Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)

Summary

Summary of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Episode 557: Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)

Release Date: May 1, 2025

In Episode 557 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, titled "Blob Farm" and featuring guest Nate Marshall, hosts Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis engage in a whirlwind of humorous discussions, personal anecdotes, and imaginative banter. The episode, characterized by its fast-paced dialogue and comedic flair, covers a broad spectrum of topics ranging from schooling experiences and music to fictional blob theories and social media dynamics.

---

1. Opening Banter and Daily Routines

The episode kicks off with light-hearted exchanges about footwear and morning routines, establishing a casual and humorous tone.

• John starts the conversation with a comment about his comfortable shoes:

  "[00:00] Wild wild west. The shoes are. They're my most comfortable pair of shoes."

• Mike responds playfully, showcasing camaraderie:

  "[00:04] These shoes are sick. Hey, let me prance around those. Show these people your under armor skills."

This segment sets the stage for the ensuing discussions, highlighting the hosts' easy rapport and penchant for quick-witted humor.

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2. School Experiences and Education Systems

A significant portion of the episode delves into the hosts' reflections on their schooling days, community colleges, and the evolving dynamics of education.

• Chris shares his struggle with waking up late, reflecting on modern school pressures:

  "[01:25] I feel like the older I'm getting the I'm just waking up earlier."

• John contrasts this by discussing his own late waking habits:

  "[01:38] Yeah, that's the opposite for me. I'm waking up later."

The conversation progresses to critique how schools cultivate student passions, with John nostalgically recalling a less pressured academic environment:

"[03:47] These kids are so smart. They come out and they're like little mini adults. They're like mature. It's really weird."

The hosts lament the perceived loss of carefree youth as education systems become more rigid and performance-oriented.

---

3. Music, Rapping, and Cultural Commentary

Shifting gears, the discussion transitions to music and the rap industry, with humorous takes on their personal involvement and observations of cultural trends.

• Chris reminisces about high school plays, drawing a parallel to current student portrayals:

  "[03:58] I kind of like that because that's what I felt like. Wasn't that always like kind of..."

• John and Mike share stories about community college and encountering local rappers, blending humor with critique of the music scene's authenticity:

  "[11:10] My boy did. He had. There was this rapper, Joey Jihad, a Philly dude..."

  "[12:23] It's pretty crazy..."

The hosts poke fun at the unpredictability of pursuing music careers, emphasizing how external factors can abruptly alter one's path.

---

4. The Blob Theory: A Fictional and Humorous Concept

One of the standout topics is the imaginative "Blob Theory," a fictional concept introduced for comedic exploration.

• Chris proposes the idea of having a "blob" as a podcast mascot:

  "[43:50] You guys could get a blob. Maybe a blob."

• The hosts brainstorm scenarios involving blobs, including monetization strategies and protection from governmental interference:

  "[44:14] I think the lady was talking about buying and selling bitcoin."

This segment is filled with over-the-top humor, blending absurdity with creative storytelling as they fantasize about managing and profiting from these fictional blobs.

---

5. Social Media, Algorithms, and Cultural Dynamics

The conversation shifts to a critique of social media platforms and their role in shaping societal perceptions and behaviors.

• Chris comments on the divisive nature of Twitter algorithms:

  "[36:07] ...if I was a black person on white Twitter, I'd be like, God damn, these honkies are fucking racist, bro."

• Mike adds his frustration with repetitive content:

  "[38:24] Do they keep sending me these?"

The hosts humorously lament how algorithms can create echo chambers, reinforcing biases and facilitating misunderstandings across different communities.

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6. Personal Anecdotes: Drinking, OnlyFans, and Relationships

Sharing personal stories, the hosts discuss past behaviors, interactions with partners, and experiences with platforms like OnlyFans.

• John recounts a mishap involving filming a personal moment:

  "[27:58] She was telling me I was being annoying trying to fuck her last night..."

• Mike humorously reflects on the challenges of maintaining privacy:

  "[32:38] BetterHelp..."

These anecdotes are interspersed with humor, highlighting the awkwardness and complexities of navigating personal relationships in the digital age.

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7. Technology, Privacy, and Surveillance Concerns

The discussion also touches on concerns about technology's intrusion into personal privacy and the ethical implications of surveillance.

• Chris dramatizes the extent of technological monitoring:

  "[37:18] If they got the wearables, they can literally track your biometrics..."

• Mike expresses frustration with targeted content:

  "[38:24] Do they keep sending me these?"

The hosts critique how technology can manipulate user behavior and infringe on privacy, framing these concerns within their characteristic humor.

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8. Humorous Discussions on OnlyFans and Sex Tapes

Delving into the realm of online platforms, the hosts discuss OnlyFans and the awkwardness surrounding the sharing of intimate content.

• John humorously navigates a confrontation over a sex tape:

  "[44:48] Can't bring up the poop vid."

• Mike jokes about the implications of such content being public:

  "[45:04] So it is funny when you get someone on..."

These discussions blend candidness with comedic exaggeration, illustrating the humorous side of handling private matters in the public sphere.

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9. Theoretical Debates and Fictional Scenarios

In a playful twist, the hosts propose theoretical debates and fictional scenarios, integrating their Blob Theory into imaginative and humorous discussions.

• Chris suggests debating academic theories with professors:

  "[58:07] We'll get podiums, but I'm gonna bring in an expert and you debate them..."

• Mike adds to the absurdity by incorporating elements like gender studies into these debates:

  "[58:28] Have you studied blob theory? No, I don't think so."

This segment showcases the hosts' creative improvisation, blending satire with fictional storytelling to entertain their audience.

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10. Closing Remarks and Continued Banter

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts maintain their lively banter, discussing hypothetical defenses against mythical blobs and wrapping up with playful farewells.

• Mike and Chris engage in humorous exchanges about blob protection:

  "[73:55] Land on the Blob Railroad. Real far apart."

• The hosts joke about personal discomfort and the absurdity of their discussions:

  "[74:45] God damn, I'm about to whiz."

The episode ends on a high note of camaraderie and humor, leaving listeners entertained by the unending flow of imaginative ideas and playful interactions.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• John (01:24):

  "Is dad energy a thing? Like you like dead energy? Like, you hear it, you're like, all right. It kind of kicks you into gear."

• Chris (03:35):

  "These kids are coming out like they're running for president. They're like, my passion is..."

• Mike (06:43):

  "I never really thought if you were dumb or not. You don't seem very dumb."

• John (11:45):

  "Joey Jihad, a Philly dude. He was like underground. Like, he was about to actually blow. Like 50 was about to sign him."

• Chris (36:07):

  "Everybody's algorithm, like, if I was a black person saw white Twitter, I'd be like, God damn, these honkies are fucking racist, bro."

• Mike (38:24):

  "Do they keep sending me these?"

• John (44:48):

  "Can't bring up the poop vid."

• Chris (58:07):

  "We'll get podiums, but I'm gonna bring in an expert and you debate them, and you have to genuinely debate them."

These quotes encapsulate the episode's blend of personal reflection, cultural critique, and imaginative humor.

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Key Themes and Insights

1. Nostalgia vs. Modernity:

   • The hosts frequently reflect on their past, contrasting it with contemporary societal norms, especially in education and personal lifestyles.

2. Imaginative Humor:

   • Creative concepts like the Blob Theory serve as vehicles for humor, allowing the hosts to explore fictional scenarios with a comedic twist.

3. Cultural Critique:

   • Through satire, the hosts critique modern education systems, the music industry's authenticity, and the divisive nature of social media algorithms.

4. Personal Anecdotes:

   • Sharing past experiences adds depth to the conversation, making the hosts relatable while infusing humor into everyday situations.

5. Technology's Double-Edged Sword:

   • Discussions highlight both the conveniences and invasions of privacy brought about by technological advancements, framed within comedic narratives.

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Conclusion

Episode 557, "Blob Farm," of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast is a testament to the hosts' ability to blend personal storytelling with satirical commentary and imaginative humor. Featuring dynamic interactions with guests like Nate Marshall, the episode weaves through various topics with ease, maintaining an engaging and entertaining pace. From reminiscing about school days and critiquing modern education to inventing humorous blob-centric scenarios and debating the impact of social media, the hosts deliver a multifaceted and laughter-filled episode. Whether reflecting on past misadventures or creating fictional theories, Matt and Shane ensure that their audience is both entertained and thoughtfully amused.

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Note: This summary captures the essence and key moments of the podcast episode, structured into clear sections with notable quotes and timestamps for reference.

Transcript

[John]

Wild wild west. The shoes are. They're my most comfortable pair of shoes.

[Mike]

These shoes are sick. Hey, let me prance around those. Show these people your under armor skills.

[John]

He did get the best choice. I've never seen you kick that high.

[Mike]

Little Jack Black. Action. Little Jack. Actually Black.

[John]

I'll be honest, I would have been a million dollars. You couldn't have done that many kicks in a row.

[Mike]

That was a lot.

[Chris]

Kung fu. That was a Kung Fu panda. Jack Black.

[Mike]

I wish I wasn't so goddamn sleepy.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Workout.

[Chris]

I was yesterday, man. I woke up.

[Mike]

Oh, yesterday. Yesterday I played video games.

[Chris]

Yeah, I was a pathetic day. Did that thing where I opened my eyes and try to gauge the hangover before I woke up and I felt all right. I was just hot. I like woke up as a thousand degrees. I thought it was 7am I reached over to like I'm like seeing what time it is. I'll like see if Britney's in bed. I'm like, all right, it's probably like seven. Didn't feel her and I pat it. It was just a pillow. I'm like there she is. And I laid there and I checked my phone like 10 minutes later. 10:30, I was like, damn.

[Mike]

Yeah, we were up late though.

[Chris]

We're up super late.

[Mike]

We got home late.

[Chris]

Yeah, we're up super late. Yeah, I was, I was dragging.

[John]

That's an early day.

[Chris]

10:30, that was crazy decadent. Dude. Usually it's 6:37 for me. Try to get up before my kids.

[John]

It's 11.

[Chris]

It's 11.

[John]

Is like I'm. I did it. I got up a decent hour.

[Chris]

Really?

[Mike]

Yeah, I feel like the older I'm getting the I'm just waking up earlier.

[John]

Even if, even if you're out late.

[Mike]

Even if it's a late night. Yeah.

[John]

You think it's about time like you're.

[Mike]

Like I'm not sure exactly. I'm not sure. No, no. It's not like it's a conscious decision. It's just your body just keep waking up early.

[John]

Yeah, that's the opposite for me. I'm waking up later.

[Mike]

Really.

[John]

I have to set. I have to set 11am alarms really to be up. Like if not I'll just sleep.

[Mike]

That's nice. It's sleep.

[Chris]

That is nice. No, I just get my kids wake up at like 7am so it's either I get up before them or I get woken up to just like a kid through a monitor. Like it's like for real. The worst way to wake up because you have to Get. You have to get out of bed and like.

[John]

And go to action right away.

[Chris]

So if you get up before them, you like, chill, relax. Yeah, drink my coffee. And then it's like, you'll hear them wake up. You're like, sweet.

[John]

Is dad energy a thing? Like you like dead energy? Like, you hear it, you're like, all right. It kind of kicks you into gear. Or is it just.

[Chris]

Yeah, you pop. Yeah, you pop up. Cuz the only alternative is like, they're fine. And then you wait and wait and wait. And that could turn into just like rest of your life. Really? If you want to.

[Mike]

Yeah, you can just leave. You go. You know what? They're fine. A lot of people don't have dads. They'll. They'll be all right.

[Chris]

Anything. It'll help them give.

[Mike]

A little boy named sue made you stronger.

[Chris]

I've been looking at schools. We finally found one. Dude. It's such a insane process now to find like schools for kids.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Since we went, we like looked at it.

[Mike]

Yeah, insane.

[Chris]

We looked at a bunch of schools and then what a lot of them do. I noticed they like card out their eighth graders as like, give you a.

[Mike]

Look, say, this is what we do.

[Chris]

These kids out. But then they come out, they're like robots, dude. These kids come out and they're like, my passion is. And it's like, who the. Who's back there hitting you with bamboo sticks? When I was in eighth grade, if they pull me out in front of parents, like, what do you like about school? I'd been like, I don't know. Zero eye contact. Yeah.

[Mike]

Like recess.

[Chris]

Recess. I don't know if I was math socks. These kids are coming out like they're running for president. They're like, well, I'm actually going to a very. It's like, what the.

[John]

Now this is speaking is not a dad at all. But I kind of like that because that's what I felt like. Wasn't that always like kind of. The thing is like America was falling off because we were. Our kids weren't as disciplined as other countries.

[Chris]

These kids are so smart. They come out and they're like little mini adults. They're like mature. It's really weird.

[John]

I kind of would like to have had that for myself. I feel like a dumbass a lot. And to just not have that as part of my life will be beautiful.

[Chris]

Just to come out and be like, I'm very deeply. I'm actually working with my community. Right.

[Mike]

I never really thought if you were dumb or not. You don't seem very dumb.

[John]

I'm not completely done, but I'm not.

[Chris]

Student energy for sure, you said.

[Mike]

Yeah, I think the whole. I think the whole crew holds that down.

[Chris]

Cd. Yeah, true.

[John]

I was the smartest of my. My childhood crew. Everybody got left back senior year except me.

[Mike]

You're all your boys got.

[John]

All my boys were super seniors and I just was out. I came back from prom too, though.

[Mike]

You came back from prom?

[John]

Back for a second prom. I was like, I'm back.

[Mike]

Hell, yeah.

[Chris]

That's swag.

[Mike]

Damn, that is nice.

[John]

But yeah, they all.

[Mike]

The whole squad got held back, huh?

[John]

Whole squad.

[Mike]

Is this reading Central Catholic or Where'd you go?

[John]

Right in. Ran high school. And it was.

[Mike]

Well, I mean, that's pretty standard at reading high school.

[John]

That or you just give up and.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[John]

Don't even graduate. A lot of people get that senior left back and just go, ah, I did my four years.

[Chris]

Yeah, true. I'm sorry. Give a. What they said.

[John]

I'm done, everybody.

[Mike]

I feel like the same grade again. Must be getting held back.

[Chris]

Senior year is insane.

[John]

Crazy.

[Mike]

Changes your whole life.

[Chris]

I mean, that's super senioritis.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah, it does. Although it would be senior year if no one right now. I would be a super senior. Senior year is.

[Mike]

I was just gonna be racist. I just want you guys to know. Good on you. I'm just kind of caught myself.

[Chris]

Good on you. Yeah.

[Mike]

That's important. You acknowledge it. You go. It'd be funny to just say black people have senioritis. I'm not gonna do that.

[Chris]

Or just. Excuse me.

[Mike]

Pardon me.

[Chris]

Excuse me.

[Mike]

I was just being racist.

[John]

They made that second year look like the most fun. I.

[Chris]

For real.

[Mike]

They're having fun. They were way better than real life.

[John]

Yeah, I was. I was. I went to community college after that. I went to a rat and area community college, and it was just boring.

[Mike]

You went to Rack?

[John]

I went to Rack. I went to Rack, and they were just having.

[Mike]

I paid my dues at Hack.

[John]

At Hack.

[Mike]

I was a Hack hawk. Paid my dues. I did my semester at Hack.

[John]

I'm still doing.

[Mike]

That was. That was actually kind of where I turned my life around as a student.

[Chris]

Community college.

[Mike]

Yeah. After I had failed out at Elon.

[Chris]

You also. You'll feel like a superstar going to community college if you go to college.

[Mike]

No, I did back. Oh, everybody here is dumb as. And then it was like, all right, it's time to stop getting failing.

[Chris]

Yeah, I. I was at Drexel, Westchester.

[Mike]

I got to get my grades up to get into West.

[Chris]

True. Dude. I was at Drexel, like, school. So dumb. What's the point of this? And I went. I worked. I was with like, the labor reunion with my, like, working for my dad. So I had to sign up to the labor's union to work for him. So the union didn't say anything. And I was like, college is so pointless. And I was, like, chilling with, like, laborers and I would talk to them and I'm like, I think college worked on me a little bit.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris]

They would read the paper and I'd be like, yeah, but like, who? You got to think, like, who wrote that paper? They all have an agenda. And they always look at me and be like, dude, it's in the paper. Like, this is before Donald Trump busted the fake news. People would read the paper and be like, well, that's what happened.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's that.

[Chris]

It's pretty crazy.

[Mike]

I worked in that factory and I. I realized, yeah, it was time.

[Chris]

Yeah, well, did that. Yeah, definitely.

[Mike]

College helps. There's a bunch of guys that were illiterate. Yeah, like, fully illiterate. They'd be like, I can't read that. What's.

[Chris]

It. Turns out grade school kind of helped me a little bit. Dude. The. Dude. Some of the schools, though, are still wilding out. We went to this one school we really wanted. I really wanted my daughter to go there. And dude, we had a meeting, like a parent interview or whatever. And they were like, well, we do a reenactment in the, I think, third or fourth grade where we reenact the taking of the land from Mexico. We use the third graders to reenact this. And it was just like. And I'm sitting there the whole time. I told Brittany, going into it, I'm like, they're gonna probably say a bunch of dumb. Just. Just go along with it. I just like this. Thank God we. We didn't get in, but we were. We were in the thing. He was like, the lady was talking about people of color. And Brittany's like, like, I didn't see any. She's like. She mentioned Asians. And Brittany goes sort of people of color, like, held her leg under the table.

[Mike]

Oh, yes.

[Chris]

It was kind of a beast. It was beast.

[Mike]

So nice.

[Chris]

It was beast. The lady claimed it.

[Mike]

Wife card is.

[Chris]

It was so funny, dude. I was dying and the lady tried to claim it herself, bro. I mean, same as me, bro. And I'm like, sitting there like, my God, it's crazy.

[Mike]

They're going to do the reenactment of America taking Mexico yeah, dude.

[John]

With.

[Chris]

With fucking fourth graders, dude. Yeah, that's fucking nuts. It's also like, if you're gonna read, like, why that one? Why not? Like, that's kind of weird.

[Mike]

Are they celebrating it? Because then I could see. Yeah, yeah, the Alamo ruled, dude. What a bunch of.

[Chris]

Well, then it's like, why not go even further back in time? Why stop there?

[Mike]

Yeah. Let's see how Mexico got that land.

[Chris]

Yeah. How did they. How did they.

[Mike]

Spanish came and cut everyone's fucking heads off, but that's because they were cutting everybody's heads off. Yeah, they weren't. Like.

[Chris]

It was distasteful. It's like, don't do that with.

[Mike]

Yeah. Mexico. They were not very chill.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So, yeah, it was just a play of the Comanche.

[Chris]

Do what?

[Mike]

You should do a play where the kids are the Comanche.

[Chris]

True.

[Mike]

And they abduct white settlers and gang rape them and disembowel them in front of their families. That'd be pretty cool.

[John]

Fake scalpings.

[Chris]

Yeah, that'd be nice. Holding up fake little kids, like real Hollywood blood packets. I could see stepping up like kids productions. We're doing Reservoir Dogs. Yeah, we dodged a bullet. I was. I was happy that Brittany was yapping, because that was. Looking back on it. I was like, that was such a sick move.

[John]

Did y'all ever do any of those things when you were kids? Like, kids plays?

[Chris]

Nah, I held it down. I was like, plays.

[Mike]

I was part of the tableau in the Christmas play.

[Chris]

What's the tableau?

[Mike]

Tableau was for all the kids who sucked that weren't part of the real play that just went up and did a nativity scene.

[Chris]

Oh, that's sick.

[Mike]

My job was to hold a banner behind them and go. Just shook a banner.

[Chris]

I did. Pretty sick.

[John]

I had to do. I went to Catholic school for a little bit, and I had. We did sister act, and you guys did sister act, and I had to do the rapping part. He come in, like, joyful, joyful.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[John]

I still kind of remember it, but.

[Mike]

Let me hear it.

[John]

I. I just remember the. It's a joyful, joyful Lord, I adore Thee and in my life I put the. Before the. And I don't remember.

[Mike]

That's pretty good kind of way art. Yeah.

[John]

I kind of kind of have felt good doing it.

[Mike]

Did you ever think about being a rapper?

[John]

Obviously?

[Chris]

Yeah, obviously.

[John]

Obviously.

[Mike]

I had a feeling at such a young age.

[John]

You never thought.

[Mike]

Did I ever think about it? Not one day. I thought about it earlier today.

[Chris]

I was like, what if I could speak Spit True. It's like, you never know. It's like, what if I.

[Mike]

You never know. I've never even tried. Maybe I could spit.

[Chris]

In high school, you'd all get high and people would freestyle and stuff. It was sick.

[John]

It's the best.

[Chris]

Yeah, it's pretty fun, actually.

[Mike]

It is.

[Chris]

I knew. I knew it didn't have it in me.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

My one friend would. My one friend would just do Eminem. Like. That's an Eminem song. No, it's just came up with that right now.

[Mike]

Two trailer park girls go around the outside. I don't know.

[Chris]

Is that a song? I didn't know that. That's crazy.

[John]

My boy did. He had. He played a smart.

[Mike]

You guys must have all been rapping the whole time.

[John]

Always. But my one boy.

[Mike]

Guys who got held back in senior year. I got a feeling they thought they had rap careers lined up.

[John]

My hobby, Dante did. He used to. There was this rapper, Joey Jihad, a Philly dude. He was like underground. He was big. Like, he was about to actually blow. And like 50 was about to sign him. And then somebody just sucker punched him on the street. There's like a video of him just getting knocked out just in the middle of the street. Ruined his whole.

[Chris]

Really?

[John]

Yeah. Georgia had. Was nice too. But not a lot of people knew him. And we were in Retin. So. But he knew him. So he would just battle rap people for money. But he would just use Joey Jad raps for like a good year. It was nice.

[Mike]

I remember.

[Chris]

I'll never forget. I was. I remember I was with this one dude. I was like, just going to my house, like, saw weed or whatever. Was a black guy. And my neighbors in West Philly, I actually, like, knew them. I like, worked with one guy and they were out in their car blasting, like someone they knew was like their family members demo tape. They're like, come listen to this. Like, the black guy I was with, and he leaned in the car and he was like, yeah, that shit's trash. And then just walked into my house. And I was like, what the. I didn't know you could do that.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

He's like, yo, that shit's trash. And then just came in. I was like, dude, it's my neighbors, man. Why are you doing that? It's the funniest thing. And it just like, didn't even. Like, we came in and I would have, like, if I had done that to someone, I'm like, did you see me do that? He just was like, anyway, so what Are we? What is going on here? And I was like, did you just do that to my neighbors? Yo, that's just fucking trash. It was such a beast move.

[Mike]

Did you ever get to do that to somebody with a demo tape? You go, shit's trash.

[John]

No, I never. I never had the heart. I always feel bad, like, because somebody's trying their best. Yeah. Somebody's doing. Even when they're not trying their best, like, that, that thing. But he's doing Times Square just handing you CDs.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[John]

I used to hate that shit, but it would be like, I can't be. I can't be rude to you.

[Mike]

Yeah, I would take the cds.

[John]

Yeah. I would take them, throw them away.

[Chris]

Yeah. Pay, like, two bucks for it. And you're like, yeah.

[Mike]

That's when they get you. You go, oh, thanks.

[Chris]

They give it to you, and you're like, thanks. You're like, you're not gonna give me any money. It's like, I didn't ask for this. I don't want this. I'm helping you.

[John]

You ever see this?

[Mike]

I could get this to the right people.

[John]

You ever see the video of 50? He's, like, just walking with some lady, and some dude just, like, just starts harassing him. Just like, listen to my Instagram. And he's just like, you're never going to make it. That's, like, what he says to him. He was like, if this is how you're going about it, you're done.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Chris]

50'S beefing with, like, Big Meech right now, isn't he?

[Mike]

Always be someone.

[Chris]

Just like, is it who one of those guys got out of jail? And he's, like, calling the dude a rat. He's like, he's a rat.

[John]

He's, like, beefing with I, I, I can't think of the network. It's like, I want to say Showtime or something, but it's. He's like, suing somebody over a documentary. He's just like, I want my By Monday. He's probably my favorite Instagram.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah. He's the man.

[Mike]

You turn on. Yeah.

[John]

Did I turn on? No. I mean, yeah. I mean, I've been kind of like, I don't know, man. It's hard to say anything about Yay. Because I love him so much, but he's gone so crazy. But then you see, like, I was watching the Academic interview. Just, like, at the beginning of it, he seemed locked into. He's like, all right, we're gonna do this. It's gonna look like this.

[Chris]

And he got Even more locked in.

[John]

And then as soon again, he put the outfit on and was like, just.

[Mike]

It's so funny. At least he's not really doing anything bad. He's just saying crazy.

[John]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Has he done anything bad other than.

[Chris]

I mean, he's like, no, I don't think so right now. But he's also come out and he's like, I've beat women before. I've done this. The one. The beast thing that I will give him. I suck my cousin's dick, obviously suck my cousin's weaner. But the one thing that was I. I will give him is when Iggy Azalea came out being like, Kanye used to say, tell him. He would take me aside and tell me he, like, jerks off my pictures. And he retweeted it and just said, true.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I wonder. I wonder if you're like, I feel like he's got another era of, like, a different thing in him. I think he's gonna drop this stuff.

[John]

I kind of think so. I don't think this is going to be the last thing.

[Mike]

No, we're definitely not gonna. This is. There's no way he's going away. Yeah, he's just never going away. We're gonna be. I going to slow down on the tweets. We're going to get these daily updates every day for the next 30 years.

[John]

You think it's going to get darker than I suck my cousin when I was.

[Chris]

I don't think it can.

[Mike]

Oh, that's.

[Chris]

That's as dark as I think it can.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's as low as it goes.

[Chris]

I wonder. I was like, is this some. I've said this before. Is this like a. Is he on just another level of, like, performance art where it's like, he's expanding just the boundaries of all this weird stuff of, like, KKK sucking your.

[Mike]

Cousin'S dick, gay incest. He hit a little black lotus. He did it. He hit the true black lotus.

[John]

You think? He was just loved so much. He was like, he just wants to feel hated. Well, not after the Taylor, I guess, Taylor Swift stuff. He was hated a little bit.

[Chris]

He's been in the hospital for a while.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah, dude. I don't know. I don't. I can't even wrap my head around, like, why you would do that or what. But again, we could just be nuts, man.

[Mike]

Like, yeah, yeah. He could be having a type of.

[Chris]

Mental break, but, dude, if I was.

[Mike]

Or he could just be the man. Who knows?

[Chris]

We'll never know. Time will Tell dude, you got to talk. You got to give him 100 years. See what's up. He could go into, like, a Luke Skywalker phase if he goes on a misty mountain and goes dark for a while. I mean, it's kind of what he should have done, like, five years ago, you know, he should just go, misty Mountain. But his tweet every day about how he's on the misty mountain in Israel, he never.

[John]

When he tweeted that he wasn't a Nazi no more. That did. That lasted for a day, right? He was.

[Mike]

And then he was like, no, I'm back. Did he do that?

[John]

He just. Just went back.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is interesting. Like, what the.

[John]

Just like the Bro, we talked about this. Yeah.

[Chris]

I mean. I mean, I don't want to. I don't want to. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. But he could have just fell back and just been the greatest producer. Loved around the world. Yeah, but he's a bill, isn't he? Is he. Is he a billionaire? That's the one thing I can't wrap my head around. I'm like, you're a billionaire?

[John]

They said he was, then he somehow lost.

[Chris]

Yeah, but then he said he is again. Now he's like, I'm back. He's like, I'm a billionaire again.

[John]

Kind of awesome.

[Chris]

So he's a billionaire.

[Mike]

Last sick crazy I've seen Zuckerberg. Kanye seems normal for a billionaire. God damn. What was that? Why is he dressing like that?

[John]

You know, I like the outfit. Clet gold chain.

[Mike]

If you're a billionaire, you shouldn't be wearing a gold chain.

[John]

Yeah, but it wasn't a gaudy gold chain. It was little.

[Mike]

He used to be such a humble artist.

[John]

Ah. He's doing jiu jitsu, and now I'm telling you those.

[Chris]

I think that's like, brand. You. You get guys to, like, manage your brand for you.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

So that's like a full stylus print. Brand management. Like, total self reinvention.

[Lemaire]

He should let Kanye be his stylist.

[Mike]

He should have. He should have worn the black KKK uniform. That would have been awesome.

[Chris]

Yeah. I mean, it is. It is. It does suck to have. Zuckerberg's got to be, what, like a couple hundred billion or 100 billion maybe.

[Mike]

Yeah, $185 billion.

[Chris]

Have 185 billion. And then being like, I have to be able to figure out, cool.

[Mike]

It's got to be an algorithm.

[Chris]

There's got to be. It's an algorithm.

[Mike]

Cool algorithm.

[Chris]

There's an algo. And he's kind of hitting. He is.

[Mike]

He's like just like a black guy.

[Chris]

Yeah, I figured that out in seventh grade.

[Mike]

And then in eighth grade, you go, it's not cool when I do it.

[Chris]

True. Yeah. You kind of do figure out an.

[Mike]

Older brother goes, you look like a idiot.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Mike]

All right.

[Chris]

Me. Me and my cousin and my bro Phil would just get crushed. We go show up at family parties and everyone would be like, what the. My cousin Pat had a Wu Tang charm. So tight. So I see. I just had the Jesus piece.

[Mike]

In seventh grade.

[Chris]

It was. It was. It was smaller. Maybe I just did a. Did I have the J. I I. We all had charms at one point. I'm charms. That was a big one. You would go to. Yeah, you would go to sterling silver or wherever in the mall and you would cop. We would cop our silver chain. I was three small loops, one long loop. My cousin was Cuban links.

[Mike]

Cuban links.

[Chris]

Cuban links is sick. Cuban links with the Wu Tang charm was nasty. I got to remember what my charm was. I'm pretty sure it's just a cross. If I know myself. D had the JP and my bro.

[Mike]

She got like, spongebob holding a pistol.

[Chris]

I should have.

[John]

I had a gay one. I just remembered it now. I was a little dragon.

[Mike]

Cisco in like sixth grade.

[John]

I didn't know it was Cisco. I just thought it was a cool little dragon. And then I got to school. They were like, you got the Cisco chain? And I couldn't stop wearing it.

[Mike]

Damn, the Cisco chain sucks.

[John]

And that was.

[Chris]

That was Thong Song. That was like.

[Nate]

Right?

[Mike]

That was.

[Chris]

Yeah, you entered the dragon.

[Mike]

You drew hill. That blows.

[John]

I forgot. I forgot.

[Mike]

I never got a chain.

[Chris]

Never had the chain.

[Mike]

I. I couldn't. I never did it.

[Chris]

Oh, dude. I was. My friend got caught stealing one from the mall. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. He switched his, took a bigger one. It was like in like seventh grade. There was those silver chains that were like $132. Might as well have been a root. Like a six inch ruby.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[Chris]

I was like, dude, you're going for it. And he put it on, walked out. As soon as we stepped out, a guy came out, went on his shoulder. Me and my cousin were just like, later.

[Mike]

I would have cried immediately.

[Chris]

Oh, dude. He was. He had to sit in the mall security booth until his dad came into the mall.

[Mike]

Did he have to do sexual favors to get out?

[Chris]

He probably see that porn.

[Mike]

I've seen that. Ye.

[Chris]

I would have done anything to get Out.

[Mike]

I've done anything to get out of full casting couch. I would have cast it out.

[Chris]

I would have got onto the mall security. I would have been in dog.

[Mike]

I would have initiated. Yeah, I would have got on the table. Yeah, just get it over with, dude.

[Chris]

Sure, I would have. Nasty little power bottom. Getting caught stealing at the mall would have been the apocalypse. Yeah, I would have gotten so much trouble.

[Mike]

Lameze. You never had a chain?

[Nate]

No, I never really had chains.

[Mike]

You could have guard dog. You get that, like, Italian horn or whatever that thing is?

[Lemaire]

No, I was a crucifix guy for a little while, but as a youth, I was like a shark tooth, puka shell kid.

[Mike]

Whoa.

[Lemaire]

Tooth too.

[Mike]

I had an alligator tooth, man. Maybe Lamar was right. Maybe you are an outdoor white True. You were in a tough area for white kids to act black. Like North Jersey.

[John]

Yeah, that feels.

[Mike]

Yeah, you can be like Sopranos.

[Lemaire]

I managed to do it, but I was like. I went more Rasta. When I was coming into my former.

[Mike]

Former years, I could see you hitting a raster face.

[Chris]

I had the puka shells at the beach. I'd hit the boardwalk, try to get numbers.

[Mike]

So sick, though.

[Chris]

Puka shells sunburnt beyond recognition. Yeah, the puka shells were sick.

[Mike]

I never got the pukas.

[Chris]

I was jealous, bro.

[Mike]

I never got the pukas. But I was dark, I was purple. I was sick every night. Every night at the beach.

[Chris]

I was so.

[Mike]

So.

[Chris]

Yeah, you would just. We would get the. We would try to go get numbers from the babes at the beach that would fall apart. Then we would just do horrendous. Horrible. Yeah, Pranks. The poop dollar was the worst.

[Mike]

Poop dollar was diabolical.

[Chris]

I will say sticking the dollar up between the boardwalk cracks, people to grab it and pulling it down. Nothing better.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's great.

[Chris]

So funny.

[John]

Way to be a poop dollar.

[Chris]

No, you leave the poop dollar. You want them to pick that up? They go, sweet. And they go, that's fun. But you can also put. You can also put a dollar between the cracks of the boardwalk, technically the promenade, I guess you could stick it through. And people were like, yeah. And they go to. They put their foot down on it and then they lift it up in his car. It's so funny. There's a bunch of 12 year olds laughing at you. Well, you have every. You have. You take turns because you want to watch. Because boardwalk guy, you couldn't see underneath. So you get to watch your boy do it. And it was the funniest. So funny.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's nice. My favorite memories of the beach was just once we started drinking.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Just getting some bum to buy you and your boys 30 case of natty Light.

[Chris]

It's the best.

[Mike]

Is the best. The best nights of my life.

[Chris]

Yeah, dude, for real. I. I literally. I'll second that. That's like my. That's why I love the beach so much.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

My aunts and uncles would just go get after it all day. They'd be done by 9:00. They're just, just destroyed. They'd be in a room and we would just have a cooler that had beer sitting in it from noon at like 8pm and we would just devastate. And they'd all wake up and be like, you guys drinking beer last night.

[Mike]

You guys were you.

[Chris]

They would try to do like the math and there was like, there's no way. The one time we got caught because we were like hiding the beer cans under our bed for some reason and they, my aunt just like set them out and just wrote a note that said, who drank me? We just saw.

[Mike]

My sister did not take the fall from me and my bro one time.

[Chris]

What?

[Mike]

I tried. Me and my bro drank like a lot of beers.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And then my parents were like, what the is this? And we were like, yeah, Sarah came down here and got faced. It's like, yeah, Sarah just sat here and drank like 25 beers. My mom was like, what the.

[Chris]

Sarah.

[Mike]

She was like, it was them.

[Chris]

What you told me.

[Mike]

Scream, cry, run away.

[Chris]

Yeah, we. I used to get so up at the beat. It was so fun. That was like, honestly one of my fondest memories of like when you're drinking beer and you're like, you're. You've been inside the house and you step out and it's like you smell that salt air and you're like kind of hammered.

[Mike]

You get me going, bro.

[Chris]

It was the best. Still is. Yeah. True.

[Mike]

Nothing beats it.

[Chris]

But as dude as like a 14, 15 year old, it is true.

[Mike]

Getting drunk was no hangover. So sick.

[Chris]

Zero hangover. And you just go out and it'd be 2 in the morning, the bars will let out. We just walk past like drunk adults and be like, you.

[John]

That's the worst thing that could happen to you. Walking out of a bar, just kids going, yeah, and I can't do nothing.

[Chris]

I just, I was like blazing weed out of a corn cob pipe. Just be like.

[Mike]

Did you guys get any nice Redding beach trips?

[Chris]

No, no.

[John]

You guys were talking about the Redding squad.

[Mike]

Never got to the beach.

[John]

We Just would drink hurricanes at the park at 3am it was.

[Mike]

That's probably.

[John]

It was actually the best.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Had a hurricane phase. Three for five hurricanes was an unbeatable deal.

[John]

Could beat it.

[Chris]

I would go. I would. I had a guitar case I would keep outside. I'd walk from the bar back to my dorms. They would just sell in West Philly. They would sell hurricanes to anybody. And, I mean, whatever else probably too. And then, like, I would come back, load up a guitar case with as many hurricanes as I could fit, and just walk into my dorm, like, so tight. I can never drink the third hurricane. I had people I knew people I could drink all three. And I was like, dude, I got two. And I got that half of that third one done. I was just like, I'm at capacity.

[John]

We were kind of doing. We were. It was just. Everybody had one. Everybody had one. One in a blunt. Not bad tonight. Four locals were a bad time.

[Mike]

Four locals.

[Chris]

I kind of missed four. I didn't. I didn't really get hit by the four locals.

[Mike]

I got hit.

[John]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah. That took that. That was. That was a bad time for the bros. I got four Loco Run was crazy. I had sparks.

[Chris]

Sparks were sick. Yeah, Sparks were nice, but I never got the four locos. I had Nelly. I was it juiced. Nelly threw his hat. Yeah, Nelly threw his hat in the ring of energy drink alcohol. And I think it was J O O S E. Drank some juice one night, blacked out. I was down in, like, North Carolina somewhere. Completely blacked out. It was bad.

[John]

I have a. I hope this isn't what doesn't give you. I just have a four local mem. Like, it's not even a memory. I blacked out, but it was on my phone. My girl was staying with me. My parents were away, and I went out drinking with my boys and had four locals and came home, I guess, trying to get some pussy, but also trying to film it. And I just have a. I just had. She was telling me I was being annoying trying to fuck her last night. And I had this. I just had a video.

[Chris]

Oh, no.

[John]

On my phone of me being like, come on, let's film. And she's like, no, we're not doing anything. And it's just the phone going down.

[Mike]

Like, all right, dude, that's your sex tape.

[John]

Bright light in her face. And then just.

[Mike]

Oh, no. Just sleepy girlfriend going, no, we're not doing anything. All right.

[Chris]

Dang, bro. You were un. Before you even knew I really.

[John]

I been.

[Mike]

Shay's gone. You might be the new UN I would be.

[Chris]

100 million's yours, dude, the Root turned on. On big time. Yeah. Vicious article about. And it was, like, mean. It was, like, not even about his case. They were like, let's all talk about what everyone's thinking. He's just dumb. It's like, oh, damn. It was mean. Like, he's like, let's all face it. He's just a dumbass.

[Mike]

I know that wasn't a honky that wrote that one.

[Chris]

I don't think so.

[Mike]

Better not be.

[Chris]

Better not be, man. I don't think the Root would have allowed a honky rip it like that. No, I mean, it was. It was funny. Like, yeah, dude, he's a hockey rip.

[Mike]

I'm just gonna say it. This guy's dumb as hell. Tired of it.

[Chris]

Yeah. They were like. They were just saying, like, he should have signed NDAs. Like, why does he not have control of his sex tape? They're bringing up fair points, honestly. They're like, dude, he just got busted for this. What the. But also, he's probably got crazy sex. A ton of them.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris]

There are dudes. There's a strain of dude that has to film.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Every encounter.

[John]

That was me when I was a kid.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[John]

Which is kind of crazy when you think about it as adult. I got, like, a camera for MySpace days. And, yeah, I was a big. I mean, they always knew. It was never like, yeah, you're. Yeah, I've been.

[Mike]

You're a devil, dude.

[John]

Yeah, I was a. I got you, bro.

[Mike]

Come on, Lameze. You can get in there. What happened to your leg, buddy?

[Chris]

I think that was just a smash.

[Mike]

What was wrong with his leg? What was that? Why were you lifting your leg like that? Your shoes untied? Yeah, of course. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. These days, you have to be smart with your money. If you're going to make a big purchase, you got to make it count. What's something you bought?

[Chris]

Dude, I just invested in two bug tanks. I got two bug tanks from National Geographic, so they got a little magnifying glass on them. I got not one, but two.

[Mike]

What type of bugs are you gonna put in there?

[Chris]

Right now, we've only gotten some rolly polys, so you can throw them in there, create their natural habitat, and you can kind of like.

[Mike]

I'd like to see what roly polys are up to, bro.

[Chris]

I got. I had. I catch them. I catch, like. Me and my daughters catch, like, four rolly poles a day and put them in my Garden.

[Mike]

It's really nice.

[Chris]

It's awesome. I have so many rolly polys. So, yeah, I gotta. The bug tank's nice, man. Because otherwise you gotta carry them in your. You ever try to carry a roly pole in your hand for. Yeah, they, they get, they're, they're escape artists. So. Yeah, I got some bug tanks been.

[Mike]

You know, 30 years.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, I'm telling.

[Mike]

Since I've tried, it's just as hard.

[Chris]

They skip.

[Mike]

So I bought a bug light.

[Chris]

You got a bug light?

[Mike]

I got a bug zapper out there that's, you know, kind of the opposite of what you're doing. But hey, just as fun.

[Chris]

You're battling.

[Mike]

You sit by the, you sit in the hot tub and all of a sudden, God damn that guy. You get some of these big. The bugs out here are so big.

[Chris]

My dad's big.

[Mike]

They die. They go. You hear him hit the bug light and they go, Jesus.

[Chris]

God damn.

[Mike]

Another great investment. Taking care of yourself, you know, you're talking about these bugs.

[Chris]

I didn't even think about that.

[Mike]

Why don't you think about yourself? Traditional therapy can get crazy expensive though. Like between 100 to 250amonth or more or something like that. Therapy is worth it though. And you do have options like better help the help with the bed on it. It could help you save up to 50 per session while getting you the help you need. I've had a lot of sessions where I think about myself. Yeah, take care of myself. I like therapy because I've benefited from therapy.

[Chris]

Yeah, I think it's nice. I think it's a nice thing to do.

[Mike]

Everyone could learn something from therapy.

[Chris]

Yeah, you can, because it teaches you positive coping skills like how dumb your.

[Mike]

Family is and set boundaries.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Basically you get on a zoom call and you talk about how dumb your family is.

[Chris]

HB to your family or idiots. And you're doomed.

[Mike]

With BetterHelp, you can work toward being the best version of yourself while saving money. And because everything is online, it's easier to get into a session with your schedule. I love getting online sessions. Love that with just a few clicks you can be talking to one of their therapists. You can even switch therapists at any time for any reason. Your well being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.commssp to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.hp.commssp and also, you can't use.

[Chris]

The tokens for those either.

[Mike]

No tokens.

[Chris]

Cannot use tokens for the.

[Mike]

You're stuck with Those. You made a mistake. You bought some tokens. But you can talk to BetterHelp to help with the better on it. The better help the help with the better on it. Get in front of the camera. You know the rules.

[Chris]

Yeah. Getting in front of the camera.

[Nate]

Hey, Everybody, it's Lemaire. May 9th and May 10th, I'm gonna be a coastal creative in Florida. You guys gotta come to that, please. And then also optimum.

[Mike]

No coastal creative in Florida.

[Nate]

St. Pete, Florida. St. Petersburg, Florida. I think.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Nate]

Yeah, that'll be a hoot. And then Optimum Noctis at the Creek in the cave. May 6th. We have a great lineup.

[Mike]

Oh, who's on it?

[Nate]

Nate Marshall.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Lemaire]

And if you're in Philadelphia on May 6th instead of Austin, Texas, please come to my show at helium Philadelphia on May 6th. Please. Thank you.

[Mike]

May 31st, go to Des Moines, Iowa. May 31st, I'll be at Wells Fargo arena in Des Moines, Iowa. Go to that. May 31st, Iowa.

[Chris]

This weekend. This very weekend. Cobbs Comedy Club, San Francisco, California. Five one to five three Crest Theater, Sacramento, California. Neptune Theater, Seattle, Washington. And the Hollywood Improv.

[Mike]

Neptune's awesome.

[Chris]

Neptune should be sick.

[Mike]

You get some really good shows.

[Chris]

I know. Final leg.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

For the taping.

[Mike]

Those are all great venues.

[Chris]

I'm pumped, man. And also I'll be doing a live taping at the Ontario, California Improv coming up. I didn't list it yet, but it's gonna be great.

[Mike]

I'm excited to see your new hour on tape.

[Chris]

Thank you. I can't wait.

[Mike]

It's a really good hour.

[Chris]

Thank you, bro.

[Mike]

And I like it.

[Chris]

Appreciate you, bro.

[Mike]

Goodbye, everybody.

[Chris]

Bye.

[Mike]

Oh, bro, we're flying.

[Chris]

Macchiato's hitting. Dang, I'm a big espresso guy now.

[Mike]

Yeah. Sabrina.

[Chris]

Shots of it.

[Mike]

Sabrina Carpenter. Who's bringing me espresso.

[Chris]

Dude, I. You know what I've been thinking about? Did you see the whole thing now about. I. I think it's kind of already out the news cycle, but white rappers getting crushed for your own country. Getting crushed for, like, people who were white rappers that now are doing country.

[Mike]

Oh, like posts.

[Chris]

Yeah, well, there's a couple others, not just him. Well, it's like there's Machine Gun Kelly. Not country specifically, but him going to pop music. Blah, blah, blah.

[Mike]

They tried to get post.

[Chris]

They're saying stuff about postmortem.

[Mike]

They always try to trash post. But it's also like, Beyonce's doing country.

[Chris]

He's a beast. Beyonce. Beyonce's doing country. Yeah, but that's fine. I don't care. But it's like, why. Why are you attacking my black people?

[Mike]

Invented country.

[Chris]

True.

[Mike]

She can.

[Chris]

Fair enough.

[John]

Facts X facts.

[Mike]

She's coming. They made the cowboy hat, too. And being a cowboy. And they invented all it.

[John]

I think. I think nobody should care about any of it.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Hey, that's what I'm saying.

[John]

Wait, is that the point everybody's been trying to make?

[Mike]

Yeah, that's definitely music.

[Chris]

It's goddamn music. And it's also like, dude, I'm all about the bag dude for that. See, but what'd he do?

[Mike]

Harlow sang a song at the in. In of, like, with an orchestra or something like that. Yeah. And he's still rapping.

[Chris]

Yeah, but it's fully rapping.

[Mike]

He's not even changing genres. He's still rapping. He just did it at an event. Somebody filmed it, and they were like, hate to see white people use our culture to advance themselves and then abandon us.

[Chris]

It's like, my thing is like, okay, what about the bag? Dude, it's the bag.

[John]

You gotta respect somebody getting the bag.

[Chris]

That's what I'm saying. I'm all the bag. That was. Dude, Jim Jones had the best take on the whole, what you call it? Drake suing umg.

[Nate]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Like, the only thing is bad for hip hop. And Jim Jones is on someone's podcast and he was like, bro, he's getting the bag. I was like, yeah, I'm kind of with that.

[Mike]

Kevin ISO hit me with that. Because I. I've always complained about tweets. And, yeah, he's like, you're on black Twitter. He's like, he also loves that I'm on black Twitter. I'm on black Twitter. And it works.

[Chris]

You might have read that article, the Root.

[Mike]

Maybe I.

[Chris]

But it works get you fired up.

[Mike]

No, it works. And then I realized, you know, it's not. It's not a unique thought we've talked about before, but everybody's algorithm, like, it's like, if I was a black person saw white Twitter, I'd be like, God damn, these honkies are fucking racist, bro.

[Chris]

I'm on white Twitter, bro.

[John]

I think I got white Twitter because of, like, everybody I know.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[John]

And that's what it'll do to you. It'll be like, oh, yeah, this. It'll just show you the worst things. I think my algorithm doesn't know, though. It shows me black, like, the. That it would show white people to get you all fired up. But it also shows me the. That gets us fired up so I can Kind of.

[Chris]

Oh, no, you're nice. Yeah.

[John]

Middle ground.

[Mike]

I got both. I get both.

[John]

It's. That kind of keeps you sane. I think I get it helps.

[Chris]

My ex is for real. Like, I open it, and it's like, holy.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

It's like, can we all agree that they're just not good?

[Mike]

And I'm like, yo, fine, I'll say it.

[Chris]

They do it. It's all those guys. Like, I'm just gonna say this.

[Mike]

Nobody said it in the last five seconds. I'll say it.

[Chris]

It's got to be a business model. It's just a business model thing, though.

[Mike]

It is.

[Chris]

It's like. Yeah.

[Mike]

You get the algorithm.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Mike]

It's designed to make you angry.

[Chris]

It's wild, man.

[Mike]

Adam Curtis hit that. Me up.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And we got to get a new Adam Curtis doc.

[Chris]

We do, man.

[Mike]

It's been a while. I keep looking for him.

[Chris]

Well, that. About how they. They claim that they can literally watch your, like, micro expressions as you read stuff, and they'll go, yep. And they'll keep feeding you like that just.

[John]

Is that what they say to the things watching your. Like, your camera is watching?

[Chris]

I. I read a thing years ago, and they said they're watching your face through your camera and engaging, like, your. How long you're staying on a thing? All that stuff got. If you got the wearables, they can literally track your biometrics and be like, it's working on it. Yeah, it's not working on me, dude. Why do they keep sending it to me?

[Mike]

Do they keep sending me these?

[Chris]

I'm just clutching my pearls and going.

[Mike]

Yeah, the hot laser. Get the. Off my page.

[Chris]

And they know. Yeah, they notice, too, because it go. It's like, scroll.

[Mike]

Yep, Back up for a second.

[Chris]

Down. Oh, down. Yep, back up.

[John]

I hate how well it knows exactly the kind of lady you want to see, too. It's not just. It's like, generic hot lady. It's like, he likes hot ladies.

[Mike]

I could have got your algorithm without ever even knowing you.

[John]

It's just ladies about to be fck. It's my Paul out. I. And I can't.

[Mike]

I wonder if I could have got measies.

[Chris]

Yeah. Mises is just like, a lady going, yeah, Hot.

[Mike]

Asian.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Nate]

Oh, wait, like, for a babe a week or your alcohol.

[Mike]

No, I mean, just guessing, guys, what his.

[Nate]

Yeah. Lady.

[Mike]

His lady's hot algorithm is. Yours is cosplay.

[Chris]

Yeah. It's. White ladies pretend to be Japanese.

[Nate]

Yeah. So black lady dressed as a anime character kind of did it for.

[Mike]

I wouldn't have guessed yours. Just so you know, I never would have knock out yours.

[Chris]

I cast a wide net.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I have a rule of thumb. I feel like if you're with. I feel like if you're with a babe and she gets. She can gain weight, but the freak has to increase with the weight. So the bigger they get, the bigger of a freak they have to become. That's my rule of thumb.

[Mike]

That's totally fair.

[Chris]

You can get as big as you want. But like, you talking about it.

[Mike]

You're talking about pig wife.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah. The bigger you get.

[Mike]

True. Pig wife.

[Chris]

Exactly.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Chris]

For every pound, every ten. Let's say every ten pounds, got to be a new thing. You unlock that. You do.

[John]

Pig wife. Sounds kind of nice.

[Chris]

Who would deny it a pretty pig.

[John]

Wife like a bbw.

[Mike]

It doesn't matter, bro.

[Chris]

Whatever you get.

[Mike]

There were guys. Yeah. There were some pig moms.

[John]

Yeah.

[Mike]

That you would see growing up. And you go, God damn, that guy's got pig mom. I bet she's gotta dial up the freak wife.

[Chris]

I'm not trying to be a dick. That is just my rule of thumb. People can do whatever they want. You are free to gain as much as you please. Every 10, 20 pounds, they're better like. Like an RPG, you got to unlock a new thing.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah. Every deciding, well, you better get to the gym. Otherwise something real bad happens. Something I don't even want to do happens.

[Chris]

I'm doing it for bust. But that would be. I mean, imagine that for every 20lbs, it's just like a new act where.

[Mike]

You'Re like, whoa, damn. I'd be a. I got to get to the gym right now. I'm a freak.

[John]

Bo.

[Chris]

Freak. True, man. You just be at the. At one point, you be like, I just got to hit a diddy party, bro. I have not been going to the gym. I just got to go. Deep down, I'd be willing to see what my. There's got to be like a. Like, you know, like the X and Y axis.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I wonder what. Like where my. Where you would tap out at.

[Mike]

As far as the size of the.

[Chris]

Big weight goes up the X, you go further out the X axis.

[Mike]

I mean, you might get to the point where you get like a lady. You gotta, you know, put in a flatbread. I mean, it might get to the point where you got to take out a wall to get her out of the house. If you have a giant blob. Pig wife.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And you can just. Anything you want. You go in there.

[Chris]

Yeah. That's the crane. The crane comes in, you're just like, no.

[Mike]

No, you can't take my blob.

[Chris]

Hold on. Let me get her back in his rabbit hutch.

[Mike]

Blob wife.

[Chris]

Pure blob. Pure Jabba the Hut.

[Mike]

You'd be in a metal bikini standing next to her, going, she just kept eating. Now I'm a freak.

[Chris]

You'd be. You'd be like Han Solo on the edge of that ring. You get sucked into the ring. Like.

[Mike]

No, you get a blob wife. There are dudes, obviously, with blob wives.

[Chris]

Yeah. Oh, for sure.

[Mike]

I love the. The Thousand Pound Sisters or whatever that is. So TLC keeps trotting out blobs. So sick.

[Chris]

It would be. I mean, again, it's like you just have to use your imagination. But you could probably go pretty. It'd be pretty wild.

[Mike]

You could. Every part of her.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And then fuck her arm.

[Chris]

Yeah. And then you would start with. I've talked about feeders and gainers. You know what feeders and gainers are, Nate?

[John]

No.

[Chris]

Feeder and a gainer. It's a. Feeders and gators. It's a fetish. I, like, talked about this to someone recently, like, assuming he knew what I was talking about. What? Like a bit of a feeder, aren't you? So a feeder is when you. So they take. So if you're a gainer, you're just someone who's. You're sniffing others. Yeah. You're just going to feed them. Your fetish is getting people fat.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And their fetish is becoming your little fat blob. And you can just get into that whole thing where it's like, you want to, like.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Eat up, babe.

[John]

I wish I could dabble in over there.

[Mike]

Lamiza, you sleepy?

[Nate]

Yeah, I'm a little sleepy.

[Chris]

He's groggy, bro.

[Mike]

Why are you so groggy?

[Nate]

Yeah, I was having a hoot last night.

[Chris]

Oh, the live show was last night?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

So you're with the babes?

[Nate]

Yeah, I was with every. I was with the bros and the babes.

[Chris]

P. Pitm babe crew.

[Nate]

Yeah. Had a long one, you know, tied it on, you got.

[Chris]

What do you think about getting a. Something of a mascot for Pitm? Maybe a blob. You guys could get a blob.

[John]

I would love to have a fat lady just hang around the pod, chime in with her opinions.

[Chris]

Yeah, man.

[Nate]

I think it has to be fair, Abraham, honestly.

[Chris]

But you got a blob. Is she willing to gain for you guys?

[Mike]

For the right price, I bet she would gain.

[John]

I Think I said the funniest thing on the pop. She said I was playing bitcoin. And I think about it like every day.

[Mike]

What do you mean?

[John]

She's talking about buying and selling bitcoin. She said I was playing bitcoin.

[Chris]

I don't understand. Like you're saying, like, it was just. That's how she.

[Mike]

I think what the joke is that she has such a lack of understanding bitcoin is that she thinks it's online games.

[John]

She was like, I was playing like.

[Chris]

It'S Minecraft or something. That's what I thought. But I wanted to make sure.

[John]

It's made me laugh every day since.

[Mike]

Did you guys confront her on the poop video?

[John]

No. People are pretty upset about it.

[Mike]

I didn't. Yeah, I didn't get to that part.

[Nate]

Can't bring up the poop vid.

[Chris]

Not even a confrontation. It's like an exploration. We were.

[Nate]

We were beating around the bush.

[Mike]

I heard you beating around the bush. A little get brought up. They were bringing up like, have you ever done cake farts?

[Chris]

So it is funny when you get someone on. You're like, I'm bringing it up. And the whole time you're like, we.

[John]

Only stood 10 toes. I think one time it was the non.

[Chris]

Porn.

[Nate]

Porn thing.

[John]

No, she was. Because she was trying to say she doesn't. We are big on if you charge for your only fans but don't show tits.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[John]

Not okay. And she was, you know, talking about she doesn't show tits on her main thing. And we didn't. We didn't let it slide. That's pretty proud of that.

[Chris]

What's the beyond the main thing?

[John]

Like, you're making pretty tough review for.

[Mike]

Three men in a room to confront.

[John]

You don't know how.

[Mike]

That's pretty awesome you guys did that.

[John]

It wasn't as me as it sounded. She laughed.

[Chris]

So it's like there's another level you can unlock for that.

[John]

For what?

[Chris]

For tits. You said the main thing.

[John]

Yeah, she was saying hers was like giving all this free plugs. He was saying hers was free and she charges for extra stuff. Which is fine, I think, if. But if you charge at all.

[Mike]

Gatekeepers.

[John]

I like it.

[Mike]

Somebody's gonna keep the law around there.

[Chris]

To see some tiddies.

[John]

Wouldn't this be a great gift? We were saying this on the pot. Wouldn't this be a great gift if your lady just was like, I put a hundred dollars on your only fans account. Have a blast. No, no, no.

[Mike]

I'm not in a poly relationship.

[John]

That's not poly.

[Mike]

You think porn is circling the drain.

[Chris]

That's.

[John]

Well, I think it's keeping you locked in the non to not stepping out. You think it is.

[Mike]

I think it's slightly freak shit.

[John]

I think I'll be very happy if my lady.

[Chris]

Now if my blob were to approach.

[Mike]

Yeah. How much does my wife weigh at this point? If she's a blob, then by all means, yes.

[John]

I would love to dabble in multiple types of like, love. Like. Like blob love what Kai's got going on. Love.

[Chris]

Just like pure exhibitionism.

[John]

Yeah, pure exhibition. And I'm like super. Like.

[Chris]

What about if you. What about if you exhibit the Blob?

[John]

Wait, what if what?

[Chris]

Exhibit the Blob.

[Mike]

Like I would be charge people to come out.

[Chris]

Get a PR company just to take pictures of your scantily clad blob and publish it.

[John]

You would probably make a. A hundred thousand dollars a year. Just have the fattest lady on. Only fans people are gonna. For sure you're gonna get. Yeah, you. Yo, 100,000 was shooting low.

[Chris]

Yeah, now we're talking. Now we're talking. Pimping. Yeah, now we're talking. We're pimping the Blob.

[Mike]

You get that? You're gonna get that dragon chain back out. You're gonna be back the dragon chain. You can be pimping a blob.

[Chris]

Once we start pimping the blob, we all hit piercing pagoda and get like the $132 SIL.

[Mike]

We could get our hands on a blob around here.

[John]

They're out there.

[Mike]

Find a blob.

[Chris]

You gotta get a Dumbo drop though, bro. I don't feel like growing my blob. I don't have the patience.

[Mike]

We have the patience. Or I mean that. Yeah, we should. We could airdrop a blob in here.

[John]

Have a blob dropped off by.

[Mike]

We get the Blob out in the Lamar room.

[Chris]

True.

[Mike]

And that's got a good glass. We could charge people to go look at it.

[Chris]

Even though you need the ranch hand back. You need the ranch hand.

[Mike]

The ranch hand would be tending to the Blob. But I know what you would do, you little devil. I'd catch you snacking on the swab.

[Chris]

This whole operation would fall apart. It'd be nothing but infighting. Be like, dude, I saw you with the blood. What the.

[Mike]

A lot of inviting people would be sneaking out to the Blob. Trips to the Blob.

[Chris]

Guy hit me up recently. He was like, you can Buy apparently gorilla food. And it's like the same macros for people, but it's like $2 a day, so.

[Mike]

Oh, you mean for the blob.

[Chris]

No, no, I'm saying I would never fe. I would feed the Blob. The Blob is queen, dude. Yeah, that'd be uber eats. Feed the Blob. Gorilla food would be. If you found hard times, we'd have no other choice than to feed our. We'd have to feed.

[John]

Got to keep her satiated.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

You can buy apparently like, like primate food. And it's like the same macros and it's like human grade. It's like $3. Some guy was. You think I should do this? I was like, I don't know, dude. Yeah, I was like, if you want. He's like, it's so cheap. This is true. It'd be pretty sick. Just crushing gorilla feed.

[Mike]

It's probably terrible.

[Chris]

Oh, it's got to be so bad.

[Mike]

And they're. Yeah, but there's not even any good tasty trees in there. They're vegetarian.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris]

You might as well do the McDonald's. Do you ever see those guys? Yeah, true. I'm never. No, there. Aren't they a number? No. Yeah, there are.

[Mike]

No. I think gorillas are herbivores.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris]

What the. Those macros must be.

[Mike]

I think with animals, though, you toss anything in there.

[Chris]

Yeah, true.

[Mike]

Beef them up.

[Chris]

Yeah, that'd be nice. Yeah.

[Mike]

You could really feed champions.

[Chris]

Has anyone put a gorilla on steroids before? That would be sick. That's. We need another pool house for our.

[Mike]

Juiced up, juiced up silverback gorilla.

[Chris]

The darker quarters of the Internet. No.

[Mike]

Now we take only fans by storm. Brother, I'm.

[Chris]

I'm right there with you.

[Mike]

Somebody forgets to lock the.

[Chris]

You know, you teach it sign language, it's just going, take me to the Blob. Take me to the Blob.

[Mike]

It would need the Blob. It'd be like Pete the Dolphin. The Blob would fly away. He would kill himself.

[Chris]

One day they would come take your blob.

[Mike]

Once a lady 600, the government would find out.

[Chris]

Once a lady's £600, the government comes and she just goes the claw and it comes down. Did you ever see Toy Story?

[Mike]

It would be. If the government got wind that we were collecting blobs, it would be. It'd be like Waco. They got a tank through the wall. They come for our blocks.

[Chris]

They made a big machine like a Pizza Planet.

[Mike]

We would have to start arming ourselves. We'd have to defend the Blob at all costs.

[Chris]

We would have for sure have to.

[Mike]

Because you know, the government can't stand.

[Chris]

No, we need some grazing land too. Just get like little Astroturf. Just lay little Debbies out.

[Mike]

I mean, yeah, once we start once, once we make money off the first blob, I think we get a bottom.

[Chris]

That'd be our bottom blob.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Get a bottom blob, get all the other blobs.

[Mike]

And we gotta just take the first blob, flip that into three, four blobs.

[Chris]

Some fixer uppers. This bob's a little old.

[Mike]

Yeah, bobs do. They don't last long. No, unfortunately, our sweet blobs would depart this realm quickly.

[Chris]

True.

[Mike]

You chuck them out. You get them is what it is. Take them away, do surgery, Fix the blobs.

[Chris]

Clone them.

[Mike]

Clone the blobs.

[Chris]

We gotta be careful. Do you get black YouTubers like that? Blob's a clone.

[Mike]

The last thing we would want those black YouTubers finding out that we have a blob swarm in the house. That'd be the bug light for black YouTubers.

[Chris]

It turns out your pool house is just like an ancient pyramid thing that we need to investigate the secrets of the pyramids. Damn energy vortex.

[Mike]

You hear them coming too, Dude, Fetty wap, you gotta try to get our blob again.

[Chris]

Lock down. Lock down. You just hear that? Chill like it's not a drill.

[John]

Did you see the episode two of Last of Us? When they get through the fence, dude, they're going to breach.

[Mike]

This is one big guy.

[Chris]

We'd have to definitely secure that fence.

[Mike]

Get some dogs, some spotlights.

[Chris]

They just all have miniature.

[Mike]

Would you help defend the Blob? Or would you side with your black YouTube cohort? Cohorts. Would you be in cahoots with the black youtubers just for a taste of the Blob yourself? No train on the Blob with I felt the blob. No, you'd defend the Blob. Yeah, I know you would.

[Nate]

Trains are gross.

[Mike]

Trains are gross.

[Chris]

True.

[Mike]

Unless it's a blob railroad. Real far apart.

[Chris]

He'd be a hard headed railroad bull. Dude, you're down there.

[John]

What the hell?

[Chris]

All right, breaking up the stairway.

[Mike]

No blob talk's good.

[Chris]

I think it's a good rule of thumb. That's all I'm saying. And then if you can take it anywhere you want. If you're business minded, obviously, like we are. Yeah, take it anywhere you want. Remember the video I sent You. This. This lady just. She just had gig. Like. Yeah, dude, I. I found this video online, and it's a lady with. I mean, dude, beyond Fs. The most giant boobs.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And she. It just. Her husband tapes her going down a water slide in one of those little things, like the raft. And, like, it's just every turn, they're just. And it has like, a million views. And he wrote a disclaimer being like, guys, this is a family video. My wife, please don't poke fun at the way she's built.

[John]

It's like, dude, yeah.

[Mike]

You know, you're doing.

[Chris]

You knew what you're doing.

[Mike]

Statues of her in India. Those guys got a hold of those videos. Holy. That is the. Bob.

[Chris]

That is. There's a village that's like their exclusive deity. They build the water park like, she will come. She will ride the slide.

[Mike]

That'd be.

[Chris]

That. That's. That would be pretty tough.

[Mike]

I always.

[Chris]

I always forget about. It's a nice thing about how horny guys are in India. Anywhere where there's a billion. Again, the census could be wrong. By the way, I was on war mode recently. Turns out the census is. They totally botched it.

[Mike]

They're saying they overestimated.

[Chris]

Over.

[Mike]

And there's a lot less people.

[Chris]

I think so. But the. The. The black conspiracy is that there's way more black people than they say. Yeah, that one I kind of believe.

[John]

I did until I got to Austin.

[Chris]

True.

[Mike]

Yeah, That's. That's just coming from black people that live around black people.

[Chris]

Yeah. What the.

[Mike]

Everyone's black. Why are they saying this?

[Chris]

Yeah, I guess you're right.

[Mike]

You fly across the country and you go, it's been white the entire time.

[Chris]

Yeah. This is true. America is a giant double stuffed Oreo.

[Mike]

It is.

[Chris]

But what.

[Mike]

What the. What the coasts don't understand is the Blobs are in the middle.

[Chris]

Yeah, true. They got the new Oregon Trail.

[Mike]

Yeah. You gotta find the Blob.

[Chris]

Minnesota Trail in there.

[Mike]

They're in Minnesota. They're everywhere.

[Chris]

Yeah, true, man. Yeah.

[Mike]

If you get down to Missouri, Iowa, then you head down to the deep side. There's Bob's. There's Bob's. Chilling the best Honey Boo Boos talking Arkansas away.

[Chris]

Every night. Here's the thing. It's all fun and games until the Blob turns on you. Then you gotta go, she could turn on you, man. And this. That would be ugly.

[Lemaire]

The no country for Old Men.

[Chris]

This is all fictitious.

[Mike]

We would never. We would never fatten a woman up.

[Chris]

We would Never fat her up. For our own pleasure. Women will fatten you up, though. They're trying to get the male blob, dude. That's all they do.

[John]

They love trying to fatten you up.

[Chris]

Just so they can shame you. I think we were the biggest fat shamers on the planet. They will fatten you and then shame you.

[John]

My theory was so that you wouldn't cheat on them. They want you fat. See, no one else wants you. They think, yeah, that's what I always thought.

[Chris]

But I. Dude, every for every five I pick gain, though, I got. I get freaking.

[John]

Why are you making that face?

[Mike]

My blob's walking around. My blob just walked behind the camera and we're all sitting here going, women, nasty.

[Chris]

I'm saying, they will feed you. They will blob you up.

[Mike]

But you're right, though, just. Of course they love you later.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, you need to work. It's like you gave me all these treats. You gave me the creamy.

[Mike]

I would have never bought. I'd never buy crazy creamy. All a sudden, there's creamy in the house. Yes. I'm gonna take a scoop and I go, oh, this is better than I thought it was gonna be. I forgot how good creamy is. I was stand by the refrigerator and eat a lot more creamy than I thought.

[Chris]

Peanut butter ripple, bro.

[Mike]

Don't even talk about that, man.

[Chris]

Give me some peanut butter ripple me out, dude.

[Mike]

I might be a gainer. You could be a feeder. You might be. This might be gator and fe.

[Chris]

You gotta dial up the freak for me or I will walk, bro. I will walk. I will walk.

[Mike]

What do you want? What more do you want?

[Chris]

Dude, you know about my dream I had, bro, The Patreon.

[Mike]

We'll get podiums, but I'm gonna bring in an expert and you debate them, and you have to genuinely debate them.

[Nate]

What is it about?

[Mike]

What do you think you're an expert on other than wrestling?

[Nate]

Quantum entanglement.

[Mike]

Okay, here we go. I'll find. Find a professor from the University of Texas.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Lemaire]

It's a close second, wwe.

[Mike]

Once I've mastered the SummerSlam, I've headed straight into quantum. We can find a professor from Texas to come debate you.

[Chris]

That would be nice.

[Mike]

Oh, we should get a women's studies. Women's studies verse pains in the mouth debate.

[Chris]

That would be nice. But, dude, they're not ready for blob theory.

[Mike]

They're not ready.

[Chris]

Have you studied blob theory? I mean, if you hit a gender studies major with for every 20, you got to get freakier. They would leave. They would leave. They be out.

[Mike]

Dude.

[Chris]

Not like that kind of.

[Mike]

I would like to find a white race professor.

[Chris]

Yeah, that'd be nice. Oh, that'd be good.

[Mike]

A white African studies to come in here and teach you guys some things.

[Chris]

Yeah. Is there. Is there any white African studies? There's got to be a couple.

[Mike]

Gotta be. It's gotta be so many white ladies.

[Chris]

Yeah, true.

[Mike]

With hyphenated last names.

[Nate]

I got one. Rachel.

[Mike]

Yeah, well, those all. We can't have her debate. Yeah. Also you guys would be.

[John]

That'd be pretty exciting. I'm a big fan.

[Chris]

You guys wouldn't ask the hard hitting questions. You guys.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I think you're pretty good at the naacp.

[Mike]

You have an only fans. I know that.

[John]

You show your chest icing on the cake. I was a supporter of hers before. Before.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[John]

She was just a white lady that loved black people too much.

[Mike]

Texas racial studies.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Nate]

She was getting nasty on the only fans for a while.

[Chris]

Was she getting nasty?

[John]

Yeah, yeah. I mean in like in the nicest way possible. Like she was getting nasty, but it was like beautiful.

[Chris]

Yeah. She had been.

[John]

She was in the gym.

[Chris]

She had been a bad girl.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Dan, it's so nice to just doggy your way out of a like damn department.

[Mike]

The department of Race, Ethnicity, Gender and Sexual Sexuality Studies. I like that.

[Chris]

It's all one thing.

[Mike]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Being gay and being black is the same thing.

[Chris]

It is weird. Why do you guys get looped in with that all the time?

[John]

You guys, I need them to stop. It's not that it's a problem. It's just weird.

[Chris]

If it was like Irish studies and gay people, I'd be like, why are you doing that?

[John]

It feels like somebody's doing and going. God. I'm like, afterwards, like, I don't. I don't call them gay.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John]

They're gonna hate this. It's gonna make them so mad.

[Mike]

True.

[Chris]

It's kind of BS man.

[Mike]

Come on now, give me the fun.

[Chris]

There's no honks.

[Mike]

I can't. I can't find the directory for the. Oh, we could bring in Italian studies.

[Chris]

That would be nice.

[Mike]

Oh, it's definitely just language. God damn it.

[Chris]

Yeah. True. Yeah.

[Mike]

I was thinking it's right above Jewish studies in the listing here is Jewish studies.

[Chris]

Is that the same thing? It's Jewish studies, Italian studies, gay guys probably.

[Mike]

It's just. Yeah.

[Chris]

Black studies. That's kind of did do. Remember when like universities started doing Ebonics? Do we. They don't do that anymore. Do they?

[John]

Was that a thing for real?

[Chris]

I swear to God. I think that was like maybe one or two places did that.

[John]

Ah, I like it.

[Chris]

I might go back and major in it.

[Mike]

Yeah, like, that's fat.

[John]

That class would be so funny to sit in. Cap.

[Chris]

Yeah, call him. Cap would be so nice.

[Mike]

Yo, Teach.

[Chris]

Just trying to figure out when to say type. Like I don't exactly know how to put it into a conversation. Type.

[Mike]

They should study ebonics. That'd be sick.

[Chris]

That would be tight, man. I. I think that was like a.

[Mike]

The origin.

[Chris]

It's still a thing, I guess if you do linguistics. Maybe it's just like a. Because I remember just back in the day you'd hear about it. I didn't know anything about like. I didn't know the specifics, but I remember they like busted that out on colleges. We're like, we gotta. It could have just been like, just linguistics. Like, let's dive into this. But I don't know. I don't know. Thing.

[Mike]

Faculty is the word I was looking for.

[Chris]

There you go.

[Mike]

I'm an idiot. It's like, what the is Professors.

[Chris]

Guys. Nerds. Direct me to your talking. Nerds. Damn.

[Mike]

Everybody here is a made up name. Foil the faculty directory.

[Chris]

What kind of. What are we working with?

[Mike]

I don't feel like naming. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

Don't name names. Oh, who's that guy?

[Lemaire]

Are they caucasoids?

[Chris]

Some are.

[Mike]

Yeah. There's one for you.

[John]

What said Caucasoids.

[Lemaire]

That's what I call them.

[John]

I like that.

[Chris]

What thing is this?

[Mike]

This.

[Chris]

What's it apart?

[Mike]

I hate to be a jerk, but it looks like engineering.

[Chris]

Oh, that's why everybody. That's why everybody's made up.

[Mike]

There's not one. There we go. There he is.

[Chris]

There he is.

[Mike]

There's one guy.

[Chris]

Yeah, engineering is going to be. Dude, I had. I didn't do engineering at school.

[Mike]

Every name.

[John]

Yo.

[Mike]

Gibberish.

[Chris]

Guy's last name's kind of funny though.

[Mike]

Yeah. What the fuck?

[Chris]

Yeah, Engineering, dude. Drexel was an engineering school. And like, I had teachers I like couldn't understand just for like math classes.

[Mike]

That's who's coming over here to battle us. Yeah. That's a final. Boss, can you handle these? You're done for.

[Chris]

Get an engineering professor to come debate like critical race theory. Like, I don't. This isn't my area expertise, but. Shut up, nerd. Do big words. I know about making bridges.

[Mike]

We can get our hands on one of these.

[Lemaire]

I looked up the African American studies faculty and it's. It's. There's not really any Caucasoids.

[Mike]

There's no Caucasoids.

[Lemaire]

No, there's one looks like.

[Chris]

I feel you all that.

[John]

They knock that off. Like, they were like, sorry, guys, we'll get you a new job, but you can't do this anymore.

[Lemaire]

Never mind.

[Chris]

I got one.

[Lemaire]

He looks like Mark Zuckerberg.

[Mike]

Oh, bring him in.

[Chris]

Let me see that fella.

[Mike]

Let me take a good look at that fella.

[John]

He would probably make me so angry.

[Mike]

Wow.

[John]

Wow.

[Chris]

Excuse me.

[Mike]

I swear to God, I thought it was gardening. That's why I was like, good dog. Yeah, you're mine today. No, it's. Yeah, we can't.

[Chris]

Whatever. We can't do that.

[Mike]

We can't release this man. Whatever. We have to out of that.

[Chris]

Yeah. Or we could have Lemaire moderate a debate between two professors and then have him summarize everything in between. That'd be kind of nice. It'd be like, yeah, gender studies versus astrophysicists. And be like, go, go.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's a good debate, though.

[Chris]

That'd be kind of sick.

[Mike]

Astrophysicist verse. Yeah. Be like, made up versus made up. Totally unprovable gibberish. Versus totally unprovable gibberish. Go ahead. Stuff. Stuff that doesn't matter. Go ahead.

[Chris]

Going back to school for gender studies would be nasty. I did social work. I might as well go all the way back. It's. Dude, it's being in a hostile classroom. I kind of genuinely miss it. It's so fun.

[Mike]

Yeah. It's good that you were old enough to be able to handle that.

[Chris]

I was, dude. Before 25 versus Charlie Kirk, I lived it for two years.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I just didn't know it was, like, a cool thing on the Internet. Should have live streamed the class.

[John]

It was 25.

[Chris]

What is that when, like, those, like, conservative YouTubers will, like, debate 25 college students at a time?

[John]

Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah. 25 woke students versus Charlie.

[John]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris]

They'll be like, I don't like being gay.

[John]

Like, what?

[Chris]

No.

[John]

Yeah, right.

[Chris]

You just talk as fast as dumbass.

[Mike]

Be real calm and condescending the entire time.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Destroy the libs, dude.

[Chris]

You get a bunch of nervous college students.

[Mike]

Yeah, dude, I'm just gonna go in there. You guys triggered yet?

[Chris]

I'd have tape up from my mouth the whole time, like, all right, I guess I'll take this off.

[Mike]

I think Trump Jr. Has a podcast called Triggered.

[Chris]

Does he?

[Mike]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

Are you. Are you able to listen to it or you ever Get.

[Mike]

I didn't listen to it yet, but I saw an image for it and it.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Damn, that's gay.

[John]

Say, that stinks.

[Chris]

Yeah, it does. That's. It's a huge money maker. Huge money maker to deal with.

[John]

I mean, again, respect the bag. You always got to respect somebody getting the bag. But o.

[Chris]

It's tough.

[Mike]

Somebody should have helped.

[John]

Is the font fire.

[Chris]

Whoa. Breaking the blob.

[Mike]

There's an episode of triggered called Breaking the Blob. Dude, I thought we were Trump Jr. On trigger. They already sat down with Mike Benz and figured out what we need to do to shatter the blob. They're trying to take our block.

[Chris]

What the.

[Mike]

They're trying to break the blob. They know it's too powerful.

[Chris]

I'm voting damn this next election. If they're going to take. Take away my right to blob.

[Mike]

It's a blue wave.

[Chris]

Bear Blob is a total blue wave.

[Mike]

It's a total blue wave. If the Republicans are trying to get your hands off my blob, bro, the.

[Chris]

Government'S coming for your blobs. Over my dead body.

[Mike]

I feel like the Bobs have been staunch Republicans for a while. That's another thing that happens. You blob out so hard, you do become a fascist.

[Chris]

Well, I think the soda ban got them pretty hard.

[John]

Yeah.

[Mike]

But also, RFK has got to be a real. He's a menace to the blobs.

[Chris]

Blob Buster. Buster. I'm secretly rooting for him so hard. Dude, I can't wait till he bans all that in our food.

[John]

Yeah. Did he, like, dies, then he banned, like.

[Chris]

Yeah, there's just, like, 70 things illegal to put in foods in Europe that we eat.

[John]

Yeah. No, I'm all for getting that. Getting rid of that. I. That confuses me sometimes that we're not spazzing about it, you know?

[Mike]

Yeah. But it's very funny when a guy in Trump's cabinet does it. So then everyone's like, no, yeah, we need those dyes.

[Chris]

I know. Yeah.

[John]

It was like, do you want your.

[Mike]

Gummy worms to be gray?

[John]

Kind of.

[Chris]

Yeah. Root beer barrels. Those things are good. The root beer bottle gummies.

[Mike]

Those rule. Like, they better not be dyes.

[Chris]

It's all dyes. But you can do it. You can. You could easily remove those things. It'd be a little more expensive. You can remove that pretty easily still.

[John]

Keep the color and remove it.

[Chris]

Yeah, dude. You can use, like, beet juice powder and all that. And, I mean, you would. You might not be Able to have, like, certain. You could probably honestly get certain things. I used to make gummies, and I would use. I use natural dyes in my gummies.

[Mike]

I had some of those gummies.

[Chris]

They were good.

[Mike]

They were a little too good. Regulate those things.

[Chris]

RFK would have definitely taken away my. My ki. Crawlers. Crawlers were stood.

[Mike]

Million dollar idea crawlers.

[Chris]

Kee crawlers are so nice. I had these bug gummy molds, and I would. I would. Would toast keef with sugar. So I decarb the keef, and then once I got the gummies, when they're still sticky, I'd roll them in. Keef. That was. You could actually eat because it was activated. Those used to crush me, dude.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I would drive around, bro.

[Mike]

I got destroyed off those things that I couldn't.

[Chris]

The skizzlers.

[Mike]

Those don't even bring those up. That was. I think that was just heroin. I think that was just fentanyl.

[Chris]

They might have had fan.

[Mike]

That was a pure fentanyl, dude.

[Chris]

I was getting bl. And it was. They were an alcohol tincture. So you're also eating, like, Everclear.

[Mike]

I was just trying to play FIFA and then I'd be. Would you give me. Dude, I'm blind.

[Chris]

Yeah, those things are sick.

[Mike]

Matt was. Yeah, that was a fee. You're a feeder. Back then, I was just sitting in the living room trying to gain. And you come in and go, here, eat this. You MK'd be bad there. It's just in the kitchen making. I was like.

[Chris]

I remember I boiled off. I, like, took grain alcohol, made an extraction, put in a rice cooker in their backyard. And it was just the smell of just, like, burning alcohol. It's a really harsh smell. And then I thought it was done, so I was like, all right. I guess all the alcohol is out. And I put my face in it to, like. And I just. I don't know why. I took a big whiff, and it like. Like I just inhaled a bunch of alcohol fumes. And it felt weird.

[Mike]

I bet.

[Chris]

Yeah. It was not a good feeling. I kind of panicked for a while. It definitely took me aback.

[John]

I had, like, this. That had to up. I had this device that. I forget the name of it, but it was, like, a week.

[Chris]

The Nova decarboxylator. That thing was sick.

[John]

I can't remember. I still got it.

[Chris]

Or the magic butter machine.

[John]

It's like a magic butter machine, but it was called something else. But I tried to make, like, tinctures with it, and it broke. Like, it broke just making it I think the fume just broke a hinge on it. And then the paint under it was.

[Chris]

Yeah, man.

[Mike]

What were you doing? Making tinctures?

[John]

It was during. This is like 2020. Everything was done.

[Chris]

And nobody that would have had a slide on you, dude.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[John]

I was all the way in Jersey. I wasn't even. I wasn't in your territory. I wasn't bringing it down there.

[Mike]

You trying to with Mount Vernon. Mount Vernon Mafia, bro.

[Chris]

I would.

[Mike]

I would.

[Chris]

Had to snatch the dragon chain, bro.

[Mike]

We would have snatched your chain, no problem.

[John]

No, the dragon chain version of me. Menace.

[Mike]

We would have sent our. That was.

[John]

That was actually.

[Mike]

We would have sent our top hitters, dude. We would have sent Wood and Beast.

[Chris]

Yeah, true.

[Mike]

We would have been dead. Our top hitters are.

[Chris]

We would. We would have sexually blackmailed you with Barn Dog.

[John]

The Bar Dog.

[Chris]

Bar Dog's legend.

[Mike]

Would have got your ass.

[John]

Would have never got me. That's been the one hitter I took out for sure.

[Mike]

Definitely. You could have got the Bar Dog.

[John]

I just saw three of them.

[Mike]

You never got to the bees?

[John]

No.

[Chris]

No.

[Mike]

You could compromise the Bees, though.

[Chris]

True.

[Mike]

You could join your side pretty easily.

[John]

Like, bees.

[Mike]

Bees is down. Woodman's a wild card. He could have got it. Yeah. We just sent him to your house. He would have killed you.

[John]

Nah, he wouldn't have made it.

[Chris]

That would have been Game of Thrones. They would have killed the wrong guy. He would have, like, smashed the baby. What did you do? That was House of Dragons, I think.

[Mike]

Dude, I.

[Chris]

Dude, I used to eat the. It was like. I had the bug mold. The butterfly was, like, the smallest. Then there was the spiders. Then I had these centipedes that I. I did the math. They had to have been at least like, 120 milligrams.

[John]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And like, dude, I. I could only. I did a spider once and was rocked. And I remember I would eat those, like, a butterfly and spider in the morning. Just forget and be driving around and just. They would hit me and I would be blasting LS Dream the music I use for the intro for the first special. Just like, trying to cross Lancaster Ave. Like, I'll never. Getting across the street. It was crazy. I was like, I'll never get across the street.

[Mike]

Lancaster AV is a tough place to be high as driving, bro. It's. That sucks, man.

[Chris]

I clocked a lot of hours driving up that. Just like. Lancaster AV is chaos, dude. It is absolute chaos. That street is nuts, dude. So it's also. If you ever, like, walk up and down there.

[Mike]

What?

[Chris]

Open air. It's open air sex. Hoes are on Lancaster Ave. That's nice. Lots of hoes.

[John]

That's nice stuff now.

[Chris]

Yeah, we are talking Lancaster af. Yeah, you could. You could go get the Blob, bro.

[Mike]

You secure the bob on, like, for sure.

[Chris]

For sure. God damn, my shorts are so short.

[Mike]

Yeah, you should end the podcast anyway.

[Chris]

Where are we at an hour?

[Mike]

God damn, I'm about to whiz.

[Chris]

Yeah, I gotta pee big time. That flu, dude, that was.

[Mike]

That's good stuff.

[Chris]

The juice flying.

[John]

Thank you.