D (5:18)

I don't know how to tell me, when did the ruling come out? I've been with the astronauts, I've been with contractors. Because we're trying to get the ballroom built ahead of schedule. It's right on schedule. It's ahead of schedule. Now. I want to keep it that way.

A (5:32)

Sucks to admit it, but I can relate to Trump here. When you're feeling overwhelmed because you started a war in the Middle east you can't end or you're launching a new version of your podcast, it helps to become obsessed with one ultimately small detail. I've been so wrapped up in sourcing interesting lamps for this studio, I barely even looked at tonight's jokes. I don't even know how this one ends. I'm just reading it helplessly, completely unaware that the punchline is, I hereby promise my writers a 50% raise. Come on. On Monday, Melania Trump got retroactively very mad at Jimmy Kimmel, describing a joke he had made last Thursday as, quote, hateful and violent, saying people like Kimmel shouldn't have the opportunity to enter our homes every evening to spread hate. Here's the joke she was referring to, delivered during a fake White House Correspondent's Dinner speech. Our first lady Melania is here. Look at Melania. So beautiful. Mrs. Trump, you have a glow like an expectant widow. Of course, the joke is tasteless because Melania will be entombed alive in her husband's burial chamber, along with his gold, spices, and other earthly treasures that will help ensure a godlike status upon his entering the eternal field of reeds. And Jimmy Kimmel should have known that. After Melania and her husband complained about Kimmel, the FCC ordered a review of Disney's broadcast licenses for eight ABC stations in major cities, claiming revocation was would depend on their conduct. So I hope everyone is excited for Disney's new slate of films. It's Inside Out 3. Riley's pregnant as a teenager, and it's great. Frozen 4. Now only the boys have powers. And Toy Story 6, Buzz and Woody stop Bonnie from getting top surgery. Come on, Buzz. I don't know, Woody. Gotta get to that hospital. To stop Bonnie. Stop surgery. Bonnie's getting her tits off. Fuck. Get that dinosaur. And the other one. When I was a. I guess whenever Toy Story came out and someone would have to check the math, but I believe this is true. It was in theaters at the same time as the movie Heat. I think that's about when they both came out. And my mother and I went to see Toy Story, but we went in the wrong theater. And we're like, what is this trailer? This is so long. And my mother and I just watched, like, 15 minutes of heat. FCC chair Brendan Carr held a press conference on Thursday about the thing we were talking about earlier. Did you get any pressure from the White House to take this action on Disney? Did you speak to President Trump. Did any of the White House direct you to do this? No. This was a decision that we made inside this building based on where we were in the enforcement matter. There was no pressure from the outside. This was a decision we made inside this building based on truth social post we read inside this building. And how dare you suggest. I was pressured. I was nominated for this job because I don't need to be pressured. I didn't lick a boot, but my tongue was merely extended as the boot passed by. But all of this had one incredible downstream effect. Oz Perlman, the White House Correspondent's Dinner's Mentalist, was already booked to appear on Kimmel's show on Monday. But while he was flying out to la, Melania freaked out at Jimmy. And so when he landed, he backed out. The Mental is canceled. What is this, CBS in 2014? Kimmel didn't even know the Mentalist canceled until he bit into a sandwich and found a pre written apology note. The guy is that good. And honestly, sincerely, I find the Mentalist's decision to back out offensive. As someone who would crawl over broken glass to be a guest on a late night talk show, there's actually a lot I'd be willing to do to be on television, it turns out. But Mentalist? You're canceling on a late night talk show? Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be invited to be on a late night talk show? There aren't that many of them left. It's an endangered species. And do you know how lucky you are to be a rich magician? Where's your abraca Gratitude? So, because the dinner was disrupted and the first lady got mad about a joke, and the Mentalist doesn't want to upset Trump because the Mentalist still wants to perform if the dinner is rescheduled and Jimmy Kimmel had to scramble to find someone available. And I am nothing if not available. Please welcome John Lovett. But the only reason there was a Mentalist scheduled for the White House Correspondents Dinner in the first place is because Donald Trump loves to mock people, but he can't take a joke. And unfortunately, he is a great rose comic. Here he is at an event at the Oval Office with the Artemis crew and NASA administrator Jared Isaacman, are you

C (10:35)

considering relocating NASA's headquarters out of D.C.

A (10:39)

once the lease is up? States like Texas, Ohio and Florida.

D (10:42)

Well, the best man to tell you that is the man standing right over here. You heard that question with those beautiful ears of yours? He's got great hearing, you know, he's Got super hearing.

A (10:52)

Trick of the trade, sir. Now, a real comedian would have known to call them satellite dishes. Donald Trump forgot this interaction. Thirty seconds later, Jared Isaacman will think about it on his deathbed. His specially made T shaped deathbed. I feel bad making fun of this guy's ears because he can hear us from Washington, by the way. This is true. My ears stuck out when I was a kid. Here's a pic. You can see it. You can see them right there. Though it might be difficult to see it in this photo because I'm serving so much cunt. But Trump isn't even the funniest. Head of state King Charles stopped by the White House this week to cut it up with the best of them.

D (11:37)

On this occasion, I cannot help noticing the readjustments to the East Wing, Mr. President. And I'm sorry to say that we British, of course, made our own small attempt at real estate redevelopment of the White House in 1814.

A (11:56)

Sensing a battle of wits was afoot, Trump then shouted, your brother is a pedophile. But this is about more than just jokes. Trump can't be mocked because he can't handle anyone who questions his authority. That's why this week, Trump's Department of Justice indicted former FBI Director James Comey for posting a photo of seashells that spelled out 8647. The claim here is that James Comey, a rule follower in every bone of his giant 6 foot 8 inch skeleton, on a stroll by the water one day, decided to threaten the President by suggesting he is like a grilled cheese sandwich at a diner that the customer no longer wants. It is a completely ridiculous case and I do hope Comey goes to prison. No, that's not fair. But a little bit, and I know that's wrong and it's a completely unfair thing and he has to fight in. I'm rooting for him, but on some level, it would be nice to see James Comey go to fucking prison. He's too tall. People at that height are not getting enough fucking feedback. That's what I genuinely. Here's Kash Patel on the complexity of a case about a photo of the beach. And as the Attorney General indicated, this has been a case that's been investigated over the past nine, 10, 11 months. Okay, so you're investigating a picture of shells. You've been at it for six months. Talk to me about month seven of this investigation. You wake up and you go, where? And so here we are. The FCC is abusing its power over broadcast licenses to attack the President's political enemies. But the signs of broader challenges facing Late night are everywhere. Look how far Late night has fallen. Which means, at long last, all the pieces of my plan are falling into place. I knew Hollywood would never give me a television show. Well, they actually gave me several television shows. I've had incredible opportunities, like sand through my fucking fingertips, but I still decided to destroy television itself. 15 years ago, I helped write the jokes at the 2011 White House Correspondence dinner, jokes that allegedly made Trump so angry he ran for president. And then I simply had to wait. Wait for the day that all that would be left is podcasts. When I created a sitcom, I followed Amy Poehler. When I created a podcast, Amy Poehler followed me. I'm like those rats that survived when the meteor killed the dinosaurs. Those dinosaurs thought they were so big and tough, but those giants needed so many calories. Not me. A rat. Rats can survive off of ads for supplements and mattresses and a growing subscription community with which you can join now@crooked.com friends and now, the final step of my diabolical plot. We've got a great show for you tonight. Ron Funches is here and we'll be right back. This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Life can be a lot sometimes. Regardless of what's keeping you up at night or leaving you overwhelmed, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. But you don't have to face these challenges alone. Having someone to listen, to understand and to support support you can make all the difference. That's where Better Help comes in. Better Help therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US Better Help does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences and they are 12 plus years of experience. An industry leading match fulfillment rate means they typically get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored rex. With over 30,000 therapists, better help is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. You got to get therapy. Got to get therapy. You gotta just go talk to someone. Go talk to somebody. You don't have to traverse life's challenges alone. Find the personal support you're looking for in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off@betterhelp.com. love it. That's better. H lp.com Love it, love it or leave it is brought to you by Cook Unity. We love Cook Unity. We sure do. John and I genuinely, we get Cook Unity and I like it comes to the office for me. I go home, I have these great meals, and then throughout the week I know that whatever is going to happen, instead of ordering bad takeout or grabbing McDonald's or making something from the garbage I find in my home, I have an amazing meal that I chose for myself. Like, like a, like a Penang curry or love the Penang curry or, or I know all of them. I think there's like over 300 options. I feel like I've, I've probably, I probably know most of them by now. I've had, I've had Cook Unity for years. There was a Greek like lasagna. What are you? Moussaka. Moussaka. Awesome.

E (17:05)

Great.

C (17:06)

Great.

A (17:06)

Mosaka. Cook Unity is the first chef led meal delivering service that makes your meals in small batches inside local micro kitchens across the US not factories. So every dish arrives with the kind of freshness you'd get at the restaurant itself. Meals from Michelin starred chefs, James Beard winners and Food Network stars. Go to cookunity.com lowly or use code LOWLY before checkout for 50% off your first week. I've already mentioned some of the things I, I've gotten, but they really are like, there's such a huge variety and I've used meal service in the past where there just wasn't enough options, but there's sort of an. Feels like an infinite number and I add new stuff every week too, and I feel like there's a few that I just and always add and then I try a couple new ones each week and they just do a really great job. Each Cook Unity meal is fresh, never frozen. It can be refrigerated for up to seven days. The food tastes like someone just made it for you because someone did in a small batch that morning. There are hundreds of dishes to choose from and the menu is updated constantly over 10 different dietary preferences. High protein, low sodium, GLP1, pescatarian, gluten free and more. Over 25 global cuisines. Mediterranean, Korean, thyme, Mexican, Italian and more. Taste what happens when real award winning chefs make fresh small batch meals just for you. Go to cookunity.com lowly or enter code lowly before checkout to get 50% off your first order. That's 50% off your first order. By using code L O L I or going to cookunity.com LOL. And we're back. Love it or Leave it. Fans, if you haven't already, check out Love it or Leave it right now on YouTube where you can see our brand new set. Take a good long look at this place where we'll be doing lowly episodes twice a week. That's right, twice a week. And we are inviting people to come see our hot, sexy, cool new space. Just in time for our two Netflix is a joke shows on May 5th and May 7th. So go to crooked.comevents to get tickets for those shows and more before they sell out. And now, please welcome to the stage the real winner of Traitors in Our Hearts. At the very least, it's Ron Funches.

D (19:04)

Hi.

A (19:07)

Thank you for being here, buddy. Come on in. First of all, it's great to see you.

E (19:16)

Wow, you're like a spider in there.

A (19:18)

Yeah, sometimes I'm like a spider.

E (19:20)

He's so cute.

A (19:21)

Thank you for being here. Thank you. And I know you were on Traders and you were there with a bunch of gamers, as they call them.

E (19:27)

Yeah.

A (19:28)

And you said Survivor contestants are scary and that the island changes you.

E (19:32)

Yeah.

A (19:32)

Now, how long do you think I would have had to be on that island to become scary?

E (19:39)

How long did you survive?

A (19:40)

I missed three dinners. I was hungry.

E (19:47)

That's just a small adventure.

A (19:49)

Yeah. No, you can. Yeah, no, for sure. They, you know, when you get it voted out on Survivor, they make a big show of, like, bringing you back to what they call Ponderosa and they bust out the scale so people can see how much weight you lost. And it was like, I lose this much weight after a good shit.

E (20:07)

I think if you're there longer than a week, you start looking at people as prey, you know?

A (20:12)

Oh, all right. So I gotta go a little bit longer next time. You also said in your standup that the real.

E (20:19)

Quoting me.

A (20:20)

What?

E (20:21)

Why you always quoting me?

A (20:22)

I'm a journalist now. I'm a journalist. You're the second person I've interviewed today. The first person I interviewed today was Bernie Sanders.

E (20:29)

What?

A (20:30)

So I talked to you and Bernie Sanders.

E (20:32)

I'm glad that you got an upgrade now.

A (20:34)

Yeah, it's like, finally somebody I can, like, talk to. So you said that the Real Housewives should be on a government watch list.

E (20:42)

I do that. I stand by.

A (20:45)

Yeah. What, you know, you've talked about. I'm curious, like, when did you first realize that the Housewives are. I've interviewed several of them, including Dorinda, who was on the show with you, and There was a moment when I was talking Dorinda where I realized I was approaching, like, the electric fence, on the other side of which, you know what I mean? Like, I was, like, about to get zapped. How was. What was your experience? Like?

E (21:15)

They were just zapping me no matter where I was. Yeah, you go in there and I just try to be very open and not judge anyone. I never watched that franchise and I didn't think that a lot of people would know who I was, but to me, neither of those things matter. I just like to get to know people at a base level, but they don't believe in that.

A (21:38)

It's not part of their faith. So, you know, I was thinking about you on that show and, like, you love wrestling.

E (21:45)

I do.

A (21:46)

But, you know, the whole. Was there any part of you that thought, like, oh, you know what? I need to treat this like wrestling, where I need to be the character that's trying to win the traitors? Was there any part of you that thought about it that way? Like, I gotta do some kayfabe.

E (22:01)

If I was a traitor, then I would have. Because that would have made sense to me of, like, oh, I have to go against my base instincts and I'm supposed to. To, like, murder these people. So I have to pretend more. To me, being faithful, I took as being authentic. So I was like, I was going to be my authentic self and be who I am and be helpful and be kind. And so I didn't want to pretend or lie because then I thought that would be more readable. But I guess it just showed them how much I didn't care for them and they saw that easily.

A (22:32)

Yeah, well, I. Because I remember when you came on Love it or Leave it after you had filmed Traitor and before it had come out. And I'm very sympathetic.

E (22:41)

Look in my eye.

A (22:42)

Well, I'm very sympathetic because for me, the hardest time between being on Survivor and when Survivor aired were the weeks in between where people were like, I can't wait to see you. I'm sure you did amazing. I'm sure you had a great time. And I was like, oh, bitch, I'm fucked. You know? Although, can I tell you something that I found out this week, which is apparently so. I used to work for Hillary Clinton and apparently there was some kind of conversation and people were wondering how far I went in Survivor. And people were that I were, like, kindly saying, oh, I bet Lovett went really far in Survivor. And apparently Hillary Clinton said, I think he's out first.

E (23:25)

I can see it. You even Did I saw the face

A (23:27)

when she said it, I just couldn't believe. I was like, how does she know? How does she know? And then you think you know what she knew. Like, I worked for Hillary Clinton when I was like, 23, 24, 25, and I feel like she saw the raw version of me that is exposed when you're on a reality show. And I was wondering if you felt at all like, was there something about that experience that was like, getting at any kind of, like, insecure. Like, you're. I think of you as a confident person who knows yourself, but was there any part of you that, like, that experience, like, brought out, like, insecurities or ways in which people have responded negatively to you in the past?

E (24:07)

Yeah. No. It brought out a cycle that I was used to of just like, I try to come and be a positive and be truthful and direct and for what other reasons or the judgments of others? People assume that I'm not being trustworthy or not even. And that was okay because that's like a game of deception. It was more people being like, he's not pulling his part. He's not trying. He doesn't want to be here. And I took offense to that. That felt personal to me, and I learned a lot about myself. To me, it was an awesome experience in the fact that every other show I've been on is like a character who is playful and sweet. And so I think a lot of people didn't know if that was me or just a character that I played. And to see me under duress or stressed out or yelling at someone and see my authentic self and be like, oh, no, he's still pretty cool. Like, it was the best experience for me because people be like, he's not fake. He, you know, he talks how he talks and he is who he is.

A (25:03)

Yeah, there's a. I remember when we talked about this in that period where you were saying that you didn't have the best experience, that there's a way in which, like, you're such a challenge because. So I worked with this guy, David Axelrod, and he has this quality where he has this sort of like, aw, shucks demeanor. And then underneath that is, like, one of the sharpest political minds you'll ever meet. That and then one level below that is just like a sweet guy. And I feel like you have that in common too, because if somebody might meet you and they might underestimate you, because there's a kind of a laid back quality that could lead you to be underestimated. But underneath that, you're so fucking smart and you're not missing anything. And I feel like that could be intimidating for people. And below that, I think you're a very good person. But, like, in that middle level, I think you can get a lot of trouble.

E (25:53)

What's below that?

A (25:58)

I think autism. Now, speaking of today is the last day of autism. I'm not just calling someone autistic. This is something that Ron has talked about.

E (26:10)

He's doing hate speech.

A (26:17)

Today is the last day of Autism Awareness Month, but it's always low key Autism Awareness Month here at Love it or leave it, which is why we wanted to play a game. We're calling did this historical figure have autism? It's not a diagnosis. It's just a gut feeling. Ron, are you ready?

E (26:34)

I'm ready. I've been doing this my whole life.

A (26:39)

First up, George Washington Carver.

E (26:43)

Yeah. Definitely had autism. Way. To someone who is singularly obsessed with a peanut. Yes. I'm gonna pull everything out of this. Yes. Autistic king George Washington Carver.

A (26:58)

In 1941, Time magazine called him the black Leonardo as a reference to the Ninja Turtles. Next up, fairy tale author Hans Christian Andersen.

E (27:10)

Oh, tell me why.

A (27:14)

So here is why. In 1847, he met Charles Dickens at a party glommed onto him. Anderson visited Dickens, extended his state of five weeks. He was asked to leave by Charles Dickens, cut off all contact, and refused to ever again respond to Hans Christian Andersen's letters. Anderson called himself a peculiar being and lamented his feeling of social isolation. He also wrote the Ugly Duckling and the Little Mermaid.

E (27:40)

I would say, yeah, but for the fact that he, like, went to the party. Makes me feel like, no.

A (27:48)

It's a no, Hans. Next up, Queen Elizabeth II liked horses and dogs more than people.

E (27:57)

Oh, that's it.

A (28:00)

Also a member of the British royal family.

E (28:02)

Yeah, that's everybody. You gotta give me more than that. I'm not letting her in the club off that.

A (28:08)

She didn't get Princess Diana.

E (28:10)

Oh, then she just can't come in.

A (28:12)

No, not autistic. It has been so ruled. Richard Trevithick, the inventor of the steam locomotive. He was a apparently, according to Wikipedia, a disobedient, slow, obstinate, spoiled boy, frequently absent and very inattentive, except for when it came to math, in which he excelled, arriving at the correct answers by unconventional means. He also invented trains. Look at that guy. Come on.

E (28:42)

Yeah, just for the trains. For the autistic.

A (28:44)

We're letting them in.

E (28:45)

We gotta let them in.

A (28:48)

And finally, we have noted podcaster Jon Lovett now adhd, dead to rights. Put me in the textbook. But autism, what do you think?

E (29:04)

I mean, you could. Have you been tested at all?

A (29:07)

I've done the ones online.

E (29:10)

What did they say?

A (29:11)

Yeah, Halfway through they stop the test and say ethically we have to stop now to tell you to get help immediately. You know, like when they're running a trial and it turns out it cures the the cancer. So effectively they have to stop so the control people can get some of the medicine too. That's what happens when I take an online quiz about autism.

E (29:35)

Yeah, you got it.

A (29:36)

Hell yeah. This is the part where I tell you about the difference between the Dreamliner and the A350 900 by Airbus. Now what's interesting about this is a lot of people expected the Airbus A350 900 to be far more successful when compared to the Boeing Dreamliner.

E (29:58)

Filthy casuals.

A (30:03)

Let's leave it there. When we come back, Anaconicle joins to uncover some deep truths. Love it or leave it is brought to you by SimpliSafe Traditional security systems often trap customers in multi year contracts with expensive cancellation penalties. Simplisafe offers a modern alternative, affordable 24. 7 professional monitoring without the burden of long term commitments. SimpliSafe I set it up incredibly easy to do. You customize it to your home, set up in minutes and then it just works. The app is really great. The customer support really reliable and it gives you peace of mind. With SimpliSafe you can customize your system to fit your needs. It ships fast directly to your door. The app guided setup is simple and there is no drilling required so you can install and arm your system in under an hour. SimpliSafe is more than just a security camera. It is a comprehensive set of sensors, indoor and outdoor cameras and 24.7professional monitoring. It's backed by SimpliSafe's 24.7professional monitoring agents who dispatch emergency help when you need it. Over 5 million people value and trust Simplisafe with their home security every day. I trust SimpliSafe. I do put my name behind many brands. I trust Simplisafe and my listeners get 50% off a new system when you sign up for professional monitoring and your first month is free by visiting simplisafe.com Love it. That's half off@simplisafe.com Lovett there is no safe like SimpliSafe.

B (31:18)

At Vrbo we understand that even the best of plans sometimes need a little support. So we plan for the plot twists every Booking is automatically backed by our VRBO Care guarantee, giving you confidence from the very start. Whenever you need help, it's ready before your stay, through the moments in between, and after your trip. Because a great trip starts with peace of mind and maybe a good playlist, but we've got the peace of mind part covered with VRBoCare. Help is always ready before, during, and after your stay. We've planned for the plot twists, so support is always available because a great trip starts with peace of mind.

A (32:02)

And we're back. My next guest created the TV show Pen15, which is this club all the other kids kept asking me to join in middle school. I'll process that off stage, and in the meantime, welcome to the stage Anna Con. Hi. Thanks for being here. David. Everybody, come on in.

C (32:29)

Thank you.

A (32:30)

Hi.

C (32:31)

Hi.

A (32:32)

Thanks for being here. Welcome.

C (32:33)

Thank you for having me.

A (32:35)

So, Anna, you've written a memoir.

C (32:37)

Yep.

A (32:37)

If it were me, I'd only include happy stories where I come across amazing. Is that what you did?

C (32:42)

No, it's kind of the opposite. Just like, deep humiliation moments that I regret, that kind of thing.

A (32:51)

Was it easier to write a book in which you kind of get into some hard to share stories after doing pen15?

C (32:58)

Penn made it easier, certainly. And I think, you know, I remember the night before Penn came out being in a fetal position on the floor, kind of like giggling that it was coming out and also freaking out again that there were so many personal stories in there and feeling like we were gonna get chased with torches after it came out of, like, you gotta go. We don't accept you and humanity anymore.

A (33:20)

And that did happen.

C (33:21)

And it did.

A (33:22)

That did happen.

C (33:22)

And we got back in and it's okay. We'll put the fires out. So, yes, that helped me go also survive whatever happens this time.

A (33:29)

So a big part of the story is your relationship with your dad and how it changed over the years and how you both changed as you got older. Why did you want to talk about that? And I feel like there's something about writing about when a parent doesn't provide stability and, like, what the lesson is from that.

C (33:49)

Yeah, I think my. So my dad, when I was little, as, you know, a lot of us do with our parents, just, he, like, could do no wrong, you know, just like. And he was my best friend, and we were super, super close. And then there was sort of a slow burn to estrangement in my mid-20s, and we. We didn't talk for about five years or see each other, rather. And then eventually we. We kind of came together. Again. And he unfortunately got sick and I became a caregiver for a couple months. So it's a real upper. No, but it, it felt important to me. I like to talk about like the gray areas of things and find the comedy and brutality and the earnestness. And so it was a story that I felt at the time alone in. Now there's like the hashtags, no contact. No contact, estrangement. But I didn't feel that way then. And so I felt like I was doing something wrong or I was too sensitive or I should have given another chance or whatever. And in retrospect, the whole journey was exactly as it was supposed to be. And I'm very grateful for my dad and for my own growth and throughout it. So.

A (35:02)

Nice.

C (35:03)

Yeah, thank you.

A (35:05)

Ron's a dad, you're a dad.

E (35:08)

I am a dad. I love being a dad. But I also, if you gotta go, no contact, you gotta have boundaries sometimes. I agree with cutting anyone off who doesn't serve you. Too many people get caught up. I think sometimes you go, oh, this person's good or bad and become so universal that you backslide. But I learned to be like, this person's just not good for me. They don't bring out the best in me and I don't need them in my life. So I'm a big believer in that. But you gotta earn. And it's an honor to be a dad and an honor to be a parent. So I love it, love that.

A (35:40)

Now you created and starred in Pen15, which has a lot of childhood milestones of embarrassment.

C (35:47)

Yes.

A (35:49)

Was that a kind of therapy? Was there anything that you put in that was the one you felt the most reluctant moment from your actual life to include in the show?

C (35:59)

God, there are so many weird moments in that show that really happened. I mean, you know, we were playing 13 as 33 year olds at the time. I mean, the process of filming was very humiliating because you're putting yourself in these humiliating situations and you're pretending to be 13 around real 13 year olds and you're getting a lot of like, that's not cool, like in real life. And you'd be like, well, I, I know I'm actually 33. I'm not, I'm not 13. I know that you're 13 and you're doing, doing the 13 year old thing. But anyway, my parents, honestly, the storyline with my parents already, I put it in there and yeah, regretted it.

A (36:38)

I'm also, I was, I'm also imagining if like two 33 year old guys pitched pen 15 and be like, okay, we've already called the police. Thank you so much for coming in to Netflix. But the police are on their way and you've just got to go with them wherever they want to go. You're. We're not.

C (36:55)

That's true.

A (36:55)

You know, it's. It's, you know, like, we're. You got to just go to jail for that one.

C (36:59)

Yeah, it was, it was meant. It was meant for us girls. And, you know, we were very intentional about how we filmed and any firsts. Like, I have my. I replayed my real first kiss, for example, and which I cried after in real life. And all I had seen on TV was like the idealized version of, you know, the first kiss being amazing. She finally got it. Lizzie McGuire got her first kiss or whatever. And I was like, like, this is not how I felt. But, you know, we would. You do the scene with a 13 year old, you're on other sides of the room. You take one step towards him because at age 13, that feels like, oh, my God, I'm getting closer. And then we would cut to extreme close ups, like Ren and Stimpy or an animated show of, you know, the lips making out. And then it would be an adult. So there's still misconceptions about how the show was made, but any firsts was with an adult my age.

A (37:53)

I want you to know something that was not a misconception. I was not under the impression that pen 15 was a. Was a show that contained many crimes in it. I didn't. I didn't believe that people do. I believe that you were. That there was an ethic to the idea. I. I came to this. I didn't need to be told that you did not kiss children on the set of.

C (38:10)

Well, I just need to keep saying it into camera.

A (38:19)

I'm so glad you've had the space here to finally put this giraffe.

C (38:22)

That's why I came.

A (38:24)

Now, before pen 15, you were hired as an actor to pretend to be a party guest.

C (38:30)

Yeah, in college. In college. I was in theater school and I was in New York and I needed money to. I was like dating this guy who really loved. He introduced me to. Is Zagat Guides. Does anyone remember what that is? Is that how you pronounce it?

A (38:47)

That's like a va. Voss thing. I think I would have said Zagat.

C (38:50)

I said Zagat. And recently someone was like, Zagat.

A (38:53)

Zagat.

C (38:54)

I don't know if that's right. But anyway, he loved. And so I was like, I'm Gonna take him out to a really expensive dinner. Even though I needed to pay for textbooks. Mommy, daddy issues. It's fine. Looking for love. And I. So I went on Craigslist and I was like, I'm an actor. I can be a vampire. I can Dracula. Like, I'll make some money. And a socialite had posted something like, need people comfortable with celebrities. And I was like, I'm responding to that one. And I met with her. I was hired and I got. It's like morally a problem, but I got hired as a party plant for a kind of like a semi famous person in publishing, A guy who I was told was a womanizer. And I was supposed to meet him and I had never done drugs in my life. And I was supposed to say, like, want to do coke? Which I felt like such a poser and had a bag of baking soda. And he said yes and was meeting me in the bathroom. And I went first and I laid down on the tile and put. I don't know, put fake blood coming out of my nose and the baking soda spilling out of my hands. I know the audience is looking at me like, I need to leave.

A (40:13)

So just. So we're just. You were paid to go into the bathroom and pretend to have an overdose.

C (40:19)

An overdose.

A (40:21)

Okay.

C (40:22)

Yeah.

A (40:22)

So now everybody, I think they didn't under. They didn't fully believe what you were saying.

E (40:25)

Yeah.

A (40:26)

So I just want to say you are now. So we're. Now you put the baking soda on your nose and the fake blood and you're lying on the cool tile of the bathroom at the socialites home.

E (40:35)

Did you frame an innocent man?

C (40:37)

Yes, I did.

A (40:41)

So wait. Yes. So wait.

C (40:42)

Yeah.

E (40:44)

What?

C (40:44)

You're. So it worked. So unfortunately, so basically he. There was another plant in this whole thing, and she was the hostess. Like she opened the door for very rich people and she was in costume and took their coats and so she was in on it. So I hear them come in and just go like, oh, my God.

A (41:05)

Oh my God.

C (41:06)

And I'm just like that. And then I hear him go, we gotta leave.

E (41:13)

I like this guy.

C (41:14)

That wasn't part of the plan.

E (41:15)

I like this guy. I thought he was gonna be like, oh, shit, not again.

C (41:21)

Another one. I have to help. No, he was like, we gotta go. And she was like thinking, this is not in the script. And also, what is he talking about? And then finally. And then he left. And then they came back while I was still there. And then she was like, let's go get help. And he said, okay. And that was my cue. So when they left, I got up and I changed into a wig and wiped myself off and went back into the party. And then he's, like, kind of on the verge of tears, which is so sad. Telling the party. I can't believe I'm saying this out loud, but it's in the books, so it's already out there. And he's telling the host, like, what happened? That your cousin. She said I was her cousin. Overdosed, and she's not there anymore. And then I got my cue and I took my wig off, and I was like, it was actually me. And then he left the party, and he said I was Nicole Kidman. Then he left the party.

A (42:17)

So basically, part of why the prank went bad is they thought he was gonna be like, oh, no. Oh, no, we have to get help. But unfortunately, his reaction is, I gotta get the out of here. And then the prank is ruined because he's left and come back. And now you're in the room with the wig on. Yeah.

C (42:34)

He was just supposed to be bamboozled and it. Yeah.

A (42:37)

And how much did you make for this?

C (42:38)

Like, a couple thousand dollars.

E (42:40)

Oh, that's a good gig.

A (42:41)

That's a good gig.

C (42:43)

And I did it for other years after that.

A (42:46)

I.

C (42:48)

But I was not no longer willing to be a plant. It was like invisible theater after that.

A (42:57)

Yeah, no, then it's. Then it's just, Tony, you just did one fake overdose.

C (43:03)

Overdose. No problem.

A (43:04)

And it was just Tony and Tina's wedding.

C (43:06)

Basically. Basically, one of them was at Salman Rushdie's house.

A (43:11)

What?

C (43:11)

Yes. That's not in the book. But this is on camera? Yes.

A (43:17)

So what did you pretend to die of at Salman Rushdie's house?

C (43:24)

I didn't plan on talking about this. I believe at that one, we were watching the Shining like two girls at a sleepover watching the Shining. And then we started to get violent. That's all I can say.

A (43:41)

What the fuck kind of Craigslist ads are you finding that you're ending up, I don't know, pretending to be violent at Salman Rushdie's house during an immersive screening of the Shining.

C (43:52)

But, but. But to just devil's advocate, I got paid the amount that I was getting paid waiting tables all summer, saving for textbooks and then going. And then I would get that. But I was taking my boyfriend out to dinner, so I don't know.

A (44:06)

Hey, no one judging you here. We're just more curious about what was going on. Like, is this pre. Fatwa. Post fatwa.

C (44:15)

This does sort of Sound like conspiracy.

E (44:18)

Freaking out. Going through. He's, like, truly drugged out, so it's all real to him. He didn't like the joke at all. Sounds like it was slightly traumatizing to you. And then at the end, you were like, well, same time next week?

C (44:36)

That's fair.

E (44:39)

I got bills to pay. I relate to that.

A (44:45)

And I think we've delved into some rich veins tonight so far. But that's only just begun, because it is time for the Egg of Truth.

D (44:56)

The Egg of Truth.

A (45:00)

Here's how it works. Always forget how long the Egg of Truth intro is. Here's how it works. This is the Egg of Truth. It's filled with questions that we're going to answer. Oh, and I want to make sure that given. Given just how much we've learned. I'm very interested in this book. I've heard the sane one. Anna Conkle, you're on the front. You're the sane one. That's you.

C (45:25)

I think I am as a kid, but, yeah, that was me as a child. When? Before the weird party.

A (45:33)

That's so exciting. Egg of Truth. Here's how it works. I'm gonna pull a card and we're just gonna answer the question. Enough time has passed. You can admit it now. Who was your middle school crush? Ron, you wanna go first?

E (45:49)

Okay, sure. Myra Monkhouse from Family Matters. Because he was always a fan going after Laura, who didn't care for him or show him any type of play. But Myra was beautiful, intelligent, and was like, push him into the locker to try to make out with him. And I was like, steve Urkel, what are you doing? So, Myra Monkhouse, who is your middle school crush?

C (46:11)

Well, I'm gonna stay in the entertainment angle as well. I think that's brilliant.

A (46:15)

Smart. Not smart. He'll get you.

C (46:18)

There was a show that I watched after school and. And it was about a high school that was on a cruise boat, and it was a Canadian high school show, and Ryan Gosling was on it. And I remember being like, who's that?

A (46:33)

Who did I have a crush on in middle school? You know what? Saved by the Bell. Zack Slater on Saved by the Bell should be mine, because I would see an episode of Saved by the Bell, and then without no one. I think this is the first time. I. Maybe I may have said it on this show before, but other than that, I've never talked about it. But I used to see what Zack Slater was wearing on Saved by the Bell, and I wouldn't tell my mother that we were going to the Mall to recreate Zack Morris look. But I would just go through the stores trying to put together what Zack Morris was wearing. But of course it'd be like you know I get why in a TV show a flannel shirt over a bright yellow tee is going to look kind of like punchy and correct cool. But I'm like.

C (47:16)

And muted.

A (47:17)

Right? And yes but I am a like just soft pudgy 13 year old that just. I just look like somebody threw a blanket over a minion. Let's do another. What's one thing. Oh what's one thing your parents did that you will do with your own kids?

C (47:39)

That's a good question. I mean I value the thing that I made fun of my mom all the time for and felt embarrassed by was like she was an RN nurse but she was also a holistic nurse and did reiki and therapeutic touch energy work, crystals, meditation, incense. She was also incredibly stressed out. So I don't know how they all. A lot of stressed out people need the crystals like myself.

E (48:04)

Yeah, I'm just learning. I didn't notice about you. We gonna be friends. I like you. And now your pantsuit make a lot of sense.

C (48:13)

So now I have. And now I have reverence for that part of her and I also I don't know living in LA and there's so much that seems not weird enough sometimes that when my mom's around and she's being Nana and she's saying her interesting views on life I'm like keep telling her daughter like I'm just like I value it in a way that I didn't appreciate it when I was younger.

A (48:36)

So a scientific nonsense. All right Ron.

C (48:39)

Depends how you look at it.

A (48:43)

What's something you would like to carry forth that from. From your.

E (48:46)

From growing up probably beating them.

C (48:50)

How so?

A (48:52)

Stop it.

E (48:53)

No, my mom was grew up in Southside Chicago. Not necessarily the nicest area. One thing my mom always did was provide a lot of art and a lot of knowledge. She would always take us to the museums and living in Chicago you always access to free museums and we'd go to Taste of Chicago or the Chicago Jazz Festival. So at like 3, 4, 5 years old I'd already seen like BB King, Muddy Waters. I'd seen all these tremendous acts that meant nothing, nothing to me at the time. But now is a source of pride and I think subconsciously influenced me into getting into entertainment or if anything just showed me that the world was bigger than my six blocks that I was living in in Chicago. And I think that's something I want to instill in my kids as well.

A (49:41)

That's really nice. That's really nice.

C (49:45)

What about you?

A (49:46)

That's such an important question. I think you got to take a picture sitting on a pumpkin once a year.

E (49:52)

You do. I agree with you.

A (49:53)

I think that's important. I think you got to get that pumpkin picture.

C (49:56)

I've never done that. Ever.

A (49:57)

You'd start. There's no year you can't start sitting on a pumpkin. Take it every year you're alive. Take a picture of yourself sitting on a pumpkin.

E (50:03)

Why not the pumpkin? Exactly. But a gourd of some type. Really.

A (50:11)

Last one. Last question. You can fly anywhere you want, but when you get there, you have to take a shit within two minutes.

C (50:17)

Wait. What's the question?

A (50:18)

You can fly anywhere you want, but once you get there, you have to shit within two minutes. Do you take the deal? Sure.

E (50:25)

There's a bathroom everywhere.

C (50:27)

It happens to me every day of my life. I get somewhere and then I have to shit and I do it. No. Anybody else?

A (50:32)

That's right.

B (50:33)

Okay.

E (50:34)

Yeah. What changed?

A (50:37)

Catch Ron live. Go to ronvudges.com and pre order the sane one now. We'll be right back.

B (50:47)

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C (51:17)

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A (51:32)

Love it or Leave it is brought to you by blinds.com there's a version of your home you haven't lived in yet. Where the light behaves, where the room feels finished, where you sleep until you decide to wake up. Lines.com has spent 30 years making it easy to find the perfect fit. With over 25 million windows covered and 50,000 five star reviews, you can feel confident you're in good hands. Whether you want to go full diy, bring in licensed embedded pros to handle the measure and install or land somewhere in between. You're always in control. They make it simple to choose a level of support that works best for you, with flexibility every step of the way and need help picking the right style? Book a free consultation with one of Blinds.com's award winning design experts. No pushy salespeople, no awkward in home visits, just advice on your schedule. They'll even ship samples to your door fast and free. Choose from a huge variety of styles and options at prices that fit any budget. Everything is backed by blinds.com's 100% satisfaction guarantee. Because at blinds.com, the only thing they treat better than windows is you. Love blinds.com the new yeah, in our office we got we it has truly been a huge game changer at our office. We we used to have these sort of flimsy gossamer shades that didn't do anything to block out the sun. It got hot in the afternoon, couldn't see our screens. We all had to turn our desks to deal with it. And then we got blinds.com, these shades that come down. We use a button to bring them down. Like game changing because you can have some of the windows open and you can see out the window. And then we have the ones behind our desk. Now. It's fantastic. Customized right for our office. They came in, we stepped out of our office for a few hours. Next thing you know, bing bang boom. Rightnowblinds.com is giving our listeners an exclusive $50 off when you spend $500 or more. Just use code. Love it at checkout. Limited time offer rules and restrictions apply. See blinds.com for details. And we're back. It's been another perfect show. Or was it? Let's find out with our closing segment. Second thoughts. Here's how it works. I have a card here with what the producers believe are the things I should regret from tonight's very show. First second thought spent too long making everyone imagine anti trans toy story. Another regret asking Ron, who is not a doctor, to diagnose me with autism.

E (53:41)

Don't regret that.

A (53:42)

Not at all.

E (53:43)

I'm good at it.

A (53:46)

I did say taron. There's a way in which you're such a challenge.

E (53:51)

I noticed that one. I did pick up on that one. But I just let it slide by.

A (54:00)

And I want to just say one thing that I don't have a second thought about, which is I want to thank the team that helped put this new version of the show together. It is a herculean task to turn a podcast into what you're seeing in this studio. So I'm not gonna say people specifically cause so many people worked on it.

E (54:19)

But he doesn't know Your names

C (54:23)

and the first name is.

A (54:26)

You've ruined my moment of being expressing gratitude.

E (54:32)

This is how I'm difficult.

A (54:34)

I didn't say you said difficult. You said difficult. Challenge. I said a challenge. I said there are. There are ways in which you are a challenge. You know what I could. You know what I would have said instead with the word I was searching for is there's ways in which you're a puzzle. That's how I see you. You're a puzzle. Ron Funches. Don't you see him as a puzzle?

C (54:53)

I like that idea.

E (54:56)

Thank you for not following me.

C (54:57)

We haven't spent enough time together to know, but this set is amazing and

E (55:03)

who worked on it.

A (55:07)

So many wonderful people that are all around us. But the point I wanted to make about second thoughts is we just decided to do this, and it was very difficult to do this. And there's a lot of reasons, especially in a creative endeavor. If you are in a creative endeavor, you will find that there are many people along the way who view it as their job to be the one who wisely says why things won't work. And of course, most things don't work in entertainment or in life. And so it is sort of cheap and easy to be the person that always except explains why we shouldn't do something or you can't do something. And what's amazing about Crooked Media and all the people that work at Crooked Media is all along the way, every single person involved in making this show, from the people working on the cameras to the edit, all the way up to the CEO of our company, nobody said the reason they could, we couldn't do it. They were all trying to figure out the reason that we could. And that is why we got to. That's part of what makes what we do at Crooked so awesome, because we're trying to build something positive and helpful, even if it's a cynical time. But also, I just want to thank the team that helped make this possible because you can in this life, just do stuff like try to find a studio and make a show like this. But I want to do thank one person by name. I believe he goes by Nick. I know it's Nick. It's Nick Bernstein. Today happens to be his last day. And the only reason this show happened the way that it did is because Nick just confidently asserted that we could do this. And that was absurd, but he did it. And I'm very grateful to Nick for being able to put this incredible thing together. And I'm grateful to all of you for being part of this first live audience of this show. And I'm grateful to our guest Ron Funches and Anna Konkle. Thank you to Interwoven Studios and everybody at Interwoven Studios. And thank you all for being here. There are 184 days until the midterms. Have a great night and have a great weekend. If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked media on Instagram, TikTok and all the other ones for original content, community events and more. You can also find Love it or leave it on YouTube for videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube exclusive content. And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review. Finally, you can join Crooked so Friends of the Pod Subscription Community for ad free Love it or Leave it and Pod Save America episodes, subscriber exclusive pods and more. Sign up@crooked.com friends love it or Leave it is a Crooked Media production. It's written and produced by me, John Lovett. Kendra James is our executive producer, Bill McGrath is our producer, Hallie Heifer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus is our senior staff writer and Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre and Suba Argual are our writers. Jordan Cantor is our editor, Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Our theme song is written and performed by Shur Shir. Thanks to our designer Sammy Cadorna Reeves for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers David Towles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, Delon Villanueva, Jay Banks, Milo Kim, and Rachel Gajewski for filming and editing video each week so that you can Love it or Leave it is produced by Lee Eisenberg and our head of production is Matt DeGroat, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America. It's love it or leave it,

E (58:19)

Love

A (58:20)

it or leave it. Just love it or leave it.