Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)

Summary

Episode Summary: "Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)"

Hosts: Matt McCusker, Shane Gillis
Guest: Big Jay Oakerson
Release Date: March 7, 2025

In Episode 549 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, titled "White Elmo," hosts Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis are joined by comedian Big Jay Oakerson. The episode is a whirlwind of humorous discussions, personal anecdotes, and candid conversations that delve into everyday experiences with a comedic twist. Below is a detailed summary capturing the key points, notable quotes, and the flow of the episode.

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1. Toilet Tech and Bidet Banter (00:00 - 02:50)

The episode kicks off with a light-hearted conversation about modern bathroom technologies, specifically heated toilet seats and bidets. Big Jay introduces the topic with his characteristic humor.

• Big Jay Oakerson (00:00): "Wild wild west."
• Christine Evans (00:19): "So nice."

The hosts discuss their apprehensions and humorous experiences with bidets, touching on the strength of bidet water streams and the social awkwardness that can accompany their usage.

• Luis J. Gomez (02:15): "Warm water hitting you is like you might as well fap. It's kind of sexual."
• Big Jay Oakerson (02:50): "I just don't fully get it."

2. Comedy Note-Taking and Material Development (03:00 - 06:02)

Transitioning from bathroom tech, the conversation shifts to the process of developing comedic material. The hosts emphasize the importance of jotting down spontaneous ideas and revisiting them during creative phases.

• Christine Evans (04:05): "If Gardini says something funny when he's drunk, I write it down and then send it to him the next morning."
• Big Jay Oakerson (05:07): "Gay pizza."

They humorously explore how fleeting thoughts can spark memorable jokes, highlighting the unpredictability of creativity.

3. High Grocery Shopping Adventures (06:08 - 10:10)

The hosts share amusing tales from grocery shopping while under the influence, detailing the chaos and unexpected inspirations that arise from such experiences.

• Luis J. Gomez (06:32): "I was getting high and listening to Led Zeppelin in the grocery store."
• Big Jay Oakerson (08:00): "He does like everything."

From excessive hoarding of pickles to indecisive purchases, the anecdotes paint a vivid picture of the humorous side effects of elevated states during mundane tasks.

4. Pedophile Sting Stories and Reflections (10:11 - 84:40)

A significant portion of the episode delves into Big Jay's experiences with pedophile sting operations, offering a raw and unfiltered look into a sensitive and serious subject handled with dark humor.

• Big Jay Oakerson (15:18): "He was like, he's a retarded guy and he's saying I love you a bunch to this like fake girl."
• Luis J. Gomez (70:46): "Shop died at the hand of a pedophile."
• Christine Evans (80:25): "You're going to jail."

The discussion covers various encounters, the psychological impacts of such operations, and the ethical dilemmas faced by those involved. Notable moments include:

• Big Jay Oakerson (28:14): Skipping non-content sections, emphasizing the shift back to main topics.
• Christine Evans (61:53): "Society's collapsing over the weight of kid."
• Big Jay Oakerson (73:18): Reflecting on unintended consequences of sting operations.

Through these narratives, the hosts balance the gravity of the topic with their comedic instincts, providing insightful commentary on societal issues.

5. Comedic Special Filming and Production Insights (84:41 - 93:19)

The latter part of the episode transitions to behind-the-scenes stories about filming comedy specials. Big Jay shares his challenges with camera angles, stage presence, and audience interaction during live recordings.

• Big Jay Oakerson (85:08): "Any room where it's going forward? Yeah, I hope so, man."
• Christine Evans (86:45): "I take notes because I slouch like crazy."

They discuss the technical aspects of recording, such as single-camera setups versus multi-camera arrangements, and the personal anxieties that come with performing live.

• Big Jay Oakerson (87:38): "Chose to sit like a dummy. And I never think."
• Christine Evans (93:17): "Oh, yeah."

The conversation concludes with light-hearted banter about upcoming comedy projects, special releases, and the ever-evolving nature of live performances.

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Conclusion

Episode 549 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast is a blend of hilarious banter and serious reflections, anchored by Big Jay Oakerson's engaging storytelling. From the absurdities of bidet usage to the complexities of handling sensitive topics like pedophile stings, the hosts navigate each subject with wit and relatability. The episode not only entertains but also offers listeners a glimpse into the multifaceted lives of comedians, showcasing the balance between humor and authenticity in their narratives.

Notable Quotes:

• Luis J. Gomez (05:32): "What are you doing here?"
• Big Jay Oakerson (15:18): "He was like, he's a retarded guy and he's saying I love you a bunch to this like fake girl."
• Christine Evans (28:14): "This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp."
• Big Jay Oakerson (73:57): "I had a couple irons in the fire. I'm doing a little candy thing, a little resell."
• Christine Evans (86:45): "I take notes because I slouch like crazy."

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This comprehensive summary aims to provide a cohesive overview of the episode's key discussions and memorable moments, making it accessible and engaging for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wild wild west.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The water does smell a certain way.

[Christine Evans]

What A certain smell?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think we haven't tried one yet.

[Christine Evans]

But I haven't. Hey.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Haven't traveled yet, but I have three. I can't use Rogan's place.

[Christine Evans]

Rogan Studio has them. They have the heated toilet seats and.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, the ones I got have that.

[Christine Evans]

So nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But I've never used it and I'm still nervous because the place I got. I can't use wipes. You can't put them in the septic tank.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, so.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So like I got bidets, but still nervous. Everyone says it's great, huh?

[Christine Evans]

It's the best. You never use.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I haven't moved in yet. Never use whenever now. But also the places they tell me.

[Christine Evans]

They had Gas Digital had them.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I know place I ever used. When people say that, that's always the funniest thing to me to go, dude, they have it at Gas. Did you haven't used it at Gas Digital? Like no, I've never. Right next to the studio.

[Christine Evans]

Well, it was always. Well, it was always. Because you do real ass podcasts. 11:00am sure. For me that's early. I wake up at like 9 and I'm always late. So you got to get that morning dump when you get to the studio.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then bidet and then you go.

[Christine Evans]

I've never tried this. What's this button?

[Luis J. Gomez]

The mothership.

[Christine Evans]

God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And was it awesome?

[Christine Evans]

You can't believe the accuracy. So why don't you know it's going to hit me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It does start every time. No matter what. I go when I first get jump a little and go.

[Christine Evans]

It's a nice treat.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bobby Kelly described. He goes, you're waiting for. Which I understand what he's saying. You're lining it up with the remote control until you hear like to go from like when your asshole starts accepting it.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, yeah, it's pretty nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Listen, I'm excited to try. I just, I don't. I still don't fully get it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's just water.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

See the concept. But how could it be strong enough that you're really getting that clean?

[Christine Evans]

Oh, it's strong, bro.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It would go like 7ft in the air.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I would say about official gauge, about a Super Soaker 50.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I'd say 2550. Come on, man, try to catch a lawsuit.

[Christine Evans]

2550 is crazy. So yeah, the basic one.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Toys R Us basic. But no, it hits you, man. I would advise you to start cold. Warm's kind of indulgent. Warm's borderline sexual.

[Christine Evans]

Warm Sexual.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Warm water hitting you is like you might as well fap. It's kind of sexual. So start cold, Matt.

[Christine Evans]

You couldn't be closer to the truth. It's real sexual.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know if I would choose cold water to go up there. If there's a hot. A warm water option, you're going to want warm, bro.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're end up. Everyone ends up warm.

[Christine Evans]

Anyone goes warm. I don't know why it's making me cry. It's very funny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I think on the. Yeah, I'm still a wipes guy on the road. I just can't believe that most of the time just paper for you.

[Christine Evans]

Just raw dog. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I did that for a very long time until people. Enough people were just like, what are you doing?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, I get.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The wife's smearing peanut butter around your ass.

[Christine Evans]

They tell you it's.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It'll your up, but only if you have. Well, here's a couple things going on. There was no signs here when you moved in.

[Christine Evans]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That said don't put wipes in the toilet. Fire away.

[Christine Evans]

Also, I run through those things and then just don't go back to the store.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow.

[Christine Evans]

So I'll get. I get like once a month old. And then Lemaire had a pack in the back, he was plowing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is your life house organizer in a sense, like one thing?

[Christine Evans]

No, not one bit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One thing about Christine I gotta give her always is you just go running low on wipes and then like an Amazon thing of 20 packs of wipes show up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, we have the. That can work against me though, because I'm like, yeah, we need to get garlic powder. Did you add it to the grocery list? And I'm like, shut the up. Yeah, you do the grocery list. I mean, it is a great system.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. Jay, don't come in here girlfriend bragging like that. Do not make me make fun of my girlfriend.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was more assistant. It was more of the assistant skills.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. Was a girlfriend brag. And now I had to put my girlfriend down with her lack of skills.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Skills. It's. It's. Yeah, you. You get. My baby didn't have those house skills. It took a while. Yeah, you had. You had to learn how to use like different parts of the iPhone, notes, the notes app lot to that thing.

[Christine Evans]

Man. I take notes. Take notes sometimes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do you?

[Christine Evans]

If Gardini says something funny when he's drunk, I write it down and then send it to him the next morning. You remember when you said this? Someday everyone will know I'm right. 2:30 in the morning on a Thursday. That's a gardening guarantee.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, it's a fun thing. You ever go, I've written several things. I don't do it in years. Which is why it's still sort of fun, because they're still from so long ago. But my phone notes, when I had intentions of like, oh, yeah, like, this is a funny concept.

[Christine Evans]

I got it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And whatever the keywords, you write those, you see a thing, it's like, yes, it's a gay pizza.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The. Does that even mean, like, those keywords would drive me to, like, when I got back home, like, all right, now, what was my thing with gay pizza?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. Before the show, you're like, I don't have any material. Let's go back into the archives. Ah, gay pizza.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gay pizza.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It sounds as bad as when somebody walks up to you and does like, the. You know. So if someone else will use gay pizza, can you do something with that?

[Christine Evans]

I got a premise for you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Gay pizza.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I always think I'm like, I'm gonna go back there one day and there's gonna be something I wrote a long time ago, and I'm gonna go, oh, my God, this is genius. And I just look at. I'm like, I'm a dumbass.

[Christine Evans]

I'm one of the dumbest.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Most of it repeats seven times. I'm like, yeah, I've written this down five times. I still don't know what it is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rape, comma, sometimes. Fun question mark.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, 3:30 in the morning on a Wednesday.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Good work. Good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Was I 20?

[Christine Evans]

19. Shane. Good job.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But yeah, they're never. There's never something where I feel like I could go back and go, oh, yeah, let me expound upon that.

[Christine Evans]

Never once.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nope, nope, nope, nope. Never. Although I have lost some great ones, man. Right before bed, I go, I'll definitely remember that. And I wake up and go, oh, it was so good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nothing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It would have changed everything.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Long drive in a car. Say it over and over to myself three or four times. And then like, you get next day. Exactly. You're like, I was something about something.

[Christine Evans]

Long driving a car. I go, this is gonna be good. I'm gonna get some material out of this rap. Three straight hours. I didn't have one thought the entire.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Drive, but you got the premise. It was in rap. Great.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I started smoking weed again in hopes of, like, it'll jar of some new ideas. It's the same thing. I just got like, confused in the grocery store and I was like, this is Not.

[Christine Evans]

We just had nice groceries.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We did.

[Christine Evans]

We both had a Whole Foods desk.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Same time. Yeah, dude, I. I was getting let out, personally. I got. I got very high and listening to Led Zeppelin in the grocery store, and it was. I mean, Led Zeppelin was way better than I remembered it. I was like, I think I'm over this. I'm almost 40 now. That was, like, stuff when I was a kid, dude. I always listen to Led Zeppelin, too. I was like, this is might be the greatest album of all time.

[Christine Evans]

You put me back on. You were like, I let the. Let out. I said, I gotta let that out, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was crazy rocks. I. For real, I'm not lying. I was walking towards the cheese aisle, the grocery store, and at one point, like, they hit drums. I almost went in, like, kicked. I was up. I was playing, dude. I was up on stage. I almost kicked and signaled the drummer.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, My Whole Foods experience was much like my experience at the mall. I literally. I was like, I'm gonna go to the grocery store. I got there, I was like, I don't even know what I want. I don't even want it. I got chicken and bacon and eggs and left. That is why I spent $30 and. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do you scan every aisle? You start produce.

[Christine Evans]

Dude, I walked around.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're at a weed. It's a big thing being. Yeah. If you could smoke weed and go to the store, you start thinking ahead more.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, you're planning ahead.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, true.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You're like, I'm definitely gonna want fluff at some point.

[Christine Evans]

I don't want a fluff.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've never bought it ever, but, like, should have it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I did. It edges every aisle four times. I just walked. I do, like, the outskirts usually. Then I just started hitting every aisle while I was jamming. And then, like, would be like, oh, yeah, I'm going to need an onion. I'd go all the way back to the other side, get an onion.

[Christine Evans]

You're going to need that onion.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Taco nuts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The things I end up, like, hoarding because I don't realize we have them. You buy too much are great. Like, probably, like, four different kinds of pickles in my refrigerator.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No meat, but four different jars of pickles that have been, like, opened at different times. Yeah. Well, listen, you need stackers and you eat spears, but after that, you start just getting gluttonous.

[Christine Evans]

I forgot the spears.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I forgot the spears. The dill.

[Christine Evans]

I gotta head back to the store.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, are these bread and butter chips? Because I said pickles.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I. Dude, I will say I Think I. I don't think it's any good, but I. I just smoked weed all weekend being like, I gotta come up with something funny. And then I went. I actually went to a gala last weekend. It was. Brittany planned it months and months ago, and I. I got very high and went to that, and it was the only thing I keep. We're. People are talking about school. Like, yeah, I started school in September, but I was, like, held back because I wanted to be the older person in the class.

[Christine Evans]

And I got these Are adults saying this?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we're just talking about, like, getting like, if you got held back. And I was like, I just, like, muttered at Brittany. I was like, I got held back in the fourth grade because my dick was too big. I laughed for 30 minutes.

[Christine Evans]

Write it down. Dick too big for fourth grade. She was like, that'll come in handy in eight months.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She's like, why would you get held back? I was like, dude, you're ruining it, dude. It's just funny. I gotta help back too.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Because my dick too big?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's a gala?

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's just a thing where you get dressed up and then they just make people. They like, ask people for money, basically. Oh, it was like. There it was. It was like a domestic violence thing. And then they had cowboys come out.

[Christine Evans]

And be like, the auctioneer guys.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Anti.

[Christine Evans]

You remember those?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Anti. Yes. It was not.

[Christine Evans]

They almost got us. We were at the Longhorn, the Texas Longhorns thing, and they did. The auctioneers. You can bid first on one of these.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You can.

[Christine Evans]

And he was like, 50 grand. And then no one was bidding for like a minute. And I was sitting next to him like, oh, what? Yeah. I was like, I'll pay terrify. You gotta start $50,000.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Christine Evans]

And people were.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It starts at like 2. That's. That's the move to raise your hand for this $1. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude. What was it on? What were you.

[Christine Evans]

It was like a vacation with a coach. Coach. Coach Sarkeesian to a cabin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

It was like a boy's vacation in.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The cabin with an adult.

[Christine Evans]

Man, you don't know Coach Zark.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Well, there'll be like a 32 person trip to Orlando.

[Christine Evans]

Just.

[Luis J. Gomez]

L was like, what the.

[Christine Evans]

Just lame, dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What they did on it, it was actually kind of. It's kind of sick. So they had this trip. They had the bid up to 15,000 bucks and they had four people and they went, you, you, you, you all get it right away. And they all had to get one for 15 grand.

[Christine Evans]

I was like, oh, that hurts.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it was exciting. The cowboy Bitterswex.

[Christine Evans]

It was nice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That was fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But try not to laugh for a.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Half thing at the gala.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, I told Brittany, I said, bro, not a month.

[Christine Evans]

How much was she trying to raise that hand?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I told her before we went in, and three times I saw her elbow move, and I said, I will storm out. I want that. I will. It's just like, we could have that. It is. It's kind of a girl trap because it's like they pop, you know, confetti on you, and it's like, you know, the pricing makes no sense. It's perfect for them.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like $30,000. Yes. It's like, you know, I. I was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are the objects?

[Luis J. Gomez]

The objects. They were like, pretty intense vacations and they will be like the. Sleeps like 18 people. So I guess you could try to get people in on it, but just. It was vacations. What else was it? It was like, trips. There's a quail hunting trip or dove hunting trip in South. South Africa. You could go shoot birds in South Africa.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

God bless the person who, like, goes like. Like figures out a vacation, like, package in a moment of someone going, like, all right, Turks and Cake Coast. Got a nice little cabana on the beach. $50,000. Honey, you want to go to Turks Cas right now? Yes, yes. Let me.

[Christine Evans]

Let's get 20 of our friends. You'll agree on this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dude, you have to sort that out so much before you raise your hand.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dude, it's.

[Christine Evans]

Everybody I know will go to that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When I say we get a little Turks and Caicos.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Definitely on this date, it was more the elders. The older people were snagging all these crazy things.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, they got to do everything before they die. Yeah, they.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, they were. They were definitely hitting them up. But it was the, I will say, gala energy. It's very. A lot of the dudes there. It. It like struck me as, like, guys who are, like, expecting blow jobs at any minute. Just like the face they were. They're sitting there like a face like they knew they were getting their dick.

[Christine Evans]

Everyone's dressed up.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Exactly.

[Christine Evans]

Your penis is going to be in a mouth.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was a lot of pre head energy. That was the one thing. And it was, you know, it's not good nor bad. I was just saying, like, man sexual energy. Very sexual.

[Christine Evans]

Everyone's laughing, drinking, spending money.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, if you.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The trophy wives and like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Prostitutes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes, pretty much. And if you can get, like, you know, if you get women in a dress that is step One.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, this is fancy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. That is kind of step one to kind of possibly getting hit.

[Christine Evans]

It's Valentine's Day.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bringing your wife makes sense. Bringing your girlfriend. But bringing the stuff people bring escorts to when escorts are doing the actual job they say they're doing. When you heard about escort, you know, it's like, well, you're paying me for my time. Whatever happens, it's like we can go to dinners. And you're like, yeah, I'd rather drive them. I used to drive them. And I'll tell you what, they weren't going to any galas. They were going in the front of a house I thought was abandoned to get fucked by a guy whose arm is always broke or has polio.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You should drive hookers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Big wireless, way too much.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments.

[Christine Evans]

But that's weird.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate.

[Luis J. Gomez]

First 3 months only, then full price.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Plan options available, taxes and fees extra.

[Luis J. Gomez]

See mint mobile.com yeah, that was. What does that make you in the pimp hierarchy? Were you like, you're a wheelman, wheel man just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But technically they protect them. Protecting them in like the strippers more. They were all like strippers and prostitutes for the most part. But the strippers was a scarier job because you have to go in and like make sure everything's like kind of okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, you did like the bachelor party guy who went in and like counted the money.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah. The pro, the prostitutes. Whereas you just drive up out front and they go in and they'll be like, if all goes great, I'll be, you know, it's supposed to be there for like an hour. They're like, I should be out in 15 minutes. And like, they usually would. But the one time I drove someone outside of Pennsylvania, someone out was outside of Philly. I drove a girl one time and like we picked her. And it's also the thing you get to see, like the. This is not like, this guy's definitely not going to be happy. You know when you're driving someone out, I picked him up and I was like, unless this guy, there's no way this guy picked her. This is like before, like Internet was everything. So you weren't you were going on, like, a Yellow Pages call, or like, I guess, like the rhino in the car.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do you guys ever get caught in sex traffic?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I did it if it were above it, above her. That would be sex.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sex traffic. But we. I drove this girl I knew. She was like. I'm like, this guy's not gonna like her. She was like. We drove this nice neighborhood, and this girl was, like, gossed out, like, big heavyset chick, real milky skin. It was just a look that I'm certain the guy who lives here was not going for. And she goes, are you sure you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Weren'T trying to hog being like, this guy's not gonna be into you? You should actually.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, let me get you away from all this.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, that's what I did when I was catering. You're gonna take one of the parms. You know what I mean? If I'm driving a hooker, I'm gonna go, come on. I'm gonna kiss. One kiss. They're never gonna know. Give me a little smidge.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, the first guy I ever drove. Well, I'll go back to that in a second. But this girl, she went inside the. She went to the guy's house, and I'm just waiting in the car. And then she comes back, like, three minutes later.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And she goes, he said that I'm not what he was expecting, and blah. And he sent me what I was. I was like, I saw coming. And she goes, and now, no matter what, the guy's got to pay X amount for me for the drive, whatever. It was like, 25 bucks. That meant the world to me at the time, for sure. And so she was like, he's not. She goes. I was like, oh. I was like. So he just gave you, like, the, you know, the cancel money or whatever? And she was like, no, he wouldn't give me any money at all. And I was like. And I just gotta hedge the bets, you know? I'm like, what does this look like? Because you're waiting to hear, like, hey, so I can go find him. But, like, I'm really just asking. I'm like, Is this worth 25 bucks for me to go knock on this guy's door? And she was like, he's like this little, like, nerdy whatever guy. So I was like, oh, good, good. So I go. I knock on the door, and I was like. And she kind of came with me, which I didn't think was a good idea. And he opens the door, you know, it's kind of like, I Don't want, like, trouble thing. And I was like. I was like, no, man, just gotta. Like, you have to. You're supposed to give, like, 50 bucks, I guess, like 25 for each of us or something like that. And he was like. He's like, oh, well, I don't. He was basically being a dick. He was like, I don't have the money. And I'm like, like, buddy, you gotta give it. And then she just busts the door open and started, like, unhooking his vcr. Well, I'm taking something with me or something like that. Like, I got her not to do that ultimately, but, like, she was planning on walking out there with something. And then having to drive a rejected hooker home is such a hilarious, like, conversation. Yeah. She's like, actually, I probably went in there with a bad attitude because I didn't want to him like, sure, yeah, yeah, sweetheart, you got it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But I'm glad I didn't get his vcr. I didn't even want it, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The first girl I ever drove, I remember being, like, impressed by her because she. She was just pretty.

[Luis J. Gomez]

One of you, like, 12, and this is just your paper route.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was like. I was 18, I think.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Damn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

18 or 19. I only did this for a very short.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How'd you get this gig?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

My friend Ernie was dating a girl whose dad was just like, probably like, weird connected shit or something like that. And it was like they had a guy who, like, stripper was supposed to just be strippers, ultimately. And like, oh, yeah, you just go there and whatever. I found out very quick because the guy was like. All the other drivers for this company were like old men. I remember asking the guy one time like, how the fuck.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like, am I the only. And I feel like I'm in danger a lot. And he was like, well, he goes, they have guns. Like, you don't have a gun? And I was like, no. And he was like, well, do you want one? And I was like, no. He's like, you sure? I'm like, yeah, dude. Because I get too nervous. I'm gonna pull out way too early because I'll be nervous. It's always like, 15 guys. You know what I mean? I've had him say things like, you're supposed to stop us if we do anything. And I'd be like, yeah, me and this guy, I'm supposed to stop. I'd be in a circle already, pointing at everybody, trying to John Wick. Both hands.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was terrifying.

[Christine Evans]

At a bachelor party in the poconos.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I was always last. Same company as the one I did the dressing up at kids parties for.

[Christine Evans]

That was the funniest.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What?

[Christine Evans]

Hold on. I know you've told this story a million times, but can you please tell us that story?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Which.

[Christine Evans]

The dressing up and there's a couple of the Elmo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The Elmo?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The Elmo's the Elmo. Yeah. Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Just let me get that story.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was the first one they sent me to. The guy was like, hey, if you want to make more money. I also. During the day, the stripper company does kids parties. We dress up as the costumes. Same guy. You go to the same guy's house with his fucking koi pond and pick up the fucking bag. The trash bag, mind you. Full of costume. That was like, not the licensed ones, I guess you'd say.

[Christine Evans]

You know, they were like shitty costumes, knockoff Elmos.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So I was Elmo, and they sent me. I was the last call for the stripper thing. And this, like, the. You know, we need somebody. Our main guys can't do it. So I always got the shittiest gigs. And I mean, like, real, like, North Philly, like, scary places to go. And I went as Elmo right away. No one's happy to see me. They're like, why is a white guy with a garbage bag coming to our front door? And then they let me in, and I was like, yeah, I'm doing the. I'm here for the kids fighting Elmo. And they go, all right, go change in the back. It's sweltering hot. It's like summertime. I put on the Elmo costume, and then I come out to start there, and they. I tell them, like, you know, he's telling me to do the Hokey Pokey. But I was giving her. I gave her, like, a CD you have to, like, put in. And she was like, we ain't got no play out here. Just do the hokey. She kept yelling, do the Hokey Pokey at me, which is a funny thing to be yelled at. And, you know, I got a little screen. I'm like, miss. It's sort of the closer, you know, like the Okie Pokey with all the kids. And then whatchamac. This little girl, this little black girl, like, Barrette's there. She was so cute. Like, it was a moment where I was like, oh, this is cool. Like, this gig. Because she did, like, the hug. She hugged my leg and Love u Elmo. And then kids, like, bad kids, you could tell were coming in the block on bikes. And they came to the party, and while this girl's literally hugging my leg, the kid was like, yeah, that ain't the real Elmo. And she's like, yes, it is. And he's like. He's like, no, it ain't. And he starts looking through the grill.

[Christine Evans]

You see, get out of here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I'm going, come on, kid. And he just lifts the sleeve up of the thing and screams. He goes, elmo's white.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Dude. That's like being.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The mom came over and she was yelling as a kid. That is like. She goes, no, this is Elmo, honey. This is Elmo. And the little girl's getting upset.

[Christine Evans]

And then the.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like. And the kid just pointed out. And you're almost going like, hey, kids, stop. And he goes, if that's the real Elmo, why is he wearing FUBU sneakers? Which I was sick. FUBU sneakers. And then the kid said. He goes. He goes, let's see if Elmo has nuts. And then I couldn't find him out of my little screen. And I was turned, and then he just launched me. And, like, no repercussions. I mean, like. Like. But no, but, like, his. Like the top of his. The top of his foot hit, like, my ass crack. Like, he was. He got in it.

[Christine Evans]

Let's see if Elmo has balls. And look into his screen. Like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hurt Locker sweat going on.

[Christine Evans]

Look like Iron man in his mask.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You wouldn't expect the from behind nut kick. That was truly a master. That was a young matri.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, not from behind. It was from the front. You got. It was so in there, like, Gooch. That is crazy, though.

[Luis J. Gomez]

To leave like a. I'm presuming a slightly up household and spy out. I'm ruining this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I have less scary stories from the stripper thing than the kids parties, dude. The kids. The one time I went and the owner of this company would say whatever to sell.

[Christine Evans]

So we got some plumbers here. They're going wild.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The owner of the company house getting all your poops out. The. The owner would do anything to sell the gig.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So I was just. I was gonna be as Winnie the Pooh to a kid's party. North Philly. And I get in there, and then the guy goes. As soon as I get there, the guy. The guy goes. As soon as I get in there, it's like. He goes, yo, where's the presents? In balloons. And I was like. Which I thought was even a weird thing that someone would ever believe that's gonna happen. I'm like, you wanna just Bring random presents for your job. I don't even know if a boy or a girl or what. And he's like, well, I was told you'd bring presents and balloons. So I was like, well, I'm sorry, I'll go. Let me call the company. And I called the guy and the guy was like, yeah. I just said, you're there already. Like, they're gonna.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, he was like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was like. He was like, yeah. No, he told him that's a bullshit. And he goes, put him on the phone. And now, like, I didn't know this was the scam. Put them on. And now we'll take a couple bucks off. But you're already there.

[Christine Evans]

And I was like, oh, my God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. So, like, it's also crazy to be.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like, yeah, we don't need to get the presents. Winnie the Pooh is going to come bring all the presents. Decorations.

[Christine Evans]

I know they would. That would.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. He said he's. Winnie the Pooh's gonna bring presents? Like, what?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Damn.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So the guy was like. He gets him on the phone, he's like, all right. And I go into this house and it was like the. Do you remember the party in Menace of Society where Cain beat the guy who was talking shit about Jada Pinkett?

[Christine Evans]

No, not really.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was like that party, okay, gives.

[Christine Evans]

Me a good idea.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Multiple dice games going on, two babies in high chairs eating Cheerios. The only children at this party. And it's one of those kids birthday. So when I go in, the guy was like. I was like, where could I change? And he goes, go upstairs. Is it bad now?

[Christine Evans]

Fuck it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He was like, go upstairs and change in the bedroom. So I went up to a bedroom and closed the door and it was.

[Christine Evans]

Sorry, my plumbers, they're just drummers.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, they're just fucking.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, they're all right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They figured out.

[Christine Evans]

Dudes, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just sorting it out.

[Christine Evans]

Sorry to interrupt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, sorry.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So you're up in the bedroom.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I go up in this bedroom, I close the door and the guy's like, don't close that door. And I was like, I already did. And he was like, the door, like when you close it, it won't open.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So now I have to wait for them to take the door off the hinges. And I was. It was funny. Like the door, it literally fells like an old Philly. Like, yeah, yeah, this heavy ass door. Like they take a hinge that, it goes on, it hits the bed. Like the dust comes up and I'm literally standing there holding a Winnie the Pooh Like. Like the right stuff. Like, I'm holding an astronaut's helmet.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let's go make sure you were dressed as Pooh does. Not with the head on yet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, no, no head on. And then I went downstairs and I gave the guy again the CD to put in for the Hokey Pokey songs or whatever. And the guy goes, just dance to what's on, which I do recall was Dr. Dre's 2001 chronic. Damn. So I just like Hokey Pokey dance to that for two kids in high chairs for like, a half hour or so. And then it was. And the guys were just doing their thing and kind of not paying attention to me. And then I was like. I was like, oh, man. He goes, kids are adorable. Like, thanks so much. You know, sorry about the miscommunication earlier. I go, I'm gonna go upstairs and change back into my clothes and get out of here. And he was like, nah, man, just get out of my house. I thought he was, like, being playful first. I was like, yeah, I know. Because the thing before, he was like, man, I'm done. Just get the fuck out. And I was like, well, I gotta go change. And he was like, not here. And so then, not thinking, I took the head off to be like, yo, man, come on. Like, not like to start shit with him. Just almost to plead, like, buddy, come on, let me check. And then the kids started fucking screaming. They just saw Winnie the Pooh remove his skull. And then they physically pushed me out of the house. And I ran to my mom. I ran to my mom's Chevette, and I drove a stick shift home with Winnie the Pooh hands on.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All your clothes are in the house.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, I had the bag. They were in the bag and stuff, but it's my trash bag of my clothes instead of Winnie the Pooh. But that was a hilariously, far more scary job.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, some fucking bullshit, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because most of the time, the strippers were just. There was only one stripper I drove that was, like, genuinely putting herself through med school. Like, the actual story that you always hear, like, she was really doing it, which was. Made her not a good stripper, because that was what she was. The girl that every time they were like, this guy's touching my tit. I'm like, you have it in his mouth.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, you're a stripper.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's like, go fight this guy. He's doing this. Please, you have to let him touch your butt.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You could have been like, you have a bright future ahead of you. I don't want to ruin your medical.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

School, but the first girl I ever drove in that I remember, I think her real name, her fake name or real name was Candace. Whatever it was, I drove her. She was really cute. And we went to a party, a bachelor party, and she was like, they're sawing now. Are they sawing pipes?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. You want to pause for a minute?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sure.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Sorry.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

[Christine Evans]

We love Better Help.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Love ButterHelp. As nice as it would be to.

[Christine Evans]

Help with the butter. Butter help.

[Luis J. Gomez]

As nice as it would be, you don't have all the answers. Prompt for a host rift. I struggled with that. I personally, I don't like to get into this, but I struggled with deep sexual feelings for amphibians until I. Until I got help from better help. And we overcame that struggle because they were like. It was like a stern father. Like, oh, you want to smoke cigarettes? Well, how about you do 100 of them?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. You want to have sex with frogs all the time?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Butter Help said, how about you do a hundred of them? Tough guy.

[Christine Evans]

Box of 100 Frogs. And you don't come out of that room until you cream by every one of those mouths.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I said, butterhead, it's important that you have a good support system. You know, people you can go to on the going. Gets tough. Like a therapist from Butter Hill. They're always nice to have in your corner because there are times when you can't go to your family or friends.

[Christine Evans]

You can't tell your family about those frogs. You can't tell anyone about that. You got to go to Motorhill. Gotta get on a zoom call and go, I want to. Frogs, they go, holy. We gotta help.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I didn't trust a professional. Oh, my God. Yes. We already rift. We rifted our things that helped us. Therapy is great because, I mean, dude, it just. After I stopped my whole thing with those amphibians, my social skills were much more positive. I overcame those problems and I learned how to reach out. I learned how to reach out for help in a safe space. So if you want to try, if you want to give therapy a try and you're not sure where to begin, check out Butterhead.

[Christine Evans]

Still can't. Still can't really go near any bodies of water, you know?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Really?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. Because of. Due to the possibility of a frog, you know, send me into a frenzy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, bro, trust me, when you're on the edge of a pond and you. You don't even see the frog, but you hear it jump into the water, I go I just want to.

[Christine Evans]

Oh yeah. Catch that thing out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hopefully I kiss it, it turns into a prince like that. Guys, check out BetterHelp. It's fully online, so easy to get started. And they have access to a wide range of credentialed therapists over 30, 000 with all sorts of different specialists.

[Christine Evans]

That's good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Guys.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Guys. Sorry.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's all right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Check out build your support system. Build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.commssp to get 10 off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.commsSp yeah, and all.

[Christine Evans]

Jokes aside, better helps a great company.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude, they do rock with us.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, they do rock.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Thank you. Butterhealth.

[Christine Evans]

Butter Hill. Hey, we just got back from that fantastic ad read.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Seriously, that is the best underwear or something.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, it was the best dick pill underwear.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This Kratom probably isn't addictive.

[Christine Evans]

No one's going to think you're a loser this time. Dude. I. You guys, I always associate Kratom with Gas Digital.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How could you not?

[Christine Evans]

And then I came down to Kratom presents guests.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You guys are like the sacklers of crazy.

[Christine Evans]

But then I came down here in Austin and it was one of those like Huberman said it works type like I don't think he did, but like that type of mindset. Because down here that's what everyone is.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Crazy.

[Christine Evans]

No, but like Huberman dads. Huberman, like Zinn is actually a neurotropic dude. So it's good for you like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

One milligram a day.

[Christine Evans]

You can't just enjoy any. Anything. It's got to be science.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christine Evans]

You can't just go, yeah, but they're like Kratoms. They would just create them in nice bottles in the greenery. Are you guys doing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Have we put this under the Rogan Scope yet?

[Christine Evans]

No, it was under there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It was like, Joe, get your loop. This is different.

[Christine Evans]

Like. Yeah, it's cool.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They do have. Yeah, they do have a little Kratom like five hour energy type things.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Those are awesome. It's the only one Josh Eden Myers got me to try was little. I think it's Ohms or something. It's called. It's like this big. It's a drink. I mean you shouldn't drink at all. It's this big. If you drink it all, you will. I believe like opiates get violently nauseous for five minutes or so and then it's great.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, nice.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When the energy goes away.

[Christine Evans]

Awesome to ride.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. I wrote three full Nirvana albums. New music, too. I just know it's theirs.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. So before we left, you said you were. You had the cusp of the prettiest.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

First girl I ever drove.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Very pretty. Yeah. And so. And she was so pretty that I was like, you know, like the self soothing of like, what she's doing is actually great.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Because we went to this party and I always remember the thing was she had a. She's. All right, guys, we're gonna play a game. Should control the room too. Which I thought, that's hilarious.

[Christine Evans]

We write back after another ad from Heroin.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

After these words from.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Heroin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Timing's unbelievable.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That was wild. It was pin drop.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It was. It was quiet.

[Christine Evans]

Yep. And we're back.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

As you were saying, first stripper ever drove.

[Christine Evans]

It's coming, it's coming.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Sorry, guys. Gotta do some, like, belt sanding.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, it's on me. Hand up accountability. Honestly, I was told they'd be out of here.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's all good, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So, yeah, the first car I ever drove, we went to this place. So she was controlling the room, which I thought was like. Again, I just thought she was pretty. So I was just like. And I'm the person driving her. So you're like, am I falling in love with this girl? She's. She looks good. And then she starts doing this thing that's so raunchy. But again, I liked her so much that I thought it was a brilliant business thing. I've talked about this, where I'm like, smart move. This is called something in business. What she just did, she would go, all right, guys, we're playing this game, $5, $10 or $20. And it was like, for $5. So she rolls it up like a Coke straw, whatever you give her, and then she'll put it like in her pussy, basically. But she keeps her fingers, like at the base. Do you know? I mean. And so it's like, for $5, she puts it in a little bit for 10, a little bit more, and you take it out with your mouth out of her. You're making the right face. I. If you were wondering if you're making the right face, you are.

[Christine Evans]

How's it going?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, okay, well, you got. Here's the problem with any kind of story of a bachelor party. Your mindset there will tend to be different. I think you know what I mean. When everyone's involved, you're hearing it later. You're like, money in a pussy and then money in my mouth. Like, all Those things are wrong. And then my mouth. Near money, near a hooker pussy. This is all bad. But Everybody did the $20 because it would be the closest. But the funny thing, I was always like, what's crazy? Because no matter how much you put in there, you could fit it in your mouth. And you. You're only getting as close as her fingers. Like, you're never actually getting closer to her. Yeah, every guy did the 20, and I was like, genius.

[Christine Evans]

Well, it's funny to be like, let.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Me do the five.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'll just take a fiver. Let me just, like, get, like. Let me feel the warmth of it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, let me get a $5 smell tested in there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What about three fives? That'd be the movie. Like, I'm gonna do. I'm gonna back to back 30 fives.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That is the move. But you're right for. For $20 and fives, you could go four times and get the same experience.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Can you inhale the air through the bill?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I assume you could if you wanted to.

[Christine Evans]

Just scuba a little bit. Scuba, siphon.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Take it one deep hit.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. If something comes through the straw, it's freakier to. Oh, no, what is that? Toilet paper crumble.

[Christine Evans]

This is bad news.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sure, that'd be. That'd be a bonus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But anyway, I thought she was. I thought she was an angel sent from heaven to do that.

[Christine Evans]

I've never been at a bachelor party. That was crazy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We went. We had one where there was. I think I told you about it. There was a lady who had just visibly must have just given birth not very long ago. So she had, like, that skin. And we were all calling her Brain Belly. Dude, you go get a lap dance from brain Belly. But yeah, they.

[Christine Evans]

It was actually her own brain Belly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But go, well, this girl. This girl. On our drive home, sometimes guys get.

[Christine Evans]

It and they didn't give whatever.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When I was driving her home, she goes, we stopped at a 7 11. I remember she goes in and she bought one of those, like, single individual roses for herself. And I was like. I'm like, what's that for? And she goes, it was just this sad. Like, I always buy myself flowers at the end of a work night because I deserve it. And then I. And then I. Now, this must have been so creepy for her. I dropped her off at her house. Next day, next day, show up at her house with flowers. And I go, you deserve someone else to give you flowers. And by the way, she could have been looking back more like, if My abusive boyfriend sees you here, I'm gonna have to ship you down. She was like, thank you. Thanks so much. And I'm like, and I just think you should know. And she's like, cool, thanks. I was like, bye.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She shoved him off her pussy. She's like, see you later.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I go, so if I should have.

[Christine Evans]

Brought a $5 bill.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Your time with this $5 bill. So damn, skip ahead. I started doing comedy. I was doing comedy already, but I, you know, that's like a job I would do like kind of infrequently, but yeah, when am I needed money, I would take it. And so different. You can just call in the yellow pages, any of those places, time, and be like, hey, do you need a driver? I've done it before. They'll be like, sure. Most of them will be like, sure. Can you start tonight? So this guy, I called some guy on the phone, I was like, hey, you looking for drivers? I have experience. He goes, yeah. He goes. The way he does it is you hang out at his house, this guy's apartment, and wait for jobs to come in while the girls sit there with you. So I go to this guy's apartment not far from where my mom, where my mom lives. It was just a couch, a tv, and bodybuilding trophies everywhere. The guy was just like a totally huge Jack guy, Nice enough guy. And he goes, all right, so you got a gig. You're taking these two girls. One's this Asian girl, one's my cousin, okay? So the Asian girl shows up. She's nice enough. The cousin comes. It's the fucking girl. The first girl I ever drove is his cousin. She now, by the way, this girl who was like, so hot. We take her to this, or I take her to this party.

[Christine Evans]

She's brain belly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Everyone not brain belly. Everyone's like, into this Asian girl. She's very pretty. And then this girl, they're like. You hear the guys making jokes about her and she was all like pale now, and her was brown and dark.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She had like an old dog that.

[Christine Evans]

Came off a lot.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And they're being mean to her. And I'm almost. You're having that thing where I'm like, I'm like, don't know. You don't know what she's like. This is. She's in a rough patch or something.

[Christine Evans]

Don't fucking talk to her.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, but she did look, buddy, busted. And it was funny. That was my luck. People ask if I ever. Any of the strippers ever on that gig. We went back to the cousin's house, and it was just me and her waiting for another gig to come in. And that night, she started, like, digging her toes. Like, she was, like, laying on the couch and she's, like, digging her toes, like, under my thing, kind of like. And I was like, I mean, not here at your cousin's house. Like, dude, she has something now for sure.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I never saw her ever again. Probably did. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. That is. That's the crazy thing with, like. Like, only fans and all this stuff. Like, it does. I'm not, like, being puritanical about it, but it doesn't seem to really work well for women psychologically. Like, they fucking crash hard.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Female porn stars. I was.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, there's no. We all thought that Jenna Jameson was, like, the example of, like, look, you could do it and kind of get mainstreamed and not, like, lose your sense about you. And then, you know, they have the video of her in night vision, like, breaking all the cameras in her house. You ever see I just, like, climbing ladders. Night visions are just like a raccoon.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just bust 90s porn star now. It's like, I feel like the hard, hardcore stuff back then is, like, expected now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You know what I mean? Hold on. I think they're doing a little slot back there. I think he's breaking up one of the back there.

[Christine Evans]

I think the toilet's just exploding. Smoke test. What is it? Smok. Is there anyone in there? No. Toilet smoking.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What the.

[Christine Evans]

I got. I kind of want to see this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, go check it out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You got to go see the smoking toilet.

[Christine Evans]

I got to see the smoking toilet break.

[Luis J. Gomez]

See that? Oh, to make sure it was smoking.

[Christine Evans]

Smoke looks good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Toilet back there.

[Christine Evans]

Toilet back there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it was smoking big time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Straight through the water.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's not.

[Christine Evans]

It's not great. He goes, oh, I thought smoke is good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Christine Evans]

Smoky, this house, man.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Smoke turds.

[Christine Evans]

There's been turds trapped in the walls since day one. Turds are everywhere.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've never.

[Christine Evans]

I've never had a plumber once do that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, she's never been to a bachelor party. It was a wild one.

[Christine Evans]

Ever. No, no, it was like.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like college friends and stuff now.

[Christine Evans]

No.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Never went to the crazy one I've been to.

[Christine Evans]

The craziest one was. I think it was who's fucking Part with Lewis Zach. It was X.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's pretty wild back.

[Christine Evans]

That was a wild one. But I mean, O'Connor, that was the first time I really, I think, did Molly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Christine Evans]

And I just Sat on a couch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, that wasn't Molly. That was. That was actual ecstasy. Was great. Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

I was afraid of. I didn't talk to the women at all. And then I was like, I was on drugs. Watching Lewis, like, yeah, come here. Like, he's very not. He wasn't calling him, but he was very.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Show your butthole.

[Christine Evans]

Yes, there was.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's ready to party.

[Christine Evans]

He was comfortable with strippers. I'm not.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. Yeah. Lewis threw my bachelor party when I got married. It was. Yeah, it's pretty good. He goes pretty hard with it. But the two that I've been to, did I have any. I went to when my ex wife's friend was having a bachelor party they invited me to. I don't know why they wanted. I think they wanted me come because I'm a comedian. Like, they'd come to shows already. So as a virtual unknown still, they were like, the comedian guy's coming, and they had a stripper there that was gorgeous who was fucking. And I went in the bathroom with her, and I'm such a fat snook. Like, I went there and talked to her for 45 minutes, where I started hearing people outside the door going, like, hey, man, are you done in there? He goes, who brought this fat guy who's like, here? Like, no one knows who I was. And I'm just hogging the stripper to chat with her. I go, yeah, I used to work in this business a little bit myself. Yeah, I try to chat her up. She had no interest. She was almost like, hey, are we like, in here or not? I was like, yeah, you could do your thing or whatever.

[Christine Evans]

You know, you got enough. You got enough on your plate.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're trying to have industry talk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There was a guy.

[Christine Evans]

It's time to talk biz.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There was a guy used to come to my shows, always became friendly with him. But I opened for Bobby Slayton a million years ago at the West Palm Improv. And afterwards, all these people that came to see him and the host of the show, who was like a local player. We like. They're like, oh, we gotta go to the strip club. We have to go to the strip club. We went, and this guy Lorne, who I became friends with, was one of the managers there. He was like, you know, pick a girl or whatever. It was just like free reign. And he was always like that kind of like, dude. And a few years back, I was in the Comedy Inn in Miami, which is a small little room in the motel, basically. And he's like, I'm Coming. He goes, I got a new couple years back. I got a new company too. I'm bringing a couple of the girls. He's like, and they want to party. And I'm just like, yeah, man, sure. So him and his buddy come, they bring these two girls who are like super ghetto, like, Hispanic girls. Both cute, though. And he was like, hey, you want to go? Because they want to go, like, smoke with you or something before the show. Why don't you take him to, like, your room or whatever, which is a motel room right there. So I was like, yeah. And I went there and smoked pot with him, talked to him for a while, and then I was like, but my thing is so like, like, me and Lewis, where we have different opinion on this a lot of times. Like, Lewis has the why he says he could fuck a hooker is rooted in. He thinks. He's like, this must be a nice change for you, huh? Like, getting the me instead of like, what you think. I assume I'm the other end of that spectrum. So I'm like, oh, God, this girl's like, gonna have to wash me off later. Just being like, what am I. I gotta get my kids back from social services and get my together.

[Christine Evans]

So, like, yeah, that's fair. Yeah, I would feel the same way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's how I feel. Like, I feel like I'm like. They're like, well, this is my job. I have to do. And yeah, clearly he told them they should, like, do something and around with me because, you know, I'm hooking them up with tickets or whatever to this. This little.

[Christine Evans]

To the Motel Comedy club. Yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So. But in my mind, I'm going like, you know what? They're both cute. I'm like, I'm. They're going to come to the show after the show. They're probably going to really want to. Yes, maybe it would be the best thing or at least I can convince myself.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, I agree.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now they're like, like, oh, I saw you do your thing. So, yeah, now we kind of want to do this.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, let me see you do your thing now after the show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm talking to them. I think even a little before the show, they're both giving you. Of course there, like you said, no one gets out of it unscathed. Like, they're both given. They're like, it's like, my boyfriend hates that I do this, man. Like, if he beats the of me one more time, my dad's gonna kill him. It's just gonna talk like that. And you're like, okay. Bullshitting with the two of them. And the two guys. My buddy Lauren. Buddy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And like, I told you, these chicks wanted to party, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Killing time.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, really killing time. And then the guy eventually goes like, hey, man, we're gonna get out of here pretty soon, so, you know, if you want to take the girls and hang out for a little bit, like, you know, now's the time. And I remember just touching him on his arm, and I went, give him the night off, man. Just give him the night off, man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How'd they react to that? Where they're like, oh, sweet.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. They were almost puzzled, like, everyone. He was even like, no, man. The girls came to, like, party and stuff. I was like, I know, but, like, even that sentence, it's like they came in and they were like, they know me and my stuff. Like, they came the party because you were like, hey, you girls want to do coke tonight, probably for free and drink? Go fuck this guy. Yeah, I'm all right.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You think he was gonna try to get you the bill? He was gonna hit you with the bill, too. He didn't have a tab or anything?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Not even sort of.

[Luis J. Gomez]

See, he was just hooking you up.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Absolutely. But I couldn't.

[Christine Evans]

I'm with you. I would have done that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't know. It's like, I just. I get it. I get it completely. But I have to believe, or at least be able to believe in some way, like, you want to do this. Not like, you will. I will you?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I will say that must have been. I don't know if you did this that night. The fap sesh must have been decent, though, because, like, there were two hookers in your room. I feel like that'd be a nice fab session.

[Christine Evans]

No, I've hit the post, like, strip club.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Session, where you're like, I could have. And then you go home and you're like, damn this. I'm. Because you're horny while you're jacking off. You're like, damn, this would have been so much clue. Fucking lady.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Then you come and you go, oh, thank God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Exactly the second you're done, you come.

[Christine Evans]

That was fucking great.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This part of your brain comes back online.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like going on the road before I ever had a laptop. You know, for years, that wasn't really a thing, that everybody had a laptop. So on the road was a hilarious race. You'd either find. You'd either have that local newspaper, whatever that weird arts paper is. It would have hooker ads, yellow pages, and the E Channels, Girls Gone Wild infomercial. And it was a race to, like, can I just jerk off and not make a terrible mistake right now. Yeah. And you have to remind yourself, you go, as soon as it's over, you're gonna be like, I don't really have 200 to be throwing around like that or whatever, you know? I mean, like, all of it is so bad. As soon as you're done, you're like, perfect night. You really made the right decision there, big guy. Thank you. Girls going wild. I mean, there was no ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[Christine Evans]

We were all probably hitting the same commercial a couple times.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Big time.

[Christine Evans]

You know how when it's like, if you look at the moon. Dude, anytime on Earth, if we stare at the moon at the same time, it's like, those girls.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Stern. If you had, like, a lady, we.

[Christine Evans]

Were probably catching at the same time.

[Luis J. Gomez]

See, Stern, you'd be like, dude, yeah, dude. I'm not trying to jerk the Stern out of here.

[Christine Evans]

Stern, get out of here.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Stern. You look like a witch.

[Christine Evans]

It does look like a witch.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It does looks like a bruja.

[Christine Evans]

He is a brujah. Howard Stern, he's a juha. He's a.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm ready for my life to change. Abc Sunday, American Idol returns.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Give it your all. Good luck.

[Christine Evans]

Come out the golden ticket.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let's hear it. This is a man's world.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I've never seen anything like it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And a new chapter begins. Carrie Underwood joins Lionel Richie, Luke Bryant, and Ryan Seacrest on American idol.

[Christine Evans]

Season premieres Sunday, 8.

[Luis J. Gomez]

7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Christine Evans]

Have you ever spotted McDonald's hot crispy fries right as they're being scooped into the carton? And time just stands still?

[Luis J. Gomez]

But, yeah, that's the best. Getting, like, I mean, squiggle vision was the ultimate. I wish.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. With horny dad. With Spice Channel.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah. Spice Channel. And then I got a. At one point, at One of my first roommates in New York worked for the cable company, so we had unlocked Spice and Playboy Channel. And like, those are really, like. That was still the era. Like, everything's on dvd or you had to down. So it was like you did it, but it was like, so not good. The Playboy Channel.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's so like, the fact that they made any kind of what you would describe as vanilla pornography. Yeah. In the world is still strange to me that it exists. Like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like softcore, you're saying, or just naked women.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

They weren't even doing anything. It was just naked Women.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Just the naked women stuff. But I mean, like, just all of it's gotten so like. Like the fact that anyone can go back and be like, whatever you'd like, do. Maxim magazine has the 50 hottest bikini babes pictorial. Like, who gives a shit?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's a girl this pretty taking a dump in a sink on the Internet.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And I can eat it if I.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really figure those things out. You know what I mean?

[Christine Evans]

Get a vial of it sent to my house. I'm gonna suck that vial down.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm interviewing in a few weeks. I believe, or we go far. Abraham. And I told the person who's sending her, that's research. That's MTV's Teen Mom.

[Christine Evans]

Oh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then she started doing, like, porn. She had a couple porn videos, like pro porn videos. Then she started doing, like, cam stuff. But then Lemaire, you're familiar with this. Then she took a video of herself for somebody taking a dump. That is. I don't know where this dump was. Inside of her tiny body smoked out of toilet.

[Christine Evans]

She spoke on out for the of.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, she's not. So she shits right on the floor. But like an animal. But I mean, it is a shit I've watched so many times because it's fascinating. It's like a cork pops. Like one little shit comes out and then two straight feet of connected shit. And then.

[Christine Evans]

Do you have this on your phone?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, somewhere.

[Christine Evans]

Because I'd like to take a look at this. Don't.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So she segued teen moms into her only fans. I mean, she's proud.

[Christine Evans]

She's dropping chocolate 30s.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But now. But now she's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

She dropped her magnum opus.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She's doing stand up comedy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What?

[Christine Evans]

Obviously.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

So her first time stand up comedy is going to be at a strip club in New York. So she's coming on the bonfire to promote it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So sick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I told the person I was like, first thing I'm asking about is this dump. I go, I don't know. I know there's no audio on it. So I have to assume as soon as it was fun, it finished coming out. Did you go.

[Christine Evans]

I can't wait to see this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's pretty good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So underrated. Just a cork pop. I might be a cork pop. Like, yo, just cut it after the cork pops.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I never caught the poop, but I've.

[Christine Evans]

Seen her other work.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Damn, dude. Just a rogue lady. Just five. She's probably. Probably like five cappuccinos a day. Five whipped cream Starbucks a day. Just brewing the two footers.

[Christine Evans]

She should have held it up like a fisherman at the end. Like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

You might have to take a picture. Yeah. You might have, like, a hunter. Yeah. You gotta sit over it with the antlers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This might be a.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Imagine being a guy. Get all that bang for your buck. Being like, I didn't think it was going to be this amazing. I thought it would be, like, a.

[Christine Evans]

Pathetic girl turd of guy must have.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I get jealous of those guys who can, like, just have that aspect of your life where you're just constantly scheming on, like, filming the girl. That would add such a charge to, like, your whole life. Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

To get porn here. Governor Abbott's locking down the turd porn.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I know, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, no.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Turnport turd porn should be the most legal of all.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I don't have a VPN for be.

[Christine Evans]

Equal with child porn. To me, if you're watching third porn, you should be in prison getting beat up. Here's the other guys in there. They're like, you're the third porn guy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

My thing is, it's just. It's not even sexual. I'm taking a dump. I'd be like, governor, I'm not. You're the one getting horny. Your Honor, I just wanted to make sure this lady was healthy. Taking a proper dump.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Bing. Bing will have it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. I mean, this is so she. Was it like a private video that got leaked?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no, no. This is for somebody who paid her to do it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's what I'm saying. But, like, it was on the pro, like, public chain, like the public page or like, how did this vid get out? I guess you can't keep it to yourself. You tell 12 people. You basically told the world it's true. Show 12 of your. But, I mean, that video would. Nothing would spread faster than that, though. That's why it spreads.

[Christine Evans]

I'd like to see it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I just.

[Christine Evans]

Just. I had a bunch of scat pornography.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He might be a porn guy. That's the number one voice of a ship. He's kind of smelled it. Doubting us right now. He's like.

[Christine Evans]

It'S in the file I have here. No, I don't. Like, it's in my homework file. That's not true. You got the voice of a scat man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

One of us. There had to be one shitty.

[Christine Evans]

One guy in this room.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you get it?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Guardian get it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I got it for you.

[Christine Evans]

It's just black ladies pooping.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Were they driving?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hang on.

[Christine Evans]

Take a look at this. Oh, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is an impressive.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Hotter than I. Yeah, yeah.

[Christine Evans]

I wasn't yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Is she talking to me?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, dude, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Now you'll see.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, no.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, here we go. The first one's not impressive.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It looks like this.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, the first one's just going to pop out. That's the cork. Now here, one foot, two feet.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like three and a half.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then. So if you guys have any questions you want me to ask.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. They injected. They injected that. I think that was fake.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You'd like to think that that was a legit dump.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Shane, you've had a problem always appreciating others talents.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I mean, the cork is the craziest detail.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. That might be the real deal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The first thing breaks out. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Do you think there might. Here's my question I like to ask her. Is there some sort of prep if, you know, you got a big like, you know, gardenia hit you up, you know, you have the big dump. What's the regimen? Do you like hit a bunch of fibers?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It seems like she was stacking them for sure side of herself. Because that's. I mean, those three dumps, it was. I mean, when she was done, the fact she just like they show the longer one, like she turns around. It's kind of like, did you like that? And I was like, how are you not like taking a little siesta after that? That's one like when you're done, you gotta go, wow, that must have been in there for a while.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, she just passed that. Like nothing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She was like, yeah. I tell you, a big two coiler. God bless her heart.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They probably go super fiber. Probably super. It's like fiber powder. Probably for two days knowing they have the big video.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Definitely the most famous person to ever make a video.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Blippi. Remember Blippi did that, the Harlem Shake video?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Blippi, the guy who's the kids entertainer before he became a child entertainer, made it. You remember that Harlem Shake dance? Everyone would do like bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. He took a video where he was sitting on the toy. It was him on the. No, his friend was on the toilet. He just all over his friend.

[Christine Evans]

Popped.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Off and everyone was just like, whatever. My kid likes this show.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Did you ever. You guys ever watch the old. Allegedly the old.

[Christine Evans]

What's called Matt.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Chuck Berry. The old Chuck Berry videos.

[Christine Evans]

Chuck Berry farts. One of the funniest. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, give me that fog.

[Christine Evans]

I love the lady's face. She's like, yeah, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, ooh, get that fall. Yeah, sure.

[Christine Evans]

Head pops back out of it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Whoa. There it Is. It's real. You like that fall farting.

[Christine Evans]

Farting in hooker spaces is wild.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, you're paying for it. I guess. You gotta be able to do what you want.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Even back then there was no like, I mean there was a newspaper, but you didn't think anything would ever get out. Like if you farted in hooker's face, there'd be a part of your head being like, this is going to be on buzzfeed. You would think this is going to make its way. Back then it was just like, he must have.

[Christine Evans]

He filmed it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I don't want to again. This is speculation. Huge chance. That was like a 13 year old girl. Huge chance. You could part. What is it like?

[Christine Evans]

No, you could see it. Okay, there's a video.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, hookers. They're like actually pretty gnarly looking hookers.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, yeah, take that back. I mean they're hitting forks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was just venturing to like back then you could really. That those dudes did like everything. Yeah, like Led Zeppelin.

[Christine Evans]

They're letting the lead out.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

They're getting that was I take that back on Howard Stern. A few years back, one of the like the famous groupies like from like BBBL or one of them like came in to talk and kind of do like a tell all book. And like just so casually the way she goes, oh yeah. Like I don't know if she lost her virginity, but she was like when she was 15, she basically got gang banged by the Allman Brothers like backstage. But the difference is that she just goes like, oh, it was great. Like because she's telling the story like that it just gets no legs. Like no one cares.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The Almond Brothers, bro.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's crazy. The Almond Eskimo Brothers, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hell yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Bold.

[Christine Evans]

The Almond Brothers.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, true.

[Christine Evans]

Now we're talking. That's just a joke for you. No, that's not for the pop.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I thought you're pointing to bowling. That is quite bold.

[Christine Evans]

Look at that point of that jar of almonds. Oh, that's so the Almond Brothers. Come on now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Come on now.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Damn.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You think the Almond Brothers were like laying pipe like that? I don't definitely. You think they were lame pipe.

[Christine Evans]

I mean they're 15 year olds.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

70S.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Back then when did you used to be able to get your driver's license?

[Christine Evans]

I don't know. I don't think they even did it back then.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Shame on you. All the brothers.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I just think. But I think there's also something to like. Like I said these things were like people. It was like it Wasn't like they were like seeking a 15 year old girl. It seems like 15 year old girls were trying to get backstage. I think it was a time where people accepted, like where you fell over just like the overall laws. It's like. Yeah. If you're some kind of scraggly.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Rotten homes kid. Like, you're probably gonna be out there at like 14, 15 years old, you know, I mean, or like, you know, there's. I'm sure there was also. There's 15 year old girls who would be like, do what? Go where?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Huge chance. The brothers don't even remember it. They're probably sitting somewhere. And I came on, they're like, yeah.

[Christine Evans]

That'D be a tough one.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Feeling that one.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. Jimmy Page right here. The other one, he's the famous one. Like a child bride.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yep. They were partying, bro. Rock stars. Were they rock stars or were they pedophiles? Yeah, hard to say.

[Christine Evans]

It's an intense party, though.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Alleged child must be great.

[Christine Evans]

Allegedly. Allegedly talking about it 50 years later.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. Stood the test of time, kid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, you know, it was great back in the day.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Our whole government seems disarray about it. The Epstein stuff went off.

[Christine Evans]

Society's collapsing over the weight of kid.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Dick and balls Epstein thing. They were like, how many people? They don't. You know, they interview all the ones. They never, you know the Olympic doctor guy, right? Yeah, he was like fingering all the.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When they got him, like every victim showed up. It was like 300 victims, like, show up to be like, you did this. You fucked me over.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Epstein, where they were pulling those girls from, there is a bulk of those chicks that were just like, yeah, it was a good way to make 400 bucks. You know, watch an old man whack off. It's the uncle. It's the Uncle Eddie thing. Remember when Uncle Eddie in Philly, like when he got arrested, like, people were like, oh, man. Damn. That's what we. If we went to the mall, we would just go take a dump at Ed's house and show them our wiener and he'd give us 50 bucks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. He was such a legend here when.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was growing up. Was like, happy when he got put away. They were like, dude, my. Yeah, that was my mall money.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That was when I was little. Be like, there's a guy, he carries around a pizza box and he'll. If you give him your underwear, he'll give you 50 bucks. 50 bucks and I'll put them in the pizza box.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How Old are you?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm 39.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm 47. I mean, that. That thing went around legends.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's total.

[Christine Evans]

I'm saying they're the Allman brothers and you're the kid. You're going, I had a good fucking time.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I genuinely had the thought in my head when they just described when I was a kid, be careful. That school would say, there's a guy once, he's asking kids for their dirty underwear or use underwear. And I genuinely remember having a thing. And I'm like, where is this motherfucker? Like, I will give him my dirt. I wasn't putting it together. There was any kind of a gay thing or something like that. I'm like, I guess he's just a freaky weirdo.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And I was like, yeah, dude.

[Christine Evans]

I go, does sound like a mythical.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I wouldn't even throw out. Like I said, if I had skid marked underwear when I was a kid, he'd be like, nice.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, I'm gonna save these for a school day.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Right there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But those guys that would call Howard Stern with those Philly accents were so great. Like, yeah, he went over because my boy took a dump on his chest. It was crazy. Then I'd show him a dingling. We get out of there.

[Christine Evans]

My dad had it. My dad had a nice little creep.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Legendary pervert.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. Legendary pervert. That would give you crimp. It's if you showed him your dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Butterscotch.

[Christine Evans]

Butterscotch.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Nice.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Whole package.

[Christine Evans]

Phil was out in the woods, so that was big.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I knew somewhere in the world that tasty cakes were being used for evil. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. How do you get that cake to.

[Christine Evans]

Stay so according to Phil, he never did it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

How's it? Shelf stable and that moist.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. His one boy would go for it all the time and then split the crimpets with my dick. Phil was pimping out his boy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He was pimping.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's awesome. I appreciate. Yeah, I feel like that was always the kid that would sell candy in school was the same kid who also run it. Run boy ass for a local pedophile. I got a couple irons in the fire. I'm doing a little candy thing, a little resell. BJ's Costco candy thing. I'm running boy ass to some local.

[Christine Evans]

Peds kid dick to a weirdo for cupcakes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What exactly did you have to do? Just like show me.

[Christine Evans]

Just showing me dick.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You have a good pedophile. Stinghouse Shane.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right here is a great Pedophile sting.

[Christine Evans]

We were just watching To Catch a Predator. I know that's one of your all time favorites.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's so good.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I've been on 3, 4 PET, 3 or 4 pedophile stings. Pretty wild.

[Christine Evans]

How are they did it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, I didn't take part. I was. Well, it took minimal part.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

When I. When my last special came out, the guys, Dads against predators. Those are the ones now who just beat the guys.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. Completely shove them in like the cupcakes at Walmart.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And like I went to hang out with them and it was funny when they had the guy cornered in the grocery store. He was cornered and they were like yelling at him, giving a bunch of shit in the grocery. You know, when I walked by, I. I was, you're in the gram living. Oh no, I was Instagram living. When I walked by to be like, I was going, hey, I'm watching like these guys. Yeah. Do their pedophile hunt as I'm walking by those guys to fuck with it. Which is also funny when you do the pedophile hunts. There is something. The idea though. It's like they take it seriously, but also not that seriously. They make jokes like themselves about. So the guy, when they're walking by, they look at me and the guy goes, he says to the pedophile, he goes, you fucking know Big J Okerson is. And the guy was like, no. And I just go, oh, you hear, you hear my voice just go, oh. Like a view's a view. And at the end of it, they take him out to a field and they make him stand in a trash can, call his mother and tell her he's a pedophile and then go, big Jokerson's dog belly available. Whatever.

[Christine Evans]

Holy shit. Holy shit, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I went to a Sting house. One where the girl lures the. The guys over. That was pretty wild. That was a. At the Sting house.

[Christine Evans]

This is Jay. This is insane.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah, it's wild. Yeah, the Sting house one. First guy comes over, we hide in a bedroom for. We're hiding in a bedroom with the camera guy. Yes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's got a. Yeah. So is that weird, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And you hear like through a window. It's like, like. So I'm a little bit nervous here. Yeah, that's cool.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How excited are you when a pedophile is in the house? Like a real life pedophile tense.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's got to be crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

You might have a gu.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't even think about that. But that has happened. It's Real. It's definitely a dangerous thing, for sure. But the. So the. The first guy comes in and like, very quick as she's talking to him for like five minutes. And then, by the way, I don't know why everyone I do these with, they always do this to a pedophile. She had in the background purposely my special playing. And she. And. And when the guy comes in, he goes, this is Big J Okerson. He's like, like, you know, he is. And he was like, no. And I think someone said fat at one point about. I was like, right. I'm squatting down in the back room. Like, all right, dude. Yeah, Mike Fenoy and Dylan with me. I'm like, what a dick.

[Christine Evans]

I guess what's about to happen to you? Yeah, I'm fat. You're.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'm fat. Oh, I'm fat. You just hear in the background, come on, dude. Nobody else was here. As soon as we went out or the camera guy went out, that guy was like, oh. And he ran off, hauled ass immediately. As soon as he got on camera, second guy came and they had a whole, like, thing with them. Yeah, really?

[Christine Evans]

That's the ski daddy. That's the ultimate ski daddle.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wrong house. So that YouTube channels have a lot of views. The second guy hung in there for a while and talk to them. But that night I was in Indianapolis that night she came to the pedophile hunter girl, Courtney Elizabeth, she came to the show and her and her partner said that that day when they posted the thing, they have moderators who live in Indianapolis. Even though she lives in Wisconsin, their moderators live in Indianapolis. And she was like, when they put the video up, the two moderators are brother and sister. And they both go, this guy who just ran out right away, the guy who said nothing after the camera came in, he goes up and ran off. They go, that's my cousin.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then the other moderator goes, that's my guys, their brother and sister. That's my cousin. And they started realizing like, that in that two seconds, dude, it like fucking ripped their whole family apart. The guy that left immediately hunted.

[Luis J. Gomez]

True.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. How wild is that? Like, the moderators cousin happened to be one of the people they caught. You ever see that's the Chris Hansen one. When the guy he rides the train with walks in. Do you ever see that? He's like, what are you doing here, man? What are you doing here? He's so upset with him. Why are you here?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I see you every day on the train.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then I went with the guy, the Big guy from Houston, Texas, Alex something, the big beard. You've probably seen him before.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I know that guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I went with him before and we didn't get anybody. But that's where I saw like the danger of how it could go because Walmart parking lot. We pulled up next to the guy, the guy wasn't out of his car yet, and the guy fucking threw up. I mean, 70 miles an hour in a Walmart parking lot, hit a speed bump. I mean, his car like rattled.

[Christine Evans]

The fucking dudes.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But he got on the highway. He got on the highway and like, they were like, we're not chasing him onto the highway. Like, that's too dangerous at that point. But I thought what the most interesting thing so far about it was that of all the things I've with the pedophile hunters was that because I'm like, that guy was so. He didn't know if we were there to kick his ass.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You know, if we were related to the thing. He didn't know if we were cops. He didn't know whatever the instinct that guy had at all. Like, if that car would have. If the doors and car would have fallen apart around him when he hit that speed bump, he would have just continued running onto the highway. Just like. I was like, wow, I've never seen somebody really run for their life. That was like a genuine. Like this guy thought his life was over if he. He doesn't get away from this. He was giving everything he had. Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Get shot by a pedophile.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Right. So I don't do them anymore.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, you shouldn't get shot by a pedophile, which sucks. That's such a shitty way to die.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Shop died at the hand of a pedophile.

[Christine Evans]

Shot by a pedophile in a Buffalo Wild Wings parking lot. Just bleeding out in front of a target.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The dad's against predators. Guys. Guys been shot twice now.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he keeps going. And they're the ones that are aggressive like this. They keep wait to like punch the guy in the face.

[Christine Evans]

I just saw one that was very funny. The guy like walks down the aisle and he's like, all right, I knew this was coming. Hey. He's like, I know what you're up to. I know what I'm up to. Let me talk.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, there's some great.

[Christine Evans]

He was slow. He was mentally.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's. Oh, that's.

[Christine Evans]

He couldn't do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's Law and Order. SVU last week just did a. Finally an episode on that. Like the. You're doing a pedophile sting. And you catch a guy who came there to, like, watch cartoons and hug because he has, like, down syndrome. And it's like prosecuting him the same way.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And that is the thing. It's like most of the pedophile hunts. Like, that's what you're getting. You're getting a person who would have showed up if you said the kid was boy, girl, 8 years old or 85 years old. They can't believe anyone's responding to him, wants to hang out. So they do. It is a sad thing to see when they catch those people and they got a big fat guy on one of those podcasts. I think I may have showed you. I said, the mom sounds like bees. Or the mom's died, the mom of the pedophile. But they just. Right in front of the mom, they make him put on like a 7x shirt that says, I lick ass. Because it's something he said to the girl, fat guy named Jamie. And he just stands there while the guy reads the things in front of his mother. And the mother, just such a weird old twat. And she. Every time he goes. And then it says, I wanna. I wanna suck your little pussy until. Until you come and howl for the moon. And she's like, jamie, what? Well, that's bullshit. He doesn't. You don't even know how to do that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, it's so fun.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

She sounds like, dude, she said, I don't know why she reminds me of, like, it's not sounds like him. It's just like. It looks like it would be Beezer's mom. Yeah, yeah, Jamie. Ah, God. And then they're like, can you not make this a big deal? Because the who runs this apartment complex wants us out already.

[Luis J. Gomez]

At its grounds for dismissal.

[Christine Evans]

Damn it, Jamie.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And she's like, and by the way, the whole thing, when they're giving, like this crime that they committed, it's so funny when, like, the mother caretakers are always like, well, then that's it. You're giving me your phone, young man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Grounded.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah. You're giving me your phone. They're like, it's a little bigger than that, but. And I show. I think I showed you the. The guy before who they catch four times where. Eventually.

[Christine Evans]

Yes, eventually.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Eventually the cops. Eventually the cops in the fourth video get mad at the guy who's stinging him and goes like. He goes like. They're like, hey, leave this guy alone. He shows up every time because he can't believe for again. And he's so dumb the first Time they showed up at his house, by the way, all of his things are like, I love. He's already saying I love you. He's like a retarded guy and he's saying I love you a bunch to this like fake girl. And then they ask him, he goes, you know, the fake girl's like, what we doing today? He goes, just playing basketball. And like he writes. She goes, oh, yeah, Are you really tall? He's like, you know, he's like 4:11. I could dunk though. And she's like, she goes, really? He's like, yeah, it's pretty easy for you.

[Christine Evans]

Tall guy holds me up. Yeah, he's in my waist.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's just a retarded guy. And every time the cops show up, he's like, no, crazy.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And he runs around crazy. And then the neighbor will always come over and be like, just, can you leave? Like, I'd. I kind of look after him a little bit. Like, guys, this is not a real problem. You're. You're having. And the guy special needs and then.

[Christine Evans]

Little person over and over again.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And the guy was so retarded over and over again. They show when he leaves. I'm sorry.

[Christine Evans]

He runs around like the little guys in Halo.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He does. He does.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, God.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He never quite gets it.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

As soon as they leave the first time, the same night, they just. To see if they can. They just message him back and they go. They go, sorry about that. That was my uncle. That was my uncle. He gets really pissed off. And he was like, that was weird. And then she was like, yeah, but it's okay. He's going back to. I think she's going back to England tomorrow. He's clearly just an American guy. It's okay. He's going back to England tomorrow. He goes, okay, well, I mean, I still love you. Like, am I gonna get to see you? And then they just do it again. The fourth time they catch him at a car dealership. He's getting out of his car and he goes, are you? And he goes. They go, hey, Jason. And he doesn't recognize him. Stokes. He's retarded. He goes, he goes, oh, hey. And he go, he goes, what are you here for? He goes, get a car. He goes, do you. Would you like to get a 13 year old car? And he goes, what? He goes, are you here for a 13 year old? He goes, no, he's not running for his life into the thing. He's like, get out of here.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Get out of here.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, that's the One where the cops show up and they go, yo.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, stop his number.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What are you doing? Like, leave this guy alone. He's never gotten any points, kid or otherwise.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's entrapment. Leave the man alone.

[Christine Evans]

It's really.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They should. They should have a clause. Like, they should amend the law and make if you are, you know, an R rated Midge. They should. They should just go. That's up to the parents. Discretion.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I mean, it's really.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That'd be a good high school sweetheart.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You should be allowed to prom date. No, get him out of here.

[Christine Evans]

Boston at prom, 10 times, taking the Braum picture and we got him. No, now we're just with you. Get out there. Dance again.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You can make a remake. Remember Carrie? You make a remake. It's a new Carrie gets his revenge. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He goes, luckily that telekinesis. Yeah, he's. They're all. I mean, there was the famous one. There's the Chris Hansen. Where's the guy? Started eating pizza.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, just.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just watch all that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

One of the best ones ever. He goes, you want a slice? No, out. It's cool.

[Christine Evans]

He's scarfing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, he's changed his name and moved. That's what he did.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That must have been the craziest. Acid reflux. Just getting like getting caught as a pedophile and crushing like half his off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And that was the. And it was the grease cup.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He was folding them too. He was falling.

[Christine Evans]

I've never seen someone grub that you grub. Like it was while getting in trouble. You hit a hard. Gross.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's because he thought it was going to make him look more natural.

[Christine Evans]

He did.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He really did. He goes. He goes, I guess I'm a pervert.

[Christine Evans]

When he's chewing, he's like, you got the text. He's like, oh, you have the transcripts.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

There's also those great compilations of Chris Hansen doing like the. I may have told you this before. Like the. I like his first line. When he tries to play off what they say is always the best. The guy's like. Like, it's like, where you at? Then the girl will be like, I'm upstairs. I'll be down in a second. He's like, I can't wait to kiss you. Like, would you like to kiss me, Frank? Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Clear. There's a cloth in the hallway that he opens. Oh, there's. You know, that's normal.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Would you like to. He goes, don't mind that. That's Video Village back there.

[Christine Evans]

We've talked about it before. But when they Get Indian guys. It's the best. Just a foreigner. That's just like, what's the problem?

[Luis J. Gomez]

They should be like, my parents arrange this. I would die. My book. My parents set this up. That wasn't me.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, it's been arranged. An Indian guy's the one who got naked right away when he came in, like fully naked, just started walking around. That was an Indian guy. And then the other one was the kid who got caught twice in like the back to back days. And the second time they pull up on him, they go. They go, what are you doing, man? And he goes, oops.

[Christine Evans]

Getting caught back to back days. All right, back to the drawing board. There's no way.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

All right, now we know what to look for. Did you. There's a. So it's funny and I know they're trying to get more of like a police involved thing. Like, Catch a Predator was like an official with police they're working with. And there's I guess another one called Underage Undercover on It's like discovery or something. But Max had it. It was. They did two seasons of it. And what's funny about that is going on, the ones that I've gone on, how fast they'd be like, all right, well, it's 3:15. He said he was coming at 3. This guy's flaking. He's not answering anymore. And you know, with that stinghouse, he were like, all right, well, it was nice to meet you guys, we're gonna take off. And they go, no, no, no, hang on. Two. I mean, I'm not kidding. Going, hey, my parents are gone. Could you come over? Can you be here in 15 minutes? I'll be right over. I mean, to catch a person willing to fuck a 13, 14 year old, that's wild. So they will, like, there's. There's no like loss of like getting them at all, but this. But again, I don't know how much outside of like court of public opinion and ruining your personal life, doesn't really end up in a lot of like, arrests and stuff. But it's like, with the. To get the arrest, what they have to do. That's why I found it so funny. They can just go, hey, I'm 14 and I have a vagina who wants to fuck? And like, people will start coming. The underage undercover, they over do it. So it's like a whole house they've rented, and each room's like decorated to a different girl character. And they have the things with fake braces. So like, you see like working through Each other. Like, she's like, okay, so I'm supposed to watch a masturbate at like 4 o'clock today. So like, so they'll go, you know, put on the pigtails and little girl things and sit Indian style. And then holding like another girl's hand off camera who's like going like, like, sorry, you're doing so good. And she's like, it's great. Then you just hear the guy like, y'all wait.

[Christine Evans]

They go for it to let the pedophiles do it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's almost my point is that like, I don't think you have to get this much information. Yes. They go, okay, by the way, after like four masturbation sessions and talking on the phone every day to them and going through all this thing, they'll be like, okay, we think we know what state he lives in. Like they're trying. It's like each season's like to get like one little piece of information about a guy. It's like, how come every other person you just go, yeah, look in the. I'm 12. And someone goes, I a 12 year old, I don't care, I'll come over.

[Christine Evans]

You're going to jail.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's like non stop things like they. It's too.

[Christine Evans]

Let him finish. It's like the south park episode where he's like, I'm going undercover as a prostitute.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow, daddy, that sure was a lot of come.

[Christine Evans]

Freeze, freeze.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's the best.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Damn. Are they recording them? Jerk. And just sit through in it and be like, damn right.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And like the girl off cameras holding her hand going like, you're being so strong right now. You're being. And then it's like, by the way, also, whenever a guy goes. Starts jerking off, you're pretending you're a kid. You could be like, so my parents are calling. I'm so sorry, I have to go. They just go like they let them finish. And like, I like it. Like there's no reason to get. If the guy keeps her for what they're doing. You got them. If I'm texting sexual.

[Christine Evans]

If I'm the pedophile, I'm going back to that house and I'm good. By the fourth time, it's like, no, I knew she was 20.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christine Evans]

This is a show. This has been great.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

This is so great. If you catch one of the people you know, is that show Underage on the COVID he goes, I thought we were doing a little role player. Yeah, I was around.

[Christine Evans]

Obviously she's 20.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, here's her IMDb.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just give Chris Hansen a big kiss. Be like, this is all for you.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, I came here to meet you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm trying to work my way up.

[Christine Evans]

That's a good move. You keep going to kids houses and be like, where's Chris Hansen? We're just trying to make Chris Hansen.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's what you do. You walk in and be like, all right, I know was around. Where's Chris? Is he here?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That way he comes out like, oh, I knew you were here.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. We're giving you guys any pedophiles out there. We're giving you some nice hacks.

[Luis J. Gomez]

We should. We should do a million dollars worth of game for pedophiles.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Guys who knew guys in the 90s came.

[Christine Evans]

This is allegedly Spotify. Allegedly.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Every the 90s, though, people would find, like, their thing and then just kind of stick with that. Like Mario Povich's show. What used to be like, you were my school bully. Look at me now. And this and that now. And it was like, yeah, yeah, really?

[Christine Evans]

Look at me now. What do you think?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

By the way? That was the best when those bullies, dude, those boys would go, especially with a girl. It's like, she was a fat girl in school. It goes, now she's like a bikini model. It's like, look what I guess. Remember how mean you were to me? And it's like, seems to have affected you and you really made some positive life changes.

[Christine Evans]

You're welcome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, like this? Really?

[Christine Evans]

Now can we get this over with.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Any and kiss you still want to like, clearly had me flown here. But Mario Povich figured out, like, the paternity test for the whole thing. Jerry Springer realized cheating and fights were the whole thing.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And Chris Hansen. Chris Hansen was just like, Dateline NBC. Like, here's a story about a small town. Murder or corruption in politics. And then it was like, nope, he's the pedophile guy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

He's the guy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And now he gets to curse. He loves it. The ones online, the true blue ones, he loves it because he gets to read. Now he gets to really read the. What you said here you wanted to suck her ass. It's a. Yeah. He goes, yeah, but I mean, sucking ass, that means, like, I mean, like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You know, like, I think it was a later season. He hit one guy who's like, BBC, bbcp. That's a bareback cream pie. And I was like, damn, Chris. Damn, dude.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

The smoothest one he ever did was the guy who was washing his hands for the girl. Like, the little wigger dude was like, Washing his hands. And then Chris Hansen just walks up next to him and starts ripping off slices of paper towels to hand them. And the guy, he's washing his hands, he looks over and. And he takes the paper towel. He's like, thank you. And he just tries acting. It's not really goes, oh, thanks. He really makes a look. He goes. He goes, you here for the young, too? Oh, I didn't realize this was a party. That's happened a couple times on Catch a Predator when the people come out and they go, oh, I thought it was just me and her. Like, she's in the two dudes.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, my God. Oh, oh, oh.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I call dude.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, my. Catching two and making them fight for the survival.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Winner leaves, loser goes to jail.

[Christine Evans]

These are good ideas.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You still catch the guy. Like, we're just kidding. We want to see you guys fight. You're both going to jail.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Wow. Wow.

[Christine Evans]

Jay, when's your special coming out?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Special is coming out February 20th. So Thursday. When is this?

[Christine Evans]

Hell, yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Is it out already?

[Christine Evans]

This should be out tomorrow or Wednesday.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Should be out on Tuesday, actually.

[Christine Evans]

We could wait a week if you want.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

It's up to you guys. Whatever. Yeah. Schedule is whatever.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Double crowd work. Album them. They first have them coming out February 20th, and then a month later, Hell, yeah. I think we're premiering the second part. A moon tower.

[Christine Evans]

Where'd you film it?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Denver. Comedy works.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Christine Evans]

That's great. Yeah, that's gonna be awesome.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Any room where it's going forward? Yeah, I hope so, man. It's like I don't watch anything or edit anything, so it's one way to do it. Yeah. I turn it over to other people.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I go, hey, you guys. Well, I always figured to him, like, well, you guys will know what you're laughing at. Yeah. It's like, me, I'm gonna go all my. Look at. I go, yeah, that was pretty funny. But, like, why am I built like that? Those are the questions. I always.

[Christine Evans]

I'm selfishly like, let's just get rid of that entire camera, that angle, because I look. I look like a blimp. Let's just do Head on from above the entire special. Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Can we get a single camera shot and never decide they were one of them? On my first ever the hour special live at Webster Hall, I did. I didn't put any input into that. And, I mean, they had a camera that seems like the job of the camera was to shoot me low from diagonal behind and swing around to the front of me. To really give you my entire way too long across profile. Perfect. It's like, oh, you know what? Side. Shoulder to shoulder. This guy doesn't look that bad. And then he starts turning around. He goes, oh, my God. Oh, there's too much happening in the front.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. It's a disaster. It's a crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Chose to sit like a dummy. And I never think. I know. Every time I go, I go. And remember when you sit especially on like a taping, like, back straight. Like, sit on the stool, but, like, have, like, your back straight. And then it's like, how many seconds later before you just like. So is this your girlfriend?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. I think about it the whole time I'm on stage because I slouch like crazy.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christine Evans]

And I'm just.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And then if they watch, you make the shoulders back moved, like someone's been talking to them.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah. I do it the whole show because it's now I'm doing the round, so it's like half the whole audience is seeing my hunched over back. And the weird thing I do with my hand behind my back, which I never thought anyone was gonna see. The whole time I'm going like this behind, like, it's really up. It sounds like I'm being conversational, but you can tell I'm obviously, like, internally, like, you know, like, that behind me, I had somebody DM me. Like, what were you doing? Hand signals. I wanted to know what the hand signals meant.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I was like, no, it's just, dude, I just. I've done a couple of these arenas with you now, and so they've all been great. And I sit on a stool, which maybe. Maybe I have to consider not doing. It's. Well, it's just more. I like it. It's been good.

[Christine Evans]

I think it's fine.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

And it's worked well at the time. It's worked well, all of them. But the last one we did was Seattle. I think I was with you. That was the only time I was like, I just chose a side and went with it. And then towards the end, like the last, like five or six minutes of it, every time there was like a down moment. Like, in my own speaking, you go, guys, you know what's crazier? Turn around like a guy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But I mean, it was just like, swivel chair.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But then you're like. Like, I'm not doing it for him. I just don't want to do it for the one guy. Turn around.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. You lose all control if you're like, yes, sir, and spun around.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, they're all aware I can hear each individual comment.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Change your pants. Your whole thing sucks.

[Christine Evans]

Ah, this sucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

You. It sucks.

[Christine Evans]

You can hear every single person also. So many people. So someone's gonna be like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like, you. Yeah. Turning around to be like. What did you say? Sitting back down. Yeah, it would hurt.

[Christine Evans]

I was talking.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What's that? Okay. I thought so.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You're just dad in the back of the car. Just like, knock it off.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Excuse me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Shut up back there.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Okay. Okay.

[Christine Evans]

I was. Last night, I was talking to. Are you garbage guys about it. And that was like. They were talking about a thing they don't like doing. And I was like, yeah. I mean, I thought I was. I was like, I'm done with Trump. I'm gonna stop doing Trump. First show I did one minute in, a guy was like, do Trump right now. I was like, all right, I guess I'm doing Trump. The rest of my fucking career.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

They yell out. You can hear him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Are you sick of doing it, Trump?

[Christine Evans]

No, I. I love doing it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, the material keeps coming. Yeah. Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

I got a. Well, this will be out hopefully by the time SNL gets announced. So I'm gonna host snl, and in my head, it's like, I don't know what to say for my monologue. Like, I'm already like, oh, shit. Because they tell you you're hosting pretty quick. You have, like, two weeks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Really?

[Christine Evans]

Like, oh, fuck, what do I. What am I gonna say? And I was like, yeah, fuck it. Trump will say something. He'll say something.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

That week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He's gonna work on it.

[Christine Evans]

I'll just fucking make fun of that. He's gonna do something next week.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Do you have to walk a line at all? Like, not making fun of him too much?

[Christine Evans]

Yeah, because I don't like doing that. I think that sucks.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Well, it's just also obvious, I think.

[Christine Evans]

When comedians go out there and just. Just every single comedian on earth is like, trump.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

But not even like that. But I mean, like, do you think he sees, like.

[Christine Evans]

No, he doesn't see him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No, no. But I'm saying, like, does he see it as, like, an homage? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, it's all how people take it. Some people say, like, you're making fun of him just by doing the impression. Other people are like, you're doing a great impression of him. So it's such a funny thing.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like, what do you think he thinks? That's a good question.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, I wonder if he saw it, if his initial reaction would be like.

[Christine Evans]

I. I Guarantee he would not like it.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

He wouldn't like it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Well, he might get amused like a Roman senator would.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Yeah, maybe.

[Christine Evans]

I don't know. I don't know. I've never seen him react to anyone doing an impression of him.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

That's true.

[Christine Evans]

I don't think anyone responds really well to that. If somebody does any impression.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Why?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's not your favorite thing.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I didn't know that. You're like, the first time. When we had Everlast on Bonfire a couple years back, Bert Kreischer was in the studio with us. It was me and Dan still on the show. And I was like, oh, you know, it'd be really funny. I go, whenever Last gets here, let's go around the room and everybody do your impression of what's the girl's name was like, somebody got pregnant from a God named. And then when Burke came in, he was like, oh, dude, I wouldn't do that. I was like, why? He goes, just. Musicians take themselves really seriously. Like, he won't think it's funny. He's going to be weird about it. Like. And he was almost giving me. Burt was giving me like a read the room thing. He's like, so, like, just I wouldn't do it and got me in my own head where I was like, yeah, I'm not. I won't even bring it up. And then when Everlast came in after talking for a little bit, he was very cool. And I was like, hey, we have a guitar man here if you want to play a song or anything. And Burt goes, oh, oh, if you play a song, I swear to God, I'll get butt naked right now. And I was like, yeah, brilliant. I'm like, burt, you told me to read the room on that. He doesn't want to hear impression himself. But you think one of the. One of the top Mount Rushmore of wiggers wants his payment for doing something he already doesn't want to do? To be a man gets naked in the room. You read the room, Bert. He's like, oh, I'll get naked if you do. Hey, dude, great news. I'll get naked if you do something. You're probably really cool. You're probably cool with the nudity of men, right?

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's so funny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hey, you grew up in a culture that's pretty, like, awesome with gay shit.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's such a funny move.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

I'd get totally naked. But the fact that he had the sense. Sense. It's the outward. Like, he knew. He's like, yeah, that would not be a good thing. Like, he needs somebody to go, bert, I don't think Everlast wants to see you naked as a reward, punishment or otherwise. Just the idea of that. Like, it's like a girl saying, I'll show your tip.

[Christine Evans]

And I know exactly. Albert said it, too. Like that.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Like, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah. But, hey, here. Here's a deal.

[Christine Evans]

Yeah.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

If you do the thing we're asking, I will do something that no one's asked for. I love it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Forever last is so funny.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Forever last. Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What happened? Did he get naked?

[Big Jay Oakerson]

No. And Everlast didn't play a song. I mean, I didn't even pursue the question of his deal. A song more. Because when Bert made that offer, I was like, now I don't. Now I don't have to go, hey, we'd still like you to play a song like, I promise that won't happen. It was more like, well, Everlast, thanks for hanging out and being here.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, man.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So funny.

[Christine Evans]

I gotta show you that episode of Tires.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

What?

[Christine Evans]

Your episode.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Oh, yeah.

[Christine Evans]

I should have it. We can watch it here in a second.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Hell, yeah.

[Christine Evans]

You want to wrap it up?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let's do it.

[Christine Evans]

Goodbye, everybody.

[Big Jay Oakerson]

Thanks for having me. Yeah.

[Christine Evans]

Oh, yeah.