Mariners Church Weekend Messages
Episode: September 28 - Find a Wife NOT "Let Love Find You"
Speaker: Eric Geiger
Date: September 30, 2025
Episode Overview
Senior Pastor Eric Geiger addresses the trending cultural question, "Where have all the good men gone?" and challenges the passive approach to relationships often summarized as "let love find you." Drawing from research, cultural analysis, and biblical teaching (primarily Proverbs 18:22), Eric advocates for an active, biblically-shaped pursuit of marriage, while also critiquing cultural trends impacting masculinity and dating. The message calls both single and married men to intentionality—first to be found by God, then to pursue and cherish a wife.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The Decline in Male Pursuit of Relationships
(00:24 – 06:17)
- Eric references widespread cultural conversation asking, “Where have all the good men gone?” and notes that men’s pursuit in relationships is at a historic low.
- Research: From 2019 to 2023, young adult men actively pursuing serious relationships dropped from 61% to 50% (Pew Research).
- Two major cultural narratives on men:
- “Men are toxic.”
- “There’s a war on masculinity.”
Notable Quote:
"According to research, men are pursuing less than any other time in American history.... What is going on with men that men are pursuing less?"
— Eric Geiger (01:20)
Key Factors Identified:
- Changing Social Narratives: Fear of being labeled 'toxic' or making someone uncomfortable discourages proactive pursuit.
- Online Dating: Statistically much less successful for men, leading to higher rates of discouragement and disengagement.
- “It takes a woman 14 swipes to have one match. It takes a man 140 swipes to have one match.” (05:24)
2. Cultural Trends Damaging to Men
(06:18 – 12:26)
- The term "toxic masculinity" has, since 2017, broadened far beyond its original, necessary critique (e.g., Me Too movement) to indict many common male traits and behaviors.
- Eric cites Richard Reeves and feminist writer Helen Lewis, arguing overuse of "toxic" labeling alienates nonviolent, non-extreme men.
- The American Psychological Association’s 2018 guidelines labeling “traditional masculinity” as harmful has contributed to a sense of emasculation and increased depression among young men.
Notable Quote:
"If we keep telling young men you're toxic, sit down and shut up—we should not be surprised if many of those same young men don't want to stand up and pursue a woman."
— Eric Geiger (11:44)
3. Challenges Facing Men (Internal Factors)
(12:27 – 16:40)
- Pornography: High prevalence among men (40-60%) lowers mental health, drive, passion, and even testosterone; causes apathy and damages capacity for healthy pursuit.
- “I'm begging you as your pastor, if you are a man who is viewing pornography, you do whatever you need to do to get this out of your life.” (13:00)
- Digital Passivity: Over-reliance on technology and digital tools fosters passivity, diminishing initiative in relationships.
- General Passivity: The first sin related to men in scripture was passivity, not toxicity (Adam standing by in the Garden of Eden).
Worldly Proverb Disputed:
- The world says, “Let love find you”—Eric identifies this as cultural advice that enables passivity, directly challenged by the Bible.
4. Biblical Principle: “Find a Wife”
(16:41 – 28:35)
- Proverbs 18:22 — “A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”
- “Good thing” (Hebrew: tav) denotes flourishing. High view of marriage and women.
- Contrasts Proverbs with online influencer (e.g., Andrew Tate) who says marriage offers “no ROI”; Eric calls this foolishness, asserting personal testimony to marriage’s goodness.
Notable Quote:
"God is not door dashing you a wife. You have to get up and find her."
— Eric Geiger (23:25)
Spiritual Principle:
- Men must first be “found by God” before effectively finding and cherishing a wife (Proverbs is about living with skill and begins with the fear of the Lord).
Explanations:
- “Fear of the Lord” is described as joyful awe, not terror.
- The story of scripture is not about us finding God, but God finding us (“Jesus said His whole mission was to seek and to save that which is lost.”).
5. Practical Applications for Men
Single Men
(28:36 – 32:25)
- If called to singleness, pour energy into kingdom and purpose.
- For men desiring marriage:
- Initiate conversation—“You have to talk to her” (29:29).
- Build friendships, look for character, take initiative to ask for coffee/lunch.
- If rejected: “You’ll learn more for the next time. It’s totally okay.” (30:02)
- Pursue one at a time (“Find a wife—not five potential wives and then do a beauty pageant.” (30:45)), communicate and honor.
- Move toward marriage purposefully; short engagement and minimal financial outlay for wedding recommended.
Married Men
(32:26 – 36:20)
- Continual, intentional pursuit: “Keep finding your wife.”
- Rekindling passion: Don’t wait for feelings—do what you did at first (Revelation 2: “Do the works you did at first.”).
- Remember Christ’s love:
- Even in relational coldness or pain, reflect on how Christ pursued and loved you first.
Notable Quote:
"If you're having a hard time loving her, you need to stop and slow down and remember how much Christ has loved you."
— Eric Geiger (34:57)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On Masculinity and Culture:
"To tell men that the traits they have given to them as a man are harmful—that deeply hurts men."
— Eric Geiger (10:00) -
On Singleness:
“When you are single, it's a beautiful season to pour yourself fully into whatever it is that God has put in front of you.”
— Eric Geiger (28:44) -
On Marriage:
“If you find a wife, you have found flourishing. You have found ‘tav’.”
— Eric Geiger (19:05) -
On Taking Initiative:
"You have to talk to her. It’s the first step."
— Eric Geiger (29:29) -
On Dating Multiple People:
“Don't be a player, man. You're better than that. Don't be that dude. You pursue one at a time.”
— Eric Geiger (30:45) -
On Rekindling Marital Love:
"Do the works you did at first. Husbands, think this week of something you did back in the day and do it now."
— Eric Geiger (33:51)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 00:24 – Overview of the “Where have all the good men gone?” conversation
- 05:24 – Online dating statistics
- 10:00 – Cultural messaging harming men
- 13:00 – Addressing pornography & apathy
- 16:41 – Biblical foundation: Proverbs 18:22
- 19:05 – “Good thing” (tav) explained
- 23:25 – “God is not door dashing you a wife”
- 28:36 – Applications for single men
- 32:26 – Rekindling marriage and marital pursuit
- 34:57 – Christ’s pursuit as the model for husbands
Action Steps & Takeaways
-
For Single Men:
- Don’t be passive; initiate, communicate, and pursue with honor.
- Pursue one woman at a time; value and treat her as God’s gift.
- Move towards commitment intentionally; be clear and honorable.
-
For Married Men:
- Continue to “find” your wife—rekindle love by doing what you did early in your relationship.
- Let the love and pursuit demonstrated by Christ for you shape how you love your wife—even (and especially) when it feels hard.
-
For All Men:
- First, be found by God and let that relationship define you.
- Flee from passivity and pursue flourishing—in singleness, in marriage, and in all of life—with wisdom and courage.
- Reject both cultural shaming of healthy masculinity and cultural models of toxic masculinity.
Conclusion
Eric Geiger calls men to reject cultural narratives of passivity and to pursue both God and women with courage, honor, and respect. The key is not self-reliance, but first being transformed by God’s love—then stepping boldly into active, intentional pursuit in singleness or marriage, guided by faith and biblical wisdom.
“Go in peace. Have a great week.” (36:45)