Transcript

John Lovett (0:00)

Love it or Leave it is brought

Beck Bennett (0:00)

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John Lovett (2:13)

Welcome welcome welcome to Love it or Leave It Live from Hollywood. And Netflix is a joke. We've got a great show for you tonight, but first, let's get into it. What a week. Senate Republicans unveiled legislation to fund immigration and border control, a $72 billion package that they plan to pass via reconciliation. It sounds like a lot, but keep in mind, about half of the money for ICE officers ends up going out the door as alimony payments. But then we learned that Republicans snuck into this bill. A billion dollars in taxpayer money to pay for President Trump's ballroom, which isn't too bad. It costs, like, half that much just to rent a ballroom for a wedding. Or maybe I'm getting screwed. Fuck. We all remember that Trump claimed the ballroom would be built at no cost to the public. Here's a montage from cnn.

Summary

Podcast Summary: Lovett or Leave It – "We Bought a Ballroom"

Date: May 8, 2026
Location: Live from Hollywood, as part of Netflix Is a Joke
Host: Jon Lovett
Guests: Beck Bennett, Kyle Mooney

Overview

In this episode, Jon Lovett returns to the stage with comedians Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney (Saturday Night Live alums and hosts of "What's Our Podcast?"). Together, they tear through the week’s wildest political stories, riff on podcasting, creativity, and friendship, and offer their patented offbeat takes during a crowdsourced roommate advice segment. The episode is a blend of sharp political satire, comedic deep-dives into cultural moments, and a peek behind the curtain of SNL and podcast life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What a Week – Political Satire and News Recap

(02:13–15:27)

Senate GOP’s Immigration and Border Bill:
Senate Republicans propose a $72 billion immigration/border funding bill, with a surprise $1 billion portion earmarked for President Trump's White House ballroom. Lovett lampoons the hypocrisy, recalling Trump's repeated insistence the ballroom would be built "at no cost to the taxpayer."

“To quote myself at a big group dinner, I didn’t even order any drinks.” (03:34, Jon Lovett)
He mocks how the “free” ballroom ballooned into a billion-dollar security project, likening it to Six Flags charging extra for harnesses:
“The rides are free. The harnesses? Oh, that’s gonna be extra, you dumb sluts.” (04:08, Jon Lovett)
Trump's Ballrooms, Campaign, and UFC Fight Plans:
Trump is framed showing off his “impenetrable” ballroom and proposing to host a UFC fight for America’s 250th birthday.

Trump: “This can repel a lot of different... a lot of different weapons.” (05:17, Donald Trump)
Lovett jokes about “Chekhov’s Ballroom” and Trump’s priorities.
Foreign Affairs – Strait of Hormuz:
Lovett parodies a press briefing by Marco Rubio about the crisis in the Strait of Hormuz, describing it as Rubio’s fantasy of returning to a time before he was a “clown in giant shoes.”
Rubio, paraphrased:

“We have to get back to the way things were... The bombs return to their planes, the votes return to our hands...” (07:11, Jon Lovett as Rubio)
Epstein, FBI Director Kash Patel, and Administration Scandals:
The show weaves in topics from Jeffrey Epstein’s “suicide note” (mocking its optioning by Ryan Murphy) to leaks and investigations swirling around FBI Director Kash Patel and his penchant for distributing personalized bourbon bottles.
The FDA and Drug Policies:
Lovett mocks the administration’s approval of flavored vapes, withdrawal of tanning bed bans, and push to “de-prescribe” psychiatric medication, quipping:

“Meanwhile, Zoloft and Adderall are basically holding this country together... You know what keeps the planes in the air? Adderall.” (12:40, Jon Lovett)
Pop Culture – “Animal Farm” Adaptation:
Lovett expresses outrage at a new animated Animal Farm movie with a “happy ending,” culminating in the lesson:

“It is even worse than that adaptation of 1984 where Wonder Woman kills Big Brother.” (14:22, Jon Lovett)

2. On Friendship, SNL, and Podcasting

(20:22–30:16)

Beck Bennett & Kyle Mooney: Friendship Origins
Lovett chats with Beck and Kyle about being friends since college (since 2003, “the Bush era”), their “text vs. call” dynamic, and working together at SNL:

“I think this is the most intimate amount of time we've ever spent with each other.” (22:59, Kyle Mooney)
Podcasting Philosophy: "What's Our Podcast?"
Their podcast is about “eternal searching.”

“Once you arrive, it's over... It’s about exploring, discovering.” (22:41, Kyle Mooney)
They discuss enjoying their current “golden era” of friendship and creative partnership outside the SNL pressure cooker.
Lovett’s SNL Audition Story:
Lovett recounts his failed SNL audition, including his “Charlie the Carbohydrate” character:

“It was kind of a sort of a taunting stalker of a woman trying to lose weight for her wedding.” (29:52, Jon Lovett)
Kyle and Beck tease out the potential of the character and reflect on the pressures and awkwardness of the audition process.
Maintaining Creative Chemistry at SNL
Both guests candidly discuss navigating individual ambition versus working as a duo in the competitive SNL environment:

“Sometimes one of us will have a win, sometimes the other, but then always trying to make the time to do what we've always been doing together.” (28:47, Beck Bennett) “That's why what we get to do now [podcasting] is nice. It's more lax.” (29:18, Beck Bennett)

3. Roommate Hell – Crowdsourced Advice

(31:33–41:16)

Bizarre Roommate Scenarios:
The trio answers real (and surreal) listener questions on sharing a living space:
- 32 clocks on a wall: “A lot of ticking. That feels like anxiety.” (32:34, Kyle Mooney)
- Kombucha mother: “It looks like a uterus that’s going to slide out of its jar, crawl over my face, and suffocate me in the night.” (34:21, Listener; riffed by Lovett & Mooney)
- Shower cleaning stalemate: “But then my roommate thought I finally broke and cleaned. They thanked me and apologized. I took the credit. Am I a bad person?” (35:58, Listener)
  “But you’re haunted by it.” (36:03, Kyle Mooney)
- Flushing a plum down the toilet: “No stone fruits in the toilet.” (38:57, Jon Lovett)
On “Darwin’s Poop”
Lovett coins the term for when “a poop is so big that it crests the water – it’s crawling out of the ocean, evolving” (39:49–39:56).
Masturbation Etiquette in Dorms:
“As much as you can, as loud as you can... We read the studies about how you can actually improve your brain strength by masturbating.” (41:57, Kyle Mooney, dryly)

4. "The Lorne Identity" – SNL Host Game

(44:39–51:55)

Would These Fictional Characters Be Good SNL Hosts?
Lovett prompts Beck and Kyle to riff on imaginary hosts:
- Clippy (the Microsoft Paperclip):
  “I think he'd be great at reading the cards, being in the right place, but I just... don't imagine chaos the way you get real SNL moments from a host.” (46:08, Kyle Mooney)
- ALF:
  “He’s so charismatic... I would genuinely like to see ALF host.” (46:54, Kyle Mooney)
  Logistics become a comedic tangent about the preciousness of ALF’s puppeteer.
- The Thing (John Carpenter’s):
  “I mean, I feel like I see one iconic bit: Just doing his thing.” (49:12, Kyle Mooney)
- Ursula (The Little Mermaid):
  “Great. Because she's got pipes – we’re gonna sing a lot.” (49:37, Kyle Mooney)
- The Crypt Keeper:
  “He’s already a host. He’d have a great monologue and would gossip about everybody.” (50:26, Beck Bennett)
Talking SNL "Shit":
They discuss how ex-cast members eventually feel freer to share SNL backstage gossip, but money and future opportunities keep their lips sealed:

“There will be a point... when you’ll stop feeling this and you’ll just talk about it. But when will that be and why?” (48:27, Jon Lovett)

5. Second Thoughts – Regrets and Honest Reflections

(51:55–57:18)

Panel Shares Regrets & Meta-Commentary:
- Lovett apologizes for an off-color Lindsey Graham joke: “I'm sorry for saying Lindsey Graham coming. There are apparently children here...” (52:34)
- Kyle worries about veering “too blue” or weird, struggling between earnestness and humor.
- They revisit the “Polack” joke—Lovett expresses discomfort and reflects on line-crossing.
- Discussion about “Darwin’s poop” as a potential meme.
A Celebration of Being Sincere and Weird:
Lovett: “You watch [your weird humor] vibrate across and then you see it... someone... pops with laughing because they're fully in—which is cool. Not everybody gets that.” (55:29–55:39)

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

“But now we’re on the hook for a billion dollars. To quote myself at a big group dinner, I didn’t even order any drinks.” (03:34, Jon Lovett)
“This can repel a lot of different... a lot of different weapons.” (05:17, Donald Trump)
“Ice Cube must be rolling over in his tray.” (08:14, Jon Lovett, after Rubio Ices Cube reference)
“It is even worse than that adaptation of 1984 where Wonder Woman kills Big Brother.” (14:22, Jon Lovett)
“Once you arrive, it’s over.” (22:41, Kyle Mooney, on their podcast’s questing approach)
“Charlie the Carbohydrate.” (24:59, Lovett and Mooney riffing on Lovett’s SNL audition character)
“No stone fruits in the toilet.” (38:57, Jon Lovett)
“As much as you can, as loud as you can.” (41:57, Kyle Mooney, on dorm room masturbation etiquette)
“There will be a point at... you’ll stop feeling this and you’ll just talk about it. But when will that be and why? What will have changed?” (48:27, Jon Lovett)
“That feeling when you’re Darwin’s poop, or something...” (57:04, Jon Lovett & Kyle Mooney, riffing on meme potential)

Important Segment Timestamps

[02:13–15:27] — Weekly news satire monologue
[20:22–30:16] — Bennett and Mooney discuss SNL, friendship, podcasting
[31:33–41:16] — “Hell Is Other People (With Whom You Share a Bathroom)” roommate Q&A
[44:39–51:55] — “The Lorne Identity” (which fictional characters would make good SNL hosts)
[51:55–57:18] — “Second Thoughts” (panel regrets and serious/weird reflections)

Tone & Style

The episode is marked by Lovett’s characteristic blend of political cynicism, pop culture savvy, and absurdist wit, complemented by Beck and Kyle’s dry comedy, meta-humor, and warmth as creative collaborators. The conversational flow is lively, with riffs building naturally—sometimes veering into the surreal—while pulling listeners inside the world of intersectional late-night/podcast comedy.

Final Thoughts

“We Bought a Ballroom” offers listeners a fast-moving, sharp, and silly ride through the week’s political circus and inside the psyche of comedians who genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Whether dissecting the absurdity of DC politics, modern roommate life, or the meta-questions of podcasting itself, it’s a dense, funny, and heartfelt episode.

Check out Beck and Kyle’s "What’s Our Podcast?" everywhere podcasts are found—and consider supporting their new Patreon for more “fully nude” (audio-only) episodes!

We Bought a Ballroom