Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode 180: TCS – Text Call See

Date: April 14, 2026
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo

Episode Overview

This episode returns to one of the podcast’s most popular and practical friendship systems: TCS—Text, Call, See. Matt and Aaron break down the fundamental question of how often friends should connect, revisit and debate the TCS rubric, and explore how to maintain meaningful friendships in busy adult lives. They also tackle a nuanced listener question about balancing friendship quality and quantity in adulthood.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reintroducing TCS: A Friendship Maintenance System

What is TCS?
- Text once a week, call once a month, see in person once a quarter.
- Designed to take the guesswork out of staying in touch—especially as adults drift apart due to life’s demands.
- “We called it TCS: Text Call See. People are always like, how often should I see my friends?... We made up an entirely invented standard…if you stick to these guidelines, you'll have healthy social fitness.” (Matt, 00:32)
Purpose:
- To counteract the “friendship recession,” where men are losing close connections as they age.
- It's a system—not a rigid rule, but a helpful template for connection.
- “If you text your buddy every eight days instead of every seven days, that's fine. We’re just trying to give you some guidelines.” (Aaron, 01:57)

2. Why Do We Need Systems?

Changing Defaults:
- In youth, friendship is easy and organic—college, first jobs, frequent proximity.
- With age, maintaining friendship requires intentionality.
- “We don't have any defaults for friendship...Someday...they wake up at 30, 35, 40, 50, 60, whatever, and go, I don't have any friends anymore. What happened? Well, you didn't bake in any default consistency, so now you are guessing.” (Matt, 03:05)
Friendship Myths:
- Men often believe less contact is normal/acceptable.
- “Guys are not so great at the whole keeping in touch, making plans thing...These are all our friendship myths. And they’re all wrong.” (Aaron, 04:14)
System = Security:
- Men love rubrics and clarity.
- “Whenever I tell people about it...because men love systems. Right?” (Aaron, 27:35)

3. Debating the ‘C’ in TCS: Should We Update the Rubric?

What’s Easiest vs. Hardest?
- Text: Frequent and effortless.
- Call: Most challenging—“Call? It's got to be the hardest one...the call part is a little bit more aspirational.” (Aaron, 05:23)
- See: In-person meetups can be sporadic but are important.
The Value of the Call:
- “The calls help in terms of tone, emotion, feelings, laughter. There's a little more human feeling.” (Matt, 05:41)
- Despite its difficulty, calling should be encouraged.
- “We can’t let our guys be like...they don’t [call]...I think men should be calling their buddies and just a quick check in.” (Aaron, 08:26)
Room for Flexibility:
- For those who won’t call: maybe consider a ‘Text-Text-See’ (TTS or TTC) system.
- Primary goal: keep friendships “alive and warm”—“Friendship defibrillators or friendship dialysis.” (Aaron, 10:13)
Purpose of Text Chains:
- Maintain low-pressure continuity.
- “The purpose of that text chain is low pressure continuity.” (Matt, 10:49)
In-Person Meetups Shouldn’t Just Be ‘Catch-Ups’:
- “I don't want the C to just be a catch up...It doesn't feel like a good friendship dynamic.” (Matt, 11:47)
- Strive for connection in the moment—future-focused, not always reminiscing. Referencing The Sopranos:
  - “Remember when is the lowest form of conversation.” (Tony Soprano, quoted by Matt, 13:00)

4. Listener Question: Quality vs. Quantity in Adult Friendships (16:44–29:02)

The Dilemma:
- “I have friends I genuinely care about, but between work and kids, I barely have energy to maintain TCS with even one person. Is the goal fewer friendships done well, or should I be trying to keep everyone alive socially?” (Listener, 16:44 read by Matt)
Hosts’ Advice:
- Prioritize fewer, higher-quality friendships.
- “Fewer friendships done well is where I would lean.” (Aaron, 17:26)
- But it's not either/or—outer circle friends can remain with less frequent touch, layered by tiers of engagement.
- “Those tiers don't need the same level of maintenance...TCS was about your close friends, not every friend.” (Matt, 18:10)
Friendship 'Triage':
- It’s OK to let some threads go cold, especially as time/energy are scarce (“In my short of time thing, I just don't respond to my outer text chains...Is that bad?” – Matt, 18:57)
- Focus on “the most important parts, the inner part, the most sensitive parts. And then the outer part, some of it will shed away.” (Aaron, 22:19)
Celebrate the High-Quality Friendship:
- Anecdote about Christina, a master at nurturing both new and old friends.
- “She's the doctor. She's got more friends than both of us combined...because she prioritizes it.” (Aaron, 24:06)
- Her technique: using car rides for friend calls—“Car rides are for friendship.” (Aaron, 24:30)
Group Hang Tip:
- Optimize your time: invite multiple friends over at once, or see a group (“get the crew together”).
- “Or get the crew together so you can see everybody at once.” (Aaron, 21:36)

5. Friendship is Dynamic: Seasons and Surface Connections

Friend circles change with life stages; it’s natural to focus inward during “busy seasons,” but try not to exclude anyone.
The outer ring can be nurtured through group events and occasional outreach.
“It is ever changing...seasons of friendship...So you focus on the most important parts, the inner part, the most sensitive parts. And then the outer part, some of it will shed away.” (Aaron, 22:05–22:19)
Group chats and parties are useful tools for maintaining low-touch friendships: “That's what those parties are good for, too...ran into a bunch of people. That was my way of keeping those friendships alive socially.” (Matt, 28:42)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

TCS System Summed Up:
- “Text, once a week. Call, once a month. See, once a quarter.” (Matt, 00:35)
On Why It Matters:
- “We don't have any defaults for friendship...we're just giving you a box to put it in because there isn't any.” (Matt, 03:05)
Friendship Myths Addressed:
- “Guys are not so great at the whole keeping in touch, making plans thing...these are all our friendship myths. And they're all wrong. We've proven them wrong over time.” (Aaron, 04:14)
On Avoiding the ‘Catch-Up’ Trap:
- “Remember when is the lowest form of conversation.” (Matt quoting The Sopranos, 13:00)
- “We say old friends, new memories.” (Aaron, 13:08)
Friendship as Structure:
- “Friendship is an important structure, part of your life, so you shouldn't get rid of everybody.” (Aaron, 26:22)
Practical Wisdom:
- “Car rides are for friendship.” (Aaron, 24:30)
- “[Texts] are kind of like friendship defibrillators or friendship dialysis.” (Aaron, 10:13)
High-Class Problems:
- “High class problem. You know, there's obviously people struggling to have any friends.” (Aaron, 26:22)

Timestamps for Important Segments

TCS System Introduction: 00:32–02:25
Why Friendship Needs Systems: 03:00–04:43
Easiest vs. Hardest Parts of TCS: 05:00–06:20
Inevitability of Adulthood Drift & Text Chains: 08:20–11:47
“Catch-up Hangouts” vs. Present-Moment Connection: 11:47–13:08
Listener’s Question (“Quantity vs. Quality?”): 16:44–29:02
Using Car Rides for Friendship: 24:06–24:33
Friendship as a Dynamic, Tiered Process: 22:05–22:32; 28:01–28:50

Conclusions & Takeaways

Stick with TCS—But Personalize It:
- Weekly texts, monthly calls, quarterly hangs work for most, but adjust if needed. Calling is challenging, but do it when you can—voice matters!
Don’t Let the ‘C’ Be Just a Catch-Up:
- Use calls/texts to keep the relationship warm, so in-person time is about shared experience, not just bullet-point life updates.
Focus on Quality Over Quantity:
- Maintain close friends with high-touch; allow for lighter connections with broader group via text chains, groups, or occasional events.
Friendship Takes Work (But It's Worth It):
- “Friendship is an important structure of your life...You shouldn't get rid of everybody.”
Everyone Has Time—Look for Creative Solutions:
- Use car rides, group hangs, even quick texts to keep connections strong.

“Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you buddy.”
—Aaron Karo (32:12)

Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode 180: TCS – Text Call See

Date: April 14, 2026
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reintroducing TCS: A Friendship Maintenance System

What is TCS?
- Text once a week, call once a month, see in person once a quarter.
- Designed to take the guesswork out of staying in touch—especially as adults drift apart due to life’s demands.
- “We called it TCS: Text Call See. People are always like, how often should I see my friends?... We made up an entirely invented standard…if you stick to these guidelines, you'll have healthy social fitness.” (Matt, 00:32)
Purpose:
- To counteract the “friendship recession,” where men are losing close connections as they age.
- It's a system—not a rigid rule, but a helpful template for connection.
- “If you text your buddy every eight days instead of every seven days, that's fine. We’re just trying to give you some guidelines.” (Aaron, 01:57)

2. Why Do We Need Systems?

Changing Defaults:
- In youth, friendship is easy and organic—college, first jobs, frequent proximity.
- With age, maintaining friendship requires intentionality.
- “We don't have any defaults for friendship...Someday...they wake up at 30, 35, 40, 50, 60, whatever, and go, I don't have any friends anymore. What happened? Well, you didn't bake in any default consistency, so now you are guessing.” (Matt, 03:05)
Friendship Myths:
- Men often believe less contact is normal/acceptable.
- “Guys are not so great at the whole keeping in touch, making plans thing...These are all our friendship myths. And they’re all wrong.” (Aaron, 04:14)
System = Security:
- Men love rubrics and clarity.
- “Whenever I tell people about it...because men love systems. Right?” (Aaron, 27:35)

3. Debating the ‘C’ in TCS: Should We Update the Rubric?

What’s Easiest vs. Hardest?
- Text: Frequent and effortless.
- Call: Most challenging—“Call? It's got to be the hardest one...the call part is a little bit more aspirational.” (Aaron, 05:23)
- See: In-person meetups can be sporadic but are important.
The Value of the Call:
- “The calls help in terms of tone, emotion, feelings, laughter. There's a little more human feeling.” (Matt, 05:41)
- Despite its difficulty, calling should be encouraged.
- “We can’t let our guys be like...they don’t [call]...I think men should be calling their buddies and just a quick check in.” (Aaron, 08:26)
Room for Flexibility:
- For those who won’t call: maybe consider a ‘Text-Text-See’ (TTS or TTC) system.
- Primary goal: keep friendships “alive and warm”—“Friendship defibrillators or friendship dialysis.” (Aaron, 10:13)
Purpose of Text Chains:
- Maintain low-pressure continuity.
- “The purpose of that text chain is low pressure continuity.” (Matt, 10:49)
In-Person Meetups Shouldn’t Just Be ‘Catch-Ups’:
- “I don't want the C to just be a catch up...It doesn't feel like a good friendship dynamic.” (Matt, 11:47)
- Strive for connection in the moment—future-focused, not always reminiscing. Referencing The Sopranos:
  - “Remember when is the lowest form of conversation.” (Tony Soprano, quoted by Matt, 13:00)

4. Listener Question: Quality vs. Quantity in Adult Friendships (16:44–29:02)

The Dilemma:
- “I have friends I genuinely care about, but between work and kids, I barely have energy to maintain TCS with even one person. Is the goal fewer friendships done well, or should I be trying to keep everyone alive socially?” (Listener, 16:44 read by Matt)
Hosts’ Advice:
- Prioritize fewer, higher-quality friendships.
- “Fewer friendships done well is where I would lean.” (Aaron, 17:26)
- But it's not either/or—outer circle friends can remain with less frequent touch, layered by tiers of engagement.
- “Those tiers don't need the same level of maintenance...TCS was about your close friends, not every friend.” (Matt, 18:10)
Friendship 'Triage':
- It’s OK to let some threads go cold, especially as time/energy are scarce (“In my short of time thing, I just don't respond to my outer text chains...Is that bad?” – Matt, 18:57)
- Focus on “the most important parts, the inner part, the most sensitive parts. And then the outer part, some of it will shed away.” (Aaron, 22:19)
Celebrate the High-Quality Friendship:
- Anecdote about Christina, a master at nurturing both new and old friends.
- “She's the doctor. She's got more friends than both of us combined...because she prioritizes it.” (Aaron, 24:06)
- Her technique: using car rides for friend calls—“Car rides are for friendship.” (Aaron, 24:30)
Group Hang Tip:
- Optimize your time: invite multiple friends over at once, or see a group (“get the crew together”).
- “Or get the crew together so you can see everybody at once.” (Aaron, 21:36)

5. Friendship is Dynamic: Seasons and Surface Connections

Friend circles change with life stages; it’s natural to focus inward during “busy seasons,” but try not to exclude anyone.
The outer ring can be nurtured through group events and occasional outreach.
“It is ever changing...seasons of friendship...So you focus on the most important parts, the inner part, the most sensitive parts. And then the outer part, some of it will shed away.” (Aaron, 22:05–22:19)
Group chats and parties are useful tools for maintaining low-touch friendships: “That's what those parties are good for, too...ran into a bunch of people. That was my way of keeping those friendships alive socially.” (Matt, 28:42)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

TCS System Summed Up:
- “Text, once a week. Call, once a month. See, once a quarter.” (Matt, 00:35)
On Why It Matters:
- “We don't have any defaults for friendship...we're just giving you a box to put it in because there isn't any.” (Matt, 03:05)
Friendship Myths Addressed:
- “Guys are not so great at the whole keeping in touch, making plans thing...these are all our friendship myths. And they're all wrong. We've proven them wrong over time.” (Aaron, 04:14)
On Avoiding the ‘Catch-Up’ Trap:
- “Remember when is the lowest form of conversation.” (Matt quoting The Sopranos, 13:00)
- “We say old friends, new memories.” (Aaron, 13:08)
Friendship as Structure:
- “Friendship is an important structure, part of your life, so you shouldn't get rid of everybody.” (Aaron, 26:22)
Practical Wisdom:
- “Car rides are for friendship.” (Aaron, 24:30)
- “[Texts] are kind of like friendship defibrillators or friendship dialysis.” (Aaron, 10:13)
High-Class Problems:
- “High class problem. You know, there's obviously people struggling to have any friends.” (Aaron, 26:22)

Timestamps for Important Segments

TCS System Introduction: 00:32–02:25
Why Friendship Needs Systems: 03:00–04:43
Easiest vs. Hardest Parts of TCS: 05:00–06:20
Inevitability of Adulthood Drift & Text Chains: 08:20–11:47
“Catch-up Hangouts” vs. Present-Moment Connection: 11:47–13:08
Listener’s Question (“Quantity vs. Quality?”): 16:44–29:02
Using Car Rides for Friendship: 24:06–24:33
Friendship as a Dynamic, Tiered Process: 22:05–22:32; 28:01–28:50

Conclusions & Takeaways

Stick with TCS—But Personalize It:
- Weekly texts, monthly calls, quarterly hangs work for most, but adjust if needed. Calling is challenging, but do it when you can—voice matters!
Don’t Let the ‘C’ Be Just a Catch-Up:
- Use calls/texts to keep the relationship warm, so in-person time is about shared experience, not just bullet-point life updates.
Focus on Quality Over Quantity:
- Maintain close friends with high-touch; allow for lighter connections with broader group via text chains, groups, or occasional events.
Friendship Takes Work (But It's Worth It):
- “Friendship is an important structure of your life...You shouldn't get rid of everybody.”
Everyone Has Time—Look for Creative Solutions:
- Use car rides, group hangs, even quick texts to keep connections strong.

“Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you buddy.”
—Aaron Karo (32:12)

wavePod

#180 - TCS - Text Call See

Summary

Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode 180: TCS – Text Call See

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reintroducing TCS: A Friendship Maintenance System

2. Why Do We Need Systems?

3. Debating the ‘C’ in TCS: Should We Update the Rubric?

4. Listener Question: Quality vs. Quantity in Adult Friendships (16:44–29:02)

5. Friendship is Dynamic: Seasons and Surface Connections

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Timestamps for Important Segments

Conclusions & Takeaways

Transcript

Summary

Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode 180: TCS – Text Call See

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reintroducing TCS: A Friendship Maintenance System

2. Why Do We Need Systems?

3. Debating the ‘C’ in TCS: Should We Update the Rubric?

4. Listener Question: Quality vs. Quantity in Adult Friendships (16:44–29:02)

5. Friendship is Dynamic: Seasons and Surface Connections

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Timestamps for Important Segments

Conclusions & Takeaways