MarriageToday with Jimmy & Karen Evans: Episode Summary – "Lasting Passion"

In the December 20, 2018 episode of MarriageToday with Jimmy & Karen Evans, hosted by Jimmy Evans of the XO Podcast Network, the focus centers on "Lasting Passion" within marriage. Drawing from personal experiences, biblical teachings, and sociological studies, Jimmy delves deep into the dynamics of maintaining love and passion in long-term relationships.

1. Understanding Treasures and Passion

Biblical Foundation: Jimmy opens the discussion with a profound reflection on Matthew 6, where Jesus advises against storing up earthly treasures that are susceptible to decay and theft. Instead, He emphasizes accumulating treasures in heaven, which are imperishable. Jimmy interprets this to mean that "where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" ([00:31]).

Passion as a Reflection of Treasures: He elaborates that the "word treasure" in Greek translates to a "repository of treasures"—a place where one stores what is most valuable. Consequently, "wherever you're putting the best of your life, your passion will always be there" ([00:31]). This indicates that passions are direct indicators of where one's true treasures lie.

2. The Impact of Giving to God on Marriage

Givers Maintain Strong Marriages: Jimmy underscores that those who give their best to the Lord tend to maintain strong, unwavering marriages. "Givers don't backslide because their heart's with God" ([02:15]). By dedicating time, talents, and treasures to God, individuals ensure that their passions remain aligned with their spiritual and marital commitments.

Personal Reflection: Sharing his own journey, Jimmy admits, "I've been there, done that. That's how I lived the first years of our marriage... I wasn't a good husband" ([03:10]). This vulnerability sets the stage for his later transformation.

3. Sociological Insights: The Jane Albus Study

Marriage Satisfaction Over Time: Referencing Jane Albus's research, Jimmy discusses how marriage satisfaction typically peaks in the early years, especially before children arrive. "The best years of marriage are the early years... satisfaction typically drops when kids are in junior high and high school" ([04:25]). This dip is attributed to the increased responsibilities and stresses that come with raising adolescents.

God’s Design for Marriage: Contrary to the study's findings, Jimmy believes that "God makes marriage to get better every year" ([05:10]), challenging the notion that marital satisfaction naturally declines over time.

4. The Jealous Heart: Prioritizing the Marriage

Biblical Jealousy: Drawing from Exodus 34, Jimmy highlights that "one of God's names is Jealous", signifying His passionate love and desire for our undivided devotion ([05:50]).

Marital Investment: He emphasizes that couples belong to each other first, before children or other commitments. "We belong to each other first... I belong to Karen before marriage today or anybody else" ([05:50]). When spouses divert their investment and passion elsewhere—be it work, hobbies, or children—it breeds legitimate jealousy and strains the relationship.

5. Personal Testimony: From Struggle to Renewal

The Golf Incident: Jimmy recounts a challenging period in his marriage when his passion for golf overshadowed his commitment to Karen. "The night that we almost divorced, I came in from playing golf and she complained... I told her to get out of the house" ([07:52]).

Moment of Revelation: A turning point occurs when Jimmy reads John 16 about the Holy Spirit leading into all truth. "I said, holy Spirit, teach me how to be a husband... the moment before, I thought I'm Mr. Wonderful... the instant after, I thought, I'm the biggest idiot in the world" ([09:30]).

Apology and Change: Realizing his faults, Jimmy apologizes to Karen and commits to prioritizing his marriage over golf. "I'm sorry for the way I've treated you... I'm going to hang up my golf clubs" ([09:30]). This sincere change initiates a gradual restoration of their relationship, leading to renewed love and companionship.

6. Rekindling Passion: Biblical Guidance from Revelation 2

First Love Forsaken: Jimmy references Revelation 2, where Jesus admonishes the church at Ephesus for forsaking their first love. "You have forsaken your first love... Repent and do the things you did at first" ([10:05]).

Implications for Marriage: He parallels this to marriages where the initial passionate love diminishes. "Jesus is not good with anything less than first love... Somebody else has your first love" ([10:05]). This underscores the necessity of maintaining the primary passion between spouses.

7. Practical Steps to Restore and Maintain Passion

Focus on Self: Jimmy advises couples to "focus on yourself", questioning whether each partner is giving their best to the marriage rather than blaming the other ([12:15]).

Address Root Issues: He identifies common pitfalls such as laziness, taking the spouse for granted, and unrealistic expectations. "I was lazy...had completely unrealistic expectations... I was a lazy husband" ([13:45]).

Managing Expectations: Unrealistic expectations often lead to disappointment, which is the number one reason for divorce. Jimmy urges couples to "examine the root issue" and adjust their expectations accordingly ([15:10]).

8. Conclusion: Committing to Lasting Passion

Jimmy concludes by reinforcing the idea that "wherever your treasure is, wherever your repository is, there will your passion be also" ([16:25]). He emphasizes that rekindling love and passion is achievable through intentional change and dedication to prioritizing the marriage.

Recommendation: He also promotes another marriage podcast, "Naked Marriage with Dave and Ashley Willis", encouraging listeners to explore additional resources for strengthening their relationships.

Key Takeaways:

• Passions Reflect Priorities: Your passions indicate where your true treasures lie. Prioritizing your marriage ensures that your passion remains focused on your spouse.

• Biblical Principles Guide Marital Health: Scripture provides a foundation for understanding and nurturing love within marriage.

• Continuous Investment is Essential: Marriage satisfaction can decline without ongoing effort, especially with external pressures like raising children.

• Personal Accountability: Each partner must take responsibility for their contribution to the relationship's health.

• Rekindling Love is Possible: Through repentance, sincere apologies, and intentional actions, couples can restore and even deepen their love over time.

This episode serves as a heartfelt guide for couples seeking to maintain and rekindle passion in their marriages, blending personal anecdotes with timeless wisdom.