lovett]

Thank you so much to Kevin Nealon and Frankie Quinones. We'll see you next week right here. At Dynasty typewriter. There are 283 days until the midterms. Have a great night and have a great weekend. If you're you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us Rooked media on Instagram, TikTok and all the other ones for original content, community events, and more. You can also find Love it or leave it on YouTube for videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube exclusive content. And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review. Finally, you can join Crooked's Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad free Love it or Leave it and Pod Save America episodes, subscriber exclusive pods and more. Sign [e-mail] friends love it or Leave it is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Bill McGrath is our producer and Kennedy Hill is our Associate producer. Hallie Keefer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre and Subha Agarwal are our writers. Jordan Cantor is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Cher. Sure. Thanks to our design designer Sammy Cadearna Rees for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And thanks to our digital producers David Toles, Claudia Shang Mia Kelman, Delon Villanueva and Rachel Gajewski for filming and editing video each week. Our head of Production is Matt de Groat and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America, El programa nacional de vecas a serde, McDonald's. De Dolares and Becaso torgadas esta es ma Historia de genera.

[Kevin Nealon]

A KFC Tale in the pursuit of flavor, the Colonel despised the word empty. Empty plates, empty tables, empty stomachs. That's why he made the KFC five dollar bowls like the famous bowl. Creamy mashed potatoes, crispy chicken, corn gravy and cheese. Because the only empty the Colonel liked was when you reached the bottom of that bowl. The Colonel lived so we could chicken five KFC bowls for just $5 each.

[John Lovett]

Prices and participation may vary. Taxes, tips and fees. Extra.