#153 - The Sultan of Spontaneity vs. The Monarch of Monotony

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode #153 – The Sultan of Spontaneity vs. The Monarch of Monotony
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo
Date: October 14, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, Matt and Karo dive deep into the contrasting friendship styles that define their dynamic—and many friendships across the country. Matt, the “Sultan of Spontaneity,” champions last-minute plans and open-door policies, while Karo, self-proclaimed “Monarch of Monotony,” thrives on structured, planned-out socializing. Together, they dissect how different approaches to friendship affect connection, enjoyment, and inclusion—and tackle a listener’s dilemma about finding more “yes men” friends. The episode is packed with humor, actionable advice, and genuine insights drawn from both hosts’ decades of friendship.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. New Announcements & Updates

• Audible Original Launch:
  Karo and Matt excitedly announce their new Audible original, The Buddy System: A Modern Man’s Guide to Mastering Friendship, launching October 23rd. It features their top friendship tips, hacks, and new stories.
  “This is everything that our listeners have been looking for... It's a clear roadmap.” — Matt (00:49)

• New Year’s Resolutions Update:
  Karo shares progress on his resolution to try a new physical challenge: he’s signed up for a beginner's sprint triathlon!
  “Now all I’ve done is signed up for it. As usual, I have done no training.” — Karo (02:27)

• Infrared Fitness Fad:
  Karo tries out Burn LA, a West Hollywood gym offering workouts in an infrared “hot box”—essentially a bright, dry-heat sauna. The experience is intense, unique, and, for Karo, a fun (if not entirely sustainable) fitness trend.

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2. Sultan of Spontaneity vs. Monarch of Monotony: Friendship Styles

• Matt's Spontaneous Approach:

  • Matt welcomes unplanned drop-ins and thrives on flexibility—"Great moments happen in the cracks, not always in the calendar.” (09:42)
  • Prefers emotional and logistical availability with friends.
  • Open-door policy signals “emotional availability” (10:14)

• Karo's Planned Approach:

  • Karo prefers scheduling hangouts so he can be fully present and energetically available.
  • Advocates for looking forward to plans as an emotional boost:
    “If I have something to look forward to...then I’m a go hard or go home kind of guy.” (12:23)
  • Respects Matt’s spontaneity, but admits: “You love being spontaneous...and I like scheduling and having good visibility.” (07:37)

• Friendly Banter About Poppins:
  Matt describes “poppins” as friends dropping by with short notice; Karo sees it as an intrusion into his controlled social world.
  “Carol’s got that moat. He’s got that drawbridge. Nobody’s getting in randomly.” — Matt (09:07)
  “I think it signals that you’re a sociopath. I mean, who’s going to just pop in like that? It’s 2025.” — Karo (10:14)

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3. Bridging the Gap: Can Friendship Styles Coexist?

• Negotiating Differences:

  • Both hosts acknowledge it’s vital to understand and respect each other’s friendship instincts.
    "I don't disagree with you...I think you’ve brought me around tremendously to the idea of having things on the calendar." — Matt (13:02)

  • Matt now appreciates scheduled hangs; Karo has “creeped out” toward spontaneity:
    “A couple months ago, best friend Mike was like, you want to go to the Lakers game in two hours? I'm like, yeah, yeah.” — Karo (19:41)

• Key Takeaway:
  People rarely change fundamentally, but mutual respect and small gestures toward compromise (planned “spontaneity,” giving advanced warning) can help friends meet in the middle.
  “The fact is people don’t change. We’ve talked about this.” — Karo (24:33)

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4. Listener Question: How Do You Get More Spontaneous Friends?

Listener writes: Is it unreasonable to want “yes men”—guys who will join in on last-minute invites? My crew needs three weeks’ notice for a beer and it makes me feel less connected. (16:29)

Hosts’ Advice:

• Practice Radical Self-Awareness:
  Know your style and your friends’. Some friends need planning; others are always down for last-minute hangs. Respecting differences is key.

  "For friends like Dan, who need planning, I give him a wide berth… I know there’s a 99% chance he’s not going to be down for something last minute, and I’m okay with that now." — Karo (17:43)

• Negotiate a Middle Ground:

  • Plan “improv time” into scheduled events (21:17)
  • Set open-ended plans (“Let’s get together in three weeks, plans TBD”)
  • Suggest activities your less-spontaneous friend loves for best results.

• “Buy to Build a Crew” Tip:
  Matt recommends buying two tickets in advance (to a game, concert, or movie) and inviting an acquaintance. The one who spontaneously says yes self-selects as your new “yes man” friend.

  “When you start throwing out the invites, it self-selects for the spontaneous person.” — Matt (27:16)

• Consider Widening Your Social Circle:
  If your close group isn't matching your style, try adding friends who do.

  “If you’re missing a critical piece...it would benefit you to find an ‘up for whatever’ guy.” — Matt (31:34)

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5. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Spontaneity:

  “Great moments happen in the cracks, not in the calendar.” — Matt (09:42)
  “My open-door friendship policy signals my emotional availability. Not just logistically.” — Matt (10:14)

• On Structure:

  “I thrive on a schedule because that allows me to be emotionally and energetically available for my friends.” — Karo (12:23)

• Friendly Jabs:

  “Carol's got that moat, he's got that drawbridge. Nobody's getting in randomly.” — Matt (09:30)
  “I think it signals that you’re a sociopath. I mean, who’s gonna just pop in like that?” — Karo (10:14)

• On Finding the Right Friendship Chemistry:

  “You don’t need all your friends to be like you, but you do sometimes need one of them to match that very important thing.” — Matt (30:39)

• On Friendship Evolution:

  “Thanks to my friendship with Karo, I’ve learned to appreciate boundaries and organization.” — Matt (32:15)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:12–01:14 – Audible original announcement, New Year's resolution check-in
• 01:14–06:59 – Triathlon discussion, fitness fads, and Karo's adventure with infrared gym
• 07:37–13:02 – Friendship styles: spontaneity vs. structure, Poppins, and routines
• 16:28–24:56 – Listener question: How to get more “yes men” friends? Discussion on bridging styles
• 27:10–28:45 – Matt’s “buy to build a crew” method for making spontaneous friends
• 30:39–32:51 – Wrapping up: Seeking friend chemistry, mutual appreciation, and growth

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Final Takeaways

• Friendship styles differ—spontaneity and routine each bring value.
• Mutual respect (and a little flexibility) helps bridge style gaps.
• If you want more spontaneous hangs, set up scenarios for them—or broaden your circle to include more easygoing friends.
• You don’t need all your friends to share your exact social approach, but having at least one with your vibe can be a game-changer for happiness and connection.

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Closing Words:
“Always remember, be good to your friends. Be good to yourself. Be good to your friends.” — Karo (33:16)

Transcript

[Kara]

Man of the Year. Man of the Year.

[Matt]

Man of the year.

[Kara]

Guys, we are so excited to announce on October 23rd we will be releasing our first Audible original called the Buddy System, A Modern Man's Guide to Mastering Friendship. And, and you could check it out [e-mail] the buddy system. This Audible original has all of our best tips and hacks from the pod, plus tons of new stories and advice. And we're excited to check if. We're excited for you guys to check it out. Audible.com the buddy system Matt, are you pumped?

[Matt]

This is everything that our listeners have been looking for. Everybody in this country who's been searching for better friendships, ways to improve their existing friendships or just get out there and make some new friends. It's a clear roadmap. It's called the Buddy System. It comes out on October 23rd. Audible.com the buddy system. You do it for yourself. You deserve this.

[Kara]

Let's do it. Matt. I have a little bit of a follow up announcement to our New Year's resolutions. So every year we've been doing New Year's resolutions on the pod and at the end of the year we do an update. I have a half update. If you recall. One of my resolutions was to find a new physical challenge.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Kara]

So I've been running marathons and CrossFit, all this stuff and I'm looking for something new. And so I just signed up for a triathlon.

[Matt]

Wow. That's not where I thought you were going. I thought you were talking about that infrared fitness I saw you do.

[Kara]

Oh yes. I'm going to tell you about infrared fitness in a second. So now this is a sprint triathlon. So it's like meant for beginners. So it's a quarter mile swim in the Pacific Ocean, 10 mile bike ride in Hermosa and then three mile run. It's like a baby triathlon.

[Matt]

So what is the, how much of a full triathlon is that like in terms of the like is that half of one?

[Kara]

That's a good question.

[Matt]

I think triathlon was one mile swim.

[Kara]

I believe it's like a. I think I'm doing like a quarter. I think you're correct.

[Matt]

Still awesome. Good for you. I'm proud of you.

[Kara]

Yeah. Now all I've done is signed up for it. As, as usual. I have done no training.

[Matt]

Yeah, it doesn't matter because when you sign up for something, it's done.

[Kara]

You think so?

[Matt]

Always. I've never seen you not follow through on things ever.

[Kara]

So that's true. Unless I drown.

[Matt]

So why Are you not a strong swimmer?

[Kara]

Well, that's what everyone keeps saying, but it's not. How do you define. This is like when I ask you if you're a pizza guy, like, I'm strong in the water, but like doing a crawl stroke, I mean, I haven't done that in decades.

[Matt]

Remind me, does a swim come first?

[Kara]

Yes. So thank God. Okay.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say I think I'm a strong swimmer, but if it came last. I just don't think about the movies where people are just, you know, their boat goes down and it's like, I'm good for that first hour.

[Kara]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, There was a CrossFit Games. There was. Someone passed away in the swim part. I mean, he'd just done 400 deadlifts.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That. That I don't. Wow. Good for you. Good for you.

[Kara]

So I have to borrow a bike because I don't even have a bike. You have a bike?

[Matt]

Yeah. It's a comically rusted. We've three times now said we were gonna do bike rides. This was pre kids. And then every year we look at the bikes and they've got rust. We bring it back to the bike shop, they give us brand new chains, and then we go back again two years later, we're like, I still haven't used the bike. Can we get new chains?

[Kara]

Why do the chains rusting so much?

[Matt]

Because we leave them outdoors and it rains.

[Kara]

Okay, well, that makes sense. So. So, yeah, I'm excited. I'm nervous about the stuff. Swim. I. When I was in Aruba, my family, I swam in the Mediterranean sea for about 30 seconds. Like, I got it.

[Matt]

You're like, I got this Feels like what a triathlon would feel like.

[Kara]

I bought like a. Like a tri suit, which is almost like, you know, it's like a sleeveless wetsuit in the biggest. In the brightest green colors possible. Because I'm like, if I'm. If I'm flailing out there, I want someone to be able to find me.

[Matt]

We time out high. I guess I never thought about this. I thought you changed out of your wet clothes.

[Kara]

So you do. Some people wear a wetsuit and you do strip it off.

[Matt]

Okay. Okay.

[Kara]

This is the one you keep on. Yeah.

[Matt]

Gross.

[Kara]

Well, I mean, there's nothing I hate.

[Matt]

More than wet clothes.

[Kara]

Yeah. I mean, you're going to be sweating. I mean, I don't know, like, about that call.

[Matt]

You sure about that call you. You don't want to shave? He's like I. I can't lose that 10 seconds. I can't lose that 10 seconds.

[Kara]

No, no, I'm, I'm. Here's my thing. My thing is that I'm not, I'm trying to finish. I mean, same thing with a marathon. Like, people are going to run into the water. I'm going to stroll behind them.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Kara]

So then watch out.

[Matt]

Change, towel off, put on a nice pair of shorts and a nice T shirt.

[Kara]

Yeah. My goal. I have two goals. One, don't drown and two, don't finish last. That's all I care about.

[Matt]

That's good. Wait, I gotta get. I want to hear about the fad. I love a good fad. You know that.

[Kara]

Oh, yes. So. So there's a new gym near me in, in West Hollywood called Burn la. And it is essentially a workout class in an infrared hot box.

[Matt]

I don't know what that means.

[Kara]

So it's shooting. It's red. This red infrared light. So it's really hot, but it's kind of like a dry heat, if that makes any sense.

[Matt]

A sauna.

[Kara]

You're in a sauna. That's exactly right. And you are drenched. Yeah, the workout was pretty hard. Like, you're so drenched at the mat, like, I couldn't, you know, you're doing like, what's it called? A plank. And my.

[Matt]

Oh, God, I hate that. I really feel like I can really hurt myself when my elbows are wet.

[Kara]

Yeah. And for, for our old longtime listeners, you'll remember that I joined an all female gym. This is actually on the same block. Pit, pit P, Evolve. Jennifer Aniston, spokeswoman. This one, they said in one year, Burnett, they've had seven guys come. I'm like, okay, like, we want more guys.

[Matt]

I'm like, I think they said that they do want more guys.

[Kara]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Seven straight guys.

[Kara]

Did you get the breakdown? That's great. It's a great question. It's a great question. But it was pretty, it was pretty fun. I was sore the next day. So, like, it's. It's good. I just, I don't know. Do people do. It doesn't seem like the kind of thing you do every day because you lose like half your body weight of sweat.

[Matt]

I don't know. I see some of my trend setting friends. I guess I'd include you in that. I see them doing it, I get jealous.

[Kara]

Well, apparently the red I. I've googled, like, oh, it was infrared, but apparently, like it has some. Like, you ever see people on Tick Tock, they wear the helmet Covering their face. Like supposedly it does actually do something.

[Matt]

You know, I'm gonna sign up in like two years when it's on its way down.

[Kara]

I.

[Matt]

You, you.

[Kara]

You shouldn't be allowed in this. If you're gonna wear a cotton Hanes V neck, they're gonna have to wring it out.

[Matt]

Yeah, I'm too sweaty for that sort of thing.

[Kara]

12 inch shorts. You're not even. No, but anyway, that sort of, kind of brings us to our topic. You had. We were talking about this yesterday, Matt. Famously, we have given us two nicknames to describe our style. Friendship. But in life, you are the sultan of spontaneity and I am the monarch of monotony. You love being spontaneous, by the way. I think that was one of your New Year's resolutions. I might have been last year to be more spontaneous. I think that was two years ago. You like pop ins, you like last minute plans, and I like scheduling and having good visibility and those are two. When it comes to friendship, there's two very different situations.

[Matt]

Couldn't be more different.

[Kara]

Now you still. Before you had your latest, your latest, your second kid, you were still doing Poppins. Is that still a thing?

[Matt]

Can I, Can I sell? How about this?

[Kara]

Yeah, sell me, tell me.

[Matt]

From, from completely different worlds in terms of our friendship style. From. When it comes to this, I'll say on this, I. My life is not. Follow a script strictly. We're not really the parents who follow a strict script. Some people do. So my philosophy is, you know, my friendships are not gonna follow a strict script either. Right. But I also, you know, I think great moments happen in the cracks, not always in the calendar. And I leave that door cracked open for friends to pop by and, you know, things, good things happen. Carol's got that moat. He's got that drawbridge. No, he's getting in randomly.

[Kara]

Did you just come up with that now or you wrote that down before?

[Matt]

No, I just came up with that. Is that, is that not accurate?

[Kara]

Say it again. The cracks. What is it? Moments happen in the cracks.

[Matt]

I said great moments happen in the cracks, not in the calendar.

[Kara]

I mean, it's like, it's sort of like it wants to be erudite, but it's. Great moments happen in the crack. Sounds like you're a proctologist or some shit.

[Matt]

No, I just think I leave the door crack open for people, people to pop in and great things happen. My open door policy, My open door friendship policy signals my emotional availability. Not just logistically.

[Kara]

I think it signals that you're a Sociopath. I mean, who's gonna just pop in like that? It's 2025.

[Matt]

A lot of people pop in here all the time.

[Kara]

Yeah, but do you ever reject the poppin? Do you ever deflect the poppin?

[Matt]

Yes. The other night I had actually somebody asking on behalf of their husband. They thought he needed a hang, but we were just dealing with child care is a shortage, so couldn't do it.

[Kara]

Wait, say more about this. This is. This is good to know.

[Matt]

Yeah. A friend asked. I said her husband needed a little more socializing. We're friends. She's like, can you guys make plans to get dreams?

[Kara]

But I'm sorry, she texted you directly?

[Matt]

Yes.

[Kara]

Well, that's pretty good.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's great. It's great. He lives a couple blocks away, but.

[Kara]

So hold on. That's not deflecting a pop in. I'm saying, someone ever come to your door and you're like, not interested?

[Matt]

Oh, no. They text me beforehand, Kiro.

[Kara]

Oh, okay. So that's not really a pop in.

[Matt]

They text me, but they like I get a call or a text like, I'm in your neighborhood. That's a pop in.

[Kara]

Yeah, but what percentage of times do you say, come on over?

[Matt]

It really depends. I don't know that I could put a percentage on. If I'm free and my. And my energy is there for it, I'll say yes. It has to be that I'm free, timing wise. But I also have to have the energy for it. And I find that a little harder now with kids, to be honest. But Kira, maybe you're. Maybe you haven't been clear on this. Nobody just pops in without texting me. That's. That doesn't happen.

[Kara]

I don't know. You made it seem like people in the neighborhood at five o' clock pop around.

[Matt]

Yes, well, they will like, be like, I'm strollering, but they don't just ring the bell. That's never happened.

[Kara]

Oh, okay. Okay, okay, okay. Fair enough. I mean, I don't like either of that. Yeah, I always like when someone's like, oh, I'm in the neighborhood. I'm always just like, k was like.

[Matt]

Go to another neighborhood. Next neighborhood.

[Kara]

Yeah, I'm like, congratulations. I mean, like, you know, especially if it's during the day. I'm like, you would never. You would never do that if you were still working on a law firm. Hey, I'm in near your office. Like, I'm working.

[Matt]

Let's. Let's just hear your philosophy. Let's just lay it out for our listeners.

[Kara]

I think I thrive on a schedule because that allows me to be emotionally and energetically available for my friends. If I'm in a work mode and someone interrupts or I don't want to use the word interrupt, someone pops in, then I'm thinking about work or I'm. Or I'm a little annoyed or my head's not in the game, where if I have something to look forward to. You love to have something to look forward to. Then I'm like, okay, works. Work is done at 4 and play starts at 4:30. And, you know, I'm a go hard or go home kind of guy.

[Matt]

Look, I don't disagree with you. Let's just back up. I agree, and we've talked about this in the pod. I think you've brought me around tremendously to the idea of having things on the calendar. I realized I tremendously look forward to that. I think we all need that, especially men who aren't, you know, doing enough socializing. Seeing something on the calendar gets me charged up, gets me excited. I do think the consistency of it is great. I think what I'm saying is I still want to allow for the freelancing in addition to that. But regardless, here's my question, and this is a question I think that I wanted to pose to you before. How do you deal with people who have different styles? Right? Like, what is the answer?

[Kara]

Should we. Should we go to the listener question? Because it deals with this. Okay. All right, guys, we'll be right back.

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[Kara]

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[Kara]

Okay, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram man of your podcast. We will answer it on the show. So this. So Matt, this covers one sort of area of what you're asking. We can universalize it.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Kara]

Dear Matt and Caro, love the pod question for asking for a friend. Is it unreasonable to want some yes men in my life? Not in like toxic way that they, you know, let me do whatever I want. I just some dudes who will say hell yeah when I drop a last minute invite to something fun. My current crew needs three weeks notice for a beer and it makes me feel like less connected and like kind of lame. How do I fix this? The dynamic. Dynamic. Can I fix it?

[Matt]

Wow.

[Kara]

So. So this guy wants. This guy is a you who wants more people like you. So let me. Well, first of all, what was your question to me? And essentially that but this guy wants more yes man. I want less yes men.

[Matt]

No, but I. My question was really, how do we deal with people with different friendship styles? I guess that my question was how do we. How do we resolve it? Is there resolution? What is the ultimate, healthiest thing for you, but also for your friendship. Because obviously, if you were just like, oh, okay, for me, Cairo, I want to do X. And for me, Matt, I want to do X. But we're friends, right? And we're trying to get together and you have other friends. They're not all going to have the K row style or the Mad style. So I guess the question is, what then?

[Kara]

I tell you what I do. This is, this is, this is my, you know, across the bear, which is our practice. I practice radical self awareness. That's knowing who you are, knowing who your friends are. So I have some friends who are like me who need planning. Specifically my buddy Dan in Santa Monica. This man needs even more planning than I, than I do. So when I'm like, oh, something's happening, I want to hang out with Dan, or this, he would like it, I, I give him a wide berth. This is happening in a month, and that's how we hang. And if I want to do something, oh, I'm going to be in Santa Monica tomorrow, I text him, but I know there's a 99% chance he's not going to be down. And that's. And I'm okay with that now. I think you guys do the same for me. They're like, oh, Carol wants to hang. People don't really say I'm in the neighborhood for me, because they know that I don't like that.

[Matt]

Right?

[Kara]

But if you're like, oh, crap, we got to do a boys dinner, Matt, you don't text me the day before you say, how about all, you know, like in November 7th for sure.

[Matt]

And look, I agree. I have very, very mindful of the way that you operate. Right? And I guess the listener question on my question is like, is that changeable? What if you want. Right. Like, the listener wants what I want some more spontaneity out of your friendship. Now, I don't disagree with you. Like, I'm not going to get Caro to suddenly just like, allow Poppins, and I don't think that's fair. Right? But short of that, isn't there any middle ground or isn't there any way, like, you don't have to match styles, but isn't there a way to, I don't know, come over to this guy's side a little bit?

[Kara]

I, I think, and I don't know if you would have noticed this, but I've actually pretty proud of myself that I've become a measure more spontaneous.

[Matt]

I, I think maybe I have noticed, but just Hit me with it.

[Kara]

Like, a couple months ago, best friend Mike was like, you want to go to the lakers game in two hours? I'm like, yeah, yeah. Like, early. Early 2000s pre Matt Cairo in LA. Never. Yeah, I've never done that. My Or Gore.

[Matt]

You have creeped. Creeped off the. Off the. Out of the Fortress of Solitude.

[Kara]

Yeah. Yeah. And like, dude, Fireball Adam hit me up yesterday. He's like, I'm going to Denver. I mean, now it's ten days from now. But I was like, boom, booked it that day. I was like, this is the most spontaneous thing I've ever done.

[Matt]

Yeah, that is spontaneous. So that's good. Look. But I think that is a good example for our listener of people coming around. Right. But is there something he can do to get that? And by the way, I've come around the opposite way. Like, I've been, you know, mindful to get things on the calendar and pay attention to my calendar way more over the past couple of years. Part of that is all the other things that are going on in my life. My life wouldn't work functionally without it. But, you know, I think it is, you know, important to. To. To understand that. But. So I guess the question is, is there really a realistic way for this person to get his friends to be more spontaneous? Here's my question, Carol. Is there a way to be spontaneous without jamming up your calendar spontaneity? Here's what I'm saying.

[Kara]

Yeah.

[Matt]

What if you make the plan like, I think you said this about when we traveled. You threw in some improv time for me.

[Kara]

Yes.

[Matt]

So why can't we place that in the spontaneity bucket for our friend here who wants more yes men? Why can't we make sure they plan it and give them all the adequate time they need to set their, you know, calendar right and then offer up? But, hey, I want to do something, you know, a little bit surprising, you know, at the end of the night. Or can we, you know, hold an extra hour? Like, what do you think about that?

[Kara]

Right? So you could say, hey, boys, we're getting together in three weeks. Plans. Tbd.

[Dr. Sarah Rahal]

Or.

[Matt]

Or it's like, we definitely have the restaurant plan. I would love it if you guys would just be down with wherever we go next. Let the dealer's choice.

[Kara]

Dealer's choice is good. Is a. Is. Is funny. Sure. Tell you, you might have been with us. It's not sure. This was way back in the day. Sat with Fireball Adam. I think maybe the Wags were there. Too. And, and Fireball, Adam said to the bartender, bartender's choice. Were you there for that?

[Matt]

No.

[Kara]

Have you heard of that?

[Matt]

Yeah, I think so.

[Kara]

Maybe make me something that you think I'd like the most. Foo foo.

[Matt]

Oh, that's Hilary. That's hilarious.

[Kara]

I will. Let's take a step further. Let's, let's give, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's see if we can actually figure out a way for this guy to get what he actually wants, which is his buddies, to actually be spontaneous. I like what you're saying, but it's a little bit of a half measure.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Kara]

Is it, I don't know, like, is it possible, Would it possible to like, you're.

[Matt]

They're talking about you. So realistic.

[Kara]

I think. Okay, I'm gonna pitch a couple ideas on top of my head. If you said to me, hey man, like, in the next six months, like I want to, like, we should try to do something a little bit more last minute just to see.

[Matt]

Yes. I think if I gave you that, I think you would say yes.

[Kara]

Well, of course that's not agreeing to anything. That's just okay.

[Matt]

And no, but I'm saying we. I think for you it's about the calendar. Right? I think.

[Kara]

I'm not saying pick a date.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Kara]

If you were like, listen, Caro, like, I just feel like we, we don't do anything spontaneous. Like the next few months, I might call you like, and let's just do it. And I, and I would say I'll try.

[Matt]

Right. So is that the answer?

[Kara]

Well, that. I'm just pitching ideas. That's.

[Matt]

How do you feel about that?

[Kara]

That's sort of how my creep has happened. You, you've, you've encouraged me to be more spontaneous than when best friend Mike calls. The prime is pumped.

[Matt]

So I think trick it. Right? Yeah. The trick is you still are not a fan of last minute things. And most non sponsored. Most people who like their calendar the way they like it are not going to suddenly. So that's why, that's why I'm trying to expand what our definition of spontaneity is, is we can get it in the calendar, right? Like, hey, just hold a night next month. And I want to just, you know, I want to do something surprising.

[Kara]

But I'm, but I'm trying to sort of see if we can get closer of us.

[Matt]

I love, I love it. But I'm trying to be realistic and of the, you know, calendar guy.

[Kara]

The fact is people don't change. We've talked about this.

[Matt]

Right.

[Kara]

Okay, here's another idea. Here's another idea. What if the thing that you pick, that you pitch to be spontaneous about is something the other person loves? Okay, so you're not choosing, hey, I want to go to a CrossFit event. You're like, oh, I want to go to this bush concert, but it's tonight.

[Matt]

Right. I think that would help, wouldn't it?

[Kara]

You know, you're. You're almost falling on your sword, you know.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Kara]

Sorry. I'm freaking. Right.

[Matt]

I think if you, if you do something that that person is really into, you're more likely to get a yes for sure.

[Kara]

Right, Right. I had one more. Sorry. I had one more idea. If you can either through their partner, if they have a partner, or just generally.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Kara]

Know when they've got free time. Free time. That's it. Those are just a couple ideas. Maybe they won't work.

[Matt]

Let's just address the other one. Do you need a friend that's more attuned to your friendship style?

[Kara]

Well, we like having a diversity of friends. I have some like you or others, you know, my buddy Shane, he's always down. It's a great quality. It's an incredible quality. It's a bad quality of me, Matt. I don't like.

[Matt]

I wouldn't say bad. It's just you are you. I mean, that's who you are.

[Kara]

But I guess for our friends out there, our friends, our listeners. And our friends. Our listeners are our friends who are, are, are, are, are craving more friendship. Much easier to get friendship if you're a Shane than if you're. Or Matt, than if you are a kid.

[Matt]

Completely. Completely. But that's my question. Should this listener maybe seek out, you know, one more line down for everything?

[Kara]

Dude, how do you do that?

[Matt]

Well, here's the thing. You know my buy to build a crew tip.

[Kara]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt]

Start doing that more and you start, you know, throwing out the invites. Then it's kind of self select.

[Kara]

You want to just re. Explain what that is.

[Matt]

Yeah. So sometimes if I'm trying to level up a friend, I will buy tickets in advance to a sporting event. That's usually. It's usually a sporting event for me, but it could be a movie, it could be a show, it could be concert, and I will already have the tickets. When I say, hey, you want to do something? Or it's like, no, do you want to come to the Clippers? I've got good seats. I've got an extra ticket. It's this night. Come with Me.

[Kara]

Just to clarify, you have two tickets basically in your pocket. So when you're out in the world and you meet maybe a person who's an acquaintance. Right.

[Matt]

So I'm saying that will self select the spontaneous person.

[Kara]

I like that. Can I, can I, can I give you a little tangent?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Kara]

So you're gonna love this. So when you were saying, oh, find someone who's more spontaneous, you know, that's kind of almost finding a, A friend. That's finding a person with a personality trait. It's a little different than what we usually say.

[Matt]

Right.

[Kara]

Have you ever, have you ever heard of the dating app field?

[Matt]

No idea what that is.

[Kara]

Obviously it's F, E E L, D. It's like play the field but feel. It's like a little pun. Okay.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Kara]

And it is, it's pretty. It's. It's pretty. I don't know, it's growing niche. I'm not on it, but it is based around your, your peccadillos. Finally we're using it right.

[Matt]

On your sexual peccadillos.

[Kara]

Yes, it's based on your kinks. Wow.

[Matt]

The world is finally getting setting itself right.

[Kara]

But it, but it's, but, but Matt, it's very, very, very granular. Like it's like more than just like bdsm, like foot.

[Matt]

But this stuff, this isn't for like long term potential.

[Kara]

This is for hookups, apparently. I've been told that people are a lot more sort of like open. And yes, it is for dating too, but it's kind of for both. But my favorite. I think I might made. Didn't stand up bit about it. I, I dabbled for about a week and also I think you have to pay to use it. So everybody's pretty.

[Matt]

Oh, Carol, we'll have to talk offline about what your profile said there.

[Kara]

No, no, no, but here's the thing. When they, they let you choose from your. From a menu of kinks or whatever, this, this, yours weren't even on there. One of them was face sitting.

[Matt]

Oh my God.

[Kara]

But here's the thing, Matt. It doesn't say whose face. That's a. Two different kinks.

[Matt]

Right?

[Kara]

Matt. Matt is rubbing his face. He's. He's, he's turning bread.

[Matt]

What a world.

[Kara]

What a world, what a world. Face sitting. Yeah. So anyway, anyway, where were we?

[Matt]

Where were we?

[Kara]

Trying to find a spontaneous friend.

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think, I just think it warrants potentially looking at that. I mean, obviously you love your core, but you're not going to change people and it's hard to even change a dynamic that you've built up over time. It's just tricky, you know? So if you're not getting your. If you're not getting your needs met by your current circle, you might want to add. It might serve you to add a friend that matches your down to what? Hang out, whatever energy.

[Kara]

I do like this guy, sort of. What's it called when you take a word and you re. And you make it bet. Good Again.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Kara]

Not normalize. Re. What's it called when you take, like, a slur and you make it like your thing?

[Matt]

Own. Take. Take your back.

[Kara]

God. I'm sure someone will have to reclaim it. Reclaim it.

[Matt]

Yeah. Reclaim.

[Kara]

Yeah. He's reclaiming yes men to be a good thing.

[Matt]

I didn't know. Oh, right. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's what's in the movie. Do that.

[Kara]

Oh, yeah. I guess. Yeah, I guess you're right. I guess you're right.

[Matt]

Yeah. Look, and again, you know, just to wrap this up.

[Kara]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I do think you need at least one friend who shares that vibe. It could be a game changer for. For this listener. It gives your spontaneous energy a place to land instead of feeling, like, rejected. Like, I don't. You know, you said it was your flaw. I don't. Like, we've been friends for so long that I don't, like, try to make you somebody you're not. And it's like, it's better that way. Then I'm not, like, getting rejected by you. You don't need all your friends to be like you, but you do sometimes need one of them to match that very important thing for our listener, by.

[Kara]

The way, dude, when I occasionally want to do something last minute and there's nobody around who wants to do it, I'm like, what the f. Right, Right.

[Matt]

Of course. Because everybody has some time where they're gonna want somebody around to do something last minute.

[Kara]

Right.

[Matt]

Our listener is a bit of a chemistry mismatch. Like, we talked about that. You know, we've talked about this before. It's.

[Kara]

It's.

[Matt]

It's. You love your friends for who they are, but if you're missing a somewhat critical piece of the way you go about the world with friends, I think it would benefit you to find a, you know, up for whatever guy.

[Kara]

And as we. I mean, also, let's look on the bright side. He's got a crew. They do. They. They. They get together for beers. That's great. So just put it on the counter now, and in three weeks, you Forget about it. And then it's last minute. It's. It's always last minute in your mind. All right, guys, I was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send it to us on Instagram. I met. Anything else? Sultan, sir. Sultan. Sultan. I guess I should say.

[Matt]

No, I think honestly, in doing this for three years, I appreciate your perspective and it's helped shape mine in a lot of ways. So I. I've actually come to appreciate that everybody has a different friendship style based on their personality. And, you know, you have to go with the flow of that. And there's room for spontaneity in my life now, maybe less than there was before. And I. But I try to keep it because that's who I am. But, you know, thanks to my friendship with Kara, I've learned to appreciate boundaries and organization.

[Kara]

I. Yeah, and I think. I think we're moving closer together. As I said, you've encouraged me to be more spontaneous and it. Listen, there is a. I see it now. There is a little je ne sais quoi boost when. I don't even know if I use that right. When you do something spontaneous, not quite the same as a planned out hang.

[Matt]

Thank you.

[Kara]

All right, guys, thank you so much for listening. Always remember, be good to your friends. Be good to yourself. Be good to your friends.

[Matt]

Love you.

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[Kara]

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[Kara]

This is a pay per listen ad. Please confirm your billing.

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[Kara]

Wait, no subscription?

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[Matt]

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[Kara]

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[Kara]

Com.