Podcast Summary: Mantra with Jemma Sbeg - "I Release the Need for External Validation"

Podcast Information

• Title: Mantra with Jemma Sbeg
• Host: Jemma Sbeg (OpenMind)
• Episode: I Release the Need for External Validation
• Release Date: February 10, 2025

Introduction to the Mantra

In the episode titled "I Release the Need for External Validation," host Jemma Sbeg delves deep into the pervasive human desire for approval from others and explores strategies to cultivate self-assurance independent of external opinions.

Key Introduction Points:

• Purpose of the Podcast: Mantra serves as a mental reset button, guiding listeners to embrace growth amidst life's complexities through weekly mantras.
• Episode Focus: This week's mantra centers on shedding the reliance on others' approval to validate one's self-worth.

Personal Reflections: Highs, Lows, and Vulnerability

Timestamp: 03:07 - 19:27

Jemma opens up about her personal struggles with anxiety, emphasizing the importance of vulnerability in wellness content.

Notable Quotes:

• "There's been a lot of tears this past week... anxiety is basically just like the weather. You've got to really appreciate the sunny, calm days when they come and bunker down for the bad, knowing that there is not a storm that does not pass this one will pass as well." (03:07)
• "A big part of being human is wanting to be seen... It's wired into us, but as you get older, it becomes more than handstands. It becomes career choices. It becomes self-expression, your sense of self that sometimes we need other people to approve of and believe in." (19:27)

Discussion Highlights:

• Anxiety Struggles: Jemma shares her recent battles with unexplained anxiety, disrupted sleep, and vivid dreams.
• Coping Mechanisms: She mentions using sound frequencies like 528HZ to alleviate stress, referencing a study from the Journal of Europe Psychology.
• Vulnerability in Wellness: Emphasizes that true wellness content must balance vulnerability with positive insights.

Understanding External vs. Internal Validation

Timestamp: 03:07 - 19:27

Jemma dissects the concept of external validation, explaining its roots and contrasting it with internal validation.

Key Points:

• Evolutionary Basis: Humans are wired to seek external approval for survival, fostering social bonds and group acceptance.
• Forms of External Validation:
  • Positive External Validation: Genuine recognition like awards, praise for achievements, and meaningful compliments.
  • Questionable External Validation: Superficial approval such as social media likes, fleeting praise, and public recognition.

Notable Quotes:

• "External validation just, it simply feels great, it feels good, it builds our self-worth, it gives us a sense that we belong. But it is not the be-all and end-all of who we are and nor should we allow it to be." (08:45)
• "Internal validation should make up 80 to 90% of who we believe we are... External validation is like the delicious cupcake, it's the glass of champagne, it's the pizza on a Friday night." (15:30)

Comparative Example:

• Lauren vs. Jasmine:
  • Lauren: An overachiever whose self-worth is tied entirely to external achievements. A single failure can devastate her sense of self.
  • Jasmine: Balances external achievements with internal validation through personal attributes like kindness and empathy. Resilience in the face of setbacks.

The Impact of External Validation on Decision Making

Key Insights:

• Decision Influence: Dependence on external validation can cloud personal judgment, leading individuals to prioritize others' opinions over their own desires.
• Personal Anecdotes: Jemma recounts staying in unfulfilling relationships and overextending herself professionally to garner approval.

Notable Quotes:

• "External validation is like a magnet that keeps disrupting the compass. It's pulling you away from north and towards directions that aren't truly yours." (12:15)
• "Releasing the need for external validation isn't about shutting out the world. It is about reclaiming your power and trusting yourself to be your own guide." (18:50)

Deep Thought of the Day

Epictetus Quote:

• "If you are ever tempted to look for outside approval, realize that you have compromised your integrity. If you need a witness, be your own." (17:35)

Reflection:

• Encourages listeners to internalize self-approval, emphasizing the importance of personal integrity over external opinions.

Practical Strategies to Release External Validation

Timestamp: 31:18 - End

Jemma outlines actionable steps to help listeners reduce their reliance on external validation and build internal self-worth.

Strategies Discussed:

1. Decentering Others' Approval:

   • Shift focus from others' opinions to self-assessment.

2. Building Self-Concept Beyond External Factors:

   • Identify and cherish personal attributes unrelated to achievements or appearance.

   Exercise:

   • List 10 Personal Traits: Jemma encourages listing qualities like curiosity, generosity, empathy, etc., that are inherently personal and do not depend on others' recognition.

3. Hypothetical Reflection - "Who Are You? Without Applause":

   • Visualization: Imagine a life where success and external approval do not define you.
   • Questions to Ponder:
     • Who are you in this reality?
     • What brings you joy and fulfillment without external recognition?

4. Embracing Disappointment:

   • Understand that not everyone will approve or like you, and that's acceptable.
   • Personal Insight: Jemma shares her journey from seeking approval to valuing self-respect over others' opinions.

Notable Quotes:

• "If someone only likes you because you say yes all the time and because of what you can do for them, that's not a real connection or a relationship." (25:10)
• "Your worth isn't something that can be measured by likes, by applause or anyone else's opinion. It is something you can carry with you. It is steady, it is unwavering, it is completely yours." (27:45)

Journal Prompts and Weekly Challenge

Journal Prompts:

1. Last Time Defined by Others: Reflect on when you last felt your actions were dictated by others' opinions and its impact.
2. Origins of External Validation: Identify who or what instilled the need for external approval in you.
3. Behavior Without Judgment: Describe how you behave when not seeking approval or fearing judgment.

Weekly Challenge:

• Practice Saying No: Jemma challenges listeners to decline at least one request or invitation without providing excessive explanations or seeking approval.

  Intent:

  • Honor personal boundaries.
  • Prioritize self-needs over others' expectations.

  Encouragement:

  • Reflect on the feelings experienced when prioritizing self.
  • Share experiences with the community for accountability and support.

Notable Quote:

• "The moment you have a strong self-concept and a strong internal validation system, that is something that you are in control of." (10:55)

Listener Engagement and Community Support

Reflection on Previous Episodes:

• Jemma reviews feedback from listeners on last week's mantra, "I am at peace with my past, present and future," sharing insights and personal anecdotes on finding peace with one's history and growth trajectory.

Encouragement for Interaction:

• Reach Out: Listeners are invited to share their experiences with the weekly challenge via social media or direct messages to foster a supportive community environment.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Timestamp: End

Jemma wraps up the episode by reiterating the essence of the mantra and its significance in personal growth.

Key Takeaways:

• Balance Between Validations: While external validation provides emotional rewards, internal validation is crucial and should constitute the majority of one's self-worth.
• Redefining Success: Encourages listeners to define success on personal terms rather than societal or external standards.
• Reclaiming Power: Emphasizes that releasing the need for external validation empowers individuals to live authentically and align their lives with their true desires.

Notable Closing Quotes:

• "Trust your inner compass. Honor what feels right for you and let that be enough." (30:00)
• "External validation is optional, internal validation is an absolute necessity." (31:00)

Final Invitation:

• Listeners are encouraged to continue their journey of self-discovery and empowerment, with Jemma committing to share her own experiences and growth in future episodes.

Quote Highlight:

"If you need a witness, be your own." – Epictetus (17:35)

Summary: In this deeply introspective episode, Jemma Sbeg guides listeners through understanding the intricate dynamics of external versus internal validation. By sharing personal struggles, providing practical exercises, and fostering a community of support, she empowers individuals to cultivate self-worth from within. The episode serves as a comprehensive roadmap for those seeking to diminish the influence of others' opinions and embrace a more authentic and self-assured existence.