#139 - Bring Your Friend To Work Day

Summary

Podcast Summary: Man of the Year - Champions of Friendship
Episode: #139 - Bring Your Friend To Work Day
Release Date: July 8, 2025

Hosted by Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo of Bleav, Episode #139 of "Man of the Year - Champions of Friendship" delves into the dynamics of integrating friendships into professional life. The hosts explore themes of aging, understanding friends' careers, and the innovative idea of "Bring Your Friend to Work Day." Additionally, they address a listener's concern about maintaining friendships post-college, offering actionable advice to strengthen these bonds.

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1. Embracing the Inevitable: Aging and Gray Hairs

The episode kicks off with a light-hearted conversation about the natural process of aging, specifically focusing on the emergence of gray hairs. Matt and Aaron humorously discuss their own experiences with graying and the challenges of maintaining their appearance.

• Aaron Karo (07:17): "When you're gray, you just... it's more me, but you don't really see it with you."
• Matt Ritter (03:04): "Every man reaches an age, hopefully in their 40s, where they're plucking one or two every couple months."

This segment sets a relatable tone, acknowledging the universal experience of aging while keeping the mood upbeat.

2. The Importance of Knowing What Your Friends Do

Transitioning from personal anecdotes, Matt and Aaron emphasize the significance of understanding each other's professional lives. They argue that knowing what friends do at work fosters empathy and deeper connections.

• Aaron Karo (09:35): "What do you do all day? I know my buddy Dan, who's a tutor, now we're sharing an office. I actually know what he does."
• Matt Ritter (10:08): "Knowing what your friend does and what their work life is... you can be an empathetic ear to them."

They highlight that in their circle, where many are business professionals, sharing work experiences becomes a cornerstone of their friendships. This mutual understanding not only strengthens bonds but also provides a support system within their professional environments.

3. Bring Your Friend to Work Day: Bridging Personal and Professional Spheres

The core theme of the episode revolves around the concept of "Bring Your Friend to Work Day." Matt and Aaron discuss whether this tradition, often associated with schools, is applicable in adult professional settings.

• Aaron Karo (11:18): "We coined in this podcast level up moments lumos, which are experiences that take you to the next level with your friends."
• Matt Ritter (14:06): "Come by the office first. If you go to the office, you're inviting someone into another aspect of your life."

They argue that bringing a friend to work can be a powerful way to deepen friendships by sharing daily environments and routines. This practice symbolizes trust and invites friends into one's professional world, fostering a more integrated and supportive relationship.

However, they also discuss potential challenges, such as office dynamics and the appropriateness of certain workplaces for such interactions. The hosts suggest that while the idea is beneficial, it requires thoughtful implementation to ensure it enhances rather than disrupts professional settings.

4. Listener Question: Maintaining Friendships Post-College

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to addressing a listener's query about sustaining friendships after college graduation. The listener, identified as CS, seeks advice on developing relationships to prevent them from fading as peers scatter geographically.

• CS's Question (20:35): "I'm in college and people are starting to graduate and go separate ways. I want to know what are some things I can do to further develop the relationship to ensure we don't fall apart post college..."

Matt and Aaron provide comprehensive strategies to maintain these vital connections:

• Matt Ritter (21:52): "Start something consistent, put it on the calendar. Like a weekly hangout, happy hour, trivia night."
• Aaron Karo (22:43): "Create a ritual, like a fantasy football league or annual homecoming events. Make it part of your group's identity."

They emphasize the importance of establishing regular meetups and unique rituals that become part of the friends' collective identity. By creating shared experiences and traditions, the group can maintain strong ties despite physical distances.

Furthermore, they advise open communication, encouraging members to express their desires to stay connected without imposing guilt or pressure. This approach ensures that friendships are nurtured organically and sustainably.

5. Navigating Workplace Etiquette and Attire

The conversation shifts towards workplace etiquette, particularly focusing on attire and its impact on professional relationships.

• Matt Ritter (17:46): "Business casual, like everybody else, you know?"
• Aaron Karo (18:25): "Jeff, my agent... he always wears a suit. He's kind of old school."

The hosts debate the merits of traditional business attire versus more casual dress codes prevalent in modern workplaces. They acknowledge that while suits might convey professionalism and respect, especially in certain industries, business casual has become the norm in many settings.

This discussion ties back to the main theme by illustrating how personal presentation can influence workplace dynamics and, by extension, friendships within professional circles.

Conclusion: Integrating Friendships into Daily Life

In wrapping up, Matt and Aaron reiterate the importance of blending personal and professional lives to strengthen friendships. They encourage listeners to actively involve friends in various aspects of their lives, whether through workplace visits or establishing shared rituals.

• Aaron Karo (31:17): "Let us know what you think about bring your friend to work day and let us know, like, do you know what your buddies do? And do they know what you do? Because I think that's pretty important."

The episode concludes with a call to action for listeners to engage more deeply with their friends' professional lives, fostering a community where personal and work relationships mutually support and enhance each other.

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Episode #139 offers insightful discussions on maintaining and deepening friendships by bridging personal experiences with professional environments. Through relatable anecdotes and practical advice, Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo provide listeners with valuable strategies to cultivate enduring and meaningful relationships.

Transcript

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[Aaron Caro]

Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Aaron Caro.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm Matt Ritter.

[Aaron Caro]

And make sure to go to manoftheyear podcast.com to grab our merch and YouTube to watch our clips and episodes. So, Matt, the other day we had drinks at one of our favorite spots in la. The rooftop of the Waldorf Astoria in Beverly Hills. The most beautiful view, I think, of any sort of bar restaurant in la. There was one downside. It was magic hour. So it was like the sun was kind of on its way down, like incredible vistas, but it was hitting your head just right and blowing up your gray hairs like a. Like a black light. And I. And I hadn't seen you in that light in a while. And I was like, oh, you're, you're. It's happening. The gray hairs are coming for you.

[Matt Ritter]

It's not a coincidence I stopped going a happy hour on roof decks.

[Aaron Caro]

Why? Matt? Matt's not drinking as much. Yeah, he doesn't really like happy hour that much.

[Matt Ritter]

Just five to seven it's not. It's no good. You know, I'm waiting for the. For the. For the, you know, fall forward, whatever, you know, the time change again.

[Aaron Caro]

And it's interesting because you. And I'm not making fun of ice or that you don't really grow facial hair, so you don't really have. I'm gray all over. But you. You don't really see it with you.

[Matt Ritter]

No. And I used to have Jesse pluck my hairs, but they've become too many. It's impossible.

[Aaron Caro]

You've. You've become unpluckable.

[Matt Ritter]

Unpluckable. One of the unpluckable. I've joined the ranks of the unpluckables.

[Aaron Caro]

Where the unpluckables, the hair, the gray hairs, become unpluckable.

[Matt Ritter]

Every man reaches an age, hopefully it's in their 40s. At least they get to their 40s, where they're plucking one or two every couple months. And then it's like, oh, wow, this is like a dozen every time you do the plucking. And then it's like, my wife was like, I just plucked 300 hairs. I can't do this anymore.

[Aaron Caro]

Dare I say unpluckable and unfuckable.

[Matt Ritter]

No, People like the salt and pepper hair. You know, it's. Yeah, I'm Clooney on Clooney, right?

[Aaron Caro]

That was. That was like the original diss on me three years ago. Yeah, I'm.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm.

[Aaron Caro]

You know, since I get in my beard, it's a lot more visible for me. But I. I definitely went.

[Matt Ritter]

Have.

[Aaron Caro]

Am going through a sort of. Not existential, but I'm like, you and I don't look our age, but when you're gray, you just.

[Matt Ritter]

I mean, more me, but. Than you, but.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, sure, sure. You have. You do have that Mediterranean smooth skin.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Well, you know what I was gonna say, what's interesting, I saw this study that, like, there's two age accelerations that happened with men. Did you see that recently? There you. 44 and 60. I feel like I'm going through it. Acceleration. Suddenly you're like, whoa, gray hairs. I'm like, yeah, well, eventually I have to grow up. I can't Peter Pan my way through life forever.

[Aaron Caro]

Have you thought about, like, would you ever diet?

[Matt Ritter]

So I have quite a few friends that have gone the route of Just for Men. Or is there another product now that has surpassed them?

[Aaron Caro]

I don't even. I don't. I didn't even know that we had friends on Just for Men.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, you didn't know, like, you know, maybe I have two. I have two pretty good friends that are. Both have dark brown hair and are good. Here's the problem. You can always tell.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, that's not what I was gonna say, is the problem.

[Matt Ritter]

Well. Well, what were you gonna say? It's a problem.

[Aaron Caro]

Then you have to use it for the rest of your life, because once you go off, then you're full gray.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Well, I think the idea is, like, you're using it for the certain phase of your life, and then eventually you're just gonna stop doing it at some point. Right.

[Aaron Caro]

I don't know. You can tell. I mean, I guess I did have a friend. I did. There was one guy who used it, and you're like, this is. You look ridiculous. It's too dark.

[Matt Ritter]

Too dark. It's always too dark. I don't think hair. What was it? Hair dyer. I don't know what it is, but I don't think it comes in human colors. It comes in, like, cray crayon colors and car. I think it comes in car paint colors, you know?

[Aaron Caro]

Right.

[Matt Ritter]

Like, I think what you need to do is you need. You know, when you go paint shopping and you've got the little swatches, I think you need to, like, put those up to your hair to the person who's doing. I also don't know if they're doing it at home or if they get a colorist, because, like, women get colorists. Men may need to get their hair colored.

[Aaron Caro]

What is just for men?

[Matt Ritter]

I don't know. It's like. Is it. I think it's a. I think it comes with, like, a brush. Yeah, Stealth brush. So I think. I think the pro. I think men needs to go. If you're in your 40s, I think you gotta go professional coloring or just go gray. Not working.

[Aaron Caro]

You know, I have a buddy. I'll tell you offline, he uses, like, powder. You don't kind of. I'm sorry. This is more for balding than for black, for. For gray. I'm sorry, but, I don't know, you shake it and, like, it fills your bald spots or something.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah, I've seen that. I've seen that. I love the. I love the YouTuber tick tocks, where you see a guy who's got, like, the full ball dome and then they just glue the rug on and they cut the haircut into the rug.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I think we're both in agreement. You kind of just got to lean into it. You know, if you're going ball, just shave It. Mess. Mark Messier.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, Messier. Messier.

[Aaron Caro]

So I wanted to. To. To talk to you. We. We were chatting offline about this week's topic, which is that. Which is a take your friend to work day. You know, take your son or take your daughter to work day. When we were kids. Was that real or do we invent that in our minds?

[Matt Ritter]

No, that was, that was definitely real. That was definitely thing. Why, you don't think it exists anymore?

[Aaron Caro]

No. Well, that's a good question. Have you ever heard of any of you? Well, I guess our kids, friends.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. I don't know. And I know it was a thing, you know, I used to do a bit about that.

[Aaron Caro]

No, what was it?

[Matt Ritter]

It was take your kid to work day. That's the day you find out your dad is somebody else's.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, God.

[Matt Ritter]

Like you thought your dad was on a pedestal. You thought it was like, God, your dad, you. Then you find out it's God. Shlomo Zimmerman, Paul Schwartz, your dad, you, you know, he's like, oh, hey, dad, you're the man. Right? And then it's like, oh, the man is getting some other man coffee.

[Aaron Caro]

But I, I mean, I vaguely remember going to the office with my folks. I entered with my dad at one point, but we were just saying, like, I feel like a lot of guys, a lot of people don't have any idea what their friends do.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I think that's right. Well, anybody. I don't know what anyone does in the marketing, public marketing, anything in that pr. Like, I don't know what their day to day in their office is in that realm. I also don't know what anybody in the financial realm does all day. I don't really know what. Like, I know what a therapist does all day. I know what lawyers do all day. I know what doctors do all day. Anybody else, I don't know what they do all day.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. Like if someone works in like Google in partnerships or something like.

[Matt Ritter]

Right, right. Yeah. Anybody who does strategy or assets or branding or any. Anything like that. I don't know what they do all day.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, I think they have clients and then they have to do things for the clients. And. But you know, we, we coined in this podcast level up moments lumos, which are experiences that take you to the next level with your friends. So for instance, meeting your friend's parents, going on a trip with your friends, and one of those, I think could possibly. I don't mean maybe going to work with them, probably not. But actually just knowing what they do, asking them what they do. Matt, you recently talked about in the Q1 check in, how much do you know about your new friend? Well, this should be one of them. Like, what do you do all day?

[Matt Ritter]

I know. Well, my buddy Dan, who's, like, a tutor, I just, like, actually, now we're sharing an office. Now I know what he does. Like, I'm like, oh, okay.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, you didn't know what a tutor did?

[Matt Ritter]

No. He's got a bunch of different gigs that he's working on. There's, like, various wheeling and dealing. Also, we're both, like. We both. Now, see, we have, like, nine hustle.

[Aaron Caro]

Dan is a real Cosmo Kramer type.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, a lot of hustles. But I. I think there's something to be said for knowing what your friend does and what their work life is, not just what they do. Like, what is their work life.

[Aaron Caro]

I think it's especially poignant for us because nobody knows what we do outside the industry.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. I also, I hear, like, my wife and I think women like to talk about their work issues a lot, too. So if you don't really know what your friends do, it's hard to, like, be an empathetic ear to them.

[Aaron Caro]

Do you think it's weird that, like, in our circle or inner circle, like, 90 of us are in the same business? I guess that's the same if you're working finance, I guess.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, I like it. I mean, to be honest, I make. I find it makes friendship a little easier because you can talk about a big portion of your day, which is your work life, and I do kind of get it and know the players and care and can chime in and can offer any sort of acknowledgment or wisdom, or whatever, you know?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Versus everybody else who's not in our circle, where you're just like, all right, well, we can talk and we can have dinner and we can have lunch, but it's not going to really make sense for us to talk about work stuff.

[Aaron Caro]

Sometimes I kind of just get sick of it.

[Matt Ritter]

Sick of talking about work stuff?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, then it's good to have friends who are not in the same workspace so you can talk about other stuff.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I think I told you this a couple years ago when I went to event with my friend Nicole, and it was all venture capitalists and tech people, and they were. They were like us, but they were just talking in their jargon.

[Matt Ritter]

Right.

[Aaron Caro]

And I was fascinated because it was like, I didn't know what. You know. It was just a different world. I'm sure. It's like being with lawyers and doctors.

[Matt Ritter]

Right?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. It seems cooler on the outside, right?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I mean, I read something this many years ago that the whole reason there's jargon in the first place, it's. It's less utilitarian. It's more just to make it a thing. Like, if you're not a lawyer, you don't know what all these things mean. So let us, you know, trust us.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. Well, yeah. Gatekeeping for the.

[Aaron Caro]

Gatekeeping is the word. Right? Right.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. I think lawyers are definitely ultimate gatekeepers.

[Aaron Caro]

Yes.

[Matt Ritter]

Like, how things work.

[Aaron Caro]

Do you have any friends that you have no idea what they do?

[Matt Ritter]

So have you ever been called out on this by anybody in your orbit? Because I feel like I have.

[Aaron Caro]

You don't know what you. Someone's saying, you don't know what I do.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had that happen recently.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm pretty inquisitive about the work.

[Matt Ritter]

And then I was like, no, you're wrong. I do. I just don't really. I guess it's like, oh, I've never asked you about it. You know, do you think that. Which I think you're obligated to do. What, ask people about their work?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, I mean, I think that that is. That also goes along, Matt, with our, you know, guys, don't ask any questions about their friends, about their wives, about their kids. You know, how's work? I mean, this is. This is. We're really scraping the bottom of the question barrel here. Like, question to ask. Like, is there. Are there any pitfalls or minds, fields, minefields to keep in. Keep in mind when you're asking your buddy about work.

[Matt Ritter]

Like, I mean, honestly, I think he's just. Well, I think we were talking about, like, it's less like, hey, how's work? Or it's like, hey, you know, is there anything you're excited about? Right. Wasn't that, like, the idea?

[Aaron Caro]

Yes, we. We gave a tip, which we should be better at following, which is you're not really asking. You're acting. You're asking about feelings, not facts. So instead of like, how's. How's work or what, you know, you're getting a promotion or what's going on. It's exactly what you said. Anything you're excited about, anything you're stressed about.

[Matt Ritter]

Proud about. I like the idea of what we're just the topic of the day, which is like, bring your friend to work. Like, I like the idea of, like, that it would level you up if you're like, hey, come to the office sometime.

[Aaron Caro]

Even people who aren't in our business can't do that.

[Matt Ritter]

Not our business. Any business.

[Aaron Caro]

No, I'm saying people in another business beside, we could do that in our business. But, yeah, you're gonna sit at your friends. I mean, I did visit our friend when he was operating, and he's a surgeon.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, you could look, you could do it, I'm sure, like, yes. It's not, like, commonplace. Right. But I'm sure if you're like, hey, let's get lunch. Come by the office first. A lot of times people give you the option and they go, hey, do you want to meet at the place? Or, why don't you come by my office and then we'll go from there? I think that's an opportunity that you're missing. If you go, hey, I'll just meet you there. Because if you go to the office, right, it's like, oh, this person's inviting you into another aspect of their life that you've never seen before. That's them saying, hey, I trust you. I'm moving you closer into my inner circle, and you're getting to see my work people. Right. A lot of people want to keep those very separate. So by you saying, hey, I'm inviting you to my workplace, you're saying, I feel comfortable.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, I love that. That's. That's actually such a smart tip. Oh, just come up to the office. You're not gonna, like, oh, this is Bob. This is my assistant. This is whatever. Just kind of see. Oh, when you're texting them or calling them, this is where they're sitting. You know?

[Matt Ritter]

How many of your friends have you been to their workplace?

[Aaron Caro]

I have been to. I've been to a. A few of our high school friends. Workplaces. Not maybe their current jobs. Right.

[Matt Ritter]

Same. Over the years. I have been, and I. Yeah, Blondie's at Paramount.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I've been to Jeff's office, in his last office.

[Matt Ritter]

You know what? I'm having lunch with Nick next week. I'm gonna ask him to go to Paramount, and then we'll walk too.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, that's great. I can't remember if we talked this on the pod, but I recently, you know, when I was in New York, I met one of our buddies, work friends, at an event. And so I wasn't at his office, but I met his work. Sorry, Workflows. His colleagues, his co workers. And that was a lumo of someone I've known as long as you.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

You know, just like, first time.

[Matt Ritter]

First time. Meeting these work people.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, because just think about. I know everything about you, Matt, except, I don't know, like, when you're a lawyer or. Or I don't know, your co workers because you're. And you're different around them.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Not in a bad way. In a good way.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. No, I think. Well, I think that's what people are scared of. I think people are scared of cross pollinating or getting the close friends who know them on appropriate and inappropriate levels.

[Aaron Caro]

Right, right. Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

You're like. You got to be like, all right, come visit me at work. No storytelling.

[Aaron Caro]

It's so funny to say that, Matt, because one of our buddy's co workers was like, any good stories? And I'm like, oh, no. Plenty of good stories for you. Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Pretty crazy.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. I didn't invite you here to sandbag me, obliterate my work life.

[Aaron Caro]

What's also interesting, I think, Matt, for. For us, we're. God, we're. We're late. Early 40s, you know, we're our friends are. Are senior executives at this point. So it's like you're actually meeting often meeting a subordinate, which is.

[Matt Ritter]

I've been to my brother's office. That's nice.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, yes, because your brother's the big dog, right?

[Matt Ritter]

It's like, that's always. My dad was the boss at his company too, so when I would go in there, it was like, Matt, when.

[Aaron Caro]

You visit your brother's office, the people stand and greet you.

[Matt Ritter]

No, but they treat me with a.

[Aaron Caro]

Certain amount of respect that you don't deserve.

[Matt Ritter]

Undeserved, unwarranted.

[Aaron Caro]

What's a dress code over there?

[Matt Ritter]

Business casual, like everybody else, you know?

[Aaron Caro]

Is anybody still wearing suits in New York or.

[Matt Ritter]

No. It's kind of annoying that so few people are wearing suits.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Really? Yeah. I don't know, man. There's something. I think. I don't know. Something nice about. I just think people look better in suits. If you're gonna go do business.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. God, should we? I mean, can we even. Do we even had a leg to stand on in this, Matt?

[Matt Ritter]

No, but I'm just saying I think it looks nice, you know, for those. For those doing business, for those who are transacting.

[Aaron Caro]

You'd appreciate this, Matt. So Jeff, my agent, who you. Who you're friends with as well, he always wears a suit. He's kind of old school.

[Matt Ritter]

I respect it.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm just like, get over yourself.

[Matt Ritter]

No, I totally respect the hard disagree. I told her. And since I rented my office, I've started Wearing jeans and pants like I. I was wearing. I went through a big phase last year. I was wearing that Vori only. Right. Any other man goes for a Vori. Is it viori or vuari?

[Aaron Caro]

It's a good question. I don't know.

[Matt Ritter]

Vuyori. I think it's Vori, but I've heard other people say voir vowry. Anyway, anyway, so I went through like a year where I'm only wearing Voris, but I rented my office a few months back and I've just made it a habit of wearing button downs and wearing pants and just kind of getting slightly more dressed up.

[Aaron Caro]

Button down?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Wow. That's like basically black tie in la.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, No, I know. I'm just trying to put myself in the mental profash headspace.

[Aaron Caro]

I love when you get a little, like, you get a little trend in your head and you're like, I'm gonna. You go. Let them.

[Matt Ritter]

Let me. Let me. Here's our theory. A new theory where one friend just won't let you just do what you want to do without chiding you and degrading you and abusing you. It's called the let me theory. Let me.

[Aaron Caro]

When you're.

[Matt Ritter]

When your besties will hound you and harangue you and just debase you for just trying to better yourself. Let me. Let me by. Matt Ritter. Let me.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, God. Oh, man. In your. In your new office setup.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Has anyone besides family has. Has a. Has any friend visited you yet?

[Matt Ritter]

They want to. Actually, somebody just texted while we were doing this. Hey, is anybody in your office? I said, no, I'm doing the pod and we're doing all this other stuff, so I'm not going to be around.

[Aaron Caro]

I love how you're turning your office into basically a hangout.

[Matt Ritter]

And the.

[Aaron Caro]

The landlord is like, it's an office.

[Matt Ritter]

He was very anti hangout.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

But what's funny is all the other people. So it's all these small individual offices and they all come by and like chit chat with each other, which is nice. I think they don't want any external chit chat.

[Aaron Caro]

Should we take a listener question?

[Matt Ritter]

Let's do it.

[Aaron Caro]

All right, we'll be right back. Okay, guys, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram and we will answer it on the show. This was a great question that came in. I wasn't sure if they wanted us to keep them anonymous. I'm just going to use the initial cs. CS says, hi. I want to start by saying, I love the pod, it's really helped me personally. I do have a question. It's a two parter. I'm in college and people are starting to graduate and go separate their separate ways. I want to know what are some things I can do to further develop the relationship to ensure we don't fall apart post college. We go to the gym together, talk sports, party. We've had deep conversations, although I need to have deeper conversations about myself to them. Also, one of my friends is debating whether to go back home or get a job in our current city where we go to school. How do I tell him that I want him to stay in the current city without it coming off selfish or demanding?

[Matt Ritter]

Oh. Oh, that's sweet. Isn't it great?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, really great.

[Matt Ritter]

Which one should we tackle first, the first part or the second part?

[Aaron Caro]

Let's do the first part about. Okay, you're. You're in your senior year and people are starting to graduate and like, how do you keep everybody together?

[Matt Ritter]

First off, I love that you're even thinking about this stuff. None of your friends are thinking about this. And you're gonna be the friend who keeps that friend group together. One day they're gonna look back and go, thank God for ces. Without this guy, who knows how we would have stayed together. So, first of all, that's awesome that you are looking to take on. It's a great responsibility. It's awesome. I would say first off, just start something, right? Start something consistent, put it on the calendar, whatever it is that you could start a. You're all going to be living in the city together. Start a as frequently as you can. Now, actually, when you're 22, you could do a weekly hangout with your friend. You could do a weekly happy hour, you could do a trivia night, you could do a Sunday football hang. That's the great part about being that young. Like, you guys have time, you got.

[Aaron Caro]

Of course. And of course that assumes, which I think he was also implying, some people are moving away. Besides the, the one inner circle guy. What, what you want to do is create a ritual, which is that for the people you know who've moved and people who stay, we're starting a fantasy football league. We're going homecoming every year. Once a month, we're going to get on a zoom. Every six months, we're going to take a. A weekend trip, boys trip. And one person organizes each time. We're going to ritualize the ritual. We're going to create a name for the college group. We are Going to make T shirts. We're going to change the name of the group chat. We're going to create things that make the gang sticky. So when they move, someone moves. Listen, as Matt, I'm sure you will agree, naturally there's going to be some distancing, literally and metaphorically. But you want to keep the ties that bind you together so you can wheel everybody back in.

[Matt Ritter]

I love what you said. I think we have to write that down, make it sticky. I don't think we've said that before. I really like that. Because we've been talking about ritualizing the ritual. Making it sticky is cool because you're saying this is a fun, cool thing that's going to be part of our identity. You can't bail on this, man. You're in this thing, right? Like, you know, hey, we're.

[Aaron Caro]

We're.

[Matt Ritter]

We are this thing, right? When you go, hey, we're the, you know, whatever you guys are, whatever you. We're the Gamecock boys. I don't just made up a school that they may go. You know, it's like, whatever that is. Now, you're those guys now. That's your identity. And you're not going to bail on it as easily as you would just like a regular plan to go to a bar.

[Aaron Caro]

So then we've got his. His buddy, his close buddy, who's debating, do I. Do I move away or do I stay local? And this guy's staying local, which I also was a great sentiment. He wants his buddy to stay local.

[Matt Ritter]

It's so sweet that he wants his buddy to stay local. And he was like, should I feel guilty or whatever. Selfish. It's like, no. Yeah, it's selfish to want your friend, I guess. But it's great to have your friends around. I mean, that means you care about this person. You want them to be around. You should express that to him. But I don't think you should do it in, like, a guilt, trippy way, because it doesn't matter. Every person's going to decide whatever's best for them. They're going to factor that in, I'm sure. But maybe they may not even know you feel that way. Your friends are not mind readers. So tell them, hey, man, I don't know if you know, but, you know, I really. I just want it to be said, I would love it for us to be doing this first year out of college together. You know, let's get it. Let's get an apartment. Let's get our first apartment together. It's going to be Great. It's gonna be a great transition. I'd love to keep it going. I know you have other options. I'm just throwing it out there that, you know, my vote is for you to stay. Yeah, I don't think that's guil. I don't think that's guilt tripping.

[Aaron Caro]

I don't even think guilt tripping comes into play here.

[Matt Ritter]

I don't think said it was like narcissistic. It's not narcissistic.

[Aaron Caro]

Nah, I mean, I love. I was gonna say the same thing. Hey, we should live together. You know, send him an apartment link, you know, this place would be sick. You know, pitched a couple of things that you're going to be doing together. You know, point out the fact that he doesn't know anybody in the other city. No, I think you're right, man. He's gonna. This. The other friend's gonna make a decision based on his job or whatever. But.

[Matt Ritter]

And I also would say flip it. So say you say nothing. And he goes, you're gonna just regret that.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, actually, actually, the new. The other friend doesn't have the job yet, so, hey, you can also look for jobs for him. Hey, what about this thing? I know a buddy.

[Matt Ritter]

Get him a job.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah, get him a job.

[Matt Ritter]

And by the way, that is tricky, right? Because look, we know from doing this pod for years now one of the biggest things in friendship is, you know, there are sort of moments like leaving college, getting married, whatever, where friendships change and the dynamic changes. And when somebody moves away, that's the biggest one. And it's hard to recover from if you don't plan for it. To try to keep that friendship close, you have to put in effort. And we know a lot of men do not put in effort. And they just kind of those friendships where somebody's not in proximity to you, they tend to fall by the wayside. But. So I definitely think you should say your piece if you want your friend to be in the same city as you.

[Aaron Caro]

And how about this, Matt? Nothing's stopping you from moving to where he is. I mean, except maybe money and job and family and circumstances. But check out episode number 126 where we talk about moving for your friends.

[Matt Ritter]

Right?

[Aaron Caro]

And you know, that is a possibility as well. Maybe you guys move together.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I mean, I think there's something sweet about just the idea that he's, you know, stressing about, you know, his best friend potentially leaving, you know, but don't, don't worry if he leaves, you'll Figure out a way to maintain with him. But you'll also make new friends. I think, again, that's the other thing I want to impress upon. People like, you do need to have close friends in proximity. So when you leave college, if you're the one that's going away and all of your other friends are staying in the city, I think it's great to create some rituals and, you know, do a homecoming and whatever. But I think it's also great for you to start focusing on making new friends in the city that you're living in.

[Aaron Caro]

And by the way, it's just refreshing that he's thinking about this sort of before, for graduation because most people reach out to us sort of after graduation, and that's, you know, people have already gone. So it's like you're. You're putting the. Laying the groundwork.

[Matt Ritter]

It's great. It's great. And, and, you know, just most college kids, like we said, most college kids are nowhere near the headspace that you're in. So you're leaps and bounds ahead going, hey, I want to keep my friend group together.

[Aaron Caro]

Right, Right. But also, you know, listen, when you graduate, you get your first real job. That is also a well of new friends, new co workers, new buddies, new. But, but you're right, Matt. Leaving college is one of those inflection points because it's the last time you have automatic friends.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, it's scary, to be honest. Like, it is a little scary to get out there in the real world where your friends aren't just around 24 7. So it's very nice to do it with a friend. I have to say, it's a, it's a big advantage if you can start off post college with at least one friend from school. Yeah, but it could also be a crutch, right? I mean, sometimes it's a crutch for people. And so when you don't have it, you just have to go full throttle and you make friends. But I, I think overall it would be nice, so you should push for it.

[Aaron Caro]

Cs, please let us know how it goes. Let us know what goes on with this, this guy and the rest of your buddies. Hit us up on Instagram. And guys, that was asking for a friend, send us your question and we will answer it on the show. Matt, any final thoughts about bring your friend to work day? Should we make it a holiday? We're already trying to do friendsgiving. Maybe on Friendsgiving you bring your friend to work.

[Matt Ritter]

I mean, that would be awesome. But here's how. It doesn't work. Here's why this doesn't work. Here's why it's impossible. Kira, I think you're missing the obvious logical hole, which is.

[Aaron Caro]

Why I'm combining them.

[Matt Ritter]

No, why this can't work.

[Aaron Caro]

Bring your friend to work day. In general. Yeah, Because. Because people are hybrid. People are remote.

[Matt Ritter]

No, because everyone has a job. Who's bringing who?

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, you switch off.

[Matt Ritter]

Switch off. I'm just saying, if you just made it. Well, yes, if you made a national holiday. Bring your friend to work. Who's bringing.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, right, right. Yeah. But that's like saying, bring your daughter to work day. Only the of the two spouses can do it.

[Matt Ritter]

No, but it's not the same as. Everybody has a. It be chaos. Like, there's. It's just total chaos.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, but there's a bringer and a bring e. And I think they're both, you know, might be more fun to be. How?

[Matt Ritter]

Decide. How do you decide?

[Aaron Caro]

I think you're more.

[Matt Ritter]

Whoever makes more.

[Aaron Caro]

Whoever makes more. Think about that. I guess. Yeah. Whoever makes more. I don't know. It's so bizarre, so random. I don't know. And then you. Then you treat them to lunch. I don't know.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I don't know. Bring your. Bring your friend to work day. It's a work in progress.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I do need to visit you in your office. What? It sounds like an animal house situation.

[Matt Ritter]

Great. No, it's very quiet. You have to be very quiet. We're actually on probation already, so it is like animals.

[Aaron Caro]

Honestly, like, I'm. I'm on the side of your landlord. On the side of your.

[Matt Ritter]

We're already on double secret, probably probation.

[Aaron Caro]

Guys. Let us know what you think about bring your friend to work day and let us know, like, do you know what your buddies do? And do they know what you do? Because I think that's pretty important. All right, guys, thank you so much for listening. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.

[Matt Ritter]

Love you, buddy.

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[Matt Ritter]

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