#151 - Territorial Friends

Summary

Podcast Summary: Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode #151: Territorial Friends

Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo
Release Date: September 30, 2025

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Overview

In this episode, Matt and Aaron dive into the sometimes awkward and always important topic of “territorial friends”—those people who gatekeep their friend groups, are weird about mixing social circles, or struggle when “friend worlds collide.” They explore the boundaries, etiquette, healthy vs. unhealthy behaviors, and real-life situations where this plays out, offering practical advice and personal stories along the way.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Travel Mishaps & Humor (01:51 – 06:42)

• Matt shares a comedic and frustrating story about his wife’s ordeal traveling with a lesser-known airline (Breeze Air)—including delays caused by a stolen exit sign, lack of basic amenities, and the challenges of budget air travel.
• Both hosts lament the "efficiencies" of low-cost airlines (no luggage drops, manual check-ins), leading to jokes about "Kirkland Airlines" and "Trader Joe Air."
• Reference to Ryanair’s cost-cutting mentality and the hypothetical popularity of “standing flights.”

Notable Quote:

"If we could make our tickets cheaper and you had to stand, we would sell out." – Quoting Ryanair founder (06:02)

2. Defining Territorial Friends (07:00 – 09:07)

• The core theme is introduced: territorial friends are those who keep friends or friend groups very separate, gatekeep events, and can be possessively weird about cross-group socializing.
• Matt gives definitions: friends who get annoyed when friend groups mix, or who insist on boundaries around inclusion.
• Examples: College vs. work friends, gatekeeping hangouts, not letting you see mutual friends without them.

Notable Quote:

"They want to keep the friend group separate… control who's allowed in… don't let you see people without them." – Matt Ritter (07:11)

3. Healthy vs Unhealthy Territoriality (09:07 – 10:24)

• The hosts clarify it’s normal to have boundaries around certain core groups (e.g. long-standing friend crews), and sometimes, exclusivity preserves a group’s vibe or intimacy.
• “Territorial” isn’t always negative; sometimes it’s about maintaining clear group identities.

Notable Quote:

"There are definitely degrees… I think it's valid to have boundaries for a friend group." – Matt Ritter (09:07)

4. Personal Stories & Real-World Examples (10:24 – 13:44)

• Aaron recalls camping trips and the discomfort of inviting a new, unknown person—especially in vulnerable situations (e.g. camping, mushrooms).
• Matt shares about vetting new people for his basketball league: worried about both skill level and group dynamics, citing a time they declined a female player for a “dads’ league” to maintain the specific energy (while emphasizing inclusivity elsewhere).

Notable Most Memorable Quote:

"If there are mind-altering drugs involved—no strangers." – Aaron Karo (10:52)

• The territory can be about vulnerability: "I think there was a certain amount of vulnerability we want to have amongst the dads there." – Matt Ritter (13:17)

5. The “Usurp” Phenomenon & Open Friendships (14:05 – 16:07)

• The conversation turns to the awkwardness when a friend introduces you to a new person or group, and then you and the new friends start hanging out without the original connector.
• Is it insecurity? Is it possessiveness? Should people just accept it? The answer: practice “open friendships.”

Notable Quote:

"We should practice having open friendships. Like open relationships. You can hang out with other people under respectful circumstances and boundaries." – Aaron Karo (15:42)

6. Listener Question: Navigating Group Dynamics (16:44 – 24:43)

• Listener dilemma: “My friend introduced me to their friend group. Now I hang out with them without my original friend, and weird vibes are happening. Am I wrong, or is he territorial?” (16:56)
• Matt draws parallels to Aaron’s own experience being absorbed by a friend’s crew.
• Key advice:
  • Always invite and include the original connector friend, even if they can’t make it. Err on respect.
  • Don’t talk behind their back.
  • Show gratitude for the introduction.
  • When planning, be proactive: suggest activities the original friend can join.

Notable Quotes:

"Just make them feel attached to that thing that happened… Give them credit for it. Guys like credit." – Matt Ritter (21:44)

"If you're the new guy, the person writing in, kudos to you for even thinking to ask this question." – Aaron Karo (21:18)

"Friendship's supposed to expand your life, not shrink it." – Matt Ritter (24:43)

7. Group Boundaries, Inclusion, and “Captains” (25:08 – 32:14)

• Matt and Aaron discuss group “border patrol”—the informal rules and unspoken “captains” who manage entrances, invitations, and overall vibe.
• Everyone has group leaders: someone handles the social calendar, others vet new members, sometimes entire new group texts are spun up to exclude someone who doesn’t fit.
• Being territorial isn’t always negative; it can show you care about group dynamic and friendship quality.

Notable Story:

• Aaron describes a friend group starting a new text thread to exclude one annoying member—and accidentally texting the old thread a year later (28:17).

8. Modern Friendship Tools and Closing Remarks (29:39 – end)

• Banter about technology—texting on computers, voice memos, the future of “thought to text,” and the perils thereof.
• Parting thoughts: “territorial” is a spectrum, with both healthy and unhealthy expressions. The best practice is open, honest communication and a little bit of gratitude for the connectors who expand our circles.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |---------------|-----------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 06:02 | Ryanair founder (quoted) | "If we could make our tickets cheaper and you had to stand, we would sell out." | | 07:11 | Matt Ritter | "They want to keep the friend group separate… control who's allowed in… don't let you see people without them." | | 10:52 | Aaron Karo | "If there are mind-altering drugs involved—no strangers." | | 13:17 | Matt Ritter | "I think there was a certain amount of vulnerability we want to have amongst the dads there." | | 15:42 | Aaron Karo | "We should practice having open friendships. Like open relationships. You can hang out with other people under respectful circumstances and boundaries." | | 21:44 | Matt Ritter | "Just make them feel attached to that thing that happened… Give them credit. Guys like credit." | | 24:43 | Matt Ritter | "Friendship's supposed to expand your life, not shrink it." |

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Practical Tips for Navigating Territorial Friends

• Err on the side of respect: Always invite and include the original connector, even if you’re now close with their friends. (18:23)
• Show gratitude: Explicitly thank the person who included you; credit means a lot. (21:44)
• Don’t gatekeep unless necessary: Sometimes exclusivity is needed for a certain group dynamic, but default to inclusivity where possible.
• Be self-aware: If you sense jealousy or weirdness, address it openly and honestly. (21:18)
• Group captains exist: In every social group, someone naturally enforces boundaries—acknowledge and respect this informal role. (31:15)
• Over-communicate: “Over-invite” the connector, discuss weird vibes directly, and suggest inclusive plans. (22:29, 24:43)

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Episode Structure: Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:51 – 06:42 – Airline fails & humor
• 07:00 – 09:07 – Defining territorial friends
• 10:24 – 13:44 – Personal stories: mushrooms & basketball leagues
• 14:05 – 16:07 – Open friendships versus usurping
• 16:44 – 24:43 – Listener question: joining a friend group, etiquette, and solutions
• 25:08 – 32:14 – Group captains, managing borders, exclusion stories
• 29:39 – end – Friendship tech musings and closing philosophy

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Final Takeaway

Being “territorial” in friendship groups can be both protective and problematic. Set clear boundaries, value inclusivity, communicate openly, and always respect the group’s integrity. And if you’re lucky enough to be welcomed into a new circle, show gratitude—and pay it forward.

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"Be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you."
– Aaron Caro (32:44)

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For more friendship advice, stories, and fun, check out Man of the Year at manoftheyearpodcast.com and their Instagram.

Transcript

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[Matt Ritter]

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[Aaron Caro]

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[Aaron Caro]

Sign what?

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The app. Yeah, sure.

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[Matt Ritter]

Anything to help, I suppose.

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[Matt Ritter]

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[Aaron Caro]

Man of the year.

[Matt Ritter]

Man of the Year. Man of the Year. Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Matt Ritter.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm Aaron Caro.

[Matt Ritter]

Guys, go to manofthearpodcast.com, get a hat, take it to the airport, get people treating you nicely. It's very important. Check out our YouTube page. You won't get any special nice treatment there, but it's fun to see us there. Caro. I've never done the second third tier airlines, and now I know why. My wife took our son to North Carolina, the Outer Banks, which is the most remote place on earth. But that's where her father chose to live. He's a fisherman and that's where the best fishing is. And, you know, slower place of life, middle of the ocean. If you don't know where it is, I suggest our listeners look it up on a map. It's absurd how in the middle of the ocean it is. It's not connected to the continental US but by a tiny little sliver of a bridge. So it's hard to get to. You have to fly to Norfolk. The only airline that flies direct was Breeze Air. Have you ever even heard of Breeze Air? No. It's generally not a good idea to fly with airlines you've never heard of. So she didn't tell me that. It's probably my fault. I should have looked into it. But she told me there was no other direct flights and we've got a small child, so she thought that was the best way. It was just a mother son trip. So she gets there and they don't even have a drop off. So you have to wait in line like they did in the 90s to drop your luggage. There's no luggage drop.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm trying to even think, because I never travel with luggage. What do you mean, no luggage drop?

[Matt Ritter]

Well, like now all the major airlines have a luggage drop at the computer station.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. You print out your tag and you just get it.

[Matt Ritter]

Yes. They don't have that. That's not. That's not something. That's the first thing. Yeah. Second thing is their flight's delayed and they said they're having a mechanical issue. I could you. If I gave you a thousand guesses, you wouldn't guess the mechanical issue. So I'll just tell you. Somebody stole the exit sign.

[Aaron Caro]

Like on the plane.

[Matt Ritter]

The exit row sign, like in.

[Aaron Caro]

Within the plane.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

That's. First of all, it's like, how would you even notice that? I feel like you wouldn't even notice that.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. But unfortunately it's FAA regs. You cannot fly without.

[Aaron Caro]

Fair. Fair enough.

[Matt Ritter]

So I just assumed that there was like a, I don't know, airplane depot right near the airport where you just pick up things like that. Yeah, there should be. Apparently not. And so they don't have any other planes. They don't just have other planes floating around. So they were like, all right, we're pushing our flight back till 7pm they thought they could scramble to get this exit. They couldn't get the exit row sign in that day. She spent eight hours at the airport and then I had to drive her again to the airport the next day.

[Aaron Caro]

First of all, I could get an exit row in eight hours.

[Matt Ritter]

That's what I'm saying. Couldn't I get one on Amazon prime right now and have it delivered to the airport?

[Aaron Caro]

These airlines. Because I took something similar to Vancouver When I wanted to see Taylor Swift, it was the only flight I could get. Oh, yeah?

[Matt Ritter]

What'd you take?

[Aaron Caro]

Like, it didn't even have a name. I don't think it was just called Airline. It was like, it was like Airline X. It was, it was a. What's the name of the, of the brand at Costco?

[Matt Ritter]

Kirkland.

[Aaron Caro]

Yes, it was like Kirkland Airlines.

[Matt Ritter]

Wow. Trader Trader Joe Air.

[Aaron Caro]

But the thing is, it's like, it's just the, the way they cut costs. Like, everyone had to wait, Wait online to check in. Like, there was no. You can't print a boarding.

[Matt Ritter]

Right, right, right, right.

[Aaron Caro]

Like, how does that help?

[Matt Ritter]

Right. No, that's what I'm saying. Like, I, I don't even understand. I, I thought the idea was, oh, we're cheap because we're efficient.

[Aaron Caro]

Right, Right.

[Matt Ritter]

Not like, oh, we're cheap because we just don't have anything you need.

[Aaron Caro]

I once read an interview with the guy who founded Ryanair. Yeah, right. Super cheap European Air. And he was like, a lot of customers are all. They care about his price. He's like, if we could, if we could make our tickets cheaper and you had a stand, we would sell out.

[Matt Ritter]

Standing flights.

[Aaron Caro]

He's like, all people want to do is get where they're going as cheaply as possible.

[Matt Ritter]

Standing flights? Yeah, there's probably some.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, now they got. Well, now they got. Have you, have you ever done a super, like, Emiratis where there's a bar?

[Matt Ritter]

No, I've never done that.

[Aaron Caro]

Seems cool.

[Matt Ritter]

Wait, but are there standing flights?

[Aaron Caro]

No, he was joking. He was like, obviously you can't do that, but if we could, we would.

[Matt Ritter]

No, there probably are somewhere. Maybe not in the U.S. but.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I, I, I, I hope she has safe travels.

[Matt Ritter]

And that's, I mean, it's just absurd. Anyway, unrelated, Unrelated to that. I was thinking about a topic that we have not covered yet, and that is territorial friends. Do you have any territorial friends?

[Aaron Caro]

Well, this is funny because you often ask me or people ask me, oh, do you have friends who, like, don't treat you well or whatever? And I always say no because I'm not friends with them anymore.

[Matt Ritter]

Right.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, can you define what that means?

[Matt Ritter]

First, I would define it as the friend who makes it weird or gets annoyed when the friend worlds collide, which could be, you know, they want to keep the friend group separate or they want to gatekeep certain hangouts or certain friendship groups or control who's allowed into a group or not, you know, let you see people without them. Right. I guess you'd see it the most with, like, college friend doesn't want you to meet their work friends, or the connector friend who doesn't want. Who actually doesn't want the people hanging out with them, or, you know, who gets into the parent groups, you know, whatever. Like, there's a lot of different crews that, you know, where it's like, you have all these different crews, and sometimes you have friends who don't want other people in them. Right. If you have a built crew, I think that's the most common. But then there's like, the. I think the worst kind is, like, they don't want you hanging out with their friends without them.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, that last part is. Is usurp adjacent. That might be a whole other thing. I had that experience more in my 20s. Like, you know, we were talking about Coachella. Like, I joined an existing house and enjoy an existing group. So one of the guys, our buddy Nate literally had, like, I'm gonna go to bat for you, and, like, sent a whole text message to the group, like, this guy's cool, right?

[Matt Ritter]

That's great. It's the opposite of territorial. It's what we want.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, presumably the other guys were like, well, we can't just get another. Like, we have a group. Like, we can't just, like, let another.

[Matt Ritter]

Dude in right now. I think a lot of people feel that way.

[Aaron Caro]

We also had a. A. A girl in the group I'm not going to name who was territorial about the guy's girlfriends. So if one of the guys started dating a new girl, like, she needed to, like, gatekeep that.

[Matt Ritter]

It's pretty funny. That is common, though. That is common. So I think, you know, when you say that word territorial, I think it probably has a negative connotation. There are definitely degrees, right? Because I think it's valid to have boundaries for a friend group.

[Aaron Caro]

Don't you say more about boundaries?

[Matt Ritter]

Well, the defined group, right. It's. It's. It's healthy to have a defined group to go, hey, you know, me, you. The other guys from Plainview make up our Luger crew. Nobody else is getting into that, but, you know, me, you, Jeff, and Adam. We have our own little thing, you know, like, there are different groups. Like, I've got, you know, my. My D of Larmont crew. We've got our. We got. You can't just let anyone in.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, so it's interesting because within those groups, those are the groups you. If the four of us were going somewhere and you were going to bring someone who was, like, kind of random, you would have to probably just have the X. Yeah, right.

[Matt Ritter]

I would. So, you know, my point is like, I guess that would be, you know, within what we're talking about of territorial, of the. The one where it's like, okay, should we let other people into this thing? Right. And some people are more open of like, let everybody into our thing. And others are like, no, but that's what makes our thing our thing.

[Aaron Caro]

I'll give you an example of me being territorial. A few years ago, some of the guys were planning, like, it was like a one night camping trip to do mushrooms and, you know, usual like west side crew. And then one of the guys wanted to bring his friend who I had never met. You know, maybe one of the other guys had met. And I'm like, that's. That throws up the whole vibe.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Also, we're going to be on mushrooms. We can't have a stranger.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I agree with that completely. If there are mind altering drugs involved.

[Aaron Caro]

No strangers, I don't even want. You're not even supposed to look in the mirror when you're on mushrooms.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, God. Yeah. Some guy, random person you've never met before.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm territorial about our basketball league. You know, I just, I. We need to vet her.

[Aaron Caro]

Walk me through the. The blocking of that. Not the literal blocking. The.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, it's got to be people that are. Honestly, they can't be too good or too bad.

[Aaron Caro]

But. But back up. How does it even be? Has it even presented to you?

[Matt Ritter]

People are like, oh, I want to. I want to bring this person down.

[Aaron Caro]

So they text you to call you. They're talking.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. All right, well, hold on. Like, is it like we don't want some NBA player coming into this dad's league at the temple? Yeah, like, have they ever. Or like people who have like aggression issues. This is not that.

[Aaron Caro]

But do you. Do you. Do you ask that?

[Matt Ritter]

Yes. Yes. Yeah. Are you in charge? Me and Dan, you know, one other guy, you know, it's like, just like, just making sure everybody's on the same page.

[Aaron Caro]

This may be a silly question. Is the basketball league at the temple? Is everybody Jewish? No, that's just where the court is.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, it's where the court is. Just a roof deck court.

[Aaron Caro]

Have you ever rejected anybody?

[Matt Ritter]

Yes. I mean, I don't want to get into it.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, we're doing a podcast. Matt. I mean, keep it, Keep it.

[Matt Ritter]

Okay, fine. I'll. I'll say it. Somebody wanted to bring a female that he's friends with. And we were just like, that's not really the energy we're looking for in the dad's basketball league. Nothing against women. Women can play basketball. Women can play pickleball. Just this specific dad's league on the roof. It wasn't the right energy for it.

[Aaron Caro]

Let me ask you this. That's very interesting. Is she. Is she. How was her skill level?

[Matt Ritter]

We don't know. I was asked and was like, prefer not.

[Aaron Caro]

I think that's fair. I mean, that's like, first of all, guys are allowed to have guys only spaces. Like. Yeah, it's nothing like that would be the same as, you know, one of the guys wants to bring his husband if he was gay. Like, well, you know, this is. I don't know, maybe. Is that a weird analogy?

[Matt Ritter]

I don't think that's the right.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, because you want to talk some. You want to like.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I think there was a certain amount of vulnerability we want to have amongst the dads there.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I mean, it's like bringing a woman to a men's group. That's okay.

[Matt Ritter]

Right, Right. I just. I just want to clarify. I'm happy to play ball with a woman at any pickup game in la. If a random pickup game, if you.

[Aaron Caro]

Weren'T so inclusive in the rest of your life, maybe that would be a flag. But, like, yeah, it's. That's totally fine.

[Matt Ritter]

Also, like, I was being territorial anyway. That was my being territorial. But. But I think what we're talking about for the purposes of the pod is the unhealthy version of that. Right. The unhealthy version is you introduce me to somebody, we hit it off, I want to hang out with them. You don't like that, by the way.

[Aaron Caro]

Can I just say, if somebody was like, oh, I want to bring this girl to our guy's mushroom trip.

[Matt Ritter]

Right.

[Aaron Caro]

It's nothing to. It's not. It's not sexist.

[Matt Ritter]

No, I agree. I just. In 2025, I feel you have to preface everything. Of course.

[Aaron Caro]

Absolutely. But in this case, that's. I think that's very fine. I mean, it's just like, it's a. That's Dad's league and that's it. There's no women in Dilfs of Larchmont.

[Matt Ritter]

Right, That's. That's right. That's right. That's right. All of the moms are starting their own thing.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, that's fine. It's a. It's the mother's auxiliary.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Wait, so back to the so. Yeah, I mean, I Think that we should be talking about those situations because those are where they're prevalent and a problem.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, you mentioned the end. You know, introducing someone to a friend and then they take the friendship over and they're hanging out without you.

[Matt Ritter]

There's the ownership issue of the friend. It's, it's like, is it insecurity? Is it control? Is it identity? Is it fair to feel that way?

[Aaron Caro]

You know, I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's this case by case basis. You know, if. If you feel like you're now you're not seeing your mutual friend anymore, this guy's like, stolen your friend away. I mean, it's kind of messed up. It's also kind of messed up for the mutual friend.

[Matt Ritter]

Right?

[Aaron Caro]

You know, it's really on them. You know, I think we should practice having open friendships. Like open relationships. Say they in.

[Matt Ritter]

No, I like it. Open friendships.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I think an open friendship, just like an open relationship, means that you can hang out with other people under respectful circumstances and boundaries. You can, you know, make plans. Other people. Doesn't affect your, you know, main friendship, but you have to be allowed to kind of listen. Men weren't meant to be monogamous.

[Matt Ritter]

In friendship.

[Aaron Caro]

In friendship, exactly.

[Matt Ritter]

Wait, you know what? Let's take a listen to your question because it delves into this.

[Aaron Caro]

We'll be right back.

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[Aaron Caro]

Okay, guys, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram man of the Year podcast and we will answer it on the show. Matt, take it away.

[Matt Ritter]

Hey, Matt and Caro. I've got a friend who introduced me to their friend group and now I'm fully part of it. But I still get a weird vibe whenever I hang out with them without my original friend. Am I doing something wrong or are they being territorial? So this is like you in Jeff's crew, because this is different. I think a lot of the times it's like, oh, One on one, I've met a mutual friend. Now we're all friends, and then you get close, and then, of course, it's fine for you to hang out with that person. Right. It's a separate second scenario where it's like, okay, so now you brought. You've been brought into somebody's friend group, and now you're hanging out with that whole group. So now this person probably feeling replaced.

[Aaron Caro]

Do we have a sense, like, what is the person? Are they excluding the original guy or just. He just happened that didn't say.

[Matt Ritter]

But, you know, maybe he's just not as available. Right. I mean, you're probably not as available as. I mean, Jeff's probably not as available as you are to his west side friend circle. And you probably see them more than he does. Right.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, at this point, it's been 15 years. I'm. I'm in there. I'm. I'm the one kicking other people out.

[Matt Ritter]

Correct, correct. But the point still stands. This is a very analogous situation. And early on, did it, you know, did that feel weird? Is there weirdness? Should there be?

[Aaron Caro]

I think you always have to err on the side of respect to the original person, which is, if they can't make it, fine. But make sure they have been invited and included. Overly invited and included. Make sure you're hanging out with them just on your own. The original friend. I mean, obviously make sure that there's no sort of talking behind anyone's back about the original friend.

[Matt Ritter]

Right.

[Aaron Caro]

Let's also take the. The question asker was the original friend and now feels excluded. We don't like telling people how they should feel.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, I think it's a good thing.

[Matt Ritter]

What, your.

[Aaron Caro]

Your new buddy is now hanging out with your friend crew.

[Matt Ritter]

Yes, yes. I mean, look, I agree. Right. It's about, what do we do about. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Right. I think good friends don't gatekeep necessarily.

[Aaron Caro]

The question after was the guy who's in the group, not the other person.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah. He's. He's. He's. Now he's like Matthew Serper. K. Ro. The west side. You serve.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Matt Ritter]

But he's saying that he gets a weird vibe from his friend.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, I see. So he. He. Okay, okay. Like.

[Matt Ritter]

Like, imagine you came back from Coachella and Jeff's like, so you went to Coachella with my high school crew.

[Aaron Caro]

Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. You know, we've talked about this. Like, I. I don't Feel like you need to get permission, but, like, if it's your buddy's crew, I. I think.

[Matt Ritter]

Here'S a weird thing, right? Like, of course you don't need permission to do anything. You're a grown man. Should you maybe clear it early on just because this comes up so much? And I'm wondering if we're missing an opportunity to cut that off at the pass early of, like, you know, I really dig this crew. You know, they invited me to think you're cool with that. Like, are you cool with that? Like, I just want to make sure I'm not overstepping. Or is that not needed?

[Aaron Caro]

It's a good question. It's weird, you know, you're kind of asking permission, but not asking permission.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. Like, is it just something you should say as good form?

[Aaron Caro]

Right? Because another way to describe it would be, hey, Bobby, you know, those guys asked me to come to Coachella. Are you going? Like, should I go? Like, let's.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. It's almost like the much lesser version of like, hey, you know, I'm going out with that girl that you dated once upon a time, right? You don't have an issue with that, do you? Because you're really not supposed to be allowed to have an issue with that as a grown man. Right? Like the. The friendship version.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, I like the fact I got confused for a second. I like the fact that this, the person writing in, is the new friend in the group. So at least he's self aware, right? We're trying to get Right. Practice radical self awareness. Okay, this is a little weird. Like, kudos to you for even thinking to ask this question.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. How about showing gratitude to your original friend for introducing them?

[Aaron Caro]

Okay, Say more about that.

[Matt Ritter]

So just next time you see him, be like, you know, really? So I'm so grateful that you introduced me to these guys. Like, they're. I love them. I. I know. I feel like I've created these genuine friendships now and it wouldn't have happened without you. Like, just make them feel attached to that thing that happened, you know? Give them credit for it. Guys. Like, credit.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, Yeah. I think that should be like, ob. I think this what you're saying within the organ organic conversation. You're not taking him at the dinner to thank him. To introduce friends. Yeah. Gratitude is great. Okay, how about this? Oh, I got one. Matt.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

You're new into this group. Well, should you suggest, hey, we gotta do something that Jimmy could do, because, like, it's like, Try to build something when we know he can come.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. I think that would be good too, because I think part of it is like, if you just. If this person's just suddenly not getting to do these things and you're doing all these fun things with their friend, of course you're going to be like, what the hell, dude?

[Aaron Caro]

Right. Because I. I'm presuming that if you're the original friend and you got really busy and you haven't been seeing your buddies in a while, and those buddies are hanging out without you, without some new guy, that's okay. It's like, well, they're hanging out. I work. But now Caro's there.

[Matt Ritter]

How are you not going to feel jealous about that? You're going to, right? Again, like, our pod is like, we're not living in a fantasy land. I. I feel that you're going to feel jealous and maybe there's a way to address it that we haven't necessarily, you know, talked about.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I mean, if you're the new. I mean, if you're the left out person, it's also like, hey, guys, let's. Can we try to do something that I can come to? You know, it doesn't sound like anything nefarious is happening. So this may be a seasonal.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Seasonal of a friendship disorder, you.

[Matt Ritter]

Know, because like, you definitely don't want to hear like, hey, we were. You don't want to hear like, hey, me and the guys were talking about taking this trip. Do you want to come? It's like, do I want to come? These are my friends.

[Aaron Caro]

You.

[Matt Ritter]

You know, it's like, what?

[Aaron Caro]

Right? Yeah, yeah. The new guy's got to make sure the original guy is invited, included, and said not everybody can attend every event.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

And also, we're also presuming what the original guy thinks.

[Matt Ritter]

Yes, exactly. You've ever. But. But again, it sounds like he's getting enough passive aggressive vibes. He's not making it up.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, friend, your friends aren't my readers.

[Matt Ritter]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. But yes, you should talk about it. I think you should talk about it. I think it'll allow him to at least, you know, feel heard and seen. A lot of this is about feeling seen and heard. Instead of feeling like he's create, he may have created a whole narrative in his head like, you stole his friends.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

And so we don't want that happening. That's why we want to over communicate. Like, yeah, hey, man, you know, I really missed you there. I love hanging out with your friends, you know, and like we've actually become friends. It wouldn't have happened without you. But look, friendship's supposed to expand your life, not shrink it. We don't want anyone, you know, limiting your ability to make friends. But you do have to not be blacked out about that.

[Aaron Caro]

What about the fact that your newest friend crew, the Dils of Larchmont. I. I'm. By definition, I'm not allowed to join.

[Matt Ritter]

Right? I mean, some. I'm not. I'm not allowed to join your CrossFit group if I don't work out there. That's not allowed to go to somebody. You're not allowed to go to somebody's golf club outing if you're not a member there.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, I suppose. Are there anybody. Is there anyone who's not a dad in the group?

[Matt Ritter]

Problem?

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, so it's. Yeah, right, right. Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm gonna have to get Cairo a hat.

[Aaron Caro]

No, I want to earn it. An ally.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, we want. I know. The thing is, you can get in at any time nine months from tonight.

[Aaron Caro]

That's right. That's right. It would be funny.

[Matt Ritter]

Quite easy for you. You know what you need to do?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a nine month waiting period.

[Matt Ritter]

There is. The application period begins with that little stick that says plus.

[Aaron Caro]

Gils of Larchmont. Do we answer this question?

[Matt Ritter]

I think so. So, you know, treat your original friend with some respect. You don't need to walk on eggshells. You don't need other people's permission. But like, live in reality and try to not make them feel like, you know, totally excluded from his own friend group.

[Aaron Caro]

All right, guys, this was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send it to us on Instagram. Okay. Any other tips to deal with a territorial friend? If someone is blocking people from joining.

[Matt Ritter]

Or, I mean, you could joke. We always. I always think, like, joking is always a good way. You know.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, there also is a time, I mean, when being territorial is good.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Well, it means you care about that friendship, doesn't it?

[Aaron Caro]

If you're like this. But I don't. I wanna. I don't want this person in the group.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, yes, that's what I'm saying. I think it's okay to be more territorial about, you know, what you want your group dynamic to be. Right. If it's about a group that you're active in and you care about. I think it's. It's healthy to be like, this is what I see in this friendship group.

[Aaron Caro]

So I have a text thread with. With a Group. You don't know them.

[Matt Ritter]

And we all decided, I don't know them.

[Aaron Caro]

They're not in la. So it's. It's. I'm being purposely vague and we kind of all decided we didn't like one of the people. You started new tech, a new text thread. Just without that one person.

[Matt Ritter]

I've been. I've been there.

[Aaron Caro]

You've been removed or you've been the text.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, probably both. When you. When you. When you suddenly don't group text.

[Aaron Caro]

Wow. This group. This group chat. Really? And by the way, one time, like a year later, I accidentally wrote to.

[Matt Ritter]

The old group, as you do all your things on your computer. Never happens on the phone.

[Aaron Caro]

Texting from the computer is going to change your life. You're getting a new computer soon, Matt. You got a text from your computer.

[Matt Ritter]

I can safely say at this age and 2025, I will never in my life text from a computer. And I say that because even if I get a new computer, technology is to the point where I'm just not gonna have. I'm just gonna think things. But.

[Aaron Caro]

But texting from the computer is more boomer than texting from the phone.

[Matt Ritter]

No, but I'm saying I'm just. I'm not even gonna text at all. Barely. We're not going to use our hands to touch little buttons, by the way.

[Aaron Caro]

Can you imagine what kind of trouble we're gonna get into when you could text with things?

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, no, I didn't. I mean that. Nope. Oh, that was a typo of thought. That was a thought typo.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, no, honey, I was. I don't know why I texted her.

[Matt Ritter]

Somebody hacked my thoughts. Somebody. Oh, yeah, that's right. Why. Why did you. Why did you text that Hooters waitress? No, somebody hacked my thoughts.

[Aaron Caro]

The last thing we want is, is. Is, you know, our thoughts to. You don't even want iMessage on your computer now. You want it in your brain.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, you're right. You're right. Give me the old boomer. Text text on the computer.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, I just like, you know, when you, you know, we're not gonna get into it, but it's just the texting from the phone. I don't know. Have you tried any voice memos?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, dude, I'm all. I'm all in on it.

[Aaron Caro]

Are you?

[Matt Ritter]

I would say half in.

[Aaron Caro]

Wow. I didn't. I was actually joking. So you now you've been doing them?

[Matt Ritter]

Occasionally. If somebody does one to me, I'll do one back. I'm matching their energy.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. What a Strange. Strange man you are that.

[Matt Ritter]

I. Because I don't like voice memos.

[Aaron Caro]

No, I just like. You just feel like you make your life harder than it needs to be.

[Matt Ritter]

That's true.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I wouldn't dispute that for a second.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

A man struggle a bit.

[Aaron Caro]

That remind me of What's. What's the line from. What's the movie came out like two years ago about the Chicago 7.

[Matt Ritter]

Chicago 7.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. And Sasha Baron Cohen is. Sorry, give me a minute. I've never been on trial for my thoughts before.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, that was a good line.

[Aaron Caro]

That's gonna be you.

[Matt Ritter]

We will soon be on trial for our thoughts. When it's thought to text.

[Aaron Caro]

Anything else? Of. Of open friendships, territorialness, multiple crews, exclusivity.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I mean, should we, like, come up with like a. Like a border. Like, is there some sort of border enforcement role in a group? Territorial enforcement, like a border patrol agent for your friend group?

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, it's. You know, this is actually maybe another topic. You. You're. You're sort of the captain of your basketball team.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

But also the captain of the friend group.

[Matt Ritter]

Right.

[Aaron Caro]

Like, maybe that's a topic of, like, that's sort of like under your rubric of responsibilities.

[Matt Ritter]

Right? Yeah. Who's overseeing the boundaries? Who's overseeing the entry? The entry pass. The.

[Aaron Caro]

Right.

[Matt Ritter]

The qualifications.

[Aaron Caro]

But also, I think we can expand it. It's like, you know, every group's kind of got the captain who's.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Doing the social. Social calendar.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. But the. The. The. The. The informal process of, you know, the. The entrance, you know, to the group. Who's in charge.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, let me ask you this. If you had a friend, would you have to get other buying and you just bring them?

[Matt Ritter]

I would do it. I would. I would just mention it first.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, okay, fair enough. Fair enough. All right, guys, let us know if you have any. Have any. It. Let us know if you have had any issues with territorial friends or you've been barred from a friend group or you tried to bar someone from your friend group. Thank you so much. Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

And why.

[Aaron Caro]

Why was it. And. And was it deserved? And. And were you right?

[Matt Ritter]

Were you wrong?

[Aaron Caro]

And how was the mushroom trip? All right, guys, thank you for listening. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you.

[Matt Ritter]

Love you, buddy.

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[Aaron Caro]

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