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Lovett or Leave It
Ronald Reagan, Welcome to the Resistance
01:06:40
This week, Trump’s got us all in a Catch-22nd Amendment, Reagan battles tariffs from beyond the grave, and Mike Johnson does what he does best: shut down. Steph Tolev and Daniel Webb drop the gavel on ChatGPT erotica and Lily Allen’s revenge album, and join Lovett to dig up the most ghoulish dating stories ever told. And we end the show like Bruce Springsteen would have wanted: by making sure our biopics cut the mustard. For a closed-captioned version of this episode, click here. For a transcript of this episode, please email transcripts@crooked.com and include the name of the podcast.
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- [00:00]
John Lovett
Love it or leave it is brought to you by Quint's cold mornings holiday plans. This is when I just want my wardrobe to be simple. Stuff that looks sharp, feels good, and things I'll actually wear. For me, that's Quint's. And the bonus clothes from Quint's make great gifts, too. This season's lineup is simple but smart and Easy with Quint's $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feel like an everyday luxury and wool coats that are equal parts stylish and durable. Tommy, yesterday, for reasons that don't matter, I was looking at what the highest mountains in the world are.
- [00:27]
Tommy Vietor
Okay.
- [00:28]
John Lovett
And I was looking at the 100 highest peaks in the world. What percentage of them do you believe are contained in the Himalayas and the areas the mountain ranges surrounding the Himalayas? 51%. It's all of them.
- [00:43]
Tommy Vietor
All of them.
- [00:43]
John Lovett
All 108 of the highest peaks. Though tricky, it's actually interesting how you decide what is a peak versus what is just a ancillary smaller peak of a single mountain. And that's actually up for debate, which means that the mountains that are tallest in the world, that are considered unclimbed is up for debate because it's unclear at times whether you're talking about a separate mountain or a smaller peak of another mountain. But you know what? We'll never peak the savings at Quince.
- [01:09]
Tommy Vietor
What about the underwater mountains?
- [01:11]
John Lovett
Well, that's the question. Where do you start, Right? I mean, look, there's a lot of people that have thought about where, right? Where do you got it? Measuring it from the base. Where is that base, Tommy? Where is that base? You know, is K2 a grower or a shower? This is an ad for clothes. Quints cuts out the middleman to deliver premium quality at half the cost of other high end brands. So you can give luxury quality pieces without the luxury price tag. We love quints. They have great. Not just clothes, they have great cookware, they have great sheets. I really do use the sheets every day. And what I have found is that because you can go to Quint's and they'll have a bunch of different stuff, it's a great go to place to check before you buy something at some other store to see if they have an equivalent or better item at a lower price, which they often do. But backpacks, fanny packs, all kinds of stuff. Sweatshirts, just check it. Sweatpants, great stuff. So give and get. Timeless holiday staples that last this year with quint. Go to quint.com love it for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com love it. Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com love it. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love it or Leave It Live at Dynasty Typewriter. We've got a great show for you tonight. Seth Tolave is here. Daniel Webb is here. It's our Halloween episode, so we're gonna have some thrilling debates, terrifying dates, and please, from the great beyond. But first, let's get into it. What a week. In a recent interview with the economists, of course, Steve Bannon let us know that we can put our anxieties about the 2028 presidential elections to rest. For the future is already written.
- [03:09]
Steve Bannon
Well, he's going to get a third term. So Trump, 28. Trump is going to be president in 28. And people just ought to get accommodated with that at the appropriate time. We'll lay out what the plan is. But there's a plan. And President Trump will be the president in 28. Trump is a vehicle. I know this will drive you guys crazy, but he's a vehicle of divine providence. He's an instrument.
- [03:29]
John Lovett
Divine providence. Maybe if God is named in the Epstein files at first. Speaking to reporters on Air Force One on Monday, Trump wouldn't rule out a third term.
- [03:41]
Steve Bannon
I would love to do it.
- [03:43]
John Lovett
I have my best numbers ever.
- [03:45]
Steve Bannon
Am I not ruling it out? You'll have to tell me.
- [03:48]
John Lovett
Thankfully, if we toss out the 22nd Amendment, Democrats biggest problem will no longer be figuring out how to convince ourselves that we love our best option. Our biggest problem will be convincing Barack Obama that he actually loves working really, really hard. And here's what's crazier. He misses it. Alabama senator, in the first recorded case of a person getting CTE from coaching football, Tommy Tubervill suggested on Tuesday that if Trump has a secret plan to stay in office, he's into it.
- [04:20]
Tommy Vietor
If you read the Constitution, it says he's not. But if he says he has some different circumstances that might be able to go around the Constitution, but that's up to him.
- [04:33]
John Lovett
That's up to him, huh? The whole point of having a Constitution is that it's actually not up to him. That's what the Constitution is, a document that says it's not up to him. But boy, try explaining that to Tommy Tuberville, a dumb asshole. Okay? The 22nd Amendment of the Constitution reads, no person shall be elected to the office of president more than twice. It does not have any loopholes. There is no cheat code that would install Trump for a third term. It would require defying the Constitution one way or another. He could refuse to leave office. He could act as president behind a figurehead like the Queen's regent for this baby queen photo of JD Vance for those listening. Or he could be installed as president through a backdoor if he's made, say, speaker of the House. And while we're on the subject of House speakers who love a backdoor, even Speaker Mike Johnson knows that the writing is on the wall, specifically the wall of the Library of Congress.
- [05:34]
Tommy Vietor
Well, there is the 22nd amendment. I think the president knows. And he and I have talked about the constrictions of the Constitution as much as so many the American people lament that. I don't see a way to amend the Constitution because It takes about 10 years to do that. I don't see the path for that.
- [05:50]
John Lovett
Look, people are complicated. Every once in a while, just to mix it up, a bottom tries being a top and then holds a press conference to rebuke the. That's two. A day later, Trump acknowledged that he can't run for a third term, though he's been talking out of both sides of his mouth for months now.
- [06:09]
Steve Bannon
If you read it, it's pretty clear I'm not allowed to run.
- [06:13]
John Lovett
Stupid. He's actually referring to the latest MRI of his ankles, but also applies to seeking a third term. Bannon, on this score, is a perfect encapsulation of MAGA politics. We're being trolled and we're right to worry. It's a joke and it's serious. But it doesn't matter how serious Trump is. What matters is how serious we are. Trump will not be president in 2029. He will leave office. Presidential terms are like martinis. One isn't enough, two is too many, and three makes you puke and hug strangers on the train. Besides, shut up. You're telling me that if Donald Trump is president in January 2029, you won't want to puke and hug strangers on the train? Thank you. Sometimes the best jokes must be fully explained. I just thought I'm going to take a moment and this will just be between us. There's a joke coming up later that's really going to require you to believe. And I'm not going to tell you what it is. I'm just letting them know that it's coming. All right? And so far, I'm worried. I'm worried, given where we're at right now, that I'M not gonna have you when we get there. And the problem is I bet someone at the office a sandwich that it will work. Now this what I've just done. Truthfully, what's cool is it won't this is this happening now? When we get to that joke later, it won't matter. It will work or it won't. It will live or it will die. But then we will remember what I said here and we will circle back to it to see if my energy about you. We'll see. Besides, there's nothing about what Trump could do that should take our eyes off of what he's already doing. Right now, for example, he's continuing to abuse so called emergency powers. Trump raised tariffs on Canada's goods by 10% because he didn't like a TV commercial that aired during the second game of the World Series, which is another one of those sentences that should open up a hole in the sky through which a giant arm comes down and hits a reset button of some kind of but nothing yet. The ad, produced by the province of Ontario, quotes a 1987 Ronald Reagan radio address in which he criticizes tariffs.
- [08:34]
Steve Bannon
When someone says let's impose tariffs on foreign imports, it looks like they're doing the patriotic thing by protecting American products and jobs. And sometimes for a short while it works, but only for a short time. But over the long run, such trade barriers hurt every American worker and consumer.
- [08:56]
John Lovett
I know I'm always saying it on this show, and I'm sorry to be repetitive, but go off Ronald Reagan. The Ronald Reagan foundation criticized the ad for using selective audio and video, which is true because it cuts off before Reagan says anyway, age shmaids. But if you listen to the full address, the spot accurately reflects Reagan's pro trade argument. And of course, Reagan was pro trade. You can't get that much crack into black communities if you're blocking foreign imports. Speaking of presidencies dragged down by their own violent lawlessness in Latin America, on Monday, Pete Hegseth announced that 14 people were killed in strikes against several boats off the coast of Mexico, the deadliest attack in Trump's ongoing campaign against alleged drug traffickers in the Pacific and the Caribbean. Shall we toast to a job well done? Said Pete Hegseth to a four star admiral who has a recurring dream about making Hegseth cry because Hegseth keeps falling off his tricycle and spilling eggs everywhere. Now, here's the question. You can say yes and you can say no, and I want you to be honest. Did the person who bet me that that joke would fail. Were they correct? Yes or no? She gets a sandwich. Let's face it. Let's face it. Fuck. Senator Rand Paul said Congress had not been briefed about the attacks, nor has Trump presented any evidence as to whether the people killed were involved in drug trafficking.
- [10:41]
Steve Bannon
And so far, they have alleged that these people are drug dealers. No one said their name, no one said what evidence, no one said whether they're armed. And we've had no evidence presented. So at this point, I would call them extrajudicial killings. And this is akin to what China does to Iran does with drug dealers. They summarily execute people without presenting evidence to the public. So it's wrong.
- [11:04]
John Lovett
I know I'm always saying this on this show and I'm sorry to be repetitive, but go off Rand Paul. Defense officials did give a classified briefing on the boat strikes to members of the House Armed Services Committee on Thursday, but said that they couldn't be sure exactly who the strikes had killed. Call me old fashioned, but I always felt that if you're going to execute someone, you should at least know their name. Like walking up to the bride at the rehearsal dinner and asking how she knows everybody, but for war crimes. All the while here at home, Trump continues to add more and more names to his long list of political enemies. On Wednesday, the Justice Department indicted progressive House candidate Kat Abu Ghazale, along with five others for allegedly conspiring to impede ICE officers during a protest last month in Chicago. This is Kat Abu Ghazale, by the way. There she is. ICE agents are probably 50 times more likely to be injured by chronic lower back pain than by Comrade Sabrina Carpenter. Abu Ghazali posted a video responding to the indictment.
- [12:04]
Kat Abu Ghazale
This is a political prosecution and a gross attempt to silence dissent.
- [12:10]
John Lovett
Say you can't sleep, baby. I know that's that Mi protesto. You can't sleep, baby. I know that's that me protesto. I don't know what kind of person you are waiting for Trump to arrest before you realize they will come for you, too, but sound the alarm. We've reached the blondes. I interviewed Kat today for the pod save America. YouTube. Kat used to work for Media Matters. Her job was watching Fox News all day. They have gone after one of the strongest, most resilient people alive. And I'm sure a lot of you have heard Kat terminally online, like she doesn't deserve this. And there are a lot of examples just like it. Last week, a federal judge dismissed charges against Jaime Alberto Quintanilla Chavez who the DOJ accused of forcibly assaulting, resisting, opposing, impeding, intimidating or interfering with a federal officer engaged in the performance of official duties. The DOJ was seeking a penalty of up to 20 years. The judge threw out the case because it turns out that the agent scraped his arm when he punched a hole in the defendant's driver side window during an investigative stop. It's your fault that I hurt myself while punching through your window. Also, it's my wife's fault that I cheated on her and that's why both of you are going to jail. Trump 2028 along with targeting his enemies, deploying troops on our streets and punishing nations for personally insulting him, Trump also pardoned Zhangpeng Zhao, founder of the crypto exchange Binance, and convicted money launderer whose network, the Justice Department said, allowed money to flow to terrorists, cybercriminals and child abusers. Zhao backed the Trump family's efforts to build a vast fortune in crypto, and now he's receiving his reward. Or as the Justice Department put it in their statement, the Zhao you see him, Zhao, you don't Tasteless White House spokesperson Caroline Levitt said in a statement that the Biden administration's war on crypto is over. And with that, all the cybertrucks switch from war mode to peace mode, suddenly becoming very smooth and curvy at root. The problem isn't just that Trump wants to be a dictator. We live under a contract that contemplates would be tyrants. The problem is that Congress is filled with spineless little freaks, and Trump knows that too. During a speech in Tokyo on Tuesday, the president said this about his big beautiful bill.
- [14:22]
Steve Bannon
I said put it all into one bill and if we get it done, we're done for four years. We don't need anything more from Congress.
- [14:29]
John Lovett
Well, other than to stand there while I make fun of their ugly wives during cocktail hours. According to the New York Times, Trump has privately joked I'm the speaker and the president. I can forgive a private joke, but what I can't abide is a joke about privates, said Mike Johnson, trying to change the subject before withdrawing to his office. To eat a whole banana in one bite. 3. Is it okay to keep calling him gay? I think so. And he is gay. But in the way 2021 Graham Platner uses it, okay, you know what's really gay? The House hasn't met in weeks. Johnson is refusing to swear in Representative elect Adelita Grijalva, who won a special election in Arizona over a month ago and not just because, you know, Johnson would absolutely butcher her name and end up calling her Adelaide Granola. It's because Grijalva would provide the final signature needed to force a vote on releasing the Epstein files. And Johnson is hell bent on protecting Trump and a ring of pedophiles, as Jesus would do if he were in the same situation. The Constitution explicitly grants Congress the power to enact tariffs, but they've allowed Trump to abuse a law that grants him emergency authority, which Congress could withdraw at any moment. Even as Trump uses tariffs to punish allies, seek business favors, sow global chaos, and raise prices for American consumers. And I know from experience, screaming it's an emergency doesn't let you do whatever you want. It doesn't even let you cut the bathroom line a third time. Last month, the Department of Agriculture posted a shutdown funding plan on its website and said they had $6 billion in contingency funds to continue delivering SNAP benefits. That's food assistance for poor kids and families. In fact, that's exactly what Trump did in his first term during the longest shutdown of all time so far. And that was great news because according to experts, poor kids actually need food in order to live. The USDA has now taken that plan off their website and slapped up a new banner that reads the well has run dry, blaming Democrats for its decision to suspend SNAP benefits starting November 1st. They're refusing to send food aid to families that rely on it as a means to pressure Democrats. It's yet another example of the administration doing whatever it wants, regardless of the law. And it only underscores why Democrats were right to draw a line in the first place. As the shutdown continues, low income families will start losing access to Head Start. Rural airports may begin being forced to close. Flight delays at major airports will only compound the pain is going to get worse. And now you can't even take Tylenol for it without RFK Jr jumping out from the backseat to ask if you're pregnant. I'm not pregnant. I just ate too quickly. Which brings us to Election Day in California. We have Prop 50 on the ballot which would allow our lived out legislator to counteract Republican plans to redraw their maps mid decade to rig the midterms. Trump was hoping he could win without cheating. But plan A blame autism on Tylenol didn't move the polls like he was hoping. The Justice Department is dispatching federal election monitors to polling places in California and New Jersey ahead of Election Day. This is an obvious pretext to call the results into question. It's also a way to socialize us to election monitors when Trump sends federal agents to blue strongholds in 2026. But we've got to make sure Pam Bondi trying to intimidate voters in blue states is like paper straws. Or how every screen asks you to tip now we'll never get used to it. Bitch, I'm at the dentist. So make sure to get your ballots in if you are in New York, New Jersey or California, there's a Supreme Court race in Pennsylvania and a public commission or election in Georgia. We've got to win big in 2025. We've got to turn out in 2026 because there are many ways in which we can lose even if we win. But the surest way for Trump and his allies to stay stay in power is to convince us that we cannot stop them. But that is just not true. At least not yet. And sorry if it is true by Saturday. We recorded this on Thursday. Up next, we got Stand Up's Daniel Webb and Steph Tollef. And they're here to sit down.
- [18:31]
Tommy Vietor
Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up.
- [18:35]
John Lovett
Love it or Leave it is brought to you by bilt. If you're paying rent every month without earning anything in return, let me introduce you to bilt, the rewards program designed for renters who want to earn something for their largest monthly exp. By paying rent through Bilt, you earn flexible points that can be redeemed toward hundreds of hotels and airlines, future rent payments, your next Lyft ride, and more. But it doesn't stop there. Bilt is about making your entire neighborhood more rewarding. You can dine out at your favorite local restaurants and earn additional points to get VIP treatment at certain fitness studios and enjoy exclusive experiences just for BILT members every month. BILT is turning a monthly expense into an opportunity to earn rewards and discover the best that your neighborhood has to offer. Your rent is finally working for you. Earn points on rent and around your neighborhood, wherever you call home, by going to joinbuilt.com love it. That's J O I N B I L T.com loveit. Make sure you use our URL so they know that we sent you.
- [19:27]
Kat Abu Ghazale
You know how everything's a subscription now. Music, movies, even socks. I swear.
- [19:32]
Ad Voice
If to continue this ad, please upgrade to Premium plus platinum.
- [19:35]
Kat Abu Ghazale
Uh, what? No. Anyway, Blue Apron.
- [19:38]
Ad Voice
This is a pay per listen ad. Please confirm your billing.
- [19:40]
Kat Abu Ghazale
Oh, that's annoying. At least with the new Blue Apron, there's no subscription. Need get Delicious meals delivered without the weekly plan.
- [19:46]
Ad Voice
Wait, no subscription.
- [19:48]
Kat Abu Ghazale
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- [20:02]
John Lovett
And we're back. If I learned anything from Ellen DeGeneres. 2024 Netflix special comedians are still our modern day poet philosophers. All right? And right now, I'll take all the help I can get. Which is why I want to welcome Steph Toliv and Daniel Webb to the stage. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hello. I don't know. Awkward. Awkward. Yeah. All right, come sit, come sit.
- [20:33]
Tommy Vietor
Hi. Hello.
- [20:33]
Steph Tollefson
Hi.
- [20:34]
John Lovett
Welcome to the show. Both of you. Haven't had you on the show before. So nice to meet you.
- [20:37]
Steph Tollefson
Offensive. I was like, this is weekly. I've never been invited. Rude Bill. Hey, Bill. That's rude, man.
- [20:43]
John Lovett
You know, hey, Bill, what the. Bill, what the. Bill, what the. Hey, Bill, what the. Hey, Bill, what the.
- [20:47]
Steph Tollefson
I accost you at one Comedy Central party years ago, and now I don't get booked.
- [20:50]
Tommy Vietor
Oh, my God. You stole the pillow.
- [20:52]
Steph Tollefson
I stole the pillow. We had a night.
- [20:54]
Tommy Vietor
I.
- [20:55]
Steph Tollefson
We had a night at that party.
- [20:58]
Tommy Vietor
I ran barefoot through the sunset of San Francisco to escape the grasp of a very famous RuPaul's Drag Race drag queen because her six foot bong gave me the. And I was like, I can't have sex. I have to run out of here right now. And then when I got home, Steph was at the hotel. Weren't you, like, don't you have to center yourself? Like, she's in the bed?
- [21:19]
Steph Tollefson
Yeah, when I'm. We have the spins. If you put one leg down, it like, centers you and you don't feel like you're spinning anymore. But then someone told me, honestly, it helps.
- [21:26]
Tommy Vietor
But then she had a Comedy Central pillow just, like, under her. I was like, what the. Somehow you were in worship.
- [21:32]
Steph Tollefson
I was bad. I went to the same. I went to the wrong hotel and didn't realize that there's a koi pond in it. I'm like, I would full koi pond. Not in the hotel. We're staying in full koi pond.
- [21:40]
Tommy Vietor
I go, hmm.
- [21:41]
Steph Tollefson
I go up. I'm like, my key isn't working. I come down, the guy's like, there's two Holiday Inns. I'm like, oh, I guess ours doesn't have a pond in it. It was insane. It was very drunk.
- [21:48]
Tommy Vietor
That was great.
- [21:50]
John Lovett
God. I never. Whenever I am having a night where I drank too much and have too much weed, I'm never like, boy, what A crazy evening of running from a drag queen. This will be for me. It's always, I'm. Whoever I'm with, I shut down. And then eventually they realize something is wrong. And I say, we must leave this restaurant so that I can go home and write apologies. What's that about?
- [22:16]
Steph Tollefson
Mental illness. That's messed up.
- [22:17]
John Lovett
Mental illness. Mental illness. Now it's time for a segment we call Is this Good?
- [22:24]
Steph Tollefson
There we are.
- [22:25]
John Lovett
So here's how it works. There are many confusing and confounding topics where it's hard to even know what to make of it. And so tonight, we're going to randomly assign each of you the pro and con of something that's in the news, and you'll help us debate whether or not it's good.
- [22:40]
Steph Tollefson
Okay?
- [22:41]
John Lovett
All right. And so, first up, chatgpt Erotica. We'll start. This will be. That sucks.
- [22:52]
Steve Bannon
So.
- [22:53]
John Lovett
So we have a coin here. One side says yes, the other side says no. Guess that yes we'll say is pro and no will be con. We're going to flip it for you, Steph. All right. Yes. Yes.
- [23:07]
Steph Tollefson
I'm following that.
- [23:08]
John Lovett
You are going to argue, damn it. You are going to argue that chatgpt Erotica is good. Daniel, you're going to argue that it is not good. 30 seconds. You have the floor.
- [23:21]
Steph Tollefson
Well, as you've seen from that delicious photo, Chad, GPT is good for people like Elon Musk. Nobody, no real human being wants to be with this man. Look at this claymation human being. This is helping only fans relax, take a weekend off. These gals can finally put their feet up and not be smothered by sick, disgusting, pervert pig men.
- [23:49]
John Lovett
Beautifully said.
- [23:51]
Steph Tollefson
This is helping the greater good. Get off porn. Let the women rest. They have to let their vaginas rest. The end.
- [24:03]
John Lovett
Dave, why is ChatGPT Erotica not a good idea?
- [24:07]
Tommy Vietor
It's bad because, first of all, it generates falsehoods. Like, that is the shape of Elon Musk. What is. Where's the dent in the man's decolletage? The man is shaped like he swallowed a cybertruck. Where's that part? And that hair is inaccurate. That looks more like a wig than plugs. Like, how am I supposed to come to that? And then. Yeah, and chatgpt Erotica is also bad because the minute I blow my load, I'm in immediate danger of electrocuting myself.
- [24:36]
John Lovett
What?
- [24:36]
Tommy Vietor
You don't shoot a huge load? Fuck y'. All. We're editing this, right? Okay.
- [24:43]
John Lovett
This is live. We're live.
- [24:46]
Tommy Vietor
Also, I think it's important when I'm on Grindr a lot, and there's a lot of illiteracy when you're texting old and young people. I think I speak for lots of faggot pusses in the audience, and I think that chatgpt erotica will help people learn to spell all the bad words.
- [25:03]
John Lovett
Oh, that's so interesting. It's educational because you sort of learn from it, I guess. I don't really understand whether the erotica is just text. I find it hard to believe that this culture of people are people that are. Enough with all this pornography. It's time for sexually enjoying the written word. You know, that just doesn't strike me as the way it's gonna go. But maybe I'm wrong. I don't know.
- [25:23]
Tommy Vietor
Well, I mean, Gen Z doesn't even use vowels, so how are they even gonna be able to read anything?
- [25:27]
Steph Tollefson
Phone sex is back. Oh, I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe I'll get another job again, like FaceTime.
- [25:36]
Tommy Vietor
Phone sex.
- [25:38]
John Lovett
My friend.
- [25:38]
Steph Tollefson
I'm back in business.
- [25:39]
Tommy Vietor
My friend was a phone sex operator in New York City. She.
- [25:43]
John Lovett
And.
- [25:44]
Tommy Vietor
But she. If, you know, if you want young and slutty, if you want old and sassy, if you're. Whatever the button you push. 1, 2, 3, 4. They all went to Jane. She was all the categories, right? Like, so she. Yeah, if you're, like, old and crotchy, you want, let me jerk your dick out, you know, she knew she had.
- [26:00]
Steph Tollefson
To look young, like, should adjust.
- [26:02]
Tommy Vietor
Well, whatever the kink was that you wanted, right? Like, if you wanted the housemaid or you wanted.
- [26:07]
Steph Tollefson
I can only do, like, ghoul or goblin.
- [26:10]
John Lovett
I want the goblin.
- [26:11]
Steph Tollefson
Oh, I'm ready for you.
- [26:13]
John Lovett
Ooh.
- [26:14]
Tommy Vietor
Welcome to the cemetery sex line.
- [26:19]
John Lovett
Spooky, spooky sex line. We want to be scared and horny.
- [26:23]
Steph Tollefson
Let's do it tomorrow.
- [26:24]
John Lovett
Yes.
- [26:27]
Steph Tollefson
Halloween.
- [26:27]
Tommy Vietor
I have a shovel.
- [26:31]
John Lovett
Just one fact to share. OpenAI acknowledged this week that around 560,000 ChatGPT users exhibit psychosis or mania, and 2.4 million people are confiding suicidal thoughts to ChatGPT. So, yeah, I think it's good if they can have sex with it. I'm gonna give the point to Daniel. I am.
- [26:56]
Tommy Vietor
Fuck you guys. They don't like that.
- [26:57]
John Lovett
I am. I thought the point about not getting electrocuted was a good one. Next up, airing out your insane husband via song, I. E. Lily Allen's new album. Is it good? I'm gonna flip it for Daniel, whether he'll take the pro or the con. He's the con. That stinks.
- [27:17]
Steph Tollefson
Oh.
- [27:18]
John Lovett
Cause it's so good. But you have to. That's what makes it a challenge.
- [27:20]
Tommy Vietor
Totally. Yeah. Okay.
- [27:22]
John Lovett
Have you listened to it?
- [27:23]
Tommy Vietor
I have. Yeah, I have.
- [27:23]
John Lovett
All right, Daniel, tell us why that a breakup album like Lily Allen's. It's not good.
- [27:31]
Tommy Vietor
It's not good because this man is an actor. And actors have no self esteem. They barely know what to say without a script. Have you seen this man? He's shaped like a hairy armoire. He needs all the confidence he can get. And I believe he has a new film or movie or creative project coming out. And like all of us, the industry has turned on its head and we're all scrambling for work. So I think in the DC and he is a white straight guy. And I think all those guys need a lot of grace and patience and understanding. And I actually know someone who knows someone who banged him while he was dating Lily Allen. I do, I do. I do. Not in real time. I just found this out. I would have spilled the beans and frankly, if any, like it should have just been done as a Tori Amos album. They should have collaborated and then she really would have sank that guy. I like that idea.
- [28:30]
John Lovett
Like, yeah, like a Gundam, you know?
- [28:32]
Tommy Vietor
Leave him alone.
- [28:33]
John Lovett
Yeah, leave. You leave. Leave Britney and David harbor alone.
- [28:37]
Tommy Vietor
Alone.
- [28:38]
John Lovett
Seth, why do you have to take the opposite view here?
- [28:41]
Steph Tollefson
Uh huh.
- [28:43]
John Lovett
Why is it good?
- [28:45]
Steph Tollefson
Yeah. This guy can suck our whole. Fucking assholes. Are you fucking crazy? I'm sick and fucking tired of these white straight men cheating on all these fucking hot babes that are bringing in all the fucking money. Suck our fucking dick. If you want to be a fucking pig. It should be public. Every fucking woman on the planet should be smearing a man who puts them down and cheats on them. Fuck you. You want to cheat? Fucking break up. Get a fucking divorce, you disgusting fucking pig. You fucking deserve it all. I hope his career is fucking ruined. Let's all go out and fucking buy Lily Allen merch.
- [29:15]
John Lovett
Wow.
- [29:16]
Tommy Vietor
Just to reiterate, my perspective was chosen for me and that it wasn't an honest feeling. I was just playing the game.
- [29:25]
John Lovett
You know what's crazy? There was a study. And even if people know that your position was randomly assigned, they will still retain animosity towards you for having argued a position they don't agree with. Yes. Yeah, I know. I just remembered it. I just remembered that study. David Harbour and Lily Allen did an Architectural Digest tour, which I really recommend people go back and watch, please. It is first of all it was cursed from the. It wasn't like people were like, I couldn't have known. When you watch that fucking thing, it is a cursed text. Every frame of it. You know, it is edited to try to look. To make them look good, right? Like, it's not like the Architectural Digest is like, we're gonna really fuck these two. Right? It's a house tour. It's not an expose. And yet the energy of the two of them walking around, every individual item, you're like, that's a beautiful thing. Like, this is a home. Fancy, beautiful home. And yet all together, it's like screaming, like, not good. Bad, bad vibes. Bad vibes. Pulsating with bad energy.
- [30:35]
Steph Tollefson
Okay, somebody.
- [30:36]
John Lovett
Have you seen it?
- [30:37]
Steph Tollefson
No, I haven't seen it.
- [30:38]
John Lovett
Oh, it's so good. They have a carpeted bathroom.
- [30:43]
Steph Tollefson
Pee drips everywhere.
- [30:44]
Tommy Vietor
Are you serious?
- [30:45]
Steph Tollefson
As a piss soaked rug. Sick.
- [30:49]
John Lovett
Oh, yeah, It's a mold thing.
- [30:50]
Steph Tollefson
Stinks.
- [30:52]
Tommy Vietor
There's a Ruby Wax interview with Liza Minnelli and David Guess was that her weirdo husband? It is the strangest interview you've ever seen. And he takes her to Cartier and buys her. Buys her like a $30,000 necklace. But she has to like make out with them before. And they're on camera like David Gaston. It's so. Well, he's like, do you love. Like, it's a gross little. Like it's so gross. And Liza plays the game. It's so crazy. She kissed that gay man on the mouth.
- [31:18]
Steph Tollefson
Disgusting. Couldn't even think about it.
- [31:23]
John Lovett
It's hard to trust. Okay, next one. Oh, I think. I think Daniel won that one again. What the hell?
- [31:32]
Steph Tollefson
I clearly won that one. No, leave him alone.
- [31:34]
Tommy Vietor
Leave him alone.
- [31:35]
John Lovett
It was such a hard position that.
- [31:37]
Steph Tollefson
Mine was good.
- [31:38]
John Lovett
It was really good.
- [31:39]
Steph Tollefson
I was heated.
- [31:40]
John Lovett
It was really good. You were a mo. You were invested in it. You were invested in it. Those songs are good. They are good. I like the parts of the songs where she just like. And here's the voicemail and I'll just read it to you. You're like, okay, I guess. With a melody behind it. Sure.
- [31:56]
Tommy Vietor
The you don't stop talking. That song, it's just this little sing songy insult. Like, you don't stop talking so good.
- [32:05]
Steph Tollefson
Yeah, I've actually never heard it, but I guess I'll go home and listen to it.
- [32:08]
John Lovett
You have a lot of content to consume.
- [32:10]
Steph Tollefson
I really do. I'll get on ChatGPT the second I get home.
- [32:15]
John Lovett
Let's do one more. This week, the Palo Alto company 1X Technology revealed their new humanoid for the home, Neo. Let's take a look. Neo is a humanoid companion designed to transform your life at home.
- [32:27]
Tommy Vietor
It combines AI and advanced hardware to help with daily chores and bring intelligence.
- [32:31]
John Lovett
Into your everyday life. The Neo Home Robot, available now for $20,000 or $499 per month, reportedly combines AI and robotics to automate your home. Housekeeping. Do your chores like Siri can and wash dishes. See, Steph? See? Let's see if you're gonna get pro or con.
- [32:54]
Steve Bannon
Pro.
- [32:55]
John Lovett
Take it away.
- [32:57]
Steph Tollefson
I mean, clearly, we all need one of these in our home. I'm sick and tired of bending over and picking up a dish out of the dishwasher. You know, all these LA houses, all these dishwashers we all own. I'm too busy editing my own clips. I don't have time to do housework. I have to edit my podcast and my Instagram clips. All I'm. I would like to come home and have somebody in the companion. Nice. I put a wig on him. Couple. Couple googly eyes. Maybe put on a strap on. Who knows what I'm gonna do with the guy. I might have my way with him if he's in my house. Train him to walk my dog. Gives me more time to relax my vagina. Just like those only fans.
- [33:43]
John Lovett
See.
- [33:44]
Steph Tollefson
Applause break.
- [33:45]
John Lovett
That was beautiful. Just one note and just. I just. I want. And I think the argument you made is fantastic, but I just. One thing that you should just keep in mind is that at first, NIO will be remotely operated by human engineers.
- [34:00]
Steph Tollefson
So there's a man in my house operating this.
- [34:03]
John Lovett
Well, no, no, the man is remote, but looking out to the eyes of the room.
- [34:07]
Steph Tollefson
That's even better.
- [34:07]
Tommy Vietor
That's.
- [34:08]
John Lovett
It's cool.
- [34:09]
Steph Tollefson
Oh, that. Making that guy. I would be the worst person he had to do it for. I'd be like, it's me again. That would be so awful. That guy would hate his job. Oh, that's good. That makes it better, actually.
- [34:20]
John Lovett
Daniel, why is this not good?
- [34:23]
Tommy Vietor
Okay, enough with the. Is it ice? What the fuck is that? Is it a sea of music video? What am I watching?
- [34:30]
Steph Tollefson
He fences.
- [34:31]
Tommy Vietor
He obviously fences. But does he clean? Yeah, I listen. I'm all about letting faceless unidentified men into my apartment. Never with this kind of lighting, though. It would never be this lit.
- [34:51]
John Lovett
How often are they doing the dishes? Do you find.
- [34:53]
Tommy Vietor
What was your question?
- [34:54]
John Lovett
Are they helping with the dishes? Often the dishes are later.
- [34:57]
Tommy Vietor
You gotta earn the dishes. You don't kink your clean. That's what you gotta do anyway.
- [35:05]
John Lovett
That's a good idea.
- [35:06]
Tommy Vietor
Kink your clean.
- [35:06]
John Lovett
No, it's just a good. Be like my kink is you coming over and cleaning my house. Does that work?
- [35:11]
Tommy Vietor
Can you come all over my dishes and then clean them? Okay, long story short, I don't want this person in my house because I think that they're ice. And also, I don't really see a hole.
- [35:22]
Steph Tollefson
Oh, I'd make one. Oh, that's an easy fix.
- [35:29]
Tommy Vietor
And honestly, what the fuck was that song playing? Why is Ain't no Sunshine when she's Gone playing in the advertisement? This should clearly be a Daft Punk song. Like, what are we doing wrong anyway? If this guy started telling jokes, I'd let him clean my house.
- [35:42]
John Lovett
But other than that.
- [35:42]
Tommy Vietor
Get out.
- [35:43]
John Lovett
Here's what I don't understand. And I think you made some really important points. But here's what I don't understand. So this is going to be a robot that lives in your house potentially constantly operated by some stranger watching your home through a camera because it can help you with chores including loading and unloading the dishwasher.
- [36:03]
Steph Tollefson
And laundry.
- [36:04]
John Lovett
And laundry. Now, I would. Does everyone agree that as a in terms of piece of technology that's almost good is the dishwasher right? Like, it's like, it's like almost good. Like, it's like kind of good. Like it doesn't totally. It's like, not totally reliable. Like, does often breaks. Like drawers never nothing. It's like, how is it that we're already at robot to load the dishwasher but not at good dishwasher?
- [36:38]
Steph Tollefson
You guys all have dishwashers? I have not had one out here in Texas.
- [36:41]
Tommy Vietor
I am the dishwasher.
- [36:41]
Steph Tollefson
Yeah, look at the fuck.
- [36:42]
Tommy Vietor
That's me.
- [36:43]
John Lovett
I would.
- [36:43]
Tommy Vietor
If that robot could clean the space between my refrigerator and my stove, I would hire that son of a bitch in a heartbeat. But also, who's cleaning in all white? I'm really confused with the concept of this. Like, where's the design team is clearly heterosexual.
- [36:57]
John Lovett
I have a feeling that the ideas behind it are not sort of home cleaners, like, really thinking through it all. Okay. Hey, wait. Your special Filth Queen is on Netflix.
- [37:10]
Steph Tollefson
Wait, did I win that one?
- [37:11]
John Lovett
Yeah, you won.
- [37:14]
Steph Tollefson
So competitive for no reason. I've already lost. But I'm like, did I win?
- [37:17]
John Lovett
No, you gotta. I like that. You gotta have that. You gotta have the red in your eyes.
- [37:20]
Steph Tollefson
Thank you.
- [37:20]
John Lovett
In this business, Filth Queen on Netflix.
- [37:23]
Steph Tollefson
Yes.
- [37:24]
John Lovett
And the keep it embarrassed how you seen it. It's great.
- [37:26]
Steph Tollefson
Two of you. Thank you. Wow, this is I need more views. All of you, go home and watch.
- [37:30]
John Lovett
It tonight and the Keeping Them Hard comedy tour. Dais are eftolev on Instagram and Daniel has live dates@thedanielweb.com hey, and he doesn't mean that about the Lily Owl album. We'll be right back.
- [37:48]
Steve Bannon
Kate.
- [37:49]
Tommy Vietor
Don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up.
- [37:52]
John Lovett
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- [39:56]
John Lovett
And we're back. It's the week of Halloween, and since there's nothing scary than opening one's heart to love, we wanted to plumb the most desperate depths of romance in a segment we're calling 28 dates later. Here's how it works. We have a board here with 13 terrifying date scenarios. The spookiest number 13. We will each pick one that we think is actually kind of manageable compared to the other and explain why. And we'll go until we arrive at the final dating horror. Boss Daniel and Steph. Before we start, what's your most bone chilling dating experience?
- [40:32]
Steph Tollefson
Not on this. Right?
- [40:33]
John Lovett
Not on the board.
- [40:34]
Steph Tollefson
Ideally, a man bit my neck. Mole off during sex. Yes. It's no longer there. I had to get it.
- [40:42]
Tommy Vietor
I do the molecule.
- [40:44]
Steph Tollefson
You knew me pre mole launched in Squishy. It was the size of a Junior Mint, very large, and I felt blood drizzling down my neck. You asked. You asked. And I went to the bathroom. It was like gushing blood. And I was like, you have to leave. And it was like dangling off. And then when he tried to leave, I was like, you have to go. And he's like, why? And I'm like, get the fuck out of here. You're digesting my mole. Go. And then when he went. This is the worst part. When he went to leave, he was. Went to put his hands around my neck. I'm like a goodbye choke. I'm like, get the hell out of my house. You're eating my mole, man. Go. And then I went to go to the mole doctor the next day because it was like flittering off. And then they had to get it surgically removed. Mole money. Mole problems, Am I right?
- [41:26]
John Lovett
Hey, and when you say mole doctor, you mean a dermatologist?
- [41:29]
Steph Tollefson
Yeah, I guess, as they're called. But I did put mole doctor into my Google maps because there's three things that could be.
- [41:36]
John Lovett
To me, it could be one, a doctor, like a dermatologist. Two, it could be a mole. That's a doctor. Like a big cartoon mole. A tree, like, like that would be, you know, kind of like Ah, it's so bright. But I'll help. And then. Or it could be a. Like a doctor of moles and like, I guess I'll treat a person.
- [41:55]
Tommy Vietor
Oh, you mean like a professor of moles?
- [41:57]
John Lovett
Yeah, sure. Like, no, I'd like a vet.
- [42:00]
Tommy Vietor
Oh, it does.
- [42:01]
John Lovett
I guess it could also be like. Yeah, like. Like, you know. You know, like a unit of stuff. Like a mole of carbon. I don't remember what that is. What? A mole is a number. Have you heard it six times 10 to the 23rd? Shut up. Yeah, too slow, bitch. Mole is a number. Have you heard it six times ten to the 23rd? Much larger number two. Comprehend.
- [42:21]
Tommy Vietor
Wait, that. That's all I heard was. I went to the mole doctor Mole duct. Right. That's all. He told me what to do. He.
- [42:32]
Steph Tollefson
Anyways, the mole's gone, but the hair still grows. Oh, shut up. Nobody's a hairy mole. Turn on the fucking house lights.
- [42:40]
Tommy Vietor
You know when, like, you swallow a penny and you have to make sure it gets out?
- [42:45]
John Lovett
I hate that.
- [42:46]
Tommy Vietor
Yes, but it's like, it happens a lot.
- [42:48]
Steph Tollefson
God, I hate when that happens.
- [42:49]
Tommy Vietor
I would just wonder if he was worried if he expressed the mole.
- [42:54]
Steph Tollefson
No, he didn't even notice.
- [42:56]
Tommy Vietor
Is that too much? No one's at wondering what happened to the mall?
- [42:59]
Steph Tollefson
No, the mole. They sent it in to get tested. No. Cancer.
- [43:01]
Tommy Vietor
You got it back.
- [43:02]
Steph Tollefson
No, they sent it. No, I need it.
- [43:03]
Tommy Vietor
Oh, it was dangling.
- [43:04]
Steph Tollefson
Yeah, but they took it off and then sent it to a lab.
- [43:07]
Tommy Vietor
Why is the taking it off the grossest part? I don't know why.
- [43:09]
Steph Tollefson
And then the funniest part was the guy I was trying to be really funny in the doctor's office, and I go, can I get a mole man alone? And he. He. He thought I was serious and went to leave. I'm like, I don't need to be alone with my mole and say goodbye to it. Like, he thought I was deranged. Like, I already. I already was like, oh, man. Bit it off. And he was like, what? Like the whole thing was already strange. And then I just kept adding onto it.
- [43:32]
Tommy Vietor
But you said moment.
- [43:34]
Steph Tollefson
I said moment.
- [43:35]
John Lovett
That's hilarious.
- [43:35]
Steph Tollefson
He literally went, oh, I'm sorry. I went to close the door. Yeah, I didn't get the laugh it deserved in the room.
- [43:43]
John Lovett
So I think, like, when you're bitten by a person, you have to make sure you know where that person goes because you need to check their brain for rabies.
- [43:52]
Steph Tollefson
He could be dead, this man. I don't know. I never. We never. There's no Follow up. I never spoke to him again.
- [43:56]
John Lovett
Yeah, and that's right. I mean, I feel like. Let's part ways.
- [43:59]
Steph Tollefson
Let's try our second date.
- [44:02]
Tommy Vietor
Good.
- [44:02]
Steph Tollefson
I'm good. I have no more moles, but they'll find something you can nibble off. Like, I don't know, disgusting. I don't. I didn't want this.
- [44:13]
John Lovett
Daniel, do you have a dating story like that?
- [44:19]
Steph Tollefson
I hope not.
- [44:20]
Tommy Vietor
I don't know. I mean, as lots of gross things have, like, certainly entered my mouth, but I've never swallowed like a. I. My current boyfriend, I. I didn't realize it at the time, but I found his earring, his hoop earring in my bed later because I'd ripped it out in the. In the. Yes. And we had only hooked up like once or twice, so he didn't say anything. Was the skin ripped it out?
- [44:43]
Steph Tollefson
Oh, my God.
- [44:44]
Tommy Vietor
No. I work hard, but that's not my story. My story is one time I invite. Sometimes when you invite a gay man over to the house, some things have to happen before the happening happens, right?
- [44:57]
Steph Tollefson
What?
- [44:58]
Tommy Vietor
What? Like hygiene. But I'm a top. Surprise, surprise. I know. Fuck you. Anyway. And this guy. It's not unusual for someone to come over and ask to use the. Go in the restroom, right, For a minute or whatever.
- [45:11]
Steph Tollefson
Everyone should. Doesn't matter who you are, who you're with. Go rinse your fucking.
- [45:14]
Tommy Vietor
Yeah, fucking wash your ass. Clean your mole. So he go. And I have a small apartment, very small apartment with very thin walls. So it's hard to ignore when someone's in the bathroom and he wasn't in there for like a normal. I don't know, what does it take you to do? Five?
- [45:29]
John Lovett
Sure.
- [45:29]
Tommy Vietor
Four. Anyway. What?
- [45:31]
John Lovett
Just 40? 30. Yeah.
- [45:33]
Tommy Vietor
In and out. Right? In and out. The guy's in there for like 10 minutes. I've set a playlist to fuck to. And I'm running out of the hit. So I'm trying to put add more because he's taking so much time and it was like 15. Somewhere in the 15 to 20 minutes is when he finally. And you know you. I have respect for him. He's preparing, so I want to give him his time. And then he comes out and he has clearly cut bangs.
- [45:56]
Steph Tollefson
What?
- [45:57]
Tommy Vietor
No, he cut Daniel bangs. I had long hair.
- [46:03]
Steph Tollefson
This is worse than them all.
- [46:04]
Tommy Vietor
He had long.
- [46:05]
John Lovett
I had.
- [46:05]
Tommy Vietor
And the weirdest, the worst part is the scissors I had in my bathroom are the tight. They're manicuring scissors.
- [46:10]
John Lovett
They're the little.
- [46:11]
Tommy Vietor
Those he cut, bang. Like maybe they were here and he Trimmed them to there. Because all of a sudden, that was. He was Cher. It's nuts.
- [46:19]
Steph Tollefson
That's crazy.
- [46:20]
Tommy Vietor
Yeah.
- [46:21]
Steph Tollefson
That's grosser than the mole. I swear to God, a man with bangs is hideous. No offense.
- [46:28]
John Lovett
So do you. Do you say, hey, did you get a haircut?
- [46:35]
Tommy Vietor
So you want to bang? But here's the thing. He didn't clean the hair out of the. Yes, that's what I'm saying. It was like. It wasn't like.
- [46:45]
Steph Tollefson
But was his butt clean?
- [46:46]
John Lovett
No.
- [46:46]
Tommy Vietor
Well, that was the other thing. He also.
- [46:47]
Steph Tollefson
Yeah, he trimmed back there.
- [46:50]
Tommy Vietor
Well, they both had the same part.
- [46:53]
Steph Tollefson
It also had bangs. He cut bangs on it.
- [46:56]
Tommy Vietor
You're like, but it was really hard.
- [46:58]
John Lovett
Is there a generous reading of it where it's like he walks into the apartment blown away by your handsomeness, says, I got. I feel self conscious. I gotta do something to spruce it up. I'm gonna go in the bathroom and give myself a terrible. No.
- [47:11]
Tommy Vietor
I think he was like, I don't think I can fuck this dude. And he cut bangs to blind himself so that he could just. Without having to look at me laughing at that. Because you can't think.
- [47:23]
John Lovett
And you're still in touch.
- [47:25]
Tommy Vietor
Yeah. No, that's the one time I didn't, like, go the whole way. I was like, you're just gonna have to. Well, whatever. We just did, like, a couple bases, and then I kicked them out.
- [47:34]
Steph Tollefson
Get your bangs out of my house.
- [47:35]
Tommy Vietor
Get your bangs out of my. Well, the thing is, it was just like, the apartment was too small for bangs. You need higher ceilings for that kind of shit.
- [47:44]
Steph Tollefson
And that's a statement. Like, you wouldn't have matched with him if he had the bangs.
- [47:47]
Tommy Vietor
Well, it would be like, what if I just went, excuse me, I'll be right back, and I came out with a mustache on? You'd be like, whoa, what are you doing? It was nuts.
- [47:56]
Steph Tollefson
You sued a mustache?
- [47:57]
Tommy Vietor
I did.
- [47:58]
John Lovett
Slowly changing your look throughout the evening would be such a fun idea. Really throw someone off. All right, Steph, why don't you kick us off? You can choose something from the board. You think you can. That isn't as bad as future things to come.
- [48:11]
Steph Tollefson
Okay, thanks.
- [48:12]
John Lovett
Tell us why.
- [48:15]
Steph Tollefson
Well, no. Okay. Oh, I guess this isn't bad. Offers you 25 buck gift certificate to Chili's after sex. What's wrong with that? This fucking slaps. What are you talking about? Are you kidding me? I love this.
- [48:28]
John Lovett
So that's great.
- [48:28]
Steph Tollefson
This is great. That's what I'm saying.
- [48:29]
Tommy Vietor
That's actually my story also. That is it is.
- [48:34]
Steph Tollefson
I'd be like, thank you so much.
- [48:35]
Tommy Vietor
I fucked it all day. It was in Austin, Texas. And at the end of it, you know when you're. You have, like, the. The table by the. With all your mail on it. He goes, oh, hey, your birthday's coming up, right? Because for some reason, when we were fucking, I mentioned my birthday. He goes, oh, here. And he pulled out a $25 gift certificate to Chili's and goes, there, enjoy.
- [48:51]
Steph Tollefson
And did you enjoy it?
- [48:52]
Tommy Vietor
Spent it.
- [48:52]
Steph Tollefson
Yeah, of course.
- [48:53]
Tommy Vietor
That's the awesome blossom.
- [48:54]
Steph Tollefson
Yeah, exactly.
- [48:56]
Tommy Vietor
100% good.
- [48:57]
John Lovett
And what's interesting about that is it is psychologically different than if he had handed you $25.
- [49:03]
Tommy Vietor
I mean, I earned it either way.
- [49:06]
John Lovett
And for sure, and did not mean to imply otherwise, but if someone. If you're like, oh, it's your birthday. Here's 25 in cash, you'd be like, this is weird. I'm not saying a Chili's gift card after someone isn't a little strange, but it has a joy to it. No, I see. Fun to it.
- [49:20]
Tommy Vietor
I see. Because, like, 25 Chili's dollars is enough. But if you just gave me 25 cash, that is not enough for the work I just did.
- [49:29]
Steph Tollefson
It's also silly. It's goofy. This is a goof. This is a funny goof.
- [49:34]
Tommy Vietor
Yeah.
- [49:34]
John Lovett
Chili's.
- [49:35]
Tommy Vietor
I never went back.
- [49:36]
Steph Tollefson
Yeah, you usually drive a buck.
- [49:38]
Tommy Vietor
Oh, no, I mean to Chili's. I fucked that dude a bunch, but I never. I never went to Chili's again.
- [49:43]
John Lovett
All right, Daniel, you pull something from the board.
- [49:44]
Tommy Vietor
Okay. I. Okay. Says their ex is crazy. Is. It's a red flag. It's not scary, but that's a red flag for sure. Are we just talking about or a date?
- [49:59]
John Lovett
Sure.
- [49:59]
Tommy Vietor
So sorry. I. I.
- [50:01]
John Lovett
It's whatever you want it to be. Yeah.
- [50:02]
Tommy Vietor
You're never supposed to bring up an ex on a date. That's insane. But that's just.
- [50:05]
Steph Tollefson
That's what is the game.
- [50:06]
Tommy Vietor
We're trying to see what's not.
- [50:08]
John Lovett
We are pulling things off to say why we think other things on the border to get to the worst thing possible.
- [50:18]
Tommy Vietor
All right, that's just. I think.
- [50:20]
Steph Tollefson
Yes, yes, yes.
- [50:20]
John Lovett
All right, I'm gonna go to. I'm gonna go to. Oh, wait, wait.
- [50:32]
Tommy Vietor
There's a.
- [50:34]
Steph Tollefson
That's your story.
- [50:36]
Tommy Vietor
That's me.
- [50:38]
John Lovett
Oh, I'll do this one. Doesn't believe in sunscreen. Oh, doesn't believe in sunscreen. Mm. How many people here wear sunscreen today? How many? Oh, you reapplied five times.
- [50:54]
Steph Tollefson
This guy in the front has to. That guy.
- [50:55]
John Lovett
How many people? How many?
- [50:57]
Steph Tollefson
This guy better be wearing it right now. Yeah.
- [51:04]
John Lovett
How many people here didn't apply sunscreen today? Most people here. So here's my question. Everybody in here who oohed and ahh. And said, you don't believe in sunscreen but doesn't wear sunscreen. Do you believe in sunscreen? I know you say you do. There's a lot of people who say all kinds of things, and their behavior is the opposite. So really ask yourself if you actually believe in sunscreen. I don't think you actually do, because if you did, you'd wear it every day. But you don't. I also have questions about it. It's so gross when you put it on. I don't like how it feels. That's why I don't like reaching into bags or having, you know, reaching into bags. I don't like the feeling of things when you touch it. When you put your hands in a bag and it touches the top of your hand sucks.
- [51:51]
Steph Tollefson
What kind of bag you talking about?
- [51:52]
John Lovett
Any bag. Any bag. Any bag. I don't like reaching into any bag.
- [51:58]
Steph Tollefson
Like a suitcase.
- [51:59]
John Lovett
I rip every bag open. If I get delivery food, I rip the bag open. I rip every bag open. Spill it out. Don't reach in. Bad feeling. Bad feeling. Sunscreen. When I was a little boy, my family went to Club Med. You know, Club Med. I don't know how familiar people are with Club Med. And whenever we went on one of each to these places, they would try to put me in the camp with the other kids. And there are joyful, wonderful children that can make friends anywhere. I am not among them. And so I would just sit by myself all day until it was time to get picked up. And they would always give you ham and ham. I don't eat that. So there was one day where they were gonna put on a show for the other parents. And they dressed up all the kids as little clowns, little tiny clowns. And they were like, we're gonna put makeup on all the kids. And I said, please don't do that. And they said, it'll be fine. And they started applying makeup onto my face. I lose touch with reality, come to screaming, crying, demanding help, because I had thought that makeup was poison. And I would lick my lips and then die of poison from something being on my skin. And so they washed off all the makeup, but I still had to do the little clown performance with the other children. And so there is a video that exists of 10 to 12 children in full clown makeup, except for me, who looks like Heath Ledger's joker dancing.
- [53:29]
Steph Tollefson
And they're like, put both your hands in these bags.
- [53:32]
Steve Bannon
You're like.
- [53:34]
John Lovett
And my point is, how could not believing in sunscreen be a red flag when these are the kind of stories I'm telling on a first date? All right, Dan, you're on.
- [53:46]
Tommy Vietor
Being ghosted is not scary. I think it's a compliment. I love when people don't want to waste my time. It's great if you think it's wrong and you're going to disappear on me later. It's efficient at this point, too.
- [53:55]
Steph Tollefson
It's also like. It's so. It's so done now. Like, when I. When I first was on the dating apps, it was so upsetting. Now it's like, this is just common practice.
- [54:02]
Tommy Vietor
Yeah.
- [54:02]
Steph Tollefson
So it's not even like. It's like, who cares?
- [54:03]
Tommy Vietor
Also, gay men do that. You come, you leave. You know what I mean? That's it. You ghost almost immediately. It's like you were never. It's just a vapor.
- [54:10]
Steph Tollefson
It's also that person that you don't want them in your life. That's a pathetic loser. So it's like, do you ghost? I always text, even if it was awful big. Hey, nice meeting you. Yeah, I didn't feel a vibe. Tata.
- [54:22]
Tommy Vietor
Like dating.
- [54:22]
Steph Tollefson
Like dating the mole man, except the mole man.
- [54:24]
Tommy Vietor
Wow.
- [54:25]
Steph Tollefson
No, if I was dating someone. No, I've never done that.
- [54:27]
John Lovett
Yeah.
- [54:27]
Tommy Vietor
No, no, no.
- [54:27]
John Lovett
All right, let's get to the worst ones. Let's pick. What do we think is, like, the.
- [54:30]
Tommy Vietor
Week someone just put back sickle on there? That's disgusting.
- [54:32]
Steph Tollefson
I have a worse one.
- [54:33]
John Lovett
Okay, let's pick. I.
- [54:34]
Steph Tollefson
And I'm gonna win right now.
- [54:36]
John Lovett
Okay, let's win it right now. Win it right now.
- [54:38]
Steph Tollefson
Getting matching tattoos because you're head over heels. I've had this matching taco on my leg. This is me getting it removed. This is 10 sessions. Take a fucking look, audience. That's 10 fucking sessions of my skin getting fucking grilled off, and I can't get fucking rid of it. I've had this for two fucking years. As tattoo. Never get a matching tattoo with anybody in your life. It's hell on earth when they.
- [55:01]
Tommy Vietor
You.
- [55:02]
Steph Tollefson
When you. If you've got a tattoo removed, it looks like fucking meatloaf for two weeks. They, like, drill it off. It's a nightmare.
- [55:08]
John Lovett
Can I ask you a question? Why would you. So you're mental illness.
- [55:11]
Steph Tollefson
That's why. No, for sure that's why.
- [55:14]
John Lovett
But did you consider turning it into something else.
- [55:18]
Steph Tollefson
But it's not. It's not light enough yet. So I'm not. I'm at the point where I'm like, I, I. Because it's like. It's a taco. It's so stupid. I hate. Yeah, it's stupid.
- [55:29]
Tommy Vietor
But like, in one session instead of 10 sessions, just do one and make it an empanada or something. Like, just change it. Like.
- [55:35]
Steph Tollefson
No, it's getting. It's like two years and I can't feel it. It's like numb there. And they like drill. Like, you could like slice that right now.
- [55:40]
John Lovett
Do you think it would feel different enough if you added rice and beans and called it the platter? Make it a combo plate. Put a chimichanga next to it.
- [55:48]
Steph Tollefson
Oh, God.
- [55:50]
John Lovett
Wait, let's. Wait, just last, Last note said, let's. Let's call this one the last one. And the worst one. Makes you hold their gun after sex.
- [55:58]
Steph Tollefson
Oh, yeah.
- [55:59]
John Lovett
Did that happen to me?
- [56:00]
Steph Tollefson
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a guy. Yeah, yeah. No, no, it was bad. It was bad. I had a bad. I have a nice boyfriend now who loves me. He's also Shooter McGavin's nephew. Hot stuff. Anyways, Happy Gilmore. Nobody cares. Looks exactly like him. That's why I mentioned I'm fucking shooting McGavin.
- [56:18]
Tommy Vietor
That's what I'm saying.
- [56:18]
John Lovett
That's cool.
- [56:20]
Steph Tollefson
Yeah, he. After sex, he's like, hey, check this out. Goes under his bed, brings up this. This box, opens it up and he goes, hey, check. And I was like naked, just like holding this man's gun and is like run down apartment. It was terrifying.
- [56:32]
John Lovett
It's so. It's so interesting. And I think this is where we have to leave it because we simply not high note. Because it's like. I'm sure Daniel's horror stories from Grindr would take the paint off the walls of this theater. But at the end of the day, these are gay men. They are not straight men. And it is inconceivable to me to bring a straight man into my bedroom without a background check. Putting in a quick call to the fucking precinct. Just say call, check on me again.
- [57:10]
Steph Tollefson
I do have a boyfriend who loves me. We've been together for two years. It's very nice.
- [57:15]
John Lovett
And you get more of a race. It could be just sort of like a curly haired cartoon person. Your taco, it's giving pita.
- [57:22]
Tommy Vietor
It has a lot of. It has a lot of rose giving.
- [57:24]
Steph Tollefson
Grilled cheese, right?
- [57:25]
Tommy Vietor
It could be a goldfish. That would be good.
- [57:27]
Steph Tollefson
We're Getting a couple, you know, I think it's beautiful.
- [57:30]
John Lovett
And let me tell you why. No, I do. I do. Because when I was a kid and I saw people had tattoos, I thought, wow, how can anyone get a tattoo? Life is so long, and the older you get, you're like, of course you get tattoos. Life is so short. And I think that's kind of interesting. Cause it was a moment in time, and that's who you were. And nothing to be ashamed about. You made your choice.
- [57:49]
Tommy Vietor
I don't have any tattoos, but the one I am gonna get as soon as I find is I want a Dooney and Burke purse, you know, with the mallard, and I want it on my hip with the strap going over. But I have to find the actual physical mat so I can take it on and put it off and it's still there.
- [58:03]
John Lovett
So I'm gonna get a tattoo. My friends and I are going to Croatia this summer and Dubrovnik, and there's this little place that has all these really interesting sort of skull tattoos. We're gonna need a little skull tattoo. We'll be right back.
- [58:18]
Tommy Vietor
Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up.
- [58:23]
John Lovett
Love it or Leave it is brought to you by Helix. I love Helix mattress. It's improved my sleep. I have a dawnlux, very comfortable. I really like it. I don't wear a wearable device because I don't believe in that, but if I did, it would say that I'm sleeping better. And actually, you know what else I know I've cut out sleeping pills too. I really, I'm like going cold.
- [58:42]
Tommy Vietor
Trip Helix is your sleeping pill.
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John Lovett
For sure. For sure. There's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home. That's why helix offers a 100 night trial and a 10 to 15 year warranty to try out your new mattress. Everybody's unique. Everybody sleeps differently. That's why Helix has several different mattress models to choose from, each designed for specific sleep positions and feel preferences. You take the sleep quiz, you get your perfect mattress. When I took the quiz, as I said, I was matched with a Dawn luxe. Because I'm a side sleeper and a stomach sleeper. Your personalized mattress is shipped straight to your door free of charge. Go to helixsleep.com love it. For 20% off site wide, that's helixsleep.com loveit. For 20% off sitewide, make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you helixsleep.com love it.
- [59:28]
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- [60:03]
John Lovett
And we're back. All right, Crooked Con is less than one week away. CrookedCon is your chance to join some of the smartest organizers of politicians in America to strategize, debate and commiserate about where we go from here. There'll be panels, conversations, workshops, live tapings of strict scrutiny, hysteria and friends of the pod. Favorite terminally Online I am hosting a panel with Hasan Piker, Simone Sanders Townsend, Tim Miller and Jessica Tarlov called Are we having Fun Yet? About how Democrats can lose their downer image. I also have a one on one conversation with Senator Ruben Gallego about how Democrats can win on immigration, how to run a local race when all politics can feel national. There aren't many tickets left really are about to sell out, so go to crookedcon.com please. All right, Bruce Springsteen fans are up in arms following the release of the new biopic Springsteen Deliver Me From Nowhere, which depicts the singer saying his favorite hot dog condiment is mustard. Whoever Springsteen publicly hates mustard, as seen in this post by Twitter user Gen Z. Bruce fan.
- [61:02]
Steve Bannon
And so I used to go into that luncheonette. I used to order a ham sandwich.
- [61:08]
John Lovett
With cheese and lettuce and a lot.
- [61:12]
Steve Bannon
Of mayonnaise, but no mustard.
- [61:17]
John Lovett
Don't give me no great Poupon. I don't like any mustard. I don't like it on my hot dog. I don't like it on my sandwiches.
- [61:29]
Steve Bannon
No.
- [61:31]
Steph Tollefson
This guy sells out. That's what he's saying.
- [61:35]
Tommy Vietor
Also, first of all, if you've never been to a Bruce Springsteen concert, they're four hours long.
- [61:39]
Steph Tollefson
It's all mustard.
- [61:41]
John Lovett
It's so funny that there is a video of him talking at length about how much he hates mustard and in the movie he's like, hot dog with mustard, please. I got him. Yeah, that's what a Bruce show is.
- [61:51]
Tommy Vietor
It's that I think he needs to have the same cognitive test that Trump just did. That didn't make sense.
- [61:57]
John Lovett
Draw a clock. Bruce Springsteen all right, if you have.
- [62:02]
Steph Tollefson
Ham, you need mustard.
- [62:03]
Tommy Vietor
But here's the. I'll say this. If you have enough mayonnaise, you don't need anything. Who said.
- [62:08]
Steph Tollefson
Ooh, who said amen?
- [62:10]
Tommy Vietor
I'm gonna meet you in the hour.
- [62:11]
Steph Tollefson
Amen.
- [62:14]
John Lovett
That's interesting. Yeah. Oh. Ew. Grow up. Mayonnaise is great. Don't pretend otherwise.
- [62:19]
Tommy Vietor
Somewhere in my early 30s, I decided to just intentionally start pronouncing it mayonnaise.
- [62:24]
John Lovett
Mayonnaise.
- [62:24]
Tommy Vietor
Mayonnaise.
- [62:25]
John Lovett
See?
- [62:26]
Tommy Vietor
Look how happy that made me.
- [62:27]
John Lovett
How old were you? How old were you when you found out you could dip fries in it?
- [62:31]
Tommy Vietor
Oh, late, late.
- [62:33]
Steph Tollefson
I was so old when I was.
- [62:34]
John Lovett
Like, 19, I was so old, and it's like, what?
- [62:36]
Tommy Vietor
Well, here's the.
- [62:37]
John Lovett
Where are you even hiding this?
- [62:38]
Tommy Vietor
As a kid, I learned early that you could dip your French fries in the Wendy's Frosty. See? So who needs mayonnaise after you've crossed that bridge?
- [62:47]
John Lovett
So it's time for a segment we call actually, Bruce Springsteen hates mustard. Here's how it works. We're gonna share one minor detail that they ought to get fucking right in our biopics.
- [62:57]
Steph Tollefson
Okay.
- [62:58]
John Lovett
All right, to the wheel. Let's spin it. Steph, what's one detail that the biopic needs to get right about you?
- [63:10]
Steph Tollefson
I don't actually hate my big labia. I talk a lot about it. My act. You've seen my Filth Queen special. And people. Because I talk about a lot. A lot of women tell me after, like, about labiaplasty. And, like, women, like, come at me and, like, you know. And I just, you know, my boyfriend doesn't mind it. I don't mind it. Men have never complained. Guess what? I'll slap it across. You have no idea what I'm talking about.
- [63:33]
Tommy Vietor
What's leaving?
- [63:35]
Steph Tollefson
You're like, I don't know what she's referring to right now.
- [63:40]
Tommy Vietor
It's sort of like a prolapse.
- [63:42]
Steph Tollefson
Yes. Wait, wait.
- [63:44]
Tommy Vietor
That is a medical term. That is a medical term. Putting the hell in Hellman.
- [63:50]
John Lovett
No, what I was actually. What was really interesting about it, honestly, is the way that your whole demeanor and energy changed. And then it was like. It was like.
- [64:02]
Steph Tollefson
Cause you thought it was gonna be serious.
- [64:03]
John Lovett
No, it wasn't. It was that the whole, like, kind of goblin thing you do fell away, and then the real person was there, being like, actually, it's cool. I like that. Yeah, I like that. I feel like I appreciated the.
- [64:18]
Steph Tollefson
Thank you. Two women applauded it. That's all I needed. They're like, now I forced that.
- [64:25]
John Lovett
They're like, disagree. Be ashamed. You're wrong to not be ashamed. Let's spin it again.
- [64:36]
Tommy Vietor
I just wanted to keep landing on Steph. I know.
- [64:37]
Steph Tollefson
I was like, this can't happen.
- [64:39]
John Lovett
Daniel. What's the detail you'd like your biopic to get right?
- [64:42]
Tommy Vietor
I want my biopic to get right. The fact that I am actually on Lily Allen's side. Can we please make sure people know that. That I don't like her fucking gross cheating husband. Don't look at me like that. You don't believe me either. Put that. That's a chapter title. That's not just a. I want that to be Danny.
- [64:58]
John Lovett
Lily, we're just going to cut this. I think the whole thing. We're just going to let it. We're going to let what you said earlier stand.
- [65:04]
Tommy Vietor
I love Lily. I love Lily.
- [65:06]
John Lovett
Bleeping all this.
- [65:06]
Tommy Vietor
I love Lily. I'm going to say it over everything you say.
- [65:12]
John Lovett
And then we're going to really just have to it. You're a huge David harbor fan, I heard. Yeah. Big Stranger Things person. Isn't it crazy that Stranger Things still happens every. I don't know, like, two to three years? It's crazy.
- [65:32]
Tommy Vietor
I've never seen an episode.
- [65:34]
Steph Tollefson
Oh, really? I watched the first season. I thought it was done after that.
- [65:37]
John Lovett
I think it's.
- [65:37]
Steph Tollefson
The monster came and the monster left, and I was like, it's over.
- [65:39]
Tommy Vietor
Do you remember in Covid, they had the immersive experience where you could go to the strangers thing in a parking garage? Did no one else do that? I did.
- [65:47]
John Lovett
I think you fell for something.
- [65:48]
Tommy Vietor
No, there were actors and they were acting, but I hadn't seen a single episode, so I didn't know what the fuck was going on. Yeah, I'm okay with it. The only thing that needs to still be on television is Designing Women. That's the only thing that needs to still be on television. Thank you.
- [66:03]
John Lovett
Yeah. I love Designing Women. Delta Burke.
- [66:06]
Tommy Vietor
She's the one.
- [66:08]
John Lovett
Everybody, check out Steph Special on Netflix.
- [66:13]
Steph Tollefson
Thank you. Jesus Christ. Edit that.
- [66:20]
John Lovett
Go to thedanielweb.com to check out Daniel's dates. We will see you next week at Dynasty typewriter. There are 367 days until the midterms. Have a great night. Have a great weekend. If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked media on Instagram, TikTok and all the other ones for original content, community events and more. You can also find Love it or leave it on YouTube for videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube exclusive content. And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review. Finally, you can join Crooked's Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad free Love it or Leave it and Pod Save America episodes, Subscriber, exclusive podcast and more. Sign up@crooked.com friends love it or Leave it is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer, Bill McGrath is our producer, and Kennedy Hill is our Associate producer. Hallie Keefer is our head writer, Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre and Subha Agrawal are our writers. Jordan Kantor is our editor, Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Colon is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written in of front performed by Cher. Sure thanks to our designer Sammy Cadorna Rhys for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And thanks to our digital producers, David Tools, Claudia Shang, Mia Kelman, Milan Villanueva and Rachel Gajewski for filming and editing video Each week. Our head of production is Matt de Groat, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America. It's Love it or Leave It. Coming at you live from Autotrader, here's new Car Energy. They're searching inventory you can make a budget for your wallet. Help you succeed. It's.
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Tommy Vietor
Find your next ride@autotrader.com powered by.
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John Lovett
Auto Intelligence Clorox Toilet Wand it's all in one Clorox Toilet Wand it's all in one.
- [68:33]
Steph Tollefson
Hey, what does all in one mean? The Caddy, the wand, the preloaded pad. There's a cleaner in there inside the pad.
- [68:42]
John Lovett
So Clorox Toilet Wand is all I.
- [68:45]
Steph Tollefson
Need to clean clean a toilet.
- [68:52]
John Lovett
Revolution.
- [68:55]
Kat Abu Ghazale
Use as directed.