Ep 521 - Time Under Tension (feat. Chris Distefano)

Summary

Episode Summary: Ep 521 - Time Under Tension (feat. Chris Distefano)

Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis
Guest: Chris Distefano
Release Date: October 10, 2024

---

1. Introduction to Sports Interests and Personal Preferences

The episode kicks off with a light-hearted discussion about sports, revealing differing levels of enthusiasm among the hosts and their guest.

• Christy: "I don't know. I guess I love sports, but I don't like, like the UFC or the Cars." [00:27]
• Chris: "Sports. Yeah, yeah, I try. I’ve literally tried for like conversation sake to like, get into it." [00:13]

Christy shares her ambivalence towards sports despite her love for them, contrasting with Shane’s fervent interest. Chris humorously admits his minimal engagement with sports, attributing it to his upbringing where sports were not emphasized.

---

2. Navigating Parenthood and Personal Challenges

The conversation shifts to the challenges of parenting, particularly in the context of maintaining personal well-being amidst family responsibilities.

• Christy: "We’re dads. Not a lot of comics exist before noon, bro." [01:23]
• Chris: "I had to be careful what I say... Let me tell you something. When you and I are standing in the video store, this is how old of an example it was." [28:23]

Christy discusses the early morning routines with children, emphasizing the exhaustion and the delicate balance between personal needs and parenting duties. Chris reflects on his experiences with fatherhood, highlighting the complexities of modern parenting compared to previous generations.

---

3. Relationships, Divorce, and Emotional Dynamics

A significant portion of the episode delves into relationships, the intricacies of divorce, and the emotional toll it takes on individuals.

• Chris: "Statistically doesn’t happen a lot either. Which further theory that have a woman brain." [17:07]
• Christy: "There are very dramatic dynamics when it comes to relationships and breakups." [20:00]

The hosts share personal anecdotes about their marriages, discussing the predominance of women initiating divorces and the emotional struggles men face during such transitions. They explore the societal expectations placed on men to remain stoic and the challenges of rebuilding life post-divorce.

---

4. Historical Perspectives and Cultural Practices

The discussion takes an educational turn as the hosts explore historical and cultural practices related to relationships, marriage, and societal norms.

• Christy: "Native Americans... they think it's crazy, men and women, to marry one person and to only raise your own children." [22:09]
• Chris: "So you can just march right in Ukraine. You can just kind of like that’s their one weak spot through Ukraine because the other parts are kind of like hard to get into." [47:31]

They delve into the practices of various tribes and societies, comparing them to modern Western norms. The conversation highlights the fluidity of relationships in different cultures and the societal pressures of monogamy in contemporary America.

---

5. Personal Habits and Self-Improvement

The hosts discuss personal habits, including fitness routines, meditation, and strategies for self-discipline.

• Chris: "I have an apartment I use as an office. So I go there to write, and I get out of my house and I have a gym attached to the apartment." [09:53]
• Christy: "You have to build a bank of like non bodily pleasure. I know you’re gonna get bored somewhere." [30:33]

Christy emphasizes the importance of creating separate spaces for productivity and personal growth, while Chris shares his struggles with maintaining meditation practices and finding effective self-care routines amidst a hectic schedule.

---

6. Social Observations and Gender Dynamics

The episode touches on broader social observations, particularly regarding gender dynamics and societal expectations.

• Christy: "If you have to do it, it's better off jerking off, dude. Just don't have condom sex." [59:14]
• Chris: "Women are more vicious in their social strategies." [67:57]

The hosts analyze the complexities of modern relationships, the impact of societal norms on personal behavior, and the perceived differences in male and female social strategies. They discuss how these dynamics influence interactions in both personal and professional settings.

---

7. Reflections on Modern Society and Future Predictions

In the final segments, the hosts reflect on contemporary societal issues and speculate on future developments.

• Christy: "If this country elected more women, we would actually be a more viable America." [68:32]
• Chris: "According to this guy, you know, people say China’s going to take over, but he was like, not going to happen." [48:35]

They contemplate the role of politics, gender representation in leadership, and geopolitical tensions, particularly focusing on relations with countries like Russia and China. The conversation anticipates significant societal shifts and the potential for a more unified future.

---

Conclusion and Takeaways

The episode concludes with humorous exchanges and personal reflections, reinforcing the themes of personal growth, societal expectations, and the challenges of modern life.

• Christy: "I’m here with hungover with no hair product in... So if anyone’s gonna talk shit about my hair, you go fuck yourself." [00:56]
• Chris: "It’s tricky, dude. It’s very tricky." [41:04]

Hosts Matt and Shane, alongside their guest Chris, blend humor with candid discussions, providing listeners with a mix of laughs and thoughtful insights into the complexities of life, relationships, and personal development.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Chris: "Have to build a bank of like non bodily pleasure." [30:33]
• Christy: "You do need a separate apartment because, our jobs don't require us to leave." [10:22]
• Chris: "You're not going to get out of this scot free." [75:11]

---

This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and reflective discussions, making it a relatable and entertaining listen for anyone navigating the multifaceted aspects of modern life.

Transcript

[Christy]

Today. You're gonna watch the game though, today, right? Like, no. You don't even give a fuck. You're not like glued to it at all?

[Chris]

Not at all.

[Christy]

Interesting. What are you, Eagles or any sports?

[Chris]

Eagles too. I just. I don't care about sports. My dad never watched sports growing up, so I never.

[Christy]

Interesting watched it. Shane is a maniac with sports. Right?

[Chris]

Sports. Yeah, yeah, I try. I've literally tried for like conversation sake to like, get into it. I just. Man, I don't give a. It would take hours to like.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

It's so much. And I've tried doing like. I'll watch like the clips and highlights and still.

[Christy]

All right.

[Chris]

Yeah, okay.

[Christy]

Yeah, I. I don't know. I guess I love. I love sports, but I don't like, like the UFC or the Cars. I don't know anything about that. So, like, some. Some. In some ways I'm a guy. In some ways I'm a woman. Yeah.

[Chris]

I'm a total woman. I'm a total woman. Let me start it.

[Christy]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

Beautiful. Yeah, I'm a dude.

[Christy]

We're in, bro.

[Chris]

I'm an absolute total woman when it comes to sports.

[Christy]

Yeah. I don't know. I wish, like. Cause you know, I feel like, you know, like my dad.

[Chris]

Chris, by the way. Sorry, Chris.

[Christy]

What's up, baby? I'm here, by the way. I'm here with hungover with no hair product in. So if anyone's gonna talk shit about my. About my hair, you go fuck yourself. I'm growing it out. Scumbags. Cause I know what your fans are gonna say. They're not gonna say anything.

[Chris]

They're not gonna talk about your hair.

[Christy]

They're gonna say. They're gonna. Come on here. Your fans are gonna say, how could he be so disrespectful? He comes on no hair product in a Zara T shirt. What kind of guy does he think he is? And I just want to say, you know what, guys? I don't give a fuck.

[Chris]

There you go. The president also. Thank you for coming early in the morning, bro.

[Christy]

I'm here. But we're dads.

[Chris]

Not a lot of comics exist before noon, bro.

[Christy]

We're up, bro. We're up. We're hanging out. I mean, I got it. You know, I'm on New York time. My kids get up at, you know, what are we an hour behind here? Yeah, so I'm up facetiming with the kids at 6am Getting yelled at by them, their mother. So I'm. I was up, ready to go road.

[Chris]

Facetimes oh, dude, tough. It's cry on FaceTime. Your wife's go.

[Christy]

And you're like, I know. Hope you're having fun in your hotel room relaxing.

[Chris]

You just masturbated.

[Christy]

Yeah. I'm like, oh, God. I know. My. My daughters keep. Keep talking, keep calling. I'm like, I'm almost done. But you keep.

[Chris]

You have a little window. You're like, oh, what's going on?

[Christy]

Dude? It's. But it's. I gotta be honest with you. It's horrible here. There's. You can't watch porn. It's like blocked in Texas. So I'm like, I don't. I. Dude, yesterday I was jerking off to old Sports center clubs. They used to have some hotties back on old Sports Center. I've got like Linda Cohn, old Linda Cones. You gotta get creative.

[Chris]

Yeah, you gotta get creative here.

[Christy]

Yeah. So what do you do? Like, how do you get around it?

[Chris]

Dude, it's funny. I mean, this is. Just testifies the theory that I'm mostly woman. Just erotic literature. I'll read like erotic literature online.

[Christy]

I like that.

[Chris]

Build a picture up in my head.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Or you can build. You can bust out like the old porn sites.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Like X and xx.

[Christy]

So those aren't blocked.

[Chris]

They're not blocked yet.

[Christy]

That's funny that they don't. The Texas doesn't even know that those exist.

[Chris]

Just the main one. Yeah, it just blocks. Just. That's like my. When I grew up, my parents blocked all the music. Music channels, but not BET because they didn't know it was a thing.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

So I had bet.

[Christy]

Yeah. Right. So you only music channel that you.

[Chris]

Could do Now I have a black wife. Dude.

[Christy]

Dude, the thing they were trying to prevent, they created. And so. But wait, so did you grow up like hardcore? Like rules, discipline type family?

[Chris]

Big time.

[Christy]

Like military?

[Chris]

No, no, no. My parents at my. My dad and his brothers owned a trash company. But it was still. It was like Irish Catholic, super. Like church every Sunday.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

Can't talk back.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

Seeing not heard all that stuff.

[Christy]

Do you do church still with your kids?

[Chris]

No, I want to. I want to go. My wife grew up more like Baptist.

[Christy]

Sure.

[Chris]

So. And I grew up in the Catholic church. So I'm like. I told her, like, pick a church, I'll go to everyone. You pick. Then I go to black church. And I'm always kind of like, yeah, it's great, it's fun, but I just feel like an interloper, dude. When I'm there.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Like they can't Go. I don't know. I feel like I'm kind of like a wet blanket on the party.

[Christy]

Yeah. They're kind of like, we. We are accepting of you here, but we actually really don't want you here.

[Chris]

That's the. That's the feeling. It could just be internally because they're.

[Christy]

Kind of like saying, like, we actually come to church because of what your people did to our people. So now the fact that you're here, it just kind of sucks for us.

[Chris]

And I get that feeling, and I feel bad the whole time.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And then I'm, like, stiff because I'm holding down like Roman Catholic, like Roman soldiers.

[Christy]

That's it, dude.

[Chris]

Straight ahead, stoic as hell. And, like, they're having fun, and I'm, like, trying to move my just fucking petrified body, and it's just uncomfortable. But I told my wife, I was like, just pick a place I'll go and you'll go.

[Christy]

Yeah. Well, I always say, like, Rome, I'm Catholic as well. That's why we got the big triceps, dude. Pushing down the gate, pushing it down. I've been like this since I'm a kid.

[Chris]

Do you put. Do you put your butt on the knee? Like, when you kneel down, do you put your butt on the pew?

[Christy]

No. So that was a big rule my mother had. That was one of the most disrespectful things you could ever do in the presence of God is put your ass on that. You got to be full, kneeled up, butt tight, wedgie in the khakis. You got to be straight up. And if I ever leaned back and put my butt back, my mother would point at me and yell, and I would have to get up.

[Chris]

I still get nervous. So as an adult, I'll go, like, for, like, with my family every now and then. Like, my mom. And if I see, like, my wife hit her ass in the pew, and I was like. I was like, 35, like, get the.

[Christy]

Yeah. What are you nervous?

[Chris]

I'm like, get your fucking ass off.

[Christy]

Yeah, you can't do it. I mean, listen, there's rules in our church in. In Rome. My family's Puerto Rican, so very similar. They're more not Baptist. It's like. I think it's. Is it the Church of Latter Day Saints? I don't know what type of kind of school. Episcopalian. I don't know.

[Chris]

It's one of those.

[Christy]

They're always talking in Spanish. I don't know what they're saying. I just know that their kind of church when you walk in there, you literally think you're at like a Kill Tony show. Like, you're like, keep the bands playing. There's like stub hop tickets. Everyone's in a wheelchair. And you're just like, what is happening? Like, I almost feel like I need. I need tickets to, like, get into her church.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

So. But. But we've. What I've been trying to tell my kids is like, listen, this whole idea of, like, if we don't. My mom had it where if you do not go to church every Sunday or Saturday, 5 o'clock Mass, you're gonna. You're doing bad, you're gonna. You're going to hell, sinning, blah, blah, blah. So I don't do that with my kids. I'm just like, look, we're going to make an attempt to go to church here every week. And if we can go, I'm like, I'm just trying to get us to a place where we're not on our devices. We're not on our phones, you're not on your iPad. That's it. Mommy's off the spin bike. And then, like, you know, we're all. We're all just. Let's go to church together. And I will say that when my family's in church, like, they are calmer. They are everyone, like spirituality. I'm not saying whatever religion you gotta be, obviously, except, you know, don't be the big one. Muslim.

[Chris]

You know. That's true. Be careful, though, if you're Muslim, because you can get, like, hyped up. Yeah, you're the wrong sermon. That's the thing, you know, dude, obviously, I'm fucking around.

[Christy]

Yeah, exactly, dude. There's no problems with being Muslim at all. But you can't, like, don't go all the way. You know what I mean? But you want to go a little bit. You want to fucking get in there. Dip, dip in, dip out. Beautiful, dude. What a beautiful culture.

[Chris]

And a corrective measure for your wife if you want to use it to, like, completely dom your wife.

[Christy]

I get that 100%, dude.

[Chris]

Have her cover up 40 chess. Yeah.

[Christy]

Love it. Yeah. Because, dude, these, these. But Muslim women, dude, when they. I don't know if I mean, you know, when they take those. That shit off. I mean, the beauty is.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Next level, dude. They're like. They're. They look Latina to me. They're Latina with hummus.

[Chris]

Yeah, true.

[Christy]

Yeah, Hummus. Latinas. And I love them.

[Chris]

Yeah, they're. They're beautiful babes.

[Christy]

Yeah, dude, I love babes. That Austin. Austin has got so many. It's crazy what we've seen. What? Steve. Steve, My tour manager, Steve Ciccone Rice. Roni is here in background, and him and I have been walking around, and Steve's a horny, horny guy. Yeah, Steve's, like, a horny guy.

[Chris]

I thought that when I met him, I was so horny.

[Christy]

Steve's the kind of guy. He lives above his mom's garage in, like, Long Island. Like, Steve's a guy that, like, he needs to fuck and he wants to jerk off. And it's like. And I don't. I allow it. I'm like, do whatever you want to do. He's. You know, his hair's blown in the wind in the back of his hat. Like, this guy needs to bang and. Dude. And he's actually telling me that it's, like, hard to take for him. Like, he's getting, like. Because it's so much. And it gets agitating. And for me as well, it's like, you don't know what to do, what to say. You're like. Cause a woman walks by you and you're like, I know I have a family, but I'm willing to throw it away. Just have a conversation with her. Because in the moment, I'm only alive once. And this is what I need to do. I'm a man. I need to do this. This is what my father wants me to do. I have to be. I have to honor our family name. And then you're about to go walk and talk to her, and then you see another one, and it just keeps happening, and you don't know what to do.

[Chris]

And they're not wearing bras.

[Christy]

No, they're not wearing bras. And I've seen the outline of 100 women's vaginas in this city. I've been here for two days, Steve. And I have seen 100 pussies.

[Chris]

Steve, I'm sorry you're suffering like that. So you're just chilling, just being like a rock, Being like, steve, dude, come on, man.

[Christy]

Come on, man. Dude, Steve. Steve's one of these guys. He's, like, very punctual, always on time for everything. The last two days, dude, he's been late. Sprinting out of the hotel room, hair soaking wet. And I know he was cranking it.

[Chris]

He was having an episode.

[Christy]

Yeah, dude, he's been going wild. Because this city. I mean, men and women. I mean, talk about a city like Austin. Some of the most beautiful. We went to the gym yesterday, and we saw five of the most beautiful women we've ever seen in our entire life. I mean, jacked, ripped, tip top shape. And the guys like me and him were almost like, falling off the elliptical, which is like. Again, we go to the women's parts of the gym. We're on the elliptical protecting our knees.

[Chris]

You gotta protect the joints.

[Christy]

But these guys who were doing, like, the real guy shit, you know, ball slams and you know all that, they are not even phased by this because I guess it just becomes a part of what it is in the city is beautiful. Even you do you. You were walking. You're, like, all jacked up now. Where. When I saw you when you were living in Philly, dude, you look like Stephen Hawk.

[Chris]

You were, like, slumped up.

[Christy]

Dude, you were slumped up. But now you're like, babes.

[Chris]

Get you pumped, man.

[Christy]

Dude, you've been lifting.

[Chris]

Lifting a lot. Yeah, you look. I've been lifting a lot creatine.

[Christy]

You do a little creatine?

[Chris]

A little bit.

[Christy]

Yeah. A little bit, right?

[Chris]

But it creates.

[Christy]

Did you get any, like. Do you get any puffiness or is it just pretty much jacked?

[Chris]

I'm pretty puffy. I'm pretty puffy, dude. I was puffy before the creatine.

[Christy]

No, but you look. But I could tell.

[Chris]

I did. I did get jacked up. I came down here. I didn't know. I didn't know what to do with myself. Whenever I get, like, nervous or overwhelmed, I just start, like, lifting weights.

[Christy]

Where do you lift? In your house?

[Chris]

Yeah, no, I have a. I have an apartment I use as an office. So I go there to write, and I get out of my house and I have a gym attached to the apartment. I just go, like, by the way, that's.

[Christy]

The move is even if you're in a hap, even, you know, obviously you love your wife or committed guy. As men, we do need a separate apartment.

[Chris]

You do.

[Christy]

I just need a separate apartment. Maybe it's my office. It's just a place that I just need to go and just sit and take naps. But I do need a place where I need to leave this house. Because our jobs doesn't require us to leave. You could write and do it in the house.

[Chris]

It took the debate. It took to get that we have an office in the house. I'm like, I need to get out of here every five minutes. The landscapers here. I'm like, dude, dude, yeah. I'm like, yeah. So I did it in Philly, too. Get an apartment.

[Christy]

It's so. It's worth it. Yeah.

[Chris]

Everyone's gone while you're there. Everyone's at work, so it's quiet.

[Christy]

And you actually get writing done. My family and my girl let me have same thing. Apartment. The only thing is she's got the baby cam that we used to use for our toddler. She's got it in my apartment on me at all times. That's the only thing.

[Chris]

It does sound like a smash bag.

[Christy]

It does. But I'm like, it's not. I swear to God. I'm just trying to write. I'm just trying to write about history in there.

[Chris]

Exactly.

[Christy]

I'm literally watching, like, you know, documentaries on General McClellan. And she thinks I'm, like, banging, you know, women. I'm like, I. I swear to God, I'm watching fucking, like, Ken Burns documentaries about the Civil War. It's all I'm doing.

[Chris]

It's quiet and it's quiet.

[Christy]

Yeah. And you don't need. You know, it's. It's. I think people take that for granted. Like, you know, you need some separation. Even now, like, I hate. I really hate being away from my kids. I miss them so much. But when I'm away from them for a few days, I just feel like I come back and I'm just like a recharge better dad.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

I'm telling. You know, I'm talking to my kids about little things I learned and that. Because I'm like, if you just sit in that situation, I don't know, you just start to take for granted what you have. And then when I leave, I'm like, dude, what a fucking life. I have beautiful kids or whatever, you know, I got Steve on the road getting horny. I'm like, what a life, dude. But if you just sit in your circumstances, then it starts to become. You start to normalize things. And then you start to say, you start to think what you have isn't that good when it's actually all you've ever dreamed of.

[Chris]

Yeah, it's true, man. I saw a. I was standing outside today and I saw this, like, homeless lady just chilling outside near. Just like, inspecting the trash cans. And I'm, like, chilling there, like, just watching her. And I'm like, damn, dude, this lady. No one's giving this lady a hug so long.

[Christy]

You go up and doing.

[Chris]

Thought about it. I try. I said. I gave her a really, like, friendly good morning. I said, good. Good morning, ma'am. And she just kind of like, that's nice. Looked at me. And it's cool, too, because I never seen, like, she was Quiet. And she was like, you know, looking through the trash. And then I like watched her get activated. We're out of nowhere. She was just like. I started like screaming. I was like, I've never seen like she was so chill.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And something happened where like boom. And it snapped and she just started yelling at somebody and just walked across the street.

[Christy]

Yeah, the. The. The homeless here are. Are wild, you know, like they're on some type of crank or whatever, rolling around in the streets. I've actually never seen anything like it. But I will say they're not as aggressive as the homeless. And believe it or not, in Glasgow, Scotland. Glasgow, Scotland, dude. Me and the guy I work with, James Maddern. Shout out. James Maddern.

[Chris]

Is he horny dude or.

[Christy]

No, he's a horny dude. He's a horny dude. He's a horny dude. He's got. He's got a horn hairy back. He's like a horny hairy back guy. Yeah, dude, but he's a horny guy and he's got big dick, that dude. Late. The one thing dangerous combo we used to call it on my old pod history. I know we used to call it the glue gun. This kid had a glue gun. Like you could see it through his jeans. And it was like nuts, really. Kids got an absolute piece.

[Chris]

I've heard they're lazy lovers, though. Big dick men, I've heard are very lazy lovers.

[Christy]

You know what it is? He doesn't know who his real father is. So I think he's charged up. Yeah, I think he's charged up. And, and he's had. He's. He's raised by his grandparents, so he's got like a lot of. I think he just tries to. He' he's basically fucking women and try to find his father.

[Chris]

Yeah, that's like kind of wild if you're raised by your grandparents. It's kind of like you're like kind of wild at that point.

[Christy]

But dude, we're out there and we went to this bakery in Glasgow. I wanted to go to this specific bakery. I forgot what it was called, but they had like this kind of carrot cake, like muffin. I was like, I gotta get this muffin. And we saw this homeless lady walking around. She was, you know, could fully see, but she had a blind stick. So she must have like taken it from an actual homeless, actual blind person. And she's walking around with this stick, like hitting it off the wall. And then we're like, what? This lady's fucking nuts. So I'm Just standing out there, like, eating it. Whatever, dude. She takes the carrot cake out of my hand and smashes it in her face and then swings the stick at me. I was like, whoa. Oh, my God, dude. Me and him were sprinting down the street. I was ladies nuts, so. So when I saw that, I was like, yo, when people ask me, where's the craziest homeless people? I'm like, believe it or not, dude, it's Glasgow, Scotland. I've never seen anything like that.

[Chris]

That's such a wild assault and just crushing it into your own face.

[Christy]

And then swung this walking stick at me that you didn't even need. And then she screamed something in, like, Gaelic or whatever Scottish, you know, Highland language. Fairy language. They're speaking at somebody else. And, like, nobody even kind of moved. And everyone was kind of like, oh, yeah, that's just, you know, crazy.

[Chris]

Susan, you should have kept. Grabbed the staff.

[Christy]

I know. Yeah. Yeah, that's it.

[Chris]

I guess I would. I would have been scared of that situation, dude.

[Christy]

I saw. The only time I've ever seen. So what I will say about New York, though, because people, you know, shit on New York. Oh, it's not safe anymore. And there's. Right. I lived in New York. I've lived there my whole life. I never once, not one time in my 39 years of living did I ever get even approached by a homeless person or a crazy.

[Chris]

They're very subdued. Yeah.

[Christy]

Didn't happen. But the last six. Dude, in the last six months, walking down McDougal street, you know, like, West Village, whatever, I've been. I've had three homeless people that have one guy. I. And I've never had to do. I had to do this one time in my life, and it was recently. I had to push him off me because he was, like, going, like, in my. I pushed him off and he fell over a pile of garbage. Yeah. And his fucking elbow landed in, like, a disgusting puddle. And I kind of felt bad, but I was like, what did you want me to do here?

[Chris]

Yeah. Why was he getting in your face?

[Christy]

He's. They're crazy. They're, like, out of control. And the police can't really arrest them. They can't do anything. One of my. All my boys are cops. One of my boys. I told him about the story, and he goes. He goes, you want to take my baton with you? I was like, that'd be fucking crazy. If I just start beating back homeless people with a licensed NYPD baton.

[Chris]

How'd it feel, though? And he gave the fucking push Dude.

[Christy]

I gotta be honest with you. The way that I. Cause I have a bad Achilles. But the way I was able to just kind of load my weight on the back and push, I kind of told my therapist, like, I think we're out of the woods here. I think my Achilles is good.

[Chris]

That's all you needed? That's all you need.

[Christy]

I just launched a homeless guy into oncoming traffic and I felt almost no pain in the Achilles.

[Chris]

Yeah, you need that, dude, I'm telling you, that's all I. All I've been doing recently is just fantasizing about just combat.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

Because it's like there's nothing left for me to do. I went to ACL with my whole family. The Austin City Limits tour. Yeah, it sucked, by the way. I hated it. But I was there the whole time and all I wanted to do was just fight. Like a 24 year old, right?

[Christy]

Just a man. Are you into the ufc? Like, can you do a little fighting? Can you handle yourself?

[Chris]

Jitsu for like a. Like six months. When I was going through a divorce, which was pretty sick, right?

[Christy]

Oh, you. This is your second wife?

[Chris]

My second marriage, yeah.

[Christy]

I didn't know that. I thought. Was the first wife black as well?

[Chris]

Yes.

[Christy]

Nah. There you go. Yes. Back to back. Yeah. But, but, but this wife is the. You didn't have children with the other wife, so I've never met the other. Your current wife, that's the mother of your children. Okay. She's great. Yeah, yeah. So how long did the first marriage last?

[Chris]

About like three years.

[Christy]

Three years. And then what happened?

[Chris]

Short in and out.

[Christy]

Just got crazy.

[Chris]

Heart wasn't in it.

[Christy]

Yeah, your heart wasn't in it. So she wanted to stay, but you wanted to leave. Yeah. See when that happens on the ma. That's a very difficult for the man to go through because when the.

[Chris]

Statistically doesn't happen a lot either. Which further theory that have a woman brain. Most women initiate divorce. I think like 75%.

[Christy]

That's what I'm saying. It's almost. It's almost impossible. If the woman doesn't want it, then it's like, you know, then you got. There's nothing you can do. Yeah, but the. Once the woman says it's over, that's it, buddy. There's absolutely zero you can do nothing. If you're a woman, if your wife comes to you, you know, fans listening at home and she says it's over. Just, just don't even attempt. Don't even attempt to fuck. She's. By the way, she's been. She's moved on with another guy secretly for six months ago. Yeah. So just know it's over. Please don't even try.

[Chris]

Yeah. Or what you can do is get back, start like a viral business, tick tock and just do numbers and just absolutely crush her.

[Christy]

100, dude.

[Chris]

That's what you can do.

[Christy]

What did. When you told. When the. How did you tell the first wife? Like, it's over.

[Chris]

It had been in conversation here and there and then eventually, like, I just wrote kind of reach like a breaking point myself. Yeah, it was just me. I just entered into a relationship.

[Christy]

Like when you said, you go, you go, what was her name?

[Chris]

I can't say.

[Christy]

Yeah, you can't say that. As soon as I, as soon as I said, I was like, don't say your name. Yeah. And then I was like, yeah. So you're like, you're like.

[Chris]

I just wasn't ready. It was like I still wanted to do stand up. And then it was like I was being pulled into. Like, it was just over. Like the tomb is in front of the boulder. Like, you got to enter the corporate world or career, whatever. I couldn't do it. And then I had to just.

[Christy]

You said it go off. She goes, you must be out your goddamn mind.

[Chris]

Yeah, pretty much. No, they were like, her and her mother were really trying. I tried. It was like, kind of laughable. I believe I became like a personal trainer at LA Fitness for three weeks. Walked out the middle, dude.

[Christy]

That's what black women want. That's what they want in their white husbands is he needs to be a trainer at Planet Fitness. Oh, L.A. planet Fitness would be sick.

[Chris]

But, yeah, I just, I really tried it. For me, I never ever been in a relationship before that where I put any effort or cared at all.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

So that was like a learning experience. Like, okay, like, yeah, I'm dealing with other human beings. I'm not like, this isn't like a simulation.

[Christy]

The way you and your current wife are, is really beautiful and you love each other. Because when I was hanging out with you guys with my girl, I got yelled at when we got back in the hotel because I don't treat her the way you treat your wife. He was like, she was like, you see how nice he's. But you see how in love they are. You see how they have.

[Chris]

What was she going off of, though?

[Christy]

I don't know. Just. I guess she saw you guys make eye contact once.

[Chris]

Yeah, I wasn't even next to that. That's a lot of that too. Is women I've noticed that. And I've asked my wife. I'm like, we're standing there and they go, give me a kiss. When we're in a crowded place, I'm like, what the Is that?

[Christy]

Yeah, you're not.

[Chris]

That's not for, like, me or you. You're doing that for something else.

[Christy]

Yeah, well, she's doing that to Peacock because she thinks other girls are looking at you. She's like, so this is. This is my. It's my guy. He's a trainer at LA Fitness.

[Chris]

Former. Yeah, former.

[Christy]

Former dude.

[Chris]

Former.

[Christy]

Yeah, it's.

[Chris]

I always wondered about that because they do. They are, like, comparing a lot, being like. Like what? Because I. That was. I wasn't really affectionate towards my wife that night at all.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I was doing on purpose. I wanted to come off, like, cool, I think.

[Christy]

Well, no, but even I noticed. I was like, oh, these. These two are in love. Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

You could. You could feel that. You could feel like, this wife. This wife's going to be a forever one.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Unless you kill her.

[Chris]

God forbid. Yeah, that would be.

[Christy]

Or.

[Chris]

God willing.

[Christy]

Yes.

[Chris]

Or killing. I. Dude, honestly, like, I would rather get broken up with than initiate the breakup.

[Christy]

Oh, my God. Initiating the breakups. The worst.

[Chris]

For real. The worst.

[Christy]

All the guilt and the weight of the world is on your shoulders, and you have to be. You have to just. Just deal with it.

[Chris]

I. I really think it's like. I mean, it's like killing them.

[Christy]

Sure.

[Chris]

You're. It's like you're killing a person.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

On a level where you're just like, we're never gonna see.

[Christy]

And was she like, begging you, like, please, like, don't do this type?

[Chris]

No, it wasn't like that. It was just sad, dude.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Because I had my mind made up and there was nothing I could do.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

That's so sad.

[Christy]

You get to a point where you're just like, well, now I've reached the deep. I'm off the other side of the deep end and there's no coming when you know.

[Chris]

You know, that was all for my. For relationships for me. It's like I would just try desperately just to get posted. That's all I wanted to do.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And then next thing you know, it's like, okay, now my life's conjoined to this person. And then I would just try to figure out how to get out of it the whole time, like.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Then I got married and I was like, oh, shit. And then it became this whole thing, and I got to, like, finally Live with a woman and really like, yeah, see them.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

They were just kind of like, you'd get a girlfriend and they would just materialize. When you're younger and you're like, oh, sweet, we're at the movies and you'd be like, try to get some pussy.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And then you started like, when your life's conjoined with a woman. For me, it was such a learning experience to be like, okay, like, you guys have this whole wide range of emotions. And, you know, that was.

[Christy]

Dude, I was reading about. And that's all societal too. Like, what one like I was reading about what. What the hell was like, was it the aardvark? It's not the aardvark. Native Americans. Aardvark's an animal. But it's something like that. It's something like aardvark tribe or something like that. But they were like an old school tribe. I think they still might be around today. But like when they were like 1800s and their whole belief system was so opposite of what was going on at, you know, like the European settlers, they were like, you know, they thought it was crazy, men and women, to marry one person and to only raise your own children. That was like a foreign concept to them. They're like, no, no. What we do, what the women do here is the men fight for who's the strongest guy. And then they get to fuck the strongest woman. And then they fuck and that one gets pregnant. So she goes away and then the next one steps up and you keep fighting and then they just.

[Chris]

Such a good idea, but.

[Christy]

And then you impregnate them. Right. And then here's how it works.

[Chris]

Are the women fighting too? Are they doing.

[Christy]

No, the women are just there. The women are just there.

[Chris]

Are they gauging their strength? I guess, just like, I guess the.

[Christy]

Men are fighting and doing all types of things. But then like, oh, I get. I mean, I'm sure that it's just. Who's hot? Yeah, the guys are just like that one who's got the biggest hits. That's just all it is.

[Chris]

Strong tits.

[Christy]

Yeah. So like when you get all the way down the list, you're like, what am I even fighting. Fighting for this over this pig. And so, but, but so, but so, so the guys would fight, whatever. And then here's the interesting thing. Number one, you know, have the baby and then that baby, it's not your. It's. It's not your and hers baby. It's. You created that baby together. But it's for the village. And the village raises it, you know, like, it takes a village. Whatever.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christy]

So that's so. So there's no. Monogamy is not. And they don't. They not only do they not believe in it, they think it's actually bad for society. They're like, why would you do that? And then with, like, abortion and stuff like that, you know, it's obviously a thing. You know, big debate, whatever. And guilt. And I get why, of course. But this culture, if they. If you say you impregnated, like, the top lady, right, and then she's pregnant and she's watching you over the next few months, and she's like, this guy's actually weak. He's not as strong as I thought. They had this potion of herbs and spices. They would abort the baby. Oh, yeah, dude. They would abort it. And it was like. It was not even shameful. The guy was shamed on. Like, you. You did that? Yeah.

[Chris]

Oh, so he re. That's.

[Christy]

Yeah, dude. Yeah.

[Chris]

Abortions are kind of guy's fault too.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah. Still to this day, it's kind of like, yo, bro.

[Christy]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

She'd, like, lift a log in front of her.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Sure you want to do this?

[Christy]

Yeah. I've been on the sidelines for a couple of them. I'm like, dude, this is me. This is me. My fault. My bad, dude.

[Chris]

I should be stronger.

[Christy]

Yeah. I should have, dude, that if you.

[Chris]

Saw your wife or the lady, I guess, just sipping the potion, I'd be like, oh, what did I do?

[Christy]

I'm such a fucking little bitch.

[Chris]

Yeah. I wonder if you could. So can you enter back. Do you have to wait until the pregnancy to enter back into combat, or can you just enter back into the ring so that.

[Christy]

I don't know. I got to do more research because I kind of just read that point, and then I've just put the book down. I was like, I got to find this tribe.

[Chris]

If this tribe is still active, you should go there.

[Christy]

This is where I got to be.

[Chris]

You should go there. And then when you're there, be like, dude, what the fuck? I had it. I mean, I gotta. You know, I can't, like, other myself from the culture.

[Christy]

Yeah, dude. I gotta follow the lead. But, like. Because when you start to look back in history, it's like this whole idea of, like, No, I. I get why monogamy is a big. I get it. I really do understand, but I'm like, oh, shit. It's just, like, the pressure that society puts on you. In our, you know, we puritanical society here, like, you know, those pilgrims were kind of, you know, zealots, witchcraft, all that shit. But, like, you go to Europe, dude, if you go to Europe and you're in Italy or Spain or whatever, and you just, like, one of you, like, bang another person, it's like, not. It's like they'll be mad at you, your spouse, but you're not going to get. Like, you're not going to lose your marriage. You only lose your marriage if you fall in love with another person. But, like, you can definitely go out and bang. That's, like, not a big problem.

[Chris]

That's crazy.

[Christy]

It's not a great thing, but I don't think it's like. It's like you go. It's like you go in a strip club with your boys. Like, your wife would be like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, same thing with banging a chick. Like, what, are you serious, dude? Don't do that, you asshole. But if you're in love or they find text, like, that's a bigger deal.

[Chris]

The emotional affair. Yeah. If you're like, I love you so much.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I knew someone who was. Who got caught sending, like, Beach Boys lyrics to their lover over. Bro, that'll get you.

[Christy]

Yeah. Yeah. I was. I was sending hall and Oats songs to this girl. I was like, you had a touch. We had a time. And then my girl's like, dude, you got. You have to move out.

[Chris]

Yeah. They sent Wouldn't it Be Nice lyrics. Wouldn't it be nice? It's like, dude, you're fried.

[Christy]

I know, man. It's.

[Chris]

It is. Yeah. I think about a lot, especially once you like. Because when I was younger, I'd always be like, you'd hear about a guy, like a pizza shop owner would just, like, bang a cashier.

[Christy]

Sure.

[Chris]

You're like, how the. Could somebody do that? As you get older, you're like, the current of that river is pretty strong. You into that a little bit, dude. I'm like, I see. How do you get carried off?

[Christy]

You get it. Boom. I. I got a friend who's a doctor, and, you know, he's happily married. Great, great guy, whatever. But he was like, dude, the amount of doctors that bang the nurses on these overnight shifts, he's like, it's literally like. It's the most stereotypical thing. Like, the nurses know this. These guys are married or whatever, but it's like. And it's always the same thing. It's the male doctor and the female nurse, and they Just fuck. And he was like. I think it's because he's like. It's one of those things where, like, you know, we're around so much death in. In the hospital that I think, you know, somebody dies, something tragic happens, and then your body, you start to get horny. Cause body is like, oh, I just saw death. Let me create life type thing. He's like. So I kind of don't even. I get it.

[Chris]

And doctors are sex. They're like a sexual fantasy for women.

[Christy]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

There was like, er. They're like. They're like one of the things. There's like firefighters, doctors. Yeah, that's like one of the things women see and get horny for.

[Christy]

Dude. My.

[Chris]

And they're like the boss in the thing.

[Christy]

Yeah, dude. My boy, the doctor, he looks like a golf club. He literally. His head is all fucked up. He looks got. He's got. Eyes are like that, you know, but she looks sick. But every girl is like, I love. He's so hot. Oh, yeah, yeah. They just.

[Chris]

Because he's a doctor, I. Dude, I. I feel. I've been in hospitals before. Just like when people are sick and I'm kind of like, dude, I get. I feel the tension. I'm like, damn, this is a very. Oh, yeah, there's a bunch of nasty nurses running around.

[Christy]

Dude. I remember my grandfather, like, you know, passed away. He had a stroke. And his nurse, she was like, you know, you know, Latina, kind of, you know, she wasn't like a smoke show, but she was hot enough. And just because she was careful caring for him. I remember I went in there one day and they were scrubbing him down. He's like, his pants and they're scrubbing him down. I was getting horny while this nurse was just scrubbing down my grandfather's bare ass. I was like, oh, shit. I love this because. Just because I don't know what it was. I was like, she's a caretaker. I want her to scrub my nuts.

[Chris]

Yeah, there is something about that. When the nurse comes in, they're really sweet. They are like, that does get a.

[Christy]

Guy, like, teachers just like, women that care. You're just like, oh, man, I want that. You know? But then our minds go to these fantasies and then, like, you know, you create these fantasies with, like, other ladies. Like, oh, my life will be like this. Like, just want a lady to, like, cook for me wearing, you know, an Eli Manning jersey and making me pasta every weekend and just kind of just, you know, know, sucking my dick and just letting me Watch the game. I'm like, can I have that, man? I'm only going to live once. And my dad's like, are you, are you stupid? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

You can't, dude. You like, it's. And then also too. The fantasy never matches. It's always as soon as you know.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Eventually it's going to be s. That's just a lady, like bristling. Just like.

[Christy]

And you prepare for it now because my father did give me good advice. He was like, let me tell you something. He goes, I, you know, when, when you, when we're out, he was like, you know, my dad's 76 now. 1776, best year, dude. Every, by the way, every single passcode on my door phone, any four digit code is 1776. That's just how I roll.

[Chris]

I know someone who has a door code.

[Christy]

Yeah, that's like. So if you ever want to rob anything from me, just know, go 1776. And then if that doesn't work, it's 1812. War of 1812.

[Chris]

Well, it's sick too when someone like, yeah, what's your door code? And you're like, 1776, obviously.

[Christy]

Yeah, I, I'm not a communist, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And every pass code is like, you know, baseball, usa. Yeah. Hot dogs, United States.

[Chris]

What is. What. So what was the advice here?

[Christy]

So my father said to me, he goes, he was like, you know, he's like, when you, you know, as you get older, he was like, your brain doesn't change, your body changes. So he was like, when you and I are standing in the video store, this is how old of an example it was. It was like, okay, we haven't done that in years. He's like, when we stand in the video store, he goes, and you see that hot 25 year old girl walking in, he goes, the same way your brain says, I'd love to bang that girl. I think I got a shot. So does mine. He goes, my brain hasn't changed from the 25 year old man I used to be. He goes, but then I look in the mirror and I see what I've become. He goes, and it really messes with you. He goes, so just don't think so. His point was, he was like, you know, right now he's like, I'm 75, I have diabetes and I basically, I have a useless dick. My dick doesn't work at all anymore. He's like, I haven't banged your stepmother in 20 years. I'm like, great, nice. Yeah. So he's like, he's like, but no, my brain has not changed at all. So you have to prepare that this struggle that you're going through, this will not stop. Your brain doesn't get. Every old guy you see out there, they want to bang the young women. They just can't. So you have to just accept what it is. And you're. This is. This is the. This is like, what kind of your sentences of being a man through this world, you have to.

[Chris]

Yeah. You have to, like, practice not getting pussy. Almost in like a Buddhist type of way.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Just being like, it's going to. It's also one of those things that will fade. So you do prepare for it.

[Christy]

I know my guy who I work with a lot is like, you know, very like, Zen guy. He was like, listen, dude, you're gonna be away, you know, for a week. He's like, I'm telling you, try not to masturbate. Like, just try to, like, channel all that energy. Don't master. I know you're gonna be alone. It's hard. I was like, you know what? I'm gonna do it. I swear to God I'm gonna do it. I walked through the airport, the Austin airport, and I saw five pussies in Lululemon pants. Like, I saw the outline of five full vaginas. And I. It's crazy. I jerked off at the reception desk. I checked in and just started cranking it.

[Chris]

Dude, it's the. The camel toe is crazy. I was talking to my wife about it recently because she was going out in the exercise gear. She was like, do these look right? And I was just kind of like, yeah, man, you don't have to hike them up your. Pull them down a little bit.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

But she's like, well, I don't even care about that. I don't think about that. I'm like, people think about that.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

That's like you. I see those and it me up for like four minutes. I'm kind of like, yeah, she. I see nipples emerging and like a pussy print or butt cheeks and the ass.

[Christy]

It's. It's crazy, dude. And I'm telling you, dude, I'm not gay, but the men too, like, they're legs that they have on. These guys with the tattoos on the quads. I'm like, I get it, fellas.

[Chris]

It's crazy.

[Christy]

I want to. Let's. Let's hang out.

[Chris]

Just running by a river.

[Christy]

Yeah, dude.

[Chris]

Shirtless.

[Christy]

Yeah. We don't gotta, like, do anything gay. But you want to. We'll get a coffee or Something.

[Chris]

Yeah, just talk.

[Christy]

Yeah, dude, I was asking. I was asking random guys, like, you want to come to my pod tomorrow? Just shoot the.

[Chris]

Yeah, it is. It really is, like, beautiful men and women.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Because a bunch of colleges. I think there's like, a bazillion. There's five different colleges.

[Christy]

There are. Even though, you know, I've said. And I've made it clear that I thrive in the original 13 colonies, and that's where I want to be comedically my life. I will say there's way more beautiful people as you start to come West. The original 13 colonies were not the hottest bunch. You know, we're not. We got some hotties. We definitely have some hotties.

[Chris]

Well, didn't they, like, send out, like, the people who are, like, the first wave of just, like, prisoners and peasants, they, like, shipped out here against their will of Europeans?

[Christy]

Really? I didn't know that.

[Chris]

Yeah, so they would just take, like, prisoners from England and just, like, people who are fucking up and be like, yo, go, you're going. And then they came out here. They promised them, like, we'll get your wife, like, whole new, you know, new, you know, new you. And then they just started sending out, like, they would, like, arrest women for prostitution and throw them out and send them out here and be like, these are your wives. And half of them will, like, die on the way out. You just get, like, a skeletor off the boat.

[Christy]

Just disgusting.

[Chris]

And the dudes were pissed. They're like, don't give us whores. We want, like. We want, you know, mom and apple pie.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

So, yeah, it was just like, criminals. And they just, like, had people till the land and just die. Yeah, for like, two generations.

[Christy]

Dude, I read this book, too. You ever read? It was called island in the center of the World. It was about New York City because, you know, before the British, when it was like, just the Dutch, this author, Russell. Russell Shorto. Great. It's like, an amazing read because we only know, like, I. Even me in school, I've only really learned about, like, what British society was like. But, dude, Dutch society in New York, New. Why they called it New Amsterdam Dutch society. They were like, in the 1600s, they were as woke as we are now. Dude, they had fucking. Nope, no slaves. Everybody was out there fucking everybody. They were having parties, dancing in the streets, like a beautiful type of culture. And then the British came in and were like, you know, rules like, shit got puritanical quick and kind of, like, lost the fun. But the whole idea. But that. But this idea of Like America like originally was supposed was this Amsterdam idea of like this is the place. Like they want New York to be like Amsterdam, like smoke weed, prostitutes everywhere.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Just chill, dude. And they wanted that to spread across the country, but instead.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

We got the British idea that British law and order.

[Chris]

New York was too valuable. Right on the sea, right? Yeah.

[Christy]

It's like so you just, you know, dude, tonight you just look at your wife and say, why don't we, why don't we be Amsterdam tonight? Dude, let me get freaky.

[Chris]

Yeah. Well, here's the thing. I going to. What your dad said it. There is something too like you have to. Because by default it's like I'm going to build up this program of like seeking pleasure. It's like I'm going to, I'm going to get like I'm going to get, I'm going to do this. This is going to be awesome. Like your dad's saying that fades physically.

[Christy]

Sure.

[Chris]

Have to build a bank of like non bodily pleasure.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And if you just fucking, if you just fuck your way through life, you just destroy everything and you're left just.

[Christy]

Like dickless, dickless at the end.

[Chris]

Dickless and alone. We're all dickless. We're all going to be dickless. You got to build up like a. Yeah. Dickless safety plan where you start to like enjoy like walks.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

People in your life.

[Christy]

Oh yeah. Dude.

[Chris]

My just sucks doing that because you just want to come really hard.

[Christy]

That's all I want to do. Yeah. My, my. I take like, you know, especially with kids. You know. Now I 14, 9 and 3. But like, you know, so 3 is like crazy, right? She's the cutest but it's like legitimate like lunatic terrorist person. But so what I do now, my dad gave me this advice. He was like, life isn't for you now it's going to be about little breaks. You're not going to get an hour long break most likely. Like that's just not going to happen. What you got to do is five seconds, he said. So when you, you know your three year old, you know your daughter like she doesn't want to get in the car seat, you got to fucking jam her in there. I'm like, basically like I'm putting in like jiu jitsu moves just to get the Safet belt on and the three point harness. And so I do. And he was like. And then you shut that door. Don't just run around and go right into the driver's seat. Take a nice 10 second walk around the car, you have 10 seconds alone, take a breath, take five breaths and then get in the car and drive. Like little resets. And dude, that's like the game changer where I just take these little. Because the bottom line is like, there's times where like I can't meditate. I can't just sit there 20 minutes in the sauna meditating because I'm just going to jerk off. I'm just going to break it and just start jerking off. So instead what I do is I say, you know what, Let me try to take an hour a day if I can. An hour a day just off my device, just like go for a walk, just do something. And like, that's what I'm counting as meditation. Because to just sit there for 20 minutes with my eyes closed, I literally will just start jerking off and I can't do it. And then it defeats the purpose. Or at least this way without. Because I'm reading all these studies now where it's like we're constantly excited from the phone to the screen to this, to that, to the kids, to the life. But like older people, like they had long bouts of like no stimulation. Like get bored. It's like, like go get bored somewhere.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

And that's kind of how I. Yeah.

[Chris]

Well, think about it. So your brain. So there's a thing called EEG habituation. So like, you know, if like a naked lady walked in here, our brain waves. But if it happened every 10 seconds or literally your brain habituates to that stimuli. So then you just like it's nothing to you anymore. So that they say meditators have like long term. Meditators do have of. It's almost like childlike EEG habituation where they like they can see a tree and it's like that, like, like a kid looking at it, like, whoa.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

But if you're just kind of just like jamming in your face all the time.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Nothing will excite you.

[Christy]

Do you meditate?

[Chris]

I try. I used to be really good at doing it and like really like good about doing it. And then, yeah, I just complete. I would always be like, I don't give out. People say they can't like sit down and just meditate. Now I've hit a place where I can't do it again. I don't know what happened. You know, sit down and I just start to freak out. I'm like, I got to do this. Well, are you trying to start now doing it again?

[Christy]

Are they in school now, your kids? Kids, yeah.

[Chris]

The one the one is a four year old's in pre K and the two year old is like, she goes like what, two days a week?

[Christy]

So you so saying you have a couple days a week where like you and your wife like don't have the kids? Yeah, we have hours.

[Chris]

We have a babysitter coming.

[Christy]

Oh, so you got some time?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

That's good.

[Chris]

I have time to work, but then I had to just get so much stuff done.

[Christy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

But I've been trying to. The walk is good for me too. If I do a nice long walk, it's like. Yeah, I think that just. That counts.

[Christy]

It does. It definitely does. But it's like one of those things. It's like you just feel gay as a guy going for a walk, you know, like just. I kind of always just feel gay too. Like when I'm pushing my kid in a stroller, I'm like, dude, just let me hold you. I know, let me hold you like a football. Because I just feel gay. I feel gay just like going for a walk. It's gay. It's gay. And I wish it wasn't. I wish I felt like more. And by the way, I'm not even disparaging gay. I think gays being gay is powerful. But I guess I kind of just feel like more feminine.

[Chris]

Like you're appropriating gay culture by taking walks.

[Christy]

Yes, exactly.

[Chris]

Yeah, exactly.

[Christy]

But I'm okay with that. I want the gays.

[Chris]

I like taking walks and.

[Christy]

But. And you don't feel like less of a. Like a guy?

[Chris]

No, not walking.

[Christy]

Okay.

[Chris]

Walking. You feel almost like a holy man. You feel very like interesting, blissful. And I need. And every, every great man would take a constitutional.

[Christy]

That's true.

[Chris]

So it's like, it's poor for the course. Keeping a journal. All the things you think are gay. Keeping a journal, not gay. Every man kept a journal.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And you take it constitutional, dude, Even.

[Christy]

If you go back to the founding fathers, dude, you think throwing on a pair of pantyhose is gay? Look at our founding father, dude. You think that were they all cross dressers? Go look at old pictures of George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. They're in literally high heel shoes and pants with wigs on. These guys are my dream.

[Chris]

They have those like thigh things.

[Christy]

Yeah, dude. Yeah. Those were men, dude. They would put wigs on and pantyhose and high heel shoes and they'd be like cbd. That's what we're going to do, bro. We're going to take over this goddamn country. So for me, I look back at our fathers and I'm like, dude, if they're doing it. Yeah, let's get rolling, you know? Yeah.

[Chris]

Taking walks definitely isn't gay. It's a shame that we've been made to believe it's gay.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

They just want you on the device.

[Christy]

Yeah, that's.

[Chris]

But then it's like, I do like to listen to music while I walk, because I try to just be like, no music, no nothing. It's kind of like. Yeah.

[Christy]

Sometimes we got to, like, really reconnect. Like, I think sometimes for me to, like, I want to ride a horse, you know, like, just get on a horse and just go down a path.

[Chris]

That'd be nice.

[Christy]

That'd be sick.

[Chris]

That'd be nice.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Hold your baby, too. I feel you on the baby stroller. Because there is the part where it's like, you feel like women see it and they're like, oh, that's so sweet. But then it's like, anything they like is gay.

[Christy]

Yes.

[Chris]

I was like, I want to just, like, hold them by their foot like a dead chicken.

[Christy]

Yeah. Like Achilles.

[Chris]

Yeah. Yeah. Lucy is made for your nicotine routine and delivered straight to your door. Door. It's 100% pure nicotine and always tobacco free. Lucie isn't like every other nicotine pouch company that's owned by Big Tobacco. They're like the mom and pop shop of pouches. Have you ever heard about breakers? It's pouches that pack a little something extra inside. If you know your pouches, you know that the nicotine doesn't hit immediately, and neither does the flavor. The geniuses at Luci came up with a brilliant way to fix both those problems. They put a mini liquid capsule inside each breaker's palm. Here's what you do. Grab a breaker's pouch and break the capsule. Yes. With your teeth. It makes a really satisfying pop. Put it in your lip and enjoy the immediate nicotine and flavor release. I mean, doesn't that sound great? Just biting on crystals, letting them drip in your mouth. I love it. Okay, guys, visit Lucy Co Drenched and use promo code drench to get 20 off your first order order. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Guys, let me just tell you right now about true classic. I mean, I genuinely like their shirts. They were sent to me for free. I hung them up in my closet thinking, whatever. And I will say, when it comes time to put on a shirt, I go.

[Christy]

Oh my.

[Chris]

True Classics. I like wearing them. They fit me well. Designed to accentuate your best features, True Classic shirts are tailored for a perfect fit, snug in the arms and chest with just the right amount of room in the midsection. True Classic sells premium products at an affordable price. You can get their best selling T shirts, hoodies, jeans and more in three, six and nine packs. True Classics activewear becomes essential for workouts and vacations alike. Their activewear crewnecks offer moisture wicking, quick dry and odor control. Pair them with their super soft soft stretchy joggers for all day comfort. Fall is here. It's time to step up your game. Right now. You can unlock big savings when you bundle packs. Just go to my exclusive [e-mail] MSSP to save. That's TrueClassic.com MSSP shop now and elevate your wardrobe today. Prizepix is the best way to get real money sports action with over 10 million members and billions of dollars in awarded winning Prize Picks has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. You just pick more or less on at least two players for a shot to win up to 100 times your cash. Run your game all season long on Prize Picks. I mean, dude, you guys know how I feel about this. I love getting in on real money sports action. You can now win up to 100 times your money on Prize Picks with as little as four correct picks. Prize Picks is the best way to get action on sports in over 30 states, including California, Florida, Georgia and Texas. Prizepix is the only real money daily fantasy platform with an injury insurance policy, so your lineups stay in play even if one of your players gets injured. If your player leaves in the first half and doesn't return, prizepix keeps your lineup live. Prizepix is the best place to get real money sports action. Join over 10 million users and sign up today. Prizepix invented the Flex Play, which means you can still cash out if your lineup isn't perfect. You can double your money even if one of your picks doesn't hit. Sign up today and get $50 instantly when you play $5. You don't even need a win to receive the $50 bonus. It's guaranteed. Prize Picks also offers weekly promotions that can lead to big payouts like Taco Tuesday. Each Tuesday, Prize Picks discount Select player projections up to 25% provide even more value for your lineups. Download the Prize Picks app today and use code drench to get $50 instantly after you play your first five dollar lineup that's code drench benched on the prize picks app to get 50 instantly. After you play your first $5 lineup, prize picks run your game. But yeah, it is. I don't know, man. It's. It's tricky, dude. It's very tricky. A lot of I see here more so I. I think, like, young women might be just like, feeding the life force from like, homeless people and like, dads here. A lot of the dads here.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

Present as gay.

[Christy]

Sure.

[Chris]

Like, and I think something happened where I think people have, like, men especially have reached, like, I feel like educated kind of men have reached inside themselves and killed this switch where they just become like, like, well, dude, it's weird, dude. It's like, dude, come on, man.

[Christy]

Especially us as like, you know, like comedians. Like, our world is a little like, you know, the older school men are like, what do you do? Like, they don't care how much money you're making or not making. They're like, what are you doing, dude? Go build something. Go like work. Go to a factory. And I feel like. Cause, you know, I'm not like a guy at all. Like I said, I don't know. I don't know how to build or do anything. So there's a lot of times where like, my kids will like, walk out the door of school and I just will lift up the hood of my car. I don't even know what I'm looking at. Just so they can somewhat. My daughters. And I'm just like, have a good day, girls. And I'm. But I'm just. I'm kind of just like doing the Macarena.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

I'm just. I'm just rolling my arms. I'm going like that. I don't even. I have no idea. But. But like, anytime, like, I see, like. But I. Even. Even though it's weird because, like, it's my. It's actually, you know, our careers to kind of have this time and to create whatever. But like, when I go into a coffee shop at like 11am on a Tuesday and I see a guy there on his laptop, I'm like, the fuck are you doing, dude? It's so cool. Go to work.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

But meanwhile, I'm there to ride in my laptop, but I'm mad at him.

[Chris]

Yeah, get out of here, dude.

[Christy]

I'm like, dude, like, you're. You're so lame. Lame. Go to. You gotta go to work. That's why I like Chinese dudes. That's why, like, I. I talk about it on stage a lot it's like, you know, with play dates with kids. Like, I, my daughter like has a, there's a Chinese kid in her class and I love, I, I hang out with him and his family because like first of all, I've never met his. Every other parent is like available for a play date at 2pm yeah. The Chinese are not those, they're working. Mom and dad work. Yeah. And the grandparents watch the kids. That's just how the culture is. They're like, you're not, there's no work from home home in China. There's no hybrid work. They're like, no, no, you're gonna go to work. We, they lock their people in their houses with COVID They don't give a.

[Chris]

They have now they have after school stuff for the kids because the parents work so long. My brother was telling me this. A lot of like the Indian and Chinese guys.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Are out work families. Mom and dad work super long hours. So after they go to school they got to go to an after school program where they continue to learn about like science and, and the parents come up back at like probably like 6.

[Christy]

7Pm dude, this is what happened with the Nazis. You know, they were just, you know, they just came out school, school, school building blitz. Craig came out 1930s and just steamrolled. And that's what's going to happen with China. They're the ones working. Everyone else is like having fun, having sex, getting STDs.

[Chris]

Yep.

[Christy]

And not, not the Chinese, dude.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

I, I, we still will crush them.

[Chris]

I think so. I think we'll destabilize. We can destabilize them I think pretty easily.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Because there's that whole like middle, coastal. There's like the middle portion that are poor and peasants and the coastal elites and like.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

That's their whole history is that middle portion and coming in fucking people up, becoming the coastal elites and they just kind of go back.

[Christy]

That's what it is. Yeah. You Chinese culture, Chinese history.

[Chris]

I've like, not a lot I've read about it, but it's, it's still a mysterious land, as far as I know.

[Christy]

Oh yeah, dude, the Great Wall.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

I can't even understand it when they tell me about it. How they just built a wall throughout the whole country. I'm like, why? So dumb. They'll just climb it.

[Chris]

They like to shoot missiles over.

[Christy]

Look at my chair just fell down. Look at this. Dude. See this? My chair just fell down. The Chinese fucking Chinese government remote controlling my chair. Hold on.

[Chris]

Yeah, I think we're like currently destabilizing Russia. And once we get done destabilizing Russia, we'll probably turn our sights on China. And that's the only other really like threat, powerful threat, right?

[Christy]

Yeah, I mean, I guess, I guess. Yeah. That seems like. Yeah. Because Iran, who cares? North Korea, doesn't matter.

[Chris]

Not a problem. I've, I've read there's a good book called the Next Hundred Years by George Friedman. I for the guy's name, but he like laid it out and he like, he wrote it in like the early 2000s and he was laying out like the, you know, Russia, Ukraine thing. He was like making predictions like by before 2030, they have to go to war, they have to fight each other, Russia has to take back Ukraine, blah, blah, blah.

[Christy]

Really?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

What was his reasoning, why they have to take back Ukraine?

[Chris]

Because like, they just need like a buffer. Like you can enter, you can just be right into Russia from like in all those other points because of those like NATO countries.

[Christy]

Sure.

[Chris]

So you can just march right in Ukraine. You can just kind of like that's their one weak spot through Ukraine because the other parts are kind of like hard to get into.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

But that like, if you leave whatever that big city is, Kiev, you can be in like one of the big cities.

[Christy]

So do you think Russia can be. Is going to beat Ukraine?

[Chris]

Like, I don't think so.

[Christy]

You think Ukraine is just like a porcupine? Like they're just.

[Chris]

I, I think. Well, in the book he was like, it's not even about winning wars. The United States just needs to destabilize any other power. You don't have to win the war, you just have to their economy up so bad that like it throws them.

[Christy]

Off, but it's going to, that'll destabilize them for 20, 30 years. Right? Yeah. Like, we're not going to be able to go to Moscow. American citizens probably ever in our life.

[Chris]

No, probably not. And well, the problem is too Russia is going through the population decline. That was a big thing in the book. Like, this is their last time. We'll have all these young men.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

It's going to be a huge population dip.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

So if we can kind of like them up now by 2050, they're not going to have like enough.

[Christy]

So we're in the driver's seat big time.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Like we're.

[Chris]

According to this guy, you know, people say China's going to take over, but he was like, not, not going to happen. He's, he's like, he, he believes that Russia and China will collapse. And then 2030 will be like the 2000 and 30s onward. It'll be. You know, he's kind of been right. He was like, the 2020s are going to be so tumultuous, like very bad. But then like after that, there's going to be a presidency around like 2030, 2034. And they're really going to like figure.

[Christy]

It out and unite us all.

[Chris]

New era of peace. Because his thing is that, God, I.

[Christy]

Hope I'm still selling tickets then.

[Chris]

I know.

[Christy]

2030. I'm fucking 40 now. It's 20. Oh, dude, I'm gonna be. I'm gonna suck. I'm gonna be like in my 50s.

[Chris]

Imagine how fun that'll be being 50. And you see like 25 year olds and you're like, shut the up.

[Christy]

Yeah. My dumb kids. Like, shut your mouth. Yeah. Oh, God, I hope that happens. Yeah. Because it does. I do feel, I do feel like sometimes somber. Like I'm like, man, like I, I romanticize like the late 90s and early 2000s. Like, you know, obviously 9, 11 was bad, but like, I don't know if you remember like 2007, 2008 was awesome.

[Chris]

College. Yeah.

[Christy]

Amazing times. Everybody was having fun. And now I'm just like, everywhere I look, I'm like, it doesn't seem like people are as happy as they were. Certainly not as free as they were.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

And I'm just like, I'm. That's hopeful. What the next hundred years. I'm going to get that book.

[Chris]

It's pretty good. It's really cool. They. And the big thing too. They say like these are just cycles, like every 50 years. It's like a 50 year cycle where like someone passes like a huge like seminal policy. Like, you know, I can't remember one. But say like Roosevelt did that whole thing. Whatever, whatever his big policy was.

[Christy]

Carry a big stick.

[Chris]

Yeah, whatever he did. But that'll solve a bunch of problems from the previous 50 years. But then 50 years later, that policy will cause problems that it takes 50 years to figure out. Solve which then will solve those problems. Error of peace. And that like policy creates new problems.

[Christy]

It's just a never ending cycle.

[Chris]

Never ending. Never ending cycle of this kind of.

[Christy]

And if you guys want any chance to stop the cycle, do the right thing. There's no November.

[Chris]

Yeah, true. Where are you at November?

[Christy]

Come to Comedy on State in Madison, Wisconsin. No, I know. Yeah. I don't know. People are obviously all bent out of shape about who's going to be the president. I'm like, I don't know that it matters as much as you genuinely think it does. I think it matters just for political unrest on people crying, whoever wins. But I don't know. Have you ever really genuinely felt a genuine difference, whoever the president is?

[Chris]

No, I've never felt it. Except for Covid when we got locked in and there were people being like, let people out versus let people in. That was the only time I've ever been like, but then you didn't have to do it. That was the other thing I told people, like, you didn't have to do it.

[Christy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

At least not in America.

[Christy]

I mean, dude, remember, like, they were like, oh, you're gonna need, like, a vaccine card, like, forever. I was like, no, I don't think you are.

[Chris]

No, I had a fake one.

[Christy]

Sure.

[Chris]

It was easy, dude.

[Christy]

There was a pizzeria in my neighborhood on 3rd Avenue in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, that was like, literally, I swear, all you, like, you like, like the people that knew knew if you ordered, I think it was two pepperoni slices and garlic knots come in six. If you're like, oh, can I get two pepperoni slices in half? An order of garlic knots. And you kind of just like, gave a look, they knew that that meant give that to you. And then you would give them a hundred dollar bill and they would have a fake vaccine card in the, you know, to go bag for you. It was like a whole, like, it was like a. Like a system they had. That's pretty cool. People were getting fake vaxxed all day.

[Chris]

Yeah, that's awesome.

[Christy]

Yeah, bro.

[Chris]

Yeah, my wife made him in our basement.

[Christy]

Yeah, it's great. But do you ever think, like, do you think the government cares anymore? You think they're still looking for those people or they're just. They can't, dude.

[Chris]

They didn't give a. Then that. That really was a. I think that was just like a huge effort from the pharma companies who had people paid right. In Washington. Yeah, because that was like, they can do a thing where they're like. And again, for some people who wanted it, like, get it, I don't care. Like, two year olds didn't need it. That was the one thing we're like, Our pediatrician was a like, well, you don't have to do it. I totally respect that. But there's a higher chance that your kid might die. And I was like, okay, man.

[Christy]

No, there's not.

[Chris]

Get the out of here.

[Christy]

Yeah, but. Stop it. That.

[Chris]

That to me was the part that I Was like, this is ridiculous. Yeah, give it to the geezers. If it works for them, cool.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

But like, dude, I don't need this. I'm not. I don't. I don't take Tylenol for headaches. So I'm like, I'm not taking that.

[Christy]

Oh, you just power through. You're that guy.

[Chris]

I just. I don't like a lot of, like, medicines and they freak me out. Like pills, all that stuff.

[Christy]

Interesting. So what if you get really sick? You just rock that out.

[Chris]

If I'm like, super duper sick, then I'll kind of yield and take like a little something. But even then, yeah, I like to. What I would do if I get like a fever, I'll take a really hot bath and I spike my fever that way. Because then old school, the fever is what, like, is your immune reaction. It's good, dude, I like that.

[Christy]

You go, oh, you put leeches on and just suck your blood out. You go old school.

[Chris]

That was a treatment for cancer giving. No, no fevers. They were giving. They were spiking fevers.

[Christy]

Interesting.

[Chris]

And it kills, like, cancer cells. Like, it. Fevers are good for you. Of course, you can't get too high because you can have a seat seizure.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

So if you can keep that thing at like 102, 103. Getting a hot bath. I just burn it out.

[Christy]

Dude, you're right. You get right to that. That's you edging yourself. But if it gets yourself a fever. Right, Right to the point of seizure.

[Chris]

But if you ever try to jerk off in a hot bath. No, impossible.

[Christy]

Why?

[Chris]

It's just the hot water fucks with your nuts.

[Christy]

Oh. Because you know what it is probably because when you get hot water, it's called vasoconstriction. Is what's going to make your dick off. Vasodilation. When they open up everything. Blood pressure goes down.

[Chris]

That must go down. I can't come in the back. You think it'd be a glorious session.

[Christy]

But it's like you just can't do it.

[Chris]

Can't do it.

[Christy]

Yeah, I know. I've actually never. So the way that I jerk off, I don't jerk off. Kind of like most people like this. I actually lay my dick. I kind of sandwich it between my stomach and my hands.

[Chris]

You're a pressure player.

[Christy]

Yeah, exactly. I kind of just push the base of my dick on top of my balls to just kind of shoot it out. So I can't ever jerk off standing up. Regardless. I'm always laying down. I Kind of make a little pussy for myself. That's what it is.

[Chris]

It's kind, kind of nice.

[Christy]

It's kind of nice, dude, because I, I don't know why. When I was a little kid, like, the first time I ever like, jerked it or like, you know, masturbator or felt that I was, I just was rubbing. I was like basically like rubbing a pillow on my dick and balls. And then I think I just stayed that way.

[Chris]

How you do it?

[Christy]

Like, I've never, I've almost. I could. I don't think I've ever went like that.

[Chris]

You never cranked?

[Christy]

I've never cranked it, dude. It's probably.

[Chris]

That's awesome.

[Christy]

Yeah, it's pretty sick. I just don't do it. I do it a different way. And I bet you that's implications on me mentally and like, I'm just like a different guy because of it.

[Chris]

I think you're better off, though.

[Christy]

Yeah. Because that is.

[Chris]

There is something gay about like gripping your member and like.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

You know, you're just, you're just fucking.

[Christy]

I'm doing. I'm different and I'm just built. I, I just. That's the way I roll. And then I shoot into my belly button and, you know, it's kind of just like, whatever, dude.

[Chris]

Have you ever got caught? Ever got walked in on?

[Christy]

I got walked in on. My mom caught me once. That was bad. I never forget. She was. She was walking in from the local pizzeria and she had brought me like mozzarella sticks and a chicken bacon ranch slice. And she had like, on like she used to, dude, until I, I, I moved down to my mom's house in my mid-20s, and when I was literally like 24 years old, she would bring me food on a New York Yankees, like, dinner tray. Like, she would just give it to. And like, it had like this setup where I would just like lay on my bed and it was like a little table, and she had that New York Yankees baseball tray with the food on it. And I was just rubbing it.

[Chris]

And you were in there just.

[Christy]

Yeah, I was like. And so. And she literally, she was like. She like went like this and she was like, just slammed my door. And she was like, your food's outside the door in the hallway. So I had to get it like a fucking inmate. Just like, you know. And then, dude, one time she found one of my VHS porn tapes. It was bad. Like, we used to pass around a VHS porn tape. And she found it. I just left it. So I used to put it in. I had this documentary about the original USA Dream Team. So I would. And I. I was such a. Like a little loser kid. I was like 12 years old. And I wrote on the COVID of it, I said, I want to go to the NBA like a loser, like in Sharpie.

[Chris]

You're good at basketball though, right?

[Christy]

Yeah, Division three. So that's good. Not. But yeah, I guess. And so. And so. So I. I had put the tape in that Dream Team thing because I was like, my mom never looks in that. And then my mom, for whatever reason, was like, cleaning my room one day when I was like, at school or it was the weekend, I don't remember. And she popped that tape and thinking she was going to be a documentary on the Dream Team.

[Chris]

Probably read. You probably saw your, like, quote was inspired goals.

[Christy]

I want to get my son a basketball hoop.

[Chris]

There's a lady like, oh, yeah.

[Christy]

And it was just this Colombian lady with a full bush just getting piped, screaming. And so I got home that day because, like, it was a big deal. Like, you know, we didn't have cell phones back then. Like, we would. When me and my boys were at the park. Was like, who's got. We called it the Spanish porn. Like, who's got the Spanish.

[Chris]

Spanish fly? It's called Spanish Fly 14.

[Christy]

It circulated all around circulate and like, you. Somebody would bring it. And then it was like a big deal. It's like, okay, you get it for a week, then Frankie gets it. And it's like, what it is. And so when I came home one, I was, you know, wasn't even thinking about it. Came home and then it was literally. She had smashed it into like 20 pieces with a hammer. And she wrote a. She had. My mom loved Post its and she had a Post it on it. She. And she wrote, get this filth.

[Chris]

Yep.

[Christy]

Out of my house.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

And I was like, oh, yeah. And then. So I had to tell the guys. I was like, my mom smashed that porn. I just brought it back in like a pile.

[Chris]

Just proof. Yeah.

[Christy]

And they were just furious at me. They were just furious at me. They were like shooting paintballs at me all summer.

[Chris]

Well, my bro. So my brothers would go to, like, the adult section at Blockbuster and steal the porn tapes. So it was like a serious effort to get porn tape. So if. Yeah, if you got smashed, it'd be like, bro, what the fuck?

[Christy]

I know.

[Chris]

And now I'm risking life and we're risking risking freedom to get these boys or girls? Girls. I have two girls.

[Christy]

Two girls. Okay. It was safe. Like, I'm actually happy if he had a boy or like for the boys of that are living in Texas, I'm actually happy that the porn is blocked because then they're going to go find adventurous ways. Just like we had to kind of get porn any way they can. So I kind of actually respect what the governor is doing here to block the porn. He's doing it so the kids can have more fun and be more advanced, adventurous and yeah, if you want to get kids. If you want to get kids creative, which is a big problem, we have block the porn. I think so big deal, dude.

[Chris]

Kids don't go in the woods anymore.

[Christy]

No, but they will if they're looking for. They have no porn to watch, dude.

[Chris]

That's where we found. Everyone found out. I think it's funny. I think John Mayer did stand up once and his bit was that porn. Every kid finds porn in the woods originally. Yeah, it was pretty funny.

[Christy]

Pretty funny.

[Chris]

That was true. That was like. That's where we found porn. We had to go to the woods and you would just find it like.

[Christy]

Yeah, yeah. Porn you find like, you know, people would go have sex in the woods.

[Chris]

Yeah, I find a condom.

[Christy]

Sure.

[Chris]

First time I found a condom in the woods, I went home and just beat off.

[Christy]

That's it.

[Chris]

Just. I just saw a use condom and I was like, I gotta jerk off.

[Christy]

Crazy.

[Chris]

Someone fucked here. I was like, I gotta. I gotta go.

[Christy]

You gotta jerk off. I know. God, I know the littlest things. And now it's like, now it's like the thought of using a condom is like, what am I fucking, dude, I crazy. Have sex with. With a condom is like you're having sex with the condom inside the girl. It's like, just go raw. Go home. Like you're gonna do it. Just do it.

[Chris]

If you're scared, don't do it.

[Christy]

Yeah, my whole thing is like, you know what, man? Like, you want to go and find. Make a horrible decision and go, you know, cheat on your wife. Don't be a pussy about it. Yeah, go in. Come back with another kid, a disease. Like, really get fucking in there.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Show your kids that you can overcome anything.

[Chris]

And also if you're going to go cheat on your wife and wear a condom, it's like, just jerk off, dude.

[Christy]

Yes, exactly.

[Chris]

Don't have condom sex.

[Christy]

It has to be something where it's.

[Chris]

Like, it's got to be cream pie.

[Christy]

A waitress fully, dude.

[Chris]

Like, and just sit there for like eight months and be like, yeah, how am I going to break this to.

[Christy]

Yeah, like, every. Like, you have to go through the full spectrum of suffering. Yeah, 100%, man.

[Chris]

And then once the kid. I feel like you almost want there to be a kid as a result of the affair. That way, it kind of softens because then it's like, yeah, what are we going to do? Don't fucking punish this kid.

[Christy]

It's what it is. And it's also like, here's the thing. I forgot if it was Giannis or Joe Derosa, somebody said something to me was like, you know, you go out, you have unprotected sex with a girl. You do the crime, you do the time. What's going to happen now is you got. You have. Your sentence is 2 to 25 days. In 2 to 25 days, a disease will pop up or a baby will pop up. So, like. So, like. Or a girl will pop up being crazy. So you do your sentence, and if you can get through a month. If you can get through a lunar month.

[Chris]

Yeah, true.

[Christy]

With no issues.

[Chris]

That's what they revolve around.

[Christy]

That's what they say. So you do the crime, you do the time. You're not going to get out of this scot free. Yeah, you did the crime. So now. Now it's time to do the time. You got to do the time. And so that's how we'd kind of just calm. We'd calm to Rosa, like, he was like, all right, I'm doing my time. And then he would text us, like, all right, I'm out. I'm free, baby. That's what you got to do, man. Yeah, it's fun being a guy.

[Chris]

It is.

[Christy]

It is. I would. I would not want to. People think, oh, easier being a woman. No, sir. Dude, it's great being a guy.

[Chris]

I've literally. So me and my wife have oura rings. They, like, track your biometrics.

[Christy]

Oh, great.

[Chris]

And I. I can't stop talking about this. It's like a revelation. So we won't. We both went to sleep one night at like, like, 9:30pm Great night of sleep. I woke up, my readiness score is, like, 89.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Got me a little crown above it. I'm like, yeah, thanks.

[Christy]

Hell yeah.

[Chris]

My wife slept the same time. Her readiness score was 50%.

[Christy]

Whoa.

[Chris]

This is the period. It's like their body temperatures elevated. Like, they're up, man.

[Christy]

So she woke up not in a good mood. Then she's not ready.

[Chris]

Terrible mood. It's like, my 50 is if I'm out, like, drinking all night, and I'M hungover.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

She did all the right stuff. Went to bed or all that stuff.

[Christy]

Ate. Right. Right.

[Chris]

She could cut back in a couple things. But. But no, dude, she, she, like did everything right. It was. And then, like, woke up in the morning, 50%. I was like, your period. You up this much? She's like, yes.

[Christy]

That's what it is.

[Chris]

Their heart rate's elevated and their body, it's like they have a fever.

[Christy]

I was going to say every, Every month your wife has to take Ty. I'm sure she feels she's got a pop of Tylenol.

[Chris]

They're like crackheads with Ty. They take everything you have to.

[Christy]

Because it's cr.

[Chris]

Yeah, true.

[Christy]

Imagine every single month you're just sick. Like, you get.

[Chris]

Yeah. Like, fuck. Fuck, dude. And it's like. So that's. And then there's like the time leading up to it. You're cramping.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And you're just like, fucked psychologically. Gone.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

There's like 10 days out of the month. I try to break it down to, I'm like one third of the month. Yeah, you're fucked.

[Christy]

That's why, like, when you see, like, what Caitlin Clark can do, you're like, that lady's doing all that on her period. Most of the time. Yeah. Like, she's absolutely crushing everyone.

[Chris]

Yep.

[Christy]

Not feeling at all with a 40% readiness.

[Chris]

Are you talking about her playing basketball or fighting black ladies?

[Christy]

Both. Yeah. Both think. But it's just like, she just puts it on everyone.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

You know, like, guys don't have to do that. Like, it's impressive what Steph Curry does, but she's never had to do it. Bleeding from his dick. True.

[Chris]

I didn't think about that. Playing with your period.

[Christy]

Yeah. They all have to.

[Chris]

That would be nice for. If I was a betting man, I would try to get the inside scoop on who was on their period.

[Christy]

Yeah. Or like playing. Some of them playing, like, not even knowing they're pregnant yet and just dealing with, like, morning sickness and just fucking come every in them and they're just killing it.

[Chris]

You think that. And the team probably syncs up. So, like, some teams are. I think if you win the championship, everyone sinks to you year, period.

[Christy]

Dude. So one day watch. They do so one. I, I, I, I believe that. Yeah.

[Chris]

That's what they're playing for.

[Christy]

That's what they're playing for. So I, I remember once I was on a flight from Indianapolis from. I think I was going from New York to Indianapolis on, like, you know, I was like, A. It was like a shitty. I like, American Airlines, like, small, shitty plane. And the New York Liberty got on the plane with me. I guess they were playing maybe the Indiana Fever or. Or what? I don't know. Yeah. And they. And the. All the. All the women. Women got on the plane and they sat in the back of the plane. And the head coach at the time was Bill Lambert. I don't know if you know Bill Lambert. He was like, old coach of the Detroit. Old player on the Detroit Pistons, like. And he was just sitting in first class, like, laid the out and the girl. The women were like. You could hear, like, some of the women being, like, mad in the back. Like, I'm sitting in the back, coach. It's up in the front. But he was just laid. Chilling legs out. And I. And I. That got me thinking, like, he probably has to deal with, like, these women syncing up on their period. And maybe that was one of those days where he was like, I'm getting the. Away from these ladies for two hours, and I'm just sitting in the front of the plane and not dealing. Not dealing with an eye mask on. Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah, dude. I. I would just be. I would be having to run suicides. They came with that period energy. I'd be like, on the line.

[Christy]

Get out.

[Chris]

Run it out.

[Christy]

It's so. Dude. I mean, I. Well, now we're both going to have to fam. And we have daughters. We're all, you know, way outnumbered. It's like, you know, none of my. My kids are still too young, but when that happens, it's going to get bad.

[Chris]

Oh, it's crazy.

[Christy]

It's good.

[Chris]

I had a maintenance guy come up to, like, my. My office apartment, and he was like. I was like, he's, like, looking around like, where's your bed? And I was explaining. I'm like, this is what I use before. He has two daughters, and his daughters are, like, teenagers.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And he goes, bro, like, for real, like, you might want to stay here. He was like, when they all. He's like, when the wife and the two daughters sync up and they start. He's like, bro, for real, like, get out of your house.

[Christy]

It gets bad. It's like, you're.

[Chris]

You're not. Just get out of there, dude.

[Christy]

Last week, you know, my daughter's only nine. Like, last week, like, we were having, like, a regular day, and I said. And I said to her, I was like, okay. I was like. She was like, oh, can I. Can I have a. And I was like. I was like, oh, like, mom's gonna cook dinner. So like, we'll eat in like an hour, which I've said to her a million times. And she goes, oh, I guess I'm fat then. And then walks up the stairs and slams her door. And her mom was like, she might be on her period. It might be starting. Let me go up there and talk to her. And then she talked to her. And I don't think, I don't think it happened because they wouldn't. Yeah. The thing is, like, what you could tell me that my daughter's on her period. It's like, what can I actually do?

[Chris]

Nothing.

[Christy]

So like, if you just tell me to go to the store and get it, like, there's no real, there's no real reason the mother has to tell the father that their daughters are on their period because it's like, okay, yeah, so what am I going to do for that? Do I'm going to go on the road then, like out of here. Yeah, just leave.

[Chris]

Because you can't talk. You can't be like, hey, how's your period?

[Christy]

Yeah, yeah, that's all.

[Chris]

That's just.

[Christy]

Yeah, that's mom stuff. But when she said that to me, like, oh, I guess I'm fat now. And then slammed the door and I was like, holy, bro. That was like the first instance where I was like, my little kid. Daughter who's like, you know, was like one of my bros, is now like becoming like a young woman where I'm like, oh, like, I got to be careful what I say.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Now I gotta be like, careful, careful, you know? And she would just kind of get. She gets on me, she's like, why don't you ever hold mom's hand? And I'm like, oh, my. What the.

[Chris]

That's.

[Christy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's gonna happen.

[Chris]

We got in an argument one time and my, my. I have a two year old and a four year old and like, I like, I was like, I went outside and sat on my steps. I was like. And they came outside, like the neighbors outside. They both came out, they're like, be nice to mommy, dad. I'm like, will you shut the.

[Christy]

Yeah, I know, because my daughters don't.

[Chris]

Like it if I like grab my wife and like, I'll like, I'll give her like a big kiss. My one, My four year old's like, dad, stop. She does not like it, okay?

[Christy]

She's like, she doesn't like the affection.

[Chris]

She. Yeah, she, she's like, come on, man, knock it off.

[Christy]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Chris]

It's really weird.

[Christy]

I mean, every kid's different.

[Chris]

Maybe when they get older, they'll be. Come on. That is funny. Like, hold her hand, like. All right, that's enough out of.

[Christy]

Yeah, she's. I know. I mean, you know, and, dude, the drama you're gonna see, like, you know, my. My again, mine's in fourth grade now. The older one, like, the girl drama.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

With school. I mean, she's been to two different schools, and she's had two mortal enemies that sound like the exact same girl in, you know, 20 miles away. I'm like, okay, so it's you. It's my kid. That is the problem. Just fucking causing beef with everyone. But then it's like the girl drama. So it's like, will, you know, like, my daughter told me, you know, like, oh, this girl, you know, she's doing this to me, she's doing that to me. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And, you know, like, what should I do? And I'm like, well, you know, of course, honey. Like, you know, like, just obviously tell the teacher and, you know, don't get physical or whatever. And then her mom's advice is, like, she hits you, you hit her back. Yeah, you slap her, you pull her fucking hair. Do not let that bitch dominate this territory. I'm like, these girls are in fourth grade. Yeah, but that's how women are. Women are, like. I took it as there was a problem. I'm like, okay, all good. You know, like, it'll be fine. You work it out in school or whatever. And, like, already, like, my. My. My girl was already had. Already messaged the school and that kid's mom, like, we're having a meeting. Like, right? Like, women are. And then. And now, the two months now, my. My kid's mom and this girl's mom are, like, enemies, dude. At pickup. It's bad. And I'm like, so now it's one of those things where, like, women are loyal like that. Like, you with me, you with the whole family, where, guys, I'm kind of more like, we could get into a fist fight, and I do your podcast tomorrow. I don't care. We'll just get over it. But women, it's like, that's it.

[Chris]

The. The battlefield's so much more complex. It's, like, for real. We do, like, caveman warfare. They do, like, modern warfare of, like, psyops, 100%, like, destabilized friend groups.

[Christy]

It's really up, dude.

[Chris]

And it gets, like, really dark. Like, they'll, like, throw a party Just so they can take pictures of it and put them out and then not invite one person. And the whole thing's just to fuck this one lady, one girl up.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And they can do it. And it's. It's just devastating, man.

[Christy]

Just devastating. I know, I know. I mean, like, I feel like, you know, it's. It's. It's interesting being around so many, like, women in. In my life, because I'm just like, man, like you really. If they really. If. If. If. If the. If this country elected more women, we. I think we would actually be a more vi. I don't think vicious America can be because we haven't had a woman.

[Chris]

Dude.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

If you've read. I mean, Hillary Clinton kind of got the job done.

[Christy]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

She's in there doing some stuff. It would be. They're so much more vicious. It's like, unbelievable.

[Christy]

Yeah. I. And it's. It's scary. It's terrifying. I think Abraham Lincoln said, like, what was it like? I forgot the exact term, but it was like, hell has no something. He was basically like a woman scorned or whatever. Woman scorned is like, no. You know, like, that is like, basically hell.

[Chris]

What.

[Christy]

Whatever.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

And I'm like, oh, even he knew and he was gay. Yeah.

[Chris]

Well, that's a problem with women leaders is you'd have to have, like, a strong team for that. Like, 10 to 12 day period out of the month where they're completely fucked up.

[Christy]

Yes.

[Chris]

And they. I don't know why we can't face that as a reality.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

So you're powerful as hell. Let's just use that as your incubating period. Like, right.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Like, we keep. I just feel bad. Like, why are we acting like this doesn't exist?

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

It's not a slight on them. It's like, dude, I would be fucked up too.

[Christy]

Of course, dude. Even the trauma of childbirth, dude. My. My girl, raw dog, two child births, just pushed those out and then got up and walked.

[Chris]

That's crazy.

[Christy]

Like, a couple of hours later, she was walking with no pussy. It just fell out. She was just. With just an ice pack on it, being like, all right, what are we gonna eat? What do you guys want? You want eggs? Yeah.

[Chris]

The childbirth. The childbirth is a gear. You see them in that, you're just kind of like, what the fuck?

[Christy]

It's.

[Chris]

It's crazy.

[Christy]

They do have. They. I think just through nature, they have a more. The highest threshold. Threshold of pain. I mean, way higher threshold than a man could ever have. Because I Mean, think about that once. If that happened to you once in your life and you had to do that, I mean, you would die. We would all die.

[Chris]

Dude, talking about your butthole getting this big, that's me insane. That would be fucking crazy.

[Christy]

Even worse if it came out through your penis. That would be sick.

[Chris]

Just a finger through your penis.

[Christy]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, man. So when I see, like a. When I saw, like, the two childbirths, it was like one of those things where I was like, okay, the. The. There are like, they're. They're more powerful, they're stronger. They. I know physically they're not, but, like, mentally is the thing. And it's like, I can't even compete at all. I cannot compete. When my girl starts asking me questions, I'm fucked. I tell the truth. I'm. I'm. I'm a truth teller. I'm like, right away, you can't lie.

[Chris]

Yeah, you can.

[Christy]

I used to. I used to try to lie. And then the anxiety and pain I would sit with.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Where I was like, might as well just tell the truth now, because she actually already knows.

[Chris]

Yeah. And they're gonna figure it out. You can't lie if you think you. You can't. Like, women, they could get away with it so easy. But, like, if you try to lie to a woman, it's like, it's. They're going to find out.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I don't just look at you and be like, you motherfucker. Yeah, they can tell you piece of shit. And they're good. Like, dude, they'll, like, I didn't realize. Like, they'll even on Instagram, like, they'll kind of look at your. Who's liking what of your things. Looking at their profile.

[Christy]

I don't even know how to do that on her. Like, I have no idea Even access that information on Instagram. And she. That's a good point. She'll know, like, follow who likes something from weeks and weeks ago and then has their whole profile locked and loaded.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

And it's like, oh, did you know Stephanie go to your show? I'm like, who is that? They're like, oh, well, she has an interest in Austin, Texas. I've seen from her interests on, you know, on her LinkedIn that I've tracked. So hypothetically, it makes sense if she came to your show.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Like, I don't even know who she's talking about.

[Chris]

You see, if you see a person like, damn, she's smoking. Yeah.

[Christy]

Fuck, dude, this girl's awesome. She's. I saw her pussy in the gym.

[Chris]

Thank you for bringing her to my attention.

[Christy]

I know. Well, that's the other problem. It's like that, that's how they go overboard. It's like you'll bring up all these girls that I genuinely, I genuinely have no idea who they're talking about. And then she'd be like, how about, you know, was this girl at your show? And then she'll send a screenshot. I'm like, no. But then I'll have fucking Steve be like, can you DM this one? Give her tickets.

[Chris]

Jerk off. This picture.

[Christy]

Yeah. Steve. Here you go, dude. Yeah, I mean, you know, I just.

[Chris]

It is complicated. It's the most complicated time. And like, dude, you know, in our dad's time it was like there might have been like two hot lit ladies you knew of.

[Christy]

That's it.

[Chris]

And you'd be like, damn, that lady's hot.

[Christy]

Well, we also have access to every woman on the planet. I mean don't get, you know, don't forget 100, 200 years ago you only knew the people in your village. So if you had, you know, hopefully you got the smoke show in your village. If you didn't, you settled for like the one like the kind of look like her, but she had like a limp.

[Chris]

For real. Imagine if there's no babes from like birth to death.

[Christy]

That's a reality people lived in.

[Chris]

You never saw a babe zero babes.

[Christy]

Unless you had babes in your village.

[Chris]

Indeed. A babe in a village was probably creepy.

[Christy]

Do you know, I read a thing I forgot it wasn't in a book. It might, it was like an article where sex like how we've kind of like made sex like a sacred taboo thing. Like in the medieval times. Like that was. Sex was. Because it was so animalistic. Like you would just watch your parents have sex and think of it as like, you know, your dad's doing push ups or something. Like it was just a thing that mom and dad did. They had sex full bushes. And then you would have set. You would have sex like in front of your wife's family. Like it wasn't a thing that was taboo at all. I mean to consummate kings and queens marriages. They would have sex in the bed and the, the, the wedding party would stand around the bed and just watch this girl get. That's awesome, dude. And there's so many fascinating things in history. I read this thing. There's this book called history this guy wrote, he calls himself the Captain. He's a great author. Kyle Creek is his real name. But he's Kyle the Captain Creek. He's. Dude, he wrote this book, History. It's like one page things where he talks about like something from history, but then kind of gives like a modern spin on. It's a fascinating. I would read like page a day. I love this guy. And so I read this book about. Read one of these pages about France, like midi, you know, 1600, maybe 1500s, France had this thing called you. You know, obviously you can't divorce. You could. Divorce was like unheard of. Guys would just kill their wives. So. But this one town in France, they have where like, they're like, you know what? Let's do divorce court. They're like, if this lady. You really want a divorce lady. Okay. So they would say, the only way we'll ever grant you a divorce is if your husband can't procreate. If he can't get it up and he can't. You basically, then we're. You're good. So what they would do is you would file for divorce and then you would have to go to divorce court. And at divorce court, you would come out, you and your husband would come out and there'd be a row of judges and like noble elites and you'd. You'd have to basically bang your wife. And if you couldn't come in an allotted time, they grant her a divorce. That's why.

[Chris]

Imagine if you jerked off that morning and you're just like, I don't know what?

[Christy]

Today? Yeah. Or you're just, damn. Yeah. And then you're just going to get divorced. But here's. But the caveat was you could divorce your wife. But then like, once she was like. Once she was like, not your property anymore. You could just kill her with no repercussions. Yeah. You could just murder like out in the field.

[Chris]

Could you fake a cream pie, though, in court? Like, oh, no. Do they have to be like, let's see.

[Christy]

No, they're not 100%. They had. People would check to see if that shit's dripping out. And you could be like, no, I swear I did. She's got a deep. I let it fly, dude. Come back in nine months. I promise. I know. All that bush to get through.

[Chris]

Oh, dude, like a stern judge is scowling at you just with his wig on, just looking. Trying to fuck your mean wife.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Who wants to leave you?

[Christy]

Who wants to leave? Yeah. So it's like, it's crazy how you know the world used to be, man.

[Chris]

Yeah. That's out of fucking control.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah. They had to make it sacred. Because it's just so important, though, because then having sex leads to creating life. And if life's created willy nilly, then, like, no. No one's taking care of the kids. It just becomes, like a up situation.

[Christy]

And at that point, it's like, dude, you need to have kids. Because I need people on the farm. I need people in the army. We're trying to take over Holland and whatever other country you know, we got to do. So, like, we need you to start pumping out those babies. And I kind of get how, like, back in the day, if, you know, a woman couldn't, you know, produce a baby, they're like, well, she's a witch. Let's burn her. Like. Like, get her out of here. We don't want any of this. We don't want the other women.

[Chris]

Yeah, they were a huge drain on the economy. Oh, yeah, because you didn't work. So it's like, if you couldn't produce a kid there, people would be like, jesus.

[Christy]

Do you ever read that thing about the Salem Wood trials where, like, scientists have went back and think that it was. It was because of a weed that was growing? You ever see that?

[Chris]

Like, ergot. It's like, ergot. It was like a mold. I think ergot's what we make LSD from, but it's like a mold that was in there, and it. Every whole town.

[Christy]

Every. The whole town, it. The witches.

[Chris]

I'm scared about that. I think about that. I'm like, dude, that could happen.

[Christy]

That would be terrible, because why couldn't that happen today? I mean, you just wouldn't know about it. Like, you know, like, a little. Dude, we might.

[Chris]

We probably start tripping every now and again off, like, food supply stuff.

[Christy]

Oh, 100. I mean. Yeah. Have you ever, like. You know, like, I've. I got really into, like, intermittent. Intermittent fasting, which I got to start. I kind of. Kind of lean back off now because I posted a video of me the other day trying to promote my shows in Texas and all. You told me I had small calves, and I looked and it kept telling me that I skipped leg day and I'm too skinny. I have a big head. You, dude, it's like. It's like you're damned if you do. Damn. I'm trying to get healthy here. And, like, you're still on me.

[Chris]

I bulked. I. I, like, started lifting and eating a lot, and then someone hit me with a comment, like, when the bulk becomes a hulk. And I, like, I was for real, like, I got like a real pot belly. Like, I got fat still right now.

[Christy]

But could you look, it's gone lean.

[Chris]

I did a two day fast. I got rid of it. I got crushed. I was like bulking, bulking. And then I just, I was like, oh, damn it, I'm fat. So I had to like bulk it. I, I got up to like 196. And that's like a, that's for me. I'm like 186 now.

[Christy]

Oh, £10 makes a difference. Yeah, dude, you got the back. That's what it's your. Do you do a lot of back?

[Chris]

Yeah, I do a lot. I do a lot of lifting, a lot of back, all that stuff.

[Christy]

So you lift heavy when you lift.

[Chris]

Not too crazy. I would, I don't lift heavy, but I just kind of like focus on, just like, focus on like the exact muscle group. So I don't want to like straight, like hurt myself.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

But it's all time under tension. The weight doesn't matter that much.

[Christy]

We were talking about that yesterday. You rather have. Joe Derosa was, We were in his apartment yesterday and he goes, he goes, yeah, I go to the. I, I don't go to the gym. I just work out here. I was like, okay, what do you do? He goes, three times a week I do 40 push ups, 40 curls and 40 squats. I was like, like, like sets of 40. He goes, no, I just do four. I do, I do three, four sets of 10. Was like, are you an old lady? Like, what?

[Chris]

He's, he's working out from a, like a guy from like 1942.

[Christy]

He said, he told me, he goes, he goes, I have no desire to have an A body. I'm happy with a C minus body.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

That. I just don't want it to be a D or an F. So that's what he does. Like, that's what he does. But, but, but we were telling him, like, dude, you only have 20 pound dumbbells. I was like, if you just change that to forget about the number and you just did one minute, like slow curls time under tension, you'd be a monster. Yeah, but he's like, I, I don't want to do it. Yes.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

I'm like, if you took, you, you take 45 minutes to do this bullshit. But if, if you took 15 minutes and just did the timer detention, you'd have a better workout in less time.

[Chris]

Yeah, I know people who do that. The same thing. They always have those weights with like, filled with sand.

[Christy]

Yeah. I'm like, what are you doing? No, but that's yesterday we went to the gym and I was just doing like six seconds down, hold it for two and then explode up six and I was doing that.

[Chris]

That's all you need to do. Yeah.

[Christy]

You don't need to.

[Chris]

I don't need to do heavy weight. Cause I end up hurting myself.

[Christy]

No. No tongue or detention. That's the move.

[Chris]

Yep.

[Christy]

What the hell was. But we were talking about something before that, though.

[Chris]

The witch trial and them hitting like eating the bread that them all eating.

[Christy]

The bread that them up. But then there was something else. Damn it. And then we started talking about the gym.

[Chris]

Yeah. In front of the judge.

[Christy]

In front of the judge. But there was something I think we was going to talk about with the witch trials that I thought. Yeah. I don't know. I don't remember.

[Chris]

I don't remember. Yeah. You were saying we could kill women. If a woman divorced you, you can kill her, right?

[Christy]

Kill her.

[Chris]

Witch trials. We just got into getting a pump. We got two enthusiasts.

[Christy]

We got. I know. Did you work out yet today?

[Chris]

No, I. I took two days off, so I. I had a stomach and then like it just crushed my appetite, obviously. And then I. The day after, I didn't. I didn't eat for two straight days.

[Christy]

Zero. Were you puking or shitting?

[Chris]

I didn't puke or shit, but it felt like I had a puke.

[Christy]

Okay.

[Chris]

So it was like I held it in. I hate throwing up, dude. I will not. I will go like. So I just laid there, like supremely nauseous.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

Like a day. Then fasted the whole next day. So did like a 48 hour fast. And then like. But I know you're supposed to like, you know, break it in softly. I just fucking like pigged on like fucking like potatoes.

[Christy]

I know.

[Chris]

With like queso. I just. I shouldn't have done it. And then my stomach. Stomach was up from that for like two days.

[Christy]

Of course, dude.

[Chris]

So I lost like 10.

[Christy]

You haven't eaten in like a week. Really? I haven't had a lot of food.

[Chris]

In like about a week.

[Christy]

But now you're gonna fuck shit up today, though.

[Chris]

Today I'm gonna fuck shit up. Actually, no, I have to do. I have to do several podcasts today, but.

[Christy]

Right.

[Chris]

Tomorrow, dude. Actually gotta fly tomorrow, dude. Thursday afternoon. I'm gonna absolutely shit up.

[Christy]

Where are you going this weekend?

[Chris]

Cleveland. No. Yeah, I'm going to Hilarities. Cleveland.

[Christy]

I love Hilarities. You've been there before, right?

[Chris]

No, no, it's.

[Christy]

Oh, this Is your first time on the road going through everything, pretty much like headlining on your own?

[Chris]

Pretty much. This is the first. I started, like, last year.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Because I did a whole stretch of shows, and then I did that one special. So this is like. I'm still. There's still a lot of clubs that are new to me, so. Yeah.

[Christy]

Hilarities is awesome, dude.

[Chris]

I heard it's really good.

[Christy]

Dude, you talk about eating. You want some of the best comedy club food in the country? Dude, Brick oven pizzas. They bring out the. Yeah, the owners. Great. There's Sam, Nick. That. The food that they bring out's old school Greek guy. Oh, that's. They bring out whatever you want, dude. It's amazing. And it's got, like, the beautiful comedy club. It's like, you know, balcony, and then they got like a. Like a cabaret room in the back. That. That's one of those clubs, like, whatever you want. They'll. They'll get up.

[Chris]

I'm excited.

[Christy]

Yeah. Good. Good people. And then you stay at the hotel. You stay at. You're probably staying at the. You're staying at the hotel that the comedy club gives you. Dude. It's like an indoor. It's like the first indoor arcade, like, what they used to call, like, a mall, I think, in America. So, like, you're. It's one of those hotels where, like, you open up, like, your door, but you're, like, inside, like, on this elevated. Like, you could, like, look down in, like, an indoor courtyard. It's a sick hotel.

[Chris]

That's awesome.

[Christy]

But it's crazy. When you go to Cleveland, you'll see, like, the block where the comedy club is and where your hotel is, is. There's three blocks. I think it's called east fourth Street. That is all of Cleveland.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

And then on everywhere else, it's like, there's nothing happening at all. It's just crack. Everywhere. But that block where you are. That's all you got. That's all you got to do.

[Chris]

I was in Indianapolis. I stayed across the street from the Pacers Arena.

[Christy]

Yep.

[Chris]

Fever arena as well.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And then it was just. Just that little square and the rest of it.

[Christy]

I was like, Indianapolis is one, like, you know, I love any American city, but that's one of those ones where I'm like, you know what guys? Like, I. I don't know, dude. I've been here a couple of times. Every time, it kind of just feels worse and worse for me. And. And I just. I don't know, man. Like, if it comes up on the schedule. I'm like, I. I'll do it, but it's got to be quick. It's got to be quick. Yeah, you got to just get me in there. Get me in. If the show's at 7, get me on a 6pm flight. We'll land, we'll do it, we'll get out. I got to do it. Like. Like a bombing run.

[Chris]

Yeah, it is. It is. It does have a kind of a depressing vibe.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

If you're used to, like, a booming metropolitan area, like. Yeah, just the food options and stuff, that's kind of. You know, I don't want to snob on people's town, but it's like, no. Yeah, but I. I will, because I am a snob about that kind of stuff. But, yeah, you get there and you're like, dude, this is your Uber eats. Yeah, bro.

[Christy]

Like, yeah.

[Chris]

Someone opened one fucking restaurant, dude.

[Christy]

Dude, Steve Chaconi, Rice Roni, like, last night, Uber eats something. What was the place called? Jew. Jew Burger.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah.

[Christy]

Jew boy burgers.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

And then Jew boy burgers, they dropped the. The burgers off in the wrong elevator shaft, so this kid had to get Wendy's. What did you. Where did you. Where did that Jew boy leave the burgers?

[Chris]

The Jews? You on your burgers?

[Christy]

Yeah, dude.

[Chris]

They were like, jews control the burgers in Austin. You can say that for sure.

[Christy]

J. So you've had Jew boy Burger?

[Chris]

I haven't had it yet.

[Christy]

But you've heard of it?

[Chris]

Yeah, I'm waiting for the whole stuff to settle down in the Middle East. I've heard of it. I haven't had it yet, dude, but that's cra.

[Christy]

What a crazy name. I guess the owner's Jewish. I mean, that'd be funny if it's a Palestinian guy that owns it.

[Chris]

Yeah, it's got to be. It's got to be a Jew boy.

[Christy]

Jew boy burgers.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Interesting.

[Chris]

I heard they're good. Unless they're hitting you with that kosher shit. Like, you can't have cheese, right?

[Christy]

Yeah, I do think you can.

[Chris]

I went to a kosher burger place one time. I didn't know what kosher was, and I was like, yeah, fire me up a burger. He's like, yeah, we can't do cheese. And I was kind of like, yeah, bro, this is what people are talking about, dude.

[Christy]

I know, dude. Well, like, a lot of, like, growing up in New York and, like, Brooklyn area, it's like, you know, we have the Hasidic Jewish population. Like, most people. People, like, don't even know, like, what that. Like, there's a wild population. Like, they're their own kind of group. They don't let anybody in or out. They're kind of like the Amish, but, like, just Jewish people, like, running around. Like, there's parts of Brooklyn, like, huge parts of Brooklyn that like. No, none of us. If you're not Hasidic Jew, you've never seen it and you can't go in. It's like, kind of wild. Like, you didn't grow up around any Hasidic Jews in Philly? No, no, no, we got them everywhere, dude.

[Chris]

Yeah, we didn't really have. I grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia, and I, for real didn't know Jewish people existed until in college.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Like, I didn't. People were like, all the Jews. And I was like, kind of. What are you talking about? Yeah, like, Jewish people. And I'm like, what? What are you saying?

[Christy]

What does that mean?

[Chris]

I thought they was in the Bible. I didn't know then, like, when I saw. And I was like, oh, okay.

[Christy]

Yeah. And it's kind of funny, like, the, you know, kind of subtle racism that, like, the old school people would have. Like, I remember Grandpa, like, you know, I remember, like, we would, like, always, like, go, like, on the bqe, Brooklyn Queens Expressway. We would always, like, go, you know, like, this one route where he would, like, take side streets and then get on the highway and get off. And I remember one time I asked him, I was like, why do you. Why don't we just, like, stay the highway? He's like, I mean, so why do we get off those side streets? And he was like, oh, because if I stayed on the highway, then it makes you get off, and then you got to go through the Hasidic Jewish neighborhood. And we don't want to do that. So I was just like, what? Okay. It was like, just didn't want to see it. He was like, yeah, I'm not driving through that. That's their neighborhood. And I'm like, do you not.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Christy]

Like, I kind of almost felt like, you know, like, do you hate them? Are you scared of them? Like, what is it? But it is.

[Chris]

People just didn't with each other when they first came here. Here. It was very much like, that's your people. These are my people.

[Christy]

Well, that's how they live. And with the civic Jewish population. It's not that. It's not that we're racist again. They don't want us involved, so they hate us. Like, they. They do not want you even around.

[Chris]

Them, it kind of crushes their vibe.

[Christy]

Right?

[Chris]

Because if you're like, you know, if you're not wearing the clothes, I would feel kind of dumb.

[Christy]

I know. Well, they look exact. The way they dress is how they dressed 100 years ago. It's like the same. That's kind of. That's kind of dope. Like, you can just drop in, like, you know, 200 years from now, we're going to look like fucking idiots.

[Chris]

Yeah, but.

[Christy]

But, like, it'd be cool if, like, we dropped in 200 years later, we kind of have the same shit going on.

[Chris]

Yeah. Froze. Like jeans and a T shirt. It's like, this is what we're doing.

[Christy]

This is what it is, dude.

[Chris]

Now on. Yeah.

[Christy]

I'm still just sitting here bawling out to fucking Darrell and Oates.

[Chris]

Well, dude, I don't want to hold you up, man.

[Christy]

10:45 already? 3. Yeah. How long did we do? An hour. Look at that.

[Chris]

I'm looking.

[Christy]

The hair, dude, the hair looks clean.

[Chris]

It looks great, man.

[Christy]

Dude, I'm. But people your fans are going to on me.

[Chris]

They're not going to.

[Christy]

Dude, I'll fucking fist fight any one of these fans, talk shit about my hair, come to any of my shows, check my schedule, christycomedy.com and fucking say it to my face and fight me at the meet and greet.

[Chris]

That's what I'm talking about. Thanks for doing this, bro.

[Christy]

Thank you, bro. Thank you.