#157 - Friendship Myths, Part II

Summary

Podcast Summary: Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode #157 – Friendship Myths, Part II

Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo
Date: November 4, 2025

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Overview

This episode is the sequel to one of the podcast's most popular topics: debunking common friendship myths. Hosts and lifelong friends Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo, both comedians and self-styled "friendship experts," tackle the misconceptions that often hold people back from forming and maintaining strong adult friendships. With their trademark blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and practical advice, they explore why these myths exist and how to replace them with healthier, more realistic expectations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introduction: The "Buddy System" & Organizing Friendship Wisdom [00:13–03:13]

• The hosts introduce their new Audible Original, "The Buddy System," a comprehensive and comical guide to making and keeping friends.
• Matt jokes: "This is not medicine. This is sugar, it's booze, it's bourbon." [02:01]
• Emphasis on approachability, laughter, and step-by-step friendship tips.
• Recap of Episode 133’s popularity and the motivation for a “Friendship Myths” sequel.

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Friendship Myths Debunked

Myth 1: Friends Should Always Take Your Side No Matter What [05:32–10:03]

• Summary:
  The expectation that friends must be unconditionally loyal—always taking your side—is a myth. True friendship involves honesty, not just blanket support.
• Matt: "If I took your side every time, I'd be dead. You'd be dead." [06:40]
• Discussion on the importance of “real talk” over simply being a yes-man.
• The hosts riff on the dangers of sycophancy, using pop culture analogies (e.g., Taylor Swift and movie directors).
• Aaron: “A friend who gives you real talk is actually a pretty valuable friend.” [09:53]

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Myth 2: Once You Drift Apart, You Can Never Reconnect [10:07–13:28]

• Summary:
  It’s never truly “too late” to reconnect with an old friend; most friendships simply fade due to neglect, not conflict.
• Aaron: “Most guys have falling offs, not falling outs.” [10:36]
• Matt notes reconnections require commitment. A text or a beer isn’t enough—you need ongoing effort.
• Aaron’s Advice: When reaching out, “acknowledge that it’s been a minute, but you shouldn’t litigate it” (i.e., don’t dwell on why you lost touch). [12:24]
• Both agree you need to make a commitment to consistency moving forward.

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Myth 3: You Can Only Have One Best Friend [13:28–16:46]

• Summary:
  The idea of a singular “best friend” is outdated; multiple deep friendships are possible and healthy.
• Matt’s perspective evolved: he once viewed “best friend” as juvenile but now sees room at the top for a few.
• Matt: “Anytime you’re going to sort of delineate people in a positive way, I’m for it. Just as long as it’s not to the exclusion of others.” [14:10]
• Aaron: “Wow. If you have more than one best friend, your cup runneth over.” [15:13]
• They agree: embrace the term broadly, not exclusively, and celebrate several deep connections.

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Listener Question: Do Friendships Require Similar Life Stages or Outlooks? [19:12–25:27]

• Scenario: Listener worries about growing apart from a best friend whose life path is diverging from theirs.
• Myth: Friendships must be between people in the same life stage or with similar outlooks.
• Matt: “Friendships are meant to be flexible and pliable, to allow for the fact that you’re not always in the same stages.” [20:04]
• Aaron points out that even “aligned” friends experience changes—moves, illness, career shifts—that require flexibility.
• The hosts revisit their “T.C.C.” rule for staying close across life changes: Text weekly, Call monthly, See quarterly. [24:12]
• Aaron: “There’s something quite… beautiful about an evolving friendship.” [25:08]

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Myth 4: Friends Should Always Be Available Whenever You Need Them [25:58–29:37]

• Summary:
  It’s unrealistic to expect friends to be on call 24/7. Life obligations and boundaries are healthy.
• Matt jokes about failed midnight calls when his child was born.
• Aaron: “The word ‘whenever’ is doing a lot of work there.” [27:08]
• Distinction between supporting friends in crisis and being taken advantage of.
• Matt: “Your friends aren’t mind readers… you didn’t convey properly that you really needed them.” [29:02]
• Both stress the value of radical self-awareness (Aaron’s “favorite bugaboo”) in assessing your own needs and requests.

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Myth 5: Friends Should Like All the Same People (or Dislike Your ‘Enemies’) [29:37–32:27]

• Summary:
  Expecting perfect overlap in social circles is unrealistic; adults can navigate differences and maintain mutual respect.
• Matt admits: “I get heated sometimes when somebody says things about people that I like and they don’t like, you know, bothers me.” [29:42]
• They discuss nuanced situations: bringing different friends together, dealing with “worlds colliding,” and whether friends have to shun each other’s rivals.
• Aaron: “If you have some sort of enemy or someone who’s wronged you, and I have to work with them…I could still interact with him. I’m not gonna rub it in your face.” [31:01]
• Consensus: Don’t demand absolute loyalty about third parties unless major lines are crossed; be the connector when possible and handle minor frictions with maturity.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Aaron, on constructive honesty:
  "A friend who gives you real talk is actually a pretty valuable friend.” [09:53]
• Matt, on reconnection:
  “If you make the plan to reconnect, that’s not it. Now you’re back at the beginning—are we going to commit to a regular and consistent hangout?” [13:12]
• Aaron, on multiple best friends:
  “If you have more than one best friend, wow. Like, your cup runneth over… We should only be so lucky, right?” [15:13]
• Matt, on flexibility:
  "Friendships...are meant to be flexible and pliable, to allow for the fact that you’re not always in the same stages." [20:04]
• Aaron, on expectations:
  “The word ‘whenever’ is doing a lot of work there.” [27:08]
• Matt, on disagreements over other friends:
  "I think people get upset when they feel you’re going out of your way to be friends with somebody that has wronged somebody else." [31:24]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |----------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Introduction & Audible plug | 00:13–03:13 | | Myth 1: Always take your side | 05:32–10:03 | | Myth 2: You can't reconnect after drifting | 10:07–13:28 | | Myth 3: Only one best friend | 13:28–16:46 | | Listener Question: Different life stages myth | 19:12–25:27 | | Myth 4: Always available | 25:58–29:37 | | Myth 5: Friends must like everyone you like | 29:37–32:27 |

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Conclusion & Takeaways

The episode debunks some of the most persistent and limiting friendship myths with a mix of humor and heartfelt honesty. The hosts encourage listeners to:

• Let go of rigid expectations around loyalty and availability.
• Embrace the natural ebb and flow of friendships—including reconnections.
• Recognize the value in honest feedback from friends.
• Celebrate all levels of friendship, including having more than one “best friend.”
• Allow for differences and accept evolving relationships across life stages.

Matt: "If some of these myths are holding you back, take a look at which ones you need to let go." [32:40]

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For More Tips:
Check out Matt & Aaron’s Audible Original "The Buddy System," their website manoftheyearpodcast.com, or follow on Instagram @manoftheyearpodcast.

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End of summary

Transcript

[A]

Foreign of the year.

[B]

Man of the year. Man of the year.

[A]

Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Aaron Caro.

[B]

I'm Matt Ritter.

[A]

Guys, our audible original is out now. Check it out at audible.com/the buddy system. The Buddy system is this original that Matt and I recorded this year, which is basically every friendship tip you could ever need in a hilarious system that we wrote and recorded. And we're really excited about it. Matt, how are you feeling about it?

[B]

I feel great because it's gonna hit everybody. If you are somebody who just moved to a new city and you're looking for friends, we got you covered. If you're somebody like me who just had a second kid and you feel like, well, where did all my friends go? We've got you covered. It's for making and maintaining friends and just, you know, either starting from scratch or building on what you have. There's a little something for everybody. But it's all about the notion that being friends is really just about showing up.

[A]

And what I love about it is it takes like the best stuff from the pod, if you guys are regular listeners, and also new stuff. We've never talked about it, never talked about before, but also kind of organizes it a little because, Matt, we've been known to do some stem winders. We've been known to get off topic, as the kids say.

[B]

Well, our listeners love it when we go off on our little tangents, as they say. But this, this audio original is a very clear roadmap. A lot of us are. A lot of our listener questions are like, hey, I don't know what to do. I. I want to make friends. Help me. And it's like a vague question. And we kept getting that and we're like, okay, how can we put this all together in a way that you can just. Okay, if you follow these steps, you will be in a really good shape with your friendships. And that's it. That's what the buddy system is.

[A]

And it's funny. You know, this is not like, this is not medicine. This is. This is sugar, it's booze, it's bourbon.

[B]

You. It was, it was. We're in the self help category. But they were shocked. They were like, they were. They were listening to us recorded. The audible execs, the sound. People like laughing. They're like, I've never laughed before at a self help audience.

[A]

So, guys, go to audible.com, the buddy system. That's audible.com the buddy system. And if you're actually not an audible Member yet. I believe you can get a. Get the book for free with your trial.

[B]

So free also. So it's everywhere. You look at it. You're winning.

[A]

Right. If you're already an Audible subscriber, you can just use your credit to get the book, to get the audio original. I love it. Okay, one more time. Audible.com thebuddy system all right, so, Matt, one of our most popular episodes of all time was episode 133, friendship myths, because there's a lot of. There's a lot of scuttlebutt. I don't think that's the right word going around about, like, how to do friendship. Right. What the rules are, what being a friend means, and we started debunking them. We're debunkers now. We're Mythbusters.

[B]

Yeah. There's very little scuttlebutt going on around that. For sure. That. That wasn't the right direction.

[A]

What is scuttlebutt?

[B]

I think scuttlebutt is when there's a lot of, like, gossip around something, isn't it?

[A]

Yeah, I think, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Matt and I famously used the word peccadillo's wrong for the first two years of the podcast, which I believe means sexual proclivities.

[B]

Yes. So scuttlebutt is gossip. There's not a lot of gossip going on, but there is a lot of zeitgeisty convo happening around.

[A]

Yeah. So this is our sequel to Friendship Myths, Part one. This is Friendship Miss Part two.

[B]

A lot of people think sequels can't be as good as the original, but that's not true.

[A]

If you ask.

[B]

You know the Godfather.

[A]

You know what sequel. I know this is back. What? Oh, you said Empire Strikes Back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. I know this is absolute blasphemy. Absolute blasphemy. But you know what, Seagull? I really Love Die Hard 2.

[B]

Die Hard 2. Do you mean Die Hard 3 with Samuel Jackson?

[A]

No, I actually didn't like that one as much, which I know everyone loves that one.

[B]

You like the Christmas one, aren't they? Where the. Where they. At the end where he says yippee ki. Am I ever.

[A]

Well, they say yippee K at the end of every movie, but I just thought the way. The way he takes down the plane, he.

[B]

Like, I've always wanted to know, is that possible?

[A]

Oh, yeah. I mean. I mean, why not? Why wouldn't it be possible? Seems pretty possible.

[B]

I just don't know. Like, does the. Like, can the fire go up in the air off the gas tank like that Chase. Can the fire chase gas up in the air? Like. I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

Also, Matt, the planes have gas caps. Like, at a chevron, you just pop off.

[B]

Can you just twist it off? Can you just. I think they do. I think there's a guy. I think there's a Right. There's an airport gas station, and you're waiting in line with your plane, and you have to stick your little giant nozzle in the thing. I think they do. Wow, that's a hot take, because I think that are three where you have to figure out five buckets. Five gallons. Three gallons. You know? Exactly. Four gallons.

[A]

Well, Die Hard 3 hits a lot of your AQ zone, Matt, because you love Sam Jackson. Who doesn't? And you love the word games. Like, three people walking the thing. All right, so let's get to our first friendship myth. Okay? Myth number one. Friends should always take your side, no matter what.

[B]

That's a hot. You're coming in hot.

[A]

That's why I put this one first.

[B]

I mean, I don't think that's true. Obviously, it's a myth. Right. But do I think most people feel that way? Probably. Do I Do we do you do. You yourself also probably feel that way. Yes. You know what?

[A]

Well, I mean, it's funny.

[B]

It's funny because I think your default is. Yeah, you should. I think it takes a layer of logic and reason, which a lot of people aren't using when it comes to emotional relationship stuff. Takes a logic and reason to go, okay, yeah, maybe they shouldn't always take my side.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I think it's a pretty blanket statement.

[B]

I mean, always.

[A]

I mean, always. If I took your side every time, I'd be dead. You'd be dead.

[B]

Right. But I think the notion behind it is that, hey, your friends are supposed to be loyal foot soldiers for you. Right. And like some people's mind, it's like, no, you're my. You go to bat. If I'm, you know, if this is important to me and, you know, or somebody's. Somebody's wrong me, you got to take my side. I think it comes. Well, first of all, let's talk about where it comes up. Comes up. Usually where it's like, somebody has wronged me or I'm mad at somebody and I feel betrayed by somebody. They have to be your sworn enemy, too, right? Isn't that sort of what it is sometimes that.

[A]

That I think actually we're going to get to. That's a later Myth.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. I think this is more, you know, either there's a dispute happening.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or you have an idea. You have one of your ideas.

[B]

Right. Well, I think this is more what you're saying. The first part dispute. Like, I just like, oh, my, I'm getting screwed over on this deal or my landlord or something. And you're like, well, do you owe the landlord rent money? And you're like, just my friend.

[A]

I think that you do not, you do not do your friend any service if you're got their back. I mean, that's a yes man. Which we've talked about. Which is not. Not good. I would say. I would, I would change this to be. Your default should take. To be taking their side. Yes. But that, that position can change under, you know, the circumstances.

[B]

Like, I like the idea of tweaking these myths into rephrases.

[A]

Yeah. Your, your default should always be, well, your buddy is right. But then, you know, again, you're not doing him any service if, if you're just telling them what they want to hear.

[B]

Yeah. You don't want to. You want. It's good to have one. Yes man.

[A]

I was thinking about this, Matt. As we're recording this, we're recording this a couple weeks in advance. As we're recording this, Taylor Swift's about to launch her new album. Do you think like, anybody gives her like notes on the songs?

[B]

No. Then this is why. This is why big directors have four hour movies now. Because they believe in that myth that.

[A]

They'Re always right, that their friends should.

[B]

Always take their side. They're like, hey, you want to see my six hour cut of the Civil War movie? Yeah, yeah, I do. No notes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So I mean, I, I bet you like the guy like her main Jack Antonoff maybe gives her a note or two. But like, when she shows it to her team, are they like, oh, I didn't like track four. I mean, she's Taylor Swift.

[B]

They have to do it very gently, delicately. And there's one person they, they trick into telling her and then that person gets fired.

[A]

Right, right, Exactly.

[B]

It's like the old king. This is like the old, you know, royal court where it's like, is somebody gonna tell the king? And it's like, oh, yeah, no, he trusts you. You, you tell him the next week at court, that person is no longer there and you just see somebody else wearing their necklace.

[A]

I think another way to phrase this would be a friend who gives you real talk is actually a pretty valuable friend.

[B]

Yes. Yes. All right. I like this One. What do you got next? What's next?

[A]

Okay, myth number two. Once you drift apart with someone, you can never reconnect.

[B]

That is one of the biggest issues our listeners have. A lot of our listeners want to reconnect with somebody, and they always just say, I think it's too late. And, you know.

[A]

It'S never too late. And also, we, as we say in our audible original, the buddy system, most guys have falling offs, not falling outs. Yeah.

[B]

There usually wasn't some big, dramatic fight. You just let life get in the way. And now if you're feeling that, you have the time and energy to put into it. And I think that's more the thing is that if you're feeling that you want to reconnect with somebody that you're drifting to, then make the commitment, and it'll work.

[A]

Well, Matt, you also described the idea that the longer you go without talking to one of your buddies, it gets exponentially difficult to reconnect.

[B]

So true.

[A]

So true.

[B]

What? I say so true. No, but it does look. And it does feel daunting. I want to acknowledge this one's hard. Right. It is a myth because it's like, okay, to. To make it not a myth, you got to put a little work into this one. If you have drifted with somebody as. Look, as long as you're a little self aware. Caro is the self awareness king. He's worried that people aren't being self aware enough at all times. And so Caro would be worried about you that you aren't. You know, make sure you put your finger on why you're no longer close.

[A]

No, but, Matt, your. Your thing is always, who cares?

[B]

Well, no, I'm saying if you're not meant to be friends is what I'm saying. It's. It's there. You know, like, if you didn't. If you're. If you're not close because the other person doesn't want to be friends with you, then.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Possibility of that too.

[A]

But I think it's fair to say for our listeners, our dude listeners, 90 of the time, they just stop talking. For no reason.

[B]

Yeah, for no reason. 90. No reason. 5%, they hate the person, you know? 5%, that person's probably no longer with us. You should check on them.

[A]

And here's. Here's the advice that we actually give in the buddy system, which is that when you send the text, you can acknowledge that it's been a minute, but you shouldn't litigate it.

[B]

Don't dwell, don't litigate. Don't Dwell. Don't litigate, don't rehash.

[A]

So in other words, it's like, oh, it's been a minute. Hey, would love to get a drink. Don't say it's been a minute. But I, you know, I. I didn't hear from you, and then I. Blah, blah, blah. Like, it's irrelevant.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So. So the. So this is definitely a myth. Myth. Once you drift apart, you ca. You can reconnect.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We've heard many of our listeners who have done that, but you have to.

[B]

Make a commitment to it. I have to say. You have to make a commitment, or you will just be still drifting along.

[A]

A commitment to actually be friends now and keep in touch.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because if you make the plan to reconnect, that's not it. You haven't done all the work if you're just like, hey, I got back together with this person for a beer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, that's the beginning now. Now you're back at. At the beginning of. Are we going to commit to a regular and consistent hangout?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Myth number three. This is rehashing one of our most fiery topics. You could only have one best friend.

[B]

Well, you know where I stand on this.

[A]

Well, you said you were evolving. You said it was a teachable moment.

[B]

I did.

[A]

So can we just. In an episode, I have to look up the episode number. We talked about whether, you know, the idea of having a best friend is that important. Is that a real thing? Matt's take was it's juvenile. And he says it like that. Juvenile. Many times. And then you started to walk that back. I thought at some point.

[B]

Yeah. No, I think I. Like, anytime you're going to sort of delineate people in a positive way, I'm for it. Just as long as it's not to the exclusion of others. I was against ranking your close friends. I think you can have more than one best friend. I think it's a threshold. It's like kind of a pyramid. Right. And at the. Like, at each threshold, if you want to, you can delineate, you know, acquaintance, friend, close friend, inner circle, besties.

[A]

And also for our listeners, that was episode 28. You could hear me and Matt argue about best friends.

[B]

Where do you stand now?

[A]

Well, let me answer to you first. You can definitely have more than one best friend. And I think I'm. I'm. I've evolved a little bit, too, also. Gosh. If you have more than one best friend, wow. Like, your cup runneth over. You know, we should only be so Lucky, right?

[B]

Yeah. Because, you know, people are always like, oh, you know, I don't have a huge crew. Like, I hear you guys talking about, what a great crew. Now, if you have one or two people that you can count on that you communicate with, that you can be yourself with, that, make you feel good about yourself, you're winning.

[A]

I think that I've actually taken a sort of. I've combined both of our outlooks from that episode 28, Matt, which is that I do believe in the value of calling someone your best friend, but I also believe that that designation should be broadened to as many. Not as many people as possible. To many. To several people.

[B]

That's. That was where I was coming from. I was like, there could be room at the top for a couple folks in your life.

[A]

Yeah. And, you know, you can also qualify with he's one of my best friends. You know, just.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Do you want. Yeah. Do you want to say something?

[B]

No, I was actually thinking about that because I texted Dr. Dave last year when my buddy Dan here broke his wrist.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I wanted his special care. So I was like, he's one of my. He's one of my closest friends out here. You know. He's like, oh, no. I said, he's one of my BFFs.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You said that about Dan.

[B]

Yeah. Today. He's like, that's hilarious. I'm like, well, you know, west coast, you know, like, you're obviously my, you know, OG bffs. He's like, no, I just think it's funny you're using BFF at all.

[A]

And. And as I've said many times about our friend Dr. Dave, you know, you text him and be like, hey, X needs a medical opinion. He always writes back, absolutely.

[B]

I know, it's unbelievable. The guy.

[A]

Should we take a listener question?

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

All right. We'll be right back.

[D]

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[A]

Okay guys, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram. We love to hear from you. Our handle is at man of the Year podcast. We love our messages and also if you have a sensitive question you want us to anonymize it, we're happy to do that. Okay, so Matt, this question question is kind of about like stages of life, which we love talking about. Hey Matt and Caro. I always believed that friends needed to be in the state, in the same life stage or have the same outlook in order to be close. Like they're both single or they're both parents or they're both super career focused. But my best friend's life is starting to look completely different from mine now and I'm worried that that gap means we won't be able to connect like we used to. Is this a myth or do friendships really depend on being totally aligned?

[B]

That's a tough one. I have, I have conflicting thoughts already in my head about this because you and I, different phases and we stay close. But I will say friendships evolve. They're meant to evolve. Friendships really, really close friendships are meant to be flexible and pliable, to allow for the fact that you're not always in the same stages. Okay. Because if you can only be friends, you know, with people in your stages, then you're just shedding, potentially best friends all the time. And then I don't think that's our goal. Right. But I will acknowledge it is harder when people are in different stages of life to maintain the same rhythm that you had. That doesn't mean you can't maintain the same closeness. You just have to allow for this friendship to not be the same thing it was. You know, time wise, get together, like all those things. You have to give yourself the freedom to kind of shake it up in your head and go, okay, this person's my best friend for life. And we're in a different phase. We may not see each other as much for the next, you know, couple years, but let's figure out a way to maintain something strong that keeps the foundation solid. What do you think about that?

[A]

Also, just to, for our new listeners, just to, to clarify, Matt is the, the father of two boys married. I'm single as a bird. Matt's a real boy dad and a real wife guy.

[B]

That's fair. You said it was a bit of a binge, but I, I accept. Hold on, hold on. What is it? Is it a smear wife guy? What does that mean? Well, I was about to accept it, but then I was like, wait, is there a smear in there? What does that mean? Am I, is that like cuck adjacent?

[A]

The guy from the try guys was a real wife guy.

[B]

Okay. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, he was.

[B]

I don't post about my wife every day.

[A]

I, I was, it was more of a joke.

[B]

Okay. Okay. Yeah. I love my wife. I don't know if that makes me a wife guy. So be it.

[A]

Well, Matt, you, you don't like when I say anything with guy like, are you a pizza guy, you wife guy? Matt doesn't like to be painted with a broad brush.

[B]

Yeah. Because I just, I never know exactly where you're going. It's like, well, who else is it that bucket, bucket of crabs trying to crawl out Anyway, so go on with what you were saying about us.

[A]

Yeah, I think that friendships need to be malleable. Like you were saying. Like, I mean, even people who are aligned are never going to have people get sick, people move, people get fired. You know, even under the best intentions, you're never going to be totally aligned.

[B]

Like, and I think that, look, the two biggest ones are you moved and now you're not even in the same city. So you're definitely not aligned. And two is like, hey, okay, one person had kids and has a, you know, a whole different, you know, schedule of priorities and stuff. But you need to remember it's a two way street friendship. And so if you're the one, you know, Caro talked about this. Like if you're the one who had the kid, like, don't forget about your thing. Don't just assume your single friends have no interest in that part of your life.

[A]

Right, exactly. We're talking about birthday parties and, and, and, and Matt was saying, do I invite Carol? He doesn't have kids. And I was like, no, you, you can invite me. And probably I, maybe I won't come, but sometimes I do. It's about making assumptions about the other person.

[B]

Yeah. And you know, God knows what Kira's doing on the weekends. He never calls me anymore, but he could.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, listen, I'm doing, I'm doing my own thing. I'm living, I'm living my life. While you're with all your wife guys and your boy.

[B]

Like six, six different run clubs.

[A]

Yeah, I've been, I've been doing a lot of run clubs. I think that also I'm just trying to take. Do something that's not, maybe not kid related. You know, you could get some crazy promotion and now all of a sudden you're just like on some other track.

[B]

Yeah. I have a friend who got a major job opportunity and she was basically like, I'm not even going to see my family for a while. So like friends are, you know, that's the thing. That's, that's a reality for a lot of people. But you know, look, I think about friendship as, you know, if you want to stay friends with somebody, you, you can always make some sort of semblance of time. Even if that's a coffee quarterly. Right. We talked about TCs. Text, call, C. That's our rubric. That's you know, text weekly, C monthly. No, sorry. Yeah. Call Call monthly. Sorry. Text weekly, Call Monthly, C Quarterly, irl. If you're doing that, you're going to stay closed yeah.

[A]

And I think, I don't know, there's something quite, I don't know, beautiful about an evolving friendship, you know, like.

[B]

Yeah, if you can survive it and thrive in it, that's a testament to you guys not being at the same phase every day. You're not going. You're not in the same college, you're not in the same dorm room, you're not in the same apartment. Co. Co living. You're not living side by side with your kids next door. And you're still maintaining that. Kudos.

[A]

Yeah. And then you get to look back on all the different phases and haircuts and, you know, ups and downs. It's. It's cool, it's fun.

[B]

I need a haircut. I gotta call Barbara. Shane.

[A]

Shane the barber. Okay, I think we answered that, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, guys, if you have a listener question, send it to us on Instagram. Man of the Year podcast. Okay, let's get back into the myths. Myth number four. Friends should always be available whenever you need them.

[B]

Well, as we know, nobody was available on the birth of my child. In the middle of the night called.

[A]

I was available. Matt just didn't call me.

[B]

I just didn't know that. If you call twice, it breaks. What does it do? I still don't know how it works.

[A]

If you call from the same. Well, it's a setting. If you call twice from the same number, it'll break through. Do not disturb.

[B]

Right. And Jesse and I both alternated calls to you.

[A]

Unbelievable.

[B]

But Cairo did still ended up showing up and took care of our baby, our baby boy, while our other baby was getting delivered in the hospital.

[A]

Yes. And so, you know, listen, this is a blanket statement. French should always be available whenever you need them. I mean, that would. Let's start with that as the default. You know, we've talked many times in the podcast. Sometimes friends are in crisis and you can't always be there for them or you know, they are. We've talked about friendship vampires, people who are just always pulling, you know, need stuff from you. And it's not a one way street. So I think it's nuanced.

[B]

Do a lot of people feel this way, that their friends should be there whenever they need them?

[A]

I mean, the word whenever is doing a lot of work there.

[B]

I mean, like, you know, geez Louise, whenever you need. I'm not gonna be there for you if it's after 9pm, I'm telling you that right now.

[A]

Right. And you and you won't give anyone a ride to the airport. You that's your thing.

[B]

It's not my thing. That's every adult thing. My mom is flying in today, and you know how she's getting here? Uber black.

[A]

Really? You're not picking your mom up?

[B]

No, she doesn't expect me to or want me to. I'm doing the pod with you. It was one or the other. Which one you want?

[A]

Yeah. All right, well, okay. Well, in that case, I'm glad, but I always pick my folks up.

[B]

Listen, I will if she's like, hey, will you pick me up? But she does it. Honestly, it's just. It's just easier for us. I mean, I gotta go pick up Brenner from school in an hour. Like, the timing of it is chaotic.

[A]

Also, God, picking someone up now, people.

[B]

Are gonna be like, what a bad son. I call my mom. No, no.

[A]

Well, uber black. Just to be clear. Uber black. You don't have to walk to the thing. It just picks you up at the curb.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. To be clear, she just gets outside and she's in and she's off to the races.

[A]

But also, I mean, picking someone up at LAX is like a nightmare.

[B]

Yeah, total. Total. So, anyway, back to the myth.

[A]

I think you should endeavor to be there for your friends whenever they need them. Within reason.

[B]

If your friend is in crisis, you should be there for them. If your friend's going through some stuff, you should be there for them as a default. I agree with that. You know, but everybody's busy. Everybody has, you know, things going on. It's very hard. But here's the other part, and this is maybe something important for this myth. We say this all the time. Your friends aren't mind readers. So a lot of times you think your friend wasn't there for you. And when you needed them in your moment where you needed somebody and you didn't convey it properly that you really needed them.

[A]

And I would say one of my favorite bugaboos. Not even. Right. Incorrect use of the word is like you said earlier, practice radical self awareness. Are you calling this person? Are you bothering this person? Do you need this person? Like, are you being. Are you being unreasonable when you're asking for help?

[B]

I've had a bit of a one sided thing lately that I've just been dealing with. I won't get into now, but it's like, yeah, people know I'm always there for them. So it's like. But don't. Don't take advantage of that. Yeah, yeah, I'm getting slightly taken advantage of at the moment, but I'm just, like, letting it go. It's fine.

[A]

All right, let's do one more quick one. Myth number five. Friends should like all the same people.

[B]

You do this one. I get. I get heated sometimes when somebody says things about people that I like and they don't like, you know, bothers me. Are they allowed to do it? Yeah. Do you want them to? In an ideal world? Yeah. Is that reality? No.

[A]

Yeah. Friends should like. I mean, that's impossible. Friends should like all the same people that you do. You know, I mean, it comes into play.

[B]

Friends, you want your friend. You want your friends to like your other friends.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And what do you do if they don't? You know, I mean, that's. That's the issue. It's like, do you demand that, you know, they like your friends or that they don't like somebody you don't like, you know, or whatever? Is it like, do you have to. Do you have to not like somebody if your friend doesn't like them? Kind of the flip side of this, because I think that's more of the myth. Like, if I don't like somebody, you have to not like them. Is that true of friends? Is that required in adult friendship?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, we've talked about this in the past.

[B]

We said it depends on the line that was crossed.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It depends on my relationship. You know, I think it's all on a situational basis, but I just think it's something to keep in mind, you know, if. If you have some sort of enemy or someone who's wronged you, and I have to work with them or I don't have that same relationship with them. You know, I could still interact with him. I'm not gonna rub it in your face.

[B]

Right. It's. I think people get upset when they feel you're going out of your way to be friends with somebody that has wronged somebody else.

[A]

Right, right. And. And as far as liking everybody that you like, I mean, you know, that's. This is like, classic worlds colliding when you bring together two groups.

[B]

And, yeah, if you want to do that, you should make the effort. I realized that one of my friends wasn't invited to another friend's birthday thing, and I was kind of surprised. I only found out after the fact because I thought I had introduced them, like, enough so that they would have been. And I was like, oh, man, that's. That's a shame. Like, do they not. And then I asked each of them about it, and they're like, oh, Man, I love that guy, you know? And I'm like, wait, you talk about me? No, no, it's not you.

[A]

Because, you know, I did forget. I. I totally forgot to invite Dan to my birthday. And it wasn't.

[B]

It was just a no, but a similar thing like that. And I just, I was like, oh, I think I need to do a better job if that. If that's happening, then that's on me as the connector to get them together a few more times.

[A]

Yeah, I love that. I did add Dan to my social universe, my spreadsheet of friends. So next year I won't.

[B]

There you go. You'll be in. I love it.

[A]

I love it. Those are our myths.

[B]

Matthew, I. I think if you are somebody who has these ideas about what friendship you know, is in your head and maybe some of them you're struggling with, you might want to just take a look at these myth list and see if some of yours are on here.

[A]

One more plug, guys. Go to audible.com thebuddy system to check out our Audible original the buddy system. A modern man's guide to mastering friendship. And just because we didn't talk about it, go to manotherpodcast.com to get merch. All right, guys, thank you so much for listening. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.

[B]

Love you, buddy.

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