#175 - Friendship and Stoicism, aka “Broicism” (sorry)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode #175: Friendship and Stoicism, aka “Broicism” (sorry)

Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo
Release Date: March 10, 2026

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Overview

This episode dives into the intersection of Stoicism—a philosophy dating back to ancient Greece—and modern friendship. Comedians and “friendship experts” Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo explore how timeless stoic principles apply to maintaining and nurturing adult friendships. Full of their trademark irreverence, back-and-forth banter, and practical advice, the hosts discuss emotional control, adaptability, self-examination, and boundary-setting, all through the lens of friendship.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Is Stoicism? (00:41–06:35)

• Aaron brings up the prevalence of Stoicism on social media and questions whether it’s just another fad or enduring wisdom.
• Key Stoic Principle: “You can't control external things, but you can control internal things.” (01:30)
• Both hosts make humorous historical references, poking fun at Greek philosophers and how ancient wisdom is being recycled for TikTok audiences.

Notable Quotes:

• Aaron: “Isn’t stoicism just the longest running fad?” (02:04)
• Matt: “Let them.” [Referencing popular stoic advice] (02:20)
• Matt: “Those guys were smart for any time.” (04:29)

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2. Stoicism & Emotional Control (06:34–11:23)

• Discussion turns to whether it’s realistic to never feel anger or if stoicism is more about managing your response.
• Matt: “Calm itself is a form of strength. Emotional control is a form of strength.” (07:00)
• Aaron likens stoicism to modern influencers (e.g. Mel Robbins’ “Let them” mantra).
• Matt connects Stoicism with having guiding life principles, drawing analogies to James Clear and organized religion.

Memorable Moments:

• Aaron: “If it’s premeditated corporal punishment, it’s okay, is what you’re saying.” (07:53)
• Matt: “It’s foundational. If you live according to a set of beliefs, you will win.” (09:55)

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3. Applying Stoic Principles to Friendship (11:23–14:23)

• Be the Friend: Central podcast mantra emphasizing proactive effort in relationships.
• Matt: “If you’re the one reaching out… you’ll have healthy friendships just by default.” (11:47)
• The stoic idea of focusing on your own actions vs. others’ responses is framed as an antidote to friendship anxiety.

Notable Quotes:

• Aaron: “You can invite your three friends… one of them never invites you back. You could let it ruin your week—or you could jettison them or not think about them. The latter two would be more stoic.” (13:01)
• Matt: “Don’t let it get to you… I’m charting a course in life, and I don’t want to just be thrown off by other people’s responses.” (13:14)

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4. Other Stoic Practices Relevant to Friendship (14:39–16:36)

• Touched on several stoic tenets:
  • Meditating on mortality
  • Valuing time
  • Self-evaluation (“Put yourself up for review”)
  • Action over analysis; “just do something” to get unstuck (Ryan Holiday/James Clear–style)
• Aaron: “I suffer from analysis paralysis all day.” (16:13)
• Matt: “That’s the anti-stoic approach.” (16:18)

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5. Adaptability in Friendship (18:25–21:03)

• Both hosts agree adaptability is key to adult friendship—life’s changes make flexible friends invaluable.
• Aaron shares a personal example of being adaptable for a friend stranded by a storm:
  “She called me, I...did say yes [to hosting her].” (19:59)
• Discussion on friends being considerate houseguests and reciprocation.

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6. Don’t Get Offended Easily (21:07–21:55)

• Not being easily offended is highlighted as a core stoic (and friendship) virtue.
• Matt: “I just live my life not walking around with...eggshell [feelings].” (21:47)
• Discussion about defensiveness and resilience as marks of both strong character and strong friendships.

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Listener Question: Dealing With Friends’ Pyramid Schemes (24:17–32:29)

Scenario

A listener describes a situation where a not-so-close friend pitches them a dubious financial scheme, creating awkwardness given overlapping family connections.

Hosts’ Advice & Insights

• Both have encountered similar situations; Matt is more matter-of-fact, referring to such pitches as a common part of adult life.
• Recommended Approach:
  • Politely, but firmly, decline (“Hey, I took a look at the materials…not in a financial position right now. Wishing you the best.”) (29:25)
  • No need for elaborate justification—and don’t make a big deal or act defensive.
    • Matt: “You don’t owe anybody anything. Being defensive...implies you should even consider it.” (26:32)
  • Be cordial for the sake of family connections, but do not feel obligated.

Notable Quotes:

• Matt: “You can just say, ‘I appreciate the offer, not for me.’ And that's it.” (29:47)
• Aaron: “Thanks but no thanks is a great sum-up.” (32:29)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Aaron: “Can you imagine if da Vinci came back like Bill and Ted’s style and saw us on TikTok? On the toilet.” (04:22)
• Matt: “Comparison is the thief of joy. Whoever said that, I forget.” (08:39)
• Aaron: “That was your...social fitness. That wasn’t like yourself.” (14:54)
• Matt: “You have to go hat in hand, house to house, door to door, friend to friend, acquaintance to acquaintance. And it can create uncomfortable moments, but I think the best thing to do is just communicate...‘Thanks, but no thanks.’” (32:07)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:35–02:20: Introduction to Stoicism & social media fad discussion
• 06:34–09:55: Emotional control, anger, and stoic reactions
• 11:23–14:23: “Be the Friend” in a Stoic context
• 18:25–21:03: Adaptability in friendship (personal anecdote)
• 21:07–21:55: Not being easily offended
• 24:17–32:29: Listener question—dealing with friendship & pyramid schemes
• 32:29: “Thanks but no thanks” solution to awkward pitches

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Tone & Style

The episode is characteristically playful and irreverent, with pseudo-serious “bro science” overlaid with sharp, practical insights. Aaron plays the straight man skeptic while Matt riffs and reframes ideas towards positive, actionable advice. They seamlessly toggle between comedic banter and genuine reflection, while always grounding discussion in real-world friendship dilemmas.

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Takeaways

• Stoic principles—emotional control, adaptability, acting according to a code, and not being easily offended—are powerfully applicable to healthy adult friendships.
• Proactive effort (“Be the Friend”) and self-examination lead to stronger, more resilient social bonds.
• Setting boundaries with acquaintances (especially in awkward financial situations) is not only acceptable, but essential.
• The ability to “respond, not react” is a stoic skill that translates seamlessly into modern relationship management.

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Closing

The hosts tease the potential for a follow-up episode on Stoicism and friendship (“Let’s do a part two…more stoicism, because this is ripe.” - 21:48) and reinforce their community-driven ethos: “Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.” (32:56)

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For more friendship hacks, tips, and hilarious stories, visit manofoftheyearpodcast.com or follow @manoftheyearpodcast on Instagram.

Transcript

[A]

Foreign. Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Aaron Caro.

[B]

I'm Matt Ritter.

[A]

Guys, make sure to go to audible.com, the buddy system, to check out our audible original and manoftheirpodcast.com to buy our merch and watch our videos on YouTube. Matt, you know, we are men of a certain age.

[B]

Is it a good age? I don't know.

[A]

That is being mid-40s, late early-40s, as you say.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My tick tock is always flooded with stoicism. Stoicism. Yeah, stoicisms. And I not only did, I was like, oh, we should talk about stoicism and friendship, but also we should talk about stoicism and stoicism in general because I kind of think it's. Even though it's been around, I believe, since the Greeks. And so the Greeks are.

[B]

The Greeks are. But Caro's got it. The. The eternal truths of the world, but the Greeks don't know what the f. They're talking about.

[A]

And, and just like the very, the very brief. Stoicism is a Greek philosophical school of thought from the early 3rd century BCE became hugely popular in Rome and now it's popular with tick tockers. But I feel like the, the main Stoic principle, this is not even about friendship now. It was like you can control. You can't control external things, but you can control internal things.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, obviously I'm a. Let me ask you this. Let's back up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm a fad follower.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. We know this about me.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. And maybe stoicism is just the longest running fat.

[A]

Well, that's what I was going to say isn't Lee, isn't. Leave it. Stoicism. Yeah, Let them. I'm sorry. Let them.

[B]

Let them. Yeah, I think it's a little bit of stoicism. But I'm saying what if. You know, I'm not, I'm not taking your side. I totally disagree with you. But what if, you know, just There was a 3,000-year-old version of, you know, these faux influencer dudes. And that was, listen, that was. Became popular.

[A]

You know, listen, we're gonna, in, in the listener question, we're gonna actually also get into. Into fads and scams. But you, if you were living in the ancient Egyptian, I mean, you would have invented the original pyramid scheme. I mean, you would be absolutely. With the real pyramid.

[B]

They would have called me Ponzi. But in Egyptian with a hieroglyphic. With a hieroglyph. A Little hieroglyphic. They would be like this guy, and then there's people under him. That's what that was. When you see, like a chart of people, that was like, you know, the, the Cutco knife scheme in the Middle Ages.

[A]

Original. Original. Mlm.

[B]

Well, I was gonna say about, you know, just the Middle Ages of it all. Like, you know, Pythagoras. Was it Pythagoras? You know, I mean, came up with all the math stuff just to get laid. Wasn't he running like a huge brothel?

[A]

Is that true?

[B]

Orgy cult? Yeah, I think so. He had all the right angles, huh?

[A]

Was. Someone said, oh, get out of here. That's. That's beneath you. That's a Caro joke. Beneath you.

[B]

I know, I know. I thought you, you appreciate it.

[A]

Someone said to me the other day, like, of course these people were geniuses. Plato, soccer. Because nothing. Nobody knew anything yet.

[B]

Well, no, I'm gonna disagree because their thoughts. Or have their thoughts and ideas have endured and been proven correct in a complex society. They still, like, hold.

[A]

Yeah, but like, if you're the first person that, like, because nobody else had. These are all things that we eventually would have figured out.

[B]

Yeah, but to be able to figure them out in such a simple world is even more impressive, I think. Like, I think it was. Was it da Vinci who now, like, it's on Tick Tock all the time. The, like, self sustaining bridge. Have you seen that one where you can just build a bridge by yourself?

[A]

God, can you imagine if da Vinci came back like Bill and Ted's style and saw us on Tick Tock? On the toilet.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, my God. No. So I do. Listen, I think those guys were smart for any time.

[A]

Okay, that's fair. I mean, listen. Yeah. Imagine like coming up with an idea. Imagine 2000 years from now, people, like, be the friend.

[B]

I'm gonna joke to death because I was just gonna say Copernicus. Pretty smart guy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen. Okay, so I'm not saying they're not smart.

[B]

Everybody was like, oh, look at those little. Look at those, look at those, you know, look at those ghosts in the sky and all this stuff. And we're the center of the universe. And he was like, no, we're not.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Was it a Copernicus?

[A]

No, you think of Galileo.

[B]

I believe Galileo, whoever. Whoever figured out that, you know, the Earth revolves around the sun. And didn't they kill him for it?

[A]

I think they imprisoned him. Yeah, but also, imagine having a scientific belief and then the Pope gets mad at you. Like, who Gives a pope like, stay

[B]

in your lane because it goes. Yeah, well, it goes. Oh, it's Copernicus. I said that.

[A]

Well, what did Galileo do? Galileo was also. People were pissed at him. First guy we are really showing he was an astronomer.

[B]

So what was his thing?

[A]

His. I thought his thing was father of modern astronomy.

[B]

Galileo claimed to. This is pathetic. Now, he pioneered the experimental method and he made the telescope that. Oh, all the, all of his discoveries supported that sun centered universe. So basically, long story short, Copernicus came up with the idea, but he couldn't prove it. Galileo started proving it and the church did not like that.

[A]

Got it, got it, got it, got it. Yeah, yeah. All right, fine. They're. They're smart. Fine. The ancient Greeks were smart. But so, so explain this to me and then we could. And then we could, you know, talk about it with friendship. For me, what I understand is the primary tenant of stoicism is that you can control. You can't control the external. I can tell. Matt is deep into a Copernicus. Galileo.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. No, I'm listening.

[A]

K Ho. You can't control the external, but you can't control how you feel about it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So again, I feel like this is very, very Mel Robbins. Let them. Okay, so someone, you know, you're. Someone comes up to you in a bar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. And sucker punches you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Are you not supposed to feel angry?

[B]

No, but see, I don't think it's. It's that cut and dry. Right. Because I think what they're saying is that, like, you have to be able to control your anger. It's not about not having anger. It's about being able to control it. Because calm itself is a form of strength. Emotional control is a form of strength. But not getting angry isn't like, I don't think that you. I don't. At least I don't. I don't believe if it is. I don't buy into that. That you should never be angry.

[A]

Right, right. But it's like, yes, I think their

[B]

thing is respond, don't react. So like, we talk about this with parenting sometimes of like, I don't know, we were joking. Like, you know, if people hit their kids, like you could hit your kid if you've made a consciousness choice. That's what needs to be done. Not if just like, you know, flash of anger, you just slap your kid.

[A]

If it's premeditated corporal punishment, it's okay, is what you're saying.

[B]

I'm not, I'm not agreeing or disagreeing. We Were just theorizing. I'm not saying I do this, but I'm saying the difference between, you know, righteous, you know, like whatever responsible reaction, you know, like, and, and you know, uncontrolled rage is one of them is stoic and the other one isn't. Right.

[A]

Yeah, but it's just this idea of, you know, if something bad, maybe I'm too reductive and, and, and like it's like if something bad happens to you, you can control how, you know, there's people, there's people who live with, with, with envy and anger for their whole lives and poisons them to death.

[B]

Yes. Comparison is the thief of joy. Whoever said that? I forget.

[A]

Yeah, I think it was Yates, wasn't it?

[B]

It could have been our guy. But

[A]

you know, I don't know. Some of the. Again, we, this is why we made fun of Mel, you know, made fun of Mel Robbins a little bit. If something happens to you, like what else? I mean, yes, you shouldn't let it consume you, but I mean, they always make it seem like, oh, you shouldn't, you can't control it. So no use feeling upset about it.

[B]

No, I think there's a better path. I think what we've seen is that people get eaten up by the, by their reactions to things. And if you live, I think it's more a lifestyle, it's foundational. What you're saying is like moment to moment decisions. I just don't agree with the framework of living this way. Right. Living with the idea that I have emotional control at all times and therefore anything that gets thrown my way, I can decide how to react no matter what it is.

[A]

So again, I'm sure I'm being a more Ryan Holiday who's like the, you know, he's the thought leader is this. He's doing a book deal and at the last moment the publisher goes, you know what? We're not going to give you this book deal anymore. Does he, is he Zen about it? Is he upset? I just don't get it. Am I an idiot?

[B]

I think everybody has emotions. I think they're talking about how to control them, how to control and how to see it as part of a larger journey of how you live your life. And like if you live your life in virtue and with emotional control and believing that the obstacle is the way. Right. That's part of their thing too, that you're gonna make it through based on your principles. That's really what it comes down to. Look, the reason I love James Clear is because he's got a set of beliefs and if you live according to those, you will win. There's a reason that a lot of people believe in Catholicism or Islam or Judaism and, you know, not the way we do it. Right. Like there are like practicing daily, you know, foundational beliefs that guide them in their everyday life so they actually don't have to make decisions that you're talking about. Like you're talking about making decisions in the moment without having a set of beliefs that guide your day to day decision making. And that's why, my friend, you're lost.

[A]

Matt just like pointed directly at me. You could watch that on YouTube.

[B]

No, that's why we're all lost. No, but I'm, I'm being serious. I think whether or not you think stoicism is bs, whether you think James Clear is bs, whether you think religion is bs, I think everybody needs to figure out what their code is just because it makes your life easier.

[A]

So how do you think this applies to friendship? Because certainly in friendship there's many things you can't control. You can, you can be a good friend and you can't get a someone could be a bad friend in return. They can't, they don't respond the way you want them to.

[B]

So I love our be the friend mantra. I mean, I knew you're joking about it before, but that's in your control.

[A]

You want to just recap what be the friend is.

[B]

Everybody's waiting around for somebody to show up. How come I didn't get invited to this? How come nobody's calling me? Well, if you're the one that takes that first step, if you're the one who's reaching out, if you're the one that's making the plans, you know, you'll feel good about that and you'll have healthy friendships just by default because that's what people are looking for and that's what builds healthy relationships by being the friend. But in the, in the context of, you know, stoicism and then like, how does this apply to friendship? I just think if you have the attitude that I am, that's how I live my life. I'm, you know, because you do live your life that way, then it's easier to deal with all of the variables that come with being friends with people.

[A]

So by the way, I do, how I do kind of see how being the friend is stoic because you're controlling what you can control, which is I'm going to be the friend. I'm going to be a good friend. I'm going to invite my three friends to this event. Yeah, I'm going to Outreach. Now, I'm assuming I'm Steve. I can learn here. One of these friends you invite to all this stuff, he never invites you back. He never. He just had a party and he didn't invite you. Now, you could choose to fly off the handle. You could choose to let it ruin your week, your day or year, or you could jettison them, or you could just not think about them. You know, presumably the latter two would be more stoic.

[B]

I mean, you could do a lot of things. But I think the point. The point is just that you don't react in a way or you don't let it get, you know, you don't let it get to you. I guess it's really like about, hey, you know, I'm charting a course in life, and that's sort of the let them thing too. Right. I'm charting a course in life, and I don't want to just be thrown off by other people's responses or attitudes to things.

[A]

Yeah. I'm gonna name a couple other stoic tenant tenets. And you, you, you. You stop me if there's one that you want to discuss about friendship. Ask yourself, is this essential? Meditate on your mortality every day. Value time more than money and possessions. You were the product of your habits. Remember? You have the power to have.

[B]

Clear. That's my clear.

[A]

Okay. You are the product of your habits. Meaning, like, you set a system in place.

[B]

Yep. And, I mean, you're the product of your habits.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, no, yeah, okay. Yep. Of course. Put yourself up for review. Interrogate yourself. I think that's kind of interesting, which we haven't maybe talked about with friendship, like, looking inward a little bit.

[B]

You know, we haven't really done that as an episode. We've done, like, review of your friends.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But we haven't sort of done, like, hey, actually, didn't we score ourselves as friends, like, on the.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's true. No, but that's your. No, but that was our social fitness. That wasn't like yourself.

[B]

Oh, that wasn't. Okay, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know how I think this would come up? This actually came up to me in. In the field. Matt, someone was asking a question which you and I have. Have answered before in the pod, which is like, oh, this is. I met this group of guys. They're an extant group. And like, yeah, you're kind of not letting me in. And I said to him, why would they.

[B]

Right.

[A]

All right, like, what Have. Why would they? You're just some other guy. They're already friends. What are you bringing to the table? He's like, I never thought about it that way.

[B]

So that's, you know, that's a good stoic. I think that's a good stoic related approach. Right. Because I think it's about action. Right. And Ryan Holiday is very big on action and Clear is big on action and they're big on, you know, planning. But, you know, both of them are about action leading the way. Right. Like I said, I've been seeing a lot on social about how the way out of a lot of your problems is just doing something. Right. If you don't know the answer, just do something. If your mood is bad, just do something that, like, the result will come after you take the action. Not from, like, overthinking.

[A]

That's like when Nancy Pelosi was like, we need to sign the bill to find out what's in it.

[B]

She was just being stoic.

[A]

But that's true. It's like, dude, I suffer from analysis paralysis all day.

[B]

Right. You know, so that's, that's the anti stoic approach.

[A]

Yes. Oh, that's right. That's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's just, it's, it's, you know, process. What's it called? Like, you know, trying stuff, failing.

[B]

Let me ask you this. Just about friendship.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I believe that people are drawn to other people, and so living a stoic life could also have the benefit that just you'll. More people that you want to, you know, be around would be drawn to you just by the way you're living your life.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's, I think that's definitely true. I mean, like, that is, that's why we tell people to find your golf. Like, do something you're passionate about.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, do you ever meet. You ever meet someone from. Who's doing a completely different job from us, not a. Not entertainment, not lawyer. And you're like, oh, do you like it? And they go, oh, my God, I love it. Aren't you always, like, lean forward on that?

[B]

Yes, yes. And I know you're very big on, like, I like the way. I have to say, I'll give you a compliment. I like the way you react to that. I've seen you react to people who are really into their jobs and you ask them a bunch of questions about it and you're genuinely interested in. And I think a lot of people would see that and go, who cares? It's optometry. You know.

[A]

Oh, but I'm killed to meet an optometrist, right?

[B]

Yeah, It's a good gig because you always have to reorder those contacts and you always have to get a prescription first. You always have to re up every year, so. No, I'm saying I'm giving you a genuine compliment. I think that that's very true. And not a lot of people do that.

[A]

Well, that also falls under one of our tips. Be curious, you know, like with, especially if you're on a mandate with it, with a new buddy, potential buddy. Like, ask him questions not just about the mortgage and interest rates and the Dodgers, like what he's up to, what he, what he believes in.

[B]

Yeah. How about these two for friendship related stoic stuff? Yeah, stoicism is about adaptability. I think healthy adult friendships are about adaptability.

[A]

Okay. Okay. So like in the moment or like in your life.

[B]

In your life, but also in the moment. I mean, I don't know that it's so moment to moment, but, you know, we're all confronted with sort of ups and downs, life changes etc, and, you know, we expect our friendships to be static a lot of the time.

[A]

Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, we talked about this recently about, like when you, when you, when you've changed or when you have a change in your lifestyle or your situation. I'm actually, I'm actually demonstrating a little bit of friendship adaptability this weekend.

[B]

How's that?

[A]

So we are, we're filming this a little in advance. Matt, I don't know if you saw. There's a huge winter storm coming to the middle of the country.

[B]

There is, there is major.

[A]

So our very good friend Christina, she is at a yoga retreat in Mexico.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And she called me yesterday. She's like, I can't get back to Dallas. All the flights are canceled. Can I come to LA and like, spend two days with you before I can get my flight back?

[B]

Great. Great friending, you know.

[A]

Well, I didn't say, I didn't tell you if I said yes.

[B]

Oh, my God. So where is it? But I mean, you said you were being adaptable, so.

[A]

Well, I, I did, I did. I, I did say yes.

[B]

You said, here's a list of hotels. You said, here's a list.

[A]

I, I sent her a list of

[B]

Airbnbs right near my house so we can have coffee at a set time that I give you two days in advance.

[A]

I did send her a thing. I'm like, it's only a quarter inch of ice. I'm sure I'll be fine. But she, I believe, was also adaptable because she stayed with me once a couple years ago. Listen, I'm just not a stay with you guy. That's just not the. I bring a lot to the table.

[B]

That never would never cross my mind.

[A]

But this time when she called me, she's like, hey, I know this is last minute. Like, if you've got work to do, if you have plans, like, I will do my thing. I'll go shopping. I won't be in your hair. Like, she was very. She did what I would do if I did it. You know how I always think the world. She did what I would do. And I was like, oh, I appreciate that. That was very nice. And I'm not saying I need to deserve a medal for helping my stranded friend, but I'm saying for adaptability from Ko, that's not bad.

[B]

No.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Good on you. How about this for the last Stoicism.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

One that I think is friendship related. So one of the other stoic virtues is not offending easily.

[A]

Oh, well, this is from our talking episode.

[B]

No.

[A]

Not offending or not getting offended?

[B]

Not getting offended easily.

[A]

Oh, interesting.

[B]

Is that a really good friendship trait? Yeah, I think so.

[A]

Wow. Yeah. I mean, this is what this is like. That's basically saying, don't be defensive. Yeah.

[B]

You know, I mean, it's right. I think. But as a stoic thing of like, hey, I just live my life not walking around with a, you know. Eggshell.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In an eggshell.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I think we're gonna do, Matt? Let's do. Let's do a part two of this some point. More stoicism. Because this is like ripe.

[B]

Okay. Ripe.

[A]

Yeah. All right. Should we take a listener question?

[B]

Do it.

[A]

All right, we'll be back with a listener question.

[C]

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[A]

okay guys, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram man of the Year podcast and we will answer it on the show. Matt, you're going to love this. It hits this hits a lot of your erogenous zones. It's got couple friends financial schemes. It's a little long, but I'm going to give you most of it because I think you'll appreciate it. Okay Big hey guys. Actually this was to to to our Instagram, but to me. Aaron, I'm a big fan of your show and really enjoy the advice you and Matt provide. A Man of the Year. I'm hoping you can help me navigate a situation with a longtime friend. We used to be neighbors and our families are close, but we've never been particularly tight. Usually our wives coordinate the hangouts. Recently, he reached out to get us all together for the first time by reaching out directly to me when our families got together. He shared that he's been struggling with depression after losing his job. The strangest part, however, came toward the end of our hangout when he pitched me on a new business venture. He joined a financial service that feels very much like a pyramid scheme. He is clearly invested in it and is pushing me to buy the software so he can earn a commission. I told him I'd look into it Just to keep things civil. But I have no interest in this product. I feel frustrated. He put me in a position where I have to choose between supporting him financially and maintaining our friendship. I'd like to preserve the relationship for the sake of our families, but I also want to distance myself after this interaction. How can I tell him I'm not interested in the least offensive way possible? I want to avoid making future family gatherings awkward while setting clear boundaries regarding his, quote, business.

[B]

Wow. I feel. Does this happen to me?

[A]

You mean you've been the person.

[B]

No, I haven't pitched people on business stuff. This has happened.

[A]

Do this crypto. Do this crypto thing.

[B]

No, I've never asked anyone for money ever, in any way. Capacity outrage. But I'm on the receiving end more than, you know, recently. I've been on the receiving end a couple of times, things like that. And one of them is a family member, and it's super awkward. Distant. Distant.

[A]

I mean, here's my. Here's my quick go to answer. Say, my wife said no. Sorry. Yeah, right.

[B]

I mean, I actually used that for a. Like, one of these, like, group investments that a bunch of dads wanted to go in on. Yeah, I don't think I have wife approval for that kind of. That kind of thing right now. I think I'm out on that. But I. I also think you don't have to make a big deal out of it because you don't owe anybody anything. If you make a big deal, it's like you're actually, like, somehow you owe them to do this. You know, being defensive, You're. By being defensive, you're implying that you ever would even. It's rational to even consider this strongly from a person who isn't really a close friend, isn't in your life in that way. You don't have that level of trust. But this happens all the time, by the way. You know, friends of friends, acquaintances, people, you know, pitching you on random investments. All. I mean, this is like adult life.

[A]

Well, my interpretation of it is that the wife's. The wives and the families are friends. Maybe him and his husband are secondary. So it's like, you don't want to screw. You don't want to screw it up. Yeah, he's gonna see this guy again. So you don't want to be weird.

[B]

Yep. Listen, I had a. I had somebody in the neighborhood, you know, kind of screw me out of something financially, and it was like a work thing, and I didn't, you know, I don't want to make a big deal out of it. But I also, I don't want to be friends with this person. You know, I think I told you this and he's all like jokey and I just don't give him any jokey stuff. But like my wife maintains a degree of, you know, friendliness with the wife.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I don't have a problem with that. But it's like, it's also clear we're not getting together with them. So that's where I draw the line.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I draw a harder line. Like I'm not getting together with this person. But that was more like he did something really off putting. This is like this guy did something that's like pretty common that people do that all the time. Lack of self awareness.

[A]

Well, he also didn't quote, do anything to our question asker. He made.

[B]

Well pitching him something like asking. Making a hard ask on somebody that you barely see and that you're not that close with.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird. I feel like we're taking opposite tax on this. I would be. You usually like, how dare you? And you're kind of like, I get this every day.

[B]

I'm saying people do it all the time. I just think it's very way more common than you realize where people are out, they're pitching things, they're asking, you know, it's fine. Look, people, we should all be helping each other when we can. Right? I mean, if you're a friend and you want to help, you know, financially, whatever. And if it is a good business idea, a lot of people go in on businesses with their friends. So it's not like far fetched. But it sounds like this guy kind of like you're not even close with. And it felt like an uncomfortable pitch. But you don't need to be defensive about shutting it down is what I'm saying. That makes it. That's the part that makes it awkward. You can just say no.

[A]

Yeah. I think it's a firm and very polite and very respectful people, you know, shoot him a text. Hey, I took a look at the materials. Seems interested. I'm not just really in a financial position right now to invest in it. I really hope it blows up because it seems great the end. And then I think you can ignore all future questions from it about it.

[B]

Totally. You just, again, you don't even have to do it. I think that's a very nice thing to do. You can honestly just say, yeah, you know, I appreciate the offer. Not for me. And that's it. So then it's like, this is like me saying, don't come to me with these things anymore, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Okay. That's interesting. Okay. I think we have a little. I guess because you have more experience with this. Yeah, I'm a little bit like, let's put some sugar on it, because you're like. I feel. Really feel like we're switched today, Matt, because I agree with you. Never bring this to me again. How dare you is what I would say.

[B]

Yeah, I don't feel. How dare you about it, because I get it a lot, so I. I feel I have to just cut it off earlier so that I don't have to indulge in. In, you know, every person's potential financial scheme that, you know, I meet through the parent network.

[A]

How would a stoic deal with this?

[B]

Stoic would go. That's interesting. I wish you the best.

[A]

Yeah, I wish you. You know what's great? Don't you know, it's a great. Like a. Like a. Like a comeback. Like, don't say yes or no. Just do what you just said. I wish you the best. Just. It's implied. Good luck with this.

[B]

Yeah, I just don't think. Yeah, look, I don't think it's offensive that somebody's pitching, you know, something they are actually trying to make money off of. And then how else would you do it? Right? I mean, you have to go out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sales. I mean, you have to go out and raise money. And that's always awkward, by the way. It's always uncomfortable for that person to do that. That's not good. You know, it's not fun a lot of the time to, like, feel like you have to go out and ask friends and neighbors and, you know, people, you know, but if you believe in it, hopefully you're doing it because you believe in it, you know? And, dude,

[A]

in a Mercedes, we don't know. I mean, it could be huge.

[B]

Right, Right. But I think he's. He's. He's taking offense because he doesn't feel close. He feels it's a breach of, like, their level of intimacy.

[A]

Yeah. That's interesting. I kind of like.

[B]

He thinks you don't have the right. He's basically saying he doesn't think this guy is the right. They're not close enough. He doesn't have the right to start pitching him stuff. And now that he's pitched it, he feels like, oh, man, now I can never see this guy again. I just think this. Our listener doesn't realize how common this. This occurrence is.

[A]

Yeah. And presumably this dude is pitching people left, right and center. So it's not like.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, this guy's. You know, he's. He's trying to. He's trying to raise money and he's trying to. It's hard. You got to go hat in hand, house to house, door to door, friend to friend, acquaintance to acquaintance. And it can create uncomfortable moments, but I think the best thing to do is just communicate, you know? Thanks, but no thanks.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Thanks but no thanks is a great. A great sum up. Okay, guys, that was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send it to us on Instagram and we'll answer it on the show. Also, please let us know what happens with this pyramid scheme. All right, that's our show, guys. Thank you so much for listening or whatever would say Pond is a Ponzi scheme. Impairment scheme the same?

[B]

I think so, yeah.

[A]

I think they're the same. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.

[B]

Love you, buddy.

[D]

We've all been there. You hold on to a coupon, hoping to cash it in at the store, but then you forget about it and suddenly you've got a mountain of useless expired coupons. Do you think this one's still good? Free milk. Oh, mate, that expired in 1993. Dang it. Fortunately, there are better ways to save money. Like by switching to Geico, you could save about $900 on car insurance without ever touching a coupon.

[A]

Ooh, how about this one?

[D]

Half off floppy disks. Now you should try a bit of spring cleaning. It feels good to save big. It feels good to geico.

[E]

The sun shining, birds are singing, and all feels right in the world.

[D]

Until the season changes and suddenly you lose your motivation to get out of bed. In fact, one in five people experience some form of depression, no matter the season or time of year.

[E]

At the American Psychiatric association foundation, our vision is to build a mentally healthy nation for all, because we want you to live your best life and be your best you all year round.

[D]

Please visit mentallyhealthynation.org to learn more.

[A]

If you like the show, please take a moment to rate, review and subscribe.

[B]

It really does help the show to grow.

[A]

Thank you for listening.