#169 - One-on-One Friends vs. Big Group Friends

Summary

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Man of the Year: Champions of Friendship

Episode #169 – One-on-One Friends vs. Big Group Friends
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo
Date: January 27, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into a rarely-explored dynamic in adult friendships: the difference between “one-on-one” friends and “big group” friends. Matt and Aaron discuss how not every friend thrives in intimate settings and why that’s perfectly okay. They explore the nuances of inner versus outer circle friendships, share personal stories, and answer a listener’s question about the odd chemistry that sometimes arises when trying—unsuccessfully— to hang with a group friend one-on-one.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Defining “Big Group Friend” vs. “One-on-One Friend”

• Aaron recounts (00:20-00:54) declining a dinner invite because the third guy was “more of a big group friend.”
• Matt reflects (00:55): “I absolutely love that line… it’s great. It’s a little demeaning, but it’s accurate…people bring different things to different hangs.”
• On context and intimacy: You might only see some friends in group contexts, so a one-on-one hang can feel forced or awkward—not necessarily a negative, just the reality of the friendship’s depth and history.

Navigating Mixed “Inner Circle” and “Outer Circle” Hangs

• Aaron (02:27): Combining inner and outer circle friends can go against the mantra of nurturing close bonds.
• Matt: We can't always control who joins a hang, but “sometimes you have to see two people at the same time” (08:04).

The Big Group Friend Experience

• Aaron tells a story (04:32-05:44): He went to a party in Pasadena, far outside his comfort zone, as a big group acquaintance, and ended up having a fun night, meeting new people and learning about Polaroid party traditions.
• Matt (08:21): The dynamic of a hang is altered by adding non-core members, sometimes diminishing intimacy or changing the vibe.

Levelling Up: Can Big Group Friends Become Close Friends?

• Matt (08:53): “There’s probably people in your big group that, if given the right setting or moment, could be a legitimate friend.”
• Aaron (09:34): Acknowledges the interesting phenomenon where some people only exist as “event-specific” friends.

Big Group Friends: No Maintenance Friendships

• Both hosts agree (10:31-10:44): Big group friends are “no maintenance.” There’s no obligation to deepen things, but you could try if you both are interested.

Remembering Names and the “Devil Wears Prada” Tangent

• Aaron (10:44): Struggles to recall the names of these acquaintances, suggesting they need a “cheat sheet” like in The Devil Wears Prada—leading to a humorous debate about how often people quote the film (11:24-12:52).

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Listener Question Segment – “Asking for a Friend”

[15:22 – 26:42]

Jim’s Dilemma:

“I’ve got a friend who’s amazing in a big group, but whenever it’s just the two of us, he gets awkward and quiet… One-on-one time feels a little forced and sometimes draining. How do I keep our friendship healthy without pushing for these solo hangs that never work?”

Hosts’ Responses:

• Matt (16:04): “I have friends like that… not all friends are meant to be your closest friends.”
• Aaron (16:38): “Draining is a big word… that’s the one thing you don’t want in a friend.”
• Matt (17:42): “There is such a thing as friendship chemistry… you need your one-on-one hangs to have people who match your energy.”
• Aaron (18:54): Observes that differences in life phase or personality are magnified in a one-on-one context, but averaged out in a group.
  • “If you’re not aligned… the contrast is much darker when you’re one-on-one.” (19:06)
• Matt: Most one-on-one hangs are with “super inner core” friends.
• Aaron (22:36): “Does every one of those guys in that group have to have one-on-one hangs with everyone else? Absolutely not.”
• Matt (23:28): “You can have a healthy friend group of even as little as four people, where not each one hangs out one-on-one with the others. And that’s okay.”
• Both agree: If you don’t have chemistry or it feels forced—just enjoy being group friends, don’t force solo hangs.

How to Level-Up if You Want To

• Matt (24:38): Suggests being intentional if you want to deepen the friendship—find shared interests, ask about things they’re passionate about.
• If it doesn’t work: “Give him one more shot… but if the chemistry is off, that’s fine. Go back to the big crew.” (26:36)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “He’s a big group friend. I don’t know if I want to sit for a full dinner with this guy.” — Aaron (00:58)
• “A lot of our big group friends are people you see contextually, and you’ve never, maybe never gotten past that contact.” — Matt (01:45)
• “Big group friends are no maintenance… you can consider them a friend and they’re no maintenance.” — Matt (10:31-10:44)
• “There is such a thing as friendship chemistry.” — Matt (17:42)
• “Does every one of those guys in that group have to have one-on-one hangs? Absolutely not.” — Aaron (22:53)
• Seinfeld reference: “There was an episode where George and Elaine… they’re like, what are we gonna do just us together?” — Aaron (24:13)
• “It’s okay to remain a big group friend. If you try leveling up and it works—great. If not, keep them at the eight-person table.” — Matt (31:44)

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Fun Tangents & Comic Relief

• Polaroid Party Traditions: Aaron attended an acquaintance’s birthday party, participated in a fun guestbook Polaroid activity, and reflected on “meeting people who haven’t heard our jokes before.” (05:44-07:00)
• Devil Wears Prada Detour: Lively debate over whether the film is a modern classic and the need for a “name book” at large parties.
• Accent Usurping: Stories about “Australia Dave,” who’s “doing the best usurping job” of integrating into friend groups, and the fun of comparing accents. (28:23-31:10)

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Timestamps to Important Segments

• Defining “Big Group Friends”: 00:54 – 02:27
• The challenges of combining inner/outer circles: 02:27 – 04:11
• Polaroid party anecdote: 04:32 – 07:00
• Controlling the makeup of a hang: 07:13 – 08:21
• Leveling up group friends: 08:53 – 10:44
• Listener question: One-on-one awkwardness: 15:22 – 26:42
• When friends in the group hang out without you: 27:00 – 28:23
• Accent and cultural integration stories: 28:23 – 31:10
• Final thoughts on big group friends: 31:32 – 32:33

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Takeaways

• Not every friend is suited for one-on-one time, and that’s normal and healthy in adult friendship circles.
• Group friends can level up to closer bonds—sometimes—but it’s okay if they remain “no maintenance” group acquaintances.
• Chemistry, context, and stage-of-life all impact friendship dynamics; don’t force what doesn’t feel natural.
• Enjoy the group experience, value your place in the friendship ecosystem, and give yourself and others some grace.

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Closing Advice from the Hosts

“It’s okay to remain a big group friend. It’s also perfectly normal to think, hey, there’s somebody there to level up with. If it works, great. If not, keep them at the eight-person table.”
— Matt (31:44)

“Always remember: Be good to yourself. Be good to your friends.”
— Aaron (32:40)

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For more, join their community on Instagram (@manoftheyearpodcast) or visit manoftheyearpodcast.com.

Transcript

[A]

Foreign. Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Aaron Caro.

[B]

I'm Matt Ritter.

[A]

And guys, make sure to go to audible.com the buddy system, to check out our Audible original and go to manofthearpodcast.com to grab our merch. I'm wearing a hat right now, which you can see if you watch our episodes on YouTube. And Matt, I. I was talking about talking about this to you off camera, but recently a buddy of mine hit me up and was like, do you want to go to dinner with another friend? So be three of us. And I declined. And I was just like, you know, this third guy, love him, but he's more of a big group guy.

[B]

And I absolutely love that line. I love that phrase.

[A]

He's a big group friend. I don't know if I want to sit for a full dinner with this guy. And you, like, you've been talking about it ever since. Big group. Big group friends.

[B]

I love it. It's so, it's great for. I mean, it's demeaning a little bit, but also I think, yeah, I think it's an accurate one. And I was like, oh, what a great topic that everybody has never been talked about ever. I don't think anyone in the history of the world has ever talked about this.

[A]

So. So I think we should sort of define our terms here. Like, it is a little demeaning slash pejorative. I just think people bring different things to different, you know, to different hangs. And, you know, some people can be a little much.

[B]

Look, I think there's a lot of things I, I said demeaning jokingly because as I said to you offline, sometimes it's really just that you don't know them that well. And so, of course, you don't really feel comfortable in a small group setting with somebody that you don't know that well. I think a lot of times our initial reaction is go, I don't know if I want to have, like, small dinner with. I don't even know that guy. So it's like, a lot of times it's less like, oh, he's only good in big groups. You know, it's just like a lot of our big group friends are people you see contextually, and you've never, maybe you've never gotten past that contact. So it really wouldn't make sense.

[A]

Well, one thing I was going to say was we, you know, we've talked recently about, like, you know, really spending time with the inner circle. And so if you get invited to A plan. And there's an. There's an outer circle person there. That sort of goes against our sort of latest mantra here. But also, one of my inner circle was going to be there too. So do I want to combine an inner and an outer? And if I said no, I don't see my inner friend either.

[B]

Yeah, look, you can't always control the makeup of a hang, right?

[A]

Oh, interesting. Okay, well, you can by saying no.

[B]

Well, you can't. Yeah. You could just opt out of any hang. That's not just you, me, Jeff and Fireball. Yeah, you want.

[A]

Which basically 20, 25.

[B]

Right. Which is what you want. But. But I'm saying, you know, a lot of times you're in a situation where it's like, hey, you want to meet up? And it's like, oh, yeah, can I bring this friend? What are you gonna say no? Carol's like, hey, you should say no.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, yeah. Like, listen, I feel like every, every listener question we get is about somebody who. Something they don't want to happen has happened because they didn't stand on their business.

[B]

Say, yeah. And look, I think, look, here's. There's a couple things that I think you're talking about. One is like, okay, if you want to just go out with your friend, then just say, hey, I'd rather just go out with you. Right.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

But like, sometimes there's just a situation where it's not like, oh, you were just intending to have a one on one dinner. You're just like, does anybody want to go out? And your friend's like, I'll go out. And it's like, but I'm, I'm already going out with this guy or something. Or it's like, do you want to come meet us? You know, or do you want to come meet. A lot of times, like, do you want to come meet us? Sometimes you're the big group friend.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, I have been. I'm. I think both of us have been big group friends at times because we also have a long tail of friendships.

[B]

Right. But I don't mind, like, I don't mind being just a big group friend to, you know, some of, like your and Jeff west side friends. Like, okay, fine with me. Yeah.

[A]

You know, I don't even think we talked about this, but like a month or maybe it was. Maybe it was longer than that. I ran into a buddy I haven't seen in years. He's like, I'm having a. He's like, my girlfriend's having a Birthday party. It's in Pasadena, which is like Cairo. Like kryptonite.

[B]

Yeah. Poisonous phrase she uttered.

[A]

Literally. Literally would not know. I'd never met his girlfriend. I've only haven't seen him in years. And I. And I very. Man of the year ask. I was like, you know what? It. Like, it seems like I'm just gonna go to this random party in Pasadena because those are the fun nights.

[B]

You went to Pasadena?

[A]

I went to Pasadena, yeah. God, it was so far. It was so freaking far. Like, you ever drive and you run out of podcasts? Because I'm like, I got nothing else to listen to.

[B]

And ended up actually, Pasadena's run out of podcasts.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, that's.

[B]

How far is running out of podcast distance. There's nothing you're just listening to, like, mini pods.

[A]

I was. I was driving in silence on the way home.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And it was fine, by the way. Like, I probably could have. Could have got done without doing it, but. Yeah, this is another tangent, but they did a thing. Matt, I don't know if you've ever seen this or. You guys. You and Jess should do this. They had a Polaroid camera.

[B]

I love Polaroids at parties.

[A]

And you had to take a picture, sign your name, and then they had a guest book, and you paste the polar right into the game.

[B]

Fun.

[A]

Yeah, it was interesting. I thought of you because I. I don't know the last time you took a Polaroid. I don't know if there's a special kind of camera, but, you know, you're not supposed to shake it, like, shake it like a Polaroid picture that.

[B]

You don't do that anymore or you're never supposed to do it.

[A]

I think maybe you were never supposed to do it. It's actually, like, warmth that makes it develop. So you put it on your. I put it on my bare chest. Like, what's it called when you have a kid and you kangaroo them?

[B]

Or what is it, skin contact? I don't know. Skin to skin kangaroo, though. I didn't hear that.

[A]

Yeah, well, because I thought of you like, you were obsessed with having that picture of your arm being big.

[B]

If I had. If I had made it to my mission to have that be my year of fitness, it would have been bigger.

[A]

Yeah. Anyway, why the hell was I talking about going to a random.

[B]

Oh, because I was a big, big group friend. Yeah.

[A]

But it was good because I met a bunch of new people.

[B]

Right?

[A]

You meet a bunch of different people. They have not heard our jokes before, which we love. That and, but I wanted to go back to, like, six things ago that you said about controlling who's in the hang.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you think about, like, okay, we're hanging, maybe we're hanging with our core crew.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then someone brings, like, someone's like, oh, can I add, like, my buddies in town or blah, blah, blah. I. I mean, you can't really say no, but I feel like it messes up the hang.

[B]

So depends. So obviously we went out for, like, our holiday group crew dinner. You can't bring somebody else to that.

[A]

Can't bring somebody else.

[B]

But it's just like, oh, you know, I think it really depends, like, oh, is there a game on? Like, what's going. Like, what is the context of the hang?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Can you never not? I mean, because obviously you have to allow people to bring. Otherwise, how do people, like, juggle when you have limited time? Like, sometimes you have to be able to see two people at the same time.

[A]

I think it's about timing. If you were like, hey, Cairo, you know, my buddy Brian's in town or around and we're gonna get together as opposed to like, oh, remember that thing we had planned? I'm bringing somebody else.

[B]

Right? Yeah, but you asked for permission to do that usually.

[A]

Right. But you. I mean, I. I mean, can you really say no?

[B]

No. But it does. Look, I agree. It changes the dynamic if somebody's not in your inner circle and it's a different. It just kind of becomes a different hang. There's a different level of, like, intimacy you can have sometimes.

[A]

Yeah. Should we talk about how to go from a big group friend to a. To, I guess, a small, small batch friend?

[B]

Yeah. Well, because I was gonna say, I think part of it is a lot of people have big group friends that they're misusing or under using.

[A]

Under using?

[B]

Yeah. Like, there's probably people in everybody. If everybody who's listening to this is thinking about the last time they had a quote unquote, big group, you know, hang. And there were some people there that they probably only consider big group friends. I guarantee there's one. One of those people that could be a legitimate friend if given the right, you know, setting or level up moments or whatever. Because, I mean, these are friends of friends, right? I mean, they're all, you know, vetted, liked, generally good feelings about, for the most part. It's just that, you know, they're not your friends. They're, you know, or they're. They're not your inner core.

[A]

It's funny because we and Adam and whatever. Like, we've been friends for so long that, like, even, like your friends that are not my friends who are at every party. It's. It's. It's kind of interesting when you, like, they only. In my world, they only exist, like with a mad event or an animal.

[B]

Right. Same with you. Same with some of your friends. And I think. Look, actually, I don't want to contradict what I'm saying, but on the one hand, that's all they're meant to be. Most of them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But. Yes, but. But I think there is also depending on if you're. If you're feeling that you want that and the energy is there and the intention is there, and you feel like there's some sort of opening to level them up. I think it's a really good breeding ground for it. Yeah.

[A]

If you. If you want to level them up, it's, you know, it's okay to have acquaintances or. Or have a friend's friend.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

The problem is, I don't know if you.

[B]

They're a little maintenance. They're a little pressure, you know, I mean, it's kind of great.

[A]

You know, they're no maintenance.

[B]

No. Right. It's kind of great. They're the big group. Friends are no maintenance. You can consider them a friend. You can consider them a friend, and they're no maintenance.

[A]

The only thing is. And maybe I need to do better about this. I really struggle with those people's names.

[B]

You have to have that book from Devil Wears Prada.

[A]

I haven't seen that in so long. She have a book of names?

[B]

Absolutely. And Emily Blunt. This is a key moment in the movie. That's where basically Anne Hathaway steps up because Emily Blunt's sick and she's got the book and she can't remember the name. And Anne Hathaway's like, that's that guy, and that's not his wife. And that's the moment where it turns and she becomes, like, first assistant.

[A]

Are you excited for the sequel?

[B]

Definitely.

[A]

I can't be sarcastic.

[B]

I love that movie. One of my favorites.

[A]

Are you not God? I guess I have to re. Watch the original. Devil Wears Prada is one of your favorite movies.

[B]

Absolutely. Anybody who disagrees with that is a maniac. Should we.

[A]

The best.

[B]

I mean, it's one of the best movies of the century.

[A]

Is it even in this century?

[B]

I think so. 2004, maybe.

[A]

Devil Wears Prada. 2006.

[B]

6. Yeah. Are you serious? This is not one of your favorite movies?

[A]

I haven't seen it. In so long.

[B]

Oh, my God. So you're not like, you don't have all the lines quoted, like, when I get hungry, I eat three cubes of cheese.

[A]

No.

[B]

Maybe I've never seen it completely falling apart. That's when you'll know it's time for a promotion.

[A]

Yeah, maybe. I mo. It's got 75 on rotten tomatoes. Okay. Yeah. Okay, great.

[B]

It's flat out one of the best movies of this century.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Listen, listen.

[B]

Universally. But I think that's universally acknowledged.

[A]

Listen, you're the movie buff. I defer. I defer. I'm gonna. I'm gonna watch it.

[B]

Yeah, I. I don't think I can go like a month without somebody mentioning it in this town.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

In conversation. It's like one of those. You just reference it all the time.

[A]

Maybe people have been referencing in my whole life and I never knew because I haven't seen.

[B]

Yeah, I think they probably are. It's unbelievable. Anyway, sorry. Sidetrack. Devil worth. Prada. Shame, Caro, for not being a fan of it.

[A]

Should we take a listener question?

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

We'll be right back with a listener question.

[C]

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[A]

Okay, guys, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram man of the Year podcast and we'll answer on the show. We've got some good ones recently. Thank you, guys. Okay, this comes from Jim. I've got a friend who's amazing in a big group, but whenever it's just the two of us, he gets awkward and quiet. The whole vibe shifts and I'm left wondering if our friendship isn't as strong as I thought. Or like, maybe it's just his personality. I genuinely like him, but one on one time feels a little forced and sometimes draining. How do I keep our friendship healthy without, like, continuing to push for these solo hangs that never really work?

[B]

I have to be honest, that hit me that I have friends like that.

[A]

Matt is looking directly into my soul right now.

[B]

No, I'm just saying I feel like we all have friends like this. And again, like, not all friends are meant to be your closest friends, but on the flip side, maybe you just don't know them well enough and you haven't, you know, reached a, you know, point in your relationship where it's easy to, you know, have these one on one hangs because you don't really know each other well.

[A]

If. Almost lost my mic there. It's, it's interesting because, you know, he's one on one time feels forced and a little draining. I mean, draining is, you know, that's, that's a big, that's a big word just to, to talk about your friend. Like, that's not. That doesn't sound great. I mean, that's like the one thing you don't want a friend, right?

[B]

I mean, I think forced is different, right? For sometimes, like, if you don't know somebody that well, it does feel forced. You want to get to that level of comfort. That's the goal, is to get to be yourself and to not be performing. But I do believe on some level we're all performing early in friendships and.

[A]

And, and dating as well.

[B]

Exactly. I mean, it's a relationship, so. But I agree, draining enforcer are definitely two different things.

[A]

And it's interesting because he says the friend's amazing. I mean, I guess it's basically what we've been talking about. Amazing in a big group. But it's two of us. He gets awkward and quiet. Yeah. Okay. It could be that they don't know each other well. I kind of get the, get the sense that they do though, or they.

[B]

Don'T have great friendship chemistry. We talked about this a while ago. There is such a thing as friendship chemistry. There is such a thing as a type in friendship. Gary and I don't always have the same type. That matters. Especially for one on one hangs. You really need your one on one hangs to have people who match your energy and you have chemistry with it where it is awkward and there are people that you can have even a four person dinner with that will be fun. But if it's just the two of you, it may feel weird.

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna try to make this, make myself make this sound smart. So, you know, we've talked about like friendships that are like different phases. One's old, one's young, one's married, one's single, whatever. One's super ambitious, one's not. Okay. So when you're one on one, that could be a sticky wicket. Okay. The more people that you're with, the average of your place in life becomes, you know, flattened. Does that make any sense?

[B]

Okay, go on.

[A]

So if you've got one guy who's married and a party animal and the other person is. Is or single and party animal, the person is married in a home body. Then you add four other people. One single, one's married. So like the mean, right?

[B]

You're saying just the contrast is much darker when you're one on one.

[A]

Yeah, that was a much smarter way of.

[B]

If you're not aligned, if you're not in the same place of life, if you, if you don't have the shared interest, it's. I agree, I agree. Listen, I think I would say universally most of my one on one hangs are either with already my super duper inner core or like, you know, people that are in the exact same phase of life that are now becoming my inner core because they're, you know, young Dads too. It's hard to just like have a random. But why is he. I guess the question is really like, why are you, why, why the need to have the one on one with this person?

[A]

Can I ask you a dad friend question? Do you have any, Are there any same sex couples in your circle?

[B]

Of course, of course.

[A]

Are they all dads? They all moms. Both.

[B]

Are. The only ones that I'm close friends with now are dads. But yeah, I mean, I assume there's both.

[A]

And so you know how it's, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's a trope. But something that is true that like women often get like saddle with more child care and, and, and men are, you know, even now today they're, you know, they're less involved. Like how does it work with 2 dads? Like, like I'm sure Jess is on a group chat with the moms talking about whatever.

[B]

Right? I mean both of the dads that I know in this couple are very involved, but I'm involved. So I don't, I, I don't even, you know, like to. At my school, the dads are super duper involved. I mean, if you look at drop off and pick up, it feels like 50. 50.

[A]

Well, that's, that's very, you know, I've got friends in other schools, other cities and they're like, it's still. The women are doing all of it.

[B]

Yeah, look, I will say I, I still think the women, you know, carry the lion's share.

[A]

Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Very.

[B]

More of it. But, but I'm just saying I think it's hard, it would be hard for me to answer that because in my school the dads are incredibly involved anyway.

[A]

Yeah. And then do you, Are you closer with one of the dads?

[B]

Yes, because he's more of a bro.

[A]

So one of them is more of a bro.

[B]

He's like from Brooklyn. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, but you like to wear those. Really. Like you have a, a few of those real floral shirts.

[B]

Yeah, no, and the other one is a great Israeli hairdresser. And I, I like him too, you know, but we, you know, one of them I played poker with and you know, it's like a different thing.

[A]

Isn't. Isn't that literally that Adam Sandler movie.

[B]

Don't Mess with the Zohan?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you're. Sorry, got sidetracked there. So you, you Wait, one more question, one more question. Sorry. Does Brenner ever been? Like, why is this guy have two dads?

[B]

No, I, I don't even know that. I don't even know that he could conceptualize that at this age.

[A]

Right, right. I mean, that's great. You know, what's beauty beautiful about it? He won't even make a difference to him.

[B]

No, of course not. I don't think he could ever. Like, I, I never, I never even thought about that.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. That's great. You know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you had said, just before I interrupted you, she, you had said, well, why are you even hanging out with me? Yeah, yeah. Well, that's kind of going against what you just said, which is you don't know him well enough yet. Right.

[B]

But I'm saying, if you're saying it's draining and it's forced, why are you doing exactly.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Just because you want to make him your one on one friend. Like, I guess. Here's a question for you. Okay, so you have a group. Maybe it's four, maybe it's six. Does every one of those guys in that group have to have one on one hangs with everybody in that group?

[A]

Right. I mean, this is, this comes back to like the Connector, which we've talked about. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You and I are generally like. It's called our man of the year crew. Generally friends with everybody.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not everybody is friends with everybody.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. And that's okay.

[A]

I loved Matt on the man of the year group chat when two of the guys just sent a picture together.

[B]

Yeah. It's great.

[A]

And they're not necessarily one on one. Tight. I love that.

[B]

Yeah, no, totally, totally. And I, but I, my, my point was, my question. He was like, do they have to be. I don't. I say no.

[A]

No, no, Absolutely not. I mean, if it's, if it's, if it's not working and you're. And he's a. I mean, I, I see.

[B]

I'm talking about all friend groups. I'm saying in general, like, you can have a healthy. I think you can have a healthy friend group of even as little as four people. We're within that four. Not each one hangs out one on one with the others.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that's, that's totally, that's totally true. I mean, as long as you have more than two. More than one other friend, you're fine.

[B]

Right. Like, did all the Sex and City ladies hang out with each other one on one individually?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Did E. And Johnny Drama ever hang out individually in Entourage?

[A]

The One example, there was an episode of Seinfeld where George and Elaine.

[B]

That's right. And they were like, what are we gonna do to us together?

[A]

Right, Right, right, right.

[B]

And those were his two best friends.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's funny when you have, like, you know, you, you, you. Your connector is no longer there.

[B]

Yeah. Look, I think two things happen. One is you find a way to level up that friendship and you can take active measures. Maybe we should talk about that. Like, how do you do that?

[A]

Sounds like a SWAT team.

[B]

Yeah, you do. I mean, if you're saying it's forced and it's draining and you really want to make it work, let's try to figure out how to do that. Maybe you're asking the wrong questions. You're not asking them about things they're excited about.

[A]

I was just gonna say, let's do our typical flip around here. Like, what do we think the other guy's thinking? Also, is this guy, like, in his head that it's draining? I guess it's going to be in his head. But, like, is. Is he misinterpreting something? Perhaps? Is the other guy also drained? Like, he's just two guys.

[B]

Right. I don't know. It just seems like two guys that don't really have chemistry right now and they don't really have a good, you know, bond to get them past their group friend thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they either have to find a shared interest or figure out, you know, what this person's passionate about or ask for. Hey, I know you are, you know, into, like, sushi. And I know you took your family. That's like, what's the best, you know, place to take. My family's coming into town. Get something that are, you know, find things that this person's excited about.

[A]

What. Let's say the other guy hits this guy up, like, hey, man, you want to get a drink? Is this guy's just going to say no going forward?

[B]

No. Well, here's the thing. Two things. One is, if that's what I want to know, is this guy trying to make an effort to be your, you know, close friend? And that. I want to know what's happening. Is he. Is it? Is that what's happening? If that's what's happening, like, oh, this guy is trying to be your friend and you went out and felt forced and draining. I say give him one more shot, but do it in the right way. Where? Ask the right question to see if you can, you know, engage in a better way. And if it's Just not working. Sometimes the chemistry is just off and that's fine.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, listen, there's nothing wrong with. Listen, you try, you hung out one on one and then just go back to the big crew.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. You don't need to be a one on one friend with this person, but I think you at least need to try it in the right way.

[A]

Yeah, okay, I agree. I agree. All right, do we answer that?

[B]

Yeah, I think it's perfectly okay to not be one on one friends with somebody who's in your big group. And if you did try it and the chemistry is just not there and it feels forced, that's okay. It's totally fine.

[A]

Give it. As Matt always says, give yourself some grace.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

All right, guys, that was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send it to us on Instagram. Man of your podcast. Okay, as we, as we wrap up here in a few minutes. Big group friends. What about when you're in a big group and you two of the people, two other people besides you are hanging out without you. Red flag, yellow flag, beige, green flag, doesn't matter.

[B]

Oh, you're saying like when you're in a group and then they make a plan and they go off and you never heard about it.

[A]

Right? When you're in the. You're the big group friend, basically. I mean, depends on the context. Right?

[B]

But look, it's one of those things. Where do you always need to be invited, right? What is, where is that coming from? You need to be invited to everything or like, you know, is it an insecurity of like, you need to be part of everything?

[A]

Well, I mean, I guess depends what they're doing, if they're doing your favorite thing. Yeah, yeah, right.

[B]

Because I'm also a fan of. You know, when you bring people into a group, them becoming genuine friends, you know, you connect and then they become friends. Like, I've usurped, you know, it's like, you want that? That's. It's good.

[A]

We've. I mean, Australia. Dave, this. This man, our buddy in. In New York has just been doing the best usurping job I've. I've ever seen.

[B]

He's. He's better. This is better than Matt 2012.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, he's like, wait, what was the. What was the thing? Coney 2012, remember that?

[B]

What was that?

[A]

It was like this viral. It's one of the first viral things. It was. God, it was. It was a movie about you gotten in Cult. If I don't know, that's a story for another day. Was.

[B]

Yeah, I don't remember. That sounds vaguely familiar.

[A]

Anyway, like. So our buddy Dave, who's Australian, I mean, I think it's like 90. Is it 90? Accent, like, I don't. I just don't know.

[B]

The personality, like the enjoyment of it. Yeah. 60.

[A]

Like at least.

[B]

60. At least the majority.

[A]

I don't know if you and I discussed it that at. I think maybe we did at our Audible release party. It's the buddy system. Audible dot com. The buddy system. That's. Or my two Australian friends met.

[B]

Oh yeah, I saw that.

[A]

They both said good day at the same time.

[B]

Oh, they still doing that, huh?

[A]

Yeah, they're still doing it.

[B]

I thought it was a bit. I thought it was like Borat, like.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

My life, you know.

[A]

So. So Australia Dave just had a kid. I don't know if you know that first message.

[B]

When did you have the kid? Recently?

[A]

Like three weeks ago.

[B]

Okay, I gotta send him a message.

[A]

Is he gonna have. Is the kid. She gonna have an Australian accent?

[B]

Born here. Born here with two Australian parents.

[A]

No one American.

[B]

Hard to say.

[A]

Are there any people? Right.

[B]

Probably not if it's just the dad and then outside of the house you're gonna hear him.

[A]

In your, in your circle. Do you have any Brits, Aussies, Anybody in la?

[B]

Not Mainer circle.

[A]

Not inner. So. Yeah. Because I feel like maybe I was a large mom with you. I love when there's just like a random British woman. It's great.

[B]

Yeah, no, it's always great.

[A]

Do we just sound like absolute monsters to like their accent sounds amazing to us.

[B]

We sound like Long Islanders to them.

[A]

Oh, I met, I was at this event last night, this couple from Merrick, she was like, I gotta go to the bathroom.

[B]

Oh yeah. So the Brits. So the Brits. We all sound like Long Islanders.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You, you, you, you hate the line. Well, no, we. Yeah, we never really.

[B]

Yeah, I'm not. I don't enjoy it up to the ear. To the ear. It's. It's harsh.

[A]

But isn't it nice when you're back.

[B]

Home the first time when you're on the. When you're on the platform at Hicksville and you hear people chit chatting. It's pretty fun.

[A]

Yeah. Long Owl Railroad. Tickets. Tickets. You know, what's your problem? Yeah. All right, great.

[B]

Anything.

[A]

Anything else on Big Group before we sign off? Like, I think it's. It's an interesting dynamic. We haven't. We basically the only People's ever talked about this. And I think it's something just to be aware of.

[B]

It's okay to remain a big group friend. It's also perfectly normal to think, hey, there's somebody there to level up with. And you try it and it works. You have a new friend and you've tightened that circle. But if not, you can keep them at the eight person circular table. Yeah.

[A]

And it's good. And then if you're. If again, if you're the big group friend, if you're. If you're going to Pasadena, you know, I. I think it's kind of a compliment. Like you. You add something to the table.

[B]

Yeah. I also think most people that are big group friends to each other are on the same awareness level of it.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Yeah, as long as everybody knows you're my big group friend, I'm your big group friend. It's great.

[A]

They say to each other, we both know what this is.

[B]

Yeah, we know what this is.

[A]

All right, guys, let us know about your big group friend experiences. Hit us up on Instagram. Thank you guys for listening. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends.

[B]

Love you.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Love you, buddy.

[E]

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[D]

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[A]

Ugh.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Let me see that can.

[B]

Aluminum butane. I cannot pronounce that. You have to switch to native deodorant.

[D]

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[B]

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[D]

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[A]

If you like the show, please take a moment to rate, review and subscribe. It really does help the show to grow. Thank you for listening.