#182 - Brutal Honesty

Summary

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Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode #182: Brutal Honesty

Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo
Date: April 28, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode titled "Brutal Honesty," Matt and Aaron explore the tricky boundary between being a supportive friend and providing candid, sometimes tough, advice. They dissect the nuances of when to affirm a friend's choices versus when a reality check is necessary, drawing from decades of friendship, professional experience, and listener questions. The discussion winds through classic friendship dilemmas, especially in career and relationships, ultimately tackling the essential skill sets of giving—and receiving—constructive feedback.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining ‘Brutal Honesty’ in Friendship

[00:21–03:24]

• The impetus for the episode: Navigating situations where a friend asks for advice, but really seeks affirmation.
• Matt: “We’re calling it ‘brutal honesty,’ but it’s about the fine line between being a supportive friend and providing a necessary reality check.”
• Insight: Good friendship isn’t just about cheerleading; it’s knowing when and how to offer hard truths.

2. Personal Evolution in Giving Advice

[01:36–02:11]

• Aaron: “I have a much better handle on these situations than I did 10 or 20 years ago. I would always lean towards brutal honesty... but now I realize that’s not always serving them.”
• Both hosts reflect on their changing attitudes: transitioning from always being “brutally honest” to being more discerning and empathetic.

3. Understanding Context and Roles

[03:24–08:23]

• Recognizing that the context (career, relationships) and the nature of the friendship shape how advice should be given.
• Aaron: “One, I think to myself, am I even qualified to answer this?” [06:27]
• Matt: “Before you get it right, you need to know the friend…their sensitivities…and what they actually want.”
• Importance of knowing the stakes and how close you are to the person seeking advice.

4. Relationship Advice: Treading Carefully

[03:57–05:11]

• Both agree that honesty about significant others is often unwelcome and can end friendships.
• Matt: “It’s very hard for people to [give honest feedback about relationships]. It’s not realistic to expect your friends to do that.”
• Aaron: “You get to say it once and never again.”

5. Career Advice: The Need for (Constructive) Candor

[05:24–15:53]

• In contrast to relationships, friends typically value more direct feedback for career decisions.
• Aaron: Offers a checklist for giving advice:
  • Am I qualified?
  • What's my relationship to the asker?
  • Are they actually going to listen?
  • Is my advice actionable?
  • What do they really want?
  • What are the stakes?
• Matt: Emphasizes asking the friend what kind of notes they want—e.g., “Where are you in the process? Are you looking for brutal honesty or specific tweaks?” [11:13]

Notable Quote:

“Flipping it back on them makes it easier. Now you’re out of the accidental doghouse you could have gotten yourself in.” — Matt [11:50]

6. Sensitivity and Actionability

[12:43–14:01]

• Some friends are too sensitive for harsh truths—know your audience.
• Only provide advice that’s actionable; don’t give impossible, unrealistic suggestions (e.g., “just quit your job” when that’s not feasible).
• Matt: “That’s negligent friendship—telling people to detonate their life without real consideration.” [13:55]

7. How to Frame Constructive Criticism

[21:18–25:49]

• Tactic: Ask probing questions rather than blunt rejections (“How will you make money? Who’s your competition?”).
• When your professional or personal roles as a friend diverge, clarify: “Do you want my friend hat on or my investor hat on?” [24:54]
• Always start with something positive when giving notes.
• Aaron: “Start positive. You always start with: I like this about this…”

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Listener Question: Should I Encourage My Friend’s Bad Startup Idea?

[18:40–25:30]

Summary of the dilemma

A listener writes in: His close friend wants to quit his job and start an app. The idea isn’t great and lacks experience, but the friend is enthusiastic. Should he encourage the dream or deliver a tough truth?

Hosts’ Responses & Guidance

• Matt splits the question into two responsibilities:
  • Encourage your friend’s dreams: Yes.
  • Give a reality check: Also yes, but be gentle.
• Both recommend:
  • Ask the friend clarifying questions to help them self-evaluate (“What’s your plan for competition? How will you monetize?”).
  • Gauge the stakes—if the risk is substantial (big financial commitment, quitting a job), you’re more obligated to give honest feedback.
  • Distinguish between signaling support and supplying practical market feedback.

Notable Quote:

“Just remember this is your friend and your relationship matters more than probably whatever this career advice thing is.” — Matt [31:51]

Advice for the Listener:

• Help your friend “crystallize their own thinking” rather than issuing verdicts.
• If the decision could be destructive, don’t be afraid to offer a gentle reality check out of care.

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Giving and Receiving Feedback: Managing Defensiveness

[26:32–27:42]

• Being defensive is natural for most people—it’s how you manage it that counts.

  • Aaron: “God, I have so much respect for people who don’t get defensive—those really good note takers.”
  • Matt: “I think we all feel defensive. It’s our natural inclination.”

• Good friendship and teamwork require both honest giving and graceful receiving of feedback.

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Practical Advice & Pro Tips

[28:46–31:31]

• Matt’s advice:
  • Be specific in your ask when seeking help: “People are less likely to help if they don’t know the specific ask.”
• Aaron’s advice:
  • Help people envision their future self: “If you do this and one year from now X happens, are you going to regret it?”

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Philosophical Takeaways: Self-Determination & Making Mistakes

[32:36–34:21]

• Some lessons must be learned firsthand; people often need to “figure it out on their own.”
• Parenting analogy: You set boundaries but cannot control children’s choices any more than you can dictate friends’ actions.
  • Aaron: “You can’t keep humans from making their own choices.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Flipping it back on them makes it easier. Now you’re out of the accidental doghouse.” — Matt [11:50]
• “If someone asked me for advice, the first thing I ask is, am I qualified to give this advice?” — Aaron [06:27]
• “That’s negligent friendship—telling people to detonate their life without real consideration.” — Matt [13:55]
• “Start positive. You always start with: I like this about this…” — Aaron [25:49]
• “Just remember this is your friend and your relationship matters more than probably whatever this career advice thing is.” — Matt [31:51]
• “Some people just need to figure it out on their own.” — Aaron [32:36]
• “You can’t give people advice that they’re gonna take.” — Matt [34:29]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:21–03:24] — Defining brutal honesty and conflicting advice duties
• [05:24–11:50] — How to check in with your friend about what they really want
• [11:50–14:01] — Sensitivity, actionability, and boundaries with advice
• [18:40–25:30] — Listener question: Should I crush my friend’s dream?
• [25:49–27:42] — Handling defensive reactions to feedback
• [28:46–31:31] — Pro tips for giving and seeking advice
• [32:36–34:21] — Sometimes, people need to make mistakes themselves

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Final Takeaways

The art of advice in friendship is a delicate one. Matt and Aaron advocate for context-aware, kind-but-candid conversation—supported by listening, self-awareness, and respect for what a friend actually wants and needs. In matters of high stakes, gentle honesty is a must; but often, helping a friend discover the answer for themselves is the best gift you can give.

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Connect: Send your dilemmas to @manoftheyearpodcast on Instagram for a chance to be featured!
Reminder: “Be good to yourself. Be good to your friends.”

Transcript

[A]

Man of the year.

[B]

Man of the Year. Man of the Year. Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Matt Ritter.

[A]

I'm Aaron Caro.

[B]

Guys, go to manoftheapodcast.com or our YouTube channel. Check us out. Buy our merch. I mean, support us. You've been supporting us, and we appreciate it. Don't stop now. Cairo. I had a. Had an interesting scenario. I don't want to really get too deep into it, but it was kind of one of those situations where a friend was asking for advice but really just wanted kind of blind support. And, you know, we talked about it as something that happens frequently. So this episode is about. We're calling it brutal honesty, but it's about this fine line between being a good, loyal, faithful, supportive friend who listens to and supports and is the cheerleader and inner circle and all that stuff, versus giving your friends necessary and important reality check, which is also part of being a good friend. So I wanted to talk about, you know, kind of where that line lies. How do we navigate that? Why do we think it's important to do one versus the other? What's your kind of immediate reaction to that?

[A]

Yeah, I think this is something that comes up a lot and that I feel like that I have learned over time, like how I handled those situations and decisions 10, 20 years ago is different than when I handled it now. I think I have a much better handle on. I think I would always lean towards brutal honesty, which, you know, you want a friend who you can come to for the straight dope, as it were. But now I realize that that is not even. That's not even serving them.

[B]

I've also evolved, I think, too, you know, I've been on both ends of it. Right. Especially in the creative field. You get a lot of people reading your stuff, reviewing your stuff, giving you feedback and asking you to do the same. And sometimes they want your brutal, honest feedback, sometimes they don't. And that goes way beyond. I think that's the lesson I learned from doing what we do is I think it's very applicable to any relationship, any industry outside the creative fields is that you may think that you need to just give the honest feedback, but that is not the be all and end all of most asks. Right, Is what you're saying. It's like that's not really always what it's about. So I think it's even more important than getting it right is before you get it right, you need to know the friend and you need to know, like, their sensitivities and what they actually want and figure out whether what you're giving them actually services that. I think that's one side of it. But the other side is like, how do you do that in a way that actually helps them if you're objectively like, this isn't going to help just fluffing them.

[A]

Right. I mean, yeah, Obviously, so much of it is context dependent. Also, a lot of it depends on. Do they gonna. Are they gonna listen to you? Even if you gave them the straight dope, if they don't actually take that advice, then you're sort of. It's sort of pointless. So I. Can we just talk about the different examples? You have creative field, you have significant other stuff. Are those basically the two main buckets? Job stuff.

[B]

Job stuff. Professional stuff, Relationship stuff for sure are the main ones.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I think it's like career advice and

[A]

relationship advice advice, Right?

[B]

Pretty much. And relationship advice. They're never going to listen to you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like, it's like, how many experiences have you had where you're like, they're not gonna listen to me anyway. I'm not sure I should tell them the honest truth. The honest truth's gonna end our relationship, so never mind. Let them just figure out that person sucks. And then if I didn't tell them, then great, then they'll still be friends with me because if I tell them that they're gonna marry that person, then we won't talk for 10 years and. And then they'll get divorced. And then they'll be like, you were right.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I think we've covered the relationship aspect of it. You know me, sometimes I. My. My thing was just you get to say it once and then never again. Or maybe you said that. I don't remember.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Got to be very careful with that. But so, okay. So personal. Let's. Let's set aside the one we've already covered. And I think people have heard enough about friends being honest with their friends about relationships, because we know the answer is just don't be honest. Yeah. It would be nice if one person in your group is the honest one to tell you that person sucks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's very hard. It's very hard for people to do that. It's not realistic to expect your friends to give you the honest feedback after you've already said, oh, I really like this person. What do you think?

[A]

Mm. Mm.

[B]

Because that's how it always comes in. It's always like, I think this is the one. What do you think? Well, yeah. I could see that for you. Yeah, I could see that for you.

[A]

I could see that for you. So that's even worse. That's.

[B]

But, so, so, but, but the advice stuff, right? If you're really trying to help somebody career wise, it's not great to just fluff them and tell them, yeah, you're great, you're amazing, whatever you're doing is perfect. And I don't think most people who come to others for career advice want pure fluff. So let's just say that. Do you agree with that?

[A]

Yeah, I think so. I mean, I think as you were talking, I was just running through a checklist of where when someone asks me for advice, my mental checklist one, I think to myself, am I even qualified to answer this? You know, sometimes if you or others ask me a Daryl, this is what

[B]

the kids do when you say something profound.

[A]

Oh, wow, Matt's snapping. You can Watch this on YouTube. Matt has not snapped in about.

[B]

Never done that. Never done that.

[A]

Wow. Wow. 1 182. You know, I think that's a genius thing.

[B]

Can we just stop there for a second?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You said something awesome that I think everybody needs to hear to say it again.

[A]

If someone asked me for advice, the first thing I ask is, am I qualified? Qualified? Someone asked me for advice, the first thing I ask is, am I qualified to give this advice?

[B]

Ding, ding, ding.

[A]

You know, because we live in a world of fake experts and friends saying they know this, they know that, but no one knows Jack.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So, you know, I've definitely gotten questions, entertainment industry questions and I'm just like, I don't know the answer to this. Like, I. What did, what did X. What, what did X persons think? Yeah, so, so that's one. Number two, what is my role? So the closer you are to somebody, it's almost your. Like if someone asks you for advice and you're in your sort of outer circle, it almost carries more weight because like they're coming to you for a specific reason as opposed to just going to the person who your best friend ask them because they're just your best friend. So like, what, what is my relationship to the advice asker? Are they going to listen if I tell them? If, if I give them advice? Can. Is it. Is advice in this situation even actionable? And then what do they actually want here? Or are they. I think I'm a lot better at realizing, oh, they just want to like be. What's it called when you, when you sort of confirm their buy?

[B]

Right. They just want to be Affirmed or confirmed or.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like in their own decision making, they just want a little bit of affirmation that their thinking is correct.

[A]

Exactly. One last thing, which is that what are the stakes here? Like, this person, like, well, I'm not sure if I should move to another city or not or quit my job. Well, now I'm going to really think about this here. Maybe I lean more toward brutal honesty. Or if they're like, yeah, I'm thinking about getting this different car or asking for a raise, then stakes are lower.

[B]

I like a lot of what you just said there, especially the stakes one. You're right. Because if the stakes are high, your obligation to be more leaning into the brutal honesty is important. Even though I just said you have to lie about relationships, that's the most important one. And yet we don't give our friends the ability to be honest with us.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

You know, that's just the way society works. Right. It's like, I wish you could tell your friends, you know, the truth about their, you know, potential significant others. But it's just very. That's a very hard one. So we're just, we're just putting that aside because we know how the world works. But what you're saying is interesting because you're saying if it's like, okay, I don't think they should take this job because it's going to be 10 years of their life misery. I gotta tell him it's a mistake.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You know, and, and I sort of. I said this just earlier. Like, sometimes I will also ask, like, what did it, what did Matt say? What did Jeff say? What did the other people say? So I can get a sense of what, you know, other people are, you know, giving advice. Then the other question is like, will this person receive it? Are they. I was just having a conversation with best friend Mike. Best friend Mike was, was, was being pretty, pretty open, vulnerable. He's like, you know, I get defensive a lot. I gotta stop being there. And I think, you know, I called

[B]

him for some advice because he's good with like director lists and stuff. You know, he's like, good guy for that.

[A]

So what kind of did he. Was he brutally honest? He's quit the business.

[B]

Yeah. No, no, give me good advice. I mean, I was. It didn't need to be, you know, fluff me or not fluff me.

[A]

Right. But by the way, that's. Even though you guys are good friends.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, that was a one step removed phone call of like, oh, like, I'm sure Mike was like, oh, he's calling me. This is not like he doesn't call

[B]

me every day, right.

[A]

So, like, I need to, like, really give good advice.

[B]

Yeah. And he did. What was I gonna say? I had two thoughts. One is like, tips that I, I do in this situation. One of them is, you know, I do this in the creative field for script nodes. But I do think this is applicable. We could, we could transfer what I do. Maybe you do it too. I've got, I think I learned it from Jeremy or somebody thought I didn't, I didn't know it inherently. When I now give notes, I go, what kind of notes are you looking for? Where are you in the process? Because if somebody already thinks they're about to hand in the assignment, right? If somebody already is like on the one yard line, they're not asking for brutal honesty and like redo this whole thing. And that's where people get really hurt. If I read a script, even if I don't think it's, you know, where I would want it, if I ask them first, where are you in the process? And they go, I'm just looking for dialogue notes. Just going to stick to dialogue notes, right? So if somebody says, hey, what do you think of this? And they go, hey, I'm buying this house. We're through escrow. I wanted you to come do the walkthrough with me. Don't tell them you don't like the house. It's too late, right? That's not the time for that. That's not what they're asking. They want little details of like, oh, you could, oh, you could put a couch in that room. Or you could, oh, you know, you could actually, you know, change the layout of this and use this as your office. That's what they're looking for.

[A]

I love that. Let's add that to the list of things that you should do if you're being asked for advice. I love that. Matt. I asked them, are you looking for brutal honesty? Do you want a specific advice?

[B]

Totally. Flipping it back on them makes it easier. Now you're out of the. Now you're out of the accidental doghouse. You could have gotten yourself in for no reason.

[A]

So this happens to me a lot. I would say about once a quarter for the past 25 years, a girl will come up to me and be like, hey, my friends think I'm really funny and gr. Give great dating advice. I want to write a book. And they're always, they're always like, oh, my God. My friends think I Give such good advice. And I'm so funny. And then, and, and then I always, I say, do you want support? Do you want brutal honesty? Do you want. And, and they're like, no, no, tell me like it is. I'm like, everybody says that.

[B]

Yeah, the caro bomb detonating in this girl's ego space.

[A]

Well then I'm always like, well, do you have a social following? You want to start Instagram? They're like, no. Well, I don't know what to tell you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

Look, and some people are going to be in their own delusions. Other people, like, like you said, like, knowing them, let's get back to the sensitivities of it. Some people you just know are too sensitive to give them the straight truth anyway. So you never would just based on, you know. But other people, like, I feel like I have very thick skinned and so I'm prone to people giving me brutally like, honest stuff all the time. And it's like, you know, I'm human.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you prick me, do I not bleed?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[B]

Oh, the sensitivity thing. Oh, what you said, is it actionable? I want to talk about that. Like, when you're the advice giver, think about whether what Kro just said, think about whether the advice is actionable. Don't give somebody advice that they couldn't actually take.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Really? Let's think of an example. Or like maybe it's like a house thing. It's like, no, you should buy that house. Like, that's not my price range. So why are you telling me this? Right?

[A]

Or telling someone, just quit your job? Like, well, I need to pay my rent.

[B]

Just quit your job. Right. That's like dangerously not actually. It's like, that's negligent friendship.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like telling people to detonate. And I think that's what happens like when we are honest of like in relationship. Oh, detonate your marriage. Well, easy for you to say. You don't have kids. Like,

[A]

you know, one, one thing I find myself giving advice to. I'm curious what you think because this is involved in your like, legal stuff. Like people are often asking like, what I should ask for. Not people are asking me, carol, what should I ask for here? I got this offer for X dollars, whatever. And I feel like when I'm giving advice, I'm always like, dude, you got to ask for way more than you think.

[B]

Well, I have intel on these things. So when people ask me, it's different because I tell people, look, this is the outer bound. I'm telling you right now, if you go beyond that, you will blow it up. You think you're worth that? Do it. But I'm giving you professional advice based on years of experience. They don't listen to me anyway. The one that drives me crazy. Work wise, I tell people, do not quit your job. Do not quit your job. Do not quit your job. And then they quit their job before they have the next job. And then it just makes it a million times harder to land a job. And I understand, look, I've quit my job, but I was miserable. And I know sometimes you have to do it, but if you're in the headspace where you don't have to do it, where you could survive until you land the next job, like I tell people, do that because it's just going to make getting the next job that much harder.

[A]

Right. But you know, occasionally like I have a friend get a job offer or like some side gig and I'm like, just ask because I, I saw some tick tock ones and just like think about what you think you should get and then double it. I mean some. I guess there's a scenario where the person could be like, how dare you? Job done.

[B]

It happens more than you think.

[A]

Yeah, but that's in your field.

[B]

I think that's in a lot of fields because it has a certain blacked outness to it when people ask for something out of the bounds of the expectation.

[A]

Yeah, but sometimes they go, okay, no, I agree.

[B]

But I'm saying there is also the risk if they go, you know what? This person's too far apart. Goodbye. Yeah, I've seen it happen. Anyway, should we take a listener question?

[A]

Guys? We will be right back with a listener question.

[C]

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[A]

this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram at Man of the Year podcast and we will answer it on the show. Matthew, Take it away.

[B]

Hey Matt and Caro. I'm in a tough spot with a close friend. I work in tech and he recently told me he wants to quit his job and start an app. He's been sending me pitch decks asking me for feedback because he knows I've been around the startup world for a while. The issue is oof oof. The idea isn't very good and he doesn't have the experience to pull it off. I can tell he's excited. I don't want to crush that, but when he asks me what I think, I feel like I'm either lying or about to be brutally Honest as a friend, is it your job to encourage someone's dream or tell them the truth if you think it's a bad idea?

[A]

Wow, great question.

[B]

And think about how many people are, like, living this right now.

[A]

Great question. You know, also very applicable to us. Oh, I have this TV idea. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, it's a really interesting one because you don't always know. Like, sometimes turns, you know, sometimes even with my own stuff, I'm like, oh, they're not gonna like this. Oh, totally.

[B]

Like, that's a bit ego. I was gonna say the question. The question and writer. It's like, it felt like a little bit of ego involved because he's in the space.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, people are vibe coding left and right now, doctors are winning. Um, what do you call those? App offs.

[A]

Hackathons.

[B]

Hackathons. App offs. App offs.

[A]

I mean, you just used vibe coding hackathons and app offs in 10 seconds. I don't need my head spinning.

[B]

I'm saying. But now the bar. I think there's a little ego in that statement because the bar to creating a quote unquote app, you know, is. Is, I don't know, a thousand times lower than it was two years ago.

[A]

Yeah, but you've definitely got. Both of us have gotten questions from civilians, AKA people not in entertainment. Hey, I got this idea, have the script, and you're just like, this is nothing. This is nothing.

[B]

Right, I know, I know. But the question. There were two questions in there. One is, should you. Is it your job as a friend to encourage someone's dream? I think the answer is yes to that first part of it.

[A]

Okay, well, remind me what the second question was.

[B]

Well, the second question is whether or not he should tell him it's a bad idea. I'm saying I think these are two separate questions. Is. My point is you can actually separate this out. One, it is our job to encourage our friends. Dreams. That's part of being a good friend. But there are ways to do that, I think, and give, you know, somewhat of a reality check without hurting this person. Person.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. And let's assume that these people are good friends. Let's assume that the. The asker actually does want some advice, but is also super jazzed about this.

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

I think this is maybe potentially a phrasing thing where I wouldn't say, what a idea you.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

I would say, well, how are you going to make money here? What about these three apps that are competing? What's your go to market strategy?

[B]

Right, exactly. And if you start with you know, I love you. I'd love to see you succeed at this. I really, I, I'm excited for you that you found something you're passionate about. I think that's great. In my experience, there are a lot of steps that need to be done and boxes you have to check and. But I also say this. Can you tell me if you like this one? I usually say just because when I'm being critical, I just, I just go, look, this is just one idiot's opinion.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I mean we get that a lot. Like, you know, if other people, especially in scripts. So if other people disagree and what do I know? Like, you know, ultimately there is no, there is no right answer, you know. Yeah, I think I would do what you said, but in reverse. If you start with listen man, I love you, then that means this idea is garbage. I would start with the questions.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Okay, so what's your plan to do here? Okay, what are you gonna do about UberEats which already exists. Then they'll start to think about them. Something go, listen man, I love you. I'm down to do. I think usually they figure it out themselves.

[B]

But don't you think most of the time people asking anyway? Most of the time, what percentage of time when people are asking your advice, they don't actually want your opinion? They already know what they're going to do anyway.

[A]

Well, wasn't your whole thing that people don't ask advice for the advice?

[B]

No, they, they don't. It's, it's really to, to confirm where their head is at, to help them crystallize their own thinking. I think the best advice is the one that help you crystallize your own thinking because that's what you really need.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, all day we're sorry, all day we're asking for, you know, in our. What should we send in this email, blah, blah, blah. No, I think that you're. Listen, here's the other thing. Is this guy putting his a million dollars of his parents nest egg in this thing, Right.

[B]

When you talk about stakes. Stakes, stakes very much matter if he's quitting his job and he's going all in on an app that you think is a bad idea? Yes. I think you're obligated as his friend to give him a little reality check.

[A]

Yeah. But you can also say, no, I

[B]

love you, but before we go down a big financial road, you know, I just don't want to see you get hurt. I don't want to see your financial situation be in trouble. Let's Just ask these questions right now.

[A]

Let me, let me, let me tweak this because we, you know, we work in the biz. People come to us for their, for their, for their biz questions. The. In the biz, it's a little harder because like, I don't know any script. I could say a script is dog and like it could itself.

[B]

I know, I know. Look, can you say, are you asking as a friend or for my business, you know, like experience?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Do you want my friend hat on or do you want my investor hat on?

[A]

Well, that's interesting because that I, that's

[B]

why I'm saying, like, if you want me to wear my friend hat. Look, I think, you know, it's a cool idea and I love the way you're thinking about the world and I think you are solving a problem. If I throw my investor hat on, I did have five other people in the space kind of hit me up with a somewhat similar. I'm not saying it's the exact same thing, but I told them it's a crowded space and you know, VCs are not throwing money at these kinds of things.

[A]

Right now we should talk about the rule of thumb for giving notes on scripts. Can people can, can use it in their work. Start positive. Yeah, right. You always start with. I like this about this. Oh, I love this line. This joke was great. I love this fire.

[B]

Adam has a great stock, you know, way that he starts all of his. I feel.

[A]

Oh, yeah. He goes. I was gasping for air. That's how. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

He starts with a very effusive laughter based comment.

[A]

Yeah. And then he goes, but kill yourself because the rest of his. Happy birthday to Fireball.

[B]

Not my scripts. And Happy birthday, Brian, your old roomie.

[A]

Who, who's who?

[B]

What? Brian Rose.

[A]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. It's not today, but my.

[B]

Nothing. Well, well, it's going to be this weekend and we're recording this weekend, so.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're right, you're right, you're right. Yeah. So start positive. Now, should we talk about what happens if they get defensive?

[B]

They're gonna get defensive. So yeah, we should talk about it.

[A]

God, I have so much respect for people who don't get defensive. Those really good note takers.

[B]

It's impossible.

[A]

No, our buddy, our buddy Pat. That's why he's crushing it. He just receives it, everything.

[B]

Listen, I take very, I, I receive notes very well, but I'm saying it's impossible to not feel defensive. That's how you react to it. I Think we all feel defensive.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know.

[B]

It's our natural inclination to feel defensive.

[A]

You think that when the Cheetahs were on the plains of the Serengeti and then, you know, some Neanderthal, he's like, no, your spear goes the other way. What are you talking about? Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I think immediately he was like, what do you mean? Like, idiot, yes. Receiving, no. Look, I agree, it's a very good soft skill, how you receive criticism.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, this is a good episode because these are two life skills that majority of people are failing at.

[A]

What? Receiving criticism and giving both.

[B]

I think majority of adults don't give and receive criticism in a way that best serves both parties.

[A]

What I've told you, I said before on the pod, what I sometimes do when I need advice.

[B]

Tell me.

[A]

I ask myself.

[B]

Right.

[A]

There's nothing wrong with that out loud.

[B]

Good. I believe. Listen, I believe in self talk. So you're talking to a guy who talks himself up the mountain. How great I am verbally, vocally, all the time.

[A]

But I will every morning.

[B]

I say this every morning. It's part of my. It's actually in my gratitude list, which is funny. It's a gratitude slash cocky list.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. What are you holding?

[B]

It's just like a mic, I don't know, Mike stand thing. I don't know. Turn it into a pack scratcher.

[A]

Got it, got it, got it. Yeah, but I will, like, because I think everybody gives advice better than they receive it. So I'm like, well, if I give good advice, well, what if somebody else. What if I. What if I came to me with this problem? What would I say? It's actually somewhat helpful. You have to. You have to listen to yourself, though.

[B]

You want to know my best piece of advice I've been giving lately? Oh, tell people specifically what you want. Not. Don't be vague about it. Don't be shy about it. People are less likely to help you if they don't know specifically what the ask is. Like, I get a lot of younger writers going, I want to do this, I want to do that. And I go, no, you want to write drama, police procedurals. So who do I know that can help you with that? You tell me. You could write comedy, you could do this, you. That. I really don't know who to best. Your resume. I don't know how to help you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. What's your. Say that again.

[B]

I said, which one you got? What's one good piece for advice. Oh, man.

[A]

Good advice, good advice. I don't Know, I don't know.

[B]

I think up on me there for a sec.

[A]

Oh, can you hear me? Can you hear me?

[B]

You're breaking up on me for a second here. Have to edit. We're going to have to edit this out at 27. Can you hear me now? We're going to edit it out.

[A]

Can you hear me now?

[B]

I cannot. We have to edit this out. You're. You're a little jumpy right now.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[B]

Suddenly you went jumpy and skippy. So from 27 to 28, we're gonna have to fix. Are you there?

[A]

Can you hear me?

[B]

Hello?

[A]

Can you hear me?

[B]

Hello, can you hear me now you're going in and out. You're going in and out. Diamond. Very glitchy.

[A]

Do you hear anything now? Do you hear anything? Hello? Hello? Anything?

[B]

Very, very glitchy. Yeah, now you hear much that you sound much better. Hello there. There you go. Okay, so from 27 to 2815.

[A]

Hold on. Can you hear me now?

[B]

Yeah, but you're low.

[A]

I'm low?

[B]

You're low. Now you're good. Okay, now you're good. So 27. 27 to 2830. We'll just have to fix.

[A]

Okay, so you want to just leave me your question again, which is what. What is my go to?

[B]

Yeah, so my go to specificity. What's one good go to Piece of advice?

[A]

For advice giving, I try to ask people to envision their future self. So I'm like, okay, if you do this and one year from now X happens, are you going to be upset? Are you going to be okay with it? I think I've done this with. With you before. You're going to be. Are you going to regret this? I think that's a good way to frame.

[B]

Nice. And I would say before we wrap this up, I think we answered the listener question, didn't we?

[A]

Yes. Guys, that was asking for a friend. If you have a listener question, send it to us on Instagram man of the Year podcast. We'll answer it on the show. Also, I want to know what the app was.

[B]

Yeah, probably. You said UberEats exist. That's good. I'd say, just remember this is your friend and your relationship matters more than, you know, probably whatever this career advice thing is. So just going in with that mental model of like, I don't want to hurt my friend here. Right.

[A]

But you could argue hurting your friend is not giving them the truth.

[B]

No, I know. And we said depends on all these contexts, the stakes. Right. Don't let them make a Career ending decision if it means hurting their feelings a little. But just, I think a lot of people tend to come at it, you know, I don't know, man. Maybe it's a mix. Some people come at it too harsh. Some people come at it with kid gloves, and that doesn't serve. It's a tricky one.

[A]

What do you think about the fact that, like, some people just. Or most people just need to figure it out on their own?

[B]

As I said, I think. I think a lot of people, really, the best thing you can get out of the vice is it helps crystallize their own thinking.

[A]

Right. But if. If you are pretty sure this is a bad move and you tell them and they say no, they get defensive, then they do it and they screw it up. In a way. In a way, they almost learn more.

[B]

Well, I would say about life, phases of life, like a parenting phase, for example. People can't really give you advice that you'll take because you just have to experience it yourself and make your own mistakes. And we wish we could. We wish we could pass on some of this stuff. You do have to learn on your own. You do have to make your own mistakes. So there is something to the fact that everybody has their own path to walk in this world, and everybody's different, and everybody has to make their own choices.

[A]

I mean, I assume you're learning from yourself because now you have a second kid. You've done it already.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Second kid. Piece of cake.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Also, what about just with kids in general? Like, you can stop them from making mistakes.

[B]

You can't. I'm saying you can't tell them what to do. Cannot tell your kids what to do.

[A]

But, I mean, you. You don't want a child to burn their hands on the stove, but you need them to learn.

[B]

You put the boundaries around them as best you can, and you try to instill the values that you want. They're going to be what they're going to be. They're going to do what they're going to do. And you try to protect them and be smart and, you know, teach them to do those things. But they're all going to test those boundaries. They're all going to march to their own path because they're a different human than you. And every human is their own, you know, decision maker.

[A]

Yeah, humans, man, you can't. You can't. You can't live with them. Can't give them advice.

[B]

Can't give them advice that they're gonna take.

[A]

All right, guys, please let us know what you think. Any good advice you've gotten, any bad advice you've gotten, we'd like to know. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you buddy.

[B]

Love you buddy.

[C]

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[D]

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[C]

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[D]

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[E]

I drive my bus in a busy city. That's why road safety is so, so important to me. I know that I must slow down and be extra careful when I make a wide turn. Buses need more room than cars. Everyone can help keep our roads safe. Next time you're driving, remember to give buses plenty of time and space to finish turning before driving ahead. Let's all plan to share the road safely. Learn how at www.sharetherodesafely.gov.

[A]

if you like the show, please take a moment to rate, review and subscribe. It really does help the show to grow. Thank you for listening.