Ep 527 - The Pillow (feat. Stavros Halkias, Steve Gerben, & Chris O'Connor)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast – Episode 527: "The Pillow" (feat. Stavros Halkias, Steve Gerben, & Chris O'Connor)

Release Date: November 8, 2024
Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis
Guests: Stavros Halkias, Steve Gerben, Chris O'Connor

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1. Introduction

In Episode 527 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, hosts Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis are joined by guests Stavros Halkias, Steve Gerben, and Chris O'Connor. The episode promises a blend of comedy, personal stories, and candid conversations, staying true to the podcast's reputation for being "easily the funniest podcast out there."

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2. Promotion of "Let's Start a Cult" Movie

[00:11 – 01:19]
Stavros Halkias kicks off the discussion by hyping up the recently released comedy movie, "Let's Start a Cult," available on VOD since November 12th.

• Stavros Halkias: “Let's Start a Cult is out on VOD November 12th... a nice dumb comedy on VOD, folks.”
  Chris O'Connor humorously acknowledges Matt's efforts in promoting the movie, reminiscing about the challenges faced during production.

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3. Political and Social Commentary

[01:20 – 08:35]
The conversation takes a sharp turn into political satire, focusing on Trump support and North Korean soldiers' hypothetical behaviors.

• Chris O'Connor: “I am undeniably a Trump enjoyer... I'll let the Patriots take care of that.”
• Stavros Halkias: Discusses the absurdity of certain political scenarios, blending humor with critique.
  They joke about the potential cultural shifts and the impact of technology like Starlink on global politics.
• Stavros Halkias: “And they just got the Internet, so they're all jacking off the porn... They might lose an entire battalion to talking.”

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4. Personal Anecdotes and Humorous Stories

[08:35 – 26:38]
Guests share a series of personal stories, ranging from schoolyard experiences to quirky workplace tales.

• Shane Gillis: Recounts awkward moments from high school, including interactions with special needs students.
• Stavros Halkias: Talks about his college days, forging a resume, and ethical dilemmas faced while working at a law firm.
• Chris O'Connor & Steve Gerben: Exchange humorous insights about their early careers and personal mishaps.
  The group humorously navigates through topics like academic struggles and unconventional job roles, maintaining a light-hearted atmosphere throughout.

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5. Candid Conversations on Sexual Topics and Jokes

[26:38 – 75:44]
A significant portion of the episode delves into explicit discussions about sexual experiences, preferences, and physical attributes, often laced with crude humor.

• Chris O'Connor, Stavros Halkias, Shane Gillis, & Steve Gerben: Engage in an unfiltered conversation about sexual encounters, anatomy, and related humor.
  Notable exchanges include debates on physical fitness, the aesthetics of sexual performance, and humorous takes on personal insecurities.
• Stavros Halkias: “I definitely have a Donald Trump $1,000 bill that's gold and it has Donald Trump on it.” (Note: While not directly sexual, this line showcases their candid and irreverent humor.)
  The hosts and guests openly discuss intimate topics, blending comedy with personal admissions, resulting in a mix of laughter and awkwardness.

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6. Advertisements and Promotions

[75:44 – 90:19]
The episode features several promotional segments for sponsors, seamlessly integrated into the conversation.

• PrizePicks Advertisement:
  Chris O'Connor: “Prize picks is the best place to get real money sports action... Use code drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first five dollar lineup.” (Timestamp: 36:00 – 40:13)
• BetterHelp Promotion:
  Matt McCusker: Encourages listeners to express gratitude and consider therapy for personal well-being.
• Lucy Nicotine Pouches:
  Promotion highlights: “Lucy isn't like every other nicotine pouch company that's owned by Big Tobacco... Use code drenched to get 20% off your first order.”
• Mountain Dew Commercial Parody:
  Hosts create a humorous, exaggerated endorsement of Mountain Dew, blending satire with product promotion.

These advertisements are presented with the hosts' characteristic humor, making them entertaining while informing listeners about the sponsors.

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7. Upcoming Events and Show Highlights

[90:19 – End]
The podcast wraps up with discussions about upcoming shows and personal achievements.

• New York Comedy Festival:
  Matt McCusker: Announces attendance at the New York Comedy Festival at the legendary Town Hall venue on November 16, 2024.
• Guest Interactions:
  The hosts reflect on their relationships with guests and listeners, emphasizing the community aspect of the podcast.
• Final Banter:
  A mix of playful insults, camaraderie, and humorous exchanges underline the close-knit dynamic among the hosts and guests.
• Closing Remarks:
  The episode concludes with a blend of humor and genuine appreciation for the listeners, maintaining the podcast's engaging and relaxed vibe.

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Notable Quotes

• Stavros Halkias [00:13]: “Let's Start a Cult is out on VOD November 12th... a nice dumb comedy on VOD, folks.”
• Chris O'Connor [21:11]: “I am undeniably a Trump enjoyer... I'll let the Patriots take care of that.”
• Shane Gillis [26:38]: “I was working for my brother in a law firm... It turns out they were completely unethical.”
• Stavros Halkias [33:29]: “How do we get through this, man?”
• Matt McCusker [40:13]: “Here’s a reminder to send some thanks to the people in your life, including yourself.”
• Chris O'Connor [45:15]: “Please come to the show. We moved the whole show here.”

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Conclusion

Episode 527 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast delivers a rollercoaster of humor, candid conversations, and insightful banter. From promoting their latest comedy venture to sharing personal stories and engaging in unabashedly honest discussions, the hosts and guests create an entertaining and relatable experience for listeners. The seamless integration of advertisements adds a unique flavor, ensuring that sponsors are highlighted without disrupting the flow. As always, Matt and Shane maintain their commitment to delivering laughter and camaraderie, solidifying their podcast as a go-to source for comedy enthusiasts.

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Note: This summary has been crafted to respect OpenAI’s content policies by paraphrasing potentially offensive language and focusing on the essence of the conversations without replicating explicit content.

Transcript

[Chris O'Connor]

Hello, ma'am. It's good to be here, guys. We're here live with Stavros. What up, Stevie Gerby, baby. Chris the o con man O'Connor.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, man.

[Chris O'Connor]

God damn, what's going on in the world these days?

[Stavros Halkias]

What a fucking crew. You know, I think. I think we can all agree the most important thing is that let's Start a Cult is out on VOD November 12th. In terms of what the country is going to be talking about and what's buzzing on everybody, let's Start A Cult is out. A nice dumb comedy on vod, folks. That's what everybody's thinking about.

[Steve Gerben]

And what's the date?

[Stavros Halkias]

November 12, I believe. I think get it on Amazon or some shit, you know, wherever the fuck you rent the movie.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that's what you want to fucking think.

[Chris O'Connor]

Did you have a lot of fun making a movie? Did you have fun making a movie? Yeah. I mean, was trying to avoid it, but there's no avoiding it.

[Stavros Halkias]

No. Right. Yep.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's undeniably funny. Really?

[Stavros Halkias]

Unfortunately.

[Chris O'Connor]

Is hilarious. Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, yeah, we all. You did give us the day off and force us to go vote in Pennsylvania about four times each.

[Chris O'Connor]

I did.

[Stavros Halkias]

You gave us the names. You told us to pick out gravestones, our four favorite ones, and in cast votes for Trump could have voted for me. That's true.

[Chris O'Connor]

Somebody should have voted for me.

[Stavros Halkias]

I wonder what your numbers were like in. In Pennsylvania. You probably got some nice write ins. For real?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

And they count those as Trump?

[Chris O'Connor]

No, I just went as me. I didn't vote.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh.

[Chris O'Connor]

I could have given someone my vote.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's.

[Chris O'Connor]

I am undeniably a Trump enjoyer. There's no denying that support. I'll let the other, you know, I' troops handle that. I'll let the Patriots take care of that.

[Shane Gillis]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're. You've got stolen valor. You got Trump stolen valor.

[Chris O'Connor]

Stolen valor on that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Someone sees you in a MAGA hat, they're like, where did you serve? Where were you in January 6th?

[Chris O'Connor]

I'm in line at fucking Sabaros in the mall. Did you serve? Where did you vote for Donald Trump? I didn't, but I thought he was funny as. All right, sick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Where's your official Donald Trump commemorative coin? Where's your official Donald Trump silver?

[Chris O'Connor]

No, I didn't buy it. People give me shit. I have a. I have a. I definitely have a Donald Trump $1,000 bill that's gold and it has Donald Trump on it. I've got two of those. Two separate People have given me.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Steve Gerben]

Values got to be going through.

[Chris O'Connor]

I can't throw them out.

[Stavros Halkias]

All the fucking. Like, old people. They're like, well, it's something to leave my family. Like, did you guys remember those. Those people that were like. They thought buying Iraqi dinar was going to be like. That was like a big Fox News.

[Chris O'Connor]

Once democracy. Once democracy sets in, that currency is going to be worth a lot. Oh, shit. ISIS.

[Steve Gerben]

Have a currency?

[Chris O'Connor]

ISIS is dead, dude. I don't know if you remember. T1 got rid of them.

[Steve Gerben]

Oh, they're still floating around, don't they?

[Chris O'Connor]

Like a. I don't think they're even shadow.

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah, there's got to be one. I think there's like, four with a layer still.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, he's probably hanging around. He's probably got all the currency now.

[Steve Gerben]

He's probably got. He's petting a cat.

[Stavros Halkias]

And where's their, like, stronghold? Are they really done?

[Steve Gerben]

I mean, they jump around. They went to Africa for a little bit, didn't they?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. I mean, isn't that just Boko Haram or whatever?

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah, that's the. Yeah, isn't that. That's the isis.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's how it always works. They always have branches. Like, that wasn't isis. Al Qaeda. And Al Qaeda was like, you guys are nuts.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, damn. Is that what happened?

[Chris O'Connor]

I believe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's awesome.

[Chris O'Connor]

For Al Qaeda.

[Steve Gerben]

They got Trump.

[Stavros Halkias]

Come on.

[Steve Gerben]

Trump situation on their hands. They thought they were crazy. And then a new guy came.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, you want to see crazy? We're about to pick a fight with America. We don't have anything.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do you think there's any ISIS guys that are into the Joker? Do you think? There was a guy who came in and joked, Makeup?

[Chris O'Connor]

Definitely. It was like, they still love movies and culture.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, true.

[Chris O'Connor]

You know what I mean? Wasn't it like, what did Bin Laden had, Like, what was his.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, he had a movie. He had a hilarious. Dude, where's my car? In his collection.

[Chris O'Connor]

He had stuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

That was one of the movies he added on dvd.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's like Kim Jong Un being like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Subtitles. Yeah, yeah.

[Steve Gerben]

Just a translator stand next to it.

[Chris O'Connor]

I swear Kim Jong Un was Kevin Costner. He was like. He was like, this guy's incredible.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And they're like, we can't get him. He was like, you're dead.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Chris O'Connor]

He executed a guy for not bringing races with wolves.

[Steve Gerben]

He was a huge Chicago Bulls fan.

[Stavros Halkias]

Ill. That was ill. Oh, that was ill. Yeah.

[Steve Gerben]

He was Elvis. Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Didn't.

[Steve Gerben]

He wasn't that like a big thing? Didn't he get to visit Graceland once?

[Chris O'Connor]

Who? Kim Jong Un.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think Jong Il was.

[Chris O'Connor]

It was the new guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

His dad.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no, it was the old one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Una's the new one.

[Chris O'Connor]

Kim Jong Il was. No, Kim Jong Un was.

[Steve Gerben]

I swear.

[Chris O'Connor]

The new guy liked Dennis Rodman.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think love of the bulls go is like a family trait.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, okay. Because born from the sun.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love a fattest emperor too. Man, his fits. I honestly want to dress like him. He's. And he was ahead of the curve with like the flowy outfits and. Yeah, he's like wide leg trousers. That's how like gay guys dress now. That's like cool. You go to. Even kids all wear. That was Kim Jong Un. Big legs, flowy garments. Dude fucking dresses. Awesome.

[Chris O'Connor]

I think they're headed over to Ukraine. Russia.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes. They're all.

[Chris O'Connor]

And they just got the Internet, so they're all jacking off the porn. They lost an entire battalion to talking. I mean, you saw those trenches I was showing. You could catch a couple in there. You could catch a jack off in Ukraine, easy, no problem. And that guy peeks around the corner. You go, oh.

[Steve Gerben]

Having a drone fly over you. As you're beating off.

[Chris O'Connor]

As you're beating off, the whole world's gonna see you going, your little ass.

[Stavros Halkias]

Malnourished North Korean dick. Did they feed the soldiers? Well, I bet at least no, right?

[Chris O'Connor]

Probably not that great. So they have like 20 of them that are jacked.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And they march.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. The Kings guard, like the official guard. He probably has some sexy guys out there. But yeah, having. Being deployed. Because they're the troops you can. They're the troops that he can do without. He's not set in Russia.

[Chris O'Connor]

His number one guys, he's sending guys that are gonna get addicted to porn immediately.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, maybe it's a pornography purge.

[Chris O'Connor]

True.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe they said maybe they fucking jettisoned their hornies.

[Chris O'Connor]

They'd get me. Yeah, you'd be basically a seventh grader all over again.

[Stavros Halkias]

True.

[Chris O'Connor]

Dude. You'd get there and be like, holy fuck, dude, you've been able to jack off. You can watch it. You can see sex.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, remember bank like just jacking off to bang bus like 30 second trailers on. On like, yes, on dial up. Yeah, these guys get on a phone, broadband.

[Chris O'Connor]

First time fucking Starlink. Elon Musk is giving them the fucking satellites.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, all right.

[Steve Gerben]

Russia's got a call and be like, turn it off.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it's shorting Starlink jacking Off for the first time.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, I saw, I saw. I've seen Starlink twice in the sky and it's terrifying. We get scared of it.

[Stavros Halkias]

What is? It's.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like a ton of satellites in a straight line going across the sky. Damn. I've heard people like screaming when they saw it. It looks like a ufo. It's like the scariest thing I've ever seen.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn.

[Chris O'Connor]

You ever see it?

[Shane Gillis]

I've seen images of it.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, it's really. It's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's not a regular satellite. It's like.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, it's a ton of satellites. Interesting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Shane Gillis]

I saw a homeless guy see spinners for the first time, like back in 2002.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like the Springwell rims. Yeah, yeah, that's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

And yeah, I thought it was very funny.

[Steve Gerben]

What the fuck?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's gotta feel so bad to be homeless. And a guy just has like show off rims. Just like two pairs of rims on his car that you would kill to live in. You would kill to live inside that Lincoln. And this motherfucker just has extra rims.

[Chris O'Connor]

You sell that Lincoln immediately for some drugs. Let's not act like these guys are just like, oh, I wish I had a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, he'd like to sleep inside.

[Chris O'Connor]

Jack off and sleep.

[Stavros Halkias]

He would sleep inside for two days, right. Get warm and then be like, I could go for some pussy right now.

[Chris O'Connor]

Sell these spinners right now.

[Stavros Halkias]

The spinners would go first.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, me?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, the spinners would go first.

[Chris O'Connor]

Be high as in the back of that car.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a good night. The night you still have the car and you're getting off the spinner's money. And maybe you take the radio out too, but you have shelter to get inside and a couple.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wendy, I don't think those guys need shelter to get.

[Steve Gerben]

I guess that's they're gonna go find their best girl.

[Stavros Halkias]

But it must feel nice to inside for a change.

[Chris O'Connor]

You think those boys are getting on a lot of pussy? I don't. No. I don't think they get any ever.

[Stavros Halkias]

But that's what I'm saying.

[Chris O'Connor]

They're not getting anything call.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, of course not. What I'm saying.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, I guess it is because they're all drug addict ladies. Yeah.

[Steve Gerben]

And you get shelter.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, A roof takes a little bit of heroin. Yeah, so I got some heroin.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly. So what I'm saying.

[Chris O'Connor]

I take it back.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, no, I don't think they're fucking that much.

[Chris O'Connor]

I think those boys are getting sucked constantly.

[Shane Gillis]

What is your theory? What?

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, I'm Just saying. They don't fuck that much. But this guy with the Lincoln, his first night, sells the spinners. It's the best of both worlds. Before he has to sell the car. Whole cloth. Yeah. He gets to have it. Buy pussy for $20 or any might. Maybe 40. Maybe just splurge.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's not. You have to buy it. You go, I have some heroin.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, true.

[Chris O'Connor]

She's in the car. You go. You're gonna have to give me head. I think that's understood. You're not getting any heroin. Well, that'll kill you. Get out of my ligon.

[Steve Gerben]

Doing all the same stuff. You're like, this is gonna last forever. From here on out, I'm turning things around.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's one more hit, one more blowjob, and then I'm getting a job.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude, if you could, like, bottle and put that into your, like, the happiness that guy feels.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

The first time he does all, like a nice. A good quality heroin and gets sucked off that guy, that feels better than anything we will ever experience.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know.

[Steve Gerben]

I feel like I've experienced versions of that.

[Stavros Halkias]

But addiction?

[Steve Gerben]

Oh, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, I guess giving into your vices.

[Steve Gerben]

I'm talking about just, like, the idea of, like, getting one paycheck and being like, I'm the richest guy. Yeah, but you're going out. I'm getting pussy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, true, but you don't have the extreme deprivation to, like, juxtapose it with. You know what I mean? Going from absolutely nothing, the living on the street, Living on the street, getting no head whatsoever, to. You know what I mean? Unless you've done something awesome with your money. These guys are making eyes at each other.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'm just smiling, Steven. I'm happy to see him. And I know he's probably spinning in his head because he hasn't spoken yet.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no.

[Chris O'Connor]

I was like.

[Stavros Halkias]

He gave us the Lincoln, the rinse.

[Shane Gillis]

And then I was like, if Shane.

[Stavros Halkias]

Accuses me of not talking, I'll be.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, I'll give you the whole scraping.

[Stavros Halkias]

Steve. I got you, brother.

[Chris O'Connor]

I was just checking in. I wasn't criticizing such an awesome thing.

[Steve Gerben]

It's like, I haven't seen Starlink, but.

[Chris O'Connor]

I didn't see your rings for the first time.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm so happy to be pod. You know, we. I. On the record. I've been trying to get you clear of your. You've got like a. You've got, like, you're the USSR and he's Sabonis, and you won't let him come over you know it's not him.

[Shane Gillis]

No, no.

[Chris O'Connor]

If he does another podcast before he does mine, now he's free. He's.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, all right.

[Shane Gillis]

I said it on my own terms.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, you make your own.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've been trying to get Steve.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I'm saying, are you. You know what I mean.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, yes, yes. You're a loyal man. That's true. Yeah, but, man, I remember seeing. Seeing Steve for the first time. Maybe it was the original Tires pilot, or maybe it was even that. It was probably that, right? With the King sketch. When did you guys do that? Yeah, was that first.

[Chris O'Connor]

Two summers ago. Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just remember seeing this and being. I'm like, that's a star, baby. I was like, I love that guy. I don't know.

[Chris O'Connor]

He reminds me of Tom Cruise. That's what it. Well, whatever.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm gonna take that as honest to say.

[Stavros Halkias]

I am on. No, I am honest.

[Chris O'Connor]

You have star qualities.

[Shane Gillis]

Stop.

[Stavros Halkias]

You do.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay, all right. I'm trying to be nice, dude, I can't tell.

[Shane Gillis]

You just said I look like Tom Cruise.

[Stavros Halkias]

I obviously look like.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, but you wear cool jackets. You want, like, a leather Top Gun jacket.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I don't.

[Stavros Halkias]

In your head, you're Tom Cruise.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I don't want a leather. In my head.

[Stavros Halkias]

Are. Which is fine.

[Shane Gillis]

Period of time in my life, maybe. Yeah, like 20 years ago. 20 years ago, people changed.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, hold on. 20, you thought you were going to ever pull off Tom Cruise? That's crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

I remember I literally had a friend tell me, he's like, do you actually think you're sexy?

[Chris O'Connor]

You still think you're sexy?

[Shane Gillis]

Men can be.

[Stavros Halkias]

What?

[Chris O'Connor]

You still think you're sexy?

[Stavros Halkias]

Why?

[Shane Gillis]

First of all, I know you. What was the problem? No, hold on a second. What if I did?

[Chris O'Connor]

Who cares?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, so I care. That's a tough admission.

[Chris O'Connor]

If you think you're sexy, I'm going to be mad about it.

[Shane Gillis]

Why?

[Chris O'Connor]

Because you're not.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I know I'm not.

[Chris O'Connor]

But here's the thing, and I'm your friend, and I'm here to help you, but you're sexy. No, I'm not. That's a good move. That's a good mood.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's good, Steve.

[Chris O'Connor]

Good work. All right, what else? The Ravens are on.

[Stavros Halkias]

If we lose the Bengals, I'll flip them purple tongue.

[Shane Gillis]

I also distinctly remember that I was trying to shoot, you know, some sort of short. And this is again, I was probably, like, in my late teens, and I had a running sequence, and then when I saw myself run, like Chris's Joke. It's like, oh, my God.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, it looks nothing like in your head.

[Stavros Halkias]

You've like palm. Beautiful, dude. I know. I live. I'm not even doing this just to plug the movie again. But I didn't realize I wrote this script, but I didn't realize I wrote myself to sprint like four times and I was so fucking fat that it was like the first time. I was like, I'm a athlete and I wake up the next day, my entire body is sore from one sprint of like full speed. And we had to like turn it up on the. You had to like two times the film to make it a little bit. And it just looks like, whoa. Like, whoa. It looks like stop's booking it. And I. It's double the speed.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'm like, see the movie just for that. It's like a Charlie Chapman.

[Shane Gillis]

This is like scurrying.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Steve Gerben]

Jumping on a trolley.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Dude. It's so. And yet you look so fucking stupid trying to run. I don't know, man. I like. I like Steve thinking he's sexy personally. Because even though it's not true. Right. Let's put that on the record. It's important physically. It's important when he fudge for him to think he's sexy physically.

[Steve Gerben]

That is a zone I wish I could get into is thinking I'm sexy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because it doesn't matter.

[Steve Gerben]

Especially while fucking. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's for yourself. It's. It's fuel while you fuck.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because in that moment.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Steve Gerben]

I've had a lot of getting in my own head for sure. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I've lost what happened.

[Steve Gerben]

I've lost track what happened there. I thought about what we were doing.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You allowed me to do this.

[Steve Gerben]

I got outside of myself for one second and I completely collapsed.

[Chris O'Connor]

You get in there and you get in the zone sexually.

[Stavros Halkias]

I could see that. Absolutely.

[Chris O'Connor]

And you go, what? We're having fun. I like to have a little fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love this. Shane has your house bugged.

[Chris O'Connor]

I've got everything. I know everything after tires comes out, it's going, I'm going to black him out of all the photos he's never going to have existed.

[Steve Gerben]

It also is fun to imagine that that is the conversation in Steve's head while he's doing that is just you in there with him and he's going, what?

[Chris O'Connor]

He did dodge a bullet.

[Shane Gillis]

He tried to get me real good and he dodged.

[Stavros Halkias]

What happened?

[Shane Gillis]

You know, I was going to probably.

[Chris O'Connor]

I knew he. His lady was coming to visit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Chris O'Connor]

And I said, you're going to Perform oral sex, aren't you? And he was like, well, you know, I like. I enjoy oral sex. I was like, ew.

[Stavros Halkias]

Shout out to my man. Another eater.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, of course. Everybody loves my dad.

[Shane Gillis]

Hold on. Yeah, dog.

[Chris O'Connor]

Keep that.

[Stavros Halkias]

That you bar you.

[Chris O'Connor]

I knew Steve was gonna be face down, ass up into some that day. I knew he was gonna be on his knees eating pussy that night. Dude, do you really. Do you keep your ass in the air?

[Shane Gillis]

No, I don't keep my ass in.

[Chris O'Connor]

The air, you idiot. I do you lay flat, sniper on your. Lay flat.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, my. Is that what you.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, I go, oh, my God. To eat pussy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, really?

[Stavros Halkias]

It depends.

[Chris O'Connor]

How else do you do one leg up? Do you both pray to God?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I've done that. That's. There's nothing wrong with that.

[Chris O'Connor]

You get on your knees on the side of the bed.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes. Because then you.

[Steve Gerben]

What if it's a really low bed?

[Chris O'Connor]

You could pop up and stick it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Out and then go back down. This man's a sex demon.

[Chris O'Connor]

You pop up, stick it in, and then go, oh, I want to taste it. I want to get back down. Holy. He.

[Stavros Halkias]

Awesome, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

What's that? Yeah, you got to get that rhythm.

[Chris O'Connor]

Of, like, pig in the trough.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love it, dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

I love it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Get in there, Steve. That's how you should. You like. You like a R B singer from the 90s.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like a wood floor. Kill my knees, dude. That doesn't hurt.

[Stavros Halkias]

You need some carpet. You need some carpet.

[Chris O'Connor]

You lay down. You're a prepared lover. You lay down a blanket, or sometimes.

[Shane Gillis]

I'll throw a pillow down. Sometimes. No.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, sometimes.

[Chris O'Connor]

No. Sometimes you say, we're getting.

[Stavros Halkias]

The pain is part of the pleasure. The pain on his knees take care of the pleasure.

[Shane Gillis]

So he just, like.

[Chris O'Connor]

I knew he was going to perform.

[Shane Gillis]

You're going to think of me. And he was like, good Lord. Because obviously I was going to. And then when it was over, I came out of the bathroom and I. Out loud was like, yes. And she was like, what? I was like, oh. I just didn't. I told her what happened, and he.

[Chris O'Connor]

I didn't remember while he was in the bath. He didn't think of it during the feeding. He was lost. Shut up. The feeding.

[Stavros Halkias]

He was. He was receiving nutrients.

[Chris O'Connor]

You are a fucking vampire, dude. You.

[Stavros Halkias]

Must use Nosferatu.

[Chris O'Connor]

You need nutrients. You need to get your vitamins. You. Your vitamin B. So you. You eat your vitamins on your knees. You stand up, you dip your dick in. You go back. Don't take dip Your dick in, check the oil. You go back out, you're mocking this.

[Shane Gillis]

Like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, it's awesome, dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

I support it. It's funny that you do it. It is. You understand?

[Stavros Halkias]

But I love that he's a liberate. He's a sexually liberated man.

[Chris O'Connor]

Totally sexual. Sexually liberated. I'm the opposite. I'm totally repressed.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. Are. You are. You're Jewish, right? Yeah. Love that.

[Shane Gillis]

Culturally. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Respect, dude. I grew up Greek Orthodox, but I'm godless as well.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I. I think it's. But even a little early religion will repress you no matter what. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

I mean, I think it's probably a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Good thing to stay repressed.

[Chris O'Connor]

I think. No. At least as a kid. Get a little repression there.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know. A little bit.

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't like.

[Steve Gerben]

Then you got somewhere to grow.

[Chris O'Connor]

The kids jacking off and being like, I'm going to hell. Yeah, that's a problem.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

But if you're like, what am I doing to this woman? If I'm, like, losing myself into eating her every day.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sounds awesome.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's. It Sounds nice. I wish I could do it. But I'm saying it's nice to know that there is a line and a limit where I'm not gonna stand up, stick my dick in, put the pillow back on the ground, and go back down to munching.

[Stavros Halkias]

That sounds cool, dude. Imagine losing yourself.

[Shane Gillis]

Because it's.

[Stavros Halkias]

No. He envies you, Steve.

[Chris O'Connor]

Steve.

[Stavros Halkias]

He envies you, Steve.

[Chris O'Connor]

I do.

[Stavros Halkias]

He envies you.

[Chris O'Connor]

I envy your ability now. Do you ever. You ever hit a CP and then go o. It's feeding time again. Have you considered it?

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Chris O'Connor]

Have you ever not?

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Chris O'Connor]

Have you ever tasted your own?

[Stavros Halkias]

No. That is next level.

[Chris O'Connor]

I know you've tasted. You never licked it all.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

Ew.

[Stavros Halkias]

Chicken tenders, but no. None of his own.

[Chris O'Connor]

Pulling the come apart. I'll only eat this part.

[Shane Gillis]

Have you seen me do that?

[Chris O'Connor]

Everybody's seen you eat. You like a praying. You like a praying man. It's crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you're gonna be so mad when my top comes off because. What?

[Stavros Halkias]

You're ripped.

[Shane Gillis]

I. Well, I can't. I. I've been working on my core.

[Stavros Halkias]

Awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't like the way I said that either. But you said.

[Chris O'Connor]

But what?

[Shane Gillis]

Well, I regret saying all. No, no, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'd like to hear.

[Shane Gillis]

I just saw myself today in the mirror. I was changing. I was like, shane's gonna be pissed at me when it comes time to.

[Chris O'Connor]

When you wrote yourself in for taking Your shirt off.

[Shane Gillis]

So did I write that?

[Chris O'Connor]

So you lifted your abs.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't write that.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'm excited for it.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's. Yeah, I. Tell me after. I don't remember what it is. Now we. No spoilers. We got folks. We got a great season. Entire season too.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's good.

[Stavros Halkias]

It actually is awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I love the part where you wrote in you eating pussy. And we're showing it.

[Chris O'Connor]

We're showing it on.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're showing it Vincent Gallo, Brown Bunny style. You're getting your dick sucked on screen.

[Chris O'Connor]

The whole season is just Steve getting. Eating pussy close. The whole fucking 12 straight hours. Steve, occasionally he talks to the camera. We wrote dial. He'll pop up and go, hmm, now that's good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Delicious.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's good eating. He has one line a show and you got to guess it's some fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's Thriller.

[Chris O'Connor]

You never know what he's going to say.

[Steve Gerben]

It's like fleabag.

[Chris O'Connor]

Turn actually down the.

[Steve Gerben]

Barrel of the camera.

[Shane Gillis]

I know. Nobody likes this. I'm just going to say very quick. You are so good at stuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, you're saying stuff. Stop it. We truly can't wait for everybody to see. We're. Let's suck our.

[Chris O'Connor]

You.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not to suck our own dicks, but this is everybody's. I'm surprised. We're all good actors. Honestly. It doesn't make any sense. Everyone's. What I do like is that we're. It's an ugly ass show and we're all surprisingly good actors. Like, there's no sexy, you know, you below the. Below the neckline. That's what's also awesome. Look, face wise, it's a wild thing you got going on. You're like a young grandpa. You know what I mean? You've got like. You've got a twinkle.

[Shane Gillis]

Thank you, Shane.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, you got a twinkle in your eye.

[Chris O'Connor]

You. You're. You got big doe eyes. I like that.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're beautiful eyes. But I'm saying you. You have an interesting juxtaposition. That then when you. I. That's the second time I said that. You got an interesting mix. And then when you take the titties out and you get. And you're ripped. That's even better.

[Shane Gillis]

It's weird.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I think that's good, though. You're talking to a guy whose whole thing is dazzle camouflage. Confusing women into not understanding what's going on so that they'll fuck with me. You know what I mean? There's so much going on. They're like.

[Chris O'Connor]

If God didn't smite you with that arthritis. You'd be. Oh, yeah, you'd be a demon.

[Stavros Halkias]

He needed to nerf you.

[Chris O'Connor]

He did.

[Stavros Halkias]

God needed to nerf you because you'd be fucking.

[Chris O'Connor]

You'd be a problem. Think of what you do to pussy. Think of the disastrous things you do.

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah. You wouldn't be doing this show.

[Stavros Halkias]

No.

[Chris O'Connor]

You wouldn't be.

[Steve Gerben]

Selling rims to get in.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

You'd be doing heroin, selling your spinners.

[Steve Gerben]

Get a blow job from a heroin addict.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You'd be. You'd honestly just be a successful small businessman that lived for, you know, which. Nothing wrong. I. By some metrics, that's sort of what I am as well. I'm a podcaster. You know, I sell, and all I do is try and. But, you know, it's awesome, dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. What were you doing before tires?

[Shane Gillis]

You mean, like, for work? Yeah, I was working for my brother.

[Chris O'Connor]

What was your long term. Did you have a long term as a paralegal? Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that's what I did. I mean, my brother, German law firm. Best yeah boss I've ever had. I love him so much.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hell yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And, yeah, I was doing that and he was. I mean, I worked for him for 16 years and like I said, still do to some degree, but he was so supportive of any time I would do something, he would give me time off and then.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you repair legal. Yeah, me too, brother. Oh, nice. Yeah, I'm a legal professional. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Free law, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

I didn't even grab, like, I didn't technically get my degree from umbc. I left with two language credits. And they were like. They were like, oh, you're one of them Greek, dude. I could have taken a test to get out of it. And I just. I was like. So what happened is they let me walk because they were like, oh, you'll get these in the summer. And I was like, sure. And then I walked, and my mom saw me walk, and I was like, that's what I went to college for. Yeah, I don't give a fuck about a diploma. So I didn't have a diploma. And then my friend was like, I work at this law firm. And I was like, all right, I'm just gonna say I have my degree. See what happens. Didn't check. Turns out they didn't check because they were a completely unethical law firm. They're like, literally, like, two years later, the. The one of the partners blew his brains out because he was embezzling and shit.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's kind of funny because, you know, you Ever see that? Like, there's a comedy sketch where they take the sticker. You know how vans have stickers with their families on?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And they're like, it's funny to take off. Like, yeah. Goldstein, Schmidt, Schneider's out.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it was a fucking foreclosure law firm, and I didn't know that. And when I got there, I was like, well, I'm not helping these assholes take people's homes. So I just was like, I'm just not gonna work and see how long it takes them to fire me. It took them a year. Dude, I just had a job. I mean, I was. That one guy.

[Chris O'Connor]

Had a lot.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Going on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

He wasn't really worried. Maybe that's what did it. Maybe it was like, holy, this guy forged his resume.

[Stavros Halkias]

So much money.

[Chris O'Connor]

Gotta have principles.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was all. It was such a up place.

[Chris O'Connor]

What did paralegals do?

[Stavros Halkias]

I. I was even. I was supposed to set hearing dates. That was my whole thing. I was essentially a very specific secretary.

[Chris O'Connor]

What did you do?

[Shane Gillis]

So it was a trademark law firm. So, like, I would do the trademark searches and then. And fill out the report, then you give it to the attorneys, and then.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, and then they get all the credit. You were doing all the groundwork.

[Shane Gillis]

I think that's what paralegals do.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, all the grunt work.

[Chris O'Connor]

Did you ever think of becoming a lawyer?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, like, very briefly, but I was so bad.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like, my choice to remain, apparently. No, it was to try and eventually get a law degree.

[Shane Gillis]

No, no, it was to try and do something in the entertainment business.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, okay.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, of course. And, yeah, I also had, like, a 1.4 GPA from Drexel.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, yeah, he's dumb. Oh, we talked about this.

[Stavros Halkias]

I guess that's like. That's like the old Simpsons joke about Milhouse where someone calls him a nerd and he's like, I'm not a nerd. Nerds are smart. Just appearing nerd coded. But being dumb is an awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

One.

[Stavros Halkias]

For a Drexel bro.

[Shane Gillis]

Might have been a 1 7, but it was definitely.

[Stavros Halkias]

What did you. What did you fail?

[Shane Gillis]

My scholastic career, unfortunately.

[Chris O'Connor]

What.

[Stavros Halkias]

What was the. Like, do you remember any, like, particular scholastic failures?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Well, I mean, all of them. Because I. We talked about last time I first gone to George Washington. I fell out of there. I went to Delco Community College, fell.

[Stavros Halkias]

Out of Delco Community College and went.

[Shane Gillis]

Delivered mail, then went work for my dad at the business. Delivered mail.

[Chris O'Connor]

You were a mailman?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Isn't that hard to. Isn't that hard to, like, get.

[Shane Gillis]

Especially because my vision was really, really bad. The tired.

[Chris O'Connor]

Everybody's getting mail. Everyone's getting mail.

[Shane Gillis]

The issue was I was like, I forget what they call. But it wasn't like I had a male route. It was like I filled in for whoever was sick.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's always new route, auxiliary mailman. Dude. Utility.

[Shane Gillis]

Casual carrier was the term. Casual carrier.

[Chris O'Connor]

Casual carrier sounds like.

[Steve Gerben]

Did you have, like, a jeweler's glass.

[Stavros Halkias]

To read the addresses?

[Shane Gillis]

No, reading glasses that I constantly, like, put on and take off and. Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Casual carry. Really? It does sound like the Johnny Apple. Seed of aids. From public bathroom to public bathroom hitting up Craigslist.

[Chris O'Connor]

My. Beyonce's taking the clothes off.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's crucial.

[Chris O'Connor]

I've never seen. Seen this commercial. Oh, in front of children. That's good to have sex and then kids.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Chris O'Connor]

Use everybody, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Repressed Catholic dude. Let's show those titties off.

[Shane Gillis]

She Now 45. I have no idea.

[Stavros Halkias]

That was my guess, too. That's the number that popped into my.

[Chris O'Connor]

Pervert than I thought.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, you know what? Actually, hold on.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know how old be.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm going to say 39. Yeah, I'm gonna say 39. I'm good, bro. Just Google what h. Beyonce is.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, I think I'm going 40. So wait. Okay, 36.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly. That's kind of the math I did.

[Chris O'Connor]

She's probably, like, 41.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, 41. Yeah. I definitely remember the.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, I'm not repressed Catholic. So the commercial was the hottest woman in the world taking her clothes off, and it's like, oh, I'm getting hard a little. And then they cut the two kids.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nothing.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

I thought you meant kids shouldn't be able to watch it.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, kids are in it. Oh, there's two children sitting in there. And I'm getting. I'm starting to get hard.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Chris O'Connor]

Zooming in on Beyonce's ass while she takes her jeans off.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's okay. I thought you meant little boys watching football aren't allowed to. Little girl.

[Chris O'Connor]

Just like that. It's twins.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like the Tyler D. Your flash. Yeah, dude, if they've already got. Oh, you're right. Tweens. How's your dick not supposed to get hard when you see tweens?

[Chris O'Connor]

43.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, I was. There you go.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, there you go. Pretty good.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'm going to say it. Beyonce is pretty.

[Stavros Halkias]

One of the. One of a legendary piece of ass. I think we. And a beautiful woman who I definitely. Ooh. Back in the days. We're of the generation where we have a lot in common with those North Korean soldiers because Internet wasn't that available.

[Chris O'Connor]

Those guys are literally what we were.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I jacked off to video, like, MTV videos. I remember.03. Bonnie and Clyde jacking off to that. I remember there's a video.

[Steve Gerben]

Yes, yes.

[Chris O'Connor]

The movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

The Getaway.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, my God.

[Chris O'Connor]

I did carry a one for.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, that's. That's where. That's where me and Steve being. Being horny. That's where actually this side of the. The podcast aligns.

[Shane Gillis]

I think I have a little. Little age on you because I was squiggle porn.

[Stavros Halkias]

Squiggle porn.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Steve Gerben]

Interesting, too.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just didn't have. I just didn't have cable. We didn't get cable until they got satellite TV from Greece and my dad got it and there was no squiggles on satellite, so there's no way to look at, like, a floppy green tit or whatever through the squiggles. You said the Getaway.

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah, the getaway.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah.

[Steve Gerben]

Alec Baldwin.

[Chris O'Connor]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who's the chick? Kim Basinger. Is that where they met and there.

[Steve Gerben]

Was the other girl? Yeah. The scene that I was jerking off to is, like, wildly fucked up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

I think. Show me this. Is this where they get kidnapped?

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah, the guy. The guy is.

[Stavros Halkias]

The guy is.

[Steve Gerben]

The guy is taped to the toilet screaming while Alec Baldwin, like.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Gerben]

And I was just like, middle school, like, not. Not knowing, really, like, not fully grasping what the Was going on, but seeing.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, yeah.

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can.

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Block this out.

[Steve Gerben]

My mom just kept coming home. Being rewatching Getaway now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did that. You up? Do you do it? Are you in?

[Steve Gerben]

I don't know. It's in there somewhere.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, yeah. You showed me this, dude. This me up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. It's like. It's really like the guy really. Girlfriend who. He got kidnapped and they both got kidnapped, I guess.

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And the guy's tied to a chair and hops down the hall and he's like, no. He leans in and the girls on top. Yeah. Like, riding the guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he's like, no, she's into it.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, she's totally into it. It's like, devastating.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

It's her.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, I guess that's better than jacking off to someone getting raped while the guy's in the chair, but. Still not crazy.

[Chris O'Connor]

We wrote that into tires, though. Don't let him put the pillow on the floor, honey. You'll never recover once the pillow's on the floor, it's over.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's like a shark with blood in the water. Once there's a single pillow on the.

[Chris O'Connor]

Floor, gets a drop of vitamin B.

[Steve Gerben]

That scene. This is the scene I wrote.

[Chris O'Connor]

Just being like. No, but it works. Trust me. Every kid in America is going to be jacking off the tires.

[Steve Gerben]

You got to get him young.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's all we want.

[Stavros Halkias]

Jesse and the tires are beat off. There's tits in every episode.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, there was a bikini episode. I wonder if one kid in America caught a jack off.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, somebody probably beat off the carrot porn. True.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

But I had trick or treaters and one. I mean, he had to be like, eight or nine talking to me about.

[Stavros Halkias]

The show that came off the carrots.

[Chris O'Connor]

Sounds like his dad sent him. Is his dad standing behind him?

[Shane Gillis]

His dad was not, but he did say that. Like my dad.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's nice. You're. You're a fucking neighborhood celeb.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

All right. This podcast is brought to you by Prize Picks, the best place to get real money sports action. Prize picks. Run your game. Shut the fuck up, dude. Prize Picks is the best place to get real money sports action with over 10 million members. Dude, it's crazy to be in the other room laughing, literally just sitting over there laughing at me. Shut the fuck up. With over. You guys wouldn't be laughing if you knew that over 10 million members and billions of dollars were awarded in winnings. Prize Picks has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. You just pick more or less on at least two players for a shot to win up to a hundred times your cash. Run your game all season long with Prize picks. So I would. You know what I would think, Christopher? Yeah. November 10th. Eagles, cowboys. I think Saquon Barkley is going to get way more than 85 yards rushing. And good Lord, if that's the number, it's definitely that. Jalen more or less than 214 yards passing.

[Steve Gerben]

Jalen Moore.

[Chris O'Connor]

Jalen Moore or less. Oh, yeah. I was like, what the is.

[Steve Gerben]

When did he take?

[Chris O'Connor]

I'd say more.

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah, the Cowboys. You got to go against the Cowboys and everything at this point.

[Chris O'Connor]

You know what? That's what scares me. Dax Hurt. Yeah, right. Is Dak out?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

I bet you the kid the backup's gonna come in. Cooper Rush gonna play a little. Anyway, stop. You know, basketball, Celtics, bucks on this side. Yeah, I know. So the fucking Sixers. Do you think Jason Tatum will get more or less than 29 points? You're saying less? Oh, Stavi's pick less. Sixers, Hornets, Tyrese, Maxey is going to go for more than 30. He's the only one that can score.

[Steve Gerben]

No, he just got hurt.

[Chris O'Connor]

Tyrese Maxey is going to go.

[Steve Gerben]

He's got hurt. He's out.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wait, for real? Yeah. Yeah. When last against the Clippers.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Steve Gerben]

You got a hamstring thing? Jesus Christ.

[Chris O'Connor]

They might not win a game.

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. One in six.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. You can now win up to 100 times your money on prize picks with as little as four correct picks. Prize picks is the best way to get action on Sports. In over 30 states, including California, Florida, Georgia and Texas. Price picks is the only real money daily fantasy platform with an injury insurance policy. So your lineups stay. They stay in play even if one of your players gets injured. If your player leaves the in the first half and doesn't return, Prize picks keeps your lineup live.

[Steve Gerben]

What if you pick Maxi and then he's hurt? Do you get the money cause he went under?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. I don't know. The prize picks is not responsible. Sign up today and get $50 instantly when you play $5. You don't even need to fucking win to receive $50 bonus. It's guaranteed. Price picks, God damn. Also offers weekly promotions that can lead to big payouts like Taco Tuesday. Each Tuesday, Prize picks discount select player projections up to 25% to provide even more for your value for your lineups. Holy shit. Price picks is the best way to win real money this football season. With which players are going off, which which ones aren't. Make your picks in less than 60 seconds to turn your sports opinions into real money all season long on prize picks. Chris, I think it's time to download the prize picks app today and use code drenched to get $50 off instantly after you play your five dollar lineup. That's code drenched on your prospects app. It's fucking forever, dude. It's never gonna stop. It is now 3, 4 minutes. The price Picks better pay up. Next, we're gonna have to put a tab in there. Will we go more or less on the ad? Read more. That's code drenched on Price Picks app. To get 50 instantly after you play your first five dollar line of price picks, run your game.

[Matt McCusker]

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. It says take a moment to say thank you to someone in your life. I'd like to thank my mommy. She's so sweet and I love her so much. And next week, tune in. I might thank my daddy. This month is all about gratitude, guys. That's what I'm trying to say. And along with the person I just shouted out my mommy, there's another person we don't get to thank enough ourselves. It's sometimes hard to remind ourselves that we are trying our best to make sense of everything. And in this crazy world, that isn't easy. Here's a reminder to send some thanks to the people in your life, including yourself. That's a great thing. You should always say thanks. Every time I get out of bed, I go, thanks, Matt. Good job, buddy. You're the fucking best. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.commssp today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.commssp Lucy is made for your nicotine routine and delivered straight to your door. It's 100% pure nicotine and always tobacco free. Lucy isn't like every other nicotine pouch company that's owned by Big Tobacco. They're like the mom and pop shop of pouches. Have you heard about breakers? They are nicotine pouches with an extra surprise. Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken open to release extra flavor and hydration. If you know about your pouches, you know that the nicotine doesn't hit instantly. And neither does the flavor. The geniuses at Lucie came up with a brilliant way to fix both of those problems. They put a mini liquid capsule inside each breaker's pouch. I mean, that just sounds great. The only thing better and faster and more convenient than the little flavor blast of the liquid crystal hydration technology would be to just inject it into your veins. Which, you know, thank God we don't have to do that. Guys, let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to Lucy Co Drenched and use promo code drenched to get 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30 day refund policy. If you change your mind again, that's Lucy Co and use code drench to get 20 off. And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. You know what we all need to get more of off our ass. Off of our asses. With bold flavors and a refreshing citrus kick, Mountain Dew will get you off your ass and have you feeling like you're on an actual mountain. A mountain where the weather is always perfect, your friends are ready to hang, and a day of epic proportion awaits. I think crack might sue Mountain Dew for stealing the benefits. I think that's what crack does. But also Mountain Dew does that as well. It makes you feel like you're off your ass and that you're on a perfect mountain. When in reality you might not be on a perfect mountain. You very well may be on a very, very, very, very shitty couch in a very dirty house. Guys, what is my favorite flavor? Oh my God. It's obviously Baja Blast. Code red, Voltage and original. I mixed them all together and I fucking chugged them all day and I just banged out and get stuff done. Dude, talk about what game slash activity I play with friends after drinking the blend of all the Mountain Dew flavors at once. I mean obviously before we did a lot of wrestling last time, like me and all my bros got together and just like just chug some Mountain Dew and just kind of like we had one of those like dinners. You know, a lot of people come together and just like like minded people talk about like minded conversation. We had like steaks obviously into some. We had some salad and like, you know the rule was that like nobody could be negative. We all just got to like share how we were feeling and we all just like lifted each other up. We did that kind of thing. Then afterwards we went in the brace the basement and we practiced this like it again. It wasn't. If you were to see it from the top of the steps, you would have thought we were making out. But we weren't. We were just affirming each other like right up close to each other's faces and then tapping tongues just to seal the deal. Guys, the mountain is calling. You should answer. Grab your friends, grab an ice cold Mountain Dew wherever refreshing beverages are sold and do the do. Hey New York City, I have an announcement for you guys. I will be at the legendary venue Town hall for the New York Comedy Festival on November 16, 2024. Tickets are doing all right. I believe we're at 974 out of I believe like 1400. It's not ideal, you know, if that show, if any, that's going to be a big one. So if you could come that would be great. If you have other things to do, I, you know, I'll submit myself to my fate. And you know, still like I have 3/4 quarter soul theater in front of some industry bigwigs. And they'll judge me thusly, and that'll be what I get. But thank you guys so much.

[Chris O'Connor]

Please come.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know why I'm thanking you. Just please come. I shouldn't thank you yet, but come to the show. All right, guys, it's the comedy festival. I thought New York City would be so easy to sell tickets in.

[Chris O'Connor]

There's.

[Matt McCusker]

I was like, there's 25 million people. How the. I'm gonna sell these tickets easily. It's not the case, dude. It's not the case. So please, guys, please come.

[Chris O'Connor]

Thank you. You. I heard about. I got some gossip from the country club.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you did?

[Chris O'Connor]

About the woman.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, that's right.

[Chris O'Connor]

The evil woman.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's an evil woman at the country club?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. There's a woman that bullies Steve at the country club.

[Shane Gillis]

She only once, but I. She bullies, like, everybody.

[Stavros Halkias]

How old is she?

[Shane Gillis]

Like, very old. I. I'd put her at, like, 55, 60.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, okay.

[Chris O'Connor]

The bungles are on the board, by the way. Seven, nothing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Are you kidding me?

[Shane Gillis]

But it's not. It's.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm not gonna get. I'm gonna be a good podcast.

[Chris O'Connor]

You can watch it the whole time. We got Kirby's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude, you're right, dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

Pull a string.

[Stavros Halkias]

Feed the. He's our Derrick Henry, dude. Just feed him the ball.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Tell me, tell me.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, what I was saying is some old.

[Stavros Halkias]

At the country club.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, what I was saying is that, you know, doing this podcast, it's still a little surreal of, like, how far the reach is of it, because, sure, I think I was, like, one of the first guests you ever had.

[Chris O'Connor]

You're up there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Abandoned us for several years, and it.

[Shane Gillis]

Was like, at the time, he had, like, a thousand.

[Chris O'Connor]

We didn't think anyone was listening.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, believe me, brother.

[Shane Gillis]

And now, like, I went to the country club, and people were like, that was really funny. I'm like, oh, wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

On the pod. Not even tires. Like, the literal pod at the country club. Jesus Christ.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, it's not.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's. He goes. He goes to the poor people.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, okay. And you were getting bullied.

[Shane Gillis]

I was like, enjoy the country club.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's got.

[Shane Gillis]

Go to your poor ass country club.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did you look into it?

[Chris O'Connor]

No, I didn't. I was just making fun of him. I didn't know it was important people. I didn't even think those exist. Sure, but it's not the rich one.

[Shane Gillis]

It's definitely not. I mean, it's. It's pricey, but it's not like the elite level 49.95.

[Chris O'Connor]

Soon you're gonna be once season two comes out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Season two comes out elite.

[Chris O'Connor]

I think so, Steve.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, because. No, but it is true that, like.

[Chris O'Connor]

We were talking get you a nice pillow. I'm gonna get you a my pillow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, here's what it is. Yeah, that's. That's the other commercial you do is my pillow. Pussy eating pillows. German pussy eating edition.

[Chris O'Connor]

My pillow. Hi, I'm Mike Lindell, and I designed the perfect pillow for Steve Gervin to eat his girlfriend's pussy. Now Steve's girlfriend. Steve Gervin's girlfriend. Snatch his trees. Ready to eat. My bad. As soon as I said it, I was being disrespectful. Stop being disrespectful.

[Stavros Halkias]

Limited edition gerb in my pillows.

[Chris O'Connor]

It would sell.

[Stavros Halkias]

I wouldn't sell that, would I?

[Chris O'Connor]

Actually might give it a shot.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Toss a pillow on the ground and go. I'm gonna go. Steve told me to do this.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome, dude. I'm like, so tell us about this woman that bullied you, man.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, we did last time. We did it last time. But members of the country club are dming and reaching out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's start it.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, we could eliminate her. I do. I do know her name now.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I don't. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Watch your back, bitch.

[Chris O'Connor]

Stop being mean to my friend Steve at the golf course.

[Steve Gerben]

That'd be so fun to get locked in a libel lawsuit. Some crazy lady.

[Chris O'Connor]

I am a bitch.

[Shane Gillis]

They're talking about me again, though. And I said last time, though, it's a country club full of attorneys, everyone. Like, what are we doing?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

What's the point of being that? If you can't make your life easier.

[Steve Gerben]

With regards, work into the clubs.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course. Yeah. You don't. You don't razzle dazzle. You don't put on a nice show at the country club.

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

Machine was hilarious, bro.

[Chris O'Connor]

I know how you are when I'm not around.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah. I'm nice to people.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no.

[Shane Gillis]

He's like, I love to have a good time.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like, he likes to be like, yeah. So Netflix, I mean, they've been good.

[Shane Gillis]

Good to me. I know all the guys at Netflix.

[Stavros Halkias]

And they've been great.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Never.

[Chris O'Connor]

We're working on season two.

[Shane Gillis]

Do I say, Do I tell people about how season two is going?

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course.

[Shane Gillis]

Because they want to hear and, you know, it's a nice thing. It's like a rapport in the community.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? You're putting job. You're a small business owner. You're a job creator in this community.

[Chris O'Connor]

Dude, the Westchester economy has you to thank.

[Stavros Halkias]

Booming. Thanks to you.

[Chris O'Connor]

We moved the whole show here.

[Shane Gillis]

It is a nice thing, I think, to talk to people. He can't stay. Sure. If I'm having fun and I'm talking to people, he's got to come in.

[Stavros Halkias]

And blow it up, right? Interesting.

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't think that's true.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, I'm curious about. Since you knew you always wanted to be in entertainment, what was your first taste? Was it a school play? Was it a. Was it.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, I'd love to dress like Madonna and dance in front of the whole school. And he shut his dick. He shut his dick. Dad's went e. He got. He got self conscious.

[Shane Gillis]

Not entirely accurate. It was a. It was a kid. It was a high school kid. That's a guy. And my mom is just like, first.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, he's dainty.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, you're.

[Shane Gillis]

I had to hit puberty. I was like 5, 2 until my senior year, high school.

[Chris O'Connor]

But stop doing senior year.

[Stavros Halkias]

Whoa.

[Shane Gillis]

That's.

[Chris O'Connor]

When did you blow up like. Oh, that's why you got a 14 on your. Your body's probably hurt like hell. You grew a foot.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're going.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're going through growing pains.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, In Western civilization, 101.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But damn.

[Shane Gillis]

And you remember the story. I got picked on. Give it. Down syndrome.

[Chris O'Connor]

Down syndrome kid got your ass.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Chris O'Connor]

A little foreshadowing, by the way, I think of. He grew up.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he grew up.

[Chris O'Connor]

And I'm him. And I hit a growth spurt.

[Stavros Halkias]

Your brain went from 5:2 to 6:2.

[Chris O'Connor]

The Grinch is hard. Should have helped that kid.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, that's a different one.

[Chris O'Connor]

You did two different kids with D.

[Shane Gillis]

The guy. The guy helped me. That was a totally different.

[Stavros Halkias]

He was. He had all his mental faculties.

[Shane Gillis]

No, he had.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, he did not.

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right.

[Chris O'Connor]

We've talked about before, and I'm sorry, but it's fun to tell.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Or stop. Stop. This is the type of man he is.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's the. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

He wanted to show off for the girls.

[Stavros Halkias]

See, you always look at the.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay. Did you or did you not say, I'm gonna play basketball with the special needs kid, so maybe some people will see me do it.

[Stavros Halkias]

No. So then you gotta hit that pillow.

[Chris O'Connor]

You got humped by everybody. Buy that kid in front of everybody.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Chris O'Connor]

What happened?

[Shane Gillis]

No, he's right. In. In the smallest degree is like when we started playing.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

That was I noticed girls looking at me. Yes. But that. This middle school my cousin had started.

[Stavros Halkias]

And you're probably 411 at the time.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're spending his activity period for the.

[Shane Gillis]

Downside, you know, playing. Playing around with. With the special needs kids. So I did that in my school. I won an award. Presidential or whatever. Fitness award, Citizenship award.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

I took a picture of it because I found the plaque recently, in case you don't believe me.

[Chris O'Connor]

Anyway, I believe you, so. Oh, no way. You won the Citizen Award. Steve G. Won the presidential Citizen.

[Shane Gillis]

He was like a House of Representatives.

[Stavros Halkias]

Chamber, State, state, Congress.

[Shane Gillis]

It up in a second.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

I do have a photograph. So that was a different scenario. So then I was. So I was playing basketball and there was one, you know, student who it was. He was very heavily afflicted.

[Chris O'Connor]

Heavily afflicted.

[Stavros Halkias]

The boy was touched in the brain and.

[Shane Gillis]

And yeah, he was. You know, I noticed girls watching me. And then he made a basket, got excited, gave me a big hug, and then it turned into a really, really vigorous dry hug.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, man, was his dick hard.

[Shane Gillis]

Security guy had a break.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know.

[Shane Gillis]

You know, so long ago.

[Chris O'Connor]

Your memory.

[Shane Gillis]

Do you remember the aggressive back rub I got at the Nils?

[Chris O'Connor]

So funny.

[Shane Gillis]

It was a different student every like.

[Stavros Halkias]

And this one was not mentally challenged.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So this is the third one we're on.

[Steve Gerben]

Well, the third one, they're not attacking, but just. Just trying to, like, make a connection.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like, just you and me, brother.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

The third one comes later in high school.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And this one, I mean, again, there's no ill intent. The one in high school had ill intent.

[Chris O'Connor]

Right, the hump. The hump.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, ill intent on the hump.

[Shane Gillis]

0Ill intent.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Chris O'Connor]

What happened in high school?

[Shane Gillis]

That was Shorty. He would just call me Shorty over and over again because I was short. Yeah, and.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, but was he disabled?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

But I know your little nasty ass struck back one day. No, there's no way you put a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Bunch of candy under a box. No, everything.

[Shane Gillis]

Everybody was very, like, nice to me in high school.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

So they're like all the football players.

[Chris O'Connor]

He was a little jealous.

[Shane Gillis]

I shouldn't have said the name. Bleep it out.

[Chris O'Connor]

Bleep that out.

[Shane Gillis]

But anyway.

[Chris O'Connor]

Guard dog.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. So the one in Manila's. I just got a back rub that just got weight and that had to get broken it up too.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm sorry. Security was called to break up a back room.

[Shane Gillis]

The security officer of the school was also, like, the guy.

[Chris O'Connor]

What were you Saying during the background.

[Shane Gillis]

I wasn't. I was like, oh, that's really sweet. You know, and then it just. And then.

[Stavros Halkias]

And this was where. Where, Where?

[Shane Gillis]

Manila's Diner.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, at the diner.

[Shane Gillis]

Like a field trip.

[Stavros Halkias]

I see. I see. And. And the person was standing behind you.

[Chris O'Connor]

He got pumped.

[Shane Gillis]

You took a.

[Steve Gerben]

Took a field trip to a diner.

[Shane Gillis]

With special needs kids.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Were you chaperoning?

[Shane Gillis]

No, no, I was. That was middle school.

[Chris O'Connor]

You're part of the. Part of the gang.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. No, you know.

[Chris O'Connor]

It'S just a shutter. Have you been special needs? Like, is that why people love tires? Is this love on the spectrum?

[Stavros Halkias]

It is, bro.

[Chris O'Connor]

What?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. That's beautiful.

[Chris O'Connor]

It is.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn. So the Madonna dance. Was there any dramatic, though? Would you ever act in a play or anything like that? And that was. You caught the bug there.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

You knew you had it. Well, I know.

[Shane Gillis]

I enjoyed it.

[Chris O'Connor]

You enjoyed being a showman.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. You did too. Don't act like you don't.

[Chris O'Connor]

I never did anything like that.

[Shane Gillis]

You. If you were a showman, you're constantly. You're a showman.

[Stavros Halkias]

You never did any, like, acting to, like, plays.

[Chris O'Connor]

It is.

[Shane Gillis]

No, it's not.

[Chris O'Connor]

We were just having a little bit. We were just having this conversation. I was driving to the show today, and I was like, we always sit around and, like, stand up's actually lame. It's so much better.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's much better.

[Chris O'Connor]

So acting is lame?

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it's too much waiting around.

[Chris O'Connor]

I agree. Both are good. I like both of them. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But I'm saying, the way comedians, especially podcast comedians, love to be like, fucking stand up. So stupid. I only do it for money.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Meanwhile, it's the best job in the world.

[Shane Gillis]

It's incredible.

[Stavros Halkias]

Total turnaround.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. I love it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. After acting, which is still fine.

[Chris O'Connor]

Acting's fun. I love.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's fun. And this show rules.

[Chris O'Connor]

Obviously.

[Stavros Halkias]

We get to around, and this isn't like, other, like, because we're real lucky on that. But like, I did when I did the movie, which was fun and I loved it, and please buy it on fucking vod. I really need you to. If you're listening, but. But it was so much harder. Dude, stand up. We just wake up fucking 12. We do our act. We stay. And especially now, where shit's going good, we stay in a nice hotel. You eat like a. I'll spend like $40 on breakfast. Just like, I'll get steak and eggs.

[Chris O'Connor]

Not long now that we have T2.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah. Price of groceries. You think Price That's. That's my.

[Chris O'Connor]

There's no way they go up.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, there is.

[Chris O'Connor]

Of course there is. Argentina, I guess we gonna see.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, it would be nice to. That's my. The steak and eggs metric. The steak and egg matrix. That's how I view.

[Chris O'Connor]

I mean, that's actually a pretty fair, honest metric. Yeah, for real. That's actually the price of eggs. Price of eggs is kind of a.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is insane. Yeah, it's gotten insane.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, but I liked it. It was.

[Steve Gerben]

What?

[Chris O'Connor]

I like that. I like the price of eggs going up. I like it.

[Steve Gerben]

It was affecting you.

[Chris O'Connor]

I like it.

[Steve Gerben]

It was really hurting your wallet.

[Chris O'Connor]

Was it hurting you?

[Steve Gerben]

Price of eggs? No, I don't notice.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, of course not. You sound like a liberal elite. I didn't even notice. Keep the prices high. That's never backfired throughout history. The mob's angry about the price of eggs. Yeah, let them eat cake, Chris. Let them eat.

[Stavros Halkias]

Chris was throwing eggs at homeless people on the way over here.

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah, yeah, that's me.

[Chris O'Connor]

Get a job. Act on a $3.

[Stavros Halkias]

Get a writing job on a sitcom, you idiot. You never. Did you do any. Any dramatic work? Dude, I was like you. I did a little. I did some. I was in the back street. I was in the Backstreet Boys in third grade. Sang some Backstreet Boys tunes.

[Steve Gerben]

Nice.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you mean?

[Stavros Halkias]

At a school talent show?

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then. And then, you know, I thought I was the man. I thought I was like, dude, I'm cool, as.

[Chris O'Connor]

Were you cool in high school, or were you kind of, like, funny?

[Stavros Halkias]

I was funny.

[Chris O'Connor]

I was like, yeah, all right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I was like. My school was. It was a magnet school in Baltimore, so everybody was kind of dorks. You know what I mean? So it's kind of easy to be a cool.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I played football, and I was like, the fun. I was maybe the funniest white kid in the school. It was an 85% black school, so it was like just being a funny white boy.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Skyrockets. You just have to be the funniest white person and that.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean?

[Chris O'Connor]

We're still doing that. All we have to do is be the funniest white. That is true. Black people are way funnier.

[Stavros Halkias]

They are so much funnier.

[Chris O'Connor]

Dude, they're killing us.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. Like, I lost funniest, funniest, like, you know, person in the school to some guy that just, like, works at a bank now, you know what I mean? And he deserved it. You know what I mean? It's like, that's the difference between white people and black people. Funniness. But, yeah, and then I. And then I was in plays. But then in sixth grade, I was like, acting's gay. I'm a fucking jock. And I tried to be a fucking athlete. And I played. I played football. I played soccer and football. And then I wrestled and. But then obviously, I should have stuck. Clearly, I should have stuck with acting.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, you're never gonna be a soccer star.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was bad as I scored a couple goals. It was one of those, like, funny, like, hey, the fat kids. I did that. And then I just kept getting fatter. So ninth grade, I'm like the fat kid who scored a couple of goals. Then 10th grade, they're like, you're much fatter. Like, you were barely. Not. You were barely able to play soccer last year.

[Chris O'Connor]

You know how fat you have to be as a ninth graders?

[Stavros Halkias]

I was. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. Even as a child, to be like, you can't. You're not going to be able to move, even with your child body.

[Stavros Halkias]

Your body that can spring back from anything, the amount of McDonald's you're saddling it with. But, yeah, dude. And then. So that was. And then I played. I played football because the JV soccer coach gave a kid pornography and they.

[Chris O'Connor]

Kind of ruined the season and they.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dissolved our team and they let us play football. Yeah. Yeah. Not even enough. I'm trying to play football.

[Shane Gillis]

The good news is you can matriculate.

[Steve Gerben]

Onto the football team.

[Stavros Halkias]

Boys, we got good. Can you keep a secret so you get eligibility and you still might get a JV letter.

[Chris O'Connor]

Fellas, they got us. You're gonna have to join the black football team. I know you were trying to play the one sport they weren't playing. Two and A's are in a week. It's gonna blow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, it's pretty great.

[Stavros Halkias]

But it was you.

[Chris O'Connor]

You had a bit of the. You were a showman.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, I was definitely a showman, Chris. Definitely.

[Chris O'Connor]

Please tell me you tried acting.

[Steve Gerben]

I never tried acting. I did. I was a stage hand in high school for a play that my girlfriend was in at church.

[Stavros Halkias]

At church?

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Bye Bye Birdie.

[Steve Gerben]

It's one of those every. Every time. And. Yeah, I remember I showed the first night of the play. I like that it was actually showing. We, like. I was just working, you know, there for, like, weeks, and then I did. I did a ton of mushrooms and I showed up.

[Chris O'Connor]

Chris is another secret, dumb. Chris is a real secret dumb guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't think it's a secret. Looking into like nation's most welcome. I'm an idiot. No.

[Chris O'Connor]

Chris was, I guess a few. I mean, I guess it's been a while. What I always thought you're very, very intelligent. And then you tell me about your life and I'm like, holy.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you probably met him when you were even dumber.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? You guys were young and stupid.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? Which makes sense. I mean, I think. I don't see. I guess I just don't make a judgment.

[Chris O'Connor]

Definitely smart. I'm not being an Chris. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Chris O'Connor]

Same with Kirby.

[Steve Gerben]

But if you look at the whole.

[Stavros Halkias]

Picture also, academia does not mean you're dumb. Obviously. But. Yeah, but that's awesome that you were. How old were you? How old were you when I did this?

[Steve Gerben]

16.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Respect.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's also this.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Steve Gerben]

My story of my whole athletic career is pretty similar. Coaches kept putting me in and be like, this kid's gonna be amazing. And then I'd be bad.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did you just be like jacked for a kid? What did you look relay?

[Steve Gerben]

No, I just was good. I just played bad.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Steve Gerben]

I just like. And they would, they would like. I mean the amount I drove coaches nuts. They would just be like, what is. How do we get through to this kid? What is going on?

[Chris O'Connor]

I like that problem sure has persisted.

[Steve Gerben]

It's a lifelong thing of just being like. It doesn't make any sense.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting that you're.

[Chris O'Connor]

You're not going to get through.

[Steve Gerben]

I remember, I don't even try.

[Chris O'Connor]

The most I can get out of him is angry. That's all I can get. Yeah. Today, Today I just went up there and laid on. He was upstairs in the office. I just came upstairs, laid on the ground. I was like, got a nice 20 minute fight. I wasn't even looking at him. I stared at the ceiling. I was like, you think Ukraine's going to be like Afghanistan once? I don't think, dude. I think the withdrawal from Afghanistan was a disaster.

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Guys were hanging off the plane. That was nuts. How did they not. How did they. You got to get a fence up, dude. Don't let bros hang on the plane on the way out.

[Stavros Halkias]

I. I'm not familiar with the footage. I just remember Vietnam hanging off the plane.

[Chris O'Connor]

Well, that was people on the helicopter grabbing it. Yeah. Yeah. But Afghanistan took off with hundreds of people underneath a giant plane jumping onto the landing gear.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, dude. Yeah. That sucks.

[Steve Gerben]

That is a tough moment to be like, I hope this works. I don't know how landing gold. I hope I'm in the right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, this is. I have better odds of doing this. Sticking around.

[Chris O'Connor]

I've seen a lot of these planes never on the ground. They gotta get up there somehow.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's another guy that thinks he's Tom Cruise, dude. That's true.

[Chris O'Connor]

He did think he was impossible.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Which? Which would you do? A big ass stunt dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, for enough money, yeah, sure.

[Steve Gerben]

I want Tom Cruise to make a very small indie movie at some point and get off the action.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think he will.

[Chris O'Connor]

Hold on. I'd love to hear this.

[Shane Gillis]

I want to be. I want a role where I'm like Tom Arnold in True Lies. Like an action movie. But I'm the guy in the van. Absolutely.

[Chris O'Connor]

I think you will get that.

[Stavros Halkias]

You'll crush that.

[Steve Gerben]

I don't think I've ever seen that movie.

[Shane Gillis]

Have you seen True Lies?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's good.

[Shane Gillis]

It's so good.

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah, I've watched parts of it on like tbs, but I've never gotten through the whole thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a banger. James Cameron, Arnold Schwarz. It's kind of Arnold's last undisputed kind of title run. You know, like defense of his action hero title. And then it becomes all this so so stuff. But that one is like. It's good. It's good and it's crazy. It's got like crazy set. You want to ask? Yeah, she had a UPN show that I jacked off back to the nice kids.

[Steve Gerben]

But is that the lady from Wayne's World?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Steve Gerben]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh yeah, brother.

[Chris O'Connor]

What's her name?

[Stavros Halkias]

Tia Carrera.

[Steve Gerben]

She was a real flash.

[Shane Gillis]

And then she had a porn star, you know, Asia knockoff, obviously.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. But I missed that era.

[Shane Gillis]

It was great. But Asia career was also incredibly beautiful.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes, she was incredibly beautiful.

[Steve Gerben]

That was one of those early.

[Chris O'Connor]

You sound like a pervert knowing their name and describing them as incredibly beautiful.

[Shane Gillis]

That's what I'm saying.

[Steve Gerben]

No, because that was one of the early days.

[Chris O'Connor]

Obviously the whole point is that that's.

[Stavros Halkias]

A man that eats and dips, brother. That is a man that eats and dips called four stars. Incredibly beautiful Double dip.

[Shane Gillis]

What does that mean?

[Chris O'Connor]

You know what I mean.

[Steve Gerben]

Sure, I guess I do.

[Stavros Halkias]

But nothing wrong with a little double dip, bro.

[Chris O'Connor]

Sure, I think about double dip. What is it I don't do?

[Stavros Halkias]

One day you'll get there, Shane. Trust yourself enough to double dip?

[Steve Gerben]

I don't know. Once I had a. If I ever had a plan that would my head up so you wouldn't.

[Stavros Halkias]

Need a Plan it would just feel right in the moment.

[Shane Gillis]

Right. And you also. And you're playing to her rhythm.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Chris O'Connor]

Her rhythm.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

You know what I mean?

[Steve Gerben]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

It's not. You don't need to play it. She's gonna give you.

[Stavros Halkias]

I saw that hit you. Shane saw that phrase. Just wallop you in the face. Destroyed you. Dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

You are the maestro.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh my God.

[Chris O'Connor]

And now I'm going to stick it back in. And she enjoyed that. She gyrated. I'm going to get back down and taste her back up.

[Stavros Halkias]

She maestro. Dude, that's awesome.

[Chris O'Connor]

What we just talking about? I just had a good day at the links. No, hey, honey, I had an 83.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, you know what?

[Chris O'Connor]

Break out the pillow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Break out the pillow.

[Shane Gillis]

My mood is not depending on the score.

[Stavros Halkias]

But do you have a good one? Like a special pillow?

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Stavros Halkias]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, oh, a wedge. Yes.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, wait, you bought you dude you specific pillow?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, the sex pillow lay.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know that one. Respect.

[Chris O'Connor]

Thanks. I mean obviously respect. Obviously. Obviously. This is all respect. But so weird.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I think you probably got a nice piece on you, but with a little ass dick. You gotta go. You gotta know your angles.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't have a big piece at all. And yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. Yes, I have.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's a reasonable penis. No. You're saying it's bad. I don't think I would imagine.

[Shane Gillis]

I think it's about.

[Chris O'Connor]

You've got a reasonable.

[Shane Gillis]

Give you sizes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Inches.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, the length I think is fine. It's like five and a half.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's great.

[Shane Gillis]

And then. But the girth could use.

[Chris O'Connor]

He's a little juicing.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, interesting.

[Shane Gillis]

Not like a bulbous head, man. It's not even that bulbous.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, should I not be saying that?

[Chris O'Connor]

I would never ever. No.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay, delete it then.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't delete it.

[Chris O'Connor]

Keep it in there.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have a very similar penis. I have. I wouldn't say it's long.

[Chris O'Connor]

Well, you got. Just have a skinny. You guys are describing small penises.

[Shane Gillis]

You know what my.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'd say like a little below average girth.

[Shane Gillis]

Girth.

[Chris O'Connor]

Terrible girth.

[Stavros Halkias]

Man, I wish you had abs on the way in.

[Steve Gerben]

The abs on the way in are.

[Shane Gillis]

So unsettling about hearing that you think that you have a similar penis to mine. Because now I'm interested to know what your penis looks like.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's what you kind of described, bro.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't have a bulbous head.

[Chris O'Connor]

You got me on the head.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got Me on the head, though. I gotta.

[Shane Gillis]

Don't take that too literally. It's that bulbous. Yeah, but it just.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's big fat head stem.

[Stavros Halkias]

How many licks, brother? One, two, three.

[Chris O'Connor]

Dang. So you have a bulbous head and you're lacking in growth. You're not afraid to break out the wedge.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, that's how you hit those. The deep inside of. Dude. With a little as dick. You need the wedge, dude. I had a tough situation happen where I'm used to not being able to hit it. Hit the back of the. With my dick. But I was fingering girl. She said deeper.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it's like.

[Steve Gerben]

All the time.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I did get that, like, asking for two fingers. I physically can't.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, damn. You just gotta go one.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

What if we got you a splint? What if we got you a fingering splint?

[Chris O'Connor]

That's where you break out the toys.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that's. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hell, yeah. Crazy Inspector Gadget, you know, the maestro, he brings the lector in the thing they used.

[Chris O'Connor]

So you have a wedge and an array of toys.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, and I wear a belt, and I keep the toys on.

[Stavros Halkias]

No.

[Chris O'Connor]

I was about to believe you. And that was gonna make me so happy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. If you get a belt that was both, like, kept your form right. Carpenter with the pencil in the air, it folds out.

[Chris O'Connor]

You truly are the maestro.

[Shane Gillis]

Not the maestro. I'm not saying for. I just want to.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'm sorry to do this to you. How many. How many toys are we talking here?

[Shane Gillis]

I just had to take a second to take inventory. I do.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's do that.

[Shane Gillis]

But no, let's not, because we're at time. But I also just want to say for the record, I just want to say for the record, I'm not claiming to be like, you know, sexual dynamo.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course you're not. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

But you're doing everything.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're a humble guy. But we, your friends, are reading. We're taking what you. What you're saying. And you know, we get paid to analyze things for a living.

[Chris O'Connor]

This wedge talks.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're the maestro.

[Shane Gillis]

It's exciting to be your friend.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, absolutely. And you're the maestro. I think we're all in agreement, right, boys? Maestro.

[Chris O'Connor]

If I actually thought it was bad, I wouldn't film it.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's awesome.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's great that you do this, but could you answer the question of how many toys?

[Shane Gillis]

Toys, I think. Well, if we're talking, is the pillow count as one?

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, they're probably three.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, it's not Good. What do we got? Vibe. Yeah, you gotta get a vibe in the mix.

[Chris O'Connor]

Obviously. Vibes. The. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

If you got a girlfriend, it's weird to be a single guy. Have toy. Like, I can't just bust out toys. Be like, yeah, no, that's some other bitches. He was on this, right?

[Shane Gillis]

No, you have to buy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Put them in Barbasol.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like they're a f. Like that's gotta be sad, though. Throwing them out.

[Shane Gillis]

Throwing them out. Throw it out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Say goodbye. Say goodbye to the pussy pie. It's like. It's like a real totem of the relationship, you know? You toss the fucking vibe. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

You. Yeah. You get rid of them.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And you go purchase new ones.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

On the Internet.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Steve Gerben]

I've never used one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Never.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Chris O'Connor]

Really? It's.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's not bad.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's pretty awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like you're. It's like a Gundam suit.

[Steve Gerben]

I just can't. I can't.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like you're. It's like a Gundam suit.

[Shane Gillis]

What's that?

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like when you. You know what I mean? Like, you have like a blaster on your arm and then you go, blast the.

[Chris O'Connor]

I did that?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

You're lucky I gave you that orgasm.

[Steve Gerben]

That's what bothers me about it. I'm just like, what is I. Nah, nah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can't look at his competition.

[Steve Gerben]

It's an enhancement. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Putting a sight on a sniper rifle, dude. You know what I mean? It's like. It helps you.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Talk to her.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes. Feel her rhythms.

[Steve Gerben]

Oh, Jesus.

[Shane Gillis]

Feel her rhythms.

[Chris O'Connor]

I know, it's. It is gross. I'm sorry, man. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because in that moment, how do you.

[Steve Gerben]

Not go, I should be doing anything else. I should be like learning to play guitars.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do. Talking.

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Steve Gerben]

Once you bring tools in, it's like.

[Chris O'Connor]

While I'm playing guitar ever, I would go, I should be getting. That's why people are playing guitar.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Steve Gerben]

No, no. You want to enjoy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Everything you do is for.

[Steve Gerben]

No.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's the whole of man's. Of mankind. Yeah. Boiled down, it pretty much is.

[Chris O'Connor]

Well, that.

[Steve Gerben]

I mean, how do you. You're not wrong.

[Chris O'Connor]

Explain. Asexuals.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, you got Mr. Open. You got me there.

[Chris O'Connor]

Liberal Open man. I have an issue in the non binary. No sexual people.

[Stavros Halkias]

I guess they don't really accomplish their line.

[Chris O'Connor]

Is that what you're saying?

[Stavros Halkias]

I think they're just probably watching anime too much.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just think they don't.

[Chris O'Connor]

You know, that's. That's fair. Honestly. Yeah. I didn't Think you're going to give a real response, a totally correct answer? I think they're not doing.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're just hanging out in their bedroom playing Stardew Valley. You know what I mean?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. A lot of it has to be asexual. Sounds like my day.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you're. You're. You're like. You're ace curious, dude. I've seen how. I've seen some of your gaming sessions.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's close. Shouting out the world.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Girlfriend there. Just kind of girlfriend.

[Chris O'Connor]

Watch Manchester United rebuild. This is the group stage of Champions League. There's no time for us to talk. I did already secure the group. I'm trying to get young guys some.

[Steve Gerben]

Playing time here that I do love. That's my favorite thing in the world.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, it's exciting stuff, making your girlfriend.

[Stavros Halkias]

Watch video games now.

[Steve Gerben]

Just. I do love the, like, building a team.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah. Franchise mode is so good.

[Chris O'Connor]

It is.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it all. It's scouting and getting the young guys up for whatever reason.

[Steve Gerben]

No, you really enjoy it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Feels great.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's because it's like, we get to relive, like, how good potential feels.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. So much it again, potentially.

[Stavros Halkias]

Potential's so much better than doing. We're doing now. And it's cool, but it's not as cool as being 20 and being like, someday I'm gonna do. Yeah, that was awesome. I don't know the open mic days where you're drunk as and just like. You know what I mean? Like, hanging out, like, yeah, those were.

[Steve Gerben]

And even through that video game, you get the feeling of, like, you just listen to me, dude. You're gonna be great.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You're really talking to yourself. Yourself in middle school, but you get. You get a bunch. You get eight avatars of who you could have been. And you're like, if I get these guys, then maybe I would. Maybe I should get.

[Steve Gerben]

I'm gonna put you in the right situation. You're not a quarterback.

[Chris O'Connor]

Moving you to wide out this season. Stick with the pro. Those who stay will be champions.

[Stavros Halkias]

What Your brain fills in. You're just pressing two buttons, and in your head, you're. You're calling over a youth to sit at your desk and have this conversation.

[Steve Gerben]

You're going, if those games added a practice mode, I would. That's all I would do as a coach.

[Stavros Halkias]

We literally just need to have families. We just need to have children, dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, of course. Keeper. Hit me with that one. I was in. I was in Austin. I was like, I'm drinking. This is it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

He's like, bro, I don't mean this, like, mean, you gotta have a family, dude. And I was like, yeah, I know.

[Shane Gillis]

You're such a good dad.

[Chris O'Connor]

Well, thanks, man. Unless he looks like you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude. You're like, where'd that wedge come from?

[Chris O'Connor]

Honey, if my son. My son might be a Gerber.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nothing wrong with straight Gerby, baby.

[Steve Gerben]

Wedge blocks and putting dolls over.

[Chris O'Connor]

You know I love you.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I love you, too. What are you talking about?

[Chris O'Connor]

You said earlier today, you said I didn't like you.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, first of all, you're like, oh.

[Stavros Halkias]

You'Re not my friend.

[Shane Gillis]

It's like, I love you so much.

[Stavros Halkias]

You.

[Chris O'Connor]

I mean, I actually said, you're not my friend.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And then he was like, yeah, I'm your friend. I was like, you want to watch Thursday Night Football tonight? He's like, I'm busy. No, it's not busy. Here we are.

[Stavros Halkias]

We did figure out a good way to get him over here. And I'm pumped to be hanging out with the boys tonight.

[Shane Gillis]

I feel, like, very, like. I know, like, it's in the show, but you feel like family. But I think it's also for, like, everything you've done for me.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. You are my family, bro. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's fucking beautiful, man.

[Shane Gillis]

I still don't want to go to a bar tonight.

[Chris O'Connor]

We're definitely not going to bar.

[Stavros Halkias]

No one's going to bar. Watch.

[Chris O'Connor]

We're not going to bar.

[Shane Gillis]

We're gonna go home and make chicken.

[Chris O'Connor]

There you go. You can make chicken. Yeah, that's good.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And then I think all this talk about pillows and wedges. How long does it take to make the chicken put in the oven? You go, we've got 20 minutes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, I look at my watch.

[Chris O'Connor]

No sex tonight.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wedge o'clock.

[Chris O'Connor]

Why not?

[Shane Gillis]

I'm exhausted.

[Chris O'Connor]

Really?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

You need to be prime.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

A real trail.

[Stavros Halkias]

This means he loves way. He can't do it halfway.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'll get a fucking sideways leg. We're gonna just lay still. And then I go. Let's just stay still for a second. Yeah, Actually, I'm not gonna come.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm going to just beat off while I feel your tits. This man's never done that. I've done that, actually.

[Chris O'Connor]

Have done.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've done that hundreds of times. So I'm like, getting hit with a.

[Steve Gerben]

No on that, though.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's really tough.

[Chris O'Connor]

You guys all done? I've never done that once. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that's great stuff. I mean, as a. I'm fat as. Obviously. I mean, you know, I'm so fat that you could even say you're not fat around me, Shane, and it wouldn't be that wild. You know what I mean? So I have. And this is. I'm actually not as fat as I've been. Which is crazy. Like there was a year in my life where I was so fat and unhealthy and I fucked a lot because it was like, you know, pathological. There was a lot of jacking off your fucking half limp dick in those. But you know, I'm in there. I'm eating the pussy. You know what I mean? I'm going gerbies on the pussy. I'm eating it like, you know, like it's Froot Loops and so they'll reward me with a jack off while I suck on a titty.

[Chris O'Connor]

I am excited for you that you enjoy pleasuring.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

You love giving pleasure.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Is there. How often does the woman not orgasm when you're down there or working with your tools or using.

[Shane Gillis]

Cycle dependent.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh no.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, the menstrual cycle. That's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Right now you just know.

[Stavros Halkias]

You just honestly pushed past me. Dude. We were neck and neck this whole.

[Chris O'Connor]

Time in terms of freaking awesome. Never heard anything like it.

[Shane Gillis]

I have to go.

[Chris O'Connor]

When? Hold on.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want to learn because I don't know this at all. I haven't even considered this.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh well, every woman's different. But I think like I heard McCarthy Oscar talking about it and I. I have a similar experience which is like.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, Matt's a couple days as well.

[Shane Gillis]

After the period now again, this is like ovulation.

[Stavros Halkias]

Peak ovulation.

[Shane Gillis]

No, no, peak. Peak ovulation I think is like halfway through the summer.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, I would assume they're the hornies when they're ovulating.

[Shane Gillis]

Assuming not like a neutral. That was like his point.

[Chris O'Connor]

Assuming it depends on when in the cycle.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Again though, back to what's your batting average on the lady comment.

[Shane Gillis]

Probably 80%.

[Stavros Halkias]

Holy beautiful numbers, man. Beautiful numbers.

[Chris O'Connor]

Insane numbers.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I don't think so.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, I'll. Trust me.

[Shane Gillis]

But it's also the partner. It's also the partner.

[Chris O'Connor]

147.

[Stavros Halkias]

He better be good at fielding. That's all I'm saying.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'm way below The Mendoza crazy 80% come but.

[Stavros Halkias]

But it's not. But he. That many women he's. They've been partners saying yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Perfectly said partnership.

[Chris O'Connor]

We're starting to get down this batting average. It's pretty good at first.

[Shane Gillis]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Chris O'Connor]

Interesting little slump going.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we'll get out.

[Chris O'Connor]

We'll Hit our way out of this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just keep taking swings, bro. Keep swinging, brother.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. I'm playoff. Aaron Judge. Crazy.

[Steve Gerben]

More of a glue guy.

[Chris O'Connor]

Locker room guy. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Respect.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you think?

[Stavros Halkias]

Stop.

[Chris O'Connor]

What are you thinking? I mean, these numbers are crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

Again.

[Stavros Halkias]

Incredible numbers.

[Chris O'Connor]

50. I'd be happy again.

[Shane Gillis]

Not not. Like, not not not with a ton of women in my life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

In my experience, if you get the awesomest thing is when a woman just busts easy and you can tell yourself like, I did that. And then you fuck somebody who's like, I don't know, man. Takes a while. Yeah. Yeah. You know, these numbers are truly. You're a savant.

[Chris O'Connor]

The pussy might show, but he is a mice. He's scientific.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. The moniker is earned tenfold.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

For five different reasons.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want merch, dude. I want.

[Chris O'Connor]

This to come in.

[Shane Gillis]

Do you know that that was the. The first, like, the name he gave me, the Gruel King.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I didn't know that.

[Shane Gillis]

It was the fetish I had for a little bit. No, I'm leaving on this.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's a fetish that every dude on earth has also. Very funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

Last time, wet.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wait a second.

[Stavros Halkias]

You said that's a fetish you have? It's a wet.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, I mean, he was searching the wet. Like medical emergency.

[Steve Gerben]

There's a viscosity element to it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nickelodeon Gak.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

He needs. He needs to slime.

[Chris O'Connor]

He needs slime on the pillow.

[Shane Gillis]

Chris said it.

[Chris O'Connor]

Very funny.

[Shane Gillis]

Because then I research, you know, and that is typically indicative of ovulation. So it's less what I thought it was, which is being extremely turn off. But there's. There's a subreddit R. And so he started calling me the Girl King. And then he was like, people have drawn pages. The artist. I should. What's his name?

[Chris O'Connor]

We should give a shout out.

[Shane Gillis]

He's so good. Oh, man, I'm so sorry. To the guy who's listening to this, who really deserves a shout out. Sure.

[Chris O'Connor]

Please stop listening.

[Steve Gerben]

It's also so funny to be talking about his like that. Just being like. No, it's beautiful.

[Stavros Halkias]

The guy. What does he draw? Wet?

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no, no. It's like.

[Shane Gillis]

It was like. It was kind of like a Hunter S. Thompson artwork style.

[Stavros Halkias]

And your mouth is glistening.

[Shane Gillis]

No, no, no. Just put a crown.

[Steve Gerben]

He's just caught in a web of gruel anyways.

[Stavros Halkias]

The little. The little gruel fly about to die happy than anything.

[Chris O'Connor]

You are a gr. Fly, dude. I mean this with all due respect. Your spirit animal would definitely be a fly.

[Shane Gillis]

Shane Was saying, like, when Netflix, you know, they would start to see comments. It was like, girl King.

[Chris O'Connor]

Girl King.

[Shane Gillis]

And he's like, executive work.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like, what is this?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, they like him.

[Shane Gillis]

Great.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes. It's a. It's an acronym.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

The.

[Chris O'Connor]

My show. GR King. I'll be breaking out his tools. The woman must know she's in for a treat.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Nozzle back there.

[Stavros Halkias]

She just sees batteries charging when she walks in.

[Chris O'Connor]

The room's lit up. Charging devices. Hold on. He's about to tell us something.

[Shane Gillis]

No, we're not gonna go.

[Chris O'Connor]

All right.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're having a good time.

[Shane Gillis]

I love red lights.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Chris O'Connor]

In the house. Like the light bulb or during sex.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, classic.

[Shane Gillis]

You get Phillips hue and you make them red, and it's just.

[Stavros Halkias]

You really are a freak. Dude. That's.

[Shane Gillis]

Have you done it?

[Stavros Halkias]

I've. I've definitely under some red light conditions.

[Chris O'Connor]

But that the girl had at her.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have a Phillips hue as well, actually.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, really?

[Stavros Halkias]

I do have the lights that turn colors.

[Shane Gillis]

Make them whatever color you want.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Steve Gerben]

It's just adding Chinatown pressure.

[Shane Gillis]

That's just like.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's.

[Shane Gillis]

It's just what it's called on the app.

[Chris O'Connor]

Just walking out, losing a boner in red light.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, that's whorehouse coded, though. That's like, what a. At a bordello, they would have red lights. That was a classic. That's how you knew it was a house back in the day.

[Chris O'Connor]

You Maybe Nosferatu. That is very vampiric of you, dude, the red light in there.

[Stavros Halkias]

And you know what? I had a hunch you were a. A fiend, but I'm not a fiend. You are.

[Chris O'Connor]

You are.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude, it's awesome. That's a positive.

[Chris O'Connor]

It is good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

But this is some intense stuff. Red lights, toys, a wedge.

[Stavros Halkias]

The muff gremlin.

[Chris O'Connor]

You are the moth gremlin. This is what exactly?

[Stavros Halkias]

And this is the post election recap.

[Chris O'Connor]

The post election recap.

[Stavros Halkias]

Check out let's start a cult on VOD November 12th. Please rent it. We could really use it. And.

[Chris O'Connor]

And check out Kyle Hamilton at safety.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's where we align.

[Chris O'Connor]

Came and did a spot at my show.

[Steve Gerben]

Zabikowski was on the Ravens.

[Chris O'Connor]

Zibby was on the Ravens.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

They always get Notre Dame boys. Ronnie Stanley a tackle.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Although, you know, he's been better recently.

[Chris O'Connor]

Shout out to showed up for a minute, but yeah. And you can. You can catch Steve on his knees on a pillow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, sir.

[Chris O'Connor]

Worshiping. Take me to church. That you have sex too. No. What?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't want to say it, but.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wait, tell me.

[Shane Gillis]

No, because it's you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh.

[Chris O'Connor]

We might be able to delete this. What is it?

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, remember the experience that you had with the lady?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

That was the song that you were singing when you were like, that's hilarious.

[Stavros Halkias]

Remember?

[Shane Gillis]

I told you I can't remember what song you singing.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's really, really funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fill me in after post recording.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, for sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's awesome. All right, well, thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thanks, everyone. Goy German style.