We Bought a Ballroom

Summary

Podcast Summary: Lovett or Leave It – "We Bought a Ballroom"

Date: May 8, 2026
Location: Live from Hollywood, as part of Netflix Is a Joke
Host: Jon Lovett
Guests: Beck Bennett, Kyle Mooney

Overview

In this episode, Jon Lovett returns to the stage with comedians Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney (Saturday Night Live alums and hosts of "What's Our Podcast?"). Together, they tear through the week’s wildest political stories, riff on podcasting, creativity, and friendship, and offer their patented offbeat takes during a crowdsourced roommate advice segment. The episode is a blend of sharp political satire, comedic deep-dives into cultural moments, and a peek behind the curtain of SNL and podcast life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What a Week – Political Satire and News Recap

(02:13–15:27)

• Senate GOP’s Immigration and Border Bill:
  Senate Republicans propose a $72 billion immigration/border funding bill, with a surprise $1 billion portion earmarked for President Trump's White House ballroom. Lovett lampoons the hypocrisy, recalling Trump's repeated insistence the ballroom would be built "at no cost to the taxpayer."

  “To quote myself at a big group dinner, I didn’t even order any drinks.” (03:34, Jon Lovett)
  He mocks how the “free” ballroom ballooned into a billion-dollar security project, likening it to Six Flags charging extra for harnesses:
  “The rides are free. The harnesses? Oh, that’s gonna be extra, you dumb sluts.” (04:08, Jon Lovett)

• Trump's Ballrooms, Campaign, and UFC Fight Plans:
  Trump is framed showing off his “impenetrable” ballroom and proposing to host a UFC fight for America’s 250th birthday.

  Trump: “This can repel a lot of different... a lot of different weapons.” (05:17, Donald Trump)
  Lovett jokes about “Chekhov’s Ballroom” and Trump’s priorities.

• Foreign Affairs – Strait of Hormuz:
  Lovett parodies a press briefing by Marco Rubio about the crisis in the Strait of Hormuz, describing it as Rubio’s fantasy of returning to a time before he was a “clown in giant shoes.”
  Rubio, paraphrased:

  “We have to get back to the way things were... The bombs return to their planes, the votes return to our hands...” (07:11, Jon Lovett as Rubio)

• Epstein, FBI Director Kash Patel, and Administration Scandals:
  The show weaves in topics from Jeffrey Epstein’s “suicide note” (mocking its optioning by Ryan Murphy) to leaks and investigations swirling around FBI Director Kash Patel and his penchant for distributing personalized bourbon bottles.

• The FDA and Drug Policies:
  Lovett mocks the administration’s approval of flavored vapes, withdrawal of tanning bed bans, and push to “de-prescribe” psychiatric medication, quipping:

  “Meanwhile, Zoloft and Adderall are basically holding this country together... You know what keeps the planes in the air? Adderall.” (12:40, Jon Lovett)

• Pop Culture – “Animal Farm” Adaptation:
  Lovett expresses outrage at a new animated Animal Farm movie with a “happy ending,” culminating in the lesson:

  “It is even worse than that adaptation of 1984 where Wonder Woman kills Big Brother.” (14:22, Jon Lovett)

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2. On Friendship, SNL, and Podcasting

(20:22–30:16)

• Beck Bennett & Kyle Mooney: Friendship Origins
  Lovett chats with Beck and Kyle about being friends since college (since 2003, “the Bush era”), their “text vs. call” dynamic, and working together at SNL:

  “I think this is the most intimate amount of time we've ever spent with each other.” (22:59, Kyle Mooney)

• Podcasting Philosophy: "What's Our Podcast?"
  Their podcast is about “eternal searching.”

  “Once you arrive, it's over... It’s about exploring, discovering.” (22:41, Kyle Mooney)
  They discuss enjoying their current “golden era” of friendship and creative partnership outside the SNL pressure cooker.

• Lovett’s SNL Audition Story:
  Lovett recounts his failed SNL audition, including his “Charlie the Carbohydrate” character:

  “It was kind of a sort of a taunting stalker of a woman trying to lose weight for her wedding.” (29:52, Jon Lovett)
  Kyle and Beck tease out the potential of the character and reflect on the pressures and awkwardness of the audition process.

• Maintaining Creative Chemistry at SNL
  Both guests candidly discuss navigating individual ambition versus working as a duo in the competitive SNL environment:

  “Sometimes one of us will have a win, sometimes the other, but then always trying to make the time to do what we've always been doing together.” (28:47, Beck Bennett) “That's why what we get to do now [podcasting] is nice. It's more lax.” (29:18, Beck Bennett)

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3. Roommate Hell – Crowdsourced Advice

(31:33–41:16)

• Bizarre Roommate Scenarios:
  The trio answers real (and surreal) listener questions on sharing a living space:

  • 32 clocks on a wall: “A lot of ticking. That feels like anxiety.” (32:34, Kyle Mooney)
  • Kombucha mother: “It looks like a uterus that’s going to slide out of its jar, crawl over my face, and suffocate me in the night.” (34:21, Listener; riffed by Lovett & Mooney)
  • Shower cleaning stalemate: “But then my roommate thought I finally broke and cleaned. They thanked me and apologized. I took the credit. Am I a bad person?” (35:58, Listener)
    “But you’re haunted by it.” (36:03, Kyle Mooney)
  • Flushing a plum down the toilet: “No stone fruits in the toilet.” (38:57, Jon Lovett)

• On “Darwin’s Poop”
  Lovett coins the term for when “a poop is so big that it crests the water – it’s crawling out of the ocean, evolving” (39:49–39:56).

• Masturbation Etiquette in Dorms:
  “As much as you can, as loud as you can... We read the studies about how you can actually improve your brain strength by masturbating.” (41:57, Kyle Mooney, dryly)

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4. "The Lorne Identity" – SNL Host Game

(44:39–51:55)

• Would These Fictional Characters Be Good SNL Hosts?
  Lovett prompts Beck and Kyle to riff on imaginary hosts:

  • Clippy (the Microsoft Paperclip):
    “I think he'd be great at reading the cards, being in the right place, but I just... don't imagine chaos the way you get real SNL moments from a host.” (46:08, Kyle Mooney)
  • ALF:
    “He’s so charismatic... I would genuinely like to see ALF host.” (46:54, Kyle Mooney)
    Logistics become a comedic tangent about the preciousness of ALF’s puppeteer.
  • The Thing (John Carpenter’s):
    “I mean, I feel like I see one iconic bit: Just doing his thing.” (49:12, Kyle Mooney)
  • Ursula (The Little Mermaid):
    “Great. Because she's got pipes – we’re gonna sing a lot.” (49:37, Kyle Mooney)
  • The Crypt Keeper:
    “He’s already a host. He’d have a great monologue and would gossip about everybody.” (50:26, Beck Bennett)

• Talking SNL "Shit":
  They discuss how ex-cast members eventually feel freer to share SNL backstage gossip, but money and future opportunities keep their lips sealed:

  “There will be a point... when you’ll stop feeling this and you’ll just talk about it. But when will that be and why?” (48:27, Jon Lovett)

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5. Second Thoughts – Regrets and Honest Reflections

(51:55–57:18)

• Panel Shares Regrets & Meta-Commentary:

  • Lovett apologizes for an off-color Lindsey Graham joke: “I'm sorry for saying Lindsey Graham coming. There are apparently children here...” (52:34)
  • Kyle worries about veering “too blue” or weird, struggling between earnestness and humor.
  • They revisit the “Polack” joke—Lovett expresses discomfort and reflects on line-crossing.
  • Discussion about “Darwin’s poop” as a potential meme.

• A Celebration of Being Sincere and Weird:
  Lovett: “You watch [your weird humor] vibrate across and then you see it... someone... pops with laughing because they're fully in—which is cool. Not everybody gets that.” (55:29–55:39)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “But now we’re on the hook for a billion dollars. To quote myself at a big group dinner, I didn’t even order any drinks.” (03:34, Jon Lovett)
• “This can repel a lot of different... a lot of different weapons.” (05:17, Donald Trump)
• “Ice Cube must be rolling over in his tray.” (08:14, Jon Lovett, after Rubio Ices Cube reference)
• “It is even worse than that adaptation of 1984 where Wonder Woman kills Big Brother.” (14:22, Jon Lovett)
• “Once you arrive, it’s over.” (22:41, Kyle Mooney, on their podcast’s questing approach)
• “Charlie the Carbohydrate.” (24:59, Lovett and Mooney riffing on Lovett’s SNL audition character)
• “No stone fruits in the toilet.” (38:57, Jon Lovett)
• “As much as you can, as loud as you can.” (41:57, Kyle Mooney, on dorm room masturbation etiquette)
• “There will be a point at... you’ll stop feeling this and you’ll just talk about it. But when will that be and why? What will have changed?” (48:27, Jon Lovett)
• “That feeling when you’re Darwin’s poop, or something...” (57:04, Jon Lovett & Kyle Mooney, riffing on meme potential)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [02:13–15:27] — Weekly news satire monologue
• [20:22–30:16] — Bennett and Mooney discuss SNL, friendship, podcasting
• [31:33–41:16] — “Hell Is Other People (With Whom You Share a Bathroom)” roommate Q&A
• [44:39–51:55] — “The Lorne Identity” (which fictional characters would make good SNL hosts)
• [51:55–57:18] — “Second Thoughts” (panel regrets and serious/weird reflections)

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Tone & Style

The episode is marked by Lovett’s characteristic blend of political cynicism, pop culture savvy, and absurdist wit, complemented by Beck and Kyle’s dry comedy, meta-humor, and warmth as creative collaborators. The conversational flow is lively, with riffs building naturally—sometimes veering into the surreal—while pulling listeners inside the world of intersectional late-night/podcast comedy.

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Final Thoughts

“We Bought a Ballroom” offers listeners a fast-moving, sharp, and silly ride through the week’s political circus and inside the psyche of comedians who genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Whether dissecting the absurdity of DC politics, modern roommate life, or the meta-questions of podcasting itself, it’s a dense, funny, and heartfelt episode.

Check out Beck and Kyle’s "What’s Our Podcast?" everywhere podcasts are found—and consider supporting their new Patreon for more “fully nude” (audio-only) episodes!

Transcript

[John Lovett]

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[Beck Bennett]

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[John Lovett]

Welcome welcome welcome to Love it or Leave It Live from Hollywood. And Netflix is a joke. We've got a great show for you tonight, but first, let's get into it. What a week. Senate Republicans unveiled legislation to fund immigration and border control, a $72 billion package that they plan to pass via reconciliation. It sounds like a lot, but keep in mind, about half of the money for ICE officers ends up going out the door as alimony payments. But then we learned that Republicans snuck into this bill. A billion dollars in taxpayer money to pay for President Trump's ballroom, which isn't too bad. It costs, like, half that much just to rent a ballroom for a wedding. Or maybe I'm getting screwed. Fuck. We all remember that Trump claimed the ballroom would be built at no cost to the public. Here's a montage from cnn.

[Donald Trump]

We did this. No charge to the taxpayer whatsoever. I'm paying for it.

[John Lovett]

I'm paying.

[Donald Trump]

We're donating a $400 million ballroom. Myself and donors are giving them free of charge for nothing. It's being paid for 100% by me and some friends of mine. Donors.

[John Lovett]

But now we're on the hook for a billion dollars. To quote myself at a big group dinner, I didn't even order any drinks. The bill says the money is for the purpose of security relating to the east wing modernization project, including above ground and below ground security features which comprises the entire universe. So the ballroom is free, but making it safe to use the ballroom costs a billion dollars. Six Flags could try this. Come on down to Six Flags. The rides are free. The harnesses. Oh, that's going to be extra, you dumb sluts. And so the billionaire backers who funded the ballroom get all the benefits of having their name on the project while we, the taxpayers, end up paying for most of it. And this is unacceptable. What do they think this is? Every football stadium? It does create a political opportunity for Democrats to force a vote on this proposal when this bill comes to the Senate floor. Said Senator Brian Schatz of Hawaii. Just flagging that. Now everyone gets an up or down vote on the ballroom. Added shots. Confusingly, Democrats are united in saying aloha to the ballroom. And Republicans will pay dearly in November if they say aloha to the ballroom. You get it? All right, here's Trump. Here is Trump making an amazing case for his event space on Wednesday.

[Donald Trump]

Being a builder and having built many ballrooms and many other things, I'm. I'm good at ballrooms. I usually have glass that's about a quarter of an inch thick. This is about 6 inches thick. This can repel a lot of different. A lot of different weapons.

[John Lovett]

Hey, man, stop bragging about how impenetrable your ballroom will be. It's starting to sound like a dare. It's like he's building Chekhov's Ballroom. I want you all to know something. First of all, there were three jokes in there that were real, real cerebral type jokes. Okay? And you stuck with me, but I think the rest are going to be very goofy. Not going to require a lot of the brain. You're going to be okay for the ride. Thank you for hanging on. I didn't realize we had front loaded it with so much thinking. Now, if this weren't enough to sell you on the White House becoming a bulletproof entertainment complex for our vulgar, corrupt, juvedermed aristocracy. Trump also showed off plans for the UFC fight during America's 250th birthday this summer.

[Donald Trump]

Do okay with it.

[Kyle Mooney]

Wow. The media's gonna go crazy.

[Donald Trump]

Not bad, right?

[John Lovett]

It's a pretty realistic mock up. If you zoom in on the audience watching the fight, you can actually see Lindsey Graham coming. Promises made, promises kept. While Trump is busy with party planning, the global economic crisis he created in the Strait of Hormuz continues. And in the brief window between Trump announcing Project Freedom and Trump ending Project Freedom, his plan to guide ships through the Strait of Hormuz remotely, like a friend who gets out of the U Haul to help you parallel park. But if you tap the bumper of the car behind you, the U Haul blows up. Live on Al Jazeera. Secretary of State Marco Rubio briefed the press.

[Marco Rubio]

Our preference is for these straits to be opened to the way they're supposed to be open, back to the way it was. Anyone can use it. No mines in the water, nobody paying tolls. That's what we have to get back to. And that's the goal here.

[John Lovett]

We have to get back to the way things were, said Marco, his feet swimming in his oversized Florsheim shoes. We have to go back. I want to go back. Imagine going back. The bombs rise up from the earth and return to their planes, and our ships return to our harbors, and our votes return to our hands. And I return to that debate stage in 2016. But now I'm ready. I'll be ready this time, Mom. I'll be ready. And you're alive. And I won't make a dick joke. You'll be proud after all the toilets you scrubbed at that casino. And I won't become this clown in giant shoes dancing for the king's pleasure on the ruins of a once great kingdom. And I'm hearing that the President has suspended Project Freedom. This briefing is over. Thank you so much for your time. Rubio did have strong words for the leaders of Iran.

[Marco Rubio]

I mean the top people in that government are, to say the least. You know, they're insane in the brain. They are facing real catastrophic destruction to their economy. They should check themselves before they wreck themselves in the direction that they're going.

[John Lovett]

Ice Cube must be rolling over in his tray. On Wednesday, administration officials reported that the United States and Iran were closing in on a one page agreement to end the war. Is it okay if it's one page double sided? Said an exhausted aide to JD Vance, asking Claude for the least aggressive Farsi translation of they have to say they're fucking losers. According to Axios, the 14 point memo would require Iran to commit to a moratorium on nuclear enrichment and for America to lift sanctions in addition to releasing billions of seized Iranian funds. You might think this sounds a lot like the jcpoa, the Obama era nuclear deal that Trump ripped up because he said it was the worst deal ever made. But that would be wrong. This one was done by white president. Speaking of self destructive sexual abusers, on Wednesday, a federal judge unsealed Jeffrey Epstein's purported suicide note from his first attempt, which was found by his former cellmate and immediately optioned by Ryan Murphy. Fuck, that guy is quick. The note, scrawled in terrible handwriting, reads, they investigated me for months, found nothing. What you want me to do? Bust out cryin'? No fun. Not worth it. The note continues. P.S. hold that thought. I have a visitor. Why, hello, former President Bill Clinton. I'm surprised to see you here. Wait, what are you doing? Ow, my neck. Ow, ow, ow. You're murdering me. Speaking of failed cover ups, on Wednesday, msnow Now reported that the FBI launched an investigation into the leaks that led to the Atlantic story about FBI Director Kash Patel's drinking and absences. This means we are now getting leaks about investigations into the leaks. And then on Thursday, Ms. now followed up with more reporting that over two dozen members of Patel's security detail are being polygraphed to find out who is responsible for the leaks, which was promptly leaked. Which means Patel has to launch yet another investigation to find out who leaked that he was investigating who leaked that he was investigating who leaked. But leak investigations are like beers. Just one more and you'll feel better, probably. Now, when Patel sued the Atlantic for defamation, he accused the magazine of publishing fabricated allegations. So were those allegations fabricated or were they leaked by someone with inside knowledge who now must be prosecuted? It's like the bartenders at the poodle room say when Kash Patel orders a neat bourbon on the rocks. You can't have it both ways, you fucking moron. Speaking of bourbon, the same journalist at the Atlantic came out with a new report on Wednesday about Kash Patel traveling with personalized bottles of bourbon that he gives out to both FBI staff and civilians he meets while on official business. People are acting like this is unusual at the FBI, but J. Edgar Hoover famously wanted MLK to take a bullet. Here's a photo of one of Cash's bottles obtained by the Atlantic. As you can see, it's printed with the FBI shield cash. Patel's name is also stamped in two different places so both of Cash's eyes could see it at the same time. Speaking of federal officials at the top of their game, for the first time, the FDA approved a fruit flavor of vape after a decade of strictly controlling flavored e cigarette use. Said the target audience for the vape stop embarrassing me. Just let me out of the car here. I can walk. It's fine. This after Kennedy withdrew a proposed FDA ban on tanning beds for miners, saying in a statement, quote, despite claims by left wing scientists slow roasting is the best method for retaining nutrients in the meat. Kennedy is also pushing to remove fluoride from our drinking water. And on Tuesday he unveiled a new MAHA campaign aimed at, quote, de prescribing for psychiatric medication, common treatments for ADHD, and even antidepressants. It's quite a future this administration is envisioning for our children. Tan. Ripping on an e cig, teeth rotting out of their heads. Asking the AI teacher to go to the bathroom to weep uncontrollably while applying medicinal herbs to their open rubella rashes. Still better than being on their phones all the time. Meanwhile, Zoloft and Adderall are basically holding this country together. Oh, the air traffic control system runs on floppy disks. You know what keeps the planes in the air? Adderall. The median home price has doubled since the financial crisis. You know what keeps people getting out of bed and going to work? It's Zoloft. Your company announces that it has no choice but to downsize, given how quickly AI Tools has increased productivity across the organization. Adderall and Zoloft In Dead vulture news, a dozen dead vultures were found dumped in Tennessee's Great Smoky Mountain national park last month. When reached for comment, RFK Jr. Said, why are you asking me to comment? I didn't say anything and my mouth is watering from something else. And finally, in other animal news, an animated adaptation of George Orwell's Animal Farm, directed by Andy Serkis, hit theaters this week and I would like to show you a moment from the trailer. Spoiler.

[Unidentified Singer (Kit Kat jingle)]

I parked the car.

[Kyle Mooney]

Let's have no one do that again. Animal Farm, a cautionary tale.

[John Lovett]

Seems like a joke, right? Like, it seems like that can't be a real. I couldn't believe this was a real movie. I almost didn't want to talk about it. The movie came and went. It kind of bombed, which makes sense. I don't want to kick a dead Marxist horse. But you remember how the story ends with the pigs seizing control of the farm and becoming indistinguishable from the humans. Among the most famous endings in all of literature. This animated version of Animal Farm has a happy ending. And I simply could not move on from learning that they put a happy ending on George Orwell. Noted optimists, George Orwell's Animal Farm. In this animated film, Napoleon the pig, voiced by, of course, Seth Rogen, drowns. Sorry. This is a spoiler alert for Andy Serkis animated Animal Farm. So Napoleon drowns, and then all the animals come together and say, you know what is always right? Helping people. It is even worse than that adaptation of 1984 where Wonder Woman kills Big Brother. Sincerely, I think it might be better for children to see seven, a movie that ends with a very important message of its own. Kevin Spacey should die. What's in the box? I'll tell you what's in the box. Artistic integrity. All right, we have got a great show for you tonight. We will be right back with Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney.

[Show Announcer]

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[John Lovett]

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[Kyle Mooney]

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[John Lovett]

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[John Lovett]

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[John Lovett]

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[John Lovett]

Yeah. A bag stuffed with hay which was in its time and innovation, you know. But everybody should get. They're great. Go. You take the quiz, you get a mattress that's perfect for you. Mine is the Dawnlux. I really genuinely like it. Helixsleep.com love it for 27% off sitewide that's helixsleep.com love it For 27% off sitewide. This offer is exclusive to my listeners. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you. Helixsleep.com Love it. Love it or leave it Brought to you by ZBiotics pre alcohol let's face it, after a night with drinks, I don't bounce back the next day like I used to. You know what I'm Screw the copy John. We were just in D.C. and we had a big night out and I, the second I, I got to, we had a party.

[Beck Bennett]

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[John Lovett]

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[John Lovett]

And then, you know, I had a few drinks throughout the night, stayed out pretty late. I felt great the next day.

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[Beck Bennett]

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[John Lovett]

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[Beck Bennett]

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[John Lovett]

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[John Lovett]

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[John Lovett]

And we're back. We have a fantastic show for you tonight. Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney will be out in a second. But first, we recently announced the return of CrookedCon. On November 5 through 7 in Washington, D.C. we'll reflect on the lessons of 2026, hopefully positive, potentially negative, and debate the best ways to turn those lessons into winning campaigns in the elections to come. There will be more panels, bigger stages, candidate forums, live shows, interviews, organizing events, intense but cathartic moments between prominent media figures who have yelled at each other on the Internet. And now we want to share the dates when tickets will go on sale. The presale for Friends of the Pod only. How many people here are members of

[Beck Bennett]

the Friends of the Pod community?

[Kyle Mooney]

Thank you.

[John Lovett]

Great. We'll Start on Tuesday, May 12. Friends of the Pod also get a subscriber only discount and in addition to other perks at CrookedCon, secret perks to be announced and potentially to be figured out. General sale will start on Tuesday, May 19, so go to crookedcon.com for more details, including how to become a Friend of the POD subscriber. Also, in case you missed it, our show has moved to a brand new studio to produce more episodes. To get those episodes into the world faster, check out our cool new Studio space on YouTube every Wednesday and Friday. And if you're in the LA area, check us out live. These people are having a good time twice a week. Upcoming guests include music icon Melissa Etheridge, Drag Race alum Bosco, Outlander star Sam Heughan, Golden Globe winner Rachel Bloom, and many, many more. Grab tickets and see upcoming [e-mail] events.

[Beck Bennett]

All right.

[John Lovett]

Please welcome to the stage. From the bright lights of late night to the dark crevasse of podcasting, it's Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney. Hi guys.

[Kyle Mooney]

Hey.

Thanks.

[John Lovett]

In here.

[Kyle Mooney]

This is amazing. Wow. This is two guys. Amazing. Give it up for yourselves.

I think I know them. No, you don't. It's okay.

[John Lovett]

Hi. Hey so good to see you. Thanks for being here.

[Kyle Mooney]

Are you kidding me?

This is kidding me.

[John Lovett]

Are you kidding me?

[Kyle Mooney]

Are you kidding me? Are you just kidding me?

[Beck Bennett]

Are you kidding me?

[John Lovett]

Are you kidding?

[Kyle Mooney]

Are you joking? We're so happy to be here.

And this is for Netflix.

[John Lovett]

As a joke. It's part of it. It turns out you just can buy these. You can just buy these, and you can just do it.

[Kyle Mooney]

You can buy these little boxes.

[John Lovett]

You buy these little boxes, then you're part of it. That's the beauty of it. It's kind of cool.

[Kyle Mooney]

Christmas idea.

Yes.

[John Lovett]

So you have been friends since college?

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, since September of 2003.

[John Lovett]

2003.

[Kyle Mooney]

Wow.

[John Lovett]

Sort of the Bush era. Shock and awe. Freedom fries.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Those are tasty.

What was the. What was the banner he put up?

Mission accomplished.

Mission accomplished. Yeah. We went to college. Mission accomplished.

[John Lovett]

Now, 20 years later, are you text friends or call friends?

[Kyle Mooney]

Oh, wow.

Ooh. I guess we're text friends. Yes. But you call.

[John Lovett]

We will.

[Kyle Mooney]

You will call.

I will call.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Kyle Mooney]

Because I'll have to, like, talk through something. I, like, write a text and I'll be like, that doesn't sound right. And I'll have to, like, talk through something, you know, And Kyle will always answer.

[John Lovett]

Always answer.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah. But you call me sometimes, too.

No. Yeah, I do.

I. Sometimes you get on the old horn and you're like, I gotta talk you through something. Get on the ball. Is there a way?

No, it's true. It is nice to get on the phone every once in a while.

Catch up with my old friend, you know? It's nice.

[John Lovett]

So you have a podcast.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yes.

[John Lovett]

Called. What's our Podcast?

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Where you invite friends on to tell you what your podcast should be about. And did you ever crack it?

[Kyle Mooney]

No. No. Because we're, like, eternally searching. You know what I mean?

[John Lovett]

And that's part of it. Maybe that's. In a sense. I don't want to overstep.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Is that what the show's about? Is the show about the searching?

[Kyle Mooney]

I think it's about exploring. Discovering. Yeah. The constant. Once you arrive, it's over. You know what I mean?

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Kyle Mooney]

It's like spiritual, philosophical talk.

It is. It's strange because we. We worked together on Saturday Night Live for eight.

[John Lovett]

Eight years.

[Kyle Mooney]

We overlapped.

That's right.

And prior to that, we had known each other several years. And I feel like this is the most, like, intimate amount of time we've ever spent with each other. Like, going into the studio and talking to each other. It's. And I I like it.

I love it. No, it's great. And we're both fathers now, and we're not in that stressful, intense, competitive environment of snl. And so we're just like. It's. It's more. We're able to just kind of like, I don't know, hang out. Like, we're just like going through a similar phase of our life together again. And we've been through all of that and we're able to kind of like, we're just more mature and adult and able to, I don't know, be there for each other a little bit.

Yeah, it's.

And you, you said, you said a couple months ago we're in our golden era.

Oh, did I?

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

So speaking of snl, we were talking about this before the show, and I don't know that I've. I think I've told this story. I auditioned for SNL and it was the same year you guys did.

[Kyle Mooney]

Really?

Wow.

[John Lovett]

Yes, I was, I was. I'd left the White House and I was writing a show in LA that would soon be on for one perfect season, and somehow I end up meeting Lorne Michaels at where he always has dinner, at the hotel he has dinner at in Los Angeles.

[Kyle Mooney]

That's where. Yeah, that's where I met him.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Polo Lounge.

[Kyle Mooney]

Polo Lounge.

[John Lovett]

At the end of it. And I'd done like a bit of stand up, whatever, but I'd like, done a lot of comedy writing, joke writing. And he said, oh, if you're in New York next week, you should come by and audition. I was like, what? And so I got out of the meeting and I emailed. I was like, I think he asked me to come to New York to audition. And then they were like, no, he didn't. You're stupid. That's stupid. But it happened and I did, and I did not do a great job.

[Kyle Mooney]

You did audition?

[John Lovett]

I did audition. I went to New York and I, like, spent the weekend, like, working on what I would do and I wrote it and I ran it like crazy for like three days.

[Kyle Mooney]

And have you told people what you did?

[John Lovett]

No, that remains. I will say one thing I did. I did. One of the characters was a carbohydrate.

[Kyle Mooney]

Okay. That's abstract. That's cool.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, it was.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, that's cool.

Charlie, the carbohydrate.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, that's better than what I did. Well, I labeled him Charlie.

[Kyle Mooney]

Charlie. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Charlie's found it. You found it. But that's the skill. That's the skill I didn't have. I Didn't have it at the time.

[Kyle Mooney]

Were you terrified?

[John Lovett]

Oh, my God. It was. I don't get really nervous anymore. That was the most nervous I had ever been in my entire life. What an insane space that is. So when you did it, like, we might have been there literally at the same time.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, I think we were probably. I mean, because I met with Lawrence at the Polo Lounge a week before flying out.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Kyle Mooney]

So we were probably even at that hotel.

[John Lovett]

We were like, on those stacked meetings. That is so wild.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

And now look at us now. Podcast.

[Kyle Mooney]

Podcast House.

Yeah. No, it was. It was a dream. Incredible. I did it twice. And the first time I auditioned, I opened my audition with this character, like, as myself, but, like, sort of an awkward version of me.

[John Lovett]

And how do you know the difference? Oh, sorry. I brought it. The roasting energy and I. And honestly, that you are being so open.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

And I. And I. All of a sudden, it's Rick. All of a sudden it's like, oh, it's Jeff Ross.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

You know that. And I'm sorry.

[Movie Trailer Narrator]

No, no.

[Kyle Mooney]

People fuck with me all the time.

No, no, it's okay. He likes it. He likes it, he likes it.

But I opened my audition with as if I was hosting Saturday Night Live, and I said, wow, it's so good. It's so good to be here at 30 Rockers in front of the Lonnie Mickers. And then it got nothing. And then a year later, I was asked to audition again, and my reps were like, the only note we got is, don't do that thing again.

Don't.

Don't address it.

[John Lovett]

We hated that.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah. Yeah, but it was. Yeah, it was. I thought it was going to crush.

Did you ever talk to him about that?

No, no, this. Actually, if this. If you can make this go viral, it might get to him.

Oh, yeah.

[John Lovett]

Now, listen, that's our. That's why we do this. Here's the thing, for me, it's about going viral.

[Kyle Mooney]

100.

Like, okay, fine. Because I'm like, there are people who are, like, they don't want to go viral.

[John Lovett]

No, no.

[Kyle Mooney]

That's so crazy. It's crazy.

[John Lovett]

That's. For me, the action is the juice.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yes, yes.

That's what we say. The action is the juice.

That is amazing, John.

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Hey, was it hard to maintain your comedic chemistry in an environment like SNL after establishing it as friends?

[Kyle Mooney]

Great question.

Yeah, well, like our on screen or on stage chemistry. Yeah, I guess so. Because we couldn't really just be ourselves.

I think the. Yeah, I'll take This. Yeah.

Thanks, buddy.

I think that. I think the tough thing was that, like, we got to be roommate. We got to be office mates.

Yes. And. And dressing roommates.

Yes, yes, and yes. But, like. Yeah. And we did get to do stuff together occasionally, but we also had to, like, look out for ourselves, you know what I mean? And, like, so we were also having to develop material that was, you know, our own, and, like, kind of had to simultaneously, like, kind of figure out our own paths on the show. So that was probably the tough thing. And, like, Beck is so great, and he's. He has all these tools that I don't have. He's such a great impressionist, and he can do wonderful characters. He's an amazing actor. And so, like, you sort of. That. That was the tough part is like, oh, man. Watching your friend be like, oh, shit, he's crushing it right now. And, like, kind of having to maneuver those mental mazes of, like, we kind of. Sometimes one of us will have a win, sometimes the other, but then always trying to make the time, obviously, to do what we've always been doing together.

And Kyle is like, I mean, thank you. That's very sweet. Kyle's an incredible character actor as well. He can play these characters that are so insane and weird and whatever, but, like, he also creates these. He's. He's like the. He creates so much of the worlds that we end up making, like, these characters and these sketches and that, like, we both contribute to. But he, like. He was so good at that. And so we both, like, had different things that we were good at, and we kind of had to look out for ourselves, like Kyle said, sometimes.

But that's why I do think this is. What we get to do now is nice. It's, like, more lax and, like, a little bit more like, let's go.

Yeah, like that.

But the Charlie the carbohydrate guy, like, I actually think that does have.

[John Lovett]

No. It's really good.

[Marco Rubio]

Something.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. I think we're. We're really.

[Kyle Mooney]

We're. You should bring Charlie the carbohydrate onto the show. Like, you should get a costume.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. It's like whatever a carbohydrate is, and we know what they are. It may be a piece of. Either you go big with and do it. Just a big piece of bread.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

You know, that cake, was.

[Kyle Mooney]

It. Was it like, everybody hates me?

It was.

Everybody's talking about how they hate carbohydrates.

[John Lovett]

Thanks for asking. It was in the. It was kind of a sort of a taunting stalker of A woman trying to lose weight for her wedding. Okay, so it was straight, you know, listen, it was really good.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yes, of course. Yes, it was really good. We're one of the biggest supporters of Charlie the carbohydrate. We love Charlie carbohydrate. Charlie carbohydrate. We love Charlie Carbohydrate. Like, oh, I love that guy.

[John Lovett]

We'll be right back.

[Show Announcer]

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or leave it coming up.

[John Lovett]

Love it or leave it is brought

[Beck Bennett]

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[John Lovett]

And we're back. Yes. Now, Beck and Kyle, you were actually roommates in college. You're now spiritual roommates in life. So who better to answer our hardest or at least weirdest roommate questions in a segment we're calling hell is other people with whom you share a bathroom.

[Kyle Mooney]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[John Lovett]

Just to note, these questions happens crowdsourced from the greater love it or leave it universe? Details have been changed to protect the disgusting. Are you ready?

[Kyle Mooney]

Yes. You ready?

Here goes nothing.

I don't know.

[John Lovett]

First question my right. My friend's roommate randomly bought 32 wall clocks from IKEA and Put them on one wall of the living room. It looks cheap and stupid. Is this allowed?

[Kyle Mooney]

No.

32.

Are they. Is there, like. I mean, maybe if there's, like. If they're set to different time zones and there are cities underneath and there's some sort of meaning or there's some sort of game that they can play with it, but if it's just meaningless clocks.

[John Lovett]

No, A lot of ticking.

[Kyle Mooney]

A lot of ticking. It's a lot that feels like anxiety. Just like. Oh, like people walking in there. It's just. No. What about you, Kyle?

Yeah, I guess it's technically allowed, right?

[John Lovett]

For sure. That's a good point.

[Kyle Mooney]

But, yeah, I think they're there. I think it's worthy to have a confrontation about, like, why did you go about do this? Why? You know, we didn't talk about the clock thing.

And I'm gonna say, I'm just gonna say a physical confrontation. Yeah. Fighting. I think whoever, you know, whoever this is, just. Just go in there and just go to town, like, start fighting.

Okay.

I just, I think that's what. I think. I think that's what Kyle was trying to say is all. That's what I'm saying.

No, no, I, I, Yeah, I do like to fight people.

[John Lovett]

It's hard to picture, honestly.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Hard to picture you in a physical.

[Kyle Mooney]

It's never. Oh, it's always pathetic. It's always really sad. But Kyle does love to fight people and he gets his ass kicked.

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

All right, next question.

[Kyle Mooney]

You don't need to lift me up. It's okay that I would get. I will get. My ass does get kicked.

It will get kicked.

[Donald Trump]

Yeah.

[Kyle Mooney]

And I don't know what's going to happen when I leave the studio. I'm very nervous.

What do you. You think you're going to get beat up?

I don't know who these people are.

[John Lovett]

Oh, they're so there are.

[Kyle Mooney]

These are now. Yeah. Now that these guys know that they can kick your ass. Of course they're going to kick your ass. There's like half these people, like, oh, shit, I could kick his ass.

[John Lovett]

No, I bet if you look at the Instagrams of these people, they are so.

[Kyle Mooney]

These are these.

[John Lovett]

There's, there's, there's like, abolish the police all over this place. These people are not. These people are for. These are education first. This is a soft group, a sweet group. My roommate has started making kombucha and I finally saw what a kombucha mother looks like. It looks like a uterus that's going to slide out of its jar, crawl over my face and suffocate me in the night. Can I tell her to throw that shit away? Or at least never let me see it?

[Kyle Mooney]

I think.

Do you know what the kombucha mother is?

[John Lovett]

Okay.

[Kyle Mooney]

I know. I know. A kombucha mother.

I feel like you. This is something that you would. I feel like you would know about and I wouldn't know much about.

I mean, I think. I think you can't. You can't ask her to throw it away.

[John Lovett]

Right. Just. It's just, you know, I think, like, finding something gross is sort of your issue.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

Can I.

[John Lovett]

What is it? The kombucha mother. All I know is it's like the yeast. It's like the sourdough starter. It's the thing you can use to make more kombucha because it has the. Whatever it is that ferments and changes whatever is alive in there that makes kombucha. Whatever kombucha is, is in the mother.

[Kyle Mooney]

Okay?

It creates more kombucha. That's why they.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Infinite kombucha.

[Kyle Mooney]

I would say if there was a uterus that they were keeping in the fridge that walked out of the fridge and, like, crawled around the, like, apartment or whatever.

Right.

That would be. No.

Well, that's more like a scene from Beetlejuice, I feel like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Lovett]

Beetlejuice is the movie that came to mind for me, too. I thought of Beetlejuice first. No other movie came first. It was first.

[Kyle Mooney]

Oh, yeah.

[John Lovett]

A little monster, kind of vaguely. Vaguely psychosexual, crawling around and attaching to your face. Beetlejuice.

[Kyle Mooney]

Oh, right.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. That's what I thought of. And I agree. Beetlejuice.

[Kyle Mooney]

Problem Child.

[John Lovett]

Problem Child two. Let's see. Oh, my roommate and I were in a stalemate about cleaning the shower. It has devolved into a swamp like situation. One day, my elderly Polish landlady came by to check the smoke detector. She cleaned the shower. I felt horrible. But then my roommate thought I finally broke and cleaned. They thanked me and apologized. I took the credit.

[Kyle Mooney]

Nice.

[John Lovett]

Am I a bad person?

[Kyle Mooney]

No, not a bad person.

No. I love that.

But you're haunted by it.

[John Lovett]

Whoever wrote this is haunted by this. I'll tell you one other question I have. Why'd you tell us she was Polish?

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

What is it about her Polishness?

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

There's something about her being a Polok that kind of is like, you know, and they love to clean. Like, you know what I'm saying? There's like a Strange way to. Why did you include that? You wouldn't have included it if you were French or something.

[Beck Bennett]

Scottish.

[John Lovett]

You included it because she was Polish.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah. Now I'm genuinely curious. Are we allowed to. Is that. Is that a negative word?

[John Lovett]

Polish?

[Kyle Mooney]

No, the. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Polok.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

No, I don't know. And I said it to feel it out.

[Kyle Mooney]

Well, I will say I'm a. I'm a quarter Polish.

[John Lovett]

Uhhuh.

[Kyle Mooney]

And I really didn't like what just happened.

[John Lovett]

And I'm. I'm listening and I'm learning and I. I'm sorry. And I want you to know that I'm open to the feedback and I want to do better.

[Kyle Mooney]

Then you didn't do anything wrong.

[John Lovett]

You know what I mean? And I didn't do anything wrong.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no.

You're learning. You're growing.

I only know that my mother would.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Kyle Mooney]

Would just always say like. She would tell me that like jokes existed about Polox changing the light bulb, but that. That's all I knew. I didn't know how to be affected by it, if that makes any sense.

[John Lovett]

I should say that I think I am technically allowed to make the jokes because I do come from. Some of the Jews that made this that are part of this are Polish Jews. Wow. So you can made this whole machine.

[Kyle Mooney]

I thought they came up with the roommate questions.

[John Lovett]

My roommate flushed a half of a plum. She was eating on the toilet. It got stuck.

[Kyle Mooney]

Wait, wait, wait. Flushed a half of half of a plum on the toilet.

[John Lovett]

She was eating on the toilet. What she was eating was a plum. Once it was half a plum, it got stuck in the pipes and fucked up plumbing for the entire building. What's the biggest thing you think it's okay to flush down the toilet?

[Kyle Mooney]

Oh, the biggest thing that isn't pee. Pee or poo poo.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, well. Right. Yeah.

[Kyle Mooney]

Cause sometimes I've had some poops where I'm like, I'm taking this outside.

[John Lovett]

No, for sure, for sure.

[Kyle Mooney]

Wait, well, what do you mean?

That's just so big. It's like I put it.

Hey, John. Give me one second.

What's up?

Where do you go outside?

[Donald Trump]

Just.

[Kyle Mooney]

Cause it's confidential between us. I mean, I just kind of like I just find some dirt, I scooch some dirt around and I put it there. I just pop it right down.

Okay, copy. All right. Can I just say about the toilet question? Because this is something. My gears are really turning here. I think if it's smushy, it can be very large. I think when you get to like things that are hard and in plastic or old style wood. Like that stuff shouldn't go in a toilet. But I think it could be big if it's.

If it's tomato squished like a tomato. Like something without a pit.

We're saying that's a good.

That's a good thing.

[John Lovett]

The problem with the plum is the pit. You can't flush a plum. It's a stone fruit. Yeah, it's a stone fruit.

[Kyle Mooney]

No stone fruits in the toilet.

[John Lovett]

No stone fruits in the toilet. Also, who's eating on the toilet? Nobody's that busy. Everyone says they're busy, but they all have six hours of screen time. So what? Which is it? Which is it? Make your choice.

[Kyle Mooney]

People have been fake for so long and it's.

Yeah, people are buyers and posers and it's just like. I would love to come up with an app that changes that. I don't know.

It's just something that is a cool idea.

Thanks, man. Yeah, Maybe all three of us could work on it after the show. I don't know.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, like, maybe like get some burgers or something to hang out. And if we get to the app, we get to the app. But we just hang out and see if somebody comes to it. Maybe we're hanging out, having a good time, talking. We forget the app, but only because we're having such a good time. But we'll get to the app the next time we hang out.

[Kyle Mooney]

Exactly.

[John Lovett]

You know what I mean? Get to the app the next time.

[Kyle Mooney]

That's like a brain scene. Yeah. It's cool.

And then. And you can go poop on the outside or.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it's a really big one. Yeah. I'll take it outside.

[John Lovett]

Can I tell you what's on my mind about the poop? I'll tell you it is. I was trying to think of a name for what happens if. When a poop is so big that it crests the water when you've like laid down.

[Kyle Mooney]

Oh, yeah.

[John Lovett]

And I'm trying to. It's like something like Darwin's poop because it's crawling out of the ocean. You know, it's beginning to explore land.

[Kyle Mooney]

Evolving.

[John Lovett]

It's like. Yeah, it's evolving. It's like what's happening out here. You know what I mean?

[Kyle Mooney]

Like that.

Yeah, right. Like that. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

You know.

[Kyle Mooney]

Did you know the. The movie Men in Black?

Yeah, yeah. It's kind of.

Remember the character Edgar who wants the sugar water?

[John Lovett]

Yes.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, yeah.

He does a great.

[John Lovett]

He does a great played by. Of Course.

[Kyle Mooney]

Come on, man. Your impression.

Do you guys know that?

[Unidentified Singer (Kit Kat jingle)]

Remember that part?

[John Lovett]

Yeah. We want to see Edgar.

[Kyle Mooney]

Sugar water.

Kind of like.

[John Lovett]

So good.

[Kyle Mooney]

Thank you. I don't know. So good.

[John Lovett]

Now that's.

[Kyle Mooney]

That's Vincent d'.

Onofrio. Yeah, yeah. And apparently the director. I'm blanking on his name.

Barry Sonnen.

[John Lovett]

Barry Sonnenveld.

[Kyle Mooney]

He didn't like the performance.

[John Lovett]

Yes, I saw that. I saw that. That. That Vincent d', Onofrio, who is, I'm

[Kyle Mooney]

gonna say the most iconic performance in that movie. Because nobody else is impersonating any other performance in that movie.

The only other.

I mean, they're great. I mean, they're great, but, like, unique.

You gotta shout out the little alien guy. Cause I know Ryan's a belt, but

let's go.

[John Lovett]

It is so funny to imagine Vincent d' Onofrio sees this character and he's like, okay, it is an alien bug inside of the corpse of a farmer that looks like me.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

I am playing the alien inside the corpse of Vincent d'. Onofrio. I've got it. And then he does it. And Barry Sonnenfeld's like, that's wrong. How do you know? Right?

[Kyle Mooney]

But it's. It.

But he.

He fought for it or he got it in there. And I think it is really one of the best performances of our time on screen ever.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. It's so gross. Like, you see why Barry Sonneville be like, what are you doing?

[Kyle Mooney]

I'm sorry, man. You're pulling focus. This movie isn't about you.

It's about the Men in Black.

It's in the title.

[John Lovett]

Dude, last question. What's the jerk off etiquette when you share a dorm room?

[Kyle Mooney]

Thank you for asking that.

As much as you can, as loud as you can.

Yes. Yes. Because we read the studies about how you can actually improve your brain strength by masturbating.

[John Lovett]

And you were saying that's how you got those perfect scores.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yes.

Yeah,

[John Lovett]

we didn't study.

[Kyle Mooney]

We actually just masturbated. And then we aced our test.

[John Lovett]

When you did you.

[Kyle Mooney]

When we were in school, they were always like, you should put a sock on the door handle.

Yeah, that was.

But I feel like.

I don't think that was for masturbation, though.

[John Lovett]

That was when you had, like, a person in the room when you're having sex in the room.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah. If you're with somebody and you're like, it's like a proud thing. Not like, hey, just so you know, jerking off. There's my sock. But I do, like that move.

Yeah, but you're allowed to do it for that.

You're definitely allowed to. Hey, everybody. I'll be in here jerking off the door locks. I don't need to do this. But just so everybody knows.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kyle Mooney]

I guess it's a stupid idea.

[John Lovett]

The podcast is. What's our podcast?

[Kyle Mooney]

Yes.

[John Lovett]

And we'll go and we'll be right back.

[Show Announcer]

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or Leave it coming up.

[Beck Bennett]

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[John Lovett]

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[Beck Bennett]

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[John Lovett]

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[Beck Bennett]

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[John Lovett]

at joinbuilt.com Love it. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T.com Love it. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you.

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[John Lovett]

And we're back. It's time for a game we call the Lorne Identity. Kyle and back. I'm gonna give you a name. You'll tell us if you think they'd be a good SNL host. And because we have to book like so many people for this show, I'm gonna use fictional characters. Cause I don't want to actually accidentally offend a real famous person. Yeah, I offended a famous person. I'm going to do it intentionally.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Lovett]

They'll know it was me.

[Kyle Mooney]

That's important.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, they'll know. And that I meant it to go viral. To go fucking viral. What is.

[Beck Bennett]

That is what all of this is about.

[John Lovett]

That is about hitting that algorithm right in its sexual.

[Kyle Mooney]

It feels so good when you hit it right there.

[John Lovett]

All right, here we go. First up with this.

[Kyle Mooney]

That was gross.

[John Lovett]

That was really.

[Kyle Mooney]

That was really gross. And I know that.

[John Lovett]

Okay, stop it. No, no, no, no. Clippy, the Microsoft Paperclip. Would this be a good SNL host?

[Kyle Mooney]

Gut reaction was, yes.

Interesting.

But, you know, I think I actually then I realized, like, no, I think he's going to be like, put in a box. Like, he's not going to be able to play a lot of different characters. You know what I mean? He's just going to be Clippy and everything, and it's going to get really old. Really.

[John Lovett]

Well, maybe his engine is like, this is an opportunity for you to show people that you're not just. You're not so helpful.

[Kyle Mooney]

Sure.

[John Lovett]

But what if Clippy plays a character where he doesn't help?

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, that would be. That would be cool. That would be. That would be worth it. I think his monologue would be great.

I see him being too methodical, too by the numbers. Like, I bet he'd be great at he or she. They would be great at reading the cards, being in the right place. But I just. I don't. I don't imagine chaos in that way that like, oh, did you see what Clippy said?

[John Lovett]

Yeah, right.

[Kyle Mooney]

And I could see Clippy being like, wait, so what am I doing in the scene? Right. This doesn't make sense. And you're like, you're overthinking it.

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Alf.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yes. Great host.

[John Lovett]

Did ALF ever do it? It seems actually crazy that I didn't host snl.

[Kyle Mooney]

It is. It is crazy.

I think this is just a really good pitch for a war. A host. I feel like he. He's so charismatic. He's so fun. I would love to. I would genuinely like to see Alpha host.

I mean, now I think it would be huge if ALF hosted well.

[John Lovett]

So there's a problem, though, because my understanding is that the creator of ALF is deeply. Is very precious about alf. And it is important that people do not see ALF as a puppet that is being performed as alf, but rather ALF is an alien who arrives on set to do the role. And so whenever ALF appears, it has to be like, you never see alf. Never is like walked in. Alf has to be ALF at all times. You never see alf. The puppet loose.

[Kyle Mooney]

Right.

[John Lovett]

And so if ALF was to host snl, it would be very logistically challenging because none of the. None of the cast or crew could see ALF on.

[Kyle Mooney]

So.

But.

But could. He would have to be a puppet. He couldn't be somebody in a suit, obviously.

[John Lovett]

Where are you when you're at post snl? How much of a fuck do you give about talking about talking shit about people on snl? Are we doing talking shit about SNL or are we still not doing talking shit about people on snl? Like, saying the host that you thought was like the biggest fucking.

[Kyle Mooney]

We've. We've hinted towards a host that I feel like during our time was, I think, universally not enjoyed. But I'm more.

[John Lovett]

I would be nervous. People did treat you badly.

[Kyle Mooney]

Did anybody treat me badly?

[John Lovett]

Yeah. Or the royal. You.

[Kyle Mooney]

You know who I'm talking about.

I think so.

[John Lovett]

Nice.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah. But there's another one that's. Yeah. Now I get nervous. I get nervous. I don't.

[John Lovett]

I don't want to.

[Kyle Mooney]

I have said publicly.

Well, we'll just say these people work in entertainment.

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

What's funny is there will be a point at your. In your life and it will be you, and you will stop feeling this and you will just talk about it. But when will that be and why? What will have changed? That's interesting.

[Kyle Mooney]

You know what I think will have? I still want to get money, right?

[John Lovett]

It's money.

[Kyle Mooney]

And that is the thing that it's like, I don't want to offend somebody. I don't want to, like, cut myself off in some way or another. Like, I still want to get paid. And I feel like if I say this name out loud, which.

[John Lovett]

Damn.

[Kyle Mooney]

People will be excited to hear it. You know, I could get in trouble in some way or another.

[John Lovett]

Next up, the Thing from John Carpenter's the Thing.

[Kyle Mooney]

No, like, look at that guy. Look at that thing.

[John Lovett]

Look at that thing.

[Kyle Mooney]

I mean, I feel like I see one iconic bit.

Okay, what is it?

Just doing his thing.

He's like, doing his thing and people are like, what is going on? He's like, I'm doing my thing.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Kyle Mooney]

That is not bad.

Pretty good. That's the pitch on Monday. You're like, the thing. And be like, what is your deal? He's like, I'm just doing my thing. They get a laugh. So.

Okay. We actually do like them as.

Yeah, we like. We like the. Yeah, we like the thing.

[John Lovett]

Ursula from the Little Mermaid.

[Kyle Mooney]

Great. Because she's got pipes.

Yeah, we're good. We're going to sing a lot. Yeah, yeah.

It's going to be funny.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Kyle Mooney]

I feel like.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, yeah. To be great. She'd be great.

[Kyle Mooney]

She's funny.

[John Lovett]

She's a barista. Funny.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yes, yes.

[John Lovett]

That Ursula the Mermaid, the Witch of Barista. I'm laughing.

[Kyle Mooney]

Tentacles are going crazy. They've got coffees and stuff.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kyle Mooney]

Like, where you making the foam? And. Yeah.

And Trump comes in.

Yeah. No, it turns out they're brother and sister. And it's like, what's going on?

That's funny.

That does look like Trump's sister.

It's like the thing comes back like,

don't forget about me. He's like. He's their cousin or something, the Crypt Keeper. Oh, incredible. Incredible. He's an entertainer.

[John Lovett]

He's already a host.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, yeah.

He's.

He's. He's like. He would have a great monologue, and

I feel like just hearing his old Hollywood stories.

Yeah, he would, because he doesn't give a shit. He would gossip about everybody. His monologue would be like, this person's a. And he'd be like, you know, like, this person. You know, you like talking about people's private stuff and.

Yeah.

I don't know.

[John Lovett]

The inside SoCal guys, how would they do?

[Kyle Mooney]

Okay. Yeah, there's a bit that we did. These are two guys from Southern California. Yeah. Everybody. How's everyone? My name's Todd. Look, I don't know what the fuck it is. I think bad.

I think they'd be bad. Yeah, I think they would be bad.

I actually think their camera presence is awful.

They barely have enough energy to fill a camera lens. You know, they're barely filling that.

But maybe just an Update segment.

Yeah, Yeah. I think on Update, they would be great. Why they crush. I like, why don't you ever try that on Update?

I think I felt personally precious about, like, just this sort of what? This aesthetic, this. You know what this was and like, that sort of thing.

It is Kyle's creation.

Yeah, well, that sort of. Me up at my time at snl, I was just like, just.

Yeah, just fucking do it. Don't be so close to the jumps. Yeah, but it's too late now.

I know, but it's like, I'm. Now I'm doing podcasts. It's cool.

Yeah, no, it's all good, dude.

I know. It's all good.

[John Lovett]

We'll be right back. And we're back. And finally, we end the show with a segment where we find out what the producers of Love it or leave it wish I hadn't said or done in a segment we call Second Thoughts. And Kyle and Beck, I'd love to know your second thoughts as well. First one. Second thought. I'm sorry for saying Lindsey Graham coming. There are apparently children here. I didn't know that. And though I think still a worthy joke and I'm glad it was in the show, but it was still hard to say out loud, especially the second time just now.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, I thought it was fantastic.

[John Lovett]

Thank you for saying that. Yeah, I need to. The joke I made about. About MLK and the Bullet works better because it's kind of a visual joke because in the card, it's spelled like bullet rye. Right. And you all understood that. But you have to think of it. And I wish that there was some way for you to visually see it's a written joke. And I think sometimes in a monologue, a written joke is maybe not the best. Oh, I want you to know, Kyle, that I know the difference between real Kyle and awkward Kyle.

[Kyle Mooney]

That's nice. He feels sane.

One, one down.

[John Lovett]

I should not have said Pollock.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, I feel like. Yeah, you have to forgive yourself for that.

[John Lovett]

Thank you guys.

[Kyle Mooney]

But you guys are.

[John Lovett]

Yeah, I'm Polish, so I.

[Kyle Mooney]

And I'm not Polish. Yeah.

[John Lovett]

Yeah.

[Kyle Mooney]

You guys can. You guys can talk about it. Talk about the light bulb stuff.

[John Lovett]

How many. You know, how many. How many Pollocks it takes to figure out what words you're allowed to say is my question.

[Kyle Mooney]

2. I'm not saying.

[John Lovett]

Went too deep on the logistics of alf.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, that's right. I should take.

[John Lovett]

I feel like I know you're my guest. I led you there. You. You. You were. You were. You were. You were joining me on the journey of thinking about it.

[Beck Bennett]

And I.

[John Lovett]

Instead of just enjoying the character of. Which is what everyone was what Alpha's all about. And you brought us back to the heart of it, which is cats. Kyle, do you have any regrets about this evening?

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah. Well, I feel like, you know, on our podcast, like, yeah, I feel like sometimes we have a tendency to go blue, which, like, you know, you don't. You don't want to go there. But it's also fun. It makes us laugh. You know what I mean? So that's always something. I'll be conscious. Sometimes I get self conscious of just being too weird or too silly or something like that, where it's like, no, this is Like a serious conversation. And I. And I don't. And I.

[John Lovett]

And I. And I.

[Kyle Mooney]

And that's something I'll be thinking about.

[John Lovett]

Do you. Do people sometimes think you're joking when you're not joking? Sincere. Sincere question. Do people think that you are having a sincere, earnest expression. Yeah. Of something that you are doing a bit about the person who would express that sincere emotion. Does that happen in your life?

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, it's been happening for. Yes.

[John Lovett]

For.

[Kyle Mooney]

Since I've known you.

And then he will. And then he will joke around and people won't understand that he's.

It is tough.

Which I think has. I'm sure has happened in this show with this audience because maybe they weren't familiar. As familiar with the inner workings of Kyle's brain. But like.

[John Lovett]

But then. But. But. But then you see you resonate with like a few places at the frequency. You know what I mean? Whatever your frequency is, you'll see it resonate even today. I was thinking I was almost gonna bring it up and now I am, which is whatever that thing is that you do that is weird. And you're a weird person in a great way.

[Kyle Mooney]

It.

[John Lovett]

When it. When it. You watch it vibrate across and then you see it like kind of hit someone and like they pop with like, laughing because of like they're fully in, which is cool. And not everybody gets that.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

[John Lovett]

You know.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah. I mean, not a bit. I am getting hard right now.

[John Lovett]

Beck, do you have any regrets?

[Kyle Mooney]

You know, I don't know. Kyle, is there anything I should regret, do you think? I don't.

I can't think of anything. No, I actually. I feel really good, you know? Cause like, I was. I'm not trying to. I was nervous and we drove together and like we hung out there behind the. Would you call this a stage?

[John Lovett]

Yeah, you can call it stage for sure. 100%.

[Kyle Mooney]

And like, you know, elevated. You never know. You never know what's gonna happen. And like, I think that we. I think we did what we came to do. That's how I feel.

I feel great. I feel great. I thought you did an amazing job. You're so funny. You make me laugh.

You made the Fuss Game thing. That was fusking around.

Yeah. I don't know.

That is. That actually will go viral.

Please. That'd be amazing.

[John Lovett]

One final regret. Darwin's poop.

[Kyle Mooney]

No, I want to know more about that.

No, I think that's. Yeah.

Is that a phrase that.

[John Lovett]

No, I'm. That was from. I just thinking about.

[Kyle Mooney]

You made it up or.

[John Lovett]

It exists I made it up from this moment of thinking about what is it called when a poop goes from the ocean to the land.

[Kyle Mooney]

That's viral stuff. But that's a meme. You get a meme. You take a photo of the poop that is cresting or is like, on the bowl.

[John Lovett]

Yes.

[Kyle Mooney]

And Darwin's poop, like, on top. That feeling when you're Darwin's poop or something.

[John Lovett]

Yes. And you put the little picture of the illustration of the first fish crawling on the beach right next to it. And you say, like, you know, love is possible.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah. This is right on brand for you. And this is really good.

[John Lovett]

It's really good. Really good.

[Kyle Mooney]

Wow.

[John Lovett]

Wow. What a great place to end the show. Everybody check out Kyle and Beck's podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts, presumably everywhere on all the platforms. And you guys just launched a Patreon for the.

[Kyle Mooney]

For the real freaks for our Rocco's Patreon dot com.

What's our podcast?

[John Lovett]

What is our podcast? What's our podcast? No, is just. What's our podcast?

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, we do the podcast fully nude.

[John Lovett]

Fully nude. But it's audio only.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yes, yes.

[John Lovett]

But that's for your pleasure, your comfort, your ease. Yeah, that's our show. Thanks so much to Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney to Interwoven Studios. There are 178 days until the midterms. We'll be back next week Melissa Esridge. We'll be back next week with Melissa, Esrich Bosco and more. Have a great weekend. Love it or leave it is a crooked media production. Our show is produced by Kendra James, Bill McGrath and me, John Lovett. Our production team includes Hallie Keeper, Sarah Lazarus, David Toles, Claudia Shang, Jay Banks, Gavin Purcell and Matt De Groat. And our staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.