#185 - Group Chat Etiquette and Sardinemaxxing

Summary

Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode #185 – Group Chat Etiquette and Sardinemaxxing
Hosts: Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo
Release Date: May 19, 2026

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Overview

In this lively and hilarious episode, Matt and Aaron dive into the evolving rules of group chat etiquette—from their origins with reply-all email chains in the '90s to today's WhatsApp and iMessage threads. The conversation swerves into a surprising and heated discussion about the trend of “sardine maxxing,” and later, the hosts dig deep into friendship dynamics with a listener’s ethical dilemma about privacy in group chats.

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Key Discussion Points

1. The Origins of the Group Chat (00:17–04:44)

• Aaron recalls the pre-social media, pre-cell phone era, telling stories of starting one of the earliest viral email threads—the original group chat—with college friends via reply-all chains.
  • “I started sending jokes and stories to that reply to all email chain… It sort of went viral. And that's how my writing career began.” (00:19, Aaron)
• Matt and Aaron reminisce about specific old emails, the early internet community vibes, and how many original members from those threads they still keep in touch with.
  • Matt: “Are you still in touch with all 20?”
  • Aaron: “Of the 20, I talk to 11.” (03:53)
• The communal feeling of group messages then vs. now.

2. Modern Group Chat Etiquette (05:06–09:23)

• The shift to WhatsApp and side chats, and the necessity of muting overactive groups.
• Aaron lists modern etiquette issues:
  • Adding/removing members
  • Off-topic one-on-one conversations
  • Fights breaking out in group contexts
  • Texting at odd hours
  • Inside jokes nobody else gets
• Matt’s thoughts:
  • It's okay to start a discussion of niche interest, but deep dives should move to side chats: “If it becomes a deep dive on something that only two or three people care about, don't blow up the chat on that. Just side chat it.” (07:00, Matt)
  • Discusses time zone sensitivity and late-night texts: “Shouldn’t your phone just be on silent when you go to bed?” (08:23, Matt)
  • Aaron counters that not all phones are on silent, especially for older generations.

3. Peak “Maxxing”: Sardinemaxxing (09:39–16:18)

• The episode’s wildest tangent: Matt explains his new health trend, “sardine maxxing”—eating canned sardines straight, in public, for health and status.
  • Matt: “I just go straight for the sardine section. And I've just been sardine maxing. Raw dog.” (10:06, Matt)
• Aaron is incredulous, peppering Matt with questions:
  • “Are you eating it in the store?” (10:49)
  • “Are you joking?” (11:21)
• Matt details his ritual—eating on the office roof, mashing sardines like tuna, no napkins, with water, and the alleged health benefits (higher oxygen levels, “closer to dolphin than human”).
  • Notable exchange:
    • Aaron: “This is the end. This is the end.” (12:41, Aaron)
    • Matt: “What is so disturbing about this? It's a big thing.” (14:45, Matt)
• Aaron, exasperated, laments: “Do we end the episode at 14 minutes? Like what? Like this is just complete wasted space. Everyone's dumber.” (14:31)

4. Listener Question: Group Chat Privacy and “Wife Guys” (19:31–33:15)

• Listener's dilemma: One group member keeps sharing chat screenshots with his girlfriend, who then references inside jokes, making others feel uncomfortable and self-censored.
  • “It feels like the group has an uninvited sixth member… he was like ‘we don't have secrets.’” (19:52, Listener via Aaron)
• Matt’s nuanced stance:
  • “The default has to be that you assume that your friends’ wives or partners know everything that's going on.” (20:19, Matt)
  • Recognizes it’s “unfortunate” but realistic in 2026.
• Aaron and Matt debate the boundaries of group privacy:
  • “You don't want this partner relaying that they know that stuff. Just keep it to yourself.” (32:38, Matt)
• Solutions floated:
  • Mocking the oversharer: “Hey Jimmy, make sure you send this to Lisa.” (26:19, Aaron)
  • Creating a new group without the culprit.
  • Ultimately, the consensus: OK if partners know, not OK for them to reference it or act “in the know” with the group.
    • “If your boyfriend or husband shares with you something from his group chat—that’s fine. You should not be bringing it up with the guys.” (32:49, Aaron)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On group chat etiquette:
  • “It's okay to spray something out to a nine person group... but if it becomes a deep dive that only two or three care about, don't blow up the chat. Just side chat it.” (07:00, Matt)
• Sardine maxxing exchange:
  • Aaron: “This is the end. Everyone's dumber.” (14:31)
  • Matt: “What is so disturbing about this? It's a big thing.” (14:45)
• On privacy in group chats:
  • Matt: “The days of privacy are gone...you'd like to, but I don't think you do anymore.” (20:54)
  • Aaron: “I don't know if we solved it.” (32:30)
• On wives/partners referencing group chat jokes:
  • “If you want to fit in with the guys, don’t like—you gotta be cool.” (33:03, Aaron)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:17–04:44: Early days of group chats and viral email chains
• 05:06–09:23: Group chat etiquette issues in the modern era
• 09:39–16:18: Matt’s “sardine maxxing” health routine (high hilarity)
• 19:31–33:15: Listener question on privacy, partners, and boundaries in group chats
• 32:49–33:15: Final advice on group chat privacy and good “wag” conduct

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Conclusion

This episode is classic Man of the Year—hilarious, irreverent, and insightful. Whether they’re dissecting old group chat lore, laying down the rules for modern digital communication, or sparring about who gets to reference inside jokes, Matt and Aaron combine practical tips with comedic chemistry. Expect plenty of laughs, friendship wisdom, and, of course, a deep dive into “sardine maxxing”—the health fad you never expected.

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“Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you buddy.” (33:36)

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For more episodes and to submit your own friendship questions, visit manoftheyearpodcast.com.

Transcript

[A]

Foreign.

[B]

Of the year.

[A]

Man of the year. Man of the year.

[B]

Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Aaron Caro.

[A]

I'm Matt Ritter.

[B]

Guys, make sure to go to manofthearpodcast.com to grab our merch and check out our audible [e-mail] the buddy system. So, Matt, some of our listeners may know this, others may not. You had a first row seat, front row seat to this. Some people may know I'm one of the first people to ever go viral 97 as freshman of college. This is pre cell phone, pre social media. Not to date ourselves. We had. The way we communicated with our high school buddies was we had a reply to all email chain, and I started sending jokes and stories to that reply to all email chain. You guys started forwarding those emails to your friends at your colleges. It sort of went viral. And that's how my, you know, writing career began. It was called ruminations on college life. I was telling this to somebody the other day, a youngin. A young, young generation about the. About the emailing each other, and they go, oh, so like a group chat.

[A]

It's the original group chat.

[B]

And I was like, yeah, I guess it was a group chat. Like, could you imagine just email, like replying to a group chat like that? Email chat?

[A]

Yeah, I mean, you know, like, reply all now has such a taboo attached to it. Yeah, but that was cool back then that you were in like a group email.

[B]

Well, that's how, Remember, that's how memes got sent around. You get an email phone, like 10 japiest towns in Long island or something like.

[A]

That was your first ruminations about not knowing how to do laundry. Was that in the first one?

[B]

I think it was. It was like, I just. I think it was something like I just always had this dream there would be a hot girl in the laundry room. Dreams die hard. But I have no underwear.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Was it in the first one? That's. I distinctly recall that early on, I

[B]

think it might have been our first one.

[A]

Yeah. But like, oh, man. Brought me back ruminations, Baby ruminations. The OG group chat.

[B]

Well, I invented that. We. Well, it wasn't me because it was all of us. We've entered the group chat. But I did invent some stack the blog and Twitter, basically.

[A]

You definitely invented Tumblr.

[B]

Tumblr, yeah. Yeah. So sold to Yahoo for a billion dollars. And we're in a business.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, there was one other thing I was just gonna say about the group chat.

[A]

Can I ask something of the original what was it, 13 people originally?

[B]

Yeah, no, 20 people.

[A]

20. Are you still in touch with all 20?

[B]

Oh, crap. Okay, I can look this up. So just, just for context. So in 9-97-97, I wrote, I was, I was. Our group chat was, to be fair, this group chat, I think maybe had people from Penn that you didn't know.

[A]

Right, right. It was, Was it like. Yeah. Who's on it? I'm very curious now.

[B]

Okay, I've got it right here, the original email. Okay, we've got man of the Year friend Jay. Okay, we've got some random pen person I don't talk to anymore. Some random pen person. Don't talk anymore. Some random pen person. I'm talking about you. Okay, so you're the fifth person on the list.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Claudio, other man of the year guy. Some random Brad.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Lauren Stoltz. Now we're naming people. Nobody knows you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, a plain view person. Couple randoms. Gotti. I would say I talked to, of the 20, I talked to 11.

[A]

So only Plainview people you still talk to, none of the pen people that you sent it out to?

[B]

Because this was like pre fraternity. So these were the people you meet

[A]

in the dorms that first two weeks? Yes. Wow. That's funny. That's amazing. I, I was gonna guess that it was like, of the 20, I would have guessed 16. You're still in touch?

[B]

Yeah, I, I wrote, I have. This is my first email ever. I have entered a communist society. I own nothing. It all belongs to the university. I had no money. It's all my parents. My meals are served in little square portions at one brick building during the only certain hours of the day. Help. I'm in Russia. I mean, for 1997, as an 18 year old.

[A]

It's not bad. Listen, it was great. There's a reason it blew up. I mean, it was great. Hilarious. The first, the first group chat.

[B]

The first group chat. And I was thinking about the other

[A]

day

[B]

because group chat etiquette has, has been a topic on mine because I've got, you know, I've got a ton of group chats. We're on multiple group chats. We have a Venn diagram, then we are. I can't even imagine how many.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Side chats you have. We're also WhatsApp people now. Ray, you WhatsApp person.

[A]

Yeah, man. Too many of those other mute. Mute. Those.

[B]

I heard that the parents like, that's like the new Citizen app.

[A]

Yeah, I, I, I'm not really. I'm. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. And I try not to be on that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so like, you know, Matt, we, we've always talked about using the group chat as a tool. You know, listen, you should be seeing your friends IRL TCs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But the group chat is how people communicate these days and I thought we should talk about a little bit of the pros and pitfalls. We also have a banger of a listener question which we'll get to in a few minutes. So a couple things I wanted to just throw out and you tell me like if anything hit me with it. Who gets to decide who gets removed or added when people have one on one conversations that have nothing to do with the rest of the group. If a fight breaks out in the group text texting super late or super early when people are asleep, inside jokes that nobody else knows about.

[A]

Can I hit a couple of those that Can I hit a couple of those that immediately stuck out to me?

[B]

Please.

[A]

So number one is texting things to one or two people in the group that nobody else cares or knows about. Somebody in our plane view chat, Luger's chat was guilty of that because I know for a fact only two of the other guys are Mets fans and like texting at the about the Met. So I side chatted them after because it felt like what are you doing? You know?

[B]

Interesting. Interesting. Okay. This is a great way in because it wasn't crazy.

[A]

It wasn't crazy. But it's really just for the three of us.

[B]

But we're also all sports fans. We're all from New York.

[A]

It went, it was worth. I agree it was, it was fine the initial one but then I was like to do the deep dive that I would like to do in my reply. Yes, side channel. So I think that's. So this is the etiquette I wanted to hit on for this. I think it's okay to spray something out to it like a nine person group. That's really maybe only for two or three because a lot of the times in the group chat it's not always for everybody and. But just that's just the way the group chat dynamics go. But if it becomes a deep dive on something that only two or three people care about, don't blow up the chat on that. Just side chat it.

[B]

I think that we. This was all apex level friendship. There was a, a conversation starter. It went for a few chats and then you smartly side chatted. So everybody wanted that one.

[A]

Right. I think it was like the right balance but only because I took Control.

[B]

Well, because you know what? I actually went to ESPN.com. oh, what are they talking about? Oh, wow. I was like, great.

[A]

It was a good game. It was an interesting game. Like, it was a crazy kind of game. But anyway, so then the second one. I'm sorry, what was the last one?

[B]

You said the second one was inside jokes.

[A]

No, the last thing you said the last one. Last etiquette.

[B]

People texting. Really? Earlier, really late.

[A]

Yeah, so that one. I think, personally, I'm on the wet. We're on the west coast, so I've always been cognizant of not wanting to text anybody on the east coast too late just because I'm worried. Like, with my family. I don't. I try not to do this. I don't do that. But I personally don't care if people text me like, my phone's on silent. I don't know if most people's phones are on silent or on sound or whatever, but because of the fact that we live in 2026, like, you know, I don't know. Shouldn't your phone just be on silent when you go to bed? I mean, I don't know.

[B]

I sort of. Soft disagreement. Everybody's phone is on silent. You could text anybody anytime.

[A]

So you're agreeing with me?

[B]

Well, you said sometimes you don't do it because you're afraid you wake them up, right?

[A]

Yeah, just in general, as a rule. I try to just be super safe on that. I don't want to wake anyone up, but I also think it's generally. I was just making a commentary on what I think. Sounds like you agree with me. I think most people's phones are on silent at night when they sleep.

[B]

You know whose phones are not on silent? My parents. But they. They practice very good phone hygiene. Or maybe they're just old. Their phones are in the kitchen, but not on the kitchen. Yeah. Charging. So I'm. If I'm home, I'm sleeping. Ding, ding, ding. Full volume all night.

[A]

They're. They're what I call Jonathan height maxing.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

What do you mean? The guy who wrote the Anxious Generation, who got rid of all the phones in schools.

[B]

Oh, oh, oh. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[A]

Come on. They're Jonathan height maxing.

[B]

Yeah. I can't believe maxing is. Yeah, good. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Well, you think maxing has been maxed?

[B]

I think we're right now at peak max. And, like, it might be.

[A]

If I'm doing. If I'm saying it about your parents and their phones, it's probably over yeah, Yeah. I probably just killed maxing. Oh, did I tell you that I've been walking into. I've been walking into Larchmont wine and cheese, which is like, you know, delicious. The best sandwiches in the world. I just go straight for the sardine section. And I've just been sardine maxing. Raw dog. And I told these teenagers about it, and now they think I'm cool.

[B]

Okay, I have 17 questions. Yeah, number one, hit me with it. You're ordering sardines.

[A]

No, I just grabbed the. I just. No, I just grabbed that tin.

[B]

A tin. A tin. Like a closed tin?

[A]

Yeah, closed tin of sardines, but with nothing else.

[B]

Okay, but you eat it in the store.

[A]

No, but I just bring it up to the counter and I go. I tell. I told them I'm sardine. They're like, that's it. I go, yeah, I'm sardine maxing.

[B]

And then what do you do with them?

[A]

They go, wow, I've never seen anyone do that before. I'm like, I know.

[B]

What do you do with them?

[A]

I eat them whole raw. Nothing else? No, no.

[B]

Check out our episodes on YouTube because I'm trying to discern Matt's face because he's doing a weird face. Are you. Are you joking? I can't tell.

[A]

No, I'm dead serious. I want to know your reaction to this.

[B]

So paint a picture. Are you doing it on the walk home at home as a snack?

[A]

So you have to eat them outside because out of just deference to the smell of them. So I eat them on the roof of my office in the patio.

[B]

This is like, at 46 years old, I've noticed in second grade, I mean, this is the. This is like, top. So you sit on the roof of your. Like, in a chair and like a folding chair.

[A]

Yeah, well, they have a. They have a. They have a table.

[B]

They have, like a desk and you.

[A]

Outdoor dining table.

[B]

Is it a tuna can with a pull top or is it.

[A]

It's. It's like a. It's a. It's a rec. Rectangle Tuna can.

[B]

Okay. Like an old school sardine thing. I know.

[A]

You have.

[B]

You have a. Do you have a drink during this time?

[A]

Just water.

[B]

And do you have any napkins?

[A]

I mean, I don't think so. There's no napkin needed. Just. You just.

[B]

So you have an open can of sardines. Yeah. Maybe a glass of water and a fork and just pop. Oh, you're using a fork.

[A]

Well, you mash them up. You mash them up.

[B]

What?

[A]

You mash them up. Like tuna fish. You mash them up in the thing.

[B]

Matt, this is the end. This is the end.

[A]

What do you mean? What do you mean?

[B]

So you get a tin of sardines and you mash it up and eat it.

[A]

Yeah, that's what you do. You mash it up.

[B]

Is this a bit?

[A]

Oh, this is what you do. You mash them up like tuna fish and then you scoop them into your mouth.

[B]

You people eat sardines raw? Sardines are never raw. They're pre cooked.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. They're in the tin. They're tin fish. They're, they're salted, they're cooked.

[B]

And then you just go about your day.

[A]

Generally speaking. Yeah, yeah, but there's a guy, I told you, there's a guy who did it for 30 days straight and his O2 levels were so high that he could run up and down his 37th floor office building. And they did a medical test on him and his oxygen levels were closer to dolphin than human.

[B]

First of all, he, he prefaces that dumb story with I told you this. No, you didn't.

[A]

Oh, I didn't tell you this. Well, yeah, I mean, that's, that's, he's the ultimate sardine. Max or that guy.

[B]

I just, I'm so angry.

[A]

Is this sardines? Sardines are the most superfood of all superfoods.

[B]

Is this an Instagram guy?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sardine maxing is a social media driven health fitness trend popular with Gen Z.

[A]

And me,

[B]

I try love a good

[A]

fat Carol, you know, I love a good fad. Like, let me have this.

[B]

Yeah, mash him and fry him. Sardines are so hot right now. I feel like this is like an elaborate prank, but.

[A]

Yeah, but the frying thing is for cowards. That's like, that's the Gen Z weakling thing. They're like, oh, and you fry them and you put all these sauces on them. No, you mush them and you eat them. That's it. You mush and you eat. That's sardine maxing.

[B]

Okay, okay, well, we're quite off topic. I'm furious. I just, I don't know. Like, do we end the episode at 14 minutes? Like what? Like this is just complete wasted space. Everyone's dumber.

[A]

What, what is, what is so. What is so disturbing about this? It's a big thing. It's a big thing.

[B]

Do you think this is crazy? Or less crazy than the fact that when you crack an egg, you put the, put the egg back in The.

[A]

You know, you're gonna.

[B]

Did you put an open canister, Dean, back in the fridge?

[A]

No. Brenner asked me why I was doing it.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

My three year old asked why. Why. Why the empty ones are here.

[B]

Why the eggs are empty in the fridge. Yeah, yeah. Guys, just for a recap, Matt, when he cracks an egg, he leaves it in the fridge. In. In the. In the carton open. Yeah. All right.

[A]

Well, yeah, so Brenner was asking about it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it's episode 67, guys, if you want to hear it.

[A]

Anyway. All right, let's get back to the topic. What is the topic?

[B]

I don't even want to.

[A]

Yeah, Etiquette. Oh, group chat. Etiquette. Yeah.

[B]

Well, let's. Let's go to the listener question because I'm so. I'm so piping hot right now that I don't know that I could really focus. And this is. It's a really good question. I just. Sardinia accent this is. This is my time. Time of death. Martin, you know, like, just, what's the point? Give up. Give up on this. Sardine maxing. That's where we are. Mom. My mom's like, what'd you do today?

[A]

Laughs.

[B]

Embarrassing.

[A]

Huge trend. Everybody's doing it.

[B]

I was saying how my 25th cause reunion is coming up, and I'm a little anxious about my station in life. This is why.

[A]

Listen, you're already in good shape, so you wouldn't need the sardine max for that. But it is. It does offer a lot of health benefits.

[B]

All right, we'll be right back with a listener question.

[C]

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[A]

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[B]

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[C]

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[B]

asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram. Our handles Manatee your podcast and we'll answer it on the show. This is a good one Matt. One guy in our group chat screenshots conversations and sends them to his girlfriend.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Wow. Matt's never interrupted a question before.

[A]

Yeah, whoa.

[B]

And now she references inside jokes like she's in the chat. It feels like the group has an uninvited sixth member. And it's also starting to make everyone self censored. Self censor. But no one wants to be the one to call him out. I did say something to him once about sending shit from the chat to his girlfriend and he was like quote we don't have secrets. K And Matt, this is insane. Right? Please tell me you agree.

[A]

I have thoughts. I have a lot of thoughts. I see both sides. I think the default has to be that you assume that your friends, wives or partners know everything that's going on. That should be your default to something. Unfortunately. Unfortunately, that's just the way it is.

[B]

So you, you have no assumption of privacy in a group chat.

[A]

You'd like to, but I don't think you do anymore. Those days are gone. Yeah, I like to think you did, but I think those days are gone.

[B]

I mean. So you're sending screenshots of our group chat to Jess.

[A]

I'm not. She doesn't. Again, it depends on you. She could care less. She has zero interest in, in anything that, even if I'm laughing, she knows it's not that funny. You know what I mean? We've been married so long, she knows all you guys so well. She has zero interest in anything that's happening in that group chat.

[B]

How long have you been married?

[A]

Eight years. But we've been together for 16 years.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

Yeah. So there's nothing in that group chat that will shock her, surprise her, scare her, anything. Right. I told her, you know, I told her, like, for sure, whenever Carol gets married, 100, his bachelor party is in Tijuana or Cartagena, you know, or, or, or Russia and, you know, shouldn't bat an eye.

[B]

Well, you, you once said this is years and years ago, which is funny, you talking about my bachelor party like, like you would have a, you know, that mistake. You said, you said, you said Cairo. My only requirement is that it's off the grid.

[A]

Off grid. Off grid.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't have to worry about the group chat because your phones don't get

[B]

service where we're going, a place where Starling can't reach, Starlink is unreachable.

[A]

Starlink unreachable.

[B]

Can you, can you, can you imagine when you go to Cafe Press to make the t shirts? Pyongyang 2029.

[A]

Just make sure nobody gets auto warmed.

[B]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[A]

Too dark. Okay, where are we?

[B]

So I listen, I do. I actually think this is broader than just sharing it with the wags. I also just think we're in an age where, like, you know, I, I, I, I don't self, I self censor a little bit on a group chat for any number of reasons. Yeah, I, I don't love it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I think the paper trail is too dangerous. Isn't there Snapchat or, like, disappearing messages or something?

[B]

If you really care that much Snapchat does disappear. But you can screenshot it. I mean, you could take a picture of your phone with another phone.

[A]

Right? What about WhatsApp? Do they disappear?

[B]

WhatsApp has a disappearing function also, Matt, you've probably never heard of this, but there's a way on. On imessage, so you could write a text that's covered, and you have to wipe your hand over it to read it every time.

[A]

I'm sorry. Explain this like, I'm a toddler.

[B]

There. There. Have you ever, like, use effects in imessage? You can make it, like, bounce. You can.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

There's one that's, like, hidden. So it comes up hidden. You have to wipe your hand across the screen to make it visible.

[A]

What is the point of that?

[B]

I don't know. If someone's looking over your shoulder or something, it's okay.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. I dig that. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Look, I mean, can you. His question is like, can I say something? What can I say? Sure, you could say something. Be like, look, dude, like, it's a group chat for the. It's for us. It's for our crew. It's not like, you know, it's like,

[B]

all right, I'm gonna. I'm gonna do a pitch here. Karen's not gonna like this. I don't. I don't love what the girlfriend's doing here. Okay, so what is the girlfriend doing? She's. She's referencing inside jokes that. This from screenshots.

[A]

Oh, she's referencing it. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so imagine the conversation we just had was over text. And then next time I saw you, Jess was like, Pyongyang 2029.

[A]

I'm like, right, yeah, right. That would be weird, right? Exactly. Because, like. Yeah, right, exactly. Even if you don't have an expectation of privacy, you do have an expectation. You're not just relaying everything that we're saying. I guess.

[B]

Yeah. So, like, I don't know if I. First of. We don't know what the context is. If it's. If it's. Most of our group chat is the most boring stuff ever. So if I sent a. You know, if I send a screenshot to someone else, girlfriend, buddy, anybody, my expectation to them is you're not going to bring it up in front of.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

But it sounds like this guy's a real wife guy.

[A]

Real wife, yeah. And you called me a wife guy, but I don't.

[B]

Like.

[A]

As I said, Jess, wife guy. You called me a wife guy.

[B]

And I think I Said you were a pizza guy.

[A]

Called me wife guy. Pizza guy. A lot of guys never called me a tuna guy. Sardine guy. Yeah. I mean, so what's the solution? I mean, look, obviously, like, you can just be like, yo, can we keep this chat in this chat?

[B]

Oh, the solution. Okay, well, number one, don't say stuff that you don't want. Screenshot it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, but. But you could say something to the guy. I mean, you'd be like, look, I just. It's a little uncomfortable to, like. Yeah, for texting on this chat. Like, but he just is probably gonna be like, I thought it was funny. It's just you said something funny. I wanted to share it.

[B]

What if you say something part of my life? You know, what if you make a joke? Like, you do a joke in the group chat, can you be like. I'm like, hey, Jimmy, you know, make sure you send this to Lisa.

[A]

That's. That's good. That's good. The mockery is good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Listen, I mean, if it is something that's just genuinely funny, though, right? I mean, like, you share with your partner funny things that happen throughout your day, right? So if your friend says something funny, you're tempted to want to share that with your girlfriend. And if she's like, I think his fear is maybe that he's being judged by this partner. Am I right?

[B]

Oh, you mean the guy is being judged by his friend's partner?

[A]

Yeah, I think. Is that the concern? I mean, because you're saying some dark stuff and. But she seems okay with it. I don't know. I text. Listen, we all text dark stuff. I. I have no problem if it's, you know, I assume that people's wives are, you know, potentially hearing or reading about it at some point.

[B]

Mine then hearing or reading about it just weird to, like. Like, if. I don't know, just feels a little weird that, like, then we're hanging out and, you know, these guys are hanging out, and the girlfriend's like, hey, that was a funny thing that Matt. I mean, how would it be any

[A]

different than you telling if I told Jess about something we talked about? It's just the form of communication. Like, if you and I had a really funny ass convo, and I'm like, kiro said the funniest thing the other day and I related to Jess, and then afterwards she's like, gary, that was so funny. Isn't that exactly the same thing?

[B]

Okay, all right.

[A]

You'd be a little bit like, oh, he told you about. You'd probably be like, oh, he told you that, right? Like, maybe you'd be a little surprised, but if it was just like a funny moment, you know? But I get. I get it, you know, like, you want to have your own things. Like, I do agree. Like, the group chat is supposed to be. I don't want to go, you know, like, because you want to say sacred. Save space. Sacred. It is supposed to be that. Right? So again, if it's being relayed, it's not. Should not be things that are, like, now going to cause dissension.

[B]

Yeah, but I wonder. Okay, so what if, I don't know, I feel like men do need some.

[A]

Forget you do. And you have to say, is this line secure? Then, you know?

[B]

Right, right. Well, I've told you. I told you. Best friend Mike, he calls me all the time and then only tells me five minutes later.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you gotta go. I'm in the car with the wife. I'm in this. That. As you know, as you know, we have our own special safe words for that.

[B]

So. So, so Matt the other day, literally three days ago, he tells me the safe word and his wife goes, wait, is that your guy's safe word? If I'm in the car and he's like, no, what are you talking about?

[A]

Blah, blah, blah. Oh, my God. First of all, if you have a safe word, it can't be obvious.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, my God. But let's take the group chat out of it. Let's broaden it.

[A]

Let's.

[B]

Let's get deep for our last few minutes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Do you think that their men need to be able to have conversations with other men that isn't going to be shared with the wags?

[A]

Yeah, you can have an expectation of privacy, but I'm just being a realist in that most people, you know, share. Not most people. I don't know. A certain amount of people share everything with their wives. Some people keep things to themselves, some people don't. But yes, if you ask somebody, like, not to share with their partner, I don't know, you know, should you have that expectation? Yeah, I think you should. Like, if you told me you cannot tell just this, I would respect that.

[B]

No, you wouldn't. You said in previous episodes there should be no expectations going to Jess.

[A]

No expectations. But if it's something you're like, you know, can you please just not tell her? Like, I. I could. If it's not. If it's not gonna, like, if it's not something that's going to cause friction in my own relationship, to not share it with you? Yeah. It's fine if it's something that's like, oh, now this is going to cause a problem for me. No, I'm not doing that.

[B]

What if a bunch of guys are hanging out at the ball game, getting drunk, you know, talking about their own wives, talking about work, and. And then. And then you tell your wife something, you know, oh, so. And so is about to get fired. And, you know, he didn't want. He didn't want anybody else to know.

[A]

Right. You're asking if I actually am going to tell Jesse that or not? Like, what's the reality?

[B]

I don't know. I guess. I guess I think there should be some description.

[A]

I think there should be. Look, obviously, as I'm saying, in an ideal world, the group chat is sacred. Your time with your buddies is sacred in the reality that we live in. Most people share with their partners, you know, most of that stuff.

[B]

I think I figured out the problem here. The problem is that the woman is talking about it. Jess would just never say anything to anybody.

[A]

Right. That's what really tweaked them because usually it's left unsaid. You're right.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yes, you're right. He probably did tell us what. But now she's not going to blab it in your face. It's basically throwing in your face that you don't have an expectation of privacy.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That's. What's that. You're right. That is. That is a little, kind of infuriating.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I think the girlfriend's trying a little too hard. The guy's got a. Yeah, yeah. I think the answer here is you've got to just start a group chat without this one guy.

[A]

Side chat it or never respond. Yeah.

[B]

When you. When you did your met side chat, was that an Extant side chat?

[A]

What does that. What does that mean?

[B]

Like that side chat already existed?

[A]

Oh. Oh, X. Extant accident. Extant.

[B]

I think so. I don't know.

[A]

Yes, that existed, but it hadn't been vibrant since last season.

[B]

Oh, you were right, Extant. Well, Extant, I've been saying it wrong my entire life.

[A]

Take the kid out of plane view.

[B]

Lord. All right, well, I think we. I think. I don't know if we solved it.

[A]

No, but I think you're right. I think you hit on the main thing is like, you don't want this partner, like kind of relaying that they know that stuff. Just keep it to yourself.

[B]

Yeah. I would say to the. I'd say to our wags, if your boyfriend or husband shares with you something from his group chat. That's fine. That's the like, you should not be bringing it up with the guys.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Explicit, right? It's not cool if you want to fit in with the guys. Don't like you got to be cool.

[A]

Right? Instead of being like, I heard about that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Exactly.

[A]

Heard about that.

[B]

Yeah. All right, I'm gonna wrap the whole thing up because I don't want to go back to sardine maxing.

[A]

This.

[B]

This whole conversation, like, just threw me off. So this was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send it to us on Instagram and we'll answer on the show. Guys, thank you so much for listening. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Let's love you buddy.

[A]

Love you buddy. And eat some more sardines

[B]

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If you like the show, please take a moment to rate, review and subscribe. It really does help the show to grow. Thank you for listening.