#129 - Rebound Friendships

Summary

Podcast Summary: Man of the Year - Champions of Friendship
Episode #129 - Rebound Friendships
Release Date: April 29, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode #129 of Man of the Year - Champions of Friendship, hosts Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo delve into the nuanced and often overlooked topic of friendship breakups and the emerging concept of "friendship rebounds." With their characteristic blend of humor and insightful commentary, Ritter and Karo explore how friendships can end, the emotional aftermath of these breakups, and strategies to rebuild one's social circle effectively.

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The Dynamics of Friendship Breakups

The episode begins with a discussion on why friendship breakups can be as emotionally taxing as romantic separations. Drawing from an article in The Cut, the hosts highlight that unlike romantic relationships, which typically end with clear-cut reasons, friendships often dissolve gradually and ambiguously. This lack of clarity can leave individuals grappling with unresolved emotions and confusion about what went wrong.

Aaron Karo references the idea that "friendship endings are as brutal as romantic relationships" (06:00), emphasizing the unpredictable nature of how friendships fade. The hosts note that friendships lack the explicit closure that romantic relationships usually have, making it harder for individuals to process and move on from the breakup.

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Introducing Friendship Rebounds

Building on the challenges of friendship breakups, Ritter and Karo introduce the novel concept of "friendship rebounds." Inspired by the well-known phenomenon in romantic relationships, where individuals often seek new partners to cope with the end of a previous relationship, the hosts propose a similar approach for friendships.

Matt Ritter articulates the concept by stating, "what we've created is an entire category of the friendship rebound" (31:15). This idea revolves around intentionally seeking out new friendships to help heal and rebuild one's social network after a significant friendship ends.

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Exploring the Friendship Rebound Concept

Defining a Friendship Rebound

A friendship rebound is conceptualized as a casual and exciting new friendship formed in the aftermath of a friendship breakup. The goal is to provide a "palate cleanser" that helps individuals move past the hurt and begin forming new, healthy connections. Aaron Karo describes it as "quick, it's exciting, it's casual, it's rebound" (08:17).

Types of Friendship Rebounds

The hosts discuss various forms a friendship rebound can take:

1. Making New Friends: Actively seeking out new individuals to expand one's social circle. For instance, joining a softball league or participating in new activities to meet like-minded people.

2. Rekindling Old Friendships: Reconnecting with acquaintances or old friends who may not have been part of one's close circle before.

3. Engaging in New Activities: Instead of focusing solely on finding new friends, engaging in new hobbies or interests can naturally lead to forming new connections.

Matt Ritter adds humorously, "Imagine I picked this guy up at CrossFit. I just walked across it," (13:11), illustrating the spontaneous nature of some friendship rebounds.

Potential Benefits and Pitfalls

While friendship rebounds can provide immediate emotional relief and companionship, Ritter cautions against the desire to find a "complete and total replacement." He warns against expecting a rebound friend to serve the same role as the one lost, comparing it to relationship rebounds where the new partner is not meant to be a long-term solution.

Aaron Karo concurs, highlighting that "rebound friends are notoriously ephemeral," but he also notes that unlike romantic rebounds, friendship rebounds have the potential to evolve into lasting bonds if nurtured genuinely.

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Listener Question: Navigating Surface-Level Friendships

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to addressing a listener's dilemma about maintaining friendships that lack depth. The listener describes a friend who is great for spontaneous activities but avoids meaningful conversations about personal life, leaving them feeling disconnected on a deeper level.

Key Points Discussed:

• Understanding Communication Styles: Ritter and Karo explore whether certain individuals are naturally reserved and prefer to keep friendships at a surface level.

• Attempting to Deepen the Connection: They suggest strategies such as sharing personal experiences first to create a safe space for deeper conversations. Aaron Karo advises, "Maybe the guy will reciprocate" (29:07), indicating that vulnerability can encourage openness.

• Assessing the Health of the Friendship: The hosts emphasize evaluating whether the friendship meets one's emotional needs. If a friend remains closed off despite efforts, it may be necessary to reconsider the investment in that relationship.

Matt Ritter shares his own experiences, admitting that sometimes despite trying to connect on a deeper level, the effort may not be reciprocated: "We've always said on this pod, we don't think it's healthy to live like that. But we're not addressing that guy. We're addressing you. Right. You're the healthy person. You're trying," (28:56).

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Strategies for Building or Rebounding Friendships

Towards the end of the episode, Ritter and Karo outline actionable steps for listeners looking to navigate friendship breakups and build new connections:

1. Turn to Family: Rekindling relationships with family members can provide immediate emotional support.

2. Engage in New Activities: Joining clubs, sports leagues, or hobby groups to meet new people organically.

3. Create a "Revenge Friendship": Although humorously suggested, this entails forming friendships with individuals who were previously not part of one's social circle.

4. Self-Reflection: Taking time alone to process emotions before seeking new friendships, ensuring readiness for meaningful connections.

Aaron Karo encapsulates the essence by stating, "We solved it," as he and Ritter outline these strategies (30:36), underscoring the practical nature of their advice.

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Conclusion and Key Takeaways

In wrapping up the episode, Ritter and Karo summarize the importance of viewing friendship rebounds as opportunities rather than mere substitutes:

• Flexibility of Rebonds: Unlike romantic rebound relationships, friendship rebounds can organically develop into long-term friendships if approached sincerely.

• Diverse Approaches: Whether rekindling old friendships or forging new ones through activities, there are multiple pathways to rebuilding one's social network.

• Emotional Wellness: Acknowledging and grieving the loss of friendships is crucial before embarking on forming new connections.

A notable concluding remark by Matt Ritter underscores the episode’s theme: "But don't fall into the trap of thinking a rebound friend can't be a lifelong friend," (31:30) encouraging listeners to remain open-minded about the potential of new friendships.

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Notable Quotes

• Aaron Karo: "Friendship endings are as brutal as romantic relationships." (06:00)

• Matt Ritter: "We've created an entire category of the friendship rebound." (31:15)

• Aaron Karo: "It's quick, it's exciting, it's casual, it's rebound." (08:17)

• Matt Ritter: "But don't fall into the trap of thinking a rebound friend can't be a lifelong friend." (31:30)

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Final Thoughts

Episode #129 offers a thoughtful exploration of how friendships end and the innovative idea of friendship rebounds as a means to heal and grow socially. Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo blend humor with practical advice, providing listeners with both empathy and actionable strategies to navigate the complexities of friendship dynamics. Whether dealing with the pain of losing a close friend or seeking to expand one’s social horizons, this episode serves as a valuable resource for fostering enduring and meaningful connections.

Transcript

[Aaron Caro]

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[Matt Ritter]

Man of the year.

[Aaron Caro]

Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Aaron Caro.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm Matt Ritter.

[Aaron Caro]

And make sure to go to manofthearpodcast.com to grab our merch and YouTube to watch our episodes. Matt, do you ever feel like people in your family have just a very low bar for you, Low expectations?

[Matt Ritter]

I don't know. I don't know. Give me more, give me more. Tell me more.

[Aaron Caro]

My, My dad, you know, he's, he's become sort of like a gourmet chef in his retirement, and he just, like, loves to cook. And he, he's always sending me recipes. And like, you, this is easy. Like, you could make this at home. And like, it's steadily getting more and more, like, pathetic. Like, he's like, seven recipe, seven recipe, seven ingredient recipes. You know, seven minute meals. He literally sent me something like one ingredient, four minutes. And I'm just like, no, I won't do it.

[Matt Ritter]

How is it recipe if it's one ingredient?

[Aaron Caro]

It's like rice and then just a pinch of salt. I don't know. They're really, you know, and I'm like, the bar is so he just, he must see these ago. Oh, my idiot son can make this.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, that's tough. No, I, I don't know. I, I do, I do sometimes feel just with the Hollywood stuff, like, it's like, oh, that's so great. I'm like, no, that's not the thing. I had a meeting, dude.

[Aaron Caro]

Matt, do not even get me started about meetings. When my parents ask about meetings, I'm.

[Matt Ritter]

Like, that is 900 steps below something that we're excited about.

[Aaron Caro]

It's legitimately 99. At least. 99 meetings for one. Anything.

[Matt Ritter]

Right? Right. So, yeah, you're like, oh, that's. That's like saying, like, how is that first jog you did to train for the marathon?

[Aaron Caro]

Right? My mom's like, oh, how was your meeting? I'm like, it was a meeting. Like, it's just meetings. They're meetings. Sometimes I wish I was a lawyer.

[Matt Ritter]

Right? It's like, oh, how was that drafting?

[Aaron Caro]

They would never ask you that. They would just say, how was your day?

[Matt Ritter]

Right. Exactly. How is it? How did. How did page two of the credit agreement go?

[Aaron Caro]

Let me ask you this. When. When Jess, your wife, does. Does she say, like, how does she articulate? Did she say, how was your day? Did she say, what did you do today? Does she even ask, or do you tell her? Always.

[Matt Ritter]

We have a dinner ritual where we.

[Aaron Caro]

Talk about our days, but what's the ritual?

[Matt Ritter]

Tell me about your day.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. And I feel like for me, for us, there's like, four out of five days is nothing to tell.

[Matt Ritter]

But it doesn't always have to be work. So ours is emotional connection, whatever, you know, anything in my dumb ideas, as Kira would say, popped up on some ideas.

[Aaron Caro]

God, when you have an idea that you get the Jess and Caro approval, that. That must be your. Your. Like, you won the lottery.

[Matt Ritter]

So, Jess, I've learned to not roll over and start with the ideas at 6am When I'm up, you know, I usually have to get out of the room. I have to get out of the room. So I've gotten pretty good at it. But lately, I've just been in a really creative zone, and I've had a lot of new projects that I need that just buy in from. And our nanny was here, and we have a. You know, the guest bathroom in the laundry room. And so I just was, like, talking to her. I just, like, hit her with an idea. Like, she didn't ask to be hit with the ideas. You know, sometimes just. I just launch into the rant. And she was in the bathroom, and I just, like, opened the door, and she's like, on the toilet, and she's like, come on. Come on.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm rubbing my eyes. Listeners. I mean, it's just. I'm not even gonna. I don't. You don't even deserve a response to that. I mean, it's just like, it's. It's a wonder you ever get her to. She probably just says yes to, you know.

[Matt Ritter]

No, no, she tells me.

[Aaron Caro]

No, she wouldn't give you that.

[Matt Ritter]

It was not now.

[Aaron Caro]

Right, I'll help you.

[Matt Ritter]

Not now.

[Aaron Caro]

Got it. And I love that we've, We've talked about this before, Matt. So when the idea gets to me, it's already passed through. Jess once said to me, he goes, you don't even understand the ones he doesn't tell you.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, man. Hard to be a big ideas man. Hard to be a big ideas man.

[Aaron Caro]

You're big ideas man. All right, so I wanna, I wanna. I want to talk about something that we're never going to happen to us was a friendship breakup. Now, we have talked, hopefully not, knock on wood. We've talked about friendships ending many times in the pod. But what we haven't really talked about is getting over a friendship breakup. And so just real quick, there was, There was an article in the cut about why friendship breakups can be so brutal, like as bad as a romantic relationship. And they said some of it is that because it's, it's very unambiguous, it's very ambiguous. Like, you break up with your girlfriend, you have a fight, whatever, you break up. The end. Where friendship is kind of like, what happened, it fades out, you don't really know. You know, friendships aren't always so explicit where, like, you know, you have expectations for your wife, your wife has expectations for you. You know, you have a friendship, you know, your wife would never just go on vacation without you. And friendships, sometimes that kind of things happen. So right when I was telling you this the other day, Matt, about all these friendship breakups are so brutal. And then you were like, well, what about rebounds? What about friendship rebounds? And I thought that that was a brilliant, brilliant idea. So I think we maybe have coined it. So, like, what would you talk to me about what you envision a friendship rebound to be?

[Matt Ritter]

Well, first of all, I picture a friend breakup that warrants a rebound, right?

[Aaron Caro]

Okay.

[Matt Ritter]

So, like, when you have a casual breakup, you don't need a rebound, right? But when you have a bad breakup, when you have a bad breakup, the best cure is a rebound, right? Greatest. I think Swingers has to be the greatest, like, rebound movie ever, Right?

[Aaron Caro]

Remind me, does he. He. I forgot. He meets someone new and then eventually was like, forget it with the old girl, right?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah. It finally gets over with Heather Grant.

[Aaron Caro]

Yes, right. But.

[Matt Ritter]

But remember, he was pining after that girl with the voicemail. Brutal.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

And, but, but so I, first of all, I picture it being a tough friendship breakup that you would even be in a position where you need that. And then I, I guess part of the notion of rebound. Now tell me if you think this is right or not, but part of the notion of rebound is that it's casual.

[Aaron Caro]

It's casual, it's quick, it's a palate cleanser.

[Matt Ritter]

Right.

[Aaron Caro]

And it's exciting.

[Matt Ritter]

Right? Yeah, exciting. Right. So it's, it's. I love that. It's a palate cleanser. It's quick, it's exciting, it's casual, it's rebound.

[Aaron Caro]

And, and, and sort of the note behind the note of a rebound often is that you're, you know, to your point, you are pining after this person or at least pining after the relationship that you had.

[Matt Ritter]

Yep.

[Aaron Caro]

And so you need to. If you're just thinking about that all day, that ain't good.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. And I think what you were saying is right. Is like, friendship endings don't just necessarily get acknowledged. Right. So nobody's ever thought. Because we just coined it, hey, let's help our friend get a rebound friend. But I guess that would be weird because, like, that if they already have friends, they're maybe then not missing it as much. Right. Because part of the rebound in relationship is like, oh, I lost this thing that I now no longer have.

[Aaron Caro]

I think a rebound is more applicable for a hard cut breakup where, like, something happened.

[Matt Ritter]

Yep.

[Aaron Caro]

And I think there's a couple ways to go about it. One, you can make a new friend, and I want to talk about that in a second. Two, you can also just. There's nothing wrong with going to one of your other friends and being like, I want to hang out. Let's go do something. This crazy thing just happened.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. Actually, it's so funny. I was just thinking when I conceived it of like, oh, going to find a new friend. But you could also rebound right. Into amping up one of your existing.

[Aaron Caro]

Friendships or calling an old friend.

[Matt Ritter]

Right, Right. I think in the friendship breakups I've had, I've leaned more into my existing friends. What do you think you've done in your.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Fortunate to only have a handful of friendship breakups, and they were mostly fade outs. But yeah, you kind of realize, oh, who your real friends are.

[Matt Ritter]

Right.

[Aaron Caro]

And you start to realize that this, maybe this friendship wasn't healthy for you. You weren't getting enough out of it. And like, listen, you, you, the listener, deserve to be with buddies who like you. You know, we talk about the pals test. Passion, appreciation, loyalty, and support. I mean, if you're not getting that, good riddance, first friend.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. There's also something funny about if your friends clock it, that you're doing it. There's something funny about that. Right? Like if you. If you have some sort of friend breakup or falling out, and then suddenly you're calling a friend that you haven't been calling a lot, they're gonna know.

[Aaron Caro]

Right, but how is that different than a romantic breakup when you disappear and then you're just, like, back?

[Matt Ritter]

No, that's true. That's true. But it would be funnier as a problem. Oh, I guess you and Jim aren't hanging out anymore.

[Aaron Caro]

Matt, have we talked about this pod? Like, when one of your buddies makes a new friend and they're so. And they're always hanging out with them, and you're like, okay, what? What? Wtf?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. No, we haven't talked about that.

[Aaron Caro]

Shiny. A shiny new friend.

[Matt Ritter]

Shiny new friend. The shiny new friend. But I like the idea of if you've had a friend breakup, it is fun to go after a new friend.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, I was just gonna say I have a prototypical rebound friend in my head, and I'm gonna vaguely describe it to you. It's the person we've met recently who had a lot of tattoos and was divorced and seem pretty fun.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, yeah, that was classic friend, rebound guy. Literally shiny. His arm was shining with a, you know, like a. Some sort of religious figure.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, he. He had a. A. A Virgin Mary tattoo on a Shannon. I wanted to hang out with him so bad.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I mean, gargoyle. He had a gargoyle on his shoulder. Who doesn't want that in their life?

[Aaron Caro]

You know, Divorced. He was, like, kind of like he was single, but, like, didn't really. Like, he was like, I'm just living my life right now.

[Matt Ritter]

Like, that's what you want in a rebound guy. Rebound friend.

[Aaron Caro]

I think also in a rebound friend, you want a. A planner. You want someone who's like a. Like a little connected, who can, like, take you. Who wants to take you out.

[Matt Ritter]

You know what I was thinking would be hilarious if you're going to rebound? I think some people fall into this category where you want a complete and total. A complete and total replacement. Like a replica, you know, like the way that people do in relationships.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, I see what you're saying.

[Matt Ritter]

And they want to replace that person, that woman or man. Same way with friends. You know, I could see a scenario where you're like, oh, man, I. I lost like my wild and crazy friend. I gotta go find a wild and crazy friend. Or, oh, I lost my, my planning friend who plans everything. Or I left. I lost my. If I lost. Listen, if I lost jmc, my credit card miles guy, I'd have to find another one quick.

[Aaron Caro]

He's who you go to, like, advice for booking a flight.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, yeah, I have to find it. You can't. You can't be without a miles guy. Do you not have a miles? I mean, you use him.

[Aaron Caro]

No, I don't. I didn't even know he offered that service.

[Matt Ritter]

He sent me a 44 page spreadsheet, a PDF, like learning document.

[Aaron Caro]

He's. He's a psycho. So it's like. So is that like, okay, I'm. You're flying to Miami. And he's like, here's how to do it.

[Matt Ritter]

Anything, anywhere, Any meal, any travel, any spin.

[Aaron Caro]

That's unbelievable. I mean, I feel like I. I can just imagine. Maybe it's a movie idea. We have a friendship breakup and then you have a new K row. K row 2 fo row. Faux K row.

[Matt Ritter]

Imagine I picked this guy up at CrossFit. I just walked across it. I mean.

[Aaron Caro]

See, I don't think I could. I think you're irreplaceable. Unreplaceable. Irreplaceable.

[Matt Ritter]

No. Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

I don't know.

[Matt Ritter]

To be honest, I don't really know any Caro's walking around.

[Aaron Caro]

Interesting. Wow. I guess we're both two unique flowers.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to pick you up in pieces in different, different other random dudes here and there.

[Aaron Caro]

You're like when Chewbacca had C3PO in his backpack. A leg and an arm.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'd have to pick up little pieces.

[Aaron Caro]

So.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. You know, is there. Is there. But is there a danger of like. Well, two things. One is if you're. If you're doing rebound, right? Like in, in relationships, right. A lot of times people don't think they can ever stay with their rebound. Right? That's the cliche, right? He's like, never marry a rebound. But in friendship, even if you just go in quick and hard with a guy, I feel like they could completely become one of your best friends. Even if you were just like, I just need to. Need to make a rebound friend immediately.

[Aaron Caro]

Right, right. Rebounds are, you know, notoriously ephemeral. But from friendship, I mean, there's no reason why someone just can't be a. Unless you've gone after a real bad boy.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. But that's the thing about friendship that we talk about. We haven't talked about this in a while. We haven't talked about this in a while. The difference between dating and friendship is in dating, you're looking for the one. In friendship, you're looking for a one.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Chat GPT has some other advice for friendship rebounding. One is to turn to family.

[Matt Ritter]

That's a good one. You know, they're always there. It's always like people, you know, maybe some people forget. You can always call your siblings or your parents.

[Aaron Caro]

Another is to sort of, instead of looking for another buddy, like maybe look for a new activity. So I'm gonna join a softball league. Okay. Another. Another is find a revenge friendship.

[Matt Ritter]

Much better looking friend.

[Aaron Caro]

I guess. So. I don't even. Richer friend, someone the other friend didn't like.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, I never. I wouldn't even have thought to do that. Go out of the. Go after their enemy and befriend them, change alliances. Wow. Just rip off the, Rip off the Mets jersey and you got red socks one underneath now, man.

[Aaron Caro]

That, that, that's crazy.

[Matt Ritter]

You know what? I was gonna say that Matt GPT would say sometimes you just need to look inside. Maybe you need to spend a little time with yourself.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, listen, we talk about the dude pyramid, which is the breakdown of your time and how you should be spending with close friends and, and more weak ties. And there's also room in that pyramid for alone time.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. So maybe you need to reflect on that friendship a little bit. Grieve for it for a minute. We talked about that. It's okay to grieve for your friendships, but then go out there and just find some awesome dude.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. It's like, what's the equivalent of like, going out and getting laid after a breakup? Going out and getting.

[Matt Ritter]

Picking up a guy at a sports bar, at the bar while he's watching a game. Just pick him up, get his digits.

[Aaron Caro]

That day, buy him a beer.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

I was, I was at our, our old haunt Barney's with Fireball Adam recently. And it was a very, very social, obviously. But like, you know, it's like people, people had had many drinks. This guy was drinking a mind Eraser. He's like, this is my third one. I'm like, to be honest, I don't.

[Matt Ritter]

Even remember what's in a mind Eraser.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, why would you? Because nobody normal would drink that. It's. It's a Long island iced tea.

[Matt Ritter]

Is that the point of it? It's a mind eraser now. You don't even remember what's in it.

[Aaron Caro]

It's. It's vodka, coffee, liqueur, club soda. It's like a Black Russian. Actually, that wasn't what he was drinking. Something else almost.

[Matt Ritter]

You have to almost be trying not to make a friend or even talk to people to leave Barney's without having had some sort of random social interaction.

[Aaron Caro]

Right? Yeah. I mean, also, Barney's has urinals with no side thing.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, the trough.

[Aaron Caro]

Why do they just. Why do they treat us like animals?

[Matt Ritter]

I know. They expect us to behave like civilized gentlemen.

[Aaron Caro]

All right, let's take a listener question, guys. We'll be right back. Remember when laundry day meant literally your entire day sorting loads, switching machines, forgetting wet clothes until they need washing again? Those days are over. The new Samsung Bespoke AI Laundry Combo takes clothes from dirty to dry in as little as 68 minutes. No transfers needed. A new way to do laundry is here from the brand rated number one in customer satisfaction Samsung. Visit Samsung visit samsung.com bespoke to learn more. Based on most customer satisfaction awards Home Appliance Surveys Leading Customer Research Organization 2020 through 2024 For 140 years, MultiCare has been in Washington prioritizing long term solutions, partnering with local communities and expanding access to care. Together, we're building a healthier future. Learn [e-mail] in the summer, all of.

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[Aaron Caro]

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[Matt Ritter]

Are some friends or some people in your life just meant to be like that?

[Aaron Caro]

Meant to be sort of like. Is it enigma?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. A little bit of an enigma, or just like, are you not supposed to be able to get below the surface with some people?

[Aaron Caro]

Huh? I mean, it goes against everything we've ever said.

[Matt Ritter]

I know, but they're like. I just feel like these people are the anomalies and they exist.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, and he's a. And he's a great guy. Now I'm just talking about my dad's friend, but like, yeah, these WASPy types, they're just like. Speaking of your family is like. Is like telling tales out of school. I mean, it's insane.

[Matt Ritter]

I don't know. I don't know if that's the. If it's a cultural thing or not or an age thing, you know? Feels like there's less men built that way. But our parents generation, there are a lot of men built that way.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, let's not forget a few episodes ago, you tried to convince me you should never ask someone about his wife.

[Matt Ritter]

I. I never said that. You keep saying that. It's. That doesn't exist. There's no. That doesn't even make any sense.

[Aaron Caro]

It hasn't aired yet, and I can't wait, because you. You've completely erased it from your mind.

[Matt Ritter]

You're misquoting the context of it. That's not even remotely what I was getting at.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay. I mean, I'm not even gonna get engaged with you on this. Let's. I believe it's an episode that's coming up but you know, I bet you that if the, the stealthy types, if you were, if they were forced, like, I don't know, you, their siblings visited and this guy showed up or my dad showed up, I bet you they would be like, oh, that was actually fun.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm not saying that that's wrong. I'm just saying, like, is there room in this world for these people to still exist despite everything that we're preaching to exist as is and leave them be.

[Aaron Caro]

Let's, let's, let's do one caveat. Let's assume that there isn't some sort of trauma. That it's not like, well, my parents have a good relationship. It's just that someone doesn't want to talk about their parents for no other reason, that they just weren't brought up to share things like that.

[Matt Ritter]

Right, right. I mean, that's what I'm saying.

[Aaron Caro]

Sorry. Clear the question asker cares.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. He cares. And so on some level is going to say, do you make a few attempts? You know, you can try everything that we've taught and you can feel free to share the tips that you think are relevant. But is there also just something to respecting certain people's communication styles and vulnerabilities and not forcing it?

[Aaron Caro]

I don't know to say it just call that a communication style is guarded.

[Matt Ritter]

Is a communication style.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. But guarded implies you could actually get past the guard.

[Matt Ritter]

Is that true? Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Because I think if push comes to shove, a garden person, garter person, I mean, this person is shut steel trap. Yeah. You know, this is a good one because, you know, we talk about diversity of friendship and we don't mean necessarily like gender or race, like having different types of friends and work friends and close friends and girl female friends and, you know, having that one guy, you know, we have a couple people who, you know, more reserved. Yes, yes. Now I, I think if we ask them, how's your, you know, folks doing or what do they do for a living? They tell you.

[Matt Ritter]

But yeah, that's why I've had communication style. I think some people are not so forthcoming. But I, I do think most people will tell you if you directly say, hey, what does your mom do? I never asked. Right. And they may not want to do that and it's fine. And maybe that does, you know, kind of break them open, break down some of their walls. But I had a thought too that we haven't addressed. It's like, what if you're not their confidant.

[Aaron Caro]

Again? Confidant the man that she didn't even say he had a sibling to this person.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, right. I guess that's an extreme case. But I think sometimes some people have people they share with and you're not one of them. Right. I mean, that maybe that's not this situation, but that is a situation where maybe you want to go deeper with somebody and maybe they just don't want to go deeper with you. And you could also, that could be a possibility that we're not, you know, sort of seeing.

[Aaron Caro]

That's true. I mean, in the, in a recent episode, I talked about how my uncle passed away. There was a bunch of people that I just didn't even tell because I was like, you don't need to know this information.

[Matt Ritter]

Right, Right. So I think sometimes people are like, you don't need to know this. Right. Like, because, and, and it may be just because he is okay with the relationship existing as it is, as a surface level. You're the guy, I sit at the bar, I watch the game, I go home. And maybe I don't do, maybe I don't talk to my wife, but maybe I do.

[Aaron Caro]

You know, it's interesting, I'm reading this question again. No, he said it's like pulling teeth because he says, I've never heard him mention anything about their feelings, family, or anything deeper. I'm like, did you ask? But he says it's like pulling teeth. So. But still, it's still a little unclear.

[Matt Ritter]

Like, I've had a hard time with this at. I don't even really play anymore, but I used to play pick up basketball and you know, I went in there with a very open friendship forward mentality and I was maybe trying a little too hard. It was like right after I moved to LA and after the game I would always kind of like try to talk to people about their life. They just didn't want to do it.

[Aaron Caro]

Really?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

That often indicates to me a little bit of, I don't know, unhappiness.

[Matt Ritter]

I don't know, maybe there's just, you know, again, like, again, it's, there's a lot of different contexts. Like maybe he feels that time and place is his. I just watched sports time.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. But because I'm always, you know, you.

[Matt Ritter]

And I are like, and I are like chitchatting. Like if we're watching a game, we're talking about life, but not everybody does that. And again, we're trying to get people to do it, but a lot of people are just not predisposed to do that. And they don't conceive of that hangout that way. So I would like him to try and see if we can get somewhere with this guy. But ultimately, some people are not gonna be receptive to that.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, I get what you're saying, but I think that the archetype that you're describing is a guy who never talks about it with anyone. Like, if he's like, oh, yeah, if he's at the bar, like, hey, we're watching the game. I don't want to. Like, there's no way he's going home and talking to his wife.

[Matt Ritter]

No, probably not. And we look and we've always said on this pod, we don't think it's healthy to live like that. But we're not addressing that guy. We're addressing you. Right. You're the healthy person. You're trying.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. I have, I have a pitch. What about the question asker? Just unilaterally, unilaterally share shares about himself.

[Matt Ritter]

Go for it.

[Aaron Caro]

Maybe the guy will reciprocate.

[Matt Ritter]

I like that.

[Aaron Caro]

You know, we talk about modeling, we talk about permission structure. Like, oh, this is vulnerable.

[Matt Ritter]

You open up first.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. You be the friend. You, you, you create a permission structure that when we get to together for Monday football, we also occasionally talk about our wives. That's what happens.

[Matt Ritter]

I like this.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I get worried about the people who are closed off and never share anything with anybody.

[Matt Ritter]

Of course. I mean, that's when we started this pod, we said, hey, the lone wolf, the guy who's who never talk, who say they don't need friends. We know you're wrong. Statistics, the anecdotes, everything we have in front of us tells us that that's not going to work long term.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

But again, I'm trying to have a little bit of space in my mind for like, okay, you know, we don't know it all. Maybe there's some guys that are totally fine in that way, or maybe you're not approaching them the right way.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. So I would say, a, share yourself. B, you can ask them if neither of those work and this person doesn't want to share. And then you have two options. Is this still a healthy relationship that you want to bend it? Billion. Do you like him? Do you get your nourishment elsewhere and so it's not a big deal, or is this just not doing anything for you, in which case, you know, maybe you shouldn't focus so much on it.

[Matt Ritter]

I like all that. Well said.

[Aaron Caro]

We solved it. All right, guys, that was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, Send it to us on Instagram. We will answer on the show. All right, Matt, let's close it out. What do we learn about rebounding? By the way, you good rebounder in basketball?

[Matt Ritter]

You know, I do a lot of the dirty work, so, you know.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

For my size, I love Josh Hart. Just shout out to Josh Hart. 6 foot 4 and as averaging 10 rebounds a game for the Knicks.

[Aaron Caro]

Amazing.

[Matt Ritter]

So what did we learn about rebounding? I mean, we've created an entire category of the friendship rebound. So.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Teaching here. Yeah. Can, can you use some of the principles of dating rebounding? Yes. But don't be as sort of like, don't fall into the trap of thinking a rebound friend can't be a lifelong friend.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. And I think that if you have a, a friendship, traumatic friendship breakup, there's a couple rebounding options. You can find a new friend. You can rekindle an old friend. You can, you know, join more of an activity rather than find a new person. Or you could turn towards your family or. I love what Matt said. You could turn towards yourself and just kind of do a little, little reflection. It's funny, Matt. I think that we had in this society, or at least my people that I know, there's people who spend too much time alone and there's people who don't spend enough time alone. And that balance is tough.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. I mean, I think I spent too much time alone now.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, you're never alone.

[Matt Ritter]

No. The office is in my house alone. 12 hours. Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

There's people five feet away from you.

[Matt Ritter]

No, I know, but I still think, I don't know. I, I, I like to be, I mean, maybe, maybe it's the other way around. Maybe it's, you know, but I, I do feel that I've spent too much time alone alone.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I think you actually need to spend more time alone to be totally.

[Matt Ritter]

No way. No way, man. No, I can't do it because you're not, you're not.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, you're not alone.

[Matt Ritter]

You're never alone in the office, alone all day.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Yeah. You pop out, you hit chit chat, you shove lunch down your throat gullet.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. While I'm talking on the phone to you. Yeah. I don't know. What do you think you need more alone time or less?

[Aaron Caro]

Well, I definitely have a lot of alone time.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

So I'm gonna go with less.

[Matt Ritter]

Okay. Get out there. Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

I love it. All right, guys, tell us about your friendship rebounds. And that's all we got. So thank you so much for listening. Always Remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.

[C]

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[Aaron Caro]

McCrispy strips are now at McDonald's. I hope you're ready for the most.

[C]

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[Aaron Caro]

Dip it in all the sauces. Dip it in that hot sauce in your bag. Dip it in your McFlurry. Your dip is your business.

[C]

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[Aaron Caro]

Hi, Zoe Saldana.

[Matt Ritter]

Welcome to T Mobile. Here's your new iPhone 16 Pro on us. Thanks. And here's my old phone to trade in.

[Aaron Caro]

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[Matt Ritter]

When you switch to T Mobile, we'll.

[Aaron Caro]

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[Matt Ritter]

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[Aaron Caro]

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[Matt Ritter]

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[Aaron Caro]

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[Matt Ritter]

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[Aaron Caro]

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[Matt Ritter]

I don't really have much in my purse. Oh, let's see. Hand sanitizer. It's lavender. I'm good. Seriously. Let me check this pocket.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, mints.

[Matt Ritter]

Really, I'm fine. Oh, I have raisins. I'm a mom.

[Aaron Caro]

Wait, wait one sec.

[Matt Ritter]

I've got cupcakes in the car.

[Aaron Caro]

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[Matt Ritter]

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[Aaron Caro]

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