Ep 489 - The Council

Summary

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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast

Episode 489: "The Council" (April 11, 2024)
Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Matt and Shane return, fired up and riffing on everything from the meaning of therapy and the importance of close friendships (especially the mythical "Bdubs Council"), to modern masculinity, marital dynamics, pop culture news, and deep philosophical rabbit holes. The duo veers seamlessly between playful banter, personal stories, social commentary, and irreverent humor — all delivered in their signature, conversational style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Value and Absurdity of Therapy vs. Friendship

• (00:02–04:39)
  The episode opens with a spirited debate on the merits and limitations of psychoanalysis (Freud) and talk therapy versus simply having "buddies" to confide in.
  • Therapy as Relationship Surrogate:
    Shane: "We're basically prostituting a form of relationship that should just be held, you know." (00:43)
  • The 'Bdubs Council':
    Matt and Shane riff on the emotional support provided by male friendship groups — especially those convened at Buffalo Wild Wings ("Bdubs").
    • "You need the Bdubs council. Otherwise you can get sucked into the absolute labyrinth that is your wife's brain." (03:05, Shane)

2. Differences in Male & Female Social Dynamics

• (04:08–06:49)
  The hosts contrast women's multitasking minds with men's more "single-track" thinking, and how group dynamics differ.
  • On female conversation:
    "They're birds grabbing twigs for the next... Chicks can hold, I think, like, six thoughts in their head at once. It's a curse. I swear to God." (04:24, Shane)
  • Physical Affection as "Cure":
    "You just literally need to squeeze babes and be like, just shush. ... It works." (06:08, Shane)

3. Relationships & Sexual Frustration

• (06:17–07:45)
  The hosts candidly (and comedically) discuss male sexual frustration, with tongue-in-cheek “governor” metaphors for self-control.

4. Porn Habits, Technology, and Morality

• (07:45–10:29)
  An unfiltered chat about OnlyFans, abstaining from porn, and the impact of technology on sexuality.
  • "Jerking off is a technology." (09:02, Shane)
  • Quoting Romans:
    "The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the spirit is life and peace." (10:02, Matt)

5. Philosophy: Heidegger, Freud, and Worldviews

• (18:03–20:24)
  Matt geeks out on chalkboard philosophy lectures and forming a personal philosophy, while Shane pokes fun.
  • On Heidegger:
    "You wrote 4,000 pages on this, on, like, the nature of being itself." (19:13, Shane)
  • "Christianity still reigns supreme... Jesus never got mad at someone because they're a sinner. He got mad at people because they thought they weren't sinners." (20:24, Shane)

6. Pop Culture: Black News, Rap Beef, and 50 Cent’s Presidency

• (21:33–25:24)
  They dig into recent hip-hop events (J. Cole’s apology, rap beef tropes), anointing 50 Cent as the "Black Trump" and “president.”
  • "Jay Z's Biden, 50 Cent's Trump." (22:21, Shane)
• Fashion Power Moves:
  Discussion on the (homoerotic?) power of buying another man clothes:
  "Buying another man clothes... is so powerful." (24:08, Shane)

7. Stand-up, Offending Parents, and Jokes Gone Wrong

• (24:28–26:48)
  Matt recounts his parents seeing his stand-up and being offended, and shares a joke he’s retiring for being too "evil."
  • On the fallout:
    "My mother in law was there and... oh no, that wouldn't rip in front of her whole family." (25:36, Shane)

8. Food Rituals and Feeding Frenzies

• (41:00–44:44)
  The comedians wax poetic about the camaraderie and primal joy of group eating — pig cycles, pizza greed, and family party feeding frenzies.
  • "I saw a thing where they're like, we don't understand why sharks engage in feeding frenzies. ... Of course you do." (42:07, Shane)

9. Masculinity, Fitness Obsession, and “Business Head” Lifestyle

• (46:40–54:50)
  Lampooning extreme businessman/workout culture (“getting shredded”, 2:30am workouts, hating your life to get rich) and the race to be the earliest riser.
  • "He’s so shredded that if I lay on my bed, it hurts." (52:29, Shane)
  • "Wahlberg, Jocko... dick swinging at 4:00. ... Big homie Wes is I think 2:30am which is arguably partially nocturnal." (53:33, Shane)

10. Tech, AI, and Comedy

• (54:05–58:29)
  Conversation about the limits of AI (can it out-nickname Trump?) and the ethics/future of AI-generated comedy, referencing the blocked "AI George Carlin" stand-up.
  • "There’s only one human that can stop this. It's Donald Trump versus the AI supercomputer." (54:34, Matt)
  • "I guess that would bother me if, like, somebody just put up a video of, like, my dead mom talking for an hour..." (58:54, Shane)

11. Disney Adventures & The Case of the British Princess-Blo cker

• (59:15–74:10)
  Matt shares vacation stories from Disney World, admitting he’s been converted to a “Disney head.”
  • On entering Magic Kingdom:
    "I got completely converted into a Disney head. … It's like a religious thing to go to the ... immerse yourself in that world." (61:19, Matt)
  • The Princesses:
    Deep dives into the "snatched" and beautiful Disney princess performers, rules against adult costumes, and the various types of Disney superfans.
    • "They keep those princesses snatched up." (62:22, Shane)
  • The Rude Brit:
    Story of encountering a stubborn British dad who wouldn't yield to let kids see the parade.
    • "No, I got here first and I'm videotaping." (68:13, British dad)
• Theme Park Philosophy:
  Closing thoughts on the spirituality of Disney, the Epcot ride, and how technological history/Western civilization are represented, even when the audio is — by mishap — in Chinese.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Male Friendship vs. Therapy:
  "You need the Bdubs council. Otherwise you can get sucked into the absolute labyrinth that is your wife's brain."
  — Shane (03:05)

• Men vs. Women’s Mental Processing:
  "Chicks can hold, I think, like, six thoughts in their head at once. It's a curse. I swear to God."
  — Shane (04:45)

• On Sexual Politics:
  "I'm a man, and I have needs, God damn it. And I don't guilt. I go, look, if you don't want to do this, that's fine. I will not hold it against you. Although I will. Deep down inside."
  — Shane (06:39)

• Freud & Philosophy:
  "Psychoanalysis can go fuck itself."
  — Matt (00:13)

• On Male Consumption:
  "I go, first slice doesn't count. I picked it up straight out of the box. ... Maybe no one saw me get that first one."
  — Matt (41:28)

• On 50 Cent as 'President':
  "Black people being ruled by black Trump right now, which is 50 Cent."
  — Shane (22:21)

• On Adult Disney Fans:
  "There's like a dude, like a tanned guy with a goatee ... just in front of the magic castle."
  — Matt (66:00)

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Timestamps of Key Segments

| Time | Topic | |-----------|--------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Opening riff, therapy vs. the “Bdubs council” | | 04:08 | Women’s minds vs. men’s, relationship talk | | 06:17 | Sex, marriage, the “governor” metaphor | | 07:45 | Porn, OnlyFans, abstinence, Freud | | 10:02 | Philosophical quotes (Romans) | | 18:03 | Chalkboard YouTubers, forming a worldview | | 20:24 | Christianity & philosophy bests the East | | 21:33 | Rap beef, J. Cole, 50 Cent as president | | 24:28 | Stand-up, offending parents | | 41:00 | Pig cycles, eating rituals | | 46:40 | Business head fitness extremism | | 54:05 | AI, Trump, and the future of comedy | | 59:15 | Matt's Disney World odyssey | | 62:22 | Disney princesses: beauty standards, super-fans | | 68:13 | The British dad confrontation | | 73:29 | Epcot, World’s Fair, history ride |

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Conclusion & Tone

This episode is vintage Matt & Shane: rapid-fire, personal, philosophical, and always ready to undercut or escalate any topic with improvised absurdity. It’s a densely packed hour of unique takes on masculinity, pop culture, parenting, food, and the surreal comedy of everyday life — punctuated by laugh-out-loud moments, introspective honesty, and no shortage of “did they just say that?” lines.

For fans of irreverent, honest, and insightfully dumb-footed comedy, this episode is a must-listen.

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Transcript

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Wes.

[B]

My God.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

Screaming into the atmosphere. We're finally back, dude.

[A]

We were fired up. Dude, you got me up about Freud. Yeah.

[B]

A sigma on fraud.

[A]

Psychoanalysis can go itself.

[B]

That's a. That's a position held by a lot of people. That is a position held by a lot of people. But then there's, you know, technically the talking cure did work. Letting people talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, and rearrange their basically symbolic self. You know, there's something to that as well. Talking, talking, talking, talking and going. Oh, wait a second.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you can gleam an insight, you can gleam a valuable insight, then only you can experience as being completely valid.

[A]

True conversation.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And that's the argument against therapy. Some people say, like, dude, this is. We're basically prostituting a form of relationship that should just be held, you know.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

But that's, that's. I see both sides of it. I absolutely see both sides.

[A]

Yeah, I could see it working if you didn't have any buddies. Yeah. No bruskies and buds.

[B]

No, Bruce, No.

[A]

No bruskies and buzz. You're gonna need to hire someone to talk to.

[B]

True.

[A]

You can't go down to the local B dubs and chat it out and go, my wife is such a. Yes. Can we get another picture?

[B]

Or you might want to access something outside of your context.

[A]

I'll get 10 garlic parm, my wife's a cunt. And all your buddies go, yeah, dude, my wife's a cunt. And then you go, yeah, but maybe I should have gone to her parents house.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow. I just saved $700 to listen to some fucking dickhead from NYU talk to me about. Have you considered going to her parents house?

[B]

Why? What do you. What comes up for you? We think about her parents house. Extreme boredom.

[A]

What happened to you as a child that you don't want to go to her parents house?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Now I'm just against being bored.

[B]

Like, wait a second, I had parents.

[A]

Were you ever bored at your. At your home growing up and go, holy. I was. Well, this is a breakthrough. Well worth every penny.

[B]

I was basically molested by boredom. Yeah, there's a. But there, there's an argument to like you can get outside of your context. Because if you, if you're. If you're in the. If you're beat up, circle only has access to a certain level of discourse. And then you're trapped within this thing where you either conform or beat up the council.

[A]

The high council.

[B]

Just different sports jerseys.

[A]

Like. Yeah, my most trusted Advisor. My most trusted advisor. My friend in a Vikings jersey. God, these wings are hot today. Beat ups makes them hot.

[B]

Your friend's eyes are just tearing his nose. That truly sounds like hell. I feel sorry for you.

[A]

That's good though, Though. You need the bdubs counsel to be like, dude, stop being gag. Go do it.

[B]

You are at 1000% right about that. You need the Bdubs council. Yes, for sure.

[A]

And I do pity those without the Bdubs council.

[B]

It's true, man. You need to be. Otherwise you can get sucked into the absolute labyrinth that is your wife's brain. Because they are world builders, dude. They can create just the wildest world. And you would need the bdubs counsel.

[A]

To be like, yeah, you're not in.

[B]

That world because you get lost.

[A]

She's making the world up.

[B]

You will get lost in her world, dude. You will get lost. God damn the Bdubs council.

[A]

Going to your lady's house just dreaming about being at the bdubs council instead. Can't wait to get out of here to go straight to the doves. Dude, the garlic bar, the garlic parm, man, that was a major issue in a previous relationship of going the Bdubs Council. No. Going to the hero. Her family's house for like holidays. And yeah, actually it's been almost every relationship, but there was one particular one, an old one that was. I couldn't do it. It was just women. There was literally 0B Dubs Council within the family house.

[B]

Bro, you need. I'm telling you, that is a real thing.

[A]

It's. And I. Dude, they would sit and just talk about stuff. Yeah, they would talk about. They're like, oh, at Macy's they have a sale on these. And then the other girl would go, oh, I need to get down there at Boss Cops. They're selling these blenders for 30 off.

[B]

Dude. It's insane.

[A]

These are really good blenders.

[B]

They're birds. They're birds grabbing twigs for the next. It's insane. I'm telling you, if you don't have they, they. You can be the hardest strain of feminism. Whatever. But I'm. I'm not being mean. I'm not trying to own babes. But it's like, if there's not a dude around.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For years, it's. You need it. Otherwise, lady, the chicks go crazy.

[A]

Dude, you need someone talking football in World War II.

[B]

You absolutely need that. Or just a guy going, what are you worried about? Yeah, that's not real. And they go, oh, okay, thank you. Because they will Spin themselves out into oblivion. Chicks can hold, I think, like, six thoughts in their head at once. It's a curse. I swear to God. They're running. They're running on just, like. It's insane.

[A]

The hydra is in there. Just like, yeah, she called you fat. The blender is good.

[B]

I caught a glimpse one time. I've talked.

[A]

He's at bdubs again. Get him.

[B]

Call him right now.

[A]

Ruined the council.

[B]

I think your stomach hurts. Yeah. Yeah, dude. There's one time. Because you know when you're, like, at nighttime and you're falling asleep? That's when your brain can really just kick it into gear and you're like, what's going on? One time, like, Brittany was breathing heavy. I'm like, what's up with you? And she went and named, like, 14 things in 10 seconds. And I was like, oh, what the God damn. I was like, you're running, like, six worries at once. Yeah, I'll get home and just be like, I was a idiot tonight. And it's just a one track. She was like, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom. Past, present, future, three different people. And it was just like, what the. I was like, whoa, whoa. Just stop. Yeah, okay. Just lay down. Although I'll say the ultimate cure, especially for the babes, like, you know when you talk and talk and they're like, I don't want to sell my problem. You just gotta grab them. You have to just squeeze them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You just literally need to squeeze babes and be like, just shush. It works. You can talk all you want. They just need to be squeezed and hugged.

[A]

Mayor like, that point.

[B]

And you rub their bellies.

[A]

You gotta squeeze them, and then. And then you squeeze them and you go, this feels good. Maybe I should touch you.

[B]

Parlay that in. Yeah, I've been much more forceful. I was talking about it with Lamar.

[A]

Sexually.

[B]

Yeah. Not, like, force forceful, but, like, I've been putting it on the table, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've been letting it be known like, look, I'm a man, God damn it.

[A]

I am a man.

[B]

I'm a man, and I have needs, God damn it. And I don't guilt. I go, look, if you don't want to do this, that's fine. I will not hold it against you. Although I will. Deep down inside. Deep down inside.

[A]

Subconscious. Yes, dude, of course.

[B]

But I will be like, no, for real. I'm not mad. And then I'll like, just.

[A]

That's just.

[B]

Your arm will touch me and I'll go, yeah. Are you mad? No, I'm not.

[A]

Mad? Why would I be mad?

[B]

Get off me.

[A]

You're my only outlet for sexual pleasure and you're not giving it to me. Yeah, I'm not mad. Yeah, man, that's fine with me.

[B]

Especially off the dog. Especially since my governor is saving me.

[A]

The governor has. I forget. Every single time I forget.

[B]

And you go.

[A]

I go.

[B]

I go, oh, license and registration.

[A]

I haven't done this in a few days. And they go. I'm going to need to see your license. Oh, God damn it.

[B]

Do you know why I pulled you over?

[A]

I can't believe.

[B]

Because I'm a big, disgusting pervert.

[A]

Maybe Texas took the nog from us. I refuse to go to another website.

[B]

Really? Are you hitting them with the photo id?

[A]

No, I. I haven't. I've been off the knob. When I'm home, I'm off the knock.

[B]

Damn. So you wait till you.

[A]

It's a tough stretch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're gonna test the nog this week. This is a tough stretch. I'm home for a few weeks. We're gonna see what happens.

[B]

You might fall to Reddit porn. I have never done the Reddit porn.

[A]

Everyone turns out. Turns out only fans is legal here. I might have to become a little fat pay pig.

[B]

Get some girlfriend.

[A]

Although I've seen only fans and they're never great.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I don't think I'll be having sex or anything. It's just like a girl's boobs. You go, dang. God damn it. I wanted to see you.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I'm sure there's ladies out there going, yeah, yeah, Hog wild. But I haven't found them.

[B]

Yeah, dude, you're probably thinking of just like Rachel Dolezall's only fans.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I get tricked up.

[A]

I've been tricked on Instagram.

[B]

I'll be honest. I've. I've got myself. So I went off no porn all of lent. I'm still on no porn. But I have. I'm back to the point where I can fire up, like, chicks and bathing suits.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I can do a bikini fap, which is. Dude, you feel like, nice.

[A]

Just fapping. Feels good, dude. Jacking off on your own.

[B]

Although if you.

[A]

Dark room quiet.

[B]

Did you ever get into a weird thing where you're just like, I'm jerking off a guy. That me up now I'll get into that.

[A]

That's Freud, dude.

[B]

You're just jacking off.

[A]

Just relax. Just relax.

[B]

But you're jerking off a guy and you are like, he. Getting jerked off by a guy.

[A]

Analyzing instinct and thought bothers Me so much.

[B]

Jerking off is a technology jerking off.

[A]

His pure instinct.

[B]

It's technology.

[A]

It's pure instinct.

[B]

It's tech. It's big tech.

[A]

The phone is part of the test. Just jack it off. Dudes have been whacking off. That was step one.

[B]

True. But, like, the wheel is tech. Fire is technically tech. It's a natural.

[A]

I think it's like in the Bible. Like, don't jack off, dude. That was day one.

[B]

Was it really?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

It's not jacking. Is jacking off in the Bible? I don't think it's in the Bible. I just think, like, your dad couldn't catch you, or else you had to leave the country. I think if your dad caught you, fabulous. Going to exile, you take, like, four camels and just walk across the desert.

[A]

The Bible never specifically mentions masturbation.

[B]

What the hell am I worried about?

[A]

They're gonna hit you with some purity. Becoming sanctified, avoiding lust.

[B]

Yeah, but they were avoiding lust back then because you would, like, knock a lady's tent down and, like, eat her ass in the middle. You know what I'm saying? Dudes are getting Meg horny in the desert. So they were like, yo, chill, bro.

[A]

Romans 8, 5, 6, says, the mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the spirit is life and peace.

[B]

That's what I'm talking about.

[A]

The habit of self. Pleasure is a great example of the flesh governing the mind.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Flesh keeps governing the mind, dude.

[B]

It does.

[A]

Thankfully, the actual government governs my flesh. And.

[B]

True.

[A]

You cannot watch pornhub.

[B]

True.

[A]

God damn it. If I could even get one of those gifts that they advertise with, I would.

[B]

Thumbnails would be fine.

[A]

Thumbnail is all the boy needs.

[B]

Thumbnails.

[A]

Governor Abbott, release the thumbnails.

[B]

Yo, did you notice how cool guys were about that, by the way? They, like, came after our reproductive rights, and we were like, all right, whatever the state decides. We weren't fucking.

[A]

We became communists immediately. The state decides.

[B]

I saw a sticker, bumper sticker the other day. It said, if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. And I was like, or maybe we would just handle it and shut the upper. That lady. I know, I know.

[A]

We're getting rowdy. No, it's not just you.

[B]

I've been fired up, but that lady.

[A]

Sigmund Freud, fired me up. Now I'm based, bro.

[B]

Thought true.

[A]

That's the ultimate based, that is, dude.

[B]

And you might be onto something with that. Yeah. Thoughts very Eastern, by the way.

[A]

Thoughts dude, don't put that on me either. Don't you dare put that on me. I hate that. That's very easy.

[B]

Slash through the web.

[A]

Eastern medicine can go itself. Dude, I'm with Eastern Medicine.

[B]

No, it's going to pervade our culture. It's coming.

[A]

It is here. Oh, it's lair's in the house. Dude, Eastern bullshit's here. Look at the he's drinking.

[B]

That's just Chinese grape soda. This is Eastern medicine.

[A]

Damn. That's the black nerd elixir. Dude, that's crazy Chinese grape soda. That's the high. That's every black nerd's dream.

[B]

That is high octane black nerd fuel.

[A]

When you sip it, it's like.

[B]

The cap. God damn it.

[A]

Where did you get the. Oh, there's that store right up the street. Yeah, I got it from Asashi. Yeah.

[B]

Was that like a sushi place?

[A]

No, it's like a Japanese market. It's pretty cool.

[B]

God damn, dude, that's pretty tight. You have access to a Japanese market? Yeah, it's just you and 12 other black nerds.

[A]

The fucking owner doesn't know who to follow. There's so many of you in there.

[B]

Just walking like this.

[A]

Bumping into each other. Oh, pardon me. Pardon me. After you. Pardon me.

[B]

That's pure Metal Gear Solid.

[A]

They're in boxes.

[B]

Damn, dude. What. What the hell was I thinking about tell you this?

[A]

I gotta tell you this. This is what I was gonna tell you. And I think you'll enjoy it. It's funnier. So I went to. I'm. I'm the most sore I've ever been in my entire life. I couldn't.

[B]

I'm working out.

[A]

I couldn't sleep on. I couldn't lay on my side. I. My back.

[B]

Are you a side sleeper as well?

[A]

My back is butt, dude. All right, pause this guy. So I get in there, I was like, all right, I haven't worked out in a while. I'm gonna go Rogans, get a nice easy one, hit the sauna. This will be a nice day. I get in, of course, one of the Navy SEALS trainer, one of the Navy SEAL security guys in there, he's like, you ready to hit the gauntlet with me, brother? And I was like, dude, I'm not hitting the Navy SEAL gauntlet. And then he was. He shamed me into it. He was like, come on, dude. Come on.

[B]

Yeah. How could you say no?

[A]

It was nine different lifts and workouts. Three minutes on, one minute off. You have to go three minutes to exhaustion on every single.

[B]

What?

[A]

Dude, it sucked. One of them was just hanging. Hanging on the bar for three minutes. A dead hang. It ruined me.

[B]

Yeah, dude, hanging there.

[A]

This muscle is. It's ruined. This episode is brought to you by Dude Wipes. If you're still dry wiping with toilet paper, you need to stop being an A hole to your B hole and switch to Dude Wipes. Isn't that funny?

[B]

That is funny.

[A]

Whoever wrote this, give me a call. I need some material. I made the switch myself. And the difference, let me tell you, is real Dude Wipes tackle the mess without any fuss. And the convenience of their flushable design makes cleanup a breeze. No more. Juggling rolls are settling for less than adequate wipes. Are you tired of juggling rolls, Matt?

[B]

For sure.

[A]

They leave no room for dingleberries.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Or stray butt crumbs that TP might miss.

[B]

Yeah, leave those on the floor.

[A]

The butt crumbs? Yeah. Plus, they're extra large for adults. I like that because you are not a baby. So stop using baby wipes, ditch the itch, and switch to wet. Extra large flushable Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes Best clean, Pants down. Available on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide.

[B]

Hang for a minute.

[A]

And then he was like, all right, pop your shirt off. He was like, we take our shirts off. It's going to get hot in here. And I was like, I'm not. Definitely not doing that. I'm not going to work. Work out in front of a mirror with my fucking shirt off right now. And he was like, you need to find the problem areas. I was like, brother, the whole thing's a. We don't need the shirt off to diagnose the problem area today.

[B]

I can feel them.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

How you feel the moving?

[A]

When I stop, the problem areas are shaking. On every workout we're doing right now, I'm doing a curl and my hips are shaking. We don't need a shirt off for this. I thought you'd enjoy that.

[B]

That is so funny.

[A]

Honestly, driving over, I was like, this will be nice. It's just gonna be me in there. It'll be nice and quiet, bro. Jack, Navy Seal with his shirt off. Like, you ready to hit the gauntlet?

[B]

Oh, how could you have said no, though?

[A]

I hit the no instantly. I was like, dude, I'm not.

[B]

I would have signed up at a recruiter.

[A]

He's like, all right. This workout, three minutes straight of pull ups. I was like, dude, I can't do a pull up. What are you talking about?

[B]

Damn.

[A]

I'll Hang on the bar for three minutes. It was impossible.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

I. I hung for like 30 seconds and then five seconds at a time after that.

[B]

Dude, that shit's hard.

[A]

It was impossible, the whole thing. Navy seal, yelling at you.

[B]

Loved. I would love that. I would have came in.

[A]

It felt pretty good after a while, I bet.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Get out there, brother. Yeah, just lay down.

[A]

And just him being like, you're doing pretty good. I was like, thank you.

[B]

Oh, that's awesome.

[A]

Thank you, daddy.

[B]

That's all I needed.

[A]

Pop that top off. I was like, no, daddy, it'll ruin the workout. Sir. I'll be done working out. I'll be frozen in front of the mirror. I'll go, what?

[B]

I just joined 24 Hour Fitness. I might suck out with people, but pop that top, I might start stealing Valley.

[A]

Yeah. You ready to hit the pure Andy Elliott?

[B]

Was he really?

[A]

Pop the top off. We need to see the problem areas. I was like, dude, what? No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What are you doing?

[B]

Yeah, that's a bit much.

[A]

He was being friendly. It was funny.

[B]

You should have just. Yeah, held nipples. Came out with a towel around.

[A]

Instantly took my dick out me. Like, that's the problem. You. How do we get this bigger, brother?

[B]

My ass is all shitty.

[A]

My ass is flat and shitty.

[B]

Damn, dude. Yeah, I went to. I did burpees in the garage yesterday.

[A]

That's. That's real tough, dude.

[B]

Pretty sick. 100 burpees.

[A]

You got a good garage for it too.

[B]

I know, it was awesome. But I, I, who was kicking around, we had a home inspector kicking around. So I kept every time being there doing burpees, and I'd hear him coming.

[A]

And be like, yeah, just out of breath in the garage.

[B]

What are you doing?

[A]

I was like, well, just working out. She had an argument with my wife. I'm shadow box. Shadowboxing in the garage as hard as I can.

[B]

I was there working out of my phone on my trash can, just playing like YouTube lectures. Came up with a new guy. I have a new YouTube crush. He's awesome, dude. I think I gotta hear it. People know about him. Michael Sugru. He's an old school fellow. Look at that guy. He's an old school professor. He's. Dude, he's really nice.

[A]

You love these chalk hands.

[B]

I love. I like chalk.

[A]

I hate the chalk hands.

[B]

My thing is, if they just have one, I'll sit through it. If they have one good idea that I can use. Oh, my God. I've totally constructed a worldview. I had no worldview for the longest time. And I've put together personal philosophy and something of a world view.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

It's kind of nice.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You know, I'm just on. He's talking about Heidegger, Big B being like, yeah, dude, I love that. Let's do it for go to bed.

[A]

I'm like, yeah, there's nothing wrong with enjoying that.

[B]

This small B being. Yeah, I get it. People. Some people don't like it, and I totally understand.

[A]

No, I, I. I have. Yeah. It's like gay stuff. It's like, dude, whatever you're doing in your own home, just don't shove it down my throat, all right?

[B]

Don't put it in my face.

[A]

Don't put it in my face. Don't my kid with it.

[B]

That'd be cool if that got injected into movies. Every movie had to have, like, a Cool.

[A]

Yeah, just a philosophy in it.

[B]

Like that.

[A]

Yeah, just a guy hitting you with.

[B]

Not this Heideggerian again. I do. Well, it's. It's funny for me because, like, I would be like, all right, I hear a lot of fuss about this guy. Like, let me. Let me see what they're about. And a lot of it is just like, dude, you wrote 4,000 pages on this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On, like, the nature of being itself. And he's like, well, if you be. You are being, but you can't know what being. And it's like, dude, this is. I'll even. I'll get kind of like, what the.

[A]

Yeah. Why'd you write that down?

[B]

What are you talking about?

[A]

You need to write that down.

[B]

But Heidegger was a Jesuit. He was in the Jesuit seminary like that. Yeah, he was a Jesuit.

[A]

Jesuits are up to. They're. They're up to good.

[B]

They're pretty sick.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So apparently he read. He wrote, like, a highly abstracted version of Jesuit theology. That's what my. My mentor. My new. He's.

[A]

That's what you need to get.

[B]

New mentor.

[A]

Good cat.

[B]

That's where all my stuff's leading to, right? It's very tight.

[A]

That is where it all ends, I'm telling you. Go in. There you go. I'm going to read about Freud sucking my daddy's dick, killing my dad, sucking my mom's tits. I'm gay. Everyone's gay. Then all of a sudden, the path just leads straight back to our Lord and Savior.

[B]

Yeah, dude, it might be perfect.

[A]

Disciples.

[B]

I think it might be the supreme philosophy. I've been taking on a lot of different worldviews, checking them out. The Eastern stuff is for sure. Cool. But I was into it for a while, but I was like, no, man. Christian still. Still reigns supreme. You read it and you're like. Because it kind of. The Eastern stuff, to a point, is like, total detachment, like, oh, and you'll, like, kind of totally clear your mind. Christianity is the opposite.

[A]

Yeah. Those guys can. I'd like to punch one of those guys in the punches.

[B]

Go find him in his cave.

[A]

I'm gonna go to a cave and sit here for 80 years. It's like God gave you life and you spent sitting in a cave. Even though that's kind of what I did. I said I dwell in a cave.

[B]

You're in full luck.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just.

[A]

My guys need to take that bridge. The World War II game, Company of Heroes 3.

[B]

Yeah, but I'm. But the Christianity is like, you have to fully get into the mud. You're an absolutely fallen dog, dude. You're a totally fallen creature. And guess what, dude? Guess what. Jesus never got mad at someone because they're a sinner. He got mad at people because they thought they weren't sinners.

[A]

Oh, they do.

[B]

It's for real, the best. For real, the best.

[A]

Yeah. They're like, you think. You think you're king. You're hanging out with all these. And tax collectors. And he was like, bro.

[B]

Well, he was pissing the Pharisees. He was like, bro. He was chilling with all the.

[A]

Yeah. When's. I thought Mel's movie was supposed to come out on Easter.

[B]

That's what I thought. It's coming out, like, October.

[A]

God damn it.

[B]

Although he might be trying to fight, like, the witchcraft and Satanism.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Thank God. Thank God, Mel.

[A]

Oh, Big and black news.

[B]

What you got?

[A]

We got breaking black news. We got. Did you see J. Cole apologize?

[B]

Yeah, I saw that. What the. Dude, I. I think it's.

[A]

It was actually kind of nice.

[B]

Yeah, I think it fits his thing. He's trying to break the mold of, you know, that's like the classic pantomime thing that permeates through the black society where it's like, he dissed me. Now I have to absolutely destroy. And they, like. That gets carried out full stop, where, like, I'm shooting each other over that. And he was like, you know what, dude? This is lame. Why am I doing this? But I get 50 cent apparently is not into it. 50 cents. Like, bro.

[A]

50 cents. The Clark.

[B]

50 cents. The new president of black people.

[A]

Yeah, he is.

[B]

He for real has completely rose into the total president. Jay z is out. 50 Cent is in there, dude. Jay Z's Biden, 50 cents, Trump 100.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And black people being ruled by black Trump right now, which is 50 cent. Which. I mean, he's 50 cent. I'm not going to have.

[A]

He doesn't have 50 cent fucking rules.

[B]

50 cent does rule, and he's ruled for a very long time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He has been the man.

[A]

He never stopped to be in the man.

[B]

No. And now it's like, he's coming into. Everyone's recognizing, like, holy. This guy.

[A]

Holy shit. He was funny and Right. The entire time. He's been an. The entire time. He's hilarious.

[B]

He called Diddy a fruit pop. Like, years ago, Diddy did offer to take him shopping.

[A]

Yeah, you can't do that.

[B]

He's like, y', all, I'll buy you clothes. And he said, what? What?

[A]

I take him shopping. Shopping the other day.

[B]

Did you really?

[A]

And we were laughing about it. I was like, I'm definitely Diddy, dude. I'm taking you to Dick Sporting Goods to buy some gym shorts now. Oh, no. Was that you and me? Yeah, that was you and me.

[B]

You got to collect. What, yours now.

[A]

That's because I was gonna go buy some shoes, and I was like, you can get some shoes, too. And then I didn't buy any. And he bought shoes.

[B]

Yeah. But here's. This is what different. That's. This is.

[A]

And he felt. He felt away about it.

[B]

That's the squad.

[A]

But he was like, you keep these. I was like, I'm not wearing those. Those are yours.

[B]

Dropping a bag. Squad's different. If you were to find someone, find another man that wasn't in the squad.

[A]

Another comedian.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That was just like, find another rapper. Just being like, yo, Exactly. Matt Rife. I'm gonna take you shopping, boy.

[B]

Yo, I'm gonna get some clothes, bro. Let's pick some gear. Checking out a dude's gear and being like, we need to revamp your wardrobe is 50 cent was 1000% spot on. Being like, what?

[A]

Yeah. That's nuts, dude.

[B]

What are you talking about? I'm not gonna let you to buy stuff for.

[A]

Freud would have been all over that.

[B]

True.

[A]

He'd be like, that's gay.

[B]

Yeah, he would have, for sure.

[A]

That's your gay subconscious.

[B]

It would have been.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Big power game. Although that is so powerful.

[A]

Buying another man clothes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And being like, I'm gonna get your outfit figured out. That. Because then you get into the dresser. Like, hold. Let me just get in there and check out. Let me see how this pants look on you.

[A]

Then you can go In. Yeah, you go. Oh, try these on.

[B]

He's like, your mom just grabbing your ass.

[A]

Zip. Yeah, because of your giant penis.

[B]

It's.

[A]

Dude, Dad's calling me. I want to kill him. I might have answered, said, I want to kill you.

[B]

My dad's calling. I want to kill him.

[A]

Phil saw my. My stand up act and didn't approve of it.

[B]

What?

[A]

Well, actually, my mom saw my stand up act and then reported back to my father.

[B]

Really?

[A]

My father called me. He was like, you can't say that my. Your mother and I are sad.

[B]

Oh, he saw.

[A]

Now he's trying to get back on my good side.

[B]

You did?

[A]

Because I was like, shut the up, dad.

[B]

Yeah, dude, it's.

[A]

This is a d. Is my art.

[B]

It's not ready yet.

[A]

It wasn't done, and I said inappropriate things and I apologize.

[B]

Did they see all of. Is there one joke in particular they saw that they got upset about?

[A]

They caught a glimpse of that.

[B]

Yeah, I can see that. You see that?

[A]

Yeah, they caught a glimpse of that one and they were none too pleased.

[B]

I had one recently that I'm retiring forever. I thought it was the funniest thing in the world. And then I did it and I felt so evil.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

After it was. The whole joke was that women get to like, yeah, we have sex toys. We have dildos. It's like, guys have sex toys too. And like, when people like, what are they? It's like, they're called women. That's our sex toys. That was pretty funny. The crowd is like, jesus, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That is evil.

[B]

My mother in law was there and.

[A]

I was like, oh, no.

[B]

Oh, no, that wouldn't rip in front of her whole family.

[A]

I got.

[B]

I thought it was funny. I was like, this is really funny.

[A]

It is funny, but. Yeah, but it's hot.

[B]

When you say in a room full of people, it's like, oh, yeah, it.

[A]

Does make you look like a complete psycho.

[B]

Yes. I just thought it was a funny play on words.

[A]

Yeah, they're just inanimate objects. I.

[B]

It was a funny play on words that once I said it out loud, I'm like, yeah, I could see that being very hurtful for women everywhere. Yeah, that is a funny thing to think about. What women have to deal with that, like just being completely used as a sexual object where people like your entire just like being and personality. Someone could be like, skip all of that. And it's like, then you come back and start talking like, I have to go right now.

[A]

When we do that, though, we also have to. Because we're all pretending women like sex like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So then they can. They should. They should enjoy that. If they liked sex, like, as much as they say they do. Yeah, they should enjoy that. They like skipping all the. And they should love that true. As much as we would.

[B]

Yeah, true.

[A]

But they don't.

[B]

Yeah, sure. They don't.

[A]

Makes me wonder. Well, they don't like sex as much.

[B]

Once on their natural cycle, you start to see they are horny for, like, three days out of the month. They. That's pretty much. Unless they see a guy that they'd really like to make their boyfriend, and then they'll get horny for that.

[A]

Now, don't get me wrong. There's definitely women out there that enjoy just the true. Pump and dump.

[B]

But true. But I also. They need a lot of context around it, I think, too. They need, like, you. They need to, like. They're big situation heads. They're big, like, you know, you'd have to be, like, an environment where it's.

[A]

Like, we shouldn't be doing this. We're really breaking down the broads today. Yeah, we shouldn't be doing this. Shush is nice.

[B]

Oh, that. We're breaking down the broads. We can break down the fellas.

[A]

We'll break down the broads. We'll break down the blacks next.

[B]

Are we. Are we still in the black news segment?

[A]

No, black news segment.

[B]

J Cold.

[A]

J Cold. This.

[B]

I was like, good, good.

[A]

Please let champagne Poppy get involved. Dude, rap is just WWF big time. We had a perfect story going. And then JCole said, Nah. There is an opportunity, though, for Kendrick to go full sicko mode. He could and dis him again, dude. Just be like, that's what I thought.

[B]

Yeah, he could, but it is a.

[A]

He has to. He's going to. He's gonna be like, when I talk, everyone runs away. He's gonna say that.

[B]

But then J. Cole might go it. I thought I did that.

[A]

I'm trying to take the high road, baby.

[B]

Yeah, you think he's gonna be like, now it's down.

[A]

Now I'm gonna rhyme about you down.

[B]

To the bro road, dude.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I mean, I could write his verse.

[A]

If he wants to.

[B]

Dude, just let me know.

[A]

We should come up with something.

[B]

I listen to the thing. I was like, that's nice. There was a part of me, too, that I was like, what the are you guys doing?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just so stupid, man.

[A]

So silly. Let's all just have fun.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Let's have fun. And also, like, you know, fun. Make good luck why did. Why did Ken. What was his whole thing like? He probably was just having a bad. Rapper's got to be careful with their bad days.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You have one bad day and be like, I'm top three. He's not top four or five. Then everyone's like, did you hear what he said?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You need to write. We need to write a lyrical.

[A]

We just need Drizzy Drake, dude.

[B]

True.

[A]

Please, please. 6 God respond.

[B]

He'll be back. Although he got kind of. He did get destroyed by Kanye. Although that his. Kanye's circumstances kind of engulfed him.

[A]

Kanye is wild, man.

[B]

That's how nasty he is of an mc. He destroyed Drake and then destroyed his, like, it.

[A]

I'm going down too.

[B]

I love Hitler.

[A]

He didn't really destroy Jersey, though, other than that track.

[B]

Did you ever hear that him and the Pusher T came up and it.

[A]

Was like, that was a T. Pretty good. He went wild on.

[B]

That's as good as they can get it. But yeah, I guess Kanye didn't do it as much as Pusher T. But he did produce the track. It was just. It was good.

[A]

No, Kanye made that. Poop. Did he scoop?

[B]

Poop did he scoop Is fire. That's hilarious.

[A]

That's just mean. That's just a mean thing to do. Poop did he scoop? I think so too.

[B]

What is that? When he was going.

[A]

He was like, drake, I made this. I produced this beat for you. Oh, and then he gave it to Drake. And I think Drake made a song with it or was about to. And then Kanye released. He just wasted it going, poop. Did he scoop? Poop. Poop. Poop. Did he scoop Just a Drake. He just wasted Drake's time just on purpose. I mean, that's really just a crazy move. That's insane. Be like, wait, why are we fighting? Wait, that's so nuts, dude. Yeah, I think that's the story, and it's very funny.

[B]

He's off the God Train too now. Kanye's totally off the God Train. He's like, well, I thought you were like, Christian. He's like, he abandoned me. I need to help myself now.

[A]

I saw that clip.

[B]

So I'm going to rap about getting.

[A]

I saw that clip. It wasn't the one. Is that where he's like, we need to do more than pray? Every time I pray, where's God? He doesn't help me out.

[B]

Yeah, that might have kind of a. Might have been small.

[A]

It's kind of Christian theology also.

[B]

Yeah, you have to help.

[A]

You can't just pray, dude.

[B]

True Yeah, I think his thing was he's like, I'm not cursing anymore. I'm not gonna rap about getting. And then he was like, well, what.

[A]

The am I. I'm back, dude. Who am I talking about? I just said I love Hitler.

[B]

I do like, I do like his wife. The fact that, like, she's a constant news source story. So I can't figure out, is that like a. A PR firm thing or is there they just like.

[A]

I don't think. I don't think Kanye is dealing in PR firm.

[B]

I don't think so either.

[A]

I was like, that's the wildest PR firm of all time, dude.

[B]

She's in my newsfeed. Every time I pick it up, it's like she's wearing a spandex suit with her nipples sticks, wearing Saran wrap with.

[A]

A Farts are trapped wherever she goes.

[B]

Every time, every week, it's like Gaza, Kanye West's big titted lady that he prays around. It's like she's a major news story. Good. It is pretty cool. I was trying to figure out she's.

[A]

Getting more burned than Ukraine right now.

[B]

She is.

[A]

She's getting way more burned than Ukraine, Russia.

[B]

She is. She's for real in terms of like our collective attention. Like, her future slut outfits are.

[A]

Future slut outfits are pretty cool to see.

[B]

That is pretty awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Those jumpers especially, they're always in a place that a future slut outfit should not be. It was like in the airport or like they're in the shopping mall. Just on the street in Venice.

[B]

They'll be in Athens. They go to like ruins of ancient societies.

[A]

And she just like a future slot.

[B]

Dude, just farts on. Kanye West's wife farted today and she.

[A]

Farted on the Parthenon today.

[B]

We saw her shake all over black news.

[A]

Kanye West's future slut farted on the Parthenon. Shout out to our favorite sponsor. That's a little presumptuous. True Classic for making us fellas look good and feel good no matter how we move. Spring is here, which means it's time to clean out your closets. Out with your old worn out workout tees, and in with True Classic's ultra comfortable, stretchy activewear. True Classic is made with stank free moisture wicking technology so you can do it all in comfort and style. From running on the treadmill to running out for beer, True Classic has gear for you. And they've already helped over 3 million men look great. And now you can save big while you Move. For a limited time you only. You you for a limited time only. Get 25 off when you shop. Now with my exclusive [e-mail] drenched personal endorsement true Classic Teaser I like them.

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I see them. They look good. What are you talking about?

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[A]

That's a good writer. Whoever wrote that. Smoke like royalty without paying a king's ransom.

[B]

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[A]

Damn.

[B]

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[A]

They have college basketball entries. I know it's. We've. We're done with the tournament. But that's nice.

[B]

That is nice, actually.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

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[A]

Wow. Jude Bellingham.

[B]

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[A]

I love sports.

[B]

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[A]

I think she's eating, bro.

[B]

True. She is.

[A]

She is a voluptuous woman.

[B]

She's a very voluptuous woman. But I think he's trying to keep her. Keep her snatched. You know, snatch means no, it's one like, your midsection's super tight.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Snatched.

[A]

Just a natural.

[B]

Britney said that to me the other day. She's like, you get your body, it's snatched. I was like, where the are you getting these?

[A]

You just need a permanent corset.

[B]

Yeah, true. Or you just need a diligent husband who's gonna monitor your calories.

[A]

He's gonna monitor your calories.

[B]

Yeah. What's wrong with that?

[A]

That's a good husband. Put that down. I need you in peak physical condition.

[B]

I need you to show off my ski suit sweets. Damn.

[A]

That'd be tough to tell a lady to put down a sweet, bro.

[B]

You've ever done it?

[A]

I've never. Obviously, I've never. I've never been in a position to monitor someone else's calories. Someone breaks out the sweets, I go, oh, give me one of those.

[B]

Girls love monitoring a dude. They like getting you fat. First of all. They'll be like, yeah, they're enablers. And they start.

[A]

Then they go, you're getting a little chubby.

[B]

You don't, do you? Are you hungry right now? I'm like, I'm. I'm basically. I'm not. Like, my stomach's not hungry, but it's been a long time. Yeah, I can tell. I'm a little bit weak, right? Yeah. I'm off the pig cycle. I was on a hard pig cycle.

[A]

You're pigging out.

[B]

Oh, my God, dude. I was. Dude, I'm like, I went to pig cycle is crazy. I was on the pig cycle.

[A]

I want to see when I hit a pig cycle. We're going to beat ups. I'm gonna order wings when we get there. Drink a couple beers. Oh, second meal.

[B]

Yeah, true. I was on a hard.

[A]

I just caught Lamizi on a pig cycle the other night.

[B]

What were you on?

[A]

Sneaking back to his room with slices. Sneaking back to his room with slices of pizza. I was like, where you going, dude? He's holding two pepperonis, taking it to the bedroom for the pig cycle.

[B]

There's nothing better than just holding the moments before you're eating a pizza. Just carrying it is for real. It's the best.

[A]

I don't even sit down when there's pizza. I go, first slice doesn't count. I picked it up straight out of the box. I go, all right, now I'm going to settle down now. I'll get a plate. Put two on it. I'm gonna stand for these two. I'll go, maybe no one saw me get that first One. I can say this is only. I've had three. That's a lot. I've had four.

[B]

Taking a double slice onto the plate.

[A]

I mean, double slice onto the plate after the first standing.

[B]

The first right out of the box standing while everyone's organizing, like, the sodas. Such a nice move.

[A]

I mean, when it's. When it's. When it's grub for everyone like that. Oh, it's the greed kicks in, dude.

[B]

I saw a thing where they're like, we don't understand why sharks engaging feeding frenzies. And was like, what are you talking about? Of course you do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're pigging out and there's. They're just nuts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've seen it happen with humans.

[A]

Yeah. Buffalo dip and Gillis family Christmas.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

The boys were circling. Big dogs circling.

[B]

It is nice.

[A]

Tell you what.

[B]

They explosage a. I will say it does.

[A]

See her gay husband get hit with that hammer. Slow down. God damn. You're taking all dip.

[B]

I've been to family parties before where there's not. Like, a lot of times I'll go. And you, like, it almost feels infinite. Where you're just like, yeah. And you're piling Mac and cheese. I've been there before. I'm like, oh, rations are like.

[A]

Rations. That sucks.

[B]

And you're just kind of like. And then I'll just. Literally, like, a different part of me will take over.

[A]

And I'm like, yeah, why shouldn't it be mine? They don't even. They're not even gonna eat the whole thing. Lamezi. I saw Lamezi hit the greed. We got barbecue. The boy got a lot. Oh, yeah. I love barbecue. What'd you hit? Greet it out. I was down to one slice of brisket. After I look over to his plate. Ten. There was two. There was two. Two, my ass. How many ribs? How many chicken? How many ribs? I had two. I didn't have any chicken. I didn't get any chicken. Broke my heart watching you do that to me.

[B]

He ordered, like, the brisket. Chicken ribs.

[A]

Yeah. Had the ribs. First dibs, obviously, go swaight to Lamizi. He dibbed it out. Took you. Took him. You and Nate took a majority of it. Left me and guard dog with scraps. We portioned it out, dude. It was fair.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

We didn't take anything crazy.

[B]

Kind of racist. They teamed up on you guys.

[A]

They teamed up, yes, but it was over ribs.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

It was their subconscious. I couldn't argue it Was the black man sub. Black Subconscious.

[B]

They were running hand signals.

[A]

Divvy the wings. Divvy the ribs. These honkies wouldn't even know what to do with all these ribs.

[B]

I told you. I got hit with that in a KFC one time in West Philly. I was ordering just a biscuit, and the guy. The guy literally went, probably never even.

[A]

Had a biscuit before.

[B]

And I turned around like, why would you do.

[A]

Of course I've had a biscuit.

[B]

I bet this is like my seventh dumbass. This is my seventh biscuit. He can't believe that I got. You know, people want to say, you.

[A]

Know, you ordered just a biscuit at a kfc.

[B]

Times are hard back there.

[A]

I was struggling, okay. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I was struggling.

[A]

I thought this was a recent thing. What are you doing?

[B]

This is back in the day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All I had. All I had money for was my biscuit.

[A]

I would.

[B]

Just a single biscuit.

[A]

When I was working at Ardmore Toyota, I would take the change in my car to buy a single dollar cheeseburger at the McDonald's for my lunch break. I would pay with 10 dimes.

[B]

You'd have to treasure hunt.

[A]

Yeah, it was very. It was.

[B]

You were a 49er.

[A]

Dark times.

[B]

Yeah. You had to hit the hills and P pan for silver.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, this is a quarter. This is good.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Used all my quarters. I was down to nickels towards the end. Oh, got a flat tire. Bankrupt. Flat tire. On the way to work. Almost cried because I was like, did.

[B]

They fix it there?

[A]

Yes, they did. But then, you know, just. I was working basically factory.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You know, it was like factory thing where they were like, now you owe the company your.

[B]

Oh, they wouldn't hook it up.

[A]

They didn't really hook it up.

[B]

Pigs. That's crazy. I got a flat tire one time. I went and I picked up a quarter pound of weed at the post office and was so excited that, like, it worked out. Then I got a flat tire on 76 and I had to just drop some off to somebody. So I was just going, oh, no. So I was like, I'm not pulling over. I was so I was. In my head, I was like, if I pull over, they're gonna know. It's. Yeah, like, you know, when you have something like that, you're like, if someone sees box. It was. It was vacuum sealed.

[A]

It didn't smell.

[B]

No, it was vacuum. But I think I had, like, an ounce of weed on me to give to someone. Somebody. So I just, like, pulled up to, like, the eagle stadium on a flat and just like gave someone else a weed and just.

[A]

Damn, you're doing deals. Deals in the parking lot at the link. That's awesome, man.

[B]

I pulled up like, here you go, brothers.

[A]

All the way home. That's Philly strong, dude.

[B]

It was. Dude.

[A]

That's the ultimate. Philly strong.

[B]

Bleeding green.

[A]

That's bleeding green.

[B]

That's bleeding green.

[A]

That's birds colors.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Go Birds.

[B]

That's bleeding green right there. This episode is brought to you by by Armra Colostrum. Guys, I like to say we can joke about pretty much anything. What happens when your health becomes the punchline? You ever think about that? From seed oils to stress toxins to pollutants, the modern world is screwing with our health at. At the cellular level, leading to exhaustion, brain fog, digestive issues, and more. Yeah, all. Literally all of them. Yes, all of them on the cellular level for sure.

[A]

At non, non stop exhaustion and digestive issues.

[B]

Yeah. Brain fog. Fog.

[A]

Brain fog. I. I literally cannot think.

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[A]

I can't think of how any of this is happening to me.

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[A]

Yeah.

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What?

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[A]

That's good.

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[A]

I liked it.

[B]

I love. This is Spinal Tap.

[A]

Yeah, I've always. I've always enjoyed it.

[B]

Guys, if you love the original film, what did you like about it?

[A]

I liked. I liked their British accent. That's what I like.

[B]

I. Me too, man. I. I just, man, like, I just.

[A]

Loved seeing the art form of the mockumentary. Really fully explored the way those guys did it and.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Can't wait to see him do it again.

[B]

If you need it, here's a list of some of the actors names. Christopher Guest, Michael McKean.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Harry Shearer, Rob Reiner. Along with the cameos from Paul McCartney, Elton John, Lars Ulrich Quest Love and Garth Brooks. Go see Spinal Tap 2. The End continues only in theater September.

[A]

12Th, 4am get your tickets. Today it's 4am go, yo. Go see that movie. Christ. Yeah, true.

[B]

My matcha coffee's.

[A]

Coffee's not for Birds fans, dude. Matcha True.

[B]

It has to be matching now. I'd say coffee's more for bird fans, actually.

[A]

Yeah. Wawa. Yeah.

[B]

If I show this to my dad.

[A]

48 coffees at Wawa Hot Dogs. It's time to hit the job site with the most vicious diarrhea imaginable. Hangover from light bulb beer.

[B]

It's go.

[A]

All right, now it's time to get seven coffees.

[B]

I am in awe of dudes who hold down just pure Wawa diet on like 48 to 60 ounces of coffee a day.

[A]

I think if you stick to one thing, I mean, don't get me wrong, it's going to destroy you, but true. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I guess so.

[A]

Your body probably gets used to digesting insane. Like it probably just fast tracks it through.

[B]

Like you didn't feel it.

[A]

No nutrients out of it. Just flies right out of here. You.

[B]

If you're like a sizzly with coffee, an Italian hoagie with a coffee or a soda.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And a coffee. Yeah. Your body is just flying orders up.

[A]

You must. You must. As soon as you eat it, mortar.

[B]

Your stomach's like a steel foundry. Just the cells are like. And you. You drink a glass of water. It's Mad Max drink water. And the whole body's like, told you I have an uncle. I've never seen him drink water.

[A]

Bees, ever.

[B]

Bees are never seen to be Gatorade, soda, milk. Yeah, Gatorade's. When he's like, all right, it's time to take care of myself. I'm gonna slam the Gatorade. Which is such a tight way to hold it down. He claims. He goes, dude, I don't feel sick. Because he's like, I just don't think I ever think about it. I was like, damn, That's.

[A]

That's one of the business heads I heard that guy. He's like, no, I don't get sick anymore. Being sick is a mindset frame.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Well, my sister has cancer.

[B]

Yeah, true.

[A]

It's all in her head.

[B]

Yeah, well, they're just talking about.

[A]

Yeah, it is. That's the problem.

[B]

They're just Talking about colds when they say that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all in her head. That's exactly. That's exactly what the doctor said. Turns out it's all in her head.

[B]

They're gonna cut it out of there.

[A]

They're gonna chop her head open.

[B]

Those business guys are talking about colds. They're like, like, I don't get sick. It's like, dude, you're talking about a common cold and like going to work and blowing your nose in the bathroom. Being like, yeah, if you. If you had a stomach virus and you're puking and had a fever.

[A]

If you're like shaking.

[B]

Yeah, you're not.

[A]

Yeah, you're not gonna be like, this is. I can still make some day trades.

[B]

I get it. I get there's. I get that. That all applies. If I have a cold and I totally, like, freak out about it, then like, yeah, maybe it makes it a little bit worse, but. But yeah, I don't. People are like, it's all in your head. It's like, you're just not sick. Right?

[A]

Cold, you can plow through.

[B]

You can plow through a cold, but when you're like, it's all in your head, it's like, you're just not sick. Yeah, if you were actually sick, you'd be.

[A]

Yeah, you know it. You know it. When you're actually sick.

[B]

Yeah, dude, if you had like, if you're like diarrheing blood, you'd be like, I just got to be more positive about this.

[A]

I need to do 100 push ups right now.

[B]

True.

[A]

I just diarrhea blood.

[B]

Yeah. Watson's west big homie Wes is the king of that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Him and his boy just being like, I was telling you about this when they, they did that whole video where they're just like, yeah, dude, like, I don't even sleep and like, if I'm tired, it's just. I just go to the gym even harder. And he's like, I'm so shredded that if I lay on my bed, it hurts. He's like, my fat body.

[A]

This morning I woke up, I was like.

[B]

Their whole conversation was like, yeah, we're rich. Yeah, we're loaded. But like, we hate our lives. Yeah, that's why we're rich. And he's like, you have to hate your life forever. That's how you keep your edge. It's like, I guess, man. Man, I guess that way you can be. Stay the boss and just hate your life and just be like, this is what it is. Yeah, I'm So shredded. It hurts when I sleep. I don't sleep. He said he doesn't eat. He doesn't eat carbs during the day too, which is a sick move. He doesn't eat any carbs, just protein. So that way at nighttime he crashes. Insulin spikes. He just passes out. Because if you're that shredded, you just need to go into an insulin coma and pass out kind of sick. I want to see. That's going to reach a fever pitch. It has to getting shredded.

[A]

Business head. Shredded. Business head.

[B]

Yeah. Well, the bedtime. He Watson's pushed up the business head bedtime to like or the wake up time. He's like 2:30am yeah. Eventually they're going to become nocturnal. They're going to become vampires.

[A]

Business heads.

[B]

It's like, yeah, because you can't get up any earlier than I'm doing power.

[A]

Cleans at 2:30 in the morning.

[B]

He, he. I mean Wahlberg Jocko dick swinging at 4:00'. Clock. Yeah, big homie. Wes is I think 2:30am which is arguably partially nocturnal. 2:30am.

[A]

Chaos. Dude. It's gonna be dark for so long while you're awake.

[B]

You just wake up at 2:30 and just take your shirt off and just start screaming at your eyes. That's someone's going to surpass that. It's going to be. It's going to become something. I, I don't know know.

[A]

Last night was funny. We were talking about. Brian Simpson was talking about like if this for some reason, I don't know why I thought this screaming at your iPhone and surpassing things, eventually they were like, AI Rogan was on one. He was like, AI is going to get so powerful that it's smarter in our lifetime. It'll be smarter than every human combined. Then Brian Simpson was like. And then the real dilemma is do we elect that AI president? I was like, dude, there's only one human that can stop this. It's Donald Trump. Donald Trump versus the AI super computer. There's only one human that's like, I'm smarter than that. That computer's dumb as shit.

[B]

Or who could roast it? If you hit that with a killer.

[A]

Nickname, it could complete virus just like. That's actually not true. I'm not that.

[B]

I swear my legs are an appropriate length. Yeah, true. That could defeat AI Trump.

[A]

Dogs are only shot.

[B]

I wonder what kind of nickname Trump nickname and AI can come up with with if you're like, give a Trump nickname.

[A]

What if the AI defeats Trump at making nicknames?

[B]

It's like deep blue for like the Chess program.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Just crushes them. Although, I don't know, it still has. Doesn't have the humor that.

[A]

Well, it's funnier. It's the dumber. The nickname that Trump comes up with. It's funnier.

[B]

Well, that's something. That's the AI's advantage.

[A]

Can't figure that out.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. The AI is too small. I mean, dude, he for real crushed Desant. Desanctimonious was desanctimonious.

[A]

See you later. Next. Who's next?

[B]

Sanctimonious is dude. I was in his great state of Florida.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

What'd he say?

[A]

I'm chat. GP. Jet chat. GPTing it right now. I said, can you give me three mean nicknames for Donald Trump? And it's just thinking, damn, I can't think of anything. It's been. It's already been defeated. Chat. Gbt ass stumped.

[B]

Let's see. I don't think Grok would do it. Grock on principle will be like, no, Trump is important for the future of our democracy. I could be wrong. When bitcoin came out, people talked to me about Bitcoin in 2012. You got to buy it. And I was like, shut up. And I was like, all right, I was wrong about that one. But AI, I'm still kind of like, yeah, we'll see. In terms of script writing and all that stuff, I think it'll be a flurry of them, but then you're going to be able to be like, yeah, it's an AI script. You'll be able to read it like, yeah, this is written by a machine. There will be after a lot of them. I think there will be telltale signs.

[A]

Yeah, I don't.

[B]

They doing.

[A]

Aren't they doing like an AI George Carlin, like a special. Really, Lia, could you look that up? And I think that's selfish.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

He's dead, dude. Don't ruin standup.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't come back and be like, I'm better. I'm still better than everyone. It's his. It's his state.

[B]

Yeah, true. It'd have to be approved probably by his descendants.

[A]

I think they're the ones.

[B]

Yeah, they're doing it. Yeah, that'd be nice. Imagine the bag you could give to your family by allowing them to do AI hours for you. But the problem is you wouldn't have. I guess they could build. Eventually it would just become so far away from the actual thing because they're going to just copy all of his material base. It off that. But then it'd be based off like the copies of the copies of the copies, and eventually it would just be like, like, yeah, I'm a.

[A]

George Carlin's new hour.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah. I had like seven.

[A]

Sorry. I like dick. I know that bothers men. I hope he does like a woke. Like, I'm black. Sorry. White people. I know you hate to see a.

[B]

Black man if his. His thing goes back and it's just black.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What if he started doing hybrids like Carlin Pryor, and then they come up with like a amalgamation of the two people? That'd be pretty tight.

[A]

Yeah, just Carlin screaming the N word he's calling himself.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes, that would rule. It would be number one. Did you find anything? Yeah, it's called George Carlin. I'm glad I'm dead. It got set to private because the family sued them. Oh. They were making it and the family said, no, no, the fan. It was like. It was a guy from a podcast who made it and he posted it on YouTube and the family sued him and he made it private. And then he later said that it was actually written by people, but I think it was. AI. Yeah, dude, whatever.

[B]

So the family sued because he couldn't use George Carlin's likeness.

[A]

Yeah, fair enough.

[B]

Yeah, that's what they get.

[A]

Good, good.

[B]

One point for the Carlin estate. I wonder how much they got from him, though. Like, what do they. How much do they squeeze the YouTuber for?

[A]

1500 dollars.

[B]

Yeah, true. Or like we're gonna monetize.

[A]

They should just ran out 18 million views. They got $1500.

[B]

I guess that would bother me if, like, somebody just put up a video of like my dead mom talking for an hour and I'd be like, what the are you doing? Yeah, that makes sense.

[A]

Well, we should probably switch over to the patch.

[B]

Yeah, switch to the patch. Where we at? Lemaire.

[A]

No way. My God, I thought we were way further.

[B]

Me too. I could have sworn we're at a solid hour.

[A]

I thought we were well past an hour. Well, either way, I can right to.

[B]

I can still tell you about this dude I was in. I went to the magical.

[A]

Yeah, I was gonna save that for the Patreon, but yes, let's hear it.

[B]

Spill the beans on that dude. So we get down to where, first of all, we flew at 7am, which Dude, I understand. Brittany was like, it's either that or we go, we connect a flight and have like a layover. And I was like, you never really know how bad it's Truly going to be. I'm like, yeah, we'll just do like a super early flight. I was like, wake the kids up, they'll be all right. Right? Dude, it was. The flight wasn't really that bad. It's just you get there and like when you throw kids sleep off, they're. They were just like melting down. It was, it was bad. We got there, we were all exhausted. It was a bad. We had to get up at like 4:30 or 5:00'.

[A]

Clock.

[B]

I was basically on jocko time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For a day. My whole family fell apart. Like, so you get down there shattered from the day and then, you know, you get in, you do all the stuff you got to do do. And it, it was me, Britney, our two kids, comedian James McCann, his wife and three kids. So we just found this. Brittany found this Airbnb that was like 10 or 15 minutes from Disney World. So they had like a Super Mario room with like a castle, bunk bed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There was like a dinosaur.

[A]

That's exciting.

[B]

The place was nuts. Yeah, it was actually really sick. There was like an air hockey table. It was fun. We get into there. Day one, we're all just dead. Second day, we wake up at like 8:30 in the morning. We were at the. We got to Disney world by like 9:30 maybe. And when you. I didn't realize. When you drive into Disney World, it's like, we got dropped off, thank God. But they had to drive and park. There's a line for parking. So you sit in a line for parking. You get into the parking thing and then you walk to sit in another line to get on a ferry to get to the place where you can go through and show your ticket. So then that's another line. Line. And then so I'm like, dude, this is going to be a disaster. Like, we're not even going to make it. We're going to be in lines all day. So then we got out of that and we get into the magical kingdom. And I will say I got completely converted into a Disney head. As soon as we walk in, it's just you. There's this giant. It's like this little. They really do make this little town. You're like, this is so clean. I'm like, this is so nice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then there's just Mickey Mouse having like a Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse bringing out like princesses and all these characters. And like my kids were just fucking losing their mind. And I was like, oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah, I saw.

[B]

I now, I couldn't understand when you were Sending me those bounding videos. I couldn't. I was like, I. I was like, what the. I had no, like, idea of, like, why they were doing this. Now I'm like, I get it now.

[A]

Yeah, they're upset.

[B]

Disney's for real. Like, it's like a religious thing to go to the. To like, go down there and kind of immerse yourself in that world. Now I'm like, okay, dude, there's like, for real adults that would go. We were doing the princess meet and greets. There'd be like a 30 year old lady in a dress. Dress, bro. By the way, I was. I'm telling you, I was like, if my kids. Because they offer a hug, they would.

[A]

Have had to greet the meat.

[B]

They offered. They offer a hug to every kid. So I was. I was trying to slide in the hug line.

[A]

If Chloe would walk away, I'd be.

[B]

Like, I'll take that. I'll take that hug.

[A]

You took the hug.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

I thought you did. I was like, holy.

[B]

Called security. But, dude, the print. They keep.

[A]

How nice were the princesses, bro?

[B]

They keep it tight, dude. They keep those. Princess is snatched up. They're snatched, bro. They keep them. I think. I really think if you. If you gain too many lbs, they. You get fired rightfully.

[A]

So don't change that. There's gonna be fat princesses soon.

[B]

I mean, dude, if they've gotten around it now, I don't think. I think fat ladies can, like, usher you through the line to the princess, but I don't think there's plenty of that going on. But there's. I don't think they allow them to be princesses because Disney could argue, like, dude, we have to capture the illustrated lights like this so they could get around all that. We're like, this is a role or castle.

[A]

I think I found a way around Governor Abbott's nasty rules.

[B]

What?

[A]

Disney princesses at the park. Let me take a look at these. Oh, my goodness. Jasmine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you get to meet Jasmine?

[B]

No.

[A]

Holy. Very fortunate. If you would have met her, it.

[B]

Would have been true. I could have turned into Jafar.

[A]

You would have kidnapped her immediately. The Disney princesses are beautiful.

[B]

Dude. It was. I was for real. Like, I would just walk in there, like, all right, I guess we'll meet Cinderella. And I was like, what the. You met Cinderella? Tiana from Princess and the Frog.

[A]

She's not really a princess, though.

[B]

She becomes a princess due to the loophole Cu. She marries a prince. Lamar. Don't come. Don't come. Oh, my Jes. Dude, they have Ariel and he kisses her after the marriage. And then she is a princess once she marries.

[A]

Little Mermaid has giant.

[B]

Dude, dude, the Little Mermaid was a bro. Yes, I. They did a princess parade on the floats. And the Little Mermaid, I remember being like. Like, she looked like a raver. Like, Burning man slut. And I was like, what the. She looked. Little Mermaid might have been the sluttiest princess I think of the whole day.

[A]

Definitely. But you didn't see Jasmine. Jasmine in. This is.

[B]

Let me see. Let me just. For.

[A]

Yes. For research. Yes.

[B]

For the next time I go to Disney World.

[A]

You got time it. You got to call ahead and go, I'm bringing my kids. Is Jasmine going to be in the park today?

[B]

Does Jasmine need anything for lunch or whatever?

[A]

Like, does she have, like, a favorite restaurant? You got to visit the one in California now.

[B]

Disneyland. Yeah, I don't think Disneyland's as. I don't.

[A]

Disneyland, dude.

[B]

Yeah. No, I don't.

[A]

I'm an east coast all day.

[B]

Yeah, I keep hearing about Disneyland. I also do think Disney World's the OG World.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what EPCOT stands for? Environmental Prototype Community of Tomorrow.

[A]

Tomorrow never would have got.

[B]

Dude, you would love space or Space Maryland. Oh, brother. Yeah, that's tough. Space Mountain. That the ball in Epcot, dude. So there was a ride. So we meet the princesses. All's well. Everything's to going great. They're also. They're very quick, too. They're in character. If you ask was I like, there was one lady who was Princess Elena who, like, it's like a weird Disney show. It's just on Disney plus. Or like, nobody. I don't think a lot of people know who it is. Me and Maya would watch it. So I was like, holy. It's Princess Elena. And I was like, trying to hit her face. Holy. Well, Bernie was like, which one is that? Maya didn't know. I was like, that's Red Princess. That's Princess Elena. And she was like, oh, it's me. And then I asked her, I said something about, like, Elena. I was saying something about the kingdom. I was like, I'm from a kingdom. And she. She, like, they snap back real quick like, I bet your kingdom's great. Kind of like, shut the up.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

But they are very quick, dude. They're like, anything the kids in the.

[A]

Rain train isn't rainy like a Disney head.

[B]

He's an adult Disney, but he's like an adult Disney pervert. I think.

[A]

I think. I think everything Rainy does, it's Whatever he does, he perverts it.

[B]

But there is a weird adult.

[A]

We gotta get the Rain train on to discuss these princesses.

[B]

We do, dude. Because there is a. Because there is also. So there's like, little kids. Like, I had the little girls, like, kind of freaking out. Then there's like the bounders, like, the Disney adults. And then there's, like, dudes who are taking pictures. Like, couples that are like. You can just tell. It's like their fifth marriage.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's like a dude, like a tanned guy with a goatee, and it's kind of like a barfly just in front of the magic castle.

[A]

Just drunk. Just drunk. Holy. It's Princess Elena. Holy. She's here. She's beautiful.

[B]

He starts questioning his fifth marriage. He's like, I just love the princesses so much.

[A]

I need to talk to the princess.

[B]

But that's why. So that. That's the prince. That's the reason behind the bounding. I didn't realize this. If you're an adult, you can't wear the costume because then you could be mistaken as an actual cast member.

[A]

Yeah. That's why they have to bound.

[B]

That's what they bound.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I push the limits.

[A]

That's the point.

[B]

Yeah, it's pretty. But there was. There was like A. It's 14 and under. You can. You can dress as a princess. Anything above that, you can't. You'll be. You'll be kicked out for impersonating a cast member.

[A]

But, yeah, I can see how that was a problem.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, dude.

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna dress up like a character so I can hug all the kids.

[B]

And pervert. Yeah, and pervert. And they're perverts. Yeah. But dude, we go there, so we do all that stuff. That was. I was like, man, this is actually kind of blowing my mind. This is. Is that a Bounder? That's a little too close.

[A]

It's literally just like, what if every character was gay as. Dude, I got friends only.

[B]

That also, that was a fantastic jokes by joke by James McCann. When we saw the princess parade, they're. The princes are with them. James is like, wow. I wonder if the princesses know all their husband, like, men because they just gay guys in the float.

[A]

Like, ah.

[B]

That was really funny. Yeah, we watched. So we. We did that. We went to. Oh. So we saw the princess parade and then there was a guy. This was the dude. We were getting assaulted by British guys. Rude British guys, constantly. If you go to Disney World, watch out for the Brits. They're Yeah, of course.

[A]

Get the Brits out.

[B]

Dude. I'm telling you, man.

[A]

You should have up the ride Disney, dude.

[B]

Well, Brittany up the rod one guy pretty badly, dude. It was. We're at the princess parade. And so we get. We're like right in the front. Front. And this, this guy standing there, he has two teenage kids. His kids are sitting down so people can see over their. Their backs as it was just little kids. The dad is standing. The dad's like 6 foot 2, just standing there, blocking the vantage. And Brit. Yeah. And Britney was like. He's like, all right.

[A]

Dave the princess, dude, it was. They probably worshiped the princess.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. I think they saw that monarch. I think they're jealous of our monarchy. Yeah. But they were like. They were sitting there and Brittany was like, hey, do you mind if I like. Like there's this line. He's like, do you mind backing up like two feet? So like the little. We had like five little like four year olds. Do you mind if they get in front of you so they can see and you can, you know. And he was like, no, I got here first and I'm videotaping. And Brittany's like, you're videotaping this? And he was like, I got here first, I'm not moving. And he had like two teenage kids with him, so. And Britney's. I'm like, just chill to chill. And I was like, dude, could you just do me a solid? I was like, back up a foot. You can videotape. Just let this so the kids can see your around you. No, I'm not moving. I'm like, dude. I was like, that's kind of crazy. I was like, that's really weird. You're doing that as I do your thing. I'm like, that's bizarre. And he was like. And then they start coming. Brittany held Maya up in front of his camera. He's like, oh, yeah, real nice. Real nice. Very nice of you.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

Oh, very nice. Yeah, he was pissed off.

[A]

That is a gathering of dickheads at that place.

[B]

Well, dude, and that's the thing. Disney World is like, it almost. There is like that weird, like, almost like you're in church where like there's a pressure like you can't act up in there. It's kind of. It looks cool. Crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because it's like a very. Supposed to be a very special fight.

[A]

And there's kids. Yeah.

[B]

But there are apparently compilations of Disney World arrest. And I could. I can see it going around. I've peeped those because they do pump you with. You can get pumped with the alcohol and Epcot and all that stuff.

[A]

People get. People get pumped on that booze. Yeah, they get a little rowdy.

[B]

Getting hammered in Disney World is kind of tight. I had just a. Just a simple mark and a. A flight of Mezcal.

[A]

My dad took me to Disney. It was just me and Phil. I was a kid. I was in fifth grade.

[B]

I think that's nice.

[A]

Yeah, I was a little old. I was third grade was when he told me I was going, oh, yeah. It was a Christmas gift. Get anything? I didn't get anything for Christmas that year except a towel with Mickey Mouse on it. And I opened it. I was like, the. This. They're like, you're going to Disney World. And I was like, holy.

[B]

And you went. Two years later.

[A]

Two years later, my dad finally had, like, a business trip in Florida, and he was like, all right, fine. He got. That's all we did. We just went to Epcot. My dad just. I just watched my dad go to, like, the German section, get him just drink beer. He was like, look at this. I got you one of these. It was like chicken on a stick. And I was like. I was actually pumped.

[B]

Yeah, that's actually.

[A]

I was like, this is so cool.

[B]

If you give kids stuff on sticks, they are. That's. That's a.

[A]

Though. That's. Freud would know about that.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

That's just gay.

[B]

True.

[A]

It's f. We like to eat phallic things.

[B]

Your father's. Your father's handing you.

[A]

Father's handing you his penis. You're eating it. You're gay.

[B]

No. You're destroying it.

[A]

You're destroying your dad's.

[B]

You can't have. Yeah. You can't have a. The threat of obliteration from your father. Well, your father will cut your penis off. Your father will cut your penis off.

[A]

Time to read Popper. Carl Popper's the bro. They were done with this Freud.

[B]

He's too reductionistic. I can't. I can't. I mean, for physics, yeah, but for the subjective human experience, Popper just is lost dude. In the mirrored hallway, so. Well, I say. Hold on. Still put. Let me put this in my lab.

[A]

Oh, you want to suck your father's. Yes.

[B]

This is nice.

[A]

Totally normal. I had a rough improv last night.

[B]

I forgot about that.

[A]

If you saw it, I just broke out into a Hitler when there was a part of a joke where I was like, if you don't laugh, this is just Hate speech right now. People were like. Because I up the impression. It didn't even sound like Hitler. It just sounded like I had a stroke. I was on stage.

[B]

He does sound like he's having a stroke.

[A]

He's fired up, dude. Yeah, you would be, too.

[B]

Yeah, I made the mistake. I'll never do it again. I came out last night and greeted the crowd. I was like, where all my Jews at?

[A]

Just.

[B]

I thought it'd be funny because I wanted to talk about Jewish people. People were not happy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I got all self conscious. I was like, oh, yeah, all my Jews at.

[A]

When you start with a rough one, it.

[B]

Yeah, it's tough.

[A]

I've opened with that joke that my mom got sad about a couple times, and it's an intense bomb. Yeah, it's an intense one where people are like, oh, my God. God.

[B]

I thought it be. I thought people. This guy's a prick. Yeah. People went, oh. And I'm like, I'm not gonna. Like, yeah. I'm not trying to kill them. It's like, if you want to kill them, I'm not gonna beat them up. I'm gonna subject them to a certain. Yeah. Oh, but, dude, so then we went to Epcot, and did you go on that inside, like, the.

[A]

I don't think I did. In the ball.

[B]

You would get so fired up in that ball. I forgot all about it. I went on it when I was little and I didn't. I was like. I. I, like. I was like. I think you just walk around this thing because James, like, what is it? I'm like, I don't know. He's like, walk around. It's like a gift shop, I think. No, dude. You get on a ride that takes you from, like, throughout history and shows basically, like, the evolution of Western civilization. But it's these mechanical guys, and they're taking you through this big, like, dome, and you're looking at, like, cavemen. Then the ancient Egyptians, it's pretty much. It's actually all of civilization. But they. You know, it's like. They throw in the Egyptians and I think, like, the Middle east, but they have, like, this. This age, that age that the Greeks, the Romans, humans. And you're going on and on. It goes to, like, the, like, the 20s, the 50s, the 70s. It just shows you, like, how humans have evolved through technology. And, dude, I was, like, so fired up about it. It was really cool. And then you go into a thing, and, like, you look at the nighttime. It's like a. They show you, like, the stars, you know, this giant dome. It's awesome.

[A]

That is nice.

[B]

I was so fired up, but our. Our thing was in Chinese, so I had to narrate every eyes, like, because they would just be like. Because our. Our cart. Somehow the language was set to Chinese. Chinese, where our guide was just weird. And Brittany was so mad, and I was, no, I know what this is. This is Greek. This is Greece. I can tell. And then we're. Now we're in Rome, so I had to narrate all this stuff to her, so she was kind of bummed about that.

[A]

Was it in Chinese?

[B]

That's what she was saying, bro. She was so mad. She was so pissed off.

[A]

I'd be pissed, but I was, like.

[B]

Pissed, but I was trying to hit her with that stuff. I'm like, this is even better because we can, like, just, like, think about it. We just think about it for ourselves.

[A]

Was.

[B]

I was spot on. I got the Greek. I'm like, we're about to hit Rome next. We did. And then what the else. It was. It was sick, though. But I didn't know when they were, like, showing papyrus, like, the invention of paper. I was like, yeah, there's. That's like, the Turkish Empire, Egypt inventing paper. I had no idea.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's swing it over, dude.

[B]

Let's get to the real stuff.

[A]

Let's. Now it's time to get down to business. Let's get to the real stuff on the Patreon.

[B]

Let's go.