#178 - Cuffing Season 2026

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode #178 – Cuffing Season 2026
Release Date: March 31, 2026
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode, Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo dig into the concept of “friendship cuffing season,” a term they coined to describe the social equivalent of romantic cuffing season—but for friendships as the weather turns warmer. The duo discusses how spring is the perfect time to take stock of your friendships, lock in plans for summer, and “draft” your summer social crew. With a mix of comedy, practical advice, and relatable anecdotes, they help listeners proactively build their social calendars and address the challenges of feeling left out.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining “Friendship Cuffing Season”

(09:10 – 11:10)

• Friendship cuffing season: Coined by Matt and Aaron, this is when people become more open to forging and strengthening friendships as spring arrives.
• Matt explains: “You never really want to have...You never want to play Frisbee alone. Right. You don’t want to be the guy throwing a Frisbee to himself, you know, in Central Park.” (10:26)
• Spring = the start of people emerging from winter “hibernation” and prepping for a socially active summer.

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2. The “Great Calendar Grab”

(12:28 – 13:40)

• As spring turns to summer, people scramble to fill their calendars and, by extension, form “summer crews.”
• Matt: “They sort of choose their summer crew or crews...Where it’s not as inclusive as maybe the rest of the year. Like, I think things tighten a little. Even though you go out more, maybe.” (13:10)

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3. Taking Social Inventory

(11:48 – 13:10)

• Spring is the ideal moment to assess your “friendship universe.”
• Aaron asks: “What is your summer looking like?...Are there some potential fringe friends...that you haven’t level up yet? This would be a good time to do it.” (11:55)
• Encourages listeners to reach out to acquaintances and not wait until it’s too late.

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4. Proactive Planning & Circulation

(15:18 – 19:22)

• “Whoever plans first wins”—be the one who initiates gatherings and ideas.
• Circulating activity ideas to your friends, including “fringe friends” or in group chats, lowers barriers to social inclusion.
• Aaron notes the effectiveness of group messages, like dropping event plans into a WhatsApp group for broader reach. (18:13)

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5. Diagnosing “Friendship Benching”

(21:50 – 33:36)

• Listener writes in about feeling left out as summer group chats and trip plans emerge: “Am I getting, quote, friendship benched for summer?” (21:50)
• Aaron: “You’re not being unfriended. It’s just like, ‘We’re starting somebody else now.’” (23:35)
• Key advice:
  • Don’t assume malice; sometimes people don’t realize you want to be included.
  • Communicate your interest in joining plans.
  • Take initiative (“be the friend”) rather than waiting for invites.
• Matt: “The numbers may not work...But if you’re the planner and you are making the plans, less likely to have that happen and you get to choose who’s in your circle.” (26:28)
• Aaron shares his system for social inventory: “Three years in a row they don’t come, you drop off.” (29:03)
• If you’ve said “no” often, you might passively slip off invite lists.

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6. The Importance of “Be the Friend”

(25:44 – 32:34)

• The core tenet: Don’t passively wait for invites—be the organizer.
• Aaron: “No one can exclude you if you’re making the plans.” (27:47)
• Matt: “Whoever plans first wins...you are crafting your own destiny.” (27:44)
• Their personal stories (like Aaron’s famous “I drink now so you can invite me” line from 1996, 30:04) illustrate the importance of self-advocacy in friendships.

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7. Practical Strategies for Spring/Summer Socialization

(15:41 – 16:57; 31:49 – 33:36)

• Identify your “golf” (activity you genuinely enjoy) and circulate those ideas to your friend groups.
• Host, plan, or suggest events. Even tossing out random ideas gets the ball rolling.
• Don’t be discouraged by being “benched”—work your way back into the “starting lineup” by being proactive and self-aware.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On spring’s effect:
  “People get more social when the weather’s nice. We want you to prepare for that and start thinking friendship cuffing season is upon us.” – Matt Ritter (11:10)

• On “friendship benching”:
  “You’re not being unfriended. It’s just like, ‘We’re starting somebody else now.’...You know, and nobody’s addressing it, but you just feel something forming, and you’re, like, not in the starting lineup.” – Aaron Karo & Matt Ritter (23:35)

• Advice to the benched:
  “Are you just sitting back while other people make plans? Well, why are they including you, then? Like, what are you doing for the summer? Are you getting a house? Are you planning a weekend?...Are you making the plans?” – Aaron Karo (25:44)

• On FOMO and initiative:
  “Well, did you even act like you wanted to be, like, a core member of this crew, or are you only feeling the regret because you’re seeing them do these things now?” – Matt Ritter (31:02)

• Comedy moment:
  Aaron’s “I drink now so you can invite me to things” story from their youth. (30:04)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Friendship Cuffing Season Defined: 09:10 – 11:10
• The Great Calendar Grab: 12:28 – 13:40
• Taking Social Inventory: 11:48 – 13:10
• Circulating Plans/Group Chats: 15:18 – 19:22
• Listener “Friendship Benched” Dilemma: 21:50 – 33:36
• Actionable Friendship Advice:
  • “Be the friend” & Proactivity: 25:44 – 32:34
  • FOMO & Self-Awareness: 31:49 – 33:36

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Tone, Language, and Style

The episode crackles with comedic banter, self-deprecation, pop culture references, and genuine friendship insights. Matt and Aaron keep the conversation relatable and light, using personal anecdotes, running jokes about social dynamics, and “isms” that make their advice both practical and memorable. Their energy and authenticity break down the barriers around male friendship, all while making listeners laugh and reflect.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Spring is the optimal time to audit your social life and proactively shape your summer plans—don’t wait for invites.
• Taking small steps (circulating plans, reaching out, being clear about your interests) will boost your social fitness and inclusion.
• If you’re feeling left out (“friendship benched”), remember: it’s often nothing personal. Communicate and initiate!
• “Be the friend” is the episode’s north star—proactivity pays off in friendships just as it does in romance or career.
• Use group chats, social “inventory,” and authentic interests to expand or rekindle your summer crew.

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Final words from the hosts:
“I just want to wish people, like, good cuffing season. I want to wish them luck and, like, going out there and making friends.” – Aaron Karo (33:36)
“Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.” – Aaron Karo & Matt Ritter (33:39)

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Transcript

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[Aaron Caro]

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[Aaron Caro]

Man of the Year.

[Matt Ritter]

Man of the Year. Man of the Year. Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Matt Ritter.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm Aaron Caro.

[Matt Ritter]

Guys, go to manoftheyearpodcast.com, check out our merch, go to our YouTube page and see our beautiful, freshly rejuvenated from our plastic surgery. Or we've had a couple of lifts. We had a chin lift, a butt lift. We had that thing where you pull the skin back behind the ears. Check it out. Do we have any of that?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, audible dot. Oh, you forgot our audible.

[Matt Ritter]

We haven't even had any plastic surgery yet. But I also. We do. We do have an audio original. It's called the buddy system. Audible.com thebuddy system. Carol, you look. You look great. You know, we just got back from full plastic surgery reconstructive. We have new faces.

[Aaron Caro]

Everybody. I Mean, you could use Matt. A bbl. The. The thing that. That's like the butt thing.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, because my butt deflated from the. Yeah, sciatica a couple years ago. I've rebuilt it. I did a. Have you seen this guy on Instagram who only lifts one side of his body? Come on.

[Aaron Caro]

Of course you have, Matt. What the f. At first it was the Liver King, then it was Squat guy. What was his name?

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, Knees over Toes.

[Aaron Caro]

Knees over those. And what's this guy called?

[Matt Ritter]

I don't know. I think he's like Imbalanced Lifter guy. I don't know what he is.

[Aaron Caro]

Shut up. You're making this up. This is not real.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, you gotta look this up. He only lifts one side of his body. It's absurd.

[Aaron Caro]

This is to do. For what point?

[Matt Ritter]

Just to see how crazy his body would get asymmetrically. You're looking it up. Crooked Man. You don't know about Crooked Man?

[Aaron Caro]

God, this is insane.

[Matt Ritter]

How do you not know about Crooked Man? It's. It's almost like it's not real. But it is real. He literally free. I think he did it for like a year and then he stopped, I think. Or he fixed it.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, I can't tell. Is this satire? No, it's real because he calls himself a looks minimizer.

[Matt Ritter]

Well, that's pretty funny because, like, the Max Maximalists. Looks maxing. How come all the looks. How come all the looks maxers are actually really ugly?

[Aaron Caro]

He's only working out one trap. Oh, my God.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Can we talk about how the looks maxers are all ugly? Like, they think they're beautiful, but they. They're awful looking.

[Aaron Caro]

I still like these.

[Matt Ritter]

These looks maxing men. That clavicle clicker. Clavic liquor. Neo Nazi looks maxer. Okay, yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

What's the whole thing that the. The clavicular guys like, decomposing?

[Matt Ritter]

I don't know.

[Aaron Caro]

There's something where his. He.

[Matt Ritter]

He's like, takes meth. Yeah. Anyway, good for them.

[Aaron Caro]

I can't believe you're into the Liver King. Knees over Toes guy and the Crooked Man, I mean, are a parody of yourself.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I love Crooked Man.

[Aaron Caro]

Like, how does this even come. I just.

[Matt Ritter]

Can we get Crooked man on the pod?

[Aaron Caro]

God, Which. Which angle are you shooting from?

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, it's like Two Face Seinfeld. Remember Terry? Was that Terry?

[Aaron Caro]

That wasn't Terry Hatcher. She was. She was the real boobs.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah, there was. It was a working actress, though.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I just want to say one thing before we get into the topic that combines several of our brands. You know, you and I are morning people. We, we respect morning people. We have no respect for night owls.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

I've talked a bunch of times about how when I go to the gym in the morning, the people who worked out at night have left all their shit out. And I'm just, like, furious. We've also discussed both of our anger with people who leave, like, the shopping cart out at the, at the.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, yeah. But then I, but then, you know, Lindsay was right. Sometimes parents have to do it. And I was like, oh, she's right.

[Aaron Caro]

My Lindsay.

[Matt Ritter]

You can't, you can't. Yeah. She was like, you can't leave your kid in the car to go return it.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, okay. I forgot about it.

[Matt Ritter]

She made a good point. She made a very good point.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay, fair point. But so I, I, I usually, if I do a grocery shop, it's like a Sunday morning, first thing, bang it out as soon as the store opens.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

A couple weeks, I had to go on a Saturday afternoon.

[Matt Ritter]

Okay. Chaos, chaos.

[Aaron Caro]

The amount of carts. There were more carts in the.

[Matt Ritter]

Where do you go?

[Aaron Caro]

I do Trader Joe's and Gelson.

[Matt Ritter]

Okay, so you went to the Trader Joe's.

[Aaron Caro]

I went to both.

[Matt Ritter]

Okay.

[Aaron Caro]

And the carts, these, they're not people with kid. The carts were everywhere. And it's because they're not morning people. These are, these are, these are day people.

[Matt Ritter]

You get different, you get different responsibility levels, different attitudes about life. You're right. From, from, from sunup to sundown, you can see entirely different work ethic.

[Aaron Caro]

Like, you know that, that civic responsibility

[Matt Ritter]

declines as, as you get to the afternoon hour. You know?

[Aaron Caro]

You know the, the famous thing of, like, the Monkey, there's like 10 pictures and it's eventually walking upright and becomes a human.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Reverse.

[Aaron Caro]

That morning person is the upright human.

[Matt Ritter]

You're talking about the evolutionary chart. So we'll call this the devolutionary chart.

[Aaron Caro]

Right. The devolution of the night owls.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Wow.

[Aaron Caro]

Literally just carts everywhere. I'm like, I gotta tell Matt about this because it's like you can't park.

[Matt Ritter]

We have basically taken over grocery store aisles now because we have, we do two carts with two kids side by side. So you, like, you can't even, you can't even be in our aisle now.

[Aaron Caro]

I just, I don't think that's cool.

[Matt Ritter]

Grocery cart takeover.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, it's bad enough you have a double wide stroller.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, yeah, the double wide. So. Or if he takes the double wide. But I do, I, it's actually really funny. So we have a stroller that has the two things on it also where you can do top shelf, bottom. Brenner didn't like it, but. So he just lays down underneath the stroller. It's pretty funny.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, God. Is that like. Like where you put, like, the wipes and stuff?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. But then he was like, you slammed my head against some rocks, Daddy. I'm like, I know you're not supposed to be down there. It's dangerous.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, my. What's the suspension like on that stroller?

[Matt Ritter]

They're all horrible because.

[Aaron Caro]

Could you but think about what we had when we were kids. Just a rod on two wheels. Four wheels.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Well, some of them. I mean, they're better than that, but not really that like her. The double wide can. Cannot get over bumps.

[Aaron Caro]

That's just because it's so heavy with two kids.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

I guess maybe those big wheels don't do anything.

[Matt Ritter]

Not really. You would think. Actually, I'm surprised at how, like, non sophisticated they are when it comes to that.

[Aaron Caro]

What do you think about people who run with the stroller?

[Matt Ritter]

I have no feelings one way or the other. I'm not against it, however, I don't think it bothers the kid. You know, I don't do it, but I think kids are fine with it.

[Aaron Caro]

You're not. You're not a stroller running guy?

[Matt Ritter]

No. Just because I don't think Brenner liked it. I think I tried it a few times and he was like, stop it, Daddy.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

He goes, don't talk at me.

[Aaron Caro]

That's what he says. Finally, a Ritter family person is.

[Matt Ritter]

Yes.

[Aaron Caro]

He goes talking back.

[Matt Ritter]

Don't talk to me, Daddy.

[Aaron Caro]

Oh, man.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, we're in the. No talking. No talking.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, man. That ship is the only time I

[Matt Ritter]

get to talk during the week. You're the only one who'll let me talk even then.

[Aaron Caro]

And this is under duress. So it's March. What a terrible way. But it is. It's March. Almost April.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, yeah. So this is big. You know, we coined this. When did we coin this phrase? Was it three years ago now?

[Aaron Caro]

It was. It was before we were on the Today show. I believe it was early 2023.

[Matt Ritter]

So we coined this term. It's called friendship cuffing season. As you all know, there is a romantic cuffing season. Traditionally, would you say, I don't know, Thanksgiving, or would you say a little earlier is when romantic cuffing season begins? It's when the weather gets cold and you got to find somebody to cuff up with for the Long, lonely winter, especially in cold cities.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Would you say when would you. When would you put the starting point on cuffing season?

[Aaron Caro]

I'd say, I say as soon as you put the Halloween costumes away.

[Matt Ritter]

So November, Early November. And so we came up with a term friendship cuffing season, which we consider springtime, because when the weather gets nice and people are getting outside and they start booking things up on their calendar, and they're a lot more open to friendship. And, you know, I always say you never really want to have. You never want to play Frisbee alone. Right. You don't want to be the guy throwing a Frisbee to himself, you know, in Central Park. So we think it's really important to, you know, name these things to put some structure to them to help you go, okay, it's March, time for me to look at the calendar and, you know, try to build on some of these friendships before I'm, you know, I have nobody to do summer weekend things with or weekday or, you know, the movies on the roof or the happy hours or, you know, all the things that people do when the weather's nice, they just get more social. Right. I mean, that's just the fact. People get more social when the weather's nice. We want you to prepare for that and start thinking friendship cuffing season is upon us.

[Aaron Caro]

Speaking of weather real quick, Matt, last month in February, sort of end of January, was that insane cold, like, thing throughout the United states, except for LA, which was 87 degrees.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Like, how many screenshots did you send of, like, whether the weather app to friends? I just love doing that.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, yeah. I mean, I was, like, walking around in shorts, which I don't normally do, but then if I know they're called, I should wear shorts.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, it's. It's. I feel like. Because, yeah, I mean, it was. We've had some bad winters. I mean, la. Bad winters. And this is this one. It's been great.

[Matt Ritter]

No, it's been amazing.

[Aaron Caro]

I like what you said. I think another way to frame it is that this is a good time to take stock.

[Matt Ritter]

Take stock.

[Aaron Caro]

Like, it's. It's March, April. What is your friendship universe looking like? Like, what is your summer looking like? Are there some people that maybe you haven't reached out to yet that you were going to. Are there some potential fringe friends which are acquaintances whose name, you know, that you haven't level up yet? This would be a good time to do it because, like, you said, Al. Free me if you mentioned this, Matt, but, like, once school Ends. You know, people start summer hours and they travel and they're just, like, gone.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. The calendar. Let's call it the great calendar grab.

[Aaron Caro]

Okay.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh.

[Aaron Caro]

Ooh.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. And I think part of the great calendar grab is it's not. Just hear me out on this. Tell me if you agree. It's not just that people's calendars get full. They sort of choose their summer crew or cruise. What do you think about that?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, I mean, like, you, the people. Because we talk about be the friend people are going to make plans with the people who've reached out to them already, also their existing friend groups.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. But I think summer is like its own subset of like, okay, you're in my summer crew. Or like, you know. You know what I mean? Like, where it's not as inclusive as maybe the rest of the year. Like, I think things tighten a little. Even though you go out more, maybe. I think, you know, there's a lot more, you know, like you said, the calendar gets. Gets tighter. And I think sometimes people go. This is the people I'm doing my summer thing with. Right. Group trips.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. You know, people get houses with people. People. The kids are friends.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. So I think, you know, let's back up. You know, guys, we're here every week to help you understand that you need to be consistent with this stuff, and we're giving you tips. And, you know, New Year's wasn't that long ago, but it's also now March almost. You know, we're getting to that time of year. It's almost April, and it's like, oh, almost half the year is gone. I guess I missed out. You didn't miss anything. Right. You still have the full year ahead of you. But again, we like to take stock on a more regular basis. That's why we're taking stock now. We took stock in January. How are you doing? Have you been listening to anything? Have you implemented any of it? And if you have, then maybe you already have people that you've already set plans with for summer, or maybe you have people that you have in mind. And now that's when we're going to go, hey, so let's try and kind of lock in some people to cuff with.

[Aaron Caro]

The other thing is that I just want to point our listeners to our episode this time last year, which is episode 124, Q1 check, in which we just talked about a few of the best practices to see how your friendship is going. The other things we talked about for cuffing season is that people are a little Bit more dtf. Down to friend.

[Matt Ritter]

Yes.

[Aaron Caro]

Because the summer is getting, you know, like, like you said, the. The sun is going down later. People are in a better mood also. People.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

You always talk about body language. Like people's. Like, you're not wearing giant puffer coats.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Bundle up. You're. You're out. Like your scapulas retracted.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

A crooked man.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. Yeah. So that's all gonna happen. But the draft for it happens now. Let's think of it that way.

[Aaron Caro]

Yes. Yes.

[Matt Ritter]

Like, this is your, you know, like in the NBA, they draft in June, but the season starts in fall or, you know, like October. So, yeah, you know, cuffing season is upon us, but now we have to find the people to go do these things with.

[Aaron Caro]

I think one thing, I think we should also talk about one of our main tenets. Find your golf. Right. So we've, me and Matt, we always talk about, like, what do you actually like doing? Forget about making a friend or doing whatever. Like, what is your golf? Like, what is the activity you like doing? And are you going to do it this summer? You know, like.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I was going to say, what do you think about this? I thought of this last night. I don't know if we've. I don't know if we've talked about circulating things enough to your. To your actual existing friends or even acquaintances. Like things that you're thinking about doing. Right. I don't know. For some reason this was relevant because of our basketball league started not really working on Wednesdays because it was too dark out and it was on the roof. So now we're kind of recirculating for the group. Like, hey, what would make it easier for everybody to show? Is it a different day of the week or do we need to be indoors or do we just need to wait till it gets lighter out? So is there something to be said for kind of circulating, you know, ideas now about, hey, what's. If I hosted a monthly barbecue or something? Like, I don't know, you know what I'm saying? Like, is there any. Any benefits to circulating it to the group? Your ideas now about what you're thinking you want summer to look like as a, as. As a friend. As a friend group is.

[Aaron Caro]

Is, by the way, is there. Is it. Is the court lit?

[Matt Ritter]

So here's the issue. Well, the court is lit, but the end of the courts is so far removed from the fence where the lights are. It's. It's almost like it doesn't do anything. Like the lights are at the Border of the entire fence line. But the court is not all the way to the fence line. The court is like 30ft in on each side.

[Aaron Caro]

So basically not lit.

[Matt Ritter]

It's not lit.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, that's not lit.

[Matt Ritter]

It's not lit for basketball. You know what I mean? It's not lit for basketball.

[Aaron Caro]

Basketball is dangerous to play if it's not that lit.

[Matt Ritter]

Exactly. So we've been in a little bit of a. It's coming back now. But I'm just, you know, just my point being, I was like, what am I doing wrong? I'm like, oh, well, why don't I circulate it? I don't know what people want.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I mean, and that. That also was circulating to people who you're already in the gang with. I wonder if there's a version of that circulation to maybe more fringe friends or people. You don't ex. Have it existing.

[Matt Ritter]

That's what I'm asking. Because I think you're right. That's the harder one. So how do you do that? That's the question, I think. Think.

[Aaron Caro]

You know. Hama, Hamad. Are you. Are you on WhatsApp?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, I use WhatsApp a lot more than I used to, actually.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Like, with all these WhatsApp, like, communities. And like, I'm in this WhatsApp of like, New York to New York and LA. I don't know if you've heard of that. And like, people will just be like, hey, I'm going to this concert on Tuesday. Anyone want to come? And I'm like, why would anyone go with this random person? And people are like, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go.

[Matt Ritter]

I'm like, that's great.

[Aaron Caro]

That's. That's literal circulation. Just throwing it out there in a group.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. The deals were like, hey, I do that. Like, hey, I don't want to grab lunch and larch models. Like, I'm around. Yeah, I think it's great for that. I think, look, we're trying to lower the barrier to yeses.

[Aaron Caro]

I'm trying to think, because I don't know if we talked about this. Like, I do, like, what you're saying. Like, you got to put it out in the ether of, like, you want to do X. Otherwise how would anybody even know that? Like, you know, if you were like, listen, I. I'm really looking to go to Medieval Times, and you bring it up in a couple random conversations at work or with a neighbor, and then eventually someone's going to be like, oh, I'll do that.

[Matt Ritter]

Yep.

[Aaron Caro]

Like people. I like the floating, the circulating, like nobody knows.

[Matt Ritter]

Can we put a pin? Because I think this question is my listener question is kind of relevant.

[Aaron Caro]

We'll be right back with a listener question.

[Matt Ritter]

How do you cash back with Chase Freedom Unlimited? What do you want for dinner? Whatever. I'm easy.

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How about Greek?

[Aaron Caro]

Had it for lunch.

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Mexican?

[Matt Ritter]

Yes, but not tonight.

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Chinese?

[Matt Ritter]

Pass. Japanese? Nah.

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Italian?

[Matt Ritter]

Eh. Indian? Indian? How about Masala place? Um, whatever. I'm Izzy.

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Cash back on small victories.

[Aaron Caro]

Earn 3% cash back on dining with Chase Freedom Unlimited. Chase make more of what's yours. Restrictions and limitations apply. Cards are issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank, NA Member ftic.

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[Alex Canceroitz]

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[Aaron Caro]

Okay guys, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram. Our handle is man of the Year podcast and we can anonymize it if you'd like. Matt Take it away.

[Matt Ritter]

Hey, Matt and Caro. I thought you guys would like this. I came up with a term that I think is happening to me. It's March, and I'm feeling like group chats are happening and trips are getting floated and barbecues and beach weekends are quietly getting planned, and I'm not getting the text. Am I getting, quote, friendship benched for summer?

[Aaron Caro]

Friendship benched.

[Matt Ritter]

I like friendship bench, don't you? That's interesting. I mean, I. I'm not sorry to laugh at the listener. I'm just. Actually, I feel like they would appreciate the laugh because they said, like, I think you guys would, like, they know Caro is the creator of isms and sayings and things, so this is a Karo special. He.

[Aaron Caro]

He's on the friendship injured reserve, but he doesn't know it.

[Matt Ritter]

Friendship benched. Oh, that is. Oof. That is genius.

[Aaron Caro]

No, now, my first question is, how does he know?

[Matt Ritter]

I mean, you know.

[Aaron Caro]

You know when you see. When you see an Instagram while your friends are at a beach house and you're like, you know.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, we're all. The beach house. You know. You know, when they, like, suddenly, like, the ratio of text just goes to a creature screeching halt. And, like.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

Yes. You see pics of those other friends doing stuff.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

You know, and, like, nobody's addressing it, but you just feel something forming, and you're, like, not in the starting lineup.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

We're, like, not getting looped in, and it's, like, getting too close to the time to have been invited something, you know? Like, we all know that, right? Where it's like, oh, that person's wedding is in six months. I'm not invited.

[Aaron Caro]

I like that because, yeah, there is this idea of, like, you kind of got them. You're not, like, being unfriended. It's just like, we're starting somebody else now.

[Matt Ritter]

Exactly. Like, like, Tibs didn't call you into the locker room and tell you you just. They blew the whistle and you weren't in the game.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, yeah, right, Exactly.

[Matt Ritter]

We haven't been unfriended, you know?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah.

[Matt Ritter]

But I think the question is what to do about it, right?

[Aaron Caro]

Number one, are we, like, your friends aren't mind mirrors. Maybe you fell off the group text, Maybe, like, oh, I thought you didn't want to go, you know? Oh, it's more of a couple's thing. Oh, you don't like hanging out with kids? Like, assumptions could be made, Right.

[Matt Ritter]

Friends are mind readers. We say it every week.

[Aaron Caro]

You Know also, like, I had a friend who. Who was it? They have an Android. And he's like, yeah, I. Why'd you guys stop texting me? I'm like, you're on the text thread. You're just not getting them.

[Matt Ritter]

Do they not get text on threads? I'm so confused about how that works.

[Aaron Caro]

I don't think Android people, like, really exist, you know?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. I haven't been able to figure out how the communications work between the phones ever, and I never will.

[Aaron Caro]

I don't know if you were as close with him, but early Fireball, Adam had an Android, and I was like, why? Like, why are you. Why are you doing this to yourself?

[Matt Ritter]

So, okay, so let's address, right? Go ahead.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. One thing I would make sure is that. Okay, make sure it's actually happening.

[Matt Ritter]

Right? But when you say, make sure it's actually happening, like, you know, you're not going to go out and say, hey, am I getting iced out here?

[Aaron Caro]

Right? Well, I guess if it's something where your other friends. You're like, how come you didn't tell me about this? You could. You could possibly say you're saying just. Or, how do you. How do you bring yourself into it? Well, it all comes back to the number one.

[Matt Ritter]

I think you could say, has anybody got any plans specifically? Like, does anybody have anything on the summer agenda? Anyone you don't want to go in on? How, you know, like, whatever it is that you're thinking about, say it.

[Aaron Caro]

Well, that second part is the opinion. The operational. The op. What's the. What's the word? The operational phrase? Be the friend.

[Matt Ritter]

Operative. The operative.

[Aaron Caro]

Operative. Operative. Thank you. That's the number one tenant of the entire podcast, which is be the friend. Which is that, like, are you just sitting back while other people make plans? Well, why are they including you, then? Like, what are you doing for the summer? Are you getting a house? Are you planning a weekend? Are you getting tickets for Broadway show?

[Matt Ritter]

Well, can we back up for one sec? Do you believe that, like, quote, unquote, real friends automatically should include you in everything?

[Aaron Caro]

Well, we have talked about this. No, I mean, no. I mean, you do plenty of stuff without me. You do a couple stuff. You do kids stuff.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. I just don't think it's other people's obligation to always include you in everything and, you know, look, ideally, yeah, all your, you know, quote, unquote, good friends will include you and everything you want to be included in. But as you said, they may not even know you want to be included in that thing. For a variety of reasons or I hate to say it, the numbers may not work.

[Aaron Caro]

Numbers may not work. But if numbers don't. Don't work, you know, last one in, first one out, you know, you don't just cut anybody. You cut the one you don't want to. You know, you're not cutting me.

[Matt Ritter]

You're true, right? No. You got to know where you stand in. In friendship. Like it. There is something to be this K Rose. Like, you got to be self aware. You got to know where you stand. And sometimes this is a sign of like where I stand. I was like, oh, are we best friends? Well, if we were best friends, they would have maybe thought about me for this summer house that three other couples are in on, you know, but that is like when you are the planner and you are making the plans less likely to have that happen and you get to choose who's in your circle. So that's why I've always been a big fan of, you know, being the. You know, Jesse's a big planner. We're both big hosts. Hard to get iced out of things. You know, maybe you won't get to some specific thing that somebody else is doing, but you're crafting your own destiny.

[Aaron Caro]

No one can exclude you if you're making the plans.

[Matt Ritter]

Except if nobody comes and then they throw another party and then you're.

[Aaron Caro]

Nobody's arrival party. There was an episode. God, it's a deep cut of Married with Children. I know one of your favorite shows. Peg and Al went away. And what were the kids names?

[Matt Ritter]

Bud and Peggy. Bud

[Aaron Caro]

Christine Applegate, whatever her name was. Which by the way, her. Do you watch Landman? Yeah, it's like, you know that the daughter character is the same as. As Kelly Bundy. Kelly Bundy. Kelly.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, I can't believe.

[Aaron Caro]

So Kelly and Bud throw like an insane party and it like spirals out of control. And then there's like some like, you know, there's. You hear a news report like, parties are spreading along the eastern sea.

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, my God.

[Aaron Caro]

At least are starting back back parties to stop the parties from spreading. I just always remember that part.

[Matt Ritter]

That's hilarious.

[Aaron Caro]

The other thing is just another diagnosis here. Have you said no a lot? You know, as we know, I keep a list every year. Everyone I invited to my birthday party. It's my social inventory. My social.

[Matt Ritter]

Right.

[Aaron Caro]

You know, three years in a row, they don't come, you drop off.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, no, you're right. You could be the passive person where they're like, ah, he doesn't care he doesn't even care.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't even know. He doesn't even, like, have any talk.

[Matt Ritter]

Right, right. So, like, you go from being a core invite to, like, use the bonus, it becomes, like, whatever. So part of it is, like, claiming. Claiming your. Your stake, you know, like sticking your claim and your desire.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I mean.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. It's positioning. It's a little bit of friendship positioning.

[Aaron Caro]

Let's.

[Matt Ritter]

If you're treating yourself like you're a free agent, you're not really on the team.

[Aaron Caro]

You can't just show up in the transfer portal without. I don't know.

[Matt Ritter]

Right.

[Aaron Caro]

I mean, Matt, should you. Should you recount the famous story of when I came back from the summer of, I don't know, 1996?

[Matt Ritter]

Oh, yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

Came up to the beach.

[Matt Ritter]

We're hanging out on the beach. And Caro goes, I drink now so you can invite me to things.

[Alex Canceroitz]

And we did.

[Aaron Caro]

It worked.

[Matt Ritter]

It worked.

[Aaron Caro]

And it probably wouldn't. And it wouldn't have been your fault if you hadn't, because how would you know?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, actually, it worked. It worked. And then a year later, we were not even. A year later, the thud heard around the world. They rode through a full bottle when the cops were chasing us. Full.

[Aaron Caro]

Full Budweiser, but heavy. But heavy cannon.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. So, look, I think what we're saying is, you know, whoever plans first wins, you know?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. I think you got to take some of this friendship benching into your own hands.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah.

[Aaron Caro]

I think I focus a little too much on why it's happening and how to prevent it. But you're. You're. I think. Right. Just saying. Just. Just make your own plans and you'll be. You'll. You got to work your way back in the starting lineup.

[Matt Ritter]

Right. And I think a lot of times people get the regret, and it's like. Well, did you even act like you wanted to be, like, a core member of this crew, or are you only feeling the regret because you're seeing them do these things now?

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah. And also, are you fun? I don't know. That's what we try to. Are you. Are you a good time?

[Matt Ritter]

But that's why we always say go first. I mean, you know, it's like, that's the way. Showing up, being the friend. Like, we're not just saying this stuff because it's like a mantra or a cliche. We're saying it because we know that these are foolproof ways to make sure that you have ironclad good social fitness, and you have a calendar that is vibrant.

[Aaron Caro]

I Think, you know, bringing it back to cuffing season. Like, as the summer is coming, these plans are not going to come to you.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? That's so right because so, so many times where it's like, man, I. You know, we're all in that thing. I'm like, man, I wish I even thought of that. Like, that would have been fun. Or, like, wish I knew about that. It's like, yeah, they're not always coming to you. They're not always coming to you. Go out. Reach out. Reach out to the people that you want to spend the summer and do things. You want to go skiing. Reach out to the friends that you know who ski. Be like, you know what? We're. I think we want to do that. So if you're. If you're making plans, I would love to be in or be like, we were looking at a house. Would you be interested? Do the work.

[Aaron Caro]

I like you break your skiing when it's like, our summer episode. But do we?

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah. I don't know why. Just because there's, like, a lot of people teaching their kids how to ski now, and I'm having, like, a bit of an existential crisis because Jesse and I don't ski. And, like, do I want to have my kids be skiers? Are they going to be missing out on something in life? I don't know.

[Aaron Caro]

Yeah, listen, we know skiing should be illegal. And yes, as you. As, you know, a couple. A couple winners ago, I went to my friend's Aspen ski house. Everyone went skiing. I went snowshoeing because I don't like skiing, and I never got invited back.

[Matt Ritter]

That's hilarious.

[Aaron Caro]

And. And you know what? Self awareness fair. That's their thing. That's their vibe, is like, we are big ski people. Like, okay. Wasn't for me.

[Matt Ritter]

Right? It's okay to not snow shoehorn yourself in there. Oh, man. Oh, Lord.

[Aaron Caro]

All right, I think we answered the question. I think we covered Baba. That was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send it to us on Instagram. I just want to wish people, like, good cuffing season. I want to. I want to wish them luck and, like, going out there and making friends.

[Matt Ritter]

Yeah, let us know. Let us know how it goes.

[Aaron Caro]

Thank you so much for listening. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.

[Matt Ritter]

Love you, buddy.