#192 - Refriending

Summary

Podcast Summary: Man of the Year – Champions of Friendship

Episode #192: “Refriending” (July 7, 2026)

Overview

In this episode, hosts Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo dive deep into the concept of "refriending"—reconnecting with old friends you’ve drifted from over time. Against the backdrop of the so-called “friendship recession,” they explore whether it’s a good idea to invite former friends back into your life, discuss practical guidelines and pitfalls, share personal stories, and answer a listener’s ethical dilemma about whether to give an old friend another shot.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Hacky Sack Nostalgia and Social Sports

• [02:26] Matt recounts a recent story of spontaneous hacky sack in an Atlanta hotel, noting how the game seems to be making a comeback among high schoolers.
• Both hosts reflect on how social, low-barrier “sports” like hacky sack promote connection—“It’s a great social sport.” – Matt [05:09].
• Segue: Nostalgia for hacky sack leads to nostalgia for old friends and the main theme—refriending.

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2. Introducing the Concept of Refriending

• Definition: Refriending isn’t just about following someone again on social media; it’s about intentionally bringing a past friend back into your real-life inner circle.

• Aaron points out how the impulse to refriend is often about nostalgia, but questions if that’s enough:

  “Is that a good enough reason to be somebody's friend again just because you once were?” – Matt [07:03]

• The hosts break down two types of friendship drift:

  • Falling out: A friendship ends due to conflict.
  • Falling off: A gradual fading, often common with men:

    “The latter is more often for men where you just stop talking to someone, not for any reason.” – Aaron [07:30]

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3. Pros and Cons of Refriending

Pros:

• Emotional ROI/ROF (Return on Friendship):

  “There’s a lot of upside. The emotional return...the ROF is high.” – Matt [08:52]

• Ease of reconnection: Shared history makes reconnecting easier; “guys can always pick up wherever they left off” – Matt [09:10].

Cons:

• Forgetting why things faded:

  “People always forget why it faded. Isn't there always a reason, even subconscious or conscious?” – Matt [09:41]

• Growth and Life Changes: Sometimes one or both have changed significantly, or the friendship no longer fits your current life.
• Capacity and Reciprocity: You may not have the “roster spot” for more friends, or the reconnection may be one-sided (unrequited):

  “I’m pretty much at maximum friendship capacity right now.” – Aaron [13:25]

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4. Framework for Refriending: When and How To Do It

The hosts propose a practical framework:

• No betrayal/falling out: Easier if the drift wasn’t due to a big conflict.
• Would you choose them now?

  “Would you choose them now?...you have to choose them [childhood friends] over and over again.” – Matt [14:18]

• Ease of interaction: The energy should feel easy and natural.
• Room in your life (“roster spot”):

  “Do you have a lane for this person in your life now?” – Matt [16:12]

• Treat them like a “new adjunct friend”—start slow, let things develop (adjunct/bench friend).
• Social fitness context: If you’re in need of friends, be more open; if your “friendship capacity” is full, it’s OK to pass.

---

5. Listener Question – Should I Give My Old Friend Another Shot?

[19:07] Listener:

“We drifted after a weird phase where he flaked on me a lot...Now, in our 40s, he reached out...Part of me is excited, but part of me doesn't want to feel like a second option. How do you know if it's worth giving someone another shot versus respecting why it faded?”

Hosts' Advice:

• Assess your own social context: Are you lacking for friends or already swamped?
• Has the other person changed? Give them (and yourself) a chance to show growth but trust your gut instinct.
• Low-pressure trial:

  “Go out with him for an hour. Watch a game. Tell him you have a hard out. Let him show you he’s the guy you want to spend time with.” – Matt [22:21]

• No obligation:

  “You're not obligated to, and if you have a good time, you're not obligated to also then refriend him…” – Matt [28:24]

• Don't assume they want full friendship revival; sometimes a casual reconnection suffices (the “perennial” or “biannual” friend).

Memorable Moment:

• Discussing the honesty of wanting to spend time with someone just to feel better about themselves:

  “Could I just be with somebody because they're bald and fat and it makes me feel better about my life?” – Matt recalls a previous listener question [21:36].

---

6. Social Media, Muting, and Refollowing

[28:56] Brief discussion about unfollowing/refollowing on social media and the etiquette.

• Matt jokes about high schoolers following him after the hacky sack event but not following back.

---

7. Closing Thoughts and Friendship Tips

• No pressure: Refriending doesn’t have to be a big deal or a lifelong commitment—sometimes grabbing a drink with an old friend is enough.
• Don’t relitigate the past:

  “Don’t re-litigate the past...Just skip it.” – Aaron [30:41]

• Upside is real: Reconnection can be surprisingly rewarding—“it could be like old times.”
• Be open: All friendship is good, old or new.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “It’s a great social sport.” – Matt [05:09]
• “Is that a good enough reason to be somebody's friend again just because you once were?” – Matt [07:03]
• “Return on friendship. Their ROF is high.” – Matt [08:55]
• “I'm pretty much at maximum friendship capacity right now.” – Aaron [13:25]
• “Would you choose them now?” – Matt [14:18]
• “Let him show you he's the guy you want to spend time with.” – Matt [22:21]
• “Don't re-litigate the past… Just skip it.” – Aaron [30:41]
• “It could just be like old times, and you’ll pick up right where you left off, and it’ll be great.” – Matt [31:01]

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:26-05:18] Hacky sack nostalgia & social bonding
• [05:56-10:00] Intro to “refriending” – Is it worth it?
• [10:11-16:16] Pros, cons, capacity, and social fitness
• [16:47-18:54] Framework: when and how to refriend
• [19:07-28:42] Listener question: ethical dilemma & actionable advice
• [30:21-31:14] Final takeaways: don’t pressure, don’t relitigate past

---

Conclusion

This episode offers a comedic yet thoughtful exploration of reconnecting with old friends. Matt and Aaron share personal anecdotes and actionable frameworks, reminding listeners that there’s no one right answer—check your instincts, don’t force it, and remember that it’s perfectly okay for “refriending” to be relaxed and casual. The core message: friendship is valuable, in whatever form it takes.

---

For More:

• Send friendship questions to @manoftheyearpodcast on Instagram.
• “Always remember: be good to yourself. Be good to your friends.”

Transcript

[A]

Man of the year. Man of the year. Man of the year. Welcome to the number one friendship podcast in the country. I'm Matt Ritter.

[B]

I'm Aaron Caro.

[A]

Guys, go to manoftheair podcast.com, grab some merch for summer. It's great to be walking around with we should be friends. T shirts. In the park, on the beach, wherever you go, you're going to get compliments. You're going to make some new friends. Go to YouTube, watch our clips. We hired these teenage clippers. Did you hear about clippers, Kiro?

[B]

They make clippers is all that matters.

[A]

It's all that matters. High school. That's a good way to make money. High school. Carol, can I tell you something crazy? I was in Atlanta.

[B]

I'm sorry, before you. Sorry, I was going to interrupt. Do you know we got an order from the store the other day and I looked at it and it was your brother.

[A]

Oh, amazing.

[B]

Yeah, he ordered a T shirt.

[A]

Great. Yeah, that counts.

[B]

Yeah, it counts. I mean, we made. We made some couple buckle of bucks on them.

[A]

Still counts. So I was in Atlanta recently and there was a high school. Do you remember deca?

[B]

I was the DECA national champion.

[A]

You were the DECA National Champion.

[B]

I mean, there's like, in the Marketing 2 division, I mean, there's like, you

[A]

know, there were thousands of kids in the hotel. I mean, I didn't realize how big deca was. Yeah, who else was in deca in our crew? I don't think I did deca.

[B]

I don't. I don't even remember. But yeah, it was like a marketing competition.

[A]

Ah, wow. You won. Would you win for, like, what would you do?

[B]

Brief and you come up with a marketing plan for it.

[A]

You know, you remember what it was?

[B]

I actually don't. I don't.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm shocked.

[B]

Yeah, I know. I can't remember because I, you know. Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

So I don't even know if I believe that you won now, you know, because I would have.

[B]

Trust me, I'll find some proof.

[A]

Yeah, you gotta find the proof. So anyway, so I'm in the lobby of the elevator and these kids are all dressed up nicely. And suddenly this beautiful white and red little orb flies in the air near my foot.

[B]

In the elevator?

[A]

No, in the elevator bank.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And instead of letting it drop to the ground, I lift my right leg up and I hack the sack in the air. And all these kids go, whoa, dude. And then we just start randomly hacky sacking me and a bunch of high

[B]

schoolers is hacky sacking back?

[A]

It's back. The sack is back.

[B]

Do you feel like you need to explain this to our listeners? Like, will they know what it is?

[A]

I have no idea. When we were in high school, you would take this little bag and you would kick it around in a circle, and it's like, keep it up. That's the whole. That's a beanbag. The beanbag. Keep the beanbag up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'd never seen anyone play it for about 30 years. Yeah. In 30 years, I've never been in an elevator where somebody was hacky sacking the elevator bag and suddenly they were all doing it. I'm like, are people doing this now? They're like, yeah. Love Hacky Sack. I'm like, wow, what? And so then this kid's like, are you like, kid goes, are you famous or something? Because it was. It was at a big sporting event. And I was like, not really, but you can look me up. And he looked me up, and he's like, oh, it's so cool. You're. You're hacky sacking with us and following you. Now

[B]

I'm asking if hacky sacking is making a comeback, and it seems to be unclear.

[A]

No, it's. Big Dave said his kids are doing it.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, his kids are pretty. I mean, it's good if you. Were you. Were you. Were you a hacky sack guy?

[A]

No, but everybody was on some level.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, I mean, for a soccer player, I was not. It's. It's tough.

[A]

It's. It's hard. It's its own sport.

[B]

It's its own. It's its own. What's it called? Skill.

[A]

I feel you have to have really mobile hips. Like, you know, it was hard when I was now in the elevator in my 40s, you know, just lifting my leg, just even getting the leg at that angle.

[B]

Did they go, excuse me, sir?

[A]

Yes. They were like, sir, can you. They were about to be like, sir, can you throw that hack? And I kicked it back.

[B]

I feel. Correct me if I'm wrong, but when we were in high school, hack in the sack was kind of correlated with, like, scumbaggery, wasn't it?

[A]

Definitely. It was like. You were a smoker.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Skateboarded. You had tattoos?

[B]

Yeah. No. No one had tattoos.

[A]

Nobody had tattoos. A couple people had. I think one or two people in her high school. Yeah, I think one or two people did.

[B]

I think it was drawn on with pen. Yeah. I. Listen, I think it's. It's. You're outside, you're with your homies.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're active. Look, it's harmless.

[A]

It's a great social sport.

[B]

It's a social sport.

[A]

Social sports are gonna kind of. Everybody can do it. Is good.

[B]

You know, that's good.

[A]

I don't really have a good segue into our hacky sacking segment, but I wanted to talk about something that I don't think we've really covered in a while, because I got a good listener question this week, so I kind of built a topic around it, but it isn't. I. I guess the. The segue is hacky stacking is nostalgic. And you know what else is nostalgic? Friends that you've gotten. That you've gotten rid of or. Or detached from or lost touch with. And sometimes in your mind, you're like, I should. I should bring them back into my life. I should.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Refriend them.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I wanted to talk about whether or not refriending is a good idea and kind of the rules that you should. Or guidelines we can build for people on whether or not it makes sense to bring somebody back into your life that was a friend and then was not a friend and now could be again. What are your initial.

[B]

We were talking about refriending the other day and. And like, oh, did we coin that? And when I googled refriending, what comes up most is if you stop following someone on social media and then you decide to refollow them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's what they call refreshing.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So look, I think. I think our, like, our initial impulse is always we like to. We, like, we want to bring somebody back into our lives. It's like a good. It's like there is like a nostalgia, right. It's like, oh, we were friends. We had good time. You have all these good memories, Right. They come to the fore and you're like, oh, we used to be close. Shouldn't we be? Or whatever. But is that a good. Like, is that a good enough reason to be somebody's friend again just because you once were?

[B]

No, absolutely not. There needs to be a why.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It needs to be double opt in.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, it's kind of like, do you ever, like, discover, like, a shirt in your closet from like, oh, my God, this is like, I forgot about this. Then you're like, I love this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, we were talking about. There's generally, there's two reasons this comes about. One you had a falling out or one, you had a falling off.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the latter is more Often for men where just. You just stop talking to someone. Not for any reason.

[A]

You know, you said why, but I think it's really why now.

[B]

Oh, wow. I'm getting. I'm getting network notes right now.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Because I really do think. I like, I think it's not. It's not just why should I. It's why. Why at this point in your life should you. Should you bring this person back into orbit because you. Like you said, just because you were a friend, isn't that's not a good enough reason to be a friend?

[B]

Right. Yeah. I mean, again, it depends on the re. If it's just a falling off and you run into an old friend that you kind of. That you miss. I know they give you a pang of, like.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Happiness in the heart and good fond memories. I mean, like, I think it's. I think it's great.

[A]

There's a lot of upside. Okay, let's just talk about that. I think you said that. Right. Right. I mean, I think there's a. The emotional returns. Emotional roi. Right. You can get immediate hits. It's a low lift. It's high upside. Somebody's one text and you're back in.

[B]

Should we coin rof? Return on friendship.

[A]

Return on friendship. Rof. Their ROF is high.

[B]

Yeah, ROF is. Is high.

[A]

Continuity is pretty easy.

[B]

Yeah. Well, you know, you always say, Matt, it's like guys can always pick up wherever they left off.

[A]

Wherever.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

A year, a decade, 30 years, 60 years.

[B]

Why. Why let it go. Why let it go that long?

[A]

Right. So you have all the shared stuff, the foundational stuff. You've got the continuity stuff. It's a low lift. There's high upside. The ROF is high. But here's the cons, right? Number one is. I think the number one thing is people always forget why it faded or why you're not friend. Because I. I think. Tell me if you agree with this. You know, we say there aren't falling outs or falling offs, but isn't there always a reason even whether it's. Whether it's. Whether it's subconscious or conscious?

[B]

Here's the thing. I. I would say just from our research in the field, a large percentage. There is not a reason. If I. That's my guess.

[A]

You don't think there's any subconscious reason why people just decide, you know, just not friends with some people.

[B]

Have you ever talked to one of our male listeners?

[A]

No, I know. I'm asking why you don't think subconscious. I'm saying you don't even think subconsciously.

[B]

Yeah, subconscious. Oh. Probably should turn my light on about two hours ago. Subconsciously, they're just. I don't think it's about the person. I don't think it's friend specific. I think they're just like, I'm married now, so what do I need to hang out with Jimmy?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, okay, maybe.

[A]

Look, maybe I'm asking the question, you know.

[B]

Yeah. And I think some percentage of her, like, you know what? I don't like that guy.

[A]

Right. I think sometimes this was a reason. It's like, oh, I moved, or, oh, I got married, or, oh, I had this. So you use that as an excuse to not be friends with the person anymore, but that's not the reason.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Because there are other people you stay close with.

[B]

Yeah, it depends. You know, it also could have been a weak tie. Like, we've talked.

[A]

No, I agree. Look, I totally agree. Look, sometimes I agree. Sometimes it's just something else happened. I moved. I wasn't that strong of a friendship. Fine. Boom. There's nothing negative. Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The other thing is, like, people grow. And, like, maybe you evolved. We talked about this in multiple episodes, and they didn't. Or they evolved and you didn't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's hard to, like, pick back up, you know?

[B]

I mean, I was literally just gonna say the two sort of net negatives that I can think of one baggage from.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, whatever happened with you guys, if something happened in two, you're not. Hey, I'm not. I'm not party Matt anymore or I'm not single.

[A]

Right. So I'm not sure. Like, a lot of times it's like, why are you boxing yourself into your old self?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Or why you're opening up your old self if that's not who you've chosen to be? And this is the, like, tie to that, and you don't want that. And I guess that sort of leads me into my other negative, which is, like, I don't know, a lot of times both people don't want that and one person does.

[B]

Well, I. No one's forcing you to refriend anybody.

[A]

Right, Right. But a lot of times people pop back up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's. You know, they go, hey, I haven't seen you in a while. Let's grab a drink. And a lot of people's reaction is to be agreeable.

[B]

This is almost like when you run into an ex girlfriend or ex boy.

[A]

Well, is an ex girlfriend, like, asking for drinks? No.

[B]

Well, you, like, see someone that you did in the past. And you fall and they were. They were toxic. And then you fall back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What's the platonic version of good in bed? Great hang.

[A]

Great hang. They were a great hang. They were a great hang. Yeah.

[B]

It left me limping.

[A]

What a great hang. I woke up the next day. But I do think, like, that's what happens a lot of the times, is that, like, one person wants that to. To be again. Doesn't mean it should be.

[B]

Yeah. So it's not requited.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, listen, you. If you've moved on or you have, like. Listen, as we've discussed, I'm pretty much at maximum friendship capacity right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And occasionally someone will move here or I'll meet someone. And they are. They're dtf. They're down to friend. But I'm not. And it's not because I don't like them. I need to respect my current friendship.

[A]

No, totally. Like, I agree. Because I've had a few recent, like, pop back up on the radar and I'm just like, no, I'm good.

[B]

But it's not because you don't like them.

[A]

No, it just. I'm good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm in a very good place with my social dynamics.

[B]

But.

[A]

Yes. I mean, look, I guess I wanted to say. When should you. What's our framework for, like, obviously, if there's no betrayal and falling out. Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think number two is what I was saying. I think. Would you choose them now?

[B]

Right. You know, I think we used to say for childhood friends, like, you have to choose them over and over again.

[A]

Yeah,

[B]

yeah, yeah. I mean, like, listen, we've also said that you have child. We're. We're tenure friends. We're in.

[A]

Right.

[B]

In a way, you know, refriending someone now is. Is. Is a good litmus task. It's like you're. You're not just, you know, you're not just grandfathering from middle school.

[A]

They've lost their tenure.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Right. They're starting off with, like, some random dad I needed pick at school pickup.

[B]

Yeah. It's a rare case you lose your tenure because you're only allowed to lose tenure in very specific situations.

[A]

Right. Yeah. So, like, you're back to. Right. Exactly. But you do have to treat them that way.

[B]

I think now they're back to being adjunct friends.

[A]

Right? Yeah.

[B]

Or adjunct.

[A]

Adjunct. A junk junkyard. And I think, too, the energy has to feel easy. Easy. It's a big test. Right. I think.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you're gonna do this with somebody and it Feels not super smooth when you get back on that horse. What do you think?

[B]

I mean, I think the rubric is the same as if they're a complete stranger.

[A]

Well, complete stranger things aren't always like, you don't know each other that well. So I'm saying like with somebody that you know and you were friends and they come back in your life and it doesn't feel easy, I think that's like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I, I'm kind of saying you should get to know them again.

[A]

Yeah, I guess that's true. I guess what you just said was my last one is like, do you have a lane for this person in your life now?

[B]

Right. Do you have a roster spot?

[A]

Do you have a roster spot?

[B]

Like, I mean, you could have them coming in off the bench, but you know, you gotta, you gotta, you know, you got a stacked bench. I mean, these are high class problems. I would also say if you're someone who's looking for friendship and your bar should be lower and if someone comes back into the and they're not like toxic or dangerous or anything like, you know, it's a good hack because you're just, you've got to, you skip the first five days of small talk.

[A]

Right? You know, let's take a listen to a question because it's about this topic.

[B]

We'll be right back with a listener question.

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[B]

okay guys, this is asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question or ethical dilemma, send it to us on Instagram. Our handle is man of the Year podcast and me and Matt will answer it on the show. Take it away.

[A]

Hey Matt and Caro. Love the pod. I had a really close friend in my 20s. We partied hard. We even lived together for a bit. We drifted after a weird phase where he flaked on me a lot and I started to feel like I cared more than he did. No big blow up, just distance. Recently now in our 40s, he reached out and suggested grabbing a drink. Part of me is excited because we had great Times. Oh, like KO's would you call me? It was a great hang, but part of me is like, I don't want to go back to feeling like the second option. How do you know if it's worth giving someone another shot versus respecting white faded in the first place?

[B]

It's a great question. I mean, here's what I would ask myself. I would say, number one, like what is my social fitness right now? Like, do I actually have friends that I'm hanging out with or am I kind of sitting around doing nothing and my wife is like get me out of the house. Number two, like what is my stage in life? Like, do I have time? Do I have little kids running around? Like, do I need an activity partner? Number three, like does he seem like he's changed now, you might not know that till the first mandate, but, like, is he. If. If he's right back to his old ways? And number four, I don't know if we've ever talked about this, is like, what is your gut telling you? Because my gut, from the tone of the question, which is tough because you're reading someone else's question, was like,

[A]

me,

[B]

like, let bygones be bygones. But also sounds like he was a great hang. I don't know.

[A]

Right. Great flake hang in your 20s that you lived with. We've all had those. Who among us haven't had a great hang?

[B]

I mean, we were them.

[A]

Right? Yeah. I like what you're saying about instinct. Like, you're already. By the tone of the question is. Are gonna. Is it's his alarm bells going off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, do I want to get it mixed up in this? No. If you're already saying, do I want to get mixed up in this? The answer is no. You're. You're not obligated to say yes to somebody.

[B]

You know, what if you think. What if you think he might be, like, a bit of a train wreck and it'll make you feel better about yourself?

[A]

We had a listener question a year, two years ago. Remember that? One of our listeners was like, I like hanging out with this guy because I'm better than him.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He's bald and fat. I remember that.

[A]

I loved it. I love the honest. That was the most honest question we ever had. Could I just be with somebody because they're bald and fat and it makes me feel better about my life?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We said, I guess not that nice, but I guess, yeah. So, yeah, I mean, I think, you know, you're. You're spot on with, like, look, man, you're not. If you're. You're already. Your energy, you already say, your instincts are already telling you this is not a great idea. But I also think what you said is great. Like, we don't all know each other. We all change. We can grow. We can give people a chance to change and. And. And show us that they're different people. We can give people second chances. I'm a proponent of giving people second chances.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't like it works for you. So go out with him for an hour. Go. Go watch one game for an hour. Tell him I have a heart out. Gotta be home for dinner with the wife, kids. I've got 45 minutes. Let him show you he's the guy you want to Spend time with. Let him. You know, it sounds like he's, you know, like, asking you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Love a heart out. What was I gonna say? Like, it also sounds like. I mean, I think the guy says, like, nothing actually negative happened. They just, like, drifted apart. And the guy was like, what? I mean, you know, I'd be surprised if he was still the same as he was in his 20s. I mean, it possibly could have been. Right.

[A]

He's probably grown up a bit.

[B]

Yeah, probably grown up a little bit. I mean, it's also takes a little bit of courage for the other guy to have reached out.

[A]

Yeah, I think.

[B]

I respect. I value that. Respect that a little bit.

[A]

I mean, look, he likes you. Hey, somebody out there likes you.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I think that's. I think a good controlled environment with a heart out. See what he's like. And then what do you do? Okay, let's say you hang out and it's. Then it's perfectly pleasant. But. And he's not. He's grown up. But you're like, you know what? I'm. I'm good. Then what do you do?

[A]

But that's fine, too. I was gonna say it's also fine that you're not reviving. That doesn't mean you're reviving the friendship.

[B]

But what if he tries to revive it?

[A]

No, I know, but right now, you don't even know that he's trying to revive it either. Like, you may just be putting the cart before the horse here. He may just be looking for one more good time. Jimmy. With you.

[B]

But what. What if he. What if he is trying to revive.

[A]

Right. You. You're not obligated to. You're saying what you say.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're gonna look, and then you're gonna have to soft re. Ghost him for 20 years.

[B]

So you're gonna. You're gonna turn the tables on him. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, you're just gonna be busy. He'll get the hint.

[B]

What do you think about. Is it a real thing when people are like, hey, we're meeting back at this bar in 20 years on this date? You think people actually do that?

[A]

I think three or four people have done it and they made the Internet over it. I don't think people do it.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. All right.

[A]

I think three or four people have done it and they wrote an Internet article about it, and now people think that's a trend that people do. No.

[B]

No, they don't. Yeah. Do you know that there was. This is a real tangent. There was a study ones of like, if you had a. Like meet someone in New York City and you had no idea where to go, you never set a meeting spot, where would you go?

[A]

You're asking, like, what would be the place that. The obvious place? Like, if you're like, how do we find each other?

[B]

I don't know if it would be obvious, but yeah, just like, will be a logical. A logical place. And it was like a study.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, it's either PEN Station, Grand Central, Times Square, Madison Square Garden. Grace papaya.

[B]

Just like 20 grace papayas. That'd be terrible.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. The library, the big library.

[B]

I. I read that it was Library. It was Grand Central. I don't know if it's still there. Is there some, like, Central?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Thing in the middle? Yeah, that was. That was number one.

[A]

Yeah, that was my number one.

[B]

Yeah. Number one. So. So, yeah, I think you. You feel it out and you think you'll get the hint, right? I don't know. I just. I worry that people don't get the hint these days, but that's fair enough.

[A]

Yeah. Actually, like, I just had somebody reach out, you know, to say, hey, I haven't heard from you in a while. Blah, blah. Like one of those things.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And we're not even really that close, you know, but it was fine and we had a good text exchange.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I'm not gonna make plans with that person. I just. They don't fit into my life at the moment.

[B]

Right, but did they ask you for plans?

[A]

I think they were like, you know, alluding to it. Yeah. Like, alluding to it. And I just kind of brushed it off, you know.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair. That's fair. Listen, you. The other per. It's double opt in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like we say, most guys are receptive to friendship and the overall population of men. I think we're a little bit of an outlier. But yeah, every once in a while you'll make a bid for friendship and they'll parry you, and that's okay.

[A]

But also, can we just say this? You don't have to. It doesn't have to be. Hey, I'm refriending. It doesn't have to be a one time thing. You could just. He could just be that guy that, like, you know, every two years, you see. I don't know what you call that, you know.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. An annual. A perennial friend.

[A]

A perennial. Yeah, perennial. Perennial.

[B]

Perennial is like all.

[A]

All year.

[B]

Every year. Oh, is it all year? Karen's gonna.

[A]

It's called perennial Flowers, like flowers that bloom all year.

[B]

Perennial. A plant that lives for more than two years, typically returning each spring.

[A]

Okay, yeah. So maybe perennial every year. Yeah.

[B]

You described something that was permanent and persistent. Okay. That was.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. A biannual friend. There's a biannual every six months or every two years.

[B]

I mean, listen, it's. It's. It's sad to say, but, like, you know, the man of the year crew. I see the triplets once a year at this point.

[A]

Listen, most people in the East Coast, I see once a year.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So, like, if it's. If there's. If there's no low lift and you want to keep them around as, you know, fun times. Johnny. Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with that, as long as you're not acting like they're, you know, you're, you know, like bait and switching this guy, you know? Right.

[B]

And as long as you don't show up, he doesn't show up, and he's like, hey, man, can I borrow 10,000 bucks?

[A]

The odds of that are 20.

[B]

Yeah. Do we answer this question?

[A]

I think so. Right. I think the takeaway was you can give him a chance. Like, let's not assume he's the same guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But your instincts are telling you he's gonna be somebody you don't really want in your life. So you can give him an hour of your time if you want. You're not obligated to do it. And if you have a good time, you're not obligated to also then refriend him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just means you had a good time with a guy that you used to be friends with.

[B]

All right, guys, this was asking for a friend. If you have a friendship question, send it to us on Instagram. Manage your podcast. Wrapping up. Matt, do you ever unfollow people on social media or re. Follow them?

[A]

Yeah, I've started to. You know, I don't want to look lazy to even do it, but lately I've just been like, ah, I don't. Because then they can see your stuff. So I was like, I don't. I don't want to be in your life. Otherwise you have to, like, block them or something. Right? I don't even know.

[B]

Well, you can mute them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did your hacky sack guys follow you?

[A]

Yeah. High school.

[B]

Did you follow them back?

[A]

No, of course not.

[B]

No. So you just have years of a high school kid following you now?

[A]

Yeah. Suleiman. Shout out to Suleiman if you're listening.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Shout out to Suleiman.

[A]

I hope you won deca like Caro, who allegedly won deca with no proof.

[B]

Doesn't even remember what he DECA national champion.

[A]

Doesn't even remember what he. What he marketed.

[B]

You know who would know? Harlan Harl. That's how I met Harlan. I'm gonna ask Harlan. I'm gonna text him.

[A]

You met him at a DECA conference?

[B]

Yeah, before college.

[A]

Wow. Who else from Plainview was at your DECA thing with you? I gotta know.

[B]

I don't remember. I don't know.

[A]

That all things reeks of bs.

[B]

Well, you know. Okay, well, when we did our. When we did our robotics competition and biology, like, who. Who. Who else was there? Do you remember who else was there?

[A]

No.

[B]

Exactly. Exactly.

[A]

Fair. Fair.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A long time.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Anything else? We want to chat about refriending before.

[A]

Yeah, I. I don't think you should put too much pressure on it. That's what I want to say. That's my, like, big takeaway. Don't put too much pressure on it. It doesn't have to be what it was. It doesn't have to be a new permanent fixture in your life. But, like, you could. You could just grab a drink with an old friend. It's not the end of the world.

[B]

I have a hack, slash, tip.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Something you've said in the past. Don't re. Litigate the past.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

No need to say, well, I'm sorry I was flaky and blah, blah, blah. Just skip it.

[A]

Just. How are you now?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Live in the moment.

[B]

Yeah. It just. It just doesn't. It doesn't matter, you know?

[A]

Look, the upside is. Look, we didn't talk about the upside as much, but the upside is obvious. Like, you could be welcoming an old friend back in. It could just be like old times, and you'll pick up right where you left off, and it'll be great.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, listen, these days, anywhere you can make a friend. Great. Old friend, new friend, it's fine. All right, guys, Let us know if you have recently re. Friended anybody or defrauded anybody. Thank you so much for listening. Always remember, be good to yourself. Be good to your friends. Love you, buddy.

[A]

Love you, buddy.