#150 - Happy Friendiversary!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Man of the Year - Champions of Friendship

Episode #150: Happy Friendiversary!
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo
Date: September 23, 2025

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Overview

In this milestone 150th episode, Matt and Aaron celebrate their 39th "friendiversary" and dive deep into the concept of friendiversaries—what they are, when to celebrate them, and why they matter. Drawing from their lifelong friendship, recurring traditions, and listener questions, the hosts deliver their signature blend of humor, nostalgia, and practical advice for deepening and sustaining adult friendships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Double Opt-In Rule for Introductions

Time: 02:45 – 07:21

• Aaron’s “Bugaboo”: Aaron vents about people sharing his number or setting him up with others without explicit consent.

  • “That introduction has to be what, Matt?” (03:06)
  • “Double opt in.” – Matt (03:07)
  • “Double opt in, please.” – Aaron (03:09)

• Double Opt-In Explained:
  Both parties should agree before being introduced, whether it’s networking, a setup, or even just casual connections.

  • Aaron recounts getting cold-contacted by a financial advisor and being set up with someone who had no idea he’d been given her number.

• Matt’s Nuanced Take:
  While he agrees for dating or business, Matt thinks for certain casual or social introductions, it can be fine not to double opt-in, especially when you know the people well:

  • “Sometimes I do, though, actually, when I know the person who will take the call... It already kind of has my general buy in for referrals.” (04:49)

• Aaron’s Hardline Stance:
  “I'm hard and fast. Double or nothing.” (07:16)

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2. Defining & Celebrating “Friendiversaries”

Time: 07:21 – 17:02

• Anniversary Vibe:
  The hosts commemorate their own 39th friendiversary, debating when to define the "start" of a friendship:

  • “We famously met in second grade, 1986…” (08:00)

• Origin and Spelling:
  Aaron reveals “friendiversary” is not their invention and confirms the accepted spelling—“friendiversary.” (08:44)

• When Does a Friendship Begin?

  • Aaron: Should it be the first meeting, even if you weren’t close?
  • Matt: Leans towards when you had your first meaningful 1:1 hangout or “friend date”, similar to romantic anniversaries.
  • “Maybe it should be like the first friend date.” – Matt (10:19)
  • “I think solo hang is probably the beginning.” – Aaron (12:29)

• Favorite Friendiversary Stories:

  • Aaron describes meeting “Fireball Adam” at a Hollywood general meeting (Oct 5, 2011), hitting it off, and eventually speaking at his wedding.
  • Another: His friend Claire, who broke the ice on an Israel tour with “Can I sit with you because I hate everyone else on the bus?” (13:19)
  • Matt recalls crying with a friend on their first day of school: “We both cried our first day of school, so that's a pretty legendary friendiversary.” (13:45)

• Arguments for Celebrating Friendiversaries:

  • Excuses for guys to hang out, keep traditions alive, and check in with friends.
  • “I'm all in on anytime we can come up with a silly reason to even talk to your friends.” – Matt (15:09)

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3. How to Celebrate If You Don’t Know the Actual Anniversary

Time: 15:43 – 17:02

• Make up a date if the real one is lost.

  • “We made up our dog's birthday, I mean, come on.” – Matt (15:57)

• Examples from history: a Holocaust survivor celebrating his “birthday” on the day he was liberated as an act of personal significance (16:07).

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4. Listener Question: Forgotten Friendiversary

Time: 21:03 – 30:07

Question Recap:
A listener feels hurt her best friend forgot their usual annual friendiversary celebration and wonders if she should say something.

• Matt: Relates this to “anniversary hangover”—after a big milestone (like 10 years), it’s common for the next one to get overlooked. (21:49)

  • “There is a bit of a hangover after a big anniversary or big birthday...” (21:49)

• Aaron: Emphasizes it’s more about feeling overlooked than the date itself. Suggests a tongue-in-cheek text to keep things light.

  • “It's not really about the anniversary. It's about… making them feel forgotten.” (24:10)

• Matt’s Advice:

  • Keep friction low.
  • Use a “benign white lie” (“I can’t believe we both dropped the ball on that!”)
  • Don’t create unnecessary drama over rituals; focus on communication and the health of the relationship.
  • “I think friendship, if you want a healthy friendship, like, you should not add unnecessary friction.” (25:51)

• What if a Ritual Fades?

  • Sometimes, someone just isn’t into the tradition anymore.
  • Rituals can evolve or end; it doesn’t mean the friendship is over.
  • “Rituals evolve, people's schedules evolve, interests change, energy change. That doesn't mean the friendship is dead.” – Matt (27:29)

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5. Ideas for Friendiversary Celebrations

Time: 30:07 – End

• “Should we go full banner, happy 10th or whatever?” – Aaron (30:42)
• Matt reminisces about friends making T-shirts with the years they met—a fun way to mark long friendships. (30:42)
• Aaron suggests revisiting the location of the first meeting, e.g., grabbing drinks at their old college bar.
• Consider photo montages, revisiting shared haunts, or silly traditions to mark the occasion.
• For old hometown friends, maybe even sneaking a commemorative photo outside the elementary school where it all began.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Double Opt-in:
  • “People do thoughtful things thoughtlessly.” – Aaron (04:26)
• Friendiversary Origins:
  • “I didn't invent it. It's been around for a while. Celebrating the beginning of a friendship.” – Aaron (09:01)
• On Rituals Evolving:
  • “If they still want to be friends sometimes…you need to know what's going on.” – Matt (29:16)
• On Friendship Excuses:
  • “I'm all in on anytime we can come up with a silly reason to even talk to your friends.” – Matt (15:09)
• On Keeping Rituals Fun:
  • “Maybe me and Shane should get a drink at Q’s.” – Aaron (31:32)
  • “Just get a picture, go back to our elementary school. I think we should get a little friendiversary photo.” – Aaron (33:09)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:45 – Double opt-in for introductions
• 07:21 – 17:02 – Defining and debating friendiversaries
• 21:03 – Listener’s friendiversary question
• 24:10 – 30:07 – Handling ritual change, benign white lies, evolving friendships
• 30:42 – Celebration ideas & closing thoughts

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Tone & Language

The hosts are witty, candid, and earnest, riffing like lifelong buddies but consistently circling back to practical advice and takeaways about adult friendship. They use self-deprecating humor, honest anecdotes, and conversational banter throughout, making their insights approachable and easy to apply.

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Final Takeaways

• Friendiversaries are worth celebrating and can strengthen adult friendships.
• Don’t get hung up on exact dates—make it up if you have to!
• Keep friendship rituals light, flexible, and drama-free.
• When someone forgets a ritual, lead with a sense of humor and prioritize the relationship over the tradition.
• Use any excuse—like a friendiversary—to reach out, reconnect, or create new memories with friends.

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Closing Note:
“Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.” – Aaron (34:54)
“Love you, buddy.” – Matt (34:55)

Transcript

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[Aaron Caro]

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[Aaron Caro]

Man of the year.

[Matt Ritter]

Man of the year. Man of the year.

[Aaron Caro]

Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Aaron Caro.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm Matt Ritter.

[Aaron Caro]

And make sure to go to manoftheourpodcast.com to grab our merch and watch our full episodes on YouTube. And if you're watching our episodes on YouTube, you can see that I'm wearing our merch or we should be friends hat. So, Matt, I want to go back to one of our earliest conversations I have. I'm still ranting about this because it's still happening to me. This is my bugaboo. This is my peccadillo. Neither of which are the correct terms.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah. Okay, I was gonna say neither are.

[Aaron Caro]

The correct terms, but we have new listeners, so I think I need to impart this. When you were being introduced for a Prof. On a professional level, for networking or to a new friend or to a romantic partner, a setup. That introduction has to be what, Matt?

[Matt Ritter]

Two ways.

[Aaron Caro]

Double opt in.

[Matt Ritter]

Double opt in. I know.

[Aaron Caro]

Double opt in, please. Man of the year fandom whose name we don't have yet. Our Modi fans. Double opt in. Explain that both parties that you're introducing need to know and consent that they're being introduced to each other. My buddy just gave my number to his friend who is like a financial advisor, and this just called me or. And then he emailed me and I'm like, I didn't even. I don't even know who you are. And if I did, I wouldn't have consented to this. It just got a girl's number from my friend. Oh, I want to set you with this girl. She never told the girl that she gave me her number.

[Matt Ritter]

So you call. This happened to you twice in a week. One a financial advisor who you had to be like, look, I don't have anything for you. A girl who's like, I don't have anything for you.

[Aaron Caro]

It's just so presumptuous. It also doesn't make for good connection. And I just double. You got a double. I mean, you would never. Have you ever.

[Matt Ritter]

Listen, I agree with you. I just think people are not thinking about it.

[Aaron Caro]

Yes, exactly.

[Matt Ritter]

They think they're doing a good thing. For the most part, they're doing it out of. Usually it's a good thing. You're trying to connect people, but they also don't want to be. Some people don't want to be bothered.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, you know what I famously said, People do thoughtless things. No, people do thoughtful things thoughtlessly.

[Matt Ritter]

That's very good.

[Aaron Caro]

Let's say you. Let's talk about friendship real quick, then we'll get to our topic. Let's say you. You had a buddy who just moved to Philly and you have a friend in Philly. You would never just give your buddy, oh, hey, Jim, my friend Jimmy lives in Philly. Here's his number.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. Sometimes I do, though, actually, when I know the person who will take the call. It already kind of has my general buy in for like referrals. Right. Like a lawyer referral or something. I just say, hey, let them know Matt sent you. There's definitely. So I don't totally agree with you because I do think certain people, like, for Me, you can have people if you say, you know, like, oh, tell them I sent. You know, if you, if you sent somebody my way and you didn't do that, tell them Tayo sent you for something. I wouldn't be mad. You know, it's for what purpose?

[Aaron Caro]

For friendship, I'm saying.

[Matt Ritter]

Depends on the purpose, right? I guess it depends on the purpose.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, Matt, Matty boy, I think that's outrageous if you're in a. If you're in a referral business. Okay, tell Matt I said you fine, but like, in normal, polite society, double opt in.

[Matt Ritter]

I mean, I guess, again, I agree with you in theory, but again, you're here on the spectrum. I'm here. Most people are somewhere in there. A lot of people just aren't as annoyed by it. And so I don't want to stop people from doing it at all. You know, it's like some people are just going to be like, you know, the first thing they think of is like, oh, let me text this person your info. Right? Like, I don't know. I met a woman in the neighborhood with a small kid and I was like, oh, you got to meet my wife. I just put her on a chain with my wife. You know what I mean?

[Aaron Caro]

Like there's.

[Matt Ritter]

It's not all, oh, you have to introduce people and make sure they want the intro. Like, I think a lot of times you know people well enough to know that it's fine. That's. That's my take.

[Aaron Caro]

So you know how the, The.

[Matt Ritter]

The.

[Aaron Caro]

The spouse does not. Is not obligated to. To testify against you in court. I suppose the other way is a spouse is exempted from the double opt in. Like, you don't have to double up in your spouse.

[Matt Ritter]

But I'm saying I think there are some relationship, friendship wise, where you depending on. I think it's a little context dependent to just say everything has to be double opt in. I think dating setups definitely double opted. Right? What's the other financial advisor to double opted?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, perfect. I wouldn't give a writer, some writer your. Your number and just not even tell you.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

So.

[Matt Ritter]

But I think like they're in some social, casual situations. I, I'm not gonna stick to the double opted.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm hard and fast. Double or nothing.

[Matt Ritter]

As I said, double or nothing.

[Aaron Caro]

All right, Matt, we have. We have an up. I think a pretty upbeat topic today for once. Usually it's doom and gloom. Actually, that's not true. It's. It's a little of everything.

[Matt Ritter]

It's 80 20. Happy 20.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, that's true.

[Matt Ritter]

Because we're trying to fix the problem.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, that's true. No, you're right, because friendship is a. In a happy topic that sometimes has, you know, some things that need to be improved. But I wanted to wish you a happy friendiversary. Yes. So this episode will probably air like late summer, early fall. We famously met in second grade, 1986, which means we pro. It's been lost to time, but probably September. 86.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah, it's got to be September.

[Aaron Caro]

August, September 86th.

[Matt Ritter]

No, no, back then, schools didn't start in August. They started in September. That's another pet separate story.

[Aaron Caro]

Late September. Late September. And so this is our 39th friendiversary. Happy friendiversary.

[Matt Ritter]

Happy friendiversary.

[Aaron Caro]

And I just thought we should talk about friendiversaries, how to define them. Should we celebrate them and you know, should. Should it be on par with, you know, romantic anniversaries and work anniversaries?

[Matt Ritter]

We. Back up. Did you make up friendiversary or was that like Yates from 3,000 years ago?

[Aaron Caro]

Y. Wasn't it? Yeets.

[Matt Ritter]

I forget now. Ask Claire. Ask Bombay. Claire.

[Aaron Caro]

I. I actually did a little dig. I didn't do digging because I want to know how to spell it. The accepted spelling is friend, and then I friend eversary.

[Matt Ritter]

So I already spelled it wrong on the record.

[Aaron Caro]

I know, I know.

[Matt Ritter]

Remind me when this errors to change it.

[Aaron Caro]

And so I didn't invent it. It's been around for a while. Celebrating the beginning of a friendship. Now, first things first. You and I, we need to come up with a definition. Now, I propose that it's the first time you've met someone, even if you didn't like, become friends. What do you think about that?

[Matt Ritter]

So you're saying like, if you met somebody in 2010, like at a party, you but then you didn't really hang out in till 2012. You would call 2010 the friendiversary.

[Aaron Caro]

Honestly, you poked holes right away.

[Matt Ritter]

I mean, here's the thing. Jesse and I, well, now we're married, so we have a wedding anniversary. So it's a finite one. But we had made up our anniversary of when we started dating. Actually, it wasn't when we had met.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, interesting.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. So. So when we did like our one year anniversary, our anniversary was always October 14th.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, because didn't you. Didn't you do pumpkin carving?

[Matt Ritter]

That was our first date. So that was our. Yeah, so. Yeah. So maybe it should be like the first friend date.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, I suppose if you meet someone in passing, I don't know. So. So I have a disputed friend diversity with my buddy Shane. We. We dispute where we first met. Two. Two. Two old haunts, Matt, if you can remember them. One was the dark room. Remember the dark room?

[Matt Ritter]

Oh yeah. Is that not around anymore?

[Aaron Caro]

I think he went out of business years ago. You famously left your credit card there and then never went back.

[Matt Ritter]

Ran away ra. Because there was no money on that card.

[Aaron Caro]

And then, and then I say we met at Q's. Have you ever been to Q's?

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, it's the most legendary college bar in Brentwood.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I mean how many college bars are there in Brentwood? But yes. Yeah. So we've a disputed. But we've disputed it for university. But we met through you and I's great friend Jeff. So it's like, do we count like that first time we had a drink with a mutual friend and didn't even have each other's number or do we count three years ago and we. Then we became really close.

[Matt Ritter]

This is a tough one. I mean I like in general, I like the longer for the friendiversary then you get to extend, you know, but it is. How long have you been friends? I think.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, that's true.

[Matt Ritter]

That's like. Well, you know, and I think that can be early on. It doesn't have to be like, hey, the first time we did something alone together without Jeff, probably that first beer together.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, that's actually I wasn't expecting to. To go that way in this. But this is actually a good question, Matt, which is when does a friendship, his friendship begin? From conception, Right.

[Matt Ritter]

I don't know. You know, because sometimes I immediately hit it off with somebody and it's like it's. It's on from conception.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

But then other people, it's like you've met, you meet them at a party, you hit it off in a convo a little bit. You don't really know them and then you, you know, build or then you go out together. Right. You make a plan and you get together and then you're like, now we're friends. I know you never have the official convo. Are we friends?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, we don't have a. What are we.

[Matt Ritter]

What are we acquaintances?

[Aaron Caro]

I think, I think solo hang is probably the beginning.

[Matt Ritter]

Some people I've never had a solo hang with that are my friends, though.

[Aaron Caro]

I was just gonna say that. Or maybe, you know, but you've texted. Have you ever tech. You must have texted them, right?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

I I wrote down a couple of my favorite friendiversaries. One that you know about, famously was Fireball Adam. We had a general meeting, which for those non Hollywood, that's when you just kind of have a meeting with someone else with. No. Just to get to know each other. It's October 5, 2011, and we completely hit it off. Five years later, I was speaking at his wedding. Pretty good synapse, epic friend anniversary. And I came over. Ever mentioned this? My friend Claire, different Claire. June 12, 2018. We were on a tour bus in Israel. This is like day three, big bus, a lot of people. She came to the back row where I was posted up in the back and she said, can I sit with you? Because I hate everybody else on the bus. What an opening line. So those are two. Of course. I have an insane algorithm, as you call it, calendar, where I'm.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, you're making me think of mine. I mean, I guess the only like super memorable ones are like with Rose, you know, we both cried our first day of school, so that's obviously a pretty legendary.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Friend diversity. But I hid my tears.

[Aaron Caro]

You said you hid your tears.

[Matt Ritter]

I hid mine. Yeah. I gotta let him take the, take the, Take the brunt of, you know, being known as the kid who cried the first day.

[Aaron Caro]

You know, did you actually remember second grade?

[Matt Ritter]

I just bits and pieces. Like I just remember playing kickball in his yard over his pool. I remember Mrs. Sorkin. Like I just like, oh yeah. I remember her saying, I, I, I, I don't know if I'm going to be around till the year 2000. And I was like, I don't even know what that means.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. Wow. 1986, man, the Mets. What a, what a year.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Friend diversity. That's a good, that's a good. It makes you feel good. If you start. I love this. I want to start texting people. Happy friendiversary.

[Aaron Caro]

I love it. Well, that was my next thing I was talking about. Should we. And can we. And how do we celebrate friendiversaries? Because I. I'm guessing most guys are like, well, this is dumb. Or I don't know when I met this guy or who cares?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

But Matt, aren't. Isn't our whole raison d' etre to come up with reasons, excuses, systems.

[Matt Ritter]

Absolutely.

[Aaron Caro]

For guys to hang out. And this is.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm all in on any time we can come up with a silly reason to even talk to your friends.

[Aaron Caro]

Right.

[Matt Ritter]

Just the reason to just be able, you know, you're sitting there with your phone. You go, I don't have anything. I got nothing. You got your phone by your go, I'd like to talk. I got nothing. I don't have anything to say. Well, how about happy friend anniversary? And they'll be like, what? Yeah, man, we remember. We. We met accused. We met at the dark room. Okay, well, whatever, man. Let's go get a drink. It's our friend anniversary.

[Aaron Caro]

I love it. We should go back to one of those places.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah. Right, right, right. It's not.

[Aaron Caro]

What do you propose? Sorry. No, what do you propose? Okay, let's just say most guys probably have no clue when they met someone. Just make it up like you did with Jazz. Like make it up.

[Matt Ritter]

We made up our dog's birthday. I mean, come on. I love that nobody knows when their dog was born. For the most part.

[Aaron Caro]

This is. This is uplifting, but dark. I'm sorry, just. I just read this article before I got on about this Holocaust survivor, still alive, 100 years old. He celebrates his birthday on the day he was liberated.

[Matt Ritter]

I love that. And a lot of Holocaust. A lot of those people from that gen, they don't know when they were born.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, well, he knows when he was born. He just. He's like, oh, I like that.

[Matt Ritter]

He just was like, that's when I was reborn.

[Aaron Caro]

Exactly, exactly.

[Matt Ritter]

Do people who are born again celebrate their born again birthdays?

[Aaron Caro]

I don't want to wait into difficult waters. But what is that? What is born again?

[Matt Ritter]

I think it's when you, like, cleanse your. I don't know, your whole soul. I just made that up completely.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. You, you. I think you promised your God. 2. Two Jews talking about born again Christians.

[Matt Ritter]

But I imagine be born again. Yeah. Spiritual transformation. Yeah. A new beginning with their relationship with God.

[Aaron Caro]

Got it.

[Matt Ritter]

I mean, it was like a acceptance from. From. I remember George Bush was a born again Christian. And I remember because it was like, oh, you get to wipe away all your DUIs. Count me in.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, we don't really do, like, do we do repenting or anything like that?

[Matt Ritter]

No, we. We don't actually.

[Aaron Caro]

We atone. We atone.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. Atone. Oh. Is atonement and repenting the same thing? I don't know.

[Aaron Caro]

God, we are. We are difficult. Difficult.

[Matt Ritter]

Is atonement and repentance the same thing? Distinct but interconnected. Atonement refers to the act of making amends for wrongdoing involving sacrifice or payment to reconcile with a higher power. Repentance, on the other hand, is the human response of remorse and turning away from sin and towards righteousness. While atonement is often seen as God's action to restore humanity's relationship with Him. Repentance is the human process of acknowledging and turning away from sin.

[Aaron Caro]

Listen, we. We cover a lot of stuff on this pod. I wonder, is there. Matt, have we ever coined born again friendship?

[Matt Ritter]

No, but I like it. That's good. Let's do an episode about that.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's washing all right. Why don't we save that? Should we take a listener question? We'll be right back.

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[Aaron Caro]

Okay, guys, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram at Man of the Year podcast and we will answer it on the show and we can anonymize it if you'd like. Okay. Dear Matt and Cairo, last. Last week was the 11 year friend diversary. This is. This is a woman, by the way. 11 year friend anniversary of me and my best friend meeting in college. A milestone we've always celebrated with dinner or at the very least a call. This year, she completely forgot. No text, no acknowledgment, nothing. And I feel like we weirdly hurt, especially since I made a big effort on our 10th friendiversary last year and we both had a blast. Am I overreacting or should I bring this up?

[Matt Ritter]

You know, I was thinking about this. I do feel there is a bit of a hangover after a big anniversary or a big birthday, right? Like a 50th birthday or 40th birthday or 2020 first birthday. For some reason, I don't know, we all kind of then just go, oh, well, we did that big one. So the year after is like, I could skip it.

[Aaron Caro]

Hangover, right?

[Matt Ritter]

There is a weird psychological thing and maybe that's what's happening here. I don't know all the details, but that was the first thing that hit me, right? Doesn't that happen to a lot of people?

[Aaron Caro]

Be honest. Matt, have you ever forgotten one of your anniversaries?

[Matt Ritter]

My wedding anniversary now?

[Aaron Caro]

Or when you were dating? A dating anniversary or anything like that?

[Matt Ritter]

I'm sure. Actually. Wait.

[Aaron Caro]

Here we go. Here we go, guys. Matt is covering his face with his hands.

[Matt Ritter]

Both Jesse and I forgot our wedding anniversary right after Brenner was born. And we only remembered because Nikki, her sister, had sent us the stuff or called us.

[Aaron Caro]

You guys are like Will Ferrell in old school. Why?

[Matt Ritter]

What did he do?

[Aaron Caro]

He goes, did you forget your birthday again? Oh, I forgot my birthday.

[Matt Ritter]

I mean, we. It was two. It was two months in, you know, after a new baby and just, you know. And then Nikki was like, happy Anniversary. We were like, is it so. Yes. I'm a liar. I, I forgot. I forgot very recently.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. And then two months after your firstborn, totally fine. If you both forgot it. I don't think it counts as forgetting.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, she's not big on, on that kind of stuff, but necessarily. Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

You always say she's not very, what's the word?

[Matt Ritter]

She's not nostalgic as much as.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, because you're quite nostalgic.

[Matt Ritter]

I am.

[Aaron Caro]

She's kind of like live in the now. And you're like, yeah, I'm like Live.

[Matt Ritter]

In the 90s alt rock, second tier band era for life. Just give me Toad the Wet Sprocket tickets and I'll just be there at some like, random bar in Oceanside.

[Aaron Caro]

I think what you're saying, the hangover, definitely true. I mean, true for everything. I mean, even, even if celebrating a 40th birthday, you're not going to go hard on your 41st. You know, I, I, I do like this because of the analogy to Ms. Like forgetting an anniversary. It's not really about the anniversary. It's about, you know, what's the word? It's like an important part of your friendship. It's just like overlooking them or making them feel forgotten. It's not about the actual date.

[Matt Ritter]

Not at all.

[Aaron Caro]

I think this calls for a, a tongue in cheek text. Like a happy birthday or no happy anniversary. And she's gonna be like, oh my God, I can't believe I forgot. Or something like that.

[Matt Ritter]

I agree. I think this calls even more so for a. How did we forget that?

[Aaron Caro]

Well, one person didn't forget it, the other person did.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, but I'm saying how did. It's both, it's on both of you. If you didn't plan, if you didn't plan it together. So I think it's, I'm saying the better move, like, yes. Oh, got it. So maybe you remembered, but you didn't activate it. So here's the thing. Something's going on with your communication, so you shouldn't feel awkward about. If it was the week before, nothing got planned, you should have said something then. Right? Because now you have a beef or a gripe that you didn't need to have because you didn't communicate. Right. That happens a lot. And so now, okay, so we're dealing with the aftermath. I think you should just bite the bullet. Be like, I can't believe we both dropped the ball on that. Just let it go. Don't. Instead of putting it on the person if what you Want is to maintain this tradition. I wouldn't harp. I wouldn't, like, turn it into a, like a, an issue.

[Aaron Caro]

It's. God. Someone used some term. I can't remember, but this is like a, A, A benign white lie, Right? We both forgot very.

[Matt Ritter]

But I think it is some. I think, like, a lot of times people don't use a benign white lie, and instead they create friction. And I think friendship, if you want a healthy friendship, like, you should not add unnecessary friction.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, I agree. I mean, I wonder if, by the way, it's a friend anniversary. Just celebrate it now.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, that's the thing. We were just saying make updates, right. It's like, oh, should we just change it to this month now? Does that work better for you?

[Aaron Caro]

Right, Right.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, does August work better for you for our friend anniversary? The other thing is, too, there is a chance that this person is not into it anymore. And that brings up a question that I think is more relevant to our listeners. Isn't about forgetting. I think it's about what do you do when somebody's just not into this ritual that you had before?

[Aaron Caro]

Right. Well, it's. This seems like a. We'll just extrapolate. I feel like in this case, it's.

[Matt Ritter]

Just they forgot nothing. But I'm just saying, I think that's the question that our listeners probably want the answer to. Right. Like, what do you do when somebody isn't into a ritual anymore?

[Aaron Caro]

Right. Like, you and I just had this conversation. I mean, this is coming out a little bit later, but we used to do a July 4th ritual that didn't happen this year. Just kind of faded away. The person who was planning it was like, I got. It's too much to work. Yeah. We actually haven't talked about the end of rituals that much. It's like, either someone's got to take. Take on the mantle. Right. Because. Because for planners, if the planner doesn't want to plan it, then the other people got to step up. The fanners.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, look again, let's not panic. I just think this is a more relevant question. Right. Rituals evolve people. Schedules evolve. Their interests change, their energy change. That doesn't mean the friendship is dead. Right. I think you do need to check the meaning behind the miss. Right. Like, we just do need to know a little more about. About the myth. And, you know, if. If this ritual stops, like, is your connection healthy? Is this the only thing hanging, you know, hanging it together? Right. Again, like, our annual dinner is a great tradition, but it's not the Only thing that keeps our friend group together.

[Aaron Caro]

Can you imagine if someone forgot?

[Matt Ritter]

Just like completely forgot. Luger is impossible. It's impossible.

[Aaron Caro]

Did I ever tell this story? This is. This is return. Back in my Coachella days, you know, we had a big group of going to Coachella every year.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

10, 15 people from all across the country. And we have a. Got a group. We had a group thread. One of the guys brothers are part of the group. So Chuck's brother Carl.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

He shoots the whole gang, attacks yo, dudes. I couldn't get a direct. So I'm going to layover in Denver on my way to. To Indio. We're like, bro, Coachella's next weekend.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, my God.

[Aaron Caro]

Because I thought it was the same weekend of the Masters. We're like, why would you think that.

[Matt Ritter]

People mess up schedules, man. Well, there is two weekends of Coachella. I mean, that's the thing. Why are there two weekends? He was.

[Aaron Caro]

He missed them both.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, well, yeah, that's a problem.

[Aaron Caro]

Returning in his. In his. In his flop.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, my God. That's truly incredible.

[Aaron Caro]

So he. Yeah, he had little kids. He had to ask for the. The weekend off and then ask for another weekend off.

[Matt Ritter]

So what did he. Oh, you went again.

[Aaron Caro]

He came for the real thing.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Oh, my God. But I mean, look, sometimes people don't want to keep doing the ritual. I mean, people's interests change, their, you know, desire to do this thing change. It can be tough sometimes, but if they still want to be friends sometimes, you know, you need to know what's going on.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I think we can separate the ritual from the friendship. I don't think, again, we don't have much from this question. I don't think the other person is like, we're not friends anymore.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. That's what I'm saying. All you need to do, you just joke about it and just be like, you want to get together Tuesday?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Yeah. Or just not say anything.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. But then if you're longing, if you're missing this ritual, I just think it's going to be bothering you.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So keep the friction low. Deploy a benign white lie if needed, and, you know, keep the friendship strong.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Or you could create it easier if there's a different. You know, I mean, that does seem like an easy one. Once a year dinner. But sometimes the ritual is, you know, not fitting into somebody's schedule. So maybe you need to tweak the ritual.

[Aaron Caro]

Right? Yeah. Yep, yep, yep. All right, guys, that was asking for a friend. If you have a Friendship question or ethical dilemma? Send it to us on Instagram and we will answer it on the show. All right, Matt, any other thoughts about friendiversaries? Any celebration ideas? Do you go full, you know, banner, happy 10th or whatever?

[Matt Ritter]

I think there's something funny. Like, this isn't that. But you remember when we went to Life is Young and Adam made the T shirts with all. All of us as kids? I think. Yeah. When we're young, I think there's something funny. Fireball, Adam. I think there's something funny about, you know, if it's a longer friendship, like doing something related to your year that you met. Remember when you had that party and we put the year you. Everybody met Caro on the T shirt? So, like, if you could do something related to 2010 or 1986 or whatever.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, I mean, I think a good little. Some photos from. From through the years is fun. And. And if. If, you know, this is actually giving me an idea. Dark room is closed. But maybe me and Shane should get a drink at Q's.

[Matt Ritter]

Yes. I like that.

[Aaron Caro]

Celebrate our initial meeting.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I mean, I. You know, like, should we go to Plainview? Should we go to Jamaica Avenue, you and I, and just get a drink to make Jamaica Avenue. Gosh, it's closed, right?

[Aaron Caro]

No, it's. No, it's open. It's. I think it's daycare or something.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, we're not gonna go drink at Jamaica Avenue.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Yeah, I was. I was. As you know, I was just back in our hometown, Plainview, Long Island. I'm not often back, like, in the summer, so it was very verdant. Like, it rained. It was very green. It was looking good. It was looking good. When I'm there in the winter, it's lush.

[Matt Ritter]

It's lush. In. In the summer, there's. Isn't there a big. Not like a preserve or reserve? What's that? What's that big preserve?

[Aaron Caro]

Didn't we have a whole debate about.

[Matt Ritter]

Is it a reserve? But isn't there a big one in Plainview?

[Aaron Caro]

You talking about the sump?

[Matt Ritter]

No, I'm not talking about the sump. Next to my house. I grew up next to a sump, everybody.

[Aaron Caro]

Is there a nature reserve?

[Matt Ritter]

It's a great neighbor. No, it doesn't. Mom. You know what makes a great neighbor? A neighbor? No, no. There was like, a preserve in old death page on the old. That page side.

[Aaron Caro]

So, like, so, like, animals and, like.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I think so. Near Round Swamp. Am I making this up?

[Aaron Caro]

It sounds vaguely familiar. I mean, that was the nicer part of town. So I don't know. We didn't really.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah. Nicer part of town. Old age. People who could tell us what. What I'm talking about. Was there a preserve or reserve? Preserve.

[Aaron Caro]

But it would be funny. I don't know if we'll ever be back and plan to you at the same time, but it would be funny just to get a picture. Go back. I mean, we'll probably get arrested, but go back to our elementary school. I think we should get a little friendiversary photo. Any. Any other friendiversaries?

[Matt Ritter]

You.

[Aaron Caro]

You recently met your buddy Dan. Like.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Do you know. Do you know that date? You don't know the date?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, well, yeah, I do. I do. Exactly. Thanks to us. It was the night of our first holiday party.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh. Because he came that when you met him. And he came back at him that.

[Matt Ritter]

Day in our strollers with our newborns.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay.

[Matt Ritter]

Talking. We hit it off and I was like, if you want to come to this party, you don't really know that many people in la. It's gonna be a lot of fun people here because they just moved to la.

[Aaron Caro]

Do you know the exact spot on the sidewalk?

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, yeah, yeah. It was right on the corner of 1st of 1st.

[Aaron Caro]

We don't have to give your exact location to Chase.

[Matt Ritter]

Chase bank. Outside of the Chase. No, it was literally in the middle of the street. We had to stop. We had to move to one side. You know when you meet somebody and you're in the middle of a. Like a crossing and you start talking, like, what do you. One of you has to walk to the other way if you want to keep that convo going.

[Aaron Caro]

I've. I've had that. I mean, this is just a life thing. Like when you. You actually need to go somewhere, you're in a rush, but you meet someone, they're like, oh, my God.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh.

[Aaron Caro]

But I'm like, I have to go. Or I'm in the car, I'm driving. Like, I gotta move.

[Matt Ritter]

Right? I know, I know. We need to create a better phrase or something. It's like, like, okay, bad time. Do this again. Something, you know, like, bad time. Call, text me. We'll make it happen.

[Aaron Caro]

Right? All right. All right, great. Well, guys, tell us about your friend anniversaries. Do you have an epic friend anniversary with one of your buddies? And what have you done to celebrate? All right, guys, thank you so much for listening. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.

[Matt Ritter]

Love you, buddy.

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[Matt Ritter]

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[Aaron Caro]

You could say, just my luck.

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[Matt Ritter]

Neighbor, State Farm is there and we'll.

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