I Know That Love Won’t Pass Me

Summary

Mantra with Jemma Sbeg: "I Know That Love Won’t Pass Me" – Episode Summary

Release Date: May 12, 2025
Host: Gemma Spag (OpenMind)

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Introduction to the Mantra

In this compelling episode of Mantra with Jemma Sbeg, Gemma introduces the week's mantra: "I know that love won't pass me." She sets the stage by explaining that this mantra is centered on releasing urgency, letting go of a scarcity mindset, and trusting that the right kind of love—be it romantic, platonic, or self-love—will arrive when it's meant to, even if not on an ideal timeline.

Notable Quote:

"This Mantra is about releasing urgency, letting go of a scarcity mindset, and really trusting that the right kind of love... will always arrive when it's meant to."
— Gemma Spag [01:59]

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Personal Reflections and Experiences

Gemma delves into her personal journey, sharing two pivotal experiences that align with the mantra. The first recounts her first major adult relationship, which ended after two years despite her deep belief that it was "the one." The aftermath left her grappling with intense emotions and the irrational fear that love had passed her by.

Notable Quote:

"Four years later, I can say that was entirely irrational, but it felt very real at that moment."
— Gemma Spag [24:11]

The second experience highlights her struggle with a scarcity mindset post-breakup, where she forced connections and overinvested in relationships that weren't fulfilling. This period taught her the importance of authenticity and self-love, leading to healthier relationships founded on genuine connections rather than desperation.

Notable Quote:

"Someone that will truly love us… we will just shove any kind of puzzle piece in there and cut parts of ourselves to fit."
— Gemma Spag [26:51]

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Understanding the Scarcity Mindset

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to exploring the scarcity mindset—a concept borrowed from economics—that affects how individuals pursue love. Gemma explains how societal pressures and milestone anxieties create a false sense of urgency, leading people to chase unsuitable partners out of fear of being alone.

Notable Quote:

"A scarcity mindset is actually an economics term... It was identified to explain why people end up making decisions that are irrational and not right for them when faced with the idea that something is rare."
— Gemma Spag [13:00]

She draws parallels between consumer behavior and dating habits, illustrating how perceiving love as scarce can lead to compromised relationships and authenticity loss.

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Practices to Embrace the Mantra

Gemma offers actionable strategies to internalize the mantra and shift from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance and trust:

1. Redefine Love: Expand the concept of love beyond romantic relationships to include friendships, family, and self-love.

   Notable Quote:

   "Just because you don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend... doesn't mean that love is cut off."
   — Gemma Spag [28:34]

2. Commit to Self-Dating: Engage in activities that nurture self-love, such as solo adventures and self-affirmations.

   Notable Quote:

   "I started doing them for myself... if I wanted someone to say I love you, I could say that to myself."
   — Gemma Spag [29:27]

3. Fill Your Life with Interests: Pursue new hobbies and goals to shift focus away from chasing relationships.

   Notable Quote:

   "We are committing to a goal... so we have less time to sit there and fixate on this person."
   — Gemma Spag [30:24]

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Deep Thought of the Day

Gemma shares a poignant quote from Rumi to encapsulate the episode's essence:

Quote:

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
— Rumi
— Gemma Spag [33:00]

This reflection encourages listeners to introspect and remove internal barriers to welcome authentic love into their lives.

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Journal Prompts and Weekly Challenge

To reinforce the mantra, Gemma provides journal prompts designed to foster self-awareness and dismantle limiting beliefs about love:

1. What stories do you tell yourself about being chosen, and how are those stories helping or hurting you? [38:05]
2. Where in your life are you still chasing love that isn't reciprocating? [38:14]
3. What would it mean to release that chase? [38:21]
4. What would you change in your daily life if you fully believed that love was already on its way to you? [38:25]

Additionally, the Weekly Challenge—Self Love Mirror Challenge—invites listeners to affirm their worth each morning by saying, "I know that love won't pass me. I know that I am worthy of love," fostering a positive self-image.

Notable Quote:

"Why is it so strange for me to hear that I am deserving of love?"
— Gemma Spag [39:24]

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Final Thoughts and Conclusion

Gemma wraps up the episode by reiterating the importance of authenticity in relationships. She emphasizes that waiting for true love should not equate to being in a "before" state but instead embracing a fulfilling life independently. By cultivating self-love and trusting the timing of love, individuals can welcome relationships that are genuine and enduring.

Notable Quote:

"All of us have a number of big love stories ready for us in this life. You just need to be prepared to wait for them and to allow them to have their moment."
— Gemma Spag [41:35]

She concludes with encouragement to share thoughts on social media, rate, review, and follow the podcast, and to join the Open Mind Plus community for exclusive content.

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Key Takeaways

• Release Urgency: Trust in the natural timing of love.
• Combat Scarcity Mindset: Avoid chasing unsuitable relationships out of fear.
• Foster Self-Love: Prioritize personal growth and self-affirmation.
• Redefine Love: Embrace all forms of love beyond romantic connections.
• Authenticity is Crucial: Maintain genuine self-expression in relationships.

This episode of Mantra with Jemma Sbeg offers profound insights into building a healthy relationship with love by shifting internal mindsets and embracing self-love, ultimately ensuring that love finds its rightful place in one's life without force or desperation.

Transcript

[Gemma Spag]

Foreign.

[Co-host]

This is Open Mind. Welcome to a brand new week.

[Gemma Spag]

Here is your Mantra I know that love won't pass me. I'm your host, Gemma Spag, and I'm here to guide you toward a more.

[Co-host]

Centered and fulfilling life.

[Gemma Spag]

Each week I'll share personal stories and insights that are focused on a specific specific mantra, plus journal prompts and a.

[Co-host]

Weekly challenge for all of us to.

[Gemma Spag]

Help put it into action. Think of Mantra as your mental reset button, a way to stay centered as you juggle work, school, family and whatever else life throws at you. Each mantra is a simple, powerful phrase you can repeat to refocus your thoughts and bring a little bit of calm into your day. It's a small tool with a big impact, clearing your mind, lifting your mood, and rooting you in the present. If you've listened to my other show, the psychology of your 20s, you'll know I'm all about those little nuggets of insight that make a big impact. So whether you are looking for some extra inspiration or you're trying to ground yourself amidst the chaos, you have come to the right place. At Open Mind, we value your support. Share your thoughts on social media and.

[Co-host]

Remember to rate, review and follow Mantra.

[Gemma Spag]

To help us others discover the show. For more exclusive content, monthly bonus episodes, early access and ad free listening, join our Open Mind plus community on Apple Podcasts. This week I'll catch you up on what's been going on in my life and then we'll dive into today's Mantra. It's an amazing one. I know that love won't pass me. This Mantra is about releasing urgency, letting go of a scarcity mindset, and really.

[Co-host]

Trusting that the right kind of love.

[Gemma Spag]

Romantic, platonic or self love it will always arrive when it's meant to, even if it's not on your ideal timeline. Stick around. We'll be right back after this short pause. Hey, it's Gemma and I'm so excited to tell you about my new true crime obsession, Clues with Kin Moore and Morgan Abshaw. Every Wednesday, Morgan and Kaylin take you deep into the world of the most notorious crimes ever, clue by clue, and.

[Co-host]

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[Gemma Spag]

Welcome back. We're going to talk about this week's Mantra in just a few but before we do, it's time for my highs, lows and who knows, so a big high. I think we've had a lot of highs recently because obviously with my book coming out, there's just been so much good stuff going on. And as a continuation of that, I've been traveling around Australia at the moment doing my book tour. But my book tour, I wanted to do something a little bit different instead of just going to a bookstore and signing a bunch of books and only getting like a couple of minutes with everyone. So I decided to Do a Dinner with Strangers series. So I'm going to four different cities around Australia, maybe five, if we can sneak Perth in there. And having dinner with listeners of Matron, listeners of the psychology of your twenties, and now readers of my book Person in Progress. It has been so much fun. It has been a delight. We have drunk wine. We have had really deep, vulnerable chats. We've been able to discuss the book. And honestly, it's just been so rewarding. Like, it's been such a fun experience. And I feel like this kind of stuff really makes podcasting feel more special and feel more exciting. You know, as much as I love sitting here talking to you all through a microphone, there is a sense of community that I think I sometimes lack by working for myself and not having colleagues and not having, you know, an office to go into every day. And this has, like, just been a really special grounding exercise and, like, grounding opportunity, and it's just been a whole lot of fun. So that is a huge high for me right now. There are a few more dinners coming up, so if you live in Australia, I do think there are tickets still available. So make sure you check that out. Make sure that you see if I'm coming to your city, because it would be great to have a bite to eat, have a wine, have a Diet Coke if you're not drinking, and just get to catch up. So huge. Hi. Okay, let's get into it.

[Co-host]

It's time for this week's mantra.

[Gemma Spag]

I know that love won't pass me. Love is probably the most important thing we have as humans. I don't think that can be overstated. People write sonnets and poems and start wars and die for love. They sacrifice everything because of love. It is probably the most valuable thing we have and the most coveted thing that human beings, I don't want to say own, but experience. Here's the thing. Love comes in many different forms. We know that as well. We have platonic love, that, you know, special intimacy that we have with our friends. We have self love, the love we show ourselves, familial love, even, like the love we have for our pets. And it's just this purest kind of emotional energy. It's like this explosion from your chest that, like, lands on anyone and anything who comes near it. And, of course, that's something that we want. And when that comes in a romantic form, it's something that we greatly desire, especially since we know romantic love is something our society loves to put on a pedestal above all other essential categories. It seems that, you know, at any stage in our life, we must either be in romantic love, be in pursuit of romantic love, or be recovering from a time romantic love didn't work out the way that we planned, but it.

[Co-host]

Always finds its way back into the.

[Gemma Spag]

Center of everything going on in your life. And with that, big questions do emerge. You know, will I ever find my big love? Will I ever find someone who loves me and puts as much into our relationship as I'm willing to? You know, is the love I have now meant forever? And what if it isn't? I personally think that a lot of our anxieties towards love emerge because our current philosophy on this subject and this feeling is entirely wrong. We think of love as something to possess and gain and that we have one soulmate, and that we need to be hunting for them to check it off our to do list, to say, okay, this part of my life is complete. I found the one.

[Co-host]

Now I can rest and move on.

[Gemma Spag]

And do everything else that I need to do. I think we have little room for appreciating that love has its own journey.

[Co-host]

To us and for us. And also that not all love is meant to last.

[Gemma Spag]

And that's honestly okay. In fact, it's quite beautiful because, as our mantra says, the love that is.

[Co-host]

Meant to last will last. And the love that is meant to be in your life won't pass you. That doesn't necessarily mean it will never leave you.

[Gemma Spag]

But I do believe that each love story has a timeline, a very unique and intended timeline. Some love lasts forever, some are just lessons. But you have to not be scared of sometimes preparing to let go, knowing that the right person and the right feelings and the right love will find you. So let's work backwards together here and answer this question.

[Co-host]

Why do we have such a sense of urgency when it comes to love?

[Gemma Spag]

And why does this urgency often mean.

[Co-host]

We chase love that is not meant for us?

[Gemma Spag]

Because we have all been guilty of doing that?

[Co-host]

I think a large part of this.

[Gemma Spag]

Has to do with social conditioning and milestone anxiety. As we said before, we can often be pressured into thinking our life is incomplete until we have a partner or.

[Co-host]

That something is wrong with us or we're missing out. And this can create a real sense.

[Gemma Spag]

Of panic and urgency to find someone.

[Co-host]

And find someone fast.

[Gemma Spag]

You know what it reminds me of? When you were a kid, did you ever play that game where your teacher would call out a number and you had to get into pairs or groups of three or four based on whatever number they'd said, and everybody would like scramble and scream and run about and try and find someone and who whoever the odd one out was, like, they would just kind of stand there and everyone would like, look at them. And dating sometimes feels like that, especially when everyone else around you may be in a relationship and especially the older you get.

[Co-host]

This fear of missing out or being.

[Gemma Spag]

The odd one out, I guess, is the first biggest factor that drives us.

[Co-host]

Into love that is not meant for us. There is this long standing stereotype as.

[Gemma Spag]

Well about people who have never been married, who are still living alone at 40, 50, 60, 70. We have been taught to pity them and question, you know, how could they ever be fulfilled? You know, don't we all want someone to grow old with? I'm going to squash that myth right away. You know who some of the happiest people in the world are? Single women over 50 with no kids. You know which group has the most hobbies and friends for their age group? Single men over 50.

[Co-host]

How insane is that? Buying into this idea that being single.

[Gemma Spag]

Is misery means we end up buying.

[Co-host]

Into this dangerous fallacy that we need.

[Gemma Spag]

To be searching, hunting, racing, rushing to find love. And that specifically ends up creating what we call a scarcity mindset.

[Co-host]

Now, you've probably heard of this term before. What you might not know is that a scarcity mindset is actually an economics term.

[Gemma Spag]

It was an economics term identified to explain why people end up making decisions that are irrational and not right for them when faced with the idea that something is rare. So you might say this. You're at the grocery store and your favorite muesli bar, your favorite bread, your favorite drink, let's say your favorite energy drink, there's only two boxes left on the shelf and you really only need one box. But because there's only one other left.

[Co-host]

And you think, oh my God, maybe they're running out.

[Gemma Spag]

You might buy the second box and you get home and you're like, I didn't need 20 cans of this energy drink. This is ridiculous. Or, you know, someone else, like, tells you that this bag that you see in a store is rare, and you're like, well, if it's rare, I better buy it.

[Co-host]

Must be a good deal.

[Gemma Spag]

Now, this applies to our decisions as consumers and shoppers. It also applies to love. Sometimes when you feel like there is.

[Co-host]

Very few good people left or that.

[Gemma Spag]

Good people are hard to find, or that the older you get, the harder it is to find someone, you are going to do what we explained before and grab the nearest person, grab the person who plops into your Life accidentally, who probably isn't right for you but is just there. This also begins to impact our behaviors.

[Co-host]

We begin to approach love very artificially and inorganically.

[Gemma Spag]

We play games, you know, we force ourselves to go on dates with people we know won't be a match.

[Co-host]

One of my friends is dating right.

[Gemma Spag]

Now and she was saying to me like, I don't know why I went on a third date with this person when I knew from the first date.

[Co-host]

That we weren't right.

[Gemma Spag]

And I was like, it's probably the scarcity effect. We also overlook certain factors we know are important to us because we just.

[Co-host]

Want to check off the relationship box.

[Gemma Spag]

Why people end up dating people that.

[Co-host]

Actually don't meet their standards.

[Gemma Spag]

Who, you know, don't want kids and they really do, who don't want marriage and they really do. Who doesn't want to travel and they want to explore. We also pretend to be someone we're not, molding ourselves to someone else's preferences rather than thinking, what do I actually want and need?

[Co-host]

This reminds me of a really wonderful.

[Gemma Spag]

Saying, and I quote this all the time, you cannot say the wrong thing to the right person.

[Co-host]

All these games and this facade we.

[Gemma Spag]

Put up when we're worried we're going to scare someone off, it's genuinely not worth it. Because if they don't like something about you in the first month, they're not going to like it in six months.

[Co-host]

Being completely open and raw about who you are is the best litmus test for determining who should stay in your life.

[Gemma Spag]

We also tend to, as a result of the scarcity mindset, overinvest way too early.

[Co-host]

And I have been guilty of this in the past. We fall in love with someone's potential and we don't trust love's natural course.

[Gemma Spag]

We try and catch it, contain it.

[Co-host]

Box it too soon. When we are still in this very.

[Gemma Spag]

Important growth and curiosity phase, we can.

[Co-host]

Also become quite jealous and make decisions we wouldn't have made if we had.

[Gemma Spag]

More trust in a our self worth.

[Co-host]

And baby, this truth that love will not pass you.

[Gemma Spag]

I want to talk about an interesting psychology study here that was actually conducted.

[Co-host]

A few years ago called why Do We Settle?

[Gemma Spag]

And it explained exactly this phenomena of people being afraid of being single at a certain age, being concerned that love.

[Co-host]

Was taking its time and wouldn't arrive and so they started dating.

[Gemma Spag]

People who did not meet their preferences, did not make them happy, weren't even kind to them.

[Co-host]

Sometimes they didn't even find them attractive.

[Gemma Spag]

Just so they could say, well, I Have a relationship. Honestly, I don't blame us for approaching love this way, because being loved, it's amazing.

[Co-host]

It's a drug.

[Gemma Spag]

It feels so fulfilling if and only.

[Co-host]

If it's authentic and real, though. And that's something we need to remind ourselves.

[Gemma Spag]

It's very easy to confuse a lot of other ideas and concepts and feelings with love. You know, love is one of those feelings that strangely feels like a lot.

[Co-host]

Of other sensations and experiences because a.

[Gemma Spag]

Lot of them operate on the same plane. But I want to remind you here that attention and love are not the same thing. Chemistry and compatibility are not the same. Validation and love certainly aren't either. All humans want to be validated and.

[Co-host]

That can be a factor in our pursuit of love.

[Gemma Spag]

But being validated means you've done something that someone approves of.

[Co-host]

It doesn't mean that they will love.

[Gemma Spag]

You the same when you're doing something that they don't care about or doing something that they don't wish you would be doing, or when you disagree or argue. We want that unconditional love and connection that you need to wait for sometimes.

[Co-host]

And I think can only emerge from.

[Gemma Spag]

Being committed to showing up authentically in every single stage of your relationship, including the early days, being clear on what you want, not trying to mold yourself to someone else's preferences, and being prepared to let go when your instinct calls you to knowing that greater love is waiting for you.

[Co-host]

And this is really the best approach and philosophy.

[Gemma Spag]

Not one of panic, urgency, forcing connections, but one of acceptance, releases and committing to who you are. One of trust, really, that love will come, even if it's taking the scenic route. But in the meantime, you are going to pour all of that love into yourself.

[Co-host]

I think the big mistake we make.

[Gemma Spag]

Is thinking that we are in the before, thinking that we are in a.

[Co-host]

Waiting room right now.

[Gemma Spag]

If true love hasn't come into our.

[Co-host]

Lives and we need to shift our.

[Gemma Spag]

Mindset to actually pouring all the love we have right now into ourselves and. And the other equally valuable connections with friends and family. Your life does not begin or end with romantic connection. It does begin with you.

[Co-host]

And if it comes, which it will, it's just going to be a fantastic bonus.

[Gemma Spag]

You know, I don't want you to.

[Co-host]

Think about your life as before and after.

[Gemma Spag]

I'm going to say it again, before and after I find love, whereby if.

[Co-host]

You'Re living in the before, you just have to daughter your thumbs.

[Gemma Spag]

No, no, no, no. You have got to live right now. Life is not a partnered affair. It's a community affair and it's also.

[Co-host]

A solo self exploration evolution.

[Gemma Spag]

You know, these reflections are definitely going.

[Co-host]

To ask you to confront some very.

[Gemma Spag]

Deep assumptions that we carry about love.

[Co-host]

That have probably been there for a long time. But please understand, love is just a.

[Gemma Spag]

Natural addition and I'm going to invite you to really see how you can let it flow more naturally into your life. In our next section. Coming up, let's Get Personal. I want to talk about the times when I've questioned whether love has perhaps forgotten me, and what happened when I kind of stopped thinking about it so hard and stopped looking. So stay tuned. We'll be right back after this brief pause.

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[Gemma Spag]

Now that we've looked at the meaning behind today's mantra, I know that love won't pass me. It's time to get personal with you.

[Co-host]

Guys and just share some of my.

[Gemma Spag]

Own insights and reflections about this phrase. I actually want to talk about the love I've experienced in my own life, particularly two situations that really relate to this mantra for me. So a time When I forced love that wasn't there and wasn't meant to be. And a time when I truly believed.

[Co-host]

That I had let true love go.

[Gemma Spag]

And that love had passed me. In fact, I think I'm going to start with that second scenario first. And I want to talk about my first big adult relationship and what was at the time my biggest love that I'd ever experienced. And we dated for two years and I was so smitten. There were just so many firsts, you know, first time meeting the family, first.

[Co-host]

Time going on all these trips together. First time just doing so many things.

[Gemma Spag]

And it was incredible. I thought no one would ever understand me better. I truly believed he was the one. That we shared some past life and we had a lot of fun together. But as we approached the two year mark, I remember just knowing in my deepest of hearts.

[Co-host]

We can call it a gut instinct.

[Gemma Spag]

I guess, like, this relationship isn't working. Like, it's not working for either of us. We are not happy. We are not contributing to each other's lives. I don't think we like each other as much as we did at the beginning anymore. So we mutually broke it off. And I still remember where we did that. It was like I went over to his house and it was like on his couch. And we cried and we held each other and then I left. And then I spent the next six months thinking about him. And I spent the next six months being like, I have made the biggest, worst mistake of my life.

[Co-host]

This was the one.

[Gemma Spag]

He was my soulmate. I'm never gonna feel this way about anyone else. I tried hard to get him back.

[Co-host]

And I remember distinctly listening to this.

[Gemma Spag]

Song, I think it's called Is It Just Me? And it's like an indie heartbreak song. And I was listening to that at the beach in my hometown in Kumban, just sobbing and sobbing. And I was like, I'm never going to feel better. And this old man walked past my car and knocked on my window and was like, honey, like, are you okay? Like, has someone hurt you? Like, have you crashed your car? And he was so concerned for me. And I was like, I'm sorry, I' through a breakup. And he was like, oh, it's gonna be okay. And then he kind of just left. And so there was a lot of emotions occurring. And I think I really just had to face this fear that deep down I would be alone, that I had made a huge terrible mistake and that love had passed me. Spoiler alert. That was definitely not true. Four years later, I can Say that was entirely irrational, but it felt very real at that moment.

[Co-host]

And it led to the second experience.

[Gemma Spag]

I want to talk today. And that was like the six month.

[Co-host]

To one year period after that split.

[Gemma Spag]

In which I was like a crazed animal. I was looking for anyone who could.

[Co-host]

Give me attention or affection and I was confusing it with romance. And this led to many of the.

[Gemma Spag]

Behaviors we discussed before. I tolerated mixed messages. I tolerated people not texting me back for days. I tried to force myself to be someone I wasn't.

[Co-host]

I feigned interest in things I didn't.

[Gemma Spag]

Care about, like metal music. I don't care about that. But I pretended that I was the biggest fan. I inconvenienced myself to ensure they had easy access to me. I put my needs below their own for what I thought was this like amazing prize, this love that I was gonna get. And it wasn't even a real prize. It was the potential of love. And I guess I feared that because I had passed on this previous person, something better wasn't going to come along.

[Co-host]

I had really lost my trust in.

[Gemma Spag]

Love'S endless capacity for perfect timing and to surprise you. And I was like, you know what? I don't like this timeline. I'm just going to take over and I'm going to grab this person and I'm just going to shove them into this big human shaped hole I have in my heart and pretend they fit. It reminds me of this analogy that we've all been given a puzzle that we need to make and there's a missing piece and that is someone else.

[Co-host]

Someone that will truly love us.

[Gemma Spag]

And in our desperation to find the.

[Co-host]

Missing piece, we will just shove any.

[Gemma Spag]

Kind of puzzle piece in there and we will cut out parts of our own puzzle and parts of our own life to fit someone else in. And we will cut parts of them to help them fit in. And sometimes you just have to be like, this isn't the right one. Here is three things I really learned from this situation. Some people aren't meant to work, but there is opportunity for connection everywhere. That is not always going to translate into a powerful bond because you cannot rush a good thing. I also believe that the wrong relationship, it is going to do more damage than we think. When you have the choice in this scenario, always, and I mean always, if.

[Co-host]

You have the choice between a relationship.

[Gemma Spag]

That feels kind of okay and remaining single, remain single, remain committed to your growth. It is so much better to be alone and thriving than partnered and stressed, tense, constantly worried whether this love is real, unconditional or contrived. It can definitely be hard, though. So if you want to learn to.

[Co-host]

Trust that love is coming for you.

[Gemma Spag]

And seeking you, even if you don't feel it right now, these are some practices that I think we can implement. Number one, I want you to redefine what love looks like. Allow it to encompass so much more than you think it does do for your friends and your family and for yourself what you would imagine yourself doing for a partner. Partner.

[Co-host]

So surprise parties, love letters, phone calls, trips, sincere words of appreciation.

[Gemma Spag]

Just because you don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a partner doesn't mean that love is cut off. Doesn't mean that the pipe is blocked. You need to continue showing love in.

[Co-host]

All other regions and areas of your life.

[Gemma Spag]

And that way you'll fear its absence.

[Co-host]

A whole lot less because you'll be like, huh?

[Gemma Spag]

This thing that I thought I could.

[Co-host]

Only get from one person is all around me in so many different forms. I also want you to commit to dating yourself for a while.

[Gemma Spag]

A lot of the time in our efforts to squeeze love into our lives, we end up becoming quite burnt out. So I want you to take a little dating detox and I want you to take yourself on dates. I want you to show your love languages to yourself.

[Co-host]

I want you to spoil yourself.

[Gemma Spag]

That second last point.

[Co-host]

Show your love languages to yourself.

[Gemma Spag]

I found that when I was single and going through these very lessons, this was remarkable for me because I was.

[Co-host]

Under the impression that if I didn't.

[Gemma Spag]

Have a partner, I wouldn't have access to the kind of love I was after. Primarily, you know, quality time and words.

[Co-host]

Of affirmation and physical touch and acts of service gifts.

[Gemma Spag]

So I started doing them for myself.

[Co-host]

You know, if I wanted someone to.

[Gemma Spag]

Say I love you, I could say that to myself. If I wanted someone to buy me gifts, I could do that.

[Co-host]

Quality time. I could go on solo adventures.

[Gemma Spag]

Micro adventures do beautiful things.

[Co-host]

And there was this really beautiful lesson.

[Gemma Spag]

In realizing that I actually already have so much of what I thought I needed.

[Co-host]

I also want to advise you to really fill your life with new interests.

[Gemma Spag]

That deepen your character and deepen your sense of confidence and just interest in the world.

[Co-host]

Sometimes I would find that the reason.

[Gemma Spag]

I was so fixated on these people is because I didn't have anything else to think about.

[Co-host]

I was letting them become the entire.

[Gemma Spag]

Universe to me when there was so much more out there. So we're signing up for our classes. We are committing to a goal. Maybe it's a running goal, maybe It's a savings goal, maybe it's a personal development goal. We are committing to it so that.

[Co-host]

We have less time to sit there.

[Gemma Spag]

And fixate and think about this person and therefore further almost engrave them into our mind when they don't deserve that yet. Finally stop seeing single as a waiting room as before, life gets good. I love my partner. I love my boyfriend.

[Co-host]

He is incredible.

[Gemma Spag]

He is amazing. I'm truly blessed. But there are parts of being single that I took for granted when I was there. There is something magical in being able to go and travel and not have to think about someone else and make career decisions. Not having to think about someone else. Make decisions around where you're going to live, what you're going to do today, what you're going to eat on Friday night, where you're going to go on Saturday without thinking about how do we have to go see my in laws? What does he want to do? What do they want to do? Well, I have to think about his preferences or her preferences. This is a truly remarkable time. And having done all these things, it meant that when love suddenly did appear, I had no expectations. I didn't put undue pressure on it because I knew I'd be okay if it worked out or if it didn't. Because I was so happy being single.

[Co-host]

I had practiced being single.

[Gemma Spag]

It actually felt really fun to me.

[Co-host]

And then when I did find love, here's how it was so different from.

[Gemma Spag]

The love that had previously been in my life. It didn't ask me to change, it.

[Co-host]

Didn'T ask me to prove anything.

[Gemma Spag]

And there wasn't the same anxiety. This anxiety of like, is this gonna leave?

[Co-host]

It just exists, it just is.

[Gemma Spag]

And that sense of comfort and knowing is something that I think you find with the right person. When you let the right person find you, you know, it's very vulnerable to say, I'm a little bit lonely and.

[Co-host]

I'm worried that I will remain unseen.

[Gemma Spag]

Or that love may have skipped me. But I think sitting with those feelings can also make space for something very soft to enter. And with that in mind, I'd love.

[Co-host]

To share our deep thought of the day.

[Gemma Spag]

This quote is from Rumi.

[Co-host]

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. Now this is a component to this.

[Gemma Spag]

Mantra we haven't spoken about yet.

[Co-host]

Doing the work to ensure that when healthy love does arrive, you have all the tools to sustain and appreciate it.

[Gemma Spag]

You know, we are not just going to do this work for the promise of this prize. At the end, we're going to do.

[Co-host]

This work for ourselves. You know, when you find yourself focused.

[Gemma Spag]

Outwards constantly, see that as a sign to focus inwards. What insecurity is being projected here? What fear do I need to address?

[Co-host]

What am I secretly worried about that.

[Gemma Spag]

Could end up sabotaging a future relationship? And the question I always asked myself.

[Co-host]

Was, if I were to meet my.

[Gemma Spag]

Soulmate right now, would I be able to recognize them? Would I be my best self in.

[Co-host]

That relationship as best as I could be?

[Gemma Spag]

Or would I be so consumed with fear that I wouldn't even realize what I have? That's really the question you want to ask yourself. What do you need to do and.

[Co-host]

What do you need to focus on so that the barriers for love within you are lessened?

[Gemma Spag]

Now I'd like us to take a.

[Co-host]

Few moments to really pause and sit with this mantra. In just a few moments, you'll hear.

[Gemma Spag]

A custom music track to help you create space to absorb today's insights and.

[Co-host]

Consider how you might bring this mantra into your week and maybe even beyond.

[Gemma Spag]

And of course, if this practice isn't your style, if it doesn't resonate with you, that's totally okay.

[Co-host]

Feel free to Skip ahead about 30.

[Gemma Spag]

Seconds, but as you settle in, keep.

[Co-host]

Our mantra in mind. I know that love won't pass me.

[Gemma Spag]

Let it guide your thoughts as the music plays and just give yourself a.

[Co-host]

Moment to reflect and connect with what this mantra really means for you, you.

[Gemma Spag]

Beautiful Coming up, we are going to take everything we've unpacked about love, timing and trust and ground it in real life. I'll share some journal prompts and of course, our weekly challenge, so stick around for more after this short break.

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[Gemma Spag]

Go to your happy price. Priceline.

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Now.

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How the hell do you actually become the person you want to be? It is with me, Lisa Bilyeux, and my podcast, Women of Impact, with my amazing guests like Mel Robbins, Jay Shetty, Angie Martinez. And they come on to share their wisdom so that we can take it away and actually be able to use that as a tool in our lives. So, my homie, tune in to Women of Impact with me, Lisa Bilyeu, wherever you're listening to this podcast and let's crush our badassery and confidence together.

[Gemma Spag]

Welcome back. It's time to explore how we can bring this week's mantra to life in a way that feels very real and.

[Co-host]

Grounded, starting with our journal practice. Now remember, if your journal isn't nearby.

[Gemma Spag]

Or if journaling isn't your thing, I.

[Co-host]

Know some people don't enjoy it as.

[Gemma Spag]

Much as I do. Just simply pause and reflect on these questions wherever you are. If you're in the car, if you're cleaning, if you're at work, just. Just pause and think about them. And that's equally okay. Here are your prompts to help you reflect and gain clarity with this week's mantra. I know that love won't pass me.

[Co-host]

Firstly, what stories do you tell yourself.

[Gemma Spag]

About being chosen and how are those.

[Co-host]

Stories helping or hurting you?

[Gemma Spag]

Next, where in your life are you.

[Co-host]

Still chasing love that isn't reciprocating?

[Gemma Spag]

And what would it mean to release that chase?

[Co-host]

And finally, what would you change in your daily life if you fully believed that love was already on its way to you?

[Gemma Spag]

I love that last question. Actually, that's probably my favorite. Every week I also share a challenge to inspire you further that is inspired by our mantra just to ensure that we can take everything that we discuss and really turn it into real, actionable steps. I'd love to hear how it's going for you so you can reach out.

[Co-host]

To me at Mantra openmind to share your thoughts, progress, feelings, whatever else it is.

[Gemma Spag]

And each month, I'll be responding to your questions and comments, not just about the challenge, but literally anything that's on your mind.

[Co-host]

Anything you need advice on in our.

[Gemma Spag]

Special bonus episode, available exclusively on Open Mind plus okay, this week is the Self Love Mirror Challenge. Each morning, I want you to look.

[Co-host]

At yourself in the mirror and say.

[Gemma Spag]

Out loud, I know that love won't pass me. I know that I am worthy of love every day this week and I want you to notice how it feels each day. Let me estimate hypothesize that the first few times it's going to feel a little bit awkward and then I think it becomes quite empowering, maybe even emotional. Maybe it's like a combination of all.

[Co-host]

Three of those things.

[Gemma Spag]

Regardless, I really want you to just take note or write down what comes up for you. Just feel it deeply and just think, why is it so strange for me to hear that I am deserving of love? When was the last time someone else said that to me? I think it's really important and an important way to rewire your attitude towards your self worth and what you deserve. And as a reminder, reach out to.

[Co-host]

Me @mantropenmind on Instagram to just share how this challenge is working out for you.

[Gemma Spag]

Alrighty. As we wrap up this week's episode, I want to share a few final thoughts about this Mantra. I know that love won't pass me. I think when we are dealing with this scarcity, fear, mindset towards love, it feels like we constantly need to work, work to be chosen. And in order to be chosen, we have to be something or someone that we are not. Listen, I'm not gonna lie, that might get you a partner, that might get you a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a connection. It's not going to make that connection last though, because at some point your authentic self is going to come out. We would hope that that person is going to love them just as much as they love the version of you. You were trying to be me. But there's no way of knowing, and there's no way of knowing that if you had just been more open about who you were and authentic and real and willing to say love this version of me, or you don't get any version of me. Whether you would have found someone better, whether you would have found someone who was like you are exactly what I'm looking for.

[Co-host]

And I truly believe that all of.

[Gemma Spag]

Us have a number of big love stories ready for us in this life. You just, just need to be prepared to wait for them and to allow them to have their moment.

[Co-host]

Trust that the right people, the right.

[Gemma Spag]

Moments and the right kind of love, it will never miss you. Thank you for joining Mantra, an exclusive.

[Co-host]

Open Mind original powered by Pave Studios at Open Mind, we value your support.

[Gemma Spag]

So share your thoughts on social media.

[Co-host]

And remember to rate, review and follow Mantra to help others discover.

[Gemma Spag]

Cover the show for ad, free listening and early access to Mantra with me, Gemma Spegg. We invite you to subscribe to Open.

[Co-host]

Mind plus on Apple Podcasts.

[Gemma Spag]

I'll share another insightful and introspective Mantra.

[Co-host]

With you next Monday. Until then, keep showing up for yourself and your journey.

[Gemma Spag]

I'm Gemma Speg. See you next week. Mantra is hosted by me, Gemma Spag and is an Open Mind original. Powered by Pave Studios, this episode was brought to life by the Mantra team. Max Cutler, Kristen Acevedo, Ron Shapiro, Stacy Warrenker, Sarah Camp, and Paul Libeskin. Thank you for listening.

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[Gemma Spag]

How can one tiny clue change everything? Morgan Absher and Kaylin Moore break it all down on their new show, Clues. New episodes drop every Wednesday.

[Co-host]

Just search Clues Wherever you listen to podcasts.