#171 - Yes Men

Summary

Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode #171: "Yes Men"
Date: February 10, 2026
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo dive into the art of saying "yes" (and "no") in friendships as adults, reflecting on their own evolving tendencies and societal norms around social engagement. With humor and candid personal stories, they explore how friendships are shaped by obligation, motivation, and the delicate balance between showing up for others and honoring one's own boundaries. The duo address a listener’s question about the etiquette of inviting friends who rarely attend events, offering insight into the responsibilities of hosts and guests alike.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Aging, Health, and Obligations

[00:40–05:50]

• Aaron opens with a story about getting sun spots frozen off at the dermatologist, reflecting on the inevitability of minor health issues as you age.
• Discussion turns to sunscreen use, generational attitudes, and how kids/spouses influence adult habits.
• Quote:
  • "At a certain age you just have to go get things shot off of your body. Lasered and taste and peeled and burned and frozen." – Matt [01:24]
• Both admit to being less diligent with sun protection than they probably should be.

2. The 'Yes Man' vs. 'No Man' Dynamic

[05:51–09:07]

• Aaron shares feeling called out by a friend as someone who rarely says yes to invitations, sparking reflection.
• Matt is self-identified as a natural 'yes man' who's learning to set limits.
• Both hosts admit they're moving closer to the middle: Aaron is working on being more open; Matt is learning to say no.
• Quote:
  • "We're both coming closer to the mean... we were both on the extreme end and maybe not in a healthy way." – Matt [06:57]

3. Motivation, Obligation, and Friendship Maintenance

[09:08–12:57]

• Matt articulates that hidden costs (time, energy) make him rethink automatic yeses.
• Obligations in friendship are reframed: for close friends, showing up isn't really a decision—it's just 'what you do'.
• Quote:
  • "Friendship is a commitment to somebody else... sometimes you're doing something for somebody else. Obligation isn't automatically a negative thing." – Matt [11:13]
• Aaron posits that removing the constant inner debate is freeing—and for significant occasions, there’s no real choice.

4. Decision-Making & Social Habits

[12:57–15:18]

• Discuss the risk of running friendships based solely on personal motivation or mood.
• Matt likens it to fitness: "If you rely on your motivation, you're never going to get fit. You have to rely on the obligation of it, the habit of it." [12:49]
• Conversation veers briefly into influencer culture and 'habit stacking' (James Clear/Atomic Habits).

5. Softening the 'No'

[15:19–17:20]

• Aaron reflects on trying to be more "reflective" and "receptive" in response to social invites.
• Both hosts discuss the importance of showing up in good faith if you do accept.

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Listener Question: Should You Keep Inviting Someone Who Always Says No?

[17:52–25:37]

Question Summary:
A female listener wonders if it’s reasonable to stop inviting a close friend who always declines invitations but later says she misses everyone—plus, when she does appear, she brings low energy and seems eager to leave.

Key Points & Hosts’ Advice:

• Matt: It’s worse to show up with bad energy than not at all. "There's nothing I like less than having somebody in my presence counting the minutes." [19:02]
• Both agree you shouldn’t feel obligated to endlessly invite someone who repeatedly opts out and doesn’t bring positivity when present.
• Compassion for extenuating circumstances is important, but chronic negativity is draining.
• Gradual phasing out is suggested, alongside observing if the friend reciprocates by ever inviting you.
• Quote:
  • "If you're going through some stuff, it's okay to show up as your authentic self... but if you just don't want to be there, don't come." – Matt [20:28]

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Handling Social Excuses and 'No's'

[25:38–28:04]

• Matt tends to give honest, polite responses: "I’m just not feeling that tonight."
• Both discuss the delicate balance between using kids/family as an excuse vs. communicating honestly.
• Social capital matters: Matt’s track record as a 'yes man' gives him leeway with refusals; Aaron, as a known 'no guy,' gets a pass when he does show.

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Fun & Notable Moments

The Guitar-Smashing Plan

[28:17–31:54]

• Matt contemplates smashing a broken guitar for fun, consulting Guitar Center staff for 'safe smashing' tips.
• Attempts to rally his dad crew for a joint smash, aiming for an Office Space–style therapeutic moment.
• Memorable exchange:
  • "I probably have a crazy question... how do you smash a guitar without hurting yourself?" – Matt [29:07]
  • "You need someone to film it, I'm assuming you're gonna film it." – Aaron [30:14]

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Takeaways & Call to Action

[31:56–32:33]

• Both hosts acknowledge their personal growth—moving away from their own extremes toward healthier social boundaries.
• They invite listeners to self-reflect: Are you a 'yes' or 'no' person, and how is that changing as you age?
• As always, the episode ends with their signature sign-off:
  • "Always remember, be good to your friends. Be good to yourself." – Aaron [32:25]

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Listen-Back Guide (Timestamps Highlight)

• Aging & Health: [00:40–05:50]
• Yes/No Man Dynamic: [05:51–09:07]
• Friendship Obligations: [09:08–12:57]
• Triggers for Saying 'Yes'/'No': [12:58–15:18]
• Listener Question & Advice: [17:52–25:37]
• Excuses & Honesty: [25:38–28:04]
• Guitar Smashing Story: [28:17–31:54]
• Reflection & Sign-Off: [31:56–32:33]

---

Notable Quotes

• "At a certain age you just have to go get things shot off of your body." – Matt [01:24]
• "We're both coming closer to the mean...we were both on the extreme end and maybe not in a healthy way." – Matt [06:57]
• "Friendship is a commitment to somebody else...Obligation isn't automatically a negative thing." – Matt [11:13]
• "If you rely on your motivation, you're never going to get fit. You have to rely on the obligation of it, the habit of it." – Matt [12:49]
• "There's nothing I like less than having somebody in my presence counting the minutes." – Matt [19:02]
• "If you just don't want to be there, don't come." – Matt [20:41]
• "You need someone to film it, I'm assuming you're gonna film it." – Aaron [30:14]

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Episode Tone

Casual, witty, and self-aware—with the relaxed, affectionate banter of lifelong friends. Both hosts blend humor with vulnerability, making the episode relatable and encouraging for anyone navigating adult friendships.

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For more episodes and friendship tips, visit manofoftheyearpodcast.com.

Transcript

[A]

Foreign. Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Aaron Caro.

[B]

I'm Matt Ritter.

[A]

And guys, make sure to go to audible.com the buddy system to check out our audible original and manoftheherpodcast.com to grab our merch. And for this conversation, YouTube.com man of the Year podcast to watch our episodes and clips. Matt, can you see that I've got like a couple red spots on my nose?

[B]

I mean, sure, I don't really like looking at you that close up, but.

[A]

Yeah, well, just look for this. Look for this. So I had these. I have two spots on my nose, one like on my sideburn. So I went to the dermatologist.

[B]

Syphilis.

[A]

It's, it's, it's actinic keratosis, which is basically a sunspot. It's just basically a sunspot.

[B]

Oh, yeah, we're getting old.

[A]

So she, this is post treatment. So she takes the liquid nitrogen and she freezes the three spots because they're, quote, pre cancerous. Which just means, like, it could be cancer, but it's probably not. Have you ever had any skin because you have olive skin?

[B]

Yeah, I don't really. And Jesse's had a few of those, but I, I've never, I've never had that. And maybe a skin complexion thing, but I've never had any of that. But I do think that at a certain age you just have to go get things shot off of your body. Lasered and taste and peeled and burned and frozen.

[A]

I mean, and my dad, because he's bald, like he gets stuff taken out of his head like almost with like a tuna scooper, just, they scoop a bunch of. Every time I see him, he's got a band aid on his head.

[B]

Yeah, there's a lot of people. It feels like, what's the age where you're just walking around with a, a band aid once a month? 60, 70.

[A]

I hope it's, it's probably like 65.

[B]

Yeah. You just have like a random band aid over part of your ear.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. Or just like, oh, what happened? It's like one of your, your eye is covered. Oh, it just, it's just had to, they had to cut off a piece of my eyelid. It was pre cancerous.

[A]

Are you. And by the way, these doctors, I mean, it's crazy. She goes, it's pre cancerous. Then she just walks out. I'm like, can I get some information? Like, what does that mean? Like, I have, I have to go to chat GPT and then chat GPT explained everything.

[B]

But my mom used to always say she was like pre diabetic and then she wasn't and then she was again and now she's not.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

Yeah, pre diabetic.

[B]

I mean that was all one cookie away from being diabetic.

[A]

I mean, we're both pre diabetic technically, right? Technically. Are you? Because I. Are you a good. I think we've talked about this like years ago. Are you a good sun screen? Like you good with suns and hats and.

[B]

Yes, but only because I'm married to a very fair skinned person. Oh. Yeah. So. Because. And, and my. And well, it started to tell if Julian's fair skin. We thought he wasn't at first, but now it's like now he's turning blonde. I don't know what's happening. But Brenner is also fair skinned blonde. So we've got to slather these guys up. So it would just be like weird if I was like, nah, you know, so I just do it. Yeah.

[A]

What about pre kids?

[B]

Well, with Jesse I was always doing it because. But, but my dad didn't believe in sunblock.

[A]

I mean, I can't think of anything more a government. It's like this fluoride in it. Chemtrails.

[B]

Yeah. And Jesse's dad doesn't believe in it either, which is hilarious because he just gets lobster red.

[A]

Oh gosh. I was. One other thing I was gonna say. Oh yeah. When you go. When you go for a run. And for long time listeners, Matt will know Matt goes for a run in a white V neck. Hanes undershirt.

[B]

Not exclusively. You know, I have other shirts. It's not.

[A]

Listening to a podcast. Listen to a podcast on speakerphone, holding his phone in the air.

[B]

That part is accurate. But I do have other shirts other than the Hanes V neck.

[A]

You don't. So when you're doing that, do you wear sun lotion?

[B]

No, I'm not. I mean it depends on what time of day. If it's in the morning. Not really. I think I only wear sunblock when it's the, the height of the day and it's. And I'm going to be exposed. I don't wear it if I'm not going to be exposed. Like I don't just put on sunblock because I'm going outside.

[A]

Well, you know, that's the thing that people. Now obviously I'm googling and talking to people. People have suntan lotion that's mixed with their moisturizer. They've Got No.

[B]

I know, right? People are doing. Are you doing daily sunblock? I'm not doing that.

[A]

I mean, I leave the house less than you. I mean, I never leave the house. You leave the house a lot, Right, Right.

[B]

I leave the house every day a lot. So I. You know, honestly, I only will really put on suntan lotion if we're going to, like, a park, and I'm gonna be, like, stuck in the sun.

[A]

Right. So it's just one of those things. I got to be more careful. I got a little cocky.

[B]

You did. You. You mean you. You. It was because you. You stopped using.

[A]

No, I. I don't use. I go for a run. You know, every Saturday, my big run, I'm outside. You know, summer when we have parties and. And. And. And, you know, patio bars.

[B]

You know, patio bars. That is. Is the cancer haven.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

If you recall, I had a bit on my album about how, like, our friends were getting the cabanas for the girls and the bottles, and I was getting it to avoid melanoma.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes.

[B]

Vegas is the melanoma capital.

[A]

Vegas. Oh, gosh. With.

[B]

There's no shade anywhere.

[A]

Yeah. And it's just bouncing off the pavement. Disgusting.

[B]

Everything. Yeah, it's just these melanoma shots everywhere.

[A]

Anyway, that's my health update. It is gonna be an awkward segue, I think, because I. I told you I wanted to talk to you about saying yes. You know, best friend Mike hit me up the other day and invited me to something, and he.

[B]

And he.

[A]

And he. And he said, you know, you're. You're very particular. You don't usually say yes. And it's both accurate and, like, it's not like a. It's not like something I'm proud of. It's not like a good thing to hear someone say about you.

[B]

It's just who you are.

[A]

It's just who I am. But, you know, over the course of the three plus years of we doing this podcast, you've, I think, been very known. You've been known as a yes man. In a good way. Yeah. People ask you for plans. You're. You're. You're there.

[B]

You're.

[A]

You're spontaneous. I think that was what, your New Year's resolution two years ago. Be more. Even more spontaneous. Yeah, I'm trying to be more. Say yes more. And you said to me yesterday, you're trying to say no more. So are we going in opposite directions, and what does it mean for friendship?

[B]

I don't think we're going in the opposite directions as Much as we are both coming closer to the mean. Right. I mean, yes, yes. We're going in opposite directions in some level, but I think we were both on the extreme end and maybe not in a healthy way.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's interesting.

[B]

Getting healthier. What I'm saying is, I think we're, we're both getting better, we're both getting wiser, I don't know, maybe more in touch with what we desire in life, truly. That's interesting because I. I think for me, Let me just say this, you know, I come from a yes. Part of it is like, I don't know, need to be liked. You know, there's some deep seated thing about that, you know, feeling like I won't get invited again if I don't say yes. You know, childhood stuff there. Right. But, you know, part of my getting away from the automatic yes is, you know, I never felt there were hidden costs before.

[A]

Say more about that.

[B]

So I was younger, had unlimited energy, had unlimited time, had money to burn, as we know, lighting on fire, you know, and now it's not just the family thing. It's that I'm a little more tired. I get a little more drained from a long day of work or even after a workout, you know, So I have to conserve my energy. I have to prioritize it. I have to, um. So I think it's a little more like for me, it's when I say no, it's. It's like, okay, it's if I don't want to do it, I don't do it. I used to just do a lot more stuff that I don't want to do. Right. But I still think it's okay to do that. But it's like for me, it's like, if I'm going to do something I don't want to do, there has to be an other reason, like, oh, I'm doing it for a friend. Or maybe I'm curious about this thing. It can't just be an automatic yes all the time because of these, you know, cost that I'm discovering.

[A]

I remember early in the pod, we would discuss this and you would say, yeah, I say yes, and I end up doing a lot of stuff. Like you said something like, I don't. Like, I end up doing a lot of stuff I don't want to do. Like. And you say, carol, what do you think? I go, never. Never had that happen in my life.

[B]

Right, right. Well, has that now happened?

[A]

But that's a great question. Yes and no. I would say I have done things that I. I chose. I think it's a little different because you. You people are asking you to do stuff and you kind of feel a little obligated.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm just thinking of the example. Remember from a couple months ago I told you I went to that birthday party in Pasadena?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Which I could have. No one was. I was not obligated. This was like a tertiary friend.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I more went because I'm like, you know what? It'll be interesting. New crew.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I was there. I was like, yeah, I. I could have done without this.

[B]

But can we back up for a second? Because we both agree that friendship does run on obligation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So inherently. Inherently, there are some things you're going to do that you wouldn't just do.

[A]

What's interesting about it is that the way a buddy of mine was asking me about this, the way I think about it, I don't. Even if someone, a good friend, invites me to their birthday, to me, that's not a yes or no decision. So I don't even count that in my subset of choices. That's just what you do. Because when you're born as a birthday.

[B]

Right. I like that. So you're. I really like that. I like how you're framing that because you're saying there isn't a decision for things that just out of friendship, you just do. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, there's certain things that it's not. I mean, obligation is. I think. I think we had like a. A friendly discussion about the word obligation. Obligation isn't necessarily pejorative. Like, that's your job.

[B]

No, I. I do. I think, look, you know, friendship is a commitment to somebody else.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

So, like, inherently, sometimes you're doing something for somebody else. A relationship is the same way, you know, parenting is the same way. You're doing things for others. It's an obligation. That doesn't mean it's right. It doesn't. It's not a negative. Right. Obligation isn't automatically a negative thing. Duty isn't negative.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, it's actually great to be close enough to somebody that is an obligation.

[A]

I mean, in a weird way, I don't mind. Well, I'm sure I've complained about obligation in the past, but there's no decision to be made, so there's no fretting. So there's no.

[B]

But I like how you're taking the decision making out of it because again, you know, I have this theory, new theory, that, like, you cannot run your friendships based on, like, your motivation, you know, like going to a party. So I think what I'm hitting on is what you've settled on in. In your. Your life is that you've taken the decision out of it. I'm saying people are using the wrong rubric right now. Right? They're using like, oh, my, I'm tired, so am I going to go to my friend's party?

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

So. Because if you're going by that, the answer is going to be no. Like, Arnold Schwarzenegger was talking about working out, and he was like, if you rely on your motivation, you're never going to get fit. You have to rely on the obligation of it, the habit of it. And, you know, so it's like the obligation makes it not a decision. Right? Like, basically, you've taken the decision out of it because you're putting it in the obligation bucket, not in the motivation or in my feel. Am I feeling it, or is this something I'm into or I'm not into?

[A]

Right. How's your. How's your boy, the liver King? How are your various influencers that you follow?

[B]

I mean, I'm not really.

[A]

Didn't deliver King get indicted?

[B]

I think he did. I think he was. I mean, I think we all know he was on roids now. I mean, look, the. The. The influencers that I follow are, you know, like James Clear's doing. You know, he's. He's blowing up even more than ever.

[A]

Is he still coming up with new.

[B]

Three, two, one rule?

[A]

Oh, God. What is this? Actually?

[B]

I don't even know. I don't even know what it is. I don't even know. I just said it like I remember it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Can we. Can we get back to the yes or no of it all? So you're a no guy? No, I want to get into the no.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So how are you, like, are you softening your nose to people or are you just now saying yes to some things?

[A]

Softening my nose? Being, like, not being so abrasive or being more likely to say yes.

[B]

Softening your nose and like, well, can't do it this time, but keep me in mind, which I think you kind of sometimes do, but. Yeah, yeah. Like, are you. I'm saying, like, are you indicating to people that you're more open to things? Like, how are. How are you going from. You know, how are you getting out of the. Because Mike said you're a default no guy, and if you don't want people to believe that about you, what are you doing?

[A]

Yeah, that's interesting. I will try to be more as my, my, my 2023 and 20, my 2024 and 2025 New Year's resolutions to be more reflect, more reflective, less reactive. Usually I just say no instinctively and that's like it's not, it's not nice to the in inviter. I don't feel good about it. Nobody feels good about it. So I'm trying to be more reflective about what I want to go to or not more receptive to invitations. But I still won't. You know, listen, we talked about in the big group friends, remember when I got invited to this dinner with someone didn't want to go to dinner with. I think probably mean Matt mean, like mean standard deviation mean. Probably just go. And I think my mean Karo is still kind of like I don't, I don't have time for that energy for that.

[B]

So I want to ask about this. So I think what is also very important is whether or not your default yes or your default no. If it's something you weren't gonna say yes to on your own or it's an obligation or whatever, I think it's more important how you actually show up when you're there. Because even if you didn't want to go, I think you can't let anyone feel that.

[A]

Can we make a perfect segue into the listener question?

[B]

Is that, Was that a great one? Is that a good. Okay. Amazing.

[A]

All right, we'll be right back with a listener question.

[C]

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[A]

Okay, guys, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram. Our handle is man of the Year podcast, and we'll answer on the show and we can anonymize it if you'd like. Okay. Dear Mad and Cairo, love the pod. Thank you. I have a close. This is a woman, by the way. I have a close friend who routinely declines invitations but later says she misses everyone and feels excluded. However, on the rare occasions she does show up, she's low energy and clearly counting the minutes. I am stuck between wanting to be inclusive and feeling a little bit resentful. Is it reasonable to stop inviting someone like this who keeps opting out?

[B]

So as I just kind of almost segued into me, it's so much worse to show up in a negative way for people. So there's nothing I like less than somebody who shows up at a party or at my house and isn't interested in being there or is. Would rather be somewhere else or is just like. Like this woman said, what she said, counting the minutes.

[A]

Low energying. Counting the minutes.

[B]

There's nothing I like less than having somebody in my presence counting the minutes.

[A]

So, I mean, clearly that part of the. I mean, like, not cool. If that's, you know, if that's what's happening, obviously we need to take it. Always try to take into account maybe they're sick or I don't mind. And this is probably not what's happening here. When someone potentially has a conflict or something's going on and they. And they pop in and pop out just to like.

[B]

Yeah, because people are always people. As we always say, you're not mind readers. People are always going through stuff. Sure. But I still think there's a social obligation to throw your mask on, you know, in the car, in the Uber, pump yourself up and go, look, they're having a party. Let's bring the good energy. And if I'm not feeling it, I'll just leave.

[A]

Right? I mean, that's. That's. You're in the Waymo. You're blasting your music.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, but I guess, I mean.

[B]

Put your emotional mask on. You know, you don't forget to put your emotional mask on when you get there.

[A]

But by the way, check out our YouTube for Matt doing a weird mask thing. But what if. What if you're actually, like, going through something or you're getting over a sick. Or you're, you know, a breakup and it's your friend's birthday, you're saying just fake it, just.

[B]

No, I'm not saying that. These are two different things. I'm talking about the person who just is, like, counting the minutes. Like, if you're going through some stuff, it's okay to show up as your authentic self. I'm just talking about the people who don't want to be there because, like, oh, I didn't really want to go to this party, you know?

[A]

Right, right, right, right. Yeah. Go up, have a drink and make some small talk. Smile. Yeah, I agree with you. All right. I agree with you on that.

[B]

But if you're going through some stuff, it's okay if you see your friends there to be like, yeah, I'm kind of going through a tough time. Because, like. No, I'm just saying, like, it's okay. Yeah, like, it's okay to, you know.

[A]

But I agree.

[B]

But look, let's back up to the other part of the question, which is like, should I keep inviting this person who doesn't ever show up? Like, you're not obligated to.

[A]

Well, can we just discuss. She goes. She routinely, routinely declines invitations, but then later says she misses everyone and feels excluded. I mean, you can easily fix that.

[B]

Yeah, that's some. That's some weird.

[A]

Like, is it possible.

[B]

Yeah, sometimes people just say that as, like, a fake.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, that's like, oh, we should hang out, and we never do thing. You know?

[A]

That's what I'm just gonna say. Is it possible these two people are not actually friends?

[B]

Yeah, I. I mean, honestly, you get. You get.

[A]

How many.

[B]

How many of those? Oh, man, I really. I wish I could have made it, you know? Sounds like fun. Like, how many of those are you gonna give to somebody? Yeah.

[A]

I mean, especially if they're. If they're theoretically inner circle.

[B]

And then combined with, when they do show, they're like, I gotta be somewhere.

[A]

Yeah. Who is this chick? I don't like her at all.

[B]

Yeah, these are not great qualities that they're exhibiting. You know, it's like a passive aggressive show up and a passive aggressive flake. What is that?

[A]

I'm trying to, like, devil's advocate here for this other woman. So she's. Maybe she's declining these invitations because she is, like, crazy busy. Maybe she's got a good.

[B]

Yeah, but even more of a reason to show up your best self when you've now skipped out on the last six things and then, you know, did a weird passive aggressive thing. I'm like, man, I wish it was there.

[A]

You know, it's funny. Our. Our buddy Evan, who's a. I think we can say he's the world's greatest Tom Cruise impersonator. Did we talk about seeing Tom Cruise yet on the podcast?

[B]

Yeah, we did mention a couple weeks.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, we were at dinner. We saw Tom Cruise, the real Tom Cruise. But Evan has invited me to several, you know, three to five things in a row.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He always comes to my birthdays. He's the first one on my last birthday, and I just, like, couldn't make it. He's, you know, he lives near you, which is not that far. But his last thing was like a Sunday at 5 o'. Clock. And like, that's where I'm like, starting to power down. Yeah.

[B]

You know, tough time.

[A]

Say that again.

[B]

It's a tough time.

[A]

Tough time. Right. So I said, just to your point, Matt, I was like, should I schlep myself over there? Because I like, dude, this guy is like, I'm being a bad friend. And I just, I knew I wasn't going to be in a good mood, so I didn't go.

[B]

Yeah, And I think that's the better move than showing up in a bad mood. I think the better move is to not show than to show up as your worst self.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

By the way, I'd probably have fun.

[B]

But the answer is in the car, pumping yourself up because you just slept. You just did the schlep. You don't have to stay long. You just have to make those minutes count.

[A]

Yeah, listen, on my birthday, he had a conflict, so he actually got there before me and we got to spend a little quality time together. Then he was the first one to leave. I was like, great.

[B]

Thing is, I don't expect people to do that, but I so value when they do. And I so appreciate. Like, my lawyer came to a party for like four minutes and brought over a bottle of wine and he just could not make yet another event. And I don't think you have to do that. That's a lot. That's going above and beyond.

[A]

Good, good bottle.

[B]

Yeah, it was a nice bottle. But it's also like, some people would view it as, oh, I can't believe he came for five minutes.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Nah, nah. No, no, no. I know I'm, I'm pro that I'm, you know me. I like to be the first person. If you're the first person at a party, you can leave whenever you want.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, don't you always know when somebody shows up first it's because they have somewhere else they have to be?

[A]

Well, not Fireball Adam.

[B]

That's true. Some people are just good, good like that. But I'm just saying for the most part, when somebody shows up super duper early, you're like, oh, okay, you're leaving 15.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. But you know what? I, I don't, I don't know. Don't mind me.

[B]

I mean, I'm okay, I'm okay with it. I'm just, you know. Yeah, that's what's going on.

[A]

Yeah. So I would say is I would slowly phase out the invitations. I wouldn't cut this person off. I would slowly phase and then be like, oh, you didn't invite me. Like, will you never come?

[B]

Also slowly phasing it out lets you see if they'll ever invite you anywhere.

[A]

Oh, that's a, that's a good follow up question. Like, does this person invite you? Does this person invite you anywhere? Okay. Okay, good. I think, I think we answered that, guys, that was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send it to us on Instagram and we will answer it on the show. All right, let's, let's talk about a little bit more about saying yes now that you've been saying no a little bit more. Do you have any, like, part of what I don't like about myself is I will say no, but I'll also like be obnoxious about it. How do you handle a no, an outgoing no?

[B]

I mean, I definitely do it in a very polite way. I'm not like, no, but look, to me, I handle it with sometimes the truth. But you don't always have to just be like, where we're staying in this weekend, you know, we're keeping like, you can. The thing is, we now have a built in excuse in this phase of our life to say no to anything.

[A]

How often do you lie? Use the kids as a lie?

[B]

I don't lie very. I try not to. I really try not to. But the slightest sniffle is enough to say somebody's sick.

[A]

Right? Exactly. I think that, like, listen, if you get invited to a poker night and you have two options, you're not gonna go. You have two options. Hey, Julian's not feeling well, or I don't really want to go. I mean, what do you do?

[B]

I'll just say, I'm not really into it. I'm not feeling it tonight.

[A]

Okay. All right. So that's a little bit more KO esque.

[B]

Yeah, No, I think I've gotten a little more into the, like. Yeah, I'm just not feeling that tonight. But. But again, it comes from a place of, like, you know, that if I am. You know, if I am have the energy, I'm gonna show.

[A]

Right. You have a little bit more. God, what's the word? Goodwill.

[B]

Yeah, I. I've built in some social capital and goodwill, for sure.

[A]

It's interesting.

[B]

Like, I can say no to things.

[A]

For a while, but I. I have a little bit of goodwill the other way. Like, oh, I didn't expect you to come anyway, so I don't feel. I don't feel bad anyway.

[B]

That's true. And then when you do show, it's a pleasant surprise.

[A]

The best is I love when I get invited something that I do want to go to and. Or a birthday that I would go to no matter what. It's like a text or an email and I just write capital I, capital N. Period. Sent.

[B]

I love that. Me too. Yeah. So just saying. And I like being one of the first people to say in, oh, yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Have you ever, like, side chatted with someone else and be like, I want you to say in first. So people.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course. The smaller group within the small. Can I tell you something? Nobody said yes to the other day? And I was kind of upset. My dad's crew here. I bought a new guitar because I felt. I felt guilty. Very second kid thing. Like, you know, I was playing music for Brenner all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I popped a string like a year ago and haven't played a single song for Julian.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I went to Guitar center and they were like, yeah, just trash it. Just get a new one. No, because it broke the bridge. Brenner was like. Brenner was like, throwing it on the ground a bunch, which.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So guy goes Trash it. And then. So then I go to the guy. I go. I'm in the guitar store, and I go, I probably have a crazy question. I don't know if you probably. Maybe you've heard this one before. I go, how do you smash a guitar without hurting yourself?

[A]

Nice.

[B]

So he showed me a video of him smashing his last guitar against, like, a concrete wall at a playground. And he showed me the proper angle and everything. So then I texted my dad crew in the neighborhood, and I was like, does anybody want to come smash a guitar with me this afternoon in an alleyway? Not kidding. It's very therapeutic. And everybody just laughed. But. And I was like, no, I'm serious.

[A]

So did you do it?

[B]

I haven't done it yet because I want somebody to do it with me. So I think Dan might do it with me today. I'm gonna. I'm gonna bring it in the car.

[A]

All right. First of all, I just love that you're gonna do it. That's like a funny. That's a funny. It's funny that you asked the guy. It's funny that he.

[B]

But it's funny. He said, nobody's ever asked me that before, but yet he had a video ready for it. He's been waiting for somebody to ask him that for years.

[A]

It is sort of very mad, though, of, like, I wouldn't even think of, like, asking somebody to do it with me.

[B]

Well, it just feels like something more fun to have. I was just thinking of Office Space. Remember when they're smashing all that?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you need someone to film it. I'm assuming you're gonna film it.

[B]

Well, definitely. Obviously.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What'd you say?

[B]

Content.

[A]

Yeah. It is crazy, though, when you see, like, nirvana. Like, did they just destroy their own. Like, why do they. People do that?

[B]

Because it's awesome. By the way, this video show, he's like, you're not gonna break it on the first hit. That's the misconception.

[A]

I mean, if I had a guess. If. I mean, you've got a pretty. You got pretty good torque. The head's just gonna break off of the handle.

[B]

Not right away. This guy was a big dude.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I'm guessing third try, it breaks.

[A]

Damn. It's like a pinata.

[B]

Yeah, I know. I didn't know that. I always thought, like, first smash, and he told me, swing it like a tennis racket.

[A]

A forehand.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sweet. Like, I mean, as opposed to, like, over your head.

[B]

Yeah. He said, don't go over it. He said, either do ax chop or tennis racket.

[A]

I mean, I get ax chop, tennis rackets. So just one handed?

[B]

No, I guess two handed. But like a two handed forehand, I guess.

[A]

Yeah. Two handed forehand. Yeah, I would see that. I would also, like, maybe put your glasses on.

[B]

Well, that's what I said. I said I don't want to get any splinters in my eye. And like, should I turn the strings? You know? Said turn the strings away.

[A]

Jesus Christ. Why am I gonna get a call that you're.

[B]

Well, I'm a little. I know. Jesse. Jesse. I shouldn't tell her about this.

[A]

No, no, no, no. Just send her the thing and say, look what I did.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God. All right, well, we'll have to do a follow up. Can we do a follow up in a couple episodes? I don't know what happened there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. Are we. Are we. Are we good? Anything else?

[B]

Yeah, no. I wanna. My takeaway is that I think it's healthy that both of us have moved away from our extreme positions. And I want to say to the audience, if you are a yes person, I would love to hear whether. Let's. Let's hear. Are you a yes person or, you know, person? And, you know, are you assessing that as you get older, you know, do things change that make you want to be more yes or more no?

[A]

I love it. All right, thank you guys so much for listening. Always remember, be good to your friends. Be good to yourself. Love you, buddy.

[B]

Love you too. You said that wrong. But it's all good.

[F]

Martha listens to her favorite band all the time. In the car, gym, even sleeping. So when they finally went on tour, Martha bundled her flight and hotel on Expedia to see them live. She saved so much, she got her seat close enough to actually see and hear them. Sort of. You were made to scream from the frame front row. We were made to quietly save you more. Expedia made to. Travel savings vary and subject to availability. Flight inclusive packages are atoll protected this winter.

[E]

Know what your vehicle needs before it needs it? Visit your Chevrolet certified service center and ask for a multi point vehicle inspection and take advantage of stackable rebates. See dealer for complete details. Multipoint vehicle inspections vary by participating dealer.

[A]

If you like the show, please take a moment to rate, review and subscribe. It really does help the show to grow. Thank you for listening.