Ep 520 - Thailand Rickshaw (feat. Ari Matti)

Summary

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Episode: Ep 520 - Thailand Rickshaw (feat. Ari Matti)
Release Date: October 4, 2024

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Overview

In Episode 520 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, hosts Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis delve into a myriad of personal anecdotes and cultural observations, primarily focusing on their early life experiences, relationships, and adventures abroad. Featuring a guest appearance by Ari Matti, the conversation provides listeners with an intimate glimpse into the comedic minds of Matt and Shane as they navigate topics ranging from morning routines to the intricacies of stand-up comedy in different cultures.

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Morning Routines and Sleep Patterns

The episode kicks off with a light-hearted discussion about morning habits and sleep routines. Matt shares his experience as a parent waking up early:

Matt (00:00): "I'm up early, bro. I got little kids."

Shane contrasts his own struggles with waking up early, humorously exaggerating his response to early mornings:

Shane (00:17): "Dude, today, wake up at 11. If I have to wake up at 11, I feel like I'm going to the mines."

This segment highlights the differing lifestyles of the hosts, setting a relatable tone for listeners who grapple with similar morning challenges.

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School Experiences in Estonia

Shane reminisces about his school days in Estonia, providing insight into the strictness of the educational system there:

Shane (01:05): "I'll tell you, in high school, I was in school before 10, maybe seven times."

He elaborates on the disciplinary measures for lateness, reflecting on how early experiences shape one's approach to authority and structure.

Matt adds his perspective on the Estonian education system, noting slight changes over time:

Matt (00:57): "We start like 8 o'clock in the morning, I think. It used to be 8:23 exactly."

Their exchange underscores the cultural differences in schooling between Estonia and other countries, emphasizing adaptability and personal rebellion against rigid systems.

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Early Life and Personal Habits

Transitioning to personal habits, Matt discusses his intermittent fasting journey:

Matt (03:08): "I've never been on a fast before. This is my longest one. I've never been."

Shane talks about his own fasting practices and the challenges he faces, particularly when combining fasting with activities like performing stand-up comedy:

Shane (03:18): "I discovered it when I was like in my 30s. I do 16s and 8s, so I'm going to kill that."

The conversation sheds light on their commitment to personal health and the sacrifices they make to maintain their routines amidst demanding careers.

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Relationship Dynamics and Social Observations

The hosts delve into relationship dynamics, particularly focusing on their interactions with women in professional settings:

Shane (10:17): "Because they're like, he has a wife, you know, like he's a real man."

Matt reflects on societal expectations and the desirability imposed by marital status:

Matt (10:08): "I'm not a real man though. I just have daughters."

Shane shares his experiences dating female comedians, highlighting the challenges of balancing personal life with the comedic lifestyle:

Shane (12:30): "Sometimes date like, female comedians or something. It's always just me and her on a couch."

Their candid discussion offers listeners a humorous yet honest portrayal of navigating relationships within the entertainment industry.

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Experiences Abroad and the Comedy Scene

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Shane's experiences living and performing comedy abroad, particularly in Thailand:

Shane (16:42): "I met Ari Shir in a hostel when I was in my first year of comedy in Cambodia."

He recounts his time in Thailand, his involvement in the expat community, and the vibrant nightlife, including encounters with the local "ladyboy" culture. This segment provides an entertaining glimpse into the intersection of travel, culture, and stand-up comedy.

Matt and Shane discuss the impact of different cultural environments on their comedic styles and the challenges of performing in diverse settings:

Shane (45:07): "They always encourage you to go out, but they always censored and gave you what they want."

This reflection emphasizes the adaptability required in the global comedy scene and the influence of cultural norms on artistic expression.

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Cultural Observations and Societal Commentary

The conversation shifts towards broader cultural and societal observations, including discussions about Eastern Europe, Russian influence, and the state of comedy in different regions:

Shane (26:01): "After the Soviet Union collapsed, they politically just sided with the Russians."

Matt and Shane explore the historical and political landscapes of Estonia and its neighboring countries, providing context for their personal experiences and the evolution of the comedy scene there.

They also touch upon the role of comedy as a form of social commentary and resistance:

Shane (47:14): "What do you mean?"

Matt (47:18): "That's kind of nuts to think about."

This dialogue underscores the power of humor in addressing and coping with geopolitical tensions and societal changes.

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Conclusion

Episode 520 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast offers a rich tapestry of personal stories, cultural insights, and comedic reflections. Through their engaging dialogue, Matt and Shane provide listeners with an authentic portrayal of their lives as comedians navigating personal challenges, cultural differences, and the ever-evolving landscape of stand-up comedy. The inclusion of guest Ari Matti adds depth to the conversation, making for an episode that is both entertaining and thought-provoking.

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Notable Quotes:

• Matt (00:00): "I'm up early, bro. I got little kids."
• Shane (00:17): "If I have to wake up at 11, I feel like I'm going to the mines."
• Shane (01:05): "In high school, I was in school before 10, maybe seven times."
• Matt (03:08): "This is my longest one. I've never been [on a fast]."
• Shane (10:17): "Because they're like, he has a wife, you know, like he's a real man."
• Shane (16:42): "I met Ari Shir in a hostel when I was in my first year of comedy in Cambodia."
• Shane (26:01): "After the Soviet Union collapsed, they politically just sided with the Russians."

These quotes encapsulate the essence of the discussions, offering key insights into the hosts' perspectives and experiences.

Transcript

[A]

I'm up early, bro. I got little kids.

[B]

Seven.

[A]

Yeah, on a good day, seven's like sweet. If I sleep until 7:00am I'm like, that was great.

[B]

Were you like that younger?

[A]

Yeah, I was always kind of a morning person.

[B]

Really, dude, Never even. Yeah, never even fathomed.

[A]

Really.

[B]

Dude, today, wake up at 11. This, if I have to wake up 11, I go to the toilet, I take a like this and I spit between. And I feel like my head is hurting. I feel like I'm going to the mines. I mean, the grind, really. To listen to like Jocko Willick to get here.

[A]

Damn. Well, are we firing up?

[B]

Who's going to carry the boats?

[A]

Oh, we're rolling. Damn. Well, you guys just caught some natural conversation. Now let's turn on the juice. Damn. So hold on. Okay, so you're. You're saying anything before. Have you always been like that? You've always been.

[B]

And listen, society has tried to keep me down for all my life. School tried to keep me the fuck down. What time does your school start?

[A]

We start like 8 o'clock in the morning, I think. I think now it's a little earlier. I used to do 8. 8:23 was the exact time. Grades Catholic grade school.

[B]

Damn. Yeah, we did 8, 8:30ish. And I'll tell you, in high school, I was in school before 10, maybe seven times.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Like when you miss a class, you would get like a mark on your card.

[A]

You know what happened?

[B]

Mine was. Oh, three was supposed to be. You get expelled. That's the bullshit.

[A]

They got three lateness.

[B]

Yeah, three like late like missing a class. Not late missing.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's the. That's whatever rule they wanted to give us.

[A]

Where is this? This was in the mother country, right?

[B]

This is in the mother. In the motherland.

[A]

Estonia. Estonia, Correct.

[B]

Estonia. Yes.

[A]

So you bucked the Estonian school system. You didn't go.

[B]

So I had 700. And after high school, 10, 11, 12th grade, I had 768. I missed like one third of the whole high school experience. I'll be out for like two weeks. I just didn't feel like it. I've always been a vibe guy, you know? Yeah, but I talked to the teachers. They all loved me. Even the principal every time I went in. He was a karate. He used to be a karate instructor. He got expelled. The principal in my school got expelled from his last school because he used to be the PE teacher and he slapped the out of a kid.

[A]

Did he really bop?

[B]

Boom. He did out for six years. Did some politics Got back. That's how principles get in. It's politics, you know?

[A]

Yeah, I don't. I never understood that, how like, principles come to power.

[B]

Yeah. It's always like, like through politics and.

[A]

You gotta hit it.

[B]

And he loved me. Whenever we talked, he was like, man, you crazy? You know, I'm like, I know. And then we talked about karate. His son was in the karate tournament and he would play VHS tapes of his son fighting. And then I would just go back to school and all the teachers are like, you got to go to the principal's office. I'm like, sure. More karate riffs.

[A]

Damn, man. How's your morning going? You seem. You seem like you're rushing, bro.

[B]

You seem high strung right now.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I had like two coffees and just woke up. But I'm always like this. They know me.

[A]

True. Yeah, you're true. You. You rip hard.

[B]

I know. And everybody thinks I'm on coke.

[A]

Everybody's like, dude, I don't think you're on coke. I would never accuse you that.

[B]

People always think, I don't know.

[A]

I don't think you're on coke. I've got. I get accused of being on steroids, so I feel, I feel your pain. I'm telling you, people think I'm on steroids all the time. Right now I'm on a 48 hour fast, so obviously I've shrunk down.

[B]

Oh, you fast.

[A]

Yeah. 48 hours, bro. Thank you, bro.

[B]

I discovered it when I was like in my, like in my 30s. Really fast.

[A]

This is my longest one. I've never been.

[B]

I do 16s and 8, so I'm going to kill that. Yeah, that's too much. Too much.

[A]

This will be 48, 60 water fast with no water.

[B]

Have you done those?

[A]

No. Yes. Actually, I tried for one day and I got a pretty big headache.

[B]

Very big headache. I tried it on stage. Dude, get. I understand for a civilian a water fast as possible. If I'm having an anxiety panic attack before doing sunset on a water fast, I'm going be parched.

[A]

Yeah, true.

[B]

And if I'm parched, do on stage.

[A]

Yeah. If I smoke weed and do stand up, it's kind of a nightmare. The whole time I'm like, just dry mouth, like parched as fuck. Hate that shit. So what's up, dude? What you. What you been up to? Thanks for doing the cast, man.

[B]

Of course. No worries. I've been just chilling, you know. Yeah, but okay, so when you get up the do you do at seven?

[A]

I wake up.

[B]

I don't even know this life.

[A]

I leave my family, dude, I wake up and how, how old are you?

[B]

32.

[A]

Oh yeah, you know, you. I wake up, I lead my family. I go, guys, it's another day. God.

[B]

Tell me honestly, like actually when you hear me the telling that you judge me, honestly, no, it's.

[A]

I think a lot of these be.

[B]

Keeping me down and I'm done.

[A]

I think a lot of comedians get caught up in like the mythos of being like, I don't. I go to sleep, I wake up at 4 in the afternoon. It's like if I wake up, you wake up at 8am but how do you do this?

[B]

You wake up seven. Yeah, you have a spot. 11:40.

[A]

I don't do them where you gotta.

[B]

Fight for your life.

[A]

I don't do them.

[B]

Or, or I see you out there. You.

[A]

Or you do. Or I do. I've been chilling on them. Or I'll just do it. I'll just it up and I'll wake up early. And how tired are you though? Tired all the time. I'm aging rapidly right now. Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah. Keep them coming. Yeah, I'm aging rapidly and you know, I'm like genuinely falling apart. But you just do it.

[B]

How old are you? Like 30, 50s?

[A]

No, 38.

[B]

I was kidding. You know, you always started with the people.

[A]

Yeah, it's a good one.

[B]

That's crazy. So. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. So maybe you're not that. Maybe you're also nocturnal like me. Dude, I'm sharp at 1am sharp.

[A]

I'm. I'm a morning person. I'm made to like lift stones at like 7am till 3 and just go to bed, maybe shake my wife up a little bit, maybe have some excitement.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, that's.

[B]

Have you done about doing like shows at 1pm that could be a huge.

[A]

I think about it all the time.

[B]

And whenever I've done those shows, even at Skank Fest, I had like a 1pm spot. Full panic. Dude, I have to go. Alarm clock. I mean, I'm up until 7am in the casino. So the alarm clock goes off like, you know, like the spot was at 1-1245. Fully hungover.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just all literally on stage. Dude, I look like. If you think I look like ass right now.

[A]

I don't think you look like ass. I see your eyes.

[B]

This was a two hour preparation process. Shower. Who shave.

[A]

What were you doing last night? Were you partying hard or like.

[B]

I went to bed like I went to bed like four and I've tried That too. When, you know, people go. Go to bed earlier. You know what happens when I go to bed earlier? Well, I get 14 hours of sleep, so that's good.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

So I don't care. Whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is magic. I can be up till 9. I'll be up by 1.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or I can go to bed at 12. I'll be up by 1. Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. I never struggle with that. A lot of comedians I know, like, stay up till like four in the morning. I'm like, why? Just go to bed. Just go to sleep, man. Because there's never. You're never doing anything good.

[B]

Go to sleep. Have you seen the new Vince McMahon doc? Go to sleep, dude. I watched all of it.

[A]

That's true. Yeah. Left to my own devices now. Now you say that left to my own devices, I struggle to fall asleep. You need a wife to just kind of be like.

[B]

And that's what I was getting to. I did have a little misses for a bit.

[A]

Did you really?

[B]

And the quality of my life, dude, I. I haven't slept in like nine months. Like, slept. You know, I had a, like a healthy. What is the anorexia system? What's the system?

[A]

Circadian rhythm.

[B]

Anorexia system. Pretty close. It's like they decorate that system. Your body's lotioned. Your life is just better, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I get that. Like. Yeah, you have good creams and the proper. Did my skin been itchy like for 13 years because I always used the 7 in 1 shower gel. It's meant for cars.

[A]

Yeah, it's like the conditioner, shampoo, all that stuff.

[B]

Yeah, it's like the 7 one. My friend used to have a joke about the 7 ones. $1. Everything and everything itches and it's uncomfortable. My underwear got better. When you find girls. Because look at your underwear. Like, even now I have The H&M one five bucks for three. Dude. L. And they're all up in my dick right now. Super uncomfortable. Yeah, they do that.

[A]

They get in there and they kind of, you know, mix up your regimen a little bit. Get you nicer undies, nicer socks.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So I do get that. Sleep and getting up early, being more productive women do that. They just make us, you know, like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There. It really takes another person. It does. Next to you to wake up who looks at you like, you animal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To get you moving, you know, you.

[A]

Do you need someone to hear your far.

[B]

Me, I'm just alone in my bed. 4am watching Winds from behind.

[A]

Yeah. No that's fair though. It is tough to go to bed if I'm, if my wife leaves. I. You're right. I don't fall asleep till kind of later. But still you got to get the early wake up dude. You can't have no business waking up at 12:00 in the afternoon.

[B]

Well, okay. 11 for me is like I have to be in that 300 mindset. I'm going to war. I can do, I can do 11.

[A]

She's have like a headache and stuff.

[B]

Headache, dude. This morning even just fucking. Ah, dude, this is bad.

[A]

Yeah. Damn dude, I'm sorry to hear that.

[B]

No, no, no, but it's, it's.

[A]

Then you get to stay out till four in the morning. See, I'm asleep. I don't, I can't do the four in the morning.

[B]

Yeah. Because. Yeah. If I would try. Because I've tried civilian stuff. Like I had a job like you know, 9am you gotta be there. Even if I'm there at 9am you're not, dude.

[A]

Comedians a job. I don't know why comedians the same. It's the same as being like a bricklayer. It's the same. It's just a job. Yeah, yeah man. It's not a big deal. Just doing. It's like being a musician. It's like just a thing.

[B]

Yeah, for sure. For sure. The American professionalism.

[A]

Exactly, man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I might carry a briefcase. I might start keeping a real business.

[B]

And tell me this, you also feel right.

[A]

I don't think there's a huge distinction. I think comedians self romanticize their existence. 100 just a job.

[B]

That's what it's getting to is that also when you have a. You're a real man. You have kids, you have kids, right? Yeah, yeah. By the way, daughters.

[A]

I'm not a real man though. I just have daughters.

[B]

By the way, by the way, the chicks in the green room at Creek in the Cave, I noticed there was a seven to one like dude chick ratio. It was me and chicks. So I started asking them questions.

[A]

Wait, so all chicks are all dudes?

[B]

All chick comedians. So I started asking them questions like who's the hot? You know?

[A]

Yeah, who's the hot?

[B]

You know, you're the number one guy.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

They go like. Because they're like, he has a wife, you know, like he's a real man.

[A]

So you're saying.

[B]

And they say you're cute, but the fact you have a wife and.

[A]

Oh, they like the. Yeah, they like to see you're married, I guess.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because they Want to just like kill your wife and just take her spot, basically.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Take over your kids and everything. That's all they want.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They want to be in a house with kids. I'm not, I'm not being like a. I think women have like a biological instinct to like.

[B]

And. And also most of the chicks in the green room, they were like in their 30s, my age. So that's when the. Starts looking for companionship, you know, the like, what's. It's a dad, you know.

[A]

Yeah. No, that makes sense. They start to. They start to want. They want the domestic life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Although I feel like they. They feel like they're. I think there's a big pressure against not wanting that though. Although I. I really think the way birds build nests, I think women have a desire to like. I swear to God, it's like an in. When a women get pregnant, dude, there's a thing. It's a. Oh, what is it called?

[B]

The women. I love that.

[A]

It's a nesting reflex. Literally. That's what it's called. When women get pregnant, they go through their house and frantically start like moving shit around. They prepare for the baby.

[B]

Yeah. They fix everything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right.

[A]

They like organized closet. We like our closets got changed around. You have to just let them do their thing. So. Yeah. I feel even women are in their 30s, man.

[B]

It's.

[A]

You know, they really.

[B]

Have you dated women who are like pieces of shit themselves?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, bro, that's a bad one. See, if you have a bad woman, they can. My grandfather used to say, there's nothing worse than a drunk woman.

[B]

Nothing worse than a drunk woman.

[A]

He was like, dude. And he drank beer all day, every day. But he was like, there's nothing worse than a drink. That's the last thing in the world you want, dude. Honestly, it's kind of right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you don't want. If you have a woman dragging you down, you'll go so far they're supposed to drag you out of your own.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Depravity.

[B]

Because we're already down there.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

I don't need another dude. When I would date. Yeah. Sometimes date like fe. Female comedians or something. It's always just me and her on a couch. Uber eats, Nobody's waking up, everybody has terrible sleep. No bills are getting paid. We're late for everything.

[A]

Yeah, true. It's a bad thing.

[B]

I. I always.

[A]

I've never dated a female comedian.

[B]

Geez. Because like, I remember my ex had like a scam. Like, she's her like, dad lives in Australia. So she lived in Australia for a bit and then started getting scamming herself, like the unemployment there. But she lives in. She lived in Bali. She lived in America.

[A]

She just.

[B]

She would just make the calls and cry like, I got a job once a month, you know, to her dad. No, no, the fucking agency or whoever. Oh, she would call Australia 1. They're like, you know, gosh, really such wholesome people. They're all like, how are you doing today? You know?

[A]

Yeah. Well, dude, I think what you're saying is totally true, though. I feel like the dude's default setting is at exactly where a woman on heroin's default setting is in terms of, like, what they would do for sexual. I think you're totally right. It's like a woman on heroin looks at sex the way, like, a regular guy looks at it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They'll, like, meet you in a back alley and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're right about that. You can't have a woman if you have a woman with loose morals. It's just mad.

[B]

I'm already like the monkey in the relationship. I'm dropping shit. I'm running around.

[A]

Yeah, you need a sweet angel. You can't have, like, a nasty fucking comic. Sweet fucking age, nasty comic out there just in the streets, ditch you at any second for fucking. You know, Name an actor and, you.

[B]

Know, the boys always go to. He's changed. You know, when a guy gets it, gets into a relationship, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The boys always go, he's changed. And then I look at the guy, I'm like, yeah, his fucking color in his skin. He's sleeping well, always got a good smile. His riffs aren't toxic, you know, he doesn't go straight to racism. Oh, he's a happy guy.

[A]

Yeah, there is. You're right. See, I remember.

[B]

Hey, Sean, you want to go down the midseas for the seventh time this week, talk about the same riffs? Because we both forgot. I'm doing your. I'm doing your parts to you, you're doing mine to me. It's just a loop. It's just a Bill Murray movie every day.

[A]

Yeah, I forgot about that, man. The bros always do. It's like, yeah, bro, you never come around anymore. It's like, you ever see. When do you ever see two, like, bachelor guys living together but in their, like, 60s and 70s? I glimpsed it once. It was for real. It freaked me out, bro.

[B]

I used to be a bartender, My nightmare. I would literally see it in my dreams with sweat. I would see that I'm the 55 year old bartender with the suspenders. You know, where's the party?

[A]

I mean, I feel like if you.

[B]

There's some guys who kill it, some.

[A]

Guys can pull it off. I couldn't. Yeah, I couldn't do it. I fall apart.

[B]

Live in LA. I know a guy who's like in his 60s and he's like a cruise bartender now. Yeah, dude, and his pictures. He's just a pool banging all these women, you know, because the cruise, you end up getting into a fight with your husband. You end up getting into a fight.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know, you'll be in the night and it's such a huge boat. So he's banging all these broads. Margarita. He's like 61.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, he's like, I'm thinking, getting into a stand up. He's writing me this, you know, tell.

[A]

Him to do it.

[B]

And he loves it, you know.

[A]

Yes, cocktails. Some people can do that, man.

[B]

Some people can do that.

[A]

I. I was in an apartment of two six year old men who were like. The one guy rode a bicycle home from work and just like parked it in an apartment. I watched him and this other guy talk about and I was like, holy, dude. They should have been like handing out cookies out of like a tin can. And they were just like, dude, this chick. Oh, I want some. And I was like, I gotta get out of here. This is, this is crazy. Yeah, that for real, that like freaked me out.

[B]

Like in Australia I lived with a guy like he was like 55. I'm dude, I'm like 21. And we met at the hostel. That's how we started splitting. Dude, at the hostel it's always like, it's all 21 year old German chicks, Irish dudes, every sucking and yeah, there's always like one guy in the 16 dormitory with the fan.

[A]

You can sleep with like 12 people.

[B]

It's like, this is the beginning of our life, but it's the end of his, you know?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Hostels.

[A]

Have you ever stayed in a hostel? You're just in there with a room with 12 people and it is a party. I went to one in Brazil party. It was so fun.

[B]

So fun.

[A]

It was just me. It was literally Irish dudes, Australian dudes and German chicks are 100%.

[B]

I met Ari Shir in a hostel when I was in my first year of in comedy in Cambodia.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What were you guys doing over there?

[B]

Dude, I don't know. I just saw him at the hostel.

[A]

I was like, you're how Is Cambodia. I never went there before. I'm dying to go to Thailand, bro.

[B]

I. You know, I lived. You know I lived in Thailand, right?

[A]

Did you really?

[B]

What was it?

[A]

How long did you live there for?

[B]

I did. Maybe I did like a 12 month stretch. You have to do those visa runs every three months.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Then I did maybe another six. It's. I was in Kuala Lumpur, so that's when I started doing also comedy. First time I went there, I didn't do comedy.

[A]

Start doing comedy in Thailand?

[B]

No, I started in. In Australia, so I did a year in Thailand. Met my sweet baby angel. Made my sweet baby angel like a girl in a classic love story.

[A]

Did you buy her family like a pig? I'm not. I'm not being. I. I've saw documentaries where you have to buy like.

[B]

No, she was in Australia.

[A]

Oh, I've seen documentaries. I'm not being disrespectful, but if you meet a woman in Thailand, you have to like, support their family and buy them like a pig. I've heard that.

[B]

I know that's not true, but let's go. I saw a documentary. Let's go with that narrative.

[A]

I saw a documentary.

[B]

Yeah, let's go with that. Nar.

[A]

I think it's a nice gift. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

In Bangkok. Yeah. In the metropolitan.

[A]

In Australia. So totally normal. Just. Yeah.

[B]

So then we moved to Australia. I start comedy there and then I go back to Kuala Lumpur and Bangkok and did comedy there for six months. So. But in. In the first year, I was fully backpacker, maybe eight months in Koh Phangan. You know, it's the full moon party island. I did.

[A]

Oh, I've heard about that actually, but.

[B]

I'm not like, never did ecstasy or nothing. I did basically Thai boxing, smoked a lot of weed and I just chilled sick. And you meet a lot of guys there. You know, like during COVID I had a face.

[A]

The horniest guys from around the world.

[B]

The horns, guys in the back. Dude.

[A]

You were in Thailand during COVID No. Yes.

[B]

I went there at one pit. Yeah.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah. For a month.

[A]

So what was up with the guys in Thailand? What would you say?

[B]

So, like. So, like. Exactly.

[A]

You said they look like girls.

[B]

So the whole lady boy thing is fascinating.

[A]

Really fascinating. There's a movie about fascinating Thai kickboxing. And they. A guy, like a champion, ends up in jail and he has to fight in jail for like the. To get free from jail. But the whole thing is he falls in love with the Thai lady boy.

[B]

Jeez.

[A]

Yeah. He meets in prison, swear To God, it's a beautiful.

[B]

With a lady boy.

[A]

Throw the match two weeks.

[B]

I'm blowing this guy. I'm serious. Like, if you're a beautiful angel, I'm blowing. Dude, I would. It would always be so fascinating. I never went for it. I was young. I. I was hanging around at hostels. The. The expat community that bangs ladyboys. They're guys who are closer to your age.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's when you start having actual liberation in.

[A]

Been there, done that. Yeah.

[B]

Because you start dying and you're like, if I'm not gonna bang a dude with a wig, when am I? You know?

[A]

True.

[B]

But when you're young, I'm not so sexually free.

[A]

So I can let you go also if you have the family or like, been there, done that.

[B]

So you can't let go of the social norms that I've been. You know. I'm also Eastern European. So for sure, British dudes my age would just be like, rough night, you know, in.

[A]

You're saying in Eastern Europe, it's not. You don't.

[B]

British dudes would literally like. I knew British guy, dude. I met him at a hostel the first time he's buying Coke. He's like 16. Dorm. There's like a family there doing bad. You know, it's like a bad sit. Like a cheap hostel. And he just would disappear into the night, dude. And he would. He would go get on a tuk tuk, you know, he'd tell the guy, take me around, take me around.

[A]

Oh, like the little thing they carry.

[B]

Not. Not the carry with the mo. With the motor.

[A]

Okay, my bad.

[B]

Yeah, the fun, fun, fun stuff.

[A]

I thought he had like a rickshaw. I'm like, dude, get it. Taking a rickshaw to a lady boy is. No, that's where I do call it.

[B]

Rickshaws, but it's with this small engine and you're in the back. You know, you're like James Bond. But it was like six.

[A]

But then one night, having a guy carry you, like in a wheelbarrow.

[B]

But then. And the rickshaw was a lady boy. And so he's driving around looking for hookers. But it's like 6am they all went to bed or it's the worst ones.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he just looks at the lady, goes, I don't want my driver, you know?

[A]

Yeah. And he comes back and he can shake it off.

[B]

And he was just, you know, like, oh, fucking Thailand. You know, he's like.

[A]

Eastern European. If you. If you went back to Estonia and were like, mom, dad, meet, you know.

[B]

Now I wouldn't give a flying fuck, dude.

[A]

Yeah, but I would say it's a little more strict. It's a little more strict.

[B]

I'm just not interested. But if it happened, I give off. Dude, I knew 12.

[A]

Whatever.

[B]

I knew 12 and mothership on Monday. Dude, if I would bang a ladyboy, did you imagine the bit? True.

[A]

The bit would be so sick.

[B]

Coming through a guy, you know, you come in his ass and he comes on the floor. It was just so funny, you know.

[A]

It is funny to be stoney and like fucking British guys.

[B]

If I bang the dude, you know, I'd just be like, this is so wild, dude.

[A]

It would be hilarious. I would have no issues.

[B]

Dude, eight hours sleep. Yeah, yeah. Literally, I'm not that guy. Yeah, I knew a guy.

[A]

Lady boy would keep you in bed. They'd be like, come on, bedtime.

[B]

I knew. I knew bedtime.

[A]

You go, yes, ma'am.

[B]

I also knew a guy. I also knew a guy in Estonia. He came back and he was all weird for a few months. All weird. Then he eventually had to go like therapy. And then he started telling what happened.

[A]

He even took a little rickshaw ride.

[B]

Took a little rick. This guy. So this guy goes and he's like. He's like. He's like 25 years old. So he's in his point in his life. I was also 25. He was. You know, it's the classic. It's the first girlfriend. They're loyal. The first never even shared a kiss with another person. She's loyal to him. It's sad. But now they've been together since they were 15. The classic. But 15 to 25, the growth you go as a person, it's such a huge gap, dude, if I meet you at 25 to 35, maybe I can handle that. But 15 to 25. So they're going through that rough phase where they don't know where it's going. They go to Thailand thinking it's going to fix.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Thinking it's going to fix things. She's like, oh, my God, the temples. You know, he's like, yeah, yeah, the temples. He's like, yeah, yeah, the temples.

[A]

So what happened?

[B]

You know, they get into a huge fight. She throws a glass on the street. One of those, like, yeah, a big fight in the relationship that they're actually. They actually got back together.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But it's a big breaking point. And this dudes just goes into the night, you know, disappears. Like 48 hours. Hookers, guys, everyone gets it. A donkey got. He's on a pair.

[A]

So he just went completely.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And it helped their relationship. They're back together.

[B]

But when he came back, dude, this is like, just look, you know, really. Because he's so traumatized from all that Eastern European toxic.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And remember when I heard about it, I just started laughing. I was like, dude, how did.

[A]

How did everyone hear about. He came back and finally, finally, he started drinking.

[B]

He started drinking with us. He gets back. I wasn't close friends with him, but I saw him at parties. So eventually he starts open and he starts a little laughing about it. But when he told me, I. Or when I heard about it, I laughed, like, kicking my feet on the couch. And when I saw him, I'm like, bro, what? For six months, he was just weird. I was like, bro, are you gay? What's the issue?

[A]

Like, that should be bachelor parties, by the way. It should be. You go out. It should. You. Your dudes take you out to have, like a very gay experience. And that way you come back and you can appreciate your wife. You're like, yeah, man, that is not for me. And every person gets married. Your whole family has to go out and have a cake.

[B]

And when I would live in Thailand, I would.

[A]

You got to shake that off. You can't let that. Dude, dude, he was just mad. He was just mad at his girlfriend. He was just mad at his girlfriend.

[B]

And also, they're beautiful.

[A]

Her fault. It's her fault.

[B]

But there's also the beautiful angels.

[A]

True, dude.

[B]

They're beautiful angels.

[A]

Technology is only going to get better.

[B]

You go to a bar in Thailand and you see a chick that's like. You're like, you know, like CGI Perfect.

[A]

Yeah. Was it hard? Was it hard to tell for you? Is it really? You think.

[B]

You think all guys have a theory. Look at the hands. I'll see it. Oh, see the apple, dude?

[A]

Nothing. If they can cut the dong is what else. They can cut the apple.

[B]

Everything's perfect. And the traditions, from a transition from a Thai man to a girl, Easy sledding.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For me, like an Eastern European, I have ugly man feet.

[A]

True. It's not as easy for us.

[B]

Yeah, Just this weird. Look at these.

[A]

Although I do have. I have soft Irish features. I might be able to become a beautiful woman. But so what? Tell me about East Estonia. What is. What's, like, where is it geographically? Where is Estonia?

[B]

Next to Russia.

[A]

Okay. Is it under the sway of Russians influence? Or is it more like un? Like, where is it?

[B]

No, no, no. We're very NATO un. Because Yabo got lucky geographically.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Huh. Huh. Latvia. Wish there were us.

[A]

Lafay is Latvia with Russia.

[B]

Not far. Latvia is still in good. Lithuania good. But if we go to like Kazakhstan.

[A]

You'Re on the east side of Russia.

[B]

No, we're not that. But that geographical area. After the Soviet Union collapsed, they politically just sided with the Russians, which at the time, you know, this was the 90s. This European Union wasn't a slam dunk. The UN, NATO, that wasn't a slam dunk. So they sided with Russia. And we went because we're closer to Sweden. Finland.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And we would. So. And we would be there. Finnish, Swedish, Norway. Their economy would influence us positively too, because Finnish guys would come.

[A]

I see. So you got, you got. Okay. I was, I thought you guys were like further on that little collection of countries near. Yeah, I thought like Georgia.

[B]

I didn't mean geographic. I just meant like.

[A]

No, you guys are. You're in a good spot, man. You're right below Finland. But dude, imagine like what Russians like their seat or KGB could do to a small Eastern European country and nobody would have any idea.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

They could around and like they around.

[B]

All the time with us.

[A]

Do they really?

[B]

Yeah, there's all the time news. Another spy, another fucking thing. Russian spies, dude, they have fucking. They're taking old notebooks. They don't have the oldest listening device. Dude, whenever a Russian spy gets called, it literally has the wire here. I'm like, dude, what the fuck?

[A]

They're dressed like Inspector Kamala has a urine.

[B]

Can't figure it out. Yeah, Russian spies are still, you know.

[A]

They'Re in the really.

[B]

Well, have you seen the Russian army? Have you seen their like, like, they have the coolest.

[A]

They have.

[B]

They never have the coolest. Dude, have you seen. Have you seen. Look at the Ukraine war, how there's footage, you know, when Russian. They see a drone, dude, they're like, what the. They're like Minority Report. You know, they're like, what the dude. Cuz they have a Kov and a pigeon, you know.

[A]

Yeah, they. They hold it down like they got the best missiles. So it's all.

[B]

I mean, a missile is a missile. There's the way they get it to you is the problem.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. So, okay, so you guys are not.

[B]

Propulsion is the issue.

[A]

So you, so you, you got. I. I was curious about that because I. It's like I'm fascinated by Eastern Europe because I don't know anything about it.

[B]

I know. Yeah. Because a friend of mine yesterday, I told him that I'm doing your podcast. He was like, you're a big history history guy.

[A]

I'm. Well, Shane's more of a big history guy. Oh, really? I do like. I do like history.

[B]

Tim Dylan is a history guy. He always comes up and says facts about Estonia to me that I don't know. He's like, oh, yeah, better watch out. I'm like, watch out. What do I know? I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, I. Yeah, I'm fascinated by it because there's so many little countries and it's like, I. Dude, in school they didn't teach us anything about Eastern Europe. It was just a place. They'd be like, yeah, like, what's good with it?

[B]

Yeah, I don't mind. You know, I like it.

[A]

I kind of like it. You know what? I want some weed, dude. When do I want it? Now. Your state restricting legal access to live the high life Via legally gives you the freedom to blaze your own trail and get premium federally legal cannabis products discreetly shipped to your door in all 50 states. Yeah, you heard that right. You can get weed sent to your door. The future is now. Via's organic flower is grown carefully tested to ensure the highest quality, free from harsh pesticides or nasty chemicals. We also tested it through Lemaire. He approves if you're a gummy guy. VI is also well renowned for their award winning THC and thc. Free gummies, soothing topicals and calming drops, all crafted with the highest quality hemp sourced from trusted independently owned American farms. Whether you want to get better, sleep, ease anxiety, enhance your mood or just get stony, they have something crafted for you. They even have a libido. Gummy. For all the dogs who need help with your bird. 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That's going to be a big one that I don't think people are too happy with the ticket sales as it currently are. And 11 16th, 2024, town hall, new York City. If I can't fill this place, I will kill myself because it's one of the biggest cities in the world. So let me not make a fool of myself at the New York Comedy Festival, the very prestigious event. And also 1129, 2024, a little out in the future. Irvine improv, Irvine, California. Come on, man, Come out there. You know I'm west coast at heart. I'm totally SoCal. All right, thank you guys. Mattmcusker.com for tickets. And now a word from our dealer bros.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Hello, it's me, Lemaire.

[B]

I have some shows.

[A]

October 9th, I'll be in Helium, Indianapolis.

[B]

At the Red Room. Come to that. And then October 11th and 12th I'll be in Janesville, Wisconsin. They gave me too many shows, so.

[A]

Please come to that.

[B]

Optimum Noctis. November 5th feud. October 17th.

[A]

And, dude, please just check everything out.

[B]

SeanGardini.com Lemaireleigh. Fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

What do you think about Tate coming over there?

[B]

Andrew Tate?

[A]

Yeah. He kind of, like, started holding it down. Eastern Europe, dude.

[B]

Dude.

[A]

With him on Cobra Tate down there, Romania, dude.

[B]

When I saw him on, like, your mom's house, remember? That was one of his big.

[A]

Tate was on your mom's house, Andrew Tate.

[B]

You know that was his big break, right? You guys do know that, right?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I didn't know he was on it.

[B]

Tom Segura made everything bad happen. But they had him on. Yeah, but that was the time when.

[A]

How long ago was it?

[B]

That's a while ago. And in my head, I was. That was when he was doing the weird videos. When he's in front of a chimney.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Talking about, you know, he's in front of a chimney, talking.

[A]

They had him on that long ago.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When he'd sit in front of a fire.

[B]

So for me, it was 100. When I see a clip like that, I'm like, it's 100% a bit. And it's like a character, for sure.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And then turns out this guy might be the president of the world now.

[A]

Yeah. Well, yeah, he's might get in trouble for sex trafficking.

[B]

So, I mean, who hasn't? Sex traffic. We're all, you know, we're all bad guys. You know?

[A]

That's true. I mean, that is true. Eastern European definition of sex trafficking is true.

[B]

Who hasn't, you know?

[A]

Well, the definition is women.

[B]

You sold women. We are so definition.

[A]

If you try. If you cross state lines with a girl and tricker into the reason why she's moving. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, but you're tricking. I mean, exactly how easy is it, you know?

[A]

Yeah, it's like going from Pennsylvania to Delaware and being like. No, I'm just trying to chill. I'm just. That's technically sex trafficking for sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah, it is. It's a hazy definition, but, yeah, they got him on a couple counts. I don't know if they'll get him, though. It'll be terrible.

[B]

Dude.

[A]

If he was.

[B]

He did a Romanian court.

[A]

He laughed at the Roman cherry's a little chicken. That was Andrew Tate's prideful words before they came down with all.

[B]

I don't know about that court. Ain't gonna be that glove situation. Like oj.

[A]

Yeah. You think he'll get. I think he'll get off too.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Rock up with a Lamborghini.

[A]

Yeah. Young thug's getting off.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

Dude, do you think Diddy will get in trouble? I think he. I think he's like done. I think if he goes free, it'll be mass per.

[B]

What did he do? I don't even. I don't know the lotion. I've seen the memes did.

[A]

He was like grabbing guys dicks, I think.

[B]

Who hasn't.

[A]

Apparent. He kept Cassie for 10 years. Tricked her, which, you know, tricking.

[B]

Cassie. Cassie who? The rapper Cassie?

[A]

Yeah, she was like an R B lady. Not Cassidy. Cassidy was not molested by JD to my knowledge. But yeah, he kept a girlfriend for 10 years and told her he was working on her album and like it's coming out any day now. 10 years and was just making her do freak offs.

[B]

The.

[A]

The parties were like male prostitutes would have to have sex with her in front of everybody.

[B]

Really?

[A]

She never got to do her album.

[B]

Really?

[A]

It's like sexual assault. Sex trafficking. Yeah. Beat her up on camera. Yeah.

[B]

Dude, Wait, wait.

[A]

Did you see the video of him beating her ass?

[B]

Really?

[A]

In a hotel. You didn't see this?

[B]

What?

[A]

Dude, there's a video.

[B]

Have you seen the guy where the football player knocks the out of her?

[A]

Ray Rice? Yes.

[B]

Dude, it's so brutal that he like, shocks you. Like, what?

[A]

And I'm not, like I said, I'm not being disrespectful against Eastern Europe. Is it like, I'm genuinely curious in terms of like pushing a woman around. Is that totally off the table or.

[B]

Is it like, oh, bro, we hit all of them. Really well. We as the man. It's very bad. Yeah, it's very bad.

[A]

It's bad still.

[B]

It's like when they're trying to fix the. Like when, you know, when they're trying vetting machine LGBT things, you know, like, we're still hitting them. So really there's bigger issues, know?

[A]

Yeah, I guess. Would you say, like, what, like, take a number.

[B]

Trans people, 50.

[A]

Is it like, like, is it for real like that? Can you.

[B]

It's bad. Yeah, it's bad. Like all the older. I have friends who are police officers. They literally go like just every day you get to the kitchen, the wives on the kitchen, the dudes hammered, holding a knife.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Every day, all day.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Was bad here too. You just for you. The cops don't even come. The cops don't even come. They're like, oh, someone's hitting a woman. We have real to do, Geek.

[A]

Yeah, true. Although the cops don't come here.

[B]

Yeah, the cops don't come.

[A]

You know, dude, if I. If my wife called and said I was beating her, the cops, they. They'd grab my ass.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

It's my greatest nightmare. Oh, it's have the cops pull me out of my house.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

I wouldn't have done it. I'm saying. If she were to be like, he's hitting me, and then sock herself.

[B]

Your parents never got into a little scuffle?

[A]

Not physical.

[B]

Not that I saw My. Mine was stepdad and mom bad.

[A]

Really bad. Stepdad was physical?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What'd you do? You're probably crying like a. I mean, we all would. Don't. Don't.

[B]

Or.

[A]

The only thing if you don't cry like a. What you end up doing is killing your stepdad.

[B]

See, because. Oh, for real.

[A]

It's either. It's all or nothing. Nobody, like, squares up at 9 years old.

[B]

I watched the movie that. The dragon movie with Jet Li. Remember when he had little needles? I was like, how to get these needles? I gotta get my stuff back, dude. I was gonna. So that's rugged.

[A]

Where's this guy now?

[B]

But it's a dead. All dead. Everyone's dead, you know?

[A]

Yeah, true.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So this stepdad's dead. For real?

[B]

Everyone's dead.

[A]

Everyone. Your whole family's dead.

[B]

Everyone's dead. Damn.

[A]

I'm sorry to hear that.

[B]

It's okay. I love bringing it up. Are you wholesome?

[A]

Are you around or is everyone.

[B]

Everyone's dead.

[A]

Everyone's dead.

[B]

Found out the real dad is actually not dead, but doesn't want to hear about it. So he's.

[A]

Your real dad's not dead.

[B]

Turns out. Yeah. Be conspiring. Plot twist. Whenever, like Americans talk about family. Oh, Thanksgiving. I always go ask about my family. Ask about.

[A]

I'd like to talk about that if it's not too much of a source.

[B]

So then when. Like. So. So when you're a little. So when you're a little child, a little boy. You know, I don't know if this is true, but I imagine. Imagine if your biological dad hits your biological mother. There's maybe it's not good for sure.

[A]

Really bad for sure.

[B]

But maybe there's a system in our DNA that kind of. That kind of tells you, like in ape. In a plant. In a plant, things are good, you know?

[A]

Like, you're right about that. Yes. Having a stranger come into it, it's worse.

[B]

Stepdad is a dude yeah. And you're in that age of, you know, when like testosterone is starting to be introduced, you know, a little interesting now, and you're starting to become a man and then another guy enters the picture and he's violent. That's, I think, a bigger insecurity, big time. Seeded in your whole thing, you know?

[A]

Yeah, that's way worse.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That's terrible. Yeah, that. So how do you feel?

[B]

Normal, I would say. Normal. I'm not saying this is. I'm not like, it's my story. It's. What if I talk to all of my friends in Eastern Europe, a lot of my friends. It's way worse stuff, you know, because also my stepdad didn't hit me, you know? Yeah, that's so.

[A]

Yeah, that's. Well. Yeah, that's not. It's not good.

[B]

Yeah, it's not good.

[A]

He's dead.

[B]

What?

[A]

Glad he's dead.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Damn, dude. That's up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you feel like when you come to America, when you came. How long ago did you come here, by the way?

[B]

June.

[A]

Oh, you're relatively new here.

[B]

Yeah. First time I visited here was in December.

[A]

When you hear Americans complain about stuff, is there party that's like, shut the up.

[B]

No, dude, bro. Dude. I'm a suburban kid. Overall, bro, don't get it twisted. Yeah, but everybody had to play st.

[A]

Just a regular old cul de sac.

[B]

You buy. Had the bl. So.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, of course. I watch Chappelle Show.

[A]

Gotcha. This is why I'm so confused about Eastern Europe. I'm like, wait, what?

[B]

No, Estonia is doing good, so it's chilling.

[A]

You Estonia? Oh, yeah.

[B]

You guys, I'm a suburban, like middle class kids.

[A]

Got you. Got you.

[B]

So I complain, literally, if you give me like Americano without no crema on.

[A]

It, you're pissed off.

[B]

Take me to hell. Literally, take me to hell. When the. You know when that. You know when the barista does the coffee and they put the. Put the thing under.

[A]

Yeah, you.

[B]

The thing is, because I used to be in the service industry. I used to be in the service industry. The thing is, you put it under. You're supposed to click it immediately because if you don't see the thing metal here is hot and it burns. The coffee. What? That's why you get sometimes like a burnt feeling in the coffee. And these retards out there, the baristas, Some of them.

[A]

Some of them.

[B]

You know, when you try to get a good one in the back, but then you see the new.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She don't know America.

[A]

So they don't go over. They're up. The beans.

[B]

Yeah. They put it under, it starts burning and they look for the cup.

[A]

I'm kind of pissed. I know that now because I've never.

[B]

And your life is.

[A]

Have you ever give that a turn? Do you ever tell him like, yo, I've never. Yeah. I wouldn't be able to.

[B]

I'm Eastern European. We're not. I know. Americans are.

[A]

Excuse me, you can tell me. Give a little, you know, give it a little notch.

[B]

I'll say thank you. You're an angel. Give him a kiss and leave with the shittiest coffee ever. That's how I do. And then I boil in the corner.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Espresso.

[A]

Yeah. I'm reading a book right now about an Irish immigrant who came to America, New York, in 1949. All he can do, the whole time he's just like, I can't believe people are complaining about this stuff. But you're saying you had a good life in Estonia, which.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I got out when the Soviet Union collapsed. It was. Thrived. The economy was thriving. It's a new country.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Culturally doing amazing. I mean, that's another thing in standup, you know, I was so lucky because it's not like Estonia is one of those random Eastern European countries in terms of stand up. Because when we started back in the day, you know, the Soviet Union built a lot of old theaters. That's what communism does, you know, they make everything grandiose.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And so. So there are all these good theaters, beautiful venues. And like communism in terms of cultural. They always encourage you to go out, but they always censored and gave you what they want.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because that's how you control people. It's not the fucking guns that control people. You have to control the culture, the subject. Subconscious mind.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, you. That's what you do.

[A]

Like Mal Harris. Sorry.

[B]

Because. And so, yeah, American politics.

[A]

Yeah, you're right. So. So that was. Was that a territory that was part of Russia, Then it fell and they gave this.

[B]

Yeah. So there's all this liberation because there's such big censorship. So there's all this liberal Internet, the Chappelle Show, south park, all the. All the sketches would always be. All of a sudden, be more blue in terms of material. Yeah, they would. The songs would be, you know, like punk rockish, you know, because with all this western culture is now overflowing. Like, I got. Remember Sex in the City? Yeah, I got Sex in the City and Knight Rider the same year I'M a Knight Rider. Yeah. Because we got all this.

[A]

You got. Oh, you got all the stuff.

[B]

Beatles, everyone's coming.

[A]

Ah, that's kind of weird. You got like three decades of culture.

[B]

I was Chappelle Show, Golden Girls back to back. I was like, these bitches are crazy. And appreciate.

[A]

How old were you when this happened? When all this like.

[B]

Oh, I was born in 92, 91. This once union fell, but I mean.

[A]

But still. I know you're saying, though, it all came in when it.

[B]

When a thing falls. It's not like, okay, you gotta create currency, laws, culture. Now you're also so strong in your. And we had our own language, but the media was always, like, translated from the Russian influence, so we never got our own.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But we always had it underground. There would always be, you know.

[A]

So what was. What was it like for the. Like, the older people around you to have all of that? Just stuff coming. That must have been nuts, dude.

[B]

Men kissing. Just the sculpture. The Matrix maciver.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was watching Tiger like this, just.

[A]

That's kind of nuts to think about.

[B]

Yeah. ATMs, CDs, the cassette player, linking bar.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

All coming.

[A]

So you guys just got all the tech.

[B]

Bam.

[A]

That's kind of cool.

[B]

So there's an explosion. And also, what's perfect in Stand up for Stand Up. It's perfect for every art form, but for especially Stand Up. The more tension there is, the bigger the release can be. Right. That's why Stand up is thriving in America right now. Lots of tension in the air. The Riffs will be fire. Yeah, I mean, like, I know some. I. I know a Ukrainian open micro in Kiev. In Kiev. Imagine what they're saying about the Russians. Imagine Riffs.

[A]

Yeah. It's going to be probably fire. I didn't think about that.

[B]

I didn't think about the Riffs, you know. You know, in that basement, people tell it like it e. True.

[A]

What are they riffing on over there?

[B]

Ooh, they're calling because we have slurs for Russians and all that. So they're so. They're like.

[A]

Damn. I didn't think about wartime comedy.

[B]

Like, imagine black people all of a sudden got control of America, and then you're all free, you know, they're the enemy and all that. And then you're all free. Imagine the Riffs the first night in the basement, you know?

[A]

Yeah. They'd be saying, we don't put salt on our food and should be devastating. That would be kind of cool. That would be kind of cool if they got The. Finally, the Black Planet, I think. I think they're ripping pretty hard already, but, yeah, they can go.

[B]

And that's why black guys always roast white guys. Because it's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Fucking. Fuck you. Yeah, it's great.

[A]

True. I mean, even though a lot of white guys weren't even involved, like, whatsoever with their stuff, but. Yeah, exactly. I hear you, though.

[B]

Yeah. So the riffs are, like, true. Like, imagine being in a Russian guy in a Kiev open mic right now.

[A]

Yeah, let me find out.

[B]

You're Russian. It's gonna be fire, dude. This crowd will eclipse Tick tock city, dude.

[A]

But then if he can get up and defend himself, that might be kind of fire, too.

[B]

He's fired, too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Imagine riffs in Moskva right now, Moscow, because they lost ATMs, they lost Apple Pay, they're losing McDonald's, you know, porn, too. The sanctions. They're losing pornography. But I didn't. Imagine the riffs.

[A]

The riffs are probably kind of weak in Moscow right now. Or.

[B]

No, I'll be like, we're gonna nuke them. Yeah, we're coming back. We're coming back. I'll put the Russian anthem on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because they've also been, you know, kicked around after the union collapsed.

[A]

They have, yeah. So they're trying to. You think they'll actually unleash the nuke?

[B]

I mean, I'm sure the comedians are literally chanting it as we speak. Dude, that's what my bit would be.

[A]

If they nuked us successfully, they could win the war. I hope they don't. If you're listening, Russian propagandists don't.

[B]

Dude, you don't. They don't have the. Listen. They don't have the technology. Listen.

[A]

I think they got the nukes.

[B]

Listen.

[A]

Do you think they're there?

[B]

If you go to St. Petersburg today, you'd say. If you go to St. Petersburg today, you're going to see an iPhone, three GS, remember, three GS?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're gonna see an iPhone, maybe four.

[A]

So it's.

[B]

So dismissal ain't gonna make it over to the greatest country. Listen, I like to hear.

[A]

That's good. That's good news.

[B]

Dismissal.

[A]

So why. Why is America messing with them so bad?

[B]

Dismissal.

[A]

Why do. Why do we have such an obsession with Russia if they're just like.

[B]

I mean, they're a big force. I mean, they're big. They're an economy and all that.

[A]

I guess they are kind of the biggest force next to Europe and China, obviously.

[B]

I guess they have the manpower. That's what they're Doing with Ukraine?

[A]

Yeah, they have the manpower. I guess we gotta wait till they.

[B]

Just go like, hey, 80 million, go. I'm sure you have all the cool missiles and drones, but I have 80 million shaved men running.

[A]

Yeah, true.

[B]

Believe in every word I say.

[A]

Yeah, true. They do have the manpower. Their population's aging, isn't it? So I figured once they get older.

[B]

They'Re sending everybody, their two kids right now there's a 76 year old grandma throwing a grenade.

[A]

They have like little, they have little drummer boys.

[B]

Everybody's going, brother. They're pulling people off the bus. Look at the videos. There's a nerdy guy like, like Sean Gardini with the glasses. That's why. Nerdy, It's a stereotype. Like Sean. Like imagine Sean, the army just puts a helmet on him and he's got to go in a ditch.

[A]

Do you think Russia's going to lose the war? They're definitely. Are they losing pretty badly?

[B]

I don't know. Every news article tells me different.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I don't know who to trust anymore.

[A]

You know, I'm surprised they're winning.

[B]

I mean, let's just stop killing and let's just make love.

[A]

That's what I'm saying, man. Yeah, we got to give them the TV show. They had the TV shows for a while, didn't they? Russia had the TV shows.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

They like when Estonia got all the TV shows, the Russian knock at the TV shows. So I feel like they got the blue jeans.

[B]

But, but, but, but, but they got their own going on. They're like Spanish people. They're not on. Do Spanish people have their own app, like Facebook or something?

[A]

Yeah, Chinese people have like we wop or whatever. Yeah, it's not a thing for China. It's called like WeChat.

[B]

We watch and it has everything. It has the Instagram feature, it has the Twitter feature, it has the forum feature. Like when I was in, when I was in Kuala Lumpur, you would go on WeChat and you just put in UFC tonight and it shows the bars and the people hanging out there. You can already join the chat of the people hanging out.

[A]

What?

[B]

And you can be like, what's up? So that's where they always say that. That's where the, our apps also come. That's where they test all those fucking things.

[A]

Oh, really? On the Chinese population because they're so.

[B]

Because they consume so much of it.

[A]

I want to see what's up with China. Are they really that. Is everyone in China really that into China or like, sorry, this is what I do if I meet anyone from another country, I'm like, you must know all about the world. I don't know, have you been. You've never been in China?

[B]

I've been to Beijing.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I did a show there, but it was only for expats. But when I was walking around, the vibes were off. The vibes were off.

[A]

They're off.

[B]

You're not like, I could see the.

[A]

Vibes sucking in China.

[B]

The vibes suck, dude. I'm not, I'm not rude. I don't want to be rude for sure, but four days in Beijing, let me tell you, as a 21 year old, hopeful kid with baby blue eyes, watching the world as it is, not judging anybody, you know, the vibe sucked. You can go to Iran, eat a dumpling. I don't buy the hype. I could go to Afghanistan, get on a beach, you know, I could go anywhere. I don't buy the hype.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But I gotta tell you.

[A]

In Vaj sucked. What's the crazy kfc?

[B]

Everyone's rude to me. Why the letters are fucked. I mean, they're.

[A]

Yeah, true.

[B]

No, no, I get it, I get it. It's your shit.

[A]

But also the lines are tough. Personal spaces.

[B]

I'm pointing at the picture. You don't get that. Yeah, man, because I don't speak Thai either, but it's Rift City. I'll fucking show the hands. I'll do a cook, you know, I want chicken with rice. I do the eyes, the Asian eyes. And I do. That's chicken with rice. Am I correct? Am I correct?

[A]

That's pretty close.

[B]

Am I correct?

[A]

But yeah, that, no, that, that can be. That's tough. If they're like stonewalling you on the language. It's like, bro, I'm not gonna study Space Invaders language, dude. They look like language. It looks like Space Invaders characters.

[B]

It do, though.

[A]

It's like, come on, man, knock it off, get some words. So I feel your pain. I'd be like, come on, guys. I would try to lead it. Like a lead, like a revolution. But guys, we have words. You don't have to draw little symbols. That's crazy.

[B]

So, yeah, for stand up, that was perfect for us. You know, like when, when I started and another guy, Sander, started, it was. We were like the first guys. And the upside of that is our open mics. 2, 300 people, we have to kick people out. Hundreds turned away from the open mic because it's. Because they're coming from the. For the novelty because stand up comedy, they're like, they watch Louis ck, they watch Jimmy Carr. They watch. They're starting to get it. And Also all the TVs would still be stuck in the old Soviet ways. You know, they're kind of bleeping stuff. They're not talking potty talk. They're not talking potty talk. YouTube came around, so we already see Kevin Hart talking about long day. And then I look at the tv. It's kind of boring for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then you find out, oh, we have also stand up comedy. Comedy Estonia, that was the organization and the mics would be packed. And the upside of being a new culture in stand up is that you don't have to pay for the sins of the previous generation is what is the big problem in like Canada and America. Also, the clubs held you guys down, they would pay you shit. They would have to pay for stage time. So people kept fucking you around. All the gatekeepers would pull the ladder up, not help anybody else. So you ended up with a big actually bullshit system that doesn't encourage talent. It kind of discourages. Which also makes the diamond shine out, of course, for sure, but it also discourages. I'm sure there's a lot of guys, I mean, I know a lot of guys who are way funnier than me, but they're just stuck in a scene and they're kind of stuck in the politics of that. They can't do quite tick tock. They're trying, you know, and then every time they have that one showcase a month that the club gives, they get three minutes.

[A]

So they don't pop in Estonia, so.

[B]

They don't really get to shine. But we got a big audience straight off the top. So you get a lot of. So you get a lot of like. So I don't wanna. What's the word? Not support. But like when the crowd is also growing with.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you get real feedback. You're doing real crowds. You're not doing like 10 angry comics being like this guy.

[B]

And also, I'm not saying we were the most original guys either. We went through because we're the first ones at the well. It's not like we discovered the water, you know, we're first one. So all the hack topics have. We're the first generation know.

[A]

That's awesome though. That's pretty cool. I never thought about that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have you been to Finland?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's Finland all about?

[B]

I'm half finished.

[A]

Are you really?

[B]

My name is the most Finnish thing you've ever heard.

[A]

True.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's up with Finland.

[B]

I. When I was a kid, I grew up the winters in Roa, near me. Which is where? Lapland. That's like near the Arctic Circle. And it's like bad out there.

[A]

Sucks. What's the vibe? What's the vibe like?

[B]

They had the polar night. You know that? No, just gray. What? And you're just at a bar. Ah, what time is it? And you're just low on the vitamin.

[A]

I thought Finland was like beautiful.

[B]

No, there's. It's a long ass country.

[A]

So there's different, there's different areas. But you're in the grace.

[B]

I mean we also Estonia, we don't. We. We have like two to three months of the gray.

[A]

Do you really?

[B]

Of the gray? Maybe one piece of sunlight every two, three weeks. One piece where you get the cloud kind of shows you. What?

[A]

Damn. Is it rainy or just kind of like gray and misty gray?

[B]

Misty rainy.

[A]

Do you ever move around the mist though?

[B]

Like kind of like Peaky Blinders?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Trust me, I've had my Peaky Blinders phase in Estonia. Got a toothpick. I was a toothpick guy when I was like 19.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Moving around the mist, that'd be kind of sick. That'd be pretty tight.

[B]

Yeah, but always sick. Because the, the Peaky Blinders clothing isn't actually proper winter wear. Like if you look at Peaky Blinders, he's full blown suit. But it's the middle of winter. If you think. Yeah, you need to actually think about it. And those cars had no air conditioning back then. So if you think about it, he's actually freezing to death. He's having hypothermia.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're exposed neck. Your voice ain't gonna be that.

[A]

Yeah, you're way chillier. You're right. They're way chillier than.

[B]

So I would dress like Peaky Blinders and then end up in pneumonia.

[A]

Oh, God damn, dude. Well, thanks for doing this, man. I think we're an hour right. 52. What? The Lemaire.

[B]

Oh, you already know.

[A]

I just, I like to keep it. I keep it at an hour, so. A nice one.

[B]

I get that.

[A]

Let's keep ripping, dude. I'm good to go.

[B]

I'm ready to rip and grip, you know.

[A]

So what's up with the. About what's up with me? I'll tell you what's up with me, dude. I'm on a 48 hour fast. I told you that already.

[B]

God damn.

[A]

48 hour fast. Honestly, dude, I'm just trying to like, you know, What I'm trying to figure out right now. Tell me how to just sit down, like, anywhere I am and just be kind of chilling. You know what I mean? It's hard. I've been trying to figure this out forever. There's got to be some combinations of words I can just put into my head to where I'm like, you're one.

[B]

Of those guys who needs to say, shut up, brain. Yeah, I'm one of those guys, too.

[A]

Yeah. Big time. So I'm trying to learn how to just chill.

[B]

So hard, huh? I always live in the future. I can't even. Every moment I've appreciated in my life has been in retrospect.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's such a cunty thing of. Hey. God, what's up with that? I can only happy. Happy about something when it's over.

[A]

Yeah. Take me to the now what do I do?

[B]

Every holiday I've ever had has always been like that.

[A]

Really?

[B]

During COVID I went to Barcelona for a few months, you know, Just didn't do comedy. Disappeared.

[A]

It's kind of nice.

[B]

That's why I love Thailand, too. You can just disappear.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then my mind, you know, like, I was the happiest I've ever been in Barcelona, and I had no idea when it was happening. I was just walking around.

[A]

Oh, you got.

[B]

When's my next gig, I wonder?

[A]

Yeah, that sucks. I. When you're. I've. I've been depressed on a vacation before in, like, a beautiful area, and that's, like. That gets kind of rugged when you're, like, a beautiful tropical area and you're just kind of like. You're like, dude, I suck.

[B]

Yeah. Sometimes I wish. Like, when I was on a beach, I just wish, like, on the boat, like, the Somalian comes, and then we have to fight to the death. And I barely make it. I'm in the hospital. Beep, beep all over.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I come back just to do something with my life.

[A]

Yeah, dude, I was. I was. That same book about the Irish immigrant. He's talking about a native American guy who. They're all, like, working in a hotel. And he was just like. The native American is like, dude, this is so embarrassing for us. Like, we should be riding horses and just, like, shooting each other with bows and arrows. He's like, that's the only thing a dude should do. He's like, we're preparing a banquet room. He's like, this is humiliating. We should be riding around, taking each other's scalps and just chilling.

[B]

Huh? Just chilling.

[A]

You know, I Mean, I see what he's saying. Obviously it's kind of a rough life, but like, yeah, I can see. I do the same thing. I'm in my house. It's like, doesn't matter what your house looks like. I'm just waiting for someone to break in. I want to fight them to death. That's like, that's all I want to do.

[B]

Most exhilarating.

[A]

I walk downstairs naked every night and I'm like, please let this be the night.

[B]

My dream in life is to be like a survivor. Like, I'm on a bus with children. Everybody dies.

[A]

You want to be unbreakable.

[B]

Exactly. I want. What I want is the interview where I'm the witness. Survivor. I'd love that interview.

[A]

Are you still wounded? You still have wounds in the interview?

[B]

I clean myself up. I mean, it's national exposure and promote.

[A]

The dates, you know, Survivor would be nice.

[B]

Sometimes you see those survivor, you know, when somebody witnesses something, they're always like, I saw. And I'm like, this is 45 minutes after it happened. Have nothing prepared, dude. I'd have a full on true whole arc. I would lie. I'd be like, I saved the baby. But then the baby said, you go be great. You know, and that's how the baby died. You know, I'd say, that.

[A]

True. The baby told me to go, Estonia, Estonia. Comedy scene, dude. Cannot lose one of the real ones.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But now you're America, bro.

[B]

But yeah.

[A]

Do you have friends in Estonia, like reaching out, like, oh, yeah, I have.

[B]

Visitors all the time. And yeah, everyone's super supportive. You know, that also used to be a big thing that when I tried to. Because I did comed in Canada, you know, I've done the Seattle competition, I've done some things on this side of the world. And I always felt like an outsider. And that's keeping me back because every time I watch my favorite comedians, like Bill Burr, he talks about the game, he talks about football. You know, he knows all the references. He goes, the Philly rat, you know, he goes, yeah, yeah, the Buffalo Eagle suck. Whatever. And you know, I'm sorry, I don't know.

[A]

Oh, you're good, man. I don't really follow sports like that either. Yeah, I don't care either.

[B]

You know, there's. I love. Every time I see Shane, he's literally talking about the game. Every time.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Love sports. Most guys in America do love sports.

[B]

Everybody loves sports. Every green room, every, every every day. Every day. Sports in my face. Like about the, you know, the Game. The fantasy. My fantasy.

[A]

Do you tell people you don't care about it or you just try to.

[B]

No, I try to integrate. I try.

[A]

You try to get along in the conversation. Have you been busted doing fake sports talk at all?

[B]

Very much so. Sh. You know, Shannon Sharp. I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He jump. He's a jumper, you know, like. Because I think it's some NBA guy.

[A]

Yeah, NBA.

[B]

Gay NBA. Gay NBA guy. So I would always feel like I'm, like, I'm outsider. I know try. You know, you watch American Comedians. You try to recreate that I would be influenced and all that. I would just try, you know? But then I had that, like, snap of, like, where I realized, holy, I actually have an advantage of having a story that I'm not from here. I'm literally more rare than a. Than a gay black guy now. I know. I know. 72 gay black guys were comedians.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're funny as fuck, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know Estonian out there.

[A]

You only want to know. Yeah, I want to. No, I don't think he was from Estonia. I knew one other guy. I'm picturing him in my mind. I don't. Now that I think about it, I don't know much about this guy. I just assume he's from Eastern Europe. I don't know why, but that's sick. Yeah, dude. It's better to be, you know, have the outside experience, I think so.

[B]

Sometimes I do feel lonely in the culture a little. But then I just talk to my Estonian friends or they come and visit, everyone super supportive.

[A]

What's the biggest difference in culture? You would say Estonia to America.

[B]

Well, right now, it's a personal thing. It's. It's a personal thing. It depends on the person, but for me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I got you.

[B]

Trying to be a pedestrian in America. Nothing's more disrespected in America.

[A]

We do look down on pedestrians. We look down on pedestrians. Pretty. Hey, we need laws to protect.

[B]

Hey, I'm walking over here. Why am I next? Why am I on the i35 with a truck going 170km an hour next to my face? This close.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And why is it so loud? I can't relax on my walk. Huh?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And in America, if you don't have a driver's license like me? I don't have a driver's license.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I'm literally disabled.

[A]

Bird scooter.

[B]

Yeah, I feel disabled. I'm literally. Yeah, a bird scooter. Dude. Even the other day, I was hanging out With Israel Arizona. With Tony Hinchcliffe. Everyone's superstar. Everybody has Cadillacs and then ping. I'm next to them. I take the scooter.

[A]

Dude. I ride the scooters back and forth all the time.

[B]

They're all scoot up. You do look like a scooter guy, though. It's.

[A]

Dude, you ride past it. Yeah, dude, you need to be pretty jacked to handle those things. It can kick on. Kick on you.

[B]

No, I ride scooters. Yeah.

[A]

I love them, man. Dude, that. That's my favorite thing. Riding from my house down to the mothership on a scooter and back.

[B]

It's you.

[A]

Yeah, but headphones all.

[B]

I do, sir.

[A]

It's awesome. Put headphones in. Riding away from a good set on the lime scooter. People don't know. It's. It's a nice feeling, you know, when people are like. Some people see you outside the club, you're like, sub, bro.

[B]

Yeah. When people like, you want to do a bump of coke? No, I'll put. Put Pink Floyd on. Think about what a superstar I'm becoming, and ride in the fresh air. Who doesn't want to do that?

[A]

Ride by the creaking cave. You're like, oh, anybody see me? I know this guy's all there.

[B]

But there's a lot of things I can't do. Like, I even go to a Best Buy.

[A]

Yeah. Grocery shop. Now, you can order your ordering grocery socks because they pick out and they smell like cigarettes. You get onions. They smell like they don't feel the avocados. Like, I don't do. No, that's right.

[B]

This is me with a tomorrow.

[A]

Yeah. True.

[B]

Feel it. If it's good vibes.

[A]

You're right, though. They pick bullshit fucking products.

[B]

And the dates. They always pick the expiration dates. Oh, thanks for bringing me milk that expires in six hours.

[A]

Yeah, they don't reach the back shelf.

[B]

They always go for the back shelf.

[A]

I love that. In the grocery store. And you find an expiration date that's like, new, older. And you go, nice try, dickhead. You pull the milk from the back. It's the best.

[B]

Dude, I know you. And then you look into the other side of the shelf.

[A]

Nice try.

[B]

I know you well.

[A]

Dude, we did it. We're at an hour we, man. Thank you so much. Thanks for doing this too, by the way.

[B]

I really like your comedy.

[A]

Thank you, bro.

[B]

You haven't been around recently.

[A]

I've been traveling around a lot.

[B]

I remember. And we did some bad shows together.

[A]

Yeah, man. You're Funny as hell, dude. You're killing it.

[B]

Thanks, man. You're funny too. Also, such a left turn for the chicks to be like. Because I go, who's pound for pound, hottest guy?

[A]

Oh, you're asking the women.

[B]

I was asking. Of course. It's seven women. I'm gonna ask, who's the hottest guy?

[A]

That's a kid. That's a good move.

[B]

And I'm expecting, you know, they go like, oh, you know, I'm like this Sean. They didn't mention you, Sean, but you pick game up. Terrorist. Bennett. I get it. If I hear, like, a black guy with a hat, I get it.

[A]

Darius, they're irresistible.

[B]

Have you seen Darius dress? He literally dresses like. Dolomite is shooting tonight. This guy, suave every time. Yeah.

[A]

Black guy with a cool, like, bowler's hat is.

[B]

Yeah. And then you show up all comfortable with the hawker shoes and. And chicks are like, that's.

[A]

I didn't know you're talking about me specifically.

[B]

Chicks are like, it's great. Oh, my God, he's so sweet and balanced. He doesn't hang around and talk about dumb.

[A]

Maybe, you know, maybe I represent a.

[B]

Doorway into all makes sense. And that gives a lot of hope.

[A]

Well, I appreciate that, man. Thank you for bringing me that piece of information.

[B]

Because I can't be black.

[A]

No, I know.

[B]

Unfortunately, you could put some hawkers on, start fasting, get like a. Get like a nice wife, kiss her on the lips all the time. I could do. I could. I could do.

[A]

You can do that. And then all the female comedians will covet you. Yeah, they'll cover more. So what you represent, I'm just kind of like a symbol.

[B]

Chicks love mystery, you know, it's true. That's what you got going on too. When I would see you at the mothership in the back, you just quiet.

[A]

Observing, silent, strong silence. Strong, silent, bro.

[B]

Taking it all.

[A]

I also have extreme social anxiety, so I'm just sitting there the whole time just like, oh, yeah. But now that I know a lot of comedian babes are liking my bro. No, I'll start walking around with a little more confidence.

[B]

Like, one door literally goes like this.

[A]

Oh, that's awesome news. I'm gonna show this to my wife. I love. That's the best thing I like to tell my wife.

[B]

Goes like this. Oh, he's so hot.

[A]

Oh, I like Jesus. That's nice. Thank you for telling me this, man.

[B]

Literally, like, just a wet through the jeans, really damn on you.

[A]

That's crazy, bro.

[B]

That's pretty hot. But I get it. I get it.

[A]

I don't, man. I don't see it. I don't see it. But, I mean, look, you're like a mysterious guy. I do like being your wife. True. They like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But, dude. Yeah, they like the idea of it. And you get, you know, one on one, it's just nothing but smoking, mirrors, and problems and so, yeah, they don't know.

[B]

It's actually the monkey with those things. They're like, what's he.

[A]

Well, thank you, dude. Thank you for telling me that. I'm gonna take that information to my wife and rub it in her face. Appreciate you, bro.

[B]

Thank you for having me on. You're great.

[A]

You're great.

[B]

I love. I would love to get married.

[A]

You can do it, bro. You can do it.

[B]

If you know some good girl.

[A]

You hear that out there? You guys can get. Everyone can get married. Girls want to get married so bad, they're actually pretty annoying about it. So for everybody out there to get married. So. Love you guys.