← Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
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Transcript1,234 lines
- [00:00]
A
Hell yeah, dude.
- [00:01]
B
Rolling. Hold on, I gotta show off the hat.
- [00:03]
A
Yeah, flip that.
- [00:04]
B
This took like a good hour, our work here. Damn.
- [00:09]
A
Where'd you stop? At the Bass Pro?
- [00:10]
B
Not. Yeah.
- [00:11]
A
Oh, you got the ass pro.
- [00:12]
B
Damn.
- [00:16]
A
You scratched off the beat. You did it a clean job, too.
- [00:19]
B
Oh, yeah. Well, I didn't do it. My sister did. But it took like an hour.
- [00:23]
A
Your sister hooked you up?
- [00:24]
B
Yeah.
- [00:24]
A
Was it her idea or did you be like, did you like my idea? Obviously, yeah, I bought.
- [00:28]
B
I bought like five of these two in case I fucked up. So I keep trying, but I just. I asked my sister to do it and she got it on her first try.
- [00:36]
A
Really?
- [00:37]
B
Yeah.
- [00:38]
A
Clean, man.
- [00:39]
B
Man, keep moving this table so you go, bro.
- [00:41]
A
Damn. That's fucking sick.
- [00:42]
B
Yeah, man. I had a vision and she executed it. I know, I know people have done these before, but I just. I finally have mine, you know?
- [00:50]
A
Yeah, exactly.
- [00:51]
B
This is like my greatest possession. Now. That's your logo, the Ass Pro Shop. That's what I'm going to call my strip club when I own one.
- [00:59]
A
You want to own a strip club?
- [01:00]
B
Yeah, I think that'd be cool. I just wouldn't run it.
- [01:02]
A
Yeah, just own it.
- [01:03]
B
Yeah.
- [01:03]
A
Just enjoy it.
- [01:04]
B
Every time I've seen a guy who runs a strip club, it's like he has muscles.
- [01:08]
A
Yeah.
- [01:08]
B
And he's usually like, Eastern European. Yeah.
- [01:12]
A
Yeah. I used to deliver beer to a strip clubs when I was younger and it was like, it's pretty rugged, man. They got the money counters going. It looks cool they got the money counters, but they do look pretty beaten down. And that's because, dude, imagine that's your workforce.
- [01:23]
B
Yeah.
- [01:24]
A
You got to keep. You know, I'm gonna manage some pretty wild women.
- [01:28]
B
I don't know. I think maybe I could do it, though. I probably just have to start doing a lot of cocaine.
- [01:33]
A
Yeah. Would you. Are you worried that you might kind of like, simp out to all the shippers working for you? No, I would simp. I would.
- [01:40]
B
Yeah.
- [01:40]
A
Yeah. Dude, if I had like 12 strippers I had to maintain, I would simp.
- [01:44]
B
If I had 12, I'd simp to maybe two.
- [01:47]
A
Yeah. But then the other one would get. The other ones would get jealous.
- [01:50]
B
The rest I would. I would treat so badly.
- [01:52]
A
Yeah.
- [01:53]
B
You're such a pimp.
- [01:54]
A
Yeah.
- [01:56]
B
It's always been a dream of mine to just be, like a horrible person. Like a horrible pimp, you know?
- [02:00]
A
Yeah, true.
- [02:01]
B
I watch, like, movies where they. Or what was that show? Did you ever watch that show with.
- [02:07]
A
By the way, Ralph Brosa? Thanks for doing the podcast, bro. I'm terrible at introducing people.
- [02:10]
B
Nah, no problem, man.
- [02:11]
A
Let's talk about pimping, though.
- [02:13]
B
Yeah, yeah, what's that. What's that show with James Franco and what was it?
- [02:18]
A
The deuce? Yeah, yeah, that was good.
- [02:20]
B
Yeah, and the show. The pimps outside talking. Bro, that show made pimping look so cool.
- [02:25]
A
Every show makes it look so cool.
- [02:27]
B
But why is it such a frowned upon? I guess because they treat women so badly.
- [02:31]
A
Yeah, like, real bad. You ever read ice. Iceberg slim almost called him ice tea. Ever read iceberg Slim's autobiography?
- [02:37]
B
I bought the book and then I read, like, within the first chapter. I think the first chapter made me cry.
- [02:43]
A
Yeah, dude, it's so sad, and I.
- [02:46]
B
Couldn'T read on anymore.
- [02:47]
A
You gotta. You gotta get cold, man. Strengthen up that pimping, though.
- [02:50]
B
I feel like that's like, you know, depending on where your state of mind is, that iceberg Slim book could be like somebody's 48 laws of power.
- [02:58]
A
Exactly. Yeah. It can really get you. Although, dude, I don't know if anyone is built for that. If you got to find, like a girl down on her luck and then you got to convince her to go fuck guys for you for money.
- [03:10]
B
People don't get mad if you pimp men. No, like, if you think about a good leadership, that's just being a good pimp.
- [03:16]
A
True.
- [03:16]
B
Just working your men, you know, and making them productive, Getting in their head to make them the most productive.
- [03:22]
A
Yeah. Nobody talks about the pimps of male prostitutes. Are there Pimps are like. Are male prostitutes just cowboys or like, are they arranged by, like, a strong, domineering man who like, slaps them?
- [03:32]
B
This is some somebody who goes and slaps the old lady who doesn't want to pay.
- [03:37]
A
Yeah, well, male prostitutes pretty much only have sex with men.
- [03:42]
B
What? Male prostitutes have sex with men?
- [03:44]
A
Yeah, dude, that's like 95% of what they do.
- [03:47]
B
I don't.
- [03:48]
A
How do you thought I. Because I thought about becoming a male prostitute when I was in college. I actually put out an ad on craigslist being like, yo, I'm open for business. My friend told me. He's like, dude, male prostitution.
- [03:57]
B
You're going off like, craigslist data.
- [04:00]
A
I'm telling you. I think the real data is it's like, prostitutes, men and women prostitutes, like 99. Or women prostitutes, 99.9, if not 100% of the time serve as men. And male prostitutes also overwhelmingly serve as men. Gay men, obviously.
- [04:13]
B
I guess that makes sense. I mean, women get to choose most of the time who they want to bang, you know?
- [04:18]
A
Exactly. So they're not calling. I mean, I think maybe. Maybe, like, there's that whole idea there's, like, gigolos that have sex. And it's. I think it's, like, so rare because I thought I'd be out there just, like, banging horny rich milfs. And it was just. I got no. I got. Literally got no.
- [04:31]
B
You got no response. Not even for men?
- [04:33]
A
Not even for men.
- [04:33]
B
That's gotta hurt, bro.
- [04:34]
A
It did hurt, dude. It did.
- [04:36]
B
Not even the men, but, dude, they're.
- [04:39]
A
We took my. In college, I took my roommate's number and I used, like, a prank I would do on people. I would put them on, like, craigslist personals and just kind of, like, give them their number. And they get, like, weird phone calls. And I put my roommate's number up with this, like, story about how he was, like, a young gay college man who was, like, looking for an older, more experienced man because, like, these younger men didn't know his. I, like, hit publish. His phone rang off the hook for, like, for real, like, 12 hours.
- [05:03]
B
Damn, bro. Good for him. What does he do now?
- [05:06]
A
He's an accountant.
- [05:07]
B
He's an accountant. He went for that, bro.
- [05:10]
A
He was pissed. He found out what I did to him, and he was like, don't ever do that, ever.
- [05:13]
B
Even as a straight dude. I think knowing I could have had that much business as a bro, it didn't.
- [05:19]
A
And I built a nice narrative, though. I was like, I'm a young man looking for an older gay man who knows what he wants, and he was just non stop, bro.
- [05:27]
B
That dude could have killed it. And you. You could have just pimped them.
- [05:29]
A
That's what I'm saying.
- [05:30]
B
Make some money.
- [05:31]
A
I should. We should have had. I should have had more of a business mind about it, man, because I could have put him out there and made a lot of money on him.
- [05:36]
B
I think that, like. And this is sound. I. What do you call it? This. This is very. Dude. Dude. Ish. Maybe it's, like, misogynistic. But whoever started strip clubs, like, man, like, I got, like, hats off to that guy.
- [05:54]
A
Yeah.
- [05:54]
B
Because this guy saw women or who knows? I don't know, history that well. Could have been a male strip club. The first one, Right? But this guy saw Greeks. Yeah, yeah. This guy saw somebody and was like, oh, man, that, like, that's hot. Look how she moves, right? And then he noticed that other guy is also like that. And he's just like, people will pay money for this.
- [06:16]
A
Yeah.
- [06:17]
B
Like, let's put this in a building. Yeah.
- [06:19]
A
Because it was brothels. And, yeah. Some guy was like, yo, hold on. No, no, no. Don't these guys like. Well, you kind of can if they. You know, if we can figure out something. But it was like, yeah, just have them dance. Good idea.
- [06:27]
B
Make more money off the temptation.
- [06:29]
A
Yeah.
- [06:30]
B
And then. All right, so then you're a strip club owner, Right. I wonder when the first strip club happened or, like, what?
- [06:35]
A
I'd be curious, too. 1800s, I'm guessing. I think so some sort of version was brothels. I feel like they're probably kind of modern.
- [06:43]
B
It went from brothels to strip clubs, I think.
- [06:45]
A
Although people always had dancing girls, so I don't know. Like, one's the first one who kind of like, industrialized the dancing girls. Yo. 1947.
- [06:53]
B
All right, so 1947. Right? And then pretty recent through from 47 to, like, 48, 49, 50s people. You know, you got your successful strip clubs here and there, right. And you're a business, Mongo. You're just this titan in the strip club industry, and you're looking for the next best thing, the next best stripper. And out of nowhere, you see a woman twerk. Whoa. That's got to be like seeing the first alp.
- [07:21]
A
True, true. That is big. Like, holy. I didn't think about that.
- [07:27]
B
This guy sees a woman twerking.
- [07:28]
A
Do you think, like, you think strip clubs were, like, in America? They were like, mostly, like, almost like the sports were, like, very white. And then, like, black ladies and other ladies, like, hit the strip clubs, and everyone's like, what the fuck?
- [07:41]
B
Yeah, I think that was. I think probably when black ladies hit strip clubs. That was when, like, black dudes hit the NBA.
- [07:46]
A
It was the same time. And everyone was like, what?
- [07:49]
B
All the white women were like, fuck, she's taking all our fucking tips. Like, I can't even do that thing that she's doing. And they're just humping the ground trying to tour.
- [07:56]
A
Yeah, man. That must have been kind of crazy. I can't imagine what it would have been like. A strip club club in 1940 would have been 1947. 1950 would have been crazy, I think.
- [08:04]
B
I think it's crazy to think of, like, how, like, how did head working even start? And I know. I know somebody's going to hear this and be like, this is such a dude conversation. But like I said, maybe a man first twerked.
- [08:18]
A
True.
- [08:18]
B
Maybe it was a man they were trying to tame. At first and. And, you know, draft to their strip club. But, like, how do you even think of that?
- [08:26]
A
How do you.
- [08:26]
B
First.
- [08:26]
A
Yeah, it's actually, I. I would imagine black lady started it. And it's like. Because I feel like they did it back in, like, the juvenile videos, like, in, like, the. Like, the early 2000s.
- [08:35]
B
I mean, they were definitely the ones with the goods, you know?
- [08:37]
A
Yeah. White ladies just figured out kind of how to do it.
- [08:41]
B
Yeah. I've watched, like. Like, old movies. Like, you're seeing Roadhouse.
- [08:45]
A
Yeah, I have. Yeah.
- [08:46]
B
And you remember that girl who, like, she's like, the girlfriend of. What's his name, the bad guy? I don't remember his name.
- [08:52]
A
Yeah, I remember. Patrick Swayze is a good guy. It was one of those movies I saw, too, where I kind of was, like, in and out of it, but I watched it.
- [08:58]
B
The young blonde chick. She's like, the hot chick of the whole movie, and she's, like, dancing all sexy. She doesn't twerk once.
- [09:04]
A
Not at all.
- [09:05]
B
That was the sexiest of dancing at those times. I imagine it was.
- [09:08]
A
Yeah, it was. It was like a skinny white lady with a flat butt kind of just like, sliding up and down. There's no, like. There's no acrobatics to it.
- [09:15]
B
Yeah. And then, I don't know. I don't know if it was just like, the 90s or somewhere. Like. Like, would you say with juvenile. Right. Early 2000s, late 90s, black ladies just changed the game.
- [09:26]
A
They really did take over.
- [09:28]
B
And I'm just glad that, like. Well, I don't know. I haven't done too much research on it, but I'm just glad that nobody's ever tried to stop other races from twerking, because, you know, this is very touchy these days. Cultural appropriation.
- [09:40]
A
Yeah.
- [09:41]
B
Stealing culture, vulture and whatnot. But that one right there is, like.
- [09:45]
A
That's a gift. Yeah. That's a gift to humanity. Yeah. You can't. You can't guard that. Yeah, I agree.
- [09:49]
B
And.
- [09:50]
A
Yeah. And it's like, I. I feel like. I don't know. I feel like black ladies kind of like if anyone, like, tries to twerk, even, like a white, they'll kind of, like, encourage her. Yeah, I've seen they'll, like. I mean, they might laugh, you know, kind of tease a little bit, but just a little hazing.
- [10:01]
B
Yeah.
- [10:01]
A
So they're very. They. Yeah, they. They'll give up the goods. They'll teach you how to do it, bro. If you want to learn, they will teach you.
- [10:08]
B
I don't want to learn, but on to onto. You know, we're talking about, like, business entrepreneurs and stuff. I might be able to start, like the first school of twerking or. I'm sure there has to be one by now already.
- [10:22]
A
Maybe you can start it up. You can run it, you know.
- [10:24]
B
Yeah, I can have one. There's probably not many of them.
- [10:26]
A
No. Yeah, there's like pole dance classes. If you start it, like a straight up twerking class.
- [10:30]
B
Yeah, Just go to like a nice gentrified neighborhood.
- [10:33]
A
Yeah, you would get it. You'd have. You'd might have to like, soften the blow by being like, we're a pole dancing place, but we have a twerking class within that.
- [10:41]
B
I'd be like, there's no men here. It's like contactless boxing. You receive. There's boxing classes where.
- [10:47]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [10:48]
B
But they never fight.
- [10:49]
A
Yeah.
- [10:49]
B
So it's like there's no penises around. Just, you know, just so we don't get canceled. We have to probably take on a few men as clients. But you.
- [10:58]
A
They would hit. There's always like two guys in like.
- [11:00]
B
A. I don't mind watching two or three guys shake their asses as long as it comes with, like the business of all these other women shaking their ass.
- [11:07]
A
That's what I'm saying.
- [11:08]
B
Yeah.
- [11:08]
A
It'd be good for you kind of having like two guys there. I'd imagine they'd be gay guys too, so that'd be good.
- [11:13]
B
Maybe.
- [11:14]
A
Probably.
- [11:15]
B
Yeah.
- [11:15]
A
Most definitely.
- [11:16]
B
I can see the ad for it now. Like the commercial. It's just like. Like a successful stripper. Like a bunch of money down her waistline. She's just twerking. She's like, thanks, Ralph. Bar also the school.
- [11:26]
A
Oh, you're going like more technical school.
- [11:28]
B
Yeah.
- [11:29]
A
Oh, I like that.
- [11:29]
B
And the guy she's dancing on is also like. And thanks for me too. Ralph. Yeah.
- [11:36]
A
If you're going to go the vocational route, do you. What do you think about, I don't know, the legality of this, but doing like kind of like a in school, like taking it to the high schools. That way they get like the best shot.
- [11:46]
B
No, no, no.
- [11:47]
A
Become a professional. No, I'm saying, like, the economic advantage.
- [11:51]
B
You see, bro, that's the beginning of our. Of my downfall of my business. Start thinking I'm just fucking weirdo. Wants to get high school girls. Like, hey, how about you put on this cheerleading outfit while you do it?
- [12:02]
A
Talking about, no, I would. Look, I didn't want to do that, but I'm Saying if you're saying going vocational, like, they have, like, you know, you can learn to be a. You know, like a hairdresser. Like, take these vocation. These, like, true vocations.
- [12:12]
B
No, you must be at least 21.
- [12:14]
A
You could keep the safety gloves on. You could be, like, fully clothed. You know, like, it's kind of doing, like, Pilates. Just getting them ready, just building them up.
- [12:21]
B
I don't want to do this business no more. You've ruined my American dream.
- [12:27]
A
I didn't say you should. I was saying, what if I would? That'd be crazy.
- [12:30]
B
Just want to own you.
- [12:31]
A
Imagine. Could you imagine the weird illegalities and gray areas you'd get into, bro?
- [12:38]
B
Yeah. Never mind. I'm. I'm glad you poked a hole in this dream. This.
- [12:42]
A
No, you. No, you can still do it. You just gotta stay out of the schools. College, you can do. Getting, like, an elective in college. That'd be cool.
- [12:48]
B
No, I'm done. I'm done. I'm just gonna go to a strip club and just enjoy that.
- [12:55]
A
There is something very nice about just giving a beautiful woman money. Just being like, here, I want you to have this. Yeah, you're beautiful and you're naked, and I think you should have. I. I work hard for this, and I. I really want you to have it.
- [13:05]
B
It's easy to give money to people when they're naked.
- [13:08]
A
Yeah.
- [13:08]
B
Even homeless people. Usually a naked homeless guy approach, you're just like, bro, take it. Fuck off.
- [13:15]
A
I saw a lady walking down the street. I don't think she was homeless, but it was like this Indian lady just had her tits out. She's walking down the street smiling, just kind of like. I think she was making, like, a statement. There's a big, like, women's liberation movement where they should be able to show their tits in public.
- [13:27]
B
That's a liberation movement.
- [13:29]
A
Yeah, because it's like, dude, think about how unfair that is. Dude, we can take our shirts off in public.
- [13:33]
B
We can? Yeah.
- [13:34]
A
Yes, you can.
- [13:35]
B
Wait. Like, anywhere to, like, to a certain degree. I'm pretty sure if I walk into cvs, they're gonna be like, whoa, fuck you doing, bro?
- [13:42]
A
They will. But if you can walk down the street, you can work a construction job, you can be a roofer and have your shirt off all day. A woman could never take her shirt off.
- [13:49]
B
You can't take your shirt off during a construction job.
- [13:52]
A
Yes, you can.
- [13:53]
B
No, you cannot.
- [13:54]
A
You know how many guys work shirtless?
- [13:55]
B
When's the last time you worked construction?
- [13:57]
A
I grew up working construction. I did it my whole life.
- [13:58]
B
This isn't like a YMCA video.
- [14:00]
A
Like, dudes do it. There's roofers that are just. I think now there's a lot of safety in construction now. But back in the day, there were dudes in like, the early 90s and 80s who didn't wear a shirt every day.
- [14:12]
B
Like, bro, maybe you grew up in this shirtless America of men. But I'm telling you, I'm telling you right now, it's dying out.
- [14:22]
A
It is dying out.
- [14:23]
B
Women might as well not even fight for it either.
- [14:26]
A
Why?
- [14:26]
B
And then we're not even going to, like. You ever go a long time without seeing boobs and then you see boobs, you're going to lose that excitement. There's going to be everywhere.
- [14:36]
A
That's true.
- [14:37]
B
What's going to happen?
- [14:37]
A
That's true.
- [14:38]
B
Women's liberation. They're going to liberate a whole bunch of male. What do you call it? You can't get hard.
- [14:44]
A
Yeah, Ed.
- [14:46]
B
Erectile dysfunction. That's all that. That's. To me, women's liberation just equals erectile dysfunction.
- [14:53]
A
I think you're so right.
- [14:54]
B
And as Republican as that sounds, I just want people to know I haven't voted. So don't start thinking. But. No, come on.
- [15:01]
A
I know what you're saying. This goes beyond politics. If you're seeing titties all day, every day, it does. Fucking. And also the bra, like, protects them.
- [15:08]
B
Yeah.
- [15:09]
A
It fights gravity for a while.
- [15:10]
B
Imagine all the mosquitoes and bug bites you can have on your boobs. It's going to be rough.
- [15:15]
A
You're destabilizing to see a lady with her just her tits out in public. I was, I was like, what the fuck? It was crazy. If you imagine that times 40, it's like my days. You're living in, like, a different world now.
- [15:25]
B
But I'm not. At the same time, I'm not, like, totally, totally against it. There should be, like, an assignment from birth. Like, there's a certain percentage of all men and a certain percentage of all women should be assigned to be shirtless in life.
- [15:41]
A
Now. I like this.
- [15:42]
B
And if they want to. If they want shirts, they got to, like, petition for it, file paperwork and stuff, you know? And people who are. Who do our shirts in the world and they want to become skins, they also got to do the paperwork.
- [15:55]
A
True. You can go back and forth.
- [15:57]
B
Yeah.
- [15:57]
A
Damn, I'd be sick. If you had a skins family.
- [15:59]
B
There should be just random rules like that on this.
- [16:02]
A
I. I would like that.
- [16:03]
B
Just random, like. And then you Know, there'd be, like, movements for it. They'd be like, I don't want to be a skin ever again. There's people that be like, we should all be skins. Like, skin, skin America.
- [16:14]
A
Like, yeah, true. That would be. Shirts and skins would be a great move. I used to always love when I played basketball and I get caught, like, my half of the team, like, you guys are skins. I'd be like, yes.
- [16:23]
B
Hell, yeah.
- [16:24]
A
I love that.
- [16:25]
B
Yeah.
- [16:25]
A
Wearing a penny. I'd be like, come on, man, that sucks. You play basketball growing up?
- [16:28]
B
Yeah, we used to play. We used to play a lot at a. At a school. At elementary school near my house.
- [16:34]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [16:35]
B
We. There's like a lot of older dudes, like, like when we were in. When we were maybe like 10, 12. There's a lot of teenagers that would come from the apartments down the street, though, and just kind of like, take over.
- [16:47]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [16:48]
B
But I got pretty good, so I got to, like, stay. But my friends, they sucked.
- [16:51]
A
They had to go.
- [16:52]
B
Yeah. I mean, we were all Mexican, me and my friends, and so, I mean, there wasn't much skill there anyway.
- [16:57]
A
Yeah.
- [16:57]
B
But I was probably the most skilled of Mexicans. I don't know. That makes me the least Mexican of them, is that I was the only one good at basketball.
- [17:05]
A
Yeah, you don't see a lot. You don't see a lot of Mexican basketball players.
- [17:08]
B
Yeah. But I got to stay. I was never that good at soccer, though.
- [17:12]
A
Really? Yeah.
- [17:13]
B
And that. Yeah.
- [17:14]
A
Well, you're. Yeah, you're playing basketball totally different.
- [17:16]
B
But I had a very. What do you call it, like, head first mentality. So, like, if I did go play soccer, I wasn't afraid to kind of just dive for. Just run in there.
- [17:26]
A
You had a head first. Yeah, it's literally head first.
- [17:28]
B
Literally head first. Yeah.
- [17:29]
A
Damn. So you were just like, just jumping in. You didn't give a. Yeah. Should have played football, bro.
- [17:34]
B
Anytime the soccer ball came to me, I just kicked the shit out of it.
- [17:37]
A
That's a good move.
- [17:38]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
- [17:39]
A
Did you play defense or offense or, like, just rips?
- [17:41]
B
I don't know, man.
- [17:42]
A
Yeah, you went at it.
- [17:43]
B
Yeah.
- [17:43]
A
That's a good move, just to kick the ball as hard as you can.
- [17:45]
B
Yeah. I tried to sign up for football once, but, man, my coach, I mean, he was right. But I was in the seventh grade, and at the end of the school year, they let you sign up for eighth grade football. And my PE coach was like, hell, no.
- [18:01]
A
Like, he let you do it.
- [18:03]
B
Yeah, because I was like, kind Of a troublesome kid in his class. Yeah, I was just. I would never dress out for PE like when they make. They made us wear like shorts and shirts and stuff. I would like sometimes change, right?
- [18:14]
A
We're like, you want to get changed?
- [18:15]
B
Yeah, I just like. Because we'd be dumb. We were like, the shorts, but then not the shirts. We still wear like our school polo.
- [18:22]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [18:22]
B
Or sometimes we just take off, like the polo. Just wear a white tee. And like. All right, we changed, but we just want to start playing whatever we. Somebody one time just gave me like a lot of dice. I don't remember how I got it. It was like a box of dice.
- [18:36]
A
Yes.
- [18:37]
B
All wrapped in little plastic baggies. Like they sell them or something. And so I started bringing them to school and one of the kids taught us how to shoot dice. Like. And yeah, the coach caught us with those a couple times. He was just like, man, like the is Yalls problem.
- [18:52]
A
What the fuck are you guys doing? I mean, not taking off the shirt would drive me crazy. If I was doing a gym class and you put on the shorts, I'm like, bro, why won't you put your shirt on? What is this?
- [19:01]
B
I think we just like being trolls.
- [19:03]
A
It is fun. I was very bad in school, especially health classes. I said the teacher I had. I had older brothers. And my older brothers like, dude, that guy's a fucking bitch. Fuck that guy. So I went in like, I'm going to fuck this guy up. Yeah, I did. I would fuck with him. I went to an all boys Catholic high school, so we would like be in the. This is how this is fucked up.
- [19:21]
B
We've been noticing that there's like a heavy man pattern in your life.
- [19:26]
A
Oh yeah.
- [19:26]
B
Heavy men smell prostitution, Shirtless male.
- [19:30]
A
It's just. Dude, it's so. I'm so masc. It's crazy. I'm so masculine.
- [19:35]
B
Catholic male school, all boys, you know, Fucked up.
- [19:38]
A
It is like separate a young boy from women for like four years, basically.
- [19:43]
B
That's horrible.
- [19:44]
A
It's weird, dude.
- [19:44]
B
What did you do to deserve that? You know? And then did you have sisters?
- [19:48]
A
Yeah, I did. I had two little sisters.
- [19:49]
B
And then how many brothers?
- [19:51]
A
I have two older brothers and one little brother.
- [19:53]
B
Okay. Male dominated siblings.
- [19:56]
A
And my dad's one of ten, mostly men as well.
- [19:58]
B
Did you. Did you in. In health class? Did they ever give you guys the baby to take care of? No, bro.
- [20:03]
A
No. I went to homeboy school.
- [20:04]
B
That's. That's very realistic. Then they're like, that's a woman's job. Like, why would we give you guys that?
- [20:10]
A
No, we never had. Dude. But we had our gym teacher, who was also the health teacher, would come when we were getting changed, and he'd be like. He would be like, you guys gotta get naked and hit the shower. And I'd always be like, I'm not getting naked and get in the shower. I'll just be sweaty.
- [20:23]
B
Yeah, it was pretty intense.
- [20:24]
A
It was really intense. It was really intense. But what he would do when the prayer would come on, everyone have to stop what they were doing. So when the prayer came on, I would just pull my pants down a little bit and just show my ass. Keep my ass out for the prayer. And every time I'd be like, dude, you told me to stop. I was getting naked. Hit the shower. He would get so mad.
- [20:41]
B
Wait, how often would you guys pray?
- [20:44]
A
It would, like, come on. I think at the beginning of every period, like, some different, like, prayer would come on. You have to stop for it. And they would do, like a.
- [20:50]
B
That's got to be weird if it comes on while everybody's in the showers.
- [20:53]
A
Yeah, that would be nuts.
- [20:54]
B
Yeah. I don't know. I don't know much about Catholic school, though.
- [20:57]
A
It was just. It was like. It was. They stopped hitting kids, like, when I was in, like, first grade.
- [21:04]
B
That's where they fucked up.
- [21:05]
A
Yeah. They should have kept it up.
- [21:06]
B
Did they hit you in kindergarten?
- [21:08]
A
I got smacked by a principal once. And then I had a. Actually had a priest in high school who hit my head into a chalkboard.
- [21:13]
B
What?
- [21:14]
A
I had said something about his knee. He was kind of, like, around actually. Turned out he actually had some pretty heavy charges against him later on for kid stuff, but.
- [21:22]
B
Beating up kids.
- [21:24]
A
Loving them, too. Yeah, Loving them.
- [21:26]
B
Damn.
- [21:26]
A
It was kind of. He had a hate love relationship with kids, but. But he had. He had a niece. And I remember his niece was, like, our age. And I kept saying I was, like, bringing his niece to. I didn't know the lady, but I was like, I'm gonna bring your niece to the prom and give her ecstasy. I didn't. I didn't even know what ecstasy was, bro.
- [21:39]
B
That's.
- [21:40]
A
But I like to say to the.
- [21:41]
B
Priest, this sounds like a good time.
- [21:43]
A
He grabbed my head. It was awesome. Dude. All boy school was funny.
- [21:46]
B
Imagine I'm, like, taking the niece to the prom.
- [21:49]
A
I know.
- [21:49]
B
On the X. I know, But I want to teach your knees how to twerk.
- [21:53]
A
Yeah, true.
- [21:54]
B
What is that?
- [21:55]
A
He literally grabbed my head and went bonk into the chalkboard. And I was like, all right, all right, my bad. I deserve that.
- [21:59]
B
Yeah. That'll teach you some respect, bro.
- [22:01]
A
It did. That's. I grew up getting hit. That's why it was like. No, it was.
- [22:04]
B
You know, where is this at?
- [22:05]
A
This was outside of Philadelphia. Oh, this was in. Actually, I went to school in Wilmington, Delaware.
- [22:09]
B
Okay, okay.
- [22:10]
A
But you guys were holding down the front, no shirts.
- [22:13]
B
You guys. Who's. You guys?
- [22:15]
A
Your school. I'm saying. Your school. Your. The thing you did. Your teacher was not.
- [22:19]
B
I mean, we had shirts. We just didn't have, like, the. The shirt.
- [22:22]
A
You wouldn't put on the shirt. That's what I'm saying.
- [22:24]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [22:24]
A
I'm just saying. I'm just. I'm just trying to bring the conversation.
- [22:27]
B
Picturing me shirtless as a kid, man.
- [22:29]
A
I'm not picturing you shirtless as a kid.
- [22:31]
B
We got issues, bro.
- [22:34]
A
No, I'm saying you guys wouldn't wear the gym shirt sometimes. I'm picturing you in a polo, buttoned up to the top, your hair combed over like an angel.
- [22:41]
B
Yeah, I'm just, like, in a little polo and then just some shorts.
- [22:44]
A
What else were you bad at? Like, what else did you do that was, like, the. What was, like, the worst thing you did as a kid?
- [22:48]
B
One time I broke into a house.
- [22:51]
A
Did you really?
- [22:51]
B
Yeah.
- [22:52]
A
What'd you do?
- [22:54]
B
So it's like, me and a couple kids that I went to middle school with, we skipped school one day, and we just. We broke into a dude's house that my friend said he knew supposedly it was his buddy. I was like, bro, I don't want to hang out with you anymore.
- [23:10]
A
After the day he's broke into his friend. You take anything?
- [23:13]
B
Nah. Supposedly that guy had, like, weed in there. And I guess in my mind, I was like, oh, we'll take the weed and then we'll be rich. I don't know how much weed went for. I was like, 12 or 13. I was just like, a lot. You know, we're going to be like, what's that? We're going to be like that movie Blow, and just kept imagining that. And we looked around in there, but I started feeling really weird being in there.
- [23:34]
A
Yeah.
- [23:35]
B
And then they called me to the kitchen. They're like, yo, yo, come over here. And I went. I went over there, and, like, we weren't. I didn't grow up, like, poor or nothing, but I. For some reason, I had never seen Nutella before, and none of my friends had either.
- [23:51]
A
Yeah.
- [23:51]
B
And so they were like, look at. Look at this. Like, try it. And so we discovered Nutella. We're just like, oh, like, this is good.
- [23:58]
A
That's huge.
- [23:58]
B
Yeah. And so we just sat there eating, like, Nutella with, like, their bread or, like, their Nutella snack packs, like, and we heard somebody getting home.
- [24:08]
A
How'd you get in, first of all, before you. I don't want to.
- [24:10]
B
I. I actually found a way in through the back.
- [24:13]
A
Oh, nice.
- [24:14]
B
Yeah. My friend was like, most of the time, front doors just open. Like, in some of these houses. This guy had a. He's a. He had an ammo, you know? And then I was like, well, I'll try the back. Because I. I used to get locked out of my house a lot. So I figured out little ways, and I was like, this window reminds me of my window, you know?
- [24:31]
A
Yep. But, yeah, I just pulled up on you.
- [24:34]
B
Yeah. I heard people get in there, and I always. This is, like, dumb, because I always thought, like, this was, like, an act of bravery, like, I deserve some sort of medal. But then at the end of the day, it's like, I was just the bravest criminal that day. But when we're in the kitchen eating the Nutella, and I. And I heard somebody approaching the door, I ran to the front door to, like, lock it and locked them out of their house. Yeah. Because they had a dead bolt.
- [25:03]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [25:04]
B
And my friends ran to the back door. Like, it just was a. Like, we just froze, looked at each other, and then everybody ran. And there was, like, three or four friends that ran out the back. So I ran and I locked the door, and then I ran out the back and I closed the back door so hard that it didn't even, like, close.
- [25:20]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [25:21]
B
It was like.
- [25:22]
A
Yeah.
- [25:22]
B
Because it was like a sliding door, so it just, like, slid, and then poom. Like, slid back open, and I just ran for my life, and I was just so scared.
- [25:29]
A
Yeah, dude.
- [25:30]
B
That's the day I realized, like, bro, I'm a little. Like, I'm not cut out for game home.
- [25:35]
A
And just all their bread just crushed in the Nutella out. They're probably like, what the, man?
- [25:40]
B
So we went to my buddy's house who lived not too far from there, and we'd take little peeks where we'd walk down to that street just to see if, like, there was cops.
- [25:47]
A
Yeah. Yeah.
- [25:48]
B
But they never called the cops. I think whoever there was just, like, the raccoons animal got into my house.
- [25:56]
A
I had kids burglarize me one time where I was, like, living in this house in West Philly. It was a bad neighborhood, and I didn't have, like, a back door on the house. There was just this, like. I don't know if you how to describe it. Like, you know, in stores, and they have, like a. It's like a gate, but it's like. It's just like metal slats against each other. Like, crisscrossed.
- [26:15]
B
Yeah.
- [26:15]
A
Supposed to be, like, outside of a door. It was just that. So, like, I had that thing, and I had a chain around it, kind of keeping it tight. But there was like, if you were little enough, you can get in. I had kids, they, like, stole my change, broke into my house, stole all I had. So much fucking change. And they stole my change. And I was like, all right, fair enough.
- [26:31]
B
Out of all the things, that's what they got.
- [26:33]
A
Exactly. I had, like, a gun in my house, too, so I'm glad they didn't get that.
- [26:36]
B
They're like. Those little kids remind me of, like, Robert De Niro and Heat. Or they, like. They knew what they were going after. They did the bonds.
- [26:43]
A
They did, dude. They wanted the change to get the candy.
- [26:45]
B
Yeah. Our response time to a 211, they had already.
- [26:50]
A
Remember being like, no adult could have fit through that little. And I was like, motherfuckers, those kids.
- [26:55]
B
Well, you get. You got to get a BB gun. Shoot the kids.
- [26:58]
A
Yeah. I've thought about paintball gun. Paintball gun would be nice.
- [27:01]
B
Yeah.
- [27:01]
A
I knew. There was a guy I knew who had, like. He was like an H VAC guy, and he had this, like, big yard in this area outside Philadelphia called Chester. And it's like, really. It's like a really fucked up area. And he. So if you have a yard in Chester, it's like, you'd have, like, scrap metal, and so people would break in, take your scrap metal. So he started a Friday tradition where he would sit on the roof and just drink beer with a paintball gun. Just let the sun. As soon as the sun would set, people would start coming over the fence, and he would just. Fucking light. It's pretty fun.
- [27:30]
B
Hell, yeah.
- [27:30]
A
And within his right. It was within his right, but people would think they were really getting shot and be like, oh, man, they fucking hurt now.
- [27:38]
B
They do. The first time I ever went paintball, and I got shot right in my left nut.
- [27:43]
A
Oh, really?
- [27:44]
B
Yeah.
- [27:45]
A
I think there's, like, one kid from every group who gets shot in the nuts. I'm sorry to hear that.
- [27:48]
B
It might have been my right one. I just remember it was like I took my pants off, and you just See, like, a dead circle right on the nut. That was the first time. And the dude cheated because at that place, they were like. I was the only kid there, though. It was like a bunch of adults and, like, my uncles and stuff. And they told us that if you're within, like, 10ft or so, just yell surrender. And whoever yells at first, it's like they got the shot.
- [28:13]
A
Yep.
- [28:14]
B
And I remember, like, my mask is all foggy. I'm, like, sweating. Yeah. And I'm, like, trying to shoot this guy. I see him running from. From right to left, and he keeps going. I'm like, fuck, man. And then I see another guy. I'm trying to shoot this guy. And then I'm like, wait, what happened to the first guy? And I'm like, oh, he's behind me, I bet. And I turn around, and he's right there and just close as hell. Just shoots me. Oh, man, I went down. I just felt like throwing up.
- [28:35]
A
Oh, he probably felt bad.
- [28:37]
B
Hell, no. He just kept going.
- [28:38]
A
Really?
- [28:39]
B
Yeah.
- [28:39]
A
Damn. War is hell.
- [28:40]
B
That's a poor race card. But you know how you white guys are. You get fucking guns and tactical and shit. This guy had full camo, bro.
- [28:46]
A
I did paintball, and I totally disobeyed the mercy rule. I would hop a log, there be a guy right there, and I'd be.
- [28:51]
B
Like, bop, bop, bop. After that, bro, I turned into a little monster. I was like, fuck the mercy rule. Like, I started doing.
- [28:56]
A
That's how I played originally. That's fuck the mercy roll I started. It's so exciting to shoot somebody with that gun. So if I get within range, I'm not going to be like, oh, okay, I'm fucking unloading.
- [29:06]
B
I started playing soul dirty.
- [29:07]
A
Like, did you really?
- [29:08]
B
When. When there'd be refs in there, like, shoot the ref now. I would hide behind them. Sometimes I just run up, like, near him and just like.
- [29:18]
A
That's your human shield. Yeah. When you get hit, dude, it, like, it. It fucking hurts, man. It hurts enough to be like, all right, there is some consequence to this game.
- [29:28]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [29:28]
A
Because I've got, like, popped over the mask, but in the head. And that hurts, dude.
- [29:32]
B
You got. You got to have pain in life, though. Like, every now and then. You ever go just months without any type of pain? Not even stubbing your toe?
- [29:39]
A
Yes.
- [29:40]
B
You start to get depressed, dude.
- [29:41]
A
This literally just happened to me. I had it so easy for, like, three and a half months, and then I literally got depressed.
- [29:48]
B
Yeah.
- [29:48]
A
Just got out of it, like, two days ago.
- [29:49]
B
And then somebody Punches you in the face one day you're like, I'm alive.
- [29:52]
A
Yeah, dude, I'm feeling stuff.
- [29:54]
B
You got. Yeah. You got to go paintballing or you got to do something. There used to be a place, a water slide.
- [29:58]
A
I took an edible and hit some water slides and that. Like, I scraped my. You know when a water slide and you try to slow it down like a. And then you're like. Your elbow scrapes.
- [30:06]
B
No, I'm. I'm pretty little, dude. I've never even had trouble slowing down. It's just. I never went that fast in the first place.
- [30:12]
A
Really? Yeah, I was rip. I was hitting them and just kind of like. Because I haven't rode a water slide since I was a kid, so I was like, dude, I'm going to champ these. And I was like, for real scared.
- [30:19]
B
You see that video? This was. This is always going to be one of my proudest moments. I didn't do anything. I was just there. But during Burt Chrysler's Fully Loaded tour last year in 2023, we. We had a water slide and somebody got a bag of ice. Ice water and dumped it on Mark Norman. And he started like, yelling and spinning and then. And somebody else. I forgot who threw it. It might have been Bertrand. Threw a little Nerf football we had and hit him right in the nuts right after. That was hilarious. I bet you. Yeah, I bet you he was proud of that too.
- [30:54]
A
That's your problem.
- [30:55]
B
I just. I just like, just watching that. Yeah, like, that's a guy who's not going to be depressed for a while.
- [31:01]
A
You know, true ice water and hitting the nuts will definitely wake you up.
- [31:05]
B
That was hilarious.
- [31:06]
A
Dude. I fell. When's the last time you fell, bro?
- [31:12]
B
Not. Not that long ago, but it was a very uncomfortable fall.
- [31:16]
A
Yeah, dude, I think what happened.
- [31:17]
B
If I would have fell on my ass, I would have been like, oh, it hurt. But then I'd be like, that was funny. But I was walking upstairs and I did one of those. Face forward, hit my knee into the stairfall. I'm just like, that's such a. Like a grown man fall. Like middle aged man falls. Oh, God damn it. Like, motherfucker. I just wanted to blame a kid.
- [31:35]
A
Like, I fell. I fell recently going to the bathroom at night and like, it's like pitch black. And I forgot I was able to travel. So I had like my suitc suitcase out. Tripped over my suitcase. I'm naked and I just fell, like down. Like you were saying, on your belly, not on your back. I fell belly down. And just laid, like, all my shoes. I was naked.
- [31:53]
B
I was sleeping. You sleep naked?
- [31:56]
A
Yeah, I sleep naked.
- [31:58]
B
The deeper we go on this podcast, bro, the deeper we go into your.
- [32:01]
A
You don't sleep naked?
- [32:02]
B
Nah, bro.
- [32:03]
A
Why?
- [32:04]
B
I don't know.
- [32:05]
A
Someone breaks in, you get to mad dog him naked, and it's.
- [32:07]
B
I guess that's a good defense mechanism.
- [32:09]
A
Yeah. What do you do? Do you like classic PJs?
- [32:12]
B
Nah, I don't do that either. Like, what do you mean? What's classic PJs to you with the little hat? I can't believe people were using that at one point.
- [32:20]
A
Well, if you didn't wear the hat, you'd probably die. You get, like, catch a cold.
- [32:24]
B
What? That was why they wore hats.
- [32:25]
A
I don't know. I don't feel cool, but, like, I just.
- [32:27]
B
It's just crazy.
- [32:27]
A
I would imagine because it was cold, they didn't have, like, heat like that, so you'd have to wear, like, a little snow cap.
- [32:31]
B
I'll just die instead of, like, a little.
- [32:33]
A
That's what I'm saying, man.
- [32:34]
B
They were wearing those little weird elf hats that.
- [32:36]
A
Dude, I feel the same way about bike helmets.
- [32:38]
B
Bike.
- [32:38]
A
Yeah. Fuck that. I see people, adults with bike helmets. I'm like, bro, I would wear one.
- [32:42]
B
If it got to be, like, painted like candy or something or like, some sweet paint job where it's like, the mouth is, like.
- [32:49]
A
That would be sick and change colors when you went by, but I probably.
- [32:52]
B
Would never ride a motorcycle. I don't like those motorcycles where they got, like, the saddles on the side and then, like, the big windshield. Like the cop one.
- [33:01]
A
Yeah.
- [33:01]
B
That's like, the minivan of motorcycles.
- [33:03]
A
It is. Dude, you might as well just. Yeah.
- [33:04]
B
Get a fucking car.
- [33:06]
A
Yeah. You know, saddlebags and a windshield. Windshield.
- [33:08]
B
Yeah.
- [33:08]
A
Damn. That's gonna hit my dad hard. My dad rocks.
- [33:10]
B
Your dad rocks that Damn.
- [33:12]
A
He does. He had the regular ones, and then, you know, you get old.
- [33:15]
B
Was his dad out in Philly?
- [33:16]
A
Yeah, he grew up in Philly and then moved to Havertown. Or he was like Philly when he was little and grew up in Havertown. So he's that whole area.
- [33:21]
B
Philly's like, a tough town, though. I wouldn't make fun of your dad. I'll take that back.
- [33:25]
A
No, no, no, no. He needs to hear that. He's driving around. He needs to take that bug windshield off and just eat those things, bro.
- [33:30]
B
Just saddlebags.
- [33:32]
A
But he would, like, drive his motorcycle. That was, like, the one thing he would be like, we go To a restaurant. He's like, I'm gonna ride my motorcycle. I'll meet you there. So that was, like, his, like, slice of freedom.
- [33:40]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [33:40]
A
And he's got older. You need. You, like, go to, like, pick stuff up at the store, and you throw it in the saddlebags and ride back.
- [33:45]
B
Did he. Is he still with your mom? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So, yeah, he probably needed that, bro.
- [33:50]
A
Yeah, he need that break.
- [33:52]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [33:52]
A
And the windshield. I could see the windshield after some time. Did you ever ride a motorcycle before?
- [33:56]
B
Yeah, I have a dirt bike.
- [33:57]
A
Oh. Oh, yeah. That's awesome.
- [34:00]
B
Yeah, bro. No windshield.
- [34:01]
A
That's the rawest motorbike you can get possibly. So you're at, like, the absolute top of the hierarchy in terms of, like, being sick on it.
- [34:07]
B
Well, not necessarily. It's a 125cc, so it's like training wheels of dirt bikes.
- [34:11]
A
Have you ridden on, like, the highway and stuff?
- [34:14]
B
Nah, dude, it's scary.
- [34:16]
A
I took a three. I forget what it was, like, a 325, if that's a thing. Like, yeah, I think it was a Yamaha Nighthawk. And I'd never really ridden motorcycles. I still don't now, but, like, my brother showed me how to do it, and I, like, took that thing on the highway.
- [34:28]
B
You scared?
- [34:29]
A
Yeah, I'm scared as, man. Dude, I was going over this bridge, and trucks would pass me, and it was like they were saying, it's not a heavy enough bike. So when a truck goes by you on the highway, the breeze pushes your bike over. Oh, she was fighting those big, like, you know, those big, like, buckles in the middle of a bridge. There's, like, big metal grates. I'd hit them and be like, jesus Christ.
- [34:46]
B
Yeah, I wouldn't have been scared.
- [34:47]
A
You don't think you've been scared? Take the Y. Take it on the highway right now.
- [34:50]
B
All right.
- [34:52]
A
Do it, dude.
- [34:53]
B
Tell your brother bring you right now.
- [34:54]
A
I will, I will. I'll get the Yamaha Nighthawk.
- [34:56]
B
Dude, as far as the people listening to this podcast go, just know that I. I will ride that bike on the highway. Yeah.
- [35:04]
A
20, 25 on the highway, man. You need something heavy.
- [35:06]
B
I. Have you ever gone 125?
- [35:08]
A
I've ridden dirt bikes when I was little. Yeah, we used to ride them around. Just, like, buzz around the house.
- [35:12]
B
Oh, no. I thought you talking about miles per hour.
- [35:14]
A
Oh, hell no, dude.
- [35:15]
B
You've never gone 125 miles per hour.
- [35:17]
A
On dirt bike anything. In a car?
- [35:19]
B
Yeah, in a car. Yeah.
- [35:20]
A
I don't think I got up to 125 in the car. I take that back. I hit in, like, 100, like, seven.
- [35:24]
B
What are you driving, like, a Honda Odyssey?
- [35:27]
A
Yeah, like some.
- [35:28]
B
Yeah, he's just running late to something.
- [35:30]
A
Just trying to. No, when you're little, remember your teenager, you're like, we're gonna go 100 miles an hour on the highway.
- [35:34]
B
Yeah. Hell, yeah.
- [35:35]
A
Just trying to go as fast as possible.
- [35:37]
B
Yeah, we had an accurate TL for a while.
- [35:39]
A
They're fast as hell.
- [35:39]
B
Yeah, that was tight.
- [35:41]
A
You did 125 in the car?
- [35:42]
B
One. One car? I did, like, one in two cars, actually. I did 160 something.
- [35:49]
A
You're a car guy.
- [35:50]
B
Yeah, I like cars.
- [35:51]
A
You did 160?
- [35:52]
B
Yeah.
- [35:53]
A
Where?
- [35:54]
B
On the highway so you wouldn't be.
- [35:55]
A
Afraid on the bike? I don't know, dude. You take away those walls, though.
- [35:58]
B
The bike? Yeah, the walls are.
- [35:59]
A
And you can imagine if you could see the ground.
- [36:01]
B
Yeah, no, I don't want to see this.
- [36:02]
A
It fucks you up, dude. You're going, like, 80, and you see the ground. It's just. It's literally a blur.
- [36:07]
B
Nah, I feel like the. The bike is just way more scarier. For real. Like, it is one false move. It's like you're dead. Yeah. And then. And then I grew up playing Grand Theft Auto, so, like, you know how many times I was riding that bike? And then I hit a car and I just fly or, you know, like that.
- [36:21]
A
But, yeah, 160 is fast, man.
- [36:24]
B
Yeah, once. He's pretty fast, that's when, like, things start.
- [36:27]
A
Like, they're, like, 200 yards away, and it's like they're right at you.
- [36:30]
B
Yeah, they. They look like they're barely even moving. The cars. Like, they're like. They're still moving, but they. They look more.
- [36:36]
A
Yeah.
- [36:36]
B
Closer to being.
- [36:37]
A
Are you still about that speed life? Are you slowing down? Because that's like, bro, you're. You're flirting with disaster. 160s. Like, I was, like, doing an untimely.
- [36:44]
B
Celebrity death, so it was like, last week, bro.
- [36:46]
A
What?
- [36:46]
B
Yeah.
- [36:47]
A
Are you. Are you gunning for, like, an untimely, like, James Dean?
- [36:50]
B
Nah, but I do want to hit 180. I've always wanted to hit 180.
- [36:53]
A
Just. Is that your. That's the goal?
- [36:55]
B
Yeah.
- [36:55]
A
And you're talking about on the street, not like, a track.
- [36:58]
B
Nah. Yeah, on the street. I would like to hit a track and see what that's like, because I feel like that's where you get to really see what your car is about. You Know they got like those little circuits and all that and they get to see what their fastest lap time is. That's got to be sick. I want to see like if a car that I. Not that I build from the ground up, but if a car that I somewhat built could like what, what air.
- [37:21]
A
That would be actually cool as hell. What era do you like specialize in? I saw you had some like, it looks almost like, I guess they're classic cars. They're 20 years old. Right.
- [37:30]
B
Some of them. I don't know what you saw, but I saw your.
- [37:32]
A
You had a thing on Instagram where you had like. It almost reminded me of like, like a LeSabre or some one of those. But you really like cleaned it up.
- [37:40]
B
We buy them and sell them a lot.
- [37:42]
A
Do you really?
- [37:42]
B
My dad and I. Yeah, it's sick. So we like. There's a few that I will never sell.
- [37:47]
A
Yeah.
- [37:49]
B
But there's a couple that I'm like, ah, I just kind of wanted to drive it for a while and then I'll settle it and buy something else.
- [37:54]
A
What's your like, so what like era of car do you like? Do you like restore them, you're saying?
- [37:58]
B
Not necessarily restore them. I just like. I. And that's something I didn't know about myself until I started being able to actually buy the cars. I don't like, like the collectible ones that hold their value as long as you never touch them. Y. Yeah, but I do like some of those. But maybe like with more mileage, something I could like change stuff in.
- [38:15]
A
Yeah.
- [38:16]
B
Also like sleeper cars. I. I actually want a Camaro. I want A. A 2019 Camaro in a game of horse. Just high stakes horse games.
- [38:24]
A
What?
- [38:25]
B
Yeah. That's the life of Ralph Barbosa, baby.
- [38:27]
A
Horse, you're like like basketball horse.
- [38:29]
B
Yeah.
- [38:30]
A
What? You took someone's pink slip and horse, what was the winning shot?
- [38:34]
B
Just. Just a jump, bro. I have a cold jumper. Like a mid range jumper.
- [38:38]
A
Yeah. That's good. That's nice to have.
- [38:39]
B
Most people like maybe they could make one or two, but if you, if you go from maybe like a repeat spot.
- [38:46]
A
Yep.
- [38:47]
B
Bro, they'll miss. They'll miss before I miss for sure. Yeah.
- [38:49]
A
You're talking about just within the key kind of that like five to seven foot jumper.
- [38:52]
B
Yeah, it's a good move. Good bro.
- [38:54]
A
And you took someone's Camaro.
- [38:56]
B
Yeah. And the risk was I lose an 88 Super Sport Monte Carlo I had. But I was trying to get rid of that car anyway because it and the car Was in just, like, mint condition and maybe like, 24, 000 original miles on it. But like I said, like, it was only going to keep its value if I just kept it so clean.
- [39:14]
A
Yeah, what's the point? Yeah.
- [39:15]
B
So then I had been looking to buy, like, a 2016, 2017 Chevy SS. You ever see those?
- [39:24]
A
Yeah.
- [39:25]
B
And I wanted one of those because they looked like. So they look like a Malibu, but they. They got the. They got the 6.2.
- [39:32]
A
Do they have the stripes and everything, or.
- [39:33]
B
No, I don't know if some of them come with stripes, but anyway.
- [39:37]
A
You wanted one?
- [39:38]
B
I wanted one because I feel. I felt like that was a cool daily driver car. It looks like something you'd totally underestimate, and it draw way less attention, but if you needed to smoke somebody, you could trail.
- [39:52]
A
Yeah.
- [39:52]
B
So I got that Camaro, and I was like, all right, well, I'll get the Camaro, and I'll get the title transferred under my name, and then I'll go. And if I ever find the Chevy ss, like, I had a used dealership or something, I can go trade it in. But the. The. The dude who showed me Chevy ss, this is a mechanic dude I know named Jacob. He was selling his around that time. Like, literally the. The week after I got the Camaro, I think he took it to race week, where they go, like, city to city rate, like, to different drag strips. And he kept finding air tags on it where people wanted to track it to go steal it.
- [40:25]
A
What?
- [40:25]
B
Yeah. And he just had his son, so he. He just was like, man, I want people trying to steal my especially. So he's like, I'm just gonna sell it. And I was like, bro, trade you the Camaro and some cash. And he was like, done. And I guess he's gonna sell that Camaro now. I don't know, Just trade it in for whatever. But now I got that Chevy ss, and he put. He did a lot of work to it, which I didn't think about that. I don't know if it's more than. I can handle. The things pretty fucking.
- [40:53]
A
It's fast as, like, I go pick.
- [40:55]
B
Up my son from school, and she's like, it's pretty. Yeah.
- [41:01]
A
Yeah. That's sick. That was. My dad was real into collecting, like, old muscle cars. Yeah, it was like a phase. He gets, like, real into stuff and, you know, whatever. But, yeah, my first car when I was growing up, I would drive, like, a 72 Chevelle.
- [41:12]
B
I think it's like, a phase. Why do you keep hating on Your.
- [41:14]
A
Dad, I'm not hating on him. He just. This is what he does. He gets it.
- [41:16]
B
My dad lays his sad battles and dude, I'm just through phases.
- [41:20]
A
He's the man, dude, for real. I mean, having to be in. You know, he's like 60 something, just ripping on a motorcycle with his windshield. It's totally.
- [41:27]
B
That's pretty sick.
- [41:27]
A
Yeah, I would say the same thing. I'm like, bro, get a bike, bro. Rolldog. We have our family's very. We like to around with each other.
- [41:33]
B
Hell yeah.
- [41:34]
A
Yeah, he's a beast. But the. But he used to collect old cars. The same thing, like restore them, all that stuff. So my first car that I got to drive in high school was like a 72 chevelle.
- [41:43]
B
Damn.
- [41:43]
A
Wasn't whatchamacallit. You had to like. What's that called? It's not fuel injected. So I had to like goose the gas pedal in the morning and.
- [41:49]
B
Carbureted.
- [41:50]
A
Yeah, yeah. You to sit there and just kind of like hit the thing down. But that thing. I don't know why he let me drive that thing. Like, if you literally hit the gas all the way down we go like peel out.
- [41:59]
B
Oh. It was one of those things. Yeah.
- [42:01]
A
I fucking crashed like pretty quickly. They can crash low stakes. Low. Like I was pulling up to my cousin's driveway to pick him up and my screen was just. The screen fucking. The windshield was foggy and I just crashed into his. I like ran into his dad's car on accident. I wouldn't say.
- [42:16]
B
I've only been in like one or two. I don't even know. You can call them rigs, like Fender business. When I was 12, my grandma had a Jeep Liberty and I took off in it. Oh yeah. I wanted to buy like a video game. I had saved up money. I had like 90 something bucks saved up. And I took. I took my buddy with me. We went to. To a game stop. I was like, you be my second set of eyes, you know? And we're both just like adrenaline pumping.
- [42:40]
A
That's. Dude, it's so scary when you're little, driving a car you're not supposed.
- [42:43]
B
Yeah, my grandma was just asleep at home, crashed it. I saw they didn't. They couldn't show me the video game because it was like, you need an adult there.
- [42:53]
A
I gotta drive home.
- [42:54]
B
Yeah. So we got in the car and I'm trying to like exit the parking lot onto the main road, but there's a lot of cars coming in and the. The front of the car was like sticking out too far. So I got scared and I just, like, slammed it into reverse and I. And I slammed into this dude's Dodge Ram. And it was this big old white dude. And he just looked kind of, like, surprised to see this little 12 year old come out, right?
- [43:19]
A
Yeah.
- [43:20]
B
And he's just like, what the hell, man? He's like, you have insurance and, like, your parents? And I was just like, man, I'm gonna be 100 honest with you. Like, I don't know how insurance works. This is my grandma's Jeep. I don't think she has insurance. Like, she doesn't know English, but, like, I don't know if she even did all that. I was like, I know bodywork must be, like, expensive because I, like, I dented his bumper in or whatever. And I was just like, pleading with him. I was like, look, man, I was like, this is like 98 bucks and it's all my money, like, ever. Like, just take it. Yeah. And he's just like, get out of here, man. That's crazy.
- [44:00]
A
That was nice of him.
- [44:02]
B
It was. But at the same time, it's like your punishment is like, just see if you can make it home. Like 12 year old. Yeah.
- [44:08]
A
He took your 98 bucks.
- [44:09]
B
Yeah, he took the butt. He took the money. He's like, just get out of here, man. But, man. Yeah, I was just like, all right, fuck it.
- [44:15]
A
And did you fuck the Liberty up?
- [44:17]
B
Nah, bro. My grandma, like, never found out about that. I got bagged before she woke up from her nap.
- [44:23]
A
That's not bad. You never been in, like, a real car wreck? Like, airbags deployed and all that shit. I've gotten one before. It sucks.
- [44:30]
B
Yeah, Yeah.
- [44:31]
A
A lady just ran the stop sign. Just fucking nailed me.
- [44:34]
B
Damn.
- [44:34]
A
Yeah, she had no insurance. Airbag those airbags.
- [44:36]
B
You got nailed by a lady. Nice.
- [44:38]
A
I did, bro.
- [44:38]
B
Hell yeah.
- [44:39]
A
Cheers, bro. Only the best. Only the most alpha.
- [44:43]
B
How old was the lady?
- [44:45]
A
They're in early 20s.
- [44:47]
B
Early 20s?
- [44:47]
A
Yeah.
- [44:48]
B
But he got nailed by a chick.
- [44:50]
A
A chick. And she tried to get. She didn't have insurance, so I try to blame you. Oh, yeah. She tried to come out. She was, like, holding her neck like she was going to sue me. I'm like, dude, you ran your stop sign. And once she figured it, I like, showed her, like, no, no, no, look like you're you up. She thought she was gonna get paid.
- [45:03]
B
No, you did like, one of these.
- [45:04]
A
Like, dude, I got, like, knocked out. When I came to, I saw the car and I was like, I gotta get that lady's License plate. So I went up and I, like, I put it in my phone or whatever, and then, like, she came out, like, rolling on the ground, like, I'm calling my lawyer. And I was like, she. You're at fault. And she, like, literally got instantly better and was like, oh. And then, like, we're sitting there, and then eventually she, like, peeled off and took off, but I already had the plate, so.
- [45:26]
B
Wait, so she tried to just take off before. Damn. Yeah, that's her problem.
- [45:30]
A
Just being a jerk.
- [45:31]
B
Damn.
- [45:32]
A
Being a.
- [45:32]
B
But you. You got. You tracked her down. She has. She did.
- [45:36]
A
No, she didn't have nothing. She didn't have anything. So it was like. It was kind of like she didn't have insurance. I had, like, the weakest.
- [45:42]
B
You took the loss. You just straight up took the loss.
- [45:44]
A
Took the l. There was nothing to be had. She didn't have insurance.
- [45:47]
B
How long ago was this?
- [45:49]
A
Probably, like, five, six years ago. I got, like, a frill, like, brain injury. Like, I was. I was knocked out, and I didn't sleep for, like, four days after that. But I wasn't tired, bro.
- [45:57]
B
Where. Where was this?
- [45:58]
A
Philly.
- [45:59]
B
In Philly. Yeah, bro, let's go find this broad.
- [46:01]
A
I. Well. So it's illegal to search people's addresses through their insurance.
- [46:06]
B
I thought you were going to say it was illegal to say broad.
- [46:08]
A
No, you can say broad. It's illegal to search if you take someone's license plate.
- [46:12]
B
Address.
- [46:13]
A
Yeah, if you take someone's license plate and get their address from it. You're not technically not supposed to do that, but I was able to do that. And then we just, like, you know, we pulled up and, like, saw the situation. It was like, there's nothing to be had here.
- [46:24]
B
Yeah.
- [46:24]
A
Yeah.
- [46:25]
B
This is like. Is it like the house like, you're. Was that movie the Fighter with Mark Wahlberg? You see that movie?
- [46:32]
A
I see. Yeah.
- [46:32]
B
He has, like, all the sisters. I just feel like one of the sisters hit you.
- [46:37]
A
It was a lady and her mom, and the mom, like, came out and, like, you know, like, the lady's not here. And then, you know, it was a big thing, but she did the right. She did go eventually. And I told. I was like, I'm not pressing charges, but she went and eventually, like, took ownership. And she didn't get, like, a hit and run, but there was just financially nothing to do. If I could have sued her if I wanted to, but it's, like, not gonna sue, like, a super poor lady.
- [46:56]
B
Yeah.
- [46:57]
A
You know, be like, now you gotta get. I'm gonna Garnish her like Wendy's paycheck for 40 years. Like, I'm not, you know, free frosties.
- [47:03]
B
You should have just told her, free Frosties are free desserts from wherever the bum you work at for the rest of your life.
- [47:08]
A
True. Pull up. And as a reminder.
- [47:10]
B
Hell yeah.
- [47:10]
A
I'm not like that, bro. I'm a nice guy. I know you've been trying to take me down this whole time, but I'm actually a really nice guy who, like, loves my dad.
- [47:19]
B
I know you're nice, bro. I just think you got some issues.
- [47:22]
A
I do. Yeah, I do have some issues.
- [47:24]
B
Saw one too many shirtless people growing up.
- [47:27]
A
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Think of a time recently when you didn't feel like you could be your full self. Like you were hiding behind a mask. October is the season, the spookiest season for wearing masks and costumes. But some of us feel like we wear a mask and hide more often than we want to. At work, in social settings, or even around our family. Therapy can help you learn to accept all parts of yourself. So you can take off the mask. Because masks should be used for Halloween fun, not our emotions. I mean, what a beautiful message. We all got to take off our Halloween masks. Or maybe I really am. Jason, if you're. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist. And any time, for no additional charge, take off the mask. With BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.commssp today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.commssp you know what we all need to get more of? Off our ass. With bold new flavors and a refreshing citrus kick, Mountain Dew will get you off your ass and have you feeling like you're on an actual mountain. A mountain where the weather is always perfect. Your friends are ready to hang in a day of epic proportion. He waits. All right, call out my favorite flavor. Um, Voltage. I'll go with voltage. I like a nice voltage flavored beverage. Talk about what game slash activity you'd play with friends. I don't know, Sean. What did you think? What do you think we would do if we had a mountain? If we had, like, an ice cold, voltage flavored Mountain Dew, do you think we would maybe kiss forever? Nice. The mountain is calling. You should answer. Grab your friends. Grab an ice cold Mountain Dew, wherever refreshing beverages are sold. And do the Dew. If you know that's what you're up to. Do the Dew. Thank you. Hey, guys. Huge announcement here. This weekend, I will be in Milwaukee. I hope I spelled that correctly. That's off memory. I'll be there this weekend. Thursday through Saturday. This weekend. The dates would be the 24th through the 26th, if I'm not mistaken. Please, please come out to that. I'm begging you guys, ticket sales. Look, okay, I'm not mad at them, but let's try to bump them up. If you guys can. If you can't, I totally understand. I would never bother you. 1115 Tysons, Virginia, Capital One Hall. I think that's close to Washington, D.C. no, knock on Tysons, Virginia. I'm just saying, if you guys want to kind of come in from there, I don't think the commute would be too bad. Well, I don't know. Maybe it's far. Just check it out. Also, 1116 New York, New York, as part of the New York Comedy Festival at Town Hall. I'll be there for a night, so come to that. And also, here's the big one. 11:29 to 11:30, I'll be in Irvine, California, at the Irvine Improv. Come on out. What do you say? Why wouldn't you? Matilda? Dude, I can't believe you never saw a shirtless construction worker. That's crazy. Did you wear construction?
- [50:50]
B
Yeah.
- [50:50]
A
You never saw. What was your, like, field of construction?
- [50:54]
B
I was on the electrical side.
- [50:56]
A
Okay. Yeah, I did electrical before.
- [50:58]
B
Yeah.
- [50:59]
A
Where'd you do, like. Were you, like, a helper or did you get, like. Did you, like, run it or, like, what was your.
- [51:03]
B
Yeah, no, I was not running outlets.
- [51:05]
A
And that's what I did.
- [51:06]
B
Yeah, outlets or. I just have to, like, watch out for the. What do they call it? The track holes? When they. When they, like, dig and stuff? Yeah, because we had a lot of, like, underground.
- [51:16]
A
You're doing, like, the services and pipe.
- [51:18]
B
Yeah, we were, like, working, like, at factories and installing big machinery.
- [51:21]
A
Oh, okay.
- [51:22]
B
Yeah, it's a pretty industrial, bro.
- [51:24]
A
Yeah, I was doing. I was doing, like, houses and not. Okay, I was doing, like, outlets and stuff.
- [51:29]
B
Okay. You see what I'm talking about here, though? It's like.
- [51:32]
A
So you're in an industry. You can. In residential, it was anything goes.
- [51:36]
B
I don't feel like that's true either, though. You can't just go to someone's house and take off your clothes, bro.
- [51:41]
A
If it's a shell, no one's there. It's a brand new house. Talking new construction. Old construction.
- [51:45]
B
Okay.
- [51:46]
A
New construction. No shirt, no problem.
- [51:49]
B
Maybe. Maybe that's how things are going. Feeling.
- [51:53]
A
True here. The construction guys look like fucking fallout characters. They have, like, we got the mask.
- [51:58]
B
All over the sleeves and.
- [51:59]
A
Yeah, it's crazy. They look creative players in Fortnite.
- [52:02]
B
Yeah, bro, because we have a structure in good old Texas. All right. It's not a free for all, bro. Yeah. Isn't this Philly where crime runs rampant?
- [52:14]
A
True.
- [52:16]
B
And men are just twerking off the walls.
- [52:18]
A
When's the last time. Have you been in Philly recently?
- [52:20]
B
Yeah, I went. Not recently. It was already, like, you know, when. It was during WrestleMania. Okay.
- [52:26]
A
Yeah, that was, like. That was relatively recent.
- [52:28]
B
I saw that guy Drew Ski there.
- [52:30]
A
Did you really?
- [52:30]
B
Yeah, I'm a big fan of Drew Ski, but he didn't want nothing to do with me.
- [52:34]
A
What the.
- [52:34]
B
Understandable. Because, like, the situation.
- [52:37]
A
What's the situation? What are you talking.
- [52:38]
B
I guess we were staying at the same hotel.
- [52:40]
A
Gotcha.
- [52:41]
B
And I was leaving the hotel around, like, 3 or 4am to go to the airport. And as I'm getting in the car, my buddy was like, yo, that's Drew Ski. He's, like, walking towards the hotel, and I just yelled from, like, the other side of the street, like, joe Sky. Let me get a picture.
- [52:58]
A
You wouldn't do it.
- [52:59]
B
His security just looked around, like, who yelled at. And they just, like, zoomed into the hotel.
- [53:03]
A
Yeah, true.
- [53:04]
B
So that's why I'm like, all right, I understand that.
- [53:06]
A
Like, yeah, that makes sense.
- [53:07]
B
Probably thought it was, like, some. Some drunk, you know, crazy fan.
- [53:11]
A
Yeah, true. He didn't know it was two Young kings in passing.
- [53:13]
B
Yeah.
- [53:14]
A
Yeah. You should hit him up. Re. Hit him up like, dude, that was me who screamed at you. And I still like that picture.
- [53:18]
B
I don't think he's gonna open that.
- [53:20]
A
Yeah. It is funny to see who you can, like, who will actually respond to you, because you're pretty big in comedy. You get around. So it's like, have you, like, tried to reach out to, like, famous people to see if they'll honor it or, like, how do you. How do you go about that, man?
- [53:36]
B
I. I rarely reach out to, like, a famous person, but if they reach out to me, I'm just like, hell, yeah, we're friends now.
- [53:44]
A
Yes. Yeah, it is cool. It's a cool feeling.
- [53:46]
B
Me and Paul Wall, we talk.
- [53:48]
A
That's tight.
- [53:48]
B
Yeah, yeah. He's a.
- [53:49]
A
He's a businessman, too now. He's, like, all cleaned up.
- [53:51]
B
Yeah, he Got the comb over now.
- [53:53]
A
Really?
- [53:54]
B
Yeah. Guys different.
- [53:55]
A
Well, as a white rapper, you have to eventually is like, if you get too old and you still look the way you did when you're 20, you don't. It doesn't age well.
- [54:03]
B
Eminem never did a comb over, but he did grow a beard.
- [54:05]
A
He had to switch it up because it's like if he was 50 with blonde hair, dyed blonde hair, it just starts to look kind of like, dude, what are you doing?
- [54:12]
B
Yeah, that's true.
- [54:13]
A
People don't think about the. White rappers do have to go through a lot, man.
- [54:16]
B
Why? Yeah, white rappers, they got. They got a. Like, and then they. I don't know. Did you ever watch that guy? Did you see that guy? His name was Lil White. You see him?
- [54:26]
A
Yeah, I actually have. Yeah.
- [54:27]
B
From Memphis.
- [54:28]
A
Yeah, I remember that guy. I can't picture what he looks like, but I have definitely seen him.
- [54:32]
B
I don't. I don't know where he's at now, but that's one white rapper that I'm like, why didn't he, like. I don't know. He should have been more popular than he was. He was white, but he was like.
- [54:41]
A
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what, man? He kind of looked a lot like. Who was that other guy?
- [54:46]
B
He looks like he owns a strip club in that one picture.
- [54:49]
A
He does. See, look, look, that's him now.
- [54:52]
B
I wonder what happened to him.
- [54:53]
A
He kind of cleaned it. He went, like, full Conor McGregor, like, neck tat. Kind of businessman looking. Yeah, that. There was another guy. Oh, my God. Who's the Riff Raff? He kind of reminds me a little. The look a little bit of Riff Raff. A little bit.
- [55:05]
B
I guess people on riffraff a lot, but, man, you ever heard that song Time by Riff Raff? Look up that song on YouTube. I like Riff Raff, bro. That song. It'll make you cry.
- [55:17]
A
Really?
- [55:17]
B
Hell, yeah.
- [55:18]
A
Yeah, they can do it to you. Crying to a Riff Raff song would be crazy. Did it really get you? It cried. It made you cry.
- [55:24]
B
I mean, not me, because I'm a man.
- [55:27]
A
True that. Yeah, but no, they could get me. I could see that. Like, right? Ripraff. Riff Raff Real was like a bona fide. He's like a sick celebrity. He was like a cool dude.
- [55:36]
B
Yeah, he had those weird choppers, chompers, those.
- [55:39]
A
He had the X factor.
- [55:40]
B
Yeah.
- [55:41]
A
Wasn't he in the movie Spring Break?
- [55:44]
B
Oh, I don't know.
- [55:44]
A
Maybe he played in, like, Harmony. Corinne did this movie, and he played like a. Like a drug Dealer. And he was a good actor too.
- [55:51]
B
I never watched that movie. But that's the one where James Franco sucks the gun, right? He puts a gun in his mouth.
- [55:55]
A
Dude, I'm the worst with I see movies. Yes. He wasn't.
- [55:58]
B
Yeah, he.
- [55:58]
A
Yes. I'm thinking that might have been the one. Oh, that was Franco.
- [56:02]
B
Or they just like basing it off of him.
- [56:04]
A
I don't know. Maybe Franco and Riff Raff were in that movie. Because I forgot if I was Franco. I'm thinking Riff Raff played that character.
- [56:10]
B
That bro, Riffraff should sue them. He should sue Franco for he literally trying to be him.
- [56:16]
A
Yeah, true.
- [56:17]
B
Yeah.
- [56:18]
A
I guess Franco did suck a gun in that movie. I didn't. I totally. I probably, like walked out during that. I was probably like, I'm not watching this.
- [56:25]
B
Everybody's saying they walked out of Joker.
- [56:27]
A
I heard the Joker gets raped, right? Isn't that like what someone said? Like, there's a three man on one man rape scene.
- [56:35]
B
Why? Why?
- [56:36]
A
I don't know why they did that.
- [56:38]
B
I'm gonna be honest and damn.
- [56:41]
A
Yeah, that's fucked up. They took that. The first. Did you like the first one?
- [56:44]
B
I like the first one, but maybe this is me just having a little bit of that, like, toxic Texas mentality. But when I saw that the movie was called a Jaker joke, Joker, a foliage or some like that, I was like, this is gonna be so gay.
- [57:00]
A
When I had the friendship.
- [57:01]
B
Yeah.
- [57:02]
A
You don't have to apologize for that instinct. Why do you keep apologizing for having just like a proper masculine instinct?
- [57:06]
B
But yeah, people get mad at like that.
- [57:09]
A
Who though?
- [57:10]
B
I don't know. On the Internet, you know, I don't.
- [57:12]
A
Gotta worry about them.
- [57:13]
B
All right.
- [57:13]
A
People get mad all the time, dude.
- [57:15]
B
I just. Yeah, that's all.
- [57:16]
A
But I hear what you're saying. But you can say, you know, if you. It is a correct instinct to see a French title and be like, this might be kind of gay.
- [57:22]
B
Like, why? Why? Why would they do that?
- [57:25]
A
Yeah, that sucks. What is the title of it again? Like, Joan Baboon. Oh, he does get. Yeah, the Joker gets gang raped by prison guards in Joker 2 after he.
- [57:35]
B
Called out the abuse. So now they made Joker a victim, you know?
- [57:38]
A
Well, I said, very glad I will never watch this movie fully. They ruined the first movie's legacy. How about that?
- [57:44]
B
Yeah.
- [57:44]
A
How would you take that script writer? That's. That's crazy too. To be like, we're gonna start this off with the prison gang rape.
- [57:49]
B
Whoever wrote that review, them too. I know, because they're just like ruined. The first just. They're just sucking the dick of the first movie.
- [57:57]
A
Just say the legacy too.
- [57:58]
B
Calm down, bro. The first one was just a good movie.
- [58:01]
A
Like, it's fine, you know, this is the legacy. Imagine looking at it, thinking about movies, legacies.
- [58:07]
B
I just think it's crazy to think there's like a legacy, like on Max. You want to see my legacy? Sure. You have, you have an account. It's like, shut the up.
- [58:19]
A
Yeah. I always think, do you ever think about, like the world of very serious men?
- [58:24]
B
Yeah, it's kind of.
- [58:25]
A
That's what they're up to. If you're not funny, you're like thinking about movies, legacies. You're like, they've tarnished the reputation for.
- [58:30]
B
All time people who write movie reviews.
- [58:33]
A
Yeah, dude.
- [58:34]
B
I took my son to watch inside out too.
- [58:37]
A
Great movie too.
- [58:37]
B
But I thought that it made me cry, but it made me laugh a lot.
- [58:41]
A
Really?
- [58:42]
B
Yeah. I love that movie.
- [58:43]
A
It was good.
- [58:43]
B
And I saw this one post on Instagram randomly where somebody was just talking about the movie and they. And they did it such an educated movie critic way. And I'm just like, dude, suck a dick. Yeah, dude, this is your problem. This is just a funny cartoon movie.
- [58:59]
A
That movie helped me. I watched it and I was like, yeah, dude, I do got to take it easy and just start going like a little. Like, when did once you. I don't want to spoil it, but she has that ending skating scene.
- [59:06]
B
Yeah, she's like.
- [59:08]
A
She was peaceful at the very end.
- [59:10]
B
We'll see it by now.
- [59:11]
A
True, dude. That movie for real, like for three days I felt like I was like tapped into that state that I watched.
- [59:16]
B
That girl when she was like, you're effortless. You're not good enough. You're not good enough.
- [59:19]
A
Yeah, dude.
- [59:20]
B
But when I saw that she stopped caring she was good enough or not. I'm like, she's never going to be anything in life.
- [59:25]
A
You don't think so? You think she's going to settle?
- [59:27]
B
Fucking loser.
- [59:29]
A
I didn't think about that.
- [59:30]
B
Probably a housewife or something.
- [59:31]
A
Yeah. Just settle.
- [59:33]
B
Not that housewife is bad, but I bet you she's not going to have like a successful man. Yeah.
- [59:36]
A
She won't be the only successful man. Or she won't be slack, like slamming other ladies into the boards on the hockey rink.
- [59:43]
B
She's going to play like fucking. What do you call it? Like recreational hockey.
- [59:48]
A
Yeah.
- [59:48]
B
Give it up. Yeah. As long as she keeps up that mentality.
- [59:51]
A
True. She probably got knocked up, bro.
- [59:53]
B
You can't be. You can't be a champion in life and take care of your mental health. This is stupid.
- [59:59]
A
You got to just grind yourself into a pulp.
- [60:01]
B
Yeah, Yeah.
- [60:02]
A
I go back and forth on whether or not that's the case. I'm like. Or you could come from, like, a supreme perspective, like, Rick Rubin just, like, totally chill.
- [60:10]
B
You think, Ruben, Rick Rubin's not fucked in the head right now?
- [60:13]
A
I think he's chill. I don't know. He's wrote a whole book about how chill he is.
- [60:16]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
- [60:19]
A
You think he's, like, secretly freaking out?
- [60:22]
B
That guy has demons somewhere, bro.
- [60:23]
A
Yeah.
- [60:24]
B
Doesn't he just walk barefoot everywhere?
- [60:25]
A
Yeah. And, like, he, like, lives according to, like, different weather patterns. You just moves, like, six times. You're right. You got to be crazy to move.
- [60:31]
B
Well, I'll tell you what. That's probably what keeps him sane, though, if anything is he doesn't ever shave or get a haircut, and he just goes where the weather is comfortable.
- [60:40]
A
Yeah.
- [60:40]
B
He never. He never once just wakes up and has to do something outside. And she's like, like, hottest out here.
- [60:47]
A
Yeah.
- [60:47]
B
This is barefoot.
- [60:48]
A
And he's just a vibe man. He gets paid to, like, sit in on albums and be like, how you feeling, bro? And people like, apparently he's a fantastic producer.
- [60:56]
B
Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong. The guy's like, like, a musical genius.
- [61:01]
A
I had the same instinct as you. I was, like, full of the guy. Nobody's that chill. It's all. Then I read his book, and I'm like, damn, this guy might be that chill.
- [61:08]
B
Nah. I read the first chapter of his book, and I was like. Like, nah, this guy.
- [61:13]
A
I can see that.
- [61:14]
B
What are you trying to teach me here?
- [61:16]
A
Be open to the creative impulse of the universe, dude. I guess you don't want to hear that. Where do you think you get your ideas from? Do you think you spawn them yourself, or they just dawn on you from out of nowhere?
- [61:26]
B
My ass.
- [61:27]
A
You're a pretty prolific dude, man. You come out with a lot of stuff.
- [61:29]
B
Yeah. Pretty sick. It's got a cool ass.
- [61:32]
A
Comes right out of your ass.
- [61:34]
B
I farted a lot.
- [61:35]
A
It's nice.
- [61:37]
B
I'll say this. I do. Now, I do respect Rick Rubin's whole, like, this is how you stay creative thing. But the thing I didn't like about his book, and maybe I should have read more of the book, because it's not fair to judge off of the first.
- [61:52]
A
I mean, you didn't judge it by the COVID The COVID Is pretty kind of, I would say, minimalistic and kind of cool. You didn't judge by the COVID I do like the COVID You judge by the intro.
- [61:59]
B
He starts off with a quote. Yeah, I don't remember. I don't remember the person who says it, which I should, because I do love that quote. But it's like. It's something along the lines of, like, the objective is not to create art, but to be in that wonderful state of mind in which art is inevitable.
- [62:15]
A
Yeah, and I like that, too.
- [62:17]
B
I don't necessarily think of, like, writing jokes is, like, an art because I feel like it's kind of gay to.
- [62:22]
A
Say that it is.
- [62:23]
B
But I do feel like I get what they mean where, like, if I'm just in that state of mind where, like, funny just kind of flows, like, funny thoughts, like. Yeah, I get that. You know?
- [62:33]
A
Yeah. I get the same way. If I'm, like, too crabby or caught up with all the bullshit, it's like, it doesn't come. If you can stay. If I can stay. Kind of, like, chill somehow. Or like, just, like, keep a, you know, humorous outlook on life, rather being like, I gotta fucking sell tickets. Like that.
- [62:48]
B
That.
- [62:49]
A
Whatever that's happening. My. You know, I'm not tuned in. So I get it. But it is also very gay to be like my art. So I do appreciate that, too. To be like, nah, dude. I just go. And it's.
- [62:58]
B
I think that's why the rest of the book was just like. Like, I couldn't keep reading. Because if the whole point of the book was to get me. To get me into a creative space, it wasn't even his quote. Or somebody else said that. And the rest of the book is just him being like. Imagine you're like a blade of grass.
- [63:19]
A
Reuben would probably be like, good, I'm glad you just read the quote. Sometimes that's all we need.
- [63:22]
B
That's cool, too. I'm sure he's a cool guy, but that is that.
- [63:25]
A
Yeah, a lot of it. Is that very Zen, kind of like, you know, like a blade of grass grows. And if you watch it.
- [63:30]
B
I'm also not a big fan of hippies, though, so I feel like if. I probably would avoid that guy. Like, if me and him were, like, in the room and I'm hungry, I'd be like, put some shoes on so I can eat.
- [63:39]
A
Yeah, you'd be pissed off. Yeah, yeah.
- [63:40]
B
Like, I'm the same way.
- [63:42]
A
I love hippie philosophy, but the reality of hippies, when I come around them, I'm kind of like sometimes they smell. Yeah, they smell, dude. They're very. They're backstabbers, bro. Yeah, preach. This big thing when it comes down to like the hippie life is a lot of it is just following bands and it's hard because you can't have a job and follow a band. So they do a lot of like kind of, you know, like sell this or that or whatever.
- [64:03]
B
Oh yeah, I saw that south park episode.
- [64:05]
A
Yeah, did you?
- [64:05]
B
Yeah. You remember that one where they do like a Woodstock thing?
- [64:09]
A
Oh, that was. When was that?
- [64:10]
B
That was a while back. I was a kid.
- [64:12]
A
What did they cover on that one? I don't remember.
- [64:14]
B
So like all these hippies are starting to come into south park and they get into like the kids minds where they're just like, the corporations are evil, man. Like we're gonna take them down. And then they do the big Woodstock thing and the kids are there like, all right. Like when we start taking down the corporations, it's like when they see this music festival, like they're gonna fucking have it, you know?
- [64:35]
A
Yeah.
- [64:35]
B
And Carmen, Carmen was the only voice of reason in that episode because he's the one that's like a hippie exterminator.
- [64:40]
A
The hippies.
- [64:41]
B
Yeah, dude.
- [64:42]
A
I've had like firsthand experience with them and they're like very behind that whole like facade of like. Yeah, man there. It's like they're fucking like very self serving and like very shitty towards one another. Yeah, they're like really? They'll like stab each other in the back just to be able to like follow a band for six months and like they'll like steal each other's like connects and all this. It's like fucking hippie and hippies, like Ruthless, man.
- [65:03]
B
I don't know. Now it sounds kind of cool. I kind of want to be like a road hippie.
- [65:07]
A
Just they're dude, evil.
- [65:08]
B
Survival of the fit.
- [65:09]
A
They're fucking evil hippies, dude. They'll like come into a town, be kind of transient, set up shop, start selling like a bunch of weed at festivals and you can kind of. It's like a whole economy of itself.
- [65:17]
B
I just. Man, now I'm just really afraid that people are going to hear me on this podcast and be like, yeah, this guy's fucking Republican.
- [65:23]
A
Why? Dude, it's inevitable. You're a man. If you get older, you're going to become Republican.
- [65:26]
B
You think so?
- [65:27]
A
Yeah, dude.
- [65:28]
B
All right. But I'm going to be like closeted Republican. That's because I'm never going to act on It.
- [65:32]
A
Yeah. Don't act. Just keep it to yourself.
- [65:33]
B
Yeah.
- [65:34]
A
Do you want to be damn or you just don't want to be either? You want to be apolitical?
- [65:37]
B
Was that what it's called when you don't do either?
- [65:38]
A
Yeah, just be fucking like the women. If you can get some pussy. Being dim. If you're like, yeah, dude, I fucking love the Democrats. I feel like you get more pussy that way.
- [65:46]
B
You think so? Maybe for white guys, maybe.
- [65:49]
A
Yeah, maybe so for white guys, because it's like, I'm. I also feel like at their core, women want a strong conservative man.
- [65:56]
B
I hang out with strippers, bro. They just care about money.
- [65:59]
A
True. They're. They're also pretty fucking political.
- [66:01]
B
They don't care who I vote.
- [66:03]
A
They don't. Have you dated stripper for real?
- [66:05]
B
I've never dated, but we don't.
- [66:07]
A
Yeah, you chill.
- [66:08]
B
Yeah.
- [66:08]
A
Do the night thing.
- [66:09]
B
Yeah.
- [66:10]
A
Yeah. They don't really care. They're. I used to love going to strip clubs early, like, on a Sunday afternoon, and, like, just because there's no one else is in there, you can really chat them up. Yeah, that's a good time to go.
- [66:19]
B
You think so? I don't.
- [66:20]
A
Yeah. Yeah.
- [66:21]
B
I don't know, man.
- [66:21]
A
They're not that busy.
- [66:22]
B
I'm learning a lot about you and myself during this podcast.
- [66:25]
A
You never went, like, in the afternoon and just chilled.
- [66:28]
B
If the sunlight is out, I don't want to go.
- [66:30]
A
Oh, dude, it's the best.
- [66:30]
B
I don't want to go to the strip club unless I'm already drunk.
- [66:33]
A
Really?
- [66:33]
B
Yeah.
- [66:34]
A
No, I would. Yeah, I would drink a little bit, but you go, dude, I'm telling you. Try this, dude. Go in there with your friends. Sunday afternoon, quiet time. They're not all as, like. They're not as, like, business mode. It's them. They're chilling. You can, like, really just, like, have a good time. Oh, I've went on a date with the stripper before.
- [66:48]
B
Yeah, I think she was.
- [66:50]
A
Honestly, between us, I think she was just trying to take money from me, but it was like. Yeah, it was pretty. Pretty bad. Well, it wasn't all I thought it would be. I thought it'd be more glamorous, like dating a stripper, but she had, like, an infant there with her when I showed up at her house. What? Yeah.
- [67:02]
B
Dang.
- [67:02]
A
Yeah, we made out.
- [67:03]
B
So now it's very. It's very humbling. It's more humbling than you would think.
- [67:06]
A
It's humbling, too, just.
- [67:08]
B
But I do, like, just kind of like, partying and hanging out with just women of the nightlife.
- [67:13]
A
You like that?
- [67:14]
B
Bottle girls, bartenders, you know, strippers, whatever. Like. Like. Because those are the girls that, like, just want to have fun, and they're not expecting you to, like, go on real dates.
- [67:23]
A
True.
- [67:23]
B
But I did meet one, and I won't say in which city, because then I feel like she's gonna know I'm talking about her and try to get her feelings here. I did meet one that I do feel like she was very much like, I was her ticket out. And if I'm your ticket out, you're not doing so good. Like, you're, like, pretty down in the.
- [67:40]
A
Dumps, you know, you're doing well. What are you talking about?
- [67:44]
B
I don't know. I just feel like there's so many better tickets to get out.
- [67:48]
A
Yeah. Yeah. But you felt that pressure.
- [67:50]
B
Yeah.
- [67:51]
A
See, I would cave instantly. I'm such a simp, dude. I'd be like, come on, I'll make it honest woman out of you.
- [67:55]
B
Yeah.
- [67:56]
A
I know myself. I'm old enough now where I know myself.
- [67:58]
B
I think. I think before, when I first started getting attention from women due to success, I was a little bit like that. I was like, yeah, but. But I wouldn't really do it, you know?
- [68:09]
A
Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
- [68:10]
B
But now I'm at a point where, like, I can be honest. I'm like, like, nah, don't.
- [68:14]
A
Yeah, don't.
- [68:15]
B
Don't expect me to be very righteous.
- [68:20]
A
True.
- [68:20]
B
Yeah, I'm. I think I'm pretty shitty.
- [68:22]
A
That probably turns them on, though. You're telling them you're not righteous. They're probably like, damn. Yeah, it's tight telling a lady, like, I'm not righteous. What are you gonna do, though? So you. Are you gonna, like, try to find a. Are you just gonna keep messing around with women of the night, or are you gonna try to find, like.
- [68:35]
B
I think I'll find, like, a girlfriend eventually.
- [68:37]
A
True.
- [68:38]
B
But I'm never gonna get married.
- [68:39]
A
Yeah.
- [68:39]
B
I don't think I could do that.
- [68:40]
A
Yeah.
- [68:40]
B
This is kind of, like, a little weird to me, and, like, I don't want to legally bind myself to a person.
- [68:47]
A
Yeah.
- [68:47]
B
I'm just afraid of legal stuff, Paperwork.
- [68:49]
A
I've done it twice.
- [68:50]
B
You did it twice?
- [68:51]
A
Yeah, I've been married, divorced, and I'm married again. Two kids.
- [68:55]
B
Okay, well, that's good, though. It worked out the second time.
- [68:57]
A
Yeah, it's going. But it's like, it's. Yeah, it's pretty. I kind of agree. It is a weird. If you, like, I'VE heard of this before. If you look at the legal agreement of marriage, it's the worst deal ever, really. But at the same time, it's like, like the saying, like, would you ever sign up with something like, yo, if we stop talking, you're gonna take half no matter. It's like, legally, it's a bad deal for a man.
- [69:18]
B
It's like, if I love somebody, why do we have to split 50, 50 if it doesn't work out?
- [69:25]
A
Yeah, I think it's just set up for, like, it's kind of like in a. So that women can't get, like, basically abused. Like, knocked up. Not, like hit, but, like, knocked up. Because rearing a child for a person is, like a serious thing. So it's like, they should be entitled. I think they should be entitled to something for the rest of your life.
- [69:41]
B
All right, if that's. Dude, I agree with that part.
- [69:45]
A
Yeah. But I hear what you're saying, though, but, like, 50% of everything, it's like, that should be kind of up to your discretion also.
- [69:51]
B
I don't think there should be, like, legalities behind it, but.
- [69:54]
A
Yeah, but it's cause of bad actors. Then you get guys that go in and just knock chicks up.
- [69:57]
B
Yeah.
- [69:58]
A
And then it's like, you're not taking care of it at all.
- [70:00]
B
So it's like my son's mom, we get along very well, and I'm always gonna, like, do what I can to make sure, like, they're both good. But I guess I could see, like, if I was just being such, like, real shitty to her, like, I could see how, like, the legalities of it could help her out.
- [70:16]
A
Yeah, you're, like a good dude. You're not. Like, there's dudes out there that are just, like, for real. Like, it's because I've, like, they'll just do. I had. I had friends that be like, just would just blow loads and chicks not even.
- [70:28]
B
Just don't even care.
- [70:29]
A
They didn't give a. Wouldn't think twice about it.
- [70:32]
B
It's because I started playing a lot of Red Dead too.
- [70:34]
A
True.
- [70:36]
B
You play that game. That game is sick.
- [70:39]
A
You can go either way, dude. You can be a villain, or you say you're high honor on Red Dead.
- [70:44]
B
Only because I restarted the game. Because.
- [70:47]
A
Did you fall? Did you have, like, a wicked life on Red Dead?
- [70:50]
B
Yeah, I was going bad for, like, I was already, like, to chapter five and like, @ the end of every chapter, I was getting that. That. That wolf that, like, you know, when you.
- [70:58]
A
I never made it that I've only, like, kind of seen the game and got like the feel for it. There's a wolf that comes after you.
- [71:03]
B
Yeah. Like in between chapters, every time you go to the next chapter. Right. The next level of the game or whatever, it either shows like an elk if you're like this honorable man, or it shows like a wolf, like just staring you down.
- [71:14]
A
Damn.
- [71:14]
B
Yeah. Or I think it's like a wolf, like a black wolf looking thing. And I was just like, man, that's. That's pretty sick. Like that wolf thing, you know? But then I. Then I was just like. Like, I don't know. I always thought my honor was in the middle. And then one day I like, I checked it because I kept. I never check it. And I had, like, really low honor.
- [71:32]
A
Damn.
- [71:32]
B
And people were treating me like I would say, howdy, mister. So people walking by and they'd be like, you know, shoot the guy.
- [71:41]
A
Yeah. I mean, what else here? He provoked you.
- [71:42]
B
So I'm trying to redo the game, but with high honor to see what the difference is. But it's hard, bro.
- [71:47]
A
Like, I. I know, man. It must be difficult.
- [71:49]
B
I was riding my horse the other day and this. This dude rode by with his horse. He's like, that's a mighty fine horse you got there. He's like, you want to race him? So I was like, hell yeah, I'll raise the guy. And when he got. He got ahead of me because he cheated. Piece of. But I remember for some reason, like, I guess his horse knocked him off, but I'm riding my horse full speed. So, like, the guy gets off his horse or falls off of it, and then, like, I immediately run him over. And I lost honor. And I was like, bro, that's manslaughter. It was an accident.
- [72:21]
A
It was involuntary manslaughter.
- [72:22]
B
Yeah. But I still lost honor for it.
- [72:24]
A
What?
- [72:24]
B
Yeah. So I'm suing Rockstar.
- [72:27]
A
Yeah, true, man, that's fucked up. What do you have to do to, like, make up for it?
- [72:30]
B
I don't know. I gotta probably say hi to a bunch of NPCs.
- [72:33]
A
You're gonna spend the rest of your life making up for that crime?
- [72:35]
B
Hell yeah. Damn.
- [72:36]
A
You don't even try to run the guy. It's so hard to play those games and not just murder everybody, bro.
- [72:42]
B
I accidentally. I didn't even pay attention. I rode my horse by somebody's campfire and I just heard a voice. I just heard a voice. Being like, this camp ain't for. I didn't invite any visitors. And I turned around to see, like, who's talking, and the guy had his gun on me. And the guy pulls your gun on you got to shoot that guy.
- [73:01]
A
Yeah, you do. You do.
- [73:02]
B
That's just. That's just Texas law, baby.
- [73:03]
A
Does that up your honor. If you.
- [73:05]
B
Yeah, I lost honor for killing that guy at his campsite.
- [73:08]
A
Look, man. No, none of us are gonna be perfect. You got to do what you got to do.
- [73:11]
B
I think it'd be. Here's the thing, though. What the fuck, Rockstar? Like, why do you put that in the game, bro? Like, I already gotta have honor in real life, and I gotta have it in the game, too. Like, I came here to escape, bro. I came here to kill old 1800s hookers.
- [73:25]
A
Yeah, man. Now you gotta worry about, like. Yeah. Being judged and stuff. Yeah, I agree. That kind of does ruin it. Just to put, like, a moral pressure on the whole thing.
- [73:33]
B
Yeah, I'm gonna go back to playing low honor mode.
- [73:35]
A
Yeah, you have to. It's kind of. There's something crazy about, like, just being a good boy in a video game. It's like, bro. And then you're gonna snap.
- [73:43]
B
No matter what your character dies at. Your character gets tuberculosis in the game.
- [73:47]
A
Really?
- [73:48]
B
Like, he's fucking Doc Holliday or something.
- [73:50]
A
What?
- [73:50]
B
Yeah, like, what the fuck? I paid so much money for this game, and I die and I got disease in the game.
- [73:56]
A
So you're struggling with, like, morality and, like, death.
- [74:00]
B
Yeah, bro. It's better to just shoot everybody in that game. Yeah.
- [74:03]
A
You just got to go nuts.
- [74:04]
B
You can rob people. It's pretty sick.
- [74:06]
A
That's pretty tight.
- [74:07]
B
You can, like, find card games and. I don't know, it's kind of weird hearing the NPCs talk. Like, there's like, a New Orleans type city, and I feel like the voices they do for the different characters are like, they were afraid to be racist, so they're like, borderline.
- [74:23]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [74:24]
B
Like, it's like a Chinese immigrant, but.
- [74:27]
A
It sounds like he grew up in New York kind of.
- [74:29]
B
Yeah, he, like, barely has, like, an accent.
- [74:31]
A
Yeah, that's kind of. Man, if you're gonna do it, do it, man.
- [74:34]
B
Commit.
- [74:34]
A
Yeah. Go all in.
- [74:35]
B
Or like, you. You ride your horse out. Out. And like, there's like. There's like, you. You go do missions for, like, some plantation owners. And I guess this is like post, you know, after the Civil War. So there's, like, no black workers out there.
- [74:51]
A
Really?
- [74:52]
B
Yeah, But I'm like, this is the south and all these workers are white. Yeah, yeah.
- [74:56]
A
They didn't have the slaves in the game.
- [74:57]
B
They didn't have no slaves. There's black people in the game, but none of them are slaves.
- [75:01]
A
Freeman. Yeah, the. I. We passed a cotton field recently. Me and my wife's black. We passed a cotton field coming from here to, like, Houston, and now she's like, what is that growing? I was like. And then eventually I was like, it's cotton field.
- [75:15]
B
She's like, oh, the game should, like, let you. The game should be a little more accurate, but it should let. And I think it does. On one. I don't know.
- [75:24]
A
I'll do the Chinese accents. If they need somebody, I'll do.
- [75:27]
B
Okay, but they should let you. Like, I don't know, like, like your mission now is like, kill this slave owner. I don't know some cool like that.
- [75:35]
A
Django. Yeah, you can go liberate them, but.
- [75:38]
B
Don'T give me white people picking cotton.
- [75:41]
A
Like, were they. Oh, were they out there working? Just kind of. They had white. Maybe they had white slaves. Maybe the game should be based as hell.
- [75:46]
B
I feel like I'm. Now I'm going to get like some angry Republican in my DMs. Like, there was white slaves, too.
- [75:52]
A
That's what I'm saying. You're in on the white slave theory, dude. Dare I say some of the Irish brothers, bro? But, yeah, I. I think. I think there were a couple. I think there were a couple of white slaves, but it's one of those things where it was like, not a lot. You know what I mean?
- [76:05]
B
There's like a. There's like a Mexican character on Red Dead, and you can walk by some Mexicans or like they're drinking in the barn, and I'm like, ah, that's pretty accurate, I think. Yeah, it's like this drunk Mexican dude.
- [76:17]
A
So they cry, but they hit the accent. But they wouldn't hit a Chinese or Asian accent.
- [76:20]
B
But all the accents are, like, mild.
- [76:22]
A
Yeah.
- [76:23]
B
You know what I mean?
- [76:24]
A
What was like, how the Asian guy sound.
- [76:26]
B
The Asian guy was like, oh, don't. Don't go back there, sir. But yeah, they still gave him.
- [76:32]
A
I know what you mean. Way more.
- [76:34]
B
Yeah. I'm also bad at accents, so I don't know. I just sounded like me.
- [76:37]
A
I was just trying to get you doing it.
- [76:38]
B
You sounded like me. But whispering. The guy sounded more Asian than that.
- [76:43]
A
That is a good. That's. Yeah, it's a harmful stereotype that Asians only whisper.
- [76:46]
B
Yeah, but. All right, is it. Is it offensive if you do like a. Like an Asian voice, but it's not words that you just made up. Like, how do you say, like, if I'm quoting an already Asian accent.
- [77:03]
A
Yeah, I think it's totally fair to do that.
- [77:05]
B
Yeah.
- [77:06]
A
And hilarious.
- [77:07]
B
I. Because I don't know, it's. I think it's a hilarious bit. I guess it's pretty racist. I don't know. This is what.
- [77:13]
A
I don't think it's racist to say the talk. Like, other people talk.
- [77:16]
B
Well, I just. I just. There's. I mean, like, the bit was probably racist.
- [77:18]
A
Oh, yeah, yeah.
- [77:19]
B
But this is like, I grew up watching Family Guy. Very little parental supervision. But there's that scene. It always makes me laugh. And it might be wrong to laugh at it. I don't know. But it just. It makes me laugh. It's one of those Family Guy cutaways. And it's like an Asian dude going up at the Apollo to an all black crowd. And he's just like, how everybody doing tonight? He's like, you ever had two black guy going to your store? It's like, one go one way, one go the other. He's like, what they doing? What they stealing? Who with me? And it's like an all black crowd and they're just like, whoa, fuck this guy. And the dude just gets pissed. Like, he's like, all of you stay at my store. I remember your face.
- [78:00]
A
That's hilarious, right? It's genuinely hilarious. That's very funny.
- [78:03]
B
But is it racist?
- [78:05]
A
Yeah, but it's funny enough to where, like, you know, it's one of those things where it's like, if it. With. With racial humor, if it's not funny, it sucks because then everyone's kind of.
- [78:13]
B
Like, it's just straight a racist when.
- [78:15]
A
It'S funny, it's just like you're taking a thing and just kind of like, you know, elevating it to like a very funny level.
- [78:21]
B
All right. But at that point, it's like, what makes it funny. I. I have an idea of, like, what my rule is for, like, does it qualify as funny? Yeah, but I think everybody has a different rule or whatever. Like a different.
- [78:35]
A
See, I think a black person watching that would be laughing.
- [78:38]
B
Yeah.
- [78:38]
A
Yeah, dude. If I see like a Chinese guy just doing that and like, get out of my story. It's like, I think. Yeah, I think that's funny.
- [78:43]
B
I think of a joke, whether it be on TV or, like in person or whatever. Think of a joke if, like 50% of the people in the room hearing that joke laugh, like, it's funny.
- [78:57]
A
Yeah.
- [78:58]
B
You lost, like, now that you lost the right to, like, like, say how you felt about it, but, like, at. It's if 50. If half the room laughs.
- [79:06]
A
Yeah.
- [79:06]
B
You have to admit, like, all right, like, it's more funny than it is offensive or whatever, for sure. You know? Yeah.
- [79:13]
A
You're making people laugh. It's a beautiful. It's a wonderful thing to laugh. So it's like, if you can take something, you know, like that and then just turn it into something very funny that causes people joy, it's like, yeah, you should definitely do that.
- [79:23]
B
Hell, yeah. Right?
- [79:24]
A
Yeah. But the problem with the race stuff is when people will, in my opinion, when they just be like, I know people are going to get mad and I'm going to say this, and it's not funny, and it's not, like, a moral thing I have against it. I'm like, that just sucks. It's like, make it funny.
- [79:35]
B
Yeah, it's better.
- [79:36]
A
And people are like, watch me say this. And it's like, cool, man.
- [79:40]
B
One of my buddies didn't like south park when we were kids because he said he thought it was racist towards Mexicans. But that buddy also didn't even speak Spanish. So I'm like, bro, you're. You're not even a full Mexican here. Like, you're racist.
- [79:54]
A
But, yeah, South Park's so funny, man. That's.
- [79:57]
B
He didn't like, when. When they're like, they. They pay the illegals to write their essays.
- [80:04]
A
Yeah.
- [80:04]
B
As they wrote their literal, like, friends, they're like, oh, see, I wrote my essay. Like, that's funny, bro.
- [80:11]
A
Like, so funny.
- [80:12]
B
Funny's funny.
- [80:13]
A
Like, yeah, no, if it makes you laugh, it's good. But yeah, I've recently, I. I had like a kind of like a. Not like a crisis, but I started to be like, I don't know if I even like doing standup anymore. And then, like, I, like, was like. I was like, I'll do it. I'll go do it on the weekend. And now I. I've hit a place where I'm like, find it, like, absolutely essential just for, like, my state, like, my. Well, being that that's.
- [80:34]
B
That's kind of like, got to be tough, too, is when you're being honest with yourself about something like that.
- [80:38]
A
Yeah.
- [80:39]
B
You dedicated so much time and effort to getting good at standup, and you go from bombing to, like, finally doing good, and it takes you months, years and stuff. But then to finally be like, I don't want to feel like the Forrest Gump when he. When he Got tired of running. He's. Yeah, he's like, all right, like, I'm tired now. I'm going to go home now.
- [80:56]
A
Well, I just. Having little kids and I'm like, I don't want to be away. I can podcast and not be away from home.
- [81:01]
B
Yeah.
- [81:02]
A
And then I'd slow up on the standup and get miserable. And I didn't know what was going on. I was, like, miserable for a couple weeks, and then I just didn't do standup for, like, three weeks. And then I did it, like, the last two nights, and I just felt like I was just. I had my pep in my step. I was like, oh, I didn't know I actually had to do that.
- [81:15]
B
Did Rick Rubin tell you to do that?
- [81:17]
A
No, I didn't. I never finished his book either, to be fair. I didn't finish his book. I love it and I love the idea of it. But, yeah, after a couple chapters, you're like, yeah, I think I get the point here.
- [81:26]
B
I agree, though. I feel like I gotta have a balance of, like, I gotta spend time with my son. You know what I mean?
- [81:31]
A
Yeah.
- [81:31]
B
But I also gotta, like, fucking go do some stand up. But if I. If I dive too deep into one or the other, I'll start to, like. Yeah. Tick inside a little bit.
- [81:42]
A
No, you're absolutely right, man. And it's one of those things. This is what I tell myself. It's like, because I've always. I would get guilty and be like, I should just get a regular job and be here all the time. But it's like, then I'd be miserable and I'd be, like, mean to my kids.
- [81:52]
B
I think about that, too.
- [81:53]
A
Yeah. It's like, if I stopped doing that, I'd just be a miserable and just screaming at them.
- [81:57]
B
I do it anyway.
- [81:58]
A
True. But it's like, how much more. How much more would you do?
- [82:01]
B
I started punching my son.
- [82:03]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [82:04]
B
I used to. My buddy moved out to New York. My buddy that I started doing comedy around the same time as him, he moved out to New York early on. And so I'd always go crash on his couch, stay out there for a few weeks and just try to go get spots and stuff. And felt like it helped me get better. And as things started taking off for me, my son was around, like, the 3, 4 age, and it wasn't too hard to, like, take off because he was. He was living with his mom. And, like, I could still get my days and I can go stay in New York and just focus on stand up and whatever. But now, you know, he's five, he's in school, and he's with me during the week. He's with me a lot more. I, I, it might have been, like, some months ago already. I took a trip out to New York to, like, try to, like, stay there for a couple weeks and work out material. And I was just like, bro, fuck the material. Like, you want to go be with my kid?
- [83:00]
A
Yeah, exactly.
- [83:01]
B
I'm hanging out with, like, funny people, but also hanging out with people who are like, just kind of like, still not dads.
- [83:08]
A
Yeah, exactly.
- [83:09]
B
And I just had to, like, come to terms with, like, bro, I'm a fucking dad now. Like, I just have to accept who I am. Yeah.
- [83:14]
A
It is a process, dude. Especially because I feel like, stand up and I wonder if you feel this way. They're like, like, standing up and having kids, it almost feels sometimes like, diametric, like, completely opposed where you're like, it's like, yeah. But it is tough, like, maintaining both of them. Because you're right, though. If you do all of one, if you're like, I'm not doing any of this. I'm like, I'm just going to be, you know, a dad and focus on that. You do have to do both. But, yeah, that, like, I try to tell people, I'm like, dude, getting away for a week is like a devastator on my kids, man. When I'm away for, like, the entire week, they're like, fucks him up, bro.
- [83:40]
B
My son starts acting a donkey.
- [83:42]
A
Yeah. They get bad.
- [83:44]
B
He loses respect for everybody in the house.
- [83:46]
A
Yeah. My daughters get so bad, if I'm gone for more than three days. They're just, they, like, stop listening to their mom. It's pretty bad.
- [83:54]
B
Yeah. And then, and then, like, they don't want to admit my family, or even his mom doesn't want to admit that. It's like, you know, he misses me.
- [84:02]
A
Yeah.
- [84:02]
B
But that's what it is.
- [84:04]
A
Yeah, but you can't, you have to do. You have to be what you are, though. Because if you're, if you try to, like, become something totally different. Have you ever tried in your life to be, like, stand up. I'm just gonna.
- [84:12]
B
Yeah.
- [84:13]
A
Square up and get, like, my regular job.
- [84:15]
B
One time I, like, quit for, like, a day. Yeah, I had, like, a good amount of little opening gigs here and there, local stuff, bar shows, and just was having a really stressful time. A lot of arguments. And just one day I just called everybody who I was gonna either open for or, like, whatever Gigs I had locally and I just canceled all of them. She's really dramatic. I was gonna quit before I even really had like a start, you know.
- [84:46]
A
And write a Facebook post. I'm no longer doing standup anymore.
- [84:50]
B
I never got that gay.
- [84:51]
A
I know, I know. You see people do that. They formally quit stand up. And you're like, all right, man.
- [84:55]
B
So if you, if you. Yeah, for those. If you ever wrote a Facebook post about how you're quitting stand up. You never really started. Stand up, bro. Shut the up.
- [85:10]
A
I just like to let everybody know it's like this.
- [85:13]
B
I won't open mics anymore. But yeah, I just did that for like a day. But then the next day I was just like. I called everybody back. I was like, hey, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- [85:22]
A
I quit.
- [85:23]
B
Yeah, I wanna, I want to come back.
- [85:26]
A
I tried for like months at a time and I just become miserable, man. I would, like, try to get jobs and I just. You feel like a alien. And the longer you do stand up, up, like when you try to like, work in an office, you just feel weird. And then it's sad because you go like, people are like, oh, you used to do stand up. And you're like, yeah, but did you.
- [85:42]
B
Purposely choose, like the saddest possible job?
- [85:44]
A
That's all I could get. I couldn't get anything else. It was like I. I grew up doing construction and then like, I went to college and then like, I worked in an office. My dad was always like, get an office job. It's the. You're in the air conditioning. And then I got in an office and I'm like, this is. Do you ever work in an office before it's up.
- [86:00]
B
Sounds boring.
- [86:01]
A
It's unbelievably boring. And it's. Everybody's doing nothing. I made it like, I think four months at one internship, and then I lasted three weeks in another office and that I have, like a short experience with it. But, dude, it's like, it's really fucked up. Everyone's doing nothing, everyone's pretending to work. And then there's this like big hierarchy where you're getting like. I would get emails in all caps, let them know they were mad at me. And I'd be like, A dude's like, right there. And I'm like, what the fuck is.
- [86:26]
B
You got a problem for?
- [86:27]
A
I'd be like, what the fuck is your. But I did. I was at an office and there. There was a guy, he was like a high up partner and he like it was like this big dramatic thing where he broke away from like his other partners in this office. And his name was like Marissa Mo. He had like some name that was just in like I had to go to his Google email and delete. I think it was illegal. I think he, like they wanted to delete proof that of like something that they had. So I did delete shit out of his email. But then I pulled up his Google chat and I was like chatting up other people from the office and my boss found out and sent me an email saying I was like, I hit up my. Like I had like the big boss and I had like my direct boss and I hit him up. I'm like, what are you doing? He'd be like, hey, what's up? Like, bro, I got a bottle in my room. I'm kind of lonely. And then he thought it was funny. He told me like, yo, hit up this guy, hit up that guy. And then eventually my like the, the boss of the bosses found out and sent me the all caps like do not use chat feature while using. It's like, it's fucked up, man. It's like there was a guy in there who would be like, I'm not going to talk to any of you unless you close a deal. And he would walk in every. He came in only once a week from New York.
- [87:38]
B
He wasn't going to talk to you.
- [87:39]
A
Wouldn'T talk to you or acknowledge your.
- [87:40]
B
Presence unless you close the deal.
- [87:42]
A
Close the deal.
- [87:43]
B
So if you said you rewarded with his presence, he sucked too.
- [87:46]
A
Yeah, he was such a dickhead. So like, he would come in and like the guy next to me was like, dude, I just want to like make a good impression and talk to him. And his sister also worked there. She was also like one of our bosses and she, she was like, I can get like you, like a face to face if you want. And the dude set it up, dude through his sister. And the guy came into our office like, hey, man, how you doing? It was.
- [88:06]
B
I. Dude, it was like a shitty meet and greet.
- [88:08]
A
Yeah, dude, it was awkward. It was really awkward. Yeah, dude, I'm telling you, office life, I have like a serious thing against it and I think it like for real gives people brain damage.
- [88:17]
B
I never, I never took advantage of like the, I guess jobs I could have had. I always just, I always went to like work with illegals. Yeah, I had my first job when I was 12 at like, I was a dishwasher. My buddy's family had a restaurant, that dude over there.
- [88:36]
A
Oh, Nice.
- [88:36]
B
And so we're just washing dishes and. With his uncles and, like, working in the kitchen, you know.
- [88:41]
A
Yeah.
- [88:41]
B
So then I did that. Or I'd go. My dad had a couple different businesses. He had a body shop. So I'd go sand cars in the shop where there was no, like, code, whatever the.
- [88:52]
A
Yeah, there's like, pictures of naked ladies in mechanic shops.
- [88:55]
B
There's a lot of.
- [88:56]
A
Yeah, dude. It's like, that far off. Then you go to an office and you're like, you think you can talk pussy with someone at work? Because that's how it is in construction. If you get pussy, you tell everyone.
- [89:03]
B
Yeah.
- [89:04]
A
So I would go in and, like, tell my office mate like, I got last night. And then the. Get the lady who was like, the boss would be like, you can't talk like that.
- [89:10]
B
Caps email coming your way while cooking one up.
- [89:12]
A
Being like, you are not allowed to talk. Refrain from referring to the activity prior to.
- [89:17]
B
I, I, I grew up around these types of jobs. So by the time I was of, like, working age, like, 16, and I went to work at McDonald's, even that was too corporate for me. Yeah, they're like, I got to, like, talk to the fucking customers. I was like, can I just wash the dishes? And they're like, no, you're not old enough to do that. I'm like, you'd be surprised.
- [89:37]
A
Yeah, true. Yeah. I could do this from a young age. Yeah, it does. Working construction does kind of throw you off for the rest of the job market. Like, I saw my dad or not. It wasn't my dad. It was someone. It was like, one of my uncles. Like, actually, I didn't see this. I was there. They had a guard dog, and the dog tried to bite me and a couple other customers. It was like a big trash yard.
- [89:56]
B
Oh.
- [89:56]
A
And I came in like, you know, you go to work. Like, I'd go to work with my dad. Like, you know, another Saturday, like, months later would pop up and I get to go. And I was like, where's the dog? And he's like, we shot it. They, like, shot the dog. They just killed it. Yeah, you tell people that and they're kind of like, that's.
- [90:10]
B
You were like, that's how we did all caps emails in my.
- [90:13]
A
Where I come from, baby Michael shot the dog. Just like, took it. The back was like, damn, dude. Like, that's up. I'm like, it was trying to bite. Don't try to bite me.
- [90:21]
B
I was a child, but also working in those types of settings where, like, I'm Just me and a bunch of Mexican dudes. I think I. If. If I. If I hadn't heard this, I may. I maybe would have just been stuck there and never taken advantage of the fact that I was like, born in the States and like, had. Have an education, but so I was working at a body shop and this dude one time, I was maybe like 20, and one of the dudes told me in Spanish, he's just like. He's like, hey, man, you don't have papers? I was like, nah, yeah, I was born here. And he was just like, oh. He's like, but you didn't finish school. I said, yeah, I finished school. I have a diploma.
- [90:59]
A
Yeah.
- [91:00]
B
I was like, I even got a semester of community college, you know?
- [91:02]
A
Yeah.
- [91:03]
B
He's like, oh. He's like, then why do you work here?
- [91:05]
A
Yeah.
- [91:06]
B
And I was just like, oh, like. Like this dude. This dude's trying to tell me something here. Like, you know, because I think that that guy had kids around my age and I remember going to one of theirs, like, graduation party and. And he was also telling me about that. He's just like, you know, like, you could do more stuff.
- [91:25]
A
Yeah.
- [91:25]
B
Like, you know, English, you're educated. Like, do stuff.
- [91:29]
A
Get the out of here.
- [91:30]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [91:31]
A
That's all. That's how my dad always was too. He was like, don't. Because you get. When you're younger, you get hooked to the money of like, like kind of like construction or like auto body. Because you do get paid more than you would anywhere else as a young kid. That. That I always have people, like, don't get hooked to the money, man. Just like, eventually your body gets all fucked up.
- [91:46]
B
I think I feel like I would get hooked to the hang.
- [91:49]
A
The hang is sick, dude. The hang is so good.
- [91:52]
B
I just liked working in places where, like, I got along with the people.
- [91:56]
A
The hang's too good. And there's also. Dude, there's a. You just meet characters too. Like, there's not a lot of. In an office, it's really. There's not a lot of, like, characters in an office where you're like, damn, this is like the funniest dude I've ever met. It's like when you're on like, a construction site, like an auto body shop, if you're. Yeah, they're hilarious.
- [92:10]
B
Yeah. If you're the funny guy in an office, you. You must be like, pretty funny. But work somewhere where, like, you can get dirty and like, really around, you know, it's unbelievable. Hold. Hold. Like a old piece of like, pipe and act like it's your dick. You know what I mean? You can't do that in an office.
- [92:26]
A
Or, like, I'd see people fist fight in an. Like a construction job.
- [92:29]
B
Yeah.
- [92:30]
A
Boss would knock it the off and met you two shake hands, and it was just like, are you right? Back to work, work, people.
- [92:35]
B
This is. This is going to sound like, a little weird, but hanging out with, like, these racist country dudes at the construction job I had, and I only had this job for about maybe six months, and these guys would say, some pretty racist. Yeah, but never to me or, like, my Mexicans that I worked with. Like, it was weird being around people who are, like, racist but still, like, respectful. And at first I'm like, bro, what's their fucking problem? I don't want to work dudes, man. Fuck them. Like, I'm not gonna be at this. But it was funny.
- [93:13]
A
Yeah.
- [93:14]
B
Like, not that the racism was funny, but these were funny dudes. One of them had, like, this, boom. Howard thing where he'd get mad. Now there was these three brothers, and I can't remember which one was which. Which might be racist to me because one was Joe, one was John, and the other one was like, Jim, I swear to God. And I can't remember which one this one was, but he cussed the most. And he'd get mad because we got to a job site one day where they were supposed to be digging, looking for, like, a. Some line, and they couldn't find it. And it was just like, the hole should have been, like, a few feet over to this side, so we had to start digging there. And we were working under Joe that day. And I just remember him being mad. He's like, man, I get tired of this old chicken. God damn it. Goddamn, man. It's like, oh, Joe's mad, bro. Another guy there, a young dude, he might have been around my age, remember? Youngest dude named Shannon. And the other dudes would get mad at him because he's, like, lazy. But that guy was hilarious. He was just. We were working at a. At like a. Like a. Like a steel. Some. Some place where they have those big metal ovens. It's like metal.
- [94:19]
A
Like a foundry where you're like, I don't even know if that's what it's called, but you, like, melt the steel down.
- [94:23]
B
Yeah, they're doing like that, right? So we'd go eat lunch outside, and there's all these people there, and they were really strict there. They're like, don't around in the people who work there and all this, like. And this dude Shannon would just walk by everybody with his ass out. It's just like, hard hat, glasses, and he's just like. He just pull his pants down and cover his dick with his hands. Like, we're just like, what the. And Joe's brother was this dude. I think it was John. And I might be confusing him. It might have been the other way around. But John and Joe, he didn't cuss at all. Like, he. He would, like, try his best not to cuss, but it's just funny hearing them get mad at Shannon because he's just like, what the crud? What, did you put your butt back in your pants? Like, what the.
- [95:08]
A
I always felt like there was a delicate ecosystem of, like, racism on construction sites where, like, everyone would kind of fuck with each other. But then if, like, somebody kind of crossed a line or is being, like, malicious, it would be like, dude, fucking get out of here. Because I would get corners. I would. I was in the laborers union for a little bit. And in Philly, it's mostly so the whole, like, paint the whole picture. My dad and his brothers did demolition. Then they. Or they had. They did trash, and they started a demolition company. So in order to work for my dad once, like, the union started bothering him, I had to join the union so I could work for my dad. So I was in the laborers Union. But it was mostly, like, me and other black. Like, all black guys doing that. But there was like. Like, everyone would fuck with each other. Like, the white guys would say shit about this and that, but I would get, like, there'd be another white laborer, and he would, like, corner me. Me. I guess he didn't know, like, I was just working for my dad. And he would, like, take me aside and just be like, bro, these. He would go in, like. He would go in, like, hard, and I'd be like, dude, okay.
- [96:03]
B
Now I remember the day I realized I was working with, like. Like, some real racist dude. Because at first I'm like, nah, it can't all be like that, right? You know, maybe like, just these couple guys here. I'm just like, ah, those guys. I won't be around them. Somebody who was like, a higher. Well, I mean, everybody was higher up than me in there, but somebody who had, like, like, real. I guess, like a real position. Somebody who would bring us material, be in charge of job sites. Yeah, I don't want to say his name, but this is nice. Older guy. He might even be retired by now or dead. I Don't know.
- [96:34]
A
Yeah.
- [96:34]
B
But he was cool with me. Like, so. Man, It'd be like 100 degrees out there and sometimes he'd be like. He'd be like, hey, he's like, come on, let's go to Home Depot. And out of. Out of everybody on the job site, I got to fucking take a break in the ac. Just. Just go help him carry. He was an old man, you know, like, just help him carry. And then one day there was like this big lunch with like, everybody from the company. We all just met up because there's like some restaurant they like to go to.
- [97:02]
A
Yeah.
- [97:02]
B
And we were working pretty close to it, and we all met up there and I heard him say, like, some real racist. And I remember just thinking like, oh, man, like, I thought you were different.
- [97:14]
A
Yeah.
- [97:15]
B
But, yeah, after that, was it really.
- [97:16]
A
It was really bad.
- [97:17]
B
Yeah, it's pretty bad.
- [97:18]
A
I don't. Yeah, that was the thing. There was like, people would. Same thing. Like, people would joke with each other and I'm like, oh, this is funny. And then you get. A guy would corner you and you'd be like, oh, you want to, like, kill these guys? I'm like, dude, you got a chill.
- [97:28]
B
Yeah.
- [97:28]
A
That was also a fun thing I would do when someone would get like, very, like, corner me. Like, can't believe we're working with these fucking animals. I'd be like, dude, we should fucking kill them. They'd be like, whoa, hold on, man. Just go way higher. You're like, I do it to everyone politically when they're like, Trump. They spaz on Trump. I'm like, we should kill his whole fucking family. I don't want to do all that. I'm like, all right, leave me the out of this.
- [97:47]
B
Nah, I heard them. I heard them say just one too many remarks one day. So I was just like, ah, yeah, probably don't want to work here no more.
- [97:53]
A
He's probably feeling you out. He wanted to know if he can make, like a proper.
- [97:56]
B
Yeah, racist out of it. I left and I think they might have thought that, like, I would say something because I put in a two weeks notice and they offered me a raise. Like, Like a really good raise.
- [98:09]
A
Really?
- [98:09]
B
They're like, ah, come on.
- [98:10]
A
He was grooming you, dude.
- [98:12]
B
I sucked at that job.
- [98:13]
A
Like, he was grooming you to say the N word.
- [98:16]
B
But it was up. Is it? They were saying about Mexicans too, here.
- [98:19]
A
Oh, really?
- [98:20]
B
Yeah. And that's why I was just like, bro, like, this is. This is too much. Like, this is how you guys are going to work up here, like.
- [98:26]
A
And he wouldn't even look at you and be like, excuse me. Or was he trying to like, joke?
- [98:29]
B
Or was he just that guy? I never heard him say nothing about Mexicans, but a couple other guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, but. And it was up because the things they said were always worse towards black people.
- [98:40]
A
Yeah.
- [98:40]
B
And that's why I, like, I've. I've been in rooms where like, Mexicans and black people are like, who's had it worse? And I'm always like, bro, stop. Like, black people had it way worse. Stop. Don't do this.
- [98:52]
A
Like, I. Every group does that though.
- [98:55]
B
I'm.
- [98:55]
A
My family's all Irish. And it's like, bro, we got oppressed by the English for 800 years. Which is true. But yeah, it's. Yeah, they kind of take the crown. I give them the crown.
- [99:05]
B
When I took off, they. I feel like maybe that's why they tried to do that where they're just like, hey, boy, you know, more money.
- [99:11]
A
You know, shut up.
- [99:13]
B
And I was like, I just don't want nothing to do with you guys.
- [99:16]
A
Yeah. Although I have seen some of the most vicious racism I've seen has been American black people versus African workers on the, on the job sites. That's a serious beef.
- [99:24]
B
Yeah.
- [99:25]
A
Oh my God, dude. American black people and Africans are like, you think they'd be buddies, but they're, they're like, I feel like that's like, when, like I'm like an American white guy. If I see like a British person, I'm like, the is your deal. I think American black people see African people.
- [99:39]
B
I think that's how like Mexicans from Mexico see, like Hispanics.
- [99:43]
A
Exactly. Yeah, exactly.
- [99:44]
B
Will never be Mexican to them.
- [99:45]
A
Exactly. They're kind of like, yeah, you're from some weird ass country. We're the real deal, dude.
- [99:50]
B
Me and my buddy Jaime, we would change the radio when we were kids. Like, just, there's like a lot of Mexican love songs playing. We changed the radio to just like, whatever, you know what I mean? Just like some popular hop, some hip hop with her. And no matter what we put around, the other Mexican dudes would be like, ah, like you.
- [100:13]
A
Want to listen to some pops?
- [100:14]
B
Yeah. Just because I wanted to change the music. Like, now we're gay. Like, like, they would give mean, bro.
- [100:20]
A
They'd be like, and I do respect the machismo. I think I could say pound for pound, Mexican dudes have the highest machismo. And I'm kind of for it. I think it's kind of sick, man.
- [100:29]
B
But it sucks when you're the one.
- [100:30]
A
Getting like, yeah, it's tough. It's oppressive. I've worked that. They were always my favorite. If I had to pick again, like a group of people in a workplace. And I'm not just saying this because you're here. I think Mexican people were like, my go to the hang is so nice, bro. Just babes on phones, like, yo, check out this babe. I'm like, yeah, babe's nice. Check out this babe.
- [100:49]
B
Thank you.
- [100:50]
A
And it's around the whole time. I know they could get.
- [100:52]
B
But then. But now, like, they. They created. They made me into, like, a mean bastard sometimes. Like, when I was a kid, if I'd be like, at a family party or something, and I'd be like, oh, man, it's cold. Like, my uncles. My grandpa would be like, it is Muhar, you're a woman. It's like, don't be a woman. I was like, God damn, I am cold, though. It's like, we're outside, bro. It's. I see my breath, you know? Like, you're not supposed to acknowledge it.
- [101:18]
A
It's crazy.
- [101:19]
B
Yeah, they're nuts, bro. But now I kind of do that, too, where, like, yeah, I travel with my buddies who do stand up with me or whatever, and I'll hear one of them complain about something. I'm just like, you, woman. You little.
- [101:34]
A
Yeah, it is tight, though. I do. I don't know. It just makes me laugh. It makes me.
- [101:38]
B
My buddy's like, bro, my dad just got cancer. I'm like, ah, he's being a woman.
- [101:43]
A
Shut the up. Yeah, I. Well, man, I think we're at. Yeah, we're at an hour and 38, brother. I. I don't want to hold you up here all day. Where can people catch you? Do you have anything you want to plug or you just.
- [101:58]
B
Man, I got tour dates. I just don't remember where. But for sure, follow me on Instagram @ralph barbosa03 or check out my website for tour dates@barbosa comedy.com. i think I'm pretty funny, so give me some money.
- [102:15]
A
Very funny, bro. Dude, I love your. I watch. I watch a lot of your clips online.
- [102:18]
B
I appreciate it. Thank you so much.
- [102:20]
A
So thanks for doing this, dude. You're the man.
- [102:21]
B
Thanks for having me.
- [102:22]
A
All right, brother. Later.
- [102:22]
B
Yeah, later.