#142 - Friendship Amnesia

Summary

Man of the Year Podcast Episode #142: Friendship Amnesia

Hosts: Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo
Release Date: July 29, 2025
Podcast: Man of the Year - Champions of Friendship

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Introduction

In Episode #142 titled "Friendship Amnesia," Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo delve into the phenomenon of losing touch with close friends over time, a trend they term "friendship amnesia." The hosts explore why friendships fade despite meaningful interactions and share personal experiences to shed light on this modern social challenge.

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Defining Friendship Amnesia

Matt introduces the concept of friendship amnesia as the tendency to forget or neglect meaningful friendships after significant periods of time, even after positive interactions. He shares a personal anecdote about reconnecting with childhood friends during a reunion in Miami, highlighting how despite the joy of reconnecting, the bond often fades again over the years.

• Matt Ritter [07:08]: "I feel like we all have certain friends that we have certain friendship amnesia for."

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Causes and Challenges

The hosts discuss various factors contributing to friendship amnesia:

1. Proximity: Aaron emphasizes the importance of geographical closeness in maintaining friendships. With many friends living thousands of miles apart, sustaining regular contact becomes challenging.

   • Aaron Karo [09:20]: "There is never going to be a substitute for people who live around the block or for me and you, who live 12 minutes away from each other."

2. Life Transitions: Major life events such as marriage, career changes, and having children can shift priorities, making it difficult to keep in touch.

3. Social Inertia: The natural tendency for relationships to fade without conscious effort. Both hosts acknowledge the need to counteract this inertia to maintain meaningful connections.

4. Virtual Communication Limits: While technology offers tools for staying connected, it often fails to replace the depth of in-person interactions.

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Strategies to Overcome Friendship Amnesia

Matt and Aaron provide actionable tips to help listeners maintain and rekindle friendships:

1. Assess After Reunions: After reconnecting with friends during events or reunions, take immediate action to sustain the relationship.

   • Matt Ritter [12:22]: "If you have this or have had this recently where you got together with somebody that you hadn't seen forever and you realized, no, I actually do want to hang out with them..."

2. Routine Communication: Establish regular check-ins through messages, calls, or social media to keep the friendship active.

   • Aaron Karo [15:20]: "Every time. Every time you do the get together, maybe it's time to assess what's happening."

3. Scheduling Meetups: Proactively set dates for future interactions to ensure continuity.

   • Matt Ritter [12:46]: "Put something in the calendar. And like you said, it could just be a call that you're setting so that it's just not like."

4. Group Texts and Social Chains: Create group chats with mutual friends to maintain a sense of community and collective connection.

   • Aaron Karo [16:07]: "Do you have mutual friends? Like, you went to college together... Put the whole group on the text thread."

5. Low-Stakes Reconnection: Start with low-pressure interactions, such as sending an old photo or a simple "how are you?" message.

   • Aaron Karo [17:08]: "Send an old photo... This made me think of you."

6. Reframe the Mindset: Treat the friendship as ongoing rather than resurfacing after a hiatus, fostering a smoother reintegration.

   • Matt Ritter [20:14]: "A healthy reframe of this is, again, your friendship was just on pause and you're pressing play and you're resuming it."

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Listener Question: Reconnecting with an Old Friend

A listener poses a common dilemma: reconnecting with a close friend after five years of no contact due to life changes like marriage and relocation. The question centers on overcoming the awkwardness and making the first move to rekindle the friendship.

Question:
"There's a guy I was super close with in my twenties—roommates, weddings, everything. But then life just happened. Marriage, kids, jobs in different cities. We haven't talked in, like, five years. I keep thinking about texting him, but I'm worried it'll be awkward to feel random. How do I reconnect without it being weird?" [16:08]

Advice Provided:

1. Initiate with Nostalgia: Use an old photo or shared memory to break the ice, making the initial contact feel natural and less forced.

   • Matt Ritter [17:36]: "It's like, so you're saying that suddenly all of that has no value to that friend?"

2. Acknowledge the Gap Minimally: Briefly mention the time that has passed without dwelling on it, then steer the conversation towards rekindling the friendship.

   • Aaron Karo [20:26]: "It's just there somewhere."

3. Be Proactive and Specific: Suggest concrete plans or times to meet, reducing the ambiguity that can lead to further disconnect.

   • Matt Ritter [22:46]: "You're getting that the awkwardness should fade immediately."

4. Normalize the Reconnection: Emphasize that reaching out is a positive step and that the friend is likely awaiting the same gesture.

   • Aaron Karo [17:56]: "It's a limiting belief. You just made up this story that your buddy doesn't."

5. Use Social Events: Leverage reunions or alumni events as opportunities to reconnect in a familiar setting.

   • Aaron Karo [26:01]: "Put the whole group on the text thread... Go to your reunion. Go to your alumni events."

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Navigating Reunions and Social Anxiety

The conversation shifts to the anxiety surrounding reunions, particularly from Matt's experience attending his Penn Law reunion. Both hosts share feelings of insecurity and the pressure to appear successful, common among attendees.

• Matt Ritter [27:03]: "I was like, do I want to go? I don't want to get into that. And then it was funny too, because I feel, you know, look, everybody has a path to walk for themselves."

• Aaron Karo [29:02]: "They're like, you're followed your dream. I really wish I did that."

Key Insights:

1. Individual Paths: Acknowledge that everyone has their unique journey, and compare paths can lead to unnecessary stress.

2. Authenticity Over Perceived Success: Focus on personal fulfillment rather than societal measures of success.

3. Emotional Preparedness: Reflect on personal feelings and expectations before attending reunions to manage anxiety effectively.

4. Mutual Happiness: Realize that reconnection is often met with genuine happiness from both sides, easing fears of judgment.

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Conclusion and Takeaways

Matt and Aaron wrap up the episode by reinforcing the importance of proactive efforts in maintaining friendships. They encourage listeners to identify friends experiencing friendship amnesia and take deliberate steps to reconnect and sustain these valuable relationships.

• Matt Ritter [27:44]: "I think we want to write it down right after you do a reunion or something like that."

• Aaron Karo [26:19]: "Men, everybody. I mean everybody. Women too, you know, drift. And that's totally fine. Get back in touch."

Call to Action:

The hosts invite listeners to share their friendship questions via Instagram (@manoftheyearpodcast) for future episodes, fostering a community centered around building and maintaining meaningful friendships.

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Notable Quotes:

• Matt Ritter [14:09]: "Every time we do, it's spectacular."
• Aaron Karo [15:23]: "You keep texting them. Hey, we should do."
• Matt Ritter [20:47]: "Your friendship will catch up to it."

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Key Takeaways

• Friendship Amnesia is a common issue where meaningful friendships fade over time due to factors like distance and life changes.
• Proactive Efforts such as regular communication, scheduling meetups, and using shared memories can help sustain friendships.
• Reunions can trigger both joy and anxiety, but focusing on individual paths and authenticity can alleviate social pressures.
• Actionable Steps for listeners include identifying friends experiencing amnesia, taking immediate steps to reconnect, and maintaining these relationships through consistent effort.

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By addressing the complexities of modern friendships with humor and personal insight, Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo provide valuable guidance for listeners seeking to build and maintain lifelong social connections.

Transcript

[Aaron Caro]

There's a time and a place for.

[Matt Ritter]

A filet of fish, but breakfast is for sausage biscuits.

[Aaron Caro]

McDonald's breakfast comes first.

[Matt Ritter]

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[Aaron Caro]

Of the Year.

[Matt Ritter]

Man of the Year. Man of the year. Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Matt Ritter.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm Aaron Caro.

[Matt Ritter]

Guys, go to manoftheirpodcast.com. did I get that right for our merch? Go to our YouTube page to look at our pretty faces. Caro. I went to Disney.

[Aaron Caro]

I always knew you were into S.

[Matt Ritter]

And M. Yeah, I went to Disney World, and I have probably an atypical rant about it. A lot of people talk about the lines of, you know, for all the rides. And I actually consulted. I. I'm a little. I don't know. I want to know if you think I should be mad about this. I consulted with our friends, and because Brenner's two, he can't actually go on, like, a lot of the rides, but he can still go on a fair bit. So I consulted with them on whether or not to get the lightning pass. That's the cut the line, Speed it up. And a bunch of them were like, yeah, you don't need it. And then I got there. I'm like, you absolutely need it. Absolutely need it. Like, I don't know how you do it without it.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm surprised you asked. I'm surprised that was the answer you got, and I'm surprised that you listened to them.

[Matt Ritter]

I didn't listen to them.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, so you got it?

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, I completely got it. I was like, okay. I took in all the info. I absorbed it, and I'm still gonna do what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do. And I did the right thing. Look, and this isn't like, hey, if you. If you don't. If it's a money issue, fine, don't get the lightning pass. Right? But if you can afford it, get it. I mean, it was like 15 minutes versus an hour on every ride, even though there Aren't a lot of rides that he can get into. All the ones he can get into still plenty that have lightning Pass. But that's not my rant. That was just a kind of curious. What are you trying to. Are you trying to sabotage my trip to Disney? Like, what is that?

[Aaron Caro]

What did they say when you came back? And you're like, why did you tell me that?

[Matt Ritter]

I didn't. I. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Leave it. But here's. Here's one. I was so. I was at Disney and I was at Knicks games in the playoffs a while back. And at the same issue. I don't have any problem waiting on lines for rides or for snacks. I have a problem waiting in line for the bathroom. By the time I have to go to the bathroom, you know what I need? I need to pay for the VIP line for the bathroom. I need a piss pass. What do you think about the idea of parks or arenas giving a Lux pass? You pay an extra fee and you get to use a special bathroom or you cut the line.

[Aaron Caro]

What's funny? The latter of your pitch of, like, I don't think you could use it to cut the existing line because that would cause.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, yeah, no. Can you imagine if somebody's like, hey, well, no, I don't. Piss pass. Piss pass. I got the piss pass. Sorry. Got the piss pass. Sorry. No, I'm gonna. No, no, you need to. You need to poop. Sorry.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, there obviously that exists in some respect, people who have lounge access and stuff at. At the games.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, but even. Even so, not really, because a lounge. Well, unless you're talking about, like a box. So. A box. Yes. You get a bathroom. But the lounges, there's hundreds of people in there.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, I. 100. I'm. I love it. I love it.

[Matt Ritter]

Fist pass.

[Aaron Caro]

Piss pass.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I thought you'd like that one.

[Aaron Caro]

Or we call or call it fast piss.

[Matt Ritter]

Fast piss. Which one does our audience like? What if they hate all of this? They may hate this. They may think this is a bit crude. Best piss or piss pass.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, didn't you and I. I don't remember. I was texting recently. We were just talking about troughs. How men are just treated like animals.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, like animals. Listen, and this is. This is why I'm bringing this up.

[Aaron Caro]

We.

[Matt Ritter]

I was just thinking, like, oh, the whole thing is so uncivilized, but if we're paying this much money, can we civilize it in some way? And that's. That's my civilized version of it. Just getting the VIP access to the. To the bath. Like, imagine Coachella. Like, I've never been, but I imagine that having a piss pass would be the golden ticket.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, remember I told you this, like, two or three years ago at Austin City Limits. I've never been to that festival. Aussie City Limits, you enter a lottery before you go, and the winner wins their own golden porta potty toilet.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, amazing. You know what that's like? If I were ever to try to fix a lottery, that's the one I would.

[Aaron Caro]

I knew you were gonna say that.

[Matt Ritter]

I gotta get my hands. I gotta get my hands in there. Like David Stern folding over the envelope for Patrick Ewing in 19. Frozen.

[Aaron Caro]

Frozen ping pong ball.

[Matt Ritter]

Anyway, that's my little rant. Thank you, guys for joining us. If you're new here, we talk about all things friendship. And today's topic I wanted to hit you with was something that happened to me where I. I was at my reunion a few months back, and I had the best time ever with a few of my friends, a couple of my buddies in Miami that I was gonna see last year. But if you recall, I had the fiasco where, uh. Thanks. Unfortunately, I didn't have my passport updated, but now Cairo has a note in his calendar to update my passport in 20, 2035. So I missed a night in Miami with my friends. But I did get to see them a couple of months ago, and I was like, man, I. Every time I have a night with these guys, it's the most amazing time. I just get energized, and it feels so great. And then I go back to forgetting about them for years. And it's something that I. I'm calling friendship amnesia. And I wanted to get into this. Why do we. Why do we have these friends that we feel really good about when we get together with? And then, you know, a couple. Maybe a couple days, you're still thinking about it, maybe texting them, and then it just disappears into your memory hole, and then you never act on it. I feel like we all have friends like this, right? I'm not saying this is for all your friends. You do this, but we all have certain friends that we have certain friendship amnesia for. We have these friends where we have this friendship amnesia, and we know that we would love to hang out with them. We know we should, but we just don't. I mean, do you have that?

[Aaron Caro]

Do you.

[Matt Ritter]

What do you think about that as a term?

[Aaron Caro]

And just. Just for context, These are your law school buddies. This was your law school reunion. In Philly?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Because. Because just for more context, you and I have our 25th undergrad reunions next year, so I will be going to Philly. I just put it in my calendar year.

[Matt Ritter]

And is there going to be a big turnout?

[Aaron Caro]

I think so, because, you know, the last one was Covid, so it was. Not that many people went. I haven't been since my 15th. We could talk about it later. I'm feeling a little reunion anxiety, but we can. We can talk about that separately.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, I have a lot to say about that.

[Aaron Caro]

You know, it's interesting. I was. I was. I was gonna maybe serve you a piping hot take that I didn't think that you were gonna like, which is.

[Matt Ritter]

That.

[Aaron Caro]

I generally don't have friends I haven't seen in that long. Me, personally.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

The people I haven't seen in that long. I don't. I don't care about it.

[Matt Ritter]

May.

[Aaron Caro]

Maybe I have amnesia.

[Matt Ritter]

Okay. Okay, maybe.

[Aaron Caro]

I don't know.

[Matt Ritter]

Maybe you don't remember because.

[Aaron Caro]

Because to be fair, you only.

[Matt Ritter]

The thing about the amnesia is it only comes back when you get together with them.

[Aaron Caro]

But These friends live 3,000 miles away from. So how are you supposed to. What were you supposed to do?

[Matt Ritter]

Make. Make an effort to see them more than once every 10 years.

[Aaron Caro]

And. And what about. What about non IRL communication?

[Matt Ritter]

Make a better effort at that, too. I haven't been great about it at all with my life.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay, so you're really not in touch with them at all?

[Matt Ritter]

Well, we weren't. I. I was. It was something I felt bad about because I went to the reunion, had the best time. We had this text chain reinvigorated. Now we're in touch.

[Aaron Caro]

What was the initial moments like when we got together?

[Matt Ritter]

I want to save it for more for another episode because it. It touches on a topic that we are talking about with regards to physical intimacy.

[Aaron Caro]

God. Okay. Yeah, you guys were loving hanging out. Listen, I think this goes to one of our major issues that we've talked about in the pod many times, which is proximity. Right. There are many different variables to judge your social universe, one of them being proximity. Like, close to your friends live. We live in a very virtual time now, and it's. And you and I are from New York and we live in la. So some of our best friends, including our family, live 3,000 miles away. And that. It is what it is. But there is never going to be a substitute for people who live around the block or for me and you, who live 12 minutes away from each other. And that's a problem. I think what you're saying, Matt, is absence, you know, makes the heart grow dimmer sometimes.

[Matt Ritter]

Is there something to just. You're undervaluing how good these friendships are for you too?

[Aaron Caro]

Well, the, the, the counterpoint is maybe you like seeing them so much because you haven't seen them in 10 years.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, that's the thing. You never know. I think, I think that's what's tricky about it. Right? Is it right. Am I feeling so good because it's been so long and it's so nice to do that once in a long time? Or is it you getting, you know, is it you realizing, oh, I should be spending more time with these people? Right. Are you, you know, we're wired to, you know, prioritize our, whatever you call it, short term comfort. Right. Over like long term connections anyway. Right. It's, it's something that you have to put in effort to keep up with. But is the get together, you know, I think that's the thing when you do the get together. Maybe it's, it's time to assess what's happening.

[Aaron Caro]

I think also we've talked about in the pod, the social universe, which, you know, my birthday just came, so I just did my social universe, which we talk about literally making a list of your friends. And, and I bet you, Matt, actually I'm asking you, I'll ask you, if you were going to make a list of your friends a month ago, would you have included that? Would you even thought of that then?

[Matt Ritter]

No, no, because they're not in my day to day life, I think.

[Aaron Caro]

Right.

[Matt Ritter]

That's what we're talking about. Probably not. And now I'm trying to weave them back in somehow. And I think here's one thing, just maybe a tip for our listeners. If you have this or have had this recently where you got together with somebody that you hadn't seen forever and you realized, no, I actually do want to hang out with them and I think maybe I want to separate that from, oh, this felt awesome. Right. Because it always does feel great to catch up with old buddies. Right. That's not necessarily the same as we should be doing this consistently. Right.

[Aaron Caro]

Can I ask you, are these friends friends with each other?

[Matt Ritter]

Yes. Well, not all of them, but some of them.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay. Are you, are you now on a text chain with them?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I'm on a nine person text chain right now.

[Aaron Caro]

Did you name it?

[Matt Ritter]

20Th reunion. And we've got to come up with something better.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay. Okay. But even, even that, just one of our Name your text chain and makes it stickier.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah. Ritualize the ritual. I love that.

[Aaron Caro]

Exactly.

[Matt Ritter]

But I guess my question is, like, you know, I think that's what you need to do, right? I think you need. I'm just trying. I'm walking this through for my own sake, but also for our listeners. I think what you need to do is assess right afterwards, Right. Like, the next time you have this amazing hang with somebody you haven't seen in a while, write yourself a note about it, Right? Like, hey, this felt awesome.

[Aaron Caro]

It was.

[Matt Ritter]

You know, it was great to catch up. But also, do I like their energy? Do our values aligned or our interests aligned? Is this somebody that I want to spend more time with on a regular basis? If so, let's put the next calendar thing on now, Right?

[Aaron Caro]

You know, you love setting something to look forward to.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I always love to have something in the calendar. Huge. But I. I do think, you know, I don't know, I just think weirdly, too, maybe this is another hot take. I feel like everybody just has one person that they just can't get consistent with, that they love. Do you know what I mean?

[Aaron Caro]

Like, they're like, you just can't get on the same page. You're never in the same city.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Like, just. There's always that one elusive but awesome friend. And you're like, man, I. I know we should be doing this more often, but. Because every time we do, it's spectacular.

[Aaron Caro]

So we call that a Loch Ness friendship. It's there, you catch glimpses of it, but you can't capture it.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. And I guess the question is the why, Right? Because sometimes it's that people are being flaky, Right. There's a lot of reasons for why you're not consistent with your friends, but I think sometimes you just haven't locked in that, like, hey, I should be. I should be doing it with this person more. Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

But think about getting together with. You said Miami. They're based in Miami.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Like, think about the opportunity cost of you going to Miami or you meeting them in Chicago. Like, there's 10 other things you could be doing not saying it's better or worse.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

You could see your mom. You could. Me and you could go to Vegas. I don't know.

[Matt Ritter]

I think also, too. I mean, well, with the long distance one, I think we were like, hey, let's do something again in two years versus 10 years. You know, we weren't like, hey, we're gonna. You know, But. But I think I'm More talking. Put that aside. Talk about people in our own city, in our own lives that could be in our lives regularly. I just, you know, I just can't put my finger on exactly, you know, why that happens. But I feel like there's always somebody that I have friendship amnesia with.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, I think it comes back. One of the solutions is the number one tenet. Tenet. Every time. Every time. Tenant of the podcast, be the friend. Right. You've got the. Like, you, you, you. You can't be the Loch Ness friend. You know, you have to reach out and say, these are the four dates where I can get together. Yeah, let's put it on the calendar.

[Matt Ritter]

Like, yeah, sorry, go ahead.

[Aaron Caro]

You keep texting them. Hey, we should do. We should. Instead of. We are never getting it together.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. And there's just general friendship inertia and friendship entropy that we're just working against as a natural state of things in the world as they are now. But it just hit me of like, oh, yeah, I wanna. I want our listeners to write somebody down that they've had that friendship amnesia with and take some sort of action. You know, if you're listening and you're like, oh, man, this is hitting with me. I have a friend that the last time we hung out, it was magic. And that was, you know, four years ago. Why the hell haven't I reached out? And now it feels weird, you know? Should we take a listener question? Because I have a question that kind of resolves some of this.

[Aaron Caro]

Let's do it. All right, guys, we'll be right back. Okay, guys, this is asking for a friend. This is our listener question segment. If you have a question for me and Matt, send it to us on Instagram. Our handle is man of the Year podcast, and we will answer it on the show. And we can anonymize it, too, if you would like. Matt, take it away.

[Matt Ritter]

Hey, Matt and Caro. There's a guy I was super close with in my twenties. Roommates, weddings, everything. But then life just happened. Marriage, kids, jobs in different cities. We haven't talked in, like, five years. I keep thinking about texting him, but I'm worried it'll be awkward to feel random. How do I reconnect without it being weird?

[Aaron Caro]

So, first of all, extremely common. I mean, I'd be surprised if there was any listener who doesn't have someone they haven't talked to in five years who they'd like to hit up, especially for men, you know? Matt, what do you say? The longer you go, the harder it is.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. It's exponential.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, exponential. Right. So some of our, you know, best practices. One, send an old photo, you know, of you guys when you were roommates. You guys in college. You guys, 10 years ago. Oh, hey, was thinking of you. This made me think of you. I mean, I think we can Matt, I'm sure talk to the. The 50, 000 foot view, which is. This guy would probably love getting a text from you. It's not weird.

[Matt Ritter]

Not probably. Definitely.

[Aaron Caro]

Yes, definitely.

[Matt Ritter]

Your old college roommate. Come on. You know, you get a text from your college roommate. How the hell are you?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. And of course, what do we. What do we call it when you think that your buddy doesn't. You made up a story for yourself.

[Matt Ritter]

Your own limiting beliefs.

[Aaron Caro]

It's a limiting belief. You just made up this story that your buddy doesn't made up. Right.

[Matt Ritter]

You just made up a whole story. Which is crazy when you think about all the fun times you had with your college roommate and your, you know, post college days. Like that. Okay, it doesn't sound like anything negative happened, right? It's like, so you're saying that suddenly all of that has no value to that friend?

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, I'm sure the roommate is sitting there also with no. Hasn't talked to his buddies in forever. His wife is probably like, oh, my God, why doesn't he connect with Jim again, waiting for this text.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. But again, you know, the question is if you're asking how do I reconnect, Right. I think what the subtext is. I don't want to just text. I want us to be friends again, you know, so that's different. Right, because you could always just reach out and say, how are. How are you? That doesn't suddenly rekindle the friendship.

[Aaron Caro]

It's just there somewhere.

[Matt Ritter]

You got to spread. Exactly. Again, I think, like, you know, in my. One of my many side hustles as a recruiter, you know, when I'm helping people get jobs, they're always like, well, I don't know if I'm ready to, you know, move jobs or whatever. I'm like, you're not even. You're like jumping 10 steps ahead. You know, like, why don't we just start with the hey, I'm just sending the text versus, like, what's gonna happen? How do I reconnect all that stuff? You know, like, let's not jump nine steps ahead. Just, just, just. Let's just get there.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, but isn't that your little. Isn't that you're a little less your tactic, though, Matt? You get them in the chute.

[Matt Ritter]

No, that's what I'm saying.

[Aaron Caro]

Right.

[Matt Ritter]

But my point is, is don't stress. The mental stress of, of all of the other stuff. Don't burden yourself with all that stress yet. I mean, we'll walk you through it. Right? But for now, just think of the low stakes texting of your college roommate. That's so low stakes. It's incredibly low stakes and it's incredibly well received. But if you're.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay. So now you're.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

So now you're texting now what?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, you don't need any sort of deep. I think we talked about this. Tell me if you agree or not agree. I. I know. I don't know if we debated. You don't need any, any sort of deep sort of monologue about the absence.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, great call. Yes, we did talk about this. Which is like, should you acknowledge the fact that it's been five years or apologize? Nah. Unless something happened, which doesn't seem like it did.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. And if you're gonna acknowledge it's like a throwaway line. It's like, man, where did the time go? And then you just get into being friends, you know, like. Well, I think that's not like, immediately, but I'm just saying get into your interactions the way like we always say when you're leveling up a friendship, you treat them like they're a good friend already.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, exactly. You just pretend like, no, those five years haven't passed and just go right back into it. And then eventually your friendship will catch up to it.

[Matt Ritter]

I like that your friendship will catch up to it.

[Aaron Caro]

Are these. I, I. Sorry if I missed it. Are they in the same city now? Do we know?

[Matt Ritter]

I. I did. It wasn't clear if they are or they weren't. They said jobs in different cities, so maybe they're not in the same city now.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, because I'm. I will say, I think you'll agree, you know, different city, reconnect a little more challenging.

[Matt Ritter]

Honestly, we're talking about my law school friends. I'm not going to be consistent, regular IRL friends with them at this point. That's not on. That's not in the cards.

[Aaron Caro]

But this is a reconnect, so this is even harder.

[Matt Ritter]

Right, right, right. But I'm saying, you know, in general, like, so what's the goal? Right. If the goal is to be connected, you don't have to see each other all the time. You could be in different cities and be connected. Right. Again, connected means you. There's no weirdness. Right. You should be able to reach out. Ultimately, you could get back to sharing things, both good and bad. Vulnerability, wins, losses, etc, like a real friend.

[Aaron Caro]

I think that.

[Matt Ritter]

You.

[Aaron Caro]

You. I was going to suggest the thing that. That basically suggest calling the guy. What do you think about that? That's always a controversial statement.

[Matt Ritter]

No, I love it. But again, people get scared on both ends of that line.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. When the phone rings.

[Matt Ritter]

That's a hot phone, you know?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

It's almost like in those, like, horror movies when the phone starts buzzing on the table. You're like, jimmy, five years ago from college.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm in. If the call's coming from the same city.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, my God, the call is coming from 31 0.

[Aaron Caro]

But what about setting a call?

[Matt Ritter]

So. I like that too. I like that too. I think it's great. I think it's always great to text. Be like, hey, you know. And again, we can use our tips. Right. Just walking by this bar made me think of you. Let's catch up. Free Friday afternoon, free this weekend in the morning.

[Aaron Caro]

What do you think about this, Matt? Sometimes I. It depends where they live. Sometimes I pitch, hey, next time you're in the car, could we chat?

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, you try to give them like, oh, this is a good zone for you. I don't know. I mean, I guess you can't even.

[Aaron Caro]

Like, fathom, like, unstacking somebody else's habit. Your brain. Your brain. I saw your brain just explode.

[Matt Ritter]

Why?

[Aaron Caro]

Because you're like, I want to know what's convenient for you. And you're like, what do I care what's convenient for the other person?

[Matt Ritter]

No, I do. I think it's presumptuous of you, Cairo, to decide what people are doing. No, not.

[Aaron Caro]

No, I'm saying, hey, next time you.

[Matt Ritter]

Don'T tell me how to live. Don't you dare. Here's what I was going to say about. I think it's a good idea. Yeah, I think it's a good idea to give them, like, suggested time. I was going to say just a healthy reframe of this is. Is again, your friendship didn't. Again, like, it doesn't sound like there was any falling off. So your friendship was just like, on pause. Your friendship was just on pause and you're pressing play and you're resuming it.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. Men don't have falling outs, they have falling off.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

This is like when they find, like a woolly mammoth in the.

[Matt Ritter]

In unfrozen caveman lawyer.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Frozen cave man friend. You're literally that movie walk Like a Man. Was that when he got frozen or what was that?

[Aaron Caro]

No, Encino Man.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, yeah. What was Walk Like? Oh, Walk Like a Man. Was that we Mandel one where he was living with wolves and they found him.

[Aaron Caro]

I never. I've never even heard of that movie.

[Matt Ritter]

What? Oh, it was such a d movie that was on like, TNT all the time in the 80s.

[Aaron Caro]

My walk like a Man. Jesus.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, it was kind of like a cheap ripoff. It came out. It came right after down out in Beverly Hills where, like, Nick Nolte was a homeless guy and they brought him into the house and he kind of fell in love with the. The wife. And, you know, it was all that drama. I think right after that Walk Like a Man came out, it was like the same plot except he came from the woods and he was a wolf. It was like down out of Beverly Hills, but he like, was living with wolves. And then Encino man came out where he was frozen and he was hanging out with Polisher. Right. Was that Pauly Shore?

[Aaron Caro]

I don't remember who the friends were in Encino Man.

[Matt Ritter]

No. Maybe it wasn't Polly. Sure, we gotta look that up.

[Aaron Caro]

Anyway, so I think overall, number one, first of all, love the fact.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, it was falling short. Sorry. Of course it was Polisher. Thank you.

[Aaron Caro]

Love the fact this guy wants to reconnect. Definitely send that text. Old photo was a good hack. Forget about this limiting belief that you don't think that your buddy wants to hear from you. He definitely does. Try to make plans to see each other in person or talk on the phone. And I guess one other thing I have, Matt, is do you guys have mutual friends? Like, you went to college together. Like, is there a group Put. Put the whole group on the text, thread it. Find a picture from college and put everybody from the picture on the text. Go to your reunion. Go to your alumni events.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. And. And, and I. I was thinking about this too. You know, so he also had amnesia too, or whatever, you know, like, so he, you know, it's not all on you too. Right. So you don't have to feel bad. It just happens. There's. Right. There's no like blame or guilt either.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, again, this happens all the time.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Men, everybody. I mean everybody. Women too, you know, drift. And that's totally fine. Get back in touch. Let us know how it goes.

[Matt Ritter]

Right, Right. Yeah, I think it'll be great. I think it'll be great. And again, you may not end up being, you know, this may not be. End up being a person that's part of your everyday life for the moment. If you're not in different cities, but you just want to open the lines again, you know, you want it to feel not awkward, and that's what you're doing. You're getting that you. The awkwardness should, should fade immediately. Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

All right, guys, I was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send it. Send it to us on Instagram, man of the your podcast, and we'll answer it on the show. Matt, did you want to talk reunion stuff or.

[Matt Ritter]

You know, I think just in general, my take was I want people to stop defaulting to this isolation post, seeing their good friends. You know, I think we want to write it down right after you do a reunion or something like that. I just want everybody to write it down, write down how that felt, write down the names of some of the people that you, you know, are committed to connecting to and put something in the calendar. And like you said, it could just be a call that you're setting so that it's just not like. Because once the reunion ends, it ends. I feel like with those kinds of things, they're special occasions. I, I don't want to run into the special occasion trap you.

[Aaron Caro]

But you, you did you want to talk about reunions generally, though? You had some reunion stuff?

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, well, look, I think, yes, I wanted to say whether or not you are, you know, successful or, you know, on the same path as everybody else. I went to a Penn Law reunion 20 years out. Most of those people are very successful partners at law firms, big in house jobs. You know, we're doing this Hollywood stuff. It's, it's, it's hard to explain it. It's hard to identify even the wins. Right. They don't necessarily translate to somebody who, you know, works in big law. So there's an awkwardness, there is a insecurity, you could say. I think a lot of people have. I talked to a lot of people about this and I talked to my own family about it. I was like, do I want to go? I don't. You know, I just want to get into it. I don't, you know, that feeling like just don't want to get into it. And then it was funny too, because I feel, you know, look, everybody has a path to walk for themselves. It's not for anybody else. And the more you catch up with your friends, the more you realize, like, people are just happy if you're doing what you want to do.

[Aaron Caro]

If they're happy for you, yeah, they're.

[Matt Ritter]

Happy for you, you know, they're just.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

I felt everybody was just happy for everybody, and there wasn't really a. A lot of one upsmanship going on. Though I will say it's very funny because in the law, it's very transparent about how much everybody makes. People are asking me, like, how much do you make in podcasts? How much do you make when you sell a script? How much do you make in this? I'm like, not as much as a I'm law 20 partner. Don't worry about it.

[Aaron Caro]

It's funny. My thing again reunion coming up. I'm not really thinking about what other people.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Being happy for me or not. I'm. I'm more. I more have internal anxiety.

[Matt Ritter]

Yes, yes. Of like, am I where I was supposed to be?

[Aaron Caro]

Exactly.

[Matt Ritter]

There is no supposed to be.

[Aaron Caro]

Interesting. There is no supposed. I mean, I know that intellectually is correct.

[Matt Ritter]

That's the problem.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. You're. You're exactly where you're supposed to be is what the saying is. But, I mean, I guess.

[Matt Ritter]

Exactly. That's the problem. I know all that intellectually, too, but it didn't stop me from having existential dread on the flight over to Philly. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. Okay, great.

[Aaron Caro]

Right?

[Matt Ritter]

Write that down. Put it on a. Yeah, put it on a. You know, on a doormat.

[Aaron Caro]

You know, I mean, of course, we also, you know, you could be a big law part. We don't know what's going on in these people's lives.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, I did actually get a sense from some of them that, like, you know, hey, some people are doing, you know, what they. They're feeling their purpose. Some people are just. It's just a job. And I'm also just like, who am I to judge that too?

[Aaron Caro]

Right?

[Matt Ritter]

Right. Like, I don't feel super. I don't feel superior to people because I'm doing exactly what I want to do.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. The key, the. The goal is to do exactly what you want to do, which. What we're doing, and also be more successful than everybody. But right now we only have one of the two, you know, Like, I'm sure people are like, dude, I've been watching your thing. That's amazing. The pot.

[Matt Ritter]

That's so cool.

[Aaron Caro]

Like, wow, you're really doing the thing, man. And I'm doing a lot.

[Matt Ritter]

There were a lot of people doing that. Yeah. You know, and then I'm like, wow, I'm such a fraud.

[Aaron Caro]

They're like, you're followed your dream. I really wish I did that. I'm like, no, you don't.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. You don't. You don't want the dream. The dream. You've paid off your student loans. Yeah, no, it is. Look, I, I, I, I feel like they're everybody who, quote, unquote, isn't where they're supposed to be. Whatever it is, career, family, you know, it's just you versus you.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yes, 100, of course. I mean, also, you choose your own happiness. I mean, we're in the top.0001% of the world's population of success, you know?

[Matt Ritter]

But, But I think the funny part about it is, no matter what I say, no matter what you've done, I think everybody feels that.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

When they go to reunion.

[Aaron Caro]

Right, Right.

[Matt Ritter]

And then they get there, and then it's just like, wow. I, I just, I'm just happy to see these people. Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

I wonder if it's. It must be worse for law school.

[Matt Ritter]

Than undergrad in terms of what everybody's doing.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I don't know, just because, like, that's like everyone, Everyone became a lawyer or at least did lost stuff. So that's like, you know, people from Penn did nothing. You know, I don't know. It's just less, Less professional.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. No, no. Everybody there was extremely successful. I mean, everybody's doing some really great stuff. I just, But I also just. At the end of the day, it was just like, all that stuff goes away, and you're just hanging out and you're good. It's good to see people. It's good to hear about their lives, and it's just good to get eyes on people you haven't seen or, you know, just. It's just nice.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. All right, well, now I feel a little bit better about my reunion, which is coming up may.

[Matt Ritter]

No, you shouldn't. You shouldn't feel better.

[Aaron Caro]

All right, guys, that was our show. Thank you so much for listening. Remember to go to man of the year, podcast.com. always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.

[Matt Ritter]

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