Podcast
Marriage Therapy Radio
Hosted by MTR · EN
Look... every couple struggles. You fight too much; you're bored; sex is either okay (or rare); maybe you're even considering divorce. OR... maybe your marriage is actually pretty good, but you want to go deeper. In this podcast, straight-talking marriage therapist Zach Brittle tackle the most common complaints virtually every marriage experience. Along the way, they reveal the science behind strong relationships and talk about what's really going on for couples. Topics include conflict, communication, compatibility, money, sex, in-laws, infidelity, time-management, future dreams, and more. If you want relief? A deeper connection? A new way forward...? Then you've got to find out what's REALLY going on in your marriage. That's what this podcast is about. You can learn more about Zach, and his alternatives to traditional therapy at marriagetherapyradio.com.
32episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
Ep 426 Gratitude, Attitude, Courage: What Summer Camp Taught These Two About Marriage w/Kate & Cole Kelly
6d ago00:45:16Tap to summarizeZach sits down with Kate and Cole Kelly, married co-directors of Camp Equahic in northeastern Pennsylvania and the authors behind the relationship practice they built almost by accident: Three Happys and an Appreciation. What started as a long-distance dating ritual, Kate asking Cole to name three things that made him happy each day just so she could get to know him, became the through line of a 25-year marriage, a shared business, three sons, and a camp community that now serves 450 kids per session from 15 states and 14 countries.The conversation moves across a lot of terrain. Cole grew up in Athens, Georgia, went to Dartmouth, coached golf at the University of Virginia, and came to camp life through Kate, who had already found her footing running a boarding school and never wanted to be in a classroom. Together they took over a camp that was quietly dying after a family ownership dispute, grew it back from the ground up, and built their philosophy around three values they believe transcend religion, background, and age: gratitude, attitude, and courage. Along the way they layered in everything from Viktor Frankl and Tony Robbins to Alison Armstrong's research on how men and women communicate differently, and applied all of it to the work of staying close while also running a business that puts 675 souls in their care every summer.The emotional center of this episode is surprisingly practical. Kate and Cole are not people who talk about their marriage in abstractions. They talk about the appreciation Cole had to ask for because Kate was falling asleep before he got it. They talk about what it cost Kate for Cole to travel most of the year meeting families in person, and why they kept doing it anyway. They built a coming-of-age ritual for their three boys because there was no secular equivalent to a bar mitzvah and they thought someone should. Their oldest son Cole Jr. is getting married this summer at camp, with half the wedding party made up of his childhood bunkmates. This episode is a portrait of two people who decided very early that marriage is a practice, not a feeling, and then built the systems to prove it.Key TakeawaysGratitude is a skill, not a mood. Building a daily habit of noticing what is good, no matter how small, physically changes how you see your partner and your life.The appreciation piece is the one that often gets resisted most and matters most. Telling your partner specifically what you noticed and valued about them that day is different from a general "I love you," and it hits differently too.Scanning for the good in your partner is something you have to train yourself to do. It does not happen naturally for most people. The three happys practice creates the conditions for it.Men and women often process differently, and understanding that is an attitude adjustment in itself. Cole stopped resisting Kate's multi-threaded thinking when he understood it was not chaos; it was wiring.Courage in marriage looks less like big dramatic moments and more like saying the hard thing, asking for help, or admitting you do not have it today.Kids grow by being allowed to fail. Snowplowing the obstacles out of their path also removes the muscle they need to handle real life.Consistency beats perfection. The three happys practice works not because every night is meaningful but because doing it every night makes the meaningful nights possible.A system is not a substitute for connection. It is the container that makes connection repeatable.Guest InfoKate Kelly is the co-director and operational backbone of Camp Weequahic, one of the top co-ed overnight camps in the country. A former boarding school educator, Kate has spent over two decades building systems, leading staff, and quietly running the kind of operation that camp families trust with their kids for up to six weeks at a time. She and Cole are co-authors of the book Three Happys and an Appreciation, available in both a family edition and a couples edition on Amazon.Cole Kelly is the co-director of Camp Weequahic and the front-facing voice of the Kelly family's camp community. A Dartmouth graduate with a background in sports psychology and golf coaching, Cole spends much of the year traveling the country to meet prospective families in person, a practice he refuses to give up despite the flight miles it costs him. He is a student of Tony Robbins, Viktor Frankl, and Alison Armstrong, and has spent years thinking intentionally about how to raise good men, including building a secular coming-of-age program for his three sons and a cohort of their fathers.Website: https://weequahic.com Podcast and relationship resources: https://campfireconversation.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcribe →Ep 425 When Life Keeps Breaking You: A Marriage Story About Illness, Resilience, and Starting Over w/Kate & Mike
2w ago00:44:45Tap to summarizeZach sits down with Kate Northrup and Mike Watts, a married couple and longtime business partners who have navigated one of the more quietly grueling partnership stories you'll hear on this show. Kate is an author, podcast host, and creator of the wealth and wellness program Relaxed Money. Mike is her co-founder and the operational engine behind their growing portfolio of ventures. Together they have been a couple since 2011, and by their own account, about eight of those years were genuinely brutal.The episode covers a lot of terrain: a traumatic first birth and a chronically ill newborn, Mike's years-long battle with topical steroid withdrawal that left him dropping 40 pounds and unable to function, two broken bones from separate accidents, a second pregnancy in the middle of all of it, a family that moved nine times in eleven years, and a business they were building through every bit of it. Kate describes reaching a breaking point in 2016 and calling her best friend from a supermarket parking lot to say the marriage might not survive. That call led them to the couples therapist they have worked with ever since. The conversation goes deep on what therapy actually gave them, why Mike initially resisted it, how they reframed getting help as a business decision rather than a personal failure, and the structural tools that have kept their partnership functioning, from scheduled money meetings to the weekly date night they kept even when Mike could barely walk.What makes this episode land is the lack of drama about the drama. Kate and Mike are not performing for the camera. They correct each other's word choices in real time, laugh about falling asleep at dinner, and openly admit that the early years were impulsive in ways that could have unraveled everything. But underneath the lightness is a real story about what it takes to hold a marriage together when the body, the business, and the bank account are all under stress at once, and how asking for help is not a sign the relationship is failing. It is what keeps it from doing so.Key TakeawaysAsking for help is an operational decision, not a confession of failure. Mike Watts reframed couples therapy the same way he would think about hiring a contractor: the job needs doing, so you bring in someone qualified to do it.The crisis that breaks you open may also be the one that moves you forward. Mike's illness forced a relocation that ultimately brought both of them back to life.Running a business with your spouse requires containers. Logistics bleed into date nights. Business ideas creep into bedtime. Designated meetings for money, planning, and connection keep the categories from collapsing into each other.Repair over time builds something stronger than ease from the start. Kate says their connection now is better than it was in the early years, and those early years were not the hard ones.The body is not a passive vehicle. Kate and Mike both treat physical experience as meaningful information, not just inconvenience to push through.Having a standing weekly date night matters more than having a perfect one. They kept theirs through illness, stress, and bad company.Stability is something you can grow into, even if it was never your default. Mike describes the provider instinct arriving a decade late, and finding that it fit.What your partner brings to the table may be the thing you cannot generate on your own. Kate saw every conversation as connected; Mike compartmentalized. The tension between those two things became a feature, not a flaw.Guest InfoKate Northrup is an author, entrepreneur, and host of the podcast Plenty. She and Mike run a coaching and education company focused on helping high-capacity people build what she describes as the energetic and logistical infrastructure behind their financial lives. Their signature program is called Relaxed Money, currently in its sixth iteration. Kate's approach combines neuroscience-based somatic techniques, nervous system work, and practical personal finance.Instagram: instagram.com/katenorthrup Website: katenorthrup.comMike Watts is Kate's husband and business partner, handling the operational and strategic side of their ventures. He is also building out a short-term rental portfolio and has been open about his years-long experience with topical steroid withdrawal and the physical and relational toll of chronic illness.Instagram: instagram.com/mikejwattsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcribe →Ep 424 How Two Alphas Build a Marriage That Actually Works w/Dana & Adam
3w ago00:39:07Tap to summarizeZach sits down with Adam Roach and Dana Gentry, a married couple from Charleston, South Carolina, who have spent nearly a decade building what might be the most strategically intentional relationship he has ever heard described on the show. Both are high-achieving entrepreneurs on their second marriages, and they arrive with real tools, real failures, and a refreshing lack of pretense about how hard it was to get here.The conversation opens with Dana sharing that her first book, Restore: 90 Days to Intentional Living, just landed at number 14 on the USA Today bestseller list, which sets the tone for everything that follows. These are people who do not drift. From their annual January planning retreat to vision boards presented to the whole family, their approach to marriage looks less like a feeling and more like a decision they make over and over again. Adam, a communication-focused coach who played tennis in college, describes how they identified early on, with the help of a therapist, that they were both alphas and would need to figure out who takes the lead and when. That single insight has shaped the way they handle conflict, celebrate each other's wins, and divide the emotional labor of their relationship.Some of the richest material surfaces around what it actually means for two competitive, driven people to stop trying to win and start trying to keep the ball moving. Adam draws a vivid parallel from the tennis court: in a match between two alphas, one will always dominate. But if the goal becomes keeping the rally alive, the whole game changes. Zach builds on this with his own framework for conflict, noting that the problem is never really about winning the point but about whether the relationship is the court or the casualty. The episode closes with two practical tools that listeners can use immediately: the feel it or fix it check-in before someone unloads on their partner, and Zach's version, do you want to be helped, hurt, or hugged.Key TakeawaysSecond marriages can thrive when both partners are honest about what went wrong the first time and intentional about not repeating itWhen two alpha personalities share a relationship, they need to decide who leads in which lane. Defaulting to whoever is more passionate or skilled in a given area works better than trying to win every roomThe seven-day rule: no more than seven days apart without one of you flying to the other. Proximity protects connection, especially when both partners travelBefore your partner starts venting, ask: do you want me to feel this with you or help you fix it? That one question changes the entire conversationZach's version: do you want to be helped, hurt, or hugged? The alliteration is easy to remember and the question is hard to skip"Vegetable soup" conversations, where grievances from five different fights get stirred into one, are a sign you did not release the last point before serving the next oneVision boards are not just personal. Adam and Dana make them as a family, present them to each other, and stay genuinely invested in each other's goals, not just their ownSeeing your partner as a true equal, not just a legal partner, is a prerequisite for the kind of mutual support that makes ambitious two-career marriages workGuest InfoAdam Roach is a communication-focused entrepreneur and relationship coach based in Charleston, South Carolina. He is the founder of I Love Coaching Co., a coaching community, and brings a background in competitive tennis to his frameworks for conflict, communication, and resilience in relationships.Instagram: @adamrroach Website: https://ilovecoachingco.com/ Dana Gentry is an entrepreneur, speaker, and newly minted USA Today bestselling author. Her first book, Restore: 90 Days to Intentional Living, published February 3rd and hit number 14 on the USA Today bestseller list during launch week. Her work centers on helping people stop drifting and start living with intention across faith, business, and relationships.Instagram: @danaggentry Book: Restore: 90 Days to Intentional Living, available on Amazon and wherever books are sold. https://restoredevotional.com/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcribe →Ep 423 |19 Years In: How a Dating Coach and His Wife Actually Do It w/Evan and Bridget
4w ago00:42:30Tap to summarizeZach sits down with Evan Marc Katz, a dating coach for smart, successful women, and his wife Bridget. The premise alone creates an interesting tension: what does it look like when the guy who coaches women on how to find a partner actually goes home to one? The answer, it turns out, is less glamorous and more grounded than anyone might expect.What surfaces quickly is that Evan and Bridget do not have a fairytale origin story. They were on the same dating site at the same time and never matched. They met at a party, talked for six hours, and built something slowly. Evan, who dated more than 300 people online over a decade, had never stayed in a relationship longer than eight months before Bridget. She, a serial monogamist by nature, had come from a completely different kind of romantic history. The episode moves through how two genuinely different people with different worldviews, different sleep schedules, different appetites for depth, decided to stop scanning for flaws and start building something that actually works. Along the way, Evan makes a sharp case that the qualities dating culture rewards, height, income, shared hobbies, politics, are almost entirely irrelevant to long-term happiness.Bridget holds her own throughout, and some of the episode's best moments come from her plainspoken honesty: she does not love deep conversations on demand, she sleeps until 11 on weekends without apology, and she has no interest in discussing politics with anyone. Far from being a liability, Zach and Evan both recognize this as a kind of relationship wisdom. Bridget is the high-EQ anchor of the marriage, the one who sees everyone's point of view without judgment and never keeps score. Her sign-off captures the whole thing: never keep track, but always be ahead in giving.Key TakeawaysThe traits that attract you to someone (chemistry, common interests, credentials) are almost entirely unrelated to the traits that keep a marriage togetherWhat gets you into a relationship and what sustains it are two distinctly different skill setsChoosing a partner who is good enough without requiring them to change is not lowering the bar, it is setting the right oneThe couple is a unit; when you stop tending the relationship itself, the garden dies even if nothing dramatic happensOne person cannot be everything; healthy relationships require each partner to have a life outside the marriage tooAssuming positive intent when your partner does something frustrating is one of the most practical things you can do dailyCommon interests are probably the least important compatibility factor, and most people treat them like the most importantThe Five C's are what every failed relationship actually failed on: character, kindness, consistency, communication, and commitmentGuest InfoEvan Marc Katz Dating coach for smart, successful women, primarily working with clients in their late 30s through early 70s who are navigating first-time or second-time partnerships. Evan spent over a decade dating online himself before meeting Bridget, which informs a very personal and data-driven approach to his work. He is also the host of his own podcast.https://www.evanmarckatz.com/Bridget Katz Evan's wife of 17 years, together for approximately 19. Bridget brings a grounded, high-EQ perspective to the conversation as someone who has lived alongside a relationship expert without becoming one herself. Her candor and warmth are notable throughout.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcribe →Ep 422 She Thought He Was Just a Jerk: The Hidden Addiction That Nearly Cost Them w/ Matt & Paige
Apr 2800:45:35Tap to summarizeZach sits down with Matt and Paige, a married couple from the DFW area who have been together since they were 14 years old, and who now host their own podcast for spouses and partners of people navigating addiction. What sounds like a high school sweetheart story quickly opens into something far more complicated: a decade-long opioid addiction, financial abuse, gaslighting, panic attacks, and a slow, hard-won rebuild that took most of their adult lives.Matt frames their relationship in three chapters: young and naive kids figuring out what love even is, the dark middle years where addiction quietly dismantled the life they were trying to build, and the current chapter where, for the first time in 25 years, they describe themselves as genuinely on equal footing. Paige's side of the story carries the weight of what spouses often carry alone. She didn't know it was addiction for years. She thought he was just treating her badly. And when his recovery finally stabilized, her body held the bill: panic attacks, rage, and a grief that had nowhere to go while things were still dangerous. She eventually came to a kind of peace, but only after Matt began holding real accountability, not just staying sober.The conversation covers the question of when an addict actually earns credit from their partner, the long gap between sobriety and true marital recovery, how they talk to their kids about addiction, and what it means to finally feel known by someone rather than just tolerated. This is a candid, unsentimental look at what it takes to come back from something that breaks most couples apart.Key TakeawaysSobriety and marital recovery are not the same clock. For Matt and Paige, it took nearly a decade after Matt got sober for Paige to feel genuinely safe again.When one partner gets well, the other one often falls apart. Paige's panic attacks and depression showed up four years into Matt's sobriety, once she finally felt safe enough to stop holding everything together.Feeling known is different from knowing someone. Matt describes the shift in their marriage as the moment they both stopped managing each other and started actually seeing each other.Validation is not a soft skill. Paige names Matt learning to validate her experience, not dismiss or minimize it, as one of the most meaningful turning points in their relationship.Putting your marriage first is not selfish parenting. Matt and Paige kept the marriage as the anchor even through the chaos of raising kids, and they're clear that a thriving marriage is part of what their kids need to witness.The spouse's story often goes untold. There are far more resources for addicts than for the partners who stay, hold things together, and absorb the fallout. Matt and Paige built their podcast specifically to fill that gap.Recovery for the partner requires genuine accountability from the addict, not just behavior change. Paige needed Matt to name what he had done to her before her body would let her relax.Curiosity is what keeps a long marriage alive. Even 25 years in, Matt describes Paige as someone he's still discovering, and he credits that sense of ongoing curiosity as part of what keeps them close.Guest InfoMatt and Paige Hosts of Till the Wheels Fall Off, a podcast focused on the experience of spouses and partners of people struggling with addiction. Matt has 13 years of sobriety following a ten-year opioid addiction that began after an injury in his mid-twenties. Paige navigated those years as a partner who didn't know addiction was the cause of what she was living through, and has become a voice for others in similar situations. The show publishes three episodes per week, is over 300 episodes deep, and has a companion program built alongside a licensed therapist as well as a free Facebook community for listeners.Podcast: Till the Wheels Fall Off https://twfo.com/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcribe →Ep 421 The Other Side of Divorce with Susie and Paul Pettit
Apr 2100:51:42Tap to summarizeZach sits down with Susie and Paul, a couple who found each other through the comment section of a meditation app, fell in love before ever seeing each other's faces, and eventually moved across the globe to build a life together in Wollongong, Australia. Both came out of 20-year marriages. Both made the decision to leave. And both arrived at this second chapter with a fundamentally different understanding of what a relationship is actually for.The conversation covers a lot of ground: the fear and courage it takes to end a marriage, what the brain does when it's protecting you from change, and why staying in stable misery can feel like the smarter option even when it clearly isn't. Susie, a life coach and host of the Love Your Life Show, talks about how she once saw relationships as a transaction, where she got something and gave something back, and how completely that framing has shifted. Paul, who has spent a decade studying, practicing, and teaching Buddhism and mindfulness, brings a steadying philosophy: you are the creator of your experience, not the victim of your circumstance, and your emotions exist to teach you, not to be avoided. Together they describe a marriage built on two whole people rather than two people trying to complete each other, and what it actually looks like in practice, including how Paul came back after a moment of frustration over grocery bags and said, simply, that he'd been a little unregulated earlier. Susie calls it the sexiest thing a man can do.What makes this episode stick is how honest it is about the cost of the path they took and the fruit of it. All five of their kids, across two blended families, are thriving. And neither Susie nor Paul thinks that's a coincidence.Key TakeawaysYour brain will give you every reason to stay in a relationship that isn't working because discomfort is still known, and known feels safeLeaving a long marriage at midlife is not a failure. Sometimes the most courageous act is moving toward discomfort instead of away from itA relationship is not a transaction. It's a container for self-growth and a practice in loving someone imperfectlyOne plus one should equal three: two whole, self-responsible people creating something stronger together, not two halves looking for completionThe most important things to cultivate in yourself and to look for in a partner: the ability to self-regulate and the ability to repairRepair doesn't have to be dramatic. It can be as simple as "I could have handled that more skillfully" or "I was a little unregulated earlier"Your emotions aren't happening to you. They're here to teach you something. The path through discomfort is the path, not a detour from itStaying in a broken marriage "for the kids" may be the very thing harming them. What children need modeled is not a facade of togetherness but emotional honesty and growthGuest InfoSusie is a life coach and educator who works primarily with women on emotional intelligence, relationships, and parenting. She hosts the Love Your Life Show podcast (now at 400 episodes) and runs a monthly membership called the Love Your Life School, which offers classes on emotional regulation, difficult conversations, and parenting coaching, along with live coaching. She offers a free podcast roadmap at her website for new listeners looking for a starting point. https://smbwell.com/Paul is Susie's husband and a decade-long practitioner, student, and teacher of Buddhism, mindfulness, and meditation. He is the author of 9756 Miles to Happiness, named for the exact distance between where he and Susie were living when they met. He is offering MTR listeners a free 15-minute consultation through his website, https://www.paulpettit.com/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcribe →Ep 420 What If Taking Responsibility Is the Most Romantic Thing You Can Do? w/ Arlina and Bob Allen
Apr 1400:45:17Tap to summarizeZach sits down with Arlina and Bob Allen, a couple who met in a recovery community over 30 years ago and have been building their marriage with the same tools ever since. What starts as a surprisingly revealing Game of Thrones conversation (they watch it on repeat as a bedtime ritual, and yes, they have strong opinions about House of the Dragon) turns into a grounded, real-world look at how recovery principles translate directly into relational health.Arlina walks through a go-to story from early in their relationship: a tipping dispute at a dinner with friends that spiraled into a full-blown money fight. She breaks down the four-column resentment inventory she learned in recovery, showing how she moved from "it's clearly his fault" to "oh no, I'm the jerk." Bob talks about the role his men's group played as a sounding board, helping him sort through what was his business and what wasn't before bringing anything back to Arlina. Together, they describe a pattern of going to their separate corners, doing individual work, and coming back ready to own their part.The conversation shifts into their current season of life: approaching the empty nest, figuring out what retirement looks like, and trying to answer the question "what kind of experiences do we want to have?" Zach reframes self-care as something that is actually selfish not to do, comparing it to an athlete hiding an injury from their team. Arlina and Bob both affirm that their self-care practices, morning routines, gratitude, exercise, prayer, are what keep them showing up as the best versions of themselves for each other. This is a couple who makes 31 years look like something worth rooting for.Key TakeawaysResentment is the wedge that drives couples apart. Having a structured process to work through it, not just vent about it, is what keeps it from calcifying.The four-column inventory (who, why, how it affected you, and your part) is a simple, powerful tool for getting honest with yourself before you try to get honest with your partner.Money fights are almost never about math. They're about fear, control, and what you believe you deserve.Having your own people (sponsors, friends, a therapist) to process with before bringing conflict back to your partner changes everything about how the conversation goes.An amends is not just "I'm sorry." It's naming the impact of your behavior and asking what you can do to make it right.Self-care is not selfish. Skipping it is. When you don't take care of yourself, your partner is the one who pays the price.You can "out-responsible" each other in conflict. Instead of chicken-and-egging blame in one direction, try racing to own your part first.Couples who laugh about old fights have usually done the real work underneath. The lightness is earned, not accidental.Guest InfoArlina Allen: Entrepreneur, sobriety coach, podcast host, and author of The 12 Step Guide for Skeptics. Arlina supports people who are considering quitting drinking or figuring out life after getting sober. Website: soberlifeschool.comBob Allen: Communications professional who describes himself as "the guy in the chair," orchestrating communication across teams from engineers to executives. Bob is not on social media by choice.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcribe →Ep 419 Zach on the Sexology Podcast: Negative Sentiment Override and Erotic Connection
Apr 700:34:58Tap to summarizeZach is traveling this week, so this episode features his guest appearance on the Sexology Podcast with Dr. Nazanin Moali.Zach joins Dr. Nazanin Moali on the Sexology Podcast for a conversation about how the emotional climate of a relationship directly shapes what happens (or doesn't happen) in the bedroom. The focus is Negative Sentiment Override, a concept from John Gottman's research that describes what happens when couples get stuck in a pattern where even neutral or well-meaning moments get filtered through a lens of criticism, contempt, or defensiveness. It's the kind of thing that quietly erodes connection without either partner fully understanding why.The conversation covers how positive and negative emotional filters work, why a simple comment about pasta can become a full-blown conflict when trust is low, and how gender socialization plays into desire patterns in ways most couples never talk about. Zach and Dr. Moali also talk about the gap between impulse and response, the role of personal responsibility in conflict, and why contempt carries a particular kind of poison because it comes wrapped in a feeling of superiority.What makes this conversation worth your time is the way it connects relational safety to sexual vulnerability. If your relationship feels charged, tense, or emotionally distant, that almost always shows up in your intimate life too. Zach and Dr. Moali reframe what sex is actually for in a long-term relationship and make the case for scheduling erotic play and expanding what intimacy can look like. It's practical, grounded, and refreshingly honest.Key TakeawaysNegative Sentiment Override means your partner's neutral actions start getting interpreted through a filter of criticism or hostility, and it happens gradually enough that you may not notice.Emotional safety is the foundation of sexual vulnerability. If it doesn't feel safe to be honest in the kitchen, it won't feel safe to be honest in the bedroom.The "pasta example" is a good litmus test: if your partner makes dinner and your first internal response is irritation rather than gratitude, your filter may have shifted negative.Contempt is uniquely damaging because it comes with a sense of superiority. It's not just anger; it's the belief that you're better than your partner.Gender socialization shapes desire in ways most couples never discuss openly, and those unspoken patterns create misunderstandings that look like rejection.Slowing down the space between impulse and response is one of the most powerful things you can do for your relationship. Reactivity is the enemy of repair.Taking personal responsibility in conflict is not about taking blame. It's about owning your part of the dynamic so something can actually shift.Scheduling erotic play and broadening what counts as intimacy helps couples move past the pressure of performance and back toward genuine connection.Guest InfoThis episode is a guest appearance by Zach on the Sexology Podcast.Host: Dr. Nazanin Moali, clinical psychologist and host of the Sexology Podcast Website: sexologypodcast.com Instagram: @sexologypodcastSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcribe →Ep 418 Resolving Dissonance: What Bands and Marriages Have in Common w/Ron and Catrina
Mar 3100:59:56Tap to summarizeZach sits down with Ron and Catrina, a married couple behind the YouTube music show Covers on the Spot, to find out what happens when you treat a relationship like a live recording session. Ron is the creative director and host of the show, where bands are given a song they have never heard and tasked with covering it in a single day. Catrina is a graphic designer on the same media team at Musora and the quieter half of a pairing that, by their own description, sounds like "something harmonic." Together, they have three kids, a shared workplace, and a relationship built on aligned values and very different processing speeds.Using a "covers on the spot" framework for the conversation, Zach gives Ron and Catrina relationship prompts and asks them to riff. What comes out is a candid look at how they handle conflict, protect their time together, and keep choosing each other through the daily grind of parenting and working side by side. Catrina is open about her tendency toward passive aggression and the work she is doing to change it. Ron talks honestly about learning to stop "winning" arguments and start listening instead. One of the most striking moments comes when Catrina says their relationship at its best sounds like silence: quiet, smooth, still moving.Zach ties it all together with a Ben Folds story about orchestras resolving dissonance, not just difference, and drops one of his signature reframes: repair is more important than resolve. This is an episode for anyone who has ever stayed up until 2 a.m. trying to fix something with their partner and wondered if there was a better way.Key TakeawaysWinning the argument is not the same thing as being right about the relationshipGiving your partner time to process is not waiting. It is participating.A relationship is not something you find. It is something you build with someone who wants to build with you.Repair is more important than resolve. You can go to bed without solving it and still be okay.Protecting your time together matters more than filling your calendar with activityThe best relationships keep evolving their sound. What worked five years ago may not be the song you need now.Constraints (kids, time, fatigue) can actually sharpen how a couple communicates, not just limit itVulnerability is daring to be fully honest with someone, not just showing them the version of yourself you think they wantGuest InfoRon (Catrina's husband): Producer and host of Covers on the Spot, a YouTube music show where bands cover a song they have never heard in a single day. Former high school musical theater teacher. Based in Chilliwack, British Columbia.Catrina (Ron's wife): Graphic designer at Musora. Handles YouTube thumbnails, Instagram assets, and physical product design. Former theater student (played Ariel in The Tempest). Self-described introvert.They have three children.They started dating January 1, 2011 after being friends since high school.Covers on the Spot: YouTube PlaylistMusora (music lessons platform): musora.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcribe →Ep 417 Aligning Your Numbers and Your Values w/Natalie and Dan Slagle
Mar 2400:49:20Tap to summarizeZach sits down with Natalie and Dan Slagle, a married couple and co-founders of Fyooz Financial Planning, to explore why money is one of the most charged—and revealing—topics in relationships.Despite being financial professionals, Natalie and Dan found themselves running into the same conflicts as the couples they serve. The issue wasn’t knowledge. It was meaning.They describe how two people can look at the exact same number—$2,700 spent this month—and experience it completely differently. For Natalie, it can trigger scarcity and concern about staying within limits. For Dan, it can represent flexibility and confidence that everything will be okay. Same number. Different story.The conversation explores how those differences are rooted in early experiences: Natalie learning at a young age to separate “needs” from “wants” and take responsibility for the latter, while Dan grew up in a household where generosity and gift-giving shaped his relationship to money.Zach helps reframe the tension: the problem isn’t who’s right—it’s that couples often don’t realize they’re talking about different contexts entirely. One partner may be thinking about this month’s budget, while the other is thinking about long-term security.Natalie and Dan share the simple but powerful practice that changed everything for them: regular, structured money conversations. By sitting down together—often in a public space to keep things grounded—and asking each other how they feel about the numbers, they’ve been able to move from assumption to alignment.The conversation expands beyond finances into time, parenting, and partnership—especially as they navigate building a business together while raising a young child. From learning how to “clock out” of work to intentionally creating space to miss each other again, Natalie and Dan offer a practical and honest look at what it takes to stay connected in a shared life.This episode is a reminder that money problems are rarely about money—they’re about meaning, communication, and learning how to build a shared vision.Key TakeawaysThe same financial number can mean completely different things to each partnerMoney is measurable, which makes conflict around it more intenseFinancial behaviors are deeply shaped by childhood experiencesAssumptions—not numbers—are often the real source of conflictStructured conversations reduce anxiety and increase alignmentTalking about how you feel about money matters as much as the mathHousehold values should guide how money is spentSeparation (work, space, roles) can increase connection in relationshipsGuest InfoNatalie & Dan SlagleNatalie and Dan are a married couple and co-founders of Fyooz Financial Planning, a firm focused on helping couples align their finances with their values and life goals. Their work sits at the intersection of financial strategy and relational dynamics—helping couples not just manage money, but communicate about it effectively.Website: https://www.fyoozfinancial.com/Free consultations available nationwide (U.S.-based clients)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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