Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)

Summary

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast Episode 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben) Release Date: April 16, 2025

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Introduction to the Episode

In Episode 555 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, hosts Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis dive into a whirlwind of comedic discussions, personal anecdotes, and light-hearted banter. Featuring a special guest, Steve Gerben, the trio navigates through topics ranging from celebrity antics to their memorable experience at The Masters golf tournament.

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Terrence Howard and P. Diddy: A Comedic Breakdown

The episode kicks off with Matt bringing up an unusual claim made by Terrence Howard:

Matt McCusker [00:05]: "Did you see the Terrence Howard thing where he talked about how the man's, like, center of structural integrity is his butthole?"

Shane and Steve humorously dissect Howard's metaphorical assertion that compromising one's "center of integrity" leads to becoming "fluid."

Shane Gillis [00:25]: "Center of. Not physical integrity, Your manhood. Actual integrity."

The conversation evolves into a playful debate about the implications of Howard's statement, blending absurdity with sharp wit.

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Adventures at The Masters Golf Tournament

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to recounting their trip to The Masters. The hosts share hilarious mishaps, including getting lost and interactions with other attendees.

Shane Gillis [16:56]: "It was prison in there. It literally became prison."

Chris O'Connor [16:34]: "They dropped me off. I got to stay here until the sun goes down from Noon to fucking 8pm at a Hooters."

The trio narrates their strategy to enjoy the event despite chaotic bathroom lines and crowded venues. They reminisce about witnessing intense moments on the golf course, such as a player getting stuck in a bush and the excitement of potential playoffs.

Shane Gillis [18:43]: "But so we posted up at the 18th tee box just in case it went."

Their camaraderie shines as they discuss meeting personalities like Rory and encountering humorous situations involving fellow attendees' antics.

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Personal Anecdotes: Flying Fears and Panic Attacks

Steve Gerben opens up about overcoming his fear of flying, sharing a transformative experience:

Chris O'Connor [12:49]: "How was the Masters?"

Shane Gillis [43:32]: "I was trying my best to make things worse for you."

This segment delves into strategies for managing anxiety during flights, highlighting the importance of support from friends.

Chris O'Connor [19:24]: "I had a panic attack right before takeoff."

The hosts offer relatable insights and advice for listeners dealing with similar fears, emphasizing the value of community and understanding.

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Therapy and Mental Health: A Lighthearted Take

Transitioning to mental well-being, Matt and Shane discuss the benefits of therapy, intertwining humor with genuine recommendations.

Shane Gillis [40:12]: "Traditional therapy can get crazy expensive though. Like between 100 to 250 a month or more."

Matt McCusker [40:50]: "You can talk to one of their therapists."

They promote BetterHelp, highlighting its affordability and accessibility, while maintaining their signature comedic style.

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Bug Tanks vs. Bug Zappers: An Unexpected Debate

In a surprising twist, the conversation shifts to pest control methods. Matt proudly shares his investment in bug tanks:

Matt McCusker [38:56]: "I just invested in two bug tanks from National Geographic."

Shane Gillis [39:42]: "I got a bug zapper out there. That's kind of the opposite of what you're doing."

The hosts compare the eco-friendly approach of bug tanks with the immediate effectiveness of bug zappers, reflecting their unique perspectives and humor.

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Driving Stereotypes and Comedic Banter

The episode also touches on stereotypes related to driving habits, blending satire with observational comedy.

Shane Gillis [21:25]: "Do you ever see, like, the flags people dangle from their rearview mirrors?"

While navigating sensitive topics, Matt and Shane employ humor to address and critique societal norms, ensuring the conversation remains lighthearted yet thought-provoking.

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Space Launch and Mishaps: Fantasizing About the Final Frontier

The trio indulges in imaginative scenarios involving space travel, blending absurdity with playful speculation.

Shane Gillis [46:11]: "I want to jump out of the plane."

Chris O'Connor [50:40]: "It's like, brother, no. You're not sure."

Their lively discussion encompasses everything from the technical aspects of space launches to whimsical fantasies about life beyond Earth, showcasing their dynamic chemistry.

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Closing Thoughts and Upcoming Plans

As the episode nears its end, Matt, Shane, and Steve reflect on their eventful day at The Masters and express gratitude for shared experiences.

Shane Gillis [65:29]: "We're initiating."

They tease upcoming content and encourage listeners to engage via Patreon, maintaining an open and inviting atmosphere until the very last moments.

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Conclusion

Episode 555 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast is a testament to the hosts' ability to navigate a myriad of topics with humor, sincerity, and infectious energy. From celebrity myths and high-stakes golf tournaments to personal fears and quirky debates, Matt, Shane, and Steve deliver an episode that's both entertaining and relatable. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the podcast, this episode promises laughter, thoughtful moments, and the unmistakable charm that defines Matt and Shane's dynamic partnership.

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Note: Advertisements and non-content sections have been omitted to focus solely on the episode's main discussions.

Transcript

[Shane Gillis]

Wild, Wild West.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay, let's go. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Did you see the Terrence Howard thing where he talked about how the man's, like, kind of center of structural integrity is his butthole? And he claims P. Diddy was trying to compromise him and make him, like, fluid. Say, once you get. He's like, once you compromise your center of integrity, which is your butthole, you become fluid, and, like, nothing. You get all up.

[Shane Gillis]

Center of. Not physical integrity, Your manhood. Actual integrity.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. He's a mathematician, so he was saying, like, you're like the geometry. Like, the underpinning of your structural manhood is your physical.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, Like. Yeah, but it's also.

[Matt McCusker]

It's mental, too.

[Shane Gillis]

The center of gravity, he thinks, is your body.

[Matt McCusker]

It's your butthole. And once you.

[Shane Gillis]

Which, by the way, I can't prove him wrong.

[Matt McCusker]

It's something to do.

[Shane Gillis]

It sounds like he's right again.

[Matt McCusker]

Terrence Howard, mathematician, hustle and flow.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, boy.

[Shane Gillis]

Hustle and flow guy that's now a super genius.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Matt McCusker]

He claims Diddy went for his B hole under, like, the thing of, like, lessons. He was giving him, like, you know, acting lessons. Said Diddy was just, like, looking at him wrong. He's like, this guy's trying to. My ass. Take away the geometry of my manhood. So what do you think about that.

[Chris O'Connor]

Nightmare story to have to listen to you.

[Matt McCusker]

You don't think he went for Terrence Howard's butthole?

[Chris O'Connor]

But it doesn't sound like that. It sounds like Terrence Howard thinks that he wanted to.

[Shane Gillis]

He might have, but he. If there's anybody out there that might have wanted to, I would say Diddy's a prime suspect.

[Chris O'Connor]

I can't. I can't follow what's going on because it sounds a lot of people saying.

[Matt McCusker]

He tried to fuck him in the ass.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

What do you think?

[Matt McCusker]

Free Diddy?

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

A lot of rumors going around that Diddy's trying to destroy men's structural integrity.

[Chris O'Connor]

I understand those rumors. It sounded like the way that the story was being told was that Terrence Howard assumed it. Right? Assumed it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, his. He had, like, a assistant that he was like, what's up with him? He's like, oh, did. He's trying to.

[Shane Gillis]

You.

[Matt McCusker]

So his assistant was the one who told him, like, yo, this is. What's that guy's name?

[Shane Gillis]

Mr. Bentley? Or what was that guy's name?

[Chris O'Connor]

It just gets more complicated.

[Shane Gillis]

Bondsworth Bentley. It's like, my boss is trying to. Your ass.

[Chris O'Connor]

Get the out of here.

[Shane Gillis]

Run. Go.

[Matt McCusker]

Now, that's a fair Point, though, maybe he wasn't trying to fuck his ass. Do you think if someone gets her ass. Do you think if someone gets their ass fucked, it does compromise, like, their manhood from a. Like it to where it, like, affects your posture and shit? Like, you move differently after that?

[Chris O'Connor]

Do I think that? No.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. No do.

[Matt McCusker]

Any proof?

[Shane Gillis]

I counter argument.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Gay guys walk different.

[Matt McCusker]

It's true.

[Shane Gillis]

I think it actually helps your structural integrity. The posture goes way up. Yeah. Once you get far.

[Matt McCusker]

Sure. You just. You start wearing that sweater vest differently.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

It starts looking way different on you. We had a thing in grade school that, like, if. Like, do you ever have it with, like, kids where it's like, yo, ladies walking? Like, if a lady walked a certain way, like, she had sex before.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

We would just do it with all the moms. But yo, like, all the moms that come to special lunch, like, yo, she definitely has sex.

[Shane Gillis]

Sex before.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

If you walk your feet a little bit more apart, that's all you could tell a girl had sex.

[Shane Gillis]

Once again, these are tough to refute.

[Matt McCusker]

I. Dude, I kind of hold to it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

If I see any. If I see a woman go, yeah, anywhere near shoulder width apart, I'm going, what the are you doing?

[Shane Gillis]

What do you think?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, your mom's here to help with pizza lunch. Like, yo, your mom got.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, speaking of slots, how about the space slots?

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, how did I not know about that?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know. I think I saw it this morning, and it's. It's been bothering me.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that's.

[Shane Gillis]

It's affected me a lot also.

[Matt McCusker]

Bezos, for all of that work, he just looks like a trash man. He has, like, the body of, like, a. He's on, like, billions of dollars of.

[Shane Gillis]

TRT and gene therapy just to become a wop. He's transformed. He's. He's fully just a guy at Wawa.

[Matt McCusker]

I know.

[Shane Gillis]

That's all he is. That might have been the biggest attempt to get rid of your. Your wife ever.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Just being like, I built a spaceship. I'm gonna launch you up there.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, man.

[Shane Gillis]

Gayle King. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And it's up because he'd have another wife pretty fast if he blew his wife up in outer space.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he'd have a wife before the rubble hit Earth.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, sending your wife in outer space is crazy, but, yeah, dude, I don't know. He needs to tighten up his program.

[Shane Gillis]

He was probably bummed out when he saw that thing landing. Yeah, I was almost out of that one.

[Matt McCusker]

It's also annoying because then that hits, like, girl consciousness. Like, man, when you get down to space, you're like, dude, you'll never go to.

[Shane Gillis]

Jeff took his wife down her space.

[Matt McCusker]

She had a lunch with him. Yeah, I, I, I don't like this thing of sending ladies to space at all. It's also not historic. It's not like a historical. It's not.

[Shane Gillis]

You did say that.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. They said a chimp. The Russians. Sorry, ladies. You guys missed the boat.

[Shane Gillis]

Was that dog's name.

[Chris O'Connor]

It was like. I know that starts with an L. The Russian dog.

[Shane Gillis]

What's that dog's name?

[Matt McCusker]

The dog that went to space.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Leica Space Bike.

[Matt McCusker]

Space dog.

[Shane Gillis]

The doll with the space.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. It's also sad that they went to space and just did, like, Instagram.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

They're sitting there going like Katy Perry.

[Shane Gillis]

Standing in front of a camera instead of looking out at the universe.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

She's like, it's not about me. And then she's up in space, literally staring directly into a camera.

[Matt McCusker]

I know. Especially once you say it's not about me. Like, for the fifth time, it's like, all right. It might actually be all about you singing up there. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

She got up there and saying, what a wonderful world. What a wonderful world. Yeah, it's good. That's what we need.

[Matt McCusker]

Although, what kind is that? Like, is that trending on Twitter right now, that song? Yeah. No, I'm saying just, like, going to space. The fact that they went to space.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I think it was pretty.

[Matt McCusker]

It's pretty big.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. And I think people are more just. They have our opinion about it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. That stunt.

[Shane Gillis]

They're like, that stinks. That sucked that we did that.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. And it also. Yeah. Just to be like, we're gonna go to space just to, like, for a movement for women to take up more space. It's like, dude, did you ever live with a woman? They.

[Shane Gillis]

They're doing all right in terms of occupancy instantly. There's.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, they're taking up space already.

[Shane Gillis]

It's like living with a mayor. Because the office is my room now. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

All right, well, it's just not even a call. It's not a real cause. It's like, this is for women to take up more space. Like, what do you mean by that? It'd be like, I don't know, man.

[Chris O'Connor]

This episode is brought to you by Lifelock.

[Matt McCusker]

It's tax season, and we're all a bit tired of numbers, but here's one you need to.

[Chris O'Connor]

$16.5 billion. That's how much the IRS flagged for.

[Matt McCusker]

Possible identity fraud last year. Now here's a good number. 100 million. That's how many data points Lifelock monitors every second. If your identity is stolen, they'll fix it, guaranteed.

[Chris O'Connor]

Save up to 40% your first [e-mail].

[Matt McCusker]

Podcast try terms apply. Why ask me? What do you think about that? You think women, you think they need to be more confined? Do you think they should?

[Shane Gillis]

Do you think they should be confined or occupy more space?

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't like. I don't, I don't.

[Shane Gillis]

Come on, you can do it.

[Chris O'Connor]

Occupy more space?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

In what regard?

[Shane Gillis]

True tires, June 5th.

[Chris O'Connor]

True what?

[Shane Gillis]

Tires, June 5th.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh yeah. Tires.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, sure. Yeah. Women need to occupy more space.

[Chris O'Connor]

Of course.

[Shane Gillis]

Tires. Watch. Tires.

[Chris O'Connor]

They should be. They should if they choose. If they want to. Of course.

[Matt McCusker]

You know, they want to take up more space.

[Shane Gillis]

You don't want to confine them?

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

You don't ever want to confine your woman?

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

What are your thoughts on foot training?

[Chris O'Connor]

Is it what?

[Matt McCusker]

Foot training.

[Chris O'Connor]

Foot training?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

What's that?

[Matt McCusker]

I don't minding their feet.

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't support forcible foot training. If somebody wants to foot train.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, sure.

[Matt McCusker]

Their daughter.

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

What if your 2 year old said, I want to foot train, Would you say yes?

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

Why?

[Shane Gillis]

So you're against trains? What if your public school teacher came and told you your daughter wants to foot train?

[Chris O'Connor]

I would say let's, let's just wrap the foot gently, you know, like wearing a kick. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Did you see that soft white underbelly where the guy lost like he had a son and his wife was like, our son's a daughter. He's like, no, it's not. And then she just got, she divorced him. And then the schools was like, yo, it's on.

[Shane Gillis]

Schools are going, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, they need to chill. I don't understand like the hype up on it. If I'm a teacher and I'm like trying to like just get them to pay attention to geography, the last thing I need on my plate is like, what are we doing? Yeah, I got that.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah. But there could be a deeper. Like you're trying to get them to pay attention to geography and they are acting up every day. And you go, okay, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And the girls are all being so good your up. It's just a class. I think they're just being lazy because girls are easier in school. Like if you're a boy, school sucks. If you're a girl, you're like, I actually like it. I have all my pencils. Organized. So I could. If I was. If I was a teacher, I'd be like, we need more of these girls.

[Shane Gillis]

That's very true. They tried Adderall for years, and they're like, you know what? It.

[Matt McCusker]

Teachers are just on Adderall, all organized in the classroom. Like, it'd be much more efficient if these were all women in here. I don't see the point. I don't see what's wrong with that. And also, yeah, the sports. I was. I was on PITM yesterday. We were talking about.

[Chris O'Connor]

What's that?

[Matt McCusker]

Panties in the Mouth podcast.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

Premiere up your alley, doesn't it?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

You've been known to stuff some pitm.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, I love it. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, Pen, it's good.

[Shane Gillis]

He actually does. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Pennies in the mouth on Patreon. What happened? I just been saying it for years. That's a pretty cool thing to do.

[Shane Gillis]

Stuff a girl.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

She's stuffing girls under underpants into her mouth.

[Chris O'Connor]

They're into it if they're into it. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

While you're poorly. Her.

[Matt McCusker]

What if you're just like. What if you're just working at their house, see him on the floor, and you're just going.

[Chris O'Connor]

Which is my own, but that's kind of.

[Shane Gillis]

It's snack time. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

They're about to get washed. Like, what does that matter?

[Chris O'Connor]

I mean, they're about to get washed.

[Matt McCusker]

So, like, theoretically, you're like, say you're working at a house. Like, you're doing, like, you know, you're a plumber, and you come. You go in, like, to fix the laundry machine. You just see dirty underwear. Do you think a person has a.

[Shane Gillis]

Right to say, I could. I could gobble these?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. Yeah. You don't ask for a tip, though.

[Shane Gillis]

No tip. You just. You got. You gobbled the panties.

[Chris O'Connor]

No one was looking. No tip. I also don't know if you tip.

[Shane Gillis]

Even if you don't even know the woman. Even if I've never even seen her, really. So you don't even know her age.

[Chris O'Connor]

They got to be pretty big.

[Shane Gillis]

I plead the fifth, but yeah, turn the mic off on that.

[Matt McCusker]

But, yeah. We were talking about coaches starting at competitive in women's sports. And just like. Like, how college coaches hear up, like, a player's good, and they go and kind of scout the house.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Just like, there's, like, a fast gay kid in your neighborhood, and you're like, I could get him on the girls. Get him on the girls. Far se.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, forest gump in front of a truck. People, like, get out of here.

[Matt McCusker]

Bring the briefcase to his family's house. You're like, let's just have dinner. This kid could dominate. But what are your. What are your thoughts on that kind of stuff? I.

[Chris O'Connor]

On what kind of stuff? I didn't even understand what happened over there and took turns into, like, if she's there on a job site. What. So who's.

[Matt McCusker]

We're talking about how there's a thing going on right now where all of these girls are becoming boys and dominating men's sports.

[Chris O'Connor]

Right.

[Matt McCusker]

Causing a uproar.

[Shane Gillis]

And it's huge in the podcast sphere.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

This is what we talk about.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

I thought it wasn't this, like, a year ago that.

[Matt McCusker]

No, it still happens.

[Shane Gillis]

No, it was girl.

[Matt McCusker]

It was boys.

[Shane Gillis]

A few years of us talking.

[Matt McCusker]

Boys becoming girls, boys becoming girls. Now there's a lot of girls becoming boys and just cleaning up boys and men's sports.

[Shane Gillis]

No way. Oh, thank you.

[Matt McCusker]

That's Russian disinformation.

[Shane Gillis]

That is Russian. That's actually Russian, unfortunately.

[Chris O'Connor]

This is on camera. All right. It's just a deep. You know, it's a deep. Okay. Couch. If anybody's just listening to this, I. I tried to get up to get.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

How is the man right on the ground.

[Shane Gillis]

That's what I'd like to talk about.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. How's the Master?

[Shane Gillis]

How was the Masters?

[Chris O'Connor]

Well, I. You know, really. So we. We should start by saying how much I appreciate. No, no, it's the, like, what Shane did to get us to the master.

[Matt McCusker]

Truth.

[Chris O'Connor]

Because. And I did say, like, a year and a half ago, I was like, if you could ever use your powers for me, I'd love to go to the Masters. And then he made that happen. That's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Return six beers.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, God, no. I don't even want.

[Shane Gillis]

By the way. Everyone at the Masters had heard that everywhere we went, dudes were like, how many beers has he had? To the point where I started defending him, where I was like, guys, just leave him alone. He's only ever one.

[Chris O'Connor]

And then he would laugh it, because then, like, the moment guys would come up to him, I would just walk away. And then. And then he would be like, look at him over there applying sunscreen, trying to act like.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. No, not even. Not even a spray, deodorant, stick of sunscreen?

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no, it doesn't get all over your hands.

[Shane Gillis]

It's crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

You're doing, like, the Ugg from Camp Otawana.

[Chris O'Connor]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

Okay. Marijuana, we hold you in our heart.

[Chris O'Connor]

What?

[Matt McCusker]

Did you ever see salute your shorts?

[Shane Gillis]

What did you ever see Salute your shorts?

[Matt McCusker]

The show?

[Shane Gillis]

No. All right.

[Chris O'Connor]

This. Honestly, it sounds like Mad Libs.

[Matt McCusker]

No, it's not. It was a show on Nickelodeon when we were younger.

[Chris O'Connor]

I didn't have cable until I was like, 13.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

What did you have cable?

[Chris O'Connor]

We got cable, and it was the X Games, and that was incredibly exciting.

[Shane Gillis]

X Games right away. That was the first. You're like a Soviet. You got everything at once. You turned 13 and we're like, holy.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

But no, the Masters. I didn't. So I was trying to hold my tongue.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Because I knew it was big for Kirby's. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I just. I don't give a. About golf.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I really wanted to.

[Chris O'Connor]

You can't see anything.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You couldn't see it.

[Matt McCusker]

How does that work? Did you pick.

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't know how anybody. You just like. The best you could do is park up at a hole and then you. You get to watch that if you could see. And then, you know, that's like a hit on the green.

[Shane Gillis]

We were.

[Chris O'Connor]

We were.

[Matt McCusker]

Marath were some.

[Shane Gillis]

There were some awesome spots. Like, was that six. That was a par three. Yeah, that was great.

[Chris O'Connor]

That. But I couldn't see anything.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh.

[Chris O'Connor]

So, like, if you.

[Shane Gillis]

He's also. He can't see.

[Matt McCusker]

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

So we did get to 16.

[Shane Gillis]

A blind guy to the Masters. He couldn't see a single thing. I was like, it's beautiful out. He was like, is it Neocon, man. Last second. Got a ticket. What? Yeah. The OCAMI got in with us.

[Matt McCusker]

Nice.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. It was a miracle.

[Matt McCusker]

That's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

The people at CAA just were like, all right, here you go. You can have this.

[Matt McCusker]

Let's tight.

[Shane Gillis]

So he. You know. But he was planning on not going, so he had already started drinking a little.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

He was ready to lock down by himself at Hooters for the entire day, which I couldn't have been more jealous.

[Matt McCusker]

That's kind of nice, actually.

[Shane Gillis]

I could not have been more jealous.

[Matt McCusker]

It's also nice to be at the bar, like my buddies there.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. And also be like, I have to be here.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

There's nowhere else I can. I just.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Shane Gillis]

They drop me off. I got to stay here until the sun goes down from Noon to fucking 8pm at a Hooters.

[Chris O'Connor]

And then you can't have cell phones, which sounds great, but you, like. It's almost like a movie where, you know, you're with somebody and then the bus passes and then that person's gone.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. We got lost a couple of times.

[Matt McCusker]

Did you really?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, it's just 100,000 people moving around, and everybody's dressed alike. Everybody's just like.

[Shane Gillis]

Every single person is dressed like a golfer.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Yeah, I figured that. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Everyone was. Everyone was extremely nice. Yeah, everyone was great. The staff, everybody that worked there was awesome. Other than the bathroom, you go in.

[Chris O'Connor]

There, that was a very different experience.

[Shane Gillis]

It's prison in there. It literally became prison. So the only black people I saw.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Were people, the bathroom attendants. That second you go in the bathroom, it's like one or two.

[Matt McCusker]

One or two. Get in.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, just hurry up.

[Matt McCusker]

Go.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. And then they yell. They yelled at me because there's, like, a wall. Walls of urinals, and I'm, like, walking down the. You know, the set. And then one would open up, and the guy would be like, keep going all the way to the end. And then I try and bank again. Keep going all the way to the end. They just keep yelling at you until you. And then they're yelling at the next person.

[Matt McCusker]

The stalls were like a cell block.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, man, it was crazy.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

What the.

[Shane Gillis]

Then he walked back outside, and it's paradise. It's the most beautiful place you've ever seen. Hold on, I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Get the.

[Matt McCusker]

Why do they need that level of organization there?

[Shane Gillis]

They look. It was very organized.

[Matt McCusker]

That's kind of cool.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Damn, it was intense. The bathroom lines were quick, though.

[Chris O'Connor]

They were quick.

[Shane Gillis]

It's very efficient.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. It does feel like a trick. A lot of people are kind of. Because they're like. It's this unbelievable experience. And the food's, you know, inexpensive.

[Shane Gillis]

Could go itself.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

It was like, wait till you try the cheese sandwich. It's only A$50. Turns out they got that price exactly right. That thing was a $50 cheese sandwich.

[Chris O'Connor]

It sucks.

[Shane Gillis]

Chicken sandwich. Freezing cold.

[Matt McCusker]

That's so funny.

[Shane Gillis]

I want to shit on the Masters because it was awesome.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And everyone there was nice.

[Chris O'Connor]

It would have been amazing to watch.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

On tv.

[Matt McCusker]

I actually caught a bunch of it. I was in San Antonio in the green room. It was just on the tv.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Rose was dominating. One guy got stuck in, like, a bush. You see that? Where he got, like, stuck in a bush and had to sit down for a while.

[Shane Gillis]

That was O'Connor Okan laying down. Yeah. We're at the 18th. So they went into extra, I guess, playoffs at the end because it was tied. So apparently it was. They play the 18th again, and then the 10th and then the 18th or just 18th, then 10, and then 18th? Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Who won?

[Shane Gillis]

Rory. Oh, wow.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

But so we posted up at the 18th tee box just in case it went.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

To an extra round. And we could see them tee off. So we were at the end. We could. A mile away. The guy won. And there was, like, five. Chris was laying on the grass farting, and we were like, get up, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

He's like.

[Shane Gillis]

He's just rolling around on the. Yeah, it was a. It was a disastrous.

[Chris O'Connor]

John said. John said it was like a bachelorette party because it was. Because Chris got hammered. We would get lost. Be like, where did you go? Where did you go?

[Shane Gillis]

There was a lot of lost fights.

[Chris O'Connor]

When we went back to the plane, I. I cried here.

[Matt McCusker]

That's so funny.

[Shane Gillis]

Some lost fights. He cried on the plane.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, I got. I had a panic attack right before takeoff.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes. I'm going to just get a hotel here and drive. I got to go. No, sit down, Girby, baby.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, but you were so helpful, John and Chris.

[Shane Gillis]

And then.

[Chris O'Connor]

Then the pilot.

[Shane Gillis]

Pilot was very helpful, but the. During his panic attack, I was like, would it help if I blast Drake? And he's like, no, he's just completely honest.

[Chris O'Connor]

He's like, hate Drake. And you play it all the time.

[Shane Gillis]

And you play it too loud.

[Chris O'Connor]

He did. He plays it too loud. All his music's too loud. Have you ever been in a car? It's nuts.

[Matt McCusker]

That would. That is not good for a panic attack.

[Shane Gillis]

I know. That's why I said it, though. I was like, would it help you if I blast music?

[Chris O'Connor]

And you are the first, like. Because I had a, like, a racist, you know, theory, which. Which was like, what? Well, there was just like, those just, like, black people take a while to, like, get a car. Like, when you get in a car, you know, like, getting out of science.

[Matt McCusker]

I thought, that's fine.

[Shane Gillis]

Black people take a long time getting in and out of cars.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, it's like a lot of, like, rigor, all. I don't know. And then you did it. I was like, what the going on? Just start the car.

[Matt McCusker]

You're waiting for a parking spot. You're like, what the Are you doing?

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Matt McCusker]

You're, like, waiting for a parking spot. You're saying, no, no.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's like, with him. This was back when you had your Corolla and I didn't know how bad it was. You got in it. And then. And then I got in. I buckled up. We were gonna go get coffee, and then you, like, take out your phone and you're, like, doing this, right? I was like, what are you doing? You're, like, picking a song. Let's go. And so anyway, it disabused me of that. I said, here's a white guy. Does it.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, nice.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I do a lot of black stereotypes. Think of one.

[Chris O'Connor]

Think of one.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

One of them fiddling around in their.

[Chris O'Connor]

Cars is so funny.

[Matt McCusker]

They fiddle.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You do critique my driving. You critique the parking. Can you imagine being a car the other day? I would love to see you drive.

[Chris O'Connor]

Well, you've seen me drive.

[Shane Gillis]

It's probably chaos.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, but you nailed exactly the. Because you. When I drive, because, you know, with my vision and I almost. And I know you can't see, but it's just like, I like to be doubly sure. And you were like, you're looking way too far to, you know, like, if I'm gonna pull out, I really make sure there's no people. I gave someone a scare one time, and then I. I. You know, is it. So Los Angeles.

[Shane Gillis]

And what music do you listen to?

[Chris O'Connor]

The engine. I just.

[Shane Gillis]

Silence.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You don't listen to music in your car?

[Chris O'Connor]

Occasionally I do.

[Matt McCusker]

Like what?

[Chris O'Connor]

You know what?

[Matt McCusker]

I. I honestly don't.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, it's like, you know, Pirates of the Caribbean.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like, I got, you know, I get in with, like, what did I get here?

[Shane Gillis]

Real dude, listen to NBA theme song. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Discover Weekly is phenomenal.

[Shane Gillis]

Your Discover Weekly is parts of the Caribbean in the NBA theme song.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. And yeah, John Test song is great. You know.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn. That was probably right when you got cable, too. They were using it back then.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. There is a YouTube channel that plays, like, soft jazz at all. Just, like, a piano and.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

It's not bad.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So it's just, like, chill.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

Nice.

[Shane Gillis]

I guess, coming from that. Which is the whitest way on Earth to drive. I probably seen black as hell in my car.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

That'S. You drive too white. Quiet is nuts. Quiet's nuts.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'm just kidding. What?

[Shane Gillis]

Silence is crazy to me in a car, for the most part.

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't think so. I mean, I get it. I get it.

[Shane Gillis]

But listening to Pirates of the Caribbean theme song and driving around.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no. I mean, it's just. That's not the only thing. And, like, also, like, a Han Zimmer mix.

[Matt McCusker]

But it's Hans Zimmer mix. You tell me.

[Chris O'Connor]

Han Zimmer. Is it amazing? I. I do think that's.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Maybe, like, while I'm watching a movie. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

It is nice to be in a parking lot. Have, like, a dramatic, like, soundtrack. Swell. But they're so they take for ever.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, no, I'm gone. I'm somewhere else.

[Shane Gillis]

Man, you must. Driving in Philly, you must have had a tough time.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. Driving.

[Shane Gillis]

Because the killer bees are out.

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Shane Gillis]

The bees, Shane.

[Chris O'Connor]

But listen, I did have good. You know, there was, there were some teenagers on bicycles and. Holy Toledo. Because, because you know, when you're coming.

[Shane Gillis]

Into that, you know you're coming on bikes.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

Were they bees or W's?

[Chris O'Connor]

So you're going to the art museum.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, there was Peace by the Children. Children.

[Chris O'Connor]

It doesn't matter. So. But, you know, but, but it's what is what it is. And they're on their bikes and then like right as the green light, and I start going one like hardcore darts at the truck. And then I. Whoa. And then.

[Shane Gillis]

Scared. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And then I was saying to my girl, I'm like, if he collided with the car, I'm finished. I mean, like, because I can't stop. It's gonna be like, you're gonna hit. It's gonna be LA riots. It's gonna be over, you know?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Or then I'm, I'm gonna, I'm just gotta drive. Then I'm gonna hit and run. So then I, I was like, I would drive to a police and then I start going through all that. But. Yeah. It's terrifying.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You have to turn yourself in.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn.

[Chris O'Connor]

I was like, I'm never driving in this city again. I ruined that afternoon.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. You got to be careful.

[Shane Gillis]

That's.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you can. You get really. If you hit one of those kids, you get a lot of trouble.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

And like a lot of businesses could explode.

[Chris O'Connor]

And I have, I, I, I'm very like, blizz. Like, like, I get, you know, picked on.

[Shane Gillis]

You get harassed.

[Chris O'Connor]

I remember when I got can like candy mugged at Halloween.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Boys. When I was, I wasn't even close to Halloween.

[Matt McCusker]

Did you hold out the bowl?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. No.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I learned in my life you cannot hold out.

[Chris O'Connor]

What happened to you?

[Matt McCusker]

I. They just seized a lot of candy.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You gotta, you gotta.

[Chris O'Connor]

Well, how did it go down?

[Matt McCusker]

I just was like, here, grab a couple. Pull it down. And like. Boys, man.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I grew up in. It was just w. Neighborhood. And that happened.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, okay.

[Shane Gillis]

Still happened.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Matt McCusker]

Especially if you do leave, like, take one. If you try to leave a dish outside that gets destroyed anywhere.

[Shane Gillis]

How did you get mugged?

[Chris O'Connor]

I come out, I had a pot full, you know.

[Matt McCusker]

Yep.

[Chris O'Connor]

And there you go, fellas. Yeah. And I Was like, there's some apples.

[Matt McCusker]

What candy were you dishing out? That's candy this year?

[Chris O'Connor]

It was. It was everything. It was like I spent the money on the candy, you know, Amazon.

[Shane Gillis]

And you're excited?

[Chris O'Connor]

I wouldn't say I was excited. I felt an obligation to do it because I think it's an awesome holiday and I'll.

[Shane Gillis]

You know, I'm new to the neighborhood's an awesome holiday.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And he had a backpack on and he.

[Shane Gillis]

Tell me your addresses, Jack Sparrow.

[Chris O'Connor]

I was dressed. I was not dressed up. Oh. I did wear, like, orange and black.

[Shane Gillis]

You wore orange and black?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, like, you know that I had in my wardrobe already for sure.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. What was it like at once?

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't remember.

[Shane Gillis]

Orange polo, black pants.

[Chris O'Connor]

Don't recall.

[Shane Gillis]

Pumpkin suit. What were you wearing?

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't recall.

[Shane Gillis]

Did you dress your cat up?

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

All right.

[Chris O'Connor]

And he turned his backpack around so it was like front ways and unzipped it and started putting. And he went. And then they all started doing it. And I was like, guys, guys. And then one kid, they took it all. And then one kid was like, I'm sorry, bro. And I was like, sorry. And then that was it. I was out of candy.

[Matt McCusker]

You didn't have any.

[Chris O'Connor]

So I had to shut off all my lights. And then any other kids that came, I was like, well, are they gonna be pissed? You know, it's. They ruined. Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I had to. I had to like, run right in.

[Chris O'Connor]

59, 220.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I got crushed. One year I held the bowl out and I was like, never again.

[Chris O'Connor]

You can't do it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it'll. It's big handfuls. You got to spe. You. You have to grab. Dump in the bag.

[Chris O'Connor]

And I said, I'm out of here. And then I move to the sleep anyway.

[Shane Gillis]

Just kidding.

[Chris O'Connor]

But I did. I did.

[Matt McCusker]

But you get involved. Yeah, we talked about that. I got involved in, like a high level crime.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yep.

[Matt McCusker]

That was pretty wild.

[Chris O'Connor]

That was. Yeah. Terrifying.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So the masters were good?

[Shane Gillis]

The masters. It was good. I'm happy we went.

[Chris O'Connor]

But yeah, it was awesome to go and.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Just like you taking me was so special and it meant so much to.

[Shane Gillis]

Me because you're special. Well, not drinking six beers, though, was a crime.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no, it's not a crime. It's not a crime.

[Matt McCusker]

How many would you. Just one. Right.

[Chris O'Connor]

Well, I had vodka on the plane ride there because I was freaking out. And then I had. I mean, technically, at the end of the day.

[Shane Gillis]

At the end of the day you turn it on during that panic attack.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yep.

[Shane Gillis]

That was nice.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, you guys went there and back.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Got you. So you had it. You hit. You hit your six.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. Alcohol affects me different. And people that they don't have that, they can't get.

[Shane Gillis]

I know it affects you different.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

That's why I wanted it.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no.

[Matt McCusker]

What does it do is like, the hangover and all that stuff afterwards.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like, there's a point. So, like, there's an hour where it feels nice, and then it's just, like, inflammation. So then I just start to feel like crap.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And then it's like, the amount that I would have to drink to get through that is like. No. But then. Then I'm gonna feel so bad.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

The next day that I can't even enjoy it while it's happening. And I'm just like. Yeah, you have an unbelievable constitution. The fact that the next day you were, like, in the mood that you were in is insane.

[Shane Gillis]

We were having fun.

[Chris O'Connor]

You did have fun.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I can be grumpy in the morning.

[Chris O'Connor]

You weren't grumpy at all. You woke up and you were like, hey, guys. And then you took a shower, and then you were you.

[Shane Gillis]

Which is nuts. Yeah. Thank you.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I can't handle the hangovers, man. I. I hate them.

[Shane Gillis]

No, the Om man rallied yesterday. I thought there was no shout he was going to be all right.

[Chris O'Connor]

Three cocktails of pills.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah, he's got. He's got no problem crushing pills.

[Chris O'Connor]

I had one pill, one loriza, Pam. Because, you know, for fear of flying, something you're not supposed to mix.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, oops. Allegedly. Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You could do it. You're right.

[Chris O'Connor]

I remember the first time I heard you say allegedly. It killed me. I remember, like, you know how when somebody said something really funny, I was. I knew where I was standing in helium. But anyway, just in case my doctor's watching, I don't combine them.

[Matt McCusker]

I was going to tell you, just take pills, and if you can't drink, just take, like, two lorazepams and, like, a little bit of mushrooms and just go to the masters.

[Chris O'Connor]

Right.

[Shane Gillis]

Mushrooms would have rocked.

[Chris O'Connor]

The issue here was.

[Shane Gillis]

It would have been really overwhelming, though.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Shane was treating me, too.

[Shane Gillis]

I would have laid down when I got lost the first time. I would have just. But the problem was I was trying to get their attention because I lost them. I thought they were in front of me when we were walking. It turns out they just stopped next to me and I kept walking because people kept Talking to me.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And then I was trying to find them, and I was just, like, standing on a hill, just trying to gain attention so they could maybe see me. So just everyone saw me.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And then all of them were like, yo, bro, chug this beer.

[Chris O'Connor]

I was like, all right, give me the.

[Shane Gillis]

It was the Georgia Bulldogs football team.

[Matt McCusker]

Was it really?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was. The Georgia players came up, and they were the ones who got me to chug a beer, because it was while I was lost, and I was like, I'll chug it with you. But now it's a real race against the clock for me to find these guys, because I was on the cusp of being hammered. Oh.

[Chris O'Connor]

Then I. We were, like, going search parties in different directions, and I. I was going his. Where he ended up where he was.

[Shane Gillis]

I was for real 30 yards away, just standing.

[Matt McCusker]

And then you took the hills. Yeah, then you took the hill.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Dang.

[Chris O'Connor]

But we. We ran into JJ Watt, who is just an awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he was a man. Him and his boys.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. He had two high school friends. I think they were. That. They were. I could be 100 friends with. They were so nice.

[Shane Gillis]

How about that dude O'Connor was battling with?

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

There was just a guy behind us that was a roofer from Florida that was just. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

What was he doing? He's, like, yelling.

[Shane Gillis]

It was really funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Was he yelling out?

[Shane Gillis]

They were just being Latin at the masses. Like, if somebody's hitting, you got to be really quiet. We were right next to the green, so dudes were like, putting. And he was like, yo, dude, this. Where are all the squirrels? They killed all the squirrels. And O'Connor was hammered next to him. Like, shut the up. Nobody likes you, dude. Who gives a. Then the guy be like, you. He's like, you.

[Matt McCusker]

He didn't like the chat.

[Shane Gillis]

Somebody farted during a putt, which was. Who did? Former NFL quarterback. I don't want to name him now. He farted at the master. It's extremely funny. I mean, that was a fun time. Sitting at the 16th when we were all. It was kids in class, you had to be quiet. And everyone there was just like.

[Chris O'Connor]

Rose, make a putt. That, like, brought him right back into the mix. And then Rory comes through. And that's the thing, though. It's like, well, what's gonna happen? But then.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, you don't know. There's no phone, so you can't check. You gotta, like, literally stand in front of an actual scoreboard they're putting up, which is kind of Cool.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's kind of cool.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't like the scoring system with golf. They gotta flip that, like, negative seven wins. It should. They should just give you, like, 40,000 points.

[Shane Gillis]

That would. That would make it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. It's embarrassing.

[Shane Gillis]

Awesome shot. 25,000. Yeah. Look.

[Matt McCusker]

It's crazy. Taxi. Exactly.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's a weird thing, too. They try and make courses longer because they're like, oh, everybody's scoring solo. It's like, who. But they're all playing the same course. Who cares?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Who cares if it's 30 under as opposed to 10 under?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I don't know. Is it true that, like, even if someone plays there and gets, like, 20th place, they still get, like, 300, $400,000?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

That's kind of cool.

[Shane Gillis]

20Th probably makes that really pretty easily. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

That's pretty tight.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

What's your. What do you shoot right now?

[Chris O'Connor]

Well, my handicaps an 11, three, but it's probably gonna go up because I'm making some swing changes and I'm not good. So.

[Matt McCusker]

So how does that work? Is your handicap, like, effective score? If you play against somebody else, does that, like, get, like. You know what I mean? Like, if you.

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't know how that system works. It's like. It's kind of a weird system, but you just. It prompts me to enter it after I play around.

[Shane Gillis]

So I. I thought that's exactly what it was designed for.

[Chris O'Connor]

Right. So if you're competing.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, right.

[Matt McCusker]

Why do they call it a handicap, though? That's what I understand.

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

Because it's a disability.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Shane Gillis]

You're handicapped by your score versus whoever you're playing.

[Matt McCusker]

But does that affect the score? I'm saying.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So, yeah, if you got like, a four and I got a five, but I had a higher handicap, we'd have, like, the same.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

That's pretty cool. I guess it keeps it somewhat fair.

[Shane Gillis]

Somewhat seems communist to me.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. It's kind of crazy, actually. I like that. Can you get the tags if your hand. If your handicap gets, like, high enough.

[Chris O'Connor]

What's that?

[Matt McCusker]

Like the parking tags?

[Shane Gillis]

You can park. You get to park closer. At the golf course.

[Matt McCusker]

I got busted in the handicap spot where I get my wings. I never. I don't take up handicapped spots where I go to Nando's to get. They have, like, great ones, like, wood Grilled Way. It was.

[Shane Gillis]

So we should go to those.

[Matt McCusker]

I should actually.

[Shane Gillis]

They're delicious.

[Matt McCusker]

But they're. I like the only parking spots out front of it. Everywhere else is Kind of busy. Is like two or three giant handicaps. It's like a lane of just handicapped spots. So I always, like, pop in there, grab my wings, and leave how many spots? It's like three. It's just. But it's right in front of the place.

[Shane Gillis]

There's never three of them at once, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

It's just. It want. All of it's handicapped. If you want to go to Nando's and pick up an order, you want to park out front. You have to be handicapped or. And in front of that's valet for the hotel next to it. And I'll pull in the valet. And they're like, you can't park it right now. So I'm like. So I'm like, fine. Back into a handicap spot. I'm like, you made me do it. And then I went to get my wings. I'm like, don't. They won't be there.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude.

[Matt McCusker]

A car pulls behind me, I'm like, no way. Handicap. Saw the tags. I was, like, burning with shame. Just hopped in my car.

[Shane Gillis]

That's worse than dumping.

[Matt McCusker]

I limped out.

[Shane Gillis]

I was like, dumping in the handicap.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You come out and you're like, there's no chance there's a guy in a wheelchair.

[Matt McCusker]

Have you ever encountered.

[Shane Gillis]

I have. It's devastating. I took a family dump. The family bathroom. Then I've opened that after a dump, and there's been a family that needs, like, change. Diapers.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Those things get hit hard, although they. They're kind of rolling. Those family bathroom is like. I think that's been the solution for, like, the.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Trans stuff. It's just like, families or whoever. And then you can kind of.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. You know, that's what I do.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Instead of, like, limping out, I'll go, excuse me, I'm handicapped. I'm a family. I'm a family.

[Matt McCusker]

That was the only thing they could do because it was such an insult. You can't solve that problem because then if you have a just trans bathroom, you can't do that. So it has to do with family and friends. Just trans bathroom would be nice.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. That'd be fun.

[Matt McCusker]

Party fun.

[Shane Gillis]

People would be getting in there.

[Matt McCusker]

Anyone could go.

[Shane Gillis]

And that would bro. Think if you hit it. You had to hit. There's the only toilet open. You got the walk of shame coming out.

[Matt McCusker]

True. I'd put my family in the family room.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, I'll be back.

[Matt McCusker]

You said the trans. But yeah, that is a. That's a. That's a thing. At the airport, I've seen. I've seen people go in and crush the. Almost the family bathroom.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And you just see a family waiting outside.

[Shane Gillis]

I've done it. And then I'm in there. You gotta just be like, I'm taking my time on this.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a lone. It's a single bathroom. It's perfect. You can. You can lose yourself in there.

[Matt McCusker]

You really can.

[Shane Gillis]

You can look at Instagram. You can around.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. That's a big.

[Shane Gillis]

A long time. And then come out and seen 2 fan like a line of.

[Matt McCusker]

He's got to come out and go. You got to come out of there and go.

[Chris O'Connor]

The.

[Shane Gillis]

My family would see my child.

[Matt McCusker]

Where's my family?

[Shane Gillis]

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. These days, you have to be smart with your money. If you're going to make a big purchase, you got to make it count. What's something you bought?

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, I just invested in two bug tanks. I got two bug tanks from National Geographic, so they got a little magnifying glass on them. I got not one, but two.

[Shane Gillis]

What type of bugs are you gonna put in there?

[Matt McCusker]

Right now, we've only gotten some roly polys, so you can throw them in there, create their natural habitat, and you can kind of like.

[Shane Gillis]

I'd like to see what roly polys are up to, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

I got. I had. I catch them. I catch like, Me and my daughters catch like four rolly poles a day and put them in my garden.

[Shane Gillis]

It's really nice.

[Matt McCusker]

It's awesome. I have so many rolly polys. So, yeah, I gotta. The bug tank's nice, man, because otherwise you gotta carry them in your. You ever try to carry a roly pole in your hand? For like, they. They get. They're. They're escape artists. So, yeah, I got some bug tanks.

[Shane Gillis]

Been, you know, 30 years.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah, I'm telling. Since I've tried, it's just as hard. They skip.

[Shane Gillis]

So I bought a bug light.

[Matt McCusker]

You got a bug light.

[Shane Gillis]

I got a bug zapper out there. That's, you know, kind of the opposite of what you're doing.

[Matt McCusker]

But hey, just as fun, you're battling.

[Shane Gillis]

You sit by the. You sit in the hot tub, and all of a sudden, God damn, that guy. You get some of these big. The bugs out here are so big.

[Matt McCusker]

My dad's big.

[Shane Gillis]

They die. They go. You hear him hit the bug light and they go, Jesus.

[Matt McCusker]

God damn.

[Shane Gillis]

Another great investment. Taking care of yourself, you know? You're talking about these bugs.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't even think about.

[Shane Gillis]

Matt, why don't you think about yourself. Traditional therapy can get crazy expensive though. Like between 100 to 250amonth or more or something like that. Therapy is worth it though. And you do have options like better help the help with the bed on it. It could help you save up to 50% per session while getting you the help you need. I've had a lot of sessions where I think about myself.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Take care of myself. I like therapy because I've benefited from therapy.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I think it's nice. I think it's a nice thing to do.

[Shane Gillis]

Everyone could learn something from therapy.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you can.

[Shane Gillis]

Just because it teaches you positive coping.

[Matt McCusker]

Skills like how dumb your family is and set boundaries.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, basically you get on a zoom call and you talk about how dumb your family is.

[Matt McCusker]

HB your family are idiots and you're doomed.

[Shane Gillis]

With BetterHelp you can work toward being the best version of yourself while saving money. And because everything is online, it's easier to get into a session with your schedule. I love getting online sessions. Love that with just a few clicks you can be talking to one of their therapists. You can even switch therapists at any time for any reason. Your well being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com mssp to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E-L-P.com mssp and also, you can't.

[Matt McCusker]

Use the tokens for those either.

[Shane Gillis]

No tokens.

[Matt McCusker]

Can I use tokens?

[Shane Gillis]

You're stuck with those. You made a mistake. You bought some tokens. But you can talk to betterhelp to help without that. The better help the help with the better. On it. Hey, everybody. Dudes, wipes. Dude, dude, dude wipes. They rip. But it's me, Lamare Lee. Please come to my shows on May 9th and May 10th at Coastal Creative in Dang Tampa. And May 28th, we're doing a small time comedy heist here in Austin, Texas at Roscoe's Comedy Club. Please, please come. It'll be nice. Tell them. Tell them a joke. Give him a little taste. The small time comedy heist. No, dude, one of your jokes. Like a bit. Do a joke just so people know what they're going to get. Give them a little taste. I have to find one. Do crowd work. Where are you from?

[Chris O'Connor]

Philadelphia.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, Philadelphia. That's nice. It's cool out there. I like Philly.

[Matt McCusker]

What's your favorite?

[Shane Gillis]

Cheese steak?

[Chris O'Connor]

Chicken.

[Shane Gillis]

Cheese chicken. The off stage.

[Chris O'Connor]

A little gas. See me in Philly on May 6th.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, we should just put that out as a Special notice. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm excited to fly with my family tomorrow. It's always an operation.

[Shane Gillis]

And Gerby and Gers.

[Chris O'Connor]

Dude.

[Matt McCusker]

I can't believe.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

They're going to have so much fun.

[Chris O'Connor]

Great.

[Matt McCusker]

I can't wait to. Absolutely sick.

[Shane Gillis]

But scared the out of Matt.

[Chris O'Connor]

Promise I won't.

[Shane Gillis]

First of all.

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You know what you do.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, we're freaking out. Yeah, I won't do that.

[Shane Gillis]

All right, good.

[Chris O'Connor]

Definitely not in front of kids.

[Matt McCusker]

They'll hold your hand. They'll hold your hand the whole time.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, that's great.

[Matt McCusker]

They're not. I'm not saying about. I do it all the time. I hold my hand, I get nervous and we land. I'm always like, hold your father's hand. Now it makes me feel.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's adorable.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

But.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, they have no idea. They start bumping and they're just like.

[Chris O'Connor]

But even if I was, like, it was so nice having you there. Like, when you know you're going through something, your friends are there and, like, talking you through was.

[Shane Gillis]

I was trying my best to make things worse for you.

[Chris O'Connor]

You weren't. You're saying that, you know, you.

[Shane Gillis]

On the takeoff. I didn't know how bad it was until we left. On the way there. It was pretty funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

The way there, I had it.

[Shane Gillis]

We're really high up.

[Chris O'Connor]

Once I get up, I'm all right.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And the way that the pilot, like, explained it to me and I think, like, this. This really made sense. Was he's like, you're not used to being in 3D.

[Shane Gillis]

Like the South African do the South African.

[Chris O'Connor]

I really can't. You guys.

[Shane Gillis]

You can do it.

[Chris O'Connor]

He's like, hey, bruh. Is there.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

He's like, I can't do accents. Hey, what'd you get up there? You know, you're not used to being in 3D, so your ear hairs are like, hey, this is totally destabilizing.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And you're trying to, you know, for me, exert control over what feels like an out of control feeling.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. You can't.

[Chris O'Connor]

And then that starts to spin, that derealization feeling. And I'm like, I feel like I'm losing my mind. So that's what he said. I just thought it was a nice thing for him to say, which is, like, it feels weird and as it should because you're not used to it and your ears are telling you there's a problem, but there's no problem.

[Matt McCusker]

I never thought about the ear hairs. So your ear hairs just start getting like, what the going on. You start to spaz equilibrium.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Because you're suddenly back and. Yeah. But it again really appreciated.

[Shane Gillis]

The news has not been great.

[Matt McCusker]

No, man. Another helicopter just exploded.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I watched that. I saw that one.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think I'll be on a helicopter, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I don't. Not a good time for helicopter charters.

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Chris O'Connor]

Even though I was interested to learn that you can land a helicopter with no power to the rotors. But unfortunately it sounds like that one they actually like lost.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. The whole fucking thing fell off.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Hold on. So you're talking about if the fucking.

[Chris O'Connor]

The engine dies, they can turn the rotors such that it. There's enough.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Air being pushed through to like come down. Not super soft, but you. It's not a death sentence.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn.

[Chris O'Connor]

It was. There's a YouTube channel called Smarter every day that did a whole thing. This is like 10 years ago, but.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

[Chris O'Connor]

It was cool.

[Matt McCusker]

Still not getting in one of those things, man. I've just. They've caught too much negative press.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

That last one was like, Jesus Christ, bro. Did they hit the water?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Ah, poor souls.

[Matt McCusker]

There goes my. The yeah. True whole fam.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, I got Davy Jones locker.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

Now, I'm not making fun of him because I fly a lot and I really don't want to die that way. But it was making me thinking about if that space shuttle with Katy Perry did explode and her hit song was you're a firework. Would have been good.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, man. I mean, that's. That's criminal, dude. Sending all those babes into space is.

[Shane Gillis]

Launching the babes.

[Matt McCusker]

That's reckless. If they died, he could. Wouldn't it technically be like reckless endangerment? Okay, now he'd probably get off.

[Shane Gillis]

He'd be all right.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he'd get off.

[Shane Gillis]

He'd be like, change the law.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, true.

[Shane Gillis]

For sure. Up there. Then we'll go, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Babes are in space. Now. That's not good.

[Shane Gillis]

Especially just launch the space babes.

[Matt McCusker]

But the babes in space.

[Shane Gillis]

Put the babes up there. Cool them off a little.

[Matt McCusker]

True. I mean, how long do you think it takes for them to land back on Earth and slowly, like, get like their ear hairs probably slowly get back to normal and they're like, why are you doing it? Why do it that way?

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, think about having that over your babe. We don't go anywhere anymore.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

So cute in space.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I didn't like the astronaut food.

[Shane Gillis]

The astronaut food sucks. You're there for 10 minutes what'd you eat?

[Chris O'Connor]

I was hungry.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't feel good because you kept me up all night with your snoring.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that was. You'd get, like, maybe a nice afternoon.

[Shane Gillis]

You could send your baby. I guarantee. In the car ride home, one of them was like, Gail was being a. Gail was a. The whole time we were in space.

[Matt McCusker]

She thought it was all about her. Not that it's all about me.

[Shane Gillis]

Not that it's all about me, but, like, let's be honest, it was Katy Perry's trip.

[Matt McCusker]

Do you think that'd be cool? If you're Jeff Bezos, you just, like, you have a wife and you send her and Katy Perry and Gail in a space. You think you actually felt anything or just like, all right.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. It was probably just another day for that. Guy woke up like, oh, I gotta launch those women in space.

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't think so. I think he's excited.

[Matt McCusker]

You think so?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. You like Jeff Bezos?

[Matt McCusker]

Sure. Bezos vs. Musk. If you had to pick one. Bezos vs. Musk.

[Chris O'Connor]

If I had. Oh, geez. I'd have to say Elon.

[Matt McCusker]

You like Elon better than Bezos?

[Chris O'Connor]

I think, you know, I think, like, right now we're in Iraqi, you know.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah. What? Why do you like it? Why do you like Elon better than Bezos?

[Chris O'Connor]

Bezos, it seems, is. I'd like. SpaceX was before Blue Origin, right?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

He's copying his swag pretty badly on this.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And that the first time they landed that Falcon booster is. That's an unbelievable video to watch. It's so. Because, you know, everybody say, you can't do it. This is a joke. Blah, blah. And then they did it, and everybody starts chanting, usa. It was like, back in this.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And, yeah. To see this thing come down and you've been.

[Shane Gillis]

You've been jacking off to go to Mars for years. Okay, I remember that. I'll go hang out with you and Chris. All you guys talked about was Mars.

[Chris O'Connor]

Well, yes.

[Shane Gillis]

Shut up about Mars. No, you need to worry about Halloween.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Shane Gillis]

You got to focus on Halloween before we can focus on Mars.

[Matt McCusker]

Mars bars.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

What you say?

[Shane Gillis]

Mars bars.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, man. Damn, dude. So what's the Falcon? Was Elon's. Chris.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You think he takes space more seriously because. Yeah, Bezos is just.

[Shane Gillis]

Bezos is having fun. Yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

He's pulsing.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm sorry, no.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, there's this YouTube video. I just found it again recently, but I loved it because when they landed two of those, there's like a guy filming it. And just the way he says it, because you're watching him from afar. And then as they. They're re entering the. The light up to slow it down. Like the engines light up. And so he's like two candlesticks coming down. And then. And then it's like you hear the sonic booms. Double sonic booms.

[Matt McCusker]

It's just a. Yeah, that's kind of wild.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's cool. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

The guy who got to say that probably felt so cool to be like, double sonic booms. I get to say that into a headset around people.

[Shane Gillis]

I'd be like, that would be awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

We're initiating.

[Shane Gillis]

I was down there for some space launches.

[Matt McCusker]

Did you really? Oh, yeah. I forgot you guys.

[Shane Gillis]

There's nothing. It's the coolest thing possible.

[Chris O'Connor]

It has to be.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's great. Although the last time I was there, it got rained out and I sat on the beach all day waiting for it. They like, 2:00pm 2:00pm launch. I was like, I'm gonna have a Good buzz by 2pm they go, it got delayed eight hours. And I was like, that's fine. I'm in the zone. The sun's going down. I was like, oh, that rocket. Then a giant thunderstorm came. That's pretty. It was awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

That's kind of cool.

[Shane Gillis]

Listen to Not For Whom the belt it. Listen to a Metallica song during the thunderstorm. Yeah, it's kind of sick. Yeah, it was awesome. It was a great day.

[Matt McCusker]

That is awesome. Sucks the rocket didn't launch.

[Shane Gillis]

Now my family that lives there sends me rocket launches every day.

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. We got another video for you.

[Matt McCusker]

I think there was a rocket launch in San Antonio. Or like, it was visible from San Antonio. Maybe it was from Houston. But yeah, the guy when like Saturday.

[Shane Gillis]

It's probably Katy Perry. He probably saw Katy Perry.

[Matt McCusker]

He saw Katie, maybe.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know where they launched that thing.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't. Probably somewhere else. Well, I don't know where the they do that. Looks like la. So maybe. Yeah, maybe they just hit like New Mexico or something. Roswell.

[Shane Gillis]

Remember the guy who tried to prove the earth was flat and he made himself a rocket? No, just died.

[Matt McCusker]

That'd be sick if he got vindicated. He's like, I'm falling off the edge. Clearly, I'm coming right off.

[Shane Gillis]

He probably did think that on the way down. Like. Yeah, seems pretty flat to me. I'm about to hit it. It's flat as hell.

[Matt McCusker]

It was in Texas. What'd they launch?

[Shane Gillis]

That was Katy Perry.

[Matt McCusker]

He saw Perry.

[Shane Gillis]

You saw Perry?

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't see it.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, dang.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah, I was. I was.

[Chris O'Connor]

I think just to take the counter that. I think. You got guts to go up there.

[Shane Gillis]

That's scary.

[Matt McCusker]

Who?

[Shane Gillis]

The six ladies.

[Chris O'Connor]

Those ladies?

[Matt McCusker]

I don't think so. No, not at all.

[Chris O'Connor]

Would you go?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, easily. Not with six ladies.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know. Dude, you get up there. Space rules.

[Matt McCusker]

True. Oops, sorry. I floated right into your space again. No, I floated into all of your butts. God damn.

[Shane Gillis]

It's not. Not a lot of room up here. I keep floating right into all of you guys boobs the whole time.

[Matt McCusker]

I'd be like a Japanese pervert on the subway.

[Shane Gillis]

Being a pervert with zero gravity coming at someone like.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, whoa.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm not used to this.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, the Japanese boss porn.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, there's a guy. What?

[Matt McCusker]

What?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, do you know.

[Shane Gillis]

Do you watch Japanese bus porn?

[Chris O'Connor]

I mean. Yes. Yeah, I do. I do.

[Matt McCusker]

That's what they do.

[Chris O'Connor]

They kind of like. I mean, you know, it's. It's pretty, you know, it's not, but they. Yeah, they just. They ride the bus. They're all close. They just start like, you know, bumping this whole bus. Right.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm a bit of a closeted fraterist myself, man. I just. I mean, you know, when you're on, like the thing at the airport, it gets packed. You're just like, hey, man, all I can do is. Hold on.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, space rolls.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it is. Yeah. If you're. If you can do whatever you want. International waters in space.

[Shane Gillis]

It's like, it's. There are.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, there's a mutiny on this ship.

[Shane Gillis]

And we're going to the moon.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm taking the ship. We're flying somewhere else. Me and the space base, we're going to start a new colony. We're going to have to repopulate.

[Matt McCusker]

True. How many times has Bezos been to space?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know.

[Matt McCusker]

He's probably been at least like 20 times. Also. What do you think it costs just to like, send those babes up in the air?

[Shane Gillis]

I think they said it was a million dollars. Million bucks every time a minute. A million a minute was it? Is what someone was talking about. Yeah, they don't really like. They just like, float, don't they? Yeah, they don't really go into space.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he's just around. Blue orgy dude, get up there. Or he's definitely got head in space, I would imagine.

[Shane Gillis]

Basically, you have to.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he has. He's definitely got a head in space.

[Shane Gillis]

And you got to go. I'm the first guy to ever do it. It's like, brother, no. You're not sure.

[Matt McCusker]

Who do you think did. Neil. Neil.

[Shane Gillis]

And brought that dog up.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn. You think he really. He probably ejacked in space.

[Shane Gillis]

That's tough.

[Matt McCusker]

Get to do, like, the full 3D rendering of, like, how big is my. You can load max and be like, actually, yeah. It's actually pretty powerful.

[Shane Gillis]

Please. Please slurp that. Please float over to that and slurp that. Please slurp that out. You gotta do it just for me one time, baby. Slurp that.

[Matt McCusker]

Slurp that down.

[Shane Gillis]

It's gonna be the best moment of my life.

[Matt McCusker]

That'd be actually really cool.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, there's that guy and lady was stuck in the space station for, like, really. I wonder if they slurped.

[Matt McCusker]

You would. You'd have to. You got stranded in space. It would just activate something. Your ear hairs would go nuts. You'd be like, I knew it's way.

[Shane Gillis]

Worse than a hot. That suck.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you have. You'd have to. If you're stuck in space.

[Shane Gillis]

Somebody's slurping.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, somebody.

[Shane Gillis]

Somebody's got to slurp you. Probably. Yeah. Never mind. I got a whiz, actually.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, true. Let's take a break.

[Shane Gillis]

Time out. Oh, good. Oh, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

I have my restaurant review.

[Shane Gillis]

Nice.

[Matt McCusker]

I. This is. We're good, huh? Sick.

[Shane Gillis]

Steak and beans is back.

[Matt McCusker]

I was actually doing a little research for the giant. Steak and beans. Yeah, dude, I. I didn't know there was such a thing as a Mexican steakhouse. Dude, on. Yeah. Mexican steakhouse. I was in San Antonio. Two. Two Assad. Doors, huh?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, no. I mean, that was my. Yeah, that was my.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, we are.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, we're chatting.

[Shane Gillis]

This is just guys chat, Dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Mexican. Has you ever been like, a steakhouse? It is always just like, you know, it's like asparagus steak and. Yeah, Dude, I've never even thought about it. It's like every steakhouse I've ever been to, I've been like, what if they had guacamole at the steakhouse? And it's. Dude, it's called two asadores in San Antonio, and they just hand you order whatever you want, and they hand you a cutting board that's just, like, salt on it. They give you warm corn tortillas on the side, and you can get guacamole whatever you want and make yourself, like, 14. Just steak tacos. It's.

[Shane Gillis]

That's right up your alley.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, my God, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, My God.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, my God. It was so good, dude. I. I've never. It was unbelievable. So good. So check that out, dude. It's. It's a.

[Shane Gillis]

Is it an awesome. Where was it?

[Matt McCusker]

It's in San Antonio. It's for real. My favorite place, dude. I ate there two days in a row. San Antonio way.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

San Antonio is a very rough and tumble town.

[Shane Gillis]

I like San Antonio.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's kind of cool.

[Shane Gillis]

That river walks very nice.

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't see it. I was just up by the airport the entire time.

[Shane Gillis]

To go to the Alamo.

[Matt McCusker]

Not doing anything.

[Shane Gillis]

You gotta check the Alamo someday.

[Matt McCusker]

I do. Got to check that out.

[Shane Gillis]

Pretty sick.

[Matt McCusker]

I was. I was gonna threaten if the ticket sales didn't rise up.

[Shane Gillis]

I was gonna say, I'm not going anywhere.

[Matt McCusker]

You have to come get me the elmo's bed.

[Shane Gillis]

You're gonna have to come and get me.

[Matt McCusker]

It was fun, but yeah, dude, the. That ruled. I also. I also liked, like, I just kind of would pop back and forth, but I kind of was really enjoying the feeling of like, I was like, I might just like, live in San Antonio and just kind of like, not like leave my family, but like, be present, but just live in, like an apartment in San Antonio. Yeah. Like, being an hour away was nice.

[Shane Gillis]

I could pop up standing outside of school sometimes when they go to recess, you stand by the fence.

[Matt McCusker]

I kind of want to do that so bad just one day. But yeah, Santa, I got to like, you know, kind of larp being like a semi distant father in San Antonio. And it was kind of cool because I was just a drive away. So I like, I popped back on Friday morning. See you guys.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You know what I mean?

[Shane Gillis]

Get a nice cowboy hat. Cool.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that would help. If you left your family, but you dressed as a cowboy, that would somehow ease the sting.

[Shane Gillis]

I feel like that would help.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it would.

[Shane Gillis]

My dad's a cowboy. My dad couldn't be here. He's a cowboy.

[Matt McCusker]

My dad's at the Mexican steakhouse in San Diego. He's at two asadores also, too. I was like. I was reading the website and I was like, every website, you know, they have like, our story. It's like, here's our story. And it was like, it's always like the kid who's like, when I was four, my. My grandfather would have the cattle on the ranch of northern Mexico.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And I was like, all stoked on the way there. I was like, they tricked me again. It's gonna be like, just all. Just from restaurant depot. It's all a bunch of got there. And like, no, Our steaks are all from northern Mexico. I was like, oh, yes. Because we're close enough. Close enough to Noteno's.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So, yeah, I was eating that. Northern Mexican cattle is nice. It worked. As soon as he told me that, I was like, I knew. This was awesome. The guy wears a cowboy hat.

[Shane Gillis]

I was trying my best to figure that out.

[Matt McCusker]

The what?

[Shane Gillis]

Cows from the north.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Shane Gillis]

You're a nortegno.

[Chris O'Connor]

It was that.

[Shane Gillis]

You're a junkie. You're a gringo boy.

[Chris O'Connor]

Gringo.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, You're a nasty little gringo.

[Matt McCusker]

You can get pills for.

[Shane Gillis]

You move down here and start to hit the M's.

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

You'Re gonna have the M's on your ass.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no, let's. No.

[Matt McCusker]

What are they up to in their cars?

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you'll see the M's. They can. They're tough drivers. They test my racism.

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I've maintained for a while that the A's get a bad rap, that it's actually the B's. Turns out the M's are right there.

[Matt McCusker]

I do like those little, like. Do you ever see, like, the flags people dangle from their rear view mirrors? They're kind of nice if you want to, like, really hone in. Like, wait, who is this cutting me off?

[Shane Gillis]

Like, okay, I got some Venezuelan.

[Matt McCusker]

Like. Okay, let me break this out.

[Shane Gillis]

They do fly the flag. Very pirates.

[Matt McCusker]

True. You should get it. You should get one of those for your rear view.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

Why not?

[Shane Gillis]

They. They.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'm not obstructing my view. That's dangerous.

[Shane Gillis]

What would you have Jolly Roger on the back?

[Chris O'Connor]

What's a Jolly Roger?

[Shane Gillis]

Pirate flag.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no, no.

[Shane Gillis]

But you should get the actual Pirates of the Caribbean logo on this should get your car wrapped. If I pay for it, will you do that?

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

Would you in terms if you were living a pirate? You don't like the pirate's life at all?

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no, I'm not trying to be a pirate.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you're telling me. If you. You wouldn't like.

[Chris O'Connor]

The song pumps me up.

[Shane Gillis]

It doesn't want to make you swashbuckle at all.

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

What when you listen to it?

[Matt McCusker]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

All right.

[Matt McCusker]

No adventures on the high seas or.

[Shane Gillis]

Anything to do with the high seas.

[Chris O'Connor]

About what I think about.

[Matt McCusker]

What do you think about it?

[Chris O'Connor]

You know.

[Matt McCusker]

You know the Japanese subway?

[Chris O'Connor]

Sometimes I'm like drawing a pitch.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you just. You daydream about throwing.

[Chris O'Connor]

I listen to the song and I daydream. It's like saving people or like, it's like hero. It's. It's stupid.

[Shane Gillis]

You listen to Pirates of the Caribbean while you're driving and daydream about being a hero.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes. I can't help it, Shane. It's my brain.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Chris O'Connor]

Thank you.

[Shane Gillis]

All right.

[Matt McCusker]

I think. I think you've talked about this before.

[Chris O'Connor]

Why does that bother you?

[Shane Gillis]

It's not. It doesn't bother me. I'm jealous. I just sit there and go, I'm a piece of. I think those daydream about failures.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, well, it's not that I don't have those.

[Shane Gillis]

Those are the Pirates of the Caribbean and think about failures.

[Matt McCusker]

It's so funny. Like, I let everybody down.

[Chris O'Connor]

If I was in Emmett say, I would never listen to it. I would never listen to it.

[Shane Gillis]

If you're feeling sad.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Bring you up a little, though.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no. If I'm, like, judgmental or anything about. No.

[Matt McCusker]

Do you have, like, sad music you ever listen to when you're kind of sad?

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm trying to think, like Radiohead or something like that.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no, no, no. I don't have anything. It'd be more like, if I. If I need to have a cry, I have, like, movies that I can watch. I think we talked about this.

[Shane Gillis]

50, 50, 50, 50. Got me.

[Matt McCusker]

What's 50?

[Shane Gillis]

50?

[Chris O'Connor]

There's just this scene at the end of it where he's about to go into surgery and he's just, like, trying to ask the doctor questions about what the sir. And then he just goes, mom. And he puts his hand out and it just got me.

[Shane Gillis]

I told the story. I was on a. Like, a first date with a girl. We saw that movie. Really had my arm around her, and I was trying to hold in a cry so bad that I was like. My body was shaking. I was crying.

[Chris O'Connor]

I saw it, I bought it. And I said, if I ever need to, like, just get a cry, I'll watch that scene. It's been very effective.

[Matt McCusker]

That's kind of nice.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Can you cry while acting? That's. That's the thing I always think about.

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't know. Yeah, it's.

[Shane Gillis]

It's.

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't know.

[Matt McCusker]

It's hard.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I imagine that'd be, like, a real weird. Even if you did it right, it would feel kind of weird, too. Or you'd be like, them crying in front of all these people. I feel, like, pissed about that.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that's pretty funny. Being in, like, a very serious scene. Being worried about, like, everyone here is gonna think I'm a cut.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm not crying for real. I don't even care about scripting. I. I like. I like, can't wrap my head around that. That's such a wild thing to be able. I mean, I guess you could do it if you think of something sad enough, but like being able to do that in front of all those people, I'm always like. I'm just like fascinated by that.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

It's kind of nuts.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I don't think I could. I don't think I could do it.

[Chris O'Connor]

You could definitely do it.

[Shane Gillis]

I could. You could downplay you so good, Steve.

[Chris O'Connor]

All right. But we did really appreciate going to the masters.

[Shane Gillis]

I know you did.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I appreciate the way you handled yourself on the flight.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

No, you did great.

[Chris O'Connor]

I got to turn it around because I gotta fly and I want to fly anyway. Yeah, we're gonna be good.

[Matt McCusker]

That's secure for panic attack. So if you just tell one person you're having a panic attack, it does lessen it. You try to keep it to yourself.

[Chris O'Connor]

You're Chris Chain. Everybody talking to me. Yep.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You can't.

[Matt McCusker]

You can't keep it to yourself. You'll.

[Shane Gillis]

The way they tried to get you to not be afraid of flying, I think probably did more damage by making you fly a Cessna with a guy.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, well, I. I did that on my own. I thought that that would. I thought that would help so. Because I was gonna go to internship in Los Angeles when I was at Drexel and I had had like a problem flying. So, you know, I had to go. I got the internship. I had a family friend that had a. Like a two seater plane.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And so I asked him, I said, would you mind taking me up to sort of try and break me out of this?

[Matt McCusker]

So scary.

[Chris O'Connor]

It was terrifying.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he pulled it out.

[Chris O'Connor]

He pulled it out with his hands. He was like a 55 year old guy and he. The hanger, he just like puts a hook around the front wheel and is wheeling the thing out. And I'm like, oh. And then I. And I was telling him, it's like one of the most embarrassing things I've ever said. But he. So he gets it out. He's going through his whole flight plan or whatever, checking it, and then, you know you can only get in through one door.

[Matt McCusker]

Sure.

[Shane Gillis]

Hey, yo.

[Chris O'Connor]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

With a guy, you can only get it into one door.

[Matt McCusker]

It set up a crazy in you.

[Shane Gillis]

I know. So the 55 year old pulled it out.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. Sweet man.

[Shane Gillis]

Sweet man. Taste or no.

[Chris O'Connor]

And dude.

[Matt McCusker]

So he just like literally like yanked it out of his shed and was like, let's hop in this thing and fly. He.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. So we go through the whole thing of, like, he's explaining to me what he's doing. He's really patient. He's, you know, there's nobody around for a clear. Yells out of the thing and we start the engine and it starts going. And you know, my heart. You're wearing headphones, so that's helping. But I was like, is it going to be this loud? He's like, no, it's going to be louder. I'm like, okay. And then we got to the, you know, he's taxiing and we get to the end of the Runway and he calls out his tail sign or whatever it is I'm waiting for in my head. I'm going, I'm getting out of this things. And he says, you know, preparing to depart. Says this thing. And then I think, oh, somebody's gonna come back. Give him clearance. And then he'll. I'll say, don, I'm not doing this. The moment he said it, he was just putting that out to, like, any other pilot.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I'm going.

[Chris O'Connor]

And he just goes. And so then we're like, you know, this. And then the moment we start taking off, I go, I'm doing it, dog. And he goes, he shushed me. And then there was like some ordinance where. Because, you know, there's like, really doing.

[Shane Gillis]

It.

[Chris O'Connor]

And then there's some ordinance because it was like flying right over a neighborhood. So you debate at a certain degree. So I was like, dude, that's a. And I was like. And I had these two. Oh, man. I had these two water bottles, and I was just. They were crushed. And then I remember.

[Shane Gillis]

You're squeezing water bottles.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, this side.

[Shane Gillis]

But I.

[Chris O'Connor]

Now I'm remembering another embarrassing thing I said on a flight once, because this. So after that, then I went to Florida, and I was coming back to my friend, and we were sitting there, and the pilot gets on and goes, just want to let everybody know we're gonna hit some turbulence coming in. We're gonna rock and roll. And so then I. I look over, I'm obviously petrified. And then we start hitting some turbulence, and my friend just starts laughing hysterically. And I was like, you're gonna laugh at your friend at a time like this? And that's really embarrassing.

[Shane Gillis]

You lashed out against him the way you lashed out against Sweet Drake.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's not my. It's my opinion. I don't like it.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a totally fair opinion. I play It a lot and loud. I like. I like my music loud, dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, you do. So we're all yelling now.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. So do you guys like the loud music on the plane? Oh, that seemed like a bunch of no's.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it wasn't really committal.

[Shane Gillis]

We like the music. I thought you guys were B guys. I was just trying to play loud music.

[Matt McCusker]

Double take.

[Chris O'Connor]

What the did you say?

[Matt McCusker]

Just watched him go. Huh?

[Shane Gillis]

That guys are beast.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, I like the loud music on the play. That kind of. It actually calms me down. It gets me thinking about other.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I can see it kind of taking the edge off in a way, which is blasting. It's just party time. Just sucks if you crash while. I guess you might as well be blasting music while you crash.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's a difference. See that? I listen to him howling.

[Chris O'Connor]

What's really happening? Oh, it's really happening.

[Shane Gillis]

How is landing. How did Don treat you?

[Chris O'Connor]

Landing. Landing was cool. I mean, it just was. I mean, when you're watching from the cockpit.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And, yeah, I mean, it was scary, but it was an interesting experience.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's kind of nice.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Those little planes are terrifying.

[Chris O'Connor]

I would never do it again.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. That's how I feel about skydiving. I'm like. My wife's always like, we had to go. I'm like, I'm never going skydiving.

[Shane Gillis]

Of course not.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Like, what the. Why would I do that? It's fun. I'm like, no, not. Never in my life. No desire.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, me neither. Of course not. I. I can't. I just. I. I'd never.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I don't, like, mind heights that much, but I'm, like, honest. I don't feel. It seems like a lot of.

[Shane Gillis]

I want to jump out of the place.

[Matt McCusker]

Obviously, I would get nervous, like, jumping off a plane, but it's just, like, why even risk it at all? It's indescribable. Like, it's fine. She's done it. Yeah, she loved it. I had a friend who used to skydive. He got, like, licensed to, like, do it by himself. And he would literally, like, smoke a blunt and jump out of a plane.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, my goodness.

[Matt McCusker]

And then he would complain. He's like, they're saying I smell like weed. It's. It's like, dude, it's a huge liability at their place, jumping out of a plane. So they're really on my ass about this. And he would give the guy who packed his parachute. He would, like, pay him in weed. I'm like, not a good idea. Dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, my goodness.

[Matt McCusker]

But he got licensed. He was doing it by himself, like, all the time. He, like, loved it. But I don't know if I'd want. I. That's the one thing I would say. I definitely want a guy strapped to my back.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

That once.

[Shane Gillis]

I want to do me. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I want to do it on me. I for real want to do. I want a daddy in this guy.

[Shane Gillis]

I want a daddy.

[Matt McCusker]

Be like, you can do this yourself. Like, nah, man.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

One daddy.

[Shane Gillis]

Also, that way, if things go wrong, we just fully smash for sure. On impact.

[Matt McCusker]

For sure.

[Shane Gillis]

You get to experience the hardest plowing.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Gillis]

True. From the stratosphere.

[Matt McCusker]

Just your skull starts to cave in. You're like, hold on.

[Shane Gillis]

I wish I knew. I like this while I was alive.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, True. Imagine how much of a blast you could have if you figured out. You love that.

[Shane Gillis]

Getting smashed.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. World will be your oyster.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Crazy. You know what I wonder about, too, actually. We'll save for the Patreon.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, let's switch over to the Patreon.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

God bless.

[Matt McCusker]

Bye. What a cliffhanger.