Mariners Church Weekend Messages
Episode: January 5 - What Happened to Masculinity?
Speaker: Eric Geiger (Senior Pastor)
Date: January 6, 2025
Episode Overview
In this message, Pastor Eric Geiger launches the new “On the Table” teaching series by tackling the cultural debate around masculinity: “What happened to masculinity?” Drawing on current events, research, cultural analysis, and biblical teaching, he addresses two contrasting accusations—are men the problem, or are men the solution?—and explores what healthy masculinity looks like according to Scripture, particularly focusing on King David’s challenge to his son Solomon in 1 Kings 2.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Setting the Table: Stories That Frame the Debate
[00:26 - 05:10]
- Heroic and harmful examples:
- Mamoudou Gassama (rescued a child in Paris; awarded citizenship for bravery).
- Matt Wenstrom (rescued 35 people at Borderline Bar and Grill mass shooting; “All I wanted to do was get as many people out of there as possible. I know where I’m going if I die, so I was not worried.” – Matt Wenstrom, [03:10])
- Contrastingly, the negligent father in Paris and the mass shooter.
- Cultural question: Are men fundamentally the problem, or the solution?
2. The Polarizing Question: Masculinity Under Fire
[05:10 - 09:45]
- Two main cultural narratives:
- “Men are toxic” (toxic masculinity).
- “There’s a toxic war on masculinity.”
- Highlight: This message is not just for men; women and parents are also wrestling with concerns about masculinity.
3. Understanding “Toxic Masculinity” & the Cultural Shift
[09:45 - 15:30]
- Origins of the term:
- Hardly used until 2017/Me Too movement (“The term toxic masculinity was not at all broadly used until 2017… it started being used all over. In fact, you've lived through seven or eight years of hearing the term over and over again.” – Eric Geiger, [10:45])
- Lost its clear meaning, now applied to many issues.
- Quotes:
- Richard Reeves: “It’s been blamed for mass shootings, gang violence, rape, online trolling, climate change, the financial crisis, Brexit, and the unwillingness to wear a mask during COVID.” [11:50]
- Peggy Ornstein (author of Boys and Sex): Many boys struggle to say what they like about being male because “you hear a lot more about what is wrong with guys.” [13:20]
- Helen Lewis (feminist writer): “The toxic masculinity framing alienates the majority of nonviolent, non-extreme men.” [14:20]
4. Is There a "War" on Masculinity?
[15:30 - 22:50]
- In media & art:
- 80% of men in sitcoms portrayed as clueless/apathetic (BYU study).
- Every 3 minutes a man is depicted as a buffoon in Disney content.
- Example: Bandit from "Bluey" is the best dad archetype offered—a cartoon dog.
- In psychology:
- American Psychological Association (2018) guidelines labeled “traditional masculinity” (competitiveness, aggression, risk) as harmful.
- Erica Komisar (psychotherapist): “I’ve seen an increase of depression in young men who feel emasculated in a society that is hostile to masculinity.” [19:00]
- In education & workforce:
- Men now trail women in educational attainment (bachelor & grad degrees).
- Decline in traditionally male-dominated, labor-intensive jobs; men struggling in knowledge-worker economy.
- In media narrative:
- Books/articles with titles like “Why Can’t We Hate Men?” and “I Hate Men.”
- Notable song: “Rich Men North of Richmond” reflects sense of male alienation and rising young men’s suicide rates.
5. The Real-Life Impact of the “End of Men” Narrative
[22:50 - 25:50]
- “The End of Men” used as both nonfiction (lost gender war) and dystopian fiction (world loses 90% of men).
- Real data: Fatherlessness correlates with negative outcomes (prison, dropouts, homelessness, suicide, etc.).
- “We don’t want the end of men. We need men in families. We need men in societies.” [25:15]
6. What Does Scripture Say?
[25:50 - 29:00]
- Focus on 1 Kings 2:1-3—David’s charge to Solomon:
- “Be strong and be a man. And keep your obligation to the Lord your God, to walk in his ways and to keep his statutes, commands, ordinances and decrees.” [27:00]
- Biblical manhood isn’t about physical feats or dominance, but about spiritual obedience and responsibility.
Biblical View: What a Man Is—and Is Not
1. A Man Is Not an Animal
[29:00 - 30:50]
- Toxic masculinity is often men “acting as animals”—driven by instinct, not self-control.
- Illustration: His dog, Roscoe, is “cute” but a “deadbeat dad” living off his family—acceptable for an animal, not a man.
“When a man defines himself by how many women he can sleep with, you’re being an animal, not a man. When you try to prove your manhood by how much you can drink or make, you are living as an animal, not a man.” – Eric Geiger, [30:40]
- Critique of “influencers” like Andrew Tate: “You’re looking to the wrong person because he’s actually asking you to live sub-human, to live less than who you are… Listen, young man, you are not an animal. You are a man.”
2. A Man Is Not a Boy
[30:50 - 32:30]
- Boys are dependent; men provide, serve, and bless others.
- Affirms the need for father figures and mentoring; references the “Dad, How Do I?” YouTube channel as a symptom of an absent father culture.
“We have some 28-year-old boys, 36-year-old boys, 45-year-old boys who live for other people to take care of them… I want you to know that our church wants to provide a place for you to help shepherd you to live as a man, not as a boy.” [31:50]
3. A Man Is Not a Woman
[32:30 - 34:00]
- Men and women, equally valued, are biologically and purposefully different.
- Clarifies that aggression/risk can be positive if submitted to God and used to serve/bless others.
- Warns against passivity:
- Genesis example: Adam’s passivity in Eden, letting evil go unopposed.
“The first sin in Scripture is passivity… If I will not lead my family in the grace of Jesus, Satan is more than happy to lead my family away from the grace of Jesus.” [33:40]
The Model: Masculinity Shaped By Jesus
[34:00 - 35:20]
- Jesus embodies perfect masculinity: both “fatherly and fierce,” “tough and tender.”
- Stands up to injustice; embraces children.
- “If you have lived as a beast, he’s tender to you today… Jesus welcomes you no matter what has been in your past. If you will come to Jesus, Jesus will change you.” [34:30]
The Call:
- Men who walk with God become blessings to family, society, and culture.
- Challenging men at Mariners to be the best husbands and fathers by following Jesus, who redefines masculinity as loving, tender, faithful leadership.
Research & Data: The Fruit of Faithful Masculinity
[35:20 - 37:00]
- Nancy Pearcey’s “The Toxic War on Masculinity”:
- Protestant men who attend church regularly are least likely to commit domestic violence.
- Churchgoing men do more emotional work, spend more time with kids, are less likely to cheat, create stabler marriages.
- Researcher Elizabeth Brusco (not a Christian): “When a man converts [in Colombia], he stops drinking, smoking, gambling, and sleeping around... their standard of living goes up.”
- Churchgoing men set more boundaries at work to prioritize family.
- Conclusion: Healthy, Christ-centered masculinity is good for everyone.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “Are men the problem, or are men the solution?” [04:00]
- Matt Wenstrom: “All I wanted to do was get as many people out of there as possible. I know where I’m going if I die, so I was not worried.” [03:10]
- “Toxic masculinity framing alienates the majority of nonviolent, non-extreme men.” – Helen Lewis [14:20]
- “You are not an animal. You are a man.” [30:40]
- “Men who live as beasts are toxic. Men who live as boys need a father figure. But men who are men are not toxic; they bless the culture, they bless their family, they make an impact.” [36:55]
- “If you will walk with him, God changes you into the type of man who blesses a family, blesses a society, who blesses a neighborhood.” [34:10]
Timestamps for Important Segments
- [00:26] – Opening stories: rescues in Paris, Borderline Bar tragedy
- [05:10] – Outlining the cultural “wrestle” over masculinity
- [10:45] – Surge of “toxic masculinity” in public discourse post-2017
- [13:20] – Young men’s self-perception and cultural shame
- [18:40] – Psychology, therapy, and masculinity’s framing as “harmful”
- [21:00] – The “war on men” in education and career
- [23:25] – The costs of fatherlessness and societal breakdown
- [27:00] – Scripture: David’s charge to Solomon on manhood
- [30:40] – “Man vs. Animal” illustration (Roscoe the dog)
- [32:10] – The need for men to serve and mentor: not a “boy”
- [33:40] – Adam’s passivity in Genesis as a cautionary tale
- [34:00] – Profile of Jesus: fierce and fatherly masculinity
- [36:10] – Pearcey’s research: Christ-centered masculinity’s impact
Tone & Closing
- Pastoral, practical, compassionate, and direct.
- Affirms both challenge and grace: men are called to more, empowered by Christ, and essential to family and society.
- Benediction: [37:10] – Prayer of blessing for listeners to walk in God’s mercy and joy.
For Further Reflection:
This message encourages both men and women to consider how biblical masculinity can bring health to families, churches, and society—and how the church can model and support true manhood that reflects the character of Christ.