MarriageToday with Jimmy & Karen Evans

Episode: The Power of Positive Communication
Release Date: May 26, 2022
Hosts: Jimmy Evans, Karen Evans
Network: XO Podcast Network

Introduction

In this episode of the MarriageToday Podcast, hosted by Jimmy Evans, the focus is on "The Power of Positive Communication." Grounded in biblical principles, Jimmy delves into the critical role communication plays in fostering a successful and enduring marriage. Drawing from his influential book, Marriage on the Rock, Jimmy provides listeners with insightful strategies to enhance their marital relationships through effective communication.

The Importance of Communication in Marriage

Time Stamp: [00:59]

Jimmy begins by emphasizing that communication is the cornerstone of understanding and connecting with one's spouse. He articulates that without open lines of communication, it's impossible to truly know your partner, address issues, or fulfill each other's needs.

Jimmy Evans [00:59]:
"Communication is the way we know people. I mean, you can't know a person in marriage unless you communicate. It's how you fall in love. It's how you become one."

He likens the disruption of communication in marriage to wartime strategies where enemies aim to sever communication lines to create confusion and defeat. Similarly, Satan is portrayed as an adversary seeking to disrupt marital communication.

Common Dangers in Communication

Subsection 1: Understanding the Power of Words

Jimmy warns about the careless use of words in today's society, highlighting the increase in profanity and vulgarity on primetime television.

Jimmy Evans [02:50]:
"Words are nuclear. God came to a void world and created a paradise with this. The power of life is in your mouth."

He cites Proverbs 18 to underscore that words have the power to give life or cause death, stressing that they are not mere sounds but carry significant weight in shaping relationships.

Five Common Deceptions Concerning Words and Communication

Time Stamp: [10:30]

Jimmy outlines five prevalent misconceptions that undermine effective communication in marriages:

1. Words Are Evaporative

Jimmy dispels the myth that words disappear once spoken. He explains that words leave lasting imprints on hearts and are remembered long after they are spoken.

Jimmy Evans [12:15]:
"Words don't evaporate. They're recorded in heaven and they're lodged in people's hearts."

2. Words Are Non-Revealing

Contrary to the belief that words don't reflect one's true feelings, Jimmy asserts that every word spoken reveals the state of one's heart.

Jimmy Evans [16:00]:
"A heart is known by its words. Either make your words good or your words bad."

He discusses how sarcasm, hateful language, and disrespect are indicators of underlying negative emotions such as anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness.

3. Words Are Substitutionary

The idea that words can replace actions is challenged. Jimmy shares personal anecdotes about how mere verbal affirmations without corresponding actions can lead to disillusionment in marriage.

Jimmy Evans [18:45]:
"Words can't replace action. If I say I love you, I need to follow through on that."

4. Words Are Powerless

Jimmy vehemently disagrees with the notion that words lack power. He explains that words have the capacity to either build up or tear down relationships.

Jimmy Evans [20:30]:
"The power of life and death is in your mouth. You can bring a marriage back to life or kill it with your words."

He underscores the biblical perspective that words are instruments of creation and destruction, aligning with the belief that spoken words have tangible effects.

5. Bad Words Will Bring Good Results

Lastly, Jimmy addresses the false belief that negative expressions can somehow lead to positive outcomes. He shares that verbal abuse, even if intended as a form of expression of love or frustration, ultimately causes harm.

Jimmy Evans [23:10]:
"Bad words will bring good results. But in reality, they devastate and destroy the respect and love in a marriage."

Differences Between Men and Women's Communication

Time Stamp: [24:50]

Jimmy explores the distinct communication needs and styles between men and women, emphasizing that understanding these differences is vital for marital harmony.

Women’s Need for Communication

He articulates that communication is as essential to women as sex is to men, serving as a fundamental means of connecting and expressing emotions.

Jimmy Evans [26:00]:
"Communication is as important to women as sex is to men."

Men’s Communication Style

Contrastingly, Jimmy describes men as emotionally modest, often focusing on practical matters and less inclined to share emotions openly.

Jimmy Evans [30:00]:
"Men are emotionally modest. They don't talk about their feelings as openly as women do."

Creating a Safe Space for Communication

Jimmy advises that men should strive to engage in more open and heartfelt conversations, moving beyond superficial dialogues to meet their wives' emotional needs.

Jimmy Evans [33:20]:
"If you want to communicate effectively in marriage, you have to understand that words are nuclear."

Standards for Effective Communication

Time Stamp: [40:00]

Jimmy introduces five standards that couples should adhere to for fostering positive communication:

1. Faith

Maintaining faith in God’s role in communication ensures that words are used constructively rather than as tools for manipulation or control.

Jimmy Evans [42:15]:
"I have faith that if I speak the truth, that the power of God is going to take it and change your life."

2. Surrender

Couples are encouraged to surrender their speech to God, allowing Him to guide their words and use their communication to build up the relationship.

Jimmy Evans [45:30]:
"This mouth belongs to God, and it will be used by God."

3. Patient and Loving Communication

Adopting a patient and loving approach in conversations helps in connecting deeply and resolving conflicts amicably.

Jimmy Evans [48:10]:
"Patient, loving communication is what connects your spouse to you and your world."

4. Truthfulness

Open and honest dialogue is crucial. Being truthful fosters intimacy and trust within the marriage.

Jimmy Evans [50:00]:
"A functional family says, we're going to talk about the truth. We're going to talk about our feelings."

5. Recognizing the Power of Words

Understanding that words can either heal or wound ensures that couples use their speech to nurture their relationship.

Jimmy Evans [52:45]:
"The power of life and death is in your mouth. It doesn't say that about any other area of your body."

Conclusion

Jimmy wraps up the episode by reiterating that effective communication is not merely about exchanging words, but about fostering a profound connection grounded in love, respect, and faith. He urges couples to surrender their communication to God, ensuring that their words contribute to building a strong, resilient marriage.

Jimmy Evans [55:30]:
"The devil wants to use our mouth to destroy, but God wants to use it to build and heal. We make the decision who's going to use our mouth."

Jimmy’s transformative journey from a verbally abusive husband to a supportive and loving partner serves as a testament to the power of positive communication. By following the principles discussed, couples can overcome communication barriers and cultivate a thriving marriage.

Key Takeaways

• Communication is essential for understanding and bonding in marriage.
• Words carry immense power—they can build or destroy relationships.
• Recognize and overcome common communication deceptions to foster healthier interactions.
• Understand and respect the differing communication needs of men and women.
• Adhere to standards of faith, surrender, patience, truthfulness, and responsible use of words to enhance marital communication.

Notable Quotes

• Jimmy Evans [00:59]:
  "Communication is the way we know people. You can't know a person in marriage unless you communicate."

• Jimmy Evans [02:50]:
  "Words are nuclear. The power of life is in your mouth."

• Jimmy Evans [10:30]:
  "Words don't evaporate. They're recorded in heaven and lodged in people's hearts."

• Jimmy Evans [42:15]:
  "I have faith that if I speak the truth, the power of God is going to take it and change your life."

• Jimmy Evans [55:30]:
  "The devil wants to use our mouth to destroy, but God wants to use it to build and heal."

Final Thoughts

This episode serves as a comprehensive guide for couples aiming to enhance their marital communication. By applying biblical principles and understanding the profound impact of words, listeners are equipped with the tools necessary to build a resilient and loving marriage.

For more insights and resources on building a successful marriage, visit xomarriage.com or subscribe to the MarriageToday Podcast.