Ep 550 - Blazer Tag

Summary

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast Episode: Ep 550 - Blazer Tag Release Date: March 13, 2025

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Introduction: Setting the Scene at Blazer Tag

In this lively episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, hosts Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis bring their signature humor and chemistry to a unique setting: a live podcast recorded from Blazer Tag, a high-energy laser tag arena. From the outset, the duo tackles the skepticism surrounding their decision to host a live podcast in such an unconventional location.

Shane Gillis [00:05]: "Nobody would be crazy enough to do a podcast live from Blazer Tag. I know."

Planning and Strategy: Team Fat vs. Team Thin

As the episode unfolds, Matt and Shane dive into the logistics and strategies of their Blazer Tag game. They humorously categorize themselves into "Team Fat" versus "Team Thin," debating the strengths and potential antics of each group.

Shane Gillis [00:51]: "Fats versus thins is going to be nice."

The conversation highlights their playful approach to the game, including plans to deploy "Spider" as a tactical player and the humorous notion of using friendly fire to gain an advantage.

Matt McCusker [01:24]: "We might send Spider in as a little suicide bomb."

Cheating and Team Dynamics: Navigating the Game's Challenges

A significant portion of the discussion centers around the themes of cheating and teamwork within the laser tag arena. Matt openly admits to using tactics he refers to as "cheating," while Shane defends his actions, leading to a humorous back-and-forth about fairness and strategy.

Shane Gillis [17:56]: "I just want you to know. But this is me coming clean."

Their candid admissions and playful accusations create a dynamic and entertaining narrative, showcasing their ability to turn competitive gameplay into comedic gold.

Personal Anecdotes and Humor: Beyond the Game

Interspersed with their Blazer Tag antics are personal stories and humorous exchanges that add depth to the episode. Topics range from Shane’s humorous take on family interactions to Matt’s exaggerated experiences with restless leg syndrome (RLS) medication.

Matt McCusker [34:10]: "I actually did take that for a while. I might have been on the RLS."

These anecdotes not only provide laughs but also humanize the hosts, allowing listeners to connect with them on a more personal level.

Pop Culture References: SNL and Beyond

The hosts also engage in spirited discussions about pop culture, including references to Saturday Night Live (SNL), comedy sketches, and notable celebrities. Their ability to weave these references seamlessly into the conversation keeps the dialogue engaging and relatable.

Shane Gillis [53:03]: "How was SNL?"

Their reflections on their experiences with SNL sketches reveal their insight into the challenges of live performance and comedy writing, all delivered with their characteristic humor.

Reflections on the Laser Tag Experience: Triumphs and Tribulations

Towards the end of the episode, Matt and Shane reflect on their Blazer Tag experience, discussing key moments, standout performances, and the overall outcome of the game. They humorously dissect their tactics, the effectiveness of their strategies, and the roles of other players in the arena.

Matt McCusker [70:35]: "We won by 400 points."

This segment serves as a recap of their adventures within Blazer Tag, highlighting both their competitive spirit and their knack for turning any situation into a comedic narrative.

Conclusion: Wrapping Up with Laughter

The episode concludes with continued banter and lighthearted remarks, leaving listeners with a sense of camaraderie and anticipation for future episodes. The seamless blend of game action, personal stories, and pop culture ensures that Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast remains a must-listen for fans seeking both humor and heart.

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Notable Quotes:

• Shane Gillis [00:05]: "Nobody would be crazy enough to do a podcast live from Blazer Tag. I know."
• Matt McCusker [01:24]: "We might send Spider in as a little suicide bomb."
• Shane Gillis [17:56]: "I just want you to know. But this is me coming clean."
• Matt McCusker [34:10]: "I actually did take that for a while. I might have been on the RLS."
• Shane Gillis [53:03]: "How was SNL?"
• Matt McCusker [70:35]: "We won by 400 points."

---

This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast masterfully combines the excitement of live laser tag with the hosts' sharp wit and engaging storytelling, making it a standout installment for both new and longtime listeners.

Transcript

[Shane Gillis]

Wow. Wow. Wes.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

They said it couldn't be done.

[Matt McCusker]

I know.

[Shane Gillis]

They said it could not be done. Nobody would be crazy enough to do a podcast live from Blazer tag. I know.

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't know you could pull it off. Dude, this is.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it turns out it was pretty easy to pull off that place out.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, true. What are you guys doing at 1.

[Shane Gillis]

O'Clock in the afternoon on a day they're closed? We got blazer tag as is. I was think Glazer tag. God damn it. I know it's a mistake to get you get up here. God damn it. He's got that blood taken out your little weak.

[Matt McCusker]

I mean yeah, it's. It's hard to podcast knowing laser tags on the back end. What are you.

[Shane Gillis]

What are you thinking about? Yeah, we're. We're going to be taking breaks. Hit the tag, come back and report. I'm thinking. What were you thinking about teams? I'm thinking fats versus thins.

[Matt McCusker]

That's not bad.

[Shane Gillis]

Fats. Vers. Thins is going to be nice. You might be. You're close to d. There's some. There's some true fats.

[Matt McCusker]

Do we have enough fats?

[Shane Gillis]

We have enough fat. Is enough fats.

[Matt McCusker]

You go have more than enough fats.

[Shane Gillis]

It might be doing but the fats are going to be camping. You're going to have to breach that room. We're not leaving. Although we could gas ourselves out. One of the fats. Spider could hit another blazer tag for clear the room.

[Matt McCusker]

Just friendly fire.

[Shane Gillis]

We might send bl. We might send Spider in as a little suicide bomb. You guys are going to shoot him a lot. But he's getting a far.

[Matt McCusker]

I see him preloaded on the Cheetos.

[Shane Gillis]

He's got the Cheetos.

[Matt McCusker]

We're just going to.

[Shane Gillis]

Going all along hit a nice.

[Matt McCusker]

Did you eat a burrito before you came?

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, thank God. Thank God.

[Shane Gillis]

But what did you eat? I'm sure it was catastrophic. Empty belly with Cheetos. That's a good recipe.

[Matt McCusker]

Could be empty belly. Dude.

[Shane Gillis]

He gassed out my house the other day.

[Matt McCusker]

Did he really? Oh, no.

[Shane Gillis]

In the far room. And I was like the sewage is again. I just had plumbers here. It was so bad that I was like. And it like it really the whole house up that when we. It was an impressive dump. Was that when we thought he died that. No, that was. This is the second dump he's taken recently. Worse than when my dog diarrhea than your house? Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

Whoa.

[Shane Gillis]

That was clearly dog out of water too I mean, who knows what he did in there. It was just two.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, there's my gym shorts. Looking for those goddamn spiders wearing them.

[Matt McCusker]

Didn't know they were yours. What was going on with that dunk? Well, like, what led up to that?

[Shane Gillis]

I just hadn't been dumping. Dude, it was a fun weekend.

[Matt McCusker]

You're blocked up.

[Shane Gillis]

He dropped an insane one. There was girls were there. They were screaming. People were upset.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Gillis]

We opened the doors. We had to open the doors of the house.

[Matt McCusker]

You crush the girl.

[Shane Gillis]

Crush the girls. Crush the beeps.

[Matt McCusker]

Was it a giant log or like a pile?

[Shane Gillis]

No, that was a pile. It was. I had to go back.

[Matt McCusker]

It's impressive to clear out a house.

[Shane Gillis]

In a one flush. I mean, yeah, we thought he was dead. We were joking around. We were in the pool and we were like, maybe he's dead. And then we all kind of, like, thought about it for a while and we're like, somebody should check on two hour dump.

[Matt McCusker]

For real.

[Shane Gillis]

He might have Elvis out.

[Matt McCusker]

It was a long dump.

[Shane Gillis]

And then we had the realization that one of us is going to Elvis out.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Shane Gillis]

Between the squad, I think we have a pretty high. Speaking of Elvis, someone's dying on the in that.

[Matt McCusker]

Reporting for duty, Team Fat. Team Fat reported for duty.

[Shane Gillis]

It's gonna be. It's gonna be tough for Pat because he's been losing weight. Still reporting for duty.

[Matt McCusker]

Report for duty, Team Fat.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, camped though. That's gonna be tough.

[Matt McCusker]

You guys will camp.

[Shane Gillis]

You have to breach the roof. Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

You guys got to get the tactical position. Another reporting for duty. What up, Pat?

[Shane Gillis]

It'd be fun. If someone dies, they respawn. Nice.

[Matt McCusker]

So. Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I'm good. Oh, I guess I am on. I am on skinny team. Holy. I thought I was. It's literally just Gini, Matt, no Connor there. No one else.

[Matt McCusker]

We're outnumbered.

[Shane Gillis]

You and me are competing. Truthfully.

[Matt McCusker]

We gotta have a bmi. It's got to be a BMI Cut off. This is cr. You guys are legion right now. Literally.

[Shane Gillis]

On the drive over, I was like, I'm close. Like, I'm on the cut off. There's some units on the SQU.

[Matt McCusker]

All lineman.

[Shane Gillis]

This is great. Tough squad, dude. Have you thought about your name?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I was gonna. I was gonna do.

[Shane Gillis]

I can't think of a cool name.

[Matt McCusker]

I was gonna do TS Cool Shooter.

[Shane Gillis]

That's awesome. TS Cool shooter is awesome. We gotta see.

[Matt McCusker]

You gotta get past their filter. They don't Dr.

[Shane Gillis]

Hits.

[Matt McCusker]

Someone's got to be General Fat.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, that's great.

[Matt McCusker]

Hey, spiders.

[Shane Gillis]

General Fat Spider.

[Matt McCusker]

I was thinking of cool names last night. I was like, we're gonna fly through. Yeah. Last night, last game.

[Shane Gillis]

Doctor. Mr. Hits. Dr. Hits. Chairman. Pow. Chairman Pal is pretty good.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

That'll be good. Yeah. You'd be Netanyahu.

[Matt McCusker]

Netanyahu. BB would be nice.

[Shane Gillis]

Don't get him. Bb.

[Matt McCusker]

Actually, now that I think about it, BB Net.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

How many terms has he done as President of Israel? 92,000.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. He's the Putin of Israel for sure. Yeah, man, you can feel it. Is a blazer tag. The air. The air. And now that the boys reported for duty, the air got thick.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude. Lair's going to fart in there and.

[Shane Gillis]

We'Re all going to force. I mean, you guys are.

[Matt McCusker]

Once they bring us the rations, the movie theater. Once they bring the movie theater pizza, this going to be thick in there. It's going to be like the jungles of nominee. It's going to be a pure bomb. Humidity 87%.

[Shane Gillis]

That guys are going to lose their minds, dude. Yeah. They're going to be able to find us from our breath. They're on the other side of the wall.

[Matt McCusker]

God damn.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. It's not fair. You guys are going to have radar. What do you mean?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

True, true. Know exactly the smell, the snores. Guys going to be taking naps. We're going to be running night shifts. Guys are going to have to watch the Wire at night. Guys are going to be sleeping in blazers.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Shane Gillis]

Here we go. He's been losing a little James.

[Matt McCusker]

Might be James, you thin team. Fat team. Which team?

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, fat team.

[James]

Actually, it's a fat.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know. That shirt's looking straight down, bro. Whoa.

[James]

Is that the definition?

[Shane Gillis]

You slouch?

[James]

This is not.

[Shane Gillis]

But James has lost enough.

[Matt McCusker]

James been losing, man.

[Shane Gillis]

In this group. He's right there.

[Matt McCusker]

That is true.

[James]

I didn't know we were filming the laser tag.

[Matt McCusker]

Did they give you lipo with that haircut?

[James]

I might be mocked.

[Shane Gillis]

Look at how quickly James takes a mic. People don't realize how greedy James is.

[Matt McCusker]

Ah, we're on air.

[Shane Gillis]

I'll get involved.

[Matt McCusker]

Thanks for coming, James.

[Shane Gillis]

It's good to have you.

[James]

I'm in. I'm focused. I'm ready.

[Matt McCusker]

You might be thin team, dude, I think you're thin.

[James]

Would be the honor of my life if I'd made it. Who else is on the thin team?

[Matt McCusker]

I'm have to start doing thin propaganda.

[James]

You're Finn.

[Shane Gillis]

No offense.

[Matt McCusker]

You are down right now, PG. You're down. You're on weight loss journey.

[Shane Gillis]

Lost 115, gain 70 back. Oh, how'd you gain the 70s back? God damn.

[Matt McCusker]

How? Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, Jack in the box.

[Matt McCusker]

You're just putting a lot of chips on the table both ways.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, Yeah. I stopped intermittent fasting and training, exercising all together.

[Matt McCusker]

And Jack in the box.

[Shane Gillis]

What's the time span on that where you gain 170? My fattest. I was 413, yo, and I got down to 240.

[Matt McCusker]

How long did it take you to.

[Shane Gillis]

Get from 4:30 to two hours? Yeah, the general 413. I, like, improve, like, two years. Right.

[Matt McCusker]

Lamise, what's the highest you touched?

[Shane Gillis]

I had to be, like, 420 plus. You guys are.

[Matt McCusker]

You guys are some.

[Shane Gillis]

A2.

[Matt McCusker]

A2 Lancaster cows. Dude, this is crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

You said we. We were Lancaster. We. We were doing mics and lancs and Mey has a photo of him. It's crazy, dude. He doesn't have arms. His forearms sticking out. He's wearing, like, a fat T. Rex.

[Matt McCusker]

That would be. That is nice, though. That is the dream. To move to, like, truly the middle of America and just get as big as you can. That'd be awesome. I'm not kidding. That would be.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm on my way.

[Matt McCusker]

So nice. And, like, your president wins. You're as fat as you can possibly get. I knew I was right about everything.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, man, this is exciting stuff. Do we have anybody else here? Oh, con man's out there. This is somewhere. And other than that, I don't know.

[Matt McCusker]

We got a song. A song? Steam Skinny. Although.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he is.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know where his loyalties lie.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, true. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Something about him.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know if I trust him in there. We have to send waves at each other. So the mare. Nate, you guys go first. Clear out some minds.

[Matt McCusker]

Operation. I'm going to see if we can get a school bus in here for a time.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, man.

[Matt McCusker]

Sorry. That's terrible.

[Shane Gillis]

I got a feeling I'm gonna be really bad at this.

[Matt McCusker]

You might be.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm not gonna try.

[Matt McCusker]

There's a couple tactical perches. If you grab it, it's tough to get you out of there.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. To focus on the rules beforehand. They're very important.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Because they're secret things you could shoot and they give you power ups and. Oh, yeah. I'm not gonna.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't really with that. I know. I heard that. But it's like, I got too many ops out there to be with the power ups.

[Shane Gillis]

We're gonna have to divide these teams.

[Matt McCusker]

I know.

[Shane Gillis]

We can't do fat skins, skinnies, we're going to have to do.

[Matt McCusker]

We'll just do the fattest and work our way down.

[Shane Gillis]

Darkest complexion to lightest conf o. I like that.

[Matt McCusker]

We'll do shirts and skins.

[Shane Gillis]

100%. I do have some level of shame.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, man. Yeah, we'll have to figure. We'll have to go. We'll have to assemble the troops and just look at, you know, give everyone a good up, down, see what's going on. Has anyone here got flat feet? You're out. You can't do it.

[Shane Gillis]

Chris is colorblind. He's out.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, yeah, I'm gay. I'm out. Not allowed to talk about it. Where's Chris?

[Shane Gillis]

He's out playing video games.

[Matt McCusker]

He's preparing.

[Shane Gillis]

Probably in the arcade.

[Matt McCusker]

Probably fucking Time Crisis right now getting ready.

[Shane Gillis]

That's cheating.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, they can't play until we get ready. That'll be.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, like two video games here. Yeah. Time Crisis and Guitar Hero.

[Matt McCusker]

Guitar Heroes. And they have the basketball. Basketball hoop, football, tosskey ball. But yeah, they have a couple things. Oh, man.

[Shane Gillis]

Sounds like a woman.

[Matt McCusker]

That's my wife. My wife found out.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, great. All right.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, all right. Here we go. Hey, we're podcasting, man. We're in a good place right now, dude. Come on, dude, we're podcasting for real.

[Shane Gillis]

You raptors found out how to open the doors? It was just a funny joke.

[Matt McCusker]

Hang tight. Hang tight. You can play a game. Wait till we cast. You can blaze. All right, later. Love you. Love you, babe. Love you so much. She's just off a period right now. It's gonna be so sick tonight. Your data is like gold to hackers. And they'll sell it to the highest bidder. Are you protected? McAfee helps shield you blocking suspicious texts, malicious emails and fraudulent websites.

[Shane Gillis]

McAfee Secure VPN lets you browse safely.

[Matt McCusker]

And its AI powered tech scam detector spots threats instantly. You'll also get up to $2 million of award winning antivirus and identity theft protection, all for just $39.99 for your first year. Visit mcafee.com/incancel anytime terms apply. Dude, I actually this cracked me up the other day. I was. We were at home and she was washing my and Chloe's hair. Just washing Chloe's hair. Maybe Myers. Chloe wanted to watch TV and she was like, I want to watch Gabby's dollhouse. And she clapped with every word. And I was like, did you see that? To Brittany. And Brittany's like, yeah, she's black. And Chloe looked at Brittany and went, I'm not black. You're black. It was. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Just for a two year old to be like, you're fucking black. I'm not black. Up. Just so mad. She doesn't know what it means.

[Shane Gillis]

My sister's. My sister's kids have struggled with this. My sister's kids have been like, why is she. When's she going to turn black to the white. To the white kid? And they're like, it's going to be a while.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, true.

[Shane Gillis]

How come she's not black yet?

[Matt McCusker]

That's so sick. Just waiting. Like, I can't wait till my sister.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, my sister's going to be black soon. It's going to be sick. The rest of us turn black around 2, 3. That's when I first remember being black. Oh, man.

[Matt McCusker]

God damn.

[Shane Gillis]

That's blazer tag. Pizza is calling my.

[Matt McCusker]

They're gonna be. Yeah. People were tearing them up, dude. They're gonna be.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm gonna rip it apart. Oh, yeah. I'm so hungry, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

I've been to a lot of kids here today, bro. I've been to a lot of kids parties and I've been eating like just play place pizza. And it's. It does. Slapped. It hit.

[Shane Gillis]

You're.

[Matt McCusker]

You eat a first slice and you're like, all right. Yeah, yeah. This rules.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, man. I haven't done this since I was 12, so.

[Matt McCusker]

Laser tag.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I'm psyched, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

You're. This is.

[Shane Gillis]

It's been probably a decade for me. Last time I was here, my dad's come was all over his pants. Literally thought about it. As soon as I put these pants on, I was like, oh. I was driving over. I was driving over. Like, I've been wearing these for a while. Yeah, that black light's not going to be kind.

[Matt McCusker]

My T shirt.

[Shane Gillis]

Team fat's gonna be in camo. Team fat's gonna be full camos. Why?

[Matt McCusker]

Why does come glow?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Also why who's coming in their jeans?

[Matt McCusker]

Are we sure it's come?

[Shane Gillis]

No, it turned out my dad had prostate cancer. Yeah. I was like, would you come your pants. He was like, no. Like a month later he was like, I have cancer. I was like, sorry, I was making fun of, but that's a perfect ex. Dude. There's struggling.

[Matt McCusker]

Wait, so whiz and come shows up in the black?

[Shane Gillis]

It looked. It looked like it was a whiz. I mean, the boy probably wasn't washing the trousers very often.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

That was probably. It Was like three months worth of bro.

[Matt McCusker]

If he was just coming like elk's lodge piss. If he was just coming like that. I want prostate cancer.

[Shane Gillis]

True.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm just glazing. I mean, I should knock on the strongest.

[Shane Gillis]

Increase your loads with cancer.

[Matt McCusker]

That's correct. Load max and prostate cancer. God, I can't wait. I can't wait.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, you want to get in there?

[Matt McCusker]

Let's tag. Let's tag.

[Shane Gillis]

Let's tag and see what happens.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, for sure.

[Shane Gillis]

Come back.

[Matt McCusker]

Right back, Right back.

[Shane Gillis]

We'll be right back. Hello to the audio listener. I just wanted to let you know that these sounds are from a video, a GoPro video of the blazer tag match. And I will try to edit together and put out a full video from the blazer tag GoPro footage on the Patreon soon. Hey, what the heck? We're back.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude. It feels like a lifetime ago.

[Shane Gillis]

That was. Didn't think I was going to be that sweaty.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, I'm dying.

[Shane Gillis]

Good God, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Dying. We had long running.

[Shane Gillis]

Immediately everybody sprinting around ever.

[Matt McCusker]

I mean, dude, you can't not run. It's. It's absolute war.

[Shane Gillis]

Long penis with the cheating. One of the all time cheats cheating. Long penis is Sean Gardeni. Was not cheating. You were not cheating. No, I was playing by the rules.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

Running. No, I was moving swiftly. Running, walking swiftly.

[Matt McCusker]

I will say I was. I was. I had a trick where people get too close to me. Like, dude, my gun's not even working. I did. Sorry I did it to you.

[Shane Gillis]

Also, Andy really held down the Terminator 2, his moniker. He really lived up to it. He just. You just see him walking around, just walking right at people.

[Matt McCusker]

There's a movie go, dude, my shit's off. And as soon as they. As soon as Andy walked past me, I'm like, snake. Total snake. Sorry, Andy. I did that to like five different people. I'm like, shit's not even working, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

I was. I was.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, someone got the drop on me. I'm like, what the. This sucks.

[Shane Gillis]

Every alliance went out the window. Really? Yours was the only one that stayed true.

[Matt McCusker]

Who.

[Shane Gillis]

Who betrayed you right away. I. I asked him to ally. I never shot you once. Spider did not ally with me.

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't shoot you, mother Spider. Yeah, he did.

[Shane Gillis]

He's about Spidey.

[Matt McCusker]

Give me that phone call. So lames. You betrayed.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't.

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't.

[Shane Gillis]

There was no real alliance. I said, okay, and then I just took my position.

[Matt McCusker]

I tagged big on a couple times. I know Unc got brought in.

[Shane Gillis]

Immediately.

[Matt McCusker]

I saw Hunt down in the mix. I was like, now I'm gonna grab a couple points off him.

[Shane Gillis]

That was. Man.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, speaking of laser tag rules, if laser tag.

[Shane Gillis]

God damn, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

I want to formally challenge Dr. Imar to laser tag.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. He's in hot water right now.

[Shane Gillis]

Why? What'd he do?

[Matt McCusker]

Dude is his alleged. Although he did his alleged daughter. Although I have reason to believe it could possibly be his daughter because he claimed to have paid child support her whole life. Came out and was like, you're a fucking deadbeat. Just give me my sister's number. Like, complete. You know, doc, you know Dr. Mars.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

He's like. Doesn't like interracial dating, all that stuff. Doesn't really like white people. I get the feeling.

[Shane Gillis]

No, he seems to very openly dislike.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, his daughter, for real crushed him, came out and was just like, you're a deadbeat. You're a loser. You shouldn't be. Nobody should be listening to you. And then he came back, rather than being like, I don't know who you are, which. That'd be devastating to your strange daughter to do that. But he goes. He was saying something like, get your mom on the phone. We can hash this out. And he was saying, like, I'm sick of. First of all, he goes, you're either with me or against me on this. No more frenemies. He doesn't want any more frenemies, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

I appreciate that. Next time. Yeah. If my daughter ever confronts me for being Debbie, I would be like, I have no time. You're either with me or against me.

[Matt McCusker]

Called her a struggle streamer. Trying to get clout off of his name.

[Shane Gillis]

Trying to get clout off her daddy.

[Matt McCusker]

Call your estranged daughter struggle streamer.

[Shane Gillis]

Phil's a fucking struggle streamer. I have the opposite. Phil's always trying to get clout. Every time we do the podcast in my house, he would walk down. He wanted cloud. Now he gives away tickets. Every show I go to, there's eight guys from the Elks in the green room. Unbelievable.

[Matt McCusker]

That was.

[Shane Gillis]

How about a little meet and greet? The guy is one of the top sales guys in Tampa. Could you meet him? No.

[Matt McCusker]

That was. The list was crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, the list. He handed my. My manager a list that is 40 people at every show. That was a wild night. Tampa was.

[Matt McCusker]

It was awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Tampa and Jacksonville. Tampa was wonderful.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

All those studs were there.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. True.

[Shane Gillis]

Aaron Judge, big ass was there.

[Matt McCusker]

He was huge.

[Shane Gillis]

He's still a unit. I was less starstruck this time. Yeah, that was the first Time. Yeah. The last time when I met him at that game.

[Matt McCusker]

Didn't you see him at a baseball game?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, full Yankees uniform. Just hit a giant home run.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Practice came over, he was like, what are you doing back there, big man? I was like, I saw you. You just. I drilled that ball. I've never spazzed like that.

[Matt McCusker]

Seeing him at the game would. That would.

[Shane Gillis]

Talking to Bubbles here. I was a little.

[Matt McCusker]

Bubbles is taking it back. True. I mean, yeah, he was. That guy was.

[Shane Gillis]

He's on the videos outside the bar. Watch the videos. It's him mixing drinks. Bubbles is the man.

[Matt McCusker]

He gave me some good pointers.

[Shane Gillis]

We might get Bubbles in this next game. I'm on his team. I call Bubbles team.

[Matt McCusker]

Did he tell you about the zombie game?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that sounds fun.

[Matt McCusker]

Zombie sounds sick. Everyone's green, one red zombie and then you spread. If you. If you get hit by the zombie, you become a zombie as well. It's kind of sick. Although I don't know how you would cheat in that game.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, how are you gonna cheat? I wasn't cheating.

[Matt McCusker]

You.

[Shane Gillis]

You were cheating. No, I wasn't cheating. I watched you.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, you gotta believe the GoPro.

[Shane Gillis]

Shoot me.

[Matt McCusker]

I was like.

[Shane Gillis]

It was so funny, right? When everyone got in and was screaming. Soon as the doors opened, every dude. Every dude there was screaming and running. Then everyone got tired. Go. Five minutes left. You hear everyone go. Oh, dude. The longest game of my life, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

What was your strategy? Gini, you're running.

[Shane Gillis]

It was run right out of gun. Stick and move. Move. Second move, second move fast. Yeah, you're running fat. Well, swift, swift while you're running. Rule number one, I might have been running. I saw you run. That's fine. You cheated.

[Matt McCusker]

Bubbles is on your ass for the next game.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, that's concerning.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he's gonna personally follow you.

[Shane Gillis]

I came here for a good time and immediately. Guys take advantage of the rules, man. I finished seventh. That's not bad. That's pretty good. Sucks first game, Spider. Yeah, I lost a big. Oh, I lost it. I lost a Nikki Blazer. Adam Egot. I lost the Nikki Blazer by probably one shot. It was close. It was a close one. And you were camping. I was fully camping. After two minutes. I was. I just. It was time to camp, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

I was camped. And then I would run and gun. I would get hit 50 times.

[Shane Gillis]

You hit the lay down, which is a nice move.

[Matt McCusker]

Lay down was pretty.

[Shane Gillis]

That sounds like. That's. That sounds like he was watching. He was laying down. He's going, my pack doesn't work. That's what Chris keeps saying. Chris keeps saying. His gun was broken. That's why he was RoboCop. They changed his name to RoboCop.

[Matt McCusker]

Wait, his gun wasn't working Working. But he didn't come in very last place, did he?

[Shane Gillis]

Yes. The one. It happened to be the one female that was brought on the pregnant. Dead last by a wide margin. I don't think. I don't think she. She must not have been holding. She is eight months pregnant, which is she.

[Matt McCusker]

I felt. I felt terrible. I was. I was laying.

[Shane Gillis]

I was laying with the running around. Someone's gonna bump into her. The worst thing you want is something terrible.

[Matt McCusker]

I startled the out of her. I was laying down behind a corner. She walked. I went. So you. Sorry about that. Sorry about that.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude. If she does give birth in a laser tag, that's our. That's America's next emperor. He's chosen by God.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Shane Gillis]

If you give birth under the artificial fog and black lights, just.

[Matt McCusker]

Just being that you're. That's your first image coming out into.

[Shane Gillis]

The world surrounded by team fats. Everyone. Everyone's sweaty with packs on.

[Matt McCusker]

My thing is I'd be still racking up major points. I'd be sitting there hitting her sensors while she's giving.

[Shane Gillis]

Every single person would be standing there. All right, dude, time out.

[Matt McCusker]

Have some respect. You know, my pack's deactivated. You can't even shoot me right now.

[Shane Gillis]

I shot you with the buzzer. You betrayed you. Me and James stand there. They're going three, two.

[Matt McCusker]

Probably not. Probably knocked me out of. I thought James. I thought one of them hit me.

[Shane Gillis]

No, that was me at the buzzer. I shot you. I betrayed you.

[Matt McCusker]

Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

I just want you to know. But this is me coming clean.

[Matt McCusker]

I appreciate you coming.

[Shane Gillis]

Obviously, Blazer tag is a game of nothing but treachery. There was obviously. There was one ultimate cheater. Just so happened to be the champion.

[Matt McCusker]

Bro.

[Shane Gillis]

You cheated.

[Matt McCusker]

It was crazy. Bubbles even said so. Bubbles watching the footage. He's like, yo. For I might kick him out.

[Shane Gillis]

Bubbles did bring it up. So we'll see.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he might address it.

[Shane Gillis]

James. Interesting technique.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. James is a big. Hiding behind the stalk sticking like shit.

[James]

So blind my enemies with body odor. That's my great. I did find something out. So I think the reason there was a corner in the top. And if you try and shoot across the whole arena, it looks like you're shooting somebody. But then you don't actually get to tag him. And the guy I asked the guy that. Who's asked Bubbles.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[James]

He said a lot of top professional players do notice that felt pretty good.

[Shane Gillis]

A lot of professionals.

[James]

He said there's two lasers. There's an invisible laser that does the hitting, and it doesn't work at distance. So where you two were, if you're shooting people on the other side, you're not getting points for it. That's why you send the laser.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I was wondering. I was wondering.

[Shane Gillis]

I knew there was a glitch because I was definitely killing people.

[James]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[James]

Now you know. Now we know.

[Shane Gillis]

Splitting teams the same way.

[Matt McCusker]

Close quarters.

[Shane Gillis]

New rules, though. If somebody is running, you are allowed to tackle.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, for sure. Trip. Trip or tackle?

[Shane Gillis]

Trip or tackle, for sure.

[Matt McCusker]

If they're laying on their stomach, you can step on their back.

[Shane Gillis]

You're running T2. T2 is going to walk over the way you are and smash you.

[Matt McCusker]

Andy, what was your. What Was your rank?

[Shane Gillis]

T2 was flying. I was like at the. How many was there? Thirteen.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I was probably at like eight or nine.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

But that was pretty good for a guy who was stand. You weren't even crouching remotely. You were slowly walking.

[Matt McCusker]

He was walking.

[Shane Gillis]

He's wearing red. He was like a red coat, you see? And absolutely zero strategy. Literally marched like a red coat the whole time.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

The lights were bouncing off my skin perfectly. You guys were camping the whole time? We did camp. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

We took.

[Shane Gillis]

We.

[Matt McCusker]

We took a strong.

[Shane Gillis]

Because I kept doing laps and I'm like, you guys are still here? Cool.

[Matt McCusker]

I was. I was patrolling, like, a L shape. I would come here, come there, come here. And then I'd wander off, run back.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Please don't be confident, Sean.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm gonna for real follow you the whole time now. Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna sacrifice my whole game. I'll be last place, and I'm just gonna take you down to, like, fourth place.

[Shane Gillis]

That's okay.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm gonna do that.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn. Guard dog's confident, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

There's nothing wrong with if I f. If I shadowed him. Dude, fourth place is nice, huh?

[Shane Gillis]

Fourth place I'm happy with bro. One first.

[Matt McCusker]

If I shadow, it wouldn't be fourth one. First place, one.

[Shane Gillis]

Fourth place.

[Matt McCusker]

Bubbles. Bubbles scrubbed that from the records. Doesn't count.

[Shane Gillis]

Bubbles did bring up. He was like, long penis. He had his eye on you. Just so you know.

[Matt McCusker]

He was like, guys. I. He's a guys.

[Shane Gillis]

I appreciate was all over long.

[Matt McCusker]

He took us aside. He was like, guys, for real. I'm glad you guys are in fun and shit, but that guy's dude, like if this wasn't a private event.

[Shane Gillis]

He's a pregnant woman. It's the battlefield. You knocked her over. I saw you knock her over. She didn't want to talk about it because you're like you. You held her at least point. You tell anyone about this, I'll kill you. One act. Actual kill.

[Matt McCusker]

Bubbles is walking by. Just covered her mouth. Yeah, you were. I didn't ever seen that side of you, man. It was like up.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a weird side to see. Like you bring your friend, you put him in any type of competitive situation, he instantly cheats. It's crazy. The two who would have thought the two biggest cheaters right there.

[Matt McCusker]

James cheated at my birthday. I was pissed about it for like a month.

[James]

I did not cheat one time.

[Shane Gillis]

That dork scamper though. You run around. He's got full dork run.

[James]

It's a beautiful face off. Happy with a strong second. There's daylight between the two of us and I didn't cheat.

[Matt McCusker]

Second, third, whatever.

[Shane Gillis]

I guess we'll see. You two are the captains for next game.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you gotta pick these.

[Shane Gillis]

It can't be random. That would not be fair. If the guys who cheats versus the fats.

[Matt McCusker]

Cheaters versus.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm not on Terminator. That's actually a strong move. Everyone behind Terminator. That's not a bad idea that we just invented. Yeah, sure. Yeah. We're all gonna cheat and scream as soon as everybody. As soon as we got in the room. By the way, shout out to blazer. Tag. Pizza. Hit the spot.

[Matt McCusker]

It hits.

[Shane Gillis]

We did it. How long we were going? We gotta get back in 15 minutes. 13 minutes. Oh, yes. 16. 16 minutes for the first one. So we're about.

[Matt McCusker]

Are you kidding me? All right, I got here. I know this is a we. Next time we need like an eight hour all day pass.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Need a tag for an hour and a half.

[Matt McCusker]

Three hours.

[Shane Gillis]

Bubbles is not afraid to give you a speech.

[Matt McCusker]

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

[Shane Gillis]

We love Better Help.

[Matt McCusker]

Love ButterHelp. As nice as it would be to.

[Shane Gillis]

Help with the butter Butter help.

[Matt McCusker]

As nice as it would be. You don't have all the answers. Prompt for a host rift. I struggled with. I personally, I don't like to get into this, but I struggled with deep sexual feelings for amphibians until I. Until I got help from better help. And we overcame that struggle because they were like. It was like a stern father. Like, oh, you want to smoke cigarettes? Well, how about you do 100 of them?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, you Want to have sex with frogs all the time.

[Matt McCusker]

Butter Help said, how about you do a hundred of them? Tough guy, box of 100 frogs.

[Shane Gillis]

And you don't come out of that room until you cream by every one of those mouths.

[Matt McCusker]

I said, butterhead, it's just, it's important that you have a good support system. You know, people you can go to on the going gets tough like a therapist from Butthill. They're always nice to have in your corner because there are times when you can't go to your family or friends.

[Shane Gillis]

You can't tell your family about those frogs. You can't tell anyone about that. That you got to go to Butter Hill. You got to get on a zoom call and go, I want to frogs, they go, holy. We gotta help.

[Matt McCusker]

I need a trusted professional. Oh, my God. Yes. We already rift. We rifted. Our. Helped us. Therapy is great because, I mean, dude, it just. After I stopped my whole thing with those amphibians, my social skills were much more positive. I overcame those problems and I learned how to reach out. I learned how to reach out for help in a safe space. So if you want to try, if you want to give therapy a try and you're not sure where to begin, check out Butterhead.

[Shane Gillis]

Still can't. Still can't really go near any bodies of water, you know?

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Because of. Due to the possibility of a frog, you don't send me into a friend.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, bro, trust me. When you're on the edge of a pond and you don't even see the frog, but you hear it jump into the water, I go, I just want to.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Catch it thing out. Hopefully I kiss and it turns into a prince. Guys, check out BetterHelp. It's fully online. So easy to get started. And they have access to a wide range of credentialed therapists over 30, 000, with all sorts of different special.

[Shane Gillis]

That's good.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Guys, Guys. Sorry.

[Shane Gillis]

It's all right.

[Matt McCusker]

Check out build your support system. Build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com MSSP to get 10 off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com MSSP yeah, and all jokes aside.

[Shane Gillis]

Better help's a great company.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, dude, they do rock with us.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, they do rock.

[Matt McCusker]

Thank you, butterhealth.

[Shane Gillis]

Butter Hill.

[Matt McCusker]

Ah, dude. Yeah, next time. It's like we already saw the video. I. I do. This is a. This is a fun topic that I came across the other day. There's. There's a restless leg Medication that's been causing women to do like horrible sexual stuff. So like, like there's just.

[Shane Gillis]

I know someone that's taken some restlessness.

[Matt McCusker]

Really watch them, dude. It's like they'll like. There was ladies who were taking it, like 50, 40, 60 year old ladies who were on this medication and then like they would fake go to work and just like show their tits to strangers and like, like troll. They would start trolling for sex.

[Shane Gillis]

Got restless tits and restless tits. You gotta get those things out, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

It'd be like. It would be like one of your aunts would just take this, take these meds and just like leave Sunday mass and start like trolling a city and trying to get blowjobs to strangers. Off the meds for like a couple years.

[Shane Gillis]

Shout out to big Pharma for that one.

[Matt McCusker]

That's what I'm saying.

[Shane Gillis]

Thank you, Big.

[Matt McCusker]

And then they came off of it and they were just like, what the. Did I. Symptoms went away immediately. Imagine, dude, if like three of your aunts were just gobbling, dude, for like three years hitting like the L in Philly and just. Oh my God.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a nice lady. Just a normal lady.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, kids are in college, you take the restless leg meds and you just cheat on your husband like 45 times in a year. Just meet dudes at the Home Depot bathroom and just bl in the back.

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I read a whole thing about it. It was pretty crazy. Yeah, I had rls, thank God. I think actually maybe I did take that for a while. I might have been on the rls.

[Shane Gillis]

True.

[Matt McCusker]

Higher twenties and some of my God.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn restless legs in him. Throwing the whole room off me. And you could talk about that every day you guys aren't together.

[Matt McCusker]

What the.

[Shane Gillis]

Why are you guys touching elbows? You're throwing me off. You're throwing the whole room off.

[Matt McCusker]

Just finally getting out of like a multi month bomb water in my eye. I know. Yeah, it's not the first time. The other time I just straight up missed my mouth and just poured it all down my shirt. And a little boy and I was.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, that was the RLS medicine.

[Matt McCusker]

That might have been the RLS medicine.

[Shane Gillis]

You took a facial?

[Matt McCusker]

I was thinking about my next victim. Dude, my necks suck. Yeah, so we got that going on.

[Shane Gillis]

That's hilarious.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I was pretty pumped about that. Keep an eye on your aunties, y'all. Keep an eye on your Altis.

[Shane Gillis]

Dump that medicine for right down the drain.

[Matt McCusker]

For real? They don't know about that. I mean, dude, imagine you're just watching the VMAs with your aunties and they're just. They're seeing, like, JT's Tina, Steve, Flip.

[Shane Gillis]

Who's that guy who does flips off the piano? Oh, Blazer Tag. Nikki Blazer ripped. Ripped his clothes off at the VMAs. Yeah. I forget his name. The guy who sings.

[Matt McCusker]

I know you're talking about. It's like. Yeah, it's like. It's like, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Fairly accurate.

[Matt McCusker]

Passionate girl.

[Shane Gillis]

It is Girl rock. Yeah. Benson. Boom.

[Matt McCusker]

That's kind of an unfair. Like, you can now. You can just, like, take a formula and just create those songs and, like, girls will like every. Like, literally every single one. These beautiful things that I'm gonna. I like this song. I like this song. Listen. Listen to the words. Song sucks.

[Shane Gillis]

You listen to the words of Edmund Fitzgerald. You think about the chef, think about the cook coming in saying, fellas, it's been good to know you after the main hatchway gave in, you dumb final listen.

[Matt McCusker]

But we're actually going to sync up Dark side of the Moon, the Wizard of Oz after this, and you got to watch the whole thing.

[Shane Gillis]

I might try to listen to audiobooks at night and women. Women don't exactly like it. No, it's trying to listen to the Guns of August last night.

[Matt McCusker]

Put it on.

[Shane Gillis]

Not a big hit. What the hell? What happened? Just a sleepy woman going, what? What is she talking about? And I was like, king George died, and it was kind of the last time all the royals were together in London. And, you know, they're all related and turning them off.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, the. The Mutual Audiobook is tough.

[Shane Gillis]

I listened to my girlfriend's friend, stayed in our hotel room. Nothing.

[Matt McCusker]

Little restless, like they were on the meds.

[Shane Gillis]

It was after snl and she was like, I'm going to take a nap before I go home. So she. Because it was 6am and I was like, all right, this is what I listen to when I sleep. And I put on rain noises.

[Matt McCusker]

Nice.

[Shane Gillis]

And her friend honestly thought I was listening to applause. She thought I was. And she didn't. She didn't really mention it.

[Matt McCusker]

He thought you needed to stand.

[Shane Gillis]

I was going to sleep to applause. And now I can't listen to the rain thing anymore because it sounds exactly like applause. She was right.

[Matt McCusker]

You need to stand and know to pass out. I need to stand. That's rain.

[Shane Gillis]

You hear the trickle, obviously rain, maybe across the room in a hotel.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, there you go. Applause with some distance. It sounds like applause because you can hear the trickles. Yeah, that's maybe A babbling brook.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm gonna have to switch it up. Get some thunder in there or something.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, true.

[Shane Gillis]

Dazzled by these splendidly mounted two princes, as the times called them, few observers.

[Matt McCusker]

Had eyes for the night skin.

[Shane Gillis]

Achieve greatness as a man. Despite his great height and perfect horsemanship. There's nothing wrong with listening to that at bedtime.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, that could trigger an exorcism. Yeah, that's. I've done that. I've done the audiobook at night time, and it's like, what.

[Shane Gillis]

What. What is this? What are you listening to?

[Matt McCusker]

Fine.

[Shane Gillis]

It's about how World War I started. I want to have a better understanding.

[Matt McCusker]

How long are you still listening so.

[Shane Gillis]

We don't fall into it again? Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Are you still listening to that? Like. Yes, it's on. I'm still listening to it.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I had a bug crawl across me in the middle of the night. You know, this is one of my deepest fears.

[James]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

What happened?

[Shane Gillis]

It woke me up. The thing was huge.

[Matt McCusker]

Was it in the hotel?

[Shane Gillis]

No, it literally went up the side. And I was like, yo, are you serious? Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And it wasn't. It wasn't like a night.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think it was a night. I felt it. It, like, woke me up. I could feel it on me.

[Matt McCusker]

Kind of bug. What kind of creepy crawler.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't get to see the crawler, which was made for a worst evening because then I was.

[Matt McCusker]

It's that long.

[Shane Gillis]

Looking under the blankets. What are you doing? I was like, I didn't want to tell her. I couldn't be, like, a giant spiders in our bed.

[Matt McCusker]

No way.

[Shane Gillis]

Because there has been a giant spider.

[Matt McCusker]

That'd be a hot new cuck genre where spider just literally laser tags. Spider just runs. I just hold the camera like, yeah, spider.

[Shane Gillis]

Suck the cream pie.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, I need you to fart spider. Oh, dude, you love that smell. Babe, I'm not having fun anymore.

[Shane Gillis]

It's not even that important. Me and. Me and Adam had an end. James had a nice date yesterday.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, what'd you do?

[Shane Gillis]

We went and saw Friendship the new. It's the funniest. It's gonna be the funniest movie. When's it come out? May. Well, I'm looking forward to May. I can't wait to see it again. Yeah, I'm gonna see that again. That was Friendship and French onion, boys. No, no, no. Don't tell them. Don't tell them that. We all got French onion soup. After we saw a movie and discussed the movie. We had derosa in there. It was A good squad.

[James]

I was very. Everyone else was laughing and having a good time. I was so sad.

[Shane Gillis]

James took it to heart.

[James]

Yeah, I took it to heart. And then I spoke to the director came up afterwards. I said I was devastated and he was so happy.

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[James]

I said, your comedy made me very upset. And he was like, oh, yeah, good. He was really pleased. It's a very. It's like a very. A24 drama.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, but very.

[James]

It's so funny. It's very funny. I gotta say.

[Shane Gillis]

It's unbelievably funny.

[James]

But I might be oversensitive. I feel I have mild the PS ptsd after doing the shooting, after being in that room with the light, there was so much killing. There's like seven minutes there. So I might just be experiencing. I'm a sensitive boy.

[Shane Gillis]

There's nothing wrong with being sensitive. But to see that movie and be like that me up is crazy. The movie's. It's hilarious.

[Matt McCusker]

It looked. The trailer looks awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Everything. It's for you.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I can't.

[Shane Gillis]

You're gonna.

[Matt McCusker]

I saw the trailer and I was like, this is. This looks phenomenal.

[Shane Gillis]

Funniest thing I've seen since Tropic Thunder. Yeah, it's gotta be. It's up there. It's. Yeah. Comedy movies are back. True in a big way.

[Matt McCusker]

Pendulum swung.

[Shane Gillis]

Pendulum swung.

[Matt McCusker]

Pendulum's fully swung.

[Shane Gillis]

Maybe too far. Head down to the mothership. You go. Yeah, pendulums. Maybe it swung a little too far. Not everyone has to say it. True every single set, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

The. I. I think we're like the 7. We're in like the new version of the 70s now. We've left like the. We had like a version of the 60s, like the hippie dream, which was just like state sponsored, basically propaganda at this point with just like the super woke stuff. It's completely falling apart now. We're in the 70s now.

[Shane Gillis]

I got evil hippies.

[Matt McCusker]

Exactly. And then we're about to hit the 80s pretty soon, which will be sweet.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

We're about to have a new 80s. The 90s are going to be the 80s.

[Shane Gillis]

We're going to be dying during the 90s, which is a good time.

[James]

90S are the best one.

[Matt McCusker]

Exactly.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a good time. Time to die.

[Matt McCusker]

So when we're 50, we're all going to be in the 90s. It's going to be sick as hell. 60. Yeah, that's all right.

[James]

11 is going to be really rough. It's going to be.

[Matt McCusker]

Maybe we'll do it though. Maybe it'll be ours.

[Shane Gillis]

He's a downer.

[James]

I'm sorry.

[Matt McCusker]

It's going to be depressing, dude. Do you think the Middle east will still be there in the new 90s? Dude, there's going to be casinos. It's going to be Trump casinos.

[Shane Gillis]

It's going to be the other Rivier.

[Matt McCusker]

You'll probably do VR. You'll do like A. It'll be 911 will be like a ride at Universal Studios. You'll be in the building. If you have the lightning pass, I'll be like, hey, we actually know about an attack. We're going to get you guys out. It's coming.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, Tower 7 will be that haunted one just drop out of nowhere. Tower of Terror. You just go, oh, we're dropping somewhere.

[Matt McCusker]

Seven of Terror.

[Shane Gillis]

Against all odds. We're dropping.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh my God. Yeah, that'll be awesome. But yeah. Yeah, it definitely is heartening news. We are the pendulum's fully swung.

[Shane Gillis]

Pendulum swung.

[Matt McCusker]

The dream broke. But the residue of it, just like the hippie dream will still, you know, kind of saturate the culture, but it'll just be like breakfast. It'll like blend into like ice cream stuff.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn, the hipsters were kind of fun at first, huh? You remember like 2010? Yeah, it was kind of nice. Nice group of people.

[Matt McCusker]

It was Nick and Nora's infinite playlist.

[Shane Gillis]

It was.

[Matt McCusker]

And then they.

[Shane Gillis]

And I was at the right age to be gay enough for it. I fucking love that shit. And then what did you love about it? I just liked all the music.

[Matt McCusker]

Freedom.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

The dawn of a new age.

[Shane Gillis]

The gay music. LCD sound system still rules.

[Matt McCusker]

Shit does fucking rule.

[Shane Gillis]

All that.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that rules. Yeah. I don't know what happened. I'm telling you, dude, it was Occupy Wall street and then it just. Total psyop and they turned into still. Still wearing masks today, which is. It's unsettling when you see a guy, just a dude by. It's like. It's like maybe you're visiting your grandma, but like. I don't know. I've said it before. If you're Grant. If you're like a grandmom or grandfather and you're worried about that, it's like I think you've kind of failed it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Why don't you shut up?

[Matt McCusker]

It was just a. It's like if you're 80 and you're worried about covered, you've. You're a. Even if you don't die of COVID you're going to be a.

[Shane Gillis]

Definitely the people that should be worried.

[Matt McCusker]

About though, for sure.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

But it's. You imagine you don't want to die.

[Shane Gillis]

You don't want to die. Well, I guess they all do die of pneumonia.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Eventually. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You can't be scared of death by the time you're 80. I mean, it's close. It's easier said than done, obviously. But, dude, when you're, like, making your grandkids get, like, experimental therapeutics.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So they can chill with you.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think that many grandparents were doing that. I think the grandparents were like, why can't they come inside?

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Shane Gillis]

I want to hold my grandson. He's outside of the window. Because that's true.

[Matt McCusker]

I did my part. What up, Nate?

[Shane Gillis]

What up, big un?

[Matt McCusker]

We're just all coming clean here. Yeah. I mean, I'm sorry, I shouldn't, I shouldn't rag on 80 year olds, but I, I just, I pray by the time I'm 80, I'm not going to be scared of some ass.

[Shane Gillis]

Take, like the moral high ground. I'm just thinking of when I was eight, when I was 80, if I was ever 80.

[Matt McCusker]

What's life transgression?

[Shane Gillis]

No shot.

[Matt McCusker]

I, I, I hope by the time I'm 80, I'm truly not afraid of death. I think, I hope I will be.

[Shane Gillis]

Trying to get the 40.

[Matt McCusker]

Holy. Oh, yeah. You got to get on the good foot.

[Shane Gillis]

It's time.

[Matt McCusker]

It's time.

[Shane Gillis]

It's time to get a blood panel. That's gonna be a real bummer.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Trust me. I got mine. Mine was not great.

[Shane Gillis]

It's gonna be a bummer.

[Matt McCusker]

Although right now I'm, I've said it before, but I, I always stray from this. I don't care about aesthetics. I'm going just performance. I go, I toggle back and forth. It's like, could I just become an adonis? And then I just get fatter every day and I go, nope, nope, nope. So I'm going just pure performance now. I don't, I don't, it doesn't care. Weight, don't care. I don't care about any of it. I'm just, I'm caring about mile times hang time. I mean, I think I got like a one, I think 140 hang time. Whatever. It's not a big deal. But it's hard.

[Shane Gillis]

I believe you. Yeah, it's cool.

[Matt McCusker]

Awesome. Probably could talk about fitness.

[Shane Gillis]

Hang time's tough, dude. That does blow though, the hang time.

[Matt McCusker]

So it's hard. Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm in a stiff competition with Billy right now.

[Shane Gillis]

Billy, you might get him on the hang time.

[Matt McCusker]

Did you ever see his hands?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, but he's big.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, but he's got fat.

[Shane Gillis]

He does have paws.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he is. For real. Like, dog paws. So I. Right now, we're tied, but I. I gotta overtake him for sure in the hang time. It's weird. They're saying, like, that's all that matters. Everyone's worried about COVID but they're like, if your thighs are jacked and you can squeeze stuff really hard, you're not gonna die, so.

[Shane Gillis]

I actually believe that.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm telling you, they're saying if you.

[Shane Gillis]

Have, like, jack thaws.

[Matt McCusker]

Exactly. They're saying grip strength and, like, muscle density in your legs are a bigger indicator.

[Shane Gillis]

Jack thighs win the grip strength every time at Rogan's. Other than Rogan, not a big deal.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, man.

[Shane Gillis]

So you looking at Adam, your ass lost.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, what was. What's the poundage on the grip strength?

[Shane Gillis]

I think I got. It was like, 145 last time.

[Matt McCusker]

That's good.

[Shane Gillis]

And then no one could beat it, so I only went once. I was like, all right, good.

[Matt McCusker]

That's good.

[Shane Gillis]

First try.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm on your bumper right now.

[Shane Gillis]

I believe it.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm on your bumper.

[Shane Gillis]

Better not be on my bumper.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm on your bumper.

[Shane Gillis]

If any Democrats out there say something mean about Donald Trump, I'm on your bumper. They better chill with making that kid famous, because what do you think is what happens? I think it happens to everybody.

[Matt McCusker]

I might.

[Shane Gillis]

I might hire a nasty story about that sweet angel.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, God.

[Shane Gillis]

Shoot an unarmed white kid.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Shane Gillis]

That'd be fair.

[Matt McCusker]

I could see that. I could see them doing some nasty false flag like that against him. I'd be on their bump. I'd be on the CIA's bumper.

[Shane Gillis]

If that happens, you're already on the CIA. They're probably on your bumper after they found out that hang time. They're probably like, holy, It's Jason Bourne. He's a sleeper cell.

[Matt McCusker]

No, I'm definitely on the CIA's bumper.

[Shane Gillis]

I just got laser tag on the brain.

[Matt McCusker]

I do, too.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Let's get one more tag.

[Matt McCusker]

One more tag.

[Shane Gillis]

We'll be right back. One more laser tag.

[Matt McCusker]

Good call. We don't got to watch a video again.

[Shane Gillis]

Here we go. All right, I believe this is everybody. So I. Before we continue, I do have one thing to announce. I have it on good authority that long penis did, in fact, cheat.

[Matt McCusker]

Confessional.

[Shane Gillis]

We got footage of the whole thing. It was. It was terrible.

[Matt McCusker]

Terrible. All right, so what?

[Shane Gillis]

The same. So.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm ready For my life to change.

[Shane Gillis]

ABC Sundays. American Idol is all new.

[Matt McCusker]

Give it your all. Good luck.

[Shane Gillis]

Come out with the golden ticket.

[Matt McCusker]

Let's hear it. This is a man's world.

[Shane Gillis]

I've never seen anything like it.

[Matt McCusker]

And a new chapter begins.

[Shane Gillis]

Carrie Underwood joins Lionel Richie, Luke Bryant and Ryan Seacrest on American Idol News Sundays 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Matt McCusker]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for 15amonth plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistants. Assistant. Switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail].

[Shane Gillis]

Switch upfront payment of 45 for 3 month plan equivalent to 15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only.

[Matt McCusker]

Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee, full [e-mail] that's just a smell vibe in here right now.

[Shane Gillis]

That's the blazer room. Post game locker room.

[Matt McCusker]

We need showers here. We got to get a pro team going. We could put in the work and get.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, we got two of the best cheaters in America.

[Matt McCusker]

We weren't cheating. The what's like the straight to the game plan. Yeah. What do you do? What's like the game plan?

[Shane Gillis]

The game plan is. So the rules are you're not allowing instantly leaves the floor.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, somebody went to the towers big time.

[Shane Gillis]

Wasn't me. You run up there, I defend. How did I see you up there? I don't know. You must have been a mirage or something. You must have been loopy from the battle. Man, that sucks. And I'm not against cheating. That's disgusting. You're a liar.

[Matt McCusker]

James was on the ground time.

[Shane Gillis]

If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, well, you can move up. Yeah, the floor was lava. Then you had to move.

[Shane Gillis]

The floor was lava. Yeah, the balconies were lava. Somebody is lava proof.

[Matt McCusker]

Lamar. Dude, they went five minute warning. Lemaire was on level three already. I was like. I was. I was on level two. Exactly. The mayor was cheating. I was on level two cheating.

[Shane Gillis]

I started walking up being a man and admitting it up the ramp like 30 seconds before. And then it was five minutes up the ramp. You shot me from the ramp. I watched you do it. Yeah, I did. He got like defensively. That was weird. I was just trying to be joking.

[Matt McCusker]

You went early. You went up early.

[Shane Gillis]

I thought it was funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Sean. That's not how the blue team does it, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

That's not blue, so.

[Matt McCusker]

But it was.

[Shane Gillis]

I thought it'd be fun.

[Matt McCusker]

I thought about it. I was tempted, but I. I waited.

[Shane Gillis]

That guy was like stuck in that corner. I couldn't get up there. I kept trying to go to that.

[Matt McCusker]

Ramp Corner was nice.

[Shane Gillis]

Was true. Corn was nice.

[Matt McCusker]

The guy was policing the ramp too. I was like, I. I'd be like, I'm taking it. And I would see that guy.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm like, next time I'm putting bubbles in there, get them on the ramp. Anyway, what else is going on?

[Matt McCusker]

Not much, man. I'm. What else is going on? Dude, how was snl?

[Shane Gillis]

There we go.

[Matt McCusker]

Talk about that.

[Shane Gillis]

I got that. There we go.

[Matt McCusker]

It was a week in laser tag.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Laser tag is more important. Important. It was. It was easier the second time. But the one thing that sucks is you know what's coming the second time. So the first time you go through and you're like, all right, Monday, that was easy. Tuesday, that was easy. Then all of a sudden you do everything on Friday. You film all those pre recorded sketches. You film. Yeah. So you're there. We had to get there at like 6. Oh, 6am so you got like pick up at 5:30, and then you get done at 2am and then you got.

[Matt McCusker]

To do the real thing.

[Shane Gillis]

And then you wake up the next day.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, why do they do it that way?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know.

[Matt McCusker]

That sounds like it's. Why not? Yeah. Do that first up.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Maybe just get you jacked up and like, juiced up.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know.

[Matt McCusker]

Get you.

[Shane Gillis]

You know, it was, it was actually. I mean, it doesn't matter how late you stay up when you do the rehearsal live.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

It's the scariest. If they ever showed that monologue I did. Oh, yeah, nuts. Oh, the most nervous I've ever been. And then the real show, I was uncomfortably not nervous.

[Matt McCusker]

That's. That's a good idea.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, oh, this isn't. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Giving you the run through is a genuinely good idea.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Every sketch you're nervous. You're like, I can't read.

[Matt McCusker]

That's.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude.

[Matt McCusker]

That everyone's. I've talked to people before. Like, yeah, you can read off a card. I'm like, dude, I can hardly read books to my kids.

[Shane Gillis]

I gotta read the card. Like you're telling a joke. You're like, no, I don't know. And then they change the lines. In between rehearsal and the real show.

[Matt McCusker]

I'll tell you what I would do. I would Just I'd the first card up immediately, and I'd think about it the rest of the time, and I'd up every single card hard after that. So that's my prediction for sure.

[Shane Gillis]

That's what I do. So we did rehearsal and we did another Jamaican church sketch, and I think I it up so bad. They were like, it's not that good. Yeah, that's what happened. You do a sketch and then they're like, all right, we're not going to use that. And you're like, that was my fault. Because that was definitely funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Now they shouldn't have went back to the. Well, Jamaican.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, I like this.

[Matt McCusker]

I love it. It's funny every single time. Damn right. Said Jamaican part two.

[Shane Gillis]

They did have Jamaican part two, and I think I it up. I can't. You know, they're not going to tell you.

[Matt McCusker]

You never know. But you should get on like an M R. Vibe, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

What's that?

[Matt McCusker]

M dot Ours is a white English guy who just does dance all. And he does it really well.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you've ever seen dance hall guys? No.

[Matt McCusker]

You turn red.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know that was his name.

[Matt McCusker]

Turn a red.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, dude. You should. Something to consider. Just do like a year. Just take a year. Take one year off and rebuild. And it's like. Let me tell you about this.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. The monologue, though, is the scariest. And it was like, there's Tate McCray fans in the front.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, God.

[Shane Gillis]

It's like, oh, man. They're not gonna like me talking about Ken Burns.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

It's just like, young. How did.

[Matt McCusker]

What did. They were. They just.

[Shane Gillis]

They did like it. That's cool. The monologue went well, but that's cool. The rehearsal, who were the.

[Matt McCusker]

Who were the fans? It was just. Was it just like attractive ladies sitting up front or was it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah. You're up there.

[Matt McCusker]

Like, they're the worst. If you had to pick a demographic that you didn't want, like two rows of in the front is just hot.

[Shane Gillis]

Ladies, hot young women.

[Matt McCusker]

They're. No.

[Shane Gillis]

And it. And the way that's set up, you saw it was like two sections, and then everyone else is just in the back of the room.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

It's not conducive for stand up. No. Unless you have, like, a point. They like that.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

If a comedian goes out there and makes a good point. True. And you know, everyone's like, that's incredible.

[Matt McCusker]

You can get the hot young babes with good points, even if they don't fully Understand? They'll be like, wow, awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

I never thought of it like that.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, hot young babes are lasting. You want. You think you want them? Give me a room full of hot young babes. I'll spin their heads.

[Shane Gillis]

I'll make them very unhappy.

[Matt McCusker]

They also don't have the best attention spans either.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I did this. The worst show I ever did was this small room at the stand upstairs. It was five different tables of hot young women. The whole room was out. Then they brought food in. It's like 10 waiters at once just fed everyone at once while I was staying up. Immediately it was onto the.

[Matt McCusker]

Every waiter's probably like, I'll get that for you.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I'll pick that one up.

[Matt McCusker]

I'll get that for you right away.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I was just up there like, all right, we're done listening. Everyone's eating.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, perfect.

[Shane Gillis]

And they're like, no, you're doing good. And you go, I mean, it's got.

[Matt McCusker]

To be just crazy being in, like, a hot lady's body. I couldn't think of anything else. If I was just like, yeah, I was just a hot lady in a hot lady's body, I'd be like, God, I'm so hot right now.

[Shane Gillis]

So for me to be rude, I'm literally.

[Matt McCusker]

I just. I just be so turned on by myself. I'm like, dude, I'm just so. I'm just way too horny to listen. I was waiting for it. Why isn't this guy a billionaire? And why isn't he just fucking and picking me up on my head and taking me to his house? That's what I would think about if I was a hot lady in the city of New York.

[Shane Gillis]

The one. The one thing that was funny with SNL was the first time Tate McCray, by the way, extremely nice lady.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, nice Canadian lady came in. She was very like, hey, how are you? She was so the. The host screen room here. The musical artist is right across the hall.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And I was, like, sitting on the couch, trying to read. Freaking out.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And then she walked in, and I was like, for real? I don't know why I did this. I was just like. She kept walking, and I was like, oh, that hurts. But then she came right back in. It was like, hey, how are you?

[Matt McCusker]

Did you re.

[Shane Gillis]

I was like. But then the first thing we did was a sketch where I was in a, like, motorized scooter dressed like an animal, and she had to sit on my lap. And right before. They're like, tate, are you okay with this is everything okay? Are you all right with sitting on his lap up? She was like, yeah, I don't care. And I was like, no one asked me. And they're like, shane, are you. I was like, yes. Which seemed really funny at the time. Until it's literally just me, her, and the director. And I was like, I hope you understand. I was kidding.

[Matt McCusker]

She didn't laugh.

[Shane Gillis]

I think she laughed, but I was completely embarrassed that I did that. She's, like, 21, and I'm sitting there like, yes, I'm good with it.

[Matt McCusker]

I mean, to be fair, it was very funny.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Funny scene you could possibly do. But, yeah, the aftermath of that would have been like, I'm around.

[Shane Gillis]

And it was like, we. We just got done filming the first sketch, and we. I rushed to that one, and they're like, hurry up, she's gotta leave. And so I was, like, sweaty. It was a nightmare. And then it was. She's like, her character was supposed to flirt with me. So she was like, we have such a nice thing. And she, like, rubbed my chest. And in my head, I was like, damn, my chest is definitely soaked. She was sitting on me. I must have. I must have been 400 degrees. It must have been laying on just a hot pillow. That was like. Like, I'm really sorry about this. I'm sorry.

[Matt McCusker]

I was just kidding when I said I was super.

[Shane Gillis]

I was just joking about that. She's like, what? And like, some joke I told. I don't even. I don't even know if you heard it.

[Matt McCusker]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Covered in what Trump's doing about Canada. I don't even understand. Terrorists are. Man.

[Shane Gillis]

I was definitely. Definitely felt sweat on my chest.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You're in the presence of a diva.

[Shane Gillis]

She's a diva, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

That's so sick, though, Though. I keep hearing about new divas.

[Shane Gillis]

There's new dudes.

[Matt McCusker]

I am completely divas.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, we're too old.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm out of the diva loop. I'll be back in the diva loop.

[Shane Gillis]

Be careful.

[Matt McCusker]

Back in, like, six years. Seven years.

[Shane Gillis]

Careful. When you get back in the diva loop, why takes over your algorithm? Well, I'm saying I followed Tate McCrae on Instagram.

[Matt McCusker]

You're in the diva loop now.

[Shane Gillis]

My diva loop's insane.

[Matt McCusker]

What are the other divas right now?

[Shane Gillis]

Sabrina Carpenter is a diva.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

Dochi. Bit of a diva.

[James]

Dochis Chaperone is diva number one currently, for sure.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[James]

Chaperone is dominating.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, oh. We were talking about.

[James]

Oh, wait, Wrestling Divas.

[Shane Gillis]

No, no, no. Chapel Run does rule, though.

[James]

They have to be cute. They have to be the.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, now you're making us the bad guys. But, yeah.

[James]

Chapel Ryan, not. You don't like it.

[Matt McCusker]

I've never seen Chapel.

[James]

I think Chapel Ryan is a very sexually appealing feeling.

[Shane Gillis]

She is.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

That is also right up your alley.

[Matt McCusker]

Trampoline dressing like a drag queen.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes. It's very All. All. You got a thing for that.

[Matt McCusker]

But, yeah, I just learned this weekend, girls will dress as drag queens, which is dressing as. It's got a dong face. It's got a dog face. That's.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I wasn't just watching RuPaul's Drag Race yesterday.

[Matt McCusker]

Were you really?

[Shane Gillis]

It was on at my house, and Whitney Cummings was on. On it.

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[Shane Gillis]

She was one of the. Yeah, they did a roast. It was great.

[Matt McCusker]

Roast the drags. That's.

[Shane Gillis]

It's one of my favorite things to ruin RuPaul's Drag Race while my girlfriend's trying to watch it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

What the are these uncles talking about? She's like, what? I was like, those are all uncles. Those are all somebody's uncle. Yeah. RuPaul's got some conservative ideas. She's anti trans. I think trans people are not allowed on the show. I think he.

[James]

Yeah, yeah. He refuses to put the dress on unless someone pays him money. That's the thing. He'll. He'll go on late night talk shows, and they go, where's the. The woman outfit? And he goes, pay me if you want me to wear a dress, you got to pay me.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[James]

I thought that was cool.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. RuPaul kind of rules for that.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn. That's pretty cool. Just like every other black comedian.

[Shane Gillis]

I was, dude, I did it again. Yeah, I did it again. This time I was like. They're like, do you have anything you don't want to do? I was like, I'm just not gonna wear a dress. Just. I can't do it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

From Cat.

[Matt McCusker]

You can't, bro.

[Shane Gillis]

Otherwise I would. I'd be like, yeah, whatever. It's funny. I'm not doing anything wrong. You can't now. Now it's.

[Matt McCusker]

There's too much.

[Shane Gillis]

I put that dress on. It's over, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

No, Diddy, bro. You can't. You can't do it.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I'm not. It's tough, though. It's tough to speak up at NBC. It's weird to be in an office and they're like, do you have anything? It's like, I'm just not gonna wear a dress. Okay. Okay, dude. I was like, I mean, you know, is it Cat Williams?

[Matt McCusker]

You don't need him on your bumper. For sure. No, I wouldn't want him on my bumper. Yeah, dude, just especially. Yeah. And also, it really is like, what would the. What would a good enough scenario or joke be for you to be in the dress? Would have to be a dynamite sketch.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's Doubtfire.

[Matt McCusker]

Doubtfire.

[Shane Gillis]

That was.

[Matt McCusker]

Although Robin Williams couldn't handle it.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know if I'm allowed to spoil sketches. I don't know if I'm allowed to spoil it. But there was a very funny Mrs. Doubtfire sketch. Maybe they'll use it again because it was good. Because we didn't use it. Really, really funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Why? They didn't use it because of your.

[Shane Gillis]

No, no, no. The character would. The character would not have been wearing a dress, but he would have been. It was a guy getting confronted that he was Mrs. Doubt Firing. Hilarious.

[Matt McCusker]

That is funny.

[Shane Gillis]

I hope I didn't spoil it.

[Matt McCusker]

They'll still rip it. They'll rip it.

[Shane Gillis]

They'll rip it.

[Matt McCusker]

And you can go, that was my idea. I said on my podcast.

[Shane Gillis]

I said that on my podcast. Dibs.

[Matt McCusker]

I want to start. Trying to start. I'm going to start fake comedy beefs. Expect. That was my joke. Any anyone puts out a clip like, bro, I've been doing that.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, dude, people do that. I actually tweeted that six years ago. Yeah, of course. Every single joke is on Twitter. You can find it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yo, I did that.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, that thing with three likes from 2013. Yeah, I saw that. And I stole it and I made it a full joke. What is it, John?

[James]

One of those beefs.

[Shane Gillis]

Why?

[James]

Yeah, so I did a joke during COVID It was the first time I'd done it. It's like a fool me once, shame on me, for me twice, shame on you. And it just goes on. And people came and they said, this is a David Cross bit. Which I didn't know. He has the same premise. Then it goes in another direction. And I felt bad about that. But what made me feel a lot better is there's a guy who I'd never heard of, who's from LA, who's been doing comedy for 30 years. And he's like, in 1994, that was my joke. And he's uploading out and he goes, this Australian and David Cross is stealing my act. It made me feel so much more relaxed about doing the same bit.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, there's gotta be a statue of limitations. Bernie Mac's material is up for grabs. As far as I'm concerned.

[James]

I got dicks on you to understand.

[Matt McCusker]

For grabs.

[Shane Gillis]

I got milk and cookies. You got milk, cookies.

[Matt McCusker]

True. I got these badass kids.

[Shane Gillis]

I clearly don't even have kids. Badass kids. I ain't ashamed. Your family up too, but yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

That's awesome. That's nice. That's got to be so nice to be done with that again.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. It's the most stressful thing.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Possible then. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Especially a diva. Throwing a diva on the mix is like that would. That might me up a little.

[Shane Gillis]

I Wish it was 21 and he got to sit on my lap.

[Matt McCusker]

Both you guys are wearing dresses. You should push for the next time you do it. Push for like in all every sketch has to be get like just gay stuff.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I have to kiss a cast member every single.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, like your bet. Who was. Was that? Not Ben Affleck. Matt Damon. He just went hog wild on that one movie. Liberace. Matt Damon.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, Crystal. The behind the candle.

[Matt McCusker]

Behind the candle.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

He just went hog wild. Dude's been acting for like 25 years. And he was like. Like, I'll do full gay. Like, total, total gay. It's got to be there after you.

[Shane Gillis]

Came out in a year that people weren't that critical.

[Matt McCusker]

What do you mean?

[Shane Gillis]

It was early. It was before the culture wars.

[Matt McCusker]

It was so.

[Shane Gillis]

It was right that. Yeah, it.

[Matt McCusker]

I mean, it was just on the table. It was a bag. Obviously.

[Shane Gillis]

Denzel went for it in Gladiator.

[Matt McCusker]

He got gay bag. How gay was.

[Shane Gillis]

He had to cut it. What did they cut out a scene where he was like making all guys and they're like, denzel, chill. No, I swear to God. I swear to God.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he was going. Why?

[Shane Gillis]

He was just playing a is.

[Matt McCusker]

It's gotta be. There's. Well, there's two, like, crowning achievements for every actor. It's gay and Gilbert Grape. That's the height of that thousand year craft. It's like, okay, we can see you play a cop, but can you.

[Shane Gillis]

Can you play Gilbert Grape?

[Matt McCusker]

Can you play gay guy or Gilbert Grape Grape?

[Shane Gillis]

Gay. Gilbert Grape is the ultimate.

[Matt McCusker]

That would be nice. Why haven't we had that yet?

[Shane Gillis]

Probably have. It's got to be one. Nobody's played a gay special needs guy yet.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't think so, man. Maybe on Glee.

[Shane Gillis]

Forrest Gump had straight aids.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, but he was busted.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Jenny busted open for him. That's why he didn't do anything. Him and Bubba might have around a little bit.

[Shane Gillis]

Gets lonely on the high seas, though. Gump. Yeah. Bubba never made it to the high seas.

[Matt McCusker]

He also might have sucked Dan.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he probably sucked Dan.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, I'll be.

[Shane Gillis]

Man, I'm tired from all that laser tag, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

That we didn't even talk about the final match.

[Shane Gillis]

We got two minutes. We could get one more Blaze.

[Matt McCusker]

We could. We need one more Blaze. Honestly, that last.

[Shane Gillis]

You need one more. After that you need one more Matt. This is devastating.

[Matt McCusker]

I need revenge.

[Shane Gillis]

At the end they give you who you killed the most.

[Matt McCusker]

He killed me. I was getting. I was getting. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I only killed Matt 15 times. 15.

[Matt McCusker]

I keep forgetting you're in that corner.

[Shane Gillis]

The rest was right 344041 15.

[Matt McCusker]

You got me. I got you 10. I eat 10. I kept thinking our alliance was still on. I just the last second would hesitate at the beginning.

[Shane Gillis]

I was not. I didn't know what color my team was.

[Matt McCusker]

Really.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I was shooting red.

[Matt McCusker]

I saw you. I heard you getting kind of confused.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. So surrounded by blues.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm green team. The blues were swarming, man. It leads me believe where the rest of the reds were.

[Shane Gillis]

What was your strat by the end? We did. We set up on that first platform. That was nice. Guard dog was sneaking behind cheap. We had like a line hanging over the balcony. Cheap. No, I was having fun.

[Matt McCusker]

You can't. But your gun has that big sensor on it so you can't hang the gun over John. Get shot. James never discloses. What was your. What was your strategy?

[James]

I dragged me down to.

[Shane Gillis]

You did not cheat.

[James]

I did not. There was no cheating.

[Matt McCusker]

So what's your strat like? What's your strategy?

[James]

Well, this is what I figured out. I didn't realize that this was happening but I've got a very high kill rate as well as a very high death rate. So you get 25 points for killing somebody but you only lose five when you are killed yourself.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh. So if you get out there and.

[James]

You can take it even sometimes you'll shoot each other at the same time. When you're coming back from a job at 25.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[James]

You still get the extra points. So I think you got to live reckless out there. Gotta go while you gotta get into full blood.

[Matt McCusker]

Don't get. Don't be scared to get shot.

[James]

Don't be scared. It's the opposite of real war.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. They should change that.

[James]

I want it inverted. That would be nice. That would be a better gameplay.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Well, there you have it. I've been all tactical and I love killing. Oh boy.

[James]

When you're out there about five minutes.

[Shane Gillis]

In, it's nice people start Screaming. All right.

[Matt McCusker]

I was screaming if I hit somebody like you.

[Shane Gillis]

That's why I felt so good when they're like, red team one, we was dud that we won by 400 points.

[Matt McCusker]

The bubbles. Ass bubbles this. Dude.

[Shane Gillis]

We won by 400 points.

[Matt McCusker]

It's. Dude, that's nothing, bro. In the game, that was all your charge ups and power ups.

[Shane Gillis]

We also had a pregnant woman on blue te.

[Matt McCusker]

That's true, bro. Can we please talk about.

[Shane Gillis]

We can look at the scores.

[Matt McCusker]

All right. Check it out.

[Shane Gillis]

Woman did get dead last, but I was not that far above her and either was. Me and Terminator 2 were anchors holding the squad down.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, bro. Yeah. I don't know. I. I do know that when I was playing against her, I hit her like 40 times.

[Shane Gillis]

So I didn't shoot her once. She shot me once.

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

What else? What else? Everybody get? Be honest. She said there was somebody who was just on her bumper shooting her the whole time. Sarah O'Connor.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. You can't say, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Arnold Schwarzenegger's son in White Lotus. Unbelievable.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he's really funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Out of nowhere, I don't know why if this was like unscripted, but they're like on a yacht and they're about to approach these girls and out of nowhere go swastika. And they just. Just for no reason as they're walking. I was in bed, holding my stomach, laughing.

[Shane Gillis]

Really? I don't remember that part, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Right on the yacht. Listen, he goes back and they're about to watch it go over to the girls and go swastika. And just. It was like, what the. So funniest thing. Yo. Ad lib it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I'm interested to see where that goes. It's going to be fun.

[Matt McCusker]

So good.

[Shane Gillis]

The girls turning on each other. Wonderful.

[Matt McCusker]

Yep.

[Shane Gillis]

Finding out one of them's a Republican. The other two being like.

[Matt McCusker]

It's so awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

We think we did it. We had. We done.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. We got time for one more blaze.

[Matt McCusker]

We'll do the ads in the parking lot. No problem. What?

[Shane Gillis]

Do the ads.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Yeah. Matt McCusker.com Please come to the shows. Will be in Omaha. That's a big one.

[Shane Gillis]

Please come Manchester, England next week. Come on.