Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode #172: Do Your Friends Need to Change With You?
Release Date: February 17, 2026
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo

Episode Overview

In this episode, Matt and Aaron dive into a nuanced question: Should friendships evolve when one or both friends change? They tackle listener anxieties about outgrowing their social circles, what personal growth or change means for long-term friendships, and how to handle feeling bored or disconnected from old friends. Drawing on decades of friendship experience (and plenty of humor), they discuss shifting dynamics, validate the inevitability of change, and share practical tips—including how to "audit" your social universe.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Growth vs. Change in Friendship

• Growth is Not Always Shared:
  • Matt introduces the topic by challenging the Simon Sinek quote: “Friendship is when two people agree to grow together” (01:32).
  • Matt: “I totally disagree... I think it's an agreement to accept other people's growth and change. I don't think you're required to grow along with your friends.” (01:48)
• Types of Change:
  • Aaron and Matt list common ways people change: marriage, kids, sobriety, shifting values, political views, financial status, fitness priorities, even sense of humor.
  • Aaron: “Are we using grow and change interchangeably? Because they could be different.” (03:08)

2. Outgrowing Friends—Myth or Reality?

• Friendships Have Chapters:
  • Matt: “I think a lot of people are waking up to this idea that friendships sometimes are chapters in your life, like dating.” (05:39)
• The 'Seasons of Friendship' Concept:
  • Both hosts advocate seeing friendships as having natural rhythms or ‘seasons’ rather than permanent all-or-nothing relationships.
  • Matt: “Maybe this isn't our season right now… that gives you some distance in a healthy way.” (09:39)
  • Aaron: “My friend Lindsay always says, ‘He’s on that journey right now… and I support it.’” (10:14)

3. Compatibility: Staying Connected Despite Change

• Flexibility Over Sameness:
  • Matt reframes the Simon Sinek idea: “I think a friendship is an agreement to be flexible… an agreement to accept those changes, so long as the values are still aligned. Or some of them.” (09:02–09:17)
• When You Just Don’t Enjoy It Anymore:
  • The hosts discuss what to do when a friendship simply loses its enjoyment—even in the absence of major changes.
  • Aaron: “It’s valid. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s pretty common.” (11:54)

4. Practical Advice: Social Universe & Inventory

• Taking Stock Once a Year:
  • Matt and Aaron recommend a “social inventory”—taking annual stock of who’s still in your universe, inspired by Aaron’s spreadsheet habit.
  • Aaron: “Once a year on my birthday, I… keep that list and have the list from every year... So it’s my social universe—who all my friends are.” (13:15)
  • Aaron: "If I haven't talked to this person in a year, either they're out, or I need to re-engage." (13:28)

Listener Q&A:

"Should I Stay With ‘Blah’ Friends or Risk Having None?" (16:38)

• Question Recap:
  • Listener feels bored with current friends but fears having nobody if they pull away.
  • “Is it better to stay in ‘blah’ friendships than risk having none?” (16:38)
• Matt’s Take:
  • “A lot of us hang on to unhealthy friendships, and the moment we cut them off, we open up our world for new friendships.” (17:39)
• Aaron’s Advice:
  • “Let’s make some new friends while we've still got the blah.” (17:17)
  • “You don't really need to dump friends. Unless you're seeing them every week, you're just gonna explore all of our tips and hacks for making new friends while these other people are around.” (19:51)
• Don’t Feel Guilty About a ‘Fallow’ Period:
  • Matt: “You are going to go through a fallow period of friendship at that level… that’s okay.” (24:39)
  • Aaron: “A little me time… is called for. Treat yourself.” (25:26)
• Audit for Staleness:
  • Matt: “Is there a way to reinvigorate friendships?... Maybe try new things together.” (22:12)
  • Aaron suggests a “boys trip” or adventure (22:43).

Notable Quotes

“Friendship is not an agreement to grow together. It’s an agreement to accept other people’s growth and change.”
— Matt Ritter (01:48)

“There are ways to fit a friend into your life—whether it’s fitness, sobriety, kids, blah, blah, blah. And it’s not about quantity of time.”
— Matt Ritter (10:58)

“If I'm not feeling it, I'm not stealing. It doesn't make any sense.”
— Aaron Karo (12:01)

“Just because you change doesn’t mean a friendship has to be excised from your life.”
— Matt Ritter (08:17)

"Even good friendships can get boring, can't they?... You gotta spice things up. What's friendship lingerie?"
— Aaron Karo (23:11)

“Your friends aren’t gonna know that you’re like, out seeing new friends. It’s not like when you’re in a relationship and you’re sneaking around on Tinder.”
— Matt Ritter (20:10)

“You do not need to grow—[or] both need to be crushing it, or both need to be sober. You should not be resistant to your friend's growth.”
— Matt Ritter (31:30)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:32 – Simon Sinek’s friendship theory & why Matt disagrees
• 03:08–04:15 – Kinds of personal change and impact on friendships
• 05:39 – The “friendship as chapters” concept
• 09:02–09:17 – Flexibility as the core of sustaining friendships
• 13:15 – Aaron’s annual “social inventory” / friend spreadsheet
• 16:38 – Listener question: “Should I stay in blah friendships?”
• 22:12 – Tips to reinvigorate stale friendships
• 24:39 – Accepting ‘fallow’ periods in your social life
• 31:30 – Final word: Don’t resist your friend’s change; support it
• 32:25 – “It’s okay to have no friends at some points.”

Takeaways and Final Thoughts

• Don’t Fear Change: Friendship can tolerate uneven rates of growth or change. The ability to accept change is more important than mirroring it.
• Audit Your Social Universe: Reflect periodically if your friendships (old or new) are serving you or if it’s time to seek out new connections.
• Space is Normal: It’s healthy to experience ‘fallow’ periods—periods without a tight friend group. Use the space for personal growth or to explore new relationships.
• Be Flexible, Not Rigid: Friendship isn’t about following parallel paths but about supporting and not resisting the inevitable changes in each other’s lives.
• Reignite or Release: Consider if a friendship needs more effort—a new experience together—or if it’s time to embrace the drift.

Note: For more friendship hacks or to send in your questions, visit: Instagram.com/manoftheyearpodcast

“Life is undefeated. So roll with it.”
— Aaron Karo (32:35)