Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)

Summary

Detailed Summary of Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)

Podcast Information:

• Title: Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
• Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis
• Episode: Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
• Release Date: May 13, 2025
• Description: Grab onto this fast-moving train and witness two comedians rise to victory and splendor. This is easily the funniest podcast out there. The rest are pretty meh.

---

1. Mother's Day Reflections and Family Dynamics (00:14 - 03:25)

The episode kicks off with Matt expressing excitement about going live with a call-in segment for the first time on a free episode. He shares his nerves about seeing callers on Zoom, saying, "I need to see the bros. God damn it. How you guys doing? How was Mother's Day? Did you guys call your mothers?" (00:14).

Key Discussions:

• Calling Mothers: Both Matt and Josh discuss their experiences reaching out to their mothers on Mother's Day. Josh admits, "I did call them. I didn't get nothing. I feel pretty bad about it, though." (00:26), highlighting the emotional aspect of such gestures.

• Gift Preferences: They debate suitable Mother's Day gifts, touching on the decline of traditional gestures like flowers. Matt notes, "Yeah, my mom doesn't like flowers." (00:45), while Josh shares his thoughts on sending Amazon flowers but questions their lasting impact.

• Church Experience: The conversation shifts to their recent visit to a Texas-style church on Mother's Day. Matt describes the preacher's broad-stroke message about gender roles and societal pressures, stating, "He goes, it's coming straight from the pits of hell. Nice reach, brother." (02:56). They critique the pastor's approach to addressing men's and women's roles in society.

Notable Quotes:

• Matt (00:14): "How you guys doing? How was Mother's Day? Did you guys call your mothers?"
• Josh (00:26): "I did call them. I didn't get nothing. I feel pretty bad about it, though."
• Matt (02:56): "He goes, it's coming straight from the pits of hell. Nice reach, brother."

---

2. Discussions on Online Content and Society (04:12 - 12:28)

The hosts delve into the topic of online pornography, specifically addressing concerns about content depicting underage individuals and the staggering view counts on platforms like Pornhub.

Key Discussions:

• Concerns Over Content: Matt shares his unease about pornographic content that appears too young, saying, "It's just like this lady who looked like she was a teenager and there it was just like a huge feat of just her stuff." (05:07). They discuss the ethical implications and widespread consumption of such content.

• Viewership Metrics: Josh points out the paradox of highly problematic content garnering millions of views, questioning the societal obsession with such metrics.

• Monetization and Exploitation: The conversation veers into the commercialization of relationships and the superficiality of social media displays, with Matt humorously remarking, "Get my black queen of seafood." (08:38).

Notable Quotes:

• Matt (05:07): "It's just like this lady who looked like she was a teenager and there it was just like a huge feat of just her stuff."
• Josh (05:02): "Yeah, you see the counter... that's crazy. Like, if that makes sense."

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3. Current Events and Societal Observations (13:00 - 22:41)

The hosts transition to broader societal issues, including ethnocentrism and the treatment of journalists in various countries.

Key Discussions:

• Ethnocentrism: Matt references a study indicating, "70% of people view the world ethnocentrically, where their ethnicity is the central defining characteristic of their reality." (13:20). They critique the narrow-mindedness and nationalistic biases prevalent in society.

• Journalist Suppression: The conversation highlights countries like China, Russia, and Israel (post-war) where journalists are imprisoned, discussing the implications for freedom of speech. Matt expresses, "If you're locking journalists up, you probably are up to something bad." (16:22).

• Barstool Incident: They recount an incident at Barstool where offensive messages led to firings and attempts at re-education for the offending party. Matt humorously describes the situation: "He's saying, you can't go to Aus anymore now." (21:58).

Notable Quotes:

• Matt (13:20): "70% of people view the world ethnocentrically."
• Josh (16:23): "You don't want it to get out."
• Matt (16:22): "If you're locking journalists up, you probably are up to something bad."

---

4. Gaming, Family Life, and Parenting (26:28 - 47:44)

The hosts explore the intersection of gaming and family life, discussing popular video games and the role of gaming in parenting.

Key Discussions:

• Favorite Games: Matt and Josh share their enthusiasm for games like Baldur's Gate 3 and Kingdom Come. Matt mentions, "I've been playing a lot of Kingdom Come too. That game's pretty cool." (42:24).

• Parenting and Gaming: They discuss how gaming can be a bonding activity with children, balancing it with parental responsibilities. Josh notes, "We play Baldur's Gate where he was saying his lady plays that Was sick playing Borderlands 3 the Old John right now." (46:58).

• Storytelling with Kids: Matt shares a heartwarming moment where he creates impromptu stories with his children before bedtime, enhancing their emotional connection: "Then I do a story about mermaids for Chloe... she just reached back and just kissed my arm." (65:34).

Notable Quotes:

• Josh (42:24): "I've been playing a lot of Kingdom Come too. That game's pretty cool."
• Matt (65:34): "I just put the three-year-old into bed and she just reached back and just kissed my arm."

---

5. Call-In Segment: Emily and Ivan (50:00 - 67:18)

Emily's Story: Dental Work and Humor (50:00 - 55:09)

• Emily's Profession: Emily joins the call-in segment to discuss her job making dentures. She shares humorous anecdotes about dentures causing chaos, such as dogs eating them, saying, "They love the smell of nasty milk." (51:18).

• Human Connection: The hosts engage with Emily about the technical aspects of her work and the challenges of maintaining dentures, blending humor with genuine curiosity.

Ivan's Struggles: Fertility and IVF (55:10 - 67:18)

• Personal Challenge: Ivan opens up about his and his girlfriend's struggles with infertility, including four miscarriages. He seeks advice on balancing financial burdens and emotional fears surrounding fatherhood: "How do I deal with the fear of maybe not becoming a dad, but still, like, marrying the girl, like, the love of my life?" (57:21).

• Support from Hosts: Matt and Josh offer words of encouragement, emphasizing the importance of perseverance and the meaningfulness of parenthood despite the challenges. Matt advises, "If you can swing it, do it." (66:49).

• Emotional Sharing: Ivan expresses his determination to provide a better childhood for his future child, overcoming his own difficult upbringing: "The whole process, like, the pain, like the hormones, everything, like I was wondering if it was overhyped." (61:30).

Notable Quotes:

• Emily (51:07): "We make a matrix out of putty and we just kind of put it back in place."
• Ivan (57:21): "How do I deal with the fear of maybe not becoming a dad..."
• Matt (66:49): "If you can swing it, do it."

---

6. Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts (67:18 - 67:49)

As the episode winds down, the hosts reflect humorously on the challenges of conducting a live podcast with callers, noting the difficulty in maintaining comedic momentum. Matt concludes with a light-hearted comment about the shift in mood and the interruptive nature of ads, leaving the audience with a blend of humor and camaraderie.

Notable Quotes:

• Matt (67:27): "Can I ask you... that's worth a million."
• Josh (67:46): "Peace."

---

Overall Insights and Conclusions

Episode 559 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and candid discussions on a diverse range of topics. From heartfelt reflections on Mother's Day and the complexities of modern relationships to the ethical implications of online content and the joys and challenges of parenting, the hosts deliver an engaging and relatable conversation.

The incorporation of live call-ins adds a layer of authenticity, allowing listeners to connect with the hosts' humorous yet sincere take on real-life issues. Notable moments include the heartfelt exchange during the call-ins and the genuine support offered to Ivan in his fertility journey.

Notable Quotes:

• Matt (02:56): "He goes, it's coming straight from the pits of hell. Nice reach, brother."
• Josh (42:24): "I've been playing a lot of Kingdom Come too. That game's pretty cool."
• Matt (66:49): "If you can swing it, do it."
• Ivan (57:21): "How do I deal with the fear of maybe not becoming a dad..."

---

This episode stands out for its ability to weave humor with meaningful discourse, making complex and sensitive topics approachable and entertaining for listeners.

Transcript

[Matt]

Wow.

[Josh]

Wow, Wes.

[Matt]

And starting right now. God damn it. We're in. We're live, Dude.

[Josh]

Powerful cloud.

[Matt]

We're live. We have so much tech going on right now. This is the first time on the free episode we've done the call in.

[Josh]

Really?

[Matt]

But right now, we'll just pod, like, natural, bro.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Matt]

Got a bunch. We got a wall of bros in the zoom just staring at us on the screen. I can't pot any other way. I need to see the bros. God damn it. How you guys doing? How was Mother's Day? Did you guys call your mothers?

[Josh]

I did call them. I didn't get nothing. I feel pretty bad about it, though.

[Matt]

How to get my mom. Well, I know I split a present with my bro.

[Ivan]

Her.

[Josh]

That's just how I move. I just gave her a nice call. How you doing?

[Matt]

That's all they want. What do you. What else you gonna get her?

[Josh]

Start to send her some Amazon flowers, but I don't know.

[Matt]

Amazon flowers today?

[Josh]

And it was like. Well, at that point, she don't even care no more.

[Matt]

Yeah, my mom doesn't like flowers.

[Josh]

I think my mom. My dad used to be a flower dude, and then he stopped. That's why I think it brings it back to, like, somebody still getting me flowers, you know? Yeah.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah. I mean, most. They love flowers.

[Josh]

My pops used to try to be a romantic. Romantic. Rent a limo, go do. He used to be, like, that kind of guy he went all out for. Couldn't afford it, though. It's probably a real bad move now.

[Matt]

Limo is a nice move. Flowers, really? Anymore? Just for them to display on social media just to crush other women.

[Josh]

Yeah. Or when you're working in the office. Like, that's what I used to. I used to send up my girl Jones, and that was all it was for the other bitch.

[Lemaire]

Oh, so all the co workers see it?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Lemaire]

Yeah. Oh, that's. That's a crazy Mac.

[Josh]

Is it in there? And every lady in the place is jealous.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Matt]

They're really beautiful. Yeah. Where'd you get them from? Get off my flowers, lady. You. Happy Mother's Day. We went to church with the church on Mother's Day. Dude. It was the. We never went to this place before the preacher. It was like. You know those Texas churches. It's not like a Catholic mass. It's just like this. The standard format of the bro. I think they. We missed the intro jam.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And then the guy. Yeah, we missed that. And then. No, no, no, no, no. It was, like, white. It was like. It was like white. Black church.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Lemaire]

Like righteous gemstone style.

[Matt]

It's. It's similar. Yeah. It's not. It wasn't as overblown and theatrical, but it was like we just walked in on the, I guess the passer just cooking, dude. It was just like a 40 minute speech. And he was like, he's literally a bro. And he was just talking about men and women and he was like, just. He was like, I'm painting in broad strokes. But he. It was. No, it was nothing like sweet and kind of. It was just like, listen, dude, like kind of get. Giving women the business almost sweetly and kind of encouragingly. And it was. I was just sitting there just like, go, brother, go.

[Lemaire]

What was this?

[Josh]

What was his, like, angle?

[Matt]

He was saying, we need to work together. He's like, we're being divided and women are getting crushed thinking like, you know, he's like basically being like, dude, you don't, you don't. If you want to have a job, have a job, who cares? But he's like the force, the societal forces trying to tell you if you don't have a job, you're less than.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Matt]

He goes, it's coming straight from the pits of hell. Nice reach, brother. He was ripping. He was basically saying, dudes need to be made to feel like they can like, do I have what it takes? And women are thinking, do I? Am I enough?

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And he was like, how you can answer those questions and also nicely being like. And look, women like kind of shut the up, hype this guy up. Tell him he's a beast. Pick up the paper towel off the ground.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Say a prayer, throw in the trash and don't bother the guy about it.

[Josh]

I might have to go catch that. Good word.

[Matt]

Dude. It was. He's going back to the Bible being like, yeah, sorry, dude. You know, you guys went back to the garden. He was like, look, this is just the story. All right, you guys, it all. That's why childbirth hurts. Sorry. Happy mothers. Dude. He was, he was nice and he, he was very. He was very tactful about it. It was, it was nice.

[Josh]

What made y' all make the move like the, the church. Mother's Day move.

[Matt]

Britney loves church. So I like planned. I just try to plan like the ideal day.

[Lemaire]

Dude. A pastor. I've never been to a church where the, the preacher, the pastor, the priest could get pastor.

[Matt]

It helps them because when a guy. When they don't get any sniz, like they talk about relationships. And it's true.

[Josh]

That too.

[Matt]

That look, that's universal. A lot of those churches get. Someone gets caught up. There's one at every chair. I'm convinced there's. I think there's. Apparently there's like way more pedophiles than people think. Yeah, I watched, we talked about it last week. I watched a clip and this guy was like, bro, it's everywhere. Everyone's going for this stuff.

[Josh]

We were. I was thinking, I almost brought this up when we were doing the page last week because we're talking about X videos and how. How up some of them videos look. And you, you can always see the counter on like, it'll be one where it's like, that looks crazy, but It'll be like 30 million views. And it's just like, that's crazy. Like, you know what I mean? Like, if that makes sense. We're talking about them porns that the girl X video looks too young. You try to fire it all.

[Matt]

Oh, you see like how many people.

[Josh]

Have viewed it and you can see right under the video how many people have viewed it in. The numbers are always nuts. It's always like, like a billion views.

[Matt]

I know it's.

[Lemaire]

But on what kind of pornography do you mean? Like illegal kinds of pornography?

[Josh]

Yeah, we were saying the ex.

[Matt]

Oh, you weren't there. Like, yeah, there's, there's. I noticed I had been off the hub for a long time just cuz like, you know, due legislation in the state. I couldn't go on pornhub proper. And I like was in San Francisco and I was like, oh, let me check out what they're up to. And it was just like this lady who looked like she was a teenager and there it was just like a huge feat of just her stuff. And it was just kind of like, what the.

[Lemaire]

Stop with this.

[Matt]

Yeah, like, dude, young looking.

[Josh]

Yeah, no, I know. Yeah, I see it.

[Matt]

They're fired up. But it does help when the pastor is getting sniz.

[Josh]

Yeah, I don't know how I got us off track like that.

[Matt]

That's straight from the pits of hell. Yeah, in the past, dude, they were. And it's like nice because it's coming from. It's such a good central authority to come from. Like, not. It's not you being like, shut the up. It's the guy being like, God said.

[Lemaire]

That he's giving us the word of God and God's telling you to stop being so mean to.

[Matt]

Yeah, hype this guy up. And it was same thing. He was like, dude, if you want your babes to stop hassling you, you gotta. You Gotta. He had these two little piggy banks. He's like, you gotta fill her piggy banks, man. You give it like a month where you're just chilling with her non stop. Almost to the point where she's like, all right, enough of you. He goes, then you can go party with the bro. I mean, I'm. I'm obviously summarizing, but that's what I got from. Yeah, he was jacked, too.

[Josh]

Just a jack.

[Matt]

Jacked, bro.

[Lemaire]

Jacked. Getting pastor.

[Matt]

He's the man.

[Josh]

What man married in there.

[Matt]

He's mad for sure. Yeah, he's married.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Matt]

No, no. Yeah, that would have been crazy if he was single. Being like these on the app.

[Lemaire]

No family man through and outside and giving his Instagram to the girls leaving the store.

[Matt]

Yeah, I also. Speaking of which, bro, I. I showed up here, realized I had my wife's keys for the car in my pocket, just like, God damn.

[Lemaire]

You should start holding it down like that, though.

[Josh]

Like, you can't go nowhere.

[Lemaire]

You're staying home.

[Matt]

I should. I should. No cell phone, paycheck straight to me. It's actually the opposite. I have. She handles everything. I have no idea what's going on.

[Lemaire]

That's how I would be too.

[Matt]

It's like a samurai. That's what the samurais did.

[Lemaire]

They gave all the response.

[Matt]

Any earthly responsibility. It's like, I don't want even want to know, man.

[Lemaire]

You're just concerned with war and just strat.

[Matt]

I see in haikus. I just want to sit in grassy. No one's concoct haikus. This episode is brought to you by Paramount. Plus I've got a wild story for you, Matt. There's this guy, Nathan, and the girl of his dreams is taken hostage.

[Josh]

Whoa.

[Matt]

He fights to get her back.

[Josh]

But here's the crazy thing.

[Matt]

He can't feel pain. Dude, isn't this the plot of Novocaine? Yeah, it's the plot of Novocaine. The best new action movie. Seriously. Rated R. Like all the good stuff. Stream novocaine [e-mail] this episode is brought to you by Lifelock. Not everyone is careful with your personal information, which might explain why there's a victim of identity theft every five seconds in the U.S. fortunately, there's LifeLock. LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats to your identity. If your identity is stolen, a US based restoration specialist will fix it, guaranteed. Or your money back. Save up to 40% your first year by visiting lifelock.com podcast terms apply. But yeah, that was sick. Man, that was tight. We did that. Had a little BBQ at my house. Yeah, it was yummy.

[Josh]

Oh, the meats. Pause.

[Matt]

Seafood.

[Josh]

Seafood. Oh, seafood bar.

[Matt]

Get my black queen of seafood.

[Lemaire]

I got a white boy on my roster. He feeding me pasta and lobster.

[Matt]

What?

[Lemaire]

I saw my mommy on set. That was nice.

[Matt]

What'd you guys do?

[Lemaire]

We went to an Italian restaurant and got really drunk.

[Matt]

Nice.

[Lemaire]

Philadelphia. Yeah.

[Matt]

That's awesome.

[Josh]

That's awesome. What do y' all think about this? Happy Mother's Day to just a dog my girl had. We have a dog. She says she's a dog's mom. That's her white girl stuff. She kind of was. She kind of was shooting for. I could. I felt it towards the end of the day. She was shooting for Happy Mother's Day from me. No, I, I, Yeah, I'm a big no. I'm not gonna lie. I did give it to her.

[Lemaire]

It's a funny joke, but I was.

[Matt]

Like, oh, it's also. It's also, to be fair, I feel like any of those Hallmark type days, if you play it right, you can get some ass.

[Lemaire]

True, true.

[Matt]

You know what I mean? So you should have played up the dog mom. Be like, bro, this is great.

[Josh]

I didn't even think about it. I showed up late. I got home late from. I went to the Stars game yesterday, Dallas Stars. Got in that ass and showed up at 10. Just no energy. I was cooked. I just was sitting there. I couldn't have gave her nothing on Mother's Day if she wanted it.

[Matt]

You're all hockey, Duck.

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah. I was screaming. I was having a good time. I didn't know nothing that was going on.

[Matt]

You came back and broke her off with a hockey dick. That's rough.

[Josh]

Just a lipstick.

[Matt]

Just grabbing her shoulders, just fighting. Yeah, it was. It was sick. I showed my wife the Kanye video, by the way, the. Which one his newest, latest song did.

[Lemaire]

Maybe we shouldn't say the title.

[Matt]

Double H. You can't even name the title of a song. That's how band it is.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, I read about that. How it's just scrubbed immediately. Yeah.

[Matt]

I mean, the most shocking part of it to me, other than obviously lyrical content, is the warehouse full of black dudes dressed like wolves.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

What are they. Is that. Is that like. How much did he pay them for that? Because I imagine that would go against your life changing.

[Josh]

A life changing moment for you. You're done getting work as a video Bo now.

[Matt]

I think I. I guess. I don't know.

[Josh]

I don't know. What you call them.

[Matt]

I don't know what you call video. Male video Nazi.

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

Nazi vixens. Although what I wonder now is, like, you know, not for myself personally, but I wonder if that opened up, like, a world of guys who, like, if you're into, like, cucks and bull situation, being like, dude, that's. That would be. If I was into bulls, that would be a charge situation.

[Josh]

Just.

[Matt]

There's a black Nazi dressed like a wolf.

[Josh]

This guy's way more man than me.

[Matt]

He's.

[Josh]

The little business.

[Lemaire]

Stuff may. He's getting pivoting to furry.

[Matt]

Well, did you see the thing where he was on the sneako live stream and, like, I don't know if it was staged or what, but he was just talking about, like. Not in general.

[Lemaire]

No, I didn't. I didn't see this.

[Matt]

They were talking about. He was talking about, like. Yeah, like, people might think it's. But he was like, basically talking about, like, loaning your babe out.

[Lemaire]

Oh, he. Like.

[Matt]

It's actually called a stag vixen. There's a. There's a. It's like, different than. My brother Tom just texted me. He was like, are you down with stag vixens? And he broke it all down. And it's not so much like a cuckoo, but it's more of a proactive. Proactive role where you bring your babe and I mean, this is straight from the pits of hell as well. But you bring your babe to a function and you got. You have a hoe bag. So you have a bag of toys you're just carrying. Yeah, probably something if you're balling. Probably like a night. You just Gucci down. It's like a Gucci bag full of just toys. And you go to a function, you just. You find your. Your man in wolf clothing and then you're like, yeah. And you. You organize it more and you're like, here's the hoe bag.

[Josh]

Do you get a bay? Like, does he give. Give you one of his base?

[Lemaire]

Is it a trade?

[Matt]

I don't know if it's a trade.

[Lemaire]

Tariffs on the.

[Matt]

Tariffs on the base. Yeah. I don't know if we can still trade babes right now. I don't really understand them that much, but, you know, I think it's just more of a. I think it is more into the cuckold territory, but that's a. More of a. Just like an empowered cuckold.

[Lemaire]

That's not good Mother's Day talk.

[Matt]

It's not at all.

[Josh]

I mean, let's.

[Lemaire]

I wonder if he got Kim anything, though.

[Matt]

If what? Mother's Day. Yeah.

[Lemaire]

I wonder what Kanye got Kim Kardashian for Mother's Day.

[Josh]

I hope not.

[Lemaire]

A what? Yeah, but, you know, she's still a mommy after it all.

[Matt]

She's still a mommy after all. She deserves a card.

[Lemaire]

You might have got deserves a card or maybe a bouquet or, I don't know, maybe a diamond encrusted swastika.

[Matt]

Just a new necklace.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, yeah. New dice necklace.

[Matt]

But, yeah, that was, it was fun watching, like, hey, what do you think about this? And put it on for. And her slowly just being like, what the.

[Josh]

No contact.

[Matt]

She did not know. She was not following the black Nazi news.

[Lemaire]

I've been trying to really unplug because it's been too, too racially charged lately.

[Matt]

It is, man.

[Lemaire]

Everything. They're just trying to get me so bad. I'm not gonna let them get me.

[Matt]

They're going. They want the race war so bad.

[Lemaire]

They can't make me hate my brothers and sisters.

[Matt]

That's what I'm saying, dude.

[Lemaire]

Last thing I'm gonna do.

[Matt]

I know. I, I, I don't, I don't even think. I mean, maybe they're getting people. I read a study one time that said, like, or it was just a book I was reading, but they said 70. It was based on a study they did a long time ago. Just like, trying to discern kind of levels of awareness and, like, how people view the world, like, if, like, whatever. But they said 70 of people were frame the world ethnocentrically, where they're just like, if. And if it kind of checks out, if you go to any country, it's like, Italy has the best food, the best people.

[Lemaire]

Oh, I see. So, yeah, okay. I'm not. I was so like, yeah.

[Matt]

How does it, like, your ethnicity, okay. Is like the central defining characteristic of your entire reality. And people who aren't part of your ethnicity are like, just. You're just not part of your squad. You feel better than them. Like, black people do it. I'm not gonna throw them. You ask them. It's like, yeah, like, we're clearly the best. Everyone's evil. You know, if you ask some white people on Twitter, they'll be like, actually.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, okay, hold on. I see now.

[Matt]

I think we're the best. And, you know, if you go to the country by country, it's like, no, our country is the best.

[Lemaire]

I see. It's crazy.

[Matt]

70 of people view the world, you know, kind of like that.

[Josh]

It's crazy how many Countries. Human nature that way. But they're so clearly wrong. Just where.

[Matt]

Oh, dude, bro. Yeah, we're from Latvia. We have the best. It's like, dude, I hate to break it.

[Lemaire]

Come on, man.

[Matt]

I hate to break it to you. Not even in the running.

[Josh]

I don't even think people would miss you. All.

[Matt]

People might not even know.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, I mean, they're pretty new.

[Matt]

They should do Yelp for countries.

[Josh]

Just. Just.

[Matt]

Just. The whole country's on Yelp. And you're like, yeah, I went to Lafayette. One star. One star. I got a Groupon, dude. I was reading about the countries that have the most journalists in prison. I was reading about the new pope. He was like, I guess his first American pope came out. Dude, American as hell, bro. He was like, we got to protect freedom of speech. We got to release the journalists who are prisoners. And the top offending countries, I think, are China. Israel's in the mix.

[Josh]

Really?

[Matt]

Israel has a lot of journalists. Well, here's the thing. They even.

[Lemaire]

I would have never.

[Matt]

Well, and then they clarified in the article, because I was like, holy. And then they were like. Because it's like, china. Can we look? I. I'm gonna see what the top five countries are. It's definitely China and Russia's top five.

[Josh]

I thought they wouldn't be on the list. That was about to be my guess. I thought they were just bodying them.

[Matt]

Nah, they got. They hold those guys.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Matt]

Yeah, they hold them in jail because I think they try to, like, flip them. Yeah. You know, it'd be really cool, now that you're in jail, to write, like, cool stuff about us and how we're awesome. But, yeah, they were saying it's. Yeah, there it is.

[Lemaire]

Myanmar, China, Belarus.

[Matt]

That's a wild one.

[Lemaire]

Myanmar is a Belarus.

[Matt]

Turkey in Egypt, bro, people are going saying, the pyramid tours are spud. Better watch out.

[Lemaire]

True.

[Matt]

Yeah. And then I think Israel's just. Israel wasn't on that list for a while, and then through the war, now they're like, number three. They got a lot of journals.

[Josh]

Really?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Good look.

[Matt]

No, it's a terrible look. I mean, if you're locking journalists up, you probably are up to something bad.

[Josh]

You don't want it to get out.

[Matt]

Yeah, like, there's. There's. There's not a world in which I have to arrest somebody. People can say whatever they want. As soon as I'm like, yeah, put that guy in a room for a while.

[Lemaire]

I don't know. You say that, but Lemaire said, I kissed my dad on the Lips a couple of weeks ago and I was image. I think it depends.

[Matt]

True. You can put Lamar in a room for a while.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, I'd lock you up for something like that.

[Matt]

I mean that's kind of the thing. You're running a country and they're. They're saying something to that degree. Lock him up. Cuz you know it's not true.

[Lemaire]

True.

[Matt]

If it were true.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, that's actually a good point.

[Matt]

You'd have to toss them there in a room.

[Lemaire]

But I did see my daddy this weekend.

[Matt]

You saw him? How was the urge to kiss Was strong.

[Lemaire]

We did not kiss.

[Matt]

Hell yeah.

[Lemaire]

Unfortunately.

[Josh]

What was I. I saw all this stuff going on with barstool. It sounded like y' all knew.

[Lemaire]

Yes.

[Matt]

Can we talk about that or are you doing a. Speaking of which. Speaking of.

[Josh]

Yeah, speaking of.

[Matt]

Yeah, dude. So what I gather there was just a guy. I think he was like a Middle Eastern bro, if I'm not mistaken.

[Lemaire]

Yes, that's right.

[Matt]

And he was at the Barstool bar. And I got. When you get bottle service, you're allowed to write like a message in case, I guess it's somebody's birthday or you know, if you're burning with a message to send to the world otherwise. And he wrote, I think the Jews. Yep. That's what on his. And the bottle girls brought it out.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And he. Which they were just following orders to be fair to them. They got fired, the girls got fired. Oh, me? Yeah. Portnoy fired the two women. And then he offered to re educate the young man, the Middle Eastern man who was bawling out.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, he said he was going to send him to Auschwitz, but. Well, he said he wanted to give him a tour of Auschwitz.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Lemaire]

But he also said he was going to get him a trip to Germany because he was under the impression that Auschwitz is in Germany, which is false. It's in Poland.

[Matt]

See, I didn't know that.

[Josh]

I had no idea.

[Matt]

I could have got on the floor.

[Lemaire]

That was a big.

[Matt]

I went to my bar stool sponsored Auschwitz tour. I could have booked the wrong flight as well.

[Lemaire]

That was fun to be in Philly for that. I couldn't stop talking about it. I just kept being like, let's go get bottle service. Be like, but we're not thirsty, we just want the side.

[Matt]

You might have to go to Auschwitz, dude.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, you're about to go next. I'd go, I'd go.

[Matt]

Check it out, check it out.

[Lemaire]

Listen, learn.

[Matt]

I don't know that I would, if I'm being honest. If I'm in Europe, and I'm like, there's so much stuff. I go in Europe. Yeah. I can go to, like, the Mediterranean. It's like, you know, let's go to a fucking former site, a military camp, kill Jewish people. I'm like, now I'm straight, dude.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I'm gonna eat this grub.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Then you got to go to. You said it was in Poland.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if I. I don't know. No offense to Poland. I think Poland might rise as a world power one day, but I don't know that I'd go to Poland if I'm in Europe. You only have so much time.

[Lemaire]

Yeah. You know, they're all just trying to screw in light bulbs over there.

[Matt]

I'll just try to get out of cars.

[Lemaire]

Get out of cars, and screw it.

[Josh]

Yeah. That was so funny to me when I found out how dumb white people think Polish people are. Like, I didn't know that.

[Matt]

My whole life never end. Although I heard they have the hogs. I heard Polish people. They're like, why would you. Yeah, dude, that shoved out. That was from a book I read. They talked about. The guy would always talk about the big Polish hug.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Lemaire]

Pretty serious.

[Matt]

I know. For real. But, yeah, that was. That whole situation was funny because then they. The guy tried to get in on the racially charged GoFundMe train.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And I think everyone had just gave their last. Last dollar to that white lady and. And the black. Yeah. So they. They had already cleaned up, so this guy was like, it's time to cash in. And then he was like, yeah, that dude. And then he was like, give me some money. And I think he raised, like, 20 GS, which. Damn.

[Lemaire]

He got to say, everybody's raising 20 GS now they're.

[Matt]

Dude, the other people raised. Well, yeah, 400.

[Lemaire]

Everybody doing GoFundMes for getting it when they get in trouble on the Internet.

[Matt]

Yeah. It's a new thing because you can. You can, like, you know, if you find. I say, like, you get bottle service. You know, you say, whatever the juice. Whatever you want to say. You get on the thing. You get your. You do your. The juice bot.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Which, by the way, there's probably. Probably so many people hearing about that who started sending up messages.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Just for. Like, it sounds fun, but just for fun, probably.

[Josh]

Yeah. Was you saying he sent that to Portnoy?

[Matt]

No, no, he's saying.

[Lemaire]

I just got word of it. It's his bar. It's a Bar stool. Bar on Sanso. Oh, you know the one across the street.

[Matt]

He was at the bar. So bar. And the guy, when pressed, he was like, look, I have no problem, but they are doing a genocide. Is everyone. He went into his big thing and then Portnoy rescinded his offer him to. He's like, you can't go to Aus anymore now.

[Josh]

Yeah, sorry, buddy.

[Matt]

For you. For you. You got to do that on your own dime now that you made $27,000.

[Lemaire]

You know, Delo is be. He's like, he could have just wrote Israel. It would have been so, so much.

[Josh]

Why don't people do that?

[Lemaire]

I don't know. I don't know. They get crashing it, I guess. Yeah.

[Josh]

Or he meant what he said.

[Matt]

Yeah, I know. They looked into this guy and apparently, again, according. Just according to news, allegedly he has some content up where he's pretty clear being like, yeah, I'm not a fan. Not a fan.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, they don't. Yeah, he does not like them. He's going on, like, white supremacist podcast or whatever. This could sass. And everybody was there too, so they knew about it more than I did. And I guess he was like, going on, like, racist dudes podcasts. And they'd be like, oh, that was really good about the Jews. But then it'd be like, but we still don't like you though.

[Matt]

Either.

[Lemaire]

But we like you a little bit more.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The hardcore white Christians in the Middle Eastern, that's been the defining thing between them being like, good call, guys. But you guys, too. Such a. It's just such a impoverished worldview. It's like, dude, you. You can't fully bro down if you're that filled with hate. It's like your bro down is always going to be kind of handicapped.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, that must have been a crazy vibe.

[Matt]

The Jews. Bar stool.

[Lemaire]

Bar the Jews. And then just like, sure, we'll take. I don't know. Tsto is playing really loud, right? And there's like sparklers going off. Yeah, it's that. Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Lemaire]

Well, again, it seemed like a place where you'd make a. Want to make a statement like that, but they're probably just being nasty.

[Josh]

Like a Nazi babe with him. She was like, you won't do it. I'll suck your dick right now.

[Lemaire]

I don't. I don't think that probably nasty babes exist. Yeah, there is that one that said the N word. Says the N word all the time. Ever seen that lady?

[Matt]

Who? The lady at the park?

[Lemaire]

No, no, no. Do you. Do you. Do you guys not know what I'm talking about? It's hard to explain music. Do you know who I'm talking about?

[Matt]

Ah, shoot. Me's not on that. Only fans.

[Lemaire]

Only fans. But she. I think she did, like, Piers Morgan or something, and he's like, do you use the N word? And she was like, yes.

[Matt]

Piers Morgan's really scraping, dude. The dregs of the Internet. He's really trying to get that show popping. Yeah, he had yay on. Yay. Walked off.

[Lemaire]

Did he?

[Matt]

Because he was like, you have 33 million whatever followers. And he's like, I have 0.9. 33.9. Just walked off like, know your facts.

[Josh]

I've never gonna. That. That what he said. What do you say?

[Matt]

What they say, don't take inches off my.

[Josh]

Don't take inches off my. Because when you first hear it, it's like, all right, it's a couple of points of your followers. Then you hear a word, don't take inches off my dick. And you're like, all right. Yeah, you made a hunt. I get it now.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's pretty funny. Yeah, he's really. Pierce Morgan's, like, really going after pretty much anyone who's like, you know, he'll. He'll cast a wide net on the Internet and be like, what are you doing? And they're like, you, dude, shut the up.

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah. But I'm gonna start doing that rage bait numbers up.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, you could.

[Matt]

It's there, bro. It's there. But you can all do it.

[Lemaire]

Yeah. What would you do if you rage baited?

[Josh]

I don't know. I don't.

[Lemaire]

Like the hot dog and the. In the mouth guard and the hot dog water. That's kind of rage bait.

[Josh]

Nah, that's just good old fun right there.

[Matt]

You could go. You could go hardcore against black women. That's a sick thing. Black housing.

[Josh]

Yeah. I mean, big white dollars. I would make some big white dollars if I started white.

[Matt]

You could White bucks. It would be nice. Just a million white bucks. Just one hot weekend, dude.

[Josh]

Start to start a go for me, be rich.

[Matt]

But then that's got to be your thing for the rest of it. You can't. You could maybe try to come back.

[Josh]

I could flip it. Could flip it. Be like, just fine, flip it. I gotta. I'd have to replace my woman, though. That would be. And I don't want to do that. That's the only way I can think. I could flip.

[Matt]

If you went at black Queens, you think you'd have to Replace.

[Josh]

I'd have to get a black queen and be like. And get, like, share the wealth.

[Lemaire]

Or you could just wait. Why?

[Matt]

What do you mean?

[Lemaire]

You could get some makeup.

[Josh]

You're saying there's no coming back. The only way to come back is to be like, all right, I start all over. Get it to Shiki. Get a black queen.

[Lemaire]

Yeah. You could do Umar.

[Josh]

Or I could get Dollazol and everybody's head up. It's been a quiet.

[Lemaire]

Be nice. Yeah.

[Josh]

Fall in love with Rachel Dolezal.

[Lemaire]

Yeah. Nate loves Rachel Dolezo.

[Matt]

You could maybe try to do. Maybe try to do one of those, which we call it threesome podcasts.

[Josh]

Oh, like what's his name?

[Matt]

22.

[Lemaire]

2222.

[Matt]

I don't know. What's the Chad doing? Bring these bros in here.

[Lemaire]

Before we go to the chair, you want to do the read?

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Lemaire]

Thanks.

[Matt]

Let's keep this electrifying energy going.

[Lemaire]

I'm sorry.

[Matt]

Freaking Christ. Yeah, let's get this.

[Lemaire]

It'll be quick.

[Matt]

Rip the bandaid off and let's get this out of the way. Guys, forgive us. Or actually, I shouldn't even qualify like that, but, yeah, you know what I mean. All right, before we get back to this awesome show, here's a real quick special segment called More or Less Playoff Edition, and it's brought to you by Prize Picks. It's the playoff in. Every game's insane, and we're basically watching a bunch of basketball players crumble under pressure.

[Lemaire]

Geez.

[Josh]

Really, though.

[Lemaire]

It's a little joke.

[Matt]

Are. They've been crumbling? Huh?

[Josh]

It's all the time.

[Lemaire]

A lot of.

[Matt]

Yeah. I thought the Celtics are supposed to be good, and they're.

[Josh]

They're stinking crushed by the. Who are they? Yeah. The next. I mean, that one was supposed to be a good series, I think, but then I didn't know. I saw them getting crushed. Like, they're getting crushed.

[Lemaire]

Their game was brutal.

[Matt]

We'll take. Guys get this. So we figured, let's take a look at who's actually showing up, who's choking and which stat lines are actually looking good. Let's get into it. I mean, I don't know, man.

[Lemaire]

I have them up right here.

[Matt]

What are you thinking? Jason Tatum for more than 25 points.

[Josh]

I hate to say it, but I do think Jason table's gonna get more to 25.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, but. But it is at 27 and a half now.

[Matt]

For real.

[Lemaire]

More or less than 27 and a half.

[Matt]

Do I have old copy?

[Lemaire]

I think you have it. Well, I have. I Have the. The updated.

[Matt]

Oh, there you go. Good call. Or Anthony Edwards for more than 2.5. Three pointers made. I would say yes. That's all they do is shoot three.

[Lemaire]

Pointers or more for the ant man.

[Josh]

He says there's 2.5.

[Matt]

I'm saying more. More for that.

[Josh]

But here's the.

[Matt]

Here's the. Here's the kicker, Julius Randall for more than eight rebounds. That's what I watch. I keep track. The assists, blocks.

[Josh]

I'm giving a no on that. I don't think. I think there's less. Less, less, less. My bad. Less.

[Matt]

Eight boards.

[Josh]

Huh?

[Matt]

Eight boards.

[Josh]

Less than eight boards.

[Matt]

You think so?

[Josh]

I think so. I don't.

[Matt]

You don't think he's putting that ass on the other players?

[Josh]

Yeah, I don't think he's got the hustle in him that today. All right. They're up in the series. I don't think he's got the hustle in him.

[Matt]

Maybe if. What if. That's a take that just. That's your GoFundMe. Everyone's like you. Is there any particular players, teams or matchups that you've enjoyed? Has anything surprised you? Nate, let me ask you, did you have any predictions for the rest of the playoffs?

[Josh]

Let's get into that now. I'm kind of thinking. I think. I think the. I think the. Who's going to win the finals is going to be a Western Conference team. I honestly, I don't want to say it, but I think my guess is the Nuggets. If I'm calling everything, I kind of quietly think the Nugs are gonna.

[Matt]

The Denver Frosty Nuggets.

[Josh]

Yeah, I think the Denver Frosty Nugs. Damn. That worked out perfect for them. Actually, I didn't think about that. Frosty Nugs for Denver Nuggets. Yeah, I think they'll win. I think.

[Lemaire]

I like the Pacers.

[Josh]

The Pacers are surprising everybody.

[Matt]

That's what I'm talking about. I'm thinking the Pacers.

[Josh]

Yeah. I think to the Eastern Conference finals. I think they'll get shut down. The Easter Conference finals.

[Lemaire]

But I think the Pacers need to recruit Caitlyn Clark to be their extra.

[Josh]

Somebody will run through her. She'll turn to dust, bro.

[Matt]

You don't. You don't think she'd be able to hold her own?

[Josh]

Not for us.

[Lemaire]

She would put up 50.

[Matt]

Yeah. Dude, what are you talking about?

[Josh]

She's gonna have to use a regular siiz ball. I'm pretty sure the WNBA ball is smaller.

[Lemaire]

It is.

[Matt]

That's fair.

[Josh]

It's gonna change everything.

[Lemaire]

Well, everybody's entitled to their own opinion.

[Matt]

Yeah, Nate, if you want to spew hatred on here, that's fine. Dude, we're trying to talk basketball anti Caitlyn.

[Josh]

I just know a bu bunch of dudes is going dominate.

[Matt]

I do. We should let it happen once, man.

[Josh]

See what happens.

[Matt]

Just let's. Let's just pull a bandit. Let's see what's up.

[Josh]

Dude, just put her and Reese. Watch them both get dominated.

[Lemaire]

True cc then.

[Josh]

Then they can join forces, reunite or.

[Matt]

Or just like five WNBA players versus the wolf men in the new summer blockbuster. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know if we should do that, guys.

[Lemaire]

I don't know either. But those were the picks.

[Matt]

That's our take, guys. So now's your chance to win. Win real money with your best takes, whether it's points, rebounds, assists. Take your pick of more or less on their stat projection for your shot to win up to 2000 times your cash today. Prize picks is available in more than 30 states including California, Texas and Georgia. You can submit your picks in 60 seconds or less. It's so easy. I'm doing it right now. No, I'm not. Or am I? Download the app today and use code drench to get $50 instantly after you play your first five dollar lineup. That's code drenched to get 50 dol instantly after you play your first five Dollar lineup. Prize picks. Run your game, guys. Oh, this weekend I'll be at the Crest Theater, Sacramento, California. Please come to that. That's on Friday. And then on Saturday I'll be in Seattle, Washington, Neptune theater. Come to that. I think they're. They're close to sold out, so please come. And also 6:25, that's June. I'll be at the Improv in Hollywood, California. And then I'm going to be filming a special I like four days after that in the. Where the hell is it? Ontario, California Improv. So that'll be a Friday and Saturday or Thursday? Friday, Saturday. Please come to that. And Josh, you have something coming out as well, right?

[Lemaire]

Yeah. Check out 15 for 15. It's 15 of some of my favorite jokes for the last 15 years doing stand up.

[Josh]

Putting that out on May 15th.

[Matt]

Hell yeah.

[Josh]

Hell yeah. And just please come to optimize this. We're gonna have, you know me, Lamare Gardini. It's always fun. We always have. I mean, mass dropped in the bus, lady that's just been sick. Thank you to everybody who's come. Just, just please come Again, thank you. June 6th, Optimum Noctis.

[Matt]

Hit him with a thank you. Come again.

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

Back to the show. Now. We're back to the show. What an organic, well placed. Guys, let's bring it to the chat. Bring a call, bring a caller in. No, no, Sean, that was. That was good instincts, man. We had a. We had a. That's exactly what I said. I said, dude, when we start tanking in conversation, bring the bros in. And it was just like, we have the bros here, we got to tap them in. I figured I'd go as long as we could on some current events. And you know what I'll say right now, though, dude, I've been making my own cold brew coffee. It is so much easier than you think. You just. You don't try that too.

[Josh]

Why did I use the Nespresso?

[Matt]

I hit the pods using espresso. Dude, if you just get coffee. I didn't know it was this easy. You just get coffee beans, grind them on course. You don't want to get too fine because you're filtering them out. It's like half the battle. I just grind coffee, put it in a big container of water overnight, come back. I have a huge thing of iced coffee concentrate.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I've been making it. It's so good. This is my remainder. Dude.

[Lemaire]

It sounds tasty.

[Matt]

It's so good and it's so easy to do. I've been flying off this.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Just crushing iced coffee, cold brew. And it's. I don't know. I love it. It's easy to make. You literally steep it in just a container for like 2412-24 hours. Come back the next morning, filter it out. I pour it through like a mesh filter, and then I do a coffee like paper filter.

[Josh]

Is that about 200 milligrams after the whole sit thing?

[Matt]

It's after, dude, you have a thing of concentrate this big.

[Josh]

It's.

[Matt]

It makes like, oh, yeah, 15 cups of coffee. That's.

[Lemaire]

Hell, yeah.

[Matt]

It's so easy to. It's like unbelievably easy. I thought I needed like an apparatus. It's just mixing them together and screening out the beans. Done.

[Josh]

My guts can't handle cold brew. It dominates me. I take a little bit of cold brew. I'm. But it's kind of a nice move if I'm like, if I'm not. Get some cold brew, fix all my problems.

[Matt]

I. I swear to God, I. I'm still not addicted to nicotine at all. But I will say these shits. I Like, rely on it. If I feel like I have to dump, I. I pop one in turbocharge.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, that happens to me, too.

[Matt]

I still don't feel like it's that addictive, though. I don't feel like it's that addictive.

[Josh]

You think it's going? No, sick. Just going to the pouches. It could be the pouches.

[Matt]

It probably is. Because smoking it probably. I don't know. They say people are. Smoke. Have, like, an oral fixation. It's like a deeper thing.

[Josh]

Hey, yo.

[Matt]

Let me bust one of these bros up, man. Who are you thinking about?

[Lemaire]

Oh, he's smoking right now. What's up, Ivan?

[Matt]

We need an orally fixated man to come up on the screen right now.

[Josh]

Look at bro in the blanket.

[Matt]

What's popping on the chat right now, Lamar?

[Josh]

Nothing crazy.

[Lemaire]

Yo, yo, Ivan. You're smoking inside, boys.

[Matt]

What you doing, man? Smoking in your house?

[Ivan]

Yeah, I'm from Europe. It's normal here.

[Lemaire]

What? Cool.

[Matt]

Yeah, just flexing, smoking cigs in the house. Where. Where in Europe do you live?

[Lemaire]

Austria.

[Matt]

Austria, bro. Oh, you know it. I've heard of it.

[Josh]

Yeah, I've heard of that one.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You guys are near Poland? Germany. You guys are near Poland and Germany.

[Ivan]

Yeah, we kind of had the history thing going.

[Lemaire]

Yeah. Good painting over there.

[Ivan]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah. What? We got a great. So we were talking Europe, and I, you know, hopefully we didn't, you know, offend you. We're talking about, like, European countries. Like, who gives a. What's your top country? You're like, who gives it? Because, like, Austria is kind of rules. So, like, what's your. I'm not just saying that because you're there. It's like, you know, I know all about it. It's kind of sick. What's one of your countries there that you're like, this country sucks, dude.

[Ivan]

I mean, Britain, first of all.

[Matt]

Let's go agree. Why Britain?

[Ivan]

It's just pure chaos. I mean, I haven't been to America, so I don't know what's up.

[Josh]

It's the best, but sick.

[Matt]

It's awesome.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, it's pretty nice.

[Ivan]

I just can't take it. I can't take the. I don't get. I just don't want to get political.

[Matt]

But, dude, you're smoking a cigarette in your house. You have to get political. You look like you're cooking right now, dude. What do you. What's up with Europe? What's up with Britain, man? What's the problem with that?

[Ivan]

They're just weird with their, like, authoritarianism.

[Matt]

What are they doing to you guys? Or just in their own country, you're saying.

[Ivan]

Oh, that's just my opinion.

[Matt]

So is Austria more free? Do you guys. Can you guys go to jail for, like, group text and over there? Or, like, what's up?

[Ivan]

No, I mean, they're trying to, like, get those, like, Trojans, like, state Trojans on the phones, which is like a yearly debate. Like, every year, they try to, like, get this stuff in.

[Matt]

What's the Trojans on the phone? Are they, like, people literally listening?

[Lemaire]

Spyware type thing?

[Ivan]

Yeah, yeah. Just basically, like, state spyware. Hey, how about we do this to your phones? And we're like, no.

[Matt]

How. How are they trying to sell it to you guys? Is it, like, the threat of terrorism or, like, what are they using to even justify that?

[Ivan]

I think it's kind of like how you guys do it with the bills. They just sneak it in.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Ivan]

Somebody just catches it and they're like, hold up. So it just doesn't go through.

[Lemaire]

Dang.

[Matt]

That's up. And Brit. Does Britain have that already?

[Ivan]

Do people go to prison for praying.

[Matt]

On the street in Britain?

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Josh]

What kind of prayers are they doing? Some. Some allies.

[Lemaire]

If they're on the street. Yeah, it's probably.

[Matt]

No, no, no, no.

[Ivan]

I mean Christians.

[Josh]

Oh.

[Lemaire]

Oh, I see.

[Matt]

Can't. PTL on the street. It's up. Damn, man. That sucks.

[Lemaire]

That's insane.

[Ivan]

Yeah, it's. It's crazy in Europe, actually.

[Lemaire]

They're.

[Ivan]

It's getting real, like, weird politically, like, on the. From the top down, the EU is getting way more involved, and everybody has to have, like, a stance. Even though Austria is, like, neutral, like Switzerland, it's getting really weird.

[Matt]

That sucks. What a bummer, bro.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Lemaire]

I'm sorry to hear that.

[Ivan]

Well, yeah, I mean, I guess. What are you gonna do?

[Lemaire]

All right, well. Happy Mother's Day.

[Matt]

Happy Mother's Day.

[Josh]

Necessary.

[Matt]

Blade Runner.

[Lemaire]

All right, take it easy.

[Matt]

Thank you, bro.

[Josh]

Easy, bro.

[Lemaire]

Nice to talk to you.

[Josh]

Damn.

[Matt]

Yeah, chilling is. Yeah, Europe does suck now, man.

[Josh]

I don't know what the hell.

[Matt]

Europe's on some. Absolutely. I've never been there. Well, I've been to Ireland once, but, like, they're on some mega.

[Josh]

It always looks sick to me. I don't pay attention to politics, so I don't. I don't know.

[Matt]

It's probably sick. Yeah, it's probably a sick place to.

[Josh]

Be, to visit, to not live.

[Matt]

Yeah. I don't know, man. And people who live there think it's sick in America. Stinks. A lot of them for the most part. But we don't have that. Dude. That's just not. We don't have Trojans on our phones.

[Lemaire]

I think we probably. We've had them for decade.

[Josh]

Yeah, Snow got like, ram for. He was like. They snowed it? Yeah. Wasn't it like. You're looking at all your.

[Matt]

Looking at all your stuff and then we. Yeah, actually, yeah. All right. We locked that guy up in jail. We got one. Everyone's got to have one guy. One guy in jail. Snow's not in jail. Yeah, he's out now.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, he's out.

[Matt]

But he was for like a day. How long was he in jail? For like a decade.

[Lemaire]

He was in.

[Josh]

No, he didn't go to jail.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, he went to Russia.

[Matt]

I mean, bro, I wonder if he got any hoes. And he probably got some.

[Josh]

Bro holding up. Christ.

[Lemaire]

Probably got a nice hose.

[Matt]

Yeah, bring another bro in here. Get another bro in here. The Austria talk.

[Lemaire]

No shot.

[Matt]

What? Why not, dude?

[Lemaire]

No chance.

[Matt]

What?

[Josh]

What you saw. You repping the Lord had to say.

[Lemaire]

Oh, gotta praise the Lord. And then a rosary in the choir.

[Matt]

Nice, nice. Well, Lamar, let's look for people who want to chat.

[Lemaire]

I'm ready to chat. I'm ready to chat.

[Matt]

Oh, you're saying. No, I thought you're saying, like, I.

[Lemaire]

Was just, like, excited.

[Matt]

My bad, my bad. I'm a little touchy. My bad.

[Lemaire]

You're good.

[Matt]

You don't want to talk to me, don't worry about it. Right. How you doing, man? Where you living at?

[Lemaire]

I'm from California. It's gay out here.

[Josh]

So true.

[Lemaire]

Well, at least you're not in Austria. I got up by a mosquito. Damn, this shit's me up because it's mirrored. I up by a mosquito. Damn, that's a big ass skeeter. Yeah, I got raped, bro. Sucks.

[Matt]

Where? Where? What's your beef with Cali right now?

[Lemaire]

Gun laws. Our government sucks. Can't do.

[Matt]

Government seems to suck all over the world.

[Lemaire]

Unrest worldwide.

[Matt]

Yeah, there's some political dang. Are you SoCal or NorCal?

[Lemaire]

I'm Central.

[Matt]

Central Cal?

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Lemaire]

No one really knows about us.

[Josh]

Where.

[Matt]

Yeah. What is sent cow. What's even there.

[Lemaire]

It's like, I would say like Santa Maria.

[Josh]

Do you.

[Lemaire]

Have you ever heard of them?

[Matt]

No, it's like Silicon Valley central kind of.

[Lemaire]

No, that's north. That's North SoCal. Central California is just. Just the central part is the whole. It's just San Luis Obispo. It's just like.

[Josh]

How far are you from, like, one of the big Cities, huh? How far are you from one of the big cities, like, in Central? Because aren't the two, like, north and.

[Lemaire]

South directly in between LA and sf?

[Josh]

Okay. How long is that dry?

[Lemaire]

Like, two, three hours.

[Matt]

That's not bad. Is that what they call the Inland Empire?

[Lemaire]

No, Inland Empire is just east of la.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Lemaire]

And that's, like, where the crackheads, the meth, all that is sick.

[Josh]

The vatos sick.

[Lemaire]

The. The lads. We got a lot of lads in the Central.

[Matt]

Nice.

[Lemaire]

We love the lads. All my friends are lads.

[Josh]

Oh, my homies, lads.

[Lemaire]

I'm the only honking the.

[Matt]

So what do you do? What do you do?

[Josh]

He's been muted. He muted himself, I think. Yeah.

[Lemaire]

Oh, you muted yourself, bro.

[Matt]

You mute yourself. Well, thank you, brother.

[Josh]

I don't know how to fix it.

[Lemaire]

Have fun out there.

[Matt]

Is anyone burning with a message for the world?

[Lemaire]

Yeah, let's see what the people are saying. Why don't we see what the people.

[Matt]

Yeah, get someone with their hand raised, bro. He's been waiting.

[Josh]

This guy's been waiting for a while.

[Matt]

Oh, what up, bro? What is up, bro? Is that red lights on your room? On your ceiling? Yeah, it's my living room. Yeah. How'd you get it set up like that? Me and my fiance.

[Josh]

I knew that was girl stuff. My girl just made us do that. Like, asked me because I got us a TV to put the light behind it. Like that ambient.

[Lemaire]

Yeah. Yeah, girls love lights behind the tv. Now, who told me about that?

[Matt]

That's kind of sick. I like that, like, way longer than you think. It took, like, an hour and a half. Is that an LED strip, or are you guys, like, uplighting that whole situation? No, dude, we're poor. It's an LED strip for sure. That's nice, man.

[Lemaire]

It's cool.

[Matt]

Yeah, I guess. Thank you, though. So what are you doing, bro? What's your deal, dude? I'm. I'm being a bum today. I called out of work, and I'm just sitting at home doing nothing.

[Josh]

Good for you, man.

[Matt]

Yesterday you said, look, I've had enough of this. I'm taking the day off. Yeah. My job's kind of. I sit around and do nothing. So I was like, you don't really need me there. Nothing's gonna change if I don't come in. So they don't care. They're like, whatever. Take your day off. That's so sick. What do you do in your free time when you get freed from. You know. Dude, me and my fiance are nerds. So, like, we just sit at home and watch TV and play video games, to be honest. And like smoke weed. That's about it.

[Josh]

What you gaming?

[Matt]

It's kind of awesome. He's gaming on Baldur's Gate 3 right now, bruh. I've been playing a lot of Kingdom Come too. That game's pretty cool.

[Josh]

Yeah. That's what I've been playing right now. Kingdom Come is the. I could. I'm not. I could talk about that the whole time. I won't do it.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Josh]

I won't nerd out.

[Matt]

But yes, absolutely. That's like a World War II game.

[Josh]

Not like. Like. Like medieval. I think that. Yeah. And you like sounds more super hyper realistic. Like you have to forge your own weapons and like hammer out a sword. It's. It seems like it would be dumb as hell, but it's fire.

[Matt]

Damn. No, that's. Dude, I was gamed. You had to learn how to read. It was. It was.

[Josh]

You can bed winches. It's pretty nice.

[Matt]

If I. If I were to like be able to choose a form of like autism or like something that like put me in a different realm, I'd go purely medieval.

[Josh]

We'll just wear a suit of armor.

[Matt]

Just get into that whole thing, dude. Strict hierarchies.

[Lemaire]

James from Love on the spectrum.

[Matt]

Yeah. Basically, I guess there bro or something. Cool. Yeah. I love Medieval Times. Damn. So are you. Are you alone? Night wandering the.

[Josh]

You're a blacksmith, son. That's like working his way from the bottom to the top. Cool.

[Matt]

Pirates of the Caribbean action.

[Josh]

Something like that.

[Matt]

You start as. You start as like a. Like a peasant.

[Josh]

In the first one, you're a peasant. And then you work your way up to like being like. You got. You're working with royalty. You're not. You're still not royalty or not a noble.

[Matt]

I know what you mean.

[Josh]

Yeah, but. But you're. But they with you. And then the second one starts off. A bunch of chaos ensues. They steal all your. So that's how they get you to start from ground one. Like you and your whole crew get. I mean you're. I don't want. Your crew gets butt at the beginning of the game.

[Matt]

Really?

[Josh]

Yeah. You only survive because you were being horny with your bro. Like you and one of your bros sneak away to go look at ladies take baths. Whole squad gets murdered while they're doing that.

[Lemaire]

What?

[Josh]

It's. Exactly.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, that's. That's some type I would do. Yeah.

[Matt]

Where do these women take the baths?

[Josh]

Just like lake bath. Oh yeah. You were camping on the side of the road. Yeah.

[Matt]

I'd be Scuba Steve.

[Lemaire]

Snorkel.

[Matt]

Yeah. The snow go. I'm into that. That would be. Man, that'd be awesome.

[Josh]

Yeah. That game's sick. Both of those games are sick.

[Matt]

I'm saving my. My gaming. I think when I retire, I think I'll get way into gaming. Bro, that'd be so nice.

[Josh]

What if the. What if your kids get in the game? You think that could get you in like if.

[Matt]

Oh, big time.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I'd be gaming hard.

[Lemaire]

You're approaching like Mario Kart age.

[Josh]

Yeah. Party.

[Matt]

That'd be nice. We have the dance game.

[Josh]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Matt]

It was like an old Xbox connect where they get it.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Josh]

It's pretty sick, man. The best party family game used to be Rock Band. Hit a full Rock Band. That was the one I with was Guitar Hero actually.

[Matt]

That's a good call. I could get into some Mario Kart. Five is old enough for Mario Kart.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

[Matt]

But I can't not smash him. I'm gonna smash her one day.

[Josh]

They'll figure it out. So that's what happens. The kids get nice quick.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's true. Still got a lot neuroplasticity going on. Yeah, that would suck. If she beats me, I'll be. I'll throw it out.

[Lemaire]

No more video.

[Matt]

You're a cheater. I'm leaving, dude. Catching your dad controller smash would be up. That'd be so bad to see.

[Josh]

I'd be pretty happy. I think. Honestly, my dad controller smash. I would be like, that's. I am his son.

[Matt]

True. Yeah. My friend used to the PlayStation pull back when everything had the cord to the thing.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Matt]

If he. If his little brother would beat him, he would pull the cord out of the PlayStation and whip him with the cord. Just damn. Start whipping them. Told it was a pure spass.

[Josh]

That's a bad losing attitude.

[Matt]

Bad losing attitude. Do you. Are you the. Who's a better gamer in your guys relationship if you and your wife go toe to toe? Yeah. Oh, dude, me.

[Lemaire]

Absolutely.

[Matt]

Come on. What do you think you're looking at?

[Lemaire]

Come on.

[Matt]

True.

[Lemaire]

Imagine the shame though, losing. Yeah. Losing to a girl in Vidju's.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Lemaire]

Do you ever.

[Josh]

We. Most of the kids me and my lady play are cooperative and she's never carrying the most weight. So it's. We're cool. I see cool on that now.

[Matt]

She plays with you?

[Josh]

Yeah, she plays like the Baldur's Gate. We play Baldur's Gate where he was saying his lady plays that Was sick playing Borderlands 3 the Old John right now.

[Matt]

Does it get like when you're playing video games and forgive me for asking if this is like kind of personal, do you guys like, is it like a horny making thing or is that just like the porn stuff?

[Josh]

Well, it can be a little bit of both.

[Matt]

Hold on. Everybody is horny as hell. What is it? Is it smut?

[Josh]

It's like, I mean, you can. You can literally the other people that you. Your group, you can't, but you can't. The thing that sucks.

[Matt]

You guys are swinging on rpg.

[Josh]

My girl did the respectful thing though. She only made her character the ladies. She didn't do. No, she did know. I was like, that's a nice.

[Matt]

She didn't catch any balers, gate, pipe?

[Josh]

No, but no balers, gate pipe.

[Lemaire]

Would you get mad if she did though?

[Josh]

Got a sp.

[Lemaire]

I would be mad too. I always forget that girls are allowed to play video games.

[Matt]

I know.

[Lemaire]

I. I think like, like, I. I don't know.

[Matt]

I know what you mean. When I hear they're gaming, I'm always like, interesting.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Josh]

I'm like, what Was your girl into gaming before you or did you get her into it?

[Matt]

Turned around like slightly. Her dad would play like Call of Duty Blackout Zombies and she's.

[Lemaire]

Hell yeah.

[Matt]

What is this? So. Not really, but definitely now that we're together a lot more.

[Josh]

That's what happened. I think I.

[Matt]

That's nice.

[Josh]

Put the bug in it.

[Matt]

Nice.

[Josh]

The bug.

[Matt]

She might have been bug chasing. Well, dude, thank you, man. I'm glad you got the day off to game and just kind of of where's been bay in your bays at work? Yeah, babe went to work today.

[Josh]

Sick.

[Matt]

That's awesome. How does she take it when you're like, I'm calling out today. I'm pretty good. I think. I only call out like three or four times a year. So when I said it, she's like, really? She looks at me like, puzzled. So yeah, she'd be like, my dick hurts. That's awesome, man. Thanks. I. I love it. Dude, I think your place looks sick as hell.

[Lemaire]

Yeah. Nice setups.

[Matt]

Thank you so much. I appreciate you guys letting me on. Dude, this is badass talking to you. Can I ask you a question?

[Lemaire]

Appreciate you.

[Matt]

Of course, Matt. You can always ask me questions. How soon after your. Your babe left for work did you fap it up? Let's see. I don't know, maybe like an hour and a half. That's good. That's actually. That's good.

[Lemaire]

I would have been three minutes.

[Matt]

As soon as I hear the deadbolt bolt click, I'm running to the front window like a dog watching the car walk go. And it's a full volume fab session.

[Josh]

No headphones, just straight blast.

[Matt]

Straight blast. I'm getting the acoustics going. You're a man of honor. Clearly you've been playing your game. Yeah, absolutely. Well, dude, thank you, man.

[Lemaire]

Nice to talk to you always, guys, thank you.

[Josh]

See you later.

[Matt]

Here we go. Here we go. Pick it up. Steam on the stream.

[Lemaire]

Pick it up.

[Josh]

The bros always break some good.

[Matt]

Not, no. Nothing against the Austrian, but damn. That was a fucking mo. That was a fucking mood shift. Followed a shitty first 20 minutes with a shitty ad into. I mean ad from the user experience perspective, obviously. I love it. I love our partners, but the talk to a lady.

[Josh]

There's a lady.

[Matt]

Okay, Lamar, you horn dog. Fine, Lamar. Let's actually. Let's see what she's up to. You.

[Lemaire]

It's gonna be that guy's girlfriend.

[Josh]

True.

[Matt]

I'm at work.

[Lemaire]

I know. My boyfriend's beaten.

[Matt]

She's in a hotel room just catching balers gate pipe. Just praying, bro. So you could. In this game.

[Josh]

Yeah, they got whole scenes.

[Matt]

Hello.

[Lemaire]

Oh, yo, what's up?

[Matt]

Be cool, guys. Act natural. Hey, what's going on? What's happening?

[Lemaire]

Nothing, just chilling.

[Matt]

You're always in the zoom chat.

[Lemaire]

Gotta work at it in this.

[Emily]

Yeah, I've been trying to be. You guys are freaking awesome.

[Matt]

Thank you. Where are you off to?

[Emily]

I am doing route for my lab. I make dentures.

[Lemaire]

What dentures?

[Matt]

You dropping off biohazards and stuff?

[Emily]

No, dentures just like molds.

[Lemaire]

Molds and things.

[Matt]

I thought you said lab. Are you. What are you taking. So you. What? What are you. So what are you doing exactly? Dropping teeth off the be is ruining old men's day.

[Emily]

Somebody called in with a tooth that fell out of their upper denture.

[Matt]

Oh, you're gonna go catch them up.

[Emily]

I just pick it up and. Well, I already did. Now I'm dropping it off.

[Matt]

You just have a tooth?

[Emily]

Yeah. Here, hold on.

[Matt]

Let me see the guy. You have an old man's fake tooth?

[Emily]

I got an old man's full upper denture.

[Matt]

Damn.

[Josh]

Shit.

[Matt]

Pop it in. No. Hell no.

[Josh]

Damn.

[Lemaire]

My grandpa used to have those and he would pop them out and scare us when we were little.

[Matt]

Oh, it's terrible.

[Josh]

My dad has them now. They fell out his mouth onto my nephew's head. When my nephew was like five, he started. He just went nuts.

[Emily]

We get a lot of them. Where the dogs get a hold of them.

[Matt]

Really?

[Emily]

Yeah. They love the smell of nasty milk.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, true.

[Josh]

It's got food residue.

[Matt]

Dogs are freaky, dude.

[Josh]

Dogs are freak ass. And eat your dentures.

[Matt]

Dang. Well, dude, good luck on your quest. That's actually kind of sick. So you just roll up and then the. The guy. What is that, like, rolling up on the house? It's just a guy, like. And you're like, give me your.

[Emily]

No, I don't go to a house. We.

[Matt]

Oh, really? Oh, but he just pulls up to the Walmart parking lot. He's like, all right, here's my. So they go to the dentist. You go to the dentist. And what are you going to do? Like, how do you. How do you do that? If they're falling out, what's. What's the move? Do you, like. Like, you refit them or like, what do you do?

[Emily]

No, we. We make a matrix out of putty and we just kind of put it back in place, and it's just acrylic.

[Matt]

But how do you. How you want to keep it from falling out of this guy's mouth again?

[Emily]

We put a hole into the back of the tooth and the acrylic flows into it, so it holds it pretty good.

[Matt]

Oh, just.

[Lemaire]

His tooth fell.

[Matt]

Right, right, right. His tooth fell out. Yeah.

[Josh]

That's double devastating. Even your fake teeth can't stay on your God.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Matt]

How much does set of fake teeth cost?

[Lemaire]

What do they.

[Matt]

What do they go for? I heard they're kind of expensive.

[Emily]

Oh, they're expensive as hell. Probably like a range between like 1500.

[Matt]

Okay. For the whole set? How many teeth are in the human head? Can you ask? Can you answer me that?

[Emily]

Oh, dude, you're gonna really do. Matt, make me do that.

[Matt]

32. How many teeth are there?

[Josh]

No idea.

[Emily]

No, there's more than that. So mad that I don't know this.

[Matt]

It's all good.

[Emily]

Me and my mom run the business together.

[Matt]

Do you really?

[Lemaire]

Cool.

[Matt]

God, that's such a sick.

[Emily]

She's the expert.

[Matt]

Is she. Is she an orthodontist or purely like a teeth salesman sales lady?

[Emily]

Just.

[Matt]

She's.

[Emily]

She's just been in the adventure business for about, like 28 years.

[Matt]

That's just learned.

[Emily]

Yeah, she never went to school for any of it. She just learned to learn to. Now she's trying to teach me, and I'm a pothead that doesn't know how to learn.

[Matt]

Well, dude, thank you for calling in. That's very sick. Hopefully that guy gets his teeth back.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Lemaire]

Smile.

[Matt]

Does he have A backup set or is he just at home just like.

[Emily]

Well, this only took, like, about an hour, so he's probably just chilling somewhere, waiting to eat.

[Lemaire]

He's probably just sucking somebody.

[Matt]

Do you ever, like. Oh, she only get to see the old people. You're just straight to your B2B sales, right? To the dentist.

[Emily]

Yeah, we're technically. We're not allowed to work with the public because it's technically legal, so we have to go through, like, a referral with the dentist.

[Matt]

That's some dentistry, bro. That's them hot. Those guys are the greedy.

[Lemaire]

I really don't like Dennis. They're basically car mechanics to me.

[Matt]

Yeah, those guys, man. They really do. And then with the orthodontist, they're thick as thieves.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Go to the dentist, you need braces. He told my dad, my dad needed braces. My dad. Dad freaked out.

[Lemaire]

He called me a nerd.

[Matt]

I'm 55 years old. What the do I want braces for? You think I give a what my teeth look like? I think it was. My dad thought that was gay.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Matt]

He's like, you calling me gay?

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Josh]

That is a wild thing to say. Five year old, man.

[Matt]

It was crazy. I got six kids. Well, thank you, man. Good luck in the. The teeth sales. I kind. I like that, man.

[Lemaire]

Yeah. That was a nice talk with you.

[Emily]

Thank you.

[Lemaire]

So long.

[Emily]

Thank you guys, for picking me.

[Matt]

Yo, you rolled off.

[Lemaire]

You too. Have a nice day.

[Josh]

Peace.

[Matt]

Get one of these bros. Now we're ripping. Why do we even try to. Why? We did the same thing last time we tried to do a podcast. Yeah, it's impossible. I'm just staring at the bros. I'm like, they're not laughing.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Straight face. Your best effort is going.

[Josh]

I was watching somebody. Munch, there's a guy playing Oblivion.

[Matt]

Do you want to talk to the guy who's having fertility issues? Yes, please.

[Lemaire]

Yes.

[Josh]

That's a guy pose.

[Matt]

Let me pee real quick.

[Lemaire]

Now. We could say whatever the hell we are, Boys.

[Josh]

What's up? What up? You gotta hold it.

[Lemaire]

What up?

[Josh]

Hold it for a second.

[Ivan]

Wait, hold what, though?

[Lemaire]

Hold what?

[Josh]

That's why you gotta hold it, brother.

[Lemaire]

Oh, just hold the question.

[Ivan]

Yeah, I gotta wait, you mean.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, for a little. Where are you from, man? I'm noticing an accent.

[Ivan]

Yeah, man, this is Europe. Like, I mean, I love you, bro, but the. The whole sort of getting it down, dark room, smoking indoors isn't the vibe in Europe. We got sun, we got bare feet on the.

[Matt]

This is fine.

[Ivan]

Girl's about to come home, she's gonna cook dinner. This is. This. Life is great in Europe, boys.

[Lemaire]

Europe. Where at in Europe are you?

[Ivan]

Netherlands, man. Rotterdam, the other big city in.

[Josh]

In.

[Ivan]

In, like, near Amsterdam.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, that sounds awesome.

[Ivan]

But, yeah, I wanted to chop it up.

[Josh]

What's the lady gonna make for dinner? You got her. And they're gonna work on.

[Ivan]

Could be anything. Honestly, I don't. I don't get involved in that.

[Matt]

Exactly. Yeah, probably some weird fish.

[Lemaire]

That was a stray from.

[Matt]

He insulted his culture.

[Lemaire]

He insulted his culture.

[Ivan]

Yeah. He asked me what I was going to have for dinner, and he said I was going to have some weird fish.

[Matt]

Where is he from?

[Lemaire]

Yeah, Rotterdam.

[Ivan]

Rotterdam in the Netherlands, bro. It's some good European sunny vibes up in here.

[Matt]

Yeah, Lamar's bringing his hatred.

[Lemaire]

Exactly.

[Matt]

Trying to get the Gofundme money. I get it. Yeah. Can I ask you.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ivan]

I. I wanted to ask. Ask a question, so.

[Matt]

Sure.

[Ivan]

Today I've been. My girlfriend and I, we've been trying to get kids. Hasn't been the easiest, so we've been doing ivf. I don't know if any of you are familiar.

[Josh]

A little bit.

[Ivan]

Yeah. So the thing now is that, like, this is Europe, so socialized healthcare, so you just get a doctor assigned to you, basically, and you go through the whole thing. But I got to be honest, my girl's aging a bit, so we got to go private now. Got to, like, pay a lot of money for it to get it done. Bro, what is it like to be a dad? And what is. Like, how do I deal with the fear of maybe not becoming a dad, but still, like, marrying the girl, like, the love of my life? Like, how do you. How do you balance those things? It's a serious question, but I just wanted to ask it.

[Matt]

You're asking if it's worth the money to have a kid?

[Ivan]

No, no, no, no, no, bro.

[Matt]

Is it.

[Ivan]

Is it worth the money?

[Matt]

Yeah, I'd say. But then you're.

[Ivan]

She isn't home yet.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Lemaire]

Keep an eye on that door.

[Matt]

Yeah. I mean, do you mind me asking, how much. How much do they want?

[Ivan]

It's not that much, actually. We're thinking of going to Spain. It's like.

[Matt]

Probably.

[Ivan]

It's like, probably like, 7,8k ish. But that's, like, one treatment, and you can have up to three treatments, so easy. Like, Andrew Schultz talked about it in his. In his special. He was like.

[Matt]

It was.

[Ivan]

It was. It was 30k for him, which is probably what it'll cost in the end.

[Matt]

So. Yeah, in the grand Scheme of things. Yeah, I could see that. So what is. What's the price?

[Ivan]

My question is. Well, the process is, like, what they do is they basically. It's kind of. It kind of sucks. Anyway. They pump your babe full of hormones, so they get like uber pregnant. Or like, they get like uber ready for pregnancy tight. And then they might get.

[Matt]

I might do step one, bro.

[Ivan]

So they. They basically. And then they go in with like. I mean, I don't want to get too descriptive because there's. There might be some kids in there, I don't know.

[Matt]

But, like.

[Ivan]

But what they do is they basically. They then suck out the eggs and then they. Then I have to, like, go into a room and I mean, you don't want to look at porn, but you sort of do because you gotta wag one out. And then basically you. They put one and two together and then you get a kid out of it.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Ivan]

And then. And then they put that back, basically. That's. That's the whole thing. So they. So they make a bunch of embryos, bunch of kids, and then they put them back one. One by one, usually.

[Matt]

How long have you guys been trying.

[Ivan]

For, Bro, We've had four miscarriages, man. Yeah, that's. Yeah, actually, we had our last one Saturday. That's the. So that's. That's the reason we're now, like. I've been phon clinics all day, but, like, since they're based abroad, like, for me, they're. They're abroad. So it's like. It's like phoning a bunch of Spanish ladies. Not all of them can talk English, so it's been. It's been difficult. We don't get taught. Yeah, exactly. I thought so. We don't get taught Spanish in school, so it's terrible.

[Lemaire]

It's very funny that he's had a horrible thing happen to him four days ago, and he's still in so much better spirits than the other Europeans.

[Matt]

That's what I mean. Look. True.

[Josh]

This is what.

[Matt]

This makes me happy. Look at this.

[Ivan]

How can I not be happy, bro?

[Matt]

So to answer your question, your original question. Yeah, man, if you guys are trying already, and I'm. I'm guessing pay wants a kid, obviously you have to. You kind of have to go through it. You know what I mean? I. I would say because if you just never spend all the money. Right. Yeah, you gotta, man. I would do it because it's like, it'll be sick once you have a kid. It'll be awesome. And you can't, like, like if you try and then just say like, ah, you know it. Let's just not do this. It's. It's gonna be. She'll probably be very sad, so that too.

[Ivan]

But like do like, is it like, is fatherhood worth it? Is my last question about this, Is it worth it? It's overhyped.

[Matt]

No, I mean that'd be sad if I was like, yeah, it's overhyped, dude. It sucks. It's sick. It's. Oh, it could be.

[Lemaire]

It could be.

[Matt]

I think it all depends on the person. There's definitely dads that are like, this is way overhyped. I'm going to leave this kid. So.

[Ivan]

Yeah, no, that, that sucks. My childhood, my, my childhood sucked. So I want to have a good childhood for this kid. So I'll make sure of that. But like the, the whole process, like the pain, like the hormones, everything, like I was wondering if it was overhyped. Could be that you, you could be honest and say, well, this kind of.

[Matt]

Sucks, but I mean it's frustrating, it's very difficult. It's like an all encompassing time suck. But I think it's awesome. I just to give you like last night I was sitting there, I was putting my kids to bed. Like you know, three and five and we do a thing every night we lay on the floor. It's called camp. We camp first before they get into bed because I gotta like, if I put them right into bed, they're like, I don't want to go to sleep. So I'm like, let's camp. We lay on the floor. I make up stories. I had a. And even now too with making up stories, you can use chat gbt, which again, some people are like, don't use that because yesterday I was sitting there, bro. No, dude, you gotta use your fantasy. You have it. I do. I, I tell them stories from the dome all the time. But like last night, my, it was actually yesterday during the day. My, my five year old was like, dad, what did goblin fart smell like? I was like, I, I don't know. Probably pretty bad. And she, she's always like, ask your phone. Like, ask your phone what? Like what, what color does it make if you mix green and purple? And you know all these questions I just ask Google, like, what color does that make? And then yesterday I was like, I wasn't getting a question. I. I asked Chappy gbt like, what, what does it smell like when. How bad are goblin farts? And it was like, gave me a very in depth answer and I Was like, would you like a story about a goblin farting? And it gave me the sick goblin army. There's humans on the edge being like, my word, what is this smell? It was just fun.

[Ivan]

What did they smell like? What did they smell like?

[Matt]

It was like a highly sulfurous smell mixed with like the flesh of nude. It was, it was pretty in depth, but then, so either way. So like, that was just a sidebar. But then, so we're laying there, we're doing camping at night time. I'm there with my kids and like, I'm like putting them both to bed. We're laying there. I'm. I was just telling them stories off the cuff. I had to do a story about fairies for Maya. Then I do a, A, a story about mermaids for Chloe. And they need to be put in the story. If you tell them a story and they're like, yeah, but where are we in this? It's like, all right, you guys are there too. You're. And. And then so like my oldest falls asleep. I finished the mermaid story and I like just kind of like pet my. I was like, all right, you got to get into bed. I put the three year old into bed and she just reached back and just kissed my arm. And I was just like, oh, I just melted. There's a little, I will say a little kid, like right before they go to bed is like giving you a little sweet peck on the arm after you hit the mermaid tail. It was so sweet. I'm still spinning off. It's like the best, honestly, probably the best feeling in the world, but bro.

[Ivan]

And that, and that's the thing I'm looking for. Like, like shout out Lemaire, but she's probably gonna make some weird fish. But I, I like, I like, truth be told, like, I don't. I, I like, she would be the greatest mom ever. Like, so the, the all. Everything, everything is perfect, but it's just the, the process of getting a kid, like, if it would, it would be as simple as it normally is. It would be great anyway. But yeah, that's such a minor. That story that you told me that. That's just. That's the thing. That. That's worth a million. That's the. That's worth more than 30 grand. That's worth a million. If you, if you can pay it.

[Matt]

If you can swing it, do it. You know what I mean? If you. I understand. If you're like, bro, I literally can't swing that. Totally fair. But if you can swing it. Yeah. Because otherwise the Cool thing about once you have kids, you're like, holy. Like, you have so much free time before you have kids, but you can't appreciate it. You're just, like, sitting around like, I'm kind of bored. What should I do today? That's. At least. That's how I. That's how I was. And then you have kids and you have like, no free time anymore. So when you get those little slivers of free time, it's like, it's truly amazing. And you. It's something to, like. I don't know, it's like something to really pour your time and energy into, which otherwise we'll just get sucked into, like, funding hatred. Go fund me. So I. I would say it's one of the best things in the world. It gives your life a lot of meaning if you do it properly. Or you can get into, like, negative parenting mode, which is like. Just sucks. And you can do that whole trip, but.

[Ivan]

Right.

[Matt]

It rules. I think it's awesome. It's very hard. Josh, what do you think? Josh has three kids.

[Lemaire]

It's great, but it is a little bit like torture.

[Matt]

Like, it is torture. Yeah.

[Ivan]

It's tedious, but it's loving torture, right? It's loving torture.

[Matt]

No, it's torture. Yeah.

[Josh]

Regular.

[Lemaire]

What's it called where they just. They drop the drip.

[Matt]

Yes, Chinese drip thing.

[Lemaire]

Chinese water torture.

[Ivan]

Chinese water death by a thousand paper cuts is what you mean.

[Matt]

It's like, by. It is torturous in the aspect of like, you're in bed, it's 8:15. Usually fall asleep by 8:15, 8:30. One of them's gotten nap. That was a little long. So now you're like, this might stay up till 9 o' clock. And you just. You're like. Every day you're like. They go to bed and it is a sweet feeling. You're like, finally they're sleeping and you have this little bit of free time. But when they eat into that free time by not going to bed, every minute of that is genuinely torture. Just being like, come on. But I. I just lay on the floor. I lay on the floor in the room, and I just slowly, I'm like, come on, you gotta go to bed. And then, like, I just use that as time to kind of like, meditate. And I just kind of lay there quietly and just chill. And then. Because otherwise, every time they're like, can I have some water? You're like, bro, I got.

[Ivan]

I. I have two cats. I have two cats. I sort of know what that feeling is like, but the only problem is they don't talk back and they scratch really hard. I hope kids don't do that, but we'll find out. I don't want to take any more of your time because it's prob. Other bros that want to.

[Matt]

That's a great. That's a great question. I would say definitely do it. And, like, yeah, don't. In the whole process of it, it's like, you just got to get them in there. It doesn't matter how you do it. Get them in there.

[Ivan]

Exactly.

[Matt]

And just. Exactly.

[Ivan]

Some. Some laboratory, and we'll. We'll get it done. Shove the money over to the Spanish people.

[Lemaire]

Spanish scientists.

[Matt]

Send it to Spanish brujas.

[Ivan]

Honestly. Honestly, I would almost. I was about to shout out the fertility clinic because the. Some of the doctors they have are way too fine. And I haven't told my. My bisexual girl yet because they're way too great. But whatever. I'll leave it at that.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Ivan]

I'll leave it at that.

[Matt]

Yeah. Instead of the porn, get one of these doctors in here to joi me. I'm not doing that.

[Ivan]

That's too much.

[Matt]

That's too much.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, that might be too.

[Matt]

You. You have. I mean, you'll be at dog. You can hold them at dong point and be like, no jizz. You guys, I need. I need the science to work effectively.

[Ivan]

I do need the science to work effectively. I don't know if I'm gonna do it that way, though.

[Lemaire]

Well, best of luck, friend.

[Matt]

Yeah, best of luck, dude.

[Josh]

Bro.

[Ivan]

Thank you. Thank you. Have a good one. Bye.

[Lemaire]

Bye. See you, man. Bye. Bye. Hello, everybody. This is the end of the regular episode. Join us on Patreon if you want to hear the rest of the Zoom Jam. Have a great rest of your week. Goodbye.