Ep 522 - Rock N' Roll Synagogue (feat. Steve Gerben & Chris O'Connor)

Summary

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast: Episode 522 - "Rock N' Roll Synagogue" (feat. Steve Gerben & Chris O'Connor)
Release Date: October 15, 2024

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I. Introduction and Game Day Banter (00:00 - 02:30)

The episode kicks off with Shane Gillis and his co-hosts, Steve Gerben and Chris O'Connor, engaging in lighthearted banter about setting up the perfect environment for watching college football. Shane expresses reluctance about rearranging the sunroom but jokes about making it comfortable enough for an eight-hour football marathon.

• Shane: "This chair is phenomenal. It's game day, Steve." [00:00]
• Steve: "Even in that chair, you can only get maybe four hours of college football done." [00:28]

The conversation quickly shifts to their experiences at country clubs, with Chris sharing amusing anecdotes about making new friends and the challenges of playing golf with overly competitive "man children."

II. Tim Waltz Allegations (02:30 - 07:30)

The hosts delve into a contentious topic involving Tim Waltz being accused of pedophilia on the internet. They discuss the nature of these allegations, emphasizing skepticism and the lack of substantial evidence.

• Shane: "Tim Walls being called a pedophile on the Internet today. I don't think it's... it sounds like it's just a tweet." [03:35]
• Steve: "He’s got a little bit of that face going on." [04:00]

They analyze the situation, touching upon the responsibilities of coaches and the potential impact of such accusations on Waltz's career and personal life. The discussion includes humorous yet sensitive remarks about the complexities of handling false allegations.

III. Working on Set and Production Challenges (07:30 - 20:00)

Transitioning from serious topics, the conversation moves to their experiences working on the set of a project titled "Tires." Shane shares his frustrations with early morning schedules and the monotony of waiting between scenes.

• Shane: "I'm not coming in. I'm yelling at these poor people that are working there. I'm like, dude, why would I get here at 5:30 in the morning." [12:14]
• Chris: "I have that in the back of my head where I'm like, he doesn't need to be doing this." [12:42]

The hosts humorously recount instances of grappling with long work hours, dealing with staff, and maintaining energy during filming. They emphasize the camaraderie among the team despite the challenges.

IV. Advertisement Break (Skipped)

This section contains advertisements for BlueChew and Prizepix. As per the podcast summary guidelines, advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections are omitted.

V. Post-Ad Conversations: Personal Anecdotes, Family Stories, and Fun Times (42:57 - 83:34)

After the advertisement break, the hosts return to their signature comedic style, sharing a plethora of personal stories and humorous incidents.

A. Family and Personal Stories

Shane recounts a poignant moment involving his father's health scare, blending humor with emotional depth.

• Shane: "When he came out of surgery, he was like, 'Steve sucks.'" [34:33]
• Chris: "He handled it really well." [36:35]

The conversation touches on generational differences, parenting styles, and the awkwardness of discussing sensitive topics like health and mortality with loved ones.

B. High School and School Memories

The hosts reminisce about their high school days, sharing funny and embarrassing moments related to school events and interactions with teachers.

• Chris: "I did a lip sync contest against the teacher... it was not funny." [29:54]
• Shane: "He goes, 'What are you guys doing?' and he was like, 'ruining his life.'" [61:50]

They discuss the dynamics of school performances, the pressure to entertain, and the lasting impressions left by these formative experiences.

C. Social Interactions and Friendships

Steve and Chris share stories about their interactions with friends and acquaintances, highlighting humorous misunderstandings and the challenges of maintaining friendships.

• Steve: "I thought you were a decent board member, but then you hit the floor with that story." [45:39]
• Shane: "I took a picture of Beezer and he started posing. It was hilarious." [75:58]

These anecdotes provide a glimpse into the hosts' social lives, showcasing their ability to find humor in everyday situations.

D. Reflections and Closing Remarks

As the episode wraps up, Shane and the guests reflect on their experiences, offering heartfelt shout-outs and expressing appreciation for their co-hosts and friends.

• Shane: "Shout out to Matt. We love you. I care about you. I miss you. Those are cool glasses." [83:13]
• Steve: "Yeah." [83:13]

They hint at future episodes, promising more engaging content and continued camaraderie among the hosts.

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Notable Quotes

• Shane on Early Mornings: "I'm not coming in. I'm yelling at these poor people that are working there. I'm like, dude, why would I get here at 5:30 in the morning." [12:14]
• Steve on Tim Waltz's Face: "He’s got a little bit of that face going on." [04:00]
• Shane on Friendship at Country Club: "No, no, no. They're all just like normal, you know?" [03:07]
• Chris on High School Lip Sync: "It was a bad choice. Yeah, I thought it was going to be funny. It wasn't funny." [29:57]
• Shane on Family Moments: "I held the phone to Steve and he goes, Steve sucks literally on his deathbed going, 'Fuck you, pussy.'" [34:12]

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Conclusion

Episode 522 of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and candid discussions on various topics ranging from sports to sensitive personal experiences. Hosts Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis, along with guests Steve Gerben and Chris O'Connor, create an engaging and entertaining narrative that captures the essence of their comedic chemistry. Whether it's reminiscing about high school escapades or navigating the challenges of working on set, the episode delivers laughs and relatable moments for both long-time listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Shane]

The sunroom. It's beautiful here, but I don't want to. We'd have to bring it like a couch in. I'm not gonna say like this. Eight hours of college football. Bring some bar stools in Irish, this chair is phenomenal. It's game day, Steve.

[Steve]

It's a comfy chair. Yeah, it really is great. But even. Even in that chair, you can only get maybe four hours of college football done.

[Shane]

That's a lot.

[Steve]

You gotta lay down.

[Shane]

That's why. Yeah.

[Steve]

You need to elevate the legs.

[Shane]

You gotta lay down for the 8:00 games.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Shane]

Especially Notre Dame. Sanford's gonna be a nice boring one.

[Chris]

My new friend is watching. Yeah, I guess this is where the game today.

[Shane]

Your new friend is watching football today?

[Chris]

I'm making all sorts of friends at this country club.

[Shane]

You're making friends at the country club?

[Chris]

They're just like very.

[Shane]

So you made a friend at the country club today and they told you they were going to watch college football later?

[Chris]

Today was the first time. Are we. Are we.

[Shane]

Yeah, we're recording.

[Steve]

Yeah, we are. We are recording.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Shane]

Hopefully we weren't.

[Chris]

This is not the first time that we've played. This was the first time we scheduled to play together.

[Shane]

And you guys set that up. You said, hey, do you want to play together?

[Chris]

Yes. Yeah. Because it is. Actually you could. If you're playing with people that aren't, you know, like man, they're like man children or stuff like that. Like you could play with like real bummer of people.

[Shane]

What do you mean by a man child?

[Chris]

Like. Like grown men that get like really upset when they start playing poorly.

[Shane]

Oh, God, yeah. Really uncomfortable. I thought you met dudes that were out there having fun.

[Chris]

No, no.

[Shane]

Drinking a little.

[Steve]

No.

[Shane]

Like they do they forbid that at your country club?

[Chris]

No, no, no. Some guys very much do that.

[Shane]

Get hammered.

[Chris]

Of course. That's not me.

[Shane]

I. I love it. You'd have such a golf fun when you're drunk.

[Chris]

No, no, no.

[Steve]

It is for a little bit and then your game falls apart.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Didn't you. One of my favorite stories of all time was you not playing and getting drunk with your whole time.

[Shane]

My friends had a very serious golf competition. They split into two teams and then me and my one friend O'Leary, who wasn't playing, just drove a golf cart back and forth. Watching them just getting hammered, just screaming at him while they were playing. They got like, really? They became children. My back swing. Dude, shut the up. You hit like a 120. They for real shot, like 120. And I was like, you can't be upset.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah, that's it. Yeah.

[Shane]

Like, you just put the cart in reverse during the backswing. It's so good.

[Steve]

That is the most fre. The backswing thing drives me crazy. Especially when I. Like, I've never played with anyone who's nearly good enough to be able. Justify.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Steve]

It's like you're not that focused and.

[Chris]

You'Re not that good.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

But for that noise, you would have. No. So anyway.

[Shane]

But you made a friend.

[Chris]

I did. He lived up to.

[Shane]

He's cool.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

He's just like, cool.

[Chris]

I have like one other friend that.

[Shane]

I made more friends.

[Chris]

Yeah. So tomorrow I'm gonna.

[Shane]

Country clubs, like a dog park, weirdos. You're meeting friends.

[Chris]

No, no, no, no. They're all just like normal, you know? Yeah.

[Shane]

So hold on. What were you saying before we got started about. You said something about sex.

[Chris]

Oh, well, because you were talking about Tim Waltz.

[Shane]

Oh. Tim Walls being called a pedophile on the Internet today.

[Chris]

So what is that story? I don't.

[Shane]

I don't know. I don't think it's. I. You know, it sounds like it's. It's just a tweet, so you never know. I would say it's definitely not true, but who knows?

[Steve]

It's.

[Shane]

Those guys seemed fucking serious.

[Steve]

He's got a little bit of that face going on.

[Shane]

That's a tough one.

[Chris]

No, no, I don't. I don't subscribe to that at all because I feel like I have that face.

[Steve]

No, no, no.

[Shane]

You don't know if you were a chubby. Yeah, no. If you were chubby, you'd look up.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You got like dark eyelashes.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It looks like you're wearing eyeliner. I know. Insane.

[Chris]

I know people, like, occasionally I get accused of that. Very seriously. Wearing eyeliner.

[Steve]

Oh, no.

[Chris]

And there's no talking somebody out of that.

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

This guy here. Here's the source.

[Steve]

You pour water on it. What do you do?

[Chris]

You can't you just go like, dude, I'm not. But then you also don't want to justify, you know?

[Steve]

Right, right, right. Feed. Feed into it.

[Shane]

This guy said, okay, Tim, I guess now would be a good time to drop my October surprise. You remember him, right? The real person you walked away. The real reason you walked away from teaching. The kid who spent the night at your home, the one you went to the gay bar with. The reason the school board had a meeting about you. What do you think Tim should I drop that now or should I wait another week or so? You know the student you were having sex with? The male student you were having sex with, they don't call you Touchdown Timmy because you were the football coach. Oh, wait, you lied about that Also, you were the assistant coach. What do you think, Tim? You remember the Indigo Girls concert, right? The gay bar, spending the night, and of course, the school board meeting. I think it's time, Tim. Touchdown Timmy. You were touchy. All right. Did I write this? This is really good.

[Chris]

Who was that?

[Steve]

Like a school just rewinding your special and figured out how to write it.

[Shane]

This. That was from the very reliable Black Insurrectionist. I follow back Patriots. That's a reliable source.

[Steve]

Does he follow you?

[Shane]

No, I. I don't know. I didn't check. I didn't check. Although he might have got a follow from me after this. That's quality work. Touchdown Timmy. But he's right. That is the one thing that bothered me. Stealing head coach Valor is crazy.

[Steve]

He said he was a head coach and he was assistant.

[Shane]

Yeah, he was assistant. Who's a high school assistant football coach? Maybe you want to put one of those guys at the White House. Those are literally the biggest.

[Chris]

Tim Waltz.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

The vice president.

[Shane]

Yes. Not yet liberal to be vice president. Oh, yeah, I forgot your red pill.

[Chris]

I thought you guys were talking about, like, a coach for a football team.

[Shane]

No, no, no, no, no, no. We're talking about touching on Timmy Walls.

[Chris]

Gotcha.

[Steve]

He was a coach for a football team, and he looked. It was an offensive driven. He's offensive coordinator.

[Shane]

They made this video where it looks like he was the coach. Oh, no.

[Chris]

Cat.

[Shane]

Oh, sorry. This is not good for podcasting. But watch.

[Steve]

Oh, look at that ball.

[Shane]

They found the one clip of him.

[Steve]

Touching kids like he won.

[Shane]

Like he. He was the coach.

[Steve]

He did. Maybe. Maybe the head coach was just kind of a figurehead, you know, he was like. He was like late days, paternity walked right into that.

[Shane]

You think a gay pedophile could have been the defensive coordinator? Touchdown Timmy Walls. That's a tough allegation.

[Steve]

Was he the D coordinator?

[Shane]

I don't know. I hope not for his sake. Little Sandusky action for you.

[Chris]

What does a head coach do of a football team?

[Shane]

It depends on what they. It varies, okay? Sometimes they're the play callers, sometimes they call the defense, sometimes they don't do either, and they just kind of make the final call on things interesting. Yeah, like, I don't know. I don't know if Marcus Freeman for Notre Dame Calls plays. Plays at all. I think he has Den Brock on offense and Golden.

[Steve]

Right.

[Shane]

He probably helps with the defense. Anyway, I thought he did for.

[Steve]

I thought he, like, took over last year or something. Calling defensive plays or something.

[Shane]

No, I don't think. Algorithms. Pretty good.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. Now, what was the sexual thing, Stephen? Because we were talking about Timmy Walls being possibly a gay pedophile.

[Chris]

Right. What I was saying, because you. You had mentioned that there was something.

[Shane]

He was taking an LGBT club from his high school to China with him on some trips. Allegedly. These are all crazy allegations.

[Steve]

He's going to Thailand.

[Shane]

What was it? Black Patriot? Black Insurrectionist. Sick name.

[Chris]

I was just. I was saying that it's very hard to not fool yourself into what you're doing. To have sex with people. That didn't come out right.

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah. Not trick yourself.

[Chris]

Yeah. To not lie to yourself about what your actual motives are. To really. It's like, I'm trying to have sex with somebody.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And then you've got all this.

[Shane]

The only thing I can do is put together an LGBT China. Yeah, I hear you. You're like, I'm doing. This is a good thing. Just in the back, a woman's march.

[Steve]

And then you get.

[Shane]

And you hear that in the back of your head, and you go, no. Yeah, that's not me.

[Chris]

That face. So I. I don't know. But, like, I was, you know, gonna have sex or what.

[Shane]

He gave me the he. That his girlfriend was coming. Coming to visit.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So I was convinced.

[Chris]

And then he just kept making that face it to me.

[Shane]

Did you see that?

[Steve]

Trying to burn it in between takes.

[Shane]

I was like, when you're performing oral sex, I said, stephen, are you gonna.

[Steve]

I think you were getting makeup put on you. Yeah.

[Shane]

Stephen, are you gonna perform oral sex tonight? He was like, yes. It was like, when you're doing it, I want you to see this face.

[Steve]

But you powered through and. No.

[Chris]

And I didn't even power through. I totally forgot about it because I was so. And then after I was coming out of the bathroom, I was like, yes.

[Shane]

Because then I thought about it, and the woman heard.

[Steve]

Yeah. When you were cleaning up, she said.

[Shane]

Why'D you just say yes? You're cleaning up the mess.

[Chris]

Yeah. Oh, do you remember the story about Matt, like, how you found out that he got a flashlight, which was like, yeah.

[Shane]

You guys were sitting.

[Chris]

And then there's. UPS showed up, and he was like, yes.

[Shane]

I go, what's that? Nothing. Then he ran to the door. He goes, I got a flashlight. I got two of them. Do you want one? I was like, yeah, that's great.

[Steve]

Buy one, get one free.

[Shane]

And then we both went to our chambers, and when we emerged, we both kind of quietly were like, this is too powerful.

[Steve]

It's too powerful.

[Shane]

Gotta get rid of these things.

[Chris]

I've never actually used one.

[Shane]

You would go nuts. Holy. Can you imagine what he would do? Yeah, he loves devices, dude. The way he puts, like, his phone on, like a. Yeah, you'd have that thing attached to something. What this would be. Get rid of that mic.

[Chris]

I don't like bringing in things. Yeah, I don't mind, but that.

[Steve]

I wonder if you could attach a flashlight to the boom arm.

[Chris]

I'm sure you could.

[Shane]

Now we're talking.

[Steve]

Just it.

[Shane]

You should. You should ask Touchdown Timmy Walls. That might be one. He could answer. Go to a town hall and be like, could you attach a flashlight to a boom mic?

[Steve]

There was. Yeah.

[Shane]

I don't know. I'm a knucklehead.

[Steve]

Oh, he does get crazy.

[Chris]

Who's gonna win?

[Shane]

Who's gonna win?

[Steve]

Hey, it's a coin flip. It's a coin.

[Shane]

Come on, bro. If it's a coin flip, you know they're stealing it.

[Steve]

We're gonna be shooting.

[Shane]

If it's close, we would get the old 2:00am oh, we found 900,000 votes. If you challenge the election, you're a.

[Steve]

Piece of shit, dude. The day after the election, I feel. I hope it's just all B roll, just you by yourself on set.

[Shane]

Oh, man, I don't want to.

[Steve]

I don't want to reap the whirlwind.

[Shane]

Yeah, true. Oh, yeah. We're gonna be on set.

[Steve]

Yeah. Election day.

[Chris]

That's gonna be.

[Shane]

That's gonna be so fun.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Either way, if Trump loses, I'll get to make fun of you. I'll be like, nice going, dude. You ruined the country.

[Chris]

Right?

[Steve]

You got fuzzy on your cheek. Yeah.

[Shane]

No, it's been good. Tires have been great.

[Chris]

Tires has been incredible.

[Shane]

You've been incredible.

[Chris]

But it's.

[Shane]

You've been incredible. It's a week, but it's been a fun week.

[Chris]

Nailed it.

[Shane]

God damn. Do you forget how hard actually working is?

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I feel like the biggest pussy of all time.

[Chris]

I can't believe you're actually doing it. If I was, like, at your level, I think I'd be like, guys, I'm sorry.

[Shane]

I gotta be honest. I'm starting to be like, I'm not coming in. I'm yelling at these poor people that are working there. I'm like, dude, why would I get here at 5:30 in the morning.

[Chris]

Yeah, I. That. I like those long days. I have that in the back of my head where I'm like, he doesn't need to be doing this, you know? No, I do ask somebody to stay.

[Steve]

To party too long, 12 hour.

[Shane]

I definitely need to do it. It's. It's the best. But the. You, you.

[Steve]

That first day, 5:30 wake up was great.

[Shane]

I was like, the first day. This is going to be for four months. I'm gonna kill myself. St has been so good.

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Schultz and Tommy were great. Everything's good. So Kyla's been killing.

[Chris]

Oh my God. Yeah.

[Shane]

If she wasn't asleep, she'd be on the pod. We. We might be able to do this.

[Chris]

YouTube.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Thank you.

[Shane]

Yeah. True. Didn't say. Chris, didn't we do that at the premiere? Yeah, yeah, just literally we're just up there. He. It was. He was dying. He was dying. It was full panic mode. But also no one was like, oh yeah, O. Connor. Yeah, he's. Chris was just sitting there at the end.

[Steve]

I just brought up like a little stool for me to sit on. That was. Yeah, that was a surreal experience though. I also, like, when we got up on stage, I was like, what do we. I don't.

[Shane]

We didn't have anything.

[Steve]

What did you say?

[Shane]

That was one of the worst pieces of poor Brandon from Rough House. Just up there. Like, so. So, yeah, you guys, how do you get into character? Yeah, like, we. None of us do. These are all us.

[Chris]

Well, I was giving them one word answers.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Steve]

The instinct is like, turn it into a podcast. We're just talking about jerking off and like finger and pissing.

[Shane]

Talked about Steve's sexual proclivities. That's all I got. But yeah, waking up early and then driving home tired. How the. I forgot how big of a pussy I was.

[Steve]

Dude.

[Shane]

People. Actually, also, we're not even working right. We're just there literally laying on a recliner until it's time to do three minutes of work. And then you sit back on a recliner and go, what the are you doing, Steve? You O'Connor.

[Steve]

And it's also not even a situation where there's no end in sight. You know what I mean? When you're working a day job and you're like, oh, this is my life.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Steve]

This is forever. Until this. You, like, know it will be over in December.

[Shane]

I got that in the back of my head the whole time. I'm like, I don't want to do any more acting. Stand up. So good. Stand up. One hour and you go home.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And this. But the staff, too. They're showing up, like, an hour before we even get there, and then an hour after.

[Shane]

Dude, this sound. Guys. That job actually is hard.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Just holding the thing all day.

[Chris]

Yeah. Christian.

[Shane]

I'd be cranky if I were them.

[Steve]

It reminds me of the temple owl guy who does this the whole day.

[Shane]

No, say Joe's heart.

[Steve]

It just. The whole game.

[Shane]

Just to flap his wings. The entire game. Did you know that? No. He stands there the whole time. Goes.

[Steve]

Just three hours, is it? Yeah.

[Chris]

Damn.

[Steve]

And there's no point. There's no reason for him.

[Shane]

He's still doing it. That's the whole point. If someone goes, you know, he flaps his wings the whole game. Yeah.

[Steve]

I love the tradition of college basketball.

[Shane]

We got it.

[Steve]

There's a guy in the worst. A hawk costume.

[Shane]

It's great.

[Steve]

The hawk costume's 60 years old.

[Shane]

You can look.

[Steve]

It's just a couple feathers coming off his arm. It just.

[Shane]

It's nice.

[Steve]

It's not like a fun. Big, like, gritty or fanatic. It's. It's like, almost skin tight.

[Shane]

It's like a kid's Halloween costume that the parents made. It's dog.

[Steve]

That'll actually be fun. I want to go to some. I want to go to some of those games.

[Shane]

Oh, it's actually big.

[Steve]

Five games.

[Shane]

Sick fucking outfit. I take it back. Look at that thing. Oh, he's running around.

[Steve]

I was wrong. They must have got an upgrade. Yeah.

[Shane]

I mean, it is shitty. Look at that. Especially when he's just standing there by himself in the corner of the.

[Steve]

Yeah, it looks like a big rug.

[Shane]

Yeah. That's good stuff. What else is going on? Joe's hawk.

[Steve]

I had a shitty morning. Yeah. I woke up. I woke up. I went to go. I was trying to get, like, a. Like a cabinet that a TV can, like, rise out of.

[Chris]

Oh, really?

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Why'd you do that for?

[Steve]

In here? But I. I was looking online. I thought they would be, like. I thought they'd be, like, 500 bucks. They're $3,000.

[Shane]

Geez. Yeah. Remote control thing.

[Steve]

Yeah. Yeah, the.

[Shane]

Are you getting that?

[Steve]

Because I thought it'd be nice in the room. It wouldn't block the windows, and you could have a TV in here to watch some college football. Right now we just have it sitting on the table. It's a. It's an eyesore.

[Shane]

Yeah, we're definitely not watching football.

[Steve]

But then. Then.

[Shane]

Oh, he wants to put that on a glass table. And have us sit in these chairs and watch it like a board meeting. Because zoom call is. That's crazy.

[Steve]

It'll be nice.

[Shane]

Steve's going to the bar with us. We're gonna have a couple.

[Chris]

No, he's not, because Steve's got a.

[Shane]

All the more reason to get a little buzz.

[Chris]

I haven't had a drink in.

[Shane]

Filming's also ruined. Drinking. Drink. Dude, I'm not drinking. It sucks. Yeah.

[Chris]

Because I wasn't like, the writer's room even just trying to come up with ideas. It was. I couldn't. I had such, like, brain fog, so.

[Shane]

Same dude. Yeah.

[Steve]

You can't. Yeah, I can't drink the night before.

[Shane]

I drink twice in two weeks.

[Steve]

Yeah, that's.

[Chris]

That's crazy.

[Shane]

No, it blows. And I'm not gonna get any days off. The rest. I don't think there's a lot of days where I'm not. Like, a lot of weeks.

[Steve]

Yeah, I think.

[Chris]

But do you feel good?

[Shane]

Yeah. You feel good?

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's not worth it, dude. I don't know what the. All these people are talking about. It blows.

[Chris]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Steve]

You get a clear head. It's nice.

[Shane]

It's nice when you wake up.

[Steve]

Yeah, it's amazing.

[Shane]

Going to sleep sucks.

[Chris]

It does not.

[Shane]

Like. Because it's hard to sleep without it. It's just like. What do you want to do tonight? I don't know. No, you just watch Netflix.

[Steve]

Yeah. Harry Potter marathon.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I'm going to watch more about the Menendez brothers. Been watching 900 Hours of the Menendez brothers.

[Steve]

What's going on with that one? Is that.

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Steve]

Same guy who made the DMER thing. It's. Is it as horny as the DMER one?

[Shane]

Yeah, this one's pretty horny. Because they said they got raped by their dad.

[Chris]

No.

[Shane]

It's a good defense after you kill a guy. He was actually raping us.

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Did you tell anyone before that? No, I forgot to tell anybody.

[Steve]

That's the Spacey playbook.

[Shane]

It is a nice playbook.

[Steve]

I just want everyone to know that I am gay.

[Shane]

Yeah. It's also funny people. Women are always like, they're so hot because they're hot in the show. Then I was like, do you want to see what these guys like? Women love murderers.

[Steve]

Yeah, I do. They want to be. They. I think there's.

[Shane]

Lyle and Eric are hot. I looked at a picture of him. I was like, these guys look like literal dipshits.

[Steve]

Oh, man.

[Shane]

Look at these dip shits.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

But they're rich.

[Shane]

They were rich for a week, and then they got caught for blowing their parents brains.

[Chris]

Is that how they did it?

[Shane]

Oh, that's how they broke into their house with shotguns. Well, it was their house. They just walked downstairs and shot their parents while they were watching tv.

[Chris]

God, it's terrifying.

[Shane]

It is.

[Chris]

Are we giving anything away? If we talk about the thing that you had. This or whatever in the. In the show.

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Give it a shot.

[Chris]

Well, you. You putting a gun at my face. A prop gun.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

It's just terrible to know that you're, like, clicking in.

[Steve]

You're, like, gone, gone.

[Chris]

Just like.

[Shane]

Maybe. Maybe you're onto a better place.

[Chris]

Let's hope.

[Shane]

You. I don't know. Yes. You think you're going to heaven.

[Chris]

Oh, man, I would love to save you and me. Same time. We get there and then God's like, I knew it.

[Shane]

You want me to get sent to hell.

[Steve]

And you.

[Shane]

You get to witness first.

[Chris]

Just be first. Be first.

[Shane]

You think I'm gonna have to wait a little. No, they're gonna go, hold on a second.

[Steve]

The fantasy is so funny.

[Shane]

Insane fantasy. I've never heard anyone.

[Steve]

Pearly gates.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Steve]

And God goes, steve, I always liked.

[Shane]

You better, Steve, you are better than Shane. You're going to Hell.

[Chris]

They just go, steve. And then shade. I go, I wonder who got it.

[Shane]

Oh, a little pride on the. Through the pearly gates.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. That's a sin. They would cast you down. He does remind me of Lucifer, Steve. Yeah. The. The story.

[Chris]

How does that go?

[Shane]

Being God's favorite angel? And then Lucifer was like, I should be God. I'm actually the best.

[Chris]

It's true. I. It's. There's a degree of truth to that insofar as when you're not around, I do act very differently. Who knows?

[Shane]

Have you witnessed it?

[Steve]

What?

[Shane]

Him being a cocky guy when I'm not around.

[Chris]

Would you describe it as cocky?

[Steve]

No, It's. It's.

[Chris]

It's.

[Steve]

It's a roller coaster.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah. There's. There's every. Every once in a while, I feel like everyone's prone to that a little bit.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

[Steve]

When you're not around.

[Shane]

I would love to see some confidence.

[Steve]

You leave the room and someone's always going, like, all right.

[Shane]

He'S out. I'm in charge. You pieces of.

[Chris]

Yeah. My propensity to, like, walk by somebody clean that up, you know?

[Shane]

Yeah. It's a fun thing to do. Yeah, yeah, it's really fun.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Just walk by someone. Go pick that up. Finish that script right now.

[Steve]

Turn that hat around.

[Shane]

Turn your hat around. This isn't a. That's a good one.

[Chris]

I was knocking Clay's hat off his head. And, I mean, he was doing it to me.

[Shane]

Oh, I'm a. Clay's fart yesterday, shout out to Clay on the part. The middle of me trying to do lot. Like, I was in the middle of. What do you. A monologue? Yeah, I was. No, just dialogue. I was trying to. And he followed me into the room with the camera. And then I'm in there talking, and I just suddenly. I couldn't think of any line because all I could smell was. I was like, but why don't you come out here and do this? I was like, I'm sorry. I can't talk. Somebody farted. Sticks like shit. And he just goes, that was me. I farted. I didn't really fart. It kind of just leaked out. God damn, Clay.

[Steve]

Yeah, that's why we're boys.

[Shane]

He is the man.

[Steve]

Yeah, just fart.

[Shane]

Is that a lax bro thing? You guys all just. I don't know. But you and Clay, two skunks walking.

[Steve]

Around together, you rip apart and it stinks. You just go, what is my friend today?

[Chris]

Play lacrosse.

[Steve]

Oh, really?

[Shane]

Your friend?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You know, how good of friends are you guys? Not great.

[Chris]

You know, we're just.

[Shane]

It's a new friend.

[Chris]

It's a new friend friend. Yeah.

[Shane]

Is he cool?

[Steve]

Yeah, he seems.

[Chris]

I mean, you never know.

[Shane]

Is he handsome?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You knew he's watching.

[Chris]

No.

[Shane]

No, I don't think he was. No.

[Steve]

You got a couple Drexel Dragons at the club? You got a couple Dragons alumni.

[Chris]

Oh, okay.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Well, I don't know. I'm sure he's told me. I don't know.

[Steve]

Neri's floating around.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Damn. You went to Drexel, too?

[Chris]

Yeah, Yeah, I went through that. I went to George Washington, failed out. Went to Delco Community College, fell out.

[Shane]

Oh. You and me were all, you're not better than me at all. You're literally not better than me at all. I thought you'd be a good student. I thought so, too.

[Chris]

I was talking about. I. I don't f. I can't pay attention.

[Steve]

Were you partying too hard?

[Chris]

No, I just. I did not care, and I just lose focus.

[Shane]

Yeah, but you were not partying.

[Steve]

No.

[Shane]

Do you have friends at all when.

[Chris]

I went to Drexel? No, because I was working for my dad.

[Shane]

Quiet loser. That wasn't good at school. And.

[Chris]

And, like, 25.

[Shane]

Oh, my God. Dude.

[Steve]

Sailing out of college is like. Yeah.

[Shane]

At the age. Once you get older, it's the easiest thing in the world.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

College is so easy.

[Steve]

As long as you just turn things. Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris]

That's. Yeah.

[Shane]

Which is why I feel like Dean's stopped going for a full semester. I just didn't go to anything. Then I had to go back to community. No. At community college. I was like, all right, dude, we got. We got to turn this thing around.

[Chris]

Oh, so you passed community college.

[Shane]

I did.

[Chris]

Okay. I failed.

[Steve]

I did that. My. My. The summer of my freshman year, I had. Because Drexel has, like, a quarter system. I had to be in school.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Steve]

For that summer, and I just didn't.

[Shane]

Just didn't go.

[Steve]

Just didn't go. I got, like, a two.

[Shane]

I was basically.

[Chris]

You shaved your head and started working out.

[Steve]

That was it. Later. That was junior year.

[Shane]

Freak out. Yeah. Yeah.

[Steve]

Yeah, dude. I went home. I went home and, yeah, I freaked out. I shaved my head. I had. My dad came home from work. He goes, what'd you do with all the hair? I flushed it down the toilet. He was like, fucking great. It clogged the toilet.

[Shane]

I was like.

[Steve]

It was literally day one of my turnaround. It was just immediately.

[Shane]

I'm different now. I'm gonna change. Nice going, shithead. I'm gonna go for a run. You probably did. I did that.

[Steve]

I went for a run, but I. I had a bowl of cereal. I had a bowl of cereal before I went. And I got a mile away from my house and just had explosive diarrhea.

[Shane]

Ultimate loser, dude.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

You ever have milk and then go on a run? It just shakes. Turns directly into. I waddled home, like, clenching my ass in, like, full, like, running gear, you know?

[Shane]

Yeah. Was your dad home when you burst in the door to work?

[Steve]

Oh, thank God.

[Chris]

That comment, though. What'd you do with the hair?

[Steve]

Oh, that would have, like.

[Chris]

That would have really. I would have seen red mist.

[Steve]

Oh, dude.

[Chris]

Can't you see I'm hurting?

[Shane]

I don't know. You gotta see it from the dad's perspective.

[Steve]

He was home from, like, an actual day of work. I'm, like, just living at the house. They tried to get me to paint, like, the deck, and I couldn't do it.

[Shane]

No chance.

[Steve]

I It up so bad. It was. Yeah. That was the end of the road. Yeah.

[Shane]

I got at Elon. I quit football. So then I just literally just stopped doing everything.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Shane]

And then I went home for Christmas break, and they were like, you're Expelled. I was like, I was the guy. I was the guy at the bar. They're just like, you're expelled.

[Chris]

Oh, I keep forgetting. It's hilarious. I keep forgetting to tell you I tried to do that yesterday.

[Shane]

What?

[Chris]

When? Like, you know, during the one scene where everybody's like ganging up on me. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, like double down on the squint. What? That's. There's a drunk guy that got served right next to Shade sleep at the bar.

[Steve]

When they hit him with it.

[Shane]

No, he was fine. He was just blacked out. Get the out of here, you piece of.

[Chris]

That's hilarious.

[Shane]

This is beautiful.

[Chris]

Did I tell you the one that. The second lip sync contest. Did we talk about that last time? Because it was the Michael Jackson one. That was the freshman year. No, the sophomore year. Because we were talking about like.

[Shane]

That was freshman year.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You must have been the man. In high school. You did a Michael Jackson dance.

[Chris]

I look for a slice.

[Shane]

You see the picture you got first. Yeah, yeah.

[Steve]

You also did a thing where you dressed up as Madonna.

[Chris]

Madonna. That was so.

[Shane]

That.

[Chris]

That was softer year. And that. That was the one I was telling. Because your dad being disappointed, like, that's the one thing my mom still gets triggered by to this day. Because I. I never like, like cross dressed or whatever.

[Shane]

And so before, of course, your dad told me.

[Steve]

Your dad told it. Told me halfway through the performance, some guy yelled out, out. Oh, no, it's a man. Yeah. Oh, he told you about it.

[Chris]

Just walk around, tell story.

[Shane]

You. You deceived them. You did that.

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

Sexy lady up there, you know, big eyelashes. I hadn't hit puberty. Yeah, it was like, I guess. And my mom, like, to this day, if you tell that story, she's just like.

[Shane]

She's like, yeah, true. I could see it.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Put him in a dress and a wig.

[Steve]

Yes.

[Shane]

Wow. What an unfortunate looking girl.

[Steve]

Tall, Tall, slender.

[Chris]

No, I was five two.

[Shane]

Ugly girl up there dancing. Support this ugly girl. Oh, it's a guy. God damn it. It's a gay guy. How'd it go? What happened with Madonna?

[Chris]

It was really uncomfortable. It was not as funny as I thought it was going to be. Like a virgin. And then I did this move where.

[Shane]

Like I got down like a virgin.

[Chris]

My hand and I like, like humped. And that's what triggered the person saw your penis. I don't think he saw my penis, but I was wearing tights. You can see right on my skirt. Terrible.

[Shane]

Oh, it is.

[Chris]

Really.

[Steve]

Why did you. This was for A talent show.

[Chris]

Yeah. And.

[Shane]

And you did this totally by yourself.

[Chris]

It was a bad choice. Yeah, I thought it was going to be funny. I thought it was going to be funny. It wasn't funny.

[Steve]

What, when you. Right before you got.

[Shane]

No one was laughing.

[Chris]

No, no.

[Steve]

I bombed really bad. But before you got on stage, were you like, I can't wait until they see this.

[Shane]

Or did you know? Yeah, there's times you start to know.

[Chris]

Yeah, no, no, I. I don't remember, like, all that clear outside of, like, doing that move and, like, getting beat red. Because you didn't get the response that I was kind of.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

There's got to be something.

[Chris]

There's a video.

[Shane]

I need this. I need it, please.

[Steve]

Just a dead silent auditorium.

[Shane]

Can we please put it at the end of the credits of Tires?

[Chris]

I'll.

[Shane]

I'll.

[Chris]

I'll get my mom to start looking. Yeah, there's a couple different ones.

[Steve]

It's going to tear the family apart. She's going to dig up this.

[Shane]

Yeah. She's going to find her trans son.

[Chris]

Yeah. Well, my dad actually told a funny story to the writers because he was, you know, he was telling about different people he had hired. And he was like, back in 83, this guy interviewed. He'd been in business for, like, four years, this guy interviewed. And he asked, like, why'd you leave your last job? And he was like, you ever work for a Jew? And, you know, my dad being Jewish. And so, you know, they. The writers asked him, so what'd you do? And he's like, I hired him. Worked for me for four years.

[Shane]

Great worker.

[Chris]

We had a lot of fun with that, though, because he, like, told all the other texts, like, don't say anything about me being Jewish. Wait till payday and then tell. But it's just like. It's a hilarious response.

[Steve]

That's why.

[Shane]

That's good.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

There was also, like, didn't your dad play a prank on one of the texts where he had. He had some lady call up and try to. One of them.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah, it was. That was terrible. Like, he got one. There was like, an attractive woman that worked in the office, and he got her. You know, this was like, before Internet.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

So she was gonna be a care pressure. He was like, go in and have funny with the manager time, Jesse. And like, you know, act like you're trying to.

[Shane]

You're flirting.

[Chris]

Yeah. So she went in there and this whole thing with him, like, I got a problem with my car. You know, I don't have a lot of money. Maybe we could go in the back. And he was very much like, I can't do that. I'm married. And then she was like, it's me.

[Shane]

Oh my God. He was married. Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris]

Why would you do it?

[Shane]

Evil fucking trick. That's an evil Jewish trick. That's such a Jewish trick. Go ruin that guy's life. Destroy that man's life. I sign his checks. I'll do whatever I want with his soul. Oh my God.

[Chris]

That was my reaction. Are you crazy to do that?

[Shane]

So up.

[Chris]

It's so up. It's like it's up in multiple ways.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

It's like you get me all aroused and then I'm like making. And then, and then if. And if he brought her back, he's.

[Shane]

Humiliated in front of the company and his wife.

[Chris]

He's going to get a divorce.

[Shane]

The story's going to go around, around and she's going to hear it eventually. He's going to get a divorce.

[Chris]

An evil Jewish church. What was the voice again? What were you doing?

[Shane]

You can try it.

[Chris]

No, no. Go in there.

[Shane]

Ruin his life. Destroy his soul.

[Chris]

And my dad would just like, ah, Stephen, you know, we're just having a little fun.

[Steve]

It's really funny.

[Shane]

Yeah. How about Phil facetiming you?

[Chris]

Oh my God. That was like the joke of the day.

[Shane]

That was nice.

[Chris]

Your dad.

[Shane]

So my dad had a very serious health scare. That's why I was. I. Yeah, I had to go home a lot and check and see. Go to the hospital, which was. That sucks.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But when he came out of surgery, we FaceTimed him and he was like, how's everything going? He's. He's got like tubes in his leg or the worst angle I've ever seen. Literally like in the hospital bed.

[Steve]

He looked like a harking.

[Shane]

Yeah. But I was like, Chris is doing good, John's doing great, Kyle's doing great. Steve sucks and goes, Steve sucks. And I held the phone to Steve and he goes, steve socks literally on his deathbed going, fuck you, pussy.

[Chris]

Yeah. I think you're like, steve isn't doing too good.

[Shane]

Yeah, Steve.

[Chris]

Steve's ruining it or something. Then he was like, steve sucks. Hahaha.

[Steve]

That was one of my favorite film moments of all. Right out of the gate, everyone's like, phil, oh, what's going.

[Shane]

I hope you're doing good.

[Steve]

And he goes, I don't need your Phil. Ultimate warrior.

[Shane]

The first time I saw him in the hospital thing, he was bad. And I would like. My mom was. She didn't really tell us how bad it was. She didn't want everyone freaking out. So I got in there, and he was like. I was like, holy. This could be it. Anyway, I kept it together because I didn't want to fire him up because he was on, like. I was just like, dad, those would have been my last words. I was like, you got this. You know, you never want. But then I left, and I started, you know, I was tearing up a little, leaving the hospital. And while I'm leaving, I was wearing glasses, so the guy wouldn't have seen me visibly crying. But I'm leaving. And the guy just goes, are you Shane Gillis? And I go, yeah. And got in my car and left. He goes, holy. Are you saying yes?

[Chris]

Yeah. That's got to be one of the bizarre things about.

[Steve]

Go get a picture.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah. The sad is people catching it at, like, all your entire range of emotions throughout the day. Tired, wake up, like, feeling good. People are catching it all.

[Shane]

Normally, it's good. Unless it's something like seeing your dad dying.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And it's not. Then you don't really want to talk to people. Even then. I was like, yeah, what's up? Hey, how are you?

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But then Phil, miraculous, like, the next day. Then I went back to the hospital the next day, and he was. It's fine. He was a lot better. They did.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. He powered through that. I thought that was looking dicey. Yeah, that was.

[Chris]

He was so scary.

[Shane]

50. 50 on that one. Early.

[Chris]

How old is he?

[Shane]

68.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Shane]

But he got after it. He had. That was funny. He was in the hospital, but I was like, fucking good run, though. He gets a hell of a run. Hell, yeah.

[Chris]

Damn, what an attitude.

[Shane]

It was funny. Yeah, it was very funny. Just that phone call was incredible what the FaceTime is.

[Steve]

I mean.

[Shane]

Just shut up.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I need your.

[Steve]

Steve sucks. Yeah.

[Chris]

No, I was literally thinking about getting him a card.

[Shane]

I know. That's what he said. He was like, steve sucks. You're like, I was gonna get him a car. I hope he's all right with me talking about his health, but whatever. He's fine now.

[Steve]

Yeah, he's doing great. Is he home yet tomorrow? Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. So that. Oh, man. And he's not allowed to drive now for a while. He's just stuck with my mom. He's gonna be fucking crazy. He's gonna be crazy. And he's got a chill on the drinking. They're definitely saying, you need to stop. And he's like, okay. No way he stops. He was already like, I have a Couple at night. You have more than a couple. He's like, all right, I'll bring it down to a couple of nights, then work my way back up to where I'm at. Yes.

[Chris]

That is a thing. In the medical community.

[Steve]

Coming back from energy injuries, I just got to build myself, start from square one.

[Chris]

Yeah. Do I just. I feel like the medical community does not appreciate how much regular people drink.

[Shane]

They know.

[Chris]

You think.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Unless you get, like, an Indian doctor. I went. I told you this before. I went because I had some rotten chicken fingers at a comedy club and destroyed me.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Shane]

And I was like, oh, this is serious. So I went to a doctor, and he was like, so how much do you drink? And I was like, probably like 50 beers a week. And he was like, oh, my God, pancreas is failing. That's what that is. And I was like, I don't. All right. Then we got the blood work. He was like, everything's fine. Is that how much you drink? Yeah. I was like, yes.

[Chris]

Yeah. It's like. Case of beer was like. Some of the mechanics would drink a case of beer.

[Shane]

Yeah. They put down a case.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That's when you die. You're gonna die at 60.

[Chris]

Probably.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yep.

[Steve]

Apparently the gener. The younger generation doesn't drink as much.

[Shane]

Yeah. Apparently they're finding out it's bad for you.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Because everybody's parents is dead at.

[Steve]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

Good for them.

[Shane]

They're doing everything else.

[Steve]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane]

They're having fun.

[Steve]

They're doing everything else. But.

[Shane]

Yeah, that was. That sucked seeing Phil. Yeah, but whatever. He's back. He'll be back.

[Steve]

I knew he'd be back.

[Shane]

Yeah. He had to lay there and watch the Phillies lose. Oh, that's a tough one, being a hospital bed watching those games.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Just watching the whole team not hit, dude.

[Steve]

After the Sunday game, though, I was like, they're back.

[Chris]

I thought so, too.

[Steve]

I was like, they are back, Bryce.

[Shane]

Yeah, they were flat. They were flat the whole. The next two games.

[Steve]

They subbed everyone out. Just keep them in there. I didn't even like the fact. I guess Bohem has been sucking, but I didn't like them benching them and. No, just keep men.

[Shane]

Did they bench. Boom.

[Steve]

They bench. Boom. In game two.

[Shane]

Oh, really?

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I was Sosa playing third?

[Chris]

He was.

[Steve]

I think so, yeah.

[D]

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[Shane]

What?

[D]

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[Shane]

What?

[D]

A mountain where the weather is always perfect, your friends are ready to hang, and a day of epic proportion awaits. All right, what does I have to tell you? My favorite. My favorite flavor, obviously. Mountain Dew original. I'm a original classic kind of guy. Dude, you kidding me? Talk about what game and activity you play with friends. Every time I drink Mountain Dew, I usually just kind of like me and my friends, we don't get naked, but like, we take off like a lot of our clothes just so we can kind of like grip each other and we wrestle in a style. Some might. If you saw it from afar, you might think it's sexual. It's not. That would be against the code of conduct for the. The ad policy. It's not sexual from afar. You'd be like, are those guys is violent? You know, it look from far away.

[Steve]

It's crazy.

[D]

If you got up under us, you'd be like, holy shit. These guys are really working on technique. But that's what I do when I drink my original favorite Mountain Dew. I wrestle with my friends in a way that looks suggestive from far away, but it's for real. It's like we're just training. We're just kind of like working on, you know, certain drills and moves. So that's kind of what we're up to. The mountain is calling and you should answer. Grab your friends, grab an ice cold Mountain Dew wherever refreshing beverages are sold, and do the do it's not that. It's just in my car, it's been warm. Dude, it's so fucking good. Actually.

[Shane]

It's awesome.

[D]

Dude, I'm on a mountain right now for all my friends. Even if you don't have any friends, dude, you can just imagine them after.

[Shane]

You do the two. Well, that's good baseball talk.

[Steve]

I didn't finish my. I did. I did an evil Jewish trick this morning. I think where I kept this. I found like the cabinet thing I was looking for on Facebook, Marketplace. And I kept saying I was going to pick it up for like two weeks and just not picking it up. And this lady was getting so pissed at me, then stopped responding. And then I like, Sadie called her and was like, hey, like, we're for real. We're going to come pick it up. And we went there today and we got in there and I was just like, it's too big.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Steve]

They had taken the TV out of the cat. They had unplugged everything. They had gotten it ready to move.

[Shane]

You gotta just take it.

[Steve]

Yeah. Dude, I was this close. Huge.

[Shane]

Like it would fit here.

[Steve]

It would, but it would be. It'd be too big. I couldn't do it. I could. And it weighed 200 pounds and I had to lift it with. There's no. Yeah, we just couldn't have.

[Chris]

I felt really, really bad, but I don't think we feel comfortable associating with you on this.

[Shane]

I disagree with your behavior.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Why?

[Shane]

What was I supposed to do? Take it and then do what?

[Steve]

Then I just have it and then I got to get rid of it.

[Shane]

That's how things work. That's how I could have avoid things work.

[Steve]

Then. Then I'm just in their shoes. I got a giant cabinet.

[Shane]

The curses on you. It's. It fall, dude.

[Steve]

I walked away from it just being like, wow, I can't believe I stood up for myself in that moment. I thought it was like a real achievement.

[Shane]

It's kind of an achievement to be that big of a piece of. For real. I would have been like, I would have taken it.

[Steve]

I thought about. I thought about paying for it and taking it right to the dump.

[Chris]

Did you offer him a little money? Like a little like holding money maybe?

[Steve]

No, no, I said I.

[Shane]

This is a joke show.

[Steve]

This is.

[Shane]

Oh, J.

[Chris]

Before I forget, I have a Jewish necklace. I think I'm going to start wearing it.

[Shane]

Really?

[Chris]

Yeah, cuz. Cuz Shane was wearing a necklace. Like, oh, you're wearing jewelry. It was like, it's a thing for my dad.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah. So I was like, dang it.

[Shane]

It felt like bad luck not to wear it.

[Chris]

Yeah. But my grandma giv me, like, a. They're called a. It's like a. You know, the Star of David. No, it's. It's like Hebrew.

[Steve]

Does it look like pie?

[Chris]

Yes.

[Steve]

Okay.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah. I've seen that thing. Yeah. You gonna wear that?

[Chris]

I think we're gonna start wearing it.

[Shane]

Yes. Why don't we just get you a patch for your sleeve? That was a little. You look awesome. I did look awesome in my necklace.

[Chris]

Yeah. Why do necklaces look so cool? What is.

[Shane]

I don't know. You know what, though? I do have a hunchback from leaning. My terrible posture. So it shows that it kind of sits. It's.

[Steve]

It sits in the crease.

[Shane]

Like, if you look like, leaning forward, it's like sitting on top of a. It's not good. It actually makes you work on your posture. I can't have that.

[Steve]

My posture is terrible.

[Shane]

Yeah. That was.

[Steve]

Do you ever try to sit with good posture?

[Chris]

Yes.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Uncomfortable.

[Shane]

What? Gay guys, though. It's for girls and gigas. You can't. Good posture is crazy looking. This was. This was making me. When it came to the. The chain, I was like, I gotta wear it because this all started Phil's health scare. And I put. I put the blame on myself. Me and Nate Marshall were in Philly. We were walking around. We went to St Patrick's Cathedral. Right in written house. It's. It's awesome. You can just go. We were walking by, and I was like, let's go in there. It was empty. It's awesome.

[Chris]

You can't just go in.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah, we went in. I was like, let's say a prayer. So we were sitting at the pews, and I was like, damn, I haven't had a church fart, and I haven't had a church fart in so long. And I let one go, and I was like, that is kind of disrespectful to just walk into a cathedral and fart.

[Steve]

Take one of the kids.

[Shane]

And then the next day, Phil was in the hospital. And I was like, I know I shouldn't have farted in that church.

[Chris]

You. There's probably nobody funnier to be at, like, a church service with if you're gonna. Like, with you.

[Shane]

It was my. I couldn't. By the time I was senior year, I couldn't get through mass with my friends. I would be. The second I walked in, I was like, it's gonna be the funniest thing that's ever happened. Every time.

[Chris]

What would you do?

[Shane]

Kids would fart. Kids. All of my. All of my friends would fart as loud as they could. It was the funniest. It was crazy. Church fart is nothing comes near it.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Oh, dude. Yeah. I remember my brother. We had to stop going because my brother and I couldn't stop laughing and they tried to set us apart.

[Shane]

Makes it.

[Steve]

But you had so many inside jokes already that, like, you just feel the pew shaking. You can just feel my brother starting to just shake. Laugh. And then I. Then I just lose.

[Shane]

Would you have to. So that was the punishment, though, because it was me and my sisters. And you would always try to sit not next to Phil, because he would be like, mother fucker.

[Chris]

Oh, really?

[Shane]

Whole Mass, he was like, you fucking. He just went there to beat the fuck out of it. He would literally grab you by the back of your neck and be like, shut the up.

[Chris]

He didn't find it funny?

[Shane]

No.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Shane]

Although somebody hit a fart. He was like, yeah. But school. We had to go every Thursday in school. So then it's just a high school of kids farting, Right? Everyone's farting or, like, screaming. Somebody would, like, yell. It was the funny. It was the best. And then team mass for football. That was just the football team in a chapel Friday before the game.

[Steve]

Okay.

[Shane]

And it was. You gotta listen to your dumbass teammates try to read like, vin today. It's just like, holy. Yeah, it was. I had to. They asked me to read. I was like, I. I literally. I will. How I will be dying laughing the entire time. Dude, I can't read.

[Steve]

I went to it. When's the last time you went to mass?

[Shane]

It's been a while.

[Steve]

Yeah, I went. I went. When we were up in New Hampshire, there was a. There's like a church island that I went to, and I was like, I.

[Shane]

Want to see what.

[Steve]

It's like. I want to see, like, what the hom.

[Shane]

About five, ten minutes in, you're like.

[Steve]

Dude, the guy was unbelievably bad. It sounded like he found out about Christianity the day before.

[Shane]

Was it Catholic?

[Steve]

No, Protestant.

[Shane]

There's your problem.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Do they have a guitar?

[Steve]

No, but they. They were close. It was close. It was like. Yeah.

[Shane]

I went to a Catholic. Last Catholic mass I was at. It was just. Oh, yeah. I flew down to Florida for my uncle's funeral, and they didn't even have a service. They just. They mentioned us during the mass. It was just a regular Mass.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Shane]

I was in, like, a Suit. It's like, why the.

[Steve]

It was like the happy.

[Shane]

I thought it was a baseball game. Yeah.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And then towards the end, they're like. And also we pray for Don Bowie and his family. We were all just like. I flew to Florida. But they. It was weird. It was a Catholic. Catholic mass and they had the band.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Guitar and a drum set.

[Steve]

Trying to make church cool. Drives me crazy. Make it keep it scary.

[Shane]

Yeah. Make it very scary.

[Steve]

Scary is the way to go.

[Shane]

What do you do in Jewish church?

[Chris]

I. The last time I went to synagogue was you guys after 9 11.

[Shane]

Oh, did you guys high five in there? After 911 you went to the celebratory synagogue.

[Steve]

Why would we high five?

[Chris]

Oh, you think it's the Jews? Okay. I didn't know if you were gonna. If the argument was. It was justification then for Jews to do other. You know, whatever.

[Steve]

Do they have rock and roll synagogue.

[Chris]

When I was growing up, I went to a Reform synagogue that there. Somebody did play guitar.

[Shane]

Really? She did you rip.

[Chris]

It was a tree of life to those old f. All of its are happy.

[Shane]

What. What was the Jewish song?

[Chris]

The Tree of life.

[Shane]

Tree of life.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

How does it go?

[Chris]

And then there's those like, sh.

[Shane]

Damn, you're really Jewish. That's good. I support. I support. I support all my Jewish friends in this hard time. You guys are going through it.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Have you noticed a rise in anti Semitism or is it just hanging out with me?

[Chris]

It's hilarious. Start wearing my pendant.

[Shane]

The pendant's gonna be nice. Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna be on that. I'm gonna be on that.

[Chris]

I almost want to see what you do with it.

[Shane]

I wish you didn't tell me.

[Chris]

Yeah, I had to.

[Shane]

But if it's the pie symbol, I would have gotten it wrong. Yeah, the pie symbol. You math dor. Actually do it, like, even worse.

[Chris]

Yeah, that's. That feels like I had a. That If. If I don't say it. It's like a horror movie that I don't know when I'm going to get attacked. You know?

[Steve]

What is the. What does the thing represent?

[Chris]

Like, good luck air quotes.

[Steve]

Okay. Why. Why could the quotes.

[Chris]

That's my understanding. I haven't really looked. That's what my grandma told me. So we'll see.

[Steve]

Maybe because you're supposed to. You guys have like, pendants for specific things though, right?

[Chris]

I don't know.

[Steve]

Saints.

[Shane]

No.

[Steve]

Or any. Like.

[Shane]

I don't even think.

[Steve]

What are the other characters.

[Shane]

I don't even have a Messiah, bro. They killed True.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

They're not got one. And they're like, no, this one's not good enough. No. Hey, guys, it's me, the Messiah. No, not you. Things are bad. We don't want good things. We like being bad. They were bad boys.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Would you have done that? Would you have crucified him if.

[Chris]

Well, listen, I'm very much a go.

[Shane]

I probably would have some guy yapping. I said that.

[Steve]

Go ahead.

[Chris]

I didn't mean to cut you off.

[Shane]

What's that after that?

[Chris]

Nexium. Do you know, like that. Sex.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

And there's a documentary and there's like all his supporters outside the. The jail.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And I'm like, I get. I. I get being like, we gotta off this guy.

[Steve]

Could you. Yeah. Could you imagine if you're a Pontius pilot and you had Jesus in your district?

[Shane]

I used to do that joke. That was my really. I had a Jesus joke about like, okay, like, he didn't look like. Oh, yeah, he looked like. You ever see that rendering of him? He looked like Dobby from Harry Potter. He was like 4 foot 2, wearing a potato sack, running around like, give money to the poor. I was like, I've never met a poor person that didn't say that. Every single homeless guy's like, help. When he's hanging out with hookers. And everyone's like, why are you hanging out with hookers? He's like, you, dude, you do bad too. Like, I've never met someone who didn't do that. Every single dude that gets with a hooker is like, who the are you to judge? Like, none of his messages were that special. And then the Jews, like, get rid of him.

[Chris]

You're not doing that joke anymore.

[Steve]

Isn't that like, part of the passion of the Christ is like the real, like, this. The Roman Empire, too, was on Pontius's ass about, dude. Yeah. You got to keep that place in order.

[Shane]

Yeah. And also it was during when they did crucify him. It was during, like, a religious holiday for Jewish people. So the city was packed, like hunds of thousands of people. And there was like 200 Roman soldiers in a garrison. And there was already, like, civil unrest. And then they were like, you got to kill this guy. They had no. They would have.

[Steve]

They had Tinderbox.

[Shane]

Yeah. If they were like, no, they would. The Jews would have been, oh, God. Yeah, we're gonna get in there. We're gonna get you.

[Chris]

What's the story about Jesus flipping the tables? The money change.

[Shane]

You guys were out front selling in the temple. And he was like, get that out of here.

[Chris]

Oh, it's outside.

[Shane]

Selling merch at the temple.

[Chris]

I didn't know.

[Shane]

This is for God. Stop trying to sell all the time.

[Steve]

Just stop trying to make money.

[Shane]

Yeah. Oh, God. Our tables.

[Chris]

What helps the world go round?

[Steve]

Nobody wanted to do it.

[Chris]

Everybody wanted Jews to go to hell. And suddenly Jews got rich. And then all of a sudden, we decided it was a bad idea.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's a good point.

[Steve]

Yeah. You weren't. There's no banking. Right. Banking was, like, illegal.

[Shane]

I think it was loans.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

User or user here.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

It's called. That's like. Like, loans. But I also understand wanting to make it illegal because it. Like, you would money lend at, like, 50. Like, people didn't understand interest. So if you understood it, you would.

[Shane]

Yeah, I would have. I would have been taken for everything.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It'd be like, you want 50 bucks? I'm like, yeah, all right. You owe us 290. I'm like, sure. Oh, what have I done?

[Steve]

I remember hearing that somewhere where, like, the. The Pope was very close with the Jews, and every time they decided to kill a bunch of Jews, he had to, like, meet with the guy and be like, hey, man, my hands are tied. Tax season.

[Shane]

Yeah. You guys know how this goes. It's tax season. This could be some real unhappy people. So they're gonna take it out on you. You guys are good at that, though.

[Chris]

What. What bit?

[Shane]

Money.

[Chris]

Yeah, the money stuff.

[Shane]

That's a good thing to be good at.

[Chris]

Yeah. I mean, that's at least my understanding from one book that I read.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Was that it was sort of an illegal thing. And because people thought you'd go to hell if you did it, they let the Jews do it.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Good for the Jews on that one, I guess, Just being like, yeah, we'll do it. They're afraid of ghosts, so we get to have all the money because they think they're gonna go to. They think they're gonna burn forever. I wonder if Jews have that. Those guys had that thought, though. Just like, on their deathbeds, being like, I hope those guys weren't right. I hope everybody I've ever met wasn't right.

[Steve]

I bet they.

[Chris]

I bet you they did.

[Steve]

I don't know.

[Shane]

Yeah, I think so. I have that thought.

[Steve]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane]

Let me say something nice real quick. I never say nice things.

[Chris]

Sorry.

[Steve]

I tried to feel smart, dudes. Oh, I remember, like, when in my hardcore, like, atheism days, I would be like, I would never really. They always Talk about people. Like deathbed confessions.

[Shane]

Oh, you're going to be begging, dude. You're going to be begging. Crying like a. Yeah, it's like my favorite norm, just being a coward at death. Like, death coming to me and be like, no, take my grandson instead.

[Chris]

Me, dude, so far, my. Like, the. The two that I grab, my Jewish grandparents that died the. My Zeta, he. He handled it like a champ because he had an aortic aneurysm, and they knew it was going to go at some point, and so it went. He had, like, three days. And so, like, they took him to the hospital and obviously they got him, like, heavily medicated.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

But before that kicked in.

[Shane]

Now I was just thinking of my dad coming out of anesthesia. Apparently there was like, a nurse in, like, an all blue. Somehow Phil thought he was on a cruise ship. He thought he was talking to the captain. He came out, he was like, I'm on a cruise ship. Smiling like, what a boat. Like, I got bad news for you. You're in fucking Harrisburg.

[Steve]

It is also funny to think that it, like, in Phil's mind, he's always on a cruise ship.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah. So he handled it well.

[Chris]

He handled it really well. Then my bubby, she was. She had sundowners, so she was starting to lose it after she passed. So.

[Shane]

Wait, sundowns? You get a little wacky at night.

[Chris]

At night.

[Shane]

That's fun.

[Chris]

And then.

[Steve]

So scary.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Steve]

Because it's like, dude, old people doing weird when the sun goes down.

[Shane]

That's awesome.

[Steve]

It's the scariest thing there is.

[Shane]

The freaks come out at night.

[Chris]

My dad hired a woman to, like, live at the house with her.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And the woman called my dad at 4 in the morning, was like, you have to come get me. Because it was getting so bad. And she had locked the door. And then my Bobby kicked it open and was like, get out of my house.

[Shane]

Holy. The scariest. Get out of.

[Chris]

She's, like, frail.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Chris]

Bleach blonde. She.

[Shane]

My mom kept like, oh, my God, that'd be scary.

[Chris]

But she went down. How. That. The. She was Jamaican maids, like, Jamaican.

[Shane]

You know, Jamaica be crazy.

[Chris]

Yeah. Yeah. At the, like, the. What are they called? Nursing homes.

[Shane]

They were hitting dead legs.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You would act up. They'd go.

[Chris]

The one nurse that told my mom a funny story, she was laying, like, laying with her.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And then my bubs goes, what are they gonna say about us? And she was like, what's that? It's like, me like, you were the black man. Just like a lady.

[Shane]

Dude, that's pretty sexual.

[Chris]

Yeah, she.

[Shane]

Yeah, she was really, like, There was like, a fantasy. She's like, what are they gonna say about us?

[Chris]

She.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Chris]

I bet you and I. I don't like that I'm gonna say this, but I do.

[Steve]

Bet she had a fantasy.

[Chris]

No, that, like, I like some of the stuff that. You know how. Genetics. You know what I mean?

[Shane]

What do you mean?

[Chris]

Like, I bet some of my sexual.

[Steve]

Like, I come from your grandma.

[Shane]

You think your grandma being a freak, toss it down to you.

[Chris]

I bet you there's some of it because she.

[Steve]

Yeah, she's a sexual freak.

[Chris]

She would just, like, talk about. Yeah.

[Shane]

What would she talk to you about?

[Chris]

Nothing. Like, so after my Zeta pass, like, on the. Right now, granted, like, she's grieving and she's old.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

But she, like, we were just, like, in the car, and then she was like. We were morning lovers, and it was.

[Shane]

Like, whoa, my Zeta's gone. Yeah, we. In the morning. Okay. That's actually a really sweet thing.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Her saying that. That's really. Actually.

[Steve]

It is very sweet. But so. Yes. Why did she unload that at that moment?

[Chris]

She's old and. Yeah. In the moment. Who knows?

[Shane]

It was probably a really beautiful memory. It's probably a really nice memory.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Just thinking of, like, all the times they. In the morning.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Seen the curtains and the wind. Breeze, you know?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I don't know why I can't talk, but whatever. And the wind, breeze.

[Steve]

The wind.

[Shane]

It is.

[Steve]

Yeah, it is. I imagine it. It's kind of crazy. They regularly in the morning all the.

[Shane]

Way to the end, down your meemaw or whatever you called her. What you call her.

[Chris]

Well, Bubs.

[Shane]

Bubs.

[Chris]

Yeah, because Bubby.

[Shane]

We couldn't see Bubby getting piped down in the morning, walking with a limp the rest of the day.

[Chris]

She was always like. She wore, like, leather pants. She had, like, bleach bonnet. Yeah.

[Shane]

Oh, she was a sex freak.

[Chris]

Yeah, she.

[Shane]

And now you're a sex freak.

[Chris]

She's the one thing. And I'm not trying to, like, just merch her.

[Shane]

So do you think it's skipping to generation or.

[Chris]

I don't want to talk about that. No, I don't want to talk because it's. Because, you know, it's disgusting. I don't think it did. I think my dad's.

[Shane]

You think your dad's horny sex freak?

[Steve]

Hold on.

[Shane]

Your dad better not be a horny sex freak.

[Chris]

Did you ever walk in on your parents?

[Shane]

No. Oh, never.

[Chris]

I didn't like Walk in. But there was something about the guitar going. Yeah.

[Shane]

I don't think. I don't think I ever really. I don't think I ever heard them having. I think my sisters did okay. I was. I was the youngest, so by the time I was old. Old enough to know when someone was. They were kind of old.

[Chris]

Got it.

[Shane]

Old enough that they weren't like, loudly.

[Chris]

Right. Chris, did you ever.

[Shane]

What?

[Steve]

You're my parents.

[Shane]

No, I've never think you and me probably had similar parents when it came to sex.

[Steve]

They never discussed it.

[Shane]

We never talked about it.

[Chris]

Oh, interesting.

[Steve]

They're not. They're not even like. They're like warm to one another, but there was never, ever, ever anything even remotely close to like a sexual.

[Chris]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

I do remember. I remember. That is great. I remember them making out on the couch when I was a kid.

[Steve]

Really?

[Shane]

I remember them making out and me seeing it be like, whoa.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But I was so young. I was. I didn't even. I was just like, what are you guys doing?

[Steve]

There was.

[Shane]

There was one moment, little gay ass son came in. It was like, mind if I get a taste?

[Steve]

Dude? I had. I did have one. I have one memory like that where there was a sleepover with couple of my buddies and my dad came home from work on the Friday night or whatever. He was ready to go and he.

[Shane]

He was hot to try.

[Steve]

He must have had. He must have had a few drinks or whatever, but he came in and he kissed my mom and then howled like a wolf. He went, ow.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's good.

[Steve]

And that. That was. My buddies and I were like, what the. Well, it was like, I don't know. My dad's nuts. I don't know. That was the only thing.

[Shane]

You get older and you realize, like, yeah, it's. You want them to be. You hope. Of course.

[Chris]

Yeah, of course.

[Shane]

Because that'd be tragic.

[Steve]

Yeah. Yeah. But I like that they. They had outward facing nothing.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Steve]

You know what I mean?

[Shane]

Your parents were sexual freaks.

[Chris]

I'm just having a lot of things that I would like to hear. A lot going on over here happened. I don't want to talk about all.

[Shane]

You don't have to.

[Chris]

It's just certain things that, I mean.

[Shane]

You walked in on it.

[Chris]

I didn't walk in on the one time. But like, the only thing I ever like walked in on was like, him dry up in her. The kitchen.

[Shane]

What the.

[Steve]

I was she on the counter on the phone getting.

[Shane]

He was being funny.

[Chris]

Yeah. And was like. Yeah. And then I turned her and then.

[Shane]

I was like, wait, was she getting. Reaching down?

[Chris]

And he. And he had a leg up on the counter. And then I was like, oh, my God. And then he turned around. His face was beat.

[Shane]

Right. He goes, what?

[Chris]

It's natural. And I was like.

[Shane]

And then.

[Chris]

But there's just so many times where.

[Shane]

He'D be like, my kids are going to see that. He'd be like, if a girl bends down. Yeah, yeah. I'm getting in there. Oh, you go, it's fun.

[Steve]

It is fun. Now I'm gonna.

[Chris]

You would always be, like, to my mom, like, you gonna go take a shower? You.

[Shane]

A little touchdown Timmy Walls. You want to hit the shower?

[Chris]

I just, like, couldn't get.

[Shane]

Would you get, like, real grossed out? Yeah.

[Chris]

I was back from Little League and, like, you know, what did you say?

[Shane]

If I were him, I would never. If you literally reacted like, oh, I would do it. Yeah. What happened when you got back from Little League?

[Chris]

I was like, my arthritis was less controlled at this time, and I was in. They. My parents had a Jacuzzi, so I, like, went, what?

[Shane]

Of course they had a Jacuzzi.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I went into the Jacuzzi. And then I guess they. That I was in there. And then, like, I heard them coming to the bedroom, because it was in, like, their bedroom, you know, and the.

[Shane]

Jacuzzi was in their bedroom.

[Steve]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

It was like a bathroom. Author bedroom.

[Shane]

I was thinking, hot tub. Yes.

[Chris]

Yeah. And then I just like, this feels like such. But my mom was. He goes, how much time do we have? And she's like, I have a. Like, something in the oven. It's like eight minutes. He's like, it's plenty of time. And then I just like, what do I do? And I unplug the water. You just was like, yeah. And then he was like, what? And then they just scurried out. And I was like, ah, you know.

[Steve]

Oh, my God.

[Chris]

Close call.

[Shane]

That's a real close call.

[Steve]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

That's really funny, though. Look at his legs. Dude, you look good.

[Chris]

Thanks.

[Steve]

Yeah, that. I think that would have scared.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That's what you're.

[Chris]

I know.

[Shane]

So bad.

[Chris]

I know.

[Shane]

You're a sex freak.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. You're a little pervert, aren't you? No, I'm not a Jewish pervert.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I don't see a woman and go.

[Chris]

No. I mean, only in my head.

[Shane]

Just a nice goy.

[Chris]

It does sort of feel, you know.

[Shane]

Yeah. You're Nosferatu.

[Steve]

What is that?

[Shane]

You ever see the vampire Nosferatu?

[Chris]

No, I know the reference, man, but that's mean. What do you mean?

[Shane]

I said you kind of look like him and I took it back immediately.

[Chris]

That's fine, but, you know, are. We have to go?

[Shane]

No, I was just showing you Nosferatu. This is you and the doorway. Yeah, that's what she sees when you go down on it.

[Chris]

No, she's.

[Shane]

I know. I'm sorry.

[Chris]

No, that's fine.

[Shane]

I'm being nasty.

[Steve]

Does she touch your hair?

[Chris]

Yeah, occasionally. We get into that.

[Shane]

That's one thing. It doesn't suck when you're balding and they start touching your hair. A dude, man. That's good stuff. What time is it? Oh, the eyes are on in a half hour. Yeah.

[Chris]

How long did we do?

[Steve]

An hour and five.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah. Hey, we can. We can. We can keep going, though. I've been gone. The boys. I've abandoned my boys. I've abandoned my children. Give me the blood. Lord, let me get away. Give me the blood. Give me the blood. Steve. Steven. You boy. I'm gonna bury you underground. Stephen. That's good.

[Chris]

You gotta do that.

[Shane]

I love that movie. It's so good.

[Steve]

Oh, we didn't even talk about Tampa am.

[Shane]

We did not talk about the. Beezerine was on one. Yeah, we went out on Wednesday.

[Steve]

Tuesday.

[Shane]

Tuesday night. And the Bees was fired up. He was probably the funniest I've seen him.

[Steve]

I was.

[Shane]

It was so. We were literally crying, laughing. Yeah, it was Chris and Sadie and me and my girlfriend. And Beezer was at the other end of the table. And the four of us were just having normal conversations. Beezer was at the end of the table. Didn't stop talk. Just spewing by himself, just going like, Chris, you.

[Steve]

Well, it started with. It started with it.

[Shane]

Well, now we're telling. We're gonna need you to tell you the story.

[Steve]

He was. He was this. The switch flipped.

[Shane]

It was great. Oh, yes. At Ryan's. So we went to watch the. We were watching the Phillies game. We were at Ryan's after we filmed. And Beezer was just dead silent. Yeah, he was sitting on the end of the table by himself, not talking. Like, I forgot he was there.

[Steve]

Called Francisco Alvarez a fat ball boy.

[Shane]

He was.

[Steve]

Which was amazing.

[Shane]

He did order a car bomb for himself, which I've never seen that move.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Like, the waitress came by and he was like, I'll get a car, mom. And just went back to watch the game. I was like, you're not getting anyone else. You're doing. He got. He's sitting by himself goes, I've never seen anything like.

[Steve]

Yeah, but it did.

[Shane]

No one's ever done. But then he got another. He. Beezer got hammered.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Shane]

So then we go to another bar after the game, and Beezer's sitting by him. He's at the end of the table. We're having our own conversation. He didn't stop spewing hate towards Chris and Sadie. Occasionally, Sadie and I'd be like, all right. It started a little over the line on this one.

[Steve]

It started with the picture.

[Shane]

Oh, no, I took it or you took a picture. I took a picture of Beezer. And I was like, God damn, you look good as that. And that's all it took. Because then the rest of the night, he was like, take a picture of me. I look good as I'm handsome. And I was like, chris is handsome. I took a picture of Chris. Not. Not your best picture.

[Steve]

I thought it started with a picture getting taken of me. And he was like, why even take it? You can't take pictures.

[Chris]

You.

[Steve]

And then Shane goes, all right, Beezers, take a picture of you. I bet you you want to see what you look like. And, dude, he was amazing in every photo.

[Shane]

It was a nice photo.

[Steve]

He just started posing.

[Chris]

There's.

[Shane]

There's.

[Steve]

We've 60 photos of him in different.

[Shane]

Poses, looking, trying to answer. 1043 was the bees. 1044. The con man with a poor answer. It actually wasn't a bad picture, but it was just fun to tell Beezer how good he looked. He looks really good.

[Steve]

He does. He did.

[Shane]

He.

[Steve]

Dude, he was.

[Shane]

Oh, also, he hadn't drank in like two weeks, so he got in there and just got fucking after it. But he's just sitting there spewing hatred until occasionally it would hit. And Chris would be like, what? The bees got you? He's just chum in the water the whole time. And then he was like, you played lacrosse. You suck at sports. You. And okay, he doesn't.

[Chris]

You don't.

[Shane]

No, of course not. Okay, what the did you ever do? And he's like, tampa Am. Tampa Am. What is that Ever heard of? And then we're like, what the is the Tampa Am? He's like, you kidding me? Tampa Am. What is the Tampa Am? He's like, google it. Give it a Google. Like, dude, what is the Tampa Am? You out of your mind? You know what the Tampa Am is like? No.

[Steve]

Yeah. He goes, these guys know what the Tampa Am is? Just two random dudes.

[Shane]

Yeah, two guys. No one knows what the Tampa Am is. Eventually we Figure out it's a skateboarding competition that he did.

[Chris]

That's hilarious.

[Shane]

It was incredible. And Chris was like, what'd you do with the Tampa M? He's like, fucking nose grind reverse. You hit him with the line of the century, though, because he was like, you love Kamala. You love Kamala. You go, kamala's cooler than a nose grind reverse. He was going crazy.

[Chris]

That is a good line.

[Shane]

Yeah. Reverse nose grind at the Tampa.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Oh, you kidding me? Because you think she could nose grind on me? Me? I'll kill that.

[Steve]

And then I was talking to him about the nose grind thing too, and he said, don't talk to me sweet.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah, you talking to me sweet. Don't play me. Play me sweet. Don't play me sweet.

[Chris]

That's good.

[Shane]

It was. It was beautiful. We laughed for an hour straight. He did not stop for one straight hour. I was just talking to everyone, like, real me.

[Steve]

There was a 30 minute jump where I was trying to tell a story about spilling pasta in the old house. Tell him you admit you did it.

[Shane]

He was just telling a story about spilling. Ordering a tray of ziti from grubhub and just immediately dropping it. Yeah, that's the. That's the whole story.

[Steve]

And I was copping to the whole thing.

[Shane]

Yeah, he was just trying to tell the story. And Beezer the whole time was like, admit you spilled it. Admit you spilled. He's trying to admit it. He's like, admit it. He's like, he did admit it. He's telling us how he did it.

[Steve]

And I would start telling you, go watch him.

[Shane]

Watch him.

[Steve]

He's not.

[Shane]

He's gonna lie. He's a lie. He's playing me sweet. I don't know if it's as funny to anybody that wasn't there, but I feel.

[Chris]

Dude, I would feel uncomfortable.

[Shane]

No, he was being funny. He was intentionally.

[Steve]

Knew what he's doing.

[Shane]

He was very intentionally being funny. He was just being wild.

[Steve]

It was so funny.

[Shane]

Yeah, it was a good night. We don't need to talk about.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Took a spill. The bee. He took a beezer tumble outside. Took a brewski double. Got dinged off. He took a brisky double. He was so drunk. While he was talking to Chris, he fell into my lap. It was still talking. He was like, you piece of.

[Steve]

He kept trying to. He kept offering cigarettes to people.

[Shane]

Yeah. No, the waitress. The waitress came by. He's like, will you vape? And she was just a sweet, nice waitress.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

She was like, yeah. And he's like, why don't you smoke a real cigarette? She was like, oh, I'd love when he goes, yeah, right.

[Steve]

It was an absolute clinic.

[Shane]

And then he brought two. He went downstairs, found two college kids that bought him a shot. And then he was like, you want me to chain? And he brought him upstairs. So now there's just two boys with us.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And he's like, you guys don't even know about the Tampa. He just started attacking them and I had to explain to them. I was like, he's just joking. Yeah, he's totally joking right now. Everybody was confused.

[Chris]

Sure.

[Shane]

But I loved it. It was my favorite Beezer.

[Steve]

Tampa M is November 7th.

[Shane]

We gotta get down to the Tampa.

[Steve]

I wonder if it's still going on or not.

[Shane]

Definitely.

[Steve]

That was a real hurricane. Yeah.

[Shane]

And then when you sent that, I was like, I don't think he remembers talking about the Tampa am.

[Steve]

He's got to.

[Shane]

He did. He. It came around. Oh, I got the videos. They're so good.

[Steve]

Play a little of that audio.

[Shane]

I don't know. It's not gonna be good. Right there, he's demonstrating how he would grind. You get one leg, reverse grind, you're done, you're out of the Tampa half. I go, did Bamarger win the Tampa M? Because no. Chris Coleman.

[Steve]

Who the is Chris?

[Shane]

I don't know what he was saying. It was wonderful. Anyway, I don't know how great that story is.

[Steve]

It's so good.

[Shane]

It's vintage Beezer. I wish you were there. Heated it. Yeah, he would have left.

[Chris]

You know my taste.

[Shane]

Yeah, we gotta get you going a little.

[Chris]

No, no, no, we don't. No, no, no, we don't.

[Steve]

We like a good dust up though.

[Chris]

I like a nice call.

[Shane]

So funny though.

[Chris]

Golf course, you know.

[Shane]

Yeah. I'll stop trying to change it.

[Steve]

That's a Saturday morning thing.

[Shane]

No, no Saturday nights for the fellas. Notre Dame games for the fellas. That's when we go have a couple. Bruce the Irish in 20 minutes. We gotta go.

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah. Big game. And Red River.

[Shane]

And the Red river rivalry.

[Steve]

Red River.

[Shane]

It's a shootout. Yeah. I hope it's the Red river school shooting today at 3:30. And you're coming. We're gonna have fun.

[Chris]

I. I'm going ax throck.

[Shane]

So you go on fun dates with other friends.

[Chris]

So. You have no idea how much I fought going on this.

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah. He got bullied into this.

[Chris]

Never done anything with her.

[Steve]

Question ever.

[Chris]

Oops.

[Steve]

Almost like this is just to get back in the black with his lady. For sure. Yeah.

[Shane]

You are scheming little.

[Chris]

I promise you.

[Shane]

Conniving.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I promise you.

[Shane]

I know. I gotta. He has to do something bad to me. So we can go out. I'm mad at you.

[Chris]

Please don't be mad at me. I'll ask my mom to look up.

[Steve]

Find some leverage.

[Shane]

That would be.

[Chris]

I did the third. The third year I did Pavarotti. And the fourth year I did Lord of the Dance. And I think we definitely have the Lord of the Dance as well.

[Shane]

I need all of them.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Steve]

Was the German routine a thing at your high school?

[Shane]

People pumped for it.

[Chris]

Like, they were pumped for the. Yeah.

[Shane]

Where. Pavarotti.

[Chris]

He was Guy. Yeah. He was like a.

[Shane]

Did you sing opera? No.

[Chris]

No. I. Lips. It was a lip sync. So I was like.

[Shane]

There's no.

[Chris]

I like had a bunch of stuff like tucked in my.

[Shane]

Oh, you're doing.

[Chris]

I was doing a gag.

[Shane]

You're doing gags.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Where. Where did Madonna come in the order second sophomore year.

[Chris]

It was.

[Shane]

Burst onto the scene with dj. Little sophomore slump that happened.

[Chris]

So. Slump.

[Shane]

It's so hard.

[Chris]

It's so hard to stay at the top.

[Shane]

You got. You probably got it back by Lord of the Dance.

[Chris]

Lord of the Dance. I did.

[Shane]

That must have killed.

[Chris]

It did kill.

[Shane]

Rip away Irish.

[Chris]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane]

You doing step. Can I see?

[Chris]

No.

[Shane]

No, please.

[Chris]

I don't even remember.

[Shane]

I. Dude, it was in there that. You don't lose that.

[Chris]

It was fake.

[Shane]

It was the Lord of the Dance.

[Chris]

But I don't know. Lord of the Ass. I'll do it. But it's fake. I don't know it.

[Steve]

You just made your way. It made it the whole thing up.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Steve]

As you go.

[Shane]

Give us an example.

[Steve]

Fake Irish jig.

[Chris]

I just. You know, you're just like. I had like a thing.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I forget.

[Shane]

That was pretty good, though. Hands at the waist was nice.

[Steve]

Do you get the hop going and the leg kicks?

[Chris]

I think. I think.

[Shane]

Oh, a little hop.

[Chris]

Tear away pants. And that was the big reverse.

[Shane]

Reverse nose dive. You're done. You love Kamala Harris. I'll kill her. Holy. That was my favorite. Bees.

[Steve]

Yeah. That was.

[Shane]

I wish you understood how funny it was.

[Steve]

It's.

[Chris]

I was like, calm. Nice guys.

[Steve]

No bees.

[Chris]

Nice guys. This is the right.

[Shane]

He was being nice. He was being funny. Like, if you told it like. I would tell him like.

[Steve]

All right.

[Shane]

That was one. Was.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

A little close. All right. We gotta watch the Irish.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Steven. Thank you. We're gonna do this hopefully regularly.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

We'll get McKeever on here. We'll talk tires a little.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

In the meantime, how about Matt McCusker carrying the load? Yeah, he's a workhorse right now.

[Steve]

Great. I keep meaning to watch the Glenn Lowry.

[Shane]

He's got some good stuff coming.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So shout out to Matt. We love you.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I care about you. I miss you. Those are cool glasses.

[Chris]

They're bifocals.

[Steve]

Those are.

[Chris]

Yeah, well, because. Do you remember when John put that. That thing on Instagram of, like, me reading the menu?

[Steve]

Oh, my God.

[Chris]

Music. It's.

[Steve]

Because that was the funniest thing.

[Chris]

Yeah.