MAGA’s Uncivil War

Summary

Podcast Summary: "MAGA’s Uncivil War"

Lovett or Leave It with Jon Lovett – March 21, 2026

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Episode Overview

This live episode, recorded at the UCB Theater in Los Angeles, sees Jon Lovett and a cast of comedian guests dissecting the latest in American politics—focusing especially on the chaotic infighting within the Republican Party. With special guests Maria Bamford, Utkarsh Ambudkar, and Nico Santos, the episode blends satire, sharp commentary, and personal anecdotes, moving from the spectacle of MAGA division to comedy career advice, confessions of intrusive thoughts, and industry banter among entertainers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. MAGA Infighting and Political Satire (04:02–18:47)

• Republican Meltdown: Lovett opens with a rundown of current Republican Party disarray amid crises at home and abroad, referencing the resignation of a Trump counterterrorism official and feuds among conservative media personalities.
  • Quote: "There's a political party in America that's collapsing under the weight of its internal contradictions, political failures, and long simmering resentments. And twist. It's the Republicans for once. Yes, the girls are fighting." (04:15, Lovett)
• Trump Administration Bizarre Scenes: Mockery of prominent resignations and hearing mishaps—like Tulsi Gabbard’s evasive Senate testimony and chaos over the Iran situation ("Strait of Hormuz" as a running joke for global instability).
  • Quote: "Instead of giving a clear answer to whether the intelligence community thought that Iran posed an imminent threat, Gabbard claimed that only Donald Trump could make that determination." (08:10, Lovett)
• Conservative Catfights: Lovett covers viral online slugfests, notably between Mark Levin and Megyn Kelly, escalating to absurd personal attacks with Trump chiming in with his own backhanded defense (“I wish I did it. I wish I did. But they didn't do it. I'm doing it.” 12:22, Trump).
• Isolation on World Stage: Trump’s blunders with allies are lampooned, especially an infamous Pearl Harbor reference during a press conference with Japan ("Who knows better about surprise than Japan? ... Why didn't you tell me about Pearl Harbor? Okay," 15:21, Trump).
• Senate Dysfunction: Intra-party sniping highlighted through a Senate hearing where Markwayne Mullen and Rand Paul have a heated exchange over past personal grievances—exposing the pettiness and instability among party elites.
  • Quote (Rand Paul): "Tell the world why you believe I deserve to be assaulted from behind, have six ribs broken and a damaged lung. Tell me to my face..." (17:05, Rand Paul)

2. Comedian Maria Bamford – Documentary, Mental Health & Career Advice (22:54–40:57)

• Being Documentary Subject: Maria Bamford reflects on starring in Judd Apatow's “Paralyzed by Hope,” the oddity of being the focus, and balancing payment with vulnerability.
  • Quote: "Half the documentary is me trying to get paid. At least in my opinion, it was." (23:17, Bamford)
• Comedy & Contradiction: Lovett and Bamford discuss the paradox of finding career success despite (and sometimes because of) mental health struggles.
  • Quote: "I'm bipolar two, which is, you know, I don't have the experience of psychosis. I haven't had... Was able to hold down full time jobs and stuff when I wasn't working in showbiz." (26:18, Bamford)
• Intrusive Thoughts: Bamford openly discusses her OCD and dark intrusive thoughts, turning them into comedic material while normalizing discussion around mental health.
  • Quote: "If you have an ocd tendency, then you kind of go, oh, God. And then you start doing things like gripping your hands at odd intervals and driving your car around the block to make sure you didn't hit a nun." (33:53, Bamford)
• Industry Advice: Maria emphasizes the need for self-belief: "There's always—I'm my biggest fan. So even if nobody likes what I do, I think I'm fucking hilarious." (31:56)
• Vision Boards & Success: She jokes about LA culture and the futility of "vision boards" as a universal success tool—“Isn't that a lesson for us all?” (33:13, Bamford)

3. Egg of Truth: Comedic Panel & Shared Neuroses (43:55–55:56)

• Guests Introduced: Lovett brings on Utkarsh Ambudkar and Nico Santos. The group answers "Egg of Truth" questions—absurd, spooky, and revealing queries.
• Ghostly Questions: Where would you haunt? Utkarsh picks Chick-fil-A to mess with bigots; Nico wants to be styled by Valentino on his deathbed ("Make me an outfit when I die." 46:49, Santos).
• Home Medical Procedures: Maria Bamford shares a DIY skin tag removal method from her dermatologist dad: "You tie a piece of sewing thread around the root of the tag..." (47:54, Bamford)
• Directing for TV: Lovett and Utkarsh joke about the challenges and realities of TV directing—short takes, no fun runs, and the grind of procedural comedy ("We have a lot to get done." 51:25, Ambudkar).
• Filipino Healthcare Representation: Nico discusses being on St. Denis Medical and the significance of Filipino representation among TV healthcare workers ("The Pit has three Filipino healthcare workers. All the Filipino community...finally." 53:26, Santos)
• Nerdy Sidebars: Utkarsh reveals work on a spy-fi graphic novel, segueing into classic sci-fi satire ("Do you think that a lot of our problems are because people didn't realize RoboCop was meant to be kind of satire?" 55:09, Lovett)

4. Second Thoughts & Reflections (59:53–64:28)

• Regrets and Self-Owning: In a roundtable of “Second Thoughts,” the group lightheartedly reviews on-air moments they’d redo, ranging from intrusive thought confessions to figure skating takes ("I cannot believe what I said about figure skating. They are gonna destroy me. The figure skating people are. They're so intense..." 63:11)
• Personal Connections: Lovett mentions his upcoming marriage to a trans person, prompting discussion of queer partnerships and shared reality TV history (Nico’s husband was on Survivor).
• Community & Representation: The conversation circles back to kindness for oneself as a creative, and the dearth of Filipino characters in media.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Lovett on MAGA Civil War: "The girls are fighting. And if we think it's bad now, just wait for the live reunion episode at the Hague on Tuesday." (04:19)
• Lovett on National Security Contradictions: "The intelligence community can't be responsible for determining what is and isn't a threat. That would distract them from their core mission—doing coups in Latin America." (09:08)
• Maria Bamford on Self-Projection: "Maybe they're seeing something I don't. But I think I'm a...like a hog. Like a strong hog." (24:39)
• On Comedy & Intrusive Thoughts:
  • Lovett: "Mine are more like if a phone call drops, I assume there's been a 911 of some kind." (34:24)
  • Bamford: "Don't leave me alone with your dog. That's my fear, right?" (37:36)
• On Craft and Artistry:
  • Nico Santos: "Representation matters." (53:29)
  • Utkarsh Ambudkar: "Being a director is a bit like having to do surgery on an idea." (49:23)
• Lovett on Career Advice: "Don't do it for the Emmys." (33:08)
• Egg of Truth Antics: "Let's say you die in a hospital. That's so boring. Where would you want to haunt after you become a ghost?" (44:50)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• MAGA’s Uncivil War / Political Satire: 04:02–18:47
• Maria Bamford Interview: 22:54–40:57
• Intrusive Thoughts & Glass Half Full Segment: 33:47–40:44
• Egg of Truth Panel Games: 43:55–55:56
• Second Thoughts / Reflections: 59:53–64:28

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Overall Tone & Language

The episode maintains Lovett’s signature blend of sharp political irreverence, insider comedy banter, and genuine moments of vulnerability, especially around mental health. Swearing and dark humor are frequent, but always in service of self-deprecating jokes or edgy satire. The panel's style is conversational, with punchy interruptions and good-natured teasing.

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Takeaways

• MAGA Meltdown: The Republican Party’s infighting is satirically dissected as both urgent and clownish.
• Personal Growth Amidst Chaos: Comedians like Bamford complicate the narrative of "tortured genius," showing strength in self-awareness and self-acceptance.
• Egg of Truth: Silly games unlock moments of real camaraderie, career insight, and audience therapy.
• Inclusivity & Progress: The episode spotlights the slow but meaningful progress of minority representation in entertainment industries.

For anyone looking for both current events insight and a therapy session for American anxiety—packaged as snappy, honest standup—this episode delivers.

Transcript

[John Lovett]

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[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

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[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Odyssey.

[John Lovett]

Odyssey, the new Odyssey. Sounds like you're from Boston. You're saying Odyssey Odyssey the new Odyssey Podcast the Odyssey App. It's for free and you can get it and listen to your podcast in the Odyssey App, including the Late Show

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Pod show with you, Stephen Colbert.

[John Lovett]

Follow and listen to the Late Show Pod show on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Phil]

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[Hallie Heifer]

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[John Lovett]

What's up Los Angeles? Welcome to Love it or Leave It Live from the UCB Theater. We've never done the show here before. Very exciting. We've got a great show for you tonight. Maria Bamford is here. Utkarsh Ambudkar is here. Nico Santos is here. We'll be talking about some intrusive thoughts and hopeful news, then the return of the Egg of Truth. And of course, we'll wrap it up with a round of second thoughts. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Well, you know what that sound means. There's a political party in America that's collapsing under the weight of its internal contradictions, political failures and long simmering resentments. And twist. It's the Republicans for once. Yes, the girls are fighting. And if we think it's bad now, just wait for the live reunion episode at the Hague on Tuesday. Joe Kent, a high ranking counterterrorism official resigned in protest, writing, I cannot in good conscience support the ongoing war in Iran. Iran posed no imminent threat to our nation. Oh, you're trying to use your good conscience in the Trump administration? No, no, you gotta let that demon out. Said a completely nude Lindsey Graham prancing around the Situation Room while watching bombs fall on Tehran set to Robbins dancing on my own. Trump reacted to Kent's resignation on Tuesday.

[Donald Trump]

Well, I read his statement. I always thought he was a nice guy, but I always thought he was weak on security. Very weak on security. I didn't know him well, but I thought he seemed like a pretty nice guy.

[John Lovett]

So Trump nominated a guy he always thought was weak on security to lead the National Counterterrorism Center. Why? What was he tough on? Stains. But before you put this guy on your no Kings poster, this Kent is my Superman. That kind of thing. Be aware he has ties to white nationalists and he has long embraced anti Semitic conspiracy theories. As the saying goes, a broken clock is right twice a day, even if the clock broke because it was hurled through the window of a synagogue. Kent even has a tattoo, and this is true of a German Panzer tank. And in this case, that Nazi tattoo is unforgivable. In the wake of Kent's resignation, Trump's director of National Intelligence and person who seems like they could do a hit and run and then immediately go surfing. Tulsi Gabbard testified at a Senate intelligence hearing. Here's Senator Mark Warner grilling Gabbard on why her oral testimony and written testimony were different. In your printed testimony today on page six, As a result of Operation Midnight Hammer, Iran's nuclear enrichment program was obliterated. There's been no efforts to try to rebuild their enrichment capability. You omitted that paragraph from your oral opening. Was that because the president said there was an imminent threat? Two weeks? No, sir. I recognized that the time was running long and I skipped through some of the portions of the remarks. So you chose to omit the parts that contradict the president. It's true. She omitted that to avoid contradicting the president. But also the president contradicted the president. If you say Iran's nuclear program wasn't obliterated, you are contradicting the president. But if you say Iran's nuclear program was obliterated, you are also contradicting the president, who claims Iran is an ongoing and immediate nuclear threat. It's quite the minefield for Gabbard. Might as well just send her through the Strait of Hormuz. Instead of giving a clear answer by the way. At some point during the run through today, Sarah, one of the writers was like, hey, Strait of Hormuz seems to be a punchline three times. And I was like, oh, we need to sprinkle in more straight of Hormuz. I actually think you could develop a tool where the frequency of discussion of the Strait of Hormuz lets you know how destabilized the planet is. Right? Like, the less you're thinking about the Strait of Hormuz, the safer a moment of time. Now, instead of giving a clear answer to whether the intelligence community thought that Iran posed an imminent threat, Gabbard claimed that only Donald Trump could make that determination. Is it the assessment of the intelligence community that there was a, quote, imminent nuclear threat posed by the Iranian regime? Yes or no, Senator? The only person who can determine what is and is not an imminent threat is the president. False. It is not the intelligence community's responsibility to determine what is and is not an imminent threat. That is up to President. Here's the problem based on a volume. No, it is. It is precisely. It is precisely your responsibility to determine what constitutes a threat to the United States. Intelligence community can't be responsible for determining what is and isn't a threat. That would distract them from their core mission doing coups in Latin America. Speaking of what goes on below the equator, many of us discovered that there was an ongoing feud this week when former Fox News host and current person who angrily says finally, when grabbing her sushi from the Uber Eats driver Megyn Kelly posted this about conservative host Mark Levin. And here's the quote from Megyn Kelly, micropenis Mark thinks he has the monopoly on lewd. He tweets about me obsessively in the crudest, nastiest terms possible. Literally more than some stalkers I've had arrested. He doesn't like it when women like me fight back because of his micropenis. Yikes. Don't coughing Meghan before she's had her micro penis. This was in response to an insulting post by Levin about Meghan over her criticism of Trump's war in Iran. Trump then came to micropenis marks. I'm sorry, Mark's defense posting that Levin was under siege by other people with far less intellect, capability and love for their country. Trump added that Mark Levin's penis was, quote, within the normal human range. Marjorie Taylor Greene then tagged in to say, quote, I wholeheartedly support Megyn Kelly telling the world that Mark Levin has a micropenis. For too long she sat idly by while bad faith actors Felt falsely claimed that Mark Levin was working with a real womb broom down there. Speaking of dicks, J.D. vance is also caught in the middle of this MAGA civil war.

[Donald Trump]

I like it.

[John Lovett]

Past skepticism of foreign adventurism. Are you completely on board with the current war in Iran?

[Phil]

I know what you're trying to do, Phil. You're trying to drive a wedge between.

[John Lovett]

Between members of the administration, between me and the President. What the president said consistently going back

[Phil]

to 2015, and I agreed with him,

[John Lovett]

is that Iran should not have a nuclear weapon. Now, Vance never actually says that. He's completely on board. And we've seen leaks saying that Vance was actually opposed to the strikes in Iran. But, sorry, man, you can't have it both ways. It's like going to the Cheesecake Factory and ordering from the Skinnylicious menu. It's stupid. You're not fooling anybody. And either way, your straight of Hormuz is all clogged up. Okay? Stupid Skinnylicious men. You get that out of here. It's not why I'm here. I came here to fuck. All right. Absent public support, Trump claimed twice that in private, a former president told him that he wished he'd been the one to attack Iran.

[Donald Trump]

I've spoken to a certain president who I like, actually a past president, former president. He said, I wish I did it. I wish I did. But they didn't do it. I'm doing it.

[Nico Santos]

Yeah.

[Donald Trump]

I can't tell you this. I don't want to embarrass him. It would be very bad for his career. Even though he's got no career left,

[John Lovett]

that's someone he likes. There are only four living presidents. Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Joe Biden. Jimmy Carter is technically dead, though. He's trapped in a liminal space between this world and the next because he has unfinished business sleeping with a second woman. After Trump repeated this claim, Peter Doocy tried to get him to say which president he'd spoken with. Just want to ask you about something very interesting that you said twice today that you talked to another former president about the Iran strikes. Was it George W. Bush?

[Donald Trump]

No.

[John Lovett]

Was it Bill Clinton?

[Donald Trump]

I don't want to say.

[Nico Santos]

So.

[John Lovett]

Funny. By the way, if you want to know how you end up in a war in Iran where you have the president begging NATO to help him after the fact. He didn't figure out that he was in a trap until the second question. Do you see that? Was it George J. Bush? No. Was it Bill Clinton? Oh, fuck. I just was at a funeral with all These guys. And there's not that many fucking guys. But then people close to all four living presidents denied that any of them had had a recent conversation with Trump. So is Trump just making it up? Possibly he does that. But there was also this Atlantic story about how Trump's personal phone number has been widely circulated and he'll answer a call from basically anybody. Which does raise the possibility that someone is catfishing Donald Trump with an AI version of Bill Clinton and telling Trump through AI Bill Clinton to bomb Iran. Or is Darryl Hammond an agent of Mossad? And I don't want to speculate. Yes, he is. Trump also spent the week angrily posting about how mad he is that none of our European allies have been willing to join the conflict, while also claiming we don't need any help because it's going so good. Here's the thing. You gotta ask your allies if they're down for the war before you start the war. You can't hire a getaway driver when the bank robbery is underway and the cops have already blocked off the Strait of Hormuz. Trump's international charm offensive continued on Thursday when he met with the Prime Minister of Japan at the White House. And a Japanese reporter asked this.

[Nico Santos]

Why didn't you tell US allies in Europe and Asia, like Japan, about the

[John Lovett]

war before attacking Iran?

[Nico Santos]

So we are very confused about Japanese systems.

[Donald Trump]

Well, one thing, you don't want to signal too much. You know, when we go in, we went in very hard and we didn't tell anybody about it because we wanted surprise. Who knows better about surprise than Japan? Okay, why didn't you tell me about Pearl Harbor? Okay,

[John Lovett]

First of all, J.D. vance can't do that. Come on, that's fucking top tier. 10 out of 10. You know, Trump's staff put together a prep doc for him, and the doc was just one note card. All caps do not bring up Pearl Harbor. So Trump has alienated our allies and a lot of his base over the war. Meanwhile, he's putting pressure on Senate Republicans to pass his voter ID law, which does not have enough Republican votes to pass. But look, sometimes as hard as you push, you can't get her there, said Mark Levin. Hmm. Republicans also can't agree on Trump's nominees, like Senator Mark Wayne Mullen, who is his pick to replace Kristi Noem as the head of the Department of Homeland Security. And it's not an easy job. Mullen has some pretty big Corey Lewandowski's holes to fill. This led to my favorite Republican feud of the week, non micropenis category which is Senator Rand Paul, Mullen's colleague on this committee. The Homeland Security Committee tore into Mullen for comments Mullen made, joking about Paul's 2017 assault by his neighbor.

[Donald Trump]

Tell it to my face. If that's what you believe, tell it to me today. Tell the world why you believe I deserve to be assaulted from behind, have six ribs broken and a damaged lung. Tell me to my face why you think I deserved it. And while you're at it, explain to the American public why they should trust a man with anger issues to set the proper example for ICE and Border Patrol agents.

[John Lovett]

I obviously don't think Mullen is the right person to lead dhs, but Paul is making, unfortunately, a pretty strong case for why Mullen is the right person to lead Trump's dhs. Besides, this is America. Basically, men with anger issues are the only people we trust to run things. We barely let Ellen be mean, but just wait until you hear what Senator Joni Ernst had to say.

[Maria Bamford]

I hope that the President is watching. I am going to say to the President, I am really upset that he has made your nomination.

[John Lovett]

At which point Mark Wayne Mellon pulls up a folding chair above his head as Joni Ernst continues.

[Maria Bamford]

Because I will be losing from the Senate one of the best friends that I have here.

[John Lovett]

At which point he opens the chair as if he were setting it up for someone. Look at. Did you just awe that? Fuck you. What the fuck is that? So that's where we're at. MAGA is melting down. Gas prices are through the roof. Republicans are at each other's throats. And no one feels more betrayed than Trump's own voters. Which is why we will give one Trump voter the final word tonight. If you could say something to President Trump is gonna hear you right now. What would it be? You are a worthless pile of. And you voted for him how many times? Three times?

[Maria Bamford]

That was my bad.

[John Lovett]

Apparently, I'm an idiot.

[Nico Santos]

What's up?

[John Lovett]

No, babe, we love you. We're obsessed. We'll see you at Crooked Con. All right. And we will be right back with Maria Bamford. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up. Love it or Leave it is brought to you by stamps.com it's staggering that to this very day, many small business owners are still making post office runs or are stuck with expensive postage meter leases. It's 2026. Enough mail and ship when you want, how you want with stamps.com, basta. To the expensive postage meters, we say basta. We say Basta. That is a very old reference to the 2007-2008 Clinton Obama primary.

[Nico Santos]

Wow.

[John Lovett]

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[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Hi.

[John Lovett]

Thanks for being here.

[Maria Bamford]

Sarah. Nice to see you. Thank you for having me on the show. No, no. Oh, God, I'm making too much of a meal of it. How are you?

[John Lovett]

So good to see you. Thanks for being here.

[Maria Bamford]

Thank you so much for having me. What a delight.

[John Lovett]

Hey, what's it like being in a documentary subject?

[Maria Bamford]

Well, I thought it might be exhausting because I'm an introvert and what they do is they follow you around with the camera for years. And so I said to myself, how am I? How am I? How can I get paid to do this? And so that was part of the whole reason I did it was half the documentary is me trying to get paid. At least in my opinion, it was. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

And it was filmed for four years.

[Maria Bamford]

Four years. Four years. Well, and then it's very Los Angeles type thing where they go, oh, my God, we have this great idea. And then maybe something happens with it or maybe not. And yeah, so I wanted to have a little bit of cash in exchange for all that time because it was a documentary. But also they'd say, hey, could we take that again from the beginning? Wait A minute. Show business. Yeah. So. But it was tons of fun and I'm extremely grateful. But again, yeah, I'm in the back nine of life. I don't want to spend any more time in front of a camera unless I'm being paid.

[Nico Santos]

Now.

[John Lovett]

In the documentary, Conan describes you as a lobster who's been taken out of her shell but still feeling everything. Does that feel true to you?

[Maria Bamford]

I think he's, I mean, much respect, all honor, and maybe he's projecting. I feel like I'm tough as nails. I have a bit of a tremor and I have a high voice. So people often think, oh, is something wrong? It's not really. Or at least I feel pretty good. So, you know, maybe they're seeing something. I don't. But I think I'm a. Like a hog. Like a strong hog.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Hogs are really tough. They're resilient. They're very smart. The feral ones, they'll eat anything.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

They'll eat a garden hose. They'll be. And they'll be like, delicious.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

I wish there was more garden hose at this restaurant.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah. Put me in a confinement system. I'll eat everything you want me to eat.

[John Lovett]

I'm that way too. That's something that we have in common. Put me in a confinement system. I'll eat what you want me to eat. I'm always saying that. So funny that you said that that way. But. No, but it's. I actually did want to ask you about this because you have this and you talk about this in the movie too, which is you're someone who, a lot of your standup historically has been about like your, your like just the challenges of life, the challenges inside your own brain.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

And yet you're extremely successful. You're like, you have the. But you are, you're very successful and you have the confidence to do what only you could do, which speaks to a strength as well. So I wonder if there's like a, A way in which you feel like a contradiction there about being kind of a mess but also a huge success.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah. Well, I think also I'm. My mental health issues are very low, low grade. Like, I'm bipolar two, which is, you know, I don't have the experience of psychosis. I haven't had. Was able to hold down full time jobs and stuff when I wasn't working in showbiz now. Yeah. And I'm. Yeah. Also in show business. Personalities that are bizarre or seem on the edge are okay. Whereas. Yeah. I know when I worked in corporate America People be like, everything okay for their kid? You know? And. Yeah. I didn't rise through the ranks of corporate America.

[John Lovett]

You're kidding. You hit the glass ceiling?

[Maria Bamford]

I hit some. Yeah. Some sort of ceiling. I know.

[John Lovett]

Was it clear? How clear was it? Was it foggy? Translucent? Mirrored? Was it smoky? What kind of glass ceiling were you talking about?

[Maria Bamford]

Well, I think I just didn't want to go through it. I sat beneath it and pondered, wondering. Yeah, I wasn't very success oriented. I'm not sure. Yeah, I'm grateful. Yeah. I have plenty of success. I had a TV show. Everything that's ever. I've ever wanted has happened. Except for. What's the next thing? Figure skating.

[John Lovett]

Boy, we're gonna. I'm excited for that phase. I'm excited for that phase.

[Maria Bamford]

Right. I've seen a lot. Somehow. I'm getting a lot of memes on my insta about figure skating. As an older person, I'm in.

[John Lovett]

Can I tell you something that I secretly believe? A thought that I've never said out loud?

[Maria Bamford]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

I don't think they can count how many times people are going around up there. It's too fast. I just think. Okay, yeah, no, for sure.

[Maria Bamford]

Four.

[John Lovett]

I believe you.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

What?

[John Lovett]

No, come on.

[Maria Bamford]

That is.

[John Lovett]

Grow up.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah, that's a fair point. I don't know. So the documentary. Yeah. I don't know if it's sold. It's not yet available on streaming services, so now it's just in festivals.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Huh.

[John Lovett]

That's fun.

[Maria Bamford]

I don't know. Yeah. Why did I feel the need to tell you that? Does anybody want to buy it? John Apatow spent a lot of money

[John Lovett]

trying to understand you finished three years of filming the documentary. And he's like, I almost got it, but we gotta get one more year out of you.

[Maria Bamford]

This is the hilarious. The guy who's shooting it, lovely Neil Berkley. He's done so many beautiful documentaries. He. He kept asking throughout. He would say, as he was watching my life unfold, would say, God, what is this about? Hey, Neil. That's. That's my. That's. It's very existential and I. I get it. I'm living this. But, yeah, it was hilarious.

[John Lovett]

In the doc, your dad cried the first time he heard you do an impression of him. Is that right? Yes.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah, my dad. I did impersonation. My mom, who. She can. She still talks from heaven. And guess what heaven is. It's the Delta Sky Club in Atlanta. So it's a little hot and crowded, but my dad. My dad got jealous and Was like, oh, Poppy of your dad, huh? And then I did it. And he cried. I said, what do you. Pussy. No, he didn't know. But yeah. So I think it is really scary to have somebody do an impersonation of you to yourself. I've had people impersonations me to my face, and you're like, I know, I know. That's what I sound like. Have you had that where somebody does an impersonation?

[John Lovett]

You know, only in anger. Only in anger. Never with love. So something to hope for. So it's hard to separate the feeling of it from the impression, from the intent of the impression, which was to harm. Because, you know, my friends and I used to have a saying which was, I'm just being hurtful. Which is like, no, no, it's not true. It's not true. I'm just being hurtful.

[Maria Bamford]

Yes, right.

[John Lovett]

That's why I said it. It's not a mean thing. I said, don't worry about it. I'm just being hurtful.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Because the real things that hurt are the things when they're not trying to be hurtful. You know? That's why when you hear somebody talking about Jeff behind your back, you're like, my God. Yeah, that's what they think of me.

[Maria Bamford]

Or it's something that. It's like a given. It's like, yeah, I know, I know. That's. You know. But, yeah, I don't. I'm not always for that. When people say, oh, I'm just kidding. Oh, I'm just kicking. I'm just kicking you. You know, I mean, why not get violent? I'm sorry. Well, yes.

[John Lovett]

Do you have. So a lot of this is about how beloved you are as a. As a comedian. Is there advice you have that you would give an up and coming, extremely talented comedian who might feel like they're kind of unusual in a way that makes it a little harder for less, more usual people to see it, you know?

[Maria Bamford]

Well, I mean, there's always. I'm my biggest fan. So even if nobody likes what I do, I think I'm fucking hilarious. So that's what. That's. That's a pretty tight market, you know, if I can sell stuff to this person. Yeah, yeah. Just keep going. If you enjoy what you're doing and believe in it, then keep going. Now, there's, of course, no guarantee, and that's the sad thing, because there's certainly barriers. I really hate it in Los Angeles. Somebody goes, you know, I made a vision board. And it's crazy because I just. I You know, I'm directing a short and it's like, like, that's not gonna happen for everybody. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you give people vision board, make vision boards in like, yeah, a poor area of Appalachia, they're just gonna have a lot more hurdles to go through. Even if they have cut out a picture of an Emmy and pasted it, pasted it on a piece of cardboard, you know, just. It's not right.

[John Lovett]

And don't do it. And wherever you're from, don't do it for the Emmys. Don't do it. You know, don't do it for the Emmys.

[Maria Bamford]

Here's a lesson from a vision board workshop. Once I was at one in Los Feliz and there were hundreds of magazines and we ran out of Emmys and Academy Awards. And isn't that a lesson for us all?

[John Lovett]

And I bet you didn't run out of scientists. Something to think about now, one last question before we get to the game. So you've talked about having intrusive thoughts. Talk about it in the doc.

[Maria Bamford]

Sure.

[John Lovett]

Classics, Serial killing, cannibalizing your family. Do you still have them?

[Maria Bamford]

No. Well, I had them as a child. I don't know where they came from, but I mean, I think everybody has them in terms of you have them for a second and then you just go, oh, that was weird. And then you move on. But if you have an ocd tendency, then you kind of go, oh, God. And then you start doing things like gripping your hands at odd intervals and driving your car around the block to make sure you didn't hit a nun. That is. The fun thing about OCD is hearing people's very specific fears.

[John Lovett]

Mine are more like if a phone call drops, I assume there's been a 911 of some kind.

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, there's been a death.

[John Lovett]

There's been a death.

[Maria Bamford]

A mass death.

[John Lovett]

Usually it's like, oh, the earthquake has already begun. Where the part of town they're in. And I'm about to feel a Mexico City 10 point earthquake, but nobody knows yet. And so their building's already down dead pancake. No triangle of life for them.

[Maria Bamford]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

And I feel it really vividly. And again, as everybody knows, I'm too busy to be in therapy right now, but I'm gonna get. I'm so busy, so. But everyone on the other side of the phone call is dead. Dead.

[Maria Bamford]

Well, and, you know, as long as that doesn't keep you from living your life, you know, seriously, I mean, if it doesn't bug you that much, you know, if it doesn't stop you from, you know, oh, God, I gotta check if that person really didn't die in a terrible earthquake with a thousand other

[John Lovett]

people, I just call them back.

[Maria Bamford]

You just call back.

[John Lovett]

And usually they're there or they taxed. Or they tax. Or they taxed. Which. Which is why inside, for a segment we're calling the Glass is Half full of intrusive thoughts.

[Maria Bamford]

Woo.

[John Lovett]

And here's how it works. I'm gonna offer you an actually intrusive thought I've had. And Maria, you will reply with something you find hopeful about it. I will also read you a bit of hopeful news from the week and you'll just share what intrusive thought is sparked.

[Maria Bamford]

Okay.

[John Lovett]

All right.

[Nico Santos]

Got it.

[John Lovett]

Here's something that I have an intrusive thought about all the time. The digital footprint I've created will outlive me and therefore will ultimately be more of what I was than what I was offline. That the digital me is more. More me than the real me.

[Maria Bamford]

Okay. And the hopeful thought is, what a way to go. Oh, my God, I've died, but I haven't. Or really, the best parts of me live on and I mean. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, Seems like. Seems awesome.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. An Icelandic firefighter came up with a plan to steer his homeland's lava rivers away from important Icelandic landmarks. This hero, who is 6 foot 5, is known as Iceland's lava cooling manager. He's saved whole towns.

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, my gosh. And did you know that some people don't eat crushed ice because it seems as if they're eating baby bones.

[John Lovett]

On Sunday, The Sinner's director of photography, Autumn Durald Arkhipow, became the first woman to win an Oscar for best cinematography.

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, isn't that nice?

[John Lovett]

Well,

[Maria Bamford]

if sometimes this one guy kept thinking that he. His penis was getting smaller and so he having to check to see if it was getting smaller and people thought he was a sex offender, when in fact he just had OCD and he was just taking off his pants because he had to know whether it was getting smaller in public places.

[John Lovett]

It's spring. Gloria's spring. And we're younger than we'll ever be again.

[Nico Santos]

Hmm.

[Maria Bamford]

Okay. Don't leave me alone with your dog. That's. That's my fear, right?

[John Lovett]

You'll be alone with the dog.

[Maria Bamford]

Don't be alone with the dog. Because you don't know. You know, that's. That's the fear. You don't want to be left alone with any sort of helpless animal because you're somehow dangerous or evil.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Oh, wow.

[Maria Bamford]

Or, yeah.

[John Lovett]

Oh.

[Maria Bamford]

Or yeah. Whatever it is. Yeah, people, it's. It's real.

[John Lovett]

Here's my intrusive. I was voted off survivors 47 because of a fundamentally unsolvable problem with my personality.

[Maria Bamford]

Or were you given the true gift of being fired, which always creates a sense of relief, an escape, and a. And a high, I want to say. So, yeah. Because were you truly bummed that you got taken off?

[John Lovett]

Yes. And, well, absolutely devastated. But I will say everyone, I think, should go through a zero stakes, worst case scenario. Right. Because getting voted off first was my worst case scenario. The stakes were actually quite low.

[Nico Santos]

Right.

[John Lovett]

Like there are all kinds of worst case scenarios that are very high stakes that you don't want, but to have to go into something where you're like, okay, this is the best outcome. This is the worst outcome. And have the worst outcome happen to you. And then you're like, here I am. You're okay, you know?

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah. No, you keep living and breathing. And I did a benefit for a schizophrenic research, and turns out the people who hire you for benefits are big fans. The people they are trying to get money from or not. And I went somewhere in Napa Valley to try to make a bunch of conservatives laugh and terrible, terrible mistake. The comic brought me up with. Is everybody ready to have a good time? Yeah. And it was so awful. It was quiet for about 10 minutes. Then women started clapping me off because they thought I was done. I had to explain to these bitches, I got 45 more minutes. Now we're all suffering on behalf of schizophrenia research, which is very funny when you think about it in retrospect. But yeah, no, it was my worst, like, oh, this is for a good cause. I'm here and here to help. And it's like, people are like, you,

[John Lovett]

you, you have ruined.

[Maria Bamford]

But then Howie Mandelworth's there at the end and some people have all perked up.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, he'll bring it home for you up in there in Napa.

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, God, yeah.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, for sure. Well, you don't have to. You're not at the schizophrenia gala in Napa. And you can go see Maria bamford. Go to mariabamford.com for tickets to see her live and Paralyzed by Hope coming to a film festival near you.

[Maria Bamford]

And if you live in Highland Park, I do a show Every Tuesday at 9am I bring free donuts. Everybody's welcome. You don't have to have the money, but it's 25 bucks if you can to give to the theater Outside in Theater in Highland park, which is a nonprofit.

[John Lovett]

That's great. Maria Bamford, everybody. We'll be right back.

[Phil]

Hey, don't go anywhere.

[John Lovett]

There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up. Love it or Leave it is brought to you by surfshark. Using the Internet today without a VPN is like leaving your front door wide open and just hoping nobody wanders in. Every website you visit, every video you watch, every random late night search, late night search, it's all being tracked. And then somehow you search one thing and suddenly you're being followed around the Internet by ads for the rest of your life. It's unsettling. But that's where Surfshark comes in. Surfshark VPN encrypts your Internet connection and hides your real IP address so your online activity stays private. Whether you're at home or on a sketchy public WI fi at an airport, hotel or cafe, your data is protected. No more broadcasting information to whoever happens to be on the same network. Surfshark VPN also lets you change your virtual location with a single click, which means your physical location doesn't dictate what you can access online. Surfshark's clean web feature blocks ads, trackers and malware before they even load. They've even got tools like an email breach checker and scam alert feature. And the best part, one account covers unlimited devices. Laptop, phone, tablet, smart tv, all protected. No juggling subscriptions. Everybody should have a vpn. Especially if you travel and, and you are on random WI FI networks all the time. It just, it's, you're gambling, like, okay, let's say nine times out of 10, there's nothing to worry about. But you never know that you're on a random network that's been, that's been compromised in some way. That's downloading stuff that's like breaching your computer in some way. So it's just safety. Especially like if you're not using your, you know, home wifi all the time. Go to surfshark.com love it. Or use Code Love it at checkout to get an extra four months. That's surfshark.com love it code love it. There's also a 30 day money back guarantee, so it's completely risk free. Close the digital front door with Surfshark VPN. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Spring is in the air. And while you're checking off organizational tasks on your spring cleaning to do list, it's important not to forget about yourself. Therapy offers a space to slow down and stretch out when your mind feels overwhelmed with clutter. Spring clean your mind, John. Spring clean your mind. Better help Therapists work according to a strict code of conduct. Get those dust mites. Take those sweaters off your shelves. Cobwebs. Strict code of conduct from these therapists fully licensed in the US BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. And their 12 plus years of experience and industry leading match fulfillment rate means they typically get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored racks. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform having served over 6 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Your emotional wellbeing matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] Love it. That's better. H E L P.com Love it. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage my next two guests. Or should I say my next boo guests. That's right. From CBS Ghost, it's Udkarsh Ambudkar. And you've seen him on NBC's St. Denis Medical. It's Nico Santos.

[Nico Santos]

Hi.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Hi.

[John Lovett]

Hi. Thanks for being here.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Wow.

[John Lovett]

So lovely to see you both. Now on our show, we have a long standing segment called the Egg of Truth. That's what this is. And we have searingly revealing questions for our guests to answer. In honor of both of your recent works in Ghosts and St. Denis Medical, the egg has been morphed and become optimized to promote your current project. So tonight I bring you a new twist on old classic. It's the Haunted egg of truth, Maryland.

[Maria Bamford]

Cool.

[John Lovett]

A little spooky because it goes.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Lovett]

Dr. Thing and the ghost thing together, you know.

[Maria Bamford]

An egg. Yeah, an egg.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

He's opening the egg. For everyone listening. Just open the egg. He's unfolded a piece of paper.

[Nico Santos]

It's not a fabric egg.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

He's gonna read it. It's a plastic egg. But it is gold. Yes, sir.

[John Lovett]

Let's say you die in a hospital. That's so boring. Where would you want to haunt after you become a ghost? If you had the option to choose.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

The first thing that popped into my head was a chick fil a Chick

[Nico Santos]

Fil a. I don't.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

I feel like I could do a lot of damage in a Chick Fil

[John Lovett]

a. Yeah, but then you're so bored on Sundays.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yeah, that's true. Well, maybe I would, like, bang. Make it like the windows shake or rattle on a Sunday when people go by, they'll think it's the wrath of God wanting Chick Fil a to be open.

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, shit.

[Nico Santos]

Or punishment for being homophobic.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yeah, that too. Yeah.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah, yeah.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

We could punish a lot of homophobic people at Chick Fil a, I think.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Don't you?

[John Lovett]

Oh, yeah. No. Well, I wouldn't know. I've never been.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

It's ripe.

[Nico Santos]

Chick fil a.

[John Lovett]

That's how it's pronounced. I've only seen it written. I've never heard it said. I just would never go there. You can't go. And by the way, like, you can't. You probably. Unless you would go. You wouldn't know. If you get the chicken nuggets in the morning during breakfast time, when you can't do that at McDonald's next door on Western. You wouldn't know that. No, no, because McDonald's doesn't. You can't get nuggets till after they're done with breakfast. But it's like, if you want nuggets, where are you going to go? Maybe you go to Chick Fil a. But I won't know that because I won't go there, which is a shame.

[Nico Santos]

You should really.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

You should really try it once.

[John Lovett]

I can't. It's. They're so homophobic.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

I know. I understand why you don't.

[John Lovett]

And I think they addressed it, but not enough to our satisfaction. Right, Nico?

[Nico Santos]

Absolutely not.

[John Lovett]

Absolutely not. No. That's why we don't go there.

[Nico Santos]

I'm like, there's nothing Polynesian about this sauce.

[John Lovett]

You know what? I don't know. The ranch came from a ranch. So let's do another one. Some people experience deathbed apparitions where they see dead loved ones standing near their hospital bed. Which celebrity would you rather see instead, Nico?

[Nico Santos]

Ooh, Valentino.

[John Lovett]

Wow, that's interesting.

[Nico Santos]

I'll be like, you know, assess my outfit. Make me an outfit when I die.

[John Lovett]

Oh, that's so good. Right?

[Nico Santos]

Make sure that I'm, like, fabulous when I fucking die.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, you gotta look good. You gotta go out looking good.

[Nico Santos]

It's like you are wearing rags. You look horrible. Let's put you in something more sparkly.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Nico Santos]

Bellissima. Bellissima.

[John Lovett]

That's such a nice idea.

[Nico Santos]

It's the truth.

[John Lovett]

It's the truth. That's what the egg of Truth reveals.

[Nico Santos]

There you go.

[John Lovett]

Maria, do you think it's possible to be haunted by the original owner of a donated organ?

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, God, yeah. Especially. Yeah, I think it must be possible. I have never experienced any sort of spiritual and or ghost like experience, so I have nothing to offer. Yeah, I'm sorry.

[John Lovett]

Do you ever do any medical procedures in your own home?

[Maria Bamford]

Yes, my father is a dermatologist. So I do know how to remove a skin tag. Let me tell you. You take a piece of sewing thread and you tie it around the root of the tag. You tie it super tight so it hurts, and then it puffs up. It puffs up because no blood can come in or out. And then it explodes over. You know, of course, this is every two hours or whatever. And then it scabs and then it falls off. So now guess what? You've just removed a pedunculated lesion.

[Nico Santos]

It's called a pedunculated lesion.

[Maria Bamford]

It is called a pedunculated lesion. And I'll be called Dr. Pedunkadunk.

[Nico Santos]

That's gonna be my drag name.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah,

[John Lovett]

I like that.

[Nico Santos]

I like that.

[John Lovett]

All right. Oh, wait. You directed episodes of Ghost this season?

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

I did. Smooth Segue, baby.

[John Lovett]

You don't need that anymore. No, you gotta keep it moving. You gotta keep it moving. I did. Speaking of removing. See, this is what you wanted.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

You.

[John Lovett]

I mean, look, I want just a little effort sometimes. You know what?

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Speaking of a pedunculated, I would say

[John Lovett]

being a director is a bit like having to do surgery on an idea.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

There we go.

[Maria Bamford]

Yes.

[John Lovett]

Now, Stanley Kubrick directed the Shining, which was also, in a sense, about ghosts. Did you bring a lot of that? Were you an unbearable monster to your fellow cast members? Did you make anybody cry? Did you make somebody have such a bad experience that they kind of gave up acting? That's what I don't want to start. That's not like a rumor or anything.

[Nico Santos]

You're like, who's saying that?

[John Lovett]

No. Yeah.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

You know what the truth is, is I had no respect going into it. And the process, I think it remained the same. I don't think the cast or crew really gives a shit what I say. They don't care. They love me for who I am, not for the things I do or my mental capabilities. And I think we just sort of tried to have a good time. Everyone did it, the episode is done, it will go on television, and that's that. I'm in the dga. Fuck off. That's what it is. I had. I don't know how it went. You can. But no one quit.

[John Lovett]

Hell, yeah.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Which is a really great bar to set before you start a job.

[Maria Bamford]

How many takes did you take? For each take, directors will take, like, two, and then they'll move on. Moving on.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yeah. I was like two or three and trying to get people home. Home for dinner.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Very, very much. Because that's. That's how I like to work.

[Nico Santos]

I like. No. No fun runs.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

No fun runs. But that's more of a. A mandate from on high. No more fun runs, baby.

[John Lovett]

What's a fun run?

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Fun run is, like, you do one for you. A little improv. Somebody pretends to do some ghost stuff, maybe you make up some lines. But it's cbs, it's Viacom. We're working where it's a corporate gig.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

We're like, I just am never gonna get to direct again after this interview.

[John Lovett]

But you got.

[Nico Santos]

With that attitude.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

We got a huge cast, and we have a lot to get done.

[John Lovett]

So, Ukarsh, you were saying backstage that on set, you became like a family. Yes,

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

but mostly just with my bosses.

[John Lovett]

Right, right, right. And you said you. And you told me backstage that you were open to storylines about how important it is to close the border, that kind of thing. That, like, that's the kind of stuff you're gonna get into the future seasons.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Jesus. Jesus. Jesus, baby.

[John Lovett]

That's right.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

There's not a Bible I haven't read. I'll tell you that. I read.

[John Lovett]

I read them all and. And by the way, read them a second time, you'll see new stuff in it. That's what you were telling me about it. Yep. About the Bible. Get it, get it. Go through a second time.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

You'll catch up.

[John Lovett]

Like, it's like you'll. Now that you know what's going to happen, you see different stuff, you know, the twists and stuff.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yeah. There's a guy named Paul. Did you know that?

[John Lovett]

Yeah, yeah. He's one of the big ones. He's one of the big ones.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

See?

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Speaking of people who observed miracles, you're on a miracle of a comedy called Saint Dense Medical.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Lovett]

Real gem.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

That's great writing. Now, that was a fun run. So

[Nico Santos]

are you Mariah and I'm Whitney right now, and we're going to sing Princeville.

[John Lovett]

Just two divas vying for attention. Nico, you're Filipino.

[Nico Santos]

I am Filipino.

[John Lovett]

And there's a lot of Filipino healthcare workers that are often not represented, but they're represented in the show. And I'm curious what that was like.

[Nico Santos]

It's kind of crazy that 2025 is when the show premiered, and that was the first time people have seen a Filipino nurse on television, which is so crazy. Like, ER was on for how many years? I think I. I saw they had one. I remember Grey's Anatomy had a Filipino nurse, like, towards, like, the late 20s seasons. It's kind of crazy. But once. Once I appeared, and then the Pit has three Filipino healthcare workers. All the Filipino community are everybody.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yeah, finally.

[John Lovett]

That's cool.

[Nico Santos]

Representation matters.

[John Lovett]

And Nico, you used to open for Maria, right?

[Nico Santos]

I opened for Maria a long time ago. A long time ago at the San Francisco Punchline.

[Maria Bamford]

And he was a delight then, and he is now. Yeah, you're a delight.

[Nico Santos]

Truly. Truly.

[John Lovett]

Listen, did you work at some at the time? Did you work at, like, a fancy store? I.

[Nico Santos]

So, yeah, I started doing standup in SF while I was doing retail during the day. So I think at the time when I started, when I opened Free, I was still working at Neiman Marcus, because,

[John Lovett]

Maria, we were saying, oh, what was it like working with Nico? And you said, he's very funny. He was working at some kind of a fancy store.

[Nico Santos]

Yeah, well, yeah, I would always go to the open mics or the comedy club after my shift, so I would be like, in my bougie uniform.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah, he looked gorgeous.

[Nico Santos]

Yeah, Like, Dior suits and everything. And all the straight male comics are like, who the fuck is this guy? Like, sorry, I'm not wearing New Balances and a hoodie. But, you know, I try. I make an effort.

[John Lovett]

No, Uckarsh, you wrote. Speaking of dystopian presence, you've been working on a spy fi comic book.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yeah, I wrote my first comic book,

[John Lovett]

which is Spy Fi. Boy, I didn't know that was a term. And then I was like, a lot of what I love is Spy five. Yeah. You know, Andor.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Andor is spy fi. I thought you were saying and dash or. I was like, yes, continue.

[John Lovett]

Got aliens in your thing?

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

No. Aliens. No, it's the future romantic comedy.

[John Lovett]

Present.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Present.

[Nico Santos]

Spy romcom.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Wow.

[Maria Bamford]

Mean, there's like, a James Bond type of character. Okay. Buddy has antennas.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

He is not a mutant. No, he's a regular human being.

[John Lovett]

Close.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

It's called the Guy in the Chair. It was for Dark Horse Comics, and the collected work is coming out on June 16, which is called a graphic novel, which I hope at least five people in this room know what that is.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, we know what it is. Yeah.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

So it's about a Guy named Abby, who is. He's the operator for this assassin. And she ends up getting framed by the observatory, which is the big system that runs their company. And she has to come and find. And they run through the streets together trying to clear her name. And they fall in love while they're doing it.

[John Lovett]

Do you think that a lot of our problems are because people didn't realize RoboCop was meant to be kind of satire?

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

I think it's a huge problem with society. And an even bigger problem is that because nobody realized it, they made Robocops 2 and 3 to actually cater to that audience that had no clue.

[John Lovett]

It's crazy.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Thus destroying the entire franchise. You know what I mean? It's the Jurassic park thing, dude.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Or like how in Starship Troopers, it's

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

like, come on, guys, you remember Starship Troopers. Those bugs, Caspar, Van Dien, those bugs,

[John Lovett]

they didn't do anything. Deserve this.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Nope.

[John Lovett]

Big, big, big, beautiful bugs. Big, beautiful bugs. Let's read this one for anyone who wants to take it. Hey, what was in it for the ghost that gave Dan Aykroyd that blowjob in Ghostbusters? It's implied but not shown that he finishes. Where does it go? Does it just shoot through the ghost's head?

[Maria Bamford]

Some people, whether they're ghosts or not, love giving blowjobs.

[Nico Santos]

True, true.

[Phil]

But

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

where did the release go? That is the most.

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, the release.

[Nico Santos]

My theory is that Dan Akron, probably in his age, has some, let's say, nerve damage on his penis at that age? Sure. Yeah. He has dry orgasms.

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, he said SSRIs.

[Nico Santos]

Yeah.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Oh, so he finishes spiritually, yes, but not physically.

[Nico Santos]

Yep. It's kind of like physically, but there's nothing. Just like dust.

[John Lovett]

Hey, man, speaking of spiritually finishing, we'll be right back.

[Phil]

Hey, don't go anywhere.

[John Lovett]

There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up. Love it or Leave it is brought to you by Quint's. A thoughtfully built wardrobe comes down to clothes that mix one last. That's where Quint shines. Premium fabrics. Consider design and everyday essentials that feel effortless to wear and dependable even as the seasons change. Quince has the everyday essentials I love with quality that lasts. Lightweight cashmere sweater, short sleeve, Mongolian cashmere, polos, linen bottoms and shorts, tees, and 100% Pima cotton and European jersey linen. These clothes are versatile and make a wardrobe actually work season to season. Quinn's works directly with top factories. Cuts out the middlemen you're not paying for brand markup or fancy retail stores. Just quality clothing. Their clothing is rated between 4.5 and 5 stars by thousands of people wearing it every day. And they only partner with factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. We love quints. Love sweats from quints. Have sheets from quints. They have great bags. It's a great place to check if you're buying something because they'll often have a better version for less. So right now go to quince.com/love it for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to build your wardrobe and love it. And you will now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to Q U I n c e.com love it for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/lovet this is Mike Bolo of Lexicon

[Donald Trump]

Valley and I'm Bob Garfield. Are you one of those people who sometimes uses words?

[John Lovett]

Do you communicate or acquire information with, you know, language? Hey, us too.

[Donald Trump]

So join us on Lexicon Valley to chew over the history, culture and many mysteries of English, plus some wisecracks.

[John Lovett]

Find us on one of those apps where people listen to podcasts. LifeLock. How can I help?

[Hallie Heifer]

The IRS said I filed my return, but I haven't.

[Lifelock Representative]

One in four taxes paying Americans has paid the price of identity fraud.

[Maria Bamford]

What do I do?

[John Lovett]

My refund though. I'm freaking out. Don't worry, I can fix this.

[Lifelock Representative]

Lifelock fixes identity theft, guaranteed and gets your money back with up to $3 million in coverage.

[Hallie Heifer]

I'm so relieved.

[Lifelock Representative]

No problem.

[John Lovett]

I'll be with you every step of the way.

[Lifelock Representative]

One in four was a fraud paying American. Not anymore. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com Special offer terms apply.

[John Lovett]

And we're. It's that time again. The show is nearly over and I'm beginning to be filled with regret. Or am I? Let's find it out in a segment we're calling Second thoughts. Oh, here's a second thought. I basically asked Utkarsh if he was a monster and we have only just met.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

I think in retrospect, we could have played that moment, both of us, a little bit better. You know when. Remember when you asked me about fun runs and stuff? I could have lied to you.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

And told you that we do them all the time.

[John Lovett]

Right?

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

I should have done that.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, yeah, but that's your but. Okay. I don't feel like it was on you. I could ask better questions. That's my job.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

We shared that moment, bro.

[John Lovett]

We did. We did.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yeah. We did it together. You led, but I followed. And that's on me.

[John Lovett]

And that's on you. Oh, here's one regret. Did I give the audience new ideas for intrusive thoughts? You know, now if I is. It's a bit like the Ring, and you've put the video in and I've shown you all what happens.

[Nico Santos]

What did you mention?

[Maria Bamford]

It's okay.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yeah. What did you mention?

[John Lovett]

Just that every time a phone call drops, I think everybody died.

[Nico Santos]

Oh, thank you for that.

[John Lovett]

Gets very vivid, though. It gets very vivid.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Like, that's how I know it's a real intrusive thought because I'm, like, upset, you know? Oh, I should regret what I said about Chick Fil A. No, no. Oh, do I regret not knowing what a fun run was? Okay, again, how many times do I have to tell people I'm not in the business? No, I don't regret that. Let's see. Oh, do I regret invoking that Jimmy Carter invoking the idea that his ghost is interested in banging a new broad? No, I don't regret that either. Maria, do you have any regrets about tonight?

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, I feel very good about what I've done, and, you know, I feel grateful, and it was kind of already on my vision board.

[John Lovett]

I have a regret. Nico, I have a regret. We didn't talk. I'm getting married in a couple months.

[Nico Santos]

Yes.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yes, that's right.

[John Lovett]

And you married a trans person.

[Nico Santos]

I married a trans person. Any tips?

[John Lovett]

Buckle up, buddy. Oh, boy.

[Nico Santos]

Actually, no, I'm not gonna say that. But it is funny that you're sort of, like, living a parallel existence right now where we're both. I'm married, and you're gonna marry a trans person. You were in Survivor. My husband was on Survivor.

[John Lovett]

You have ears.

[Nico Santos]

I have ears.

[John Lovett]

He did so good compared to how I did. They brought him back. That's how good he did to me. They were like, so nice to meet you.

[Nico Santos]

I know. Listen, I don't mean this pejoratively, but you were like, the pork chop of Survivor. That's a drag race reference for people who didn't get it.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Which is. I take Jamie, a great person who went home too soon.

[Nico Santos]

Yes, that's exactly what it is.

[John Lovett]

That's how I take it.

[Nico Santos]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

I also, I will say, here's a regret that I genuinely do have. I cannot believe what I said about figure skating. They are gonna destroy me. The figure skating people are. They're so intense. The figure skating community on these days.

[Nico Santos]

What did you say?

[John Lovett]

I said that I don't believe they can really count how many times people are going around up there. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. It's too fast. Oh, that was three.

[Nico Santos]

Not bad.

[John Lovett]

Come on.

[Nico Santos]

I thought you like you called Alyssa Lewis slur or something, you know.

[Maria Bamford]

Oh, my God.

[Nico Santos]

Like, oh, counting spins.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

That's where my head went too.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Yeah. Boy. Glad I didn't do that.

[Nico Santos]

There's still time if you want.

[John Lovett]

Hey, everybody. Ghosts is on cbs.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yeah, Ghosts.

[John Lovett]

It's. Hey, it's so funny. It's scary.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Yep, yep, yep. And your comic book, the guy or graphic novel, we're calling it. It says comic book. Your graphic novel.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yeah, same thing.

[John Lovett]

The guy in the chair. Available now. And the collected works, they're coming out in June.

[Nico Santos]

Spy Fi.

[John Lovett]

Rom Com.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Spy fi. Rom com.

[Nico Santos]

Spy fi. Rom com.

[John Lovett]

St. Denis Medical.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

So funny. That's our show.

[Maria Bamford]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

This guy's killing it.

[John Lovett]

Thanks so much to Maria Bamford, Nico Santos and Utkarj Ambudkar. We'll see you next week at Dynasty typewriter.

[Utkarsh Ambudkar]

Thank you.

[John Lovett]

226 days until the midjourns. Have a great night. Have a great. A great weekend. If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram, Tik Tok and all the other ones for original content, community events and more. You can also find Love it or leave it on YouTube for videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube exclusive content. And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review. Finally, you can join Crooked's Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad free Love it or leave it and POD Save America episodes, subscriber, exclusive pods and more. Sign [e-mail] friends love it or Leave it is a Crooked Media production. It's written and produced by me, John Lovett. Kendra James is our executive producer. Bill McGrath is our producer. Hallie Heifer is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus is our senior staff writer. And Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre and Suba Argual are our writers. Jordan Kanter is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audience audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by. Sure, sure. Thanks to our designer, Sammy Cadorna Reeves for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, David Toles Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, Delon Villanueva, Jay Banks, Milo Kim and Rachel Gajewski for filming and editing video each week so that you can Love it or leave it is produced by Lee Eisenberg, and our head of production is Matt de Groat. And our production staff is proudly unionized with the writers Guild of America. Love it or leave it. Just love it or leave it. Lifelock. How can I help?

[Hallie Heifer]

The IRS said I filed my return, but I haven't.

[Lifelock Representative]

One in four tax paying Americans has paid the price of identity fraud.

[Maria Bamford]

What do I do?

[John Lovett]

My refund, though. I'm freaking out. Don't worry. I can fix this.

[Lifelock Representative]

Lifelock fixes identity theft, guaranteed and gets your money back with up to $3 million in coverage.

[Hallie Heifer]

I'm so relieved.

[Lifelock Representative]

No problem.

[John Lovett]

I'll be with you every step of the way.

[Lifelock Representative]

One in four was a fraud paying American. Not anymore. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com Specialoffer terms apply.

[John Lovett]

Hey, Sal. Hank. What's going on? We haven't worked a case in years. I just bought my car at Carvana.

[Lifelock Representative]

And it was so easy.

[John Lovett]

Too easy. Think something's up? You tell me. They got thousands of options, found a great car at a great price, and it got delivered the next day. It sounds like Carvana just makes it easy to buy your car, Hank. Yeah, you're right. Case closed. Buy your car today on Carvana.

[Maria Bamford]

Delivery fees may apply.