Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance

Summary

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast Episode: Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance Release Date: January 8, 2025

Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis

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1. Upgrading the Camera: A Clearer Perspective

[00:00 - 01:07]

The episode kicks off with Matt and Shane discussing Matt's recent upgrade to a new camera. Both express excitement over the improved video quality compared to their old setup. Shane remarks, "There's gonna be a clear picture now for the boys. Crystal clear." (00:08) They reminisce about the old camera's quirky tendency to zoom unexpectedly, which often led to comedic moments highlight their chemistry and humorous rapport.

2. The Notre Dame Game Miracle: Matt's Unlikely Field Goal

[01:10 - 02:34]

Shane shifts the conversation to a memorable Notre Dame football game where Matt unexpectedly took and successfully kicked a field goal. Matt shares his experience of receiving a last-minute text to kick the ball, stating, "I just thought about it. I was just gonna look at that ball and kick it as hard as I can." (02:04) Shane praises Matt's composure under pressure, contrasting it with his own nervousness in similar situations. This moment underscores Matt's hidden athletic prowess and adds an inspiring anecdote to their discussion.

3. SEC Corruption and Notre Dame Rivalries

[02:34 - 07:54]

The duo delves into the controversial topic of SEC (Southeastern Conference) corruption in college sports, debating the integrity of coaching practices. Shane asserts, "I think I kind of was right, though, now that the SEC isn't the only conference that can pay players." (05:07) They critique the widespread issues of bribery and favoritism, speculating on the motivations behind coaches' questionable behavior. The conversation expands to include speculations about Notre Dame's stance and potential underhanded tactics, blending humor with critical analysis.

4. Encounters with Legendary Coaches: Age and Fashion

[07:54 - 12:21]

Matt and Shane share a humorous encounter with a legendary, elderly coach known for his distinctive fashion sense. Matt jokes, "Your head's game. You cheated. He was just an agent of karma." (04:57) They discuss the coach's robust appearance and speculate comically about his age and possible extraterrestrial influences. This segment highlights their ability to intertwine humor with observations on leadership and legacy in sports.

5. Substance Use and Its Ramifications

[12:21 - 16:24]

Shifting gears, the conversation turns to the topic of substance use, focusing on the misuse of opiates within the community. Matt mentions, "Black dudes are getting crushed by opiates right now." (15:38) They discuss the rise of substances like galoshes gas (whippets) and their detrimental effects on individuals and communities. The hosts express concern over addiction trends, blending genuine worry with their trademark comedic delivery.

6. Podcast Guest Antics and Local Legends

[16:24 - 20:02]

Matt and Shane recount their interactions with podcast guests, including comedian Corey Holcomb. Matt shares, "Corey Holcomb kind of owned him. Being like, dude, you really believe." (06:18) They describe a particularly engaging interview where Corey challenges guests' beliefs, demonstrating the podcast's dynamic and entertaining nature. This segment showcases their ability to engage with guests in meaningful yet humorous conversations.

7. Sports Culture and Fan Rivalries

[20:02 - 23:33]

The hosts dive into the intense rivalries between football fan bases, particularly between Notre Dame and Penn State. Shane comments, "Penn State's actually not bad." (24:38) They discuss the passionate and sometimes aggressive behavior of fans, sharing anecdotes from attending games. The conversation highlights their observations on sportsmanship, loyalty, and the often heated nature of college sports rivalries.

8. Adventures in Golf and Skateboarding

[23:33 - 44:26]

Matt and Shane explore their experiences with various sports as they age. Matt talks about his foray into skateboarding, sharing challenges and humorous mishaps: "I've been skateboarding fearlessly." (37:15) They discuss the physical and mental aspects of engaging in sports later in life, emphasizing perseverance and the joy of staying active. Additionally, they share stories from golfing sessions, blending competitive spirit with lighthearted banter.

9. Parenting Challenges and Family Stories

[44:26 - 61:06]

A substantial portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing the joys and struggles of parenting. Matt and Shane share personal stories about toilet training mishaps, dealing with sick children, and managing household chaos. Matt recounts an incident where his child threw up after overindulging in French fries: "She threw up all over the floor." (57:13) They candidly discuss the complexities of raising kids, offering both comedic relief and relatable insights into family life.

10. Handling Free Time and Personal Reflections

[61:06 - 66:27]

The conversation transitions to the concept of free time and its psychological impacts. Shane reflects, "The pinging silence of like hours upon hours of personal free time is kind of up." (61:42) They discuss the exhaustion that can come from downtime, especially when parents are juggling multiple responsibilities. This segment provides a thoughtful look at work-life balance, interspersed with their characteristic humor.

11. Animal Antics: Dealing with Possums and Coyotes

[66:27 - 68:18]

In a lighthearted conclusion, Matt and Shane share amusing encounters with neighborhood wildlife, including possums and coyotes. Matt narrates, "He ate, like, one puck." (54:06) referring to their dog Jackson's misadventures with rat poison. They discuss the challenges of cohabiting with wild animals, blending funny anecdotes with practical advice on handling such situations.

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Notable Quotes

• Shane at [00:08]: "There's gonna be a clear picture now for the boys. Crystal clear."
• Matt at [02:04]: "I'm just gonna look at that ball and kick it as hard as I can."
• Shane at [05:07]: "I think I kind of was right, though, now that the SEC isn't the only conference that can pay players."
• Matt at [15:38]: "Black dudes are getting crushed by opiates right now."
• Corey Holcomb at [06:18]: "You've clearly thought about this before."
• Matt at [37:15]: "I've been skateboarding fearlessly."
• Matt at [57:13]: "She threw up all over the floor."
• Shane at [61:42]: "The pinging silence of like hours upon hours of personal free time is kind of up."

---

Conclusion

In this episode of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast," listeners are treated to a blend of humorous banter, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions on topics ranging from sports and substance use to parenting and animal encounters. Matt and Shane's chemistry shines through as they navigate each subject with a mix of comedy and genuine reflection, making the episode both entertaining and relatable for their audience.

Transcript

[Matt]

Wow.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Matt]

Here we go.

[Shane]

I can't believe you guys got a new camera.

[Matt]

Hey, man. Dude, I. It's. It's sad. I bought that months ago.

[Shane]

Is it, like, nice?

[Matt]

It's pretty nice. Yeah.

[Shane]

There's gonna be a clear picture now for the boys.

[Matt]

Crystal clear.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Matt]

Yeah, I got nervous, too. Remember the old one used to, like, zoom out of nowhere?

[Shane]

Zoomed in on my face for a full episode.

[Matt]

Yeah, I was worried. I was like, that thing's got. That thing's taking time off.

[Shane]

That's a nightmare to have it slowly zoom on your face for a full episode.

[Matt]

Dude, that was the best.

[Shane]

Blows.

[Matt]

Dude, that was the best. It was funny, too. Gardini. Just seen it being like. I think it actually zoomed in on just your head. That's a good podcast angle, though. Two camera set up. Just maximal max face. Total Gordon. Just dueling Gordons.

[Shane]

Especially if we got in an argument, just. Just our face just like, actually, fuck you.

[Matt]

You see that person's face the whole time?

[Shane]

Like, yeah, that's what. When they zoom in on my face, I was like, they're definitely gonna catch me being a little like. You say something to me. Being like, oh, yeah, right.

[Matt]

As if.

[Shane]

As if, Matt, it's good to be. It's good to be back.

[Matt]

It's fantastic.

[Shane]

Last time I saw you was Notre Dame.

[Matt]

I know. I was just thinking about Notre Dame. I mean, bro, the kick was incredible. Could have been the big kick. If I made it. Oh, that'd have been awesome.

[Shane]

That was like. So when I was. I was on my way there and I hit up McAfee, because I didn't. I don't know. I want to get the bros on for sure. And I was like, the only thing I can think of is Matt coming out. If Matt kicks a field goal, he'll do it, you know? I mean, like, anybody else would be like, no. Like, that's, like, scary, dude.

[Matt]

I don't know.

[Shane]

When you told me and Matt just. I was like, matt's gonna do it, and Matt's gonna try his hardest, and there's gonna be no. There's no pressure. Like, he's gonna just be like, I'm go. That's exactly what I did. I know.

[Matt]

I had no. I. Like, when I. I was on the flight, I got the text, and I was like, wow. All right. Yeah. I just thought about it. I was like, I'm just gonna look at that ball and kick it as hard as I can.

[Shane]

You know that. That's what it was going to be like.

[Matt]

No, I didn't know anything about it. Millions of people watching, no clue until I got there. And then you're like, dude, it's like a big show. And I was like, right on. And I just stuck to my guns, and I. Dude, I feel especially the moment of kicking it, I had literally, I had zero nerves.

[Shane]

I. You're. I get so nervous on those things.

[Matt]

I. I mean, yeah, I. I. Maybe. Or maybe I just dissociated. That makes total sense.

[Shane]

That's why I spazed and talk on saving, like, the. Because he was like, what do you think about the game? And I was like, I don't know. Nick Saban cheated. It was just a full spaz.

[Matt]

It was so good, though.

[Shane]

I mean, that I can. I'd like to explain that, because that was so. After I said that, we had to go into the stadium to sit at the desk, which is where he didn't. He wasn't with us when I said it the first time.

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane]

So then I got in there, and right before we go on, he looks at me and he's like, I heard what you said. I was like, holy shit. And then Herb, street, and McAfee were like, he's just breaking balls, dude. He loves messing with guys. Like, he's literally just fucking with you. And I was like, oh, all right. I'll fuck with him back. We can fuck around. So then I would have never done that if I thought he was serious.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But they told me he was around, so I started with him. And then as soon as we get done, I tell herb, street, and McAfee, I'm like, Bro, he was definitely serious. They were like, no way he was serious. Go talk to him. So I went up to him after news, like, you think the SEC dominated because we cheated? That's like, he spaz.

[Matt]

Were you helping him?

[Shane]

But then. So he was still on the stage, and I was on the field, so after he yelled at me, I had to help him down. And he, like, looked around to see if anybody else could help him, but I had to help him down. And, Yeah, I felt really bad about that.

[Matt]

I mean, it's got to be crazy, too, because he's. How old is he?

[Shane]

I think he's probably, like, 70.

[Matt]

Yeah. And he's. I didn't know.

[Shane]

Might be older.

[Matt]

Well, I didn't know, too, because I saw him on the screen. I didn't know who he was, and I was like, damn, dude. You should start wearing a hat.

[Shane]

Like, you look 73. Yeah.

[Matt]

I'm like, you could really step into that look, that hat, into his couture, the whole thing.

[Shane]

Next time I do game day, I'm.

[Matt]

Dressing exactly a hat and then just be like, what?

[Shane]

What? Dude, these hats are cool.

[Matt]

This is how I dress. It's how guys. You like sports dress. I didn't realize that was like a legendary coach.

[Shane]

He's the number. He's the greatest coach of all time.

[Matt]

So from him it must be like, you know, you go on those shows, it's like, all right, time to get.

[Shane]

High fived at a BO shows up.

[Matt]

I mean, we do roast the ones we love though.

[Shane]

Dude, we do only. We only roast the ones we love.

[Matt]

It's so funny though, to be a 70 year old man just in like the twilight of your years, your legacy, and then just be like, dude, your head's game.

[Shane]

Your head game. You cheated.

[Matt]

That was. You were just an agent of karma. There had to been something. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but I'm saying there's got to be just like there was some kind of equation that needed to be balanced cosmically. And, you know, you were just there. You were there.

[Shane]

I think I. I think I kind of was right, though, now that the SEC isn't the only conference that can pay players.

[Matt]

Yeah, that was the other thing too, is it's well known, right, that like a lot of people were.

[Shane]

I. Yeah, it's not. So that's the thing. I think a lot of the coaches can distance themselves. It'd be like, I didn't. We didn't pay players. I don't know how all these guys got Dodge Chargers, but I didn't do it.

[Matt]

Yeah, I don't know how everyone on.

[Shane]

The team has chains and cars.

[Matt]

But it's also like, you know, you can't. Like when I hear about like the flight gate and all that stuff, I'm always like, good. Like, as a good coach, you should.

[Shane]

I wish Notre Dame was cheating.

[Matt]

Yeah, it'd be awesome. Hopefully they are.

[Shane]

No name vacated wins because a couple players cheated on like a summer class. Meanwhile, the SEC was like, we'll give Cam Newton $500 million if he comes to this school.

[Matt]

Yeah, true. I don't know, man. I think Cam, they did something to that guy. That guy got like MK Ultra, bro.

[Shane]

He hates no name dude, him.

[Matt]

What's his problem?

[Shane]

I don't know. He's dressed. He dresses like a cat. I think that dude literally looks like a cartoon cat.

[Matt]

I think he got abducted by aliens.

[Shane]

It's crazy. It's like a top Hat and bow tie every day.

[Matt]

I feel like my theory. My theory is a house fell on him. I think a house fell on him and he became a witch.

[Shane]

He is a. He's real witchy.

[Matt]

He's very witchy.

[Shane]

He's huge.

[Matt]

I'm telling you, bro, I think he got huge. I think he had either abducted by aliens and sent to the future for five, like, 5,000 years beyond. He. That dude is.

[Shane]

Yeah, he's in the future.

[Matt]

He's wild, dude.

[Shane]

He's wearing future clothes.

[Matt]

Did you see the clip of. God, who was it, man? Corey Holcomb on his show, and Corey Holcomb just kind of like. Just kind of. He, like, broke something down to him.

[Shane]

I don't know what it was.

[Matt]

It was about Trump or this or that. I don't know what it was. But, like, Corey Holcomb kind of owned him. Being like, dude, you really believe, like, kind of, like, schooled him.

[Shane]

Scam a lib.

[Matt]

Yeah, dude.

[Shane]

Yeah. I guess you can tell by the outfit.

[Matt]

Yeah, bro. Otherwise. But it was Corey Holcomb said I for. I wish I remember what he said, but he's like, you can't be. You can't really believe that. He was like, I don't. Like, it was clear. Someone's like, I never thought. He's like, you've clearly thought about this before. And he was like, yeah. And you could tell I definitely did it.

[Shane]

Devastating.

[Matt]

I mean, or me. I don't know.

[Shane]

I was.

[Matt]

But it was funny.

[Shane]

Scam Newton. I was wrong about him, though. In the NFL, I remember having a very intense argument with my college roommates, being like, jimmy Carlson is a professional passer from Notre Dame. Cam Newton, you can't run like that in the NFL, dude. This guy's gonna get killed. He dominated his whole career. He was incredible.

[Matt]

He changed the game.

[Shane]

Yeah, he was nasty.

[Matt]

Did you see him throw hands at one time?

[Shane]

Yes. He's also terrifying, so that was kind of nice. We're just joking around. Scam.

[Matt]

Yeah, scam.

[Shane]

I'll stop calling scam. Cam, you're the man.

[Matt]

Oh, scratch. It could be Scram Newton.

[Shane]

Scram Newton. Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah. He. Those, man. He really, like. It's wild to be that old and get, like, into, like. I mean, I would say the bleeding edge of fashion. Yeah, it's like, that's. The bleeding edge of fashion is like, borderline cross dressing.

[Shane]

It's all for real.

[Matt]

It looks like a Mary Kay.

[Shane]

It's crazy. It's also weird to be that big.

[Matt]

Yeah, true.

[Shane]

You can't be like, Giant and wearing cool stuff. It looks nuts.

[Matt]

It's very erotic to be threatened.

[Shane]

You see Magic Johnson's son. I just saw a video of him yesterday. He's still going nuts. Dude.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

What's the kids.

[Matt]

I mean, dude.

[Shane]

Oh, is it a daughter now?

[Matt]

Do you want to talk about a balancing act of the universe? Imagine. Dude, this is. No disrespect. I'm. This is more of like just kind of put yourself in someone's shoes. But imagine if your dad had AIDS from getting too much.

[Shane]

Diving.

[Matt]

He got all the. That guy couldn't. He like got like multiple generations worth of. So like you gotta. You gotta be that gay when you come out of being his son. You know what I mean?

[Shane]

For sure.

[Matt]

It would have been crazy if his son came out. You know. It's not like Diddy son. Diddy sons are womanized.

[Shane]

That was. They were. The apple did not fall far from the tree in the Diddy family.

[Matt]

Yeah, dude. I'm like fascinated by those guys. That's a. He's like. He had two twin daughters. Just celebrated 18 year old. Their 18 year old birthday or something.

[Shane]

Who did. He did.

[Matt]

He has twin 18 year old female daughters. And it's like I just. What a world.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

To be a. Having a twin's weird enough that. To be like did he son. Is it him or his son's rap? One of them's really wrapped up.

[Shane]

Played football at ucla. It could be the wrong. I could be thinking somebody else and I think Snoop Dogg hit his. Hit his strength and conditioning coach in the head with like a kettlebell. Like attempted murder.

[Matt]

He's probably just trying to get some. If I saw a guy doing Jumbo Jackson. What if he gets acquitted? What if he gets acquitted? It was all made up. What? That would be crazy.

[Shane]

No, I was right about that.

[Matt]

Did he.

[Shane]

Did he attack the UCLA football coach with a kettlebell? What? Yeah.

[Matt]

Primal. You think it was a primal on it?

[Shane]

It was probably. It was probably basic gorilla head.

[Matt]

I mean he definitely wasn't swinging anything. If you're going to attack somebody with the kettlebell, it's probably like a 15 pounder. Like a 10 pounder.

[Shane]

Damn. His son was pretty good. It looks like.

[Matt]

Really?

[Shane]

I don't know if he played ever because his dad attacked someone with a kettlebell.

[Matt]

I feel like that would get you off the bench.

[Shane]

True.

[Matt]

I wish my dad wasn't such a about. You know, he could have got up.

[Shane]

He could have helped.

[Matt]

I mean I was playing both sides of the ball in seventh grade, so.

[Shane]

True.

[Matt]

That was my p. I peaked. Like, I started out at my peak of football and was just like, yeah, you're Travis Hunter.

[Shane]

I was never a two way star.

[Matt]

Special. Don't forget about special teams, bro.

[Shane]

Three way. I mean, all facets of the game at it.

[Matt]

Did Saban say anything about me?

[Shane]

Actually, Saban mentioned you. He said, he said, who was that guy who kicked that ball? I'd like to give him $500,000 tonight.

[Matt]

Was that the guy from the BYC Bulldogs I saw there kicking the ball?

[Shane]

True. I do wish my father had held it down like Diddy like that.

[Matt]

Yeah, man.

[Shane]

Came down to Elon with me the whole year I was riding the bench. Just.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Attacked our strength and conditioning coach with a kettlebell. Got his ass beat by our strength and conditioning coach.

[Matt]

Yeah, that. I, Dude, I'm telling you, the, It's a. I, I really love delving into, like the kind of just psychosis of like fathers and sports and coaching. It's just like, it gets really. It's like a dark world, dude. Yeah, it's pretty nuts, man.

[Shane]

Phil held it in pretty well.

[Matt]

That's good.

[Shane]

Occasionally he would come watch practice, which was a little weird.

[Matt]

Was he quiet, though?

[Shane]

He didn't say anything. He just would look over and you'd see a car in the parking lot. You'd be like, how bored is this guy now?

[Matt]

He probably loves it.

[Shane]

Dude, he likes.

[Matt]

Yeah, if you're quiet and chill, more power to you. It's when like, dudes are. Dudes get weird. Yeah, about like the high school sports, dude. Down to like way young people start smashing and it's a weird, That's a weird trip to get on.

[Shane]

It's a weird trip to get on. Like, yeah, my kid's the best.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's like, no, dude, it's clearly.

[Matt]

Watch the field.

[Shane]

Yeah. Watch the tape. We're gonna grind on the tape.

[Matt]

It's all right. But that is, you know, that's, that's.

[Shane]

A thing where it's coaches playing their sons. That's where it does get a little.

[Matt]

Like, yeah, quarterback every time.

[Shane]

Quarterback.

[Matt]

Who knew every coach's son was a quarterback. But yeah, that's. I mean, I, I could, I, I could get into girls basketball coaching. Dude. The path is set for me.

[Shane]

The path is set.

[Matt]

I've thought about it.

[Shane]

Like, you show up, Phil could be your mentor.

[Matt]

That would be nice.

[Shane]

Phil could mentor you.

[Matt]

He probably could because I think my.

[Shane]

Mom just had knee surgery today and my dad's not home helping her because he's going to like a girl's Basketball practice. We like, Phil, skip the practice.

[Matt]

No way.

[Shane]

She just helped him the entire time.

[Matt]

I was about to say it was.

[Shane]

The whole time he was recovering from that. I mean, so good. Day two. She's. She got a surgery yesterday.

[Matt]

Really?

[Shane]

And he's already. He's like, I gotta go to the. The practice.

[Matt]

Duty calls.

[Shane]

Dude, stay home.

[Matt]

Women do wait on you handed. Like, they. There's nothing they love more than you being, like, incapacitated. Yeah, if they had it your way, they'd be dead. Yeah, if they had their way, you'd be dead. Ideally, but, like, you laying in a bed and kneading them, they can't. They love that. They love it. Dude, if Brittany has anything wrong with her a. I, like, kind of question her to make sure she's not faking first and foremost.

[Shane]

Yes, Yes.

[Matt]

I go, oh, wow, your knee really hurts. And they're like, oh, my God. All right. Just making sure you're not making this up. And I have to go, yeah, it sucks, man. I. I told you. When I. When I broke my nose and they. They. I. I got my deviated septum fixed while they had to, like, put my nose back together. I came out of the hospital and, like, you know, Brittany picked me up. She's, like, always happy to do that. And they put me on fentanyl. Yeah, dude. Because I came. I came.

[Shane]

Fentanyl.

[Matt]

Yeah, dude, they put me on fent. I fucking. I came up. I remember coming to because, you know, they knock you out, like, boom. You're just back.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Just instantly. To be continued. And I come back after hours of them just, like, you know, cutting my nose. They. They cut your septum out, like, the part between your nose and then straighten it out and resell. It's disgusting.

[Shane]

Oh, man.

[Matt]

But I came to. And I came once I realized, like, where I was. I was like, hey, great job, everybody. Yeah, hey, everybody. Great work. And everyone's like, all right.

[Shane]

Yeah, okay, buddy.

[Matt]

And they were like, we gave you. We gave you something for the pain of the way home. And I was like, what did you give me? I was curious, because I am curious about. They give you ketamine to put you down, apparently. So I was curious about the cocktail. And they're like, fentanyl. And I was like, huh? So I hit me with you. I just. Somewhere.

[Shane]

Ketamine somewhere in Philly.

[Matt]

And, dude, the worst. Yeah, true. Gave you some of that tranq dog.

[Shane]

But they like to get wet, young man.

[Matt]

Yeah, true. But I. I, like. I was like, all right. And I was Already so up from everything else they gave me. But that. That fent hit me, and Brittany picked me up, and I was just like, anything. She said I would be like, would you just shut the. I was so mean, dude.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Instantly I had opiate rage for sure. Which apparently that happens if you're on perks. Like, you get mean, dude. Super mean. Also, right now, the mayor. Black dudes are getting crushed by Percocets. Black dudes are getting crushed by opiates right now. Yeah, opiates. And Galaxy gets Galaxy gas. Whippets. Black dudes discovered whippets.

[Shane]

They just discovered.

[Matt]

They just discovered whippets. And it's not good. They're getting up you. If you do too much nitrous, apparently it stops your body from being able to produce vitamin B, which is, like, important for your nervous system. And, like, it you up.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And dudes are calling off. First of all, they all say smoking. Like, you're not smoking anything.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You're just huffing galaxy gas. And it's like, dude, it rocked, Whip. It's rocked black people.

[Shane]

It's hurting the community.

[Matt]

It's crushing them. But their voice does get deep, which is sick. So you can be like three seconds of just like, the ultimate OG and then you fall over and like, the best Buy part, you shoot on your. You just go down. You just go down.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Matt]

You just. You just dent the charger.

[Shane]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Matt]

Ain't nobody control.

[Shane]

I've been watching a YouTube guy that you've probably watched or would enjoy. There's like a. It's like a Pakistani, English guy. I think he's Pakistan. I don't know some for sure, but he goes to America to go to hoods and interview people. Really in the ghetto, dude.

[Matt]

That's a huge.

[Shane]

So, bruv, when did you decide to jump off the porch?

[Matt]

That's not. Oh, dude, that's.

[Shane]

When did you jump off the porch?

[Matt]

They all use, like. Yeah, so funny. Oh, what'd you just hit a lick? And they're like, no, no.

[Shane]

Yeah. It's all that.

[Matt]

It's. Dude, those guys. Brandon Buckingham apparently got, like, wrapped up in, like, a shooting. He was another guy who was like. He did, like. I think he did like, Skrilla and all these, like, inside. The most dangerous was.

[Shane]

He interviewed Skrill on one of them, bro. And Skrilla was the man.

[Matt]

Skrilla is the.

[Shane]

So far, everybody in Philly was like, Mr. Disrespectful.

[Matt]

I know. YBC duel RIP, bro. He got killed.

[Shane]

It was the funniest interview I've ever seen. He's like, so why do they call you Mr. Disrespectful Bro? He's like, I'll just really be disrespecting everybody. All right.

[Matt]

He was digging up the Ops, Grace.

[Shane]

He digged up the Ops grave.

[Matt]

He got killed, dude. In West Philly.

[Shane]

Yeah, he got killed right after that interview.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But Skriller was the only one that. Because every time, he always asks, he's like, would you put the guns down if the Ops put the guns down? And everyone's always like, no, we got to exterminate the Ops.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Skrilla was just like, yeah, yeah, for sure. Well, he had, like, a nice upbringing or nicer.

[Matt]

He will. His dad was in the picture. I've watched, like, seven Skrill interviews.

[Shane]

Yeah, he kind of rules.

[Matt]

He does rule, dude. I've messaged him before. Did I tell you what happened the one time?

[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt]

So, yeah, like, I saw. I was watching him on a Kensington live feed.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And I had to tell him. I was like, bro, if they got the drop on you, dude, you better get out of there. But he. Because he respond. Yeah, he talked to me. He was like, that's crazy. I was like, bro, I'm watching you on a live stream on YouTube, like, your whereabouts.

[Shane]

That's awesome.

[Matt]

And then I'd watch him go into the bar he was going into. Then I'd watch inside the bar on his Instagram live. It was crazy, dude. But, yeah, he is the absolute man. But his thing was he works with a bunch of other. He just works with all these different gangs do. And then he would, like, surprise guys and put them on the same track, and they would, like, spaz, because they.

[Shane]

Were like, oh, you know, they're the Ops.

[Matt]

The Ops. And he would just not tell them and put them on the same track. And they'd be like, what the dude? He's the man. I love that guy.

[Shane]

I was. I did, like, Mr. Disrespectful.

[Matt]

I love. Yeah. YBC.

[Shane]

It's pretty fun to look how he handled himself.

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah. True. Well, it's funny, too, because they're young as. Dude, they're like 22, 23. Just getting the big. Get the bag, dude. I. I'm rooting for them, dude. I hope they do well.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I need Skrilla, dude, to not die from drugs. All those guys, dude. All when you watch, like, million dollars worth of game. It's just those two dudes, Gilly and Wyla or whatever, just talking to dudes like they did the Kodak Black episode and he just. The dude's just like dipping out. He's so hot.

[Shane]

Yeah, Kodak's unfortunately very up.

[Matt]

Did you see when he threw a pill up in the air on. I think it was.

[Shane]

Yeah, that was a little twitch for.

[Matt]

The itch or something. A little glitch for the twitch.

[Shane]

He wouldn't leave and he called it. He wouldn't leave though, the guys in that. I was trying to get him to leave and he's like, holy, dude.

[Matt]

NBA young boy. Same thing. They did a thing for him and he'd just be like, like, yeah, he was so up he couldn't talk. And they're like, listen to me. Yeah, it was a really moving speech, man. He talked to Kodak Black and gave him a speech and I was like. I was like, damn, that's actually.

[Shane]

Yeah, very moving.

[Matt]

But yeah, dude, you guys, you can't do the. I try to warn my black friends a long time ago. So guys, the white. The pills came for us, dude. We felt it was winter for a long time. Don't make the same mistake. And they're like, nah, bro, I'd be on these things forever. I'm like, it's not going to work out that way, dude. You're going to be a junkie.

[Shane]

Damn shame.

[Matt]

It's a goddamn shame, dude. But dude, the notice, sorry. The Notre Dame game, I told time I saw the funniest thing I've ever seen because I was sitting in like there I was sitting near a lot of Indiana fans because it was like, you know, it's in Indiana or whatever. And I had the SDI hat on, which is red. So a lot of Indiana fans thought I was repping Indiana. So I was just like sitting with them. And then there was like these Notre Dame fans. It was like three early 20s something kids with like a, you know, 50 something year old dad. And when they scored that like that one run like early on, the like the Indiana guys are like yelling stuff like. And then like, nothing crazy, but this one kid Notre Dame fan turns around to like an old man in decked out Indiana gear and goes, you dude. Like, you know how close everybody is.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

He was like right here in this man's face. Screamed at him, double bird to the face. And I was just like, like, oh, that's crazy. And dude, I was like, it was the funny. And the old man was like, no, hey, no, don't say that to me. It was a funny. And then the kid's dad was like, don't do that. Knock that off. And it was so funny.

[Shane]

I've gotten in flights at games, bro.

[Matt]

That was. I. I'm surprised. One of the.

[Shane]

Crazy how people think they can talk to you during a football game.

[Matt]

I'm surprised one of the. Because I think that guy had his kin with him. Some relations. You would think that someone had been like. Because you can just destroy somebody and just shove them.

[Shane]

I had some Michigan fans a while ago behind me and my cousin, bro, my cousin's nuts. He's out of. He's out of his mind. And these guys were talking, and they're like, oh, what are you guys gonna do about it? And I was just like, we're gonna kill you.

[Matt]

Do they have the high ground?

[Shane]

They did. They were the road behind us. See this guy? We would have them up.

[Matt]

Okay, one row's not bad. You scoop them down. But, dude, this guy, his dad, he was, like, humiliating his dad. His dad obviously brought his three. Him and his three friend or two friends to the game. The whole time was just. It was kind of funny.

[Shane]

Yeah, I guess. I have been in every game. I go to State, Notre Dame game.

[Matt]

They should separate the sides. Like a high school game.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

That's crazy the way they do that. But this guy. So finally his dad, like, shamed him into apologizing. Turned around, he's like, I'm sorry, sir. That wasn't appropriate for me to do that.

[Shane]

That's nice.

[Matt]

It was nice. But he took. But I'm like, all right. He wasn't sincere.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

His dad got up to leave, and I saw he popped his phone up in a group chat. He's like, I just said fuck you to this guy behind me. My dad got mad. What a pussy.

[Shane]

That's Mr. Disrespectful. That's a young disrespectful. Totally Mr. Disrespecting everybody.

[Matt]

He was. And then he just. Every play, you just yell shit out. But, you know, it was. That was. That was so fun.

[Shane]

Too bad, though, because Indiana, they're not really the ops. Yeah, Penn State's the ops.

[Matt]

I know, dude.

[Shane]

This is the game.

[Matt]

This is it. This is the ultimate game. This. Pennsylvania might break out in the Civil War.

[Shane]

Pennsylvania will go crazy.

[Matt]

This is like.

[Shane]

This is. This is the most stressful game possible.

[Matt]

They gotta beat them, bro. They got to do it for those kids.

[Shane]

I agree.

[Matt]

Although both. No, no, no.

[Shane]

That's what they all try. That's how nasty these Penn State fans are. They're like, yeah, what about the Catholic Church? You're like, dude, no names its own thing.

[Matt]

That's why we need his teachings even more even you know, all men fall.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So we do.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Don't disgrace the teachings. But yeah, that's true. What about the Catholic Church?

[Shane]

It's like, nah, dude, don't bring them.

[Matt]

First of all. That's different. That's different. That's different.

[Shane]

We all know that's different. That's family business.

[Matt]

That's the fan. That's in house.

[Shane]

That's in house. That's family business. All right, don't bring up Notre Dame, all right?

[Matt]

They were being weird, bro. They're playing weird as. Yeah, dude, In a religious. Dude, we used to, like, chop virgins heads off and kick them down the altar. People are going to catch some strays in the church.

[Shane]

We're going to catch some straight church did for the whole world. The Catholic Church.

[Matt]

I know, dude.

[Shane]

What did Penn State do one title in 60 years under Joe?

[Matt]

I mean, dude, that's the. That's the thesis of that.

[Shane]

Fired for that around Notre Dame, right.

[Matt]

That's a. The basis of dominion. Apparently every abolitionist movement early on was tied to Catholic Church.

[Shane]

Where's he going? That's. I think that's mine. What are you doing with it? Let's get out of coffee.

[Matt]

Just in time, bro. Just talking about Worldwide.

[Shane]

It's too big. It's. It's. So I. When I was living here, I started like, not like Penn State, but, you know, I mean, like, I'm like, yeah, exactly. I know some of the guys that played for him now. And it's like. Especially in the south where, like the north, they can't play football.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

So then you start to be like, no, Penn State's actually not bad.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And then I went back home for five months surrounded by my friends.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I hate Penn State. I hate them. I hate them, dude.

[Matt]

Yeah. That'll be a huge game. Is. That's not the champions Thursday, is it the.

[Shane]

It's the semi finals.

[Matt]

Okay. And then they show down to four.

[Shane]

It's gonna be Ohio State Texas on Friday.

[Matt]

Kind of want Texas to win that.

[Shane]

Definitely need Texas to win that.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Ohio State's very perfect little. I want you to have a little.

[Matt]

Treat that's a perfect little caffeine treat. Dude, I'm so going on the caffeine, man. I'm telling you, dude, my level of secret buzz. I've always been looking for a secret buzz during the day, but it's. I've been getting just atrocious with like.

[Shane]

Who'S what's up with weed. How's that going?

[Matt]

I.

[Shane]

So how's that for a secret buzz?

[Matt]

I've taken a huge sabbatical from weed, but I have found these mints. And, you know, everyone likes to milligram mog everybody else. Yeah, look, I like to do 50, and it's like, whatever you do, you. But I found these mints. They're two and a half milligrams. And that way you can kind of titrate the dough so you don't just get, like, thwacked out, you know?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Before, I would try it on a playground with my kids, and you just get, like, wobbled on a plate. It's not a move. It's. It's not the. You know, it's not the road to successful parenting. But a little 2.5 milligram. Perfect.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt]

And it just. Especially if you're out drinking. I take one with every drink, and it's like that way. Like that fourth one hits, you're. You're in the 10 milligram zone. Which isn't nothing crazy, but it's enough to give you the Jiminy Cricket on your shoulder in terms of drinking, because it's like, man, when that ball go. That ball rolled away for me in Boston, dude. And I got.

[Shane]

What happened?

[Matt]

I just got. I was in Boston. I would be like, my cousin met me up there.

[Shane]

You got up?

[Matt]

I got, dude. I got. It was a while ago to the point where, like, they're. They do those tours in, like, Boston does this Paul Revere tours. We're like, oh, this ancient.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Graveyard. It was actually sick. Me and my cousin were out there. We've been drinking all day, and we were smoking cigars near a graveyard. But you couldn't get in. We were trying to get in because it was fenced off. It was like an old.

[Shane]

You were drunk trying to get into.

[Matt]

The drunk smoking cigars on a billion of those mints. I was just eating all day.

[Shane]

Oh, no.

[Matt]

And I was, like, trying to get in because they had, like, these candlelit tours and, like, this ancient graveyard.

[Shane]

That'd be sick.

[Matt]

So I tried to get in the door. They wouldn't let us in. So we got in this other area where we could get, like, real close. But we, you know, we were, like, a little bit gated off. But then the tour came by.

[Shane]

Freedom Trail. Isn't that what it's called?

[Matt]

It's probably something like that. A guy was dressed like Paul Revere, gave a tour.

[Shane]

What's his name? You see that Sam from Boston? No, he used to do the. Yeah, same iq. Did he really be a reenactor on that? Yeah.

[Matt]

Anyway, it was kind of sick on that. We were, like, sitting there. We already. We were just sitting there puffing our stokes. Just hat. Me and my cousin was like, hammered it sitting there. And they're like. He was saying how, like, Harvard, like in the early days of America, would pay grave robbers to go dig up people's loved ones so they could examine their dead bodies.

[Shane]

Oh, nice.

[Matt]

It was like a weird job. Like a black market job you get. You could just dig up dead bodies and sell them to Harvard. Mr. Disrespectful. It was a way of life. It was truly a way of life. And. And so we're sitting there, we're on the edge of the thing, and I was like, yo, let's get it. Can you get us inside? I wasn't even part of the tour. I was like, can we get inside? The guy as the Paul Revere guy was like, no. And I was like, oh, that's lame. And then they're like, moving on. I was. But I did see. I saw two young or two or three young bros on city bikes. And they were like. I was talking to them. They're listeners to the podcast. And I was just hammered. There's these two girls over there. I was just doing like, the old guy thing of like, bro, go talk to those.

[Shane]

Are you guys. If I didn't have a wife, I'd be talking.

[Matt]

The girls were getting loud, and I was like, they're just acting up, bro. They're desperate for your attention, man. They see you on those city bikes, they want you guys to ride over, like, you want to come to Fenway with us? And I was like, strongly considered it.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt]

I gotta go, man. Get a city bike. It's like a five mile ride. And I was like, I better go inside. But, yeah, I got. I woke up with the worst hangover possibly. It was like the. The weed didn't. The alcohol won. Yeah, but those weed edibles were still. Because, I don't know, I was drinking.

[Shane]

Were you drinking liquor or something?

[Matt]

Yeah, I was drinking liquor, ciders, wine. I was drinking.

[Shane]

You're doing it all.

[Matt]

I was doing it all, dude. And we went to the Cheers bar.

[Shane]

You gotta go to Cheers.

[Matt]

We went to the Cheers bar. My. My cousin's wife was like, I know this is stupid, guys. I really want to go. We're. No, no. Sounds stupid. As soon as we got there, like, wow, so cool. But we. Once we got in there. It was like, it's hard to get seats in there. And we just. It was like. It's. It's actually kind of an aggressive place. Everyone's trying to like get to the bar. It's. Honestly, I don't know. I don't want to talk badly about the Cheers bar, but it wasn't all that. It was cracked out to me. But we actually got to the bar and it was. It was like kind of a hard thing to do. And it was just a stroke of luck. And once we dug in there I just was crushing draft ciders. Like I couldn't stop.

[Shane]

It's fun time.

[Matt]

It was so.

[Shane]

It was Cheers Bar, bro.

[Matt]

Exactly.

[Shane]

What are you gonna do?

[Matt]

And they have things of normisms and whatever the guy. So, dude, they have, they have.

[Shane]

Oh God. They have those dumb plates you can buy. That's exactly what this brought. Well, dude, I'm gonna hang it in here.

[Matt]

They have like a bucket and they have. They have little.

[Shane]

Day one, during his enormous attack from moving. He thought he was dying. He was laying on my couch like, I'm dying. He's like, you're just. You're just nervous from the move, bro. It's o.

[Matt]

How many didn't you drink? Like 10 Jake Paul drinks on the way down here.

[C]

Six Celsius.

[Shane]

God.

[Matt]

And then took mushrooms.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[C]

The next day.

[Matt]

And then thought he was going to.

[C]

Die and go to Nickel City at night.

[Shane]

That's a good time.

[C]

It was a good time.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[C]

It was New Year's Eve Eve. It was a good time.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah, it was. You would love it.

[Shane]

Dude.

[Matt]

You can pull in this bucket. And it's just different. Norm is. There's another ism. I don't know what character that was, but the normisms do hit kind of hard. So we would just pull them out, read them to my cousin's wife and go, typical Norm.

[Shane]

Classic, Classic Norm.

[Matt]

Classic Norm, man. Cheers. Nothing better than it. Yeah, it was very fun. But then I got kind of hammered there. Then they went. Our wives went out to like do something. So we sat at. That was. Oh, I didn't tell you. I didn't tell you about this. So then we, we said. So then we go. Me and my cousin go to this like fancy looking like cavernous Mexican place. It was like you can upscale Mexican place. I just sat there and just crushed margaritas. The bartender was attractive. Full disclosure. Attractive.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt]

Maybe. 26 year old bartender is pretty wild.

[Shane]

Awesome.

[Matt]

And so we're. Me and my cousin are sitting there just cool Just two old school players chilling out.

[Shane]

Max.

[Matt]

Just chilling out, chilling out.

[Shane]

Maxim being normal as hell.

[Matt]

And like, so then like we're sitting there drinking and then the guy next to us finishes his drink, stands up, shakes the bartender's hand.

[Shane]

Beast.

[Matt]

And I was like, bro, that is the horniest I've ever seen. And mind you, she had made me custom. Margaret, Not a big deal, nothing.

[Shane]

Because she was personalizing things.

[Matt]

Yeah, well, she was like, what do you want? My thing is, is I go, when I'm at a bar, I go, just hit me with some crazy. I know you can dream stuff up. You go full mixologist.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt]

Hit me with the passion fruit margarita. I mean, I think she was kind of sending me. You know when a woman gives you passion fruit anything, she's trying to tell you something, but I was just kind of chill out lady.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So then, so I'm sitting there like.

[Shane]

Man, you made no friendly advances?

[Matt]

Not at all. I, she could have been a obese 40 year old man, I would have treated her not differently.

[Shane]

Yes. Strictly business. Straight from the tears bar. You were nothing but serious.

[Matt]

Trying to remember normisms to say to her.

[Shane]

She's gonna love this one.

[Matt]

But then I'm sitting there and I'm like, tell my cousin. Like, dude, is that not the craziest thing? He's like, that was pretty nuts to stand up and shake the lady's hand. So then finally, after like three margaritas there, I was like, yeah, you had three margaritas. Three margaritas after, you know, Well, I was, I, I just, I had to ask her. I was like, yo, just, just for my understanding of the world. Was that, was that kind of nuts how that guy shook your hand? And she was like, oh. It was like one of my old co workers because I was like such a horny guy. I was just jealousy touched.

[Shane]

Yeah, of course. Who does he think he is touching? Obviously my wife.

[Matt]

Yeah, but I, I asked.

[Shane]

She likes me. She has a crush on me.

[Matt]

I asked, bro. I asked and I was just like, yo, just, I was. That was weird, right?

[Shane]

There's a. The horniest guys on earth are guys talking to car girls at golf. Those are the horniest guys. There's videos. There's videos. You can find it. There's some good videos online of guys coming up to car girls and like, you understand how beautiful you are, right? Like what you do, you brighten my day. Like cutting her off from getting back in the cart, being like, I love you.

[Matt]

There's. Yeah, I go to, there's a golf course near Me that I go to that they also. They serve like, fantastic taco. The food is awesome. So we'll bring the kids there and let them run around after, like, the driving range shuts down. They just run around on that grass. We just crush tacos. But I didn't know that was a thing because I saw a lady driving a golf cart.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And just. Just out of like, like literally innocent.

[Shane]

The hottest outfit possible.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Skirt and polo.

[Matt]

I was trying to figure out. I thought it was just like a one off.

[Shane]

Like, she comes to give you drinks and snacks.

[Matt]

Really.

[Shane]

While you're already hammered on the golf.

[Matt]

Course and you go, see, I didn't know that.

[Shane]

And while your wife is saying, where are you? You've been gone too long. You go, I'm on the third hole.

[Matt]

That game seems designed to just like, absolutely crush wives. It's so long. Yeah, it's so long. And it's just the bros and they split it up.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Hey, no, no, it's. There's a girl's golf. There's guys golf. Something I'd love to get into, but I. I just don't have.

[Shane]

I went to the driving range a couple times. Driving range with Gerbies. He loves it. It's all Gerbies talks about, could I.

[Matt]

Walk the grounds with a walking stick and not play?

[Shane]

Yeah, you could just walk on.

[Matt]

That's what I'm saying.

[Shane]

People might come up and be like, who are you?

[Matt]

I'm hiking.

[Shane]

I'm trying to find the car girl. My daughter was. I'm from Pennsylvania. My daughter went missing. I think she's a car girl. She fell in with the wrong crowd. The club pro here took her under his wing.

[Matt]

She fell in with some caddies, some tough caddies.

[Shane]

Now she's a.

[Matt]

My cousin was caddying for a long time and he, like, got nasty at golf.

[Shane]

Yeah, he's.

[Matt]

I think he's like, sub 80.

[Shane]

That's pretty good.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I'm always as good as it gets. Yeah.

[Matt]

I hear about people going, sub 100. I'm like, damn, bro.

[Shane]

Yeah, you can play.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

People ask me. People ask me to go golfing all the time. Like, bro, I'll hit a 250. Yeah, I will hit it. You won't believe the number I'll hit.

[Matt]

Well, I heard. I was talking about. I was talking about this to someone. They're like, no, you do pairs best ball.

[Shane]

Basketball is kind of fun. Yeah.

[Matt]

And you just do nine holes. He's like, don't. Eighteen's crazy.

[Shane]

Unless we're drinking yeah, it's the best part. The back nine. You're blacked out, and you get to drive a golf cart around. You go. Watch this.

[Matt]

It is a safe haven for drunk driving.

[Shane]

So fun.

[Matt]

But, yeah, dudes whip those things, too. Because I. I did feel bad because I. I'll unleash, like, the kids on the putting green, and, like, usually I'm there late enough where no one's on there, but the other day, there was a lot of people in the putting green. They were just trying to do putts while, like, girls are doing, like, cartwheels around. It was so funny.

[Shane]

You gotta, you know, figure out how to hit it under pressure.

[Matt]

That's what I was saying. I was like, hey, man, sorry. My kids don't do polite golf claps. Like, you gotta.

[Shane]

Yeah, you gotta earn it around here.

[Matt]

There was a guy. I was like, dude. It was actually, like. I think it was, like, two days ago. He was working on chip shots, and there was. Dude, there was, like, for real, like, seven little kids running around. He was chipping it, and I was like, man, this guy must be confident. He's focused, dude, he just sunk it, like, on, like. He just sunk a hole in one chip shot.

[Shane]

Showing off for the kids.

[Matt]

Like, what the. I'd be so worried I was gonna crack a kid in the head with the ball. For real, dude. I'm like, he. Like. He was hitting it hard enough to where I was like, damn, bro. Yeah, that golf course is the chill spot, though. Tacos hit the range. I do. I hit the range every now and again.

[Shane]

All right.

[Matt]

I'm not bad, dude. I can hit it, like. And I. I don't know where this came from. I can hit it straight somehow. Not the driver. Driver.

[Shane]

Driver's so hard.

[Matt]

Driver. I've sent a couple out into the road, and they're like, if you send it in the road, you're financially responsible. It's like, I don't think so, bro.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Pretty sure I'm hitting golf clubs at your business. I'm pretty sure. You're the one with the insurance.

[Shane]

If I hit a car, I'm obviously leaving.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Not telling anyone I did that.

[Matt]

Yeah, I'm gonna be like that. Would you see that cart? It shot it out like a lawnmower. That wasn't me, but, yeah, dude, I. I've weirdly got better at sports in. As a molder. It's bizarre.

[Shane]

That happens a little. You slow down. You're not as chill. You're not spazzing. You're not nervous.

[Matt]

Exactly. That Dude, I'm telling you, that field goal kick, I didn't. Wasn't nervous.

[Shane]

You had, bro, bro.

[Matt]

And all I could think about, I was telling you, was that quote where it's like. It's like some Chinese Zen thing where it's like, as soon as the archer thinks about the prize, his mind becomes divided from the target. And I was just like, dude, all I got to think about is a target. I was totally.

[Shane]

You were locked in.

[Matt]

I was totally locked in. I didn't. If I made it, that would have been sick. But I was just happy. I got it up into the air and moved. But it's like, dude, ping pong. Then I played ping pong that night. James were playing ping pong.

[Shane]

That was so fun.

[Matt]

I'm good at ping pong.

[Shane]

I was hammered just watching them play ping pong at night.

[Matt]

Yeah, that was great.

[Shane]

I just sat on the couch, watch you guys try your hardest diving. It was really good. I did. When you went to bed, I said, I'm gonna bring in my old workhorse, Chris O'Connor. Get down here. I know Connor's gonna be good at this. O'Connor was nasty.

[Matt]

Yeah, I believe it.

[Shane]

That was my favorite part of the trip, probably. I was talking you and James into going back down and competing again.

[Matt]

Well, the craziest. He beat me, and then I beat him, and he came up and he's like, I beat the second. I'm like, yeah.

[Shane]

Like, Matt told me who won. They played three games.

[Matt]

Yeah, we did two sets of best out of three. He won the first, I won the middle. He won the second or the third, I guess.

[Shane]

Okay. It was very. It was. It was an easy one. Even. Even hammered to just be like, james, didn't you just say you won the game?

[Matt]

He did. It was great.

[Shane]

And then they both are like, no.

[Matt]

No, we had to go back.

[Shane]

You guys were itching to play anyway.

[Matt]

He played great. But, dude, out of nowhere, we, like, were around. I was like, it was crazy, bro. It was on.

[Shane]

It's exciting times.

[Matt]

I'm telling you, man. Getting, like, better at every sport and nearing your 40s is like, it's kind of been a welcome and it is. It's. It's all mental.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

It's like, I. I just don't care about, like, missing.

[Shane]

I'll see you out there on. I'd like to see that Home Run derby. I bet you can hit it.

[Matt]

I don' man, that was my greatest sports weakness was the swinging the bag.

[Shane]

Because it was scary. Because someone was throwing a fast Now I don't care.

[Matt]

I'd love a ball to hit me in the head right now.

[Shane]

Yeah. Knock me, kill me, knock me the out. I'm done with this day machine. Yeah.

[Matt]

Dude, I've been skateboarding fearlessly.

[Shane]

I'm worried about that.

[Matt]

I'm gonna.

[Shane]

Some of the videos. I said, you better slow down, Matt.

[Matt]

Bro, I. I might get a helmet.

[Shane]

Break a collarbone or something.

[Matt]

I'm not worried about bones. I'll break bones.

[Shane]

I don't want to sling my head. You look like a dumbass, dude. Dude, I'll be funny for stand up.

[Matt]

It would be kind of fun.

[Shane]

Yeah. Broke my arm skating.

[Matt]

It's. Dude, the pump track is like, you drop in and then you, like, you have to, like, move your legs in a certain way to gain speed through the hills. Dude, you come up to the last hill, the really good guys, like, hit it and get air and come down. Yeah, but just getting to the top of that thing, you're going. Then you got to come around like, a little wall. And, dude, you're literally going. Like you're leaning and you're like. And my. My uncle is. Dude, he does it with me. He's like 50. 50.

[Shane]

He was like, nice.

[Matt]

He took a video. His son, my. My cousin. Freeze. Freeze. Like, the video took a picture of my face. Like, it looks like he's experiencing G force because I'm like, fully nerding out. It's so funny. Do the skate park. It's so hard. Like, physically. I would do it, like, effortlessly when I was a kid. Yeah, you get destroyed. Just, like, winded.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

From just like, pumping your legs and like, balancing skiing. Not for a long time.

[Shane]

It's got to kill you. You're like, oh, my legs don't work.

[Matt]

You got to be dead. Yeah. I was doing an hour and 10 minutes of skateboarding. My legs were fried for, like, two days. It's pretty eye opening, honestly. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. But, dude, once you get decent at it, it's so sick. And then it's like, I try to, like. I've been really trying to, like, stamp this part of myself out, but it's like you see the other parents with their kids and you're skating, you're like, hop on the board, Pops. Hop on the board, bro. But I tried. I try not to do that.

[Shane]

What? Make the other parents just be like.

[Matt]

It's just got to be funny because, like, you're. I'm there watching parents with their toddlers.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt]

My age. I'm ripping the skate park And I almost want to tell them. I'm like, bro, grab the board.

[Shane]

They're afraid to live free like you.

[Matt]

Grab the board, bro.

[Shane]

Yeah, grab the board.

[Matt]

Because I've talked to a lot of people, like, I want to do it. I'm like, do it, dude. It's so scary when you first start dropping.

[Shane]

I'm never ever.

[Matt]

It's so scary.

[Shane]

Just for the record, I'm never going near it.

[Matt]

It's so scary. And I'm not saying I'm shaming the dads. I'm more talking about like covertly seducing their wives from my skate.

[Shane]

Other wives there while you're skating. And you're just like, it's wives. Did you see that?

[Matt]

It's the worst domestic setup where it's little kids, like little kids on those little zoomy bikes where like they don't even, don't even have pedals. There's like a small beginners kind of like bowl looking thing. And then there's like the advanced pump track. And it's just kids meeting their demise. And then just moms freaking out at dads, being like, you be watching them. And just dads in hell. And I'm just floating. I'm just riding the way.

[Shane]

You got 2 milligrams in you and you're going, Damn.

[Matt]

Yeah. 6,000 milligrams of caffeine and like a little bit of weed is going, brother, grab the board, brother. Get on the pump track. But yeah, I am just kidding too. I'm not thinking about seducing men's wives.

[Shane]

But the thought has a fun joke.

[Matt]

It's a fun joke. And the thought has crossed my mind.

[Shane]

Like, dude, how nice it would be to have sex with people's wives.

[Matt]

No, not that. I'm all about just getting that attraction and getting that energy, bro.

[Shane]

It's skate life at this point.

[Matt]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Shane]

You're a skater boy. You're obviously going to seduce women.

[Matt]

I'm not gonna.

[Shane]

Well, come on, man.

[Matt]

I'll look all. Here's what I'm about.

[Shane]

If I see a guy on the board, I go, honey, don't look, honey, close your eyes. Don't look. There's a guy on the pump track going one mile an hour. Don't look, don't look, babe.

[Matt]

Well, you need enough speed, otherwise you peter out on the pump track. And that's embarrassing. And I. That took me three days.

[Shane]

How many bails have you been bailing out? Gnarly.

[Matt]

I've slammed, dude. I slammed hard. The other day, I don't know what happened. Like, when you come back up, I leaned forward a little bit too much. If you zone out for a second, you're. Yeah, I kind of zoned out. And you know, again, doesn't matter at all. But there was just like, lady skating with gigantic tits, and there's a lady.

[Shane]

With gigantic tits skating.

[Matt]

You know, you see people and you're like, you definitely have.

[Shane]

And it's. It's hills right there.

[Matt]

She was a youngster. She was a youngster. But I was. It was like. It was a guy. It was a young skater couple in love, but the lady was significantly better. And I shouldn't really be talking. I shouldn't be talking skate park confidential stuff, but, like. But it was just a funny dynamic because, like, dude, I was watching this lady. You know, you see people, like, if you're a girl who skateboards, you have, like, colored hair and. And, you know, bosom. You probably have 500, 000 Instagram follow. You know, that translates to Instagram so. Well, yeah, but. But they were holding down the skate park pretty hard.

[Shane]

She dressed like the bully from the Simpsons. Like the skull cap and the haircut.

[Matt]

Yeah, like a little skull cap.

[Shane]

Is that Ralph's? Is it Ralph the bully? No, Ralph's Nelson, but Nelson's friend. Nelson's friend is who I was thinking of.

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane]

Doesn't he have a friend that Nelson is the.

[Matt]

I'm thinking of dressing like Nelson, and you were kind of spot on, but I, I, again, I shouldn't. I'm being a gross pig. I'm just, you know, there's obviously, you know, I. I have dual natures.

[Shane]

Yeah. This guy. I was thinking of Jimbo Jones.

[Matt]

Oh, I was thinking more like the other guy.

[Shane]

I feel like all the skater girls look like Jimbo Jones and Dolph Starbeam.

[Matt]

It was. It's definitely big pants. But, you know, there was a tank. There's a tank going on. But the. But my whole point was it's like, you know, again, it's like, I'm not trying to be, like, gross or weird, but it does put a pressure when there's a young lady watching you do a physical activity. So I was just like, you know, your party. There's that part of you that's just kind of like, bro, I'm killing it.

[Shane]

Dude, this is so much better than your boyfriend. Not a big deal.

[Matt]

So much. Although he. They were way better than me. But the. I, like, leaned forward real quick and just. I don't know what happened. I was going up a hill as I show off my skateboard stopped you showed off and slammed onto the concrete and had to be like, yeah, dude.

[Shane]

You're trying to show up for the little kids skate Dusky.

[Matt]

Now they're in their 20s, bro.

[Shane]

Hold on, I got a whiz. Can we take a time out?

[Matt]

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[Shane]

It is playoff time.

[Matt]

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[Shane]

It's now or never.

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[Shane]

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[Matt]

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[Shane]

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[Matt]

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[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

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[Shane]

What the.

[Matt]

Yeah, dude, I'm there.

[Shane]

Do you hear this? They're just giving away money.

[Matt]

$50. It's called a bonus, dude. It's guaranteed.

[Shane]

Get in.

[Matt]

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[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt]

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[Shane]

I think Mahomes. I like that.

[Matt]

Definitely more than 1.5. Cook up hot takes with your friends and win real money this football season. When you and your crew run your game on Prize Picks. I mean that's such a good sick.

[Shane]

Ass crew we have.

[Matt]

Dude. Download the Prize Picks app today and use code Drench to get 50 instantly after you play your first five dollar lineup. That's code drenched on the Prize Picks app to get $50 instantly after you play your first five dollar lineup. Price picks. Run your game.

[Shane]

Run your game right now.

[Matt]

Also, please come to Atlanta this weekend. I'll be at the Helium Comedy Club in supposedly what's Atlanta, but apparently I've learned it's 40 minutes outside of Atlanta. Oh, yeah, A little different there, but the. It's in the greater Atlanta area. I'll be there Thursday till Saturday. Please come. Thank you.

[Shane]

I have San Antonio, Dallas, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Vancouver, Seattle, Minneapolis, Tampa, Jacksonville. Be on the lookout. Let me see who's not selling tickets. What the heck's going on here? Whoa. 60 Birmingham, Alabama. I need you. I'll be in Birmingham, Alabama, April 26. What else you got? Let me just go ahead.

[C]

Hey.

[Shane]

Take a n. Take a name. Take a day. Take a day. Yeah, man, take a day.

[C]

Hey, everybody. Hello, it's me. La Mercury, January 16th. I'm going to be at hilly Philliam, Hilliam, Philly. Coming to that.

[Shane]

That'll be hilly Philliam.

[C]

And January 19th, the Emmaus Theater. Please come there. Yeah. Lamar Lee. Not fun.

[Matt]

Didn't even flinch.

[Shane]

Didn't flinch at all. Walk straight into St. Pete in. In.

[Matt]

In Las Vegas in February. Please come if you can. Thank you.

[Shane]

Be in Las Vegas in February.

[Matt]

Why are you doing it? Coastal Creative in St. Pete, Florida.

[Shane]

That'll be fun. Get you down Valentine's weekend.

[Matt]

Oh, nice. Please, for the love of God, come.

[Shane]

If you can, bring your sweetheart.

[Matt]

Your sweetheart. Come watch me stand up. Goodbye. Thank you.

[Shane]

Let's get back to that fun episode. Hey, Sean, you. No, you decide. Stop rolling your eyes, dude. God, I'm just joshing you, bud.

[Matt]

Hat dam.

[Shane]

I mean, it's been. It's been. Been so wonderful to be back.

[Matt]

It's been nice, man, to see the fellas, man. It was, you know. Look, it's a cold, mean world out there, bro.

[Shane]

It is.

[Matt]

It's a cold, mean world. But.

[Shane]

But now they're back. Now the bros are back.

[Matt]

Bros are back. Dude. Morale is sore.

[Shane]

I was at an all time high.

[Matt]

It is soaring right now.

[Shane]

Now you're back. Now you guys run the mothership. Now that I'm back, you guys get to walk around with your chest held a little higher. Do you know who my friend is? He does Bud Light commercials.

[Matt]

True. You guys should start really throwing your weight around.

[Shane]

You should, dude.

[Matt]

Why not?

[Shane]

You guys got to do battle with the Kill Tony crew.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You guys have to.

[C]

We can't. We can't do that, dude.

[Matt]

Why?

[Shane]

You have to battle them. They. They think they own you guys.

[C]

They think.

[Shane]

They think. Yeah.

[Matt]

You guys should at least challenge one. Like a public beef would be nice.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[C]

Don't get me started, dude. I'll do it.

[Shane]

You will do it. You're gonna do it without us even asking. And I'm not defending you. I'm gonna side with the kill. The kill. Tony. Crew of Mutants versus guard dog Thick and Thunder. You're gonna have to take on the Mutants.

[Matt]

Yeah. Damn. Yeah. I mean, definitely. 20, 25 is a year for major moves.

[Shane]

So it's time for me.

[Matt]

You guys gotta crack a couple skulls, sacrifice some people. You guys should. I don't mean, like physically. I mean, like. Yeah, you guys should be at least two beefs by the end of the year.

[Shane]

I'm gonna need some beefs or.

[Matt]

Or hear me out. Spaz on the mothership publicly if you don't get enough spots.

[Shane]

Oh, have you been publicly spazzing?

[C]

No.

[Matt]

You got a sp. That's a strong move to be like, this club hates me. They're not fair them.

[C]

I have not publicly spaz. I've been dependently.

[Shane]

I privately spazed.

[C]

I've privately spazzed a lot.

[Shane]

I'm not getting enough stage time.

[Matt]

Such a nice move. Like, yo, for real. I think they hate me. I think they hate.

[Shane]

They hate me over there. You know what? The beef. This is the beef. I'm gonna manifest it. Hans Kim versus Nate Marshall. Oh, I need that beef.

[Matt]

That'd be a good beef.

[Shane]

It's a good beef.

[Matt]

That's a great beast.

[Shane]

It's gonna be such an easy one to start. Just immediately have Nate be like, I'm not gonna. He didn't say. But what if he did? Yeah, it'd be fun to get in there.

[Matt]

We gotta. We gotta start. I. I'm gonna. You know, I'm just taking cues from Maga, man. We gotta start infighting.

[Shane]

It's. Yeah.

[Matt]

If you're not infighting, what are you doing? Yeah, we gotta pick some point and just start fighting over it. Dude.

[Shane]

Dude, was that the thing that ran again?

[Matt]

Yeah, that's your hair, bro. Your air's back on.

[Shane]

No, there's a creature that lives in my house that sprints across the roof. Dude, it literally sounds like a man. It sounds like it's two feet. It's just like. And then it'll stay still for an hour. Mineral Springs.

[Matt]

Dude, when you get a raccoon on your roof, it sounds like a grown person.

[Shane]

Raccoon. Or a possum. I've seen a couple possums possibly.

[Matt]

Nice.

[Shane]

I do like the possums. I've seen them crawl across the fence back there. That's right.

[Matt]

Possum. Dude, we had to tear up our little. We had a little trek stack area that we, like, tore up and put stone down. And, dude, I had to get, like, there was possums living under there. These Mexican dudes were, like, trying to catch them in the T shirt. It was so funny. They're fearless, dude. Yeah, it was a mother possum and a baby possum.

[Shane]

Oh, no. You had them executed for your porch?

[Matt]

Hell, no.

[Shane]

No, no.

[Matt]

They were. They were just. They were sent on an exodus because there was nowhere for them to live.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

But, like, we were. We were like. We ripped it up and it was like, all right, I know there's possums under here.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So, like, be careful. So we didn't know there was a baby. So, like, the mom was just going nuts. We're like, dude, here's the road to freedom. Get out of here. And it wouldn't leave.

[Shane]

They might have found their way to my roof.

[Matt]

They might.

[Shane]

Hopefully that was one. There was a dead possum in the front yard when I what, first moved here. Yeah. And that's when I was like, that's why the house smells like. It was probably dead animal.

[Matt]

Yeah. They're good for you, though. They eat snakes. They eat bugs.

[Shane]

Did you hear it again or something? No, they move it. No, it was. What, the smell?

[C]

Yeah.

[Shane]

No, it couldn't be a dead animal on the roof that smells bad for a year. Yeah.

[C]

That's fair.

[Matt]

Dude, Jackson.

[Shane]

Fart castle.

[Matt]

Dude, Jackson.

[Shane]

God.

[Matt]

Our neighbors put rat poison. There's the possum that we had under our porch. Our neighbors can't stand it because, like, it just shits. It, like, chills in our yard and shits in their yard.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I've never even seen possum, but apparently it was just in their yard.

[Shane]

Big time.

[Matt]

In their yard. Hung in our yard.

[Shane]

That's nice.

[Matt]

It was really funny. So they laid out a ton of rat poison for it, trying to get it.

[Shane]

One of these people.

[Matt]

There's our neighbors. They don't want all the in their yard. And I was like, hey, man, your.

[Shane]

Yard'S your yard, But a dog's gonna eat that immediately.

[Matt]

Well, funny you say that, Jackson. Of course, we didn't know it was out there. Gorging on rat poison, Jackson gorged on rap.

[Shane]

Jesus Christ.

[Matt]

And dude, he lives again. He.

[Shane]

He wants to go quarter pound.

[Matt]

No, he just wants to grow.

[Shane]

He does like to grow.

[Matt]

He just wants to grub.

[Shane]

He seemingly wants a way out.

[Matt]

He just doesn't care, dude. Like, how's his legs?

[Shane]

How is his surgery?

[Matt]

His legs?

[Shane]

Good. It went well.

[Matt]

Finally the dude has stopped. He stopped limping. But then he just instantly gorged on rap. He ate a bunch of chicken bones from the dudes who were working on the porch. Just threw chicken bones everywhere. So he munched them, was, like, out bones and throwing up. And then, like, during that crisis, went and just crushed a ton of rat.

[Shane]

Poison on top of the bones.

[Matt]

It's crazy. Brittany called me. I was like. I was, like, doing something. She's like, jackson ain't rat poison. I was like, jesus, yeah, he's dead.

[Shane]

You would imagine he'd die.

[Matt]

I looked it up. I was like, all right, let's see here. I looked it up. You have to eat. I think at least 5% of your body weight in rat po. Okay, so Jackson, he only had. I was like, how much did he. He ate, like, one puck.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Started for the second and got pulled off, but he was throwing up, like, chicken bones and, like, lime green rat po. It was. Bro is trouble.

[Shane]

It's very funny.

[Matt]

But he's good now. He's cool. He's, like, better than ever.

[Shane]

I like working. I'm always a fan to hear what he's up to. It's never good.

[Matt]

It's never good, bro. It's never good. He's gotten. He's had three chocolate breakouts. Mushrooms, once. Low dose.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Edible rat poison. He's for real, a psychonaut, dude. He's crazy.

[Shane]

He's done it all.

[Matt]

He has done it. Truly has done it all. But, dude, he. He's good, though. Now. He was throwing up for, like, literally, like, a week or so. Then I had to switch his food and everything I gave him. I was giving him chicken and rice for, like, weeks. So now I give him, like, good. Yeah. Now I'm feeding him, like, he's eating.

[Shane]

Better than I do. Chicken and rice good. Yeah.

[Matt]

Because if you have a dog with diarrhea, the rice just like. Like, stops him up because he was he, like, everywhere. The one morning we woke up and there was just like, puke, puke. Shits all in his bed. And he, like, pointed his ass out of the cage. So we were, like, going around and. Dude, nothing sours a wife in the morning. Just like, dog. I mean, it'll get anybody.

[Shane]

Yeah, that would fire me up a little.

[Matt]

But, yeah, it's. It's rough, man.

[Shane]

That's when it's. That's your dog. Dog.

[Matt]

No. Oh, dude.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

He couldn't be more mine during that time.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Granted, it was both of our idea, but when he shits everywhere his mind. But the dude, he. And actually, to her credit, she handled the mornings really well because it was the most he'd ever done. And it was every. It was so much, bro. There was so many spots. We, like, just set up our Christmas. It was. It was whatever. But he. Yeah, it was handled. It was handled pretty well. And then the. So, like, that happened. We're, like, cleaning up, and my kids are watching me, and they're like, what are you. I'm explaining what's going on. The one night we went out to see Moana, too. It was me, Britney, mine, Chloe. Chloe. I didn't know. You know, we're in the dark. So, like, we have like, all. Everyone has all their stuff. She was hitting French fries off Brittany's plate. Hitting French fries off my plate? No, she was working both of us. We didn't know. She hit both plates so hard. She. She ate so many French fries that. That morning, I go in her room, she's just like. She's just crying, like, five in the morning. I'm like, what's up? She's like, I did a yucky thing. And I was like, what are you talking about? She's like, Like. Like, I did like Jackson did on the carpet. And I was. She just threw up.

[Shane]

Oh. I thought she stuck her ass out.

[Matt]

In diarrhea, but she just threw up all over the floor. And she does. If you leave her by herself, she'll start trying to wipe her own ass and she just smears it. It's the worst. We had to convince her. So we have to get. Brittany was like. Because I was like, going in. I'm like, don't wipe yourself. And then she's like, I have a boo boo on my giantie. And I was like, what? And. And she's like. Brittany's like. I told her she has a boo boo on her vagina so she won't try to wipe herself.

[Shane]

Oh, nice.

[Matt]

It's probably not good for long term to be like, your vagina has a wound.

[Shane]

Something's wrong with your vagina. Yeah, that would. That might affect long term.

[Matt]

Yeah, well, I was. I've been tell. I'm. I'm like.

[Shane]

But it might be even weirder if you're like, no, honey, your vagina is great.

[Matt]

I think you. You couldn't go wrong being like, it's great.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Women. Women have a massive insecurity about, like, what's up with it? How is it? Is it good?

[Shane]

Same.

[Matt]

Yeah. True.

[Shane]

Yeah. You know, I always try to tell.

[Matt]

My wife, I said, babe, you got nothing to worry about. Let me get everything.

[Shane]

Let me Go.

[Matt]

Let me gobble that.

[Shane]

Trying to get in there and snack a little.

[Matt]

Yeah, I've been sweating.

[Shane]

I'm like, bro, give me the sweat, bruh. Let me eat it. All right, all right.

[Matt]

Sorry, sorry, sorry. But we're just talking about, you know. But, yeah, that's, you know. So, yeah, it's. It is one of those things where it's like, dude, I drop her off to do, like, her. Like, her daycare, and it's like, we have to, like, give her pretzels in order for her to go in. And I'm like, man, this is definitely set up some neural pathways that aren't great. You'd be like, oh, you're feeling overwhelmed. Eat some pretzels. You'll be fine. Yeah, yeah, just munch pretzels. But, yeah, she's. Peace pump right now. She's on. She's, like, on this new thing where she's. Ariel's mom from Little Mermaid. Came up with it out of nowhere. And, yeah, she's been hitting me with that every morning.

[Shane]

Yeah, what she said. Weren't you just.

[Matt]

Yeah, dude. Yeah, she woke me up yesterday. Well, Maya woke me up at five in the morning. Then Chloe at six. I just never went back to sleep. Chloe woke up, has to pee, take her to the bathroom. She goes, I don't have to pee. And I'm like, you. And then I'm like, all right, come to bed with me. No talking. Go to sleep. She's like, yeah, for sure. Lays down next to me, dude. You get, like, two seconds of silence, and you're just like, you know something's coming. And out of nowhere, she's like, yeah, I'm Ariel's mom. And I'm like, dude, shut. Shut up and go to bed. Stop. And then, like, she'll just. And then, like, you'll squash that, and you'll feel just a hand just, like, whap right in your eye. It's, like, in the dark. So I'm like, ow. And she's like. I'm like, dude, let's go downstairs. I'm done. We're not gonna try to fall asleep. It is. That was. Been, like, bugging me out lately with, like. Because it really is people, like, you know, having kids. Like, it's the best thing in the world. Like, it is. It's very. It's, like, uncomparable to anything else. But then you break down, like, what you're actually doing. It's, like, insane. It's like, dude, like, literally, like, I've gotten on a couple times.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Peed on. I mean, dude, I had like peed on underwear. It's like when Chloe pees in the toilet, she likes to like, really see what she's doing, but then she'll arch her back. So with the peace, take a look.

[Shane]

At what was going on.

[Matt]

I've done this to myself as an adult. When you like poop and you pee through the toilet and so it hit the back of your pants. Done it. Yeah, she did it. We were out doing like something and she peed all over her pants. Luckily it hit her just her underwear. So I was like, I didn't have a change of clothes.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So I just. Just took her like pee underwear and it's like put in my pocket. Oh no, I forgot they were in there. So my whole point is you're doing all this. I have like p underwear in my pocket I'm being on. And it's like when you break it down by the tax, by like task by task, you're like, how is this the best thing in the world? And really, it's just the power of love.

[Shane]

It is the powerful.

[Matt]

And my whole point is, if love is truly that powerful, what are we doing for our lives? Truly such a powerful force. The best thing in the world is literally the most servile and disgusting tasks and just zero free time makes you think, dude.

[Shane]

It does.

[Matt]

It truly makes you think. But it also having free time rules. So free time.

[Shane]

I.

[Matt]

It's crazy, dude.

[Shane]

Free time's pretty sick. Although too much free time realize how.

[Matt]

Sick it is until it gets taken.

[Shane]

Away from too much free time forever. I just had too much free true once we finished filming tires. And then I was just in Westchester. Nothing to do.

[Matt]

That is true. People don't understand that.

[Shane]

Man, that sucks. That like drives you crazy.

[Matt]

The pinging silence of like hours upon hours of personal free time is kind of up.

[Shane]

Empty house, silent. And then they're like, I'll just go across the street and walk along the creek.

[Matt]

That's Joe.

[Shane]

It was nice.

[Matt]

That's joke.

[Shane]

But it was also dead silent out there. You walk back in your house, it's a giant, silent old house from the 1700s. I'm just standing in there, like.

[Matt]

I.

[Shane]

Gotta do stand up.

[Matt]

That gets so disorienting where you're like, what am I gonna.

[Shane]

Sun goes down at 2pm yeah. I'm just standing there in the dark. A haunted house. The house makes noises. I'm scared now. And it's dark for 10 straight hours. It's dark to. I'm awake. The Whole time. It's dark, scary. I'm scared for hours.

[Matt]

And it was remote, too.

[Shane]

It was very remote. Scared.

[Matt]

And there's like an. I remember I was out there, bro.

[Shane]

I'd go outside, I'd piss outside a lot. It's awesome. It was very nice. The stars were out. Was very nice. But there was always a fox screaming.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And then it would get closer and scream closer. You gotta hurry. You piss up, run inside. Because I'm not sure it's a fox.

[Matt]

We have a coyote. We have a coyote near us. You'll hear, start yelping. You're like. And the same thing. We're outside. I have my little makeshift fire pit in my. In the lot that. Pray to God they never build a house there. They're definitely going to, though. But, dude, I've taken it over.

[Shane]

You took over a lot and put a fire pit in?

[Matt]

Yeah, I just put, like. I had, like, stone left over from when we did that little, like. Like, patio area. So I just, like, set up, built on. But there's a lot behind my house.

[Shane]

And it's like, squatting. You're settling?

[Matt]

Technically, I could do an easement. Yeah. I could be like, hey, man, look, I told. I was told Brittany. I was going to chain myself down to my fire pit. Or I might go try to find old bones from a museum, steal them and just bury them in there and.

[Shane]

Be like, you can't touch this land.

[Matt]

We can't build anything on here. But I. I've been. Dude, I burnt my Christmas tree. Do you know how flammable those things are? Yeah, but, like, I'm sure. I guess that's common knowledge. They, like, burn houses down. Dude, I. I was, you know, I had, like, my little wood. I had it going on. I'm like, let me just throw, like, a branch and some needles. You would have thought I'd put gasoline on the fire. So then I had chopped it up into three parts, and I'm putting branches.

[Shane]

That's how you got rid of your Christmas tree?

[Matt]

Yes.

[Shane]

Burning. It was pretty.

[Matt]

So sick, dude. I put one, like I say, a third of a Christmas tree on a fire. It got. I'm not lying, maybe 12ft up. The flame was 12. The flame was so bright that the street lights turned off.

[Shane]

Jesus.

[Matt]

The flame, like the photo sensors trip, not. They just kicked on and it was like, oh, it's daytime.

[Shane]

You were going nuts, dude.

[Matt]

Did I show you the flame? No, bro. The flame is so nasty.

[Shane]

I was doing crazy. I had a couple fires.

[Matt]

I had some fires going Bro, I, I'm telling.

[Shane]

Most of my time standing outside looking for drones. That was a fun nighttime task. I'll go, oh, there's no cloud tonight. I'm going to go try to find drones.

[Matt]

If you got a sighting, that would been.

[Shane]

I wish I, I saw several planes that I stood there for 10 minutes watching, just being like, that could be. It doesn't seem.

[Matt]

Could that possibly be a uap? God damn it. I've seen many pictures. Here we go. Dude, that's me, dude. Maya takes videos of me. That's me on the peloton. Dude, the. Sorry, I got to find these flames. Excuse my.

[Shane]

No, find the flames, dude.

[Matt]

The flames. You're gonna frill. You're gonna get a little taken aback and go, dude. Oh, bro, that was the blaze. What are you doing?

[Shane]

What are you doing?

[Matt]

That's a third of a Christmas tree. Next year, I'm lighting the whole thing up.

[Shane]

Are your neighbors out or is this just you and your family?

[Matt]

Just me and the family. Just me and the family. We had our friends.

[Shane]

Yeah, dude, the neighbors must be like, what the.

[Matt]

So our neighbors aren't there a lot. They split time between, like two different cities and they, they've gotten fire alerts. They have like a security camera.

[Shane]

Oh, no.

[Matt]

That was like, is there a fire nearby? Cuz their phone got pinged. Like, we detected fire in your area. But then the house next to me. This boggles my mind. They bought the place and nobody's lived in there for a year. Year and some change.

[Shane]

Build some stuff in there. Just expand throughout your neighborhood.

[Matt]

That's what I'm trying to say.

[Shane]

Start setting up chill spots.

[Matt]

My thing is, who, who buys a house and doesn't use it? Like, like there's no renters.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Then the one next to us, same thing. But they just started throwing Airbnb people in there. And it's. Which is kind of sick because I get to like, look at the Chinese. I, Dude, I, I, Yeah, but I feel like I've met. I think it was a couple Indians, actually. So I met the Indians who did it. And I'm like, you know, I was kind of stoked. I've always, I've never had Indian neighbors. So I was like, yeah, they left me high and dry, bro.

[Shane]

My sister's running into a big problem with Indian neighbors. I was by there for Christmas. No lights.

[Matt]

Oh, no Christmas.

[Shane]

Her whole neighborhood's Indian people, bruh.

[Matt]

That would kind of chat, my ass. It's like, bro, come on, it's a little rough. Toss up, light up some V shoes, dude.

[Shane]

Nobody's cutting the grass. Yeah, she's wild. Everyone's holding hands, walking outside.

[Matt]

Or they hold.

[Shane]

Everyone's outside.

[Matt]

Or the boss. Indian dudes let their wife. Wives walk like like five feet ahead of them. That's the move where it's an Indian lady and then the husband's five feet behind her, hands behind his back.

[Shane]

They did get that right.

[Matt]

That's nice.

[Shane]

Going on a walk with your lady blows.

[Matt]

Stagger it.

[Shane]

Try to hold hands or something. It's like, I'm walking.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Hey, I'm walking here.

[Matt]

What is three legged race?

[Shane]

And then you get like a narrow part of the path and you slow down to let her go first. Then she slows, instinctively stops. Yeah, you go, no.

[Matt]

Yeah, man.

[Shane]

So this is a single file part of the path. It's.

[Matt]

Dude, I. We have some nice, like little walking areas and we've done, we like, we've done the walks and, and it's the only thing that could be nice if you do like a super long, grueling walk. Because there's nothing better than being like, you tired.

[Shane]

That is nice.

[Matt]

That can be nice.

[Shane]

I hit, I hit. Yeah, I hit my lady with one of those recently. God damn. I've been sitting around now. How the am I the one that's not tired at all?

[Matt]

I got crushed the other day because we both. When we. When I found out I was pre diabetic on the blood test. Dude, my A1C will be lower, but it'll.

[Shane]

I'm sure it is already.

[Matt]

I it. If it's not, I'm gonna die because like I literally cut out like 90 of carbohydrates. But there was, there was. When we like first had kid. We had two. When we first had two kids, we'd had this double stroller in Philly. We push it up hills and Brittany would get like for real, like winded.

[Shane]

Yeah, of course.

[Matt]

And she'd always be like, I gotta go to the doctor, there's something going on. I'm like, yeah, dude, you're out of shape. And like she's still salty about that comment. But the. And then like she got some blood tests where like they really did reveal some sort of like irregularity about like, I don't know what it was, but she was like, you. I told you there was something. And they were saying like the side effect could be like getting winded easily. And I was like, damn, that's my bad. Instantly called out the. I'm like, you're faking it? Yeah, of course. Yeah, she crushed. She danced in the end zone on me on that. She's like, you're such a. Especially like, you don't realize how things sound until, like, she's telling other couples or people.

[Shane]

Yeah, what she said.

[Matt]

You're like, well, hold on. Let's put the context in there.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

This asshole just said, yeah, it's because you're out of shape. And I was like, well, I was concerned for you. I need you to.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Matt]

Yes, sir.

[Shane]

Let's switch over to the Patreon. Let's motherfucking see you on the Patreon. Good friends.