#126 - Moving for Friends

Summary

Man of the Year - Champions of Friendship
Episode #126: Moving for Friends
Release Date: April 8, 2025

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Introduction

In episode #126 of Man of the Year - Champions of Friendship, hosts Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo delve into the nuanced topic of relocating for the sake of friendship. Amidst a backdrop of humor and personal anecdotes, they explore the dynamics of moving for love versus moving for friendship, the impact of city environments on social connections, and offer practical advice for listeners grappling with similar decisions.

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Moving for Love vs. Moving for Friendship

The conversation kicks off with a comparison between moving for romantic relationships and the less-discussed concept of moving to maintain or strengthen friendships.

• Matt Ritter ([06:36]): "I've had a lot of friends in the past few years or just over the course of my lifetime move for romantic engagements. Literally move."

• Aaron Caro ([07:02]): "I love it. I think... it's usually the woman and it's like, oh, I met this guy. I'm... I'm gone girling my life. I'm moving."

Matt highlights that while moving for love is often normalized, moving for friendship isn’t as widely discussed or accepted. They humorously debate whether such moves are primarily driven by one gender and acknowledge the trend of relocating to less prominent cities in pursuit of relationships.

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Ranking Cities for Friendship

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing which cities are more conducive to fostering friendships. The hosts playfully categorize cities into primary, secondary, and tertiary ranks based on their suitability for building and maintaining friendships.

• Matt Ritter ([08:07]): "What was that? The Plantation..."

• Aaron Caro ([09:03]): "I would never Love living in Texas. But I mean, Austin's probably pretty good."

They debate cities like New York, Los Angeles, Miami, Chicago, Boston, Austin, Nashville, and Las Vegas, assessing each city's environment, social opportunities, and overall friendliness. The conversation underscores how certain cities attract individuals seeking both personal and professional growth, which in turn influences the ease of forming new friendships.

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The Concept of a Friendship Index

Matt and Aaron introduce the idea of developing a Friendship Index, akin to the popular Walk Score, to help individuals evaluate how conducive a city is to making new friends.

• Aaron Caro ([19:24]): "What do you think about people who move back to their hometown and move into their parents' house?"

• Matt Ritter ([19:34]): "If you're in a place where you're sort of in a friend desert and there is another city that's a friend oasis, it just the natural forces should be moving you there anyway because you'll have a better life."

They discuss metrics that could quantify the ease of forming friendships in different locales, suggesting factors like the density of social hubs, community activities, and existing social networks.

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Listener Interaction: Helping a Friend Move

Towards the latter part of the episode, Matt and Aaron address a listener's question about helping a friend move across the country.

• Listener Question ([22:54]): "My best friend is moving across the country and he wants me to help him drive his U-Haul. But it's a three-day trip. I've got a job. How do I say no without ruining our friendship?"

• Matt Ritter ([23:20]): "Let's just acknowledge that that's not something that you're going to automatically react favorably to somebody essentially telling you something that sounds like a burden."

• Aaron Caro ([26:30]): "The mover definitely has high favors in high esteem. I want you to spend three days with me in a truck. Like, that's only, like, best friend."

They provide a balanced perspective, recognizing the value of such experiences for bonding while also empathizing with the practical challenges it poses. The hosts suggest reframing the request positively and setting clear boundaries to maintain the friendship without overextending oneself.

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Strategies for Saying No

The hosts offer actionable advice for listeners who may find themselves in similar situations:

1. Reframe the Request: View the move as an opportunity for new memories rather than a burden.

   • Matt Ritter ([26:14]): "This is an opportunity for you and your old friend to live in the present and make new memories."

2. Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate personal limitations without guilt.

   • Aaron Caro ([24:56]): "But why wouldn't you want to do it?"

3. Offer Alternatives: If unable to commit fully, suggest partial assistance or support in other ways.

   • Matt Ritter ([25:40]): "Maybe you do say, look, I'd love to do this. You got to pay for my flight back."

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Strengthening Friendships Through Relocation

Matt and Aaron emphasize that moving for friendship can be a deliberate choice to enhance one’s social life and overall happiness.

• Matt Ritter ([30:00]): "I think we should accept that we already do move for friendship. We already have been doing it on some level our whole lives."

• Aaron Caro ([31:09]): "It's good just to have a local there. But, like, you're not, like, they're not infringing on you or."

They discuss the importance of having a "friendship safety net" and how intentional moves can lead to deeper, more meaningful relationships. The conversation also touches on historical examples, such as their grandparents moving together, highlighting how shared moves can strengthen community bonds.

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Conclusions and Takeaways

In wrapping up, the hosts reiterate the significance of considering friendships in life decisions, including relocation. They encourage listeners to think of moving not just as a personal or professional choice, but also as a strategic move to foster and maintain meaningful friendships.

• Matt Ritter ([30:48]): "I think we should accept that we already do move for friendship. We already have been doing it on some level our whole lives."

• Aaron Caro ([32:19]): "It's good just to have a little home base. You can answer questions. You're there in a pinch."

The episode concludes with a call to action for listeners to share their own experiences with moving for friends, fostering a community of shared stories and support.

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Notable Quotes

• Matt Ritter ([06:36]): "Moving for friendship isn’t as widely discussed or accepted."

• Aaron Caro ([07:02]): "It's usually the woman and it's like, oh, I met this guy. I'm moving."

• Matt Ritter ([19:34]): "You'll have a better life."

• Matt Ritter ([30:00]): "We already do move for friendship. We've been doing it our whole lives."

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Final Thoughts

Episode #126 of Man of the Year - Champions of Friendship offers a thoughtful exploration of the reasons behind moving for friendship, the societal norms surrounding it, and practical advice for navigating such personal decisions. Through a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions, Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo provide listeners with valuable perspectives on maintaining and strengthening friendships in a mobile world.

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Stay Connected:
For more insights on building and maintaining friendships, visit manoftheyearpodcast.com or follow the hosts on Instagram @ManoftheYearPodcast.

Transcript

[Aaron Caro]

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[Matt Ritter]

Man of the year. Man of the year. Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Matt Ritter.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm Aaron Caro.

[Matt Ritter]

Guys, go to the manoftheyearpodcast.com website or YouTube our merch. We've got the onesies. Some of our friends are rocking the onesies. Cairo. I went to a party last weekend and it drove me nuts that I, you know, I, I'm not drinking. I'm doing, you know, just being sober right now. And I said, can I have a drink? I'm not drinking. They go, oh, sure. And I opened the fridge and what do I see? A bunch of non alcoholic beers. Oh, I'm like, I, I thought I made myself clear. I want something that I will enjoy drinking. What is, what has happened to people that they've gotten. Listen, I, I respect that there is a non alcoholic beverage movement. It's not meant to replace tasty drinks like juice, like apple juice, orange juice, water. They didn't have, like, they didn't have bottled water, but they had, you know, like craft ipa, mango beer. Like, that's not gonna quench my thirst. Yours?

[Aaron Caro]

Well, first of all, there's nothing that screams alcoholic like drinking a non alcoholic beer.

[Matt Ritter]

That's what I used to think where anytime I saw somebody do it, you know, like even sipping, oh, duals, I go, I guarantee that guy's license is revoked.

[Aaron Caro]

I know. It's like you can't just, just, just don't, you know, you, you like it that much?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. The second I see a Heineken zero, I'm like, wow, long rap sheet.

[Aaron Caro]

I Love how you were upset that they didn't have any, any apple juice at this party.

[Matt Ritter]

I've gotten. You don't, you don't get it.

[Aaron Caro]

You don't want to understand. You don't have kids because you drink your, you drink your son's apple juice.

[Matt Ritter]

Suddenly you get back into all the stuff. Peanut butter. I didn't know you were like. I didn't know. For some reason I thought I was. It was, I wasn't allowed to eat peanut butter and jelly for the past 30 years. I'm back in.

[Aaron Caro]

I love it. I had peanut butter jelly this morning. I mean it was like a ready made Trader Joe's thing.

[Matt Ritter]

You heathen.

[Aaron Caro]

You just. Yeah, love her.

[Matt Ritter]

No, no, it's not alcoholic thing. Like explain to me like I'm a 2 year old. Are people now thinking that when they have a party that it's, it's. You get alcoholic drinks for the people who drink and then non alcoholic drinks for the people that when I say non alcoholic drink, I mean this like non alcoholic branded beverages. Because if so, you've got it all wrong, people. When you're having a party and the drinkers drink alcoholic beverages and the non drinkers drink things that taste good, these non alcoholic branded things are filled with sugar and they suck.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, let me, let me, let me dig a little deeper here. It seems like your real problem with this is that they don't taste good. Not that they exist.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, that my problem is that you cannot now shove out like regular juices.

[Aaron Caro]

What if it tasted good? What if it tasted like a regular beer?

[Matt Ritter]

Well, I don't want that. I don't even like the taste of beer.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. You. I would never drink a beer that didn't like.

[Matt Ritter]

That's the whole fraud of the whole thing. Like I would never drink, I wouldn't even drink a White Claw if there was an alcohol. And it's disgusting, right?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, that's, that's exactly right.

[Matt Ritter]

I just drink like a real healthy like fruit drink or something. I don't know, water usually.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, there's nothing, I think. What about making people feel included?

[Matt Ritter]

Right, but that's the thing, that's my question. Who are these people? Do these people really prefer a breeze micro dose something drink versus just a nice glass of H2O?

[Aaron Caro]

I. I mean, I guess, I don't know. I mean, it doesn't make any sense to me.

[Matt Ritter]

This always burned me up because when I was a kid this is like treating me like when I was a kid because I never drank soda. And some parties didn't even have. Remember before water was invented, you know, water was only invented like 10 years ago. People. I think the younger generation doesn't understand. We dealt with. Bottled water was only invented in like 96. Before that you went to a. When you were a kid and you went to a birthday party, it was soda or nothing.

[Aaron Caro]

Do you think that, what do you think the, the planetary repercussions of the invention of bottled water have been?

[Matt Ritter]

I mean, if you believe in any of that, you know.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, here we go. Here we go.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm just saying there's a million things, remember, remember they were like, hey, plastics are the enemy. And then like Covid just dumped like 5 million masks into the sea. Come on.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, I don't think they were pro. Into the sea. I mean, I don't think we were trying to do that.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, no, and also like the whole recycling thing doesn't. They don't even recycle. They just dump it somewhere.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh yeah. I mean the recycling is the biggest scam since the moon landing.

[Matt Ritter]

Anyway, that rant over. My point is just like we've over, we've overcorrected here, people. Just for the one guy who had a dui. Now we're ruining every fridge.

[Aaron Caro]

How about having.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, one guy that killed somebody hit and run. Now we're catering to that one guy who killed somebody in a hit and run. Then now the fridge is filled with, you know, just West Coast Brewing Company's pineapple beer. That's what I want as my refreshing drink.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, I find it offensive the non alcoholic beverages. As an alcohol drinker, like, how dare you?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah. I mean oduls was fine. Stick with odouls.

[Aaron Caro]

Stick with oduls.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

All right, should we get into the topic?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, let's get to the topic. So, you know, I've had a lot of friends in the past few years or just over the course of my lifetime move for romantic engagements. Literally move. I've had friends who have moved across the country for love. What do you think about the idea of moving for friendship?

[Aaron Caro]

I love it. I think. I mean, let's talk about people who move for love for a second because it is kind of funny and it's. And it's usually the woman and it's like, oh, I met this guy. I'm. I'm gone girling my life. I'm moving. I will move anywhere. I will drop everything. I will never speak to my friends again or my family. Goodbye.

[Matt Ritter]

It's a little cultish and I love.

[Aaron Caro]

It'S Like, I mean, we're obviously coastal elites, but if you're moving anywhere besides New York or la, get the out of here.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, I'm moving.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm moving to Kansas City and I met this guy. Shut up.

[Matt Ritter]

It does tend to go in that direction, doesn't it?

[Aaron Caro]

What direction?

[Matt Ritter]

Like to the second rate city.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh yeah, because people. Yeah, I mean, because the people in the second rate cities. That's a good question.

[Matt Ritter]

I think it's usually like I can't meet the person. I can't meet anybody in this city. The biggest city in the world.

[Aaron Caro]

Right.

[Matt Ritter]

So I, I'm gonna go to some tertiary city.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Sometimes it's like I'm a four in this city, but over there I'm a Ted.

[Aaron Caro]

Right, exactly. Hot in Cleveland. There's a whole show.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. No, look, I mean, I think we're being a little. Of course. I mean people, we're joking. Obviously. People move for, you know, all kinds of good reasons to. Good cities, bad cities. I think honestly it is mostly women though. We are, aren't we? Trying to get you to move for love? I mean, you know, you haven't found anybody. But shouldn't we get you to move, by the way?

[Aaron Caro]

I would, I would. I don't know if I'd move to a tertiary city, but I would move somewhere.

[Matt Ritter]

Should we rank the cities right now? What's, What's a secondary versus tertiary? All right, what's Cleveland?

[Aaron Caro]

Well, there's only three majors. LA, NY and that's it.

[Matt Ritter]

Miami.

[Aaron Caro]

Miami is what's. What's below tertiary?

[Matt Ritter]

Wow. Oh, we're gonna get a lot of hot Miami.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean the horrible weather and worst people.

[Matt Ritter]

Wow. Some people are saying Miami is the best city in the country right now.

[Aaron Caro]

Who's saying that?

[Matt Ritter]

I don't know. Crypto bros love it because the.

[Aaron Caro]

What was that? The mayor who. He wanted to get paid in bitcoin, then he didn't want to get paid in bitcoin and then he's back. I mean, anyway.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, let's go back to.

[Aaron Caro]

Let's go back.

[Matt Ritter]

No, no. What about sex? So what is sf?

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, SF is secondary.

[Matt Ritter]

Okay.

[Aaron Caro]

Nine months out of the year.

[Matt Ritter]

What is Chicago?

[Aaron Caro]

Chicago. Six months. We're so cold you can't go out.

[Matt Ritter]

What is Boston?

[Aaron Caro]

Get out of here.

[Matt Ritter]

Okay, fine.

[Aaron Caro]

Filled with people from Boston.

[Matt Ritter]

Okay, what about Austin? So I would have said secondary. I would have said tertiary, but now I'm going to say secondary.

[Aaron Caro]

That's interesting.

[Matt Ritter]

I think it's moved up to secondary.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, I wouldn't Love living in Texas. But I mean, Austin's probably pretty good. Good weather.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm saying, like, would Nashville. I would have said Nashville was tertiary, but now, like, is Nashville secondary?

[Aaron Caro]

Nashville is literally a bachelor party and a bachelorette party.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. So is that secondary then or tertiary?

[Aaron Caro]

That's primary. No, I don't know.

[Matt Ritter]

What about Vegas?

[Aaron Caro]

Are we talking about moving or just in this. In just general.

[Matt Ritter]

Just where do they rank? Like, are they a second? I'm saying a secondary city means it's. It's like basically a New York light or an LA light.

[Aaron Caro]

No, I think it's just New York and la and everything else is second. All ones you named are secondary. After that, it falls off the map.

[Matt Ritter]

Okay, interesting. So anyway, so back to the moving for love. Look, a lot of people have done it and yes, I think mostly it's been women, but I don't know. I don't know if that's true. Actually. I want to hear from our listeners. I'd love to know if any man that were. That listens to our podcast has moved for a woman. But I wanted to get into the topic of it's just normalized that you could do that. Right. I mean, people do it all the time and there's no stigma really to it other than the jokes we just made. There's no stigma.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

But right now we definitely live in a time where we're just. We, you and I are just pushing new philosophies in the friendship realm to the outer bounds and trying to normalize all kinds of behavior that we think would help. So I'm asking you, should we try to normalize moving for friendship? And let's. Let's flesh that out. What do you. What would you say that even means?

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, what was the. What was the science term? This is like 8th grade earth science where like the water flows from sort of like the less low pressure to the high pressure. You know, sort of vaguely what I'm saying. Talking about.

[Matt Ritter]

I don't know what it's called, but I know what you're talking about.

[Aaron Caro]

If you're in a place where you're sort of in a friend desert and there is another city that's a friend oasis, it just the. The natural forces should be moving you there anyway because you'll have a better life.

[Matt Ritter]

Can we talk about the obvious thing that we are doing this at a younger age. You're doing it for college. A lot of times. You're doing it right out of college for a lot of times. Think about Penn.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Why do people move to New York for work?

[Aaron Caro]

Sure, yeah, it's the best city.

[Matt Ritter]

But they also do it because a lot of their friends are doing it.

[Aaron Caro]

That's true.

[Matt Ritter]

So they're moving on, just on some. Some part of their equation is they're moving for friendship.

[Aaron Caro]

That's a tough analogy, because New York is where all the jobs are.

[Matt Ritter]

New York, I'm saying, I just. I'm just picking a city, but a college, then, fine. When. When a lot of people, you know, kind of aggregate to certain schools because a bunch of the kids in their high school are going there, they're moving there for friendship. It's part of the equation.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, but again, in college, everybody's moving somewhere, so you got to pick someplace.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. So you're saying yes, because this is just an individual. Like, hey, you're alone on an island going, I choose to move for friendship. It wouldn't be the same.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, another way to think about it is people move. Sometimes you just move. I mean, people move all the time. Why not move? If you're picking the place you're moving to, maybe you're looking for a new job. Why don't you just pick the place where you have friends?

[Matt Ritter]

So I like that. If you're moving for a new job, if you're, like looking for a new city because of a job, you should analyze it from your friendship social circle or outer circle or friends of friends or, you know, the ways that you think you could integrate easily into a friend circle. Right, right.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, if you have the choice, if you're going to move to a city where you don't. I mean, I'd rather you move to a place where you know people versus don't know people.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. But again, we're. We're now saying that that's only if you're looking. Already looking for a job. But what about if you're not? Like, what if you just un. Unhappy or unsatisfied with the way that your life is going or your social circle or anything, and you just go, you know what? I have a lot of friends back. A lot of people. Look, okay, fine. Why don't we say this? A lot of people move back home, and I think that's baked into why they move back home.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, if you have. If their friends are there. Yes.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. So my point is that we're saying, hey, people move for love, but they don't move for friendship. But actually, I think maybe what I'm saying is, I think a lot of times this is already happening Partially or to some degree. But we're not stating it overtly because it's not normalized to state it overtly.

[Aaron Caro]

How's this for another hot, hot take? What do you think about people who move back to their hometown and move into their parents house? Like their parents have moved away?

[Matt Ritter]

I mean, I think we've talked about how you and I feel. That's our. The worst nightmare of all nightmares.

[Aaron Caro]

So you, in the course of this podcast, take the house out of it. You went from oh, I hate playing View. Not a hate playing, but I would never go back to oh, it's actually a nice place. Now I'm adding I would never move into my old house. Then you just. Your whole life has been in one house.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, let me be clear. I love playing. I, I've come to the realization we had a tremendous childhood over the course of doing this podcast.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

And, and I, I love our community. I still stand firm on the fact that I would never move back to plane.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, that would be, that would be, that would be rough.

[Matt Ritter]

Like especially not in the parents house. That's just, that's just bizarre. But obviously if you're in a financial situation where you're getting a house dropped on you in this economy. In this economy.

[Aaron Caro]

In this economy. You know, I will say we have examples of our friends moving for friendship. So for instance, there people are now congregating in Port Washington, which is for our listeners, a town of Long Island. I have a couple college friends. We have a. One of our man of the year crew is, is looking for a place there. So why are they looking? Well, it's Matt. It's actually a common. It's. It's both a convenient place because that's where the train is and it's a nice town. But also your friends are there.

[Matt Ritter]

That's right. And they're kind of doing it together.

[Aaron Caro]

Right.

[Matt Ritter]

They're all like, we should. They all kind of had this idea of like, let's move. And I, and I feel like we see a lot of this on Instagram and there are these memes going around like where these older people end up buying houses next to each other or build a island. Can they buy an island together? Meanwhile, all of my grandparents and their friends all moved together from Brooklyn to Roslyn, originally in the, I don't know, 40s or 50s.

[Aaron Caro]

Wait, your grandparents moved to Roslyn in the 50s from Brooklyn?

[Matt Ritter]

All of them. Everybody in their building. Not Coney Island. I forget what that like Jewish area of Brooklyn.

[Aaron Caro]

Canarsi.

[Matt Ritter]

Canarsi I don't know, I forget what it was. But yeah, you know, they all lived in one like giant, you know.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, that's great.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. And they all moved to Roslyn together all around the same time within like two years of each other. They all bought houses and it sounds like that's what, what some of our friends in Port Washington are doing.

[Aaron Caro]

I wonder, Matt, what do you think? I feel like this kind of thing needs a pioneer. The first guy's got to move to Port Washington.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. But what I think what's happening there is different because it's couples and families and schools and kind of, you know, a lot of built in infrastructure. I think we're also talking about if you're single.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

And you're just kind of like, oh, you know, I would I move for a significant other that if I met, if I met a girl or a guy. Yeah, of course I would fly across the country for them. But. Okay, why don't we just say, well, but what if you, you know, made a bunch of friends or those friends all moved away or what if your best, what if just your best friend, what if it's just your best friend moved and you know, that's a big part of your life and you're just kind of like, I don't know, why don't I move to Austin too?

[Aaron Caro]

I don't know. I think that's great. I, I, you even, just even you talking about it get me like hyped up. Should we, like, I mean, didn't Joe.

[Matt Ritter]

Rogan like all of his buddies just like move after he moved to Austin?

[Aaron Caro]

Right. He was the pioneer. He was the pioneer. Exactly. It's like, yeah, it'd be so, it'd be so fun. You explore the new city together, you make new friends together.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. So I think maybe there is something to be said for just if you're in a situation where fine, you know, you're, you're fine, you're, or you're unhappy or you need a new job or it's too expensive in the city that you're living in, or you want to go back home to your family, but your friends are also there, it's okay to be like, you know what, Friendship's a big part of that factor. And I have a lot of friends in this other city or this other city is just more conducive. I think some cities are more conducive to friendship the way they're set up. Or like newer cities like Austin and Nashville, where a lot of people Just relocated there. Something to that.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I mean, it just. I think it's just another way of thinking about friendship in a more intentional way. Right. If you're like thinking about moving, thinking about switching things up, I don't think you'd ever think, oh, where are my friends live? You'd be like, where can I get a job? Where are there men or women? Where can I afford it? I think we need to add like a. Should we do like a CPI of friendship, like the Cost PAL index?

[Matt Ritter]

Totally. That's absolutely right. Like every time people have all these other indexes, I think that's what we need to build in. There has to be the friendship related index.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, do you remember a while back in our. In our. You know, we have. Me and Matt have a list of thousands of business ideas around friendship. We're like the Cosmo Kramer friendship. Do you know how in LA and maybe other cities there's a walk score?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. What's yours in we.

[Aaron Caro]

It's really high. It's like 94 or something.

[Matt Ritter]

Mine's got to be.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, you're very high, too. A friendship score. Ease of making friends, proximity to social third places.

[Matt Ritter]

I like it. I like it.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Let's come back to this. Should we take a listener question?

[Matt Ritter]

Let's do it.

[Aaron Caro]

All right. We'll be right back. Our state has changed a lot in the last 140 years. We know because Multicare has been here guided by a single making our communities healthier. That comes from making courageous decisions, partnering with local communities to grow programs and services, and expanding healthcare access to those who need it most. Together, we're building a healthier future. Learn [e-mail].

[C]

In the summer, all of Oregon is our playground thanks to our incredible park system. That's why it's so cool that Oregon Lottery gameplay, like video lottery or cash pop, helps support tons of parks projects statewide like accessible trails at Silver Falls State park or upgrades to your favorite dog park in Newburgh. It's just one way a little lottery play for many Oregonians can add up to a lot of good the Oregon Lottery together with we do good things. Lottery games are based on chance and should be played for entertainment only. Must be 18 or older to play.

[Aaron Caro]

Craftsman Days are here at Lowe's with big savings on the tools you need. Save $100 on the Craftsman V26 Tool Power Tool Combo Kit now at $199. No matter what the project is, Craftsman's high quality, high performance products empower you to build on. Stop by your nearest Lowe's store. And check out the full line of Craftsman tools today. Valid through 618 while supplies last. Selection varies by location.

[Matt Ritter]

Hi, Zoe Saldana. Welcome to T Mobile. Here's your new iPhone 16 Pro on us. Thanks. And here's my old phone to trade in. You don't need a trade in. When you switch to T Mobile, we'll.

[Aaron Caro]

Give you a new iPhone 16 Pro.

[Matt Ritter]

Plus we'll help you pay off your old Phone up to 800 bucks and you still get to keep it.

[Aaron Caro]

There's always a trade in.

[Matt Ritter]

Not right now. @ T Mobile. I feel like I have to give you something in return for karma. That's okay. I don't really have much in my purse. Oh, let's see. Hand sanitizer. It's lavender. I'm good. Seriously. Let me check this pocket.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, mints.

[Matt Ritter]

Really, I'm fine. Oh, I have raisins. I'm a mom. Wait, wait one sec. I've got cupcakes in the car. It's our best iPhone offer ever.

[Aaron Caro]

Switch to T Mobile.

[Matt Ritter]

Get a new iPhone6.16 Pro with Apple Intelligence on us.

[Aaron Caro]

No trade in needed. We'll even pay off your phone up to 800 bucks with 24 monthly bill credits.

[Matt Ritter]

New line 100 plus a month on.

[Aaron Caro]

Experience beyond Finance Agreement 999.99 and qualifying.

[Matt Ritter]

Hoarded for well qualified plus tax and ten dollar connection charge. Payout via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days credits and balance due if you pay off earlier.

[Aaron Caro]

Cancel ct mobile.com okay, guys, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send it to us on Instagram at Man of the Year podcast and we will answer it on the show. Take it away, Matthew.

[Matt Ritter]

So, Carol, this isn't moving for a friend, but it's kind of tangential and pretty funny. Hey, Matt and Caro, I've got a bit of a sticky situation. My best friend is moving across the country and he wants me to help him drive his U Haul. But it's a three day trip. I've got a job. But he knows that I could actually get away if I wanted to. How do I say no without ruining our friendship?

[Aaron Caro]

Well, a couple things before we get into it. Let's. Let's discuss the. The. The elephant in the room. Driving U Hauls is insane in general.

[Matt Ritter]

That's allowed so dangerous without that rear view.

[Aaron Caro]

I didn't even think about that just driving a truck that you've never driven before. There's actually a family guy clip. I'll have to find it where it's like, oh, u haul, you rent. It's this most stressful day of your life. Here's a giant truck.

[Matt Ritter]

I respect cdls.

[Aaron Caro]

People have a commercial driver's license.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I respect those. I mean, you see, when you see an 18 wheeler doing a good job of reversing in, it's like, much respect. But then on the flip side, when I see somebody jamming up traffic, I'm like, come on, rook.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, my initial reaction, I'm gonna guess that you're gonna say the same, but I'm always wrong. Sounds like an absolute blast. And he should do it.

[Matt Ritter]

I've done a few cross country trips and I do think the bonding experience of it is so great. That's not to say, hey, you have to do this because we say so. I just think, let's analyze it, you and me. Let's, let's, let's talk this through. So obviously nobody wants to do this when asked right away. Right? Like, let's be honest. Your first reaction, even like, I'm, I'm up for anything kind of guy. My first reaction is, oh, geez, do not. You know, so like, let's just acknowledge that that's not something that you're going to automatically react favorably to somebody essentially telling you something that sounds like a burden. So what we want to do always. Right. Is reframe in a friendship positive way.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, but why wouldn't you want to do it?

[Matt Ritter]

Well, just because three days of driving, first of all, is like that of itself, wrecks your back in a truck. Three days wreck. That's. That's my number one. Like, my body is not up for three days drive.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, because I thought your, your, your bump was like, is this person supposed to move all the stuff into the new house when they get there?

[Matt Ritter]

No, no. I think he's just saying, let's go on a road trip, man. This is an opportunity.

[Aaron Caro]

I don't know. I think road trip. And then the guy's got to pay for his ticket back.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

I don't know, it just speaks.

[Matt Ritter]

He didn't get into logistics of that. But maybe that is part of the equation. Maybe you do say, look, I'd love to do this. You got to pay for my flight back. And if the friend's like, yeah, dude, I bet you the friend would be like, yes, I'm.

[Aaron Caro]

I bet if I asked you to take a three day road trip with me, if I don't know why we would ever do this, you would be game.

[Matt Ritter]

No, I would be. My point is, I Still in. My initial reaction would be like, I'm not doing this.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh. If you asked me, you said, hey. If you said, hey, Cairo, I say, I would say no.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. I would end up doing it. But my point is, I'm telling the listener and I'm telling everybody who's listening. Your initial reaction is going to be no. Because my reaction is no.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay.

[Matt Ritter]

Okay, good.

[Aaron Caro]

Here's another reframe. It's a pretty. It's pretty. It's a pretty big. Like that. The mover definitely has high. Holds the mo. The. The favor. ASCII in high esteem. I want you to spend three days with me in a truck. Like, that's only, like, best friend.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, they obviously are best friends, just by virtue of the fact that he's asking it. So what I'm saying is, if your best friend is moving away across the country and he's asking you to have this awesome bonding experience, which these only come along a few times in your life, kind of these big moments where you're now going to have a big shift in your relationship, I think that's a cool way to go out.

[Aaron Caro]

To go out and then just never speak to him again.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm just saying your relationship is not going to be the same when you're not spending. You know, you're not in the same city. It's. It just isn't. We know this.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay, how about this? Oh. Oh. I think I've got a good. I've got a good innovation for you, Matt. What if we. Instead of just like, oh, we gotta get. It takes three days to get there. Let's go to stop at a baseball game. Let's add another night. Let's.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, definitely 100, right? I mean, again, like, if you're going to commit to it, make it your own, do it in a way that works for you. Definitely not. Hey, we're just driving three days straight and we're putting on a playlist. Like, not happening. By the way, do you know that I did this after college? You know, when I spent a year in la, my me, my brother and my cousin Mikey took a road trip and we drove out to Mikey's place. And then when we got there, I was like, oh, Mikey, by the way, I live here now.

[Aaron Caro]

I do. I do remember that.

[Matt Ritter]

I just dropped my bag. He's like, what?

[Aaron Caro]

Hold on. You, your brother and your cousin drove from New York to la?

[Matt Ritter]

Yep.

[Aaron Caro]

And did you know the whole time you were gonna stay?

[Matt Ritter]

Yep.

[Aaron Caro]

And Mikey was already living in la?

[Matt Ritter]

Yep.

[Aaron Caro]

Somehow, how does your brain work because you thought he'd say no?

[Matt Ritter]

I don't know. I just. I think I was just like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna drop it on him when we get there.

[Aaron Caro]

And you lived in a one room, one bath?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For a little while. Yeah. It was small. There was a bed. Air. Air. Air. Air mattress, wall. So he had to step on my chest to go to the bathroom.

[Aaron Caro]

Matt, I should have sent this to you. There's. There's a guy in the city who's moving out of his apartment. So he's like, I gotta show you. I've lived here for three years. I gotta show you my apartment. He's probably your height, maybe a little taller. Like 5, 10, 5 11. This is a New York City apartment. The toilet is so close. The wall when you're sitting in the toilet, so close that his knee. He can't even sit. He has to go side saddle on the toilet.

[Matt Ritter]

I hate when builders do that. When you.

[Aaron Caro]

Have you ever heard of that?

[Matt Ritter]

No. I've been in a bathroom like that, and I'm like, who built this?

[Aaron Caro]

Right? Have you ever heard of going side saddle on a toilet?

[Matt Ritter]

That sounds so uncomfortable. Riding side, side saddling number twos. Oh, my God. Side saddle bruises. Oh, I need to be spread. I need to be sp. I need spread.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, you need to, man. Spread it on your own. Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

So. Yeah. So the answer is, look, I think you should do it if you can get away, which it sounds like you can, right? I mean, if you weren't putting up doth, you weren't protesting, like, I can't do this. You just don't want to do it.

[Aaron Caro]

Right.

[Matt Ritter]

Because it feels like a burden. I think it's an op. I think it's a huge opportunity. It's a huge opportunity. We always say, old friends, new memories. You got to keep making new memories. Because the friendship otherwise is just about dwelling on the past and. And not being living in the present. This is an opportunity for you and your old friend to live in the present and make new memories.

[Aaron Caro]

Also, we like to ritualize the rituals. Make hats, you know, Jimmy's moving adventure. You know, make it into a scavenger hunt.

[Matt Ritter]

Get in some trouble.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I mean, God, three days in a U haul rough. But that's fun. I. I think. I think I'm. I want to hear what happens because, I don't know. It sounds like fun, to be honest.

[Matt Ritter]

Don't do three days. Do a week, three. It's just.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, too short. Interesting.

[Matt Ritter]

That's too Short. It's too short. Make it a week. Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay. Okay, guys, I was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send it to us on Instagram and we will answer it on the show. All right, Matt, what. What do we learn today besides that you don't like non alcoholic beers, you would never go side saddle on a toilet, and you would never move for love.

[Matt Ritter]

I think we should accept that we already do move for friendship. We already have been doing it on some level our whole lives. So let's just bake that into the equation. And I love what you just created. Let's start coming up with friendship indicators for everything we do right now.

[Aaron Caro]

But does that, you know, the walk score sort of idea that we had, that's for the city, but we. You need something of like, how many of your friends are somewhere? Or is that totally different?

[Matt Ritter]

No, that's good too. But you could also maybe like, kind of wean that off of like, glean that. Glean that off of some of your social media apps already.

[Aaron Caro]

Do you need to like, get buy in from your friends, like, hey, I'm moving. I'm moving to your town?

[Matt Ritter]

That's a good question. I wouldn't say you need buy in. You need to know that they're excited about that, right? Not buy in, but, like, I think you need to get a reaction, right? This is really good, Caro. You just brought up a really good point. I think you're jumping the gun. If you don't get a reaction by.

[Aaron Caro]

Floating it, they'll go, oh, okay.

[Matt Ritter]

Like, yeah, if they're like, you sure? Yeah, you want to do that? If you get a lot of pushback from your friends in that city, maybe it's worth looking into that a little more. A little introspection. But I think it is actually. I think that's really good what you just said. I think you want to hear them go, holy cow, that's so awesome. We're all so excited.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, you remember our friend. Our friend Dan to do moved into my apartment building once. He's like, oh, I'm gonna. We're gonna be neighbors. I was like, great. I kind of got my own thing going here, bro. You know, I've. I've kind of. I've kind of got my thing, so buy in from the buddies, you know, by the way, it's like somebody moving for love. I bet you, you find someone if you move to the city where you have more friends. Like those people know people. You re you reinvigorated, by the way, also, Matt, we always talk about small talk and, and chatting people up. I just moved it to nobody. Any. Everybody loves a conversation when someone goes, oh, I just moved to la. I just moved to Kansas City. Are you kidding me? I talked to you for two hours.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. You know, the other thing, what you just said, I think is really interesting because, you know, Jess has a few friends who've moved out here, and they don't necessarily rely on us, but it's good to have us around and they're making their own friends.

[Aaron Caro]

That's. That's a great call. It's good to have, like, a little home base. You can answer questions. You're there in a pinch, you know, it's. It's good just to have a local there. But, like, you're not, like, they're not infringing on you or.

[Matt Ritter]

It's a little safety net.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. A little friendship safety net. I love that. All right, guys, let us know about your moving four friends experiences. Thank you guys so much for, for listening. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.

[Matt Ritter]

Love you, buddy.

[C]

In the summer, all of Oregon is our playground, thanks to our incredible park system. That's why it's so cool that Oregon Lottery gameplay, like video lottery or cash pop, helps support tons of parks projects statewide, like accessible trails at Silver Falls State park or upgrades to your favorite dog park in Newburgh. It's just one way a little lottery play from many Oregonians can add up to a lot of good the Oregon Lottery. Together, we do good things. Lottery games are based on chance and should be played for entertainment only. Must be 18 or older to play.