Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz

Summary

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast Episode: Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz Release Date: April 9, 2025

Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis

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Introduction

In episode 554 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, titled "Shane's Steak and Beanz," hosts Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis dive into a whirlwind of comedic anecdotes, personal stories, and lighthearted banter. True to the podcast's reputation, the conversation is fast-paced and filled with humor, making it a delightful listen for both regular fans and newcomers.

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Personal Anecdotes and Comedic Twists

The episode kicks off with Shane expressing surprise at the smoothness of his legs, leading to a humorous exchange about dry skin and personal grooming habits. This sets the tone for the episode, where the hosts effortlessly blend personal stories with comedic observations.

Notable Quote:

• Shane Gillis [00:07]: "My legs feel so smooth right now."
• Matt McCusker [00:35]: "I was staring at my skin the entire meeting. I was just having for one straight hour I was going, God damn, I got dry skin."

Shane's Encounter with a Neon Green Spider: Shane shares his humorous battle with a neon green spider in his blueberry bush, showcasing his knack for turning everyday encounters into laugh-out-loud stories.

Notable Quote:

• Shane Gillis [02:12]: "I'm battling a neon green spider right now. It's kind of my bro."

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Book Review: "Never Trust a Fart"

A significant portion of the episode revolves around Shane's discovery of a self-published book titled Never Trust a Fart. The hosts delve into the book's unconventional focus on the science of farts, exploring its humorous take on bodily functions.

Notable Quotes:

• Shane Gillis [03:12]: "Dude, has anyone ever written a book exclusively about farts?"
• Matt McCusker [05:11]: "He just... Uses like a lot of like, Dales are Red blooded American man has had a close brush with, you know, any like it?"

The duo recounts various stories from the book, highlighting the author's ability to craft relatable and absurd narratives around embarrassing moments, such as shitting pants before a significant event like the Super Bowl.

Notable Quote:

• Shane Gillis [05:04]: "It's so funny, dude."

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Guest Appearances and Celebrity Encounters

The episode features discussions about notable comedians and celebrities, particularly focusing on interactions with Dave Chappelle and other influential figures in the comedy scene. Matt recounts an experience recording a podcast with Chappelle, emphasizing the challenges of capturing quality audio in unconventional settings.

Notable Quote:

• Matt McCusker [11:42]: "The audio is horrendous. Maybe we'll put it out on Patreon, but it's not."

Shane also highlights other comedians like Steve Harvey and Louis C.K., appreciating their contributions to the comedy landscape while sharing personal anecdotes related to them.

Notable Quote:

• Shane Gillis [14:34]: "He's the radio God, dude."

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Food Adventures and Culinary Disasters

Shane and Matt enthusiastically discuss their culinary experiences, particularly their ventures into spicy foods and unusual delivery services. Shane talks about his aversion to horseradish and his attempts to handle spicy cocktail sauces without disaster, leading to a series of comedic mishaps.

Notable Quotes:

• Matt McCusker [27:08]: "I cannot wait."
• Shane Gillis [28:00]: "You got to scoop it. I had a lot."

The hosts also explore the concept of Gold Belly, a food delivery service that specializes in shipping delicacies from various regions, leading to humorous speculation about the practicality and quality of such services.

Notable Quote:

• Shane Gillis [31:17]: "It's probably a ghost kitchen that sends it to your house with dry ice."

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Tech Talk: Quantum Physics and Computing

In an unexpected yet fascinating turn, Matt and Shane delve into the realm of quantum physics and quantum computing. Shane attempts to explain the basics of quantum mechanics, referencing the double-slit experiment and the concept of superposition, albeit with a humorous and simplified approach.

Notable Quote:

• Shane Gillis [62:47]: "It's just a wave and a particle at the same time."

Matt acknowledges the complexity of the topic, appreciating the scientific advancements while playfully critiquing their own understanding.

Notable Quote:

• Matt McCusker [64:25]: "You've this, you've said nothing this whole time."

Despite the complexity, the conversation remains lighthearted, intertwining scientific jargon with everyday humor.

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Closing Remarks and Upcoming Events

As the episode nears its end, Matt and Shane share information about their upcoming stand-up performances across various cities, encouraging listeners to attend their shows. They wrap up with a blend of humor and camaraderie, leaving listeners eagerly anticipating future episodes.

Notable Quote:

• Matt McCusker [36:36]: "Matt McCusker will be performing in San Antonio this weekend."
• Shane Gillis [37:34]: "So please, if you want to come to those shows, get tickets@sean gardini.com."

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Conclusion

Episode 554 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast delivers a quintessential blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and offbeat discussions. From battling spiders and dissecting comedic literature to navigating spicy culinary adventures and dabbling in quantum physics, Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis offer a lively and engaging listening experience. Their effortless chemistry and knack for turning mundane topics into comedic gold make this episode a standout addition to the series.

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Disclaimer: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content segments to focus solely on the core discussions and entertaining moments shared by the hosts.

Transcript

[Shane Gillis]

Wow. Wow.

[Matt McCusker]

Wes.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes. My legs feel so smooth right now.

[Matt McCusker]

Why?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know. Just my skin just feels.

[Matt McCusker]

Your skin's glowing.

[Shane Gillis]

I haven't sat like this I guess since last week with my.

[Matt McCusker]

Now start at the beginning there. There. Oh, that's good.

[Shane Gillis]

With my skin.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that's good stuff.

[Shane Gillis]

That works. True. That's a good. I don't. I'm just saying I'm surprised by my. My leg. Usually my legs hit my other leg and I go do. Get that the off.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. It's rough. My skin's dry as at all times.

[Shane Gillis]

Is it high right now? I got for. I was in Omaha last weekend. I got all dried out in the cold.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Back like I had that alligator skin. But yeah I was.

[Matt McCusker]

I've got it right now. I was staring at my skin the entire meeting. I was just having for one straight hour I was going, God damn, I got dry skin.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I do that every now and again.

[Matt McCusker]

I can't go, Shane, what do you think of that? And I go, yeah, for sure.

[Shane Gillis]

You like see individuals?

[Matt McCusker]

Definitely. Listen, I wasn't staring at my skin.

[Shane Gillis]

I know I've been pretty spacey today too.

[Matt McCusker]

I wasn't staring at how red my face is. The entire zoom meeting just going, Jesus Christ.

[Shane Gillis]

They got. Why don't they let you do a different background? They should let you just do a whole different face. That way you're not staring at your own face.

[Matt McCusker]

I should do catfish. Just put the cat. Lawyer. You ever see that lawyer? It was during co and the old guy had to call in for a thing and his grandkids were with the computer and cat like when he talked, it would talk and he was like, I'm not a cat. Yeah, we know. It's classic.

[Shane Gillis]

That is pretty good.

[Matt McCusker]

I've been. I've been fired up. There's too many skeeters. The skeeters. Texas mosquitoes.

[Shane Gillis]

They do.

[Matt McCusker]

They don't hell here.

[Shane Gillis]

I feel bad because I know my wife gets crushed. They don't touch me, man. I don't know what it is. They don't like.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, they get me.

[Shane Gillis]

That sucks. I know a couple people. I think it's a blood type thing.

[Matt McCusker]

But also just they're everywhere. They're everywhere here. Like they're in my house. I was. I tried to get in the hot tub last night. There's 20 of them.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah. You're around that water too Swamp back there around the bayou.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I'm down here.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I don't. I'm. I don't do that. The mosquitoes.

[Matt McCusker]

I swear up on the high plains.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm on the high plum in the grasslands. I really am kind of in the grasslands. But I will say I'm battling a neon green spider right now. It's kind of my. It's kind of my bro.

[Matt McCusker]

Right now.

[Shane Gillis]

It's in my blueberry bush.

[Matt McCusker]

It's. What's he up to? Do you know what kind of have you figured out?

[Shane Gillis]

I did it right away. Me. See, I'll show you a picture of this guy. He's pretty spooky, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

You got to let him chill.

[Shane Gillis]

I am. He's.

[Matt McCusker]

He's Jackson. Or just Jackson's going to eat it, bro.

[Shane Gillis]

Look at that guy. Neon green spider.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, he's great.

[Shane Gillis]

He's a good guy.

[Matt McCusker]

Looks like a little shamrock spider. What kind of spider is that?

[Shane Gillis]

I forget what it's called. Let me. I have my family. I sent it to my little nephew. He gives me my bug. He ID it. Let me see what I got here right now. Go hit the family chat. Man has been active actually in here. Oh, here it is. Sphinx. He called it a sphinx spider. Although he is like 7, so he could be fucking wrong.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, sphinx. He might be wrong. Sounded like. Thanks, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

I found. You would love this book. I found the book on Amazon. I was sitting there, I don't know what I was doing. I was just like watching TV with my family and I was like, dude, has anyone ever written a book exclusively about farts? Like the science. And nobody has. I haven't. I haven't seen it.

[Matt McCusker]

At least like a scientific.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, like, you know how. What's like, you know, how do they start? Like what it. Exactly what are they? What happens if you hold them in? Like just stuff you'd want everything you'd want to know about them. Which by the way, I don't think that book exists. But I did find a book about this guy. Self published a book on Amazon called Never trust a fart. And it's. It's six. It's six.

[Matt McCusker]

Six short stories of shooting himself.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes. That's just his like bros. They're like best shit themselves story. Dude, I was cackling.

[Matt McCusker]

A great idea.

[Shane Gillis]

It's unbelievable. And it's like the guy, the guy who wrote it. It's very like. I don't know how to explain it. You know when like. I can't. I honestly can't think of a way to explain it. But he just. I guess he's not like. Uses cliches but he uses like. And like Dale is a Red blood. Like any red blooded American man has had a crow close brush with, you know, any like it?

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, it's so people shooting themselves stories are like the best, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

They hold up.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know who it was. I'm trying to remember who it was. You remember the guy, he himself on a train and then had to throw his pants out the window of the. No one. No one remembers this was this somebody we know? Like, it's either somebody we know or a barstool guy. And I can't remember.

[Shane Gillis]

At least he got rid of his underwear. Dude, the stories, the stories I'm reading, everyone fails to ditch the shitty underwear. One guy goes on a date. He's like, in college. He's like on a date with this girl. And it's like set long enough ago.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm sorry to cut you. Who the fuck is shitting. Who's risking a fart on a date? Dude, this is crazy. Everybody does the same thing. You wait until the date's over and then you uncork one.

[Shane Gillis]

He was on his way to the date. He was walking over and like, yeah, all right.

[Matt McCusker]

Right before the date, you gotta let it out.

[Shane Gillis]

You get back. And he was late. He was running late. And you get enough backstory where he builds up the characters. He's like. He was. Dale's a hard working man. He's working two jobs. Any hard working man has to eat fast food. There's no way around it. And his stomach was like. And he uses a lot of like, gurgle, gurgle, block.

[Matt McCusker]

And he's like, he's not these. He's Hemingway. Oh, dude, he's very easy. Short sent four word sentences.

[Shane Gillis]

They're so good. And it'll be like. And then he gambled. He thought he could get away with it. He goes, I got this one licked. And it was just like splat. And he just himself, already late, goes into the door. This is the first story I won't give away. The other ones there, I've read four. And after the fourth, I'm like, I think I get it. I started read the next one. I'm like, this is so funny. But he himself, heading up to the date, was already late. The girl was all made up in the dorm room with her roommate. And he was like, oh, guys, I'm sorry, I gotta hit the bathroom. And he took off his shitty underwear. It was all contained. And he saw this big window out of the dorm. He could have thrown the shitty underwear out, tried to flush it. Underwear, the toilet backs up.

[Matt McCusker]

Of Course.

[Shane Gillis]

Climbed out the window, got on a tree and just escaped. And the girls thought he was in the bathroom the whole time. So then after, like, 35 minutes, he wasn't answering. So I called the fire department. The fire department kicked down the door. There's just shitty. There was just shitty underwear floating in the toilet. He just never talked to the girl ever again.

[Matt McCusker]

Who's an apparition. He literally. It was a far demon. He's a demon.

[Shane Gillis]

He's like. Now Steve's a family man through and through. It is like a guy taking his family to a football game. He shits his pants.

[Matt McCusker]

It's so funny, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

It's so funny.

[Matt McCusker]

I shit my pants before the Super Bowl.

[Shane Gillis]

Did you?

[Matt McCusker]

Six, sixth grade. Oh, yeah. I was trying to cut weight. Got vicious diarrhea from not eating or eating some crazy. Then right when we got to. Right when we drove the whole way to the. To the field, I.

[Shane Gillis]

You went to the super bowl in sixth grade?

[Matt McCusker]

It was what we call the Super Bowl. It was just. Oh, pony. Pony football.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And I. Yeah, I was in sixth grade. I was playing in the Super Bowl. I was trying to cut weight for the bowl.

[Shane Gillis]

I thought you were just at the Super Bowl.

[Matt McCusker]

The Rams. Rams. Titans. That was sixth grade. Sixth grade, Super Bowl. Titans weren't gonna let me play unless I cut weight. No, I had to. I had to lose weight. And I.

[Shane Gillis]

You're about to play in the bowl?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I was about to play in the bowl.

[Shane Gillis]

The first bowl game.

[Matt McCusker]

That was my first Super Bowl.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn.

[Matt McCusker]

And I. And I. And then I tied a hoodie around my. I was wearing white, dude. Everyone wearing white shorts. And I knew it had to have gone through. It was a spurt. It was a spurt. It was right when I was getting out of the car. So people were just watching me walk away. And I tied my hoodie around my waist. Oh, like a weirdo.

[Shane Gillis]

No, dude, I'm telling you, it's a cl. It's an archetype.

[Matt McCusker]

I mean, what else can you do, Dude?

[Shane Gillis]

A guy who was taking his family. And this is. I will. I will spoil another story. He was taking his family to the game. He's like, I gotta take a dump. And he's doing, like, a quick walk away. And his wife had just given him a talk about, like, no letting kids pull your finger and farting. Like, we gotta set a better example for our kids. He's like, for sure.

[Matt McCusker]

No more of that.

[Shane Gillis]

For sure. And he goes to run. And every. The funniest part is every guy the Way he describes, like, guys getting away with it, being like, yeah, I didn't shit myself this time. And then he'd just be like, oh, no. And it was like, cold out. And he just tied his sweatshirt around his waist and just sat. He, like, ditched his boxers, sat like that. And it's like his whole family. Are you cold? He's like, I'm fine. He's had. He was contained in the mess.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, man, it's football weather.

[Shane Gillis]

But even him, dude, he didn't. What would you do if you shit your pants in a parking lot? You throw them somewhere else.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Stash them under the driver's seat of his car. And then his daughter, who was a teenager, has her learner's permit. She's like, I'll drive home. And she opens the door, and everyone's like, oh, my God. And he just kept being like, must be a dirty diaper.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know what it is.

[Shane Gillis]

And she reached back to pull the seat back and just hit the drawers and was like. And the. Dude, the why. How mad the wives get in these stories.

[Matt McCusker]

It's so. I. I sympathize with the. The wives. I'd be curious.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, just go throw your underwear somewhere else. Yeah, it is. I mean, dude, never trust a fart. It might be a literary masterpiece. So good.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I have to check that out.

[Shane Gillis]

I wanted to bring it so I could just give you. The passages are so funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it'd be nice, but I won't.

[Shane Gillis]

Spoil it for you.

[Matt McCusker]

We probably got some good your pants stories out of this crew, it looks like. So we got some bruisers in this squad.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Let me see.

[Matt McCusker]

Come on, man.

[Shane Gillis]

You never. Your pants.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't really. My pants like that.

[Shane Gillis]

You don't really.

[Matt McCusker]

When you say you don't really. I mean, the last time I showed my pants was, like, sixth grade. It's not like I really my pants last.

[Shane Gillis]

By the way, last year, Carnivore diet shit my pants.

[Matt McCusker]

As I was saying it, I realized that's a complete lie.

[Shane Gillis]

We got to save the tales for the book.

[Matt McCusker]

True. You should take this one guy. You've got nothing on me.

[Shane Gillis]

Take this assignment.

[Matt McCusker]

And Schuster, I feel like there's guys that shit their. Their pants a lot. Like, didn't Del Carlo talk about it a lot?

[Shane Gillis]

I think so. Dude, these. These stats on it are staggering. Dude. It's like 10% of the adult population shits himself, like, every couple months. It's something insane. When's the last time you shot yourself?

[Matt McCusker]

I'm proud to Be part of the 10%.

[Shane Gillis]

You're a 10?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I'm a 10 center and I.

[Shane Gillis]

It happens so often. I can't even recall, like, the last time. Really.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

But not, like, turds or not.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. No one's driving full logs. It's just diarrhea.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think I've ever dropped a.

[Matt McCusker]

Full log, but I've squirted out some diarrhea probably on a month once. I bet you guys drop. I bet you guys are shitting your pants at the creek in the cave a lot when you guys are out. Y. I probably. Why are you acting like this isn't you?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't.

[Matt McCusker]

My pants.

[Shane Gillis]

When's the last time you did or just had a messy fart? That was. That counts.

[Matt McCusker]

A messy fart is what we're. Basically. We're talking about. I don't. I don't. I don't. I try not to, like, fart. I fart in my sleep, you know, this is mayor. You.

[Shane Gillis]

We.

[Matt McCusker]

You stink rooms.

[Shane Gillis]

Last week, we stopped the podcast and he had. He shot for a half an hour. We had to wait, and he tried to go across the street.

[Matt McCusker]

That was because I was poisoned by Nate. He got poisoned by Nate. I feel like you have to be poisoned a lot. You got to get poisoned a lot. No, dude, I'm good at holding it and, like, not pooing before. I. Like. I didn't poop before I go out. Except for last week. Except for last week. Last week was a shame.

[Shane Gillis]

Pool. It was that two breaks. Tried to go across the street to on the clock. Try to go across the street. We had a bathroom right there. Like, no, no, no, no. You gotta shit on.

[Matt McCusker]

How is it. How was the episode received?

[Shane Gillis]

Because it was.

[Matt McCusker]

It felt. Yeah. Because it was supposed to be a Patreon episode.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I know. We.

[Matt McCusker]

Me guard dog and we let the squad down a little.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I don't think so.

[Matt McCusker]

We had it. I thought we had one.

[Shane Gillis]

You guys went into the fucking.

[Matt McCusker]

We were at Chappelle's. We had it. We recorded it.

[Shane Gillis]

The ask is great. Dude, I'm so scared of asking.

[Matt McCusker]

I was so. I've asked him. I've asked Chappelle to do so many things.

[Shane Gillis]

It's so. It's so honorable to be like. To go there and be like, I literally rather shit my pants than be like, hey, can you do my podcast?

[Matt McCusker]

I was there. I was like, dave, this is crazy. Feel free to say no. We got to do a podcast. Depends when you ask him.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, true.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. And then in the morning, you go, there's no way he's going to do that. And then he was like, I don't want to do it. And I was like, fair fine. And then I waited, like, 20 minutes. I called him back, and I was like, dude, dude, just do the fucking podcast.

[Shane Gillis]

Podcasts are. They do. They're like, fucking. Kind of swaying elections and fucking.

[Matt McCusker]

But then we did it. And the audio is not Guard Dog's fault, but the audio is horrendous. Maybe we'll put it out on Patreon, but it's not.

[Shane Gillis]

I listen to some.

[Matt McCusker]

The audio, it's just. And I had. I was just nervous, and the conversations just kind of. Me. It's one of those podcasts we do where you go, I'm just going to tell him these stories. I'm talking only to him. Yeah. Everybody that's listening to it has heard me tell these stories.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

900 times. But I'm just trying to talk to him. I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

That makes. That makes sense.

[Matt McCusker]

I ended up being a dude.

[Shane Gillis]

You think so?

[Matt McCusker]

All right.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, it's also sick because it's. You know.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

So Dave Chappelle.

[Matt McCusker]

But the mic was on the bar, and he was just walking around.

[Shane Gillis]

Such a power.

[Matt McCusker]

So you can't really hear him sometimes.

[Shane Gillis]

That's such a sick move, though.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Because he knows how. He knows how mics work.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. He's very familiar with. Mike's just asking him to keep it a fist away from his face. No one. No one can do it. Everyone just. No, literally, I'm just sitting there going, no one's gonna be able to hear this. He's just walking around.

[Shane Gillis]

It's such a sick move, though, to just be like, yeah, I'm gonna take a. Although, maybe he's just used to being lobbed up.

[Matt McCusker]

I. Yeah. I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

You should have loved him with the mic.

[Matt McCusker]

I think he rightfully doesn't. Doesn't give a. Yeah, he just didn't give a. And I was. You know, I was like, we're not gonna film it. There's no video.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You know, that's sick, because he's always worried about getting clipped.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

For sure. Everything he says, someone's gonna clip.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, True. And it's like. Yeah, he's. He was. He was in the crossfire for a while. Or the crosshairs for a while there with Netflix.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

He made out all right.

[Matt McCusker]

But he. I think. Yeah. I think he is. Every time he.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Puts anything out, Thrones, he's back in the crosshairs. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

They're on his ass. I watched the. I watched the Damon Wayne's Club. Shay. Shay. Yeah. And he was like saying, how, you know, he's like. He was basically saying. He's like, Dave was the only one out of our, like, our group who just kept doing. He goes, I can't do it anymore. He's like, if I do. He's like, I can't say. All those guys, Steve Harvey, they want us. They're like, if I did a special right now, it would just ruin my whole life. It's like, just do it, dude. Do it. Yeah, do it. Do it.

[Matt McCusker]

We actually talked about that. We talked about Steve Harvey for a little.

[Shane Gillis]

Did you really?

[Matt McCusker]

How great he is.

[Shane Gillis]

He is the man.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Although he got a lot of people. People like to. On Harvey, dude. He's the man. His morning show is so fucking good. I love his morning show.

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't know he had one. Huh? A morning show, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

He's at the biggest morning radio show. He's at, like, one of the biggest morning radio shows of, like, all time.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

What is it? What's it called?

[Shane Gillis]

Steve Harvey the Morning.

[Matt McCusker]

Steve Harvey in the Morning. Is it on the radio?

[Shane Gillis]

It's on the radio. It's on like. Yeah, it's on like, FM radio, but it's like. It's like really syndicated, dude. He's got like. He's the radio God, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Steve Harvey in the Morning. When was that? Is it still on wds?

[Shane Gillis]

It's on like. It's on like old. Like, you know, there's like power 99. Like young black people. He's on old black people, right? Wda, wdsf.

[Matt McCusker]

I never had access to old black people radio.

[Shane Gillis]

It's sick. It's. It's all. It's like four songs.

[Matt McCusker]

Central PA did not even close. It was. I mean, I remember being excited when we got pop.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

For real pops. Yeah. We had country the whole time. And it was like, I. I didn't like it, dude. WDS Classic Rock, though.

[Shane Gillis]

It's Brian McKnight 40, 000 times a day. And then it's that one guy goes, I can't stop. Plays a thousand times. And then it's just Steve Harvey all morning. It's two songs and Steve Harvey.

[Matt McCusker]

Steve Harvey rules.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he does roll. This episode is brought to you by Amazon. MGM Studios new movie The Accountant 2 in theaters April 25 Ben Affleck and John Bernthal, two absolute legends, are back in action. This time, some dude gets WHACKED Leave behinds a puzzle. An Affleck's Christian Wolf has to crunch the numbers to figure out who's behind it. He's also teaming up with his long lost and seriously lethal brother, Brax, AKA John Bernthal. These two lethal. Also surprisingly funny. If you got a brother, you're going to relate minus, you know, the insane combat skills. Trust me, this is an R rated action thriller that you've got to experience on the big screen. The Accountant 2 only in theaters April 25th. Get tickets now at theaccountanttomovie.com this episode is brought to you by Lifelock. It's tax season and we're all a bit tired of numbers, but here's one you need to hear. $16.5 billion. That's how much the IRS flagged for possible identity fraud last year. Now here's a good number. 100 million. That's how many data points Lifelock monitors every second. If your identity is stolen, they'll fix it, guaranteed. Save up to 40% your first [e-mail] podcast terms apply club Shay. Shay, man. How. How long can it go, dude? I think he's trying to recapture the Cat Williams episode. But like, because you can tell he wants the beef, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

He wants.

[Shane Gillis]

Nobody wants all the smoke.

[Matt McCusker]

Likes to do Club Chase.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I was wondering about that.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

When's it coming?

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't. I'm not. I haven't done. I'm just going to say my friend Matt's a Hollywood pedophile. Well, I'm going to do.

[Shane Gillis]

He's going to go. What?

[Matt McCusker]

I said, yeah, I'll talk about that.

[Shane Gillis]

You got to do Shay.

[Matt McCusker]

No, I just. I will. I would love to whenever I'm. Hopefully I can be in town for it.

[Shane Gillis]

Where is. Where is he? Where is Shay?

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know. They were talking about doing it in Vegas at one point.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn.

[Matt McCusker]

But I don't know where it is.

[Shane Gillis]

Me either.

[Matt McCusker]

It's probably LA or Atlanta.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Where do they film sh. Shay. Yeah, I've been. I've been. I've been.

[Matt McCusker]

I can probably. I can probably get in there, bro. I'll go full Cat 1. You got it. You got it. Yeah. Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

Shay. Shay would be sick.

[Matt McCusker]

I'll head out LA way very often.

[Shane Gillis]

You gotta do it. I. I noticed Andrew Schultz was in. He did like a lot. He did this one podcast where he had like. It was like him verse. It was like him just first like four black dudes and they're trying to attack him for. I don't Know if that was the whole thing.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, it was Ryan Clark. Uza. Ryan Clark. He's. He's actually the man. Yeah, he's. He's live. He's live, but he's a good bro.

[Shane Gillis]

He's a good bro.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

They were. They were trying to get him, and he was like, dude, you've literally had people. Because that thing he said about, like. He's like, you literally have people here.

[Matt McCusker]

Come back beating black women.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, we pressed him on it, but, you know, they asked. Edited it, so we let them. That was. It's pretty smart of them. It was funny, though, doing it, but just watching him do battle, just black. Black podcast battle, is, like, pretty sick.

[Matt McCusker]

Schultz will go in. He.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, he fully did. It was pretty. It was fun to watch because I was following it loosely, and I was like, damn, they're really giving it to us.

[Matt McCusker]

It's tough to go in there and battle.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, but if you have. He had the, you know, black podcast.

[Matt McCusker]

And battling is nuts, dude. Yeah, dude, you get me on Breakfast Club or any of these, I'm gonna be like, yeah, I hate racism. Trump racist piece of.

[Shane Gillis]

That's the funniest first name. Like, obviously, like, we didn't ask you any questions.

[Matt McCusker]

I hate racism. And, yeah, Kamala Harris was great.

[Shane Gillis]

Although they could goad you into an epic white spaz. That show is designed to evoke crazy white spaz.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't think they would give me the spaz, but I think they would get me to finally be like, that's what you're saying is wrong.

[Shane Gillis]

They'll bring the lady. That lady who zooms in is these. She's like an agent.

[Matt McCusker]

Crafty, perfect. Breakfast Club.

[Shane Gillis]

That lady.

[Matt McCusker]

It's not Angela Yee, is it? No. Who is it?

[Shane Gillis]

No, it's just this lady who's.

[Matt McCusker]

I know who it is. They bring her in for battle, like, Ramaswami. Ramaswamy eats her lunch. He's Ramaswami, and he her up.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, to be fair, she has to be fair. She's. She's arguing with zero facts, which is impressive. She just cuts off. She just cuts off and just goes, like. Does the classic, like, no, no, no. Zan, my question. You're like, yeah, well, obviously, like, okay. That's all I got to say. You're like, what the.

[Matt McCusker]

Argue with zero facts. Come on, man.

[Shane Gillis]

What she does. I've watched, like, four interviews. It's like. It's so.

[Matt McCusker]

Seriously, the view. You tell me. Ladies argue with zero effects.

[Shane Gillis]

True. That kind of is their thing. Yeah, they're just nothing but Dr. Strange portals. The whole time. You're like, wait a second. How the did we get to this subject? Where am I? But yeah, that. That was. That was kind of my week at YouTube. How was fucking. How was.

[Matt McCusker]

I had a great week. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

How was the ranch?

[Matt McCusker]

Appelles was fucking awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

It sounded sick as hell.

[Matt McCusker]

First night, some members of Wu Tang were there and performed. It's awesome. And then we got to live. Quali was up there. That was good.

[Shane Gillis]

Nice. Sick.

[Matt McCusker]

It was awesome. I mean, it was the whole time. And I. Guard dog and I brought Guard dog. And James came the next day, and they, you know, rightfully, they were nervous to be like, holy shit, we're gonna hang out with Dave Chappelle. I was telling him the whole time. I was like, wait till you meet this guy. He's literally the nicest.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Two people have truly stunned me. Louis C.K. i was like, whatever. I was like, I couldn't think. I was like, holy fuck, dude. And then I. I. When you did that show in the garden, I was just in the same room as Dave Chappelle, and as soon as he's like, how you doing?

[Matt McCusker]

I was like, oh, fuck.

[Shane Gillis]

Completely blanked. I was like, dude, whatever. I'm pretty normal, pretty natural.

[Matt McCusker]

I just added a third to the people that have stun. Caitlin Clark, dude. Clark was at the show. I don't know if she was a fan or her boyfriend or. I don't know, you know? But before the show, we were in Indianapolis on Saturday, and we were like, this is the house that Caitlin Clark built. We were talking about the Pacers arena, and then we had lunch, and I was like, it'd be sick if Caitlin Clark came to the show. That'd be nice. Yeah. And I was, like, pacing back and forth between the show and the green room. And then I just.

[Shane Gillis]

Caitlin Clark just where she passed.

[Matt McCusker]

I was like, do you want to hang out in the green room? She was like, yeah, sure. What? Yeah. And I walked in and was like, also, James brought his friend. James brought his friend to fly back with us to Austin, who was a priest.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay.

[Matt McCusker]

Which is great. He was awesome. But I did have a priest in the green room. It was me, Big Jeff, who Soder was making fun of. Looks like my goth stylist and my road priest.

[Shane Gillis]

Road.

[Matt McCusker]

Having to explain to people like, I don't bring a priest all the time. Caitlin Clark. I don't bring a chaplain on the road.

[Shane Gillis]

Kind of the move, though.

[Matt McCusker]

But, yeah, she was one. I was like, got me a little.

[Shane Gillis]

If you Start moving like, a military platoon. Like, you have, like, a chaplain.

[Matt McCusker]

You have a coach, cook, golf stylist.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, you had Caitlin Clark a pre. That's like a. It sounds like a bar joke. It's like an Australian, a priest. Caitlin Clark walked into a green room.

[Matt McCusker]

Green room and watched me play ufc.

[Shane Gillis]

You should have had either Nada Lemaire just walk by her and go, space invader. That'd be a sick space invaders. You're Caitlin Clark.

[Matt McCusker]

Battle black ladies.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I had another good invite to the green room, which was very fun. So in Columbus, right before we were leaving the green room, a bunch of the Columbus Blue Jackets wives came back to say hi. I got them. So it was literally just four professional athletes. Wives came walking back. My. Literally first thing I said, I was like, what are you guys doing here? Because there were no husbands for sure. It was literally just four beautiful women.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I was like, what?

[Shane Gillis]

Can I help you?

[Matt McCusker]

For real? What are you guys doing here? And they're like, can we get a picture? I was like, yeah. And then I was trying to be polite, but it looked like I was being a sex pervert. So I was like, do you guys want to. There's drinks in there if you guys want to hang out. They're like, no. All right. I was like, there's. If you want. You don't hang out. And then I walked away. Like, probably looked like a psycho. But when it's four hot ladies and you're like, do you guys want to hang out in the green room?

[Shane Gillis]

You guys want some alcohol?

[Matt McCusker]

There's alcohol in there if you guys need anything. I got it. You know. Yeah, it was chicken tenders and nachos and Bud Light if you guys want it.

[Shane Gillis]

You know, typical hot lady stuff.

[Matt McCusker]

We got an Xbox and chicken fingers.

[Shane Gillis]

Where were their hubbies?

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know. Maybe they were on the road. Maybe The Blue Jackets, they're probably in a way game.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I got what you're saying. So they weren't, like, out, like, you know, they were not there.

[Matt McCusker]

Rained out of some. Dang.

[Shane Gillis]

So they were not there at all.

[Matt McCusker]

As a Biggie Smalls Rift difference. What was what I said? Must have been rained out.

[Shane Gillis]

But he's lost some of the rain out.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Nothing. It's a song he sings about a NBA player's wife.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, Jesus.

[Matt McCusker]

And then the NBA player comes home, like, what happened? He's like, I don't know. Must have been rained out or something. Which one? Six. Six months.

[Shane Gillis]

You're just talking about refreshment.

[Matt McCusker]

Cool. Refreshments and now you're like, yeah, the players were gone. And their wives and the Wags. When the players are gone, the Wags. Wags will play.

[Shane Gillis]

The Wags will play.

[Matt McCusker]

The Wags of Columbus, come play.

[Shane Gillis]

Then they saw, like, damn, he has the queen babe of. He has the queen babe of the Midwest here.

[Matt McCusker]

No, that was the next night. That was Indianapolis.

[Shane Gillis]

Indianapolis.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. In the house of Caitlyn Built.

[Shane Gillis]

I forgot you're. I forgot you're the aviator, dude. You're. But you're jumping.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, jumped.

[Shane Gillis]

So you were in. How long did they hang? They just came back to peek on you. Like, what was up?

[Matt McCusker]

That's not on. You Literally just came back for a picture and then left. But I was. Yeah, it was just one of those things where I was like, do you guys want to hang out?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Like, no, we have to leave. And I was like, you could hang out.

[Shane Gillis]

Good. Hang out. There's a giant couch right there. Dang, dudes. What. Who are the Blue Jackets?

[Matt McCusker]

NHL. I got you NHL. That sounds like pretty sick name, though, because it's. It's for the union. Civil War. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay. Okay. Where they change it from? The Gray Jackets.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, that was the Atlanta team, and they got canceled, so.

[Shane Gillis]

They're the Blue Jet. They're the Union Blue Jackets.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

That's cool.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's like a cannon. There's a logo spritz. I. I think they actually have, like, a pretend yellow jacket, like a wasp. That's blue. That's union.

[Shane Gillis]

I thought it was some sort of B reference. I was like, I gotta get up on my bees. I was like, what kind of. What kind of. What's a blue. I was trying to imagine, like, a blue bee. I was like, I don't know if I know about that. That sound sounds like a good weekend.

[Matt McCusker]

Great weekend.

[Shane Gillis]

Very chill weekend.

[Matt McCusker]

Got to take him. Lemaire. You'll like it. We went to St. Elmo's Steakhouse in Indianapolis. And the whole time I was like, I can't wait till these guys get this fucking cocktail sauce.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, the horse.

[Matt McCusker]

I was like, I cannot wait. And then I. The waiter comes over, and I was like, don't. You know, don't spoil it. He was like, it's the hottest cocktail sauce in the world. And I was like, that was what I was talking about.

[Shane Gillis]

I tried it when I was there.

[Matt McCusker]

Guard dog cowered it out. It may be cowardly.

[Shane Gillis]

It's not that, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

And we kept being like, I did get it for you. We've all done it. Like, I Got it and almost died.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And then guard dog took a big one, and I was like, all right, this is it. Soon as he picks it up, 90% falls off. He's like, what? I did. And everybody at the table. Everyone at the table gave you guff.

[Shane Gillis]

He ashed the shrimp, and now he's gonna.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he ashed, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

It had me six or seven shrimps.

[Matt McCusker]

You did have a lot, but you kept not putting the cocktail sauce on it. No, it was on it.

[Shane Gillis]

You were glazing.

[Matt McCusker]

You would take some off, and then you'd eat it and go, I'm zandini. It doesn't affect me. Oh, yeah, because you're not doing it.

[Shane Gillis]

You got to scoop it. I had a lot.

[Matt McCusker]

It hurt my belly really bad. Everyone in the squad got sick. I was fine. I was like, this is. I was born in this darkness.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't like horseradish. It just, like, hits your nose and then goes away.

[Matt McCusker]

It was so yummy. It was so good.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't like it, man. I'm. I like habanero. I like peppers. I. I went there. I went to St. Elmo's and just kind of, like, bother them. I was like, I just want to have the shrimp thing. And I ate that and left upon.

[Matt McCusker]

Your recommendation, eating the whole thing. And that's tough.

[Shane Gillis]

Who was I with? I. I'm maybe.

[Matt McCusker]

Was that an indie?

[Shane Gillis]

Yes, that was the place. We went there.

[Matt McCusker]

I had one of those. Yeah, those were nuts.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Like, not for me.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it'll you up good for the sinus. It's great for the sinus. Me and lames went to town on them. Went nuts on them. Then I went to the airport the next day, and there's a. There's one there. And I ate some at the airport. I ate some before departure at like 11:00am I was like. And it had. It's one of those, like, where the. Where the restaurant's like, basically in the.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Walkway. Like, there's just a tiny fence separating you. So people were just walking by at 11am I'm, like.

[Shane Gillis]

Just going back for it.

[Matt McCusker]

Just kept going for it. I don't know. Horserash doesn't my stomach up. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I was probably.

[Matt McCusker]

The spice just goes away right away.

[Shane Gillis]

It does. That's what I'm saying.

[Matt McCusker]

And it doesn't affect me, like, if I eat, like, really spicy food that can you up.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, for sure. But yeah, that stuff. I mean, to ash a shrimp of cocktail sauce.

[Matt McCusker]

That's disrespectful. I think the last time you did it. It. It was a mistake, but a big glob fell off and everyone at the table notice.

[Shane Gillis]

But then I would scoop it with.

[Matt McCusker]

The crackers, but then you. Yeah, but with the crackers, it's easier. That's what the crackers are there for. That's fair. I mean, you. And then bragging while you're doing it. This is nothing to me. I'm Zen.

[Shane Gillis]

Dini, what's that website where you can order, like, food and you hate how Zen? What's like, the Uber Eats, where you can send a dish from, like, across the country? I feel like, Golden.

[Matt McCusker]

Golden House or something.

[Shane Gillis]

Gold belly. We got a gold belly. What is this? This is a Behind the Music.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm finding out about a lot of rich things. I'm just finding out about rich things. I just found about auctions that you can buy, like, from people's estates. I told you about the OJ Estate.

[Shane Gillis]

Sales are sweet.

[Matt McCusker]

Bought a bunch of the OJ Gear. I didn't tell you this.

[Shane Gillis]

I thought you're talking about, like, estate sales, like, on the corner where you can just go to a dead guy's house and buy his chair.

[Matt McCusker]

No, not like a yard sale. Like a garage sale. No, like, literally, like O.J. simpson's estates. What? Auctioned a bunch of his stuff and I got it.

[Shane Gillis]

You got some of his stuff? Would you get the other glove?

[Matt McCusker]

They were up for sale.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Matt McCusker]

There was a couple sets with gloves. I did not get them. I got all of his ties, though.

[Shane Gillis]

You got O.J. simpson's ties?

[Matt McCusker]

I got his tie collection.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude. If you wear his ties and go.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm just gonna wear ties and go. Yeah, exactly. And now I gotta find out what this gold belly is. I can ship that stuff to my house. Yes. You get food from anywhere.

[Shane Gillis]

Anyway, bro. Anyway. But I think it's, like, frozen, though. It's frozen if it's shrimps.

[Matt McCusker]

But scripts would be easy.

[Shane Gillis]

They would just. All you need is the sauce.

[Matt McCusker]

You could get, like, a cheese stick from Philadelphia. I'll probably stick with Chipotle bowls.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah, true. I was talking to.

[Matt McCusker]

Who are we kidding?

[Shane Gillis]

I was talking to, like, one of our friends, and they were. He was. He was putting me on the gold belly a couple months ago, and he's like, dude, we were gonna get this cake made out of donuts. And he's like, tell me all the. He was gonna get. And then, like, within the next, we, like, change topics. He's like, dude, they're telling me I have high blood pressure. It's like it's probably just genetics, honestly.

[Matt McCusker]

Could be the donut cake. You had somebody fly to your house.

[Shane Gillis]

It was killing me. He's like, yeah. I mean, it's just, you know, we can't really do anything about it. It's like, bro, you're scheming across. You're like, trafficking donut cakes. Such a sick move, though, to be like, bro, it's out of my hands. I don't know. But anyway, this gold belly app, dude, I'm gonna get a cheesesteak from Philadelphia sent to my house.

[Matt McCusker]

That's another one. Yeah, I'm fully against this.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, you do got to make. They send.

[Matt McCusker]

Cheesesteak is the easiest, like dry ice or whatever.

[Shane Gillis]

And then you just take it out.

[Matt McCusker]

Ingredients put together, and you make it out.

[Shane Gillis]

Have you ever gold bellied?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, gold bellied. This I saw on Top Chef. It was like cheeseburger dumplings. It was fire. It was fine.

[Shane Gillis]

Gold bellying.

[Matt McCusker]

So funny. Yeah, it's like, price. It's like, it was like 60 bucks. Like. Yeah, nothing crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

It's like FedEx next day delivery with dry ice. Basically.

[Matt McCusker]

Basically. It's like ubereats prices. Yeah. You just have to make the fact.

[Shane Gillis]

You gotta cook it kind of pisses me off.

[Matt McCusker]

I think they're fibbing. Huh? I think they're fibbing. You think it's. Yeah, I think they're fibbing.

[Shane Gillis]

What do you think he's flipping about?

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, you think you're getting a cheesesteak?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. It's probably a ghost kitchen that sends it to your house with dry ice.

[Matt McCusker]

I, I. It was good. Like, the sauce was it. It tasted high end. It was just worrying about the dry ice for the next part. I didn't know what to do with a box of dry ice throw. Throwing it in the helmet encampment. Well, no, this, this was, this was back in Jersey. I got this. I tried it years ago.

[Shane Gillis]

Dang, you gold. You were on the frontier of gold belly. Yeah, yeah. OG Gold belly.

[Matt McCusker]

I think I saw, like, an ad for watching top.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I heard about this. Just cracking me up to be like, dude, I don't know. I think it just takes all the joy out of it. It's like, you know, especially if you want something.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

If I want to, like a cheesesteak from Philadelphia, then it just sits in dry ice and I have to assemble it myself. It's like, you know, deuce, just go take a walk, man. Go outside.

[Matt McCusker]

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. These days, you have to be smart with your money. If you're gonna make a big purchase, you gotta make it count. What's something you bought?

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, I just invested in two bug tanks. I got two bug tanks from National Geographic. So they got a little magnifying glass on them. I got not one, but two.

[Matt McCusker]

What type of bugs are you gonna put in there?

[Shane Gillis]

Right now we've only gotten some roly polys. So you can throw them in there, create their natural habitat and you can kind of like.

[Matt McCusker]

I'd like to see what roly polys are up to, bro.

[Shane Gillis]

I got. I catch them. I catch like Me and my daughters catch like four rolly poles a day and put them in my garden.

[Matt McCusker]

It's really nice.

[Shane Gillis]

It's awesome. I have so many rolly polys. So, yeah, I gotta. The bug tank's nice, man, because otherwise you gotta carry them in your Ever try to carry a roly pole in your hand for like they, they get. They're. They're escape artists. So. Yeah, I got some bug tanks.

[Matt McCusker]

Been, you know, 30 years. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Since I've tried, it's just as hard. They skip.

[Matt McCusker]

So I bought a bug light.

[Shane Gillis]

You got a bug light.

[Matt McCusker]

I got a bug zapper out there that's, you know, kind of the opposite of what you're doing.

[Shane Gillis]

But hey, just as fun, you're battling.

[Matt McCusker]

You sit by the. You sit in the hot tub and all of a sudden, God damn that guy. You get some of these big. The bugs out here are so big.

[Shane Gillis]

My dad's big.

[Matt McCusker]

They die. They go. You hear him hit the bug light and they go, Jesus.

[Shane Gillis]

God damn.

[Matt McCusker]

Another great investment. Taking care of yourself, you know, you're talking about these bugs.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't even think about that.

[Matt McCusker]

Why don't you think about yourself? Traditional therapy can get crazy expensive, though. Like between 100 to 250amonth or more or something like that. Therapy is worth it, though. And you do have options. Like, better help the help with the bed on it. It could help you save up to 50 per session while getting you the help you need. I've had a lot of sessions where I think about myself.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Take care of myself. I like therapy because I've benefited from therapy.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I think it's nice. I think it's a nice thing to do.

[Matt McCusker]

Everyone could learn something from therapy.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, you can, just because it teaches.

[Matt McCusker]

You positive coping skills like how dumb.

[Shane Gillis]

Your family is and set boundaries.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Basically you get on a zoom call and you talk about how dumb your family is. Hey.

[Shane Gillis]

To break to your family or idiots. And you're doomed.

[Matt McCusker]

With BetterHelp, you can work toward being the best version of yourself while saving money. And because everything is online, it's easier to get into a session with your schedule. I love getting online sessions. Love that with just a few clicks you can be talking to one of their therapists. You can even switch therapists at any time for any reason. Your well being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com mssp to get 10 off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E-L-P.com mssp and also, you can't.

[Shane Gillis]

Use the tokens for those either.

[Matt McCusker]

No, I tried.

[Shane Gillis]

Can I use tokens?

[Matt McCusker]

You're stuck with those. You made a mistake. You bought some tokens. But you can talk to BetterHelp, the help of the Betterment, about that. The better help the help with the better on it.

[Shane Gillis]

Hello everybody.

[Matt McCusker]

Pardon the interruption. This is Sean Gardini. I just wanted to let you know that Matt McCusker will be performing in San Antonio this weekend, Thursday through Saturday, April 10 through April 12, at the LOL Comedy Club.

[Shane Gillis]

That's short for laugh out loud. Matt McCusker will be in San Antonio this weekend.

[Matt McCusker]

If you want to get tickets, go to mattmcusker.com Also, I, Sean Gardini, will be at Helium Comedy club in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on May 6th. It's coming up, so please get tickets if you can. I, Sean Gardini, will be at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia on May 6th. I'm coming back to Philadelphia. All of our friends will be there. It'll be a nice time and that's a Gardini guarantee.

[Shane Gillis]

So please, if you want to come to those shows, get tickets@sean gardini.com Please.

[Matt McCusker]

Come if you can.

[Shane Gillis]

Thank you.

[Matt McCusker]

And lastly, Shane Gillis will be in Cleveland, Ohio and Washington, D.C. this weekend. Tickets for those shows, if they're not sold out, are [e-mail] thank you for your time.

[Shane Gillis]

Pardon the interruption.

[Matt McCusker]

And now let's get back to the show.

[Shane Gillis]

But I don't really. I don't hanker for stuff like that. I could eat this. I could honestly eat the same thing every day and be fine.

[Matt McCusker]

But give me fuel.

[Shane Gillis]

Give me, maybe I will belly. Chipotle from Philly.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, may get the worst Chipotle. I only want Chipotle made by black teenagers with disdain. I want to hate in every scoop.

[Shane Gillis]

You order extra guac and it comes back. It's that much, you know. Perfect.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm furious. What's this? Jess Romaine. Perfect.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't ask for that. That's so funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Can you guys with Marina. Can you guys acknowledge what you've. What you've done to Archipelago? What. What year? Hold on. You guys put a lot on us, all right? We get a lot of guff the way we took rock and roll and ruined it. Can you guys admit you took Chipotle from us and absolutely nose dived it.

[Shane Gillis]

To be fair?

[Matt McCusker]

Hold on.

[Shane Gillis]

Let's.

[Matt McCusker]

Come on.

[Shane Gillis]

It's not the black people.

[Matt McCusker]

This is Hispanics. Is that.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I'll say this, I'll say this.

[Matt McCusker]

And you're out of your mind. She got your passing the buck.

[Shane Gillis]

What? Wait, have you ever tried to go overly polite on back of the house?

[Matt McCusker]

I can guarantee it's front of the house.

[Shane Gillis]

They got caught being racist. You're probably get caught being racist.

[Matt McCusker]

Like what?

[Shane Gillis]

The portions. They were being racist with the portions? Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

What? They're giving the honkies small portions?

[Shane Gillis]

Yes. I swear to God, I don't know.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know if I didn't need. I didn't need an article or a court case. I lived it. I lived it. And I had a march. I arranged a march. We did Selma across the bridge by 30th Street Station in Philadelphia.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. ERC resume. ERC resume. Testing investigation finds racial disparities at Chipotle restaurants.

[Matt McCusker]

Jesus Christ.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

You guys took from us. We got the lick, dude. You took Chipotle? That's such a small lick. No, that's.

[Shane Gillis]

I gotta be fair. This is not about portions. This is about there being way more white managers at Chipotle. I take that back. Hold on. You.

[Matt McCusker]

You saw that article. We're like, I know it's about portions.

[Shane Gillis]

I swear to God, I saw. I swear to God, I saw.

[Matt McCusker]

Matt, I believe you 100%. They definitely fuck us on the portions, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Maybe it's not Chipotle, but I swear to God, one of those like, build your own things came under investigation because they were giving white people less portions. I swear to God, I swear to.

[Matt McCusker]

God, you head into allegedly on a sweet green in Philly. God bless. Good luck, dude. What do you mean they're gonna fuck you in your face? You're gonna stand there and go, I got extra chicken. They're gonna go, yeah, there's one more piece.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, I, I would. Mad Dog, I'm gonna go make a triple then and just be like, let's get. Let's get the meat going. I also, I. I'm not bragging, but if it's like a slightly older, fat black lady I can. I can definitely massage some extra portions. I'm pretty good at it. I'm pretty good. I go, oh, God. On the first one, you go, God bless you. Oh, that.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, man.

[Shane Gillis]

God bless you. Then they'll hit you. Can I get double? They hit you with double. You go, oh, my God. You're the best. Thank you so much. Because I face. You know, I face discrimination as well.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

While at the other side of the counter and being like, you know, now I really gotta. You know, you gotta sing and dance room to get your portion.

[Matt McCusker]

That's what a white man has to do to get a portion. It's like a jungle.

[Shane Gillis]

Can I get his macros?

[Matt McCusker]

Let a white man get his protein.

[Shane Gillis]

I really hope I got this right. About Chipotle.

[Matt McCusker]

Allegedly is Chipotle. Dude.

[Shane Gillis]

I know we've sweet greens cra. Dude, it's like a teaspoon.

[Matt McCusker]

Don't order sweet green. You got to go in the building to get it. I've ordered sweet green and gotten just lettuce.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I go in. I go to sweet green. I have the White Panthers behind me.

[Matt McCusker]

White Panthers coming in.

[Shane Gillis]

Just filming. Sorry. They're not called the White. I should.

[Matt McCusker]

They're not called the White Panthers.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't think about that. I didn't even think about that. I forgot we already had a group. Although, do we even have a group anymore?

[Matt McCusker]

I don't think we even have that many groups anymore. I'm gonna get Sit in. Going to the Chipotle. Sit at the bar. Go. I'm not leaving. We get bit by a dog. A Chipotle.

[Shane Gillis]

You get. You get bit by, like, a fat gender studies major, actually. You think that's. I swear to God. This is true. I got to call Spud. Spud told me about this.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, man. You got. He's a member of the White Panthers. The White Panther party.

[Shane Gillis]

God damn it, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Anyways, it's still not accountable.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't get one apology out of you guys. I want it from Lemaire. Lemaire is the most stubborn. He's a mule. He's a donkey. He's just a little donkey. That I gotta say. Most recently, the most recent Chipotle's I've been. Has been. It's been full of honks. Those are good Chipotles. Oh, no, man. What was that, Nate? He said. He said they're pretty good Chipotles. They're pretty lad heavy, though. Lad heavy is great.

[Shane Gillis]

Of course, Chipotle faced a viral backlash in a shareholder lawsuit over inconsistent portion Sizes at his restaurants.

[Matt McCusker]

I do remember that they're getting in trouble for their portions. That was one of the few news stories I've followed. Oh, Chipotle's in the news.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So every once in a while, Chipotle will be in the news for, like, a. Was it E. Coli or. Dude, E. Coli. And I go, I'm going, today. You gotta buy low.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I go, they're gonna have a buy dip on this boat.

[Shane Gillis]

True.

[Matt McCusker]

They're gonna be dishing out the portions.

[Shane Gillis]

Yep. And then you go in after holding them down through the whole E. Coli outbreak and being like, are you rewarded? Yeah, I was here the whole time. You hit with a half a ladle of meat, you go, bro, look me in the eye. Look me in the eye with that.

[Matt McCusker]

You're gonna me. If you're gonna me, look me in the eyes.

[Shane Gillis]

They ash the ladle, dude. Worse than ash. And the shrimp, when they go like that, it's like, bro, why? Why?

[Matt McCusker]

I know. Is it your chicken? Are you taking it like. Yeah, half of this chicken.

[Shane Gillis]

Half of this is soybeans. Anyway. Just give me all of that. Yeah, their pork was apparently, for a while, I believe they had, like. Their chicken had soy for some. I don't know. Maybe it was, like, the sauce or something. But the pork was just pure. The carnitas was so good. And that's a lot of times you got to eye the meat levels, too, and go, oh, steak's looking a little low. I don't see that guy working on in the back. Let me get the chicken. Because they got to ration out the steak. You know, you do got to. You got to move around there, too. But I feel your pain.

[Matt McCusker]

How do you feel about kava?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, that's crazy. I. I can't believe you're about to be against cava.

[Shane Gillis]

I think it's all right.

[Matt McCusker]

So good.

[Shane Gillis]

I think it's all right. I don't.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, man. I'm getting cava. I'm gonna order cava right now.

[Shane Gillis]

That is. That is white rebellion against chipotle to order kava.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. How about some hummus?

[Shane Gillis]

You know what? Keep your ball. I'm going to kava right now.

[Matt McCusker]

What was it? You have something negative to say about cava? Kava's just like, poop. Poop fuel. But kava's like. It, like, speeds it up. That's great.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You don't like dropping a kava pile? Build a great pyramid.

[Shane Gillis]

Kava's not bad. That's. What if I'M near my parents house and I got an Uber eats. I'll get a kava because they don't. I don't. I don't think they had the chipotle near them, but kava's all right. I just. I don't know, man. Something about their hummus I don't really don't with. Hummus has been sitting. Hummus has been chilling. Yeah, kind of. Especially when the hummus too, like I.

[Matt McCusker]

Think hummus can chill.

[Shane Gillis]

It can, but it's just like. I don't know something about it. I don't, I don't love the hot.

[Matt McCusker]

Hummus they have there.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes, that's very good.

[Matt McCusker]

I always get that tasty stuff.

[Shane Gillis]

I Look, just build your own bowls, dude. I actually, I had a million dollar idea about restaurants. Have you considered starting a viral like just like a chain restaurant?

[Matt McCusker]

I have not.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't want to get into any bar restaurant.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, you're talking about like you're calling Wahlbergers. Dude. How dare you.

[Matt McCusker]

Apparently wallburgers is good.

[Shane Gillis]

I've never had one rule.

[Matt McCusker]

It's really good.

[Shane Gillis]

Wahlbergers was my spot, dude. But the. I was thinking instead of Shake Shack, you start a restaurant that it's only standing counters and it's just the thinnest shitty steaks. So it's like instead of a burger, you get a thin like 6 ounce steak and beans. And there's no, there's only cold beers. Cold beers. The only refreshment. If you're a girl, you can have white claws. Not bad. Yeah, you do a fast food steakhouse of just stand only and eat steaks on a counter and eat beans and drink beer.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You're sick.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm interested.

[Shane Gillis]

Not bad.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm interested. What's it called?

[Shane Gillis]

Beans.

[Matt McCusker]

It's called steak.

[Shane Gillis]

No, but it'll be. Shane Gillis presents steak and beans and.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, you're talking about this. Strictly my diet.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You're actually doing steak, beans and beer. And you stand at the counter and eat it.

[Shane Gillis]

And then you. And then every everything a big. There'd be a little razzle dazzle where we just put like a. Get some like crazy like a Lambo in every parking lot parked crooked. And then you go, everyone.

[Matt McCusker]

Yo.

[Shane Gillis]

Like people working there. But yo. Shane's actually. He's upstairs.

[Matt McCusker]

Upstairs. He's taking a nap. If you wait, he'll be down to eat steak and beans.

[Shane Gillis]

He personally managed to go back upstairs. That'd be kind of sick though. Just like the corner of like 23rd and Samson in Philly, just like Shake Shack. But you walk in, it's just all people standing. Ice cold loggers.

[Matt McCusker]

Where in Philly?

[Shane Gillis]

Like right where Shake Shack is that like. Like 22nd in Samson. Like a corner. But it's just. You go, it's fast. No, it's just steak and there's like two or three types of beans and it's like give a steak at like a Mexican restaurant. Yeah, it's like it's not like the prime is cut, it's just like a thin. Yeah, just like almost gray. Just a shitty very bad steak. Sometimes though it can be good.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. But yeah, it's a cafeteria borger.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, you could do the Salisbury. You do the Salisbury.

[Matt McCusker]

Salisbury steak. Salisbury steak and beans. I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

Beans.

[Matt McCusker]

Last week did you really. Baked beans. You guys can laugh all you want, dude. Beans. Baked beans rock. Dude, you don't understand this. I ate those beans so you all could run. Dude, I was in Philly eating beans and now look at us. We made it off the beans, dude. Trust me. We wouldn't be here without Bush's baked beans from my parents house that I drove two hours to get and drove back to Philly with a grocery bag of baked beans and chunky soup.

[Shane Gillis]

It's going to be the new Margaritaville, dude. Steak and beans.

[Matt McCusker]

You said delicacy could be some chunky soup.

[Shane Gillis]

Dang. Just like a serve yourself ladle of some chunky bro. Just nothing but diarrhea.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you're gonna get diarrhea. It's actually like a cleanse.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, that was also since steak and.

[Matt McCusker]

Also you don't get to play. But we do have Xbox there. Yeah, we're gonna hire another big guy to just play Xbox.

[Shane Gillis]

Go like Disney World was animatronic like. Like the Chucky Ch.

[Matt McCusker]

Playing Xbox.

[Shane Gillis]

That's gay.

[Matt McCusker]

That's gay. Nice kids T.R.

[Shane Gillis]

You use AI to hear stuff that's like slightly sus. And just like an animatronic like Chuck E. Cheese type is like that's actually very gay. Back to the game.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, we get the whole band though. We get all the boys live stream.

[Shane Gillis]

Live stream your seasons where you're playing and they all. It just broadcast it. The m. I do like the Chuck.

[Matt McCusker]

E. Cheese animatronic though of these three coming out. You on the flute amatronic. Matt on the flute. You three in the back playing keyboards and.

[Shane Gillis]

Telling you bro, it's a million dollar idea.

[Matt McCusker]

It is you steak and beans chain Steak and beans. Ice cold beer.

[Shane Gillis]

The coldest beer allowed by law.

[Matt McCusker]

Don't talk about that.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm talking borderline slushy.

[Matt McCusker]

Don't talk about that. I get Bruskies tomorrow. I'm trying to save off the Bruskies. I got.

[Shane Gillis]

I gotta wait till tomorrow.

[Matt McCusker]

And I know I got a six pack of BLS in that fridge.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, man. Where are you going tomorrow?

[Matt McCusker]

I gotta go Pittsburgh way.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh.

[Matt McCusker]

I got a long ass week. I gotta go to Pittsburgh, and then I'm gonna stay in Pittsburgh. Thursday, Cleveland. Friday, D.C. saturday, and then Sunday I'm gonna go to the Masters.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Matt McCusker]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

That'll be sick.

[Matt McCusker]

And I. They. They gave me one extra ticket and they were like. My manager was like, you should take Gervin. He loves golf.

[Shane Gillis]

Mm.

[Matt McCusker]

I was like, that hang is gonna suck dick. And I called him because he loves golf. So I called him and I was like, bro, I got us tickets to the Masters on Sunday. Which is. That's the day.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And he was like, oh, my God. I was like, all you have to do is drink six beers. It's fair.

[Shane Gillis]

He's practicing.

[Matt McCusker]

And he was like, I can't do it. What? I just. I can't. He does drink. He's just a little.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Matt McCusker]

Everybody I talk to, like, yeah, Gervais was wrecked. I saw. Like, that asshole won't drink with me.

[Shane Gillis]

Why?

[Matt McCusker]

He does every single time. He always drinks.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, you're gonna get.

[Matt McCusker]

But he's always a little reluctant baby. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I can't do it.

[Matt McCusker]

I can't do it with you, Shane.

[Shane Gillis]

I thought he was drinking two beers a night.

[Matt McCusker]

He was drinking three Bud Lights and watching the Phillies. That was last baseball season. I'm sure. This baseball season he's especially. The Phils are off to a.

[Shane Gillis]

So what's going on with them?

[Matt McCusker]

He's just being a baby. He just does that. Yeah. It's like his nature.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

To be like, I'll take you to Masters if you drink a six pack of light beer throughout the day. It's like six hours.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. It's not that bad.

[Matt McCusker]

It's nothing.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And he's like, I just can't. And I don't want to bring you down. I know you're gonna have fun on the trip.

[Shane Gillis]

And he's got it.

[Matt McCusker]

I was like, you have one hour to respond. And I hung up. And then he never responded. So I was like, you're coming. I got you the ticket. That's so funny.

[Shane Gillis]

That's so funny.

[Matt McCusker]

So me and Gertie, babies at the Masters.

[Shane Gillis]

I know my outfits. Oh, yeah. You can't.

[Matt McCusker]

I Had to buy. Yeah. I can't wait. You can't wear this.

[Shane Gillis]

What do you got to wear, like a polo?

[Matt McCusker]

You gotta kind of wear. Yeah, you got. I just got to find pants.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

That aren't jeans.

[Shane Gillis]

Go to Dick's.

[Matt McCusker]

I'll go to Dick's Sporting Goods, get.

[Shane Gillis]

Some golf fans some dicks.

[Matt McCusker]

I ordered a bunch of Under Armour golf gear, but I hope it's not skin tight, because I'm not wearing tight pants and walking around all day in Georgia.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't even think about it from that angle. Yeah, when you said the Masters, I didn't think you'd maybe be walking around tight pants in Georgia the whole time.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I think it'll actually be nice weather, though. Probably look that up. Yeah, check Augusta weather, Sunday.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, dude. Just having that hat. Just having that loom over the gerbs, though, all day of. Just the eyes.

[Matt McCusker]

He's gonna be so. He's gonna go, I'm sure I ruined this experience. I'm bringing him there to ruin the Masters 69.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, that's gonna be perfect.

[Matt McCusker]

That's good steak and beans weather. I might treat myself to some steak and beans down August away.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, you might as well take the shot.

[Matt McCusker]

You think? I'm not eating beans at the Masters and then hitting the Irish space shuttle. Yeah. Did you hear? Billions. But talking about your dad used to call port potties Irish space shuttles. Irish space shuttles is so funny. Yeah, I bet the Masters has good shuttles.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, probably those trailers. Yeah, they. Probably the trailers.

[Matt McCusker]

It's a lot of people out there. Yeah, people get wrecked at the Masters. Isn't that supposed to be, like, I would imagine.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude. Dude, golfers are. No offense to them, but total degenerates for sure. So they're gonna be. Yeah, people are getting hammered, but I.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm sure they are, but I feel like that's the one. It's like, I don't know if it's gonna be like Kentucky Derby where everyone just gets dressed up and gets obliterated. Yeah, golfers, this is Mecca. This is like a genuine true but an honor to order or honor the Gulf gods. You do get wrecked, but I'm sure they're very strict about it there.

[Shane Gillis]

What'd they say? This says you're allowed to drink, of.

[Matt McCusker]

Course, at the Masters, but it couldn't be more opposite than the Waste Management Invitational. Yeah, the Waste Management. Intentionally, you just get up.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, really?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's. It's awesome. They build, like, stadium around the course.

[Shane Gillis]

And they just get fucking like, they.

[Matt McCusker]

Build, like, big stands like nascar. Look at they kind of. Yeah. Uncertain holds. I think the 17th. I think the 17th at the waste Management.

[Shane Gillis]

What's the Waste Management thing? That's just like a tournament.

[Matt McCusker]

Just a PGA tournament in Phoenix.

[Shane Gillis]

Dang.

[Matt McCusker]

Or down. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

So they.

[Matt McCusker]

People go nuts there.

[Shane Gillis]

People get probably quiet. I mean, dude, those, like, scotch and sodas are probably going around. You'll see a lot of.

[Matt McCusker]

For sure.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Towards the end of it, people are going to be probably pretty shitty. But you got to be quiet. That's the problem. So you can't. Steve, drink a beer and you move. Like if you're the crowd at the Masters.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. You gotta walk around. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Hold a hole.

[Matt McCusker]

Some. Some people post up.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You get a good spot at all.

[Shane Gillis]

Just chill.

[Matt McCusker]

Chill. I don't know how you don't get obliterated. This thing just sitting outside in a beautiful area.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Just waiting for another golfer to come by.

[Shane Gillis]

Bro, I'm telling you, to sit. Just stand there all day, not even watching, but waiting for golf. It'd be insane.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I think. I don't give a. About golf.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

It's fun to be there and play.

[Shane Gillis]

It'll be cool watching people that good at it from like a. Yeah. From a close range. That'll be really sick.

[Matt McCusker]

Kirby's is going to be.

[Shane Gillis]

Gonna be in heaven.

[Matt McCusker]

He's gonna be in heaven.

[Shane Gillis]

I heard he's got the golf. Doesn't he have the indoor golf setup? Yeah, it's so fun.

[Matt McCusker]

He spent his tires money on a sick indoor golf thing in his garage. The video of him practicing is so funny. And losing his club into the trees. Oh, one time we were at the bar, and he was like. He just. He's always. He's one of those guys that once he started playing golf, it's the only fucking thing he talks about.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Literally, it's the only thing he talks about at all times. And we're at the bar, and he was like, could you put on the tournament? And they're like, sure. So we're just watching golf. And he's like, God, I just love to be, like, a commentator for one of these things. I think I could do it. I was like, well, it's on mute now. Just commentate. Just commentate now. And I made him sit next to me and commentate on the go. It was so good. He's like. And Rory. Rory, he's looking good today. He's. That was a good shot. And it's good for him. He's off. So the next Golfer is finally. It was just because he was like, that's my dream. And then I made him do it, and I was like, see how bad you are?

[Shane Gillis]

He's ruined his dream.

[Matt McCusker]

You can't do your dream.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I mean, on the spot in a bar, commentating golf would be.

[Matt McCusker]

It's impossible. But he went for it. He believed in himself.

[Shane Gillis]

That's good. What was he. Was he like, oh, Roy real. Taking it. Oh, the nine iron. Here we go.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he was trying his best.

[Shane Gillis]

He's.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

This should be. That's a good choice for club.

[Matt McCusker]

Should be the course layout. It's a bit of a dog leg to the right. I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

Does he go golfing a lot or does he stay?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he's.

[Shane Gillis]

He'd be ghost.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, he's up in PA now, so he's been on the indoor for a while.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh.

[Matt McCusker]

But I'm sure he's ready to break loose.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Spring is sprung true. The Gerbies is out. Westchester has nice courses.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I'm actually pretty happy to hear about. He's just crushing the indoor indoor golf is. That screen is fun.

[Matt McCusker]

After a little. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, yeah. I mean, if you had one pretty old. Yeah, I guess, Right. I got to do it for like, 20 minutes at one time. I'm like, this is fun.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Hitting a golf ball is fun.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Although my. When I was doing it, it wasn't like picking up on the screen. It was pissing me off. But you're supposed to keep the front foot stable. I've learned.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I don't believe in those screens.

[Shane Gillis]

You think they're just. Yeah, that makes sense.

[Matt McCusker]

I think they're crud.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Being like, bro, you crush that 200 yards.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Why don't you keep playing? This is the best round of your life. Put 20 bucks in.

[Shane Gillis]

They have the indoor. They have that indoor. You think that's fixed? Indoor golf league.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. That shit's terrible.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. They're trying to make it big.

[Matt McCusker]

They're trying to push it. ESPN's really pushing it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. But I mean, if you think about it from a. It's so nice because it's like you just put some cameras, let them hit the screen. You're like, holy.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And, God. And it really is like guys who like to watch golf that, you know, if you give them another excuse to sit there. It kind of bothers me when I see people watch golf on tv. I'll be honest. I'll come in. It's just like, you see your uncle and you're Come on, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, this is something else. Also. This is just nap. This is nap time. Which I understand. Like, my dad watched a lot of.

[Shane Gillis]

Golf naps to it.

[Matt McCusker]

Perfect. It's the best nap.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

But if. If other people around and you're like, put on the PGA Tour. Also. It's not Sunday. It's. You're watching Friday.

[Shane Gillis]

It's crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Put on the British Open.

[Shane Gillis]

Your wife's not here. You don't have to talk to her. You don't have to watch it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. You don't have to talk. Yeah. She's on vacation. We can chill.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. We don't have to.

[Matt McCusker]

We can watch remodeling shows.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that's the. That's the ultimate one. Dude. That is a wife crusher. Just a Sunday golf show.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Just watch it. Fall asleep.

[Matt McCusker]

I ran into a wife crusher last night.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Matt McCusker]

Put on Interstellar.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Matt McCusker]

Not for the babes. There's a lot going on. You got to explain relativity.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

In the middle of a movie.

[Shane Gillis]

But it's emotionally charged.

[Matt McCusker]

What's going on there with relativity? And I go, well, I know what it is, but I can't explain.

[Shane Gillis]

I can't explain this to you, but.

[Matt McCusker]

I. I understand relativity.

[Shane Gillis]

You should have been like, just Google Newtonian physics. Master those. I'll bring you to the quantum realm. Yeah, That.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't.

[Shane Gillis]

I feel like it's emotionally charged, though.

[Matt McCusker]

It was. Yeah. But it works. It works. Eventually. But there was a lot of questions.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Like, wait.

[Matt McCusker]

A lot of questions.

[Shane Gillis]

He's behind the bookshelf because he's in another dimension.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Yeah. Somehow humans built the other dimension within the black hole to guide him there from the future. Because we figured it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. It's called superposition. Jesus Christ. Go watch. What the bleep, Please. Do you ever see that?

[Matt McCusker]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

But the bleep came out. It was, like, about quantum physics, and everyone's like, holy. And it got, like, completely debunked. You guys didn't get stoked on quantum physics when you were younger? You didn't see what the bleep?

[Matt McCusker]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

It's called what the bleep do we know? And it was like, do you know that two particles can be in the same place at the same time or in, like, two different splits at the same time? And I was just like. I was like, 25, just always high. Being like, holy. Then I watched the thing five years later. I'm like, that was totally debunked. I was like, God damn it. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

No, superposition is real.

[Shane Gillis]

They just it is real. Yeah, but they were trying to say.

[Matt McCusker]

Like, I can't believe you guys have smoked enough weed to think you understand quantum physics.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I'm telling you, it's intangible. I know.

[Matt McCusker]

Both of you are like, no, I get it. It's very simple. You don't. You don't understand. It's so simple. He's.

[Shane Gillis]

Chase. Caught up in particle duality. Right now.

[Matt McCusker]

I know you remember the words. You can. Neither of you can explain any of it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes, okay, I can explain right now.

[Matt McCusker]

You can explain quantum mechanics to me.

[Shane Gillis]

Not all of it, but I get the basic fundamentals.

[Matt McCusker]

Please do.

[Shane Gillis]

So the. The main thing it rests upon is the double sl.

[Matt McCusker]

You're already off to a good start with. Rest upon.

[Shane Gillis]

Look, the foundation.

[Matt McCusker]

You're already brainiac.

[Shane Gillis]

I've explained it. I've explained a double slit experiment to you before. Where.

[Matt McCusker]

I do remember that. I know. Yeah, yeah. And if you're looking, it's there. If you're not looking, that one.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. And it was. It was a. It's a wave and a particle at the same time.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

And then he found out that, like, it's just all about clouds of probability and that, like, even, like, things you think are solid at their most fundamental, the quantum level, which just means, like, the smallest thing possible. It's just a. Every physical object that is very rude is a cloud of possibility that it could be. Is it like seven different possibility. Yeah. So it's like if, like, according to that, like the smallest particle, like if you take like an atom and break it down, break it down, break it down, it just turns into like a. Basically a wave that can be simultaneously in multiple places until you observe it and fixes it there.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

That's. That's. That's a nutshell.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. And you've. You've wrapped your head around that.

[Shane Gillis]

I've just the basics. I just. I don't understand. I mean, if you really get into it, you have to be able to do, like, the most insane math. And the problem is, is, like, it actually technically has, like, predictive. They can use it. I don't know how to do this, but. Scientists can use quantum mechanics to predict things, but they still don't understand how it works. So it has predictive capabilities, but we still can't. The Austin scientific community still can't wrap.

[Matt McCusker]

Their heads around it. I get it.

[Shane Gillis]

But. No. I don't know. It's just cool.

[Matt McCusker]

It's cool, without a doubt, just super cool.

[Shane Gillis]

But.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I just never Got high enough.

[Shane Gillis]

To be like, you got to get high as well.

[Matt McCusker]

I fully understand this.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't feel that's the thing. It's a bottomless.

[Matt McCusker]

I think while you're high, you feel like you fully understand it.

[Shane Gillis]

You just do it all. That's the thing. I mean, I'm just in awe.

[Matt McCusker]

I know he believes he understands it and that's fine.

[Shane Gillis]

Let me jam. Get on this quantum jam.

[Matt McCusker]

Get on the quantum jam myself guy. Yeah, I'm more of a quantum computing guy, for sure. Storage and infinite memory.

[Shane Gillis]

There we go. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

What is it? It's just infinite storage and infinite memory. Yeah. Basically what quantum computing is. Yeah. I could say things like this. Anybody can say things like this.

[Shane Gillis]

This is true.

[Matt McCusker]

Just like unlimited energy and waves.

[Shane Gillis]

I gave it. I gave a decent rundown.

[Matt McCusker]

That was good. That was.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm telling you. But I. I don't understand it. Just at the very root, physical reality is just like matter breaks down into something that people don't even know what the it is. And it's like, yeah, you know, pretty cute.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

That's why basically it's proof of like spirituality and stuff. It's a lot of spiritual dudes go heavy on quantum stuff. It's really funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Don't even get mess started on dark matter. There's been a lot, I don't know, discoveries.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know anything about dark matter. I read those fucking articles all the time on Google News. It's like scientists just came out and you read it and you're like this. They didn't say anything. Yeah, they got me again.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Finally we understand. They did that with the. What's that thing in the ocean? That's like the blue spot. And it's like in South America, there's this thing in the ocean. It's like this deep, super deep blue spot that just out of nowhere goes in there. Like, they've studied the blue spot and found out that there's more tornadoes now thanks to global warming. It's like, how the did you guys come up with that? And they're like, the dust, the sediment on the ocean says that there's been way more tornadoes. It's like, dude, where. How are you? Coming up. Yeah, I think. I honestly think scientists are on if what My honest opinion, I think a lot of them are on some mega. And they're just fake working so hard.

[Matt McCusker]

I think that's fair, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Everything I read, I have National Geographic. It comes to my house every time I read. I'm like, guys, didn't say Anything. I also just got a skimmit, but.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, right, you get Nat Geo.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that's sick.

[Matt McCusker]

I haven't seen a good Nat Geo in forever. Yeah, I get, I used to be so pumped when I would Nat Geo's time get a hold of a Nat Geo.

[Shane Gillis]

I get them. I get in my house, my wife gets mad. I just get in my house and I never read them. I get like Scientific American Nat Geo.

[Matt McCusker]

Are you sure you didn't get hit by the magazine guy?

[Shane Gillis]

Huh? No, I do to every, I do this to myself every two years. I spaz and I go, I need to start learning about what's going on. I need to read the Economist, send the economists. I send them all to my house and I just ignore. I go, not right now. I just ignore them.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, but it's good to have and it's good to tell people you have them.

[Shane Gillis]

You go, I actually have the Atlanta Nat Geo. I'll do with my kids. I'll flip through Nat Geo. I'm like, look at that thing. And it's like, point to a lot.

[Matt McCusker]

Of you is a good kids.

[Shane Gillis]

Nat Geo. 6 Scientific. It's all right. But they do, they really, they're just capping about space. It pisses me off always. But they, they come out with about space. They're like, we still don't understand it. It's like, well, stop writing this article.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You've this, you've said nothing this whole time. You got me stoked. I'm on the edge of my seat about dark matter. Still don't know what the it is. Pisses me off.

[Matt McCusker]

The papers are to put out a theory out there so everyone else can start working on it and like figure it out. So there's like a trail, you know?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Steak and beans. Steak and beans. The mayor. You need to stop focusing on quantum physics and focus on getting your, your jack off computer out of a kitchen.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean though, if you think about.

[Matt McCusker]

It though, imagine can't exist at the same time and your shoe fell off.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, but imagine, imagine the Quantum Goon station. Imagine the Quantum Goon.

[Matt McCusker]

Two guys can jack off in the same apartment at once. Two male roommates can jack off in the same apartment at once.

[Shane Gillis]

It's, it's just on the other side of the wall. Like interstellar, like, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Stop the gravity. He's sending me coordinates. I learned about dark matter today.

[Shane Gillis]

Their house has just as much dust in it.

[Matt McCusker]

The dust storm.

[Shane Gillis]

We can't keep going on like this.

[Matt McCusker]

All right, all right. Yeah, we got to switch over to the Patreon. God bless.

[Shane Gillis]

So bad it.