#191 - Independence

Summary

Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship Episode #191: "Independence"
Date: June 30, 2026
Hosts: Matt Ritter & Aaron Karo

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Episode Overview

In this pre–4th of July episode, Matt and Aaron dive into the theme of independence, both in the spirit of America’s 250th birthday and in the dynamics of adult friendships. They kick off with light-hearted banter about fireworks, July 4th nostalgia, and gender reveals, then pivot to a candid discussion about what it means to be an “independent friend.” Listener questions highlight the balance between respecting autonomy and maintaining closeness within friendships, drawing honest anecdotes from the hosts’ own lives.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Fireworks, July 4th, and American Traditions

• Are you a fireworks guy? (00:44)
  • Matt pushes back on the “guy or not a guy” trope, clarifying there are levels to being a fireworks enthusiast.
  • Aaron reminisces about childhood fireworks with his dad, noting the danger (“My dad would put them in an upright soda bottle and then run away. So dangerous.” – Aaron, 01:40).
  • Both reflect on local firework traditions in Long Island, referencing legendary family-run fireworks businesses like Grushie.
• Drone Light Shows & Modern Celebrations (06:42)
  • Matt admits he’s not sure he’s a “drone guy,” but jokes about the dangers of drone warfare (“I'm terrified of drone warfare. Anybody with 50 bucks can just...” – Matt, 06:52).
  • Both touch on last-mile delivery via drones as a future inevitability.

The Nature of Independence in Friendship

• Defining independence as a friend (08:24)
  • Aaron questions if there’s a line between healthy independence and neglecting one’s friends: “Is there a line between, like, being a very independent friend and, like, neglecting your buddies a little bit?” (08:38)
  • Matt acknowledges concerns he’s had about Aaron’s isolation in the past, but emphasizes that nearly everyone needs socialization (“Everybody needs a certain degree of socialization, no matter how independent.” – Matt, 09:07)
  • Aaron reveals he doesn’t really experience loneliness—a personality “neuron” he’s missing (10:36).
  • Both agree: “Friendship is the opposite of doing your own thing. It’s doing something with somebody else.” (Aaron, 11:57)

Listener Question—Independence vs. Shutting People Out (14:42)

• Listener scenario: After a breakup, a listener didn’t share the news with friends, leading to a friend feeling snubbed.
• Matt’s take: Sharing big moments is how friends measure closeness; not telling can feel like rejection. (“When I find out, like, major things about people, and I'm just like, okay, I guess we're not that close.” – Matt, 15:40)
• Aaron shares his own example—revealing a new relationship to friends after months of secrecy (16:24).
  • Female friends were more aggrieved at not knowing, seeing sharing as a closeness metric; male friends were less fazed (“We have a close male crew and not one of us was like, I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner.” – Matt, 18:14).
  • The hosts discuss gender differences in expectations around sharing.

Boundaries, Privacy, and Reactions (20:49)

• Individual right vs. interpersonal impact
  • Matt: “You have every right to live your life the way you and your inner core decide you want to live. But you have to recognize that that is going to impact other people and they're going to react how they're going to react.” (21:12)
• Burden vs. Support
  • Aaron points out a subtle difference: “I think you’re allowed to get a little more mad if it’s a friend saying ‘I didn’t want to burden you’—as if, ‘this is what I’m here for.’” (22:03)

Advice for Both Sides (25:02)

• For the private friend:
  • Explain yourself: “Be honest about your feeling... But now that I know you’d want to know, I will be more mindful in the future.” (Matt, 25:16)
• For the aggrieved friend:
  • Communicate your feelings: “I wish you would have told me sooner. I feel like I missed an opportunity to be a better friend.” (Matt, 25:49)
  • Check in regularly: “If you don't talk to your friend in six months, something bad has happened to them in life.” (Matt, 26:09)

Being Needed: Support, Reciprocity, and Karma (28:17)

• What if you’re only contacted in a crisis?
  • Matt and Aaron discuss whether it’s fair to feel used if a friend only reaches out in tough times and then goes quiet.
  • Matt: “I could choose to feel used a bit… but it's fine. Take the knowledge in and just go, OK, am I gonna do this again or not?” (29:10)
• Is there such a thing as friendship karma?
  • Both are cautiously optimistic but acknowledge the world is not always fair:
    “I put out good energy, I get good energy back every day that I walk out into the world. So I don’t know what karma is… other than that.” (Matt, 30:56)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Every neighborhood has, like, an uncle with four fingers, and it's always a fireworks accident.” (Matt, 01:44)
• “We say celebrate everything.” (Matt, 04:40)
• “Friendship is the opposite of doing your own thing. It’s doing something with somebody else.” (Aaron, 11:57)
• “When I find out, like, major things about people, and I'm just like, okay, I guess we're not that close.” (Matt, 15:40)
• “You have every right to live your life the way you and your inner core decide you want to live. But you have to recognize that that is going to impact other people.” (Matt, 21:12)
• “If you don't talk to your friend in six months, something bad has happened to them in life.” (Matt, 26:09)
• “I’m so glad to see the high school kids are hacky sacking again.” (Matt, 31:40) – teaser for next episode

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Important Timestamps

• Fireworks discussion & nostalgia – 00:44–03:46
• Gender reveal parties & independence segue – 03:54–08:24
• Defining “independent friends” – 08:24–12:35
• Listener question: Breakup & boundaries – 14:42–27:10
• Being needed, support reciprocation & karma – 27:54–31:25
• Hacky sack teaser & episode wrap – 31:40–32:01

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Final Thoughts

Matt and Aaron blend humor with honesty as they explore an especially nuanced part of adult friendship: the balance between valuing one’s independence and nurturing meaningful, supportive connections. Their personal stories, gender perspective, and real-world advice offer genuine value for anyone evaluating their own boundaries or feeling conflicted about how much to share with friends.

Always remember:
“Be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Happy Independence Day.” (Aaron, 31:55)

Transcript

[A]

Foreign. Of the year.

[B]

Man of the year. Man of the year.

[A]

Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Aaron Caro.

[B]

I'm Matt Ritter.

[A]

Guys, make sure to go to audible.com, the buddy system, and manoftheyearpodcast.com to grab our merch and watch our episodes on YouTube. So, Matt, this is a big week for our country. We're coming up on July 4th. It's the sequicentennial. I'm sure Karen will correct me on that.

[B]

250.

[A]

250. We did it. Gonna ask you one of my trademark questions. Are you a fireworks guy

[B]

again? You know, I hate. I. I just hate the. The format of it. I hate. Am I a guy or not a guy? Like, I. I get that, like, there are very few fireworks guys. To me, fireworks guy means you have a garage filled with fireworks.

[A]

A fireworks guy could also be someone who, like, cannot miss the firework. We gotta see him every year, right?

[B]

And I think, like, most people want to see the fireworks.

[A]

They want to see him. But when you were a kid and for new listeners, Matt and I have been friends in second grade on Long Island. When you were a kid, did your dad or did you, like, do fireworks in the street or, like, stuff like that?

[B]

No. Do them. No, we never did fire. My mom. Way too cautious for that.

[A]

My dad would put them in, like, in like an upright soda bottle and then run away. So dangerous.

[B]

I mean, I don't know if we ever talked about this in the pod, but, like, every neighborhood has, like an uncle with four fingers, and it's always a fireworks accident. All over Long island, there's like three finger guys that, like, love. They're fireworks guys. Those are fireworks guys for.

[A]

For those not watching on YouTube. Matt is holding up, I guess you would call it a. What is it called? What's it called in the sexual position? Shockers. Yeah, shockers. Missing fingers.

[B]

I guess the one thing about the fireworks, to me that always baffled me is the spinny one. Like, like, why is there one that spins horizontally?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It comes right at you. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

The boomerang. I think they call it the bo. I think it's literally called the boomerang. It's literally telling you this firework will kill you.

[A]

I'm. I'm actually surprised because knowing you and your brother, you were both, you know, rabble rousers. I'm surprised you guys didn't have your trunk.

[B]

He wasn't. He wasn't at all. I only. I was. But, but, but that was just like, against Our just family, you know, like, that was just not. We were old, like, doing, like, you know, fireworks stuff. But I did enjoy like a. Was it Jones beach or. No, there was another beat. There was a. There was a random beach that we didn't normally go to. There was like a fireworks beach maybe, or Jefferson or Port Washington or some other beach.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If we have any Long island listeners, can you tell us where the best fireworks show was? It was like some random beach.

[A]

Do you remember what the family is called that does all the fireworks, baby, the groceries. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Are they still the monopoly?

[A]

Yeah, Groceries. Yeah, Fireworks by Grushie. Been since 1850.

[B]

They built this country.

[A]

Can you imagine if, like, your family business was fireworks?

[B]

Very seasonal.

[A]

Very seasonal. Famously seasonal.

[B]

You know where they got a big lift? What with the gender reveals?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Those aren't really fireworks, though.

[B]

Some people are doing fireworks.

[A]

I don't even think we've ever discussed gender reveal on this, on this podcast.

[B]

I mean, why would we. We didn't do them anything.

[A]

I'm curious what your thoughts are you gender reveal guy?

[B]

I mean. No, I'm not. I, I. Look, I think it's fine. Everybody can do whatever they want to do a gender reveal. I have no problem with it. But don't kill yourself and don't, don't put anyone in danger over it.

[A]

I just, the, the, I can't think of the word, but the, the nerve to think that, like, that many people care. You know, it's like your parents care and, like, your siblings care.

[B]

Yeah, there's five people that care.

[A]

But like, these gender reveal parties where they're parachuting down ever, like, who gives a.

[B]

Hey, we say celebrate everything.

[A]

Okay, hold on. We do say celebrate everything. I guess you draw, you draw the

[B]

line of gender reveals, general reveal.

[A]

Carve out. It's got to be a general carve out. And then so just. Yeah, just in general. Are you excited for July 4th? 250. Do you care at all?

[B]

I think it's cool. Yeah. I mean, look, you know, I'm a historian. I'm a patriot. American history. I love it. Feels like we're like, no longer a new country anymore. 250. I don't know. Yeah, well, we're always the new kid on the block. You know, every time we're growing up in school and like Europe, you know, the old country, we're like this new country. 250 is pretty legit.

[A]

A couple of months ago, King Charles was here. Do you see any hear of any of his jokes?

[B]

No, he Was.

[A]

Yeah, he did a lot of bits. He was like, America was founded 250 years ago, or as we say in Britain, just the other day.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's good, that's good.

[A]

So, yeah, we are, we are getting up there. I, I would say I sort of get fireworks FOMO if I don't see it. Because you're like. You're like in bed. I mean, you and I were in bed at like 10.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you're hearing the fireworks in the distance.

[B]

Well, LA is the worst fireworks city in the country. Let's just be clear.

[A]

Because of the fire, smoke, pollution.

[B]

No, just because it never stops all night. All the dogs are terrified, kids can't sleep. Absolutely worse.

[A]

You think that's different than Houston?

[B]

Yeah, I don't think it goes all night long the way it does here. Like in. I think we have the biggest fireworks, like, illegal fireworks situation in the country.

[A]

Do you remember, like, I don't know, 10, 15 years ago, I think it was in San Diego. All the fireworks went off at once.

[B]

What, you mean like by accident? They said early.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What a mishap.

[A]

But it was like, incredible. I mean, it's the best 20 seconds of fireworks.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They shot their load. Yeah. The premature evacuation of all the fireworks.

[A]

Last question before I, before I segue. Have you ever seen kind of the drone now, like this drone light shows?

[B]

Yeah, they're pretty cool.

[A]

Are you a drone guy?

[B]

Huh? It could be. I mean, I don't know much about it, but I will say I'm terrified of drone warfare.

[A]

Of like, anybody with 50 bucks can just.

[B]

I mean, have you seen any of the Ukraine, Russia, war footage, drone footage? I mean, if that doesn't terrify you to your core, there's something wrong with you because it's.

[A]

They just. Aren't they called, like, suicide drones?

[B]

That's what I'm saying. But, like, what's to say that that couldn't happen to you? Here in the US we live in this bubble where it's like, oh, that's there. It's like. No. Anybody with a drone, by the way, can get into airspace at the airport. Like, there's a lot of dangerous stuff.

[A]

Yeah. There's a push. I don't know how far it's going to for. I think it's called last mile delivery. Like here in la, we have those little robots. Yeah, but they're trying to do drones and just drop it in your backyard.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. In the middle of the country. That could be big.

[A]

Well, because there's More room to, like, land and. Yeah, but it's not enough people for. To, like, matter. Right.

[B]

Maybe there's gonna be drones flying all over our heads very soon, huh?

[A]

Yeah, we're headed. I mean, we're not making it to 350.

[B]

And how do you know whether the drone has a weapon on it or not?

[A]

Like, is that my kids? Am I. Or is it a bomb?

[B]

Is that Predator's Peppa Pig underwear? Or is it a suicide drone? I don't know whether to shoot it down or not.

[A]

Yeah, we're gonna. We're gonna have. We're gonna have anti drone.

[B]

The skies are gonna be chaotic. Chaotic. Oh, man.

[A]

Well, you know, that was all a preamble to talk about independence in friendship, which I think is a pretty good segue, to be honest, actually.

[B]

No, pretty good. No, it's pretty good independence.

[A]

Yeah. Because I think we're both, like, fairly independent people, and I'm certainly an independent friend. And one. One thing that came up was like, is there a line between, like, being a very independent friend and, like, neglecting your buddies a little bit? Like, if you're always doing your own thing and you're never doing anything with the gang.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have you, have you over independentized yourself?

[B]

You know, I, I would say I, I, you know, not to criticize you. I always had that concern with you because I was. Yeah, about you. You know, I mean, like, you're. I think you've. You've gotten more out of never leave the apartment kind of thing that you were in a few years ago, but that was because you were independent and you had your routines and whatever, and that worked for you. But, like, as an outsider, I was always like, is that healthy? You know, like, are you seeing your friends enough? Whatever. Look, I tend to think that everybody needs socialization, a certain degree of socialization, no matter how independent, you know, because we. We get these listeners sometimes or readers who just say, I don't need friends. I'm good. I'm a lone wolf, or I've got my family. Like, sure, I guess there's that anomalous case here and there where somebody just. Just has, you know, like the same way that some people are asexual. Asexual people. Right. Aforesual. Yeah. I don't know what the term is. Carol, come up with one. A French tool. But I. I really do think 99 of us are built as social creatures, and so it's great to be independent. But I, I do think there's a line that we're like, okay, you know, You've. You've turned your independence into a mutually exclusive thing from having a healthy French circle.

[A]

Yeah. I would say two things. One is that. Which is kind of odd, considering I'm the have a friendship podcast, is that, like, I've learned that our DNAs are very different, which I don't actually feel loneliness. Like, it's not a. I'm, like, one of those people who, like, don't feel pain because they're missing a neuron.

[B]

Right. So you're a Frenchual. You have a. You have a French.

[A]

But that's different. Like, if I'm.

[C]

Ha.

[A]

If I have a whole week where I don't see the gang, I feel fine. You would be at your wit's end.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I still am aware, and I want to see the gang, you know, hang out and make plans, and.

[B]

So is that called a sociopath or a psychopath? Which one is the. Which one? I've always. I can never tell the difference. What is this? So there's, like, a clinical term of people who understand empathy, but they don't have it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Honestly, like the movie Castaway, I'm like, is that wish fulfillment? It'd be great. Just five minutes.

[B]

Give me a ball. Give me a ball and a pie. Cut a hole in and a good.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, A coconut, and it'd be great. I think. I think. But I think that is a fair criticism for me from, like, 15 years ago. But, like, yeah, I think it is possible to do your own thing so much that you're neglecting the homies.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, friendship is the re. The opposite of doing your own thing. It's doing something with somebody else.

[B]

But I don't. Again, I don't think they're mutually exclusive. Like, I think you can exist as a very independent person. I think we both are. You know, I think I run a very independent life. But. And I also think a lot of independent people can be friends with other independent people. They don't suddenly become dependent on each other. And I wonder, do independent people have this fear? You know, is there some sort of fear that, like, oh, I'm gonna lose my independence by being more part of a friend group?

[A]

You know what? On that note, why don't we go to an early listener question, which kind of touches on some of this. We'll be right back with a listener.

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[C]

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[A]

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[A]

Question okay guys, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram. Our handle is man of the Year podcast and we will answer on the show and we can anonymize it if you'd like. Okay Dear Matt and Cairo, Love the pod and watch you guys on YouTube every Tuesday. Okay, got a YouTube subscriber. You can see that Matt's wearing an LA Dodgers hat. We're not going to get into it. He knows how I feel. So here's my question. This is from the guy. I recently went through a breakup and I didn't tell any of my friends about it because I didn't want to burden them and also, I was kind of sad slash embarrassed. But now one of my buddies is mad that I kept it from him, and he's like, this makes it feel like we're not that close. From my perspective, I was just being respectful of his time and energy and want to, like, didn't have to look after me. But my question is, like, when does independence cross into shutting people out?

[B]

Yeah. Look, we each have our boundaries, but I do believe, I gotta say, when I find out, like, major things about people, and I'm just like, okay, I guess we're not that close. If you didn't feel comfortable telling me, telling me that, you know, like, I think it's, it's in our. In our nature to be like, okay, this is how I judge our closeness by, like, what I even know about this person first.

[A]

Matt. I think it's. I think it's fair. Now we can reveal my recent life news.

[B]

Hi. Should we do, like, a alert? Can we put an alert symbol? Like a, Like a drone? Drone explosion.

[A]

It says hot. A big news.

[B]

A reveal. A drone reveal. A fireworks reveal. On our Independence Day. Yeah, on our.

[A]

Yes. So on this Independence Day, I'm no longer independent. Your boy Cairo has a new girlfriend. Very, very excited. I don't know, maybe we'll keep her name off the pod for now.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, for now. It's probably a good idea. I mean, do you have, do you have her blessing to even reveal?

[A]

You know what? I don't, but I think it's probably. We're at that moment where it's fine. So I, I, I didn't tell anybody, including Matt, that I was even dating anybody for two months until I felt we were, like, getting pretty close. And I told the gang, and people were very happy. A couple people were. Lindsay and Christina were mad.

[B]

I was not, because I know, I know your nature is very, like, private, and we already have established your boundary. And so, yeah, I'm curious. Why do you feel that they have a right to feel that way or like you have a different, like, I don't know, way of communicating with them.

[A]

Well, is it. It was Lindsay, Katrina, and, And. And Christine.

[B]

Women. The women.

[A]

The women.

[B]

Okay, so maybe it is because women expect that you don't get to have that sort of boundary with their closest friends.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the gossip gene is just so strong, and they share everything, And I just want to. I actually did share with my sister before anyone. But, yeah, the girls were, like, more focused on, like, why did you say anything with the guy? That's amazing. Like, when do we get to meet her?

[B]

Right now. That is very funny. That is very telling about the nature because we have a close male crew and not one of us was like, I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner. Like I, I do expect you to tell me in the, in a time bound fashion. I felt it was within the acceptable time bound range.

[A]

Well, Matt, you said, is this a bit. And then when I actually, the week before I brought her to something with best friend Mike, I told him I'm bringing my new girlfriend. He goes, I thought you were joking.

[B]

That was just razzing you. I knew it was, I knew it was real news. That's how, that's how male friends, you know, handle good news appropriately.

[A]

Do you think it would have made a difference because the question asker is a. Is bad news. Do you think that would have made a difference?

[B]

Well, no, because look, I think close friends want you to share good news and bad. They want you to share. It's not like about what you're sharing. They want you to share. That's part and parcel of like, am I actually your close friend? Because by the same token, like the reciprocity principle has to be like, if you don't share with me, then maybe you don't want me to share with you. And I think that's the concern, that maybe some people who are very independent might not see the other side of it of like, okay, so if you're saying that you don't want to share that stuff, then maybe I shouldn't be sharing with you. Maybe we're not that close. I think it gets into that space of like, well, I don't know how close we are. If you don't feel comfortable sharing this

[A]

stuff, I'm trying to get into the head of the friend. So he's. His buddy has just confided to him like, yeah, what's my fake name for a girl? Jimmy Is my fake guy name Lisa, I think.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He just found, you know, hey, me and Lisa broke up actually happened like a few months ago. I didn't say anything. I mean mad is a pretty strong.

[B]

Well, I think, I think part of it is friends want to be able to be a friend, right? And so if you don't tell them, you've basically taken away their opportunity to be a friend when you might have needed them. And then they're like, well, I didn't know I was needed. And now I feel like, now I feel bad or I don't know. There's a lot of Feelings, I think that can get hurt there.

[A]

Can I ask you kind of a tangential but like, sort of related topic?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you think when. I mean, it happens with celebrities because that's who we know about. Like when. Oh, my God. Oh, gosh. What's his name? He played Black Panther. What's his name? With a C. Chadwick. Chadwick Boseman. Sick. Didn't tell anybody.

[B]

Yeah. And that's his right. I mean, all of us have this, you know, again, like this independent. You have every right to. To live your life the way you and your inner core decide you want to live.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you have to recognize that that is going to impact other people and they're going to react how they're going to react. And so, like, you can't control other people's reactions. Right. So if you go, hey, I'm not going to tell my friends out of respect for them and that's. Or out of my own privacy issues, whatever, you have to be willing to accept the a quote unquote blowback to your friendship with that choice so they can respect it. But I do think they can also choose to say, okay, well, that hurts me and I don't feel like we're close. I think that's a fair reaction, I think.

[A]

But you also mentioned two use cases there. There's one where you're like, you know, I'm. I'm not ready to share. I'm really upset. I'm sad, I'm embarrassed. That's a b. Is like, oh, I don't want to tell Matt because I don't want to. Burd that's, I think, separate. I kind of think you're allowed to maybe get a little more mad on the second one. Like, what do you mean, burden me? This is what I'm here for.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like how? Why would you think it's a burden?

[B]

Yeah. Wait, so can we back to you for a second? So were the women actually upset?

[A]

Not upset, just. I mean, not like I'm mad at you, but like, I can't believe.

[B]

Right. But they know you're. You're pretty private.

[A]

Probably about dating. But it's also like, listen, if I'm putting myselves in your guys shoes, we talk all the time. Lindsay, Christina. All the time. You. So it is a little. There was a little bit of subterfuge, I'll admit. What are you up to? Nothing. But I was.

[B]

Yeah. But I always assumed that could be the case at any given time.

[A]

You always assumed. I mean, that's a good friend you always assume I'm just, you know, dating and. Which, I mean, I was.

[B]

Yeah, I assume there could be something. I listen. But here's the thing. So I guess that's just me. Right? So you have a choice as a friend. You know, your friends. Right. Like, I think it's partly like, okay, so this listener question is relevant in the sense that, do you know your friend's character and the way that they go about friending and what are their preexisting boundaries? Right. Because I think it's one thing for Cairo not to reveal that he has a girlfriend until he's ready. And far along, it's another for somebody who normally reveals everything to their friends and then suddenly doesn't tell them about a breakup. Like, that, to me, feels like grounds for your friends to be like, are we not close, man? Because with your situation, I don't think anybody who knows you well enough and chooses to be friends with you would have any, like, shock. Like, I'm surprised they're surprised.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's true. I mean, I don't know. It's one of those things where my ex therapist, Joan, says, I can never imagine other people's point of view. If someone came to me and was like, hey, I've had a girlfriend the past six months, I'd be like, great. You know, who gives a. I mean, like, you didn't tell me. I don't know. You told me.

[B]

When you told me. As I said, part of friendship is sharing with each other on some level, you know, in your own, you know, time and in your own ways. Some people are more open and some people more closed. Like, because if you think that that's the only mark of a friend, then you're only going to want to be friends with super open, you know, like, people who are spilling their guts out. And you're not going to want to be friends with people that are, you know, we're independent and, you know, kind of play things closer to the best. And that's a lot of people.

[A]

So what would you advise the guy who went through the breakup and now his buddy is a little peeved at him?

[B]

Well, I would explain myself, you know, I would say, look, actually, I appreciate that you care so much. I honestly, I didn't even think anyone cared that much. Yeah, because that's probably really what's going on with it.

[A]

Even more insulting.

[B]

No, but I'm saying I think a lot of people who, like, don't tell people stuff, they just don't think, like, they don't want a burden or, you know, they just don't think it's, you know, that matters that much. Whatever it is. We don't really know why. But I'm saying just be like. Or you could say, look, I was embarrassed. I was not feeling great about. Just be honest, like, about your feeling or, like, I'm not really good at sharing that stuff. But now that I know that you'd want to know, look, I will be more mindful of it in the future.

[A]

And what advice would you give to the other. To the friend who feels aggrieved?

[B]

I mean, I think you can tell them, hey, man, like, you know, like, your friends, like, Lindsay, I think guys are not good about saying that stuff, you know, or most of us don't really, you know, care, but maybe they do. Like, we've had some recent stuff where some friends have told me some things and I didn't know they were going on. And I. Yeah, I was like, man, I wish. I wish you would have told me sooner.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, because I. I feel like I missed an opportunity to be a better friend. And this is also why, as a general rule for the pod, we're always, like, checking on your friends more often. So, you know, six months goes by. As I said. I think I said this last episode, like, if you don't talk to your friend in six months, something bad has happened to them in life. Right. Like, that's just the nature of the opposite. I'm not saying something horrible. Yeah, yeah, something bad has happened.

[A]

Yeah, it's true. That's true.

[B]

So I don't think there's one, like, one size fits all for it. But if your friend has indicated you, like, you know, they. They are hurt by you not sharing, I think you should, you know, just be like, yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't, you know, I did. I didn't realize that, you know, you would want to be. I'm glad to hear, you know, be like, look, first of all, I'm happy to hear that you are, you know, invested in, you know, wanted to be there for me. So apologies, you know, and. But if you don't feel like that's part of your, like, k. What did you. What are you going to do going forward? You're not going to suddenly start sharing with people, People in a different way that you don't want to share with.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. But I mean, I. I will say I was excited to tell everyone. I actually kind of felt bad, but I was like, I can't jinx it.

[B]

No, I Agree. But I'm saying now. I'm just saying going forward, you're not going to suddenly change and now start like, oh, no, not at all. So. So my point is like, yeah, you know, people saying, oh, I wish you would have told me. It's like, yeah, I know, but that's how I am. You know, like, it's also like, that's just how I am, you know, like, take me or leave me. I'm not a. You know, I'm not like that revealing of my private stuff, but I. You know, it's one of those things where it's a good problem when your friends are like, I want to know more.

[A]

Yeah, I want to run. Run one run thing. One run one more thing by you guys that was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send us Instagram.

[B]

All right.

[A]

My last thing was that, like, a friend does come to you and you're helping them out. They're going through something. We've had some questions of, like, then the friend kind of gets over their thing and they don't need you anymore. And the person who was helping feels a little aggrieved, like, oh, like, I guess you don't need me anymore.

[B]

I've had that. Yeah, not that fairly recently. There's, like, a choice to make, I think, like, because part of me was like, I. I could choose to be really annoyed by this. I could choose to feel used a bit, you know, and. And like, part of me was letting those thoughts get in, you know? And then like, when it's over, it's like, okay, so now I'm not hearing from you regularly anymore. And I. That was just like a quick hit. You need it. Okay. I think you couldn't. I think you should take the information in, you know, like, it's. It's useful, like, to. To see, like, okay, this. This person calls me when they need stuff and, like, do with that info what you will.

[A]

Okay, I'm gonna make a very. Hold on. I lost my thing. Fun off color joke to me. This is context dependent. To quote the pen's ex president now.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

If a good. If it inner to secondary friend is doing it, you're doing triage, which we've talked about before.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'd say, oh, okay. They're okay now. Fine. If it's someone who's kind of coming out of secondary to tertiary or fringe friend territory, then it's a little like, use it you. I feel a little used.

[B]

Yeah. Because look, we always say friendship isn't always 50. 50 sometimes people need you, sometimes you need them.

[A]

Doesn't it matter who the person is who needs you?

[B]

But I agree with what you're saying. Yeah, I agree. Like, any close friends have, you know, months where it's like, I gotta listen to them for a while. Fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, I'm fine. I'm fine. That's how it is, you know, Like, I don't know that there's gonna come a time where I need them for, like, that. But fine, I'm okay with that. Even if there isn't. You know, that's just part of friendship. But, yes, I think when somebody who's not your close friend and they come in and they're needing you, that's nice to. Nice to do it. But if you realize that, like, it was just that and now it's, you know, over.

[E]

I don't know.

[B]

It's fine. I don't know. To me, I'm like, why get worked up about it? It's fine. Take the knowledge in and just go, okay, am I gonna do this again or not?

[A]

Is it. Do you believe in good karma?

[B]

I do. Do you?

[A]

Yeah, I mean. I mean, do I believe in it? I feel like I'm this. Am I a karma guy?

[B]

Well, I believe energy is real. And so I believe, like, I put out good energy, I get good energy back every day that I walk out into the world. So I don't know what karma is, you know, other than that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. But then I get hung up on people who, like, put out negative energy into the world and seem to be doing just fine.

[B]

Maybe. Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

But you can't judge people's outside the

[B]

hole into my theory. Yeah, yeah. You poke a gaping hole into the karmic theory.

[A]

Yeah. All right, well, this. This was good. This was a good independence episode. I hope you are very careful this weekend with the fireworks going out all night and you don't have a dog anymore, so you're fine.

[B]

Can I just add one final note before we end this podcast, Please? I'm so glad to see the high school kids are hacky sacking again.

[A]

Oh, yeah. You know what? Let's. Let's talk about the top of the next episode.

[B]

Okay, great.

[A]

Because I have a lot to say about this.

[B]

Great.

[A]

All right, guys, thank you so much for listening. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Happy Independence Day.

[B]

Oh, Happy Independence Day.

[A]

Love you, buddy.

[C]

Is the American dream still possible? I'm Asma Khalid, one of the hosts of the Global Story podcast from the BBC One of the most successful exports the United States has ever sold the world is the American Dream. That tantalizing promise of a better, freer, richer life. But is it still attainable?

[A]

I feel like the American Dream is alive, but not well.

[C]

For more, listen to the global story on BBC.com or wherever you get your podcasts.

[E]

Pros Save more on what you need to get the job done right Right now at Lowe's, get 15% off select custom entry and interior doors. Plus save $80 on the DeWalt 20 volt max 2 tool combo kit. Now just $169. And at the Lowe's Pro desk, bring us your materials list and get a quote in minutes. Handwritten, a photo or even a sticky note is all you need. Keep your jobs moving faster and on budget at Lowe's. Valid through 7 8, while supplies last selection varies by location.

[A]

If you like the show, please take a moment to rate, review and subscribe. It really does help the show to grow. Thank you for listening.