Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode #171: "Yes Men"
Date: February 10, 2026
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo

Episode Overview

In this episode, Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo dive into the art of saying "yes" (and "no") in friendships as adults, reflecting on their own evolving tendencies and societal norms around social engagement. With humor and candid personal stories, they explore how friendships are shaped by obligation, motivation, and the delicate balance between showing up for others and honoring one's own boundaries. The duo address a listener’s question about the etiquette of inviting friends who rarely attend events, offering insight into the responsibilities of hosts and guests alike.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Aging, Health, and Obligations

[00:40–05:50]

• Aaron opens with a story about getting sun spots frozen off at the dermatologist, reflecting on the inevitability of minor health issues as you age.
• Discussion turns to sunscreen use, generational attitudes, and how kids/spouses influence adult habits.
• Quote:
  • "At a certain age you just have to go get things shot off of your body. Lasered and taste and peeled and burned and frozen." – Matt [01:24]
• Both admit to being less diligent with sun protection than they probably should be.

2. The 'Yes Man' vs. 'No Man' Dynamic

[05:51–09:07]

• Aaron shares feeling called out by a friend as someone who rarely says yes to invitations, sparking reflection.
• Matt is self-identified as a natural 'yes man' who's learning to set limits.
• Both hosts admit they're moving closer to the middle: Aaron is working on being more open; Matt is learning to say no.
• Quote:
  • "We're both coming closer to the mean... we were both on the extreme end and maybe not in a healthy way." – Matt [06:57]

3. Motivation, Obligation, and Friendship Maintenance

[09:08–12:57]

• Matt articulates that hidden costs (time, energy) make him rethink automatic yeses.
• Obligations in friendship are reframed: for close friends, showing up isn't really a decision—it's just 'what you do'.
• Quote:
  • "Friendship is a commitment to somebody else... sometimes you're doing something for somebody else. Obligation isn't automatically a negative thing." – Matt [11:13]
• Aaron posits that removing the constant inner debate is freeing—and for significant occasions, there’s no real choice.

4. Decision-Making & Social Habits

[12:57–15:18]

• Discuss the risk of running friendships based solely on personal motivation or mood.
• Matt likens it to fitness: "If you rely on your motivation, you're never going to get fit. You have to rely on the obligation of it, the habit of it." [12:49]
• Conversation veers briefly into influencer culture and 'habit stacking' (James Clear/Atomic Habits).

5. Softening the 'No'

[15:19–17:20]

• Aaron reflects on trying to be more "reflective" and "receptive" in response to social invites.
• Both hosts discuss the importance of showing up in good faith if you do accept.

Listener Question: Should You Keep Inviting Someone Who Always Says No?

[17:52–25:37]

Question Summary:
A female listener wonders if it’s reasonable to stop inviting a close friend who always declines invitations but later says she misses everyone—plus, when she does appear, she brings low energy and seems eager to leave.

Key Points & Hosts’ Advice:

• Matt: It’s worse to show up with bad energy than not at all. "There's nothing I like less than having somebody in my presence counting the minutes." [19:02]
• Both agree you shouldn’t feel obligated to endlessly invite someone who repeatedly opts out and doesn’t bring positivity when present.
• Compassion for extenuating circumstances is important, but chronic negativity is draining.
• Gradual phasing out is suggested, alongside observing if the friend reciprocates by ever inviting you.
• Quote:
  • "If you're going through some stuff, it's okay to show up as your authentic self... but if you just don't want to be there, don't come." – Matt [20:28]

Handling Social Excuses and 'No's'

[25:38–28:04]

• Matt tends to give honest, polite responses: "I’m just not feeling that tonight."
• Both discuss the delicate balance between using kids/family as an excuse vs. communicating honestly.
• Social capital matters: Matt’s track record as a 'yes man' gives him leeway with refusals; Aaron, as a known 'no guy,' gets a pass when he does show.

Fun & Notable Moments

The Guitar-Smashing Plan

[28:17–31:54]

• Matt contemplates smashing a broken guitar for fun, consulting Guitar Center staff for 'safe smashing' tips.
• Attempts to rally his dad crew for a joint smash, aiming for an Office Space–style therapeutic moment.
• Memorable exchange:
  • "I probably have a crazy question... how do you smash a guitar without hurting yourself?" – Matt [29:07]
  • "You need someone to film it, I'm assuming you're gonna film it." – Aaron [30:14]

Takeaways & Call to Action

[31:56–32:33]

• Both hosts acknowledge their personal growth—moving away from their own extremes toward healthier social boundaries.
• They invite listeners to self-reflect: Are you a 'yes' or 'no' person, and how is that changing as you age?
• As always, the episode ends with their signature sign-off:
  • "Always remember, be good to your friends. Be good to yourself." – Aaron [32:25]

Listen-Back Guide (Timestamps Highlight)

• Aging & Health: [00:40–05:50]
• Yes/No Man Dynamic: [05:51–09:07]
• Friendship Obligations: [09:08–12:57]
• Triggers for Saying 'Yes'/'No': [12:58–15:18]
• Listener Question & Advice: [17:52–25:37]
• Excuses & Honesty: [25:38–28:04]
• Guitar Smashing Story: [28:17–31:54]
• Reflection & Sign-Off: [31:56–32:33]

Notable Quotes

• "At a certain age you just have to go get things shot off of your body." – Matt [01:24]
• "We're both coming closer to the mean...we were both on the extreme end and maybe not in a healthy way." – Matt [06:57]
• "Friendship is a commitment to somebody else...Obligation isn't automatically a negative thing." – Matt [11:13]
• "If you rely on your motivation, you're never going to get fit. You have to rely on the obligation of it, the habit of it." – Matt [12:49]
• "There's nothing I like less than having somebody in my presence counting the minutes." – Matt [19:02]
• "If you just don't want to be there, don't come." – Matt [20:41]
• "You need someone to film it, I'm assuming you're gonna film it." – Aaron [30:14]

Episode Tone

Casual, witty, and self-aware—with the relaxed, affectionate banter of lifelong friends. Both hosts blend humor with vulnerability, making the episode relatable and encouraging for anyone navigating adult friendships.

For more episodes and friendship tips, visit manofoftheyearpodcast.com.